How to Win Friends and Influence People Notes

I. Nine Suggestions on how to get the most out of this book

A. Read each chapter quickly then reread thoroughly
B. Stop frequently to think over what you are reading and when you are going to
apply your reading
C. Mark what I deem important
D. Review the book often
E. Apply these rules st every possibility
F. Offer paying your friends change every time you don’t follow through with the
principles
1. What mistakes did I make? How can i perform better. What lessons can I
learn from that experience?
G. Keep an engagement book
1. One a week self-examine, review and appraise your interactions from the
past week
2. Ask what mistakes did I make? What did I do right and would can I do
better next time? What lessons can I learn from that experience?
H. Record my triumphs of the engagements of these principles. Be specific
II. Part one: Fundamental techniques in handling people
A. If you want to gather money, don’t kick over the beehive
1. Be understanding and forgiving. Don’t criticize.
2. Step into the other person's shoes
3. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
B. The big secret of dealing with people
1. People want to feel important and appreciated
2. Arouse enthusiasm is other people by appreciation and encouragement
3. Give honest and sincere appreciation
4. Try to figure out the other person's good points
C. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely
way
1. Talk about what they want And show them how to get it
2. Choose the right bait for the fish
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
4. See from the other person's point of view as well as your own
5. Use enthusiasm to arouse desire
6. How can I make them want to do it? How can I tie their wants to my
wants?
III. Part Two: Ways to Make People Like You
A. Do this and you’ll be welcome anywhere
1. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in
other people
 2. Answer the telephone with enthusiasm and interest. Sound like you are
very pleased to receive their call
B. A simple Way To Make A Good First Impression
1. Smile
2. Stop talking about what I want
3. Smile, hi how are you
C. If you don’t do this, You are headed for trouble
1. Remember people’s names
2. Get people to support you by naming things in their honor
3. Make people feel important
4. Name, family, business, political views,
D. An easy way to become a good conversationalists
1. Listen and be genuinely interested
2. Get the other person to talk about themselves and what they know
3. Ask questions that other people will enjoy answering
4. Be lavish in praise
5. Mild and Genial eyes
E. How to Interest People
1. Talk about what other people are interested in
2. Read about what other people are interested before a planned meeting
with them
F. How to make people like you instantly
1. Make them feel important
2. Do unto others as you would have other do to you
3. Heart in their approbation and lavish in their praise
4. “I’m so sorry to trouble you”
IV. How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
A. You Can’t Win An Argument
1. Avoid arguments and corrections
2. A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still
3. Welcome the disagreement
a) Be wary of your first defensive reaction
b) Control your temper
c) Listen first, try to understand
d) Look for the areas of agreement
e) Be honest, admit your errors and apologize for them
f) Promise to think about your opponent's position
g) Thank your opponents for being interested
h) Postpone action and ask yourself hard questions
B. A Sure Way of Making Enemies - And How To Avoid It
1. Price people wrong subtly
2. Teach men as if you aren’t teaching them
 3. Well I thought otherwise, but I could be wrong. And if I am wrong I want to
be put right, let’s examine the facts
4. I conceived, I apprehended, I imagined
5. It appears to me at present
6. Judge people by their own principles, not by my own
7. Show respect for others opinions. Never say “you’re wrong”
C. If you’re wrong, admit it
1. Come to think of it. I don’t entirely agree with myself
D. A drop of honey
1. Be gentle and friendly
2. Begin in a friendly way?
E. The secret of Socrates
1. Begin by emphasizing and continue to emphasize the things that you
agree on
2. Once you say a thing, you tend to stick to it so begin by getting your
opposition to say yes
3. Yes, yes
F. The safety valve in handling complaints
1. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking, don’t interrupt
G. How to get cooperation
1. Let the other person feel like the idea is theirs
H. A Formula that will work wonders for you
1. Try to understand someone, even when they are wrong
2. Try to honestly put yourself in their place
3. Why should they want to do it?
I. What Everybody Wants
1. “I don’t blame you for feeling as you do. If I were you I would feel the
same way.”
2. Be sympathetic with other people’s ideas and desires
J. An appeal that everyone likes
1. Appeal to the nobler motive
K. The movies do it, tv does it, why don’t you do it
1. Dramatization
2. Make the truth vivid, interesting and dramatic
3. Dramatize your ideas
L. When nothing works, try this
1. Throw down a challenge
V. Be a Leader: How to change people without giving offense or rising resentment
A. If you must find fault, this is the way to begin
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
B. How to criticize and not be hated for it
1. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
a) Compliment and “if you keep that up you can”
 b) Fix the mistake for them then indirectly show them
2. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
3. No one likes to take orders
a) Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
4. Let the other person save face
5. How to Spur people on to success
a) Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise
6. Give a dog a good name
a) Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
7. Make the fault seem easy to correct
a) Use encouragement
8. Making people glad to do what you want
a) Be sincere, focus on the benefits of the other person
b) Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do
c) Be empathetic, ask yourself what the other person wants
d) When you put in your request, convey the benefits the other
person will receive