Unrequited: The devil's heart

by xxakanexx

Nikita Kerkmez had always been in love with Yto Consunji. She had always believe
that after she faced all the obstacles - she will have Yto as her prize but
something happened that made her realize that no matter how hard she tries, Yto
will never be hers...

Witness how Niki puts herself back together. Will she be able to take the pieces
back or will she forever be broken?

(Cover by: Bellalona)

=================

Unrequited: The devil's heart

“Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back
. . . then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.” ― Sarah
Cross, Kill Me Softly

=================

Prologue: Days with him

Day One

“Class meet the newest addition to our family. Yza Joan and Yto Jose. Kambal sila.
Say Good morning.”

“Good morning new classmates!”

I couldn’t wipe the smile on my face when I first saw the boy with those pesky cute
cheeks. Ang taba-taba ng pisngi niya tapos ang haba pa ng buhok niya. Ang cute
niya. Gusto ko siyang maging kaibigan.

Nginitian ko siya noong napadaan siya sa tapat ng chair ko pero hindi naman niya
ako nipansin. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin. Naupos sila noong kakambal niya sa likod.
Siya pa mismo iyong nagtanggal ng bag ng kakambal niya sa likod nito tapos nilagay
sa tabi. Naupo silang dalawa. Nakita kong hinawakan niya pa iyong kamay noong
kakambal niya.

Napatingin siya sa direksyon ko. Ngumiti ako. Gusto kong ipakita sa kanya iyong
dimple ko pero hindi naman siya nag-smile back. Napanguso ako. Ang sungit naman
niya.

“Huy, Niki, anong nititingnan mo?” Tumingin ako sa tabi ko. Nakita ko si Zachary
Drew. Nakatingin siya sa akin. “Penge ng candy.”

“Tse! Ang panget mo.” Dinilaan ko siya tapos sinilip ko ulit iyong boy na may cute
na cheek.

“Class, listen. What are odd numbers?” Tanong ni Teacher Cheska. Nakita kong
nagtaas ng kamay iyong bago naming classmate. Kahit nakataas na ang kamay niya
hawak niya pa din iyong kamay ng batang babae.

“Yes, Yto Jose?” Tawag sa kanya ni Teacher Cheska. Tumayo siya.

“Odd numbers cannot be divided evenly, examples of these are 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13,
15, 17, 19 and so and so forth.”

Namilog ang mga mata ko. Ang talino pa niya. Ako hindi ako masyadong matalino sa
math pero si Yto Jose...

Tumingin muli siya sa direksyon ko. Ngumiti ulit ako. Nakita kong lumabi siya tapos
ay umupo ulit. Napahagikgik ako. Ang cute niya. Crush ko na siya.

Narinig kong nag-ring ang bell. Recess time na pala. Kinuha ko iyong baunan ko
tapos nilapitan ko iyong mga bago kong classmates.

“Nagugutom ka na noh, Yto. Naririnig ko iyong tyan mo.” Sabi noong batang bungi.

“Hi!” Binati ko sila. Tumingin sa akin iyong batang bungi. “Ako si Nikita Cyrene
Kerkmez.” Pakilala ko sa sarili ko.

“Ako si Yza Joan Ybarra siya naman si Yto Jose Ybarra. Kambal kami.” Pakilala naman
niya sa kanya at sa kapatid niya.

“May baon ako, gusto ninyo share tayo?” Alok ko sa kanila. Lumabi ang bago kong
crush.

“Sabi ni Nanay, Yza baon lang natin ang kainin natin. Bad manghingi.” Sabi niya sa
kapatid niya.
“Hindi naman kayo nanghihingi, Binibigay ko. Sabi ni Momsi, always share food with
your friends. I’m sharing kasi friends ko na kayo.”

“Talaga friends na tayo?” Tanong sa akin ni Yza.

“Oo naman basta friends na rin kami ni Yto.” Ngumiti ako sa kanya. Ipinapakita ko
talaga ang dimple ko kasi sabi ni Popsi ko, mas maganda ako kapag nakalabas ang
dimples ko pero parang hindi siya nagagandahan sa dimple ko.

Ngumiti na lang ako.

Di bale, crush ko naman siya at alam kong darating ang panahon, magiging crush niya
din ako.

Day one thousand eight hundred twenty six

“Yto bakit ba ang sama ng ugali mo sa akin? Grade seven na tayo pero hindi mo pa
rin ako crush?! What’s wrong with you? Kulang pa ba na ipangalandakan ko sa buong
Marian na ikaw ang ultimate crush ko?!”

Hindi huminto si Yto sa paglalakad. Dala pa rin niya iyong bag niya. Kipkip niya pa
rin iyong mga librong hiniram niya sa library, mukhang ayaw niya talagang makausap
ako. Galit na naman siya sa akin dahil isinigaw ko sa library na crush ko siya.
Wala namang masama doon.

Tinanong kasi ako ng librarian kung anong sinisilip ko sa gitna ng mga bookshelf.
Inamin ko naman na nagpunta lang ako sa library para sa kanya. Hindi ako nagpunta
doon para mag-aral. Gusto ko lang siyang titigan.

“Layuan mo na ako Niki, pwede? Kahit kailan hindi lalagpas sa classmate ang tingin
ko sa’yo.”

“Ah ganoon? Sinasabi mo lang iyan dahil nabubulagan ka ng kagandahan ni Samantha,

pero mas maganda naman talaga ako sa kanya especially when you look at my
dimple!” I yelled. Napapadyak pa ako. Nasa gitna kami ng pathwalk at hindi ako
nangingiming ipagsigawan na gusto ko siya dahil iyon ang turo ni Momsi at ni Popsi:
kapag may gusto kailangan sabihin, life is short to live it in fear and that’s
exactly what I’m doing.

“Just go home, Niki. Uuwi na rin ako.”

Tinalikuran niya ako. Okay lang naman sa akin iyon. Darating din ang panahon,
mapupunta sa akin si Yto Jose Consunji.
 

Day three thousand two hundred eighty-seven

“Ano? Girlfriend ni Yto si Anna? Anong meron kay Anna na wala sa akin?!”

Gigil na gigil ako habang kausap ko si Yza sa telepono. Nasa bahay ako noon,
nilalagnat, sabi ni momsi huwag na daw muna akong lumabas dahil baka lalo akong
magkasakit.

“Kumalma ka, Nikita. Wala na, sinagot na daw siya ni Anna.”

Hindi ko na nagawang magpaalam kay Yza sa telepono. Wearing my hello kitty slippers
and my hello kitty jammies I got out of my room and went down stairs. Sinilip ko
muna si Momsi, nasa kusina siya at naamoy ko na ang chiken soup na niluluto niya
para sa akin. Tumakbo ako palabas ng bahay. Nilalagnat ako tapos medyo umaambon pa
pero hindi ko alintana. Nakasalalay dito ang nararamdaman ko para kay Yto. Hindi na
lang ito simpleng crush. Mahal ko na kaya siya. Na-realize ko iyon noong day three
thousand five hundred fifty seven ko na siyang kakilala.

I know I’m too young pero okay lang naman. Popsi said that love comes in a much
unexpected time and this is my unexpected time. Wala namang problema sa akin kung
mahal ko si Yto at the age of fifteen. Alam ko at naniniwala ako na si Yto at ako
ay para sa isa’tisa.

Narating ko ang village nila Yto kahit na mabagal akong maglakad. Nagtuloy ako sa
bahay nila at doon nakita ko si Yto na kausap si Zachary Drew sa labas ng gate.
Nagtatawanan ang mga ito. Nilapitan ko siya tapos ay hinampas sa balikat.

“How dare you!” Sigaw ko sa kanya. “Bakit nakipag-girlfriend ka kay Anna? Alam mo

naman how much I love you!” Malat na malat man ako, sinisigawan ko pa rin siya.

“Niki, ano bang ginagawa mo dito?” Tanong niya na mukhang gulat na gulat.

“Anong ginagawa ko? This is me fighting for you! Hindi ako papayag na makuha ka ng
iba! Akin ka Yto!”

Day four thousand seventeen

“Yes! Graduate na ako ng college!”

Iyon ang una kong sinigaw pagkalabas ko ng PICC kung saan ginanap ang graduation
rites namin. Agad kong niyakap si Momsi at si Popsi tapos ay lumipat ako kay ate
Lindy at kuya Daniel. Kumpleto ang pamilya ko ngayon dahil nagtapos ang
pinakamagandang supling ni Hanna and ni Antoy Kermez.

“Momsi, look oh, ang ganda ko talaga dito sa picture taken by Kuya.”

“Siyempre, baby girl, mana ka kay Popsi.” Hinalikan ako ni Popsi sa pisngi.

“Ano sa’yo na naman?” Narinig ko si Momsi. Natawa na lang kami nila Ate. Nagyaya na
si Kuya Daniel na umalis. Kakain pa kasi kami sa labas but then I saw Yto with his
new girlfriend Mindy. Nagkiss pa sila. I made a face.

Tumalikod iyong babae. Ang kapal ng mukha.

“Momsi, Popsi susunod na lang ako sa car.” Paalam ko. Pinuntahan ko si Yto.

Nakatayo lang siya doon habang tinatanggal ang necktie niya. Nang makita niya ko
sumimangot agad siya.

‘Congratulations Yto ko!” Sabi ko sa kanya sabay yakap. I was actually expecting

that he would push me away pero hindi at natuwa ako dahil doon. He let me hug him
for like a minute ako na rin ang kumalas matapos noon. Kinikilig ako.

“Masaya ka na?” There was a hint of smile on his face. I shrugged.

“Mas masaya kung sasagutin mo na ako, Yto ko.” Lumapit ako sa kanya. I put my arms
around his neck and shove myself closer to him. I saw his cheeks turn a little bit
scarlet. Napahagikgik ako. I think I’m affecting him in a way na nakakilig.

“Yto ko...”

“Niki, stop.” He said. I could hear the warning bells on his voice but I didn’t
listen.

“Wala ka pang graduation gift sa ----“

I wasn’t able to finish my sentence because Yto – my Yto – kissed me. My eyes were
wide at fist. Of course naman! Bakit hindi? He’s my first kiss. I actually reserved
my first everything for him.

I want him to be my first boyfriend, first kiss, the first and the last man in my
life. I only want Yto Jose Consunji. I love him with all my heart.

“Kiss me back...” He whispered in between his kisses.

“I don’t know how too...” I whispered back. He stopped for a while and looked at
me. Akala ko tapos na iyong magical moment but then he kissed me again this times I
imitated the brush of his lips against mine and a little while later, we’re both
gasping for breath.

“That’s your gift, Nikita.” He said before letting me go. Tumalikod na siya. I was
left alone in the middle of the parking lot holding my lips, feeling the touch of
his.

First kiss ko si Yto!

Day five thousand four hundred seventy eight

I know I wanted him to be my first everything. And that happened. Yto Jose Consunji
is really my first everything. As I look at him sleeping beside my bed inside my
room in a certain chateau in mid town Paris, France – I asked myself for the
hundred time if I was only dreaming.

I have waited for him for almost twenty years of my life and the joy I felt when
“we” finally happened was indescribable. I moved a little but closer to him.
Inilagay ko ang ulo ko sa dibdib niya. I put my arms around him. Bakit kaya kahit
tulog si Yto ang init ng katawan niya. I smiled.

I have given myself to him again that night. Hindi ko na alam kung ilang beses nang
nangyari iyon. Masaya naman ako dahil sa kanya. He makes me feel special and loved.
Sa tingin ko, kahit hindi niya pa sinasabi iyon three words eight letters na iyon,
nararamdaman na niya. Hindi naman siya mag-a-act ng ganito kung hindi niya ako
mahal. We’ve been doing this for a year and a half. Hindi ko na nga alam kung paano
nagsimula. I guess that night with the scotch started it all. That was the night
when he put his mark on me. Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong mark iyon pero kahit
ano pa iyon, kanya naman talaga ako.

“Hmnn...” I heard him moan. Tiningnan ko siya. He opened his eyes and hugged me
tighter. “Gising ka pa...”

“Naalimpungatan lang, Yto ko.” I said to him. He kissed my hair.

“Tulog na.. Maaaga ka pa bukas. Ihahatid kita doon. Tapos babalik ako ng London. I
have exams, you know.” He kissed my hair again. Napapikit ako. Kinikilig talaga
ako. Ang sweet ng Yto ko.

Day six thousand two hundred nine

“You’re breaking up with me?”

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Niyakap ko ang mga tuhod ko. I was sitting
in the middle of the bed while watching Yto as he gets dressed. He faced me
afterwards.

“Hindi. Why would I break up with you, wala naman tayong relasyon.” Malamig na sabi
niya. My mouth parted. Wala kaming relasyon? Wala? Ibinalot ko ang kumot sa katawan
ko at saka tumayo. I slapped him – hard. He deserves that.

“Asshole! Wala tayong relasyon but you... you...”

“Ano bakit hindi mo ituloy?” He grinned. “We just fucked Niki. Malungkot ka,
nalulungkot din ako we found each other. Isa’tisa ang naging sandalan natin but
that doesn’t mean na mamahalin na kita. Kaya mo bang tanggapin sa sarili mo na
minahal lang kita dahil tayong dalawa ang laging magkasama? Love doesn’t work like
that, Nikita!”

“You’re a jerk!” I said in between sobs. I saw him take his coat.

“I’m a Consunji, Niki. Have a good life.”

Tinalikuran niya ako. He left my room. He left me alone. I could feel my heart
literally being ripped apart inside my chest. Akala ko okay na ang lahat.
Everything was perfect but the...

I sat on the floor, crying, feeling so bad for myself. I couldn’t believe that Yto
broke my heart. On the twentieth thousand day, he broke my heart and left me
broken. Paris is supposed to be the city of love but now, I’m having doubts about
that...

=================

1. Day one

Paris, France

I couldn’t get over how desperate I was on forgetting him. I guess that it’s just
the right thing to do. It’s been seven months. If I convert that into days it will
be two hundred and ten days, and if I convert that into seconds it will be eighteen
million one hundred forty four seconds – that’s the duration of my very first
heartbreak from the devil in a black suit named Yto Consunji.

I don’t get why I couldn’t just shake the feeling off. I used to shake so many
things off – like in my firs declamation program – I was so nervous that time. I
was only eight years old but I shook the feeling off by looking at Yto who was by
that time sitting on the front row watching me. I shook my head. Damn, I’m thinking
of him again.  I guess, there are just some things in the world that people just
couldn’t shake off easily and one of those things is this nagging love I feel for
Yto Consunji.

“Mademoiselle, do you want another cup of tea?” I looked at the waiter standing
next to me holding a porcelain thermos. He was aiming for my cup. I just smiled and
shook my head. I looked at the Eiffel tower again and I silently wished for him to
be here tonight with me. I fucking miss him so much.

“Mademoiselle, where is that good looking boy you’re always with? The tall man in a
dark coat...” Of course, he was talking about Yto. Yto again. I rolled my eyes. I
almost forgot that this coffee shop by the Eiffel tower is his favorite and I only
came here to think about him more. Ang hirap. I am on the verge of moving on from
the heart ache ha had given me and yet I keep on coming back to the place where I
can remember him – us or what I thought we had.

“Can you just let me be?” I asked him nicely. Umalis naman siya at iniwan ako. Muli
kong itinuon ang mga mata ko sa Eiffel tower. I had been living in Paris for almost
six years and I love my life here. I love Paris. Dito kasi nangyari iyong mga bagay
na akala ko hanggang tanaw ko na lang. But as much as I love Paris – I also dreaded
this place now. Kahit saan kasi ako tumingin, siya lang ang nakikita ko.

And that’s not good. Kinakalimutan ko na siya pero hanggang ngayon nasa isip ko pa
rin siya. Paano ko siya makakalimutan noon? I rolled my eyes. I used to love dusks
like this. Hindi gaanong malamig ang klima, I used to love sitting right here in
this very spot with him, his arms were around me, we’re both watching the Eiffel
tower – then he would whisper sweet nothings in my ear. He would make me feel
special – paanong hindi ko mararamdaman na mahal niya ako. I sighed. I really
thought my lifelong dream had finally came true – that Yto Consunji will love me
back the way I love him.

He’s literally my first everything pero hanggang doon na lang iyon. Loving him gad
thought me life lessons.  Lessons that I never thought would make me who I am
today. No, I didn’t become cynical, I didn’t become a non-believer. What Yto did to
me only opened my eyes to the reality of life. He made me see the real things. He
made me realized that love doesn’t always have a happy ending – that no matter how
hard you hope – the things you believe in doesn’t always happen. He made me see
that life isn’t always about rainbows and butterflies. He had hurt me senseless and
yet... and yet...

I am still hopeful.

What for? I’m hoping that one day, when I finally shake my feeling off for him,
someone much better – so much better than him – preferably not some guy with a
shining surname – like him – would come along and save me from this situation I am
in.

I am hopeful for another happy ending with another man who would love me and would
not hurt me. I am hopeful for that. I am looking forward for that moment. I will
not lose hope. I will dream again.

But right now... I’m still busy picking up the pieces of my broken heart. I will
put myself together and after that I will dream again... I will dream and that
dream won’t be Yto Consunji anymore.

-------------------------

Le Dante Park, Manila Philippines

“Baby, bakit hindi ka makipag-date kay Lukas Anton?”

I glared at my beautiful mother – Hanna Kerkmez – who was sitting beside me at the
dining table that Monday morning. We were both having breakfast. She was sipping
her coffee while I was savoring my energy shake. I am on a diet. For the last
months that I have been fighting the depression Yto Consunji gave to me, I have
gained ten pounds and I’m trying to lose that. I was still staring at my mom. She
was just looking back.

“Seryoso?” I couldn’t believe it. Lukas Anton Ronaldo is the son of my Popsi’s band
mate and also ninong – Ninong Caleb. Lukas Anton is a very successful photographer
and artist. His works are all over Asia and the southern part of Europe. I have
seen him many times back while I was in Paris but I didn’t have the time to spend
with him because I was always pre occupied by Yto.

“Momsi!” I reacted. Tumaas naman ang kilay niya.

“At bakit? You’re not getting any younger. Twenty-six—“

“Five...” I corrected her.

“Whatever, baby. Why don’t you date Lukas Anton? O kaya man si Xander. You were
always spending time with him. Why not him?”

“Momsi, incest iyon!” Sigaw ko pa.

“At bakit incest iyon?” Tanong niya sa akin. “Hindi naman anak ng Popsi mo sa ibang
babae ang mga iyon. At kung nagkaanak man ang Popsi mo sa iba, malamang matagal na
kaming hiwalay...” Kalmadong sabi ni Momsi. I just rolled my eyes.
“Sabi ni Popsi, Momsi – kapag pastel to pastel bad. Kasi halos magkakapatid na sila
nila Ninong Caleb. So, almost cousins na kami ni Lukas Anton at ni Xander. Although
I like Xander momsi, his biceps re just really hard. Pure muscles.”

“Talaga? Nahawakan mo?” Tanong pa sa akin ni Momsi. I nodded.

“Hindi lang nahawakan, Momsi, nayakap ko pa!” Humagikgik ako. Momsi seemed to be
enjoying the conversation we were having. Aaminin kong close ako kay Momsi – tulad
nga ng tawag niya sa akin – baby niya pa rin ako hanggang ngayon – pero mas close
ako kay Popsi , si Popsi kasi iyong spoiler naming nila Kuya Daniel noon. Kapag
nagagalit si Momsi, tatakbo kami kay Popsi, at first he would tell us why Momsi si
mad then afterwards, he would give us what we want. Ganoon magmahal si Popsi, may
kasamang sermon pero bibigay din.

Alam ko rin na ako talaga ang favorite sa family. I have two other siblings, si Ate
Lindy and si Kuya Daniel pero kahit sila alam nila na ako ang paborito kasi
paborito din nila ako. But contrary to what others were thinking – hindi ako
spoiled brat. I know how to work hard for the things I want in life. Iyon ang unang
tinuro sa akin ng mga magulang ko.

To work hard. Kaya nga tigas talaga ang pagwo-work hard ko kay Yto pero sa huli
nabigo pa rin ako. I guess that’s just how life operates.

“Uhm! Momsi, I have a ten o’clock thing pala!” I exclaimed. Naalala kong may usapan
kami ni Yza Consunji – Yto’s twin sister who also happens to be my best friend. I
sighed. Tuwing naalala ko iyong connection niya sa lalaking nanakit sa akin,
iniisip ko kung paano ako agad makakalimot.

I kissed momsi goodbye. She told me to take care of myself and to not turn my phone
off. I just smiled at her. I got in my car and drove fast so I could be with Yza
immediately. I don’t know kung saan kami pupunta, she said that it had something to
do with her lifelong dream.

After ten minutes, nakarating ako sa bahay ng mga Consunji. I looked at the rear
view mirror to check my makeup and my hair. Bumaba ako ng sasakyan when I realized
that my makeup is just fine.

“Lalalala.... Good morning, manong guard!” Binati ko iyong guard sa gate nila Yza.
May guard sila, may mga body guards din. Ganoon sila kayaman. Yza’s dad – Tito
Sancho Consunji owns the biggest Empire in the country. Feeling ko nga sa yaman
nila, kaya nilang bilhin ang buong Pilipinas – and I’m not kidding. But although
mayaman sila, Yza – my best friend – is really down to earth. Something I like so
much about her. Wala siyang ere sa katawan – hindi katulad ng kakambal niya.

If Yza is down-to-earth and kind Yto naman is the total opposite. His presence
demands attention. Kahit hindi siya nagsasalita, mapapansin mo siya. His simple
move can mean too much. Isang tingin palang malalaman na kung sino siya – maski
hindi siya kilala.
“Ate Niks!”

I smiled when I heard Yna’s voice. Yna is Yza’s little sister – para ko na rin
siyang kapatid. She hugged me.

“Ate Niks, pwede ba sa prom ko ikaw ang mag-design ng shoes ko.” Tanong niya sa
akin. Ginulo ko ang bangs niya.

“Sure, baby doll! Kailan ba iyan? Naku, dalaga ka na! May boyfriend ka na ba?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. “Wala pa noh! Bawal pa sabi ni Tatay. Sabi pa ni Kuya
Yto, kapag nagboyfriend ko, bubugbugin daw niya at isasama niya pa si kuya Yvo at
si kuya Yllak.”

“Maniwala ka naman doon!” Sabi ko sa kanya. “Si Nanay?” Tanong ko. Nanay na rin ang
tawag ko sa mommy nila.

“Nasa kitchen. She’s making lunch for Kuya and Tatay. Ay! First day ni Kuya ngayon
as GM ng Consunji Hotels! Greet him! Ay teka, magbibihis ako. Thanks, Ate Niks!”

Tumakbo na siya paakyat sa taas. Tinungo ko naman iyong kitchen at doon ko nakita
si Nanay Sheena.

“Nay!” I greeted her. Niyakap ko siya at hinagkan sa pisngi.

“Nagbibihis pa si Yza. Kumain ka na ba?” Tanong niya sa akin.

“Yes po. Diet ako, Nanay. See lumalaki ang balakang ko...” Natatawang sabi ko.
Umiling lang siya sa akin. Tinulungan ko siyang mag-prepare ng pagkain.

“Fried rice and egg rolls, para kay Yto. Plain rice para kay Tatay...” Nakangiting
sabi niya sa akin. I looked at Nanay Sheena and I realized that she was still
pretty much in love with Tatay Sancho. Namumula pa iyong cheeks niya habang
pinaghahanda ng lunch ang one and only niya.

“Sus, kinikilig ako!” Sabi ko na lang. She looked at me.

“Kailangan pabaunan ng pagmamahal. Ikaw din...” Inginuso niya sa akin ang baunan ni
Yto. Tumawa ako.

“Nanay, kahit naman pabaunan ko ng pagmamahal iyan walang mangyayari. Hindi naman
ako mahal ni Yto at kahit kailan ay hindi na niya ako mamahalin. Nanay talaga!”

“Why are you speaking with so much finality in your voice? Tapos na ba ang laban?”
Gusto kong sumagot nang oo. Tapos naman na talaga ang laban. It ended almost a year
and a half ago in my hotel suite in Paris at ten thirty in the evening, Friday
night and it was the same night when the winter season started.

I sighed. I don’t know what’s with me and remembering days and times. Masyado akong
nagte-take note sa oras at sa panahon – kaya siguro mabagal din akong makalimot.

“Nay, I can’t fix my tie!” I took a deep breath when I heard Yto’s voice. I looked
back at the kitchen entrance and I saw him walking towards me. I took a step back
dahil hindi naman niya ako napansin kaya tuloy-tuloy siya.

“Nanay...” He called again. “Iyong tie ko...”

“Anak, madumi ang kamay ko. Paayos mo kay Niki.” Sabi ni Nanay Sheena. My eyes
widened.

“Niki?” Parang doon pa lang siya naalarma na nadoon ako. He looked around and he
found me standing behind him. Dumilim ang mukha niya. “Nandyan ka pala.”

“Oo. Hinihintay ko si Yza. She’s so bagal!” Kaswal na sabi ko.

“O, ayusin mo na.” Sabi niya lang sa akin. Napatingin ako kay Nanay Sheena. Wala na
siya sa kinatatayuan niya. I wanted to make a face. Iniwan niya ako kay Yto. Si
nanay talaga.

“Nikita did you hear me? Fix my tie?!” He exclaimed. I rolled my eyes. “Don’t you
dare roll your eyes on me!”

“Oo na, oo na. Akin na nga iyan!” Kinuha ko sa kanya iyong tie na ka-match ng
Armani suit niya. I looked at the shoes he’s wearing. It doesn’t go with his suit.

“Do you remember the Italian shoes you bought in Le Shaondel?” I asked him.

“What about it.”

“Wear that. It will look better on this suit.” Isinuot ko ang tie sa kanya. Sa tie
ako nakatingin at hindi sa mukha niya pero I feel that he’s looking at me.

“Say it...” He said. Doon ako napatingin sa kanya. Hindi ko siya maintindihan.

“What?” My heart beat faster.

“The thing that you told me that morning before my final exam. Say it...” He said.
I remember what I told him that morning. Ganito rin kami noon. I was fixing his
tie. We were talking about the shoes he should wear and then out of the blue he
told me that he’s nervous, that he’s afraid he might fail his finals. I looked at
him, I smiled and I said to him:

“If ever you forget who you are, just remember that I am Nikita Kerkmez and I’m so
in love with you no matter how cruel you are.”

After that, he kissed me. Muntik pa nga siyang ma-late noon because the kiss led to
another mind blowing making love – sa akin lang pala making love iyon. For Yto,
it’s just sex.

“Good luck on your first day, Yto!” I exclaimed happily. Hindi maipinta ang mukha
niya pagkasabi ko noon.

“That’s not what you said!” He hissed.

“I know. But do you think I’ll ever say that again to you?” Tanong ko sa kanya.
“Siyempre sasabihin ko na iyon sa susunod na lalaking mamahalin ko.”

Yto’s eyes turned dark. I just smiled at him.

“Galit ka sa akin.” He concluded. 

“Oo na hindi. It’s okay. What you did to me was an eye opener, Yto.” Ngumiti ako.
“Don’t worry, kapag hindi na masakit, mag-te-thank you ako sa’yo.” Kinindatan ko
siya.

“Good luck on your first day!”

I turned my back on him. Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko. Yes, there’s pain pero
bearable na. Napangiti ako. Alam ko, kaunti na lang...

Malapit ko nang marating ang goal ko.

To forget Yto...

=================

2. Hard habit to break

 I woke up the next morning feeling just okay. It's not like the other mornings
when I'm really happy and jolly. Today, I'm just feeling okay and that's a good
thing. My mornings in Paris are even worse than this. Back in Paris, after Yto had
left me, I would cry myself to sleep and wake up the next morning still crying
because of the pain he had left in my heart. Right now, waking up and feeling okay
is an achievement for me.

I stood up and put on my hello kitty slippers. I got out of my room and went
downstairs. I found Popsi and Momsi in the kitchen drinking coffee. I smiled at
them. I kissed them good morning and sat beside my Popsi. He kissed my forehead.

"Did you had a good night sleep, baby?" He asked. I nodded. Nagbabasa siya ng
dyaryo that time habang si Momsi naman ay ipinagtitimpla ng coffee si Popsi.
Napapangiti ako. Ganoon sila tuwing umaga. Si Momsi ang gagawa ng coffee ni Popsi
tapos si Momsi din iyong unang iinom saka niya ibibigay kay Popsi, ritual nila
iyon. Minsan tinanong ko si Momsi, sabi niya secret niya daw iyon for keeping Popsi
so in love with her until now. In fairness naman to my Popsi, kitang-kita ko talaga
kung paano at kung gaano niya kamahal ang Momsi ko.

It's something indescribable. I called it one of a kind love. Iyon ang klase ng
pagmamahal na meron si Popsi kay Momsi.

"What are you going to do today, baby?" Popsi asked. Umayos naman ako ng upo.

"I'm going to the gym, Pops, but before that magpapagupit ako. So long na ng hair
ko." Pinaglaruan ko ang dulo ng buhok ko.

"Walang date?" Biglang tanong niya. Biglang napangiti si Momsi.

"Baby, sabi ko sa'yo, sabihin mo lang. I'll talk to Lukas Anton."

"Momsi! Ayoko kay Lukas Anton! Grabe oh! Popsi!" Tiningnan ko si Popsi. Napailing
na lang siya. Napanguso naman ako. Ayoko talagang makipag-date kay Lukas Anton.
Naiisip ko pa lang na lalabas kami not as friends kinikilabutan na ako.

I grew up with Lukas Anton around me. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko sa kanya but he's just
a friend of mine. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit pinu-push ni Momsi na makipag-date
ako sa kanya. I rolled my eyes. Minsan iniisip ko, ibinebenta na ako ni Momsi para
makapag-asawa ng maaga.

Kung kailan ako nag-e-enjoy sa buhay ko saka naman niya ako ipapamigay. I sighed.
Iyon naman ang totoo. Buong buhay ko kay Yto umikot ang mundo ko at dahil doon
hindi ko naramdaman at na-experience ang mga bagay na dapat maramdaman ko. I grew
up not minding the others because Yto is the only significant person in my eyes,
which I now realize is wrong. My life shouldn't revolve around him. Hindi naman ako
significant para sa kanya. Sa duration ng panahon na minamahal ko si Yto ako lang
talaga ang nagpapahalaga sa kanya. No matter how bad it sounds Yto treated me like
crap pero kahit ganoon hindi ako nagagalit sa kanya, ni hindi ko siya sinisisi.
Hindi lang naman siya ang may kasalanan noon, kasalanan ko rin. I let him treat me
like that.
"Kahit sino, baby."Biglang sabi ni Popsi. "Ayoko lang sa Consunji na iyon."

Napatingin ako kay Popsi. I blinked a lot of times before finally speaking. "Bakit
ayaw mo kay Yto, Popsi?" I was appalled. Why would Popsi dislike Yto? Yto is very
lovable! Kahit na ang sungit-sungit niya sa akin! Sa akin lang naman siya masungit.

Si Yto iyong taong napaka-galante magbigay ng pagmamahal. Mahal na mahal niya ang
pamilya niya. He loves his siblings so much. Mahal na mahal niya din si Tatay
Sancho at lalo naman si Nanay Sheena. I remember one time, nasabi niya sa akin na
kahit na mag-asawa siya his nanay will always be on top of his list  na kahit ilang
babae ang dumaan at dumating sa buhay niya, ang nanay niya pa rin ang laging dapat
mauna.

Isa pa, Yto is very humble. Mukha lang siyang mayabang. Mukha lang siyang
insensitive pero mabait siya. So why would my father dislike Yto? Whatâs not to
love kumbaga?

"Pakiramdam ko paiiyakin ka lang niya." Seryosong sabi ni Popsi. Hindi ko alam kung
bakit pero parang may alam si Popsi na dapat hindi niya alam. Hindi na lang ako
kumibo. Hindi ko naman maipagtanggol si Yto. Wala na ako sa lugar na ipagtanggol
siya kasi nasa kalagitnaan na ako ng paglimot sa kanya.

I just let it slip away. Hindi naman si Yto ang pakakasalan ko so why would I waste
time arguing with my dad because of him? Iniba ko na lang ang usapan namin ni
Popsi. A little while later nakalimutan na ni Popsi na si Yto ang pinag-uusapan
namin. Tumatawa na siya at nilalambing si Momsi. Maya-maya ay nagpaalam na din ako
sa kanila dahil pupunta pa ako sa gym.

Si Popsi pa ang naghatid sa akin sa mall kung nasaan ang gym ko. Apparently may
meeting si with Tito Calen - best friend ni Popsi sa isang hotel malapit doon kaya
idinaan na niya ako. When we got to the mall, I kissed him goodbye tapos ay bumaba
na ako. Mabilis akong nagpunta sa gym ko. Mula nang bumalik ako galing Paris,
ngayon na lang ako ulit nagpunta dito. I really need to lose my post-Yto fat.

Pagdating ko sa gym, agad kong nagpunta sa receptionist. I told her my name and she
welcomed me. Tinawag niya rin iyong trainer ko. My trainer is a woman who has a
body of a man seriously  ngayon lang ako nakakita ng babaeng may biceps. She asked
me kung ano daw pa ang binibigyan ko ng focus ngayon sa work out ko. Muntik ko nang
maisagot na ang paglimot kay Yto ang focus ko. Ngumiti na lang ako at itinuro ang
excess fat ko na na-pwesto sa balakang ko.

"I see."She commented. "Sa treadmill ka muna. Babalikan kita after fifteen
minutes." Itinuro niya iyong treadmill. Umakyat ako agad doon. Siya iyong nag-set
kung gaano kabilis ang takbo ko. While she was doing that I was looking around. I
feel kinda different. Grabe naman kasi iyong work out clothes ng mga babae. Boobs
kung boobs ang peg! Samantalang ako naka-sleeveless lang saka fit na leggings!
Grabe lang!

