Burning Bridges by RileysHell

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Based on the song "Burning Bridges" by OneRepublic. Jane's feelings for Maura interfered with everything in her life; her work,
dreams and even the time she spent with the doctor. She had played with the idea of telling Maura. But Jane could never decide if
hope was stronger than fear. Not until she had to. Rizzles.

Rated: Fiction K - English - Romance - J. Rizzoli, M. Isles - Chapters: 7 - Words: 11,974 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 79 -
Updated: Oct 25, 2013 - Published: Oct 14, 2013 - Status: Complete - id: 9765026

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A/N: We all have our own way of interpreting songs. This is my way. Will be 7 chapters.

Lyrics in brackets.

Jane took a deep breath, invisible to an untrained eye, and stared at the bottle in her hands.
The drum beat filled the Dirty Robber and all she could focus on were the words floating
from the speakers.

[You and I were meant to be]

She had fallen into this routine the last month, submerging herself in songs she heard
throughout the day. When she drove alone, she usually drove in silence, but Frost and
Maura always turned the radio on. She would listen intensely if she only heard as much as a
single line matching her mood or feelings. Her brain would turn everything into something
she could relate to. She had probably never been this interested in lyrics. Or even the music.
A slow drum beat made her sad, a cheerful love song somehow made her smile even though
she never allowed herself to daydream for more than a few seconds. This song, this Friday
afternoon was somewhere in the middle. She was hooked at the very beginning of the song,
at the last lingering 'e'.

[Ain't no doubt about it, no way to hide that sort of thing]

She smiled without realizing it. Her fingers were on a mission to strip the bottle of
everything that could be removed. A small pile of paper was already on the table in front of
her. She stared at it, not noticing the hand reaching for hers from the other side of table until

1
the soft fingers rested on top of hers.

"Jane, have you listened to anything I've said the last five minutes?"

She looked up, feeling like a deer caught in headlights.

"What?" she blurted out.

Her surprise was rewarded with a smile she knew so well. It told her that Maura was slightly
frustrated with her, but she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming concern for Jane. She
knew perfectly well that Jane was caught in her thoughts.

"Apparently you haven't heard a single word. What are you thinking about?"

Jane couldn't concentrate. Her hand was still caught underneath soft and electric fingers.

"The case."

It was a perfectly normal and totally valid response, and it had been pretty much the only
answer she could give every time Maura noticed she had drifted off lately. The fingers on her
hand squeezed gently, offering a soft stroke over the back of her hand.

"The case is closed, you found the bad guy, like you always do."

"Yeah, I know" she mumbled.

Maura's hand slowly found its way back to her side of the table.

2
"It got to you, didn't it?"

Jane nodded. Every case involving a child got to her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not really. I'm just tired, that's all."

She stopped picking at the bottle, knowing it was a clear sign that something bothered her.
Instead she took a sip of her beer before she looked back at her friend. No one spoke, and
Jane knew from Maura's slightly wrinkled forehead that she looked just as exhausted as she
felt.

"You've been working too much this week, you would probably benefit more from a good
night's sleep than sitting here with me."

Jane wasn't so sure, but she knew better than to protest.

"Yeah, maybe I should call it a night."

"Good call" Maura smiled and once again found Jane's hand and gave it squeeze.

"Come on, let's go."

She grabbed her purse and stood up as Jane took a final sip of her beer before following.

"Are you coming back home with me?" Maura asked, and Jane stopped.

3
She hesitated.

"No, I don't think so… I'll just head home."

"Sure."

Maura flashed her a smile before turning around and walking towards the door. Jane gazed
at the honey blonde hair falling down the doctor's back as she walked away. Her eyes slowly
dropping, going down her back, over her hips and down her legs.

Oh, God. Not the way to finish the night…

She finally followed Maura through the room, and the last words she heard on the way out
were sure to stay with her a while.

[Not waiting for something better, ain't nothing better worth imagining]

She parked in front of her building, turned the engine off but didn't move. She stared out
into the dark night and was reluctant to even think about going inside. Her apartment wasn't
the place where she wanted to be, and she knew it too damn well. Her mind was playing
with the words from the song, about bridges and walls, and it was all she could think about
on the drive home. Maybe she was building bridges now, instead of walls. When all of this…
this… beautiful chaos started inside her, she put up her famous wall. Denial at first, nothing
was wrong, no matter who asked. After a while she got used to all the longing and the
aching. She learned how to catch a glance without anyone noticing. And she learned to
control her urges and disguise her thoughts behind something else, most of the time she
blamed whatever case she was working. The problem was Maura. Well, sort of. During the
years she had learned to break down Jane's wall. And Jane found herself building a wall
around her, only to find Maura on the inside of the wall.

"Why does Maura even bother?" she mumbled to herself.

She writhed in the seat and sighed. Her eyes looked up to the windows belonging to her
4
apartment. It was dark, cold and didn't exactly give her a good feeling.

"Damnit" she whispered as her hands turned the key again and she drove off.

"Come on in."

She heard her voice before they even saw each other. The door was only halfway open, and
Jane stood there with eyebrows raised as their eyes finally met.

"Did you know it was me?" she asked as she walked inside.

"Of course" Maura smiled and closed the door.

Everything was so obvious for her, and Jane felt rather stupid, but still she managed to
continue.

"How?"

She stopped in the hallway and turned around.

"Jane…"

It was that voice again, that doyouevenhavetoask-voice. So soft and gentle.

"I know you. I know when a case touches you and triggers something in your heart. I know
you're probably going to have nightmares tonight."

Jane shivered slightly at the word.

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"Yeah, probably…"

Maura walked up to her and put a hand on her back.

"I know that I am the only one who gets to see this vulnerable side of you. And I know you
would rather be vulnerable with me than go through the nightmares alone. Even though you
will most likely never admit it, not even to me."

Jane made a sound that sounded something like a sigh and a laugh.

"Maura Isles, you know me too damn well."

They both laughed.

"Yes, I do."

[I, I keep on running, I'm building bridges that I know you never wanted]

She woke up slowly the next day. Her eyes remained closed as her other senses tried to
work out what time it was, and for a second, where she was. She could feel the sun rising
outside, making the air in the room warm and comfortable. Still, the bed felt cool against
her; it certainly wasn't her bed. Her fingers moved to touch the sheets, but stopped almost
as soon as they started. They weren't touching the sheets, at least the sensation was not
what it should be.

Her arm was draped across a warm body, the curve against her palm indicated a stomach.
And the only thing separating skin from skin was smooth fabric, silk? As she breathed in she
could detect the faint scent of perfume, a smell she knew so well. And she knew exactly
where she was.

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How in the hell did we end up like this, again?

