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Kelly Bulkeley Ph.D,

Dreaming in the Digital Age

Talking About Dreams

If you follow a few principles, dream-sharing can be fun and enlightening.
Posted Apr 02, 2020

Humans have been sharing dreams with each

other for millennia.

Some of the earliest written texts in Ancient China,

Egypt, and Greece are collections of dream symbols
and their traditional meanings. Indigenous cultures
all over the world have practices of discussing
dreams in family gatherings, village councils, and
ritual ceremonies. Talking about dreams with other
people has always been a natural, normal part of
human community life.

Today, you may find yourself with more time to

Source: Kelly Bulkeley
sleep, and to dream, than usual, perhaps the most
since your childhood. You may also find yourself having more phone and video conversations with family and
friends than ever before, and maybe trying to think of new topics to discuss. These are perfect conditions for
sharing dreams or at least giving it a try. Not everyone will be interested, but many people will likely take you up
on the suggestion.

To be clear: Dream-sharing is not an equivalent for psychotherapy. Fortunately, it isn’t difficult to discuss dreams
responsibly in a non-therapeutic framework. The following principles offer a simple map for safely and enjoyably
sharing dreams with others.

Respect the dreamer. Let the dreamer set the pace of the discussion. Be sensitive to how the dreamer is
experiencing the conversation, and when it feels right to end it.

Maintain confidentiality. Make sure you let the dreamer know you will preserve the privacy of whatever you
discuss. Ask the same when the time comes for you to share your dreams.

Listen well; don’t interpret. The most important thing you can do for the dreamer is to listen—closely, carefully,
sympathetically. Avoid the impulse to analyze or explain the dream. Think of it as exploring a work of art, not
solving a puzzle.

Take your time. There’s no rush. Go ahead and digress, follow tangents, linger over obscure details. Let
curiosity be your guide.

“If it were my dream…” You don’t know what the dream means to the dreamer. But you do know how that
person’s dream feels to you, in your imagination. Whenever someone shares a dream with us, we form an
imagined version of it in our own minds, which then stimulates ideas and insights about possible meanings.
That’s a valuable process if we’re open and honest about its roots in our own imaginations.
As Jeremy Taylor taught, the best practice here is to preface your comments about possible meanings with the
phrase, “If it were my dream….” By saying that, you clearly signal to the dreamer that you are not trying to UK
impose your feelings on them. You give them a respectful space in which to think about your comment, which
may be off-point or may be quite relevant and helpful. Ultimately, only the dreamer can make that judgment.

Have fun! Dreaming is playful, imaginative, creative, and often quite absurd. Dreams can bring light and levity to
times of darkness and gloom. Try looking for the most bizarre and outlandish elements in your dreams, the most
comic scenes, the most ridiculous moments, and just have a good shared laugh about them.

A final thought: You may find that your dreaming becomes more lively and dynamic when you know each night
when you go to sleep that if you have a dream, there’s someone with whom you can share it when you wake up.
You’re not just dreaming for yourself anymore.

About the Author

Kelly Bulkeley, Ph.D., is a psychologist of religion, Director of the Sleep and Dream Database, and author of
numerous books on dreams, psychology, spirituality, art, science, and history.
Online: Dream Research and Education

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