Napailing na lang ako. Naglakad muna ako sa treadmill. Habang ginagawa ko iyon,
nilagay ko iyong headset ng I-pod ko sa tainga ko to listen to my work out song.
Nagsimula na akong tumakbo.

I was sighing. If I'm an ordinary woman I'll spend my forgetting Yto operation
hating him with every cell in my body pero hindi ako ordinary at hindi ko hate si
Yto. Hindi ako bitter at hindi ko alam kung bakit. Sa klase ng pagmamahal na meron
ako para sa kanya at sa mga bagay na ipinaramdam niya sa akin noon napakahirap
kailimutan ni Yto. Sobrang hirap. His mark whatever that is, nananalaytay na yata
iyon sa buong pagkatao ko kaya iyong paglimot ekek ko sa kanya. Matagal tagal.
Sabagay hindi naman ako nagmamadali. I want to feel the pain of losing him; I want
to feel the pain of my broken heart para hindi na ako babalik sa kanya sa huli.
Sadista na kung sadista pero naniniwala ako na lahat ng bagay ay may kanya-kanyang
panahon. It took a long time for me to love him and I know that forgetting him will
take a long time too but I will patiently wait for that day that I can look him in
the eye and feel nothing but happiness and gratitude. Siya pa rin naman ang first
everything ko.

Binagalan ko ang pagtakbo. Inayos ko iyong setting ng treadmill ko. Bahagyang

kumunot ang noo ko nang maramdaman kong para bang may nakatingin siya akin. I
looked around but I can't seem to find those piercing eyes looking at me. Muli kong
binalik ang atensyon ko sa setting ng treadmill. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang
makita si Yto na nakatayo sa harapan ko. He's wearing his Nike neon green shirt
that say's Just do it tapos may nakasabit na towel sa leeg niya. Titig na titig
siya sa akin.

"Sinusundan mo na naman ako." Walang abog na sabi niya sa akin. Tumaas ang kilay
ko.

"Hindi no!"Sabi ko. Hindi ko naman siya sinusundan. Ni hindi ko nga alam na nandito
siya.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito? This is my gym." Maangas na sabi niya.

"Bakit sa'yo ba ito? Nabili mo na? Alam ko high school pa lang ako gym na ni Momsi
ito!"Sabi ko. Yto just shook his head. Naka-cross arms siya.

"Nikita, kailan mo ba ako titigilan?" Tanong niya sa akin. "Saan ba sa salitang

pinagbigyan lang kita ang hindi mo maintindihan?" Tanong niya sa akin. Napalunok
ako. May masakit na naman sa gitnang part ng puso ko. Hindi ako kumibo. Bumaba na
lang ako sa treadmill at saka tumalikod. Ayoko munang kausapin si Yto dahil baka
maiyak ako. Ayoko nang umiyak dahil sa kanya. Tama na iyong four hundred seventy-
five days na iniiyak ko dahil sa kanya. Tama na iyon. Ayoko na.

I found myself leaving the gym and walking towards the nearest ice cream shop. Wala
na naman iyong will ko na mag-work out. I need ice cream. I need to get the pain
out of my system. I walked in and bought myself a pint of strawberry ice cream. I
like pink so much kaya pati sa ice cream gusto ko pink din. I occupied the table
near the window. Habang nilalantakan ko iyong ice cream hindi ko mapigil ang hindi
maiyak. Kagat labi na ako. Ayokong umiyak pero hindi ko naman matiis nakakainis.
Tapos mas lalong nakakainis iyong kanta sa background. Para bang nanandya iyong mga
tao sa paligid ko.
Now being without youTakes a lot of getting used toShould learn to live with itBut
I don't want toBeing without youIs all a big mistakeInstead of getting easierIt's
the hardest thing to takeI'm addicted to ya babeYou're a hard habit to break

Parang nang-aasar pa. Hard habit to break... Si Yto iyon...

I asked myself, may katapusan ba ang habambuhay? Alam ko wala. At kung aabot ng
habambuhay itong sakit na nararamdaman ko baka hindi ko na kayanin. Bigla akong
napahikbi nang malakas. I know that people are already staring. But I didn't care.
Moment ko ito. Wala namang nakakakilala sa akin kaya bakit ako mahihiya?

I savored the ice cream in my mouth. I was trying to calm myself but I just
couldn't anymore. I bent my head down and cried like a little girl. Heto na naman
ako. Nagmumukha na naman akong tanga.

Bakit ba sa lahat ng tao kay Yto pa? Ang hirap-hirap niyang kalimutan!

"Miss..."

Maya-maya ay may naramdaman akong yumuyugyog sa balikat ko. Hindi ko siya pinansin
but he kept on shaking my shoulder so I looked up. I saw a man wearing a blue polo
polo shirt and a pair of very sexy jeans. He sat beside me and offered me a hankie.
I don't know who he is but he looked so damn good. Iyong tipong kapag nakita mo
mapapanganga ka. He smiled at me, he literally took my breath away.

"Wipe your tears. Saka wag kang umiyak nang ganoon." Natatawang sabi niya. "Tingnan
mo iyong bata."Itinuro niya iyong batang lalaking karga ng nanay niya. Napanguso
ako. "Kanina tawa siya nang tawa ngayon natulala siya. Ang pangit kasi ng iyak mo."
He smiled again. Lumabas iyong dimples niya.

"Grabe ka naman! May umiiyak bang maganda?"Nagtatakang tanong ko. Pinunasan ko ang
luha ko.

:Anong name mo?" He asked. Inalok ko sa kanya ang kamay ko for a hand shake.

"Nikita Kerkmez."I said. He shook my hand. "Ikaw?"

"Yckos Emilio. Nice meeting you."He smiled at me. "Wag ka nang umiyak. Papangit
ka." Nakatawang wika niya. Napangiti ako.

"Wow, may dimples ka din pala. Same tayo."Napatitig ako sa kanya. He noticed my
dimples? First meeting pa lang naming pero napansin na agad niya iyon samantalang
si Yto ang tagal-tagal ko nang nginingitian hindi pa rin niya napansin ang dimples
ko. Kahit na noong nasa Paris na kami, hindi niya pa rin napansin iyon.
"Ikaw din meron."Naluluha pa rin ako pero natatawa na ako.

"Oo nga no. May similarities tayo. Ibig sabihin we could now go on a
date."Napanganga ako. Did this man who offered me a hankie just asked me out on a
date? He did, didn't he? Ang smooth naman niya.

"Ang smooth mo ha." Inirapan ko siya.

"Sa panahon ngayon, mabilisan na. Ayokong maging slow" He said. I looked at him.
Kumuha ako ng papel at ballpen sa bag ko. I wrote my number in there and gave it to
him.

"Call me two days from now and ask me again." I gathered my things. Lumabas ako sa
ice cream house at saka nag-wave sa kanya. Nakangiti lang siya sa akin. Habang
naglalakad palayo ay iniisip ko kung tama iyong ginawa ko. Dapat yata hindi ko
binigay iyong number ko sa kanya but then what is wrong with that? Wala naman akong
boyfriend at kahit kailan hindi ko naranasan ang makipag-date dahil umikot ang
mundo ko kay Yto.

Right now, kinakalimutan ko siya kaya walang masama sa ginawa ko. I sighed. Bakit
ba ako nakakaramdam ng guilt? I sighed again.

Dumiretso ako sa parking lot. Natawa pa ako sa sarili ko, wala nga pala akong
dalang kotse. Pabalik na ako sa loob ng mall nang mahagip ng mata ko ang isang itim
na Ferrari na naka-park sa gitna ng parking lot. It's car. I saw him leaning beside
that. Parang may hinihintay siya. Napailing na lang ako. I was about to turn away
when I saw a woman in her working clothes ---- boobs kung boobs din ang peg niya.
Tumakbo siya kay Yto. Yto smiled at her tapos bigla niyang hinapit iyong babae.
Walang kyeme-kyeme. Right there and then hinalikan niya iyong babaeng iyon.

The kiss was passionate. I knew it. Yto is a good kissed. He used to kiss me that
way. I don't know why but my tears started falling again. Tumalikod na ako. I
walked away, I went inside the mall again. I was crying, I was trying not to but it
hurts damn too much.

Natigilan lang ako sa paglakad nang maramdaman kong may humawak sa braso ko. I
looked back and I saw Yto again. May galit sa mga mata niya.

"Ano bang problema mo, Nikita?" Tanong niya. "Kahit saan ako tumingin nandyan ka?
Kailan ka ba titigil?" Inis na inis na tanong niya. Marahan kong inalis ang kamay
niya sa braso ko.

"Wala naman akong ginagawa, Yto." Mariing sabi ko. Tinalikuran ko siya. I wanted so
much to get out of there. My supposed to be ordinary day in the gym turned out to
be a disaster. I found myself walking towards a salon. I sat on the chair.
Nilapitan ako ng isang babae.
"Ma'am, what do you need?" Tanong niya. I looked at her. Tears were still falling
from my eyes.

"Cut it. Short. And I need some highlights. Kung pwede fiery red."

I really need to get Yto out of my system. Para na kasi siyang toxic na unti-unting
nilalason ang buong pagkatao ko pero kahit ganoon? I couldn't hate him. I just
couldn't.

=================

3. So...

I was wiping my tears the next morning. I had one of those nights again. Pandagdag
sa five hundered and ten days that I cried for Yto – so that’s five hundred and
eleven now. I sighed. I stood up and went straight to the bathroom. I hate mornings
like this. I used to love waking up but right now, I just literally wanted to
evaporate. If I can’t shake my feelings off of him, might as well just be gone. I
sighed again. I looked at myself in the mirror. I kinda grinned when I saw my hair.
The lady cut if off – short. Now I have a pixie cut – just like Emma Watson’s hair
– I really wanted to color it fiery red but the lady said that it won’t suit me so
she colored it auburn red – now I’m a ginger. I combed it. I love my new hair – it
symbolizes my new beginning.

I heard a soft knock on my door. Lumabas ako ng bathroom, I saw momsi entered. She
took one look at me and her mouth feel.

“Morning beautiful momsi!” I greeted her.

“Anong ginawa mo sa buhok mo Cyrene Fatima?!” She exclaimed. I rolled my eyes.

Momsi loved

My long straight hair so much. And maybe it shocked her that I cut it this short.

“Bagay naman diba?” Ngumisi ako. “I look hot.”

“But baby!” Momsi said again. Nilapitan ko siya at saka niyakap.

“Momsi, malaki na ako. Saka isa pa, bagay naman. Huwag kang magalit okay? I look
hot. Malay mo magka-boyfriend na ako.” Humagikgik pa ako. I sighed again. Niyakap
ko nang mahigpit si Momsi, it was as if I’m drawing my strength on her. Saan pa ba
ako kukuha ng lakas? Wala naman akong source of happiness – dati meron pero ngayon
sarili ko na lang talaga. How can I be strong kung nanghihina ako ng sobra ngayon.

Moving on really sucks. Hindi ko nga alam kung nasaang stage na ako ng moving on. I
read from a book that there are five stages of moving on: 1. Denial, 2. Anger, 3.
Bargaining, 4. Depression and 5. Acceptance.

Alam kong tapos na ako sa denial, pero mukhang nalampasan ko iyong anger at
bargaining. Hindi ko naman kasi talaga magawang magalit kay Yto – hindi ko alam
kung tanga lang ako o ano, pero hindi ko magawang magalit sa kanya. At mas lalong
hindi ko rin napagdaanan iyong bargaining – hindi ako nag-isip ng mga what if’s or
if only I could.... Alam ko noong sinabi niya sa akin na tapos na kami – tapos na
talaga kami – na kahit kailan hindi nagkaroon ng kami – hindi talaga.

I’m really stupid. Gusto kong habulin si Yto pero ayoko rin. Ayoko nang masaktan.
Masyado na kasi. So I skipped the two stages at ngayon, na –stuck lang ako sa
depression. Malungkot ako pero pinipilit kong maging masaya hindi para makita ni
Yto na masaya ako – gusto kong maging masaya para sa sarili ko. Humigpit nang
humigpit ang yakap ko kay Momsi. Napahikbi ako. Momsi hugged me back. Maybe it’s
mother’s instinct. Bahagya niya akong nilayo. Agad kong pinunasan ang luha ko.

“Anak, what’s wrong?” Kunot noong tanong niya. Ngumiti ako at huminga nang malalim.

“Wala, Momsi. It’s just my eyes. Teary siya. I need to replace my glasses na yata.
Anyway, I’ll take a bath now.” Hinagkan  ko siya sa pisngi at tumakbo ako sa
bathroom. I locked myself in and let my tears fall. It’s another day of tears for
me so let me recount the days – it’s not five hundred and eleven but five hundred
and twelve and I have a feeling that this won’t be the last time I’ll cry for him
again.

I shook the tears off. I took a bath, I fixed myself. I wore a sleeveless green
knee-length dress and I picked my emerald ballet flats to go with that. After
putting on a light make-up, I went out of my room, kissed my parents goodbye and
went to work. I have a client call at ten am pero maaga pa naman kaya dadaan muna
ako sa bahay ni Yza. I’ll go there not for Yto but for Yza and Yna. I promised Yna
I’ll make her prom night shoes and even though I don’t want to see Yto, I have to
go there for his little sister.

Siguro kaya mabagal din ang paglimot ko ay dahil na rin sa iisa ang circle namin ni
Yto. Pero ayoko namang iwasan si Yza at ang pamilya niya dahil lang doon. I love
the Consunjis – they are good people, loving and no matter how cruel they are in
the eyes of others – I know how good their hearts are.

I parked my pink Vios in front of their house. Pinapasok agad ako ng guard.
Tinulungan niya pa ako sa mga gamit na dala ko. I brought my shoe measuring kit.
Kailangan kasi ni Yna iyon. I smiled at the guard after helping me. Inilapag niya
sa living room ang mga gamit ko. I looked around to see if there are any members of
the family inside pero wala naman. I guess they’re all busy.

Nakita ko si Manang Myrna. She was cleaning the figurines by the stairs. Nilapitan
ko siya.

“Morning, Manang? Si Nanay po?” Tanong ko. She smiled at me pero may lungkot sa mga
mata niya. “Manang bakit po?”
“Nasa gazebo silang lahat. Puntahan mo na lang.” Sabi niya. Ngumiti ako. I went
straight to the gazebo. Habang nilalakad ko iyong peeble pathway papunta sa kanila
ay napansin kong hindi lang ang mga Consunji ang naroon. There’s this woman beside
Yto – she’s wearing a floral knee length dress, her hair is long and silky straight
– I was sure and what caught my attention was the fact that they’re holding hands.
I guess they’re having a family affair. Bigla akong tumalikod para umalis pero
biglang may sumigaw.

“Ate Niks!” Yna’s voice filled the area. Agad akong bumaling sa kanila. I readied
my warm smile.

“Hello, Ate Niks!” Bati sa akin ni Yllak at ni Yvo. Napansin kong nakangiti rin sa
akin si Tatay Sancho at si Nanay. Yza was looking at me too. Napilitan akong
umakyat doon.

“H-hi, good morning po!” I tried to sound happy.

“Niki, upo ka...” Tinapik ni Nanay iyong upuan sa tabi niya na katabi din ng chair
ni Yto. I shook my head.

“Hihiramin ko lang po si Yna. Susukatan ko siya ng sapatos.” I said. Namilog ang

mga mata ni Yna at agad tumabi sa akin.

“Mamaya na.” Sabi ni Tatay. “We’re celebrating Yto’s engagement with Tosca.” He
said in a matter of factl tone. I almost gasped but I managed to smile. Tumingin
ako sa babae. I realized na siya pala iyong nakita ko sa parking lot ng mall with
Yto the other day. She flashed her ring on me.

“That’s a big rock.” Komento ko na lang.

“By the way,” Nanay said again. “This is Nikita – Yza’s best friend. Parang anak ko
na rin ito.” Sabi pa niya. Napangiti ako.

“Thanks, Nay.” Natatawang sabi ko. Bumiling ako sa kanilang dalawa. “Uy congrats.
Kailan ang kasal?” Tanong ko sa kanila. Humagikgik si Tosca.

“We’re thinking by the end of this year or early next year. Hindi pa kasi naming
napag-uusapan ni Yto. We’re still on cloud nine because of his proposal last
night.” Humilig pa siya sa balikat ni Yto. Tumango ako.

“Sabihin mo sa akin. I’ll make your wedding shoes!” I exclaimed. Ang tanga ko lang.
Gagawin ko iyong wedding shoes niya – ng babaeng pakakasalan ng lalaking mahal ko.
Gusto kong mapakamot ng ulo, gusto kong bawiin ang sinabi ko pero hindi na pwede.

“I’ll make the shoes of the whole entourage.” Ngumiti pa ako.

“Really?” Tosca said. “Good! Oh my god, sweetie, totoo na talaga ito!” She even
gave Yto a kiss. Bumaling ako kay Yna.

“Tara?” I asked her. Tumango siya. We left the area. Pumasok kami sa loob and we
both settled in the living room. Pinaupo ko siya sa couch. Kinuha ko ang paa niya
tapos ay simulan ko na ang trabaho ko. Bago iyon, ibinigay ko sa kanya ang
portfolio ko para makapili siya ng designs.

“Ate Niks, okay ka lang ba?” She asked me. I looked at Yna.

“Oo naman. Why, babydoll?” I asked her.

“Kasi si Kuya and si Tosca.” She made a face. “I don’t like her. Hindi sila bagay
ni Kuya.” Natawa naman ako. “Ate Yza thinks so too. Kahit si nanay at tatay pero
wala naman silang magagawa. Just like what tatay said – it’s kuya’s descision.
Malaki na siya eh.”

Tumango na lang ako. Wala akong karapatang magbigay ng opinion ko kasi si Yto iyon.
I don’t have any right when it comes to Yto.

“Mamili ka na ng designs.” Sabi ko. Maya-maya ay narinig ko ang boses ni Yza.

“Nikita, okay ka lang?” Dinig sa boses niya ang pag-aalala. “What the hell did you
to your hair?!” Nilingon ko siya.

“Bagay naman diba!” Natawa ako nang malakas. Umiling siya at saka tumabi kay Yna.

“Okay ka lang ba?” She asked again.

“Oo nga! Sabi ko naman sa’yo wala na akong gusto kay Yto.” Natatawang sabi ko. Yza
just looked at me. Walang sabi-sabing bigla niya akong niyakap. Nanlaki ang mga
mata ko. Nabitiwan ko iyong hawak kong ruler. I bit my lower lip. I really want to
cry right now but I don’t want too. Makikita ako ni Yto. Baka kung anong sabihin
niya. I just sighed.

“Yza ano ka ba?” Tumawa na lang ako. “May ginagawa ako, ano ka ba?” Inayo ko ulit
ang paa ni Yna. Hindi na umalis si Yza. Nandoon silang dalawa. After measuring
Yna’s foot. Iyong kay Yza naman ang sinukat ko. I just want to make a pair for her.
Nang matapos ko iyon ay iniligpit ko ang mga gamit ko. Kay Yza at kay Yna na lang
ako nagpaalam.

Mabilis akong umalis sa bahay na iyon. I got to my car and drove. I cancelled my
client call. I told her that I’m not feeling well. Hindi naman kasinungalingan
iyon. I ‘m not really well. Naiiyak na naman ako. The silence inside my car worsens
the pain and the fact that I’m stuck in traffic made the pain hurts like hell.
Nanginginig ang kamay na in-on ko iyong stereo sa kotse. Napatulala ako nang
marinig ko iyong kanta. 

Everything I know about love I learned from you, from youAnd everything I know
about pain I learned from you, from youYou were my only, You were my firstYou
showed me lonely, and you took me in when I was hurtBut the most important thing
you ever gave me, You was the one that hurt the most...

I bit my lower lip. Maybe I’m dwelling on the pain too much. Maybe it’s my fault
because I let him treat me like thing. I know I should be mad at him for breaking
me, for damaging me but I just couldn’t be mad at Yto because no matter how painful
this is, and no matter how deep the wounds are – I’m just so in love with him.

So thank you for the broken heart, oh yeahAnd thank you for the permanent scarCause
if it wasn't for youI might forget, how it feels to let goAnd how it feels to get a
brand new startSo thank you for the broken heart

Maybe I’m stupid – no I’m really stupid kasi hindi ako maka-move on kay Yto. I’m
even counting the days of this pain in my chest. It’s been six hundred eight days,
that’s fifty-two million five hundred thirty-one thousand two hundred seconds of
hell in my whole being.

And right now... I’m not sure when this would end...

------------------

“Another round please?”

I smiled at the bar tender in front of me. I ordered another glass of vodka.
Mukhang ayaw na nga niya akong bigyan but I’m a paying customer so what the heck?!
He gave me another glass. Ininom ko iyon, bottoms up.

“Another please!” Himagikgik ako. I’m so drunk. So drunk and yet the pain in my
chest is still there. Hindi naman yata totoo iyong nakakamanhid iyong alak kasi
ngayon, gusto ko lang umiyak nang umiyak dahil damang-dama ko iyong sakit.

I was about to drink the glass of vodka the bartender just handed to me when
someone took that away from my hand.

“Ano ba?!” Naiinis na tanong ko. I looked back and I saw Xander. Hawak niya ang
baso ko. Napangisi ako. It’s been two months since I last saw him. The last time
was in the airport. Inihatid ko siya noon. Pupunta sila ng Cambodia ng mga
teammates niya for a game.
“Alexander!” Napahagikgik ako. I moved closer to him, I rested my body to his. I
even put my arms around his neck. “How was the game? Did you win? Hmmmmmm?”

I played with his hair. “Hmnnn, you smelled like him...” Naiiyak na sabi ko.
Dammit! Xander smells like Yto. I don’t know if that’s really his smell or it’s
just my drunken nose. I rested my head on his shoulder.

“Xander...”

“Nikita, lasing ka na. Uuwi na kita.” Mahinang sabi niya. Uuwi? Ayokong umuwi.
Tinulak ko siya. I’m so drunk. If I go home, my parents will see me like this.
Ngumisi na lang ako sa kanya.

“Come one, Xander. Let’s dance!”

“Niki!” He hissed. Hinatak ko siya papunta sa dance floor. I wanted to get away
even for a while. I could stay home and cry all night but I don’t want too. I chose
to get out, mingle and have fun so I could forget about the pain of knowing that
the man I loved with all my heart is engage to a woman he chose to love. I pulled
Xander closer and embraced him. Ipinatong ko ang baba ko sa balikat niya. The beat
was fast and happy but I wanted to slow dance with him.

“Nikita, what’s wrong?” He asked me. I shook my head. My tears are falling. Marahil
ay naramdaman niya ang pag-iyak ko. “Iuuwi na kita.” Pinal na sabi niya.” Hindi na
ako nakahuma. Hinatak niya ako palabas ng bar na iyon. Habang naglalakad kami
palabas ay naramdaman kong umiikot na ang paligid ko.

“I’m so fucking drunk, Xander.” Napahagikgik na naman ako. He looked at me.

“Yes you are. I’m gonna buy you coffee then we’ll go home.” He said to me.
“Kababalik ko tapos nadatnan kita dito.” He said. Hatak niya pa rin ang kamay ko.
Nagtaka pa nga ako nang matigilan siya.

“Xander.... I need heat.” Sabi ko. Niyakap ko siya mula sa likuran.

“What happened to her?” Habang nakayakap ako kay Xander ay narinig ko ang boses na
iyon. Parang si Yza. Sumilip ako at napangiti nang makita ko si Yza na hawak ang
kamay ni Zach. Mukhang papasok pa lang sila.

“Best friend!” I exclaimed. Gumegewang-gewang ako habang papalapit sa kanya. I

hugged her.

“Niki, you’re drunk!” She said.

“I’m not. I just had a little.” Binalingan ko si Zach. “Ang panget mo, ZD.”
Humagikgik ako. Then my eyes caught a glimpse of Yto. He was standing behind Zach.
Kasama niya si Tosca. I smiled at him. Lumapit ako sa kanya.

“Yto! Celebration na naman!” I said. “You’re fucking engage! I’m so fucking happy
for you, dude!” Tinapik ko iyong pisngi niya. Pinalis niya iyong kamay ko.

“What the hell are you doing?!” He said between gritted teeth.

“Nagsasaya para sa’yo! Ang galing-galing.” Bumaling ako kay Tosca. I held her hand.

“Take care of him ha? Alam mo, allergic siya sa peanuts. Ayaw niya ng chocolate.
Mahilig siya sa jelly beans pero iyong kulay green lang iyong gusto niya so when
you buy a pack you have to choose only the green ones.” Natawa ako. Natatatawa ako
sa sarili ko. I know I look so pathetic but the love I feel for Yto is just
overflowing.

“Nikita, stop.” He said.

“Hindi niya kakainin iyon kapag may halong iba...” Sabi ko pa. My tears fell. “And
he doesn’t drink coffee in the morning. Milk lang na may three drops ng orange
juice---“

“Nikita ano ba?!” Sigaw niya. Hinawakan niya ang braso ko. Itinulak niya ako kay
Xander. “Yto!” Yza screamed. “Yto ano ba?”

“Iuwi mo na iyan, Xander. She’s too drunk.” He said in a cold tone. Napaiyak na
ako. Hinatak ako ni Xander palayo sa kanila. We got to the parking lot.

“Niki...” Xander called me. “Niki...”

”Five seconds lang, Xander.”  Sabi ko. Nahihilo na talaga ako. I sat on the
pavement. Sinapo ko iyong ulo ko. Itinakip ko sa mukha ko iyong kamay ko and there
I let the tears fall. Hindi ko na inisip si Xander. Okay lang naman siguro na iiyak
ako sa harapan niya. I’m so fucking hurt. How can the only man I love hurt me like
this? Sana man lang he spared me the pain. Sana man lang inisip niya iyong
nararamdaman ko. Kasi ang sakit-sakit pa rin.

After a while. I felt Xander’s arms around me. Binuhat niya ako – bride style.
Hindi na ako kumibo. I was still crying. Naramdaman kong ipinasok niya ako sa
kotse. He put the seatbelt on me. He even kissed my hair. My eyes were still
closed. Naramdaman kong umandar ang kotse.

“Xander...” Tawag ko sa kanya. “Don’t take me home to my parents’ house. Momsi will
freak...” I whispered to him. Hindi siya sumagot and although I wanted to wait for
his answer, I couldn’t anymore. I fell asleep and I dreamed of Yto again...

And even in my slumber, the pain is there...

But I just couldn’t hate him...

*Song used*

- Thank you for the broken heart – J. Rice

=================

4. Tama na

 I’m not in my room.

That’s the first thing I realized after opening my eyes. I also felt that nagging
pain in my head when I tried moving. I guess that’s the price I have to pay for
drinking all those vodka glasses. I closed my eyes again – then I re-opened. Fuck!
It hurts – not just my head but also my chest. The pain is overflowing – mas pa
kaysa sa nararamdaman kong pagmamahal kay Yto.

I tried getting up – that was when I realized that I am naked underneath the
sheets. My eyes widened. What the fuck happened last night?! All I could remember
was the fact that Xander and I were together and I asked him not to bring me home
to my parents’ house. What the hell! I tried recounting the events of last night
pero sa kakaalala ko lalo lang sumisikip ang dibdib ko. Lahat kasi ng naaalala ko –
puro si Yto at si Tosca at kung gaano siya kasaya noong ipinakita ni Tosca iyong
singsing sa akin. He smiled at that moment. Para bang nanalo siya ng award sa
school. Napaluha na naman ako.

I just asked myself why I am naked. Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko. I know that
Xander is a guy pero magagawa niya kaya sa akin iyon?

I wrapped the bed sheet on myself and I got up. I need to know where Xander is, I
need to know what the hell happened last night at bakit ako nakahubad!
Naglakad ako papunta sa pinto. I was about to touch the doorknob when the door
opened wide. Halos mapatakbo ako nang makilala ko kung sinong nakatayo sa harap ko.
No it wasn’t Xander.

“Y-yto...” Napaawang ang labi ko. He was wearing a white shirt and a pair of blue
boxers shorts. He was looking at me like I did something wrong – very wrong and he
will make me pay for it.

“Gising ka na.” Sarcastic na sabi niya. “Masaya ka na ba, Nikita? Pinahiya mo ako
sa harap ng fiancé ko.” Malamig na malamig ang tinig niya. Parang yelo iyon sa
akin, tumatarak sa puso ko. “Kailan mo ba ako titigilan?!” Sigaw niya sa akin.

“Yto!”

My head spin even more when I heard Yza’s voice. Mula sa likod ni Yto, pumasok siya
at dinaluhan ako. She looked at her twin brother.

“Ano bang problema mo?!” She yelled.

“Iyan ang problema ko! Hindi ako matatahimik hangga’t nandito siya!” Balik – sigaw
naman niya. My tears fell again. I bent my head down. Okay, maybe I deserve that or
maybe I don’t but it feels like I deserve it. Galit na galit siya sa akin dahil
hanggang ngayon, akala niya sinusundan-sundan ko pa rin siya just like what
happened years ago.

“Heh!” Sigaw ni Yza. “Sige isa-isahin mo ang ginawa sa’yo ni Nikita?! Gago ka!
Nakakainis ka na Yto!”

“Great! You’re taking her side! Sige magsama kayo! Ikaw lang naman ang inalala ko
kaya dinala ko dito iyan pero ikaw pa ngayon iyong galit Yza Joan!”

My eyes widened when Yza slapped Yto’s mouth. Nikipagtitigan siya kay Yto. “Nanay
didn’t raise you like that Yto Jose.” She said in a low but very dangerous voice.
Minsan lang magalit si Yza at kapag nangyayari iyon kahit ako natatakot sa kanya.
Yto glared at me then he left the room. Naiwan kami ni Yza. Inakay niya ako at saka
iniupo sa kama. May dala siyang mga damit. Inilapag niya iyon sa tabi ko at saka
umupo. She looked at me.

“Naglasing ka dahil kay Yto?” She asked me. Umiling ako. “Eh ano? Nikita naman! Ano
pang naging magkaibigan tayo kung hindi mo sasabihin iyan sa akin?” Naiiyak na
tanong niya. Napangiti ako. I don’t want to tell her – lalo na ngayon. Wala pa nga
siyang alam pero nasampal na siya si Yto – paano pa kaya kung sabihin ko sa kanya
lahat? Tama na iyong ako na lang ang nakakaalam, na ako na lang iyong nasasaktan
para sa sarili ko, ayokong masaktan ang iba dahil sa akin at mas lalong ayoko ng
awa.
“Nasaan si Xander?” Tanong ko. She sighed.

“Pinauwi ko. Akala mo pababayaan kita nang ganoon? Lasing na lasing ka Nikita.
Hindi ko nga alam kung aware ka sa ginagawa mo.” Sabi niya sa akin. Inayos niya ang
kumot na nakapulpot sa akin. I smiled at her. Even if I don’t want to, I could
remember everything I did. I actually told Tosca – Yto’s fiancé – to take care of
him – just like the way I did when we were in Paris.

“Nikita!” Tawag sa akin ni Yza. Nanginginig na iyong boses niya. “Huy!”

“Si Zach?”

“Nasa eroplano na. He’s going back to New York for a photo shoot. Sa Linggo ang
balik niya. He’s worried about you too.”

“Okay lang ako. Pero sana hinayaan mo na lang ako kay Xander. He’ll take care of
me.” I said to her. Binatukan ako ni Yza.

“Ako ang best friend. Ako ang mag-aalaga. Hindi pwedeng si Xander. Hindi si Zach at
hindi kahit na sino. ” She sighed again. She took my hand. “Sabihin mo na.”

I shook my head. I don’t want her to hate Yto. Knowing Yza – she loves me like a
sister – and I know that when I tell her, she’ll freak, she’ll hate Yto and I don’t
want that to happen. Magkakambal sila at hindi sila dapat mag-away dahil sa akin. I
can handle the fact that I can never be with Yto, I can face the pain, but I cannot
forgive myself if Yza and Yto’s relationship cracked because of me. Naniniwala ako
that blood is thicker than water.

Yza should always love Yto. I sighed again.

“Magbihis ka na. Tapos lumabas ka. I’ll wait for you outside.” She said to me. Alam
kong hindi pa kami tapos. Hindi ako titigilan ni Yza hangga’t hindi ko sinasabi sa
kanya kung anong nangyayari sa akin. Pero dahil matigas ang ulo ko, hindi ko talaga
sasabihin sa kanya.

I took the clothes she brought me. Puting t-shirt iyon at pantalon. Damit siguro
niya ito. Sinuot ko iyon at tulad ng sinabi ni Yza ay lumabas ako ng kwarto
pagkabihis ko. I was walking on the hallway. I was guessing that this place is
Yto’s bachelor pad. Spacious ang lugar. Pagkalabas ng kawarto may mahabang hallway
doon na puro pictures at paintings ang nakasabit sa wall. Napahinto ako nang
mapansin ko ang isang malaking portrait ng isang babae. The woman was standing at a
bridge – looking at something. The place was oddly familiar and the woman too. I
felt the urge of toching the photograph pero natigil ako nang marinig kong
sumisigaw na naman si Yza. I run towards the living room. I saw her and Yto in the
middle while arguing.

“Totoo naman lahat ng sinabi ni Nikita kay Tosca kagabi! Everything that woman
doesn’t know, Nikita told her! What is wrong with that?”
“Argh, Yza. As much as I want to endure you and your friend you two are both
getting to my nerves! Get off my back, Yza!”

“Get off your back?!” She said. Nakita kong pinaghahampas niya sa balikat si Yto.
“Nakakinis ka na, nakakainis ka na! Ang sama ng ugali mo! Doon ka na lang sa babae
mo! Sana mabaog ka! Ang kapal ng mukha mo!”

“Aray! Aray, Yza!” Yto kept on repeating those words. Kung naiba lang sana ang
sitwasyon, matatawa ako sa kanya at kay Yto pero hindi. What Yto told her lingered
in my ears. My tears fell immediately. Gaano kasakit na halos isuka ka nang mahal
mo? Durog na durog na ako. Pero mas lalo pa akong nadurog dahil sa mga sinabi niya.

