The Wife of A Pastor Alistar N. Chibanda SNR

THE WIFE OF A PASTOR ALISTAR N.
CHIBANDA SNR
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THE WIFE OF A PASTOR ALISTAR N. CHIBANDA SNR
THE
WIFE
OF A
PASTOR
VOL. 1
ALISTAR N. CHIBANDA SNR
2
THE WIFE OF A PASTOR

VOLUME 1
Copyright © 2020 by:
ALISTAR N. CHIBANDA
Published in Zimbabwe by:
REPENTANCE PUBLISHING HOUSE
All rights reserved.
No portion of this book may be used without the written permission of the publisher,
with the exception of brief excerpts in magazine, articles, reviews, etc.
For further information or permission, write:
REPENTANCE PUBLISHING HOUSE
10559 Devure Road Budiriro 5, Harare
Tel: +263 773 393 958
Email: alistarchibandaministries@gmail.com
All Scripture quotations are from the King James Version of the Bible, except
otherwise stated.
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INTRODUCTION
This book does not seek to exhaust all the teachings

about the wife of a pastor. I have thought to preach to
the most of young women who are getting married to
young pastors and to all those who are already
married to pastors. A book on the teachings of the
young Pastors is already in writing.
I certainly feel that I have a message from the Lord to

these young ladies who are married to Pastors.
Usually most of these young Pastors wives are not
taught about the man, the husband, the Pastor, the
ministry , the church and her roles and duties.
Being the wife of a Pastor is not an easy job. It is a

very complicated and difficult work a woman can do
on earth. Someone may ask me why am calling it a job
? Is marriage work ? Is raising kids work ? Is ministry
work ?
Of course Yes, marriage is work and it takes two

people of the opposite sex to make it a success.
Raising kids is work and as well as ministry is work.
When the husband is busy with church ministry work

which is more pressing than any human work on
earth, the wife will be supporting him, helping him
and also doing her house chores. That means she is
also a co-labourer, she is also a worker!
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Do you know that raising a child is great work ? It's

not an easy job. Imagine a single mother raising a kid
on her own. That's a mamoth task because the life of
that child will be shaped by the input of the single
mother.
If the mother fails to send the child to school that may

mar the destiny of the child. Education is important.
Well that's not really the core subject of this book. I

want to try by all means to talk the woman that the
Pastor married. She has a lot to learn and her
knowledge must be from the Word of God and not
mere human wisdom.
The Bible says, “That your faith should not stand in the
wisdom of men, but in the power of God. (1 Corinthians
2:5)”. And according to Romans 1:16 the Gospel, the
Word of God is the power of God!
You have to know that once you are married to a

pastor, then he is all you have to be your husband
and you must not threaten to leave him even in
difficult times.
Having said all these, there is something important

between a husband and his wife which I want you to
know before we discuss more in this book. This thing
is the Gospel of Christ.
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The two of you need to make sure you have the same
one Gospel in common and none of you should preach
contrary to another.
What one of you preaches should be in harmony with

another except if one of you is in error. That’s the
reason you need to get my books, CDs, DVDs, articles
of faith and materials of our Gospel and read, listen
and meditate until what I preach becomes part of you.
A couple needs to understand the gospel of Christ

fully and forsake not the habit of praying together.
The Bible shows us a couple that stayed together as
an example to us. This was Aquila and Priscilla (Acts
18v26, 1 Cor 16v19). This couple was sound and
preached the gospel of Christ with understanding and
oneness.
Now here is something that most husbands are

arrogant to do. They are not humble enough to learn
or receive a fresh revelation from their wives.
I believe husbands need to learn certain truth from

their wives too because most of these women might be
more gifted of the Spirit than the men who married
them. This must not make the wife arrogant but
humble.
Sometimes I receive fresh revelations from my wife

especially when it’s not revealed to me first by God.
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This is exciting because I am aware God uses my wife

greatly too.
Both of you must be humble enough to learn from one

another, in other words develop a teachable spirit
within you and vie for the top.
In conclusion let not anyone from outside control your

home. Your parents, grandparents, uncles or your
aunt or friends must not control your home in
anyway. Let the husband be the head of the house.
You are God’s people so let your pastor and the Word
of God instruct you in all holiness. The Bible says,’…
shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall
cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh
(Gen2v24).
STEPS TO EXCELLENCE
AS A PASTOR'S WIFE
Step #1.
Understand You Are
The Wife Of A Pastor.
This means your husband is a man of God. As a man

of God, he lives from the Altar as commanded by God.
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Do ye not know that they which minister about holy

