Wala lang =)
them from where she sat. Kai turned to Katherine then to Liska
01:23 am. She sat on the bench which was seven meters
away from across their house—waiting. She shrugged her
shoulders, tightened her jacket and crossed her arms. The
humidity in the air has gotten worse. The butts of cigarettes have
mounted. She doesn't smoke but waiting for five hours taught her
how.
“If only not for Kai.” she muttered as she stomped her feet.
She rubbed her hands together and took the last sip from her
sixth cup of coffee.
“Ahh. The last drop's always the best.” Katherine said,
feeling fulfilled. She piled the styro cup with the other five. She
took the can of milk which she bought earlier, opened it and
drunk it. She smoked. She inhaled it deeply but exhaled less.
Kai was her first steady friend ever since the day his family
moved in the neigborhood and their two storey houses are very
near each other. The only distance that separates their houses
was about one meter and the rectangular sliding windows of their
rooms are just in front of each other's. Their windows are their
portals that leads them to each other 's room in an instant.
Of all the neighbors and of all the friends she had, Kai is
the one who remained. Kai is the only one who stayed long—so
far...
01:44 am. The door opened and came out the exhausted
Kai and the woman she hired to deflower him, Liska. She watched
again. His countenance spoke of disappointment. She picked a
rock, big enough to crush the woman's head and marched
towards them.
“If that whore didn't give what Kai wants then I'll—” She
halted and dropped the rock. She fell to her knees. She was
getting sick.
Liska saw what happened. She forcefully took Kai's lips to
give him a French. Kai kissed her back hungrily like an animal;
they were nose to nose and tongue to tongue and their lips were
getting distorted in exploring each other's mouth. He paused and
gasped for air then kissed her again. It was unsightly. He was bad
at it. Liska broke it leaving Kai kissing the air, panting and craving
for more but it was all that she gave then she walked away
disgusted. Kai smirked as he watched Liska from behind. He
raised his arms and drew her figure in the air. He bit his lower lip
and whistled in excitement then he walked towards Katherine but
seeing her in such a bad state, he ran.
“Kate. Are you cold?!!!” Kai said apprehensively. She shook
her head while she buried her hands in her pocket. He lifted her
face using his index finger. He stole her hands from her pocket
and locked them. She smiled the most broken smile, showing all
her teeth to him. She tried to be fine but her body wouldn't lie—
she had accidentally leaned on him. She tried to move away but
he wrapped his arms around her.
“Liar...” he said. “You're hands are cold and your lips are
cracked.” To this, she made no response. She wanted to stay but
she can't. She cleared her throat, he didn't let go. She tried it
again but this time louder, he remained. Finding that he won't let
go she powerlessly pushed him away. He made a swallowing
sound then he released her.
“I'm sorry. I just want to warm you.”
He walked her to her house then he went to his own. He
was almost on their doorstep when he stopped and turned to
her.
“Anyway, thank you for letting us use your place. My father
could have killed me if he caught us doing it in my room. I
couldn't afford a hotel either.”
She tried to smile. “It's okay. My parents are not around
anyway.”
“Goodnight then.” He went inside.
She ran inside and in a few minutes she got into her own
room. It was quite dark. The only thing that illuminates it was the
scented candle which she prepared for them. She turned on the
light. Surprisingly, the bed is as it is before she left them there.
She blew off the candle, tore off her clothes and dropped herself
exhausted and dizzy into the bed—and hurt. She sniffed her
sheet, inspected it for any sign of moist and finding none she
smiled. They didn't do it.
“Kai must have suffered a lot bearing with the temptation
for five hours. Oh Kai... I want to give you everything but I don't
want you to love me. I can only love you while you love someone.
I don't even deserve you. I'm not beautiful like Liska. I'm a freak.
I'm ugly and I'm afraid.”
She pulled her blanket and covered the longing away. She
was about to close her eyes when she heard a knock. She bolted
for the window, feigned a smile and slid it open. It viewed the
weary face of Kai.