“Yza...” Tinawag ko si Yza. Natigil ang paghampas niya kay Yto. Tiningnan niya ako.
Yto smirked when he saw me. “Okay na ako. Uuwi na ako.” Sabi ko sa kanila.

“Fine. I’ll drive you.” Yto said. I shook my head. “What? Akala mo ba ihahatid
kita? I’m going to drive my sister. Sabit ka lang, Nikita.”

“Yto!” Sigaw ni Yza. Humarap siya sa kapatid at hinampas ang bibig nito. “Ang dirty
ng bibig mo! Mabulok sana lahat ng ngipin mo!”

“Yza, uuwi na ako.” I told her. Huminga nang malalim si Yza. Inirapan niya muna si
Yto tapos ay hinatak niya ang kamay ko. We both left Yto’s unit. Habang naglalakad
kami, bulong nang bulong si Yza.

“Nikita, sorry ha? Yto woke up on the wrong side of bed again. I’m so sorry, Niki.”
She kept on apologizing. I kept on crying. Napahinto ako. I sat in the middle of
the hallway. Yza touched my shoulders.

“Yzang, five minutes lang pwede?” I bent my head down. I saw her kneeled in front
of me. Bakit ganoon? Wala nang natira sa akin pero pilit pa ring kinukuha ni Yto
ang kung anumang meron pa ako. Yza hugged me tightly.

“Niki, kahit ayaw mong sabihin, dama ko naman na dahil kay Yto nagkakaganyan ka...
Tama na...” I cried in her arms. Sabi ng iba, kapg umiyak na nang umiyak, mawawala
na iyong pain pero bakit ako, kahit ilang beses akong umiyak hindi nawawala.

“Yza... ang sakit-sakit na...” My voice was shaking. “Yza, ayoko na... ayoko na
eh...”

Ayoko na talaga...

Hinintay niya talaga akong matapos umiyak. After that Yza told me that she will
take me home. Hindi siya nagtanong pero alam kong nakikiramdam siya. Habang nasa
byahe kami pauwi, nag-iisip-isip ako. I’m on the verge of forgetting Yto and the
reason why I find it so hard to do is because I’m trapped in the middle of the
circle our world revolves in. I sighed. Whether I like it or not – no matter how
painful it will be I have to cut all the ties that connect me and Yto.

Yza parked the car in front of my parents’ house. I looked at her. She was quiet.
She was sighing hard. I took a deep breath too.

“Yza...” Tawag ko sa kanya. She looked at me. “I’m breaking up with you...”
Nanginginig ang boses ko. I looked at her. Nakanganga siya. Maya-maya ay sumimangot
siya.

“Sasakalin ko na talaga si Yto!” She hissed. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya.

“Ma-mimiss kita. Ikaw, si nanay, si tatay, si Yna...” Humikbi ako. “Sorry... but I
just really need to do this...”

“Hindi! Ano iyon, iiwasan mo ako kasi gago si Yto? Nikita, you need me now more
than ever. Sabihin mo na! What’s wrong? What did Yto do to you?” She asked again. I
shook my head. I will never tell Yza. I will never let her hate her own brother.

“Kailangan ko lang ng space sa mundong ginagalawan namin ni Yto. Kapag okay na ako,
lalabas tayo okay? Tapos ikaw iyong unang babati sa akin ng congratulations but
right now, Yza, I’m cutting all the ties that connect us. I’m sorry.”

I held her hand.

“Ayoko...” She said. “Sabihin mo na. Sinaktan ka ba ni Yto? May nangyari ba sa

Paris? Kahit hindi mo sabihin gagawa ako ng paraan para malaman iyon! Lintk na Yto
iyan! Sasakalin ko na iyon!”

“Don’t hate him.” I said to her. “He is your brother. Twins pa kayo.”

“You’re my best friend. Kambal iyong puso natin.” Mariing sabi niya. Napangiti ako
bigla.

“Fine, I won’t break up with you. But I need space. Mga six months...”

“Nikita...”

“Fine, four. Tapos text and call na lang tayo.” Sabi ko. Yza shook her head. She
looked so frustrated.

“This is ridiculous!” She took a deep breath. “Fine! Cool off tayo. But I swear,
Nikita, I’m going to find out what happened and when I do, I’ll skin him alive!
Maski na kakambal ko pa siya!”
Yza looked at me. Hindi na siya nagtanong. Alam kong naiintindihan niya ako. Masaya
ako dahil alam kong kahit panandalian ko siyang iiwan at iiwasan sa oras na tumawag
ako sa kanya, I know that she’ll run to me without questions asked. Naghawakan pa
kami ng kamay bago ako bumaba ng sasakyan. I was kinda sad about the fact that I
have to avoid my best friend just so I could move one with my life without getting
hurt anymore. But I really have to do it. I have to cut all the ties. Para sa akin,
para sa puso ko dahil baka kapag hindi ko ginawa iyon tuluyan na akong mawala.

I walked inside the house. Maaga pa. Buti na lang tulog pa rin si Momsi at Popsi.
Hindi ko kakayanin kapag nakita nila akong ganito. I went straight to my room, lay
on the bed and hugged my hello kitty pillow. I was fighting back the tears but I
couldn’t anymore.

I miss my Yto...

---------------------

“Morning Nikita, I miss you. Text mo ako kapag may milestone sa day mo ngayon. I
love you, Nikita.”

Napangiti ako sa text message ni Yza. It’s been three days mula nang mangyari iyong
bar incident, isama pa iyong condo unit incident with Yto. Ilang araw ko na siyang
hindi nakakausap kaya damang-dama ko ngayon iyong pangungulila sa kanya.

I was inside a four walled office in a certain building that morning. May kausap
akong tao. Kailangan ko na kasing ayusin iyong mga bagay sa buhay ko na wala namang
kinalaman kay Yto.

“Miss Kerkmez?” Tawag sa akin noong babae. I smiled at her. “Kailan mo gustong
maglipat ng gamit sa shop mo?”

Lalong lumawak ang ngiti ko. Ibig sabihin, the building management is letting me
rent one of their shops para sa shoe store ko. Gusto kong pumalakpak.

“ASAP sana, Ma’am.” Nakangiting sabi ko. Ngumiti lang din siya tapos binigay niya
sa akin iyong susi ng shop ko. Nagkatunog ang ngiti ko.

“Thank you for renting Miss. Kerkmez. Sana swertehin ka tulad ng iba ko pang
tenants dito.”

Nagpaalam na akong umalis sa kanya. Bumaba ako sa first floor ng building kung saan
naroon iyong magiging shop ko. Pumasok ako sa loob at tumayo sa pinakagitna. Hindi
naman kalikihan ang lugar ko pero madaling makita iyon dahil nasa first floor ako
at may malaking display window na kitang-kita sa labas. I was thinking of
renovating the place. Maybe painting it a little bit of pink and violet tapos
maglalagay ako ng maraming shelf para sa sapatos, then iyong maliit na space sa
gilid will be my office.

Nakakatuwa talaga. Nai-imagine ko na iyong sarili ko na nagta-trabaho dito sa loob.

Excited na ako. Naisip ko si Yza. Tatawagan ko siya. Hindi naman yata masama na
makausap ko siya. Si Yza naman iyon. I took my phone out, nagtaka pa ako nang
maramdaman kong naba-vibrate pala iyon. Unknown ang number pero sinagot ko dahil
baka emergency.

“Hello?” I said to the other line.

“Hi, is this Nikita Kerkmez?” Tanong ng isang lalaki sa kabilang linya. Kumunot ang
noo ko.

“Yes, who is this? Saan mo nakuha ang number ko?” Nagtaray na ako. Narinig ko
siyang nagsabi ng “yes!” Tapos ay muling nagsalita.

“This is Yckos Emilio. Remember, ako iyong nakilala mo sa ice cream shop.” Sabi
niya pa. Kumunot lalo ang noo  ko. Unti-unti akong napangiti nang maalala ko kung
sino siya. Siya iyong lalaking nagpahiram sa akin ng hankie.

“Hi, kamusta?!” I greeted him.

“Yeah, I’m good. Sabi mo after two days tawagan kita. Two days kahapon pero hindi
mo sinagot iyong tawag ko. So I tried again today. I’m going to ask you out.”

Matagal akong nag-isip. He’s asking me out. Pagkasabing-pagkasabi niya noon ay

naalala ko bigla ang mukha ni Yto. Nakaramdam ako ng guilt. Naiisip ko na baka
magalit siya pero ipinilig ko ang aking ulo. Kunsabagay, lahat naman ng gawin ko,
ikinagagalit niya at isa pa, wala naman siyang pakialam sa akin. Hindi siya
magagalit kapag nakipag-date ako – baka nga matuwa pa iyon.

“Sure! Kailan ba?” Tanong ko.

“Right now... I’m actually looking at you through the window. I’m outside the
Horizon building.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. I looked at the display window. Napangiti ako nang makita
ko si Yckos Emilio – siya talaga – outside the window, holding his phone near his
ear. He waved at me – I waved back. Ibinaba ko iyong phone at saka lumabas ng shop
ko. He met me halfway.

“Anong ginagawa mo dito? Stalker ka?” Biro ko sa kanya.

“Actually...” He grinned. May itinuro siya sa kabilang daan. “Galing ako doon.”
Turo niya sa ice cream shop sa tapat. Iyon din iyong ice cream shop pinuntahan ko
the other day, ibang branch lang.

“Ano, mahilig ka sa ice cream?” Tanong ko. Nakapamulsa siya.

“I’m not bragging but I own the ice cream shop. Iyon ang business ko. Ice cream.”
He smiled at me. Nakita ko iyong dimples niya. Ang lalalim ng mga iyon. Parang ang
sarap dutdutin. “So, pwede tayong mag-lunch?” Tanong niya pa.

“Sure! Wala namang masama lunch lang.” Humagikgik ako.

“Lunch date.” Sabi niya. I rolled my eyes.

“Fine. Convoy na lang?” I asked him.

“Pwede sa kotse ko na lang?” Nakangiting sabi niya. Itinuro niya ang kulay itim na
Ferrari sa tapat. I sighed. Si Xander, kaamoy ni Yto. Itong si Yckos katulad ng
kotse ni Yto. Anong susunod? I just shook my head.

“Okay...” Napatango siya. Ipinagbukas niya ako ng sasakyan. Pumasok ako. I thanked
the heavens when his car didn’t smell like Yto’s car. Iyong Ferrari kasi na iyon ni
Yto – sa Italy niya binili. Noong umuwi siya ng Pilipinas – pina-ship niya pa iyon
dito. I know how it smelled because we used that car in Paris.

“Argh!” Di ko napigilang sabi. Bakit ba naiisip ko na naman iyong taong iyon?

“You okay?” Tanong ni Yckos sa akin. I nodded.

“So, ice cream huh?” Tanong ko. I was trying to start a conversation. Nakita kong
ngumiti siya.

“Kung iisipin parang childish no?” Natawa pa siya. “Mamang sorbetero kung baga.”

“Okay lang naman. Gaano na katagal iyong business mo?” Tanong ko pa. He turned
left.

“Five years... Mula noong seventeen ako. Dati sa bahay lang naman. Si Mommy kasi,
she’s trying to teach me how to earn money for myself. Kaya ayon. Ice candy lang
ang tinda ko noon. Iyong kapatid ko yelo.” Natawa na naman ako. “So noong twenty-
two ako, ibinigay ni Dad iying trust fund ko, nag-invest ako sa business.”

“Ang galing naman ng parents mo.” Sabi ko sa kanya. Huminto kami sa tapat ng isang
French restaurant. Nauna siyang bumaba sa akin tapos ay ipinagbukas ulit ako ng
sasakyan. Natatawa ako sa kanya kasi parang awkward siya sa akin. Ako na mismo ang
humatak sa kamay niya para mapalapit siya sa akin.

“Akala ko ba, date ito? Bakit parang stranger tayo?” Tawa ako nang tawa.

“Paano na-realize ko na ang ganda mo. Parang alangan ako sa’yo.” Napakamot siya ng
ulo. I looked at Yckos. May kamukha siyang artista, si Joseph Gordon Lewitt. Cute
naman si Yckos and I kinda like his attitude. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya.

“Tara, gutom na ako. I haven’t had French food for a long time! Alam mo tumira ako
sa Paris for almost six years. Pabalik-balik pa rin ako doon.” Pumasok na kami sa
loob. Iginaya kami ng usher sa isang table malapit sa window. We settled there
tapos ay nag-order na kami. I ordered for the both of us. Matapos iyon ay ngumiti
ako sa kanya. Nagulat ako ng bigla niyang itapat sa tainga ko ang kamay niya.

“Opps, may something.” Sabi niya. Ngumiti siya nang malapad tapos napansin kong may
hawak na siyang white rose ngayon. My eyes widened.

“Magic!” I exclaimed.

“Hindi lang iyon...” He said. Sa kabilang tainga ko naman. Mula doon, may lumitaw
na isang piraso ng ferrero rocher. Natawa ako. Nakadama ako ng excitement habang
ginagawa niya iyon. Para akong bata.

“Nakakatuwa naman ito.” Sabi ko. I took the chocolate on his hand. Binuksan ko
iyon. Hinati ko sa gitna tapos ay isinubo ko sa kanya. Noong una, ayaw niya pang
ibukas ang bibig niya but in the end, he just let me. He opened his mouth and I put
the chocolate in. Tawa ako nang tawa. Iyong tawa ko, hindi fake – it’s a genuine
laugh. Na-overwhelm nga ako noong ma-realize ko iyon.

I haven’t laughed like that for almost eight thousand seven hundred sixty days.
Napapalakpak pa ako nang mag-make face siya.

“My gosh, Yckos!” Sabi ko sa kanya. Pinahid ko ang luhang namuo sa gilid ng mga
mata ko. Nagkwentuhan pa kami. Habang nag-uusap ay na-realize ko na hindi naman
pala bad idea itong lunch date na ito.

“Ay, excuse, sa powder room lang ako.” Paalam ko sa kanya.

“Sure, sana wag mo akong takasan.” Alam kong biro iyon. I winked at him.

“I’ll try.” He made a face again. Natatawang iniwan ko siya. When I got to the
powder room, nag-retouch ako ng make-up. I could still see the trace of my
sleepless nights. Tinakpan ko iyon ng powder. Nang makita kong okay na ang hitsura
ko ay lumabas ako ng powder room. Pabalik na ako sa table namin nang matigilan ako.
Bigla kasing may humatak sa braso ko at ibinalya ako sa pader.

My mouth parted when I saw Yto. Tulad noong nakaraan ay galit na naman ang mga mata
niya.

“What the hell are you doing?” He hissed. Ikinulong niya ako sa dalawang braso
niya. I swallowed hard. He’s too close – to close that I could literally feel the
pain overflowing in my chest.

“W-wala...” Natatarantang sagot ko. Hinamapas niya iyong pader.

“You walk in here with that guy on your side, will laugh like you don’t care at all
tapos sasabihin mo sa akin wala?!” He hissed. “You knew that I’m here with Tosca’s
parents so you came here with that guy all over you!”

“He’s not all over me...” I said in a tiny voice.

“Kailan ka ba titigil Nikita? Kailan mo maiisip na kaya lang nangyari iyong sa

Paris ay dahil pinagbigyan lang kita? I thought that after that, titigil ka na sa
obsession mo? When are you going to stop?! Jeez!”

My tears fell. Hindi ko naman sinasadya. Nakita kong napatitig sa akin si Yto.
Natahimik siya. I just sighed.

“Yto, pwede bang tama na?” Sabi ko. Nakipagtitigan ako sa kanya. “Tama na, please?
Ang sakit na kasi. Sobra-sobra na. Hindi naman na kita nilalapitan, hindi na kita
kinakausap. Pati si Yza nilayuan ko para sa’yo kaya pwedeng tama na?”

Dahan-dahan siyang lumayo. Huminga ako ng malalim at saka tumalikod. Pinahid ko ang
mga luha ko at muling bumalik sa table namin ni Yckos. He smiled at me.

“Umiyak ka.” He stated. Hindi ako sumagot. He reached out for my ear again and when
he showed his palms on me, may nakita akong maliit na pink na puso.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Puso mo. Ibinabalik ko sa’yo.”

I gazed at him. With my shaky hands I took the little pink heart and smiled at
him. 
=================

5. Don't hate me

 “Yza, si Yckos. Yckos, si Yza.”

I smiled widely as I introduce Yza to Yckos. Hindi rin kasi nag-work iyong
pakikipag-cool off ko kay Yza last month. Alam naman namin sa isa’t-isa na hindi
namin kayang tiisin ang hindi magkita. Iyong cool off thingy naming dalawa –
tumagal lang siya ng three days. After that Yza visited me at my parents’ house –
crying because she misses me. I missed her too. That day, nag-usap na lang kaming
dalawa – I told her that I won’t be going to their house for a long time because I
don’t want to see someone. I also told her not to mention his name because by just
hearing his name, wounds are reopening.

“Hi.” Yckos greeted Yza. Nasa loob kami ng shop ko nang araw na iyon. Yza is
helping me decorate – si Yckos naman sinadya niya talagang dumaan just to see me.

“Nice to meet you...” Yza winked at me. I made a face, alam ko na ang gusto niyang
sabihin. Napailing na lang ako. Yckos said that he’ll get the cleaning materials.
Naiwan naman kami ni Yza sa loob. Inakbayan niya ako.

“Boyfriend mo? Nanliligaw? Sagutin mo na! Bagay kayo!”

“Wow! Nagmamadali may date ka with ZD?” Natatawang sabi ko. Kitang-kita kong namula
ang pisngi ni Yza. I rolled my eyes. Narinig niya lang iyong name ni ZD nag-blush
na siya agad? I took a deep breath. I used to be like that. Whenever I hear his
name – my face will turn scarlet red – my heart will beat fast, I’ll be breathless
– pangalan pa lang iyon! Mas malala kapag nasa tabi ko na siya.

“Huy! You’re thinking of him again...” She said suspiciously. I shook my head.

“Hindi noh!” Sabi ko na lang. “Ini-imagine ko lang iyong magiging hitsura nitong
store ko. Alam mo iyon, Yzang? My dreams are in front of me waiting to be
realized.”

“And yet you’re crying over some demon’s heart. Move on, Nikita. Ayokong ganyan
ka...”

I just smiled at her. I really love this girl beside me. Just like what she told me
the other day while I was trying to break up with her – kambal ang puso namin. I
guess Yza is really the sister the heavens forgot to give my parents – so she’s
like my sister from another parents.

“I like, Yckos.” Pag-iiba ko ng usap. Ngumiti siya. Parang siya pa iyong kinilig sa
sinabi ko. Iba talaga kapag in love. Ang lakas ng tama niya kay ZD pero alam kong
mas malakas naman ang tama ni ZD sa kanya. I sighed again. Hindi ko na alam kung
nakakailang buntong-hininga ako nang araw na iyon. Palagi na lang akong ganoon mula
nang mangyari iyon sa amin ni Yto.

Kung tutuusin – those five hundred forty – eight days were like heaven for me. I
felt how it is to be loved by the man I loved – no matter how fake his actions were
– by then I didn’t know that he was just faking it – I was really happy because I
made him feel my love – and maybe that was the reason why I couldn’t hate him at
all.

After a while Yckos came back with the cleaning materials. May dala rin siyang
isang tao galing sa ice cream shop niya. Tinulungan niya kaming maglinis ni Yza.
Yckos asked me why I didn’t hire someone to do all these – I just told him that I
want my shop to be the labor of my love and sweat.

Yza took over sweeping the floor and cleaning the shelves – I on the other hand
help Yckos while he cleans the display window. Nasa labas kaming dalawa, may hawak
kaming dalawa ng pang-spray at pamunas – and just like the other times we’re
together, nagpapatawa na naman siya.

“Yza Consunji, right?” He asked me out of the blue. I looked at him. Pinupunasan ko
iyong salamin. Tumaas pa ang kilay ko.

“Yeah, you know her?” Tanong ko. He smiled.

“Apollo Consunji is my aunt. She’s my mom’s sister.” Pagbibigay – alam niya.

Napaawang ang labi ko.

“So, cousin mo si Hera, Ares and Hermes?” Tanong ko. I was talking about Yza’s
cousins. Tumango siya. “Wow!” I just said. How would I feel right now? Umiiwas ako
sa Consunji, - except for Yza – pero bumabagsak pa rin ako sa mga taong may
kinalaman sa kanila. I just sighed. May ibig sabihin ba iyon?

“Ay!” He said. Bumaling siya sa akin. Kumunot naman ang noo ko. He stretched out
his hand.

“Wow! Another magic trick?” Humagikgik ako. Kumindat lang siya sa akin and he
proceeded with his trick. This time hindi niya sa tainga ko ginawa, kundi sa
mismong harapan ko. He showed me his empty hand and then he closed his palms. He
asked me to think of the greatest memory I could ever think of – and I did. I
thought of the day I spent with Yto in the middle of the Blackfriars bridge that
Friday afternoon. We stood there, looking at the Eiffel tower while holding hands.

I almost cried but I didn’t. I just have to be thankful that those days happened to
us. At least may greatest memory ako ngayon.

“Whala!” He said. Tumingin ako sa palad niya, in there I saw a beautiful Eiffel
tower necklace. I looked at him. There was a big smile on his face. Suddenly, I
missed smiling like that. I missed being genuinely happy. Naiiyak ako. Right now,
as IU was looking at Yckos, I could see the things that I have missed while I was
busy building my world around Yto. This is what I’m missing – Yckos – Yckos is my
symbol of the things that I had missed while growing up. He’s like a breath of
fresh air for me – the symbol of all the things that are new – the symbol of the
things I should want. He smiled. Somehow, something inside of me stirred – an
emotion – a feeling I thought that I had lost when he-who-must-not-be-named broke
me.

“Suot ko na ha?” He asked me. Tumango ako. Nagpunta siya sa likuran ko and he put
the necklace around my neck. I saw Yza peeking through the display window – she had
this comical expression on her face. Masayang-masaya siya tapos ay nagsa-sign siya
ng kiss sa mga kamay niya. Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata.

After a while Yckos was in front of me again. Pasimple lang siyang ngumiti tapos ay
bumalik sa ginagawa niya. I was holding the mini-version of the Eiffel tower in my
hand, naglipag-lipat ang tingin ko sa kanya at sa bigay niya sa akin. I smiled. I
walked towards him – I tiptoed a bit and kissed his cheeks. Matagal iyon – I knda
lingered a bit tapos ay bahagya akong lumayo. He looked at me.

“Thank you, Yckos... for making me feel a lot better – so much better...”

Ngumiti siya tapos nag-iwas ng tingin. Natatawang hinampas ko siya sa balikat. “Pa-
virgin ka ha!” Humagikgik ako. Yckos made a face again. I laughed out loud.
Napansin ko si Yza na na- hands clasped pa tapos ay parang nagingisay sa kilig. She
was laughing too. Napailing ako. Kunsitindor na best friend talaga!

I was about to go back to work when I caught a glimpse of a black Ferrari in front
of my shop. No – it wasn’t Yckos’. Nakumpirma ang hinala ko nang bumukas ang pinto
niyon at mula doon, lumabas si Yto kasama si Yna. Yna run to me.

“Ate Niks!” She hugged me. “Narinig ko kasi si Ate na may shop ka na daw so I asked
Kuya Yto take me here after my class! Ito na ba iyon?!” Enthusiastic na wika niya.
I just smiled at her. Yto was standing behind her looking at Yckos habang nasa loob
ng bulsa niya ang mga kamay niya.

“Uhm, Uy!” I called Yckos’ attention. “Yckos, si Yna, kapatid ni Yza saka si
ano...” I caught my breath. Why am I having a hard time saying his name?

He looked at me. Parang bang hinihimtay niyang sabihin ko ang pangalan niya.

“Yto Consunji.” Sabi ni Yckos. “I’ve read articles about you.”

I sighed in relief when Yckos spoke. I smiled. Nakita kong lumabas si Yza ng shop.
Pumunta sa kanya si Yna. Inirapan naman niya si Yto.

“Anong ginagawa mo dito? Impak-Yto ka?!” Yza yelled. Yto’s eyes widened.

“Ate... wag mong sigawan si Kuya...” Hinatak ni Yna ang braso ni Yza. Yto just
shook his head. Hindi siya kumibo pero hindi rin siya umalis sa kinatatayuan niya.

“Teka...” Yckos said. “Hapon na pala, mag-meryenda muna tayo. Sagot ko iyong ice
cream.” He smiled at me. Ayoko man pero napangiti na rin ako.

We all ate inside my shop. Yza did a good job cleaning it. She had said so many
times na huwag kaming magkalat. I was just laughing silently. Umiiral na naman
iyong pagiging mabunganga niya. We ordered food from a certain Chinese restaurant.
Hindi naman nagtagal ay dumating iyong pagkain at tulad ng sinabi ni Yckos, sagot
niya iyong ice cream.

We all gathered to eat. Magkakasama iyong mga Consunji, the three of them – three
dahil hindi naman umalis si Yto – he actually stayed which made things awkward for
me – settled near the display window. They were sitting on the floor. Yza is now
talking to him. I guess, hindi talaga matitiis ni Yza si Yto – kambal sila.

On the other hand, Yckos and I occupied one of the vacant shelves. Nakatayo lang
kami doon while eating. Bigla siyang bumaling sa akin.

“Nasa kanya ba?” Tanong niya. Kumunot ang noo ko. Kahit confused ay nginitian ko
siya.

“Ano?” Inginuso niya si Yto na noong mga panahong iyon ay inaasikaso si Yna.

“Iyong puso mo. Nasa kanya pa diba?” I gasped. I don’t know what’s wrong with
Yckos. Ganoon ba ako ka-obvious? Kung gaanon malamang ngayon alam na rin ni Yza ang
totoo. My mouth parted.

“You see, I’m very observant.” Ngumisi siya. “Plus, I’ve been in a pretty messed up
relationship and the moving on part isn’t always easy. I was messed up for two
years until I saw her with her kid, I told myself that I should really move along
and here I am now...” He smiled. Parang gusto kong maiyak. I never really thought
that someone would understand the pain I’m going through now. A tear escaped from
my eye, he immediately wiped my tear away.

“Ganoon talaga, Nikita.” He said. He cupped my face. “We always imagine our first
kiss, our first love but we never dared to imagine our first heart ache. We grew up
believing that love is a magical thing but the truth is, love just hurts but all
the pain – all the tears and all the sadness you’re going through right – will all
be worth it when you finally realized that you have moved on.”

I nodded. Natutuwa ako kay Yckos. Naiintindihan niya ako. I wanted to give him a
hug pero bago ko pa nagawa ay nag-make face na naman siya. Napahagikgik tuloy ako.
Tuwing kasama ko si Yckos talagang masaya ako – nakakalimutan ko siya – siya na
nanakit sa akin. Ginulo niya iyong pixie hair cut ko. Hinampas ko naman iyong kamay
niya.

“Kumain ka na nga!” Sabi ko sa kanya. Hinatak ko iyong sleeves niya. Muli akong
bumalik sa pagkain. Hindi naman sinasadyang napatingin ako kay Yto. He was busy
eating. He seemed to be oblivious of my existence. I sighed. Okay na rin siguro
iyon, mahirap kasi kung gagawin niya ulit iyong nangyari sa amin sa restaurant.

After some more minutes, natapos na kaming lahat. Yto and Yna helped us clean the
shop. Si Yto na ngayon ang tumutulong kay Yza sa pag-sweep ng sahig. Si Yna ayaw
pagalawin ni Yto kasi may asthma siya. She was just sitting in a corner.

Isinasalansan ko naman iyong mga shoe boxes ko. Maya-maya narinig ko si Yna.

“Kuya, iyong babae sa bridge na naka back-view, saka iyong babaeng nakatalikod sa
screen ng mac mo and this girl in your i-pad na naka-bent iyong head – iisa ba
sila?”  

I remembered that portrait. Iyon iyong nakita ko sa unit niya. I took a glimpse of
him. Nakatingin siya kay Yna.

“Yup. Iisa lang sila. Bakit baby girl?”

“Bakit puro likod?” Si Yza naman. “Anong hitsura niyan? Ahh, siguro si Tosca bitch
iyan.”

“Don’t call my fiancée a bitch, Yza.” He said in a low voice.

“Eh bakit puro likod?” Yna asked again. Napapalatak si Yto.

“Wala. Wag ka nga makulit.”

He’s very secretive. I smiled. Siguro si Tosca iyong babaeng iyon. He’s just scared
to admit it because Yza doesn’t like her.

“Tapos na!” Sabi bigla ni Yckos.

“Yeah!” I said. “Salamat sa tulong...” Sabi ko habang umiikot ang mata. Iniwasan ko
ang tingin ni Yto. Isa-isa na kaming naglabasa. I was the last one left inside kasi
kinuha ko pa iyong mga gamit ko. Yckos was waiting for me.

“Ihahatid kita, okay lang?” Tanong niya. Naglalakad na kami palabas ng building
noon.

“Oo naman. Hey if we’re lucky, I’ll introduce you to my parents.”

“Ang bilis naman. Kakakilala lang natin last month iuuwi mo na ako sa mommy mo, ano
ito, pikot?” Ngumisi siya sa akin. I was appalled. Bigla ko siyang sinuntok sa
braso.

“Aw!”

“Grabe ka, Yckos?!” Tawa ako nang tawa pero natigil iyon nang biglang may sumigaw
ng pangalan ko.

“Nikita!” My whole being shook when I realized that it was Yto who called me.
Slowly, I turned my head on him. “Get in.” He said. Napansin kong bukas iyong
passengers door niya.

“Sige, pre ako na lang ang maghahatid.” Inakbayan ako ni Yckos. I didn’t shake his
arms off. I just stood there. Akala ko titigil si Yto pero bigla na lang siyang
lumapit sa amin. Walang Sali-salitang hinatak niya ang kamay ko at pilit na
ipinasok sa kotse.  Hindi na ako nakapag-react. I looked back on Yckos. Takang-taka
ang mukha niya.

“Y—ckos! Bye!” I said to him. Halos ibato ako ni Yto sa loon. My mouth parted when
I realized that Yna and Yza weren’t inside. Where the hell are they?

Sumakay na si Yto. Pinasibad niya ang sasakyan. Kunot na kunot ang noo niya. His
eyes were on the road. Ni hindi niya ako tinitingnan. Medyo mabilis ang takbo
namin. Ninenerbyos ako dahil baka bumangga kami.

“Yto!” I screamed. “Dahan-dahan naman!”

He faced me. Bigla ay bumagal ang takbo niya. He grinned – that devilish grin that
used to melt my heart.

“Say it...” He said. I looked at him. Kumunot ang noo ko. Nang hindi ako magsalita
ay bigla na namang bumilis ang takbo niya.

“Yto, ano ba?!!!” I screamed again. Napahawak ako sa gilid nang upuan. “Yto, Yto
slow down!”

And he did. He slowed down. He was still looking on the road. Nakagat ko ang labi
ko. Ano bang trip niya? Why is he doing this to me?

Dahil siguro sa bilis ng pagmamaneho niya kanina, mabilis rin niya akong naihatid
sa bahay. He parked the car. Akmang bababa na ako nang pigilan niya ang kamay ko.
Nakadama ako ng kuryente – tulad noon, sapat na ang isang haplos niya para mabuhay
ang dugo ko.

“Yto, ayoko na.” Mahinang sabi ko. “Patulugin mo naman ako ng hindi umiiyak.
Nagmamakaawa ako. Masaya ka naman na diba? Pwedeng ako naman?” I was holding back
the tears.
Binitiwan ako ni Yto. He looked away. “Fuck...” He muttered. Matagal akong hindi
gumalaw. Maya-maya ay nagsalita siya. “Huwag mo nang lapitan si Yza.”

My mouth parted. “Is that how much you disgust me? That you don’t want me around
even in your sister’s life?” I gasped hard. Bigla kong pinagbabayo iyong dibdib
niya.

“Nakakainis! Dapat galit ako sa’yo! You damaged me, Yto! You broke my perfectly
good heart! You broke me! You made me want to hate you and yet....” I lost all the
strength I have left. “I just couldn’t hate you...”

He held my wrist. Is it me? O nangingnig talaga iyong mga kamay niya.

“Don’t hate me, Nikita...” He whispered. Iwinaksi ko siya. I took a deep breath and
wiped my tears away.

“Makakalimutan din kita...” Bulong ko. He sighed.

“Kailan? Ang tagal...” He sounded so impatient. Nasaktan na naman ako.

"Kapag nag-thank you na ako sa'yo, ibig sabihin naka-move on na ako."He took a deep
breath. "Baba na. Goodnight."I smiled. Somehow, it feels like his goodnight was
actually a goodbye. 

=================

6. Hindi mo ba nakikita?

“Niki, wait kita sa park. Nandito kami ni ZD, I’ll watch him play football with
Xander and the others. Punta ka. Love you...”

It was a Saturday morning. I was in my shop busy preparing for my opening next
week. Almost done na lahat. Napinturahan na ng pink and violet iyong walls ko. Sabi
ni Yna, mukha daw Barbie land iyong shop ko, that made me smile because it only
mean that I got what I was aiming for.

I was finishing the shoe design for Yna. Malapit na iyong prom niya at isa pa, I
want her to see the shoes habang maaga para kung may adjustments magawa ko pa. I
found myself looking at my Blackberry. I was reading Yza’s text over and over.
Itinatanong ko sa sarili ko kung pupunta ba ako sa park o magkukulong na lang ako
sa shop ko buong maghapon. I sighed. Kapag hindi ako nagpunta, para ko na ring
sinunod iyong sinabi ni Yto sa akin two nights ago. Kung alam lang niya. I tried
avoiding Yza and their family pero hindi ko naman magawa because Yza Joan had been
a part of my life for the longest time. Kahit na gusto ko siyang iwasan hindi ko
magawa – para lang din iyong paglimot kay Yto.

Kailangan kong gawin pero hindi ko magawa. Kahit na gaano kasakit ang mahalin siya,
minamahal ko siya because loving him is just like breathing. If I stop, I’ll die.
Loving Yto is like hugging a cactus – no matter how painful it gets, I’ll never let
him go.

