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Lauren Perez

Professor Nelson

ENGL 1302

11/16/2021

The Gap of Parental Support for LGBTQ Youth

When a person presents their sexual orientation/identity hardship to a parental figure, or a

family member, the parent can experience difficulty comprehending what their child told them.

Most of the time, it is not an easy thing to come to terms with understanding. Not only is the

person struggling to understand their sexual identity, but the parent's expectation of their child

being attracted to the opposite sex that comes with it. Acceptance has a significant role when it

comes to people that are involved in the LGBTQ plus community; it made it less formidable.

Although, having a mindset that a parent should accept their child regardless of their identity can

take time to adjust to change. This can lead to a problematic environment because the parent is

from a time, or culture when gender roles in society were perceived differently. Another reason

is that the parent may not be educated on conversations like LGBTQ plus in youth or has beliefs

involving religion. This can also be intertwined with culture that includes a fixed mindset,

leading to a growth mindset. Although, in other cases, the environment can be secure, and safe.

Additionally, grief can be present because parents often have this expectation of how they

visioned their child's future to be. This paper argues that the gap of parental support for LGBTQ

children has not been fully interrogated, which is why advocacy on that area has not been as

effective as it should be.

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Gender Roles in Society and Culture

One reason parents can have trouble adapting to their children’s LGBTQ orientation is

due to their cultural backgrounds which may not have acknowledged LGBTQ identities. There is

not a variety of research dealing with the gaps on how culture plays a role in LGBTQ

recognition. However, for this section of the paper it will focus on Mexican culture to fill in the

gaps on the parental support for LGBTQ in youth. When it comes to Mexican culture it has been

deeply rooted on the ideology on that traditional gender roles beliefs define different duties

specifically for men and women, which is also influenced through the role of parents in their

family, especially during a time when a child is going through adolescence. According to a social

learning perspective, parents who embrace more traditional gender roles would be expected to

deliver socialization cues that favor the development of more conventional views among their

kids (Updegraff, and Kimberly 10). It is also mentioned that the most crucial aspect of figuring

out more or less the idea of gender development, which later unfolds a child's perspective on

long-term goals, starts in adolescence. It can be said that "Adolescence is a developmental period

when youth are exploring their identities" (Updegraff, and Kimberly 1). Thus, implying that the

mindset of the parents who have developed the social stigma about gender roles through culture

can be passed down to their kids.

In a study, Halpern and Jenkins surveyed parents' ideology on gendered behavior, and

predictors of gender roles. Halpern and Jenkins stated that according to research when parents

have more traditional ideas on gender roles, their children think in more traditional terms.

Although when parents hold equal values in gender roles, their children's opinions on gender

roles become less conventional. It can be said that moms expected their children to be interested

in conventionally gendered professions, adolescents indicated a greater interest in occupations

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that encourage gender stereotypes. (Halpern 4). It is essential to recognize that a parent's

ignorance does not typically come from themselves not wanting to understand specific

conversations. Still, it is something that is deeply rooted in their mindsets. Whether it is where

they have come from, depending on culture, different generations, environments, etc., it will take

time for them to adjust, and accept change.

Religion

Religion and culture can be put into the same category, yet the focus of this paper is to

put them separately while making connections to one another. The majority of the time, there is a

clash with religion and the acceptance of LGBTQ plus because of the belief that it is a sin to

commit homosexual acts. This is most likely one of the reasons that plants fear people who

associate as LGBTQ, the thought of being disowned and not accepted can create tension within a

household. Some could say that some individuals' responses to religious-based discrimination

and prejudice in their lives included rejecting religion (Schmitz and Woodell 3) due to the social

stigma on religion. Thus, when a child presents their sexual orientation to a parent, they refer

back to what they were initially taught when they were once a kid. From they have always

known from their knowledge that it is unacceptable, it intervenes from the parent trying to come

to terms on understanding. Yet, they usually refuse, resulting in a problematic environment due

to a fixed mindset that homosexuality is a sin. Shown in a study that people with internalized

homophobia have certain faith or political societies may teach that experiencing same-sex

inclinations makes “one morally deficient, inferior, or mentally ill” (Rosik et al. 3). Thus,

creating tension in a household because usually, when a parent has this fixed mindset, they tend

to believe that it can go away by ignoring it, but in reality, it does not. Religion has left the

permanent ideology that homosexuality is unacceptable. It should be acknowledged that the

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generations teaching it before instead of jumping into the idea of homophobia is ignorance. Even

though it may be the case, it is essential to acknowledge the background of the ideology.

Fixed Mindset and Growth Mindset

When coming across a fixed mindset it is a given that it will be a challenge on trying to

expose someone to new things, yet the person can refuse and immediately turn down the idea.