“Ahm.” He began. “About Liska. Is she? Is she...?”
“Don't worry she's safe. I had her checked at the clinic
before I brought her here if that's keeping you awake?”
“I just want to make sure...” He stooped then looked at her
again. “Ahm. Can I come in to your room like we used to when we
were younger? Through our portals? I mean through our
windows?”
“Wait”. She looked down from her window. The wind
whooshed. Only those bushes and their murderous iron fences
were down there.
“Just be careful. We're not first year high school students
anymore.”
He threw her a lascivious look.
“I mean be careful. It won't be as easy as how you do it
when we were younger. You're taller and bigger now. You might
not fit the size of our windows. You know.”
“A- I thought you mean something else.” he continued. She
eyed him as he labored to get inside her room and :
THUD! BUMP! He almost fell. He ended up hunkering on the floor
with his right leg still hanging outside the window.
“Be careful!” She helped him stand. “I told you it won't be
easy!”
 “I'm sorry.” he groaned. He sat down, leaned on the wall
under the window, and closed his eyes. She breathed in deeply,
sat next to him and robbed the chance to bemuse herself with
the beauty that has always enthralled her.
He was handsome though tiny scars on his face which was
brought about by childhood mischief concealed that beauty. Not
everyone at their school had realized that he has perfectly cut
and carved lips and when they speak it was warm caramel. His
voice was so warm it can lull anyone to sleep. And his eyes...
Behind those eyelids are his exceptionally brown eyes with flecks
of gold around its irises that when struck by sunlight it was like
looking into the eyes of a fallen cherub.
He opened his eyes, turned to her and caught her in the
act staring. Katherine stood up. Kai grabbed her hand.
“Stay!” he said. She sat back, embarassed. He pressed her
hands.
“Your hands are cold” she said.
“Stay...” he said again. He drew his face near hers. She
looked away.
“Kai. Do you believe that all relationships are meant to be
broken? All ties, all bonds and all friendships because one will
always have to leave?”
Silence. It was always his YES—silence.
“I know you will leave me someday. I know you will go. But
please, bear with my imperfections while you're here.”
He stood up.
“Kate! The problem with you is that you don't believe and
you don't know how to say 'WHAT IF'! What if I say you're
beautiful even if you have freckles, even if you wear big
eyeglasses, even if you have runny nose and even if you have
bruises. Kate you're beautiful you know and you're not a freak!
You're just unique. Kate why don't you hope? Why don't you give
me a chance?!”
His words stunned her from her temple to her toes.
“NO! I am not and I won't!”
Having heard those words he left her room. She fell to her
bed. Somehow his words gave her hope.
“What if I try?” she thought. “What will happen then? What
if I do?”
But all her hopes were killed the next day when she felt the
stabbing pain of another departure. Kai's family is moving. His
father told her.
She thought of her old neighbors. She thought of the only
friends she had. She thought of the boys and the girls on the
same window who have promised to never leave her but ended
up deserting her. She thought of how each of them said goodbye.
She thought of the days when she was so afraid to knock fearing
that she might see a new face, a new occupant to befriend and a
new friend to say goodbye to sooner or later. She was supposed
to get used to it. She was not supposed to cry over it. She had it,
many times already. But the pain she was feeling now was
different, very different from before. It was more intense. It was
burning her, devouring her from within.
“I don't know why but none of them stays. Even Kai won't.”
 She sat at the foot of her bed facing her window, her back
pressed against its wall so that she could feel the hard carvings
that was biting through the baggy long sleeves she had chosen
to sleep in. She sat with her knees pulled up beaneath her chin,
her arms wrapped tight around her legs. The window was closed;
she was alone. The only thing that sympathized with her was the
thread of light coming through her door. She was feeling it again.
It never failed to terrify her. She was feeling it like an unseen
hand that was creeping on her back; slowly, slowly and is
whispering on her ear.
It's been a long time Kate. Have you forgotten an
old friend?
