We tend to associate diplomacy with ‘embassies, international relations and high

politcs. But it really refers to a set of skills that matter in many areas of daily life,
especially at the office and on the landing, outside the slammed doors of loved
ones’ bedrooms.
Diplomacy is the art of advancing an idea or cause without unnecessarily
inflaming passions or unleashing a catastrophe. It involves an understanding of
the many facets of human nature that can undermine agreement and stoke
conflict, and a commitment to unpicking (separate and examine its different parts
carefully) these with foresight and grace. *The diplomat remembers, first and
foremost, that some of the vehemence with which we can insist on having our
way1 (có được những gì mình muốn, làm mọi thứ theo ý muốn) draws energy (ý là
cái vehemence kia nó trở nên lớn mạnh hơn từ …) from an overall sense of not
being respected or heard within a relationship. We will fight with particular
tenacity and apparent meanness over a so-called small thing when we have a sense
that the other person has failed to honour our wider need for appreciation and
esteem. *Behind our fierce way of arguing may lie a frustrated plea for affection.
Diplomats know the intensity with which humans crave respect and so though they
may not always be able to agree with us, they take the trouble to (also: to go to
the trouble to: to make an effort to do sth) show that they have bothered to see
how things look through our eyes. They recognize that it is almost as important to
people to feel heard, as to win their case. We’ll put up with a lot once someone
has demonstrated that they at least know how we feel. Diplomats therefore put
extraordinary effort into securing the health of the overall relationship so that
smaller points can be conceded (ý là chấp nhận những điều, những ý kiến nhỏ
nhặt?) along the way without attracting feelings of untenable humiliation. They
know how much beneath [pitched fights over money or entitlements, schedules or
procedures, a demand for esteem] can stir. They are careful to trade generously in
emotional currency, so as not always to have to pay excessively in other, more
practical denominations (đơn vị tiền tệ) (ý cả câu là họ khéo léo để ý tới cảm xúc
người khác hơn, để không phải mất nhiều “tiền” vào những thứ khác trong cuộc
sống). Frequently, what is at stake within a negotiation with someone is a request
that they change in some way: that they learn to be more punctual, or take more
trouble on a task, that they be less defensive or more open-minded. The diplomat
knows how futile it is to state these wishes too directly. They know the vast
difference between having a correct diagnosis of how someone needs to grow and
1
If he doesn’t have his way, he will start throwing a tantrum that could last all day.
a relevant way to help them actually do so. They know too that what holds people
back from evolution is fear – and therefore grasp that [what we may most need to
offer those whom we want to acknowledge difficult things is, above anything else,
love and reassurance]. It helps greatly to know that those recommending change
are not speaking from a position of impregnable (kiên cố) perfection but are
themselves wrestling with ‘comparable (similar in size, amount or quality to sth
else) demons in other areas. For a diagnosis not to sound like mere criticism (để
một lời đánh giá không giống như một lời chỉ trích), it helps for it to be delivered
by someone with no compunctions (cảm giác hơi tội lỗi về những thứ vừa làm) to
owning up to their own shortcomings. There can be few more successful
peda’gogic2 (mang tính dạy dỗ) moves than to confess genially (in a friendly and
pleasant way) from the outset,‘And… I am, of course, entirely mad as well…’’
In negotiations, the diplomat is not addicted to indiscriminate or heroic truth
telling. They appreciate the legitimate place that minor lies can occupy in the
service of (assist) greater truths. They know that if certain local facts are
emphasised, then the most important principles in a relationship may be forever
undermined. So they will enthusiastically say that the financial report or the
homemade cake were really very pleasing and will do so not to deceive but to
affirm the truth of their overall attachment, which might be lost were a completely
accurate account of their feelings to be laid out (nếu họ phơi bày cảm xúc thật của
mình ra). Diplomats know that a small lie may have to be the guardian of a big
truth. They appreciate their own resistance to the unvarnished (expressed in a
plain and honest way)facts (ý là kiểu “kháng cự” -> nói dối trước những cái sự
thật rõ rành rành)– and privately hope that others may on occasion, over certain
matters, also take the trouble to lie to them, and that they will never know.
Another trait of the diplomat is to be serene (peaceful and calm, worried by
nothing) in the face of obviously bad behaviour: a sudden loss of temper, a wild
accusation, a very mean remark. They don’t take it personally – even when they
may be the target of rage. They reach instinctively for reasonable explanations and
have clearly in their minds the better moments of a currently frantic ([c2] gần như
mất kiểm soát vì extreme emotion) but essentially loveable person. They know
themselves well enough to understand that abandonments of perspective (sự từ bỏ
cách nhìn nhận cuộc sống – ý là kiểu sự thay đổi tạm thời cách nhìn nhận cuộc
đời?) are both hugely normal and usually indicative of nothing much beyond

