His Hair Was the Color of the Sunset

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/8670574.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Major Character Death
Category: M/M
Fandom: Haikyuu!!
Relationship: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Character: Hinata Shouyou, Kageyama Tobio, Ennoshita Chikara, Sawamura
Daichi, Sugawara Koushi
Additional Tags: non-canon, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, KageHina - Freeform,
Time Loop, Established Relationship, Accidents, Stay strong Tobio-
chan, Not Canon Compliant, Not Beta Read, Sorry Not Sorry, Okay yes
I am sorry, don't read if you like happy endings
Series: Part 2 of DanaiaCake’s Haikyuu Angst Fics
Stats: Published: 2016-11-27 Words: 4604

His Hair Was the Color of the Sunset

by DanaiaCake

Summary

A KageHina story nobody asked for.

Notes

My first time writing a KageHina story. Not my OTP so sorry if it sucked. I just wanted to
try it out. :D

Comments and kuddos are much appreciated!

His hair was the color of the sunset—a fiery orange with the slightest hint of gold. More often than
not, he would find himself wanting to card his hand through those vivid locks and wait until his
fingers catch fire. During the times when he did let his desire get the better of him, he realized that
the fire wasn’t really there, but there would always be a lingering warmth left in his hand.

Today, the warmth wasn’t there when he brushed the fiery locks from his boyfriend’s face. The
lack of sensation left him feeling empty, but like in any other days, he counted the seconds before
Hinata’s eyes stirred open. Kageyama took in his just-woke-up face—Hinata’s eyes were brown
and wide, his lips immediately forming into a blinding smile. It would have brought a rare smile in
his face, too, but he had seen this scene unfold before him countless of times and right now, the
beautiful smile brought nothing but a cold sense of dread.
“Good morning, Hinata.” He would say and as expected, it would make the smaller boy’s smile
brighter as he returned the greeting in that typical cheery voice, that typical inflection, only with an
addition of “Happy Birthday.” at the end. Hinata would briefly kiss him on the lips and he closed
his eyes in anticipation because he knew it was coming, in 3, 2, 1… there it was. The soft lips
brushing against his own, soft, warm and no matter how many excruciating times this happened, it
would always make his stomach flutter, his heart beat faster—it was torture.

He would have taken this to another level, would have dug his fingers into those sunset mop of
hair, pushed him down into the bed they shared last night and the other countless nights before and
just take him again, again and again until they were nothing but a mess of sweat and tangled limbs.
He could still see the fresh love marks decorating Hinata’s pale skin—small red violet bruises on
his shoulder blades and chest from last night but Kageyama thought he didn’t mind giving more.

But Hinata pulled away suddenly just as when he had pried their lips open and his tongue started
exploring the wet heat that was his mouth. And just like that, the magic stopped and he was
transported back to reality where Hinata was pushing himself up from the bed, picking up the
discarded clothes on the floor, totally ignoring his own shirt and instead, slipping into Kageyama’s
definitely bigger one.

It made a beautiful sight, the way the material of Kageyama’s black shirt fell against his small
frame, its hem reaching the top of his thighs so only the edge of his boxers were visible, the
neckline too low it showed his shoulder blades peppered with rose-colored bruises. Kageyama
frowned, “You know your shirt is just right there.” He didn’t have to look because he knew it was
on the chair by his desk where it had always been. Hinata pouted at him, “Don’t be so stingy.”

He sighed and moved to put on his clothes. He picked took the grey sweat pants by the same chair
where Hinata’s shirt was and slipped into it. He dragged himself towards his closet to grab a new
shirt but before he could, he felt Hinata’s arms snake around his waist which was something he
already knew was coming, but still made his heart skip a beat. Hinata’s hands wandered across his
chest and abdomen, tracing the slightest hints of muscles which just started developing when he
decided to do extra training after their practice.

“You look tired.” Hinata said, resting his hands at the dip of Kageyama’s abdomen, the contact
warm enough to start-up his flailing heart. Kageyama took a deep, unsteady breath and closed his
eyes before he answered, “I am tired.” Hinata blinked up at him, confused and the taller teen just
couldn’t handle it. He gave the best smile he could muster and flicked Hinata’s forehead, “You
kept me up last night, you idiot.”

Hinata rubbed on the spot and pouted at him, “Hey, we’re just the same. So stop putting the blame
on me.” Kageyama could see a flush rise on his cheeks and it was definitely adorable. Hinata
started to walk away but before he became out of reach, Kageyama took his wrist and pulled him
back. Just like before, Hinata had enough moments to gasp and squeak out a “What are—“ before
Kageyama’s lips crashed their lips together.

