Ero Level Z acting: Grade 4 Duologue rade 4 Duologue iim CAROL their siste dressing j CAROL: the false w HAZEL: (1 CAROL: W, pen) Look HAZEL: (iy both, like I this one. ( Fishes out CAROL: (4; Hazel. Kay a first oh adores char She's rather something, (HAZEL has and now has) row turns ard HAZEL: (In a CAROL: (wit Hazel, at re Time and the Conways ‘A Christmas Truce Merlin and the Woods of Time The Play of the Royal Astrologers The Forgetful Chef Autumn of '39 wags his hea no good, Do HAZEL: (In he only seen him (Alan, their bro (na fantastic ¢ (Alan says that agrees)ETRY ery GAROL and HAZEL are ata partyin ther home, celebrating say St Keren. Thoy ene meee Je shes ptr care Earns GAROL: (Gasping but triumphant) te found = the box ~ with afl the alee whiskers and thing de 4 Duologue MAZEL: (Triumphant) knew it hadn't boon thrown away. dare to throw it away. (Holds it cut, with ig open) Look! (HAZEL makes a grab at) Deon snatch! — HAZEL: (Nox idiot? (They Fp lke cite, eagery explore the cones of the box) Bags _ this one. (She fishes out a ‘large moustache) Ooo ~ and this, _ (Fishes out very bulbous fasa voce) a FAROL: (Unselshi Alright, but don't take al the good onos iogers _ [azel Kay and Madge wil want some: tthe: Kay ought to have Met choice. Alter al i's hor birthday” ak you know how she adores charades. Mother won't want any of these because - she'd rather look grand, Something. What aro you di wouldn't she? Spanish or Russian or ioing? HAZEL: (in a deop voice) ‘Good n CAROL: (With Hazel, at th morning, good morning. @ scream of delight HAZEL: (In her ordinary voice, only seen him about twice. Ine, incongruous) | couldn't, Carol. ver go to the paper shop, (Alan, their brother, enters the room) (in a fantastic deep voice) 4 hat te Lloyd George,Ses CAROL: Not the least litle bit. He says. (In an educated voice) ‘Ml tellyou what itis ~ Mish Conway ~ that there Lloyd George = they're going to be shorry thoy ever put "im where they did ~ shee?" | think I ought to be an actress. They said at school | was the best Shylock they'd ever had! HAZEL: (Taking off the nose and moustache) You can have these if you tke Carol. CAROL: (Taking them) Are you sure you don’t want thom? | don't think you ought to dress up as a silly man because youre 60 pretty. Pethaps | could wear these and do Mr Pennyman. Couldn't we bring him into the third syllable somehow? Instead of 2 general. | think we've had enough generals! (Alan suggests that Kay should play Mr Pennyman and returns to the Party) HAZEL: Kay ought to be hore now, planning everything. And just wat tl Mother starts dressing up. Sho makes more mess than anybody. Look at these! Could you believe people ever wore such ridiculous things! CAROL: | can just remember Mother in that, can't you? HAZEL:Of course | can, infant! CAROL: (iMore soberly, looking at a man's old-fashioned coat) That was Daddy's, wasn't it? HAZEL: Yes. | believe he wore it~ thal very holiday. CAROL: Perhaps we ought to put it away. HAZEL: | don't think Mother would mind ~ now. CAROL: Yes she would, And I know I would. | don't want anybody to dress up and be funny in the coat father wore just before ha was drowned, (She has now folded the coat, and puts it on the window-seat. Then, as she returns) | wonder itis very horrible being drowned. HAZEL: (Impatienty) Oh, don't start that all over again, Carol Dor't you remember how you used to go on asking that ~ until Mother was furious. You're not a kid any longer, just stop it, CAROL: Yes — but | was only a kid then. HAZEL: Well, now that you think you aren't a kid any longer, just stop it CAROL a ar howto he HAZEL: Oh stop j Stop | 0 you do this i BY 1B. Presays... (In an educated voice) ay ~ that there Lloyd George ver put ‘im where they did = oss. They said at school | was moustache) You can have these re you don't want them? | a silly man because you're ss@ and do Mr Pennyman. 1 syllable somehow? Instead of 1 generals! ty Mr Pennyman and returns to , planning everything, And just She makes more mess than believe people ever wore such er in that, can't you? a man's old-fashioned coat) that very holiday. it away. mind ~ now. wl would. {don't want anybody at father wore just before he d the coat, and puts it on the ) wonder if it's very horrible ut that all over again, Carol Ito go on asking that ~ until d any longer, just stop it then. ou aren't a kid any longer, just CAROL: Itwas the coat that made m to be talking and laughing and al ol ‘and then, only half an hour atterwardh horrible. It soomed awfully quik to in the water, it may remember. You see, Hazel, ly, st the same as usual ~ ls to be drowned i's so is ~ but perhaps to hi have takon ages "PS 10 im hero HAZEL: Oh stop it, Car Fol Just when we're hay 0 you do this? Fin not ret fee aving some fun. Why listening, Pm not listening By J.B. Priestley GotsWILL and DAN have become lost on a mountain they are climbing. They have to decide whether to go back down or shelter. find WILL: Dan. Dar. DAN: What? WILL: This isn’t the way. (DAN ignores him) Dan. (OAN ignores him) Will you listen to me? DANE I'm in rhythm. WILL: DAN. Stop. (DAN stops) ‘Something's wrong. DAN: What do you mean? (Pause) ‘What de you mean, Will? WILL: just want to stop for a minute okay? DAN: It's. t's all going to plan Wei fine WILL | just need to ~ Focus for a minuto (Silence) DAN: How long is this little existential crisis going to last? WILL: Can you just give me a second here? (Pause) aa Uoel ab Dizzy, DAN: 01 Drink sor Go on, WILL: