My Memoir on Love

No one seemed happier than a woman who has her own family, with a loving husband and a sweet
child. I may also say that every married woman has her own story to tell; how she fought and survived in
the midst of predicament, and sometimes how she gave up for the sake of her family and for herself.

Few years ago, I was the happiest woman on earth for finally I had found a man whom I thought I will
spend with for the rest of my life. Hence, I felt that I was blissful of having him in my existence because
this man took the courage to fill in the emptiness in me. He was my prince charming and my knight and
shining armor as I searched for my fate. He was the only man who showed me the deeper sense of
affection, that there is no ugly truth, and the full volition of accepting the imperfection in this thing
called love.

In just a short span of time, my husband and I were very happy and contented especially when God gave
us an angel who would powerfully bind us together and fulfill the vow we had for each other. But in our
four years of marriage, there came a storm which eventually not only wiped out what we had built,
shattered our dreams, ruined our lives but also ended our marriage. It was when he decided that I
should go back to school and finish my studies while he’s working. Meanwhile, one sad thing about it
was he sent me in Daraga while he was in Laguna but we promised each other that as soon as I finished
my studies we will be together again. Consequently, we seldom saw each other; yet it wasn’t easy to be
hundred miles away from him, though it was harder than I thought, I held on to our marriage and the
assurance we both had. Perhaps, it is true that “Absence make the heart forget,” because
unfortunately, last summer 2007, where I just finished my second year course, I didn’t know that he met
a younger woman who was 20 yrs. Old that time and it achingly led to an illicit affair. While spending the
vacation with him and my little boy, I already felt that there was wrong about him. He became dull and
cold in treating me; there were also times wherein he hated me unreasonably. Until it came to a point,
that I should confront him and once for all clear things out. One night before we went to bed, I bravely
asked him if he still loved me, he didn’t say a thing, instead he just shrugged his shoulders and embraced
me so tightly. It was an implied answer, yet he painfully admitted that he was having an affair with that
damn girl. To my surprised, I just mournfully cried. As a matter of fact, after knowing the truth, I felt
betrayed and rejected, the pain I was feeling inside was excruciating, and I wanted to die that moment.
Furthermore, I was even restless, hopeless, feebled and anxious about the situation. From there, things
started to fall apart. Somehow, I wanted to forget everything and start a new life as well; I also decided
to discontinue my studies to save my family from being broken. Yet, he refused to agree simply because
he loved me no more. How can love faded away so easily? Where did I go wrong? There were many
questions left hanging and unanswered. Thus, providence was so unkind for no matter what my
sacrifices were, I could no longer brought back what was lost and untangled what was distorted. More
so, the bitter truth had finally slapped on my face when he had chosen his mistress over us. Despite
what I had done, my efforts were futile and my prayers were useless.
However though, while I was having an emotional turmoil, I just can’t simply throw away everything for I
have a son who loved me so dearly. I had so many sleepless nights and the only thing I did was to cry.
Sometimes, while riding in the jeepney, when the dilemma suddenly crossed my mind, tears just kept
falling from my eyes and it’s uncontrollable. It had never been expunged no matter what I did.
Momentarily, I went back to school and pretended that nothing happened. It was really difficult knowing
that I bore this burden; grudge, anger, hatred, regrets in my heart but I

had to do what I had to do. Fortunately, in spite of what I had been through, after two years of struggles
and difficulties, I was able to graduate with flying colors. With all the courage I had, I was able to surpass
everything even without my husband’s love and support.

Indeed, in a way some marriages don’t last for perpetuity particularly when the other party repudiated
to fix what was broken. But as a wife, I assumed that I had already done my part, I tried to hold on but
he pushed himself away from us. If I wasn’t enough for him maybe he just failed to acknowledge my
worth just like what I did to him. As a mother, I am giving him the love and care he ought to have. That if
I failed to be a wife to his father, I will never fail to be a mother to him. As a woman, I learned to value
myself more, for I was too busy loving somebody but I failed to realize that I also needed to be loved in
return. Whatever happened to me in the past is just my life learning lessons which I reflect on as my
strength and inspiration in reaching the milestone. What’s important is I never gave up fighting to
regain my dignity, and respect for myself. I’m delighted that after I succeeded from the worst scenario
God had given me, I had conquered my fear in facing this journey alone and overcome my despondency
as well. Happiness cannot only be found to one person alone but it is deep within oneself. Only time can
tell as to whether he comes back or not. But for now, I just savor every bit of opportunity that knocks on
my door.

“Change was never easy, I fought to hold on, and I fought to let go.”