Control. Her life is about control. Pinch. Pinch. Pinch. She
needed pain. She fears that feeling more than anything in this
world, more than physical pain. She cried silently, always silently.
She can't let anyone hear her.
A blinking message light and a ring fought off the feeling.
She chokec back the tears.
“Yeah, mom?” She heard merriments in the background.
“Kate. Your father and I will be extending our stay here at
your Aunt Mildred's. I'll just deposit your allowance. OK? “
“Ma!”
“I'm busy. Bye honey.” The line went dead.
She dropped her phone. She was feeling more alone than
ever.. Everyone's busy with someone. Everybody's with someone.
She covered her ears. It started to creep on her again.
“Please let me go!” she cried.
Why? We're friends right? I'm your only friend. I will
never leave you.
“Just let me go!!!”
She heard a knock on her window but she did not open it.
It was Kai. She covered her ears harder but the rapping and the
pressure from within was persistent.
“Kate are you there?!” No answer. “Kate I know you're
there! Please open the window!”
“Just go! Go to Hell! You said you won't leave me but you're
doing it. You're leaving me just like what they did! They all left
me!!”
He rapped harder.
“Kate I'm not leaving you. I promise I won't leave you!!!”
She pulled her pillows and covered her ears with it.
“Just go!!! I'm used to it! You're just one of the few friends I
had. A vow breaker!!!” He stopped. She cried harder.
You will lose another one Kate. You'll be alone
with me again.
Frantically, she ran to her drawer, searched for her cure
and found the box cutter. She shoved up the left sleeve of her
shirt, exposing a thin white arm that was striped with narrow
scars, one beside another then another and then another like
their iron fence. She drew the cutter on the flesh near her elbow;
the blood blossomed from the cut like a shiny black bead in the
moonlight. The pain was sharp and sweet. It short-circuited the
panic that had electrified her brain. This was her way out from
that nightmare, from that emptiness—pain.
 She turned to her window. It was opening little by little; both hands gripping her neck, choking her, strangling her.
slowly and slowly till she could see a portion of the struggling Kai You killed him Kate! Indirectly killed him!
with his both hands on the lid of her window, his right leg on its She covered her ears and started to cry—her old enemy
frame and the other leg on his own. was winning.
Kai will fall, Kate. Open the window. Open it. The tremor began at the very core of her, opening up wider
She panicked; not knowing what to do, she slid open her and wider into a weird hollow feeling. She felt her consciousness
window. Kai lost his balance. He lost grip of the lid. He fell. She shrinking and shrinking until she felt as if her body was just a
tried to reach for him but her hands were slow. His back hit the shell and she was a tiny being locked inside it, in danger of falling
iron fence. He threw blood. His eyes went blank. His body bled off a ledge into some dark chasm inside and never being able to
effusively. Kai remained forked onto the murderous pale. She climb out. It was pulling her down into the depths of it.
went down to help him but too late, Kai's dead. She wanted to You know what to do right? Do it. Do it. You
scream but her voice won't come out. She went down. She murderer! DO IT!
removed his body from the fence. She slipped in his blood as she “For the sake of Kai...” She drew out the blade from the
carried him. She was shaking badly. cutter. She pushed it hard against her neck and made an incisive
“I-I-I-I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm sorry...” cut, again and again on her throat till she could breathe no more
You lost another one Kate. He left you. You're ALONE and there was nothing but infernal darkness.
now. You're mine!
ALONE. She was crying alone in her room. Her back
pressed hard against the wall under her window where Kai fell off
few days ago. She sat with her knees pulled up beaneath her
chin, her arms wrapped tight around her legs and the box cutter
curled around her hands. She thought of Kai and how everybody
glared at her during his funeral. They were blaming her,
condemning her silently for his horrible death. Who is to blame
then? Liska? The window? The fence?
The feeling started to climb on her knees. She felt the
shadow sweep over her—cold, very cold like a black ghost with