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Jaden Marie Rosile

Prof. Lahmon

English 1101

28 July 2020

Should Parents Spy on their Teens?

Being able to see every call and text your teen makes sounds like an amazing opportunity

for any parent. However, prying into your teen’s privacy is extremely harmful. When parents use

applications to spy on their teenagers, most commonly, the power is abused and creates

destructive relationships. Parents often can’t refuse the temptation of snooping and typically

don’t understand how wrong it is. Instead of spying on teens, parents should give them space to

learn and grow, while using communication to keep their children safe. Parents should not use

spyware to monitor their teens because they are invasive, damaging, and risk causing

generational issues.

The use of parenting apps on teens’ devices can be extremely intrusive. Apps can monitor

everything from text messages to conversations happening around the phone without the child

even knowing. As the number of devices and social media apps continues to grow, so does the

use of these apps. According to a Pew Research Center survey, 61 percent of parents visit

websites their teenagers viewed, 60 percent check their social media accounts, 48 percent

monitor their phone calls and text messages, and 16 percent track their teen’s location (Wingfield

11). Dr. Andy Cornes, a consultant psychologist, compared spying on your children’s devices to

reading their diaries, “in our culture that's one of the worst things a parent could do - to read their

children's innermost thoughts and secrets. But having access to kids' social media accounts is
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much more than reading their diary. It's even more intrusive and damaging” (Maxted 24). With

this much power available, parents are often tempted to abuse it and some believers in privacy

reject the idea of responsible spying on family (Wingfield 9-19). Communication is far more

effective and Elaine Halligan, London Director of The Parent Practice, supports this by saying

that “emotionally connecting and communicating with your children is far effective than

coercion control” (Maxted 65). Communication offers more reassurance than spyware ever will.

As author Anna Maxted shares, kids will talk about their problems if parents listen.

Spying is destructive to anyone but most negatively impacts children. Teens are entitled

to privacy and when that is broken, it creates an unhealthy dynamic. As said by Dr. Cornes,

people tend to spy on others when they don’t trust them, which can lead to detachment and an

elevated position of power. Parents who spy on their children promote distrust and deceit, which

in the end, pushes your teens away. If teenagers feel as though they cannot trust you to provide a

trusting environment, they will not confide in you. They need independence to develop, without

it, their mental growth is stifled (Wingfield 19). Chris Rothey, president of Net Nanny, a firm

that sells parental control software, tells parents they need to find a balance between what they

want to know and trusting their child (Sternstien 16). For example, many members of the

LGBTQ+ community were outed to their parents because of the use of parental apps. Many teens

are only comfortable telling friends these private things, and it should be their choice to share

such important topics with their parents when ready. A lack of privacy can impact teens in

destructive ways.

Others would argue that parental apps are used to keep teenagers safe. The Washington

Police Department, being a supporter of parents spying on their children, even encourage it.

Sergeant Kenneth Sanger of the Montgomery County Police Department’s Special Victims
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Investigations Division suggests that parents should know everything on their teen's phones.

Sanger tells parents to go through their child's phone while they are sleeping to ensure they

aren’t sending explicit content. According to research done by the Pew Research Center, 15

percent of 12 to 17-year-olds have received nude or semi-nude photos (Sternstein 7). However,

experts say that “engaging children in constant, even if uncomfortable, conversation about what's

happening on their social media apps, chats, and text messages is the best way to keep kids safe

and detect any inappropriate digital activities” (Sternstein 6). Those who support secretive

parental apps also suggest that parents track their children. There are many spyware apps that

show the location of teens’ devices without telling them. While knowing the location of your

child is important, there are apps such as Life360 that track the location of both parents and

teens. Apps like Life360 tell the teen that they are being tracked, but also show them the location

of their parents. Having mutual trust in a relationship is very important because it supports

communication. While monitoring a teenager’s device may seem easier, creating healthy

relationships by communicating is safer.

The use of parental apps creates a risk with generational consequences. When children

see their parents become intrusive, they assume it’s okay to do it in their relationships. Danah

Boyd, the founder of Data & Society, said that in her work with teenagers, “the privacy norms

established by parents influenced their children’s relationships with their peers” (Wingfield 24).

Dr. Boyd shares that teenagers would give their passwords to their friends or who they were

dating because of what they saw their parents doing. This can be extremely harmful in unhealthy

relationships if those who received the passwords abused them. With more parents spying on

their children, “we risk raising a generation that accepts erosion of basic human rights; who, as

adults might not understand that being tracked by your partner, say, is a form of domestic abuse”
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(Maxted 25). If we teach our children that it’s okay to not have privacy, we are enabling

domestic abuse and “a nation of neurotics” (Maxted 2).

While the allure of spyware is often enticing, parents shouldn’t give in to their

temptations. Teens deserve privacy and parental apps intrude and destroy the trust between

parents and their children. To develop into healthy adults, teens need to be trusted to learn and

grow without constant parental supervision. While some would say these apps keep teenagers

safe, communication is more effective. The risk of creating a generation that accepts the absence

of privacy is alarming and needs to be avoided. The use of parental apps often leads to more

consequences than positive outcomes. Instead of turning into spies, parents should indulge in

constant communication to ensure the safety and growth of their children. If the use of spyware

apps continues to increase, we could be facing a future that disregards the need for privacy.
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Works Cited

Maxted, Anna. “Bye darlings, I’ll be watching you!” Daily Telegraph,

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/, 05 October 2019, https://eds-b-ebscohost-

com.sinclair.ohionet.org/eds/detail/detail?vid=10&sid=299cff6d-cb73-4f0f-8a07-

e9412d00d9ad%40pdc-v-sessmgr06&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU

%3d#AN=8Q2153510861&db=f6h.

Sternstein, Aliya. “Can parental spyware keep kids safe online?” The Christian Science Monitor,

https://www.csmonitor.com/, 24 February 2017, https://go-gale-

com.sinclair.ohionet.org/ps/retrieve.do?

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MOD1&prodId=OVIC&contentSet=GALE

%7CA482592760&searchId=Rps=11&userGroupName=dayt30401&inPS=true&&cp=1.

Sultan, Aisha. “Parents monitoring children's phones or secretly keeping an electronic leash?” St.

Louis Post-Dispatch, https://www.stltoday.com/#tracking-source=refresh, 15 April 2013,

https://eds-a-ebscohost-com.sinclair.ohionet.org/eds/detail/detail?vid=6&sid=00daed4a-

3661-46a1-aa2a-5e016d658680%40sdc-v-

sessmgr01&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#AN=2W61023013230&db=nfh.

Uliano, Dick. “Police: Parents need to monitor kids’ cellphone use” Washington Top News,

https://wtop.com/, 21 November 2017, https://wtop.com/local/2017/11/police-parents-

need-monitor-kids-cellphone-use/.
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Wingfield, Nick. “Should You Spy on Your Kids?” The New York Times,

https://www.nytimes.com/, 09 November 2016,

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/10/style/family-digital-surveillance-tracking-

smartphones.html.