Getting the Best from Your Child

I worry that my 3-year-old, Sophie, has a split personality. At school she cleans up her toys, puts
on her shoes, and is entirely self-sufficient at potty time. At home, she whines whenever I ask her
to pick up anything, insists I join her in the bathroom whenever she has to go, and lately has
started demanding that I spoon-feed her dinner. Clearly, her teacher knows something I don't.

But then, what parent hasn't occasionally wondered: Why is my child better for everyone else
than for me? The simple answer: Your child tests her limits with you because she trusts you will
love her no matter what. But that doesn't mean you can't borrow a few strategies from the
preschool teachers' playbook to get the best from your child. We asked educators from around
the country for their tips so listen up -- and take notes!

Promoting Independence

While 3- and 4-year-olds still need plenty of parental help, our preschool experts agree that kids
are typically able to do more than many of us think. Here's how you can encourage them:

1. Expect more. Most people have a way of living up (or down) to expectations -- preschoolers
included. "At school we expect the kids to pour their own water at snack, to throw away their
plates, to hang up their jackets -- and they do," says Jennifer Zebooker, a teacher at the 92nd
Street Y Nursery School, in New York City. "But then they'll walk out of the classroom and the
thumb goes in the mouth and they climb into strollers." Raise the bar and your child will
probably stretch to meet it.

2. Resist doing for her what she can do herself. While it may be quicker and easier to do it
yourself, it won't help to make your child more self-sufficient. Quick hint: Appeal to her sense of
pride, suggests Donna Jones, a preschool teacher at Southern Oregon University's Schneider
Children's Center in Ashland, Oregon. "Whenever I'm trying to get kids to dress, put jackets on,
sit on chairs during meals and so on, I'll ask them: 'Do you want me to help you or can you do it
yourself?' Those words are like magic," promises Jones. "The kids always want to do it for
themselves."
3. Don't redo what they've done. If your child makes her bed, resist the urge to smooth the
blankets. If she dresses herself in stripes and polka dots, compliment her "eclectic" style. Unless
absolutely necessary, don't fix what your child accomplishes, says Kathy Buss, director of the
Weekday Nursery School, in Morrisville, Pennsylvania. She will notice and it may discourage
her.

4. Let them solve simple problems. If you see your child trying to assemble a toy or get a book
from a shelf that she can reach if she stands on her stepstool, pause before racing over to help.
"Provided that they are safe, those moments when you don't rush in, when you give children a
moment to solve things for themselves, those are the character-building moments," says
Zebooker. "It's natural to want to make everything perfect, but if we do, we cheat kids of the
chance to experience success."

5. Assign a chore. Putting your preschooler in charge of a regular, simple task will build her
confidence and sense of competency, says Buss. A child who is entrusted to water the plants or
empty the clothes dryer is likely to believe she can also get dressed herself or pour her own
cereal. Just be sure the chore you assign is manageable and that it's real work, not busywork,
since even preschoolers know the difference. The goal is to make your child feel like a capable,
contributing member of the family.

How to Thank a Teacher: Gift Ideas

5 Empowering Ways to Get Your Kids to Listen

Having a hard time getting your children to follow directions? Me too. So my friends and I decided to try
our own group therapy. Don't laugh -- it works! By Vicki Glembocki 

Jenny Risher
A few months ago I crashed headfirst into my most frustrating parenting problem to date: My
daughters were ignoring me. I could tell them five times to do anything -- get dressed, turn off
the TV, brush their teeth -- and they either didn't hear me or didn't listen. So I'd tell them five
more times, louder and louder. It seemed the only way I could inspire Blair, 6, and Drew, 4, to
action was if I yelled like one of The Real Housewives of New Jersey and then threatened to
throw their blankies away.

This was not the kind of parent I wanted to be. But their inability to obey or even acknowledge
my husband, Thad, and me made us feel powerless. While walking through Target one Saturday,
I heard no fewer than five parents say some variation of, "If you don't start listening, we're
walking out of this store right now!"