Baliw ako. I shook my head and continued what I was doing. I wasn’t aware of the
things around me. I was busy that I didn’t care even if I heard the door opened.
Hindi ko pa rin tiningnan kahit nakarinig ako ng yabag. Naisip ko nab aka si Yckos
o si Yza ang nandoon – baka hindi na nakatiis si Yza kaya sinundo na niya ako.
Hinintay ko siyang magsalita. If it’s Yza wala akong magagawa kundi ang sumama sa
kanya, but if it’s Yckos, baka ayain ko na lang siyang magpunta sa park kung nasaan
si Yza. If I go there, I’ll go because of Yza not because of Yto.

“Come to think of it...” Biglang sabi ko. “I’m not even sure if he’s there. Damn!”
Napangiti ako habang nagsasalita. I was thinking about it so much that I didn’t
even realized that I was actually thinking of him again. Napa-face palm pa ako.

“God, Nikita. Stop thinking about him too much. He’s not even thinking about you.”
I was talking to myself again. I continued working. I almost forgot that someone
entered my shop. Naalala ko lang iyon nang biglang mau umubo sa likuran ko. Halos
mapatalon ako sa gulat. I looked back. Nasapo ko pa ang dibdib ko at saka
napapikit.

“My god, Yto, ginulat mo naman ako!” Wala sa loob na sabi ko. But then when I
realized who was standing in front of me – nabagabag ako. Am I dreaming or was it
really him in front of me. I rolled my eyes.

“God, Nikita!” Sabi ko pa. I was shaking my head. “I am probably thinking about him
too much that I actually dreamed him to life...” Tinitigan ko iyong image ni Yto sa
harap ko. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans, a gray shirt and a pair of lacoste
shoes. I shook my head again. Yto’s image seemed so real. Muli akong bumalik sa
upuan ko at saka nagpatuloy sa pag-design ng sapatos ni Yna. Habang ginagawa ko
iyon hindi ko maiwasang makipagtitigan sa image ni Yto. Bakit hindi pa siya
nawawala? I used to have mornings like this in Paris. I would wake up, I’ll cry a
little then I would imagine Yto beside me comforting me – that would make me feel a
little better – enough to get me through the day – then the same thing would happen
at night. I’ll imagine him, embracing me tightly like before – I’ll fall asleep
thinking about him but on the next day, I’ll feel like hell again.

“In fairness, kahit sa imagination ko, ang hot pa rin ni Yto.” Bulong ko habang
nakatitig sa image niya. I sighed. Kailan ko nga kaya masasabi sa totoong Yto iyong
thank you? I wanna forget him and move on with my life. Iyong tipong makikita ko
sila ni Tosca tapos wala na akong mararamdamang kahit na ano kundi pure happiness
para lang sa kanila. I wanna be happy for him, alam ko naman na masaya na siya
ngayon – he had found his match.

Naalala ko iyong dahilan kung bakit nangyari iyong nangyari sa Paris. Pinagbigyan
niya lang ako. Awang-awa naman ako sa sarili ko. Sigurp, Yto saw how desperate I am
on having hin in my life. Naawa siya kaya niya ako pinagbigyan. All those things he
showed me, even when he was making love to me, he was just faking it all. I gasped
when I felt like crying.

“Kahit imagination, nakaksakit pa rin.” I sighed. Tinitigan ko siyang maigi. My

eyes widened when he grinned at me. Napanganga ako. Ang bongga ng imagination ko,
ngumingisi na kamukhang-kamukha ng ngisi ni Yto.

“I’m as real as you could ever imagine, Nikita.” He spoke. Napatayo ako. Nanginig
ang tuhod ko. Totoo siya? No wonder the pain in my chest throbbed while looking at
him. I swallowed.

“Umaano ka dito?” Nagtatakang tanong ko. “Ano... ahhh... U-umalis ka na...” Sabi
ko. Kulang sa conviction ang tinig ko pero lahat ng sinasabi ko sa kanya totoo.
Pinaalis ko siya. Ayoko siyang nandito. Siya na rin naman ang nagpaparamdam sa akin
na ayaw niya ako sa buhay niya.

“Sinusundo kita. Yza wants to see you.” Malamig na wika niya sa akin. Umiling ako.
Hindi ako sasama sa kanya. Isa pa, siya na rin naman ang nagsabi na kailangan kong
layuan si Yza, hindi ako sasama sa kanya.

“I texted her already. Hindi ako pupunta doon.” Sabi ko na lang. I was actually
surprised when I heard my own voice. Hindi nanginginig ang boses ko pero
nanginginig naman ang tuhod ko.

“Kailangan nandoon ka.” Sabi niya. Hayan na naman si Yto. Pautos na naman ang tono
ng boses niya.

“Diba ayaw mo akong makita? You don’t even want me in your sister’s life which I
think is so unfair because I love Yza too and mind you – I tried breaking up with
her but I just couldn’t stay away because I love your sister as much as I love
you!”

My eyes widened. Kitang-kita kong ngumisi si Yto matapos kong sabihin ang mga
sinabi ko.

“Halika na.” He said. Hindi mawala ang ngiti niya. I rolled my eyes.

“Tuwa ka naman. Natalo na naman ako kasi nasabi ko na naman na mahal kita.” Sabi
ko sa kanya. I don’t even know why I’m having this conversation with him. Dapat
iniiwasan ko na siya pero nandoon pa rin iyong feeling ko na ayoko siyang paalisin
– that I want him close to me.

“Naku, Yto. Umalis ka na nga. Mamaya iiyak na naman ako dahil sa’yo.”

“At bakit?” He even asked. Para bang takang-taka pa siya.

“I’m trying to move on, diba? Nilalayuan na kita, paano ako makaka-alis kung
nandyan ka?” Tanong ko sa kanya. Hindi kumibo si Yto. Umiling na lang ako. Masakit.
Iyon ang nararamdaman ko. Ito kasi iyongt literal na ibig sabihin ng phrase na
you’re so near and yet so far. Nandito siya sa harap ko pero hindi ko naman siya
mahawakan.

Bumalik na lang ako sa trabaho. Naramdaman ko namang umupo si Yto sa tabi ko.
Napasinghap ako nang bigla niyang hawakan iyong buhok ko. Lumayo ako ng kaunti.

“Yto ano ba?!” I said.

“Why did you cut your hair, Niki?” He asked me. “I like your hair long... it suits
you better.” Mahinahong sabi niya. Kunot noo namang tumingin ako sa kanya.

“Anong trip mo, Yto? Pinaglalaruan mo na naman ako? Pwedeng wag kasi iiyak na naman
ako mamaya.”

“Wag mo akong iyakan.” Simpleng sabi niya.

“Pwede ba iyon? Sinaktan mo ako. Alam mo ba  kung gaano? When you told me na walang
tayo my world came crushing down, Yto. Alam mo kung gaano kasakit iyon? Sobrang
sakit that I wanted to die right there and then.” Biglang tumulo ang mga luha ko.
Why is he doing this to me? He’s just opening the wounds of eighteen months ago...
Hinampas ko ang dibdib niya.

“Ang sakit kasi. Tapos paulit-ulit mong sasabihin sa akin na kaya lang nangyari
iyon kasi pinagbigyan mo ako. G-ganoon lang iyon?” I said. “Ni wala kang
naramdaman. All the things you told me, those things you showed me you were just
faking? How come Yto? You acted as if you love me...”

“I’m not.” He said. My tears welled up again. I tried wiping it. “I never told you
I love you.”

“Oo! Oo na! Huwag mo nang ulitin kasi lalong lumalalim iyong sugat! Paano ako
gagaling kung sa tuwing maghihilam iyong sugat ko, darating ka at bubuksan lang
iyon? Yto, pagod na ako.”

Bigla na lang akong hinatak ni Yto. He hugged me. Ang sakit-sakit na naman ng buong
pagkatao ko. Why the hell is he doing this to me? Okay na ako – I’m trying to move,
I’m trying not to dwell so much in his memories or what I thought we have pero
nandito na naman siya, matapos akong paiyakin ay patatahanin ako na parang bata.

“Gusto ko nang maging masaya, Yto. Gusto ko nang makalimutan ka!” Humagulgol ako.
Humigpit lang ang yakap niya sa akin. “Wag mo na akong saktan. Please...”
“Huwag ka nang umiyak.” He said again. I shook my head. Lumayo ako sa kanya.

“I know how pathetic this sounds, Yto but until I’m not over you, I will cry, every
night of my life...”

He stared at me. My tears were falling like waterfalls – suddenly, he bent his face
down and claimed my lips for a kiss. I automatically closed my eyes. Hindi dapat,
mali, but I found myself kissing him back just like before and because of that
sudden passionate kiss – I feel so much better.

I’ve been in hell since I got back from Paris –but all those feelings vanished just
because of a kiss from Yto...

---------------------------

I decided not to think about it. Iyon ang paulit-ulit na iniisip ko buong linggong
iyon matapos akong halikan ni Yto sa loob ng shop ko. I never wanted to think about
it anymore. Sa ngayon, sobrang complex ni Yto. Hindi ko na siya maintindihan. Noong
araw na iyon – hindi lang naman isang halik ang nangyari. He stayed in my shop,
tahimik lang ako while he kept on asking me random questions, kapag sinasagot ko
tumatawa siya tapos kapag naiinis na ako sa kanya, hahalikan na lang niya ako
bigla. That would shut me up. He would smile and would just continue asking
questions.

After that day, inihatid niya ako sa bahay. Before letting me go, he kissed me
again. Yto was so weird that day. At kahit parang masaya ako sa nangyari noong araw
na iyon, counted pa rin iyon as one of my sleepless nights.

I just don’t know what he wants anymore.

“Huy, Okay ka lang?” Medyo nagulat pa ako nang magsalita sa tabi ko si Yckos.
Magkasama kami nang araw na iyon. He texted me, asking if I want to go out. Linggo
naman noon kaya pumayag akong lumabas kasama siya. We went to the mall and watched
a movie. Yckos is such a good company. Hindi ako nalulungkot kapag kasama ko siya,
he’s funny and he likes goofing around plus! May bonus pa akong magic. Para akong
may personal clown kapag siya ang kasama ko.

“Did you like the movie?” Tanong niya sa akin. We watched Percy Jackson and the Sea
of Monsters. Iyon na lang iyong pinili ko kasi ayoko naman noong Lego The Movie –
masyadong pambata. I smiled at Yckos. We’re inside Starbucks.

“Oo naman. Ikaw?” Tanong ko na lang sa kanya. Actually, half lang ng movie ang
napanood ko at naintidihan. Bigla ko kasing naisip si Yto. I suddenly remembered
our first date.

Yto travelled two hours and forty five minutes just to meet me in Le Stelle in mid
– town Paris. I thought that it would just be an ordinary date, pero when he came
in the restaurant, he was holding a beautiful sunflower. Hindi roses, hindi tulips,
sunflower. We spent the night like he was never irritated by my actions noon. He
was sweet, attentive, very caring – who wouldn’t fall for that. After the dinner,
he took me home to my apartment and before saying goodbye; I asked him why he gave
me sunflower. He just smiled and said: Roses are for ordinary people, Niki. You’re
not ordinary. Goodnight.

Mula noon tuwing lalabas kami, he would bring sunflower every time and just by
that, I’ll feel special.

“You’re thinking about him.” Sabi ni Yckos sa akin. I just sighed. I feel sorry for
him. I reached for his hand and smiled apologetically.

“Sorry. I just can’t help it.” I said. He sighed.

“Taking care of a woman’s broken heart is not really easy.” He said. “But I’ll
patiently mend it for you, Nikita. Just give me a chance.”

Napatitig ako sa kanya. He grinned at me. “Akala mo ba nagbibiro ako tuwing nagde-
date tayo. I like you Nikita. No matter how broken you are. I’ll patiently wait for
that moment na pwede na akong pumasok ng tuluyan sa puso mo.”

He smiled after saying that. Natulala naman ako. Anong sasabihin ko? He knew that
I’m still not ready but he’s waiting – he said he’ll wait. Patiently and... I sigh.

“Gusto ko sa bagong buhay mo, ako iyong unang tao. Unang bagong tao sa buhay mo. I
mean it, Nikita. I like you.”

Pinisil niya ang kamay ko. I smiled at him. All I could say is: “Thank you, Yckos.”
Sa sitwasyon ko ngayon, tama na muna ang magpasalamat sa ibinibigay niyang
atensyon.

We continued talking. Inilisya na niya ang usapan. I found myself laughing with him
again. Hindi ko na nga namalayan iyong oras. I just realized that it’s six in the
evening already when Momsi texted me, asking my whereabouts.

“Uy, I need to get home. Momsi is looking for me.” Ngumiti ako sa kanya. “If you
want you can join us in dinner.” Sabi ko pa.

“Nah, hatid na lang kita. Nakakahiya naman sa parents mo.” Natawa pa siya. I made a
face. Habang naglalakad  kami palabas ng Starbucks, hinawakan niya ang kamay ko.
Napatitig ako sa kamay niya na hawak ang kamay ko, I felt odd pero hindi ko
tinanggal. Hindi lang ako sanay na may ibang humahawak sa akin – maliban kay Yto.
We walked towards the parking lot. Habang nasa pathway papunta sa parking lot ay
natigilan ako. Para kasing nakita kong nakaupo sa labas ng isang cake shop si Nanay
Sheena kasama si Yna. Bumalik ako and I realized that it’s really them.

“Nay!” Tawag ko sa kanya. Binalingan ko si Yckos. “Yckos, wait lang.” Sabi ko. Agad
akong tumakbo papunta sa kanila. Nanay Sheena smiled at me. Tumayo siya at saka
hinagkan ako sa pisngi. Yna was looking at me. Mukhang inip na inip na siya.

“Ano pong ginagawa ninyo dito. May hinihintay kayo?” Tanong ko. Mukhang sasagot si
Nanay pero naunahan siya ni Yna.

“Si Kuya sana, pero hindi siya darating. He promised na susunduin niya kami ni
Nanay pero at the last minute he cancelled dahil lang kay Tosca bitch.”

“Yna Johana!” Nanay hissed. “Ano ba iyang lumalabas sa bibig mo?” Kunot noong
tanong niya. Yna bent her head and muttered her sorry.

“Busy si Yto,” Sabi ni Nanay. “Tinawagan ko naman na si Sancho. Parating na siya.

Na-traffic lang.”

Nakadama ako ng inis kay Yto – for the first time. Naalala ko iyong madalas niyang
sabihin sa akin noon – na kahit ano daw ang mangyari – his Nanay will always be on
top of his list – na lahat ng ginagawa niya, hihinto basta si Nanay ang pinag-
uusapan – na si Nanay ang pinakamagandang babae sa buhay niya at kahit ilang babae
pa ang dumaan, nanay will always be his number one.

Nasaan na iyon ngayon? Yna is right – Tosca is a bitch.

“Nay, gusto ninyo po ba ihatid ko na kayo?” Tanong ko sa kanya. Bigla ko namang

naalala na wala nga pala akong dalang sasakyan. Nag-taxi lang ako kanina kasi nga
date namin ni Yckos.

“Huwag na, darating naman ang Tatay Sancho mo.” She smiled at me.

“Sabi ninyo po na-stuck siya sa traffic. Hatid ko na kayo.” Binalingan ko si Yckos.

“I hope it’s okay. On the way naman sila sa bahay ko.” Sabi ko kay Yckos.

“Sure...” He smiled. Napa-face palm ako. Nakalimutan ko siyang ipakilala kay Nanay.

“Nay, si Yckos pala. Yckos si Nanay Sheena, nanay ni Yza.” Matapos iyon ay niyakag
ko na sila patungo sa kotse ni Yckos. Nahihiya talaga ako kay Yckos pero he made me
feel that it’s really okay.

Habang nasa daan kami, naririnig ko si Nanay na kausap si Tatay Sancho sa phone.
She was telling him that I will take them home. Matapos iyon ay ako naman ang
binalingan ni Nanay.

“Nikita, salamat. Salamat din sa kaibigan mo.” Sabi niya sa amin. Nagkatinginan
kami ni Yckos tapos ay nagngitian.

After a while huminto kami sa mismong tapat ng bahay ng mga Consunji. Ipinagbukas
pa ni Yckos ng pinto sila Nanay Sheena at inlalayan niya pang bumaba ito. All the
while I was just looking at them.

“Pumasok muna kayo.” Sabi ni Nanay.

“Naku, Nay wag na po. Hinihintay na ako ni Momsi sa bahay.” Sabi ko sa kanya.
Lumapit ako sa kanya tapos ay humalik sa pisngi. Nakatayo ako s atabi ni Yckos.
Muli na naman niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko.

“Uuwi na po kami, Ma’am.” Paalam pa ni Yckos sa kanya. I smiled. Napaka-polite

naman ni Yckos.

“Bye ate, bye Kuya Yckos!” Yna waved at us. Yckos and I turned our backs on them.
Ipinagbukas ako ni Yckos ng pinto ng kotse. He was still holding my hand. Bago ako
sumaka, nagsalita ulit si Nanay.

“Sure ba kayo na ayaw ninyong kumain?” Tanong niya. Nalunod ang sagot ko sa ingay
ng isa pang itim na Ferrari na huminto sa mismong tapat ko. Mabilis na bumaba ang
driver noon – walang iba kundi si Yto.

“See, I told you makakauwi si Tita and si Yna kahit hindi mo sila sinundo.” Narinig
kong sabi ni Tosca. She just got out of the car. Yto looked over my shoulder.

“Nay, sorry. May dinaanan pa kasi ako.” He said. He sounded so apologetic.

Pagkatapos noon ay tumingin siya sa akin. Humagod ang tingin niya mula sa mukha ko
papunta sa balikat pababa sa kamay ko na hawak ni Yckos.

“Sige pre, iuuwi ko na si Niki ko.” Wika ni Yckos. I slowly looked back at him.
Niki ko? Did he just call me Niki ko? Pilit akong pinasok ni Yckos sa loob ng
sasakyan. Nang makasakay siya ay agad niyang pinsibad ang kotse. I looked at him.

“What was that? Bakit Niki ko?”

He looked at me. A sexy smile formed on his face.

“He’s in love with you Nikita. Hindi mo ba nakikita iyon?” 

=================

7. I don't want that

He’s in love with you. Hindi mo ba nakikita iyon?

 “Stop giving me false hope, Yckos!”

Iyon ang naging sagot ko sa sinabi ni Yckos nang gabing ihatid namin si Nanay
Sheena at si Yna. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nasabi sa akin iyon. I mean – I’ve
known Yto since I was seven and I know that somehow, he never had feelings for me.
Kung may feelings siya sa akin, mangingimi siyang saktan ako pero hindi, he hurt
me, he damaged me senseless and no matter how much love I have for him – the pain
of what he did just remains. I took a deep breath.

Yckos had dinner with my family. Momsi and Popsi seemed to like the fact that I
brought a boy home and introduced him to them. Akala ko magagalit si Popsi sa akin
for taking home Yckos but he was actually glad. Naalala ko kasi noong iuwi ni Ate
Lindy ang boyfriend niya – nagalit si Popsi kay Ate. Ate cried that night. Kung
sabagay, ang bata pa ni Ate noon, she was only fourteen kaya nagalit si Popsi.

“Anak...” I looked at Momsi. Pumasok siya sa room ko. She was smiling at me. Parang
alam ko na kung anong dahilan at nandito siya. Umupo siya sa tabi ako at hinaplos
ang buhok ko. She’s missing my long hair pero ako hindi naman. I like my new hair –
it’s like I’m a new person – someone better – if only I could easily shake my
feelings off of Yto – I would be a so much better version of myself.

“Anak,” She called me again. “I like Yckos. Boyfriend mo na ba? Kung hindi mo pa
boyfriend, sagutin  mo na.”

“Momsi!” Sigaw ko. Namula ang tainga ko. I just sighed. “We’re dating okay. I like
him. Please don’t pressure me.”

“I’m not. I’m just saying. By the way, your Popsi likes him. Mukha kasing aalagaan
ka ni Yckos.” Ngumiti siya at hinagkan ako. “Night, baby.”

I rolled my eyes. How come Popsi knows na aalagaan ako ni Yckos? Samantalang si
Yto, pinag-iisipan niyang paiiyakin lang ako. I smirked. Kunsabagay, tama si Popsi
sa bagay na iyon. Pinaiyak ako ni Yto at patuloy niya akong pinaiiyak hanggang
ngayon.  I sat on the edge of my bed as I took my sketch pad. I’ll make another
batch of designs tonight – pampalipas oras dahil alam kong hindi na naman ako
patutulugin ng mga salitang sinabi ni Yckos sa akin.

Suddenly my phone rang. I was eager to answer it. I was thinking nab aka si Yza but
when I looked at the screen – I saw Xander’s name. I answered it.

“Yes, Xander?”
“Niki, nasaan ka? Bar tayo. Lukas Anton is in town!” He said. Natawa ako. Parang
ang sudden naman ng pag-aya sa akin ni Xander.

“Bakit? I mean, bakit ako?” Ibinaba ko ang sketch pad ko at nakipag-usap na lang sa
kanya.

“Sub ni Daniel Lika na. Nandito kami sa Horizon. Hihintayin ka naming, okay?”

Hindi na niya ako hinintay sumagot. He ended the call. Nag-isip ako kung pupunta ba
ako or I’ll just stay home tonight pero Sunday night, hindi ko naman kailangan
gumising nang maaga bukas at isa pa – I wanna hang out with my friends. Si Xander
at si Lukas Anton ang mga kababata ko noon. They were my fist playmates, kami kasi
iyong magkaka-age noon so kami – kami ang magkakalaro tuwing may rehearsals sila
Popsi noon.

I was biting my lower lip. I took a deep breath and stood up. Pupunta ako. I
haven’t seen Lukas Anton for years – I wanna see him – except for the fact na gusto
ni Momsi na ipa-date sa akin si Lukas Anton, wala naman akong dapat ika-awkward sa
kanya.

I put on my best dress – it a blue tight dress. Second time ko palang nasuot iyon –
the first time was when Yto took me to a shoe exhibit in Italy. Lumabas ako ng
silid ko, bago ako umalis ng bahay ay sinilip ko muna si Momsi at si Popsi sa room
nila. Tulog na sila pareho – magkayakap pa. Napangiti tuloy ako. Dahan-dahan kong
isinara ang pinto at bumaba ng hagdan. I got out of the house. Hindi ko na dinala
ang kotse. Kung nandoon naman si Xander, papahatid na lang ako sa kanya.

Nakalabas na ako ng gate. I took my phone and dialed Xander’s number. Hinihintay ko
na lang na sagutin niya iyon nang biglang may humablot ng phone ko mula sa mga
kamay ko. My heart leaped. Naisip ko na baka may snatcher sa tabi ko and that he’s
going to hurt me. Humarap ako kahit kinakabahan. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang
makita ko si Yto Jose Consunji na kunot na kunot ang noo habang nakatitig sa
cellphone ko.

“Why the hell are you calling Xander in this time of night?” His voice boomed like
thunder. Kinabahan ako. Yto looked mad. Naalala ko kapag ganito kami sa Paris, mag-
aaway kami – aawayin niya pala ako. Matatakot ako sa kanya kasi nakakatakot naman
talaga siyang magalit – one time we fought because I wasn’t able to meet him in
Chateau Velaeta – I texted him saying not to wait for me but he still did. Noong
nagkita kami sa apartment ko – he was so mad that he actually threw the flower vase
on my side. Buti na lang talaga hindi ako natamaan noon.

I was so scared of him that time. Kahit na nasa apartment ko siya hindi ko siya
pinapansin – and then suddenly, he just hugged me from behind and kissed my neck.
He muttered his apology and just like that my heart melted. Hindi ko naman matitiis
si Yto. I know how ruthless he could get – but I love him all the same.

“Why?!” He yelled. I swallowed hard. Pinamaywangan ko siya.

“Give me back my phone!” I told him. Itinaas niya iyon. Yto is tall – I guess he’s
six foot and an inch tall habang ako, five’ four lang, kapag naka-heels, five’ six
pero right now, I’m wearing flats so I really couldn’t reach him.

“Yto Jose!” I yelled. “Give me that!”

“Bakit mo tinatawagan si Xander? And why are you wearing that dress?” He seemed
suspicious now. “Huwag mong sabihing may date ka with Xander? Eh halos kauuwi pa
lang nong Yckos na iyon ha!”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “How did you know na kakauwi pa lang ni Yckos?” It’s now my
turn to be suspicious. He sighed.

“Nanay asked me to thank you for taking her home earlier. Kanina pa ko dito. I
wanted to talk to you but you seemed busy with Yckos. I heard you introduced him to
your parents. Did they like him?” He asked again. Siguro kung nakakapunit lang ng
noo ang pagkunot, punit na ang noo ko.  Ang daming alam ni Yto na hindi niya dapat
alam.

“How did you know that?! I didn’t tell Yza that!”

“Hindi naman ako tanga, Nikita. Yckos had dinner with you inside your house. Ano
iyon hindi mo siya ipakikilala sa parents mo? You never introduced me to your Momsi
and Popsi tapos iyong Yckos na iyon sandali mo pa lang nakilala pero inuwi mo na sa
bahay ninyo. Bakit? May nangyari na ba sa inyo? Did you already sleep with him?”

My mouth parted. Nabigla rin ako sa sumunod na ginawa ko. Sinampal ko ang bibig ni
Yto. I was shocked with what I heard him say. He was actually thinking that I
already did it with Yckos. Ganoon nab a ako kababa para sa kanya? I couldn’t help
but get irritated – I was actually expecting that I will cry upon hearing that pero
hindi – I was just irriatated – and that’s a good thing.

I’m actually starting to hate Yto.

“I hate you!” I screamed at his face.

“Hindi mo pa sinasagot ang tanong ko. Why the fuck are you calling Xander?!”

Napapadyak ako. I feel so frustrated. Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko. I
feel like even if I don’t tell him, pipilitin niya pa rin ako. I just sighed.

“I’m going out tonight with Xander and Lukas Anton.” Mahinang sabi ko.

“Lukas Anton? Iyong photographer? Di ka ba nag-iisip Nikita? Lukas Anton fucks

everything that moves! Paano kung malasing ka and he’ll take advantage of you?
Paano kung mawala ka na naman at kung ano-anong gawin mo?” Napasabunot siya sa
sarili. Pakiramdam ko kung gaano ako ka-frustrated ay ganoon din si Yto. Tiningnan
niya ako.

“Sasama ako.”

“What?” I exclaimed.

“You heard me.” Walang sabi-sabing hinatak niya ako papasok sa kotse niya. Mabilis
siyang umikot. Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko. What just happened? Kanina aalis ako na
ako lang ang mag-isa pero ngayon – I ended up leaving with Yto. Things escalated
quickly.

The next thing I knew, we were driving at kahit yata gaano ka-traffic – sa bilis ng
pagmamaneho ni Yto, nakarating agad kami sa Horizon. He took my hand – which made
me feel electric current again – and led me inside. Siya iyong tanaw nang tanaw sa
paligid.

“Oh ayun si Xander.” Matabang na sabi niya. I saw Xander talking to a girl
Binitiwan ko ang kamay ni Yto at lumapit sa kanya.

“Xander!” I called him. Tumingin siya sa akin. I was about to give him a bear hug
but then Yto pushed him away – he almost lost his balance.

“One hi is enough, Xander.”

“Yto!” He said. Napailing siya. Bigla ay nakipag-high five na lang sa akin si

Xander. Nawirduhan naman ako. “Ay, Niks, kasama nga pala naming si Glen.” Xander
said.

“Ilang lalaki ba ang kikitain mo Nikita Cyrene?!” Bulong sa akin ni Yto. Tumindig
ang balahibo ko.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. Kunot na kunot ang noo niya tapos lapat na lapat ang
bibig. “Ano?”

“Niks!” I heard a familiar voice. Mula sa likod ni Xander ay lumabas ang sinasabi
ni Xander na Glen. Glenise Mikaela to be specific. Kapatid siya ni Lukas Anton. She
was smiling at me. Bigla niya akong niyakap.

“Grabe it’s been so long! What happened to your hair?” Napatingin siya kay Yto.
“And ano ito? Asawa mo?” She asked while looking at Yto. Yto grinned. He put his
arms around me.

“Fiancé.” He mumble. Iwinaksi ko ang kamay niya.

“What he means is my fiancé na siya.” Sabi k okay Glen. Glen is the youngest
daughter of Tito Caleb Ronaldo – she actually looks like her mom – Tita Aiko – only
she not that singkit and she has Tito Caleb’s boyish grin.

“I see. Come mag-party tayo” Hinatak niya ako palayo kay Yto. Nakahinga ako ng
maluwag. Sa totoo lang kasi parang sasabog na ang puso ko sa sobrang kaba dahil sa
mga pinagagagawa ni Yto. Kung ordinaryo lang sana ang sitwasyon namin iisipin ko
talaga na tama si Yckos sa sinabi niya kanina.

Yto is in love with me.

Pero hindi pwede iyon. Kung mahal niya ako – sana hindi niya ginawa iyong pag-iwan
niya sa akin noong nasa Paris kaming dalawa. Kung mahal niya ako kami pa rin ngayon
– pero hindi kami at ginawa niya iyong pag-iwan sa akin kaya malabong mahal niya
ko.

Yckos was just imagining things.

“Drinks?” Tanong sa amin ng Bartender nang umupo kami ni Glen sa bar. She smiled.

“A glass of Tosca please.” She smiled. Tumaas naman ang sulok ng bibig ko.
Seriously may drink na Tosca? Kahit ayoko ay iyon na lang din ang in-order ko. I
took a shot – napangiwi ako. Tosca is bitter!

Hindi ko alam kung bitter din ba iyong tao pero the drink is bitter at gumuguhit
iyon sa lalamuna ko.

“Niks!” I heard my name again. I looked back and I saw Lukas Anton walking towards
me. Itinayo niya ako at saka niyakap.

“Gosh! Mama’s right, you’re very pretty. Are you free tomorrow night?” Bulong niya
sa akin. Nanlamig ang buong katawan ko. Somehow – I know that Lukas Anton was just
kidding pero kinilabutan pa rin ako. Para ko na kasi siyang kapatid so going out
with him never really crossed my mind.

“Joke iyan!” Sabi ko. Kumalas siya sa mga bisig ko. Ginulo niya ang buhok ko.

“Oo naman. Kung totoo di patay ako kay Daniel.” Natawa siya bigla. “God, ang laki
ninyo na ni Glen!” Tawa siya nang tawa. Naupo siya sa tabi namin ni Glenise at saka
nakipagkwentuhan. Nakalimutan ko na ng halos si Yto – nakalimutan ko na kasama ko
siya at naiisip ko iyong possibility na in love siya sa akin. Bakit ko ba kasi
iniisip iyon, alam ko naman na hindi.
After a while, inaya akong sumayaw ni Glen. Sumama naman ako sa kanya, we were in
the middle of the dance floor and we started dancing to that fast beat. I was
having fun – after almost a year and a half – masaya ako – gumagawa ako ng mga
bagay na hindi ko kailangan isipin  si Yto.

Speaking of the devil – nasaan na kaya siya?

While dancing, naramdaman ko na may isang lalaking tumayo sa harapan ko. He was now
dancing with me. I just smiled at him. Hindi ko siya kilala but he seemed nice
naman so I let him. After a while palapit na siya nang palapit – the to my surprise
bigla niyang hinawakan ang baywang ko and he started grinding with me. My eyes
widened when I felt his erection on my belly. Bigla ko siyang itinulak.

“Ang bastos mo ha!” Sigaw ko. Pumailanlang ang boses ko sa loob ng bar na iyon.
Nakipagtitigan ako sa kanya. Maya-maya ay napansin kong nakatayo na sa tabi ko si
Yto at si Xander.

“Bakit Nikita, anong ginawa?” Xander asked.

“I was just dancing with her.” Sabi ng lalaki. My eyes widened.

“Liar--- you made me feel ----“ Bago ko pa matapos ang sasabihin ko, lumapat na ang
kamao ni Yto sa bunganga noong lalaki. Napahiga siya. I gasped. Even Glenise,
Xander and Lukas Anton gasped hard when they saw that the man’s mouth was bleeding
and some of his teeth fell out. I looked at Yto. He took some money out from his
pocket at inihagis iyon sa lalaki na para bang sinasabing iyon na ang kapalit ng
pagsapak niya dito.

Matapos iyon ay hinatak niya ako palabas ng bar na iyon.

“Yto, let me go!” I yelled. Binitiwan niya ako. Tumingin siya sa akin. Galit na
galit ang mga mata niya.

“Ganoon ba iyong gusto mo, Nikita? Iyong may ibang lalaking humahawak sa’yo? Iyong
may ibang lumalandi sa’yo tapos nagpapalandi ka naman! Ganoon ba iyon?!” Hinawakan
niya nang mariin ang mga braso ko. “Is that what you want? Is that what moving on
means to you?! Flirting with some other guys? Hindi ka pa nakuntento kay Yckos! You
just have to try other guys too?!”

Tinulak ko siya. “Ano bang problema mo?” Tanong ko. “Are you making me hate you
because if you are – then you’re succeeding, Yto! Right now I hate you so much that
I want to wring your neck and take you to the Pacific ocean!”

“Hate me!” He said. “Just don’t fucking flirt with other men!”

Natigilan ako. “Yto.” Tawag ko sa kanya.

“Are you in love with me?” Hindi ko na mapigilan. I need to know. Iyon lang naman
ang tanging explanation sa ginagawa niya ngayon. I bit my lower lip. Ang tagal bago
sumagot ni Yto. May namuong kaunting pag-asa sa puso ko. Baka nga tama si Yckos,
baka mahal ako ni Yto – baka kaya siya nagkakaganito ay dahil sa in love na siya sa
akin and somehow – that thought comforted me. Parang enough na iyon para gamutin
ang masakit na parte ng puso ko.

But then, when he spoke – all my hopes vanished.