She didn't have to open her eyes, or even move, to paint a picture of them. She knew she
was cuddled up in a pair of arms, one under her neck, wrapped around her shoulders, the
other stretched across her ending in a firm, protective grip on her back. The steady, small
puffs of air against her cheek told her that Maura was still asleep. She slowly opened her
eyes. Her face was practically buried against Maura's neck. It wouldn't take much movement
for her lips to touch the skin in front of her.

No, no, no! Don't go there. Don't do this to yourself like you always do. Just… don't.

It wasn't the first time they ended up like this, and it sure as hell wouldn't be the last. She
always woke up this way after Maura had witnessed another one of her nightmares. Oh,
right. She must've had a nightmare again that night.

I hope, cause otherwise I'm gonna have a hard time explaining this…

Maura had learned long ago how to handle Jane's nightmares. She knew what triggered
them, and she knew how to handle the screaming, tossing body next to her. It often required
violent shaking before quickly pulling away, saying Jane's name softly while repeating the
familiar sentence.

You're safe, I'm here, it's not real.

The first few times she had tried to be gentle, placing a hand on Jane's arm and telling her it
was only a dream, that she needed to wake up. Jane would wake up eventually, but not
quick enough for Maura. Maura didn't learn until the night she tried to put her arms around
Jane in the middle of a nightmare and Jane had swung out, hitting Maura across the chest
and shoulder. Maura knew it wasn't on purpose, but the force threw her off for a few
seconds. She then grabbed Jane's shoulder and shook more forcefully, maybe even hurting
her in the process. But she needed Jane to wake up, and she did.

A sudden deep breath made Jane aware that Maura was waking, so she quickly closed her
eyes again. She dreaded these moments. Not that she didn't like waking up in Maura's arms,
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god no! But she hated waking up to the real world, hated knowing this was all because of a
nightmare. She was always slightly embarrassed whenever they awoke still wrapped up like
this. Usually Maura would wake first and be halfway out of bed before Jane even noticed.
Jane would still be half asleep and not aware they had spent the night in each other's arms
again. (Ignorance is bliss?)

But once in a while the alarm or one of their phones would jolt them awake. It would take
maybe four seconds before they both realized they had done it again and they would look at
each other simultaneously with "how" written across their faces. Jane would then suddenly
remember and whisper a small thank you before smiling.

Not today though. Jane tried her best to pretend to be asleep while feeling every move
Maura made next to her. A small yawn and the hand on her back disappeared as Maura
lifted her arm. Jane knew what was coming: she would be rolled onto her back as Maura
slowly extracted her other arm and got out of bed.

But not today. For a few seconds everything was still. All Jane could feel was the slow
breathing from both of them. Maura suddenly grabbed the cover that had slid just beneath
Jane's arm, and in one elegant movement pulled the cover up to her chest, placing her hand
once again on Jane's back. Jane felt a barely noticeable squeeze. She smiled inside.

Well, this is new…

She tried to take everything in, the scent, the warmth, the closeness, the security. A ray of
hope flashed before her and she slowly drifted off again.

Her whole body twitched when she woke again. Two arms gently tightened their grip around
her, and she was about to fight back when she heard the soft voice.

"It's okay, you're safe."

She instantly relaxed and took a deep breath. It took a few more seconds before the whole
situation dawned on her, and then the awkwardness was back. She lifted her head and

8
looked at the smiling face next to her. She was close, too close.

"Was I dreaming again?" she asked with a hint of despair.

Maura simply nodded. Oh my god, she was so close. So, so, so close. She could just lean over
and -

No! No, no, no! No!

Jane quickly rolled halfway onto her back.

No!

Why was she thinking about it again? Why was she always thinking about it? Why wouldn't
the god damn ache inside her just go away? Out of the corner of her eye she caught a
glimpse of the clock on the bedside table. 8:34.

"Jesus… Maura, how long have you been awake?" she asked, knowing it was pretty unusual
for Maura to still be in bed at this time, even on a weekend.

"A couple of hours."

She said it with such ease, like it was no big deal. But Jane definitely thought it was and
turned to look at her.

"You know you could just get up whenever, right? You don't have to worry about waking
me."

"I know."

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Once again with such ease, Jane was forced to look away.

Don't analyze it, don't even think about it.

But it was rather impossible as fragments of memory from earlier that morning came
rushing back, especially the memories of the returning hand on her back.

"Are you hungry?"

Maura gave her an easy way out of her thoughts.

"Yeah" she replied with a smile.

"Then I will go make us some breakfast."

The arm under her neck slowly disappeared as Maura got out of the bed. Jane watched her
as she walked towards the door.

"Hey, Maura" she said and stopped her from walking out of the room.

Maura turned around and looked at her.

"Yes?"

"Thank you. Even though I don't know how I'll ever thank you for everything."

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She let a genuine smile spread across the room.

"Don't worry about it. Your friendship is the only thank you I need" Maura smiled back
before disappearing.

Jane turned her gaze to the ceiling and sighed.

Your friendship.

[Look for my heart, you stole it away]

"Hey, Frost. What do we got?"

Jane made her way towards the body in the middle of the field.

"Female, in her 20's, most likely dragged from the barn over there."

He pointed to a building that looked ready to crumble any second.

"Whoever killed her didn't think she would be easy to find out here…" Jane reasoned out
loud.

"Right. And took the trouble to drag her…"

"Any one hear or see anything?"

"No."

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Jane kneeled next to the young girl and sighed. She looked so innocent.

Too young to end up like this. They are always too young.

"Who found her?"

She stood up. Frost pointed to a young man who looked rather pale.

"He was out walking his dog. He usually comes here and lets his dog run free. The dog picked
up on something. He's pretty shaken up."

"Gotten anything out of him?"

"No, not really. I had to call a medic to calm him down."

Jane stared towards the man as an unfamiliar car pulled up to the crime scene.

"What the hell is Dr. Pike doing here?" she exclaimed, recognizing her least favorite ME.

"You didn't hear?"

She turned to Frost, shaking her head.

"Hear what? Where's Maura?"

Frost looked rather surprised that he actually knew something involving Maura that Jane

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didn't.

"She left for New York about thirty minutes ago. They needed her help on a case."

Jane looked at Frost and then at Dr. Pike who was walking towards them.

"Great…" she mumbled before she faked a smile.

Jane sighed as she grabbed her jacket and headed for the elevator at the end of the day. Pike
in the morgue instead of Maura was so not the way she wanted her week to begin. She felt
frustrated by just how much this was bothering her. Because of all the time she'd spent in
the morgue over the years, she was accustomed to Maura's routine. And she was used to
being the first one to receive new clues and information. But when Dr. Pike was the one
doing the autopsy, she had no interest in being in the morgue. Instead she sat at her desk
and waited for test results and cause of death. It always made her restless.

Reaching the lobby, she was just about to leave when she noticed her mother still at work. A
sudden desire for a final coffee steered her into the café.

"You're coming down with something."

It was a clear statement coming from her mother as Jane stopped in front of the counter.

