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CONSCIOUS
PARENTING

ACTION GUIDE FOR THE EPISODE

WITH DR. SHEFALI TSABARY

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 WHAT TO EXPECT
Table of Contents

1. Lesson One: What It Means To Be A Conscious Parent ….……….… 4

2. Lesson Two: The 7 Myths Of Parenting ………..…….….…….……… 8







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 1. LESSON ONE
What It Means To Be A Conscious Parent

Most of us never realize that the traditional ways of raising our kids are not about the child.
It's about us as parents. Our subconscious desire to create a little version of ourselves.
This is the way it's been done for decades and we are only now beginning to realize that
there are much better methods to raise our kids.

Traditional methods often do more harm than good when we are trying to raise an
emotionally healthy child.

Our children are unique and independent spirits that have their own path to follow will be a
dramatic realization for many parents. As parents we often subconsciously act out of ego
rather than doing what is best for the child.

Discipline doesn't work. By letting natural consequences dictate your response, you will
remove the need to be a negative authority figure to your child.

Here are a few key ideas & highlights from this lesson:

• Conscious parenting aims at raising the parent.

• Treat your child as a free and sovereign being.
• Avoid projecting your beliefs on your children.
• Let go of the idea that your kids will be like you.
• Examine the expectations instilled by culture and society.
• We cause ourselves and our children o suffer in two main ways: an internal projection
and a cultural projection.
• Keep the connection, lose the ego.
• Teach your children with the same benevolence that you teach others.
• Get rid of the belief that you should do something to discipline your child.
• The process of parenting: 1. Accept the madness; 2. Put connection before control.
• Let go of the desire for control.
• Focus on your child's needs. Don't try to fix your child.
• Allow your child to be the teacher.
• Raise yourself.
• Become aware of the present moment. What is truly being demanded of me now?

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Here’s the process to start being a conscious parent:

1. Start from looking inward. Raise yourself first.

2. Become aware that your interactions are following patterns.
• a. Look into your own emotional legacies;
• b. Be aware of current cultural trends.

What are some of the ideas, routines, methods or models that you took away from this
lesson? Maybe this episode sparked new personal insights that you might want to try out
in your parenting approach. Write them down below.

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ACTION STEP FOR THIS LESSON

Action Step: Enter in the present moment and connect with your child. When we
make a choice to connect before we correct, then we can always course correct.

When we enter connection with our children, we immediately enter a state of presence.
We immediately enter a state of deep bonding and nurturance, and our children feel it
immediately.

When we enter the present moment with the energy of correction, our children feel
controlled. When they feel controlled, they often either comply and we don't want blind
compliance, or they rebel, and none of us want rebellion. So always one of the key ways to
remember presence is to remember to connect. How can I connect? How can I connect
with my child before I correct?

How will you implement this action step? Write it down below.


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 2. LESSON TWO
The 7 Myths Of Parenting

This in depth explanation of why each of the seven myths are hurtful to successfully
raising a child provides a dramatic example of how old ideas are passed from
generation to generation.

The seven myths of parenting provide an easy to follow blueprint for you to begin a
healthy and successful relationship with your child.

• Myth #1: Parenting Is About the Child. The more we attempt to micromanage our
children’s progress, the more society encourages us to become dependent on
“experts” to “fix” our children if their anxiety becomes overwhelming or if they aren’t
performing to a certain standard.

• Myth #2: A Successful Child Is Ahead of the Curve. Trophy child philosophy.
Pushing a child to succeed early is often entirely ego-driven by the parents, who want
both validations of their parenting and a living, breathing trophy of their success as
parents for all to see.

• Myth #3: There Are Good Children and Bad Children. We need to shift from
“Goodness” to “Authenticity.” Instead of praising compliance, praise the courage to be
authentic. Instead of demanding obedience, encourage self-expression.

• Myth #4: Good Parents Are Naturals. The fact is, parenting is not natural. It isn’t
something we are just going to know how to do. Making the shift from fantasy to
reality is key.

• Myth #5: A Good Parent Is a Loving One. It’s because we feel afraid for them that
we seek to control them. However, what we are trying to do is control our fear.

• Myth #6: Parenting Is About Raising a Happy Child. The focus is always on what
makes our children grow to be their most resilient and empowered selves, not what
makes them happy or comfortable in any given moment.

• Myth #7: Parents Need to Be in Control. The only control we have, as parents,
involves our feelings and reactions, together with the conditions we set in our home.
Our problem is that we don’t know how to control ourselves or the conditions we
create in our home, which steers us in the direction of controlling our children instead.

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Here are a few key ideas & highlights from this lesson:

• Examine your beliefs.

• Traditional parenting holds the parent exempt to look at themselves.
• Don't try to fix it. Sit with the child's feelings.
• Stop using "good" and "bad." What you are calling good is just comfortable.
• Build a connection slowly over time.
• Redefine pain. Replace the "I just want my kid to be happy" with "I just want my kid to
experience life."
• It's okay to not know. The beauty of parenting is in the exposure to the unknown.
• Attuning to the present moment is the way to have control.

What are some of the ideas, routines, methods or models that you took away from this
lesson? Maybe this episode sparked new personal insights that you might want to try out
in your parenting approach. Write them down below.

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ACTION STEP FOR THIS LESSON

Action Step: Enter a “no expectations” zone. All of our anger and reactivity towards our
children, all of our triggers come from one place: our expectations not being met.

We had an expectation, and it did not come into fruition. And when that happens, when our
agenda, our movie script that we make in our mind doesn't come to reality, that creates a
trigger in us. That makes us upset. We want to control it. We want to change our children
to meet our expectation. One of the key tools in conscious parenting is to enter a “no
expectations” zone. To examine your expectations ask yourself before you're about to
react, "What was my expectation that I had? Is that my child's fault, or should I really re-
examine my expectation?”

How will you implement this action step? Write it down below.

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This is an extra page that you can use to write down any other ideas or insights that you
might have as a result of engaging with this content.

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