“I’m not in love with you, Nikita. I thought you’re moving on?” What he said broke
my heart again – iyong puso ko durog na durog na durog na pero mas lalo pang
nadurog iyon dahil sa sinabi ni Yto. I shooked my head. Kasalanan ko. Dapat hindi
ko na tinanong. I took a deep breath.

“Then stop kissing me, Yto! Stop doing this! Stop making me fall! Just fucking
stop!” I was on tears again. I couldn’t see him clearly because my eyes were
welling up again.

He grinned. “Ayoko, Nikita. If I stop, you’ll move on and I don’t want that.”

He took a step towards me. His hands snaked through my waist and he pulled me
closer.

“I don’t want that.” He said while kissing my tears away. All my hatred for him
melted away. “I want you in love with me Nikita. I want you in love with me – head
over heels. I want you drowning with your love for me. I don’t want you to move on.
So I won’t stop...”

His lips met mine and I just lost it.

=================

8. Very good

 So, I really couldn’t move on. I scratched my nose as I sat in the middle of Yto’s
living room looking at that familiar-looking and yet odd portrait of a girl
standing in the middle of a certain but oddly familiar bridge. I was still
scratching my nose when Yto entered the room – he changed clothes – now he’s just
wearing his very comfy shirt and his spongebob boxer shorts which made me smile.
Ang laki-laking tao pero naka-spongebob na boxers. I tried hiding my smile when he
glared at me. I looked away.

“Yto, uuwi na ako.” Wika ko sa kanya. Naramdaman kong lumundo ang sofa na inuupuan
ko. He put his arm on the armrest and made me rest my body on his. Napasinghap ako.
His simple touch can make me feel extravagant. Dammit Nikita! Where the fuck is
moving on and your logic.
“Gabi na. Natatamad akong mag-drive. Bukas na lang kita ihahatid.” Sabi niya. His
fingers were making little circles on my bare shoulders. Nakakaramdam ako ng
mumunting kiliti.

“Yto naman!” I cried out. I was feeling frustrated. “Napapagod na ako sa’yo! Palagi
ka na lang ganyan!” Hinarap ko siya at pinagbabayo ang braso niya. He caught my
wrist and he pulled me even closer to him. I could smell his manly musk. I bit my
lower lip.

Suddenly those erotic fiery nights I shared with him came back to my memory like a
tidal wave. Yto looked at me – there’s that devil grin on his face again. He bent
down and met my eyes.

“Naalala mo?” He asked. His voice was husky and sexy – it sent shivers down my
spine. He planted a wet kiss on my bared shoulder. Tinulak ko siya nang marahan.
Tumayo ako at naglakad palayo sa kanya.

“Uuwi na talaga ako!” I declared.

“You’re staying here.” He grinned at me. “Bukas ako ang maghahatid sa’yo. Dito ka
lang. Matutulog ka sa kama ko at yayakapin mo ako tulad noong ginagawa mo dati. Get
it, Nikita?”

Nagbuga ang ng hangin. Nasabunutan ko ang sarili ko. I just feel so frustrated, so
confused. Sinasabi niya na ayaw niya sa akin and yet he’s here in front of me
saying all those thing. What am I supposed to do? I don’t know how to deal with Yto
anymore.  I should avoid him, he should be doing the same thing and yet he’s not –
he’s here – I’m here in front of him and we’re having this pathetic conversation.
And the fact that he was just sitting there grinning at me like he didn’t do
anything wrong makes my head hurts a lot more. I sigh.

“Yto, ano ba talagang gusto mo?” Bahagyang pumiyok ang boses ko.

“Ito.” Mabilis niyang sagot. Kumunot ang noo ko.

“Ano?”

“You asked me what I want – this is what I want. You with me.”

“And yet you’re telling me you’re not in love with me but your actions are
different from what’s coming out of your mouth!” I hissed at him.

“Does it matter?” He asked. “What matters is that we’re together. Diba iyon naman
ang gusto mo?” Titig na titig siya sa akin. “I’m giving you what you want. I’m
here, Nikita and I’m all yours.”
Tinitigan ko siya. Magpapakatanga ako kung basta na lang akong magja-jump in sa
ilog ng pag-ibig ko para sa kanya. Hindi pa nga ako nakakaahon, gusto na naman niya
akong malunod. Ano ba talagang trip ni Yto?

“All mine?” I repeated what he said. “Technically half lang dahil kay Tosca.”
Kinagat ko ang labi ko. I stared at Yto. Mukhang noon niya lang naalala si Tosca.
He shook his head. Ganoon siya kapag may mga bagay siyang nakakaligtaan tapos
ipapaalala ko sa kanya.

“Don’t mind her.” Sabi niya sa akin. Napamaang ako. Don’t mind Tosca? Don’t mind
the woman he proposed to – the woman who said yes to his marriage proposal – the
woman who happens to be his fiancé?!

“Don’t mind her!” Sigaw ko. “Siguro iyan din ang sinasabi mo sa kanya kapag
nahuhuli ka niyang may ibang babae!”

Tumayo siya at saka lumapit sa akin. Patuloy pa rin ako sa pagsasalita. “Kilala
kita, Yto. Marami kang babae on the side. Siguro nahuli ka na ni Tosca!”

“Shut up, Nikita.” He said. I shook my head. I won’t shut up. Sa pagdaldal
nawawala ang kaba ko para sa kanya.

“Ayokong mag-shut up!” Sigaw ko. Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ko nang bigla niya
akong hatakin at hagkan sa labi. I automatically closed my eyes. Instinct na iyon.
Nasanay na ako na sa tuwing hahalikan niya ako, pipikit ako at bahagya kong
ibubukas ang bibig ko para sa kanya. Instinct na din ang dahilan kung bakit ko
ipinalupot ang mga braso ko sa leeg ni Yto just to pull him closer.

His kisses were my heaven. I’ve been in hell for five hundred seventy –eight days
and the closest thing I have to comfort is this – him. Crazy as it is but the
person who pains my heart is the same person that could heal my wounds. Si Yto
lang.

His kisses deepened. I missed him. I missed this. His hands were on my waist. He
lifted me. I felt his palm on the back of my thighs. He wrapped my legs around his
waist and he started walking. I don’t know where he’s taking me and I really don’t
care. All I know is I’m drowning in his kissed and every stroke of his lips against
mine gives me back the strength that I lost when he broke me in Paris five hundred
seventy-eight days ago.

I felt the mattress on my back. I didn’t realize that Yto had put me to his bed. I
was still oblivious about everything. The only thing that matter was his lips on
mine. His lips started travelling down. He nibbled that sensitive spot on my neck.
I gasped.

“Y-yto...” I pushed him away. He looked at me. My tears were falling. I cannot
believe that I’m actually crying in front of him while in the middle of this.
“Nikita... what’s wrong?” He asked. His voice was very low – it actually sounded
like he was very worried.

“I-“ I wasn’t even sure if I’m going to say this to him but I’m here now so... “I
got really hurt back then, and right now, I’m trying not to get hurt again... Kaya
sana...” I gasped. I wiped my tears. He was still on top of me. “Sana, Yto, hayaan
mo na lang ako...”

Matagal niya akong tinitigan. He took a deep breath. Maybe, now, he understands my
point of view. He buried his face on my neck. What he said next made my heart leap.

“A-ayoko, Nikita.” He looked at me. “Maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want to let
this go. I want you mine. No. You are mine, heart, body, mind and soul. You are
mine. Akin ka lang. I own you. Naiintindihan mo?”

“Ang bipolar mo.” Sabi ko sa kanya. He grinned.

“Hot naman.” Kinindatan niya pa ako. I ended up laughing. Pinatayo ako ni Yto. He
pushed me inside the bathroom.

“Magpalit ka muna ng damit. Wag mo nang susuotin iyan kapag hindi ako ang kasama
mo.” I looked back at him. I just shook my head. Ako na talaga ang tanga. Ako na.
Imbes na mag-look forward ako sa future – I keep on dwelling in the past – in Yto.

Ayaw niya akong i-let go – hindi niya ako mahal, masakit isipin – pero the mere
fact na ayaw niya akong i-let go,somehow it comforts me.

“Yto, wala akong damit...” Sabi ko sa kanya. Nasa loob na ako ng bathroom.

“Di wag ka nang magdamit. Ganoon  naman sa Paris diba?” Sinabayan niya iyon ng
malakas na tawa.  Namula ang mukha ko. Hearing his sexy laugh made me want to get
out of the bathroom naked. Binawalan ko ang sarili ko.

“Yto naman eh!” Reklamo ko pa. He just laughed. Pumasok siya sa bathroom at mula sa
closet niya, he took out a white shirt. Ibinigay niya iyon sa akin.

“Bihis na.” He said.

“Alis...” I dismissed him. Bigla siyang naghalukipkip at sumandal sa pader. “Yto!”

“Bakit? Nakita ko naman na iyan. Nahalikan ko pa, nahawakan, na-feel----“

Binato ko sa kanya iyong sapatos ko. Nakailag siya. “You’re not getting some
tonight so just back off!”
“Oo nga pala!” Napapalatak pa siya. Para bang may naalala siya. “Time of the month
mo pala.”

My eyes widened. How the hell did he know that? It is my time of the month! At
curious ako kung paano niya nalaman iyon. Napapailing na lumabas na lang siya ng
bathroom. Hinubad ko naman ang dress ko at sinuot ang shirt niya. Umabot ang shirt
niya sa ibabaw ng tuhod ko. Lumabas ako ng bathroom, nakita ko si Yto na nakahiga
na sa kama. I stood there. Nakikipagtitigan siya sa akin.

“Aano ka pa diyan? Nikita parang bago lahat sa’yo. Dito ka.” Tinapik niya ang kama
niya. I just took a deep breath. I climbed the bed and settled under the sheets. My
attention was caught by another portrait in his room. Sa harapan mismo ng bed, sa
wall doon ay may isa na namang portrait ng isang babae – this time – she was
sitting on the bed – her back was against the camera, her long hair fell freely on
her back.

“Is that woman naked when her picture was taken, Yto?” I couldn’t help but asked.
Yto nodded. “Iisa lang ba siya saka iyong babae sa hallway?” He nodded again. “Si
Tosca?” I asked. This time he shook his head.

“She’s someone...” Sabi niya sa akin sabay ngisi. Tinulak niya ang balikat ko.
Napahiga ako sa kama. He lay beside me and put his arms on my waist. We’re on the
spooning position. I can feel his breath on my neck. It’s warm and it’s gentle. I
smiled.

I really do miss this.

Our hands were clasped together. He was playing with my thumb. “Ask me about my
day.” He said.

“How was your day?” I asked him.

“Good.” He kissed my ear. “But my night is better.”

I couldn’t help but smile. Para kasing sinasabi niyang better ang night niya dahil
sa akin. I felt his leg snaked against mine. Napahgikgik ako. Malakas ang kiliti ko
sa binti.

“Y-to! Nakikiliti ako!” Sabi ko sa kanya. He stopped what he was doing pero iyong
tagiliran ko naman iyong kiniliti niya.

“Yto Jose!”
“Damn!” Biglang sabi niya. Tiningnan niya ako. “Bakit kapag ikaw ang bumabanggit sa
pangalan ko iba ang epekto?” He kissed me after saying that. Napatili ako nang
bigla niya na namang kilitiin ang tagiliran ko.

“Yto ayoko na!” I was laughing so hard. Maya-maya ay sumasakit na iyong tyan ko.
“Ang landi mo! Ayoko na!”

He just grinned. He pulled me again. Bumalik kami sa spooning position. He played

with my thumbs again. Ganoon lang kaming dalawa. Hindi pa naman ako inaantok at sa
tingin ko si Yto din ay ganoon. Paminsan-minsan ay hinahalikan niya ang balikat ko,
ang leeg ko tapos ay pisngi. It fills up the longing inside my chest.

Natigil lang ang ginagawa niya nang mag-ring ang phone niya. His phone is in the
bedside table near me.

“Can you get it, Niki?” He asked. Binitiwan ko ang kamay niya para kunin iyon. I
bit my lower lip when I saw Tosca’s name on his screen. I gave that to him. Nanlaki
ang mga mata ko nang bigla niyang ibato ang I-phone niya. Tumama iyon sa pader.
Napabalikwas akong bangon.

“Yto, iyong phone!” I said. He shrugged.

“Yaan mo na.” Mabilis niyang sagot.

“But T-someone’s calling.” Sabi ko na lang. He shrugged again.

“Hindi naman mahalaga iyong tawag.”

Muli kaming nahiga. Niyakap niya ulit ako. He did what he was doing with my thumb
earlier. Maya-maya ay nagsalita siya. “Spoon me.” Sabi niya. Tumagilid siya.
Huminga ako nang malalim at saka niyakap siya from behind. Ipinatong niya pa iyong
kamay niya sa kamay ko.

“Pagluto mo ako ng pancakes bukas, Niki ha?” Narinig kong sabi niya. “I miss you
pink pancakes.” He said again. I rolled my eyes.

“Hmmp! Buti pa iyong pancakes na-miss mo.” Sabi ko sa kanya. Naramdaman kong
umaalog ang balikat niya.

“Basta. Saka iyong milk ko.” Sabi niya pa. Natatawa ako. “Gusto ko alagaan mo ulit
ako, Niki. Tulad sa Paris.” Humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya. He seemed to like that.

“Basta, gusto ko tulad sa Paris.” He said again. I smiled. Paulit-ulit niyang

sinasabi iyon. Nakatulugan na nga yata niya. I rested my chin on his shoulder. I
kissed his cheeks and muttered my love for him.
“I love you so much, Yto – to infinity.”

I fell asleep like that. It was the first time in five hundred days that I fell
asleep with a smile on my face. It was actually refreshing.

The next morning I woke up and I instantly love the fact that Yto was beside me.
Half of my body was rested on his and he doesn’t seem to mind. I slowly climbed
down the bed. Lumabas ako ng kwarto at nagtungo sa kusina. I’m making hjis
breakfast – tulad nga ng sabi niya – gusto niya iyong tulad sa Paris. I sighed. I
really don’t know what’s going on his mind but this – everything that happened from
last night up to know, just makes everything perfect. I’m contented with this –
kung hanggang kailan, hindi ko alam, pero gusto ko ito.

Ako na ang tanga pero mahal ko si Yto.

I put the pancakes on the plate and prepared his milk. Suddenly, I felt his arms
around my waist. Napangiti ako. He planted a kiss on my neck.

“Good morning.” He whispered.

“Good morning din...” Kinikilig ako. He made me face him. Ewan ko ba kay Yto. Siya
iyong larawan ng lalaking gagising – nakataas ang buhok, lukot ang dami pero ang
gwapo niya pa rin. He bent his head down and kissed me. Iba ang halik ni Yto.
Mariin, mapusok, masarap. Nabitiwan ko ang hawak kong spoon. I drowned in his
kisses again.

“Fuck...” He cursed between his kisses. Tumigil siya.

“Mag-breakfast ka na.” My cheeks were scarlet red. Inihanda ko iyong table para sa
kanya. He was about to sit down when we heard the door opened. Natigilan ako,
kinakabahan.

“Yto...” Sabi ko sa kanya. Tatakbo sana ako pabalik sa kwarto pero pinigilan niya
ako. “Yto!”

“Shhh. Maupo ka diyan.” Utos niya.

“May tao. Makikita nila ako.”

“Ano naman?” He asked. Ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Ayaw niyang bitiwan ang
kamay ko. Seconds later, narinig ko na iyong yabag ng bagong dating. I wanted to
cry. Hindi nagtagal ay nakita ko na kung sino iyon. Si Nanay Sheena. Mukhang
natigilan rin siya nang makita ako.
“Nay!” Yto smiled. Tumayo siya para salubungin si Nanay. Napahawak naman ako sa
dulo ng t-shirt ni Yto na suot ko. Nanay was looking at me – para bang iniisip
niyang maigi kung bakit ako nandoon.

“Kumain ka na, Nanay?” Yto asked. Hinila niya ang kamay ni Nanay Sheena. “Upo ka,
Nay.”

“Good-good morning po, Nanay.” Sabi ko. Naiiyak na talaga ako. Kahit hindi niya
sabihin alam ko na ang iniisip ni Nanay. Ano pa nga ba? Iyong hitsura namin ni Yto
ngayon – suot ko iyong shirt niya, naka-pantulog pa si Yto – we’re on the kitchen
at kahit wala namang nangyari kagabi, alam kong iyon na ang iniisip niya.

Nanay Sheena settled on the chair on Yto’s right. Si Yto na ang nag-asikaso sa
kanya.

“Nay, juice?” Tanong pa ni Yto. Nanay shook her head. She looked at me again. I bit
my lower lip. Nagtaka ako nang bigla siyang ngumiti kay Yto at hinaplos ang mukha
nito.

“Very good, anak.” Sabi ni Nanay. Yto smiled widely. He rolled his eyes.

“Love you, Nay.”

“Oh, Nikita, umupo ka na.” Sabi ni Nanay sa akin. “Kakain na tayo.”

Napakamot ako ng ulo. Ano bang nangyayari?

=================

9. Never

It’s been twenty days since that morning at Yto’s unit happened. Hindi ko na rin
masyadong matandaan kung anong nangyari but Nanay Sheena doesn’t seem to mind the
fact that she caught me in Yto’s unit that morning. Hindi nga lang isang beses
nangyari iyon – she even saw us at a restaurant – that time she was with Tatay
Sancho but before Tatay entered the premises – I asked Yto if we could leave. Noong
una ay ayaw niya pa pero sa huli napapayag ko rin siya.

I don’t know what’s happening with him. Bigla na lang bumalik iyong warmth niya sa
akin noong nasa Paris kami and the fact that he dismisses the Tosca topic every
time I ask him makes me feel like I’m really important for him. Kapag magkasama
kami, he’s making me feel like I’m the only thing that mattered.

One time, I told him that we should stop what we were doing because it’s wrong and
Tosca’s feeling will be hurt – siyempre alam ko iyon kasi ganoon iyong nararamdaman
ko every time I think about him with her – pero sa halip na makipag-usap nagalit
siya. Sobrang galit.

“Ayaw mo ba talaga sa akin?!” He yelled. We were his room. We just finished eating
lunch and he decided that we should cuddle after that. I just had to ask him that
because I want to know and now he’s giving me this...

“Yto, kahit naman kasi saan tingnan, mali ito. Kumbaga sa kasal, ako iyong kabit,
siya iyong asawa...” Nagyuko ako ng ulo. He stood up and walked back and forth in
front of me.

“Why the fuck would you think that?! That’s so ridiculous! You are not my mistress,
you never are and you will never be?! Bakit? Diba ito naman ang gusto mo? I’m here
now, Nikita! Bakit nag-iisip ka pa?!”

“Iyong sa... P-paris...” Mahinang wika ko. I bit my lower lip. Kapag sumisigaw nsi
Yto kumakabog ang dibdib ko.

“Forget that. It was a mistake.”

I stared at him. What was he saying? What was a mistake? What the fuck is going
inside his mind?! Gusto ko pa sanang magtanong pero bumalik na si Yto sa kama at
muli akong niyakap. He was caressing my hair.

“Don‘t ever think that you’re second best, Nikita because you’re not. You are mine,
iyon lang ang dapat iniisip mo.”

I couldn’t help but smile. Tuwing naririnig ko iyon sa kanya para bang nagkakaroon
ako ng assurance na hindi na niya ako sasaktan kahit na anong mangyari sa aming
dalawa. I hugged him back. We stayed on bed all day. Ilang beses rin akong nagising
– nakikita kong nakatingin lang si Yto sa akin. He would make me go back to sleep –
with him saying that I am his.

“Niki!”

Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang bigla na lang may humawak sa baywang ko. I turned
around expecting it would be Yto but I found Yckos standing behind me. He was
wearing his usual Polo shirt and pants. Ngumiti ako kahit na nakakaramdam ako ng
panghihinayang.

“Hi!” I kissed his cheeks. Nang tingnan ko naman siya ay napansin kong pumula ang
mukha niya. Pinindot ko iyong ilong ni Yckos.  “Hmp! Pa-virgin!” Humagikgik ako.

“Bukas na iyong opening nito ha. Excited ka?” Tanong niya sa akin. Naupo siya sa
chair ko habang ako naman patuloy kong ikinakabit iyong hello kitty wall
decorations ko.
“Yup! So excited. Excited nga din si Momsi at si Popsi. Ay! Tapos uuwi pa si Ate
Lindy and Kuya Daniel for the opening.” Masayang sabi ko. Yckos looked at me.

“Lindy?” He asked. Tumango ako. “Lindy Kerkmez? Iyong news anchor sa Bloomberg TV?
Sa Australia?”

“Oo. Napapanood mo si Ate?”

“Damn! Crush ko iyon! Ate mo pala iyon? Kaya pala magkahawig kayo.” Sabi niya saka
sinabayan ng tawa.

“Ih! Ipapakilala kita sa kanya. She’s nice no. Of course she’s nice, she’s my
sister kaya.” Natawa na rin ako. “Pero may boyfriend na si Ate so hindi na siya
pwedeng ligawan.”

“As long as I could remember, ikaw iyong nililigawan ko at hindi iyong ate mo. My
offer still stands, Nikita. I like you and I’m going to make sure that you’ll like
me back. I’m going to be with you in this stage hanggang sa tuluyan mong
makalimutan si Yto Consunji.”

Napasinghap ako. Paano ko ba sasabihin na postpone na iyong moving on ko because

Yto – na hindi pa sa ngayon kasi parang hindi ko naman siya makakalimutan because
we’re always together and he’s acting – we’re acting like we are lovers again
despite the fact that Tosca exists?

I just kept my mouth shut – pero hindi ko kaya. I need to tell Yckos. He needs to
know. He deserves to know after all that he’s done for me. I looked at him. He was
playing with one of my hello kitty decorations. Naupo ako sa visitor’s chair at
kinuha ang kamay niya.

“What?” Parang bigla siyang ninerbyos. “B-basted?”

“I’m sorry Yckos...” Sabi ko sa kanya. “Pero mas mabuti siguro na maging
magkaibigan na lang tayo. I don’t want to lead you on. Masasaktan ako kapag nakita
kong ganoon ang nangyari sa atin. You are my friend and right now – that’s all I
want you to be. “

He stared at me for a while. Maya-maya bigla siyang nagbuntong hininga.

“Friendzoned na naman.” He said.

“Sana ‘wag mo akong iwasan after this, Yckos. I really like you.” Sabi ko pa. He
cupped my face and bent his face forward and smiled at me.

“Maghihintay na lang ako, Nikita.” Sabi niya sa akin. “I really like you too and I
will patiently wait hanggang sa ikaw na mismo ang mag-aahon sa sarili mo diyan sa
ilog ng pag-ibig mo pata kay Yto Consunji.”
Ngumiti siya. Dahil sa ngiti niya na iyon gumaan ang loob ko. At least hindi ko
kailangan magsinungaling kay Yckos. I didn’t even ask him to wait for me and yet he
would – that’s something pero hangga’t maari ayoko sana. Ayokong maghintay siya
dahil sa dulo ng lahat ng ito alam kong si Yto pa rin ang pipillin ko – kahit gaano
kasakit – kahit na gaano nila sabihin na tanga ako.

Anong magagawa ko? Nagmamahal ako. I love Yto with all my heart and even though
he’s saying that he’s not in love with me – I have a feeling that there’s a big
possibility that someday, he would be head over heels in love with me. I just have
to wait for that day.

Ang tagal ko nang hinintay si Yto – I almost gave up but he made it – well not
pretty clear – but him saying that I am his – it’s really something.

“Akin na iyan. Di mo naman abot.” Sabi pa sa akin ni Yckos. Kinuha niya ang hello
kitty sa kamay ko at siya na mismo ang nagsabit noon. I was just looking at him.
Yckos is a prince charming material pero right now kasi hindi naman ako naghahanap
ng prince charming.

I’m not looking for anything. I just have to settle with what I have and that’s the
devil. I love being with the devil. I’m in love with the devil. And somehow that
though comforts me.

“Okay na?” Tanong pa sa akin ni Yckos. I looked around.

“Iyon pa!”  Turo ko sa ceiling. Ilalagay ko kasi doon iyong cut out shoes. Natawa
naman siya.

“Ikaw iyong umabot.” Sabi niya sa akin.

“Eh? Di ko nga abot eh.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang bigla akong buhatin ni Yckos. He was groping my legs
so tight. Buti na lang naka-jeans ako.

“Abutin mo na.” He said to me. Kahit naiilang ay ginawa ko. Ikinabit ko sa ceiling
iyong mga cut outs after a while I told him to put me down and he did – slowly. Our
bodies brushed together. I feel weird but I didn’t tell Yckos that – I don’t want
to offend him. Our eyes met. I swallowed. This is fucking wrong – so wrong.

“Niki...” He whispered. He was about to bent hi head down when my phone rang.
Naitulak ko siya. I thanked the heavens for that.

“Hello?!” High pitched na sabi ko.

“In five seconds kapag hindi ka lumabas diyan sa shop mo. Babanggain ko iyong
display window, Nikita Cyrened Fatima Kermez.”

I gasped hard when I recognized Yto’s voice on the other line. I looked over the
display window. I saw his black Ferrari parked in front of my shop.

“And I’m not kidding. Five...” He started counting. Kinabahan ako. I looked back at
Yckos.

“Uhm...” I took my bag.

“Four....” Yto just won’t stop. Hindi naman ako mapakali.

“Ano,” Sabi ko kay Yckos. “Just lock the door. I’ll be leaving.” I told Yckos while
my phone is still on my ear.

“Three...” He said again. Narinig ko ng in-start niya iyong kotse.

“Fine! Fine! I’ll get out. Jeez!” I screamed at him.

“Naiinip na ako, Nikita. Two...” He said. Halos takbuhin ko ang pinto ng shop ko,
palabas para lang makapunta ako sa sasakyan ni Yto na naroon sa tapat. Bumukas ang
passenger’s door. Sumakay ako doon. When I got in, I ended the call. I looked at
him. Lapat na lapat ang mga labi niya. Tiim ang bagang at kunot na kunot ang noo.

“What part of you are mine don’t you understand?!” He hissed.

“Huh? W-wala naman akong ginagawa...” Mahinang bulong ko. Nahampas niya iyong
manibela ng sasakyan. Nagulat ako.

“God Nikita! Papatayin mo ba ako?!” Tanong niya. Galit na galit na naman siya.
Napangisi ako. He seemed to not like the fact that I am grinning at him.

“Nagseselos ka kay Yckos.” It’s a statement. Halos mapapalakpak ako. Yto shook his
head.

“You are liking this.” He said. He started the engine.

“Hindi ah! Pero nagseselos ka kay Yckos.” Sabi ko sa kanya.

“Hindi. Ayoko lang na may humahawak ng akin. Akin ka. No one can ever touch you.
You have my mark all over you. No one touches what’s mine.”
Halos tumirik ang mata ko sa kilig. I just looked at Yto.

“Sa’yo naman talaga ako. Minsan slow ka lang kaya di mo agad ma-gets.”

Yto stopped the car and faced me. Walang sabi-sabing hinatak niya ako papalapit sa
kanya. He tilted my head and gave me a kiss – an honest to goodness French kiss. I
was slowly melting in his arms. His kisses really complete the emptiness I am
feeling. Para bang bawat hagod ng labi niya sa labi ko ay pinapawi ang lungkot na
naramdaman ko nitong mga nakaraang panahong sinusubukan kong kalimutan siya.

Loving Yto is like embracing a cactus – it hurts and yet I don’t want to let go.
Sabi nga – love until it hurts. I love him with all my heart – no matter how
painful it is. Kahit naman kasi ganoon – mas nangingibabaw iyong masarap na feeling
whenever I am with him.

“Tell me again who owns you...” He said after that fiery kiss.

“You do, Yto Jose. You own me.”

“Good.” He gave me a peck on the cheeks and he drove off.

What a way to spend my day!

-------------------------------

“I won’t be in the opening of your shop. I have this meeting in Davao. Hindi ko
pwedeng i-post pone.”

Yto told me that night. As usual nandoon na naman kami sa unit niya. I was wearing
his shirt again and we’re on bed – cuddling. Ngayon ko lang naisip na ang hilig-
hilig pala ni Yto maki-pag cuddle. I remember those times we spent in my bed in
Paris. After making love, he would just hold me – ganoon lang kami magdamag.
Gigising ako na yakap niya pa rin ako. He seemed to like that and honestly, I don’t
mind.

“Hindi ka naman invited.” Sabi ko sa kanya.

“At invited iyong Yckos na iyon?” He smirked. Humarap siya sa akin. He sighed.
“Nagugustuhan mo ba siya, Nikita?” May kung ano sa boses niya na nagpakaba sa akin.
I looked at his eyes. I really couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Kapag si Yto ang
kasama ko pakiramdam ko nagso-solve ako lagi ng puzzle. He always throws signals –
mixed signals at me and I couldn’t interpret that easily.

“Kapag nagugustuhan mo na siya sassabihin mo ba sa akin?” He asked again with that

same tone. “Sasabihin mo ba? Is there a possibility that your feelings will
change?”

My mouth parted. Why are we even talking about this. Looking at him, listening at
him – he just sounds so... afraid.

But why would he be afraid?

“Yto, ano ka ba?” Tanong ko sa kanya. He moved closer and rested his head on me. He
just seemed so sad.

“Ayoko nang may kaagaw.” Sabi niya bigla. “Si Yza lang ang pwedeng umagaw ng akin
pero hindi ka naman niya aagawin sa akin. Ayoko ng may iba. Gusto ko ikaw lang,
ako. Ayoko ng may Yckos. Ayoko na may Xander o Lukas Anton o kahit na sino. Ako
lang dapat.”

Napakagat ako ng labi. Hindi ko alam kung bakit naiiyak ako. Hindi naman ako
nasasaktan sa mga sinasabi niya pero naiiyak ako. What he was telling me is more
that those three words and eight letters. It’s more than that and the effect was
more than I could ever imagine.

Could it be that he’s in love with me and he’s just too scared to admit that? Could
it be that he’s feeling the same and yet he’s just to ruthless to face me and say
that he’s in love with me because that would mean his defeat?

Could it be?

Every thought, every doubt that I have vanished when I felt Yto’s lips crushed into
mine. Suddenly, I felt like I know where we are heading – that the road to Never
Never land suddenly appeared and I could see him walking with me, holding my hand
every step of the way.

His lips went down to my neck. He found the end of my shirt and he slowly took that
off. He broke our lips apart so he could finally take my shirt off. I wasn’t
wearing a bra, so in a matter of seconds my mounds were exposed under his eyes. He
bent forward, latched a nipple and sucked it hard. I sighed in pleasure. While he
was doing all of that, his eyes were at my face – watching my expression. I moaned,
I was so turned on.

“Y-to...” I called out his name when I felt his hand on my femininity. He started
taking off my undies. After that he stopped. He sat up and undressed himself. He
joined me after. Yto did wonderful things to my body. He made me feel the things I
thought I have forgotten.

I missed this. I missed him. Kahit na magkasama kami nakakaramdam pa rin ako ng
pangungulila and I don’t really know if that’s a good or a bad thing. Maybe it’s a
good thing because that only means that I couldn’t get enough of him. But maybe
it’s also bad because I’m so in love with him that I really don’t care if I get
hurt this time.

I don’t know. All I know is that I’m happy that he’s scared that my feelings might
change.

My mouth formed a big O when I felt his thickness inside of me. It wasn’t the first
time we made love but it feels like that every time we’re doing this.

Yto thrust inside of me – his pace was slow at first and but it becomes faster and
faster until I couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t really have any reference but I’m
certain that Yto is very good at this thing.

“Yto... ahh shit!” I groaned when he suddenly stopped. He looked at me and licked
my lower lip. It sent shivers down my spine. He stood up. I groaned in disapproval.
Why was he stopping? I want him so much now – inside me – filling me up, stretching
my walls.

“Yto!” I called him. He grinned. He took my hand and pulled me up. My knees were
shaking. Inalalayan niya ako. “Yto... Yto naman...”

“Shhh.. Ang impatient mo.” Sabi niya sa akin. He licked my earlobe. “You’re so damn
fucking hot Niki.” He whispered. He made me walk towards the window. We stood there
– naked. His room has this huge glass window that overlooks the city and at this
time of night – the lights from the building illuminates. The view was spectacular.

“Yto...”

“I’ve always wanted to do this...” He said. He wrapped his arms around my waist. My
eyes widened when I felt him entering my core from behind. Napahawak ako sa glass
window. Yto is just so big.

“Fucking tight.” He whispered. He let me adjust for a while. After some minutes, he
moved again. He rocked my body –standing up. My back was resting on his body. He
was trusting in and out furiously.

“Ahhh... ahh...” My moans filled the room. This is the first time he ever made love
to me standing up and it feels so good. I could really feel him in there – deep –
so deep that he was actually hitting a spot. I craned my neck to kiss him – he
kissed me back with the same passion and intensity.

His thrusts are getting harder, meaner and deeper.

“Argh, Yto, I’m close... I’m close!” I screamed. I was never reluctant to scream
every damn time we do this. I am a screamer and he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Yto!” I called out his named when I felt that tension building inside me. “Yto,
Yto!”

He stopped. I closed my eyes. I was feeling those wonderful pyrotechnics inside of

me. I was sighing with pleasure. Yto started moving again. He planted little kisses
on my back and on my bared shoulders. I was moaning again. Yto – I was sure – is
the only person that can make me feel like this.

“Baby, here I come...” He whispered. I just let him. I came with him. We were both
catching out breath. He carried me and lay me down on the bed. He planted a kiss on
my forehead.

“That was amazing.” He even said. Hinampas ko iyong dibdib niya.

“Ewan ko sa’yo.” Sabi ko na lang. “Oh, nasaan iyong cuddle ko?” I asked him.

“Ito na nga.” He cuddled me. I was feeling so wonderful that moment. Alam ko –
nararamdaman ko na mahal ako ni Yto – na hindi ko na siya kailangan kalimutan dahil
pareho na kami ng nararamdaman.