"What? No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. Don't pretend you know better than your own mother."

Jane tilted her head back and sighed.

13
"I don't pretend to know better than you. Can I just get a cup of coffee, please?"

She looked back at Angela who was staring at her.

"Only if you go home and rest."

"Fine" Jane replied without a fight, really not in the mood to argue. She was on her way
home anyway.

Angela smiled in response.

"Have you heard from Maura yet?" she asked as she poured Jane's coffee.

"Yeah, barely. She was elbows deep in work, literally."

Angela stopped pouring and looked at Jane strictly.

"Why do you always have to paint that picture? What's wrong with saying she is busy?"

Jane snickered.

"Sorry, Ma. She had a lot to do and couldn't talk. I only have a couple of texts from her.
Better?"

Angela nodded and handed Jane her coffee.

"Yes, thank you. Now go home and rest. Call me if you need anything."

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Jane smiled. Turning around, she finally left the café and then the station.

Jane hated to admit it, but her mother was right. Curled up in her bed, she could feel her
throat closing up. It was getting harder to swallow. She had given up trying to do anything,
even watching TV was too exhausting. Her eyes found the clock on her nightstand. She
suddenly realized the whole day had just disappeared. She hadn't spoken to Maura since
family dinner last night. That was more than 24 hours ago. They hadn't gone this long
without talking since the whole Paddy Doyle incident. She sighed, crawled back under the
sheets and closed her eyes. She hated days like this, when she and Maura didn't have a
chance to talk, grab lunch, or even work together. They weren't nearly as good as the other
days. And to make matters worse, she didn't even know when Maura would be home.

Wow, you've certainly turned into a pathetic puppy…

She woke up in the same position the next day, curled up with the sheets wrapped tightly
around her. Still, she was freezing. She killed the alarm buzzing next to her and reached for
her phone. No activity. A yawn turned into choking right away as pain shot through her chest
and throat. She tried swallowing, but it hurt just as bad. And, no sound escaped her mouth
when she tried to speak.

Great…

She carefully got out of bed and went to the kitchen to try and drink something, but it was a
big mistake. On the way back to bed she felt dizzy and she knew what she had to do, even
though she hated the thought. She grabbed her phone and found her mother's number.

I'm sick Ma… can't even talk. Can you call work for me? And come over? Please?

She added the famous word her mother couldn't resist. She then collapsed on her bed again
and fell asleep.

A few hours later she woke up and could smell the famous soup her mother always made
15
when one of them was sick. But her throat was still closed and she was afraid she wasn't
going to be able to eat anything at all. She tried to utter a few words, but still nothing. She
reached for her phone again and was surprised she had a missed call from Maura. It had
been a long time since that had happened. Knowing Maura would respond as soon as she
could, Jane quickly tapped out a text. It would give her something to look forward to.

Hey, how's NY? Sorry I missed your call, but it wouldn't make much difference since I have
no voice at the moment…

Good morning. NY is stressful. Barely slept. What happened to your voice? Been yelling at
Dr. Pike because he's not as good as me?

I wish… But no, the flu. (I know you're thinking 'I told you to get the flu shot'!)

Yes, I am thinking that, and laughing. You're hopeless…

Not hopeless, just tough. When are you coming home?

Bad-ass Jane Rizzoli without the ability to make sarcastic comments or jokes? Not so tough…
Not sure when I'll be back. It's a very complicated case.

Jane laughed to herself as she could hear Maura say that first sentence. Maura was known
for her correct vocabulary, and 'bad-ass' was not a word she was comfortable with. But she
always tried hard to get it right.

Yeah, you're really missing out on a quiet day at the office. Let me know when you're
heading home.

I would love a quiet day right now, but considering you're not there it would be rather
boring. I'll text you later. Get lots of rest and fluid!

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Yes, dear.

She hit send before she had the time to think and clenched her fist hoping Maura would read
it as the joke she meant it to be.

[Now on every single road that I could take, listen…]

Jane had used up pretty much all of her energy on those few texts and then a one-way
conversation with her mother. All she could do was nod and shake her head, and the soup
she was served remained untouched. It didn't take long before she drifted off to sleep again.

Daylight slowly disappeared from her room as Jane woke up struggling to figure out what
day it was. She reached for her phone and found a new text from Maura. It seemed like she
would be stuck in NY for a couple more days. When Jane noticed the previous texts she
realized it was still Tuesday and sighed. The phone slipped out of her hand, and she lay back
down. Everything was out of focus around her, and she knew she was running a fever. She
couldn't remember much from the few minutes she had actually been awake through the
day, but she could remember her mother forcing her to drink something and putting up one
hell of a fight because of the pain in her throat.

She slipped back into sleep and woke up with her mother sitting on the edge of the bed next
to her. A cold towel rested on her forehead.

"How are you feeling?" Angela asked.

Jane could hear the concern in her mother's voice, and held her thumb up.

"Your fever is a bit higher today. How is your body, does anything hurt?"

She didn't really know how to say that her whole body ached, so just shrugged. Even after a
long night's sleep, she felt exhausted and just wanted to close her eyes and drift off again.
Her mother noticed and flipped the cool towel over before kissing her on the cheek.

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"Get some sleep, honey."

Jane dreamed weird and vivid dreams all day long. She would only remember fragments
from the latest one whenever her mother woke her up during the day. More fluid was forced
down her sore throat, and Jane kept drifting back to sleep without noticing the growing
concern on her mother's face. In between dreams, in her semi-conscious state, she heard
something about Maura, and the hospital, but she was never fully awake enough to put all
the words together.

Later, she would remember one dream very clearly. She didn't know where she was, but the
room felt familiar. Maura was there. Maura had often been in her dreams before, but this
one was different. She couldn't recognize any of the shapes around her, all she could see
was Maura's face. No walls, no ceiling, no floors. For all she knew, they could have been
floating. But she could certainly feel the warmth of Maura's fingers on her cheek. And then
they kissed. Or maybe Maura kissed her. It didn't matter. A soft sigh left Maura's lips as they
slowly pulled away.

Jane woke up smiling. She had no idea what day it was, she could only tell by the sunshine in
her room that it was daytime. She reached automatically for the phone on her nightstand.

"Are you going to text me?"

She jumped at the voice, hearing laughter at her reaction. Jane followed the sound of
laughter to the other side of the bed. Maura was laying next to her, and Jane smiled.

"Hi" she whispered.

Maura sat up, placing the back of her hand against Jane's forehead.

"Hi, how are you feeling?"

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It took Jane a few tries before she was able to find enough voice to speak.

"I'm okay."

They both laughed at the sound. It sounded like ten years of whisky and cigars.

"You shouldn't talk too much if it hurts."

Jane didn't care.

"You're here?"

Maura nodded and sighed.

"Angela called me yesterday. She was worried about you. Your fever got worse, and she
didn't know what to do, which made me worry. So I came home."