things live of the things of the temple? and they which
wait at the altar are partakers with the altar? Even so
hath the Lord ordained that they which preach the
gospel should live of the gospel (1 Corinthians 9:13-14).
He may go to work in the secular industry if God

permits but his PRIMARY job and assignment is not
the industry but the ministry. He must withdraw pay ,
wages or salary in the ministry from tithes, offerings
and partnerships. That's how a man of God lives
(Romans 15:27). It's a life of faith in the Lord.
The work of your husband is called pastoral work or

the work of the ministry. It is different from secular
jobs like that of an Accountant, Doctor, Nurse or
Teacher, etc. But it is equally work and he deserves to
be paid by God for his services in the Kingdom of
Heaven.
So you must have an understanding that you are

married to a Pastor and not to a medical doctor,
accountant, engineer or business man. Your life as a
Pastor's wife may be difficult at first but hold on, God
shall surely reward you and your husband!
Don't envy the dealers out there who seem to be

making more money than your husband. When I got
into ministry I knew that I was leaving a lucrative
engineering profession to suffer with God's people.
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I didn't get into ministry for money. You must

understand that too as the wife of a Pastor. You are in
ministry not to make money but to preach the Gospel,
to save lives, to win souls, and fulfill your calling from
God.
The Bible says Moses left the pleasures of Egypt to go

and suffer with God's people in the ministry for he
knew that God would reward him if he serves
faithfully.
“Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of

God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;
Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than
the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the
recompense of the reward. (Hebrews 11:25-26)”.
Dear woman your husband is not in the ministry for

money but for the souls of God. This doesn't mean
money won't come. It will come for the One who called
us is faithful.
Suffering in ministry is a phase you will pass through

but be strong and faithful, there are greater rewards
ahead.
Step #2.
Understand The Duties
And Work Of A Pastor
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The Pastor works at the altar (1 Cor 9v13, Matt 10:7-

10). God pays him when he is diligent at the altar. The
altar is his place of ministry work.
Prayers, counseling, prophesying, teaching,

preaching, healing, delivering, church planting,
visiting the saints, soul winning and raising sons and
daughters in church is the work of the ministry. This
is the work of your husband. God pays him for doing
that work.
This is the most important work in the world because

it is the only work that sends people to Heaven. All
other secular works like engineering, accounting,
businesses,... etc are good works but they are not so
important as the work of a pastor.
It is only through the work of the Pastor that people

are taught the Word of God and are going to heaven. I
am an engineer myself but I left all that to be a pastor
because being a pastor is more important than being
an engineer. God called me to be a Pastor and I
obeyed.
Your husband needs you to help him to be successful

in his Pastoral work. He may not have a degree from
any University on earth but he has a masters degree
of ministry from the University of God.
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For they that have used the office of a deacon well

purchase to themselves a good degree, and great
boldness in the faith which is in Christ Jesus (1Timothy
3:13).
If your husband stops doing the work of the ministry,

the Government of this world will not do it for him.
God is depending on your husband and other
associate pastors to do His work therefore support
him.
Step#3.
The Role Of The Wife
In The Home And Church
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear

children, guide the house, give none occasion to the
adversary to speak reproachfully. (1 Timothy 5:14)
As the wife of a Pastor you must guide the house,

that is, you must manage, and supervise the house
and not the husband.
Don't send your husband to do some work as if he is

your garden boy or an errand boy. He is a man of God.
If you fear God you will respect him. Your husband is
not a babysitter either.
Don't mistaken me here. He can babysit, he can do
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gardening, he can sweep the house, he can wash the

clothes, he can do dishes, etc but that's not his job.
He may do these things out of love and at his spare
time if he wants to. When ministry work calls he goes
to work because God wants him there.
Let the husband rule the house and take care of the
church of God.
For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how
shall he take care of the church of God? (1 Timothy 3:5)
As the wife of the man of God, help him to do these

things. Be humble. If the task is too much at home,
look for a maid and she can help with the house
chores.
The work of the ministry involves a lot of sacrifices

and sufferings that many people don't even know
about but as the wife of the pastor you must know
these things.
The Apostle Paul showed us a glimpse of what the

Pastor will face in the ministry one way or the other.
“Are they ministers of Christ? (I speak as a fool) I am

more; in labours more abundant, in stripes above
measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft. Of
the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one.
Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned,
thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have
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been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of

waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own
countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the
city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in
perils among false brethren; In weariness and
painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst,
in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. Beside those
things that are without, that which cometh upon me
daily, the care of all the churches. (2 Corinthians
11:23-28)”
You and your husband you will face one or more of

these things. In the beginning of my ministry we had
nothing except a bed and about four blankets that our
parents gave us to start a home.
We had no stove so we couldn't cook at home. We ate

food we bought from the canteens twice a day, that is
morning and evening. It was not much because we
had no enough money.
So since we had no kids in those days, I and my wife

we would buy a plate of rice and some chicked enough
to feed one person but we joyfully ate together and
went to sleep.
Every sunday we were the first couple to be in church.

