18 sex jokes (not suitable for kids below 18)

1.  A 95 yr old mas sucks his 90 year old wife's breast for half an hour and drinks 2 drops of milk. 
POSTMORTEM REPORT - death due to drinking milk after EXPIRY DATE!!

2.  Husband reading a book on bed with wife beside.  His finger went to tease wife's pussy.  Wife
start to strip hersel and ask.  "You want sex"? Husband answer "No, i just want to wet my finger
to turn the page"!!!

3.  Rooster and cat going over bridge.  Cat slips & falls into river.  Rooster cant stop
laughing.------> the moral of the story?  Whenever there's wet pussy, there's a happy cock. 

4.  There are 3 male and 1 female pencils in a box.  The female pencil gets pregnant!!!  Which
Male pencil is responsible?  THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.

5.  Girls reaction to penis sizes:  9":  "oh shit, pain!",  7":  "Oh yes, shiok!",  6":  "Ohhh, Perfect!", 
4":  "Push more!", 3":  "Is it in?"  2":  "Idiot just use your tongue" (find the sequence)

6.  Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings!  She said, "YES., OK, BYE."  She
turns to her lover and says, "THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU".

7.  There are 3 roosters:  One normal, one, retarded and one gay.  Normal:  "Cock-a-doodle-
doo!",  Retarded:  "Doodle-cock-a-dooo!",  Gay:  "Any-cock-will-doooo!!!!"

8.  What's the mos difficult GOLF COURSE in this world?  Answer:  INTER COURSE.  No matter
how many strokes or what style you play, your balls will never go in!!!!

 
9.  FACT:  Women can get a 2inch wide penis into a 1.5 inch vagina in pitch dark,  but cant ge a
fucking 15 feet car into a 40ft parking space in broad daylight!!!

10.  Teacher:  Which part of the body goes to heaven first?  A kid named Johny replies:  "The
LEGS!, because every night i see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD!, IM
COMING...."

11.  COCK says to his two BALLS:  "I am going to take you with me to party."  The BALLS say:
"You fucking liar!! You alwasy get INSIDE and leave us waiting OUTSIDE!!!!"

12.  3 Guys were introduced to a girl.  "Hi... I'm Peter, not a Saint."  ,  "Im Paul, not a Pope.",  "Im
John, not a Baptist...."  The girl replied.... "Hi Im Mary, Not a VIRGIN."  (sorry if your are a
christian)

13.  Q:  Why do men have pubic hair?  A:  A nest for their bird.....

       Q:  Why do women have pubic hair?  A:  A resting place for the coming bird!!!!!

14.  What does it mean when a girl offers PEPSI to a guy?

P: please    E: enter    P: penis    S: slowly    I: inside

15.  Girlfriends are like appetizers - Taste good anytime.  Mistresses are like tomyam - Hot and
Spicy.  Eaten frequently.  WIVES are like maggi mee - To be eaten when there's nothing to
eat !!!! aray ko!

16.  The income tax office asked a prostitute why she put her occupation as CHICKEN
FARMER.  She replied, "I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR!!!!"
 

17.  A girl who opens her hand receives gifts.  A girl who opens her heart receives love.  But
when a girl opens her legs, she receives happiness.

18.  Yesterday's news:  A nun jogging at Joggers' Park was raped by 4 guys.  Todays news: 
Nearly 100 nuns found jogging at the same park!!!!