"But I'm fine" Jane repeated.

"You are fine now. When I got here last night I seriously considered taking you to the ER."

"But I have-"

Jane had to stop talking because of the pain, and Maura smiled.

"Right, you have me, so why would I need to take you to the hospital?"

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Jane smiled shyly and nodded while Maura shook her head in frustration. Finally, she stared
down at Jane and smiled.

"You are practically delirious from a fever, and you refuse to go to the ER? You really are
bad-ass, detective Rizzoli."

Jane raised her eye brows and pretended to be shocked.

"Dr. Isles" she gasped and placed a hand on her chest.

"Was that a joke?!"

Maura smiled at the exaggerated look on Jane's face. She was pleased with her effort.

[I want you to burn my bridges down]

Four weeks earlier.

"Do you really think I should?"

"Sure, why not? He seemed like a nice guy."

Jane thought she would die right then and there. She had been just as surprised as Maura
when a guy walked up to their table, made a pass at her right in front of Jane and then left
his number on the table. Honestly, he really was good looking, but it still hurt to be so
encouraging out loud. He introduced himself as Derek, a lawyer with a passion for art,
travelling and cooking. It wasn't long before he had engaged Maura in conversation about a
recent art exhibition they both had seen. Jane had felt completely lost and for a second
thought about leaving. Somehow Maura had picked up on the signals Jane didn't know she
was sending out and politely told Derek she was here with her friend. He excused himself
with an understanding smile, but made sure to leave his number (work AND home Jane
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noticed) and asked Maura to call him.

Even though she secretly wished for Derek to be attacked by a pack of wolves or a deranged
killer (as long as she wasn't on call…), she put up a smile when Maura looked at her.

"Maybe I will" Maura smiled, carefully placing his card in her purse.

Jane emptied her beer in one big gulp, and nearly choking on it, she started to cough. Maura
looked at her with concern then laughed a little after deciding she was okay.

"You really need to learn how to enjoy certain kinds of drinks" she pointed out.

"What do you mean? I know how to enjoy my beer" Jane argued while wiping her chin with
a napkin.

"Clearly… Like you know how to enjoy your coffee?"

It was not difficult for Jane to tell Maura was mocking her for the morning coffee a few days
ago. Jane had been in such a rush to get to work she didn't remember the hot coffee she had
just purchased. She ended up burning her lips and tongue and leaving a couple of stains on
her shirt, her white shirt.

"Yes, exactly" she said, trying to sound confident.

But she failed and they both laughed.

"I will probably not be wearing white for a while now. I don't need to give the boys more
reasons to make fun of me."

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"They only make of fun of you because they love you."

"Yes, like all the boys in first grade" Jane replied slightly sarcastic.

Maura smiled and crossed her arms at the edge of the table.

"It's perfectly normal behavior to tease and act like you're not interested when you in fact
are very attracted to another person."

Jane rolled her eyes after catching the waiter's eye and motioning for a new beer.

"Yeah, maybe when you're 10. Not at our age, Maura."

"Maybe you are right. I mean, if not, that means you are deeply in love with me."

Maura really emphasized those last five words. Jane laughed nervously.

"What?"

How did we get here? Did I miss something?

"Well, you tease me every day, Jane. If we had been ten year old girls I would take it as an
obvious sign of attraction."

"Yeah… well… But… no."

She couldn't believe she actually stuttered those few words. Maura just smiled and waited
patiently for a proper response. Jane took a small breath.

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"Well, we're not ten year old girls. Thank God…"

Luckily, every word came out the way it was supposed to, and she gladly clutched the new
bottle of beer that was handed to her. She instantly took a sip to calm her down. She let out
a relieved sigh when Maura didn't pursue the conversation. But the look on the doctor's face
made Jane even more nervous.

"What?" she asked as the seconds passed and neither said a word.

"You seem rather… flustered. A bit nervous. Anything you want to share?" Maura asked.

Jane held eye contact while trying to analyze the question. She hated the fact that Maura
could tell how she was feeling just by looking at her.

"No…?"

It came out as a question rather than a firm answer, and it made Maura even more curious.

"Are you sure?"

She leaned towards Jane who kept staring at her.

"Yes?"

Still a question.

What the hell is wrong with me?

23
She wanted to rub her hands in her face in complete frustration, but settled for a sip of her
beer. Maura was beaming with pride at this moment.

"Jane Rizzoli, you are hiding something from me! Tell me."

Jane could feel her wall slowly building again, and gathered every ounce of self-control she
could muster.

"I'm not hiding anything, Maura."

She finally sounded like her confident and determined self again. She even managed to put
on a serious face. Maura let her eyes sweep over Jane's face in search of clues. They stared
at each other in silence for a while until Jane smiled slightly.

"Really, Maura. Let it go" she said.

Maura slowly leaned back with a puzzled look in her eyes.

"But I'm never wrong…?"

Jane laughed, stretching out her arm and putting her hand on top of Maura's.

"Even geniuses can be wrong. It just means you're human. You want another glass of wine?"

Jane tried steering the subject in a different direction. When Maura nodded she got up and
went to the bar. She really needed the space.

[Send this out to sea, send it where you want it]

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"Jane, I can make us dinner, really, it's no problem."

Maura walked through her front door and started unbuttoning her jacket.

"Will it have more vegetables than melted cheese?"

She turned around and looked at Jane.

"Of course."

"Then no!" Jane smiled and closed the door behind her.

Maura let out a small sigh as her jacket slid off her shoulders, and Jane let her eyes rest on
the bare skin being revealed in front of her. She couldn't help the way her gaze slowly
moved to Maura's neck and chest.

"You really should be eating healthier, Jane. You can't live purely on pizza and hamburgers.
And coffee."

Has she been wearing a lot of revealing tops lately, or is it just my imagination?

Her eyes followed the soft edge of the black top until she felt a slight shiver travel through
her body.

"Jane?"

She snapped back to reality at the questioning voice.

25
"What?"

Maura was looking at her, smiling.

"No sarcastic comment? You're not listening to me."

Oh crap, she caught you staring… Great.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

It took a lot of effort to maintain her calm and be her usual self. She asked her question with
a slight smile, but was just waiting for Maura to point out the obvious staring.

"I said you have to change your diet. Pizza is not good for you, at least not five times a
week."

"I know, but it's so easy" Jane argued, a little thrown off as Maura proceeded like no one had
been staring.

"A perfectly balanced meal can be easy."

"Easier than making a phone call?"

Tilting her head, Jane picked up her phone to demonstrate. Maura shook her head slowly in
defeat, but continued to smile.

"Fine, you win."

26
Jane clenched her fist in the air, just to tease Maura, before she called her favorite pizza
place.

"But just tonight. Tomorrow, I win" Maura added while walking towards the kitchen.