We did everything together; sweeping the floors,
carrying chairs, decorating an old refuse drum we
used as our pulpit and so forth.
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My wife sang and I preached and collected offering. In

those days our Sunday offerings was about US$10
and US$13 on a good sunday. That money was the
one we used to run the church and to feed our
stomachs. This was around 2012. It was very little
money as compared to the needs we had at hand but
we considered it a passing phase.
On some days we didn't get a $10 offering, we would

get something like $7 or less and that week we would
know that hunger will whip us like no man's business
but we didn't care. We knew days ahead are more
brighter and here we are in glory!
Step #4.
God Expects Your Husband
To Labour In The Word
& Not At The Tables
1 Timothy 5:17 says, “Let the elders that rule well be

counted worthy of double honour, especially they who
labour in the word and doctrine”. And Acts 6:2,4 says,
“Then the twelve called the multitude of the disciples
unto them, and said, It is not reason that we should
leave the word of God, and serve tables. But we will
give ourselves continually to prayer, and to the ministry
of the word”.
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Now becareful to become an enemy of God by foolishly

removing your husband from what God has called him
to do.
If you a wife who keeps your husband busy with

babysitting and house chores daily you will attract the
anger of God. Let your husband labour in the Word of
God, Prayer and Doctrine. That's the work of a Pastor.
God also commanded Pastors to visit the saints, to

win souls and to pray for the sick. Respect that and
you'll have no problems with God Almighty!
Usually Pastors wives are a problem sometimes if they

are not well taught in the things of God. Why I say
this ? It is because most pastors wives think that
labouring in the Word, Visiting saints, Winning souls,
Praying long hours and Teaching is not work.
They see a man who does these things as if he is not

working but lazying around. This kind of thinking is
wrong. Let the man labour in what God has called him
to do. If you are humble you can accept this teaching.
Your husband is a man of God. He must work the

works of God who called him. “Jesus saith unto them,
My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to
finish his work...We must work the works of him that
sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no
man can work (John 4:34; 9:4)”.
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Therefore let your husband work. I know you have a

lot of house chores waiting for you. That's work too
but it's different to what your husband was called to
do so as you take care of the house chores you are
indirectly helping your husband to fulfill his ministry
work.
Counseling people on the phone, praying for them and

ministering to them in Word and prophecy is also
work. Let the man of God do these things because it's
his ministry duties to do.
Unlike secular jobs that knocks off at 4:00PM in

mostly cpuntries, the work of your husband doesn't
knock off. It's a 24 hour job. That is why you see most
Pastors hardly sleep. They labour tirelessly and
because of that they deserve to be paid.
“And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven

is at hand. Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the
dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely
give. Provide neither gold, nor silver, nor brass in your
purses, Nor scrip for your journey, neither two coats,
neither shoes, nor yet staves: for the workman is
worthy of his meat (Matthew 10:7-10)”.
“He that reapeth receiveth wages, and gathereth fruit

unto life eternal; that he that soweth and he that
reapeth may rejoice together. (John 4:36)”
If your husband is labouring like this he deserves to
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have his wages. Don't think he just gets offerings and

tithes while doing nothing. They come after labouring.
He deserves to eath those tithes and offerings because
he is a labourer sent from God.
There are women who think that what their husbands

get from church offerings is easy money. I feel sorry
for such women, they are void of understanding. What
your husband get is not easy money but a reward of
his labours in the ministry.
No Pastor eats easy money. Preaching, praying for

people, counseling and visiting the saints are not easy
jobs. It's hard labour and a risky one too because the
man of God will be colliding with the witches and
forces of darkness!
Step#5
A Pastor's Wife
Must Submit In Love
Titus 2:4 says, “That they may teach the young women
to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their
children”, and Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit
yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”.
As the wife of a Pastor you must learn to submit to
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your husband. Submission is not slavery and it's not

becoming an inferior object in the house. But it is to
take your rightful place of honour and glory in
marriage.
To submit to your husband is to subject yourself

under his authority. It is to put yourself under him
and it is to yield yourself to his authority as the head
of the house.
The moment you start doing whatever you like,

whatever you want, going wherever you want to go
and doing whatever you want to do and dressing
whichever way you want to dress against the will of
your husband then you are a rebel.
Submission means listening to your husband,