DAN: Co You'l feo WILL: No DAN: Lis U think the We've go We have j Like we tal Okay? (Silence) You know WILL: We! DAN: We We haven’ WILL: Som DAN: Just WILL: haw DAN: Well Well that’s A fooling, (Pause) WILL: Okay "ve decided‘on a mountain they are ether to go back down or find ores him) te okay? ial crisis going to last? nd here? I feel a bit ~ Dizzy, DAN: Okay. Drink some water, Go on, WILL: I don't foe! tke it DAN: Come on, You'l fee! better for abit of water WILL: No, DAN: Listen, think there's going to be a white-out We've got to keep moving, We have to get to that bit of shelter up ahead, Like we talked about Okay? (Silence) We're too exposed here. You know that WILL: We've gone wrong, DAN: Wo ~ We haven't, WILL: Something isn't right DAN: Just have some water WILL: | have @ bad foeling DAN: Well ~ Well that's allt, A feeling (Pause) WILL: Okay, We decided, GrrrWILL: We're going back down, DAN: Don't be stupid. WILL: We've got to get back to where we frst went wrong. DAN: We haven't gone wrong, WILL; I'm going back down even if you're not, DAN: Will. No. WILL: 'm telling you something's wrong. DAN: Yes. ‘Something is wrong. With you, WILL: With me? DAN: You're not fit enough. WILL: Excuse me? DAN: You didn't take it seriously. ‘And now look at you. WILL: You're not hearing me. DAN: knew this would happen. WILL: Listen to me. DAN: | knew it! WILL: LISTEN to me. ‘We have gone vory very wrong. ‘And we are going to die if we don't tun round, ‘And go back down. Now. (Pause) Where are you going? DAN: I'm not listening to this. WILL: Dan, a DAN: The ¢ discussing WILL: You DAN; Yeah (Silence) WILL: Give DAN: Otay, Good (Wt start What What ae yo WL Liste We neod to DAN: Wat Me Aro you? DAN: it - Itdoesn't ma We can just You cant int WILL: Sto DAN: Noi i What? WILL: Dit Bum you ou Buti’ notin (He continue, DAN: You'e Youre a oyeshere we first wont wrong, if you're not wrong, It tun round, DAN: The only thing that’s g. discussing the meaning of ite WILL: You'o a cold man aren't you? DAN: Yeah well il wasn't you'd be dead (Silence) WILL: Give me the water, DAN: Okay. Good, (WILL starts tipping the water away) What... What are you doing? WILL: Listen to me, Dan ‘We need to go back down, DAN: What are you doing? WILL: Are you going to listen to me? Are you? DAN: it~ It doesn't matter We can just melt some more snow. You can't intimidate mo, WILL: Stove's on its last logs, DAN: No it isn't What? WILL: Didn't want to tell you, Bum you out, But i's notin the best shape, ‘(He continues pouring away the water) DAN: You're a liability, you know that? You're a psycho, arsWILL: We're going back down ‘Okay, Dan? That's what we're going to do. DAN: You wouldn't really. You wouldn't (WILL tts the ask at a more extreme angle. Water gushes out) You've actully gone crazy. WILL: Not much fet now, Dan. So are we going down or what? DAN: I~ (WILL turns the flask completely upside down) Okay! Okay. ‘Whatever you say. ‘Whatever you think is best, Wil Tmnfstening. WILL: Good. By Elinor Cook SILAS | 16th bin them by Manites not wan siLas:, CHLOE Chios, cHLoE, siLas: CHLOE: SILAS:| CHLOE: SILAS: cHLoE: SILAS: | CHLOE: SILAS: CHLOE: SILAS: CHLOE: SILAS:\ Chloe. I don't w CHLOE: SILAS:1 CHLOE: sitas:! I don't wame angle, Water gushes out) side down) The Beauty Manifesto SILAS and CHLOE tive in a wor her bitilay by having cosmetic surgery ight given to an by the Beauly Manifesto. However Sie thinks the Beauty Manitesio makes teenagers unhappy abot at bodies and does (ot want the surgery. He tes to comince Chloe or the same, SILAS: (SILAS wates, stand, looks around him. He tops CLLOE, who wakes. They move away rom tr sleeping people) Chloe. I want to talk to you CHLOE: Shhh, You'l wake them. SILAS: | don't care, CHLOE: You noed to got up earl, You need some sleep. SILAS: dont want to sleep CHLOE: do SILAS: You don’, CHLOE: Pteaso stop taking SILAS: Why do you keep tying to stop me talking? CHLOE: You know wry, SILAS: Because you'o scared you' iten, CHLOE: Liston to what? You saying you don't want to sleep? SILAS: No, You're scared Il say ‘Something you agree with, CHLOE! | don't know what you're talking about, SILAS: You do, Chloe, "don't want the surgery CHLOE: You can’t say that, SILAS: | can, Chloe. | don't want CHLOE: Shhh SILAS: I can say it as loud as IH the surgery. ke. !don't want the surgory ' don't want the surgeryCHLOE: Stop it I's for your own good. It" make you successful SILAS: I don't want to be successful. | want to be happy. CHLOE: Happy? SILAS: Yos. You think you have no choice, don't you? You do. We ate fro0 to say no. CHLOE: But | don't want to be difforent, SILAS: Your dad did the operation on your sister. CHLOE: OF course he did SILAS: And hell do yours. CHLOE: Yes. SILAS: And ho did your mum? CHLOE: She's really boauliful SILAS: In which way? CHLOE: She's perfect. Hor face, She doesn! "8 Look like me, SILAS: What do you think you look ike? CHLOE: I'm ugly. SILAS: Who told you? CHLOE: Everyone. Look at this fat here. SILAS: You dor't have fat there. CHLOE: My nose is too big. SILAS: You can stil breathe through it CHLOE: Don't be stupid, SILAS: My mum hasn't had surgery CHLOE: Really? SILAS: She hasa’t had anything, CHLOE: Do people stare at her? SILAS: Of course. CHLOE: She's brave. SILAS: She's happy. CHLOE: | don't SILAS: Because CHLOE: I haven’, SILAS: Only booq whan no one had CHLOE: When CHLOE: But ovey Chloe. CHLOE: What? | SILAS: Tl go CHLOE: Thorn trying to get me to (They are silent for. CHLOE: You toon SILAS: have them (Silent again, thon, {have this one, | was young and in ‘ in my bedroom ina A noise, | turned on wings against the Tot it go, and its win ithad gone, She : had done that all by CHLOE: Stop. (She moves quickly‘od, I'l make you successful CHLOE: | don't know how she can bo, L Ianto bohspey. SILAS: Because she did what she wanted, CHLOE: | haven't heard of anyone doing that SILAS! Only bocause of how your family lve, There was a time ‘when no one had it, thoice, don't you? You do. We : CHLOE: When they were all uly SILAS: | don't think they were, yn your sister, CHLOE: But everyone says they wore siuas Chioe, CHLOE: What? SILAS: Tellme something about you CHLOE: There's nothing to say. Stop it Stop talking. Stop trying to got me to talk, hat doesn't mean they were e doesn't look like me. 