I recognized that at least part of the problem was me. After much lamenting about my lame
parenting skills, I got lucky: A friend's mom mentioned what she calls "the Bible" on the subject:
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
When I checked it out at fabermazlish.com, I saw that there's an accompanying DIY workshop
for $130 (both were updated last year in honor of the book's 30th anniversary). Granted, the
authors are moms, not child psychologists or toddler whisperers. But the book was a national
best-seller, and parents continue to host workshops using the authors' ideas.

To see if their advice still held up, I wrangled four equally desperate mom buddies and ordered
the workshop. I got two CDs and a guide with directions for leading the group. We met every
Tuesday night in my living room for seven weeks, spending much of our 90-minute sessions
talking about our struggles with listening-challenged kids as if we were in a 12-step program. We
followed along as actors played out scenarios on the CD, did some role-playing of our own, and
completed weekly homework assignments, such as reading parts of How to Talk and Liberated
Parents, Liberated Children, by the same authors, and then applying our new communication
skills. Not all of Faber and Mazlish's advice rang true for us. Their suggestion to post a to-do list
on the fridge so we wouldn't have to keep reminding our kids of their responsibilities, for
instance, didn't pan out (especially because I had to keep reminding my girls to look at the note!).
But other tips truly got our kids to start paying attention -- and, better yet, got us to stop
screaming at them. Carrie, the mom of a 6-year-old, summed up our collective reaction by the
end: "This really works!"

Say it With a Single Word

The situation My daughters have only one assigned chore: to carry their plates to the sink when
they're done eating. Still, not a night went by when I didn't need to tell them to do it, sometimes
three times. Even that didn't guarantee they would -- and who would finally clear them? Take a
guess.

The old way After they ignored my repeated commands, I'd sit Blair and Drew down and preach
for ten minutes about how I wasn't their servant and this wasn't a restaurant.
The better way Kids usually know what they're supposed to do; they just need some simple
reminding. "They'll tune you out when you go on and on," Faber told me. "Instead, try just one
word to jog their memory."

The result After dinner one night, all I said was "plates." At first the girls looked at me as if I
were speaking in an alien tongue. But a second later, they picked them up and headed for the
kitchen. After roughly a month of reinforcement, I don't need to say anything; they do it
automatically. "Teeth!" works equally well for getting them to brush, as does "Shoes" to replace
my typical morning mantra: "Find your shoes and put them on; find your shoes and put them
on". And when I hear Blair screaming, "Give me that!" I simply say, "Nice words" (okay, that's
two words). I practically faint when she says, "Drew, would you please give that to me?"

Empower Your Kid

Provide Information

Jenny Risher

The situation My friend Michele had just served lunch when, as was her habit, 2-year-old
Everly jumped off her chair, climbed back on, turned around, stood up, and then stomped on the
cushion.

The old way When Everly wouldn't respond to a patient "You need to sit still," Michele would
get annoyed and say something like, "How hard is it to understand? You must sit down!" Everly
would cry but still not sit. In the end, she'd get a time-out, which didn't change her behavior.

The better way State the facts instead of always issuing commands. "Who doesn't rebel against
constant orders?" asks Faber. (I know I do.) Kids aren't robots programmed to do our bidding.
They need to exercise their free will, which is why they often do exactly the opposite of what we
ask them to. The trick is to turn your directive into a teaching moment. So instead of, "Put that
milk away," you might simply say: "Milk spoils when it's left out." This approach says to a child,
"I know that when you have all the information, you'll do the right thing,'" Faber explains.
The result The next time Everly played jungle gym at mealtime, Michele took a calming breath
and then said, "Honey, chairs are meant for sitting." ?Everly smiled at her mother, sat down, and
then started eating. "That never happened before," Michele reports. She still has to remind her
daughter now and then, but in the end, Everly listens. The technique applies to other situations as
well. Rather than saying, "Stop touching everything," Michele now points out, "Those delicate
things can break very easily." Ditto for "Legos belong in the green bin so you can find them the
next time you want to play with them" and "Unflushed toilets get stinky."

Give Your Child a Choice

The situation Three days after our final session, Joan took her kids to Orlando. At the Magic
Kingdom, she handed them hats to shield the sun. Her 6-year-old put hers on willingly. Her
almost-5-year-old, Sam, refused.