obeying him and respecting him in the marriage. This
doesnt mean listen when he says leave God. No! It
simply means doing all these things in Christ.
God wants you to submit to your husband. Don't just

do whatever you like. But do those things that please
him. The husband must also please his wife. You
must compliment.
Sadly most women today desire and fight to be the

head of the husband. All they seek is to be above their
husbands. This is easily noticeable especially in
church or at meetings.
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Ask the husband and the wife to come up front and

ask them to introduce themselves to the congregation.
Usually the unwise wife will start talking, “my name is
Mrs. X and the man next to me is my husband Mr. X
and….” she will go on and on until you ask her to
stop.
Woman, why can’t you let your husband, the head of

the family to talk first and then he will let you speak if
it’s necessary. Always learn to give your husband the
first preference. The Bible says that a wife should be
in subjection to his husband no matter how anointed
she might be.
The fact that you are gifted more than your husband
doesn’t make you the head of the family; you are the
wife and must submit to your own husband if you
want God to support and not to resist you.
Eph 5:22-23 says,'Wives, submit yourselves unto your

own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is
the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church: and he is the savior of the body’.
All the fighting in homes will end if wives take their

place in marriage and stop being the man. Being in
subjection or submission to your husband doesn’t
mean you are a slave of your husband.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let

the wives be to their own husbands in every thing (Eph
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5:24).
You are the wife, the woman and you must be sweet to
your husband, you must be interesting to him and
fascinating as it were. Don’t be the boss in the
marriage.
If you are the boss at where you work, you are not the
boss in the home but a wife. Studying verse 33 of
Ephesians 5 we see this, ‘the wife see that she
reverence her husband’.
To reverence your husband means to respect him with

all humility and Godly submission.
The home must be interesting, the zone of love and

obedience. Where God has placed you as a wife in a
marriage institution is a place of beauty and holiness.
Take your place and help your husband to fulfill the

vision God gave him. Refuse to be a nagging wife and
live in humility.
Also the Bible says, ‘Husbands, love your wives, even

as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it
(Eph 5v25)’.
Love is the bond of perfection and this is not mere

human love that fades away because of
circumstances. This is the God kind of love that’s
unconditional.
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A man must understand that a wife needs to be loved,

honoured and treated as a Queen. She is bone of your
bones, flesh of your flesh and your most precious
creature on planet earth.
Seek to please her and to make her smile always.

Continually surprise her with gifts and things she
enjoys to do with you. Learn what she likes and
gladden her heart daily. There is no evil in that.
Most husbands have a bad habit of teasing or

disgracing their wives before people. This is wrong and
must not be so and you need to completely stop
complaining or speaking negative against your wife to
your parents, relatives and friends. Honor her.
1Peter 3:7 says, Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with

them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the
wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs
together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not
hindered.
I repeat, never should a wife be the head of the

husband. She may be the head of state, church or
organization but not of her husband because the Lord
made the husband the head of the family and of the
wife just as Christ is the head of the church.
When you see a wife fighting to be the head of the

husband know for sure that she is not fighting against
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man but God and there’s no way she will win in that
fight for no-one can defeat God. The end of such a
woman is frustration, broken marriage and desolation.
Can you imagine a scenario were the church is

fighting to be the head of Christ ? That will be
stupidity and a whole bunch of contradiction. The
church cannot and will never be the head of Christ
and this is so with the wife and her husband.
Step#6
Learn To
Accept Correction
She obeyed not the voice; she received not correction;

she trusted not in the LORD; she drew not near to her
God (Zephaniah 3:2 )
What is to correct ? It is to make something that was

wrong become right; to remove error from.
Humans are not perfect. They make mistakes on their

way to perfection. So in case the wife has made a
mistake and the husband is trying to correct her then
the wife must humbly accept correction. Don't fight it.
I am aware that some Pastor's wive don't see their
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husbands as men of God. They don't see the anointing

in their husbands or value it.
But woman listen, this your husband is the man that

God chose, hand picked from the masses, anointed
and made him a Pastor. You must respect that.
So if your husband is correcting you from the word of