Jane groaned but couldn't say anything before her call was picked up. The call lasted about
15 seconds, nothing new, and she joined Maura in the kitchen.

"You know me better than anyone, so why are you still trying to make me eat all that healthy
crap you call food? You know I'm a pizza…"

She paused while her head searched for the appropriate word.

"Holic" she finally added.

Maura turned around and handed Jane a beer while wrinkling her nose slightly.

"Yes, I know you're a…"

She paused.

"Pizzaholic" she finally added, but certainly didn't like the word in her mouth.

Jane smiled at the uncomfortable look on Maura's face.

"But I don't want you to die an early death because all the veins in your body are filled with
pepperoni and beer, not that that's actually possible. I still want you around 40 years from
now."

27
Maura smiled before she picked out a red wine for herself and a glass. Jane leaned on the
kitchen island and opened her beer while smiling.

"You know we probably will still be arguing about this, 40 years from now, right?"

"Yes. This and pretty much everything else we usually disagree on. But I'm thinking you'll be
retired by then, and you can't run away from me and blame a new lead in a case, or that you
have to interrogate a suspect."

Maura poured herself a glass of wine and leaned back against the counter.

"Do you actually believe for a second that I will be retired when I'm 80?" Jane joked.

"You know what, part of me actually doesn't believe that…"

They both laughed and Jane turned her eyes to the bottle in her hands. She couldn't help
wondering how her life would turn out. Would she have a happy life? Would she find
someone who made her open up even more than she had with Maura? Would she ever tell
Maura how she really felt? Or would this just be a crazy roller coaster of ups and downs as
she followed Maura's life from the outside?

[There's no filling up your spaces with fictionary places. Imaginary faces they don't work at
all]

"Jane, can I ask you something?"

She looked up at Maura who had picked up her bottle of wine and was making her way
towards the living room. Jane followed her with her eyes while nodding.

28
"Yeah, sure."

She straightened up and slowly followed Maura.

"You trust me, right?"

Maura left the bottle on the table and turned around to face Jane. She smiled at Jane's
raised eyebrows.

"Yes, of course I trust you. I trust you with my life. Why do you need to ask?"

"Well, I actually don't need to ask…"

Jane laughed slightly as Maura tilted her head and got all technical.

"Then why did you ask?"

"It seemed like a gentle approach to my real question" Maura replied and locked her eyes on
Jane.

"And… the real question is…?"

"What's been bothering you lately?"

Jane could feel how all the muscles in her body twitched for a second. She took a deep
breath and turned her head slightly to the left. Her eyes focused on the carpet beneath their
feet, and she knew what message she was sending. But she couldn't find the perfect answer.
She knew Maura and their relationship dynamics well enough to know that this
confrontation would come, but she was supposed to have a real answer by this time. She

29
could feel Maura's eyes on her, and after a few silent moments she looked up.

"It's nothing serious."

Maura tilted her head even more and raised her eyebrows, she was really not convinced.

"Really, that's your answer?" she said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Yes, and that it's personal."

Just to make her point, Jane walked past Maura and towards the windows. She looked down
at the bottle in her hand and was seriously considering emptying the whole thing in one sip.
She really didn't want to discuss anything that was on her mind lately, but the thought of
herself drunk and alone in the same room as a curious and persistent Maura kept her from
drinking.

"Jane…"

It was serious, firm, demanding and still she somehow managed to drag out the sound to
where it sounded more like a sweet melody. It always left Jane needing a couple of seconds
to just breathe and remind herself of the reality.

"You trust me enough to put your life at risk, because you know I would do the same,
without a doubt. Why won't you trust me enough to let me help you with what's clearly
haunting you?"

Jane turned around and found Maura a few feet away, facing her.

"Because there's a clear line between my work and my private life. At work I'm Rizzoli, I'm
not Jane. I'm this fearless and sometimes stupidly brave detective who will never let anyone
break me or see me weak. You've seen me broken, you've seen me at my worst, as myself.
30
And it's not that I don't trust you, because I do, but there are things in my life that I've never
told anyone. And probably never will."

She honestly didn't know where half of the words came from, and she could hear the
dramatic edging of her voice, but Maura seemed unaffected by it all.

"Yes, I know you are fearless, brilliant and brave at work. But you are also fearless, brilliant
and brave in your personal life. But you sometimes hide things that eventually break you
down, and even though you know perfectly well that some things are better shared, you are
too stubborn to ask for help. Which is why I'm always pushing you, and… interrogating you.
Because I know it will help you, even though you don't believe me."

Jane started to get the feeling this was about something deeper than just her drifting off
lately.

"Why do you make a big fuss about this? You don't know what this is all about."

"I'm not making a big…fuss, Jane. I'm stating the obvious."

"And the obvious is that I'm stubborn and can't share stuff with you?"

Maura smiled and shook her head.

"No, you know that's not what I'm implying."

"Then what are you implying, miss genius?"

Jane could have hit herself for asking, she was basically giving Maura a free pass. But she still
managed to keep her voice calm, with a humorous edge.

31
"Well, now I feel the need to imply that you are sarcastic and using humor as a defense
technique."

Jane chuckled and rolled her eyes.

"But, I was implying that you are struggling with something, and you won't tell me what it is,
even though I have given you several chances to come forward. So therefore I have to use
my knowledge of you to my advantage and push you to let me in."

Jane sat down on the armrest of the chair next to her. She somehow couldn't help but find
this funny.

"Right…"she grinned.

"Your superpowers are being pulled out of the dark again, and you are gonna use them to
save your own mind from going crazy, because it frustrates you when you can't understand
me?"

"Well, that would be your words, but yes."

Jane laughed again and looked at Maura. She loved these moments when Maura showed
the quirky side of herself. It was a refreshing pause from all the normal people out there.
And it helped a lot that Jane found her absolutely adorable.

"You are delightfully weird, you know that?"

"Yes, I know. But we are not talking about me right now. So tell me."

Maura let her eyes sweep over Jane's face before she took two steps to the right and sat
down on the couch. Jane felt the whole comedic atmosphere disappear as she saw that
familiar look in Maura's eyes.
32
"There's nothing to tell. I just have a lot on my mind."

"Like what?"

Maura placed her glass on the table and rested her elbows on her thighs, folding her hands
in her lap.

"Like… killers and victims and… reddish brown stains."

She tried to goof it off, but Maura had seen her show before.

"Jane, skip the part where you try to make this about work. You do it all the time. This isn't
about work."

"And how do you know?" Jane shot back quickly.

Yes, please do encourage her to keep digging…

"Because I saw you drifting off two days ago while Frost and Korsak pretty much solved the
case. You missed everything they said. I know all your different looks and you were not
thinking about work."

