Essay Feedback Report

Name: Wasim Ahmed

By: Sir Amanullah Gondal (FSP)

Category Comments Improvements Needed Status

Essay Topic The crisis of good governance in Pakistan

Thesis Statement Thesis statement is relevant Try to keep the thesis short and Satisfactory
but detailed. compact.

Outline 1. Outline is good, long 1. OUTLINE heading is missing. Satisfactory

enough and has Underline all the headings for
reasonable ideas.
better presentation.
2. Formatting of outline needs
improvement.

Introduction 1. Introduction has fine 1. One and a half page of Satisfactory

structure and language.
introduction will be sufficient.
2. But it is too long.

Logical Sequence Outline has reasonable logical Always write a proper concluding Poor
order but paragraphs are not sentence when every para ends
connected with each other. so that it is connected to the next
para.

Body Paragraphs 1. Paragraphs are okay with 1. Improve your presentation, 1. Satisfactory
good length.
and handwriting.

2. Facts are not highlighted 2. Highlight important facts in

and connectivity is also body paras.

missing. 3. Work on connectivity of the

paras.

Conclusion 1. The structure of conclusion 1. one page of conclusion is Good

is good but it is somehow enough.
long.

Grammar/ There are no serious issues of Keep it up. Good

Expressions grammar and language used in
the essay looks adequate.

Content Quality Content quality is fine but keep reading so that content is Satisfactory
should be improved in next better and your essay looks
essays. mature.

Presentation Presentation is somehow Work on presentation to make Satisfactory

below par and facts are not your essay look better.
highlighted as advised.

Final Remarks: It is a very good and sincere effort on your part. Structure looks to be okay with
reasonable content and adequate language. Still, there are some issues which must
be resolved. Good luck!
Category Comments Improvements Needed Status

Red Areas Work on these issues:

1. Long thesis statement

2. Outline formatting

3. Too long introduction

4. Connectivity problem in paras

5. Conclusion improvement

6. Handwriting and presentation