'eY are silent for a moment eo? (hey are silent for a momen) SILAS: Tell me a secret, CHLOE: You know we can't have secrets, ‘SILAS: | have ther tm. Have small secrets. Have things ! think and do, (Silent again, then...) "have this one, it i\ra® young and inthe garden and I found a Caterpillar. | put it ‘ity bedroom in a box with neting ovor it One night | heard Wings against the net. | woke my mum an lett go, and its Chios CHLOE: Stop, (She moves quicky. SILAS grabs her)CHLOE: Get off. Stop it SILAS: No. I know you're different, CHLOE: You have to stop. Don't aay anything else. Pt SILAS: Nothing? CHLOE: Nothing. (They are silent for a moment, ther.) SILAS: | am unacéeptable, All beauty hurts but nothing hurts as much as an unacceptable body. My difference needs to be eracicated. { need to be the same as al the othors. is that botter? i6 it? (He steps back and curls upto sleep with the birthday peopla) By Nell Leyshon Hor Von dresser ha baked Gn soothe his ove cress jars ond Cautiously 4 Gingerovea ouread ewacnes O10 TEA amcenan Own Tea incensn ow reaa cINGERER OLD TEA Bs iNceReRt OLD TEA What did you GINGERBRE bi, OLD TEA BA GINGERBRE OLD TEA BA delighted he's every hour of | perhaps | can GINGERBRE OLD TEA BA\ Clear off, (Toent. 't say anything else. Please, then...) beauty hurts but nothing hurts as icated. others. sleep withthe birthday people) The Gingerbread Man Herr Von Cuckoo, who fives in the cuckoo-clock by the dresser, has lost his kitchen majce and cannot cuckoo the tine. Newly baked GINGERBRE) are a row of herb 2218 avd a teapot, the home of OLD TEA BAG Gingerbread Ginger, approaches. Suddenly Old Tea Beg pops out, making Gingerbroad jump, OLD TEA BAG: You're trespassing. GINGERBREAD: But OLD TEA BAG: This is my shelf, GINGERBREAD: But this is an omes OLD TEA BAG: What about him? GINGERBREAD: He's lost his voice. rgency. Herr Von Cuckoo, OLD TEA BAG: You mean he can' cuckoo"? GINGERBREAD; Yes. | moan no, OLD TEA BAG: (With a sudden cache) Ha, ha, ha GINGERBREAD: So | though, RO TEA BAG: (With a sudden change back to sharpness) What did you think? GINGERBREAD: | thought Id got him some honey. It might help him, OLD TEA BAG: You thought wrong GINGERBREAD: You mean hone OLD TEA BAG: mean you're not delighted he's lost his voice. I ¥Y Won't help him? : Good riddance. And good ri Crear off (To the aucionce) And you can cle iddance to you, too. ar off too. All of you.GINGERBREAD: What have they done? OLD TEA BAG: Thoy don't ike me GINGERBREAD: How do you know? OLD TEA BAG: Nobody likes me. 'm all alone. All the other tea bags in my packet were used up ages ago. The Big Ones missed me and | hid in the teapot. No-one ever visits mo. GINGERBREAD: Well, it's not easy getting here, OLD TEA BAG: I's not easy living here GINGERBREAD: Ave you lonely? OLD TEA BAG: | never said that. GINGERBREAD: Ibe your friend, if you lke OLD TEA BAG: Hui, Bribery. Get round me. Let's be friends. ‘Then I give you the honey. Whoosh, down. Never see you again. GINGERBREAD: I don't think you want a friend, OLD TEA BAG: | never said that. 'm quite enjoying a bit of company. GINGERBREAD: Good. (Indicating the honey) Then will you let me take some. OLD TEA BAG: (Interrupting) Il ell your fortune for you, if you tke, GINGERBREAD: Will you? How? OLD TEA BAG: Tea leaves have always had magic fortune-teling properties. They send massages through my perforations. Show me your hand, GINGERBREAD: Well. OLD TEA BAG: Come along, Don't be shy. (Nervously, GINGERBREAD holds out a hand. OLD TEA BAG grabs it and [ooks at it ith intense concentration) By David Wood CLAUDIA i mucking ou standing w CLaubia: | Hook tks on (PRISON 0 CLAUDIA: ( (No reply ra Seeing as wf well mako th PRISON OFF perform CLAUDIA: have @ favour Raber, Or you, them bei the one white! al wel st problans and ry request, Ute offer governor, woul PRISON OFFI wit | CLauoiA: Th PRISON OFFI CLAUDIA: PRISON OFFI would have tho menial suroun government. W criminal Ju CLAUDIA: Sory dono? ow? I'm allalone. All the other tea ages ago. The Big Ones missed over vite mo isy gatting here. ghere. d, if you like. t round me. Let's be friends. fh, down, Never see you again, {want a friend. I'm quite enjoying a bit of ng the honey) Then wil you let ell your fortune for you, if you Iways had magic fortune-telling hrough my perforations. Show ‘tbe shy. is out a hand, OLD TEA BAG e concentration) a ‘A Rock in Water CLAUDIA isin a piggery within a prison, She hag ust finished mucking out and speaks to the PRIS Standing watch over her Ein CLAUDIA: | smell ike a ook like one? (PRISON OFFICER makes no repy) CLAUDIA: (Honks like 9, (Touches her side) foal ke a ig, Do @ pig) think that's (No reply rom