Jane knew what Maura was talking about. She had drifted off at the worst possible moment.
But she blamed Maura. She was the one who was wearing that black leather jacket when
she walked up to her desk with a lab report. Maura was the one who put her hand on Jane's
shoulder and squeezed gently for no apparent reason. Maura was the one who brought her
coffee and filled the whole room with her sweet and intoxicating perfume. Nonetheless,
Jane fully understood why Maura noticed everything. She never drifted off that way when
they were in the middle of a breakthrough in a case. Even Korsak and Frost could tell the
difference.

33
"What's going on?" Maura continued to push.

Jane stood up as she let out a heavy sigh.

"Don't do this, Maura" she complained and started pacing slowly around the living room.

"But I've just started, don't take away the fun."

Jane stopped and glared at Maura.

"You think this is funny?" she blurted out with anger.

"No! That's not what I meant. I'm sorry. I… meant…"

Maura's voice faded and she let out a frustrated sigh.

"I know what you meant" Jane cut in.

"But I just don't want to do this right now, Maura. I can't do it. Just… let me be the stubborn
and frustrating nutcase I am. Like always…"

This made Maura get up and walk over to Jane.

"You are not a nutcase! But I am getting worried about you right now."

Jane stopped pacing when Maura got in her way. She put down her beer on the bookcase

34
beside her.

"I'll be okay. I'm sure you've had days like these yourself, when something just throws you
off balance."

"Yes, of course I have. But I usually take some time to reflect and dissect, to get to the
bottom of things. It's really the only thing to do."

"Well, you are so not going near my thoughts with your scalpel" Jane warned her with a hint
of both fear and a joke in her voice.

Maura laughed silently as she placed her hand on Jane's elbow.

"Okay, I won't" she assured her.

Jane felt the soft rubbing of Maura's thumb on her arm, and swore she could feel sparks
flying off her skin. But she fought back the chills threatening to erupt throughout her body.
There was a deafening silence between them as Jane tried to crack the code behind Maura's
words. She knew there was no way Maura would give up just like that. But Maura had eyes
of steel right then, and Jane felt very nervous. Their eyes were still locked on each other
without breaking physical contact until finally Jane took a deep breath and managed to look
away. Maura let her hand fall back along her body.

"What if I told you that I already know what's bothering you?"

[I, I keep on running, I'm building bridges that I know you never wanted]

"What if I told you that I already know what's bothering you?"

Jane was about to walk away, but Maura's words kept her standing perfectly still.

35
I would probably die right here and now.

"I would say it's just one of your tricks, and you can't fool me."

She was surprised how calm she managed to keep her voice, and her body listened as her
mind told her to walk at least a few feet away.

"It's not a ruse, Jane."

Why did she have to sound so convincing and so secretive at the same time? Maura had so
much control over herself and the way she spoke, Jane had to consider that she was in fact
telling the truth. Jane needed a few moments to figure out how to play this, and as she stood
there staring at the floor, she felt like she was in the interrogation room back at the station.
Except that the tables had turned. She slowly turned around and mustered the strength to
look into Maura's eyes while still oozing at least a shred of confidence.

"Then why are you trying so desperately to make me say it if you already know, which I truly
doubt you do."

Jane failed miserably at her attempt to keep eye contact.

"I am trying to make you open up to me. I want you to see for yourself that you can tell me
anything and everything. I want you to experience that any relationship only grows stronger
when you feel you can say and talk about everything. And I am also very curious to know
why you have become this stubborn woman who won't accept help or talk about her
feelings."

Jane suddenly found herself laughing, but tried to stop herself.

"Why do I get the feeling you sometimes see me as a research project?"

36
She started laughing again, and saw Maura's face turning into a big smile.

"Well, I can't help it. You more than often challenge my curiosity in the human mind and
behavior. But once again, you are trying to make this about me. It is not about me."

"It is now. Now you challenge my curiosity."

She didn't say anything else, just stood there watching as Maura took the bait.

"How?"

It seemed like a genuine question; Jane failed to notice the slight curve on the left side of
Maura's lips.

"You try to make me tell you a secret and then you suddenly claim you already know?
What's that all about?"

The words poured out and Jane actually felt proud as she placed her hands on her hips. Then
she saw the slight curve turn into a pleased smile, and it dawned on her. This so wasn't
about Maura. Well…

"Oh crap…"

"Yes, now we are back on you and your secret."

Jane lost all confidence, again, and combed her hand through her curls.

Why do I keep battling a genius who I happen to be madly in love with? I know I can't win

37
when she clouds my head with all the smiles and those eyes and… everything.

"Jane, listen to me."

Maura closed the distance between them and took Jane's hands in hers.

"You are the only one who has never judged me, or tried to change me. You see me for who I
am, and you accept and respect me. You put up with my Google-mouth, and you teach me
something new every day. I can be myself with you. And please believe me when I say that
nothing you ever say will change that. No matter what you say or do, I will always be there
for you with the same respect, and I will never ever judge you."

Jane looked down at their hands as Maura stroked her thumb over her scar.. She was never
scared or self-conscious about her scars when Maura touched her hands. She had barely
even jerked her hand back the very first time Maura reached for them. Jane had let her
touch them, look at them; this had told Jane everything she really needed to know about
herself, and about their relationship. But right now she couldn't help but feel scared. What
was really going on? Why did she have the feeling that their everlasting dance was somehow
coming to an end?

"I'm confused, Maura…"

"Why?"

She let her head drop and closed her eyes for a short second.

"Because if you think you know what's bothering me, why don't you tell me?"

"If I did, would you tell me if I was right?"

"No" Jane replied right away.

38
Maura smiled and squeezed Jane's hands in hers.

"Exactly. But I don't think I know. I know I know."

Jane groaned, pulling her hands from Maura's grip. She violently rubbed her face.

"Then tell me!"

How in the hell did she turn this around? Now I am the one begging to know what she
knows!

"No."

I can't take this…

Jane was about to turn around and walk away when Maura grabbed her hands once again.

"I know I'm pushing you more than ever tonight. And I know we are about to come to a point
where you are going to run. Just know that I won't be chasing you if you decide to walk away
now. But I will ask you again tomorrow. And the next day, and the next…"

Maura wasn't kidding and Jane knew it. She was slowly coming to terms with the fact that it
was do or die, she had to tell her, somehow, and just hope that Maura actually felt
something for her. Why else would she be going through all this? Why would she confront
Jane's feelings if she didn't feel the same?

"Then why do you refuse to tell me what you think you know?"

39
"Because I need to hear it from you."

Jane lit up, her brain kicking into analysis mode. This somehow changed things. Maybe she
was making up stuff, but this was definitely a change.

"Why?" she asked surprised.

Maura hesitated before she looked up into Jane's eyes and let Jane feel, if only for a few
seconds, like she had some control for the first time that night.

"Because I know you are scared. I could try and explain just exactly why I need you to tell me
what we both know, but I'm not sure you would fully understand me and why I have been
pushing you this way. I just need to hear it from you."