He placed his hand on smaller teen’s lower back and pulled him close to his bare chest, the fabric
of his shirt, the only thing separating them. Hinata, recovering from his earlier shock let his body
mold against his boyfriend’s taller and more muscular frame, reaching out to grab and hold on to
Kageyama’s neck and shoulders so the taller teen could pick him up and place him
unceremoniously on the desk.

Kageyama stood in between Hinata’s legs, prying the lips which opened for him with no resistance.
When his tongue delved inside Hinata’s mouth, his whole body quivered with the warmth—no,
more of the heat that emanated from the smaller teen. He could taste Hinata on his tongue—an
addictively sweet and warm taste that remind him of cookies and hot milk his mother always
prepares for him whenever he was having a bad day.

He closed his eyes and relished the taste of his comfort food rolled into one—trying to stop the
punishing pain already building up inside him. He wanted to remember last night, what happened,
how beautiful it must have been, but he couldn’t, because last night, all he felt was that gnawing
feeling of loneliness and despair.

He felt the need to breathe a few minutes into the kiss, but he didn’t stop. He wanted to kiss Hinata
more until his heart stopped, until both of them were consumed by the burning in their lungs
because God knows, that pain felt a lot better than the numbing pain he was feeling at that same
moment. But as with any other day, Hinata was the one to push him away. “What’s with you?”
Hinatas in between short pants and flustered face, “If we do this now, we’ll both be late for
practice.”

Kageyama wanted to tell him they didn’t have to go to practice, but he also knew Hinata would
insist on it and they would end up arguing. He didn’t want to argue today, of all days so he just
hung his head low and refused to answer. Two warm hands made their way to hold the sides of his
face and force him to look in those brown eyes, “Kageyama?”

“Nothing. I’m just really tired.” He said which was half the truth. Hinata furrowed his brows, “You
do seem extra tired.” He touched the dark circles under Kageyama’s eyes and frowned, “Are you
sure you’re not pushing yourself harder? Maybe you should stop with those trainings? I like your
body as it is.” Hinata grinned at him, obviously teasing but no matter how many times he heard the
jest, it always made his cheeks flare up, “I’m not doing the training for you, dumbass.”

He finally pushed himself away before Hinata could even add up to his embarrassment. “You can
shower first.” He said throwing a towel to his boyfriend who caught it easily. Kageyama counted
the seconds when Hinata jumped from the desk and onto the floor, his sudden movement making
the pencil case on Kageyama’s desk tumble. Kageyama watched it happen and wondered if today,
he would catch it—maybe, he shouldn’t. But before he could decide, his hand was already reaching
out to grab it from mid-air.

Hinata was staring up at him with wide, impressed eyes, “Wow. Nice catch.” Kageyama was
looking down at the blue pencil case, gripping it tightly like it personally offended him. “But then
again, you’re a genius setter so good reflex is just part of your arsenal, isn’t it?” Hinata brushed it
off before he started walking towards the bathroom.

Kageyama finally raised his eyes to watch him enter the bathroom in the exact same way he always
did these past few weeks.

---

Their captain, Ennoshita called to tell them practice was cancelled that morning because of the
snow storm predicted in the news. He also warned them not to try to sneak into the gym because it
was locked and he has the key and there was no way they could get in anyway. Hinata told him
this while he was in the shower, but he didn’t have to listen. He merely counted the minutes he was
in, before he heard Hinata’s voice outside the door.

He relaxed underneath the shower as Hinata discussed things they could do for his birthday, now
that volleyball was out of the question. He tuned him out as the warm water from the shower
cascaded down his tired body, letting yesterday’s draining emotions wash away from his body so
he could start anew. But he also knew it was impossible.
It was December 22—his birthday which was supposed to be a special day for him and for his
boyfriend, except the date itself brought nothing more but fear and hopelessness in him. It brought
forth moments he wanted to relive every single day of his life but at the same time, memories he
wished not to remember, let alone, experience over and over again.

If he could stay under the shower, he would—but the warmth of the water was only temporary
because the cold air surrounding him would always find its way to him—freezing his fevered skin,
making him remember everything—every single thing in this world is temporary.

“Ah, how about let’s go to that ramen place we saw last night on TV?” Hinata’s voice perked up
and it reached his ears even under the loud flow of water. Kageyama turned off the shower, taking
the towel off the rack and rubbing himself dry. “How about we stay in today and just order some
takeout?” He suggested although he knew it would fail—it always did, but there’s no harm in
trying, right?