The old way "I'd try to persuade him to cooperate," Joan says. Inevitably, she'd end up shouting,
"If you don't put it on, you can't go on any more rides." Then he'd bawl his eyes out, and no one
would have any fun.

The better way Offer your child choices. "Threats and punishment don't work," Faber explains
on one of the workshop CDs. "Rather than feeling sorry for not cooperating, a child tends to
become even more stubborn. But when you make him part of the decision, he's far more likely to
do what's acceptable to you."

The result Joan left it up to her son: "Sam, you can put your hat on now or after you sit out the
next ride." Sam still wouldn't comply. "But after he missed out on Peter Pan's Flight, I said,
'Sam, here's your hat,' and he put it right on," Joan says.

State Your Expectations

The situation Amy let her kids turn on the TV before they left for school. After one show was
over, she'd take Adrian, 4, to get dressed while Angela, 7, kept watching. But when it was
Angela's turn to get ready, she'd whine, "Just ten more minutes. Please? Pleeeeeeeaaase!"

The old way Amy would yell: "No, you've watched enough. That's it." Angela would complain
some more. Amy would yell, "I said no!" Then, after more begging, she'd add, "You've already
had more TV time than Adrian. You're being ungrateful."

The better way Let your kids know your plan ahead of time. Amy should tell Angela something
like this: "After you've brushed your teeth and are totally dressed and ready to go, you can watch
a little more TV while I get your brother dressed. That way you'll be on time for school."

The result The first time Amy tried this tactic, Angela turned off the TV without saying a word.
But the second morning, she refused and started bellyaching again. Amy quickly realized she
hadn't reminded Angela of the plan in advance this time. So the following morning she stated it
again clearly: "When I leave with Adrian, I expect you to turn off the TV." Success. She finds
the strategy equally effective for other situations ("No starting new games until the one you've
just played is put away").

Name Their Feelings

The situation Carrie's daughter Tatum, 6, was happily blowing bubbles with a friend. Suddenly,
Tatum stormed into the room, wailing, "Mina's not giving me a turn."

The old way "I'd say something like, "There's no reason to cry over this," Carrie says. What
would Tatum do? The opposite -- cry more and likely ruin the rest of the playdate.

The better way Parents need to listen too. "Everyone wants to know they've been heard and
understood," Faber argues. Telling a child to stop crying sends the message that her feelings
don't matter. Kids often cry (or whine, yell, or stomp) because they can't communicate why
they're upset or don't know how to deal with the emotion. "You need to give them the words to
express it," Faber says.

The result Next time, Carrie looked Tatum in the eye and described what she thought her
daughter was feeling: "You seem really frustrated!" Tatum stared at her in surprise and then
announced, "I am." Carrie held her tongue to keep from giving advice ("You need to ?"),
defending her friend ("Mina deserves a turn too"), or getting philosophical ("That's life").
Instead, she said, "Oh." Tatum kept talking: "I wish I had two bottles of bubbles." Carrie asked,
"How can we work this out so it's fair to you and Mina?" Tatum said by taking turns. Carrie
suggested they use a kitchen timer, and Tatum explained the plan to Mina. Everyone wound up
happy. "It's hard to stop yourself from saying too much," says Carrie. She's right. Phrases like,
"You never listen to me" and "How many times do I have to tell you?" become ingrained in our
brain. During the workshop, my friends and I realize that it's going to take a bit of practice to
stop uttering these expressions. But that's the entire point: to change the way we talk to our kids,
so they not only understand what we're trying to say but actually want to listen.

Originally published in the January 2013 issue of Parents magazine.