God please listen and humble yourself to accept the
correction.
Correction is grievous unto him that forsaketh the way:

and he that hateth reproof shall die. (Proverbs 15:10)
Jesus Christ should be first in your lives and in your

relationship and not anyone else. The Bible
admonishes the husband to handle his wife with
knowledge and the wife must acknowledge the
anointing in the husband and accept correction.
If there is any disagreement between you the couple,

you don’t need to pout, shout at one another or ignore
one another but settle every matter quietly in humility
and love with patience as those who are also forgiven
by Christ. If you have children they will learn to solve
their differences amicably when they see you doing it.
The husband must create an unbreakable atmosphere

of love in the home that even strangers will recognize
when they visit. Don’t turn your house into a boxing
arena!
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Step#7
Dont Withhold Sex
From Your Husband
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have

his own wife, and let every woman have her own
husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due
benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the
husband.(1 Corinthians 7:2-3)
Paul said the other reason why the man must have
his own wife is so that he may avoid fornication. This
means naturally a man has a craving for sex that is in
him and Paul admonished him to marry so that he
will satisfy his sexual desires in his house.
The Apostle Paul goes on to say, "The wife hath not

power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise
also the husband hath not power of his own body, but
the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be
with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to
fasting and prayer; and come together again, that
Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1
Corinthians 7:4-5)".
This means the wife's body does not belong to her

alone but also to her husband and in the same way,
the husband's body does not belong to him alone but
also to his wife.
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This is what you must practice in your christian

home.
I know there are women who use sex to get things

from their husbands. Some won't have sex with their
husbands unless their material demands are met or
unless they are given money. That's bad.
I know a couple that later on had a divorce because of

sex. The wife didn't want to sleep with her husband.
She had demands that the man couldn't meet. She
was no different from a prostitute.
We all know that a prostitute is someone who charges

money for her services including sex. This is what this
lady was doing to her husband until the marriage
crashed.
As the wife of a Pastor don't let your husband beg for

sex. Give it to him anytime he wants it. This is what a
good wife does. The only exception is when you are
sick or when you both agree not to have sex because
you are in prayers or fasting. But as long as you are
fine give it to him.
We have ladies who lie a lot. Every time they say they
are sick. This they do to avoid sex with their
husbands. Some begin to lament before bed time that
they are very tired and want to sleep. What they are
saying to their husbands is: “don't expect sex tonight
because I am tired”.
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By the time the man wakes up in the morning, she

will be already outside the house sweeping the yard
only because she is avoiding to sleep with her
husband. This can go on and on for days or weeks.
There are also other type of pastors wives who always

want it to look like their husbands love sex more than
any normal human being. You hear them asking, “Is
sex food that you can't skip today ?” Well, sex is a
good meal to your husband. If he wants it give him.
Why withhold it from him ?
Many marriages have gone into serious hurtful

divorces because of defrauding one another.
I don't encourage adultery or fornication or sexual

immorality at all but if you keep refusing to sleep with
your husband, the Apostle Paul in the scriptures said
Satan will tempt your husband and he may fall into
sexual immorality and be destroyed.
Is this what you want ? You must learn to protect

your husband by satisfying his sexual needs all the
time and also by praying for him to be protected from
the temptation of women.
Pastors work with a lot of women and they face

temptations from silly women every day! You must
pray for your husband and your prayers will God use
to keep your husband from such silly women.
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“...and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led

away with divers lusts (2 Timothy 3:6)”.
A faithful woman will love her husband and help him

both at home and at church.
Usually Pastors wives know that their husbands are

embarrassed to discuss these matters of sex with
anyone and so they take advantage of that and abuse
the man of God.
I know of a Pastor who went for six months without

sex with his wife. Each time he reached out to her for
romance and sex she refused. There was no peace in
the house.
The husband had problems with the wife at church

over administration issues and they fought over it.
The wife wanted the church to be run in such a way

that was opposite to what the husband (the visionary)
wanted and it became a disputable issue that went
straight into their bedroom.
The wife said if you don't do what I want at church

then I will not open my legs for you. It seemed a joke
but that's what happened. For six months there was
no sex until the man began to masturbate to relieve
himself and within that period he slept with church
members and his ministry was destroyed. As I write
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this book he has no ministry. It's a sad story.
I know there maybe issues between you and your

husband but quickly solve those issues amicably and
always pray for your man that God will lead him to do
those things that please God.
Let's say you are cooking and your husbands wants

sex, don't embarrass him. Don't say, “Oh man, you
only think of sex”. Don't say that. Just switch off the
stove and happily give him all the sex he wants. Enjoy
each other and thereby protecting one another from
temptations.
Let me tell you something woman of God; There are

many ladies in your church who want your man. I am
not saying this so that you begin to fight every woman
in church. No! You will destroy the church by such
foolish acts.
What am saying is that your husband is a man not