“Are you in love with me now?” I asked him. Alam ko naman ang isasagot niya. Piniga
niya ang ilong ko.

“No...” He whispered and held me closer. Hindi ako nasaktan sa sinagot niya.
Kinurot ko ang tagiliran niya. 

“In denial.” Bulong ko. “Bipolar na, in  denial pa.”

“Basta. It’s enough that we’re together and that you’re mine and very much in love
with me.”He said. My heart leap.

“Oh god, you’re making me cry, Yto.” Napahikbi ako.

“Wipe that. I never wanted to make you cry and I will never make you cry, never...”

=================

10. Pretty Baby

“Kuya, wag kang lumabas!”

I glared at Yna. Nadatnan ko siya sa may hagdan at nakaupo. She was biting her
nails again. She seemed worried. Well, we’re all worried. Yza is missing – she
runaway – nagpaalam naman siya sa akin pero kahit gaanon ay nag-aalala ako. She’s
my sister and it’s my duty to protect her but I won’t be able to do that if she’s
not with me so I really need to find her.

“Kuya, dito ka na lang muna.”

“What's the problem, Yna?” I asked her. Napakagat labi siya.

“Kasi, ano... nasa labas pa si Kuya Xander. Baka mag-away kayo, kuya.” Wika niya
pa. Matapos kong marinig iyon ay lumabas ako ng front door., I was thinking of
punching Xander’s face like there’s no tomorrow. He took advantage of my sister and
I wanted to ruin him for that. He lied to my father – he lied to me and that’s not
cool.

I opened the door to step out only to be shocked with what I saw. Like what Yna
told me – Xander was there but he’s not the only one. Nikita was there too. I
didn’t know she came back from Paris. I stopped myself. Bakit ko ba iniisip ang
pagbabalik niya. Wala  akong pakialam sa kanya. She’s just someone I used to sleep
with.

My eyes widened when I saw Nikita pulled Xander closer and their lips met. They
were kissing - it’s not an ordinary kiss – Nikita was the one dominating the act. I
could almost see some tonguing and Xander was pulling her even closer.

I asked myself – did she actually do that on purpose. Nakita niya ba akong lumabas
kaya niya hinalikan si Xander? I know Nikita’s tactics. She pulled that on me once
– she acted as if she would kiss the guy – before she could even do that I pulled
her away and she laughed. She was so happy because I cared enough.

“See what I mean?” I heard her voice. Xander was dumbfounded. “If you’re in love
with Yza, you wouldn’t kiss me back.”

What the hell did just happen?” I asked myself.

“Nasarapan ka! Iyon ang point!” Sigaw pa niya kay Xander.

“I love her, Nikita.” Xander even said. Nikita shook her head – that was the time
when her eyes met my gaze. I tried to be poker faced. She was just looking. Wala
rin akong makitang ekspresyon sa mukha niya. She started walking towards me – then
she stopped and faced Xander.
“You kissed me, Xander. You lingered. You wanted more. Ngayon, isipin mo. Mahal mo
nga kaya talaga siya?”

I felt as if she was pertaining to me. But why would she do that? Nilinaw ko na sa
kanya sa Paris pa lang na walang kami. Na nangyari lang iyon dahil parehas kaming
malungkot. Nikita started walking again.

I glared at Xander. He seemed confused.

----------

I couldn’t sleep that night. Suddenly the memory of what happened in Paris poured
like a bucket of water in my mind. Every time I close my eyes – nakikita ko si
Nikita. Her face, her smile I could actually hear her voice – like she was just
lying beside me.

I wanted to see her. Hindi ko alam kung anong sumanib sa akin but I just found
myself driving my black Ferrari to her house. I parked my car just two blocks away
from her house and there I saw Xander standing outside her gate. Nakita ko rin siya
na lumabas. They stood for a while then Xander sat down the flower box, Nikita sat
beside him and rested her head in his shoulder. Naikuyom ko ang palad ko.

They seemed to be enjoying the moment. Nikita even kissed Xander’s cheek. Napabuga
ako ng hangin. I could feel rage enveloping around my body. I could feel my hands
were shaking. Pinanood ko sila. Maya-maya ay tumayo na si Nikita. She waved at
Xander then she got inside again.

Inapakan ko ang gas. I drove fast. I wasn’t thinking clearly. All I know is that I
wanted to kill Xander. I wanted to hurt him. Binangga ko ng paulit-ulit ang
sasakyan niya hanggang sa magasgas iyon at malaglag ang side mirror niya.

I don’t know what’s happening to me. I really don’t know.

The next day, Yza came back to the house with Zachary Drew, I was actually relieved
when I found out that they were together all along. Zachary Drew is my best friend
and I know that he loves my sister. He took care of her. I was thankful to him pero
nang yakapin siya ni Nikita nawala ang tuwa ko sa kanya.

In my head I was punching him – he’s bleeding and he’s crying for help. Nag-away pa
si Xander and si Zach. I pulled Yza and Nikita closer to me but Nikita shrugged my
hand and went to Xander’s side. She cupped his face.

“Nikita!” I groaned.
“Xander, focus. Remember what I told you.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. What did she tell Xander. Agad na kumalma ang bwisit na si
Xander matapos ang sinabi ni Nikita. Magsasalita pa sana ako nang biglang pumasok
sa loob si Nanay at Tatay. Nanay was so happy to see Yza. Tatay called her and took
her to the library. They needed to talk. Naiwan naman kami sa babae. Nikita sat
down with Nanay. Zach and Xander and giving each other the death glare.

“Nanay, uuwi na po ako.” I heard Nikita said. “Hinahanap na po ako ni Momsi.”

Xander stood up. “Ihahatid na kita.” He said.

“No, si Zach na lang.” Wika niya pa. My mouth parted.

“Ako ang maghahatid sa’yo.” Biglang sabi ko. She looked at me. I noticed that she
swallowed hard. I grinned at her. Umiling siya.

“Si Zach na lang. Marami tayong dapat pag-usapan, diba ZD?” Lumapit siya kay Zach
at ipinalupot ang braso niya sa braso nito. They waved at Nanay. Wala akong nagawa.
I just sat there watching them as they leave. Nikita didn’t even look back. I
wanted to punch ZD’s face.

I hate him.

Days have passed. Yza’s comeback was celebrated by my parents. Nakapag-usap na rin
kami noong isang gabi and she told me the things she learned while she was away.
That morning, I cooked breakfast for the family. Gigisingin ko sila isaisa. I went
to my parent’s room. Si nanay na lang ang nandoon dahil maagang umalis si Tatay.
May client call siya kasama si Unlce Luke sa Andaez.

I was holding a violet tulip. I knocked on the door and went in. Gising na si
Nanay. I greeted her good morning.

“Nakaalis na ba si Tatay?” She even asked me. I sat beside her and hugged her.

“Yes. Nanay. I love you.” I told her. “Para sa pinakamagandang babae sa buhay ko.”
Ibinigay ko sa kanya ang tulip. She smiled.

“Ang sweet naman ng panganay ko. Bakit? Mag-aasawa ka na ba kaya panay ang lambing
mo sa akin?” Alam kong binibiro lang ako ni Nanay. Napailing ako.

“I cooked breakfast. Bumaba ka na ha? Gigisingin ko sila Yna.”

“Ay gising na ako!” I hear Yna at the back. “Good morning, Kuya! Morning Nanay. I
love you!”

Greeting our parents good morning and telling them we love them is a tradition.
Araw-araw iyon. Binilinan ko na lang si Yna na gisingin sila Yllak. I went to Yza’s
room. I didn’t even knock. We used to share a room together so knocking isn’t
really a big deal.

I went inside and there I saw my sister and her best friend – who’s getting in to
my nerves.

“Akala ko, mag-isa ka lang.” Inis na wika ko. Nikita looked at me. Gusto kong
punahin ang suot niya. She’s wearing this very short shorts. Halos kita na ang
panty niya!

“Good morning, Yto!” She greeted me. Binalingan niya si Yza Joan. “Magbihis ka na
so you could make kwento na. I don’t have all day you see. Mag-e-exam pa ako ng abs
ng mga models.”

That caught my attention. Sinasabi niya ba iyon para pagselosin ako? Ang desperate
lang ni Nikita. Iniwan ko sila ni Yza. I asked Yna and the others to help me fix
the dining table. They gladly helped me. After a while nagpunta ako sa sala. I knew
that ZD was there but what surprised me were the words that came out of Nikita’s
mouth.

“Kailangan ko na talaga ng boyfriend!” She said while laughing.

“Si Yto!” Yza said. I grinned. But then...

“Mga sira. I’m over and done with that. Hindi na ako babalik.”

Napaawang ang mga labi ko. Didn’t she just told my sister and ZD that she’s over
and done with me? Na wala na siyang gusto sa akin? So that means na lahat ng
ginagawa niya wala nang kinalaman sa akin?

What she said bothered me – big time. I wanted to know if she was being truthful.

“Nasaan si Niki?” I asked Yza one night. Nasa gazebo siya at nagbabasa ng libro.
She looked back on me. I sat beside her. “Nasaan si Niki? Two weeks na siyang di
nagpupunta dito.”

“Himala! Bakit hinahanap mo si Nikita?” Natatawang tanong niya. Natigilan ako.

Bakit ko nga ba siya hinahanap? I just shrugged.

“Nasaan nga?”
“Sa Paris.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Kailan pa? Bakit hindi siya nagpaalam? Dati naman nagsasabi
siya sa akin kahit na alam niyang wala akong pakialam!” I was appalled.

“Ewan. Baka na-excite. Ipi-feature kasi iyong collection niya sa fashion week kaya
bumalik siya doon.”

Nakadama ako ng inis. Hindi siya nagpaalam. Bakit hindi siya nagpaalam sa akin?
Inis na inis ako ng gabing iyon that I actually checked on her facebook account
from time to time. Nangigil ako lalo nang makita kong may picture sila ni Xander
with some French designers at may caption na: So happy Xander Mendoza of the Phil.
Dragons visited me in my special day! xox!

I scrolled down and and I saw another picture of them – Nikita was kissing Xander’s
cheek. Sa inis ko ibinato ko ang I-pad sa pader. Nakakabwisit. Una, hindi siya
nagpaalam, tapos may ganoong pictures sila ni Xander?! Anong pinaglalaban niya?

Months – specifically – two months have passed. I was so nervous because today is
my first day as the General Manager of the Consunji Hotel. I couldn’t even tie my
tie right. Sa inis ko ay bumaba ako at pinuntahan si Nanay.

“Anak, hindi pwede. Madumi ang kamay ko. Ayan, si Niki na lang.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Niki?” She’s here? I didn’t even notice. I looked back and I
saw her behind me. I gave her the tie.

“Fix it.” Sabi ko She rolled her eyes. Alam na alam niyang naiinis ako kapag
ginagawa niya iyon sa akin. “Don’t you dare roll your eyes on me!”

“Fine!” She said. “Akin na nga.”

I was looking at her as she fixes my tie. Suddenly a memory came back. Ganito rin
kami noon. It was my finals and I was really nervous and yet she calm me down by
saying that she was in love with me.

“Say it....” I told her. She looked at me. She was obviously clueless. “The thing
that you told me that morning of my finals. Say it.”

She took a deep breath. I waited in anticipation. She smiled. “Good luck on your
first day, Yto!”

“That’s not what you said?!” I exclaimed.

“Alam ko, but do you expect me to say that to you?” She sighed. “Siyempre sasabihin
ko na iyon sa susunod na lalaking mamahalin ko.”

Susunod na lalaking mamahalin niya...

What the fuck?

Niki left. I went to the office with her on my mind. Iniisip ko kung bakit ba
palagi siyang nasa utak ko. She’s always on my back. She’s always around and I
don’t like that. Distracted ako kapag nasa paligid siya.

“Hi, Yto.” I looked up and I saw Tosca – my girlfriend of three months. She was
wearing another slutty – well that Tosca – outfit. She sat on my lap and kissed me.
I kissed her back but suddenly – Nikita’s face flashed in my mind. Bigla ay
naitulak ko siya.

I just sighed. Tosca is the daughter of Mr. San Juan. Isa si Mr. San Juan sa mga
major investors ng Consunji hotel and I dated Tosca for that matter. I intend to
marry her – it’s my descision because I need power over the board. I remember what
Tatay taught me in business. Do everything – and this is me doing everything.

I’m marrying her.

Tosca stayed for a while. Napag-usapan namin na mag-gym sa susunod na araw. Pumayag
naman ako. It’s a part of the boyfriend thingy. The next day, nauna ako sa gym –
Tosca texted me saying that she had to meet her best friend for something. I was
lifting weights when my attention was caught by a woman who just entered the gym.

She was wearing an oversized tee and black leggings. It’s Niki. I saw her went to
the treadmill. Nakadama ako ng inis. She’s just everywhere. Pinuntahan ko siya. I
confronted her.

“Alin ba sa pinagbigyan lang kita ang hindi mo maintindihan?!” I hissed. But right
after saying those words – I wanted to take it back immediately when I saw her
expression. Wala siyang sinabi. She just left. I wanted to run after her but I
couldn’t because just as she was leaving – Tosca arrived. 

After almost three hours, Tosca and I decided to go home. Nagpahintay pa siya sa
akin kasi may bibilhin siya. When she came back, sinalubong niya ako ng halik. I
gave in. As I was kissing her – Isaw Niki again. She was looking at me. Umalis
siya. Tinulak ko si Tosca I run after her. I wanted to apologize for what I said to
her earlier but when I caught her arm, iba ang lumabas sa bibig ko.

“Ano bang problema mo, Nikita? Kahit saan ako magpunta, nandyan ka! Kailan ka ba
titigil?”

She shrugged my hand off and in her lowest voice, she told me. “Wala naman akong
ginagawa, Yto.”
Then she left.

I wanted to punch myself.

Two days later, Tosca and I announced our engagement. As usual, Nikita was there
too. Maaga lang siyang umalis. Ihahatid ko n asana si Tosca nang bigla na lang
akong tawagin ni Yza. Kinausap niya ako.

Nagulat ako ng paghahampasin niya ng sandok ang braso ko.

“Aray! Aray! Yza, masakit!” Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko. Iyong sandok na
pinanghahampas niya sa akin gawa sa yantok kaya masakit talaga.

“Yza ano ba?!”

“Pwede bang tantanan mo si Nikita! Hindi ko man alam ang nangyari pero alam kong
meron! She’s moving on Yto! Pabayaan mo na siya!”

“May nag-mo-move on bang sunod nang sunod sa akin?!”

Hinampas ni Yza sa mukha ko ang sandok. Natamaan ang ilong ko. “Masakit!”

“Back off! Demon-Yto ka talaga! Nakakainis!”

Hindi ko na siya pinansin noon. That same night, Tosca and I decided to celebrate
our engagement. Inaya niya si ZD at si Yza. We went to a bar pero papasok pa lang
kami nakita ko na si Nikita with Xander. She seemed so drunk. Nakumpirma ang hinala
ko nang yakapin niya si Yza tapos ay bumaling kay Tosca.

“Take care of him ha? Alam mo, allergic siya sa peanuts. Ayaw niya ng chocolate.
Mahilig siya sa jelly beans pero iyong kulay green lang iyong gusto niya so when
you buy a pack you have to choose only the green ones.” 

Natahimik ako. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko. She was crying. She looked so
hurt. Habang sinasabi niya kay Tosca ang lahat ng gusto at ayaw ko – I suddenly
felt the urge of embracing her and wiping her tears. I realized that I never
enjoyed the fact that she was hurting and crying because of me.

“Nikita, stop.” I said.

“Hindi niya kakainin iyon kapag may halong iba...” Sabi niya pa. Her tears fell.
“And he doesn’t drink coffee in the morning. Milk lang na may three drops ng orange
juice---“]
“Nikita, ano ba?!” I pushed her. Nagulat din ako. Pero pinanindigan ko na. “Xander,
iuwi mo na iyan!”

Ang he did. He helped Niki walked. I looked back on them. Hindi pa ako nakakahuma
bigla na naman akong pinaghahampas ni Yza. I looked at her. Hawak niya iyong yantok
na sandok.

“Where the fuck?! Aw! Aw!”

“Yza, tama na.” ZD said.

“Yza!” Tosca was trying to cover for me.

“Hoy ikaw, babae!”She said to Tosca.“Layuan mo ang kakambal ko ngayon kundi sa’yo
ko ito ihahampas! Bitch!”

“Yza Joan!” ZD exclaimed. Natulala naman si Tosca. Binalingan ako ni Yza.

“Go after her o itim lang ng mata mo ang walang latay!”

I wanted to curse Yza but then I also wanted to go after Niki. Naiinis ako. Just
the mere thought of Xander taking her home irritates the hell out of me. Naabutan
ko sila sa parking lot. Para akong nawalan ng lakas nang makita ko si Nikita na
nakaupo sa pavement, nakayuko at umiiyak.

“Dude...” Tinawag ako ni Xander. Sinenyasan ko siyang umalis. Nikita was crying. I
carried her. Something in my heart melted. I took her home that night. She was
puking everywhere. I took her to the guest room and undressed her. I cleaned her
body. It wasn’t really a big deal because we had made love countless times before.

Nilagyan ko siya ng kumot. I stared at her. I now realize how broke she was and how
painful she was feeling. I gave her a peck on the lips. I missed her. I missed her
so much and as I was looking at her, I knew something inside me changed.

After that morning in my unit – hindi ko na nakita si Niki. One day, I picked Yna
at school and she told me that Nikita has a shoe shop already. She asked me to take
her. Balak ko lang siyang ihatid but then as I parked my car in front of her shop –
I saw her with a fucking asshole. They were laughing – she even kissed the guy.
Bumaba ako ng kotse. I decided to stay.

I was looking at them. She seemed to like the guy. Naiinis ako gusto kong bugbugin
iyong lalaki. Sino siya para hawakan ang akin na? May tatak ko na si Nikita. Akin
na siya.
That same night, inihatid ko siya. She cried again because of me. Natakot ako. I
thought she’d hate me. I don’t want her to hate me. Umalis siya noon. I went home
to my unit thinking about her and I realized that I didn’t really want her away
from me. Gusto ko sa akin lang siya, gusto ko tulad pa rin ng dati. What happened
in Paris was a mistake.

Naulit na naman ang pangyayaring nakita ko sila. Hindi ko nasundo si Nanay dahil sa
pagpupumulit ni Tosca na mag-stay a sa hotel kung nasaan kami. When I got home, I
saw her with that asshole – he was holding his hand and he even called her “Niki
ko.” What the fuck just happened?

Hindi ako mapakali noon. Pinuntahan ko siya sa bahay. Nalaman ko mula sa maid nila
na ipinakilala niya iyong lalaki sa mga magulang niya. Nakadama ko ng panibugho.
Ang tagal na naming magkasama sa Paris pero kapag nagpupunta doon ang Momsi at
Popsi niya ni hindi niya ako maimbitahan man lang para pakiharapan ang mga magulang
niya! Tapos iyong Yckos na iyon kakikilala niya pa lang, ipinakilala niya na sa mga
magulang niya.

Dammit! Hindi pa siya nasiyahan. Lalabas pa siya nang gabing iyon kasama si Xander,
pati iyong Lukas Anton na iyon. What the fuck does moving on really means to
Nikita? Inis na inis ako. Inuwi ko siya sa bahay. Kahit nag-aaya siyang umuwi sa
kanila ay hindi ako pumayag.

“Akin ka.” Paulit-ulit kong sinasabi iyon sa kanya.

The next morning, I had breakfast with Tosca. I looked at her in the eye as she was
slicing her pancake.

“The engagement is off.”

After that I left. I didn’t even wait for her to speak up. Buo na ang desisyon ko.
Hindi ko gusto si Tosca. I’m only with her because of the hotel and the power her
father has. I am a Consunji – with our without her father – I can and I will
dominate the board.

I only want Niki.

So here I am now, lying beside her, staring at her as she sleeps on her side of my
bed. I was playing with her pixie auburn red hair. Everything around me is extra
colorful whenever she is around.

Nikita is in love with me and right now that’s the only thing that matters. She’s
in love with me; but I really think that my love for her is more powerful than what
she has for me.

Yes, I love her – with all my heart and soul. I’m in love with her but I just
couldn’t say it to her because I’m scared – so scared that if she knew it already
she’ll start to fall out of love. Para kasing na-challenge lang si Nikita sa akin –
she was persistent because I was something that she had wanted all her life and
when she got me – she was so overwhelmed that she had forgot to ask me if I was
feeling the same.

It took her a day to decide that she likes me, a year to tell me face to face that
she was in love with me – and since then – she had seen me as a challenge and that
scares me. Paano kapag nalaman na niya na mahal ko siya? Anong mangyayari?
Natatakot akong mainip siya, nab aka maisip niya na ngayong mahal na mahal ko na
siya bigla niya akong iwan.

I kissed her cheeks. She stirred a bit.

“I’m in love with you, pretty baby. So in love... so in love...”

=================

11. Best night ever

 I woke up the next morning feeling pretty good and excited. Today is the opening
of my shoe shop. I was smiling. I looked back at the other side of the bed and I
found Yto – awake and staring at me. He smiled. I felt a twitter pottering
sensation inside my stomach – parang may butterfly, parang may mga dagang nag-
uunahan sa dibdib ko.

He bent forward and kissed my lips – my eyes widened. “Yto! Hindi pa ako nagtu-
tooth brush!” I exclaimed. Tinawanan niya lang ako. He wraped his arm around my
waist and pulled me closer. My eyes grew wider when I felt his morning wood poking
my thighs.

“Yto!” I could feel him getting even harder. We’re still naked under the sheets so
I could really feel him there. He buried his face on my neck and nuzzled me.

“Hindi ako makakapunta mamaya...” He said to me. Napangiti ako. Niyakap ko na lang
siya. I love mornings like this. Him and me – naked under the sheet – feeling each
other’s presence, talking – just talking – parang noong nasa Paris lang.

“Sinabi mo na diba?” I said to him. He nodded.

“But I really want to be there.”

Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya. I just sighed. Gusto ko rin na nandoon siya pero may
importanteng bagay siyang kailangan gawin and I can wait. I don’t really mind
waiting for him. I have been waiting for him all my life and waiting for him again
for another day wouldn’t even hurt at all.

We stayed in bed for another fifteen minutes – then Yto stood up to take a bath – I
on the other hand cooked breakfast for us. While waiting for him – inayos ko na rin
ang mga damit na dadalhin niya sa Davao. Habang ginagawa ko iyon nakakaramdam ako
ng satisfaction. I want to take care of Yto – I feel like I am destined to take
care of him for life – I feel like I was born to be with him.

I was on the living room and I’m busy fixing his things when he suddenly called me.
I looked back. Napangiti ako. He looked so hot wearing that plain blue polo shirt
and his dark jeans. His hair is messy and yet it suits him well.

“Do you think this is okay?” He asked me. I walked towards him. Pinagpag ko ang
balikat niya tapos ay inayos ang buhok niya.

“Feeling ko manliligaw ka sa Davao kaya ka nakagayan.” I said to him. Biro lang

iyong sinabi ko pero nakaramdam ako ng pag-aalala. Paano nga kung manligaw si Yto?
Iiwan na kaya niya ako? Pero kagabi lang sinasabi niya sa akin how much he wanted
me – ako lang – kaming dalawa – walang Xander, Yckos at Lukas Anton. Anong ibig
sabihin noon?

“Kung manliligaw ako, iiyak ka na naman.” Sabi niya bigla. I made a face.

“Hindi no. Di sasagutin ko na si Yckos para quits na tayo.” Wika ko naman. I looked
at him. His eyes turned darker and his lips formed a straight like. “Huy! Joke lang
naman! Umiral na naman iyang pagiging Consunji mo.” Natatawang sabi ko sa kanya. He
shook his head.

“Pero seryoso, Yto. Nasa bargaining stage ako ---“

“What bargaining stage?” Kunot noong tanong niya.

“May limang stages ng moving on – and as you know I am moving on from you – bumalik
lang ako sa stage three – bargaining pero alam ko darating ang panahon – unti-unti
at dahan-dahan akong makakaahon sa pagmamahal ko sa’yo and I’ll be able to thank
you after that.”

Hinawakan ni Yto ang mga kamay ko. Mahigpit. Kitang-kita ko ang pangigilgil niya.

“I told you I don’t want you to move on.” He said. I just sighed.

“Hindi pa parang unfair? Ikaw masaya ka tapos ako ---“

“Bakit?! Hindi ka ba masaya na magkasama tayo?! Akala ko ba mahal mo ako?!”

“Mahal kita pero ako ba mahal mo?” Tanong ko sa kanya. Wala na. We need to talk
about this – we need to fix whatever it is that we have. “Kailangan ko ng assurance
Yto. The mere fact that you are engage to be married to Tosca tapos you’re with me
every night – pakiramdam ko nakasugal na naman ako. Mas mahirap lang ngayon dahil
nandyan si Tosca pero ano bang pinagkakaiba? Wala. Kasi hanggang ngayon hindi mo
ako mahal and yet you want me around. Ano iyon?”

He breathed out sharply. Lumayo siya sa akin tapos ay nagpalakad-lakad sa harapan

ko. Suddenly he stopped.

“Wala ka namang kaagaw dahil wala na kami ni Tosca. The engagement is off.” Malamig
na sabi niya. My mouth parted. What is he talking about? Sinasabi niya talaga na
wala na sila ni Tosca? But they just got engage!

“You broke up with her?!” I exclaimed. “Why would you do that?! You fucking gave
her a ring, Yto! You asked him the “will you” question and now you’re telling me
you broke up with her?!” Halos lumuwa na ang lalamunan ko sa kakasigaw sa kanya.
Yto stared at me and then he laughed. He seemed so amused with our situation.

“Sa lahat ng babaeng dumaan sa buhay ko, ikaw ang hindi masaya sa kaalaman na
nakipag-break ako para sa’yo.”

Nakipag-break ako para sa’yo...

Jeez! Music to my ears!

Yto broke up with Tosca because of me. He cupped my face. “Wala kang kaagaw,
Nikita. Ikaw lang naman kasi.”

I sighed in happiness. The moment will be so much better if he would say that he
loves me – but then I know na wala pa naman si Yto sa moment na iyon. I’m patiently
waiting – I know one day I’ll hear him say those three words and eight letters and
I will be the happiest woman on earth.

Kinurot ko siya sa tagiliran. Napangiwi siya. I just smiled. Masaya ako. Sa tagal
kong minamahal si Yto ngayon ko lang naramdaman na mahalaga ako para sa kanya.
Nararamdaman ko naman iyon noon – pero iba ngayon, he was actually vocal about his
break up with Tosca – and the reason behind that – ako. He broke up with her for
me.

“Masaya ako.” Sabi ko sa kanya. He looked at me.

“Good because that’s all I want you to be, pretty baby. I want you to be happy.”

Yto kissed my forehead. I just sighed. Lagi niyang sinasabi na tulad lang kami ng
dati pero ngayon, - I feel something else and I’m sure that something has changed.

It’s different now.

Yto took me home that morning. Before leaving, he gave me a kiss. Sabi niya pa
parang ayaw daw niyang umalis because he wanted to be with me today. He wanted to
be with me on the first day of my dream. Napangiti lang ako. He’s really sweet.
Minsan kasi sala siya sa init at lamig. Hindi ko siya maintindihan pero gusto ko
ang ipinapakita niya sa akin ngayon. Kung tutuusin – kung susumahin ang lahat ng
kilos at galaw niya pati na rin ang sinasabi niya – parang may nararamdaman na siya
sa akin.

Mahal na niya ako.

Iyon ang paulit-ulit na sinasabi ng utak ko sa akin. Yto is in love with me – I

wanna believe that pero hindi naman iyon ang sinasabi niya sa akin tuwing
tatanungin ko siya.

I’m confused.

Pero kahit ganoon – masaya ako.

“Nikita!”

Napangiti ako nang marinig ko ang boses ni Yza. Nasa shop na ako noon. Nauna ako sa
lahat kasi excited ako – maski na wala si Yto. Popsi and Momsi are there too kasama
namin si ate Lindy and si Kuya Daniel. Umuwi talaga sila para lang sa opening ko.

Kuya Daniel is a pilot. Binitiwan niya ang mga flights niya para lang sa akin at sa
araw na ito. Ate Lindy is a news anchor in Bloomberg TV in Australia. Nag-leave
siya para lang din sa akin.

My smiled widened when I saw Yza and Yna even Yllak and Yvo entered my shop. Marami
nang tao. Pero iyong nandito silang lahat – maski wala si Yto – comforts me. Parang
nandito na rin siya.

Yza hugged me. “Congratualations!” She said. Ipinakita niya sa akin ang dala niyang
hello kitty stuffed toy. Natawa ako. “Galing iyan sa akin!”

“Thanks, Yzang Kulet!” I kissed her cheek. “Nasaan si ZD?” I asked. Yza’s eyes
sparkled.

“Papunta na, may recording siya ngayon kaya male-late lang ng kaunti.” She even
said. “Ihhh! Niki, I’m so happy for you!”

“Ako din, happy ako para sa sarili ko!” Nagyakapan kami. We did the happy jump
dance.

After that, inasikaso ko na ang mga clients na pumasok sa shop ko. I became so busy
with my clients. I was determined to make a sale that morning. I want my opening to
be big – so I worked hard to make a sale.

It was indeed a busy day. Eight hours later, the opening ended. Yza and my sister
stayed. Tinulungan nila akong mag-close.

“I’m really happy for you, baby...” Ate Lindy said. She was sweeping the floor
while Yza was fixing the shoes on the shelves.

“Thank you, Ate! Guess what!” I said. Ipinakita ko ang lilibuhing kanina ko pa
binibilang. “I made twenty thousand pesos in just eight hours! I sold fifteen pairs
today! Achievement iyon! And some clients even reserved some pairs! I am killing
this! 

I clapped hard. Yza smiled at me. I was feeling proud about my achievement today.
Inaya kong mag-dinner sina Yza – siyempre treat ko kasi araw ko ngayon. We were
about to leave the area when a black Ferrari parked in front of us. Huminto ang
puso ko. I felt excited. I was almost sure it was Yto but then when I saw the plate
number – nakadama ko ng disappointment – it was Yckos.

Bumabas siya ng sasakyan. May dala pa siyang roses para sa akin. He was smiling
pretty wide.

“Hi, Niki! Congratulations on your opening!” Natawa ako sa ekspresyon ng mukha

niya. Para bang hingal na hingal siya.

Nagtaka ako. Kinuha ko iyong flowers sa kanya tapos ay nginitian siya. “Anong
nangyari? Kanina pa kita hinihintay.” Sabi ko pa. He just smiled.

“Busy kasi sa factory.” He said. Ipinakilala ko siya sa Ate ko. I asked Yckos if he
wanted to join us to dinner. Pumayag siya – we ended up eating in a certain
American restaurant. I was actually enjoying this – pero naaalala ko pa rin si Yto.
I really missed him. The day is almost perfect – sana lang talaga nandito siya.

Iniisip ko kung anong ginagawa niya ngayon. Maybe he’s busy working o baka naman
may kasama na siyang ibang babae. Napaubo ako sa naisip ko. Wala naman siguro! Pero
hindi malayo – maghapon akong naghihintay ng text or tawag mula sa kanya pero wala
akong natatanggap.

Sabi niya gusto niya tulad ng sa Paris noon – when we were in Paris every two hours
tinatawagan niya ako. Minsan pa nga kahit alam niyang nasa training ako tatawagan
niya ako just so he could ask me kung kumain na ako. Ako naman iyong kilig na kilig
– kahit na anong ginagawa ko titigil ko basta langf makausap siya.

Yto is really sweet. One time, while we were still in Europe – there’s this snowy
Friday. Halos mapuno na ng snow ang daan. We were supposed to meet that day pero I
cancelled kasi manggagaling pa siya sa London. London is two and a half hours away
from Paris so I told him to just stay in his apartment and rest. Akala ko okay na.
But then at exactly eight in the evening – my apartment door flung opened and I saw
Yto entered. He was covered in snow and he seemed very tired.

Tinanong ko noon kung anong ginagawa niya doon. He just shrugged and said:

It’s too cold. I want to cuddle.

My heart melted. That was the time when I realized that I was so in love with him –
mas pa sa mas.

The dinner ended. Feel ko ang boring ng mundo dahil wala si Yto. I sighed when I
realized that the five hundred thirteen days I cried and tried to move on all went
down the drain. Hindi ko kayang kalimutan na lang basta si Yto. Mahal ko talaga
siya.

“Ihahatid ba kita?” Yckos asked me while we were outside the restaurant waiting for
Zachary Drew to pick up Yza. Umiling ako. Ate Lindy brought her car so we’ll be
going home together.

Hindi naman nagtagal dumating na si Zach. He was all smiles when he got out of his
car to collect Yza. Yza waved at me and in just a minute they were both gone.
Nagpaalam na rin ako kay Yckos. I kissed his cheeks – friendly lang naman pero
noong sumakay kami ni Ate Lindy sa kotse niya, she started teasing me.

“Ayeee, boyfriend mo, baby?” She asked him.

“Hindi kaya.” Si Yto ang boyfriend ko. Kahit hindi niya ako mahal pakiramdam ko na
siya ang boyfriend ko. I wanted to tell Ate that but I kept quiet. I just smiled.
The thought of Yto calmed me down.

Pagdating namin sa bahay, si Kuya Daniel na lang ang nadatnan namin. Momsi si
asleep habang si Popsi, nasa private office nito. Hindi ko na siya inistorbo.
Umakyat na ako sa room ko.

My eyes widened when I opened my room. My mouth parted a bit. I have a feeling – I
really did – that something special is going to happen tonight but I thought that
the thing I was waiting would happen in my opening but then...

“Yaya!” I called her. Agad naman siyang umakyat at pinuntahan ako. I looked at her.
“Sino.. ano?”

Nakangiti na ako. Kinakabahan pero nakangiti.

“Dumating iyan kanina, alaga. Para sa’yo daw.” Matapos iyon ay umalis na siya. I
looked inside my room – my room which is now filled with tons of sunflowers.