Jane's heart was racing, the butterflies in her stomach fighting to take their first flight, her
skin burning from the contact with Maura's fingers, and she could feel her neck pulsing.

I have to tell her… There's no way she's not talking about her feelings, my feelings, our
feelings for each other. Oh my god…

It was the turning point, the bridge in the song, a change of pace and now everything would
come to an end; and yet, everything was most likely starting as well. Jane swallowed, feeling
her knees weakening at the sight of Maura's pleading eyes in front of her. She tried opening
her mouth to say what she had known for a long time, but nothing would come out. Maura
stood perfectly still, and if she felt the same butterflies and burning, she hid it well. But her
eyes gave her away. They begged Jane to just get it out in the open, take a chance, let her
defenses down.

The feelings rushing through Jane were overwhelming. They were out of control and out of
reach. She had no idea how to do this. Yes, it was simple. Lean in and kiss her, kiss the
woman she's been dreaming about, embrace her and never let her go... But she couldn't
move.

40
"Jane…"

It was a whisper, a soft plea. Jane barely heard it, but it was the most amazing sound. The
rest of the house was quiet, not a sound from outside cut through the intense silence
between them. Jane felt Maura's hands as they slid slowly up her arms. Reaching Jane's
elbows, Maura's gentle hands changed direction, landing on her hips instead, before moving
around her waist and settling around her back. A fire spread through Jane's body and she
caught her breath.

"Don't make me beg" Maura whispered.

It was so simple, Jane felt her heart both explode and break at the same time. She never
wanted Maura to beg, for anything. Slowly, she found a smile. And when the look in Maura's
eyes softened, Jane found the right amount of courage. She lifted her arm, which felt leaden,
and gently placed a hand on Maura's face. Her thumb stroked Maura's forehead, caressed
her cheek. Maura instantly leaned her head against Jane's hand, just to be closer, and closed
her eyes. Jane took a slow, deep breath.

"I am so crazy… head over heels… madly in love with you…" she whispered.

Maura looked like she was about to cry as she opened her eyes.

"I know…"

Jane couldn't hold back laughter that made its way up from deep inside her until they both
laughed. When the laughter faded, Maura sighed.

"I am crazy, head over heels, madly in love with you too."

Okay, breathe. Remember to breathe.

41
Jane leaned in and their foreheads rested against each other. She could feel Maura's breath
against her lips, and wondering briefly how she had managed to wait so long to get to this
moment, she leaned in and their lips met.

It was perfect, just as it was supposed to be. It might not have been rainbows and bells, and
the earth might not have trembled beneath them, but every cell in their bodies told them
both this was it. This was definitely it, and it was everything.

[You set me, set me on fire]

Jane sighed. As their lips parted she could think of nothing to do except kiss Maura again,
just lightly grazing her lips.

"So…" Maura said, catching her breath.

"This is what it's like not dancing with you."

Jane laughed and nodded.

"I guess so."

Maura tightened her grip around Jane's waist and rested her head against her shoulder. Jane
instantly wrapped her arms around Maura and pulled her even closer. She rested her head
against Maura's soft hair and inhaled the scent. She had just closed her eyes when the
doorbell slowly tore them apart.

"That must be our dinner" Maura remarked, looking up at Jane.

"Yeah… perfect timing" she replied sarcastically.

42
The warmth of Maura's hands slowly disappeared, and Jane watched as Maura pulled away
and walked towards the hall.

"I think they put you ahead of all the other customers, after all, you are their best costumer"
Maura teased, looking back over her shoulder just as she reached the door.

Jane could only smile.

They sat down to eat and casually chatted about pretty much everything that didn't involve
the apparent change in their lives. Jane couldn't concentrate and would gladly discuss how
the sky was blue or the undisputed fact that a good night's sleep was vital for everyone. But
it didn't seem like Maura wanted to engage in a scientific conversation. They quickly finished
and Maura cleaned up before Jane could even offer to help.

"Do you need another beer?" Maura asked as she walked into the kitchen.

Jane turned around on the couch and her eyes followed every move Maura made. Need?
She somehow hung onto the simple word.

"Yeah, thanks" she mumbled, not sure if Maura had heard her.

Based on the previous situations I'm guessing I'm in for a serious talk about feelings. So yes, I
definitely need another beer.

She turned back around and let her head fall back against the back of the couch. Maura
returned with her beer and sat down next to her. She refilled her glass before taking a slow
sip and sat back. Jane watched her every move until her eyes finally stared into Maura's
hazel eyes and found herself lost for words. Not that silence with Maura was ever awkward,
it could be rather relaxing, but right now she felt somewhere in between. They had crossed a
line, and Jane was both terrified and excited. She couldn't make her body relax, and she
couldn't find the strength to even move a finger. And it really bothered her that Maura
seemed to be in complete control.

43
Jane finally managed to turn her head and stare towards the giant fireplace. The kiss, the
words, the touches… everything played before her eyes, over and over again. And she slowly
felt a smile spread across her face.

"How long-"

She cut herself off and sighed.

"How long have you… known?"

"Known what?" Maura asked softly.

She clearly wasn't going to make this easy. Jane ran her fingers through her hair and took a
deep breath. But she couldn't speak.

"That I am in love with you?" Maura continued just as softly.

Jane felt her smile grew bigger and it actually started to hurt. She nodded while turning her
eyes back on the doctor.

"I've known a long time. Maybe-"

"No! Don't tell me!" Jane interrupted and raised her hand to silence Maura.

"I don't want to know…"

She smiled at the confused look on Maura's face.

44
"But Jane, you asked…?"

"I know. I changed my mind."

The face in front of her turned into one, big question and Jane looked down at the glass of
wine in Maura's hands. She knew she had to explain why, and she suddenly felt the feeling
of embarrassment creeping up on her. In a smooth move she turned around on the couch so
she was facing Maura, and pulled one leg up on the couch. Her arm automatically lay across
the back of the couch.

"I just don't want to know how much time we've wasted. And now I sound like a jerk cause
I'm just assuming that something happens between us and I have no idea if it ever will.
Because I always screw up the things that matters most, and I have this habit of pushing
people away whenever they come too close. And… I'm rambling, please make me stop…"

She looked back up with begging eyes. Maura let a small laugh escape her lips and stretched
out her hand towards Jane.

"You worry too much" she said as she intertwined their fingers.

"But you are correct in your assumptions. Something will happen. It already has."

Jane was pulled back to the memory of the very definition of 'it'. The kiss. Her arms
wrapping around the perfect woman next to her, and the fire in her lower back. It all came
back and she felt her fingers burning. It didn't matter that they had hugged so many times
over the years, it still felt like they were touching for the first time. Maura suddenly pulled
back her hand, and Jane panicked for a second. She wanted to tighten the grip, but was too
slow to react. Maura reached for the bottle in Jane's hand and leaned towards the table.

