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Enviro-momTalks ~- ...--~.-'TI I1 But Won't
WalktheW~
Helping kids toilet paperho.?!~esan I thelz rrfusing a
grocery bag doesn't maeeyou reen
Everyone a bag for her purchase by an SUV full of Char m the I'll admit it, I'm really bad
knows an announcing proudly, even night before, heade out and 'need to green it up a
enviro-mom. a little condescendingly, for an evening of wra D-ping- little. I'll start with this.
Distinctly dif- . "No, I'm green." It sounded' houses, a shindig ceil ered Dear Enviro-mom,
ferent than so current, so totally 2008. around trashing the vhole Your dedication to Mother
an environ- And it made everyone in neighborhood with mass Earth is off-the-charts
Merritt mentalist, an the express lane behind her quantities of product made admirable. I mean that's a'
Patterson
enviro-mom feel like they'd be seen as an possible by the destruction huge job, saving the world
.. c 0 n s e r v e s accomplice to tree murder of entire forests. one wasted grocery bag at,
resources only when conve- if they accepted a bag. . Don't get me wrong, I see a time. So forgive me for
nient with the sole purpose The comment seemed to what all the house wrapping sounding ignorant, you're
of having a cause. S1;J.e dis- fulfill a desire to appear for- . defenders are talking about way more studied in this
cusses recycling with her ward thinking, sacrificial, when they say it's just orne- field, but I was just won-
children and is religious and like a person who turns thing kids do - after aU,we dering if you'd considered
about preaching her con- the water off while brush- did it in the '80s. Butlback thinking locally and shifting
servation commandments ing her teeth. That's super then we also rode around in ' your focus from the rain-
to others mainly to hear earthy and all, but I'm curi- cars without seat belts and forest to let's .say, the Park
herself rally fot something ous how her regular chap- .baked ourselves in the blaz- Cities. I bet if you stopped
meaningful. eroning of area toilet paper- ing sun slathered in baby oil. throwing trash around town
Recently I heard an area ing excursions works into We didn't know much better. with your kids, the impact
enviro-morn respond to a her save-the-planet identity But at the risk of SOU] ding would be far more substan-
cashier's question about ,.Yeah, I saw the same lady like an enviro-mom, we kind tial than the benefits reaped
whether or not she'd like with a crew of preteens and of know now.' by declining one little gro-

cery bag. ing at you.

If you think about it, I'm no statisticia , and
every time you authorize I haven't put this to graph
the free-for-all distribution paper, but you could prob-
of 60, 2-ply rolls down sev- ably throw a Slurpee cup
eral streets, you're wasting out your car windo sev-
not only the box of garbage eral times per month and
bags required 1'0 dispose still come out ahead if you
of the trash but you're also just cut the wrappin thing.
burning gas dr'iv ing the I'll go out on a limb a id add
kids around all evening and that you could probably still
unnecessarily using prod- even treat yourself to an
ucts that could have been occasional grocery bag and
on the shelf waiting to be be way more "green" than
used for a more hygienic you are now.
purpose. I don't think lOne more thing just
want to know what things between me and you, when
would be like around here if no one is looking, d o you
we actually ran out of toilet choose paper or plast c?
paper, that's kind of a dis- . Sincerely,
turbing thought. And if we _-.Me!"£i~tPatterson
do run out, you better bet
people are going to b~ look-