He opened the door to find the familiar view of Hinata sprawled on his bed, remote on one hand as
he flipped through the channels on the television across his bed. He was wearing Kageyama’s
clothes, again, even when his own clothes were already in a little corner in the latter’s closet which
was there in the first place for times like this. “Oi, quit stealing my clothes.” He snapped, half-
heartedly rubbing his hair dry with a smaller towel he picked on his way out. Even in his ears, the
command was short on being snappy—at the very least, it sounded like a suggestion because he
always found it cute whenever Hinata wore his clothes.

Hinata ignored his question and looked at him with a pouty glare, “You know, we rarely go out.”
Which meant they rarely went out on dates. Kageyama went to his closet to find decent clothes—
which included a shirt and a new pair of sweatpants, “We just went out yesterday.” He said totally
forgetting himself and only when Hinata blinked up at him with confused look did he remember. It
was too late, “What are you talking about?” Hinata frowned, “We spent the entire day yesterday in
practice.”

Kageyama stilled because it was stupid of him to remember. He considered sitting Hinata down
and explaining but remembered the last time this happened it just wound up confusing Hinata even
more so he opted for the easiest, lousiest escape, “Ah, right, I guess I forgot.”

Hinata, as always wasn’t convinced, “Are you sure you’re not cheating on me?”

Other times he would have glared at him, denied it outright and even get mad for being accused of
something he would never do, not even in his dreams. But today, he merely sighed and gave Hinata
a bored look, “As if I’d have the time.”

“So if you did have the time, would you?” Hinata asked and Kageyama almost chuckled to himself
at how trivial this conversation had become. It would always end up this way… and yet there were
times when he tried to change things up, add and subtract some of the things they did today hoping
it would end up differently, but nothing would happen—today would end the same way, and
tomorrow, he would live through everything again.

If he had the time, would he? But he did have the time—he’s had plenty of it a few weeks ago and
probably another few weeks from now. He’s had a bottomless supply of time ever since that day
—today when it happened. He’s had plenty of chances to change things up, but fate had always
been brutal on them—on him, specifically.

He sighed and took Hinata’s hand on his cold, clammy ones—they were warm and they fit
perfectly in his, “I wouldn’t even dare.” Hinata, as always would beam at him and drop the topic
immediately because he was never really the jealous type. Not that Kageyama gave him enough
reasons to be, anyway. He wasn’t a people person, not like Hinata, anyway who gets along with
almost everyone almost immediately.

“How about some breakfast?” Hinata asked and he nodded, knowing full well that his parents had
already probably left a few hours ago for work and that breakfast for Hinata usually meant the two
of them trying to make sense of everything inside the kitchen, hoping they wouldn’t burn anything
and set the house on fire.

Today, specifically, he didn’t mind taking things slower than usual.

Breakfast included some tamagoyaki, instant noodles and rice. Kageyama took the carton of milk
from the refrigerator and sat on the chair opposite Hinata who was already picking on his food
while browsing through Kageyamas’ phone. “Daichi-san and Sugawara-san sent you their birthday
messages.” He said, “Told us to come visit them some time in Tokyo. And that we should bring
Noya-san to cheer up Asahi-san.”

Kageyama knew this conversation by heart and he hummed in response, picking up the chopsticks,
saying a little prayer and digging in. “Look, the Great King also sent his greeting.” Hinata gave
him a side-glance, knowing full well it would annoy him to know that Oikawa still remembers his
birthday. “Hinata.” He said a little annoyed, “Go eat.”

Hinata chuckled and set down the phone between them before he started eating, normally this time.
The silence between them stretched and it took a few more seconds before Hinata, as always, broke
it, “I wonder if the weather is too bad we couldn’t go out.”

Kageyama took a few more bites before he eyed Hinata cautiously. He was compelled to say that
“Yeah, it probably is.” But he wanted to do it today, too. He was tired and wanted this to just end
so he gave a non-committal shrug and said, “Maybe not as bad.”

---

“That ramen was sooo good.” Hinata exclaimed for the fifth time that day—for Kageyama who
had been through this all before, it was the hundredth, but he chose not to say anything. He didn’t
want to spoil this day so he stayed quiet, pulling his coat closer to his body, tightening the scarf
around his neck as the cold winter ravaged everything in its path that even Hinata’s warmth beside
him wasn’t enough.