the PRISON OFFICER) Seeing as we've both by well make the most of it itfor today, don't you? "Pon relegated to the piggery we might as Tans 10° 00d either. However, despite Craton at: they won't let harhave the medieaite: she so needs, Liston officer, ou wouldn't consider having e word with the ‘Severer, Would you, and telling her that. PRISON OFFICER: Don't think I can't see through you number 4711. CLAUDIA: There's nothing to see through, PRISON OFFICER: I'm sick of your posos, CLAUDIA: | gave up acting long ago PRISON OFFICER: The martyr,PRISON OFFICER: Crimes of passion. CLAUDIA: salute your philanthropy, but wasn't mine a crime of passion? PRISON OFFICER: As always you romanticize yoursel CLAUDIA: And which particular grudge of yours are we re-enacting today? PRISON OFFICER: You're supposed to show respect to an officer. CLAUDIA: Why is it that you never look me in the eye? PRISON OFFICER: Got on with your work CLAUDIA: Are you afraid that having so much in common we ‘might just find that we like each other? PRISON OFFICER: We have nothing in common, CLAUDIA: Except for the fact that we both happen to be negro, that we're both fernale. PRISON OFFICER: I chose to work here. CLAUDIA: Really? You gained a college degree. PRISON OFFICER: How did you know that? CLAUDIA: And chose to work among our porcine friends? I must say that's very noble of you. PRISON OFFICER: You have been incarcerated for a heinous crime. | will not stain myselt CLAUDIA: You already have. indicates) The hem of your skirt. (PRISON OFFICER hesitantly looks down, Sees nothing) PRISON OFFICER: Im warming you CLAUDIA: At the back PRISON OFFICER: (PRISON OFFICER dosn't trust CLAUDIA but looks behind herself anyway. Brushing her skirt with her gloves hand) Damned filthy animals. CLAUDIA: I don’t know. I've found working amongst the pigs most beneficial. | suppose this is how one gains humility t's no accident thatthe prodigal son had to eat swill and lve in pig shit bofore he was allowed the delicious ecstasy of fatted oalt (Prise Proper Hore, te PRISO} guard a those th CLaup| 885 a pri PRISON decided! at bay. ctaupy PRISON time. The litle boy, or CLAUDIA piggery ya PRISON ( CLAUDIA on s0 well PRISON ¢ CLAUDIA: PRISON 0 prisoner, CLAUDIA: PRISON O CLAUDIA:| PRISON o| ‘evolutionarwasa't mine a crime of nticize yourself. of yours are we show respect to an ne in the eye? rk. much in common we ith happen to be negro, dogree, hat? i porcine friends? I must ‘cerated for a heinous The hem of your skirt, wn, Sees nothing) 2 doesn't trust CLAUDIA ing her skirt with her ag amongst the pigs gains humility. k's no ‘swill and lve in pig shit tasy of fatted calf (PRISON OFFICER can't reach behind to remove the stain Property) Here, let me help you. (CLAUDIA wipes at skirt with a cloth) PRISON OFFICER: (Not quite sure, now that she's let down her Fore ait of how to act) Thank you. (Sight pause) Better tidy those things away and got washed up. i's almost dinner inn SLAUDIA: (Tying things away) You didn't goto college to work 48a prison officer in a piggery. ERISON OFFICER: After months of looking for an opening, | Clecided to take the best that was on offer, just fo keop the wolves at bay. m still looking for a post, CLAUDIA: Lite doos strange things to our dreams, doosn't it? PRISON OFFICER: I'l get a teaching post. I's just a matter of fits et” 1 $876 up andl buy acar and take Daniel, that's my little boy. CLAUDIA: You havo a child? PRISON OFFICER: For chives on Sunday afternoons, CLAUDIA; Imagine that. never saw you as a mother, PRISON OFFICER: it would bo good to foe! human again. What? CLAUDIA: just said that irom the evidence I've seen in this Piggery you must be a wonderful mother, PRISON OFFICER: That's enough 11711 CLAUDIA: Uh huh | blew it, And just as we were. beginning to got on 80 well PRISON OFFICER: | caid that that was enough, CLAUDIA: Do tho other ofcors sil refuse to eat with you? PRISON OFFICER: | will not discuss official matters with a prisoner. CLAUDIA: I they do, you should do something about it, PRISON OFFICER: Like what? CLAUDIA: Stand up to them. You have a tight to, PRISON OFFICER: Life moans so litle to you so called ‘*volutonarios that you can afford to abuse it It's what you call‘courage. She was a brave woman they'l say when they look back, but a woman like me has to take life seriously, [have a child who depends on me, he needs to be fed and clothed. I can't afford to be brave. CLAUDIA: | don't know that you're not more courageous than me, ator all By Winsome Pinnock tig We: Ger bee hhoay Wer (No Hl Josi (Asi “Ul, WERI Jost WER oa (No v Come (Wo r Come WERN Josul WERN (Both trench Josul WERN Josul WERNI1eyll say when they look back, i ‘A Christmas Truce seriously. ! have a child who and clothed. | can't afford to tice 7 Christmas Eve 1914 in No Man's Land on the Gfestom Front. Across the empty space of No Mans Land, a Fatman voice shouts, sounding far away to start woh ar then jacoming nearer. tis WERNER, a German private sone, Heis ‘heard by JOSLING, an English private sofdieg jot more courageous than me, WERNER: (Distant) Hull, Tommy, (No response) Hullo, Tommy. JOSLING: (Shouting) ‘Uli, Fritz (A silence) ‘Ul, Fritz WERNER: Why you English not come out? JOSLING: Why don't you? WERNER: If come out, | get shot. JOSLING: No, you won't, (No response) Come on, Fritz, (No reply) Come and got some cigarettes, WERNER: Nein. You come halfway and Ii moet you, 2OSLING: Stop your folows shooting andl think about it WERNER: If you