Kahit walang card – kahit walang pakilala – alam ko kung kanino galing iyon. It’s
from Yto. Si Yto lang naman ang nagbibigay sa akin ng ganoon.

I closed my door. I sat on the bed. Kinuha ko iyong bulaklak na nakapatong doon.
The sunflowers were still fresh kahit gabi na. My room looked like a green house
with so many sunflowers. Kilig na kilig ako.

Suddenly my phone rang. I took it out from my bag and I saw his name on the screen.
I answered his call. Umubo pa ako.

“He-hello?” I said to the other line.

“Para saan ang cellphone kung hindi mo sasagutin agad?!” He hissed at me. Galit na
naman siya. Napakamot ako ng ulo.

“Sorry, Yto. Naka-silent iyong phone ko. Saka nag-dinner ako kasama sina ate.”

“At si Yckos.” Inis na sabi niya. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “I called Yza.”

“Sorry...” I said again. I heard him sigh.

“Pati sa ate mo pinakilala mo na iyong Yckos na iyan samantalang ako ni hindi mo

ako maiuwi diyan sa bahay ninyo!”

“Yto!” I exclaimed.

“Ano?!” Dama ko ang iritasyon sa boses niya at hindi ko alam kung bakit nakakakilig
iyon sa akin.

“I missed you...” Biglang sabi ko. Natigilan yata siya. Narinig kong napabuntong
hininga siya.

“Ditto.” He said. Napahiga ako sa kama. I was playing with the flowers he gave me.
“So, did you see the flowers?” He asked.

“Yup. I had a hunch it was from you. Thank you, Yto.” I said.

“How was your day?” He asked again.

“Okay...”
“Just okay?” I sensed longing on his voice.

“Wala ka eh...” I whispered. He sighed.

“Do you want me there?” He even asked.

“Oo pero busy ka, Yto ko. Diyan ka na lang makikita naman kita sa susunod na araw.”
I just said. Natatawa ako. Ang sweet – sweet ng Yto ko ngayon.

“Magpahinga ka na. Goodnight.” I ended the call. Alam ko namang pagod siya.
Kailangan na niyang magpahinga. Two days iyong meeting niya doon ka Friday pa ang
balik niya – halos twenty four hours pa akong maghihintay sa kanya.

Tumayo na ako para magpalit ng damit. I took a quick shower. After that I went to
bed wearing my favorite hello kitty jammies. Dahil na rin siguro sa pagod kaya ako
nakatulog agad.

I was in deep slumber but then in the middle of the night – I woke up. Pakiramdam
ko kasi may yumakap sa akin. I slowly opened my eyes. Nakita ko sa digital clock na
naka-hang sa wall ko na three o’clock na ng umaga.

I wanted to go back to sleep again because I was just so tired but then I felt
something around my waist. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Bumalikwas ako ng bangon – sa
sobrang bilis – naitulak ko ang may-ari ng kung anuman ang nasa baywang ko.
Nalaglag iyon sa sahig.

“Sino ka?!” Natatakot na wika ko. Binuksan ko ang lampshade ko. Bumaba ako sa kama
at umikot para sinuhin ang tao sa loob ng silid ko. I gasped hard when I saw Yto on
the floor – holding his backside.

“Alam mo iyong masakit?” He asked. Sarcastic siya. Natulala lang ako doon. Anong
ginagawa niya dito? He’s supposed to be in  Davao!

“Yt-yto...” Bulong ko. He sighed. Umayos siya ng upo.

“I’m here, pretty baby.” He said. Napapalakpak pa ako tapos ay dinaluhong ko siya.
I was sitting on his lap. I cupped his face and kissed him.

“Pero...” I said in between his kissed. Lumayo siya. “May meeting ka pa bukas.”

“Mas importante iyong ikaw at iyong na-mi-miss mo ako.” Kinindatan niya ako. I
giggled like a little kid. I hugged him. I’m happy – kahit late na – kompleto na
ang araw ko.

Binuhat ako ni Yto at humiga kami sa kama. He was wearing a white shirt and a pair
of jeans. Casual lang siya.

“Anong oras ka umalis doon?” Tanong ko. He tucked me to bed.

“Uhm, five minutes after the call. Buti dala ko iyong private plane.” Sabi niya sa
akin. Pinaglaruan ko iyong neckline ng shirt niya. Kinikilig talaga ako. Yto flew
from Davao just because I missed him.

So sweet!

“Matulog ka na...” He told me.

“Hindi na ako makakatulog. Ginising mo ako.” Ngumuso ako. Hinaplos ni Yto ang noo
ko.

“Kakantahan na lang kita.” He said. Napangiti ako lalo. He used to sing to me so I

could fall asleep again.

“Okay, game!” I said. Yumakap ako sa kanya. Itinapat naman niya ang bibig niya sa
tainga ko.

You light me up and then I fall for you You lay me down and then I call for
you Stumbling on reasons that are far and few I'd let it all come down and then
some for you...

Ipinikit ko ang mata ko. I grasped his shirt. I feel so special tonight.

Pretty baby, don't you leave me I have been saving smiles for you Pretty baby, why
can't you see you’re the one that I belong to? I'll be the embrace that keeps you
warm For you're the sun that breaks the storm I'll be alright and I'll sleep
sound As long as you keep coming 'round Oh pretty baby...

Tonight is really the best night of my life. Yto’s here, he came home just because
I missed him. Nakakatuwa. Dahan-dahan kong naipikit ang mga mata ko. I sighed.
Unti-unti na akong hinahatak ng antok...

Moments later, I closed my eyes – and maybe I was already asleep and dreaming –
sure! I was dreaming already and in my dream. I heard Yto say:

“I’m so in love with you, pretty baby... so in love... so in love. Good night.” He
even kissed my forehead.
=================

12. One of a kind

I woke up the next morning making sure that Nikita was still asleep. I didn’t want
to wake her. Halos umaga na siya nakatulog nang dumating ako. I checked my watch:
it’s five in the morning already and I have an early flight to Davao today.
Kailangan kong bumalik sa hotel dahil hindi pa naman tapos ang client call ko – I
just needed to see her.

I kissed her forehead and made sure that she was tightly tucked in her bed. Dahan-
dahan akong bumaba sa kama at naghanap ng papel na pwedeng sulatan ng note para sa
kanya. I saw one and wrote on it. Before leaving – I kissed her again – I needed
that – energy supplement para sa buong maghapon na hindi ko na naman siya makikita.
Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang bintana ni Nikita at doon ako bumaba – doon rin ako
dumaan kagabi nang makarating ako. I was slowly waking – making sure that no one
sees me because if someone does – it will be a disaster.

I got in my car and drove home. Naisip ko munang dumaan sa bahay – sisilipin ko
lang si Nanay at Tatay tapos aalis na ulit ako. When I got in, tulog pa ang lahat.
Gising na ang mga kasama namin sa bahay, nakita nila ako at inalok ng almusal – I
politely declined.

Dumiretso ako sa kwarto nila Tatay – Nanay never locks the door – agad kong
binuksan iyon at napangiti ako nang makita kong tulog pa sila. Nanay was resting
her head on Tatay’s chest. I sighed. Minsan iniisip ko kung paano nangyari na
hanggang ngayon, in love na in love pa rin ang mga magulang ko sa isa’tisa. They
seemed like a perfect couple.

Growing up – I never saw the two of them fight. Minsan ko lang nakitang umiyak si
Nanay – noong panahon na nahulog siya sa hagdan while she was pregnant with Yvo –
back then – a lady told me that Tatay doesn’t love Nanay – kaya nagalit ako kay
Tatay noon but Nanay – being a good person explained to me that Tatay loves her in
a way that I couldn’t understand because I was too young back then.

Isinara ko ang pinto. Sinilip ko naman ang mga kapatid ko. Yllak and Yvo share the
same room. Tulog pa rin sila nang silipin ko after that si Yna naman ang sinilip
ko. She’s as cute as a button – maliban kay Yza – si Yna ang paborito kong kapatid
na babae. I sighed. Yna made everything colorful in the family when she arrived.

Iniisip ko pa kung sisilipin ko si Yza- nagkibit balikat na lang ako. I went to her
room, opened the door but when I saw her bed empty nagtaka ako. Lalabas na sana ako
para hanapin siya nang biglang may pumalo sa likod ko.

It’s Yza. When I turned to her – dala na naman niya iyong yantok na sandok na
pamalo niya sa akin.

“Yza Joan!” I hissed. “Aray!”

“Sabi ko sa’yo tigilan mo na si Nikita! Ang kapal ng mukha mo. Demonyto ka

talaga!” She kept on hitting me. Minsan gusto kong tanungin sa kanya kung saan niya
ba nakukuha ang sandok na hawak niya at bakit palagi niyang dala iyon. When the bar
incident with Nikita happened – dala niya din iyon at hindi ko alam kung  saan
galing.

“Yza!”

“Naiinis ako sa’yo! Did you know that Niki broke up with me the other month because
she wanted to cut all the ties that connect you two? Tapos ngayon may pa-sneak in-
sneak in ka pa sa room niya!”

“Aray!” I hissed again. Natamaan ang batok ko. Naiinis ako. Kung hindi lang ako
pinalaki ni Nanay na mahalin at pagpasensyahan si Yza pinatulan ko na talaga ito.

“Get out of her life!” She said.

“I love her okay?!” I said out of pressure. Natigilan si Yza. She paused. I looked
at her. Nakataas ang kamay niyang may hawak na sandok at akmang ipapalo na naman sa
akin iyon pero natigilan siya. She just stared at me. Kinuha ko mula sa kamay niya
ang sandok at saka ibinato kung saan.

“What did you just said?” She asked in a low voice. I took a deep breath. I really
didn’t want to tell Yza – ang gusto ko sana si Nikita ang unang makaalam dahil
dapat lang naman iyon pero nasabi ko na. Ano pang magagawa ko?

“I said, I love her. I’m in love with her.” Ulit ko. Yza stared at me.

“Bakit Yto, may lumilipad na bang baboy?” Tanong niya. Alam kong nagpipigil lang
siya ng tawa. I shook my head. Hindi ako makapaniwala na natatandaan pa ni Yza ang
bagay na iyon. Iyon ang sabi ko sa kanya noong debut niya – na mai-in love lang ako
kay Nikita when pig flies – pero wala pang baboy na lumilipad and yet – I am
hopelessly in love with my pretty baby.

“Teka, paano mo nalaman na nag-sneak in ako kay Nikita?” I asked her out of
curiosity. Kinatok niya ang ulo ko.

“Napocket dial mo ako! I can hear you singing pretty baby for her! Noong una hindi
ko alam kung sinong kasama mo but when I heard her voice – jeez! Muntik na akong
mamatay sa kilig.” Nagtatalon siya sa tuwa. I just shook my head and looked at her.

“In love ka na kay Nikita!” She screamed. “After all these years! After all the
tears and the heart aches you finally fell in love with the one girl who loves you
oh so much!”
Yza hugged me. She was screaming pretty loudly. Pinaghahalikan niya ako  sa mukha
habang tawa nang tawa. Ang ingay niya at marahil iyon ang dahilan kung bakit
bumukas ang pinto niya. Iniluwa noon si Tatay na takang –taka.

“Anong nangyayari? Why are you here, Yto Jose?” He asked me. Yza turned to him.
Ginawa niya kay Tata yang ginawa niya sa akin.

“Yto’s in love with Nikita, Tatay!”

“Yza Joan!”

“What?!” Tatay exclaimed. “Akala ko si Tosca ang fiancé mo?” Kunot noong tanong
niya.

“Yto ditched her, Tatay! Ayaw naman natin sa kanya kaya magbunyi tayo!”

Napailing na lang ako. Tatay smiled at me. “Mamaya na tayo mag-usap, Yto. “
Nakatawang sabi niya. Binalingan niya si Yza. “At ikaw, dalaga, tumahimik ka at
tulog pa ang mga kapatid mo.” Hinalikan ni Tatay si Yza sa noo. Binalingan niya ako
at niyakap din.

“Bye, Tay. I love you.” Halos sabay na sabi namin ni Yza. Tiningnan ko siya.

“I will appreciate if you keep your mouth shut and not tell her what I just told
you.”
“At bakit?” Nakapamaywang na siya ngayon.

“I haven’t told her.”

“Ang bobo mo talaga!” She said to me.

“Kambal tayo kaya ikaw din.” Sabi ko na lang. Huminga ako ng malalim. “Sasabihin ko
rin pero hindi pa ngayon.” I looked at my watch. I smiled at Yza. “I have to go,
Yza. Babalik pa ako ng Davao. Please don’t tell Nikita. I love you.”

Tumakbo ako palabas ng kwarto niya at bumalik sa sasakyan. I went straight to the
Consunji Hotel kung nasaan ang chopper na maghahatid sa akin sa Davao. Before
flying, I texted my pretty baby.

I smiled after that. Uuwi rin naman ako mamayang gabi kaya hindi ko na kailangan
maghintay ng matagal. But I will surely miss her.

-------------------------------------------------

“Yza, ang weird mo.”

Kanina pa kami magkasama ni Yza. We’re inside my shop. Kagagaling niya lang sa
university. Nag-aaral ulit siya ngayon. This time she took up education because
that’s her passion. She just smiled at me. Pinaglaruan niya iyonng ruler sa kamay
niya at saka ngumisi na naman. Kanina pa siya ganyan. Feeling ko may alam siyang
hindi ko alam.

“Pretty baby...”

My eyes widened when I heard what she just said. Iyon ang tawag sa akin ni Yto.
Could it be? May alam na ba siya sa nangyayari sa amin ni Yto at kung anong
nangyari noon sa Paris.

“Lalalalala... Pretty baby...” She said again. “Diba maganda iyong song na iyon,
pretty baby?”

I laughed nervously. She continued. “Sa tingin mo tatawagin ka ng pretty baby ng

isang tao kung hindi ka niya mahal, Nikita?” Tanong sa akin ni Yza. Ngumuso ako.

“Heh! Tigilan mo na ako ha!” Sabi ko sa kanya. She continued.

“Niks, naalala mo noong kababalik mo lang. You told me na hindi ka na virgin.

Kanino?” She winked at me. “Kay Yto ba?”

My mouth fell. “Yza Joan Ybarra Consunji!” I was so appalled. Why are we even
talking about this?! I swear my alam na si Yza!

“Hmn, nagtatanong lang. Pero... masakit ba?”

“Yza!” I blushed. Dama kong pulang-pula na iyong mukha ko. Bigla akong ngumisi nang
may maisip ako. “Bakit, hindi ninyo pa nigagawa ni Zach?”
“Momol stage pa lang. Masakit kasi. Masakit ba talaga? Was Yto gentle with you?”

“Yza Joan!” I hissed. “I am not discussing that with you!” Nanlalaki ang mga mata
ko.

“Nagtatanong lang kasi curious ako.” Sabi niya sa akin. “Pero napagkasunduan naman
namin ni Zachy na mag-wait until our wedding night.” Biglang ngumiti si Yza. “Alam
mo? Nagsabi na siya kahapon, he wanted to marry me na talaga pero gusto niya sa
moment na iyon natupad ko na lahat ng pangarap ko. Zach is really amazing.”

I nodded with what she just told me. Saksi ako sa love story nila ni Zach mula pa
noong high school kaming dalawa. Nag-usap pa kami. I really like talking with Yza
pero sa tuwing sasabihin niya ang pangalan ni Yto – feeling ko talaga may alam
siyang hindi niya sinasabi sa akin.

The day passed by. Marami pa rin akong naibentang pairs. Nakakatuwa dahil puntahan
ng mga estudyante ang lugar ko – kahit paano nakikilala na ang Res-toe-run – ang
pangalan ng shoe shop ko – at nagkakaroon na ako ng clients talaga.

Kalagitnaan ng hapon nang biglang dumating si Xander sa shop ko. Kasama niya si
Lukas Anton and the two of them brought food.  Sabi nila galing sa mama ni Xander
ang italain spaghetti na iyon. Xander’s mom is a very good cook. I love her pasta!
Napangiti ako nang makita kong hindi na ilang si Yza kay Xander – nag-uusap na sila
tulad ng dati.

“Whoa.” Biglang nagsalita si Lukas Anton.

“What?” I asked him. Nakatingin siya sa phone niya. “G-clef texted me, uuwi na siya
next week with Lyrica and Ika.” He said. Xander looked back.

“Si Ika? I haven’t seen her since...” Nagkamot pa siya ng ulo. “Basta!”

“Diba pet mo iyon? Although Migs was always with her, pet mo iyon.” Lukas Anton
said. I nodded.

“Ano na kayang hitsura ni Ika ngayon. Diba crush ni Yto iyon?”

Tiningnan ko si Lukas Anton. I bit my lower lip. Crush ni Yto si Ika noon. Totoo
iyon. Kaya nga galit ako kay Ika dati kasi pakiramdam ko inaagaw niya sa akin ang
atensyon ni Yto. Umiling na lang ako. Basta, panghahawakan ko iyong sinasabi ni Yto
na gusto niya kaming dalawa lang at walang kahit na sino.

“Crush lang iyon. Iba na ang gusto ni Yto.” Yza said knowingly. Natawa pa siya.
Tumahimik na lang ako. Hindi nagtagal ay nagkayayaan mag-bar. Hindi naman na ako
tumanggi. Wala naman si Yto at hindi ko alam kung kailan siya babalik.

Yza texted Zach. After fifteen minutes yata ay dumating si Zach sa shop ko.
Tinulungan nila akong magsara at pagkatapos noon dumiretso na kami sa Neon lights –
iyong bar na pag-aari ng Neon – iyong band ng daddy nI Zachary Drew.

We all settled on the table on the left side of the club.

“Hoy, lumayo ka sa girlfriend ko! May trauma pa ito sa bar hopping kasama ka,
Xander.” Zach told Xander. Akala ko mag-aaway sila but the two of them ended up
laughing. I just shook my head.
I wasn’t really feeling the night. I’m missing my Yto again. Inilabas ako ang phone
ko at ganoon na lang ang ngiti ko nang makita kong may message ako galing kay Yto.

Subject: Hey

From: Yto ko <3

Msg: Where are you?

Kinikilig naman akong nag-reply.

Subject: Miss you

Msg: With Yza and the others. Sa neon lights. Kailan ka uuwi?

I sent the message. I waited for his reply pero half hour na yata ang lumipas hindi
siya sumagot. I shook the feeling off – baka busy si Yto. May client call siya. I
just sighed.

Sinubukan kong i-engage ang sarili ko sa mga tao sa paligid ko. Nagulat pa nga ako
na nandoon si Kuya Daniel with his girl and Ate Lindy with her friends. Lumapit ako
kay Ate Lindy and I hanged with her for a while tapos ay  bumalik na rin ako sa
table namin. I could see Zach and Yza being sweet with each other, tapos si Xander
may kinakalantaring iba and Lukas Anton too. I shook my head. Lahat sila may
someone special maliban sa akin. How I wish he’s here with me- kahit na walang
kasiguraduhan kung anong meron kami masaya ako kasi magkasama kaming dalawa.

I love Yto with all my heart and having this kind of love in my heart for him makes
me realize that Yckos Emilio is actually right – all the pain and all the tears and
the sadness I went through the past few months of my life is really worth it
because right now I have realized what I have and what I should’ve experienced.
Naisip ko na hindi ko naman kailangan ng kahit na ano – na kuntento ako sa kung
anong meron ako at iyon ay walang iba kundi si Yto lang.
I checked my phone again and I sighed – wala pa rin siyang reply sa akin. Siguro
busy talaga siya. I wasn’t having a good time. I really wanna go home. Suddenly a
waiter went near me – binigyan niya ako ng Martini.

“Para sa inyo.” Sabi niya sa akin. I shook my head.

“I didn’t order any.” Sabi ko na lang. May itinuro iyong waiter. There’s a man
standing near the bar looking at me. Hindi ko siya kilala but he was smiling at me.
Maya-maya lumapit siya sa akin.

“Hi, I see that you’re alone.” He said to me. I shook my head. I was about to
answer when someone from behind put his hand on the man’s shoulder.

“Back off. She’s my girl.”

I gasped loudly when I recognized the voice. Tumingin ang lalaking nagbigay sa akin
ng Martini. Napapailing na umalis siya. Bumungad naman sa akin ang kunot-noong
mukha ni Yto Consunji. He was wearing his usual all black suit and tie. Mukha na
namang nalugi sa negosyo ang mukha niya pero masaya ako dahil nandito na siya.

“Yto ko!” I stood up and hugged him tightly. Hindi siya yumakap sa akin. “Yto ko?”

“Gusto mo na ba talaga akong palitan?” Gigil na gigil na tanong niya. Napalabi ako.
Kinurot ko ang tagiliran niya. Hindi niya ako pinansin umupo siya sa silya, tumabi
naman ako sa kanya. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed.
“Yto ko, hindi ko naman siya kilala. Nagandahan lang siya sa akin.” Pigil hagikgik
kong sabi. “Nagseselos ka na naman.”

“Bakit hindi? Akin ka lang dapat.”

Alam kong galit siya pero kinikilig ako. Yto is showing his possessiveness again
and even though he’s not in love with me, I find it amusing.

“Alam mo ba iyong one of a kind love ng parents ko?” I asked him. Hindi naman siya
sumagot. “One of a kind love kasi minsan lang dumating, minsan lang maramdaman pero
forever naman. I guess that’s what I feel about you...”

Naramdaman kong huminga siya ng malalim. Lalo akong yumakap sa kanya. “My love for
you is one one of a kind, Yto. Sana kapag mahal mo na ako, ganoon din iyong
maramdaman mo. I want something like that.” I sounded so hopeful.

“One of a kind love...” Ulit niya. He sighed again. He made me look at him. “I can
give that to you...”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Bakit? H-hindi mo naman ako mahal diba?” Kumabog ang dibdib
ko. A sexy lazy smile formed on his lips.

“Slow ka din minsan no?” Nakangising sabi niya. He kissed my lips. My mind was
racing. Ako? Slow? Teka! Sinasabi na ba niya na...

“You are mine, Nikita. Akin ka. You are my property.” He said in between the kiss.
“And I want you all over me, pretty baby.”
And that’s what I want too...

Him all over me...

=================

13. Gut feel

“Kuya Yto!”

A smiled formed on Yto’s face when he saw Yna running to him. Nakangiti lang din
ako habang pinagmamasdan sila. It was a Sunday morning and Yto always spends his
Sunday with his family – ako rin naman ganoon pero ngayong araw na ito Yto
requested that I spend the day with him. Hindi naman ako makatanggi – nagpaalam ako
kay Popsi at Momsi. Sinabi ko na sasama akong magsimba sa mga Consunji. Nag-promise
naman ako na uuwi ako ng maaga para sa dinner namin kaya pumayag na rin si Popsi.

“Hi, Ate Niks! So it’s true that Kuya ditched Tosca the bleep!” Sabi niya habang
nakatawa. Napangiti naman ako. I looked at Yto. He was shaking his head.

“Nasaan si Nanay, bunso?” He asked her.

“Nasa loob. Naku! Kuya, pinagalitan ni Nanay si Kuya Yvo! Nag-uwi siya ng babae
dito!” Nanlalaki ang mga mata ni Yna habang sinasabi iyon. “Sabi ni Nanay siya na
lang ang magagalit kasi sure daw siya na kapag si Tatay ang humarap baka daaw
maging proud pa si Tatay.” Sumbong ni Yna. Natawa lang si Yto.
“Sige na, pumasok ka na doon.” Utos niya sa kapatid. We watched Yna as she run
inside the house. Binalikan naman ako ni Yto at saka inakbayan. He smiled at me.

“Naiinip ka na? Magma-mass pa tayo.” He kissed my cheek.

“Yto, baka makita tayo ng parents mo.” Sabi ko sabay layo sa kanya. He just looked
at me. Nakataas ang kilay niya tapos ay nakanguso.

“Pero kapag si Yckos pwede kang i-kiss in public? Kapag si Xander, hinahalikan mo
basta tapos ipapamukha mo na nasasarapan siya!?” Nanggigigil na naman na sabi niya.
I was dumbfounded. Lumayo siya sa akin at saka nagpatinunang maglakad. Minsan
talaga hindi ko maintindihan ang klase ng topak meron itong isang ito.

Kung iisipin, by now, dapat nakalimutan ko na siya – na wala na kaming koneksyon sa

isa’tisa pero nandito pa rin ako sa harapan niya at minamahal siya. Sabi ko nga,
he’s a hard habit to break – noon kapag tinitingnan ko siya ang daming karayom na
tumutusok sa puso ko – pero ngayon kapag nandyan siya puro kilig molecules lang ang
nararamdaman ko.

“Yto ko!” Hinabol ko siya. I grabbed his hand. Binabawi naman niya iyon. “Ay!
Nagtatampo ka, Yto ko?”

“Ayoko na. Napipilitan ka lang yata sa akin. Hindi mo na ako mahal.” Sabi niya.
Pilit niyang inaalis ang kamay niya sa kamay ko.

“Tsk. Hindi na nga oh!” I clasped his hands on mine tapos ay tinaas ko iyon/ “See?”
Ipinakita kko ang mga kamay ko sa kanya.
“Right...” He said while looking at my hand. “Our hands fit together. Para nga tayo
sa isa’tisa.” Bulong niya na para bang naa-amaze siya sa pagkakahugpong ng mga
kamay namin.

“Akin ka na diba?” He asked again. Ayan na naman iyong mga kilig molecules sa buong
katawan ko. Binatukan ko siya,

“Ang drama mo!” Sabi ko sa kanya. He shook my head.

“Basta walang Yckos at walang Xander, walang drama.” Hinalikan niya muli ang
pisngi ko tapos ay hinatak na ako papasok sa bahay. I found Yza and Zachary Drew
sitting on one of the sofa’s in the living room holding hands. Engrossed na
engrossed si Yza sa pakikinig sa kwento ni Zachary Drew habang pinaglalaruan niya
ang mga daliri ni Zach.

Napansin kong tulad ni Yto ay hobby rin ni Yza na maglaro ng daliri ng iba. Madalas
niyang gawin sa akin iyon noon kapag magka-holding hands kaming dalawa, si Yto
naman tuwing magka-cuddle kami, nilalaro niya iyong hinlalaki ko.

“Trademark mo din iyan, Yto ko.” Sabi ko sa kanya. Tinuro ko iyong kamay ni Yza kay
Zach.

“Noong bata kasi kami, madalas na gawin ni Nanay iyan. Para bang sinasabi niyang
mahal niya kami just by playing with our fingers.” I slowly looked at him when I
felt that he was playing with my thumb again. Parang gusto ko siyang tanungin ulit.

“Yto...” I whispered. “Mag-ano ba tayo?” Kinabahan ako. Alam ko na ang isasagot

niya. Alam kong medyo maiilang na naman ako pero magkasama kami at iyon ang
mahalaga.
“Girlfriend kita.” Mabilis niyang sagot. “Although medyo nagtatampo na ako, pretty
girl dahil hindi na tayo nagse-sexy time nitong mga nakaraang linggo.” Inilapit
niya ang bibig niya sa tainga ko. “I missed you so much in bed, pretty baby.”

“Yto...” I moaned. Bigla ay naitulak ko siya nang makita kong nakatitig sa amin si
ZD at Yza. Yza was grinning – iyong ngisi niya tulad nang ngisi ni Yto kapag
inaasar ako.

“Ayeeh!” Yza teased me. Namula ang mukha ko. “Zach, nakita mo ba iyong sandok?” She
even asked. I looked at Yto and laughed when I saw his eyes widened with what Yza
asked ZD.

“Tigilan mo ako, Kulet!” Yto said.

“Pikon!”

Natawa ako sa kanila pero agad ring natigil iyon nang marinig namin ang
nagmamadaling mga yabag ni Tatay Sancho. Mukhang naalarma naman si Yto.

“Good you’re here, son.” He said. “Kailangan nating umalis. May emergency sa
company.” He said. Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ni Yto.

“Wait, tay!” Yza said. “Sabi mo pag Sunday – family day?” Tanong niya. I just
watched the three of them.

“Sorry, dalaga, But it’s an emergency and your nanay have approved of this.” Sabi
ni tatay. Binalingan niya si Yto at saka tinapik sa balikat. Yto turned away.
Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya habang paalis siya. Bago siya tuluyang lumabas ng
front door ay bumalik siya sa akin at saka hinalikan ako sa labi.
“Bye, pretty baby.” He even winked at me. I couldn’t help but smile.

Wala na talaga. I sighed. I have broken the habit pero hindi naman ako naka-move
on. I’m so in love with Yto... and my gut was telling me that he’s feeling the
same. He’s in love with me too – he just needed a little push. I know he’s in love
with me too...

---------------------------

“How did it happen?!”

Tatay’s voice boomed inside the conference room. Kahit ako ay kinabahan sa nakikita
ko. This is a once in a lifetime scenery. Inside the conference room were Uncle
Lukas, my cousin Hermes, Tito Adam and his son Gabriel, Uncle Jules and Yan.

“How the fuck does an intruder enter our empire without us knowing it?!” Tatay
groaned again. Buong buhay ko, ngayon ko lang siya nakitang ganito. He is – scared.
Hindi namin namalayan na unti-unti nang may nakakapasok sa loob ng emperyo na
pinilit itayo at gawing matatag ng magkakapatid. Tito Adam sighed.

“It’s inevitable, Sancho.” He said in a low but deadly voice.

“Bakit ngayon pa tayo susuko? He’s just a leech. A virus trying to infiltrate the
empire. He’s just nothing, Sancho.” Uncle Luke said. Nakangisi pa siya.

“Isa pa, Uncle Sancho, baguhan lang naman siya sa business. I haven’t heard his
name.” Kalmado ring sabi ni Hermes. Uncle Lukas tapped his shoulder as if telling
him that he is doing a great job.
“But he has control now of the Consunji Hotels. Hindi pa rin ba tayo dapat
kabahan?” Uncle Julian asked all of us inside that room. Gusto kong magmura. I
looked at Tatay. He just sighed.

Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari at kung bakit hindi ko namalayan na halos thirty
five percent of the boards’ shares have been bought last week. Ngayon, halos
kapantay na lang ng share na hawak ko ang share ng kalaban. And I so wanna kill
that person.

“Kung matutuloy ang engagement ni Yto kay Tosca---“

“Shut up, Lukas!” Tatay said. “I’ll never do that to my sons, Lukas! Walang
magandang benefit ang arrange marriage.” Mahinang sabi niya.

“It’s my fault, tay.” I said. “I’ve been busy with the client calls that I didn’t
even saw this one coming.”

“It’s okay, son. Ang kailangan lang, makuha mo ang tiwala ni Sandejas. If you have
Sandejas on your side, Yto. Things will be better again at matatapatan mo iyan.”

Tatay was so confident. I just shook my head. Disappointed ako sa sarili ko. Tama
naman. This is my entire fault. Dahil napabayaan ko ang trabaho sa opisina, hindi
ko nabatanyan maigi ang board. I was busy about expanding our services in Davao.

“Fuck...” Sabi ko na lang. Naisip ko si Mr. Sandejas – ang daddy ni Tosca. Naisip
ko kung paano ako makikiharap sa kanya gayong wala na kami ni Tosca. Iyon naman ang
plano ko noon pa. Mr. Sandejas doesn’t want me to be the General Manager and CEO of
the Consunji Hotels. Isa siya sa tumututol sa akin noon pero dahil malakas ang
impluwensya ni Tatay sa board – nasunod ang gusto niya.

When I found out that Mr. Sandejas doesn’t like me – naisip ko agad na gamitin si
Tosca. Madumi ako maglaro. When I got to Tosca, nakuha ko si Mr. Sandejas – but
when he found out that I ended things with his daughter – bumalik na naman kami sa
square one – okay lang sa akin iyon. I was in control of the hotel but now...

“Fuck!”  I muttered again.

“Yto, stop saying that.” Natatawang sabi ni Tatay. Lumapit siya sa akin.

“If I didn’t called things off with Tosca, Tay...” I said in a low voice. He
grinned.

“Sa tingin mo tatanggapin ko si Tosca sa pamilya? You don’t love her.”

“Isa pa, no matter how cruel we were – are.” Uncle Adam chuckled. “We believe in
love, Yto. We have that in our lives... Dapat alam mo iyan – being Sheena’s son.”
He said. Napailing na lang ako.

I don’t love Tosca but I need her.

I love Nikita and I need her too...

Naputol ang pag-iisip ko nang biglang bumukas ang pinto ng conference room.
“Sirs...” Uncle Lukas’ secretary called our attention. “Someones---“

Hindi na niya natapos ang sasabihin. Mula sa likod niya ay pumasok ang isang lalaki
in a gray suit with a gray bow tie on his neck. He was fixing his cups while he was
staring at us.

“Consunjis...” He said the word like it was the most disgusting thing in the world.
Napatuwid ako ng tayo.

“What are you doing here?” Gabriel stood up and faced him. Tumayo din ako. Naglakad
ako papunta sa kanya. He grinned at me. The man was tall and lean. He looked around
and grinned again. This man is bad news for me.

“I want to introduce myself to the enemy.” He said in a low voice. Tinitigan niya
si Tatay tapos ay lumipad ang mga mata niya sa akin.

“I’m Helios Demitri and from this day on – I swear to make all your life a living
hell. Good day.”

He turned around. Umiling ako. Hinabol ko siya. Hindi ako papayag na pupunta siya
sa teritoryo ko at sasabihin niya iyon.

“Demitri!” I called him. He stopped and looked at me.

“I’m a Consunji – no one messes with me.” I said in a dignified voice. He looked at
me from head to toe.
“You're just a Consunji. What you said didn’t even make me blink. You’re JUST a
Consunji. I am Helios Demitri and I’m as hot as the sun. I can burn you, Yto
Consunji.”

He turned away again leaving me speechless.

Who the hell is that man and what does he want from my family?

And why the hell does my gut feel tells me that I'm in deep shit?