"I…"

She hesitated and leaned back into the couch, leaving her glass and the bottle at the table.

45
"I always turn around whenever I hear the elevator doors opening down in the basement. I
always expect you to come walking towards my office or the morgue. And I'm equally
disappointed every time you don't show up."

Jane listened intensely and just couldn't stop smiling.

"Really?" she almost whispered.

Maura nodded and was studying her fingers.

"And I get so frustrated when I can't find a good reason for calling you and make you come
down to see me."

She inched closer, and turned her body towards Jane. Their knees gently pressed together,
and her shoulder rested against the couch.

"I sometimes find it very difficult to be working in the same building as you. Knowing you are
just above my head, and I still have to wait for a test to come back, or find a new clue on a
victim just to get you down."

Jane felt her confidence reach a new peak that night. She knew she always got the truth
from Maura, but somehow this was new. She felt a small twitch in the arm resting on the
back of the couch. The honey blonde hair was close enough to tickle her skin, and she
carefully lifted her hand to stroke back a few wild strands of hair from Maura's face.

"You don't have to come up with a good reason for me to come down and see you."

Her fingers rested at Maura's shoulder and buried themselves in her hair.

"You don't even need a reason. You could tell me you dropped your pen and I would come
46
running…"

"I think that would look rather suspicious after a while, don't you?"

Jane laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, maybe."

Maura smiled and stared into the dark and warm eyes.

"What if I said I needed you to come down and kiss me?"

Jane felt her breath hitch as she could clearly see the scene play out in her head.

"I would knock the chair over as I got up to run for the stairs, cause clearly, I would be too
impatient to wait for the elevators. And I would most likely trip and fall down half the stairs
and show up in front of you with bruises, a bloody lip and maybe even a broken bone or two.
So it's a good thing you're a doctor."

Laughter filled the living room, and Maura lightly shook her head.

"Take the elevator, please, it's safer and I can wait the extra seconds."

Jane bit her lip as her eyes trailed down to the tempting lips before her.

"Can you?"

Jane's eyes found their way back up to the hazel eyes and she was lost. She couldn't even
breathe in before Maura closed the gap between them and kissed her. The soft lips against
47
hers made Jane shiver, and she knew there was no way Maura didn't notice. But a little voice
in the back of her head told her not to worry, after all, it wasn't their first kiss.

It's not our first kiss…

The inner voice repeated itself and Jane couldn't fight the smile that spread across her face
as they slowly pulled away.

"No, apparently I can't…"

Jane froze for a second at the words leaving those soft lips, and she panicked. In the blink of
an eye she had made a list full of questions.

What can't she do? This? Why? Am I dreaming, is this just a freaking nightmare?

"You have to take the stairs from now on. I'll do my best to dry the blood and heal your
wounds."

Jane let out a sigh of relief as she finally remembered her last question.

"Holy crap, you scared the hell out of me" she laughed.

"I thought you said you couldn't do this."

She pointed her finger between them, and Maura's eyes widened.

"What? Oh…"

48
She laughed as she placed one hand on Jane's neck and gave her a quick, but soft kiss again.

"But don't worry, I can do this."

She let her thumb stroke Jane's cheek before she looked down at the curled up leg between
them.

"Can you move your leg?"

Jane raised her eyebrows but did as she was told. As soon as her leg stretched out, Maura
moved closer and rested her head on Jane's shoulder. An arm held on tightly around her
waist, and Jane quickly wrapped her arms around Maura. It was a familiar feeling, but
somehow it seemed so… different and strange. But she was completely comfortable.

"What did you mean when you told me to burn your bridges?"

Maura's voice snapped her out of the lovely haze she had slipped into.

"What? I've never said that."

"Yes, you have. Last week."

Her mind started going through everything that had happened the previous week, but
nothing made sense, except the words. She clearly remembered the words from their night
at the Robber two weeks earlier, but she hadn't said them out loud, it was a song that was
still stuck in her head somehow.

"Maura, I've never said anything like that."

"Okay, maybe you were slightly unconscious at the time… But you said it, and I know you
49
meant it."

Maura lifted her head as Jane shifted on the couch. She found big, dark eyes staring at her.

"What do you mean slightly unconscious?"

Maura giggled and sat up.

"It was the night I came back from New York. When you were running that high fever and
your mother called me because she was worried. You woke up at one point and said 'I want
you to burn my bridges down' and smiled."

Jane stared nervously at the smiling face next to her. She had no recollection of that night at
all, except the dream, but Maura wouldn't make up stuff like that. (She couldn't make stuff
up.) And the days she had spent in bed were all just a blur in her mind. She wondered if she
should explain the whole sentence or just blame it on the fever.

"How can you be so sure I meant it if I was practically unconscious?" she asked to buy time.

"I just know."

"Careful, or you'll break out in hives" Jane teased.

Maura looked down at her hands and smiled.

"Fine. I know because you kissed me back when I kissed you… So I knew you were awake."

"You… kissed me?"

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Maura looked up at Jane again and nodded. The dream came rushing back to Jane. The
dream where Maura kissed her, where nothing else existed but the honey blonde. The
dream that perhaps wasn't a dream after all.

"So… you kissed me that night? Why?" Jane asked.

"I wanted to. And I was worried."

Jane laughed softly.

"What's so funny?" Maura asked.

"It's just… I dreamed about you that night. Or, I thought it was a dream. But I'm starting to
think it wasn't a dream after all. Because I dreamed that you kissed me."

Maura turned to face Jane and crossed her legs in front of her on the couch.

"So you felt that I kissed you, but you thought it was a dream?"

Jane nodded.

"Which means I can't remember our first kiss because I was slightly unconscious" she added.

Maura smiled and reached for Jane's hand.

"I believe we will have plenty more moments to remember from now. And we could start
with you explaining why I should be burning bridges…"

Jane groaned, but smiled. A part of her actually wanted to share her thoughts, even though
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it scared her.

"Fine. It came from a song I heard a couple of weeks ago. And on my way home I thought
about how you always tear down these walls I've been building my whole life. I've never let
anyone this close before, and you know I'm still trying to run. I guess these last weeks have
proved that. But I really don't want to run all the time. It's exhausting. It's just…"

She stopped to let herself take a deep breath.

"Whenever you tear down my wall, I still try to get away from things. And my head just
painted this picture of me building bridges to try to escape things or get over them without
dealing with it. I don't know if it makes any sense at all but… I feel like I can be myself with
you, and I want to be with you, which you probably know by now. But you deserve so much
more than someone who runs away when things get difficult. You deserve someone who
dares to let you in. So I… basically want you to burn my bridges so I can't run anymore."

She carefully looked up to see Maura smiling. Their hands were still linked together, and
Maura gave it a gentle squeeze that sent a feeling of comfort and happiness through Jane.

"I think you just lit the first match for me."

[Girl, you burnt my bridges down]

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