WHAT IS LIFE?

It’s hard to come up with a precise definition of what life is. Experiencing the demise of my
mum made me define “Life as the will to live”. Whether I’m living a good life or a horrible one,
the will to live is life itself. The moment my will to live slack, I know I am in for death.
Growing up, the idea of dying as always brought comfort to me. I desperately wanted to go
beyond the cloud because it simply means a liberation from every disappointment, rejection,
humiliation, heartbreak and pain that I felt. The more I felt all this, the more I realize that I am
still alive. I felt it was better and more appealing to die than trying to live a blissful life.
While I was willing to put an end to life, my mum’s will to live was strong and incredible despite
being on a death bed. She kept telling me “I must not die” and I start to wonder what exactly she
was willing to stay alive for? What was so special about life that she was ready to sacrifice
everything else just to continue living? If only I could switch with her. It was a free pass to
eternal liberation from pain yet she was adamant on living.
The stronger her will to live the more life slips through her body. Her soul and spirit had already
conspired against her leaving her when she needed them the most. Then I realize i was
gambling with a life many crave for and I kept asking myself; Am I truly ready to die without at
least completing a book? Am I ready to die without writing that masterpiece? Am I ready to die
without loving and feeling loved?
Life as given everyone a free pass to experience what living is. It is simply doing everything to
make life pleasant and bearable. Life is wonderful so why would i ever think of ending it.
Understanding the true meaning of life birth my biggest fear of old age (Gerascophobia). I was
scared of aging since death is inevitable. I was deeply interested in knowing what mum was
willing to sacrifice death for so I obviously can't die yet. I'm ready to live life smiling like an idiot.
Life isn’t always easy and it won't ever be but I have realized I can work with that. Life can be
amazing and at the same time monotonous but Isn't that the beauty of it? Theres nothing more
intriguing than being alive to witness it all. I always told myself I was done trying to live a
gracious life but now I’m willing to give it a try. I’m curious as to how far I can go.