stop yours, (Beth voices are heard shouting back into ther respective trenches) JOSLING: Lay off shooting up there. WERNER: Hort auf zu schiessen, da oben, JOSLING: Calling again. Fritz, WERNER: | listen, Tommy,JOSLING: If come out, promise you wor't shoot me. WERNER: Promise. JOSLING: On the Bible. WERNER: That right. JOSLING: Say it then. WERNER: Say what? JOSLING:| promise on the Bible. WERNER: That right. JOSLING: That's not saying it. WERNER: | promise. JOSLING: On the Bible. WERNER: On the Bible. JOSLING: And that goes forall the other Fritzes, | ‘ope. WERNER: | not understand, JOSLING: Il come out, | don't want no-one shooting at me. You nor nobody else, nether, get me? WERNER: You not speak the English thet | learn at school. (Laughter from the German tienches) JOSLING: You're funny, ain't yer? WERNER: Allright, Tommy. We not shoot you...n0-0ne of us JOSLING: Allright. And God lp you if you do. WERNER: And you not shoot, ike we not shoot JOSLING: We not shoot. WERNER: Promise. JOSLING: Promise WERNER: On the Bible. (More German laughter) JOSLING: On the Bible. WERNER: Goot.jon't shoot me. ter Fritzes, | ope. o-one shooting at me. You hat | learn at school oot you...n0-one of us. i you do. not shoot. JOSLING: Allright, 'm starting now. WERNER: You only? JOSLING: Yes, me only, What about you? WERNER: To start...yes. Mo oniy, | JOSLING: Allright (Lieutenant Wilson, JOSLING's officer, is heard speaking, of stage. Thero's a pause) Hold it ust a second, # I not understand...hold what? WERNER: Ja JOSLING: Good. He wants to know if yours is with you WERNER: Ja JOSLING: And he's not against it? WERNER: Ho is for it JOSLING: Great. So's mine. Right, off we go. (There is silence. Then, after @ while, JOSLING appears from through the wire. He moves upstage and stops looking upstage, THERNER anpoars upstage, walks towards hs enemy and steps They stand looking at one another fora long tine) Tom Josiing WERNER: Bornhard Wemer JOSLING: ‘Ut WERNER: Hullo By William Douglas: Home(Weiinrir kc WATERCUP, a water-carrier, lives in King Arthur's England. Watercup and his sister, Lily, are travelling through the woods when they meet the Lady ELAINE. Watercup tries to impress Lady Elaine but she is in a hurry, as she is on the way fo see the Knights of Camelot joust for the Champion's Shield. ELAINE: | have no time for this! {1am bound for the Chapol of Sir Groevanor, hard by which Chapel ! shall see the Knights of Camelot contest the Champion's Shield! And there, my dreams inform me, will my true love be triumphant WATERCUP: | ~ too am bound for the Chapel of ~ that place you said, | too shall enter the glorious Lists for the glory of ~ my cause. ELAINE: What cause is that then? WATERCUP: A noble cause! | shall mount my steed ~ ELAINE: Where's he then? WATERCUP: Ho, um —feodeth in the forest ELAINE: You're not a Knight ‘You look lke the weedy boy who makes the shoes for the weedy man who stoops to take the heel of the weediest Knight to mount his weedy horse. By which | mean you're nobody. WATERCUP: I'm nobody you know. ELAINE: | know the names ofall the gallant Knights, What's your narne? WATERCUP: My namie? ELAINE: Sir Nobody. WATERCUP: No, no ~ ELAINE: Sir Bootsole. WATERCUP: No! ELAINE: Sit Wige-the-Stable Clean, WATERCUP: | am the Knight ~ the Knight ofthe Tree. a ELAINE: WATERCI ELAINE: What, do WATERC| ELAINE: WATERCL hills andl butterfies, ELAINE: Y WATERCU From the e ant or cart ELAINE: waTeRCU ELAINE: § WaTERCUI ELAINE: What's nom Has some Youhave n Ws all soa Hoave you and your no bid you goo (ELAINE to WATERCUF So is the se Can ever vo Good day - by other load19 Arthur's England. ng through the woods tercup tries to impress @ is on the way to see the pion’s Shield, anor, hard by which jot contest the Champion's e, will my true love be Chapel of ~ that place you for the glory of ~ my cause. unt my steed — ‘the shoes for the weedy weediest Knight to mount @ nobody. llant Knights. What's your jhtof..the Tree. ELAINE: The Knight of the Tree. Which tree. WATERCUP: That one, ELAINE: That one. What, do you lve in that tree? WATERCUP: I pledge allogiance to it ELAINE: You pledge allegiance to that tree? WATERCUP: To the tree, the wood, hills and dales, the winter mist, tho buttertes, the, er, the badgers, , 20 all things in nature, the summer skies, the birds, bees, ELAINE: You plodgo allegiance to the badgors? WATERCUP: All things! From the eagle lofty on his ~ ant or earthivorm, ELAINE: Eouw, lofty bough, down to the meanest WATERCUP: | am the Knight of All Things God Made. ELAINE: So you could fnd a Lady to be Knight of WATERCUP: No, Well not til now. ELAINE: Not til now? What's now got that back then didn't have? Ha® something stopped the world while we werent looking? You have no Lady, and you are no Knight 1S. 90 edits funny, then in fact so funny it's sad again, Well [leave You, trol and your ginger cat you turned nn, ginger fool, bia our Noble steed invaibe, and your best tionde he weeds, | bid you good day, (ELAINE leaves. WATERCUP is enthraled) WATERCUP: Good day...good day,. ‘So is the sun a firefly So is the soa a teardrop. Good day? Can ever voice have undorstated so? Seed day ~ the day against which all ny days are leaves that fall, by other leaves concealed!