And yet, the snowy wind wasn’t that strong, as reported. The snow-covered street wasn’t at all
deserted even with the storm forecast because people were lining up stores, pushing their way
through crowds for some late Christmas shopping. Kageyama didn’t really like his birthday close
to Christmas as it meant it came in one of the busiest holidays ever. He didn’t have parties as
friends would rarely have time to come. But at least, Hinata did remember and he did come—that
in itself, should have been enough of a blessing, as Hinata would say in a few minutes when they
stopped by a retail shop selling winter clothes.

“Ah, look.”Hinata said pointing inside the store to Kageyama was sure of, was a black knitted pair
of gloves, “I just found your birthday present.” He would have said no but arguing was pointless.
That glove was going to be bought and he was going to wear it.

Hinata came out of the store with the package and presented it to him, “Happy birthday, Tobio.”
Kageyama blinked up to him—okay, that one was new. Maybe, today… No. He shook off the
thought and smiled at Hinata, taking the familiar package, managing to mutter a soft Thank you
before Hinata insisted on him wearing it. He did so without protest and Hinata gave him a
quizzical look.
“What is it?” He asked as they started walking away from the store. Hinata, still looking at him
curiously, “You seem kind of docile today. I wonder why.”

Kageyama sighed. If he explained it to him right now, it wouldn’t change anything. Besides, even
he didn’t know how to explain things… It wasn’t like he didn’t before, many times and it always
ended up ugly. It took many times before he totally just gave up on the idea.

He took one of the gloves from his hand and handed it to Hinata because in many of those times,
this was his favorite moment. Hinata blinked up at him, more confused than ever. Kageyama
stared at him, memorizing his face—the orange fringes peeking from the knitted bonnet he was
wearing, his cheeks and nose bright pink from the cold and his lips dry even when he slathered it
with enough lip balm before they left. The way his face brightened the glum surroundings. The
way looking at him always made Kageyama’s heart melt in a desperate puddle of mushiness. It
was always beautiful and he’d never grow tired of this.

“Your hand is freezing.” He didn’t have to look because he knew that Hinata had forgotten his
gloves back in his room, and was trying to hide the fact by putting his hands inside his pockets but
also knew that this wasn’t enough because Hinata always hated the cold. He pulled one of Hinata’s
hands out of their concealment smirking when he saw how white and cold it has become. “See?”
He showed it to the teen as if to prove a point before rolling the glove onto it.

Hinata beamed at him, a challenging look crossing his face, “But what about my other hand?” He
chuckled, teasing but Kageyama simply took that other hand, laced their fingers together and
effectively slipped them inside his coat’s pocket. He heard the gasp of surprise from the smaller
teen. Watched as Hinata’s face flared up a bright pink even when he looked away, embarrassed.

Hinata didn’t make a move to pull his hand away which was enough for him. Yup, definitely his
favorite moment. Only…

He knew even before they saw it. As part of their town’s attraction, a small amusement park with
different rides was put up in the middle of the town center. Its main attraction was the giant Ferris
Wheel right beside the cliff, overlooking the mountains. Hinata marveled at how fun it looked and
the moment those words were out of his lips, Kageyama felt his blood froze. Hinata asked him if
they could ride it. Of course, they would. They always did.

He wondered if he should say no. He wondered if he could do something about it, this time. If
unlike the previous times, he could just tell Hinata ‘no, we’re not doing this.’ And actually mean it.
Maybe, he could drag Hinata home, just like before. Maybe, he didn’t have to do this today. But
how many more times can he live through this, again? How many more times would he live
through the same day over and over again?

Before he could make his decision, they were already walking up the steps of the next available
coach. At the very last minute, he wanted to back away, and tell Hinata they should just go home.
But the fire-haired teen was already sitting down, excitedly looking at him. The smile he was
giving him was infectious and hypnotizing and he swallowed down the lump forming in his throat
as he boarded the coach, sitting across Hinata, as the staff instructed.

The ride creaked into motion and he felt the wind on his face—as the coach, unlike the rest of the
Ferris Wheel in Japan, was open and old. His body went rigid as Hinata began pointing things
around them—the area where their school was, the hill they jogged up during the first training
camp—all those things he marveled because they were way up, now.

Kageyama just took it all in. The weather, wasn’t as bad at that moment and the setting sun was
beautiful casting a golden glow over the snow-covered mountain tops. Everything was glittery and
bright, he wanted to cover his eyes. But he didn’t because he didn’t want to miss this moment, no
matter how painful.

How long has it been? How many times has he lived through this day? As if the universe is playing
a joke on him—pushing the rewind, replay button over and over again watching him suffer every
god-forsaken moment of this day. Watching him relive the happy moments only to end here.

And he knew how to stop this. He knew perfectly well what he should do to end all this. But he
chose not to do it because he knew stopping this would only mean one thing.

