Download as pdf or txt
Download as pdf or txt
You are on page 1of 4

School of Languages & English

Advanced: Reading & Writing

Writing Feedback Cover Sheet 2: SECOND DRAFT

Student
Name: Nguyen Pham Thien An S3818385
number:
Mathew D
Advance 18/08/2021
Class: Teachers: Occhio Date:
Word 549
Count:

Click on the box to cross ☒ Changes I made after feedback:


it

I have used Arial. ☒ Response - ideas ☒

I have used font size 12 ☒ Organisation ☒

I have double spaced ☒ Grammar ☒

Vocabulary ☒

Student self – assessment: Select Good OK or need to improve for each area

Response & Revision Grammar


Click here to Click here to
A full description Range of structures
select select
Correct sentence
Used teacher feedback Click here to structure, subject Click here to
to improve select verb agreement and select
punctuation
Structure & Planning Vocabulary
Logically ordered,
Click here to Click here to
cohesive (linking words, New vocabulary
select select
pronouns)
Made and followed a Click here to Spelling & Word Click here to
plan. select Forms select

I confirm this is my own work I tried my best to improve my second draft in writing
School of Languages & English
Advanced: Reading & Writing

Name : Nguyen Pham


Thien An
Student Number :
s3818385

Hoi An ancient town

Hoi An ancient town is one of the popular public locations are foreign tourists want to

visit in Vietnam. Furthermore, Hoi An has beautiful places that many people have

known, such as small souvenir places for many years. On the other hand, many

problems cause controversies, such as traffic congestion, plastic waste, and noise

pollution. This essay will outline Hoi An ancient towns characteristics and recommend

suggestions to deal with the problems as soon as possible.

Firstly, Hoi An is in Quang Nam province. The town includes old complex architecture

structures, frame buildings, religious buildings, such as churches, pagodas during the

eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. Japanese bridge is a sculpture meticulously with

different shapes of red dragons with long tails. Furthermore, the beautiful lotus flowers

symbols marveled by marble stones. There are many yellow shiny houses with

brownish roofs. These houses are used by wooden and houses are side by side

together along the street. Lantern stores are displayed many traditional colorful lanterns

by the shoppers, which bring attractive Hoi An old town at night.

Secondly, Hoi An old town has problems with traffic congestion, plastic waste, and

noise pollution that need to tackle the issues to protect the environment, travelers, and

community's health. Traffic congestion due to the number of vehicles of domestic


School of Languages & English
Advanced: Reading & Writing

tourists and local visitors is increasing. It also includes buses transporting international

tourists by encroach on the roadside because there is not enough parking space for

buses inside the town. Besides, the plastic waste around the street. Because there are

only a few recycle bins to put the trash into it. Many bars, restaurants, and cafe shops

play music loud or use loudspeakers to have the attention of travelers cause noise

pollution that brings headaches, discomfort for other people around.

Thirdly, it is the recommendations with many solutions to help Hoi An ancient town has

a clean environment, improve the quality of entertainment lifestyle for the tourists. There

will be three solutions to deal with the problems. The first solution for traffic congestion

is to rent vacant ground near the ancient town that can divide into three areas for

different types of vehicles, such as cars, buses, and motorbikes for tourists. The second

solution for plastic waste by increase the recycle bins to make it simpler to divide the

waste storage to preserve the ecosystem. Hence, install cameras to watch any

indiscriminate and inattentive littering. The third solution for noise pollution in many

different third places is to set up patrols at night to check restaurants, bars with other

places. The patrols have to ensure that the noise pollution can decrease as much as

possible. Moreover, the patrols need to have strict punishment for the third places that

break the law.

In conclusion, Hoi An ancient town is a cultural heritage, and it is accepted by

UNESCO. Additionally, the old town contributes as a vital role not only for the national
School of Languages & English
Advanced: Reading & Writing

culture of Vietnamese people but also as an crucial image when foreigner talks about

Vietnam. . Although many problems impact the ancient town, many solutions for the

recommendation to tackle the issues. These solutions are vacant ground to prevent

traffic congestion, increase the recycle bins to reduce plastic waste, and set up patrols

to decrease noise pollution. These resolutions are key to solve the issues.

Word
s:

You might also like