(Lily interrupts him) Good day ~ the ~ what do you mean? (Lily says to go after ELAINE) Go alter her! OF course! Follow my heavt! (0 sister, in your simple way, you too point me to my destiny! A good day? : {A day that lasts for good, that lasts forever! To the Chapel of Si Groevanot (WATERCUP strides off aiter ELAINE. Lily follows with all thir things) By Glyn Maxwell The CHANCEL| Patce. Thee dieuss pic Emporr hae robbery, { (re chance Eupenon ee respective i dow cach ea bey wo bur EMPEROR: (ry, EnPEROR pa won dr ee and about at hide and seek bef CHANCELLOR: thousand pole Indeed, | too havel EMPEROR: And Wtoayoyo. Your ChanceLioR: 4 Mls EMPEROR: And very well hate conta your oma CHANCELLOR: EMPEROR: You di are going to lose it throat) | CHANCELLOR: your Majesty. | EMPEROR: Then it to do without having ‘countryside lookingat nt me to my destiny! A ver! To the Chapel of Sir Lily follows with all their ee phe CHANCELLOR works forthe EMPEROR in the Royal alaco. The Chancellor has been looking for dhe Emperor to cuss a play thal they are showing at the palace neki, Emperor has been looking for the Chancellor o tie a robbery. (The CHANCELLOR emers Stag ¢ Loft At the same time the EMPEROR enters Stage Right, They are both peering into the EMPEROR: (Turns around and spots the CHANCELLOR, the EMPEROR speaks loudly) Well t won't do, Chancellor! i just ane ol Here am | searching high and low, up and down, round nd about, all over the kingdom for you... and hove {YOU are playing hide and seok behind my backin tant ofmy nece POANCELLOR: (n agitation, bowing low many tines) A th wusand apologies, Majesty. A thousand, thoceard. apologies, Indeed, | 100 have beon looking for you EMPEROR: And for goodness sake stop bobbing up and down like a yo-yo. You make me feel quite il CHANCELLOR: Majesty, EMPEROR: And stop caling out numbers, Chancellor! You know cori rite numbers. Realy, Chancellor! You muctlecn ‘control your emotions. You do lose your head so easily, CHANCELLOR: Do |, Majesty? EMPEROR: You do indeed. One of these df He, 80in9 to los0 it together. (Draws a iy throat) CHANCELLOR: ims, your Majesty ‘A thousand, thousand, thousand apologies, lays I can soe that you nificant finger across ‘re Ido my ulmost to please your Majesty, [GMPEROR: Thon it isnt utmost enough, | have more than enough {0 do without having to spend my afternoons "running all over the ‘countryside looking for my ChancellorCHANCELLOR: But it was so late, Majesty. And I knew that you ‘would be annoyed ifwe ventured to begin without you, and before I could find you everyone had arrived and. EMPEROR: Will you speak plainly! Will you speak audibly! Will you make yourself understood! Start? Start? CHANCELLOR: The play, Majesty. EMPEROR: Play? Play? I've no wish to play, Chancellor! CHANCELLOR: Indeed no, Majesty, you see. EMPEROR: Indood yes, Chancellor. (Dravs the CHANCELLOR nearer and they move downstage) Now, ston carefully, Ghancelor. Pay attention, For while you've boen hopping around in yourback-yards hiding and seeking... a crime has been committed. CHANCELLOR: Crime, Majesty? EMPEROR: A burglary, Chancellor. CHANCELLOR: Burglary, Majesty? EMPEROR: At the Royal Palace, Chancellor. CHANCELLOR: The Palace, Majesty? EMPEROR: Botore we go any further into the matter, Chancellor, you will oblige me by not repeating every word | say ike @ stuttering parrot, (The CHANCELLOR bows low) ‘And don't start al that business again! This afternoon, Chancellor, {four thieves broke into the Royal Palace Vaults and stole four chests of gold. CHANCELLOR: You don’t say s0, Majesty? EMPEROR: | have said so, haven't |, you burbling idiot! The four thieves, Chancellor, must be caught. CHANCELLOR: Indeed they must, Majesty. EMPEROR: And when they are caught, Chancellor... When they are caught... thoy must be punished. CHANCELLOR: indeed they must, Majesty. Might | suggest the Royal Dungeons?jesty. And | knew that you gin without you, and before nd. ilyou speak audibly! Will Start? > play, Chancellor! Ou 800... Draws the CHANCELLOR w listen carefully, u've been hopping around ‘a crime has been into the matter, Chancellor, ary word | say lke a | This afternoon, Chancellor, e Vaults and stole four osty? ou burbling idiot! The four jesty. , Chancellor... When they jesty. Might | suggest the EMPEROR: Good, Chancellor. A good idea. CHANCELLOR: Or even, ae (Draws a signticant finger across EMPEROR: Excellent, Chancellor! A capital suggestion! By Willis Hall~ ie ei ces JULIET ery Much b JULIETTE, a chet, is getting ready for today’s episode of Master Cook. Filming is about to begin and SUSIE the producer is Susie running around carrying out lastminute checks. yon JULIET SUSIE: Oty ovne, vob ong ie inafow mines, Yo wo please make sure you're ready. Good luck everyone, today’s going ae to bom great show. Now Jute have you got everything you need? arg JULIETTE: | think so. making ‘SUSIE: Contestants’ names? ee JULIETTE: Check! pe: f SUSIE: List of today's menus? suse JULIETTE: Check uu al SUSIE: Surprise food object? en ‘SUSIE: 4 JULIETTE: Check JULIETTE ‘SUSIE: Been tothe loo? last weal JULIETTE: Chee...1m not @ chil wasnt it? ‘SUSIE: (Under her breath as she walks away) Could have fooled SUSIE: me JUUETTE (To the room) Okay everyone and we've on in B...