2
Pedagogical: ~ methods used in teaching maths/ the ~ value of rote learning
exhaustion or passing despair. They do not aggravate a febrile3 ( /ˈfiː.braɪl/ /ˈfeb.rɪl/
extremely active, too excited, imaginative, emotional) situation through self-
righteousness, which is a symptom of not knowing oneself too well – and of
having a very selective memory (the tendency to remember only what one wants
to remember: ý là cái self-righteousness kia nó thể hiện rằng mày không thực sự
hiểu bản thân và chỉ nhớ những cái muốn nhớ, quên mất rằng cái febrile situation
kia của người khác chỉ là tạm thời) The person who bangs a fist on the table or
announces extravagant opinions may simply be rather worried, frightened or just
very enthusiastic: conditions that should rightly invite sympathy rather than
disgust.
At the same time, the diplomat understands that there are moments to sidestep (to
avoid talking about a subject, esp by starting to talk about sth else) direct
engagement. They do not try to teach a lesson whenever it might first or most
apply: they wait till it has the best chance of being heard. At points, they disarm
(maka sb like you, esp unexpectedly) difficult people by reacting in unexpected
ways. In the face of a tirade (a long, angry speech expressing strong disapproval),
instead of going on the defensive (bảo vệ bản thân khỏi cái tirade, cái criticism
kia), the diplomatic person might suggest some lunch. When a harshly unfair
criticism is launched at them, they might nod in partial agreement (gật đầu hơi
đồng ý) and declare that they’ve often said such things to themselves. They give a
lot of ground away (also: give ground: to give up some of your advantage in a
conflict of competition) and avoid getting cornered in arguments that distract from
the deeper issues. They remember the presence of a better version of what might be
a somewhat unfortunate individual currently on display. The diplomat’s tone of
reasonableness is built, fundamentally, on a base of deep pessimism. They know
what the human animal is, they understand how many problems are going to beset
even a very good marriage, business, friendship or society. Their good-humoured
(friendly of in a good mood) way of greeting problems is a symptom of having
swallowed a healthy measure of sadness from the outset (the beginning). They
have given up on the ideal (a perfect thing or situation), not out of weakness but
out of a mature readiness to see compromise as a necessary requirement for getting
by (be able to live, deal with a situation with difficulty, sth is lacking) in a
radically imperfect world. The diplomat may be polite, but they are not for that
matter (in addition, besides, used to emphasize that sth else is also true) averse to
delivering bits of bad news with uncommon frankness. Too often, we seek to
3
To do sth with febrile intensity (sing, dance …)
To have a febrile imagination
preserve our image in the eyes of others by tiptoeing around the harsh decisions –
and thereby make things far worse than they need to be. We should say that we’re
leaving them, that they’re fired, that their pet project isn’t going ahead, but we
mutter (lẩm bẩm) instead that we’re a little preoccupied at the moment, that we’re
delighted by their performance and that the project is being actively discussed by
the senior team. We mistake leaving some room for hope with kindness (nhầm lẫn
giữa việc tạo hi vọng với lòng tốt). But true kindness does not mean seeming kind,
it means helping the people we are going to disappoint to adjust as best they can
to reality. (ý cả đoạn là không thật lòng góp ý là không ổn). By administering a
sharp, clean blow (an unexpected, harmful event) the diplomatic person kills off
(destroy completely) the torture of hope, accepting the frustration that’s likely to
come their way: the diplomat is kind enough to let themselves be the target of hate.
The diplomat succeeds ultimately because they are a realist; they know we are
inherently flawed, unreasonable, anxious, comedically absurd creatures who
scatter blame unfairly, misdiagnose their pains and react appallingly to criticism –
especially when it is accurate – and yet they are hopeful too of the possibilities of
progress when our disturbances4have been properly factored in (to include sth
when you are trying to understand sth) and cushioned (cái effect của disturbances
kia được giảm nhẹ bớt) with adequate reassurance, accurate interpretation and
respect. Diplomacy seeks to teach us how many good things can still be
accomplished when we make some necessary accommodations with (cái
accommodation ở đây mang nghĩa là arrangement, settlement, compromises -> ý là
chúng ta “sống chung” với, thỏa hiệp, kiểu chịu đựng) the crooked (dishonest),
sometimes touching and hugely unreliable material of human nature.

4
(a condition in which sb is not thinking or behaving normally because of mental/emotional problems
To treat emotional or mental ~s
Mental frailty or disturbance, ranging from mild confusion to Alzheimer’s disease