Seminar Parenting Islam ( Yayasan Daarul Qudwah madani )

PENDAHULUAN

Pendidikan Agama Islam sangat berperan dalam usaha membentuk manusia yang beriman dan
bertaqwa pada Allah SWT, menghargai dan mengamalkan ajaran agama dalam bermasyarakat,
berbangsa dan bernegara. Maka dari itu Pendidikan Agama harus diajarkan pada anak sejak dini. gama
merupakan sumber moral Manusia sangatlah memerlukan akhlaq atau moral, karena moral sangatlah
penting dalam kehidupan. Moral adalah mustika hidup yang membedakan manusia dari hewan.
Manusia tanpa moral pada hakekatnya adalah binatang dan manusia yang membinatang ini sangatlah
berbahaya, ia akan lebih jahat dan lebih buas dari pada binatang buas sendiri. Tanpa moral kehidupan
akan kacau balau, tidak saja kehidupan perseorangan tetapi juga kehidupan masyarakat dan negara,
sebab soal baik buruk atau halal haram tidak lagi dipedulikan orang. Dan kalau halal haram tidak lagi
dihiraukan. Ini namanya sudah maehiavellisme. Machiavellisme adalah doktrin machiavelli “tujuan
menghalalkan cara kalau betul ini yang terjadi, biasa saja kemudian bangsa dan negara hancur binasa.
Ahmad Syauqi, 1868 – 1932 seorang penyair Arab mengatakan “bahwa keberadaan suatu bangsa
ditentukan oleh akhlak, jika akhlak telah lenyap, akan lenyap pulalah bangsa itu”.

Kita tahu bahwa pendidikan sangatlah penting bagi kehidupan di dunia ini. Pada hakekatnya pendidikan
merupakan proses budaya untuk meningkatkan harkat dan martabat manusia. Untuk itu maka
seseorang harus mempunyai suatu pengetahuan, yang mana pengetahuan tersebut merupakan
perlengkapan dasar manusia didalam menempuh kehidupan ini. Ternyata hal yang terpenting pada
kehidupan manusia itu sangat dipengaruhi oleh kualitas dan kuantitas suatu pengetahuan yang
diperolehnya. Dengan begitu kepribadian setiap manusia akan berbeda, dan itupun sesuai dengan
kualitas dan kuantitas yang diperolehnya. Maka dari itu kami Yayasan Daarul Qudwah Madani yang
bertempat tinggal di Jl. H.Yasin No.29 Bandung 40162 tergerak untuk bisa berkontribusi dalam
Pendidikan Agama Islam untuk para orang tua / guru (parenting) dalam rangka meningkatkan kualitas
pendidikan orang tua dan guru agar bisa menghasilkan generasi yang memiliki integritas dan moral yang
mulia .

TUJUAN

1.      Terbentuk pendidikan yang brkualitas dalam keluarga

2.      Meningkatkan kualitas mendidik anak.

3.      Mampu menyelesaikan permasalahan anak

4.      Mampu membentuk karakter anak yang berintegritas akhlakul karimah

NAMA KEGIATAN

Seminar Psikologi “ Parenting Islami ”

TEMA

“ Matahari Ku Generasi Ku “

WAKTU PELAKSANAAN

Hari/tanggal : Sabtu 24 maret 2012

Peserta : 150 orang

Waktu : 08.00 s.d. 14.00

Tempat : RM.Sindag Reret . Jl Suci (Gasibu) Kota Bandung

SASARAN

1.        Guru Ngaji Se Bandung Raya

2.        Majelis taklim masjid dan mushola.

3.        Orang Tua Santri / Murid

4.        Masyarakat pada umumnya

Daftar Pustaka

Edwards, C. D. (2006). How to handle a hard-to-handle kid: A parents giude to understanding

and changing problems behaviors. Minneapolis: Free Spirit Publishing Inc.

Kazdin, A. E. (2005) Parent management training : Treatment for oppositional, aggressive, and
antisocial behavior in children and adolescents. New York : Oxford University Press, Inc.

Martin, G. L. (2008). Terapi untuk anak ADHD. Jakarta: PT. Bhuana Ilmu Populer.

Miltenberger, R.G. (2004). Behaviour modification : Principles and procedures. 3rd ed. USA :
Wadsworth/Thomson Learning.

Sanders, M.R. (2008). Triple P-Positive Parenting Program as a public mental health Approach
to Strengthening Parenting. Journal of Family Psychology Vol. 22, N0. 3, 506-517

http://positiveparenting.com

http://www.discipline-child-debating-arguing.html

www.google.com
www.ped.state.nm.us

www.cesdp.nmhu.edu

www.pfsc.uq.edu.au

www.parenting-ed.org