God, he may be tempted by some strange women who
joined your church for the purposes of destroying the
man of God and his ministry.
Haven't you read of men of God who slept with the

entire church choir ? Haven't you heard of men of God
who had sex with many women ? Do you think they
are worse than your husband ? Emphatically No! They
are men of God who were seduced, and tempted and
they fell just like anyone else.
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This is the reason you need to protect your husband. I

don't mean put cameras all over the streets where he
goes to and fro on different errands but satisfy his
sexual appetite always.
If one is satisfied at home he will not look for sex

outside your house unless he has a problem of lust. A
husband must be satisfied with his own wife and be
grateful.
The Bible says, "Let thy fountain be blessed: and

rejoice with the wife of thy youth.Let her be as the
loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy
thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her
love" (Proverbs 5:18-19).
I know of a woman who was married to a Pastor. They

had a fast growing ministry that was promising to be a
mega church in the near future. This couple had two
beautiful kids, identical twins, Tinaye and Tinashe.
I happened to be one of their close friends and had the

priviledge of sharing the Word of God with them. But I
noticed that the wife of that man of God was doing
something that was not right.
She was working far away from home. In the actual

fact, she was working at one of the boarder posts of
Zimbabwe and the husband was doing ministry in the
capital city of Zimbabwe alone.
29
This woman only visited home during special holidays,

that is, most of the times the husband was home
alone. The kids were kept at her parent's home. The
husband told me that because of distance they only
had sex three to four times a year because that's when
the wife will be home.
So one day during her vacation on one of the special

holidays she had, I was sitting with them at the table
eating dinner and I said, “How are you guys copying
while you live in different locations for such longer
periods before you come together again ?”
The husband said, “We are copying well” and the wife
nodded her head in agreement. Inside of me the Holy
Ghost whispered, “Divorce is looming over their
marriage unawares to both of them!”
I tried to counsel them to atleast have the wife resign

from her job to come and stay together with the
husband to do ministry in the capital. To my
amazement the wife refused the idea.
She said she can't leave her job to serve in the

ministry with her husband. Her job was more
important than the work of God.
In her own words she said, “I don't want to live on

begging and asking people for money”. She was
wrongly taught because she thought collecting tithes
30
and offerings in church is begging.
Well, I left them and went home but unfortunately, in

few months from that time a lot of stories began to
surface about that couple.
The husband (the Pastor himself ) got into a love affair

with the church secretary and the wife had a boy
friend at her work place whom she had sex with for
three years. The husband didn't know this.
The reason the wife didn't want to resign from her job
was not necessarily that she wanted money but was
that she didn't want to be separated from her secret
boyfriend who was her neighbour at the work quarters
far away from her home in the capital.
Their marriage was destroyed and that woman lost

her job and her boyfriend didn't want to marry her
because he had a family elsewhere too.
The Pastor was humiliated at church after the love

affair was exposed and his ministry was destroyed.
Satan was happy that day!
This must not happen to you. Stay with your husband

and do ministry together. Don't pursue money and
forsake the work of the ministry.
Trust God to feed you, to clothes you and to give you

all the money you need as you are labouring together
31
with your husband in the ministry. It is better to

protect your Godly marriage and ministry than to
pursue money and pleasures of sin!
Step#8
Don't Love Money
Love God Who Provides
Generally it is believed women love money. I don't

think it's true because as I know everyone (whether a
mn or a woman) is tempted to love money.
Money is important especially in our modern world.

Everything seems to require money. And the Bible
says, "...money answereth all things. (Ecclesiastes
10:19)"
Money answers all things. That's very true. Only what

money cannot give is life. But all the pleasures of this
world and all the needs you may have as a human
being, money can give you.
Have you ever seen that if you have money in your

house there is a sense of peace, happiness, security
and comfort you will enjoy with your spouse ?
Lack of money makes most young married women sad

and desperate. Maybe that's why the world says
women love money. But I said, I don't think women
32
love money more than men. Both genders equally love

money if not trained by God's Word to do otherwise.
Now in 1 Timothy 6:10 the Bible says, "For the love of

money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted
after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced
themselves through with many sorrows".
The Bible didn't say money is the root of all evil. It

says the love of money is the root of all evil. So the
love of it is what is dangerous to the human soul. It
pollutes and causes all sorts of evil.
Anyone under the influence of the love of money can

do anything for money.
A man can kill for the love of money. Ladies can go

into prostitution for the love of money. The love of
money can lead you into many unspeakable evils and
wickedness.
Some men are into homosexuality and orgies because

of the love of money.
So stay away from the love of money. We all need

money, we all want money and that's not bad. The
love of it is what is not right.
Women who have the love of money will never be

content with what they get from their husbands. They
are always ungrateful and complaining. They push the
33
men to go and steal money only to satisfy their love for

it.
Never put your man under unnecessary pressure just

because you want more money that you know he
cannot get within a certain period of time.
"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be

content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I
will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. (Hebrews 13:5)"
Learn to be content with what you have today and