Which is typically more profound when it comes to parents with fixed mindsets, they often hold

expectations on their children. Parents that tend to struggle to reconcile their earlier expectations

for their children, which includes “heterosexual marriage and biological grandchildren” (Tyler

and Abetz 13). Even after when a child expressed their sexual orientation parents still wrestle

with the concept that their child's everyday lives and future goals could be jeopardized if they

revealed their true identities. Although it is shown in study parents feedback highlighted a more

difficult task than making easy decision to reject or accept their child that identifies LGBTQ.

Therefore, showing that regardless of having a fixed mindset on what their child disclosed to

them about sexual orientation and trying to comprehend it is more complex for a parent to adapt

to change. Although for most parents when they finally become aware that change is inevitable,

and that times are constantly changing they start becoming more open minded to the thought of

sexual orientation. Showing that their fixed mindset is starting to develop into a growth mindset.

It is said that the concept of a growth mindset is that human abilities are not fixed but can be

developed over time (Dwerk and Yeager 1) which leads to the ability of such ideas to shape

human conduct.

Grief

Grief should be acknowledged in both situations; which are the parents and the child

struggling with their sexual identity. With the child struggling with hardship on trying to
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understand who they are, and it can lead to an external and internal battle that most people who

are a part of the LGBTQ community. Although, it is also important to not disregard how the

parent/parents feels. Even though the idea of having loving parents means that they will accept

you without any circumstance, yet that is a big expectation to put on parents. Despite the fact that

parents do the same thing in return. The expectation that most parents have fall short or it often

collides with the contrast to conceptions of parental interactions that are predominantly defined

by grief (Tyler and Abetz 20). Usually, parents come to terms with this ideology on “grief talk”,

which is used to set the tone for what parents might be expecting when their child comes out to

them (Broad 14). An organization named Parents, Friends, and Families of Lesbians and Gays

(PFLAG) believes the grief over the loss of a straight child is framed as important, and it is later

transformed into acceptance for the child’s sexual orientation (Broad 53). It is said by a person

being interviewed that their viewpoint is them being aware that grieving was not cured or

finished, and that there would be more struggles ahead (Wheat 15). Realizing that even though

grief plays a role in a relationship between parents and a child that grieving is not something that

it can be solved and settled. It takes patience and time for both parties to adjust, and adapt to

change especially with parents because it is something new for them.

Conclusion

In conclusion it is important to look closer at the gap that separates the parental support

in LGBTQ youth. Majority of the time it gets a negative viewpoint when it comes to parents

when they face difficulty or do not want to accept it immediately. It can be said that when a

child’s orientation is displayed to their parents, it can lead to a stage of an uncertain relationships

(Tee 22) within the dynamic between a child and their parents. It was shown in the study that

uncertainty is linked to negative implications that can be the influence due to the social stigmas
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on gender roles, culture, and religion. Not only that this paper argues that the gap has not been

investigated, but it make connections with fixed mindsets, growth mindsets, and grief to help get

a better overall understanding on why advocacy on that area has not been as effective.
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Work Cited

Broad, KL. “Coming out for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays: From Support

Group Grieving to Love Advocacy.” Sexualities, vol. 14, no. 4, 2011, pp. 399–415.,

https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460711406792.

Dweck, Carol S., and David S. Yeager. “Mindsets: A View from Two Eras.” Perspectives on

Psychological Science, vol. 14, no. 3, 2019, pp. 481–496,

https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691618804166.

Halpern, Hillary Paul, and Maureen Perry-Jenkins. “Parents’ Gender Ideology and Gendered

Behavior as Predictors of Children’s Gender-Role Attitudes: A Longitudinal

Exploration.” Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, vol. 74, no. 11-12, 2016, pp. 527–542,

https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-015-0539-0.

Rosik CH, et al. “Sexual Minorities Who Reject an Lgb Identity: Who Are They and Why Does

It Matter?” Issues in Law & Medicine, vol. 36, no. 1, 2021, pp. 27–43.

Tyler, Tee R., and Jenna S. Abetz. “Interpersonal Discourses between Parent and LGBTQ

Child.” Journal of Gay & Lesbian Social Services, vol. 31, no. 3, 2019, pp. 267–289.,

https://doi.org/10.1080/10538720.2019.1596859.

Updegraff, Kimberly A., et al. “Mexican–American Adolescents’ Gender Role Attitude

Development: The Role of Adolescents’ Gender and Nativity and Parents’ Gender Role

Attitudes.” Journal of Youth and Adolescence, vol. 43, no. 12, 2014, pp. 2041–2053.,

https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-014-0128-5.

Schmitz, Rachel M., and Brandi Woodell. “Complex Processes of Religion and Spirituality

among Midwestern LGBTQ Homeless Young Adults.” Sexuality & Culture, vol. 22, no. 3,

2018, pp. 980–999., https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-018-9504-8.

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Wheat, Laura S., and Nancy E. Thacker. “LGBTQ+ Loss Experiences and the Use of Meaning

Reconstruction with Clients.” Journal of LGBT Issues in Counseling, vol. 13, no. 3, 2019,

pp. 232–251., https://doi.org/10.1080/15538605.2019.1627973.