"Bravo à toutes les batailles que j'ai gagnées et que personne n'a jamais connues.

"

August 4, 2021, Monday, 11:42 PM

This is the first time I decided to write my thoughts, feelings breakdown stories, and the reasons
behind it. I don't know but it just came up in my mind, i don't really do this type of things cuz' its
kinda cringe but today i decided to just wrote my feelings or thoughts about anything than
keeping it all to myself, kasi nahihiya ako mag share sa iba ng mga nararamdaman ko, o siguro
wala din kasi akong taong mapag kuwentuhan, haha, maybe both. Ginawa ko din to' kasi gusto
ko ding patunayan sa sarili ko na nalampasan ko yung kung ano mang pinagdadaanan ko nung
sinulat koto. Im sure if babasahin ko to ulit bukas or sa susunod na araw, i am gonna laugh
nalang kasi okay nako, nailabas ko na yung saloobin ko. Haha, i think it might help me a little
bit to not feel so lonely. I've had so many tough times in my life but i'm not making it bigdeal pa
before, I feel like I'm just over reacting about it. But as i grew up, mas lalong dumadami yung
mga feelings na nararamdaman ko na di ko alam kung bakit ko nararamdaman. Napansin ko sa
sarili ko na masyado na kong nagiging obsessed sa mga opinions o nasasabi ng mga tao sa
paligid ko, kesa paniwalaan yung sarili ko. Im starting to feel concious about what do others
think about me, do i look okay with them? What should i do to feel accepted by them. Im
minding too much to the people around me, na dapat ay nakafocus ako sa sarili kong
improvement ko para sa sarili ko and not for them. I dont know why i am going through this, i
guess it is just part of me growing up. Antagal kong nabulag sa mga opinion ng iba, na
tinanggalan ko na yung sarili ko ng karapatan na magbigay ng opinyon para sakin. Actually until
now, nandito parin sakin yung mindset na ganon. Well, im aware but it is just too hard not to
mind them.

November 15, 2021, Monday, 5:19 pm

Wow, i totally forgot abt this. Its been like 3 months? I just got bored and suddenly open this app
then i saw this shit. Well yes, its kinda cringe to read that now but its just me anyway, i guess?
When i decided to create this i said to my self that i will do this daily like a diary but i totally
forgot about it HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Well its not like there's so much things going on in mylife
tho. Everyday, same life, same routine and and repeat. So if i fill this up everyday I'll be writing
the same shit everyday HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Actually in the span of 3 months, i barely had
breakdowns so i guess that'll explain why i completely forgot about this. And add the stress due
to my studies. I have no time to be sad and breakdown. My studies is my real priority these
days..
I suddenly realized the difference between this and the first one i wrote haha, this one looks like
the happier side of me. Am i happy really? Well, i, myself didn't really know too. As if i have a
choice tho. Anyways. Thats life.
Honestly, i don't know myself these days. Like I've just said earlier my studies are really my
priority right now, but i feel like nothing. I used to be excited to study but why am i feeling so
drained. I don't know. I feel tired, pressured, having frequent mental blocks. Instead of focusing
like I've promise to my self becuse Im gonna go to senior high school like a months from now,
but yet im lacking motivation. Just why???? I feel like im okay tho. Nothing's really bothering me
but i feel like there is. Its fucking sucks not being able to understand your own self.