Perfect

 Paragraphs  Edi*ng

Problem Solu*on

Incomplete  header MLA  Header:

Your  Name
Bernstein
Assignment  Title/Class  Sec;on
Date

                                                                     Original  Title*

Too  much  or  too  li?le  introduc;on Determine  purpose;  add  moderate  details

No  thesis Determine  what  are  you  trying  to  show  your  reader.

No  evidence Summarize,  paraphrase,  or  directly  quote  from  text  to  

provide  support  for  your  argument.    I3:  introduce,  
integrate,  interpret

In-­‐text  references  to  chapters  or  pages  (“On   Use  context  of  story  to  set  up  quota;on  reference
page  37,  Janie...)

Lis;ng,  iden;fying,  describing,  but  no   Explain  the  SO  WHAT?

analysis

Incomplete  analysis Link  back  to  the  SO  WHAT?

Non-­‐academic  tone/dic;on/style Check  dic;on,  style,  voice,  tense

Wordy  or  empty  language Combine  sentences;  use  different  structures

Convoluted  sentences Map  out  your  idea  and  rewrite

Grammar  errors Fix  them!

Punctua;on  errors Fix  them!

Ending  peters  out Write  a  decent  conclusion  of  an  appropriate  length

*Boring  ;tle Cra`  an  interes;ng  ;tle  -­‐-­‐  wordplay,  descrip;on,  steal  
from  thesis,  grad  readers’  a?en;on
Perfect  Paragraphs  Edi*ng

Day  1:  
1) Highlight  the  problems  you  can  see  right  now  in  your  paper  (don’t  worry  if  you  cannot  find  each  problem:  
you  may  not  have  them,  or  you  may  not  recognize  them).    Highlight  and  annotate  to  the  outside.    If  you  
think  you’d  trust  a  friend  to  be?er  find  your  problems,  have  him/her  trade  papers  with  you.    DO  NOT  FIX  
THE  PROBLEMS  YET!

2) Outline  your  paper,  line  by  line,  briefly  wri;ng  the  purpose  and  content  of  each  line.    Here’s  an  example  for  
my  1st  paragraph.    (You  may  find  that  some  of  your  lines  are  redundant  in  content  or  have  NO  purpose;  
that’s  fine  -­‐-­‐  here’s  where  revision/edi;ng  helps!.)

(1)In  this  novel  of  a  woman’s  search  for  self,  Zora  Neale  Hurston  employs  metonymy  to  represent  the  community’s  hegemonic  disapproval  of  
Janie’s  unconventional  lifestyle.    (2)When  Janie  returns  to  Eatonville  after  an  absence,  a  group  of  women  on  the  porch  gossip  about  her  
relationship  with  a  younger  man,  her  long  hair,  and  her  seeming  loss  of  means.    (3)Referred  to  metonymically  as  “the  porch”  or  “these  
sitters,”  the  tongue-­‐clucking  women  criticize  Janie,  making  “burning  statements  with  questions,  and  killing  tools  out  of  laughs”  (2).    (4)  In  
this  opening  scene,  the  group  is  presented  as  one  whole,  exhibiting  one  ferocious  voice,  referred  to  only  as  the  plural  “they”  sitting  in  
judgment.    (5)  Their  “mass  cruelty”  seems  to  be  a  displaced  aggressive  response  to  the  harsh  treatment  they  receive  during  the  day,  as  
“tongueless,  earless,  eyeless  conveniences”  working  the  Nields  as  “mules”  and  “skins,”  so  their  criticism  affords  them  some  sense  of  
superiority  over  a  woman  who  has,  at  least  for  some  time,  escaped  their  collective  fate.    

# Content Purpose

1 thesis:  metonymy  represents  community  disapproval Provides  intro  to  book  and  ZNH’s  
technique;  establishes  argument

2 porch  cri;cizes  Janie  about  rela;onship,  hair,  poverty Establishes  context  of  scene

3 the  “porch”  uses  their  tongues  as  tools Use  of  metonymy  to  show  cri;cism

4 community’s  voice  is  ferocious  one Violence  of  language  shows  vitriol

5 “mass  cruelty”  is  born  of  displaced  aggression Suggests  reasons  for  their  anger  and  
judgment