tomorrow God will increase you. Grow with your
husband from where you are to the top most top step
by step.
The money you have may be little or not enough today

but that is not the reason for you to be angry at your
husband and church. Manage the little that is there
and sow some as seed and God will increase you.
If you follow the path of the love of money you will end
up in illegal deals and eventually in jail or death. All
silver and gold belong to the Lord therefore trust Him
for it in the ministry you are serving with your
husband.
All the great men and women of God around the world
did not start at the top. They began at the lowest
levels like you but they were faithful to God and
focused on the ministry and now after so many years
34
of working hard we admire them.
Step#9
Don't Command Him,
Make Suggestions
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish

plucketh it down with her hands. (Proverbs 14:1)"
If you are a wise woman we will not know it because

you said it, we will know by the house you have built.
This doesn't necessarily mean building a physical
house though it's applicable too, but it also means to
build your marriage.
A house is a house because of the man and the

woman who are married and living there otherwise it's
just a building with rooms and toilets.
God wants you to build your marriage and not to

destroy it as most foolish women do. One of the
quickest ways of destroying your house is by being
foolish, clamorous and contentious.
As the wife of the Pastor learn to be soft but strong.

When agitated answer him the Bible way. Don't make
a scene, don't make noise.
The Bible says, "A soft answer turneth away wrath:
35
but grievous words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1)".
Never command your husband. It is considered foolish

talking if you do. God did not make you a commander
over your husband. He made you his wife and the
man was made the commander in chief in the
marriage union. You must obey him.
But let's say you see that your husband is not right in
some things. Don't take that opportunity to oppose
him and humiliate him before his friends and
colleagues.
Wait until you are alone the two of you and talk to
him. He is your husband if you talk to him with
respect he will hear your suggestions and consider
them as powerful points. That's how it is done.
If the matter is urgent and you are not given the

chance to talk then excuse yourself from the meeting
and ask to see your husband aside and share your
suggestions. That's what wise women do. If you act
like this your husband will always ask for your
wisdom.
I always have problems with pastors’ wives who love to

criticize their husbands in meetings. Most of the times
they don’t agree with the ideas brought about by their
husbands and the only reason they disagree is that
their husbands said it.
36
They consequently appear as if they have a better idea

or solution than the contributions of their husbands
and as a result disgrace their husbands before their
seniors.
Listen to me wives: if you think you have a better idea

than what your husband has contributed in a general
meeting, why can’t you humble yourself and
contribute your idea as a suggestion than to humiliate
your man before his leaders ?
Don’t just shout, “I disagree, I totally disagree!”, when

your man speaks even though everyone else knows he
is wrong. Use wisdom and offer a suggestion and your
husband will understand you and esteem you as a
wise woman. A man fights a wife who disgraces him
before other men.
Never spit in your husband’s eye in meetings. This is

where you need wisdom to speak your ideas in a
Godly manner when your husband’s contribution is
not favorable or viable.
I always say that the way a wife presents her husband

is of great importance and effect. How you answer or
address your husband before us shows us more about
your relationship in your house.
But if you always like to argue with him, to

embarrass him or to treat him as if he doesn't know
anything then he will fight you. Always men love to be
37
seen as able successful people and not failures. Treat

your man as a hero and he will become one.
It reminds me in the early days when I bought my first

car. I wanted to drive to a distant land from home with
my family and because my wife knew that I had never
driven for such a long distance she said, "why don't
you call your young brother to drive us ?"
It didn't go on well with me; I took it as if she was

saying am incapacitated to drive them safely to and
fro and someone else is better than me. My reply
didn't please her. We got into the car and I drove
safely to our destination and back home.
After some time, we had a light bulb that went off on

it's on in the house and I knew I had to change it but
somehow I delayed to do so. My wife noticed it and
said something that annoyed me, "She said are you
able to change the light bulb or we look for someone
to do it ?"
I looked at her and said, "What ? Do you think I can't

change a light bulb in my own house?" She realized I
didn't like what she said and she quickly apologized.
That's what a wise woman does; She says sorry
whenever she misses it.
Listen, don't command your husband and don't treat

him as if he can't do some repairs and small jobs at
home. Let him try and if he fails he will call you or
38
someone for assistance.
Step#10
The Pastor of Husband
Is Your Pastor Too
Remember them which have the rule over you, who

have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith
follow, considering the end of their conversation. (Heb
13:7) Obey them that have the rule over you, and
submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as
they that must give account, that they may do it with
joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you
(Heb 13:17).
There are those who make ‘king-size mistakes- (big

ones)’ and this cuts your life short. James said,’ Do
not err, my beloved brethren (Jam1v16).
What I’m about to teach you right now is so important