They were closer to the top now and Hinata had finally stopped talking about the sceneries, and
instead was just looking at Kageyama with a knowing smile and for once, Kageyama felt that he
knew what was bound to happen. Which was impossible. “Happy birthday, Tobio.” It was the third
time he said it that day and yet he felt tears prickling his eyes. He blinked them back as soon as he
felt them threatening to fall.

Kageyama took both his hands into his cold ones. Hinata blinked up at him, confused, mouth
slightly open. Kageyama counted the moments when their coach stilled to a stop. “What’s wrong,
Kageyama?” Hinata asked.

“I love you.” He said and watched the realization brighten up Hinata’s face which immediately
blossomed into a smile. “What’s gotten into you?” he asked and Kageyama just shook his head, “I
wanted you to know. That whatever happens, I will never let you go.” Any moment now.

A strong wind carrying snow blew from the mountains and the coach they were in swayed
violently with it. He heard the creak, and the snap and suddenly, the world was tilting. Hinata
screamed as one of the chains holding them up broke free and he began slipping out of Kageyama’s
grip. On instinct, Kageyama held on, grasping the metal frame of the ride with his other hand
while his gloved hand clutched at Hinata.

The horror on Hinata’s face was something he had seen many times before, but the effect on him
had never changed even a bit. His eyes were wide, his mouth agape but no words came out, not
even a cry of despair. I will never let you go. The words were stronger now. He won’t. He never
did. He would continue holding on until his arm screamed at him, until his muscles decided they
could not hold on any longer and he would watch—as his hand ever so slowly release Hinata;
Hinata realizing, would scramble up… but would fail. And he would watch him plummet to his own
death.

But the worse is the moment after that, the cold that would envelope him, the searing pain coming
from his empty hand radiating throughout his body, ravaging every living cell until he was nothing
but a desperate crying mess. Then everything will become numb as he thought of seeing him again.
To live through that day again because he knew he had to do something—he could have done
something. Except there was nothing he could do. So he had to relive it over and over again… lose
him over and over and live through the guilt because he couldn’t face the next day knowing he
could have saved him.

“Do you trust me?” He asked and he saw the look on Hinata’s face. The fear that lived there in
Hinata’s face was too real and he found himself biting down the words as he struggled through the
decision. Hinata nodded slowly gave him a soft smile, “You have to let me go.” Kageyama blinked
at him in confusion. This has happened before, but no… never did Hinata say those words to him.
So… why?

He was tired. Too tired of losing him every single day and too afraid to move on to the next day
without him. He felt the hand in his wriggle away, he clasped onto it tighter, “What the hell are you
doing, Hinata-boke?!”

Hinata smiled, “You can’t do this forever.”

Oh, but he can. He would. “Shut up.” He said pulling Hinata up but the smaller teen was wriggling
away, “You have to stop living in this world, Tobio. You have to let me go.”

For the first time ever, Kageyama felt the hot tears flow from his eyes, the strong wind carrying
them up and away. For a long time, he has lived every single day hoping he could save him.
Hoping he could do something differently just to save him. But it didn’t matter what he does—he
would always wake up on the same day, trying to stop things from happening. It was just him
anyway—but as it turned out, Hinata knew exactly what was going on.

Maybe, he didn’t have to save him? Maybe he didn’t want to be saved?

“Why?” He demanded and Hinata merely gave him a small smile, “Because I love you.”

His hair was the color of the sunset—a fiery orange with the slightest hint of gold. More often than
not, he would find himself wanting to card his hand through those vivid locks and wait until his
fingers catch fire. During the times when he did let his instinct get the better of him, he realized
that the fire wasn’t really there, but there would always be a lingering warmth left in his hand.

“Just open your hand, and let go.”

He did.

---

“How long has he been like this?” Suga asked Ennoshita who was staring at the teen laid down on
the bed from the glassed window. The new captain shrugged, “Two weeks.”

“Didn’t the doctor say he’ll recover?” It was Daichi now who moved to grab the shaking hand of
his boyfriend. Suga looked so distressed, his lips were quivering as he watched their genius setter
with different tubes and apparatus connected in his body.

“Yeah… That…” Ennoshita’s voice trailed off, “They did say that…”

The three of them looked at each other because they both knew the question lingering in the air:
“How would we explain to him that Hinata is…” It had been two weeks since they heard about the
accident, going back to Miyagi, the day right after the news broke. Two students from Karasuno
High School plummets to their death in a freak accident. Except the news was wrong because only
one didn’t survive.

+++

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