-.8..2..4 very cont GULIETTE stands smiling atthe camera, while SUSIE signals SUSIE:, trom behind the camera) swuerte JULIETTE: And welcome to Master Cook. Thanks for joining us. If SUSIE: Th you were with us last week, you wll Know that both Tom and Kate you for, no were voted off by you, the viewers, their smoked salmon pate just sated didn't make the cut, So this week, four new contestants will battle it out ~ over soups and salads, We wolcome, Jake, ummm Sally JULIETTE: Tom and Katel SUSIE: TI SUSIE: And cut! read the ing salads, thei JULIETTE: Wiat? waiting to SUSIE: They were last week's contestants. Look at your lit. .look JULIETTE: | atthe clipboard in font of you. Jessica, Wil, Chale and Annie are e SUSIE: Ok ‘today's contestants. Jake, Sally, Tom and Kate were last week'sfor today's episode of Master id SUSIE the producer is inute checks. ing live in a few minutes, so luck everyone, todays going fe you got everything you need! walks avy) Could have fooled we're on in 8... BQ amera, while SUSIE signals r Cook. Thanks for joining us. If I know that both Tom and Kate their smoked salmon pate just four new contestants will battle /welcome, Jake, umenm Sally. look lastants. Look at your list sca, Will, Charlie and Annie are nand Kate were last week’. ADMIETTE: Right. Sory. Silly me. Not very good with names Much better with food! SUSIE: I's okay. Let's just try and gett ight shall wo? Okay everyone into positions and 5...4...(Mouths) 3.2.1 JULIETTE: And welcome to Master Cook. Thanks for joining us. iF 4 will Know that both Tom and Kate maxing We Welcome Jessica, Wil, Chatio and Annie ~they'l be making starters and sauces in today’s show. Solots see ha, ingredients they have.. SUSIE: CUT! Stop, stop, stop! JULIETTE: What now? SUSIE: This is all wrong. Look t your shoot, what does it say? JULIETTE: Jossica, Will, Charlie and Annie. SUSIE: Aftor that? last wook, that's what went wrong with the smoked selec wasn't it? SUSIE: Yos. Procisoly. This weekit's soups and salad, JULIETTE: The problem is everything starts with an ‘S' and it gets very confusing, ‘SUSIE: Just read from the script JULIETTE: What? SUSIE: The script...the clipboard, YOU for, not to look pretty, not s0 you 80 that you read it as you seem unabl that's what we've given it to have something to hold, but le to read the autocue, JULIETTE: There is no need to be 80 rude. SUSIE: Thero is no need read the information from t Salads, thor names are Jessica, Wil, Charlo and Annie, they are ‘waiting to cook and we are waiting to fim JULIETTE: Right into positions everyone, take 3 ‘SUSIE: Okay everyone...and 6...a ana JULIETTE: (Really fast) And welcome to Master Cook. Thanks for ining us. If you were with us last wook, you will know that bath ‘Tom and Kate were voted off by you the viewors, their smoked salmon pate just didn't make the cut. So this week, four new contestants will batt it out. We welcome Jessica, Wil, Charlie and Annie ~ (Now at normal speed) They'll be making soups and salads in today’s show. So let's see what ingredients they have. SUSIE: CUTI!| Now what are you doing? JULIETTE: Well we'd already flmad the first bit s0 | thought I just speed through that and get to the bit where i went wrong. SUSIE: I's all wrong! Every single take has been wrong, JULIETTE: Really? SUSIE: Yos. You are hopeless, you are useless and above all you are a terrible cook, I should be on this show. | could do a much better than job than you and I don't evan like cooking, JULIETTE: Sorry I've upsot you. Okay, look lot's try it ono more time and I promise this time Iwill go it allright. Promise, ‘SUSIE: Fino... last time everyone please and 5...4...3...20.1 JULIETTE: So on todey’s show it's soups and salads. 'm really looking forward to seeing what these guys can do. So in the first round, our talented chefs need to make a traditional, yet original version of a traditional soup. In the second round they must make traditional French sauce to be added to a not so traditional starter salad, SUSIE: CUT! CUT CUTII! You are fired! JULIETTE: What? You can't fire me, SUSIE: You are possibly the most foolish person on TV today and that's saying something as there seem to be a lot of foolish people ‘on there. Get out of my sight and never come back to this studio again, do you understand me? JULIETTE: Well someone got aut of bed the wrong side this morning didn't they! ‘SUSIE: Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhihhhhhh! By Emma Louise Tinniswood Itis the ae So ree ntiio JOE: What “ AMY: Don't intent) Wh fleas? (The b his head and AMY: My nam my mam, my b 108. mod brother or sista AMY: That's ni ad? JOE: (Shaking AMY: (impress be proud of you JOE: He's nota him to help dow, one of thom wai ANY: Winen di JOE: Ages ago. AMY: Weeks bat Realising JOE'S your dad to help | you scrap, Joo? | JOE: Sorap? | AMY: Aye, fight JOE: Don't know,to Master Cook. Thanks for k, you will know that both o viewers, their smoked jo this week, four new ime Jessica, Wil, Charlie ing soups and salads in ents they have. ng? 16 first bit 80 I thought fa bit where | went wrong. ce has been wrong. re useless and above all you s show. | could do a much yen lke cooking. y, look let's try it one moro it allright. Promise. pase and 8.141 B.e2oc oups and salads. I'm really : guys can do. So in the first ike a traditional, yet original scond round they must make ed to a not 30 traditional ied solish person on TV today and 2m to be a lat of foolish people wer come back to this studio f bed the wrong side this i Ever) Itis the September of 1999 and World War I! has just begun, AMY Holroyd, 2 kind, streetwise twelve-year-old, lives with her family on Rossendale Street, Salford, Manchester, While taking in some washing for her mother, she catches sight of a particularly scrutty looking boy, JOE, who is sitting alona on one of the doorsteps opposite. JOE: What are you looking at? AMY: Don't know. Labol's dropped off. (She studies the boy intently) What do you