that you have to get it into your spirit and never forget
it.
Now listen, if you disregard your pastor; no-matter

how you pronounce the blessing you will never enjoy
it in your life. God sets a pastor over you so that you’ll
be the person He planned for you to be.
Woman listen to me, If your husband is a Pastor then

he is your Pastor too. Listen to him as you listen to his
39
Pastor. Your husband is not only the Pastor of his

church, he is your Pastor too because you are the first
daughter in that church.
Talking against your pastor will do you no good but

destruction upon your soul. Learn to respect and
appreciate the Pastor God gave you even if he is your
husband.
Never be arrogant thinking you’ll make it in life

without the man of God set upon your life by God. The
humble will move from glory to glory but the proud
will be abased.
It is the nature of God to exalt the humble and to

resist the proud. Unfortunately it is hard for young
people to be humble so you have to fight for it and
walk in it in submission to your pastor.
Check your life from time to time, your language, and

your speech. See whether your words are seasoned
with salt or not; check your attitude and your manner
of living.
Some have a bad attitude and that’s why they don’t

prosper in life. Learn to use polite words when
addressing your pastors. Words like, “Please, may I…
thank you, I love you Pastor Sir, we thank God for you
Pastor Sir, My Prophet Sir, My Pastor Sir, My Life
Coach, My father, My papa, ...etc.’ Are good words you
must use when talking with your man of God.
40
Don’t use commanding words such as used by foolish

women when addressing their husbands.
Practice greeting your pastors and others first before

they greet you. Woman learn to honour your husband
as you do to his Pastor!
Do you know that your prosperity is connected to your

pastor ? The Word says, “Believe in the LORD your
God, so shall ye be established; believe his prophets,
so shall ye prosper (2Chron20v20b)”.
Check those who despise their spiritual leaders and

see how they fail in life. But I always thank God for
you a child of God because you are always submitting
to your pastor no-matter the age difference between
you.
Those who fail to respect their husbands are actually

despising God and His Son. I admonish you to stay
away from those who talk against your Pastor, who
gossip and cause divisions in your home and church.
Never think evil of your pastors but that which is good

and lovely.
And by these, my daughter, be admonished: of making

many books there is no end.
41

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The Wife of A Pastor Alistar N. Chibanda SNR

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THE WIFE OF A PASTOR ALISTAR N.

THE WIFE OF A PASTOR

Copyright © 2020 by:

Published in Zimbabwe by:

REPENTANCE PUBLISHING HOUSE

All rights reserved.

with the exception of brief excerpts in magazine, articles, reviews, etc.

For further information or permission, write:

REPENTANCE PUBLISHING HOUSE

10559 Devure Road Budiriro 5, Harare

Tel: +263 773 393 958

This book does not seek to exhaust all the teachings

I certainly feel that I have a message from the Lord to

Being the wife of a Pastor is not an easy job. It is a

Of course Yes, marriage is work and it takes two

When the husband is busy with church ministry work

Do you know that raising a child is great work ? It's

If the mother fails to send the child to school that may

Well that's not really the core subject of this book. I

You have to know that once you are married to a

Having said all these, there is something important

What one of you preaches should be in harmony with

A couple needs to understand the gospel of Christ

Now here is something that most husbands are

I believe husbands need to learn certain truth from

Sometimes I receive fresh revelations from my wife

This is exciting because I am aware God uses my wife

Both of you must be humble enough to learn from one

In conclusion let not anyone from outside control your

This means your husband is a man of God. As a man

Do ye not know that they which minister about holy

He may go to work in the secular industry if God

The work of your husband is called pastoral work or

So you must have an understanding that you are

Don't envy the dealers out there who seem to be

I didn't get into ministry for money. You must

The Bible says Moses left the pleasures of Egypt to go

“Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of

Dear woman your husband is not in the ministry for

Suffering in ministry is a phase you will pass through

The Pastor works at the altar (1 Cor 9v13, Matt 10:7-

Prayers, counseling, prophesying, teaching,

This is the most important work in the world because

It is only through the work of the Pastor that people

Your husband needs you to help him to be successful

For they that have used the office of a deacon well

If your husband stops doing the work of the ministry,

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear

As the wife of a Pastor you must guide the house,

Don't send your husband to do some work as if he is

Don't mistaken me here. He can babysit, he can do

gardening, he can sweep the house, he can wash the

As the wife of the man of God, help him to do these

The work of the ministry involves a lot of sacrifices

The Apostle Paul showed us a glimpse of what the

“Are they ministers of Christ? (I speak as a fool) I am

been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of

You and your husband you will face one or more of