keop scratching yoursel for? Have you got fleas? (The boy shrugs his shoulders and continues to scratch his head and arms) AMY: My name's Amy Holroyd, | live across at number seven with ‘my mam, my big brother Peter and my three sisters JOE: I'm Joe Baxter, there's just me and my mam. I've got a baby ‘brother or sister on the way. AMY: That's nice. Has your dad boon called up to fight like our dad? JOE: (Shaking his head) He's with the Police. AMY: (Impressed) Policemen do aright good jab Joe. You must be proud of your dad. JOE: He's not a Policeman. He went with them when they asked him to help down at the Station. They must be good friends cos ‘one of them was holding his hand, AMY: When did he go? JOE: Ages ago...woeks back, ‘AMY: Weeks back? They must have needed a lot of helo, (Realising JOE'S dad must have been arrested) Woll is nice of your dad to help 'em isn't it? (Quickly changing the subject) Can you scrap, Joo? JOE: Scrap? AMY: Aye...fight. Can you look after yourself? JOE: Don't know, I've never tried.AMY: You'll s00n lear to fight round here, There's hardly a day ‘goes by on Rossendale without a scrap. It doesn't take much. ‘Andrew Bennett and Keith Sowden scrapped all up street and down the back ginnel, My mam had to drag ‘em apart and make ‘em shake hands. They were fighting over a stick. JOE: | couldn't be bothered, fora stick. AMY: Nor me. I'l fight for whet’s mine but that slick weren't even @ proper atick, it were more like a twig. JOE: That's datt. AMY: Cheating at games is different. When someone cheats, there's a fight. Big Bev Tredwoll cheated at marbles and my sistor Elsie grabbed hold of her arms and held 'em up her back. Big Bev ‘was screaming the street down but Elsie would not let go. It took fa whole group af us to pull her away. JOE: She must be strong as an ox. AMY: (Proudly) You don't mess with Elsie Holroyd. She's only six, (JOE shakes his head in wonder and continues to scratch his arms, AMY goes to him and looks closely at his neck) AMY: You're a bit mucky, Joe. Do you not like having a bath? Your neck's black bright. JOE: | can't, we don't have a tub. It was hung up outside on the ‘wall when we got here but next morning it were gone. AMY: Someone took your bath tub? JOE: | was looking forward to my frst bath in my now house. ‘When | saw it hanging there | got all giddy. | remembered what it was lke to sit in warm water, you know, with steam rising from it; to pour jugs full over my head, one after another and wiggle my toes about. AMY: It sounds lke it's been & long time since your last bath, JOE: It hae been a long time. AMY: Long as in...days? (JOE shakes his head) AMY: Weeks? (/OE shakes his head) AMY: You mean, you haven't had a bath for...? JOE: Years. AMY is 9 JOE: usg last coups MY mal hesitant AMY: Did) JOE: No, 4 AMY: Dia JOE: Som Ono camp swimming | to jump in get clean, AMY: No, t to drink JOE: No, t Itwore a dd AMY: It mus think it migh washing. Te ask my mat one in thou tur, then it clean but it JOE:| shan! AMY: Wher yourselt JOE: Thanks AMY: That's JOE: Good (AMY goes i and JOE hed all smiles ha By Nickind here, There's hardly a day ‘scrap. It doesn't take much. on scrapped all up street and ad to drag ‘em apart and make ing over a stick. catiok. mine but that stick weren't even @ wig. ‘ont. When someone cheats, cheated at marbles and my sister nd held ‘em up her back. Big Bev jut Elsie would not let go. It took way. with Elsie Holroyd. She's only six. / and continues fo scratch his is closely at his neck) > you not like having a bath? Your It was hung up outside on the morning it were gone, ub? y first bath in my new house. all giddy. | remembered what it 1 know, with steam rising from it ne after another and wiggle my ang time since your last bath... shakes his head) head) da bath for...? (AY s open mouthed she takes two log strides back tom JOE) JOE: used to have a bath overy week when | was little but this last couple of years we've lived on camp sites, (AMY makes a conscious elfort to close her mouth and takes a hesitant step towards JOE) ‘AMY: Did you lve in a tent? JOE: lo, a covered wagon. We travelled around. ‘AMY: Did you not have water to drink and wash with? JOE: Some camp sites had a water tap and we had a bucket, One camp | liked a lot because there was a river for washing and ‘swimming in. There was another site near a farm where we used to jump in the horse trough with soap flakes and splash about to get clean. The farmer didn’t mind. ‘AMY: No, but | bet the horses did. That water was meant for them to drink, JOE: No, they never went in that field so we never hurt the horses, were a devil in winter though, AMY: it must have been freezing. I'l have to go in now Joe. I think it might be starting to rain and my mam will be wanting her washing. Tell you what, it's bath night in our house tomorrow ‘ask my mam if you can come and get in ours, You'l have to be last fone in though, it’s Mam first, then our Elsie then Dolly, then i's my turn, then it's Betty and then our Peter. So the water won't be that clean but itl stil be quite warm I think. JOE: shan't mind, AMY: When you come in just don't let Mam see you scratching yourself JOE: Thanks Amy, I'l see you tomorrow night. ‘AMY: That's right, tomorrow night. Well, goodnight Joe. JOE: Goodnight Amy. (AMY goes into number seven canying the basket of washing and JOE heads off towards his oven house on the corner. He is all smiles having made bis fist new hiend on Rossendale Street) By Nick Teed errant