=================

14. Dreams do come true

I couldn’t sleep that night. I was thinking of Helios Demitri. Something tells me
that I should be careful. Para bang kaunting galaw lang ay mapapaso ako. I feel
really threatened by him. Sa buong buhay ko ngayon lang ako nakadama ng ganoong
klaseng kaba. Helios Demitri is bad news for me. I couldn’t get him off my mind.

Its midnight and I couldn’t sleep because the words he threw in front of my family
kept playing in my mind like a broken record. He’s my enemy now. Bukas pagpasok ko
sa opisina, makikita ko siya dahil isa na siya sa board members.

“Fuck, Yto!” I exclaimed. Bakit ba ako nagpabaya? I lit a cigarette and puffed
smoked like there’s no tomorrow. Mauubos ko na ang kaha ng Marlboro Lights pero
hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako kumakalma. I needed to exorcise the thoughts of
that asshole inside my head kung hindi magiging zombie ako bukas. Why do I feel so
threatened by him? Pakiramdam ko anumang oras mula ngayon ay mawawala sa akin ang
lahat dahil sa kanya.

Narinig ko ang pagbukas ng sliding door. I looked back and I saw Nikita looking at
me. Nakabalot lang sa kanya iyong bed sheet. She walked towards me, agad ko namang
tinapon ang sigarilyo ko.

“Hey...” She greeted me. “Bakit gising ka pa?” Tanong niya sa akin. Hindi ako
nagsalita. “Yto...” Tawag niya. I know that Nikita could feel the tension around
me. Hindi siya nagsasabi pero alam kong nararamdaman niya. She touched my cheek.

“Yto, gusto mo pa ba ng round four?” She asked naughtily. Napangiti ako. I took her
hand pulled her closer. Her back was against mine – I hugged her from behind.

“Dito ka lang.” I said to her. Somehow her presence calms me down. Nakita kong
tinititigan niya ang pack ng sigarilyo ko.

“Naubos mo iyan?” Skeptical na tanong niya. She also stared at the bottles of beer
on the floor. “Yto anong nangyari?”

“Wala...” Mabilis kong sagot. “Basta dito ka lang, okay na ako.”

I kissed her neck. “Dito lang naman ako. Pero ano kasing nangyari?” Umiling ako.
Ayokong sabihin sa kanya. It’s my business. It’s my fault. Now I just have to make
things right. Kailangan kong mapatalsik ang Demitri na iyon sa buhay ko, sa pamilya
ko at sa kompanya ko. Tama si Uncle Lukas – he’s just a virus trying to infiltrate
the Empire. Virus lang siya. Madali ko siyang matatanggal pero paano?

Humarap si Nikita sa akin. She cupped my face and gave me a quick peck. Nalukot ang
ilong niya.
“I hate kissing a smoker.” She giggled. Pinahid niya ang labi ko. I put her finger
inside my mouth and sucked it lightly.

“I love you, Yto ko.” She said. “Remember what I told you? If ever you forget who
you are and what you can do and what you’re capable of doing, remember that I’m
Nikita Kerkmez and I love you so much – no matter how cruel or ruthless you are.
I’m just so in love with you, Yto ko.”

Matagal ko siyang tinitigan. The thought of Nikita always being with me comforts
me. Napapikit ako. I inhaled her scent. I remember what Uncle Lukas told me one
time; natutunan niya daw iyon sa kapatid ni Tita Apollo. He said to love until it
hurts – and right now, I know that Nikita have loved that way. I have hurt her in
so many ways I could never even imagine and yet she’s still here with me.

“Bakit mo ako mahal?” Tanong ko sa kanya. Her eyes rested on mine. There was a hint
of smile on her face.

“May nabasa ako dati, Yto ko. if you could love someone, and keep loving them,
without being loved back . . . then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to
be anything else.” 

My eyes narrowed. “Kaya mo ako mahal dahil nasasaktan ka?”

“Mas lamang naman iyong happy memories kahit na nasasaktan ako.” She smiled. “Kapag
nasasaktan ako mas nangingibabaw iyong masayang naalala ko.” Pinagapang niya ang
kamay niya sa dibdib ko.

“Iyong two hour trip mo mula London papunta sa Paris kahit na nag-snow na. Iyong
first date natin sa Le Margarrette, iyong pagkakataon na binibigyan mo ako ng
sunflowers, iyong magkasama lang tayo, iyong first moment that we ever made
love...”

“That was hot.” I commented. Nikita pinched my shoulder.

“It is. Under the rain, in the middle of the soccer field.” She blushed a little
bit. Hinalikan ko ang pisngi niya.

“Hindi ka ba naiinip? Ang tagal-tagal mo nang naghihintay.” Sabi ko sa kanya. She

looked at me.

“Nararamdaman ko naman na malapit na. Nagseselos ka na eh.” Natatawang sabi niya.

She put her arm,s around my neck. “Nagseselos ka na, Yto, ibig sabihin mahal mo na
ako – or may nararamdaman ka na.” Sabi niya sa akin. I just sighed. Iniisip ko pa.

Kayak o na bang sabihin?

“Magbihis ka.” Sabi ko sa kanya. Napatingin siya sa akin. “Basta magbihis ka na.
Ihahatid na kita pauwi.” I just smiled. Nikita just shook her head.

“Kahit gaano pa katagal iyan, Yto, Maghihintay ako.” Natatawang sabi niya. Sumunod
ako sa kanya sa loob. Nagbihis na rin ako. I wore a pair of jeans and my casual
plain white shirt. I waited for Nikita. Moments later, lumabas na siya ng bathroom,
bagong ligo, suot niya pa rin iyong dress na suot niya kanina.

“Lika na.” Sabi ko sa kanya. I took her hand. Sabay kaming lumabas ng unit ko. She
was looking back at the portraits on the living room.
“Iisa lang ba iyong babaeng iyon? Sino ba iyon?” Tanong niya. “Nagseselos kasi
ako.” Natawa lang ako. Hindi ako sumagot. Iniisip kong maigi ang susunod na gagawin
ko.

We got in the car and I drove fast. Si Niki, nakahawak lang siya nang mahigpit sa
kamay ko. “Yto hindi ka naman mauubusan ng daan!” Sabi niya sa akin. Hatinggabi na,
walang traffic, walang masyadong sasakyan kaya mabilis kong narating ang bahay
nila.

I got out para pagbuksan siya ng pinto. Nang makalabas siya ay pinaghahampas niya
ang sa braso. “Nagmamadali! May lakad!” Inis na sabi niya. “Aatakihin ako sa puso
sa’yo!” Reklamo niya pa. Natawa lang ako.

“Goodnight!” she said after a while. Tatalikod na sana siya, but I grabbed her
hand.

“Ihahatid kita sa loob.” Sabi ko sa kanya. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya.

“Baka magising si Momsi at Popsi.” Sabi niya sa akin.

“Lika na.” I pulled her closer. Sabay kaming naglakad papasok sa gate nila. I could
feel her body shaking. Napapangisi lang ako. When we reached the front door bumitiw
siya sa akin.

“Bye, Yto!” Sabi niya.

“Sabi ko sa loob.” Wika ko. Kinuha ko ulit ang kamay niya tapos ay ako pa mismo
ang nagpasok ng susi niya sa pinto. Binuksan ko iyon. Pumasok kami.

“Nasa loob na ako. Bye!” She pushed me away.

“Bakit ba?” Medyo mataas ang boses ko pero hindi ko siya sinisigawan. “Siguro hindi
mo na talaga ako mahal. Siguro sinasabi mo lang iyon sa akin kasi binobola mo ako.
Na nakasanayan mo lang na ako ang mahale mo pero ang totoo, hindi mo na ako mahal
kaya ganyan ka.”

“Yto! Hinaan mo ang boses mo! Baka marinig ka nila Momsi!” She hissed. Tinatakpan
niya ang bibig ko.

“Si Yckos, naipakilala mo. Diba ako iyong mahal mo dapat ako ang ipakilala mo hindi
siya. Ano iyon!” Malakas pa rin ang boses ko.

“Yto Consunji!” She exclaimed.

“Nikita? Are you home?”

Napangisi ako nang marinig ko ang boses ng Momsi niya. Hindi nagtagal narinig ko na
ang mga yabag pababa.

“Yto, umuwi ka na.”

“Ayoko.” Sabi ko.

“Oh...” Natigilan ang Momsi ni Nikita nang makita ako. She was wearing a very
colorful house dress. Nikita’s mom is beautiful – para lang akong nakatingin sa
thirty years from now version ni Nikita.

“Anak, may bisita ka pala.” Sabi niya.

“He was just leaving, diba Yto?” Pilit niya akong tinitulak.

“No, I want to stay.” Ngumiti ako sa momsi niya. I walked towards her and offered
my hand.

“I’m Yto Jose Consunji, nice to finally meet you Mrs. Kerkmez.” Kinamayan naman
niya ako. Hindi naman nagtagal ay ang Pospsi naman ni Nikita ang bumaba. He was
looking at me like I have done something wrong.

“Good evening, Mr. Kerkmez.” Sabi ko sa kanya.

“Yto Consunji.” He said my name. Kinamayan ko rin siya.

“Popsi, hinatid niya lang po ako.”

“That and something else.” Mabilis na sabi ko. Kumunot ang noo ng Popsi ni Nikita.

“What something else?” He asked.

“Yto, umuwi ka na!” Bulong sa akin ni Nikita. I faced her.

“Kung mahal mo ako. Hindi mo ako pauuwiin.” I smiled at her. I faced her parents
again then I turned to her. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at saka dahan-dahan akong
lumuhod sa harapan niya, sa harapan ng mga magulang niya.

“Yto!” She exclaimed.

I was on my knee. I looked at her.

“Remember that one rainy Sunday night two days before our graduation in high
school?” I asked her. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin.

“Yto...” Her tears started falling.

“That’s the moment I fell, Nikita.” I said. “I was afraid of telling you because
I’m scared that you won’t find me challenging anymore. Nangyari iyong nangyari sa
Paris dahil mahal kita at sarili ko ang pinagbibigyan ko. Those are the most
heavenly months of my life – being with you, waking up beside you, talking with
you. You make my life complete, Nikita. And I don’t care if you know it already,
but I’m just so in love, so in love, so in love with you.”
Napaiyak siya. Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya. She put her hand on her mouth and
continued tearing up. I know that she was biting her lip. I looked over her mom –
she was crying too. Her dad was just looking at Nikita.

“I...” I sighed. “I love you, pretty baby.”

Finally, I said it. She gasped. “and I’m asking for your parents’ permission to
marry you.”

Lalo siyang napaiyak. Binalingan niya ang mga magulang niya.

“Papayag kayo diba?!” Sigaw niya. “Pumayag ka na, Popsi. Heto na nga papakasalan na
ako oh!!” humihikbing sabi niya. Natawa naman ako. Tatayo sana ako pero bigla akong
pinigil ni Nikita.

“Huwag kang tatayo diyan hangga’t hindi tumatango si Popsi!” Sabi niya. She was
wiping her tears.

“Popsi!” Sabi niya ulit. I looked at Mr. Kerkmez.

“Do you really love my daughter, Yto Consunji?” He asked he was a bit skeptical.

“I believe with all my heart that I was born for her, Mr. Kerkmez.”

“Popsi, papakasalan na ako! Dream come true na ito!” Napahagulgol siya. Tumayo ako
at niyakap siya. “Popsi!”

“Shhh, I love you, pretty baby.”

Tumingin siya sa akin. “Kapag tayo na lang, ire-rape kita.” She whispered. My eyes
widened. I hope her father didn’t hear that.

“Mamanhikan ka sa Linggo, Consunji. Kailangan kong makausap ang mga magulang mo.”

I sighed in relief when I heard what Mr. Kerkmez just said. I looked at Nikita. I’m
marrying the most wonderful woman on earth. I’m so excited.

=================

15. Back off

I broke the habit and yet I’m still in love with him. I was looking at Yto while he
sleeps on his bed. Hanggang ngayon hindi ako makapaniwala sa stunt na ginawa niya
kagabi. Ang bilis-bilis. Isang I love you ang kasunod agad will you marry me.

Hindi ako nakatulog kagabi. Nasa loob ako ng room ko habang nag-uusap sila ni
Popsi sa living room. Hindi ko alam kung anong sinabi ni Popsi sa kanya pero kung
anuman iyon hindi naman nagbago ang desisyon  ni Yto. He will still marry me and I
don’t know how I would react to that basta ang sa akin, my dream came true. Mahal
na niya ako. Matagal na niya akong mahal.
Nang magpaalam siya sa akin kagabi, ilang beses kong pinaulit sa kanya iyong
salitang iyon at ngayon, gusto ko ulit marinig. Hinaplos ko ang mukha niya. He was
still sleeping pero maya-mayay ay inabot niya ang kamay ko at inilagay iyon sa
dibdib niya.

“I love you, Yto ko.” Sabi ko. I kissed his cheek. Nagmulat siya ng mga mata.

“Mas mahali kita.” Muntik na namang tumirik ang mga mata ko sa kilig. He was just
staring at me.

“Mas mahal kaya kita.” Sabi ko sa kanya. Kumunot ang noo niya. “Fine, I won’t
argue. Mas mahal mo na ako.” I rolled my eyes. Humiga ako sa tabi niya. I was
giggling. Half of my body was resting on his. Kinikilig ako kasabay ng kilig na
nararamdaman ko ay ang malakas na pagsinghap ko. I looked at Yto. His eyes were
closed and yet his warm fingers were tracing that silky cloth covering my core.

“Hmnn, Yto...” I bit my lower lip when I felt his fingers inside my panties.
“Yto...”

Sexy time na naman yata. Napakagat labi ako.

“Hindi ka pa nag-tooth brush.” Sabi ko sa kanya. Yto opened his eyes and grinned.
Bigla na lang niya akong hinalikan. I closed my eyes. Gusto kong matawa because
Yto’s breath was as fresh as candy. He darted his tongue inside my mouth and I just
lost it. The sensation of his tongue thrusting inside my mouth and his fingers
thrusting deep inside me was phenomenal.

His lips went to the sides of my face, then to my ear. He locked my earlobe. His
other free hand squeezed my left breast.
“Sabi mi –ire-rape mo ako.” He whispered. I could feel his hot breath on my ear.
Nakakaramdam ako ng uhaw. Ilang beses na ba naming ginagawa ni Yto ito but every
time – it feels like the first time – mas masarap ngayon kasi alam kong mahal na
niya ako.

Not a little while later, he put me on top of him. He was grinning as he was
looking at me. Inilagay niya pa sa likod ng ulo niya ang mga braso niya – lalong
na-define ang chest niya pati ang eight pack abs. I grinned naughtily. I started
taking off my dress. I threw it away – tatanggalin ko na rin sana iyong heels ko
pero pinigil ako ni Yto.

“Heels are sexy pretty baby. Now kiss me.” He told me. I bent down and gave him a
wet kiss on the lips. His hands were roaming around my body – he unclasped my bra
and freed my already taunted mound.

“Say you love me, Yto ko.” Sabi ko sa kanya. He held my waist and turned over. Now
– he’s on top of me.

“I will marry you. I love you. You are mine.”

“Yes...” Sabi ko. I was biting my lip. Yto bent down again and caught one of my
nipples on his mouth. He sucked it hard. I felt so aroused. I could feel myself
getting wetter as he pleasures my whole being. All the while my mouth was just open
as I savored the things he’s making me feel right now.

“Ohh, Yto...” I moaned when I felt his fingers inside of me again. My legs were
parted and he was in the middle – pleasuring me, giving my core his full attention.
I looked at him. He was biting his lips as he put his fingers in and out of me. I
got so turned on by the expression on his face. He looked at me. He placed his
hands on the back of thighs and put it on his shoulder.
“You’re so hot, pretty baby.” He said. My mouth parted when his tongue met my core.
Nasabunutan ko si Yto.

“Oh, that feels so good...” I moaned. He was French kissing my lady parts and I
don’t want him to stop. I like the feel of his sexy tongue on my core – it makes me
feel so wanted.

“Yto...” I gasped hard. He stopped. He lay beside me. His mouth glitters with my
essence. Natatawang umabot ako ng tissue at pinunas iyon sa bibig siya.

“Bad ka...” Sabi ko. Nanginginig ang tuhod ko.

“Didn’t you like it?” Does he really have to ask? Of course I loved it. He sat up
and took my hand.

“Mamaya na lang ako singsing, pretty baby.” He kissed each one of my fingers.
Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya.

“Tapos na? Ganoon lang iyon? Walang main event?” Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko. I want
him now pero mukhang wala siyang balak ituloy ang sinimulan niya.

“Shhh!” Sabi niya sa akin. “Mamayang gabi. Kailangan kong umalis ng maaga.” Wika
niya pa. Nakangiwi ako.

“Nakakainis naman eh...” Napanguso pa ako. Hinalikan niya ako sa labi.

“I’ll take a bath, pretty baby. Wait for me here.” Tumayo na siya at pumasok sa
loob ng bathroom. Naiwan ako sa kama na nakahiga. I slowly stood up to look for my
dress. I fixed myself first then I waited for him. When he got out of the bathroom,
nakabihis na siya – wala lang siyang necktie. Naglakad siya palapit sa akin at saka
inabot ang black tie niya.

“Say it please?” He looked at me. I fixed his tie and smiled.

“ If ever you forget who you are and what you can do and what you’re capable of
doing, remember that I’m Nikita Kerkmez and I love you so much – no matter how
cruel or ruthless you are. I’m just so in love with you, Yto ko.”

Tumango siya. Niyakap niya ako. “Will you still love me even if you already know
that I’m in love with you?” Tanong niya pa.

“Yto, mas lalo kitang minahal ngayon.” Natawa ako. Tumango siya.

“Don’t ever fall out of love, pretty baby.” He kissed my forehead.

“Never...”

-----------------

“I mean, why?”
My eyes narrowed when I heard Helios Demitri’s voice. Nasa loob kaming lahat –
kasama ang board members ng Consunji Hotels and I’m presenting the newest
developments of the expanding in Davao. I looked at him. He was on the other side
of table. He seemed so relaxed. Pinakatitigan niya ako. Para bang inaasar niya lang
ako.

“Sino bang target client mo sa Davao, Consunji? Napakarami nang hotel sa Davao,
nandoon ang Hilton Hotel, White Castle, Windsor and yet you want tp expand our
services in that place. Para saan? To tighten the competition? Nagsasayang ka lang
ng pera.”

I gritted my teeth. Maayos na ang plano para sa expanding tapos kung anu-ano pa ang
sinasabi niya.

“The plans are in motion, Demitri.” Inis na sabi ko. “The board has approved of
it.”

“I am the board now, Consunji. I represent thirty five percent of the company and
if I say no, the expansion won’t take place.”

Naikuyom ko ang mga palad ko. Tiningnan ko siya at ang ibang board members. They
all could feel the tension rising up between us. I stared at Mr. Sandajes – Tosca’s
dad. He seemed to be enjoying the scene.

“What do you think, Mr. Sandejas?” Tanong bigla nI Demitri.

“I think it’s best if Sancho Consunji takes care of this mess his son did to the
company.”

“I didn’t make a mess, Mr. Sandejas. This is for the improvement of the hotel. My
father has agreed on this and so have you.” Inis na inis na ako. I closed my eyes
and tried thinking a happy memory. I thought of Nikita – kahit paano nawala ang
init ng ulo ko.

“Mukha namang wala nang maisasagot si Consunji sa akin.” Sabi pa ng Demitri na

iyon. “He has come unprepared. Why don’t we all go now and let’s just reschedule
the meeting?” Tanong pa niya sa lahat. Pahiyang-pahiya ako. Kinakain ako nang buo
ni Helios Demitri sa harap ng board – isang bagay na hindi dapat nangyayari because
it’s my family name at stake.

“Adjourned na tayo.” Biglang sabi niya. Wala akong nagawa. He calls the shot now.
Napapailing na iniligpit ko ang gamit ko. Lahat ay nakalabas na maliban sa kanya.He
was still sitting on that fucking chair.

“Frustrated, Consunji? Are you burning now?” He asked sarcastically. Tiningnan ko

siya.

“What the hell do you want?” I asked in gritted teeth. Nagkibit balikat siya.

“Revenge.” Mabilis niyang sagot. “You’re family have something I own. Kinuha sa
akin kaya to get even, kukunin ko rin ang lahat sa inyo and I will start with you,
Yto Jose.”

Pigil hiningang tinititigan ko siya. Napapaso ako. Gusto ko siyang saktan. How dare
him threaten my family.

“I was thinking last night. Saan nga ba ako magsisimula? I heard you love your
mother so much. I have seen her. Pretty lady.” He smiled. “Paano kaya kung siya ang
una kong saktan? It’s like hitting two birds with the same stone. Masasaktan ka,
masasaktan si Sancho Consunji.”

I gasped.

“But then, it would hurt more kung iyong kakambal mo ang uunahin ko. Ganoon din ang
epekto pero masyadong madali. So I thought of another plan. I heard about this
uhm... Nikita Kerkmez? I checked her out and she’s really something. I wonder how
it would feel if I take her away from you, make her fall in love and then make her
choose between you and I.”

Inilang hakbang ko siya. I grabbed his neck. I would strangle this man right now
and kill him and I wouldn’t even blink.

“Easy!” Sabi niya. It’s just a thought. He chuckled evilly. “Alam mo, Consunji,
iyan ang kahinaan mo – pagmamahal. If you used your head – sana wala ako dito. O
kahit na nandito ako – hindi ka mahihirapan because you’ll have Mr. Sandejas with
you. If you just didn’t break his little girl’s heart.”

He even made a face. Gusto ko na siyang saktan at hindi na ako nakapagpigil. I

punched his face.

“Puta!” He said. Sinuntok niya rin ako.

“Gago! Layuan mo ang pamilya ko!” I said to him. “You’re a leech, Demitri!”

“I’m not! Your father is the motherfucking bloodsucking power hungry leech! And
you’re just like him!”
“Yto ko?”

I gasped hard when I heard Nikita’s voice. Bumukas ang conference room. Pumasok
siya. Demitri looked at her and smiled.

“Pretty...” Sabi niya bigla. Hindi ko na alam kung anong nangyari. Nilapitan niya
si Nikita, binagga.

“Sorry miss, I didn’t mean to.” Sabi niya. I clenched my jaw. Inabot niya ang kamay
niya kay Nikita. Mabilis naman akong lumapit sa kanila. I pulled her closer.

“I’ll just introduce myself to your pretty girlfriend, Consunji.” Nang-uuyam na

sabi niya.

“Get the hell out.” Sabi ko. Nikita held my hand and looked at me. Nagtatanong ang
mga mata niya. Hindi ako nagsasalita.

“Miss, I am Helios Demitri.” Sabi niya kay Nikita. Nikita just looked at him. She
was staring at his hand.

“Don’t touch her.” I could murder this guy right now.

“Masyado kang mainit, Consunji. Masama bang----“

“Sus, nandito ka lang pala, Kuya. Hi, Ate Niks!”

Natahimik ang kaming dalawa ni Demitri nang muli na namang bumukas ang pinto at
iniluwa niyon si Yna. She was wearing their univerisity’s uniform. Dala niya pa
iyong bag niya tapos nakangiti siya sa akin. She looked at me, then to Demitri.

Kinabahan ako. Demitri was looking at Yna and for the first time since I met him –
I saw something in his eyes that shook my core.

“Hello po.” Sabi ni Yna kay Demitri.

“What are you doing here?” I asked her.

“Pinuntahan ko si Kuya Gabriel, nagpapatulong ako sa term paper ko.” Paliwanag

niya sa akin. Tumango na lang ako.

“Let’s leave.” Pinauna ko si Nikita. Ayaw niya pa sanang umalis pero sinenyasan ko
siya. I looked at Demitri. He was staring at the door where Nikita and Yna went.

“Back off, Demitri. If you touch any of my family, I will fucking kill you.” I
hissed at him. He grinned.

“Unahan na tayo, Consunji.”

=================
16. Revelation

"Yto, is everything okay?"

I couldn't help but ask him that. Inihatid lang namin si Yna sa mansyon pero
pagkatapos noon ay dineretso ni Yto ang sasakyan niya sa shop ko. Hindi ko alam
kung anong nangyayari pero pakiramdam ko may masamang hanging dala ang lalaking
iyon na may kulay berdeng mga mata.

Yto sat on my chair and stared at me. "Can I use your shop as a head quarters for
this day?" Tanong niya sa akin. Napanganga ako. Head quarters for what? Kumunot ang
noo ko.

"Promise hindi kami magkakalat nila Gab. I just needed some place safe. Pakiramdam
ko kasi kahit sa bahay o sa unit ko, I'm being watched." Kumunot ang noo ko.
Lumapit ako sa kanya at saka kumandong. Sarado ang shop ko ngayon. Pakiramdam ko
mas kailangan ako ni Yto kaya ibibigay ko muna sa kanya ang lahat ng oras ko.

"What is happening? Why do you have a bruise on the side of your mouth? Is Demitri
a bad guy?" Tanong ko sa kanya. Yto just sighed.

"I got this, baby. Just promise me you'll be with me in every step of the way tapos
after all of this, magpapakasal na tayo. Mahal na mahal kita." Ngumiti siya sa
akin. Pakiramdam ko may natunaw sa puso ko. I sighed. Yto is really a Consunji. I
remember all the things his Tita Apollo and Tita Aura told Yza and I while we were
growing up. They have told us tales about the Consuji mark and the way the Consunji
men love – maybe that was one of the reasons why I feel hard for Yto. I kissed his
neck tapos ay humiga ako sa katawan niya. He hugged me closer. Hindi ko alam kung
bakit pero pakiramdam ko kahit na magkasama kami, nami-miss ko siya.

"Tawagan mo na sina Gabriel." Sabi ko habang nakahilig sa kanya.

"Mamaya na. Feel muna natin  itong moment." He whispered. Kinikilig na naman ako
pero kailangan kong umalis na kasi wala na namang mangyayari sa aming dalawa
hangga't magkadikit kami.

"Sige na sige na." Tumayo ako. "I'll check the stocks tapos papuntahin mo na ang
mga pinsan mo." Sabi ko sa kanya. Tumango siya. He gave me a kiss after that.
Tumayo na ako at nagsimula na sa trabaho. I went to the storage room. I did the
inventory. Pinapakiramdaman ko naman si Yto. May kausap siya sa phone. Hindi naman
nagtagal ay narinig ko na ang boses ng mga pinsan niya.

"Is he giving you a hard time, Yto?" Sumilip ako. Iyong naka-tshirt na lalaki ang
nagsasalita. He's name is Hermes Consunji – anak siya ni Uncle Lukas tapos iyong
nakaupo naman sa Laz-y boy ko ay si Gabriel Consunji – anak naman siya ni Tito
Adam. Yto was leaning on my table. Napapangiti ako. He was playing with the cuffs
on his suit. Alam kong nag-iisip siya ng malalim.
Tumingin ako sa orasan. It's past twelve na pala. Naisip kong ibili ng lunch si Yto
at ang mga pinsan niya. Lumabas ako ng storage room.

"Hi..." Bati ko. Gabriel and Hermes looked at me. Their eyes were piercing through
my soul. Kinabahan ako.

"Back off, she's mine." Sabi ni Yto. Napangiti naman ako.

"Aw..." Hermes said. "Ikaw si..."

"Nikita, fiancé ko." Inis na wika ni Yto. I just shook my head.

"I'll buy lunch. Anong gusto ninyo?" Tanong ko sa kanila. Umiling naman ang mga
pinsan ni Yto. "So ikaw na lang ang ibibili ko, hindi ka pa kumakain. Bye!"
Natatawang lumabas ako ng shop ko.

Naisip kong sa tapat na lang bumili ng lunch. May restaurant kasi doon na malapit
sa ice cream shop ni Yckos. Tumawid ako. Bago ako tumuloy sa restaurant ay dumaan
muna ako sa ice cream, shop ni Yckos. Naroon siya sa counter at nagtitinda.

"Good afternoon!" Bati niya. Napangiti siya nang makita ako. "Wow! Break na kayo
kaya ka nandito?" Excited na sabi niya. Lumapit ako sa counterat saka binatukan
siya.

"Actually, engage na kami, Yckos." Malumanay na wika ko. Kitang-kita ko ang

panghihinayang sa mukha niya. Noon ko lang naisip na baka nga gusto niya talaga
ako.

"Kawawa naman ako. Lahat ng gusto ko taken na. Hindi ko madaan sa magic and charms
ko."

Nakadama ako ng lungkot para sa kanya. "Yckos naman..."

"Joke lang. Alam ko noong na-friendzone ako, wala na talaga but hey I'm happy for
you." Sabi niya sa akin. Tumango ako. Inalok niya pa ako ng ice cream pero tumanggi
ako. Hindi na rin ako nagtagal dahil bibilan ko pa si Yto ng makakain. Idadamay ko
na rin ang mga pinsan niya.

Nagpaalam na ako kay Yckos at saka lumipat sa restaurant sa kabila. I ordered two
piece of steak and some mashed potatoes for the love of my life and some salad for
me. I also ordered some potato chips and drinks for the Consunji cousins.

The waitress told me to wait for fifteen minutes para sa orders ko. I settled on
the table near the window. Sinisilip ko pa nga ang shop ko na tanaw naman doon. I
was busy looking outside when something blocked my view. May umupo sa silya sa
harapan ko. I turned around and I saw the man in a gray suit with a light pink bow
tie on his neck – very Chuck Bass – he grinned at me.

"Hello, Nikita." He said my name like it's very important for him. I swallowed
hard. Helios Demitri is in front of me. Parang kanina lang magkausap sila ni Yto sa
loob ng Consunji Hotels' conference room – now he's here in front of me – looking
at me like he was about to burn me by he's fiery green eyes.

I don't know much about him. He's a mere stranger for me. All I know is that he's a
good looking man with fiery green eyes and strong features. Lalaking-lalaki siya.
He's like a Greek god the gods from Olympus kicked out that's why he's roaming
around the earth making everyone's life a living hell.

"What, why are you here?" Bakit ganoon? I feel like I'm being burned. Dahil ba iyon
sa mga mata niya o dahil sa pangalan niyang kasing init ng sikat ng araw.

"I was just checking out the first thing I'll take away from Yto Consunji."

Tumaas ang kilay ko. He'll take me away from Yto?

"Ano?" Nagtatakang tanong ko.

"You see, Miss. Kerkmez, I hate Yto's family. I'm here to make all their lives a
living hell. Sisimulan ko iyon kay Yto at ikaw ang gagamitin ko para masaktan
siya."

"Sa lahat ng villain. Ikaw ang nagsasabi ng plano? Akala mo ba maaagaw mo ako sa
boyfriend ko?" Tanong ko sa kanya. Nakakainis. He looked at me and laughed.
Napasinghap ako. Something inside me is burning.

"In my thirty years of existence, ikaw ang pinaka- gullible na taong nakilala ko."
He said. "Hindi kita aagawin sa kanya, although I wouldn't mind taking you to bed
with me and make you taste something I'm sure that Yto Consunji cannot do."

Napanganga ako.

"Now, I'm wondering how you are in bed, Miss Kerkmez. I wanna know the sound of
your moans and groans while I'm pleasuring you senseless."

"Ang bastos mo!" Sigaw ko sa kanya. Tumayo ako at pinadapo ang kamay ko sa mukha
niya. Mukha naman siyang natigalgal. Tumayo rin siya at hinatak ang kamay ko
papalapit sa kanya.

"Hindi ako ang aagaw sa'yo sa lalaking iyon. Ikaw mismo ang bibitaw sa kanya or
it'll be the other way around. I will make sure that your life and his life will be
a living hell. Mag-iingat ka, Miss Kerkmez. Akala mo masaya ka na, pero hindi dahil
hindi pa ako nagsisimula."

Binitiwan niya ako at saka siya umalis. Noon  ko lang naisip na hindi pala ako
humihinga. Nakaramdam ako ng panginginig ng tuhod. What just happened? Tinakot ako
ng lalaking iyon at sinasabi niya sa akin na maghihiwalay kami ni Yto?

He's a threat. He's something I should be afraid of. Kinakabahan ako sa maaaring
maging papel niya sa relasyon ko sa lalaking mahal ko. Napaupo ako. I wanted to
cry. Ganoon pa ang epekto niya? It's just our first no---- second encounter and yet
I already wanted to cry.

I took a deep breath.

--------------------

"Mushroom."

Kumunot ang noo ko habang nakatingin kay Hermes. We were talking about Helios
Demitri. I've asked him to find out everything about him pero wala siyang nakitang
kahit na ano sa records nito.

"It's like he just popped out ten years ago, Yto. He's the son of Hyperion Demitri
a rich Greek business man. He's from Santorini. Pero sa records, walang nakalagay
na doon siya lumaki."

"So he's Greek." Sabi ko habang pinalalaruan ng ballpen ni Nikita sa mga daliri ko.

"Half, Yto. Pinay ang nanay niya." Sabi ni Gabriel sa akin. "Kaunti na lang ipapa-
salvage ko na si Demitri. What does he want from us? I'm trying to win Mr.
Sandejas' trust pero hindi ko magawa dahil lagi siyang nandoon."

I gritted my teeth. Alam ko naman na ang gagawin ko para mapaalis ang virus na iyon
sa buhay naming lahat. I just needed something from his past – I needed to know the
enemy.

"We have to dig deeper. Pakiramdam ko meron siyang tinatago. Like what Hermes said,
he just popped out ten years ago – paano ang buhay niya bago iyon? Yes he's from
Greece pero doon ba talaga siya lumaki at nagkaisip? What's the name of his mom?"

"Elena Hernandez." Sabi bigla ni Hermes. Napatingin ako sa kanya. He was on

Nikita's mac, searching nang bigla na lang niyang sabihin iyon. Lumapit ako sa
kanya. He was looking at a picture of a boy – who looks like Demitri – with a lady
on his side.

"What?" Tanong ko.

"Iyan si Elena Hernandez. Artista siya." May ni-click siyang isang icon at lumabas
ang pangalan ni Hyperion Demitri. "I don't know, I just searched the name of
Demitri's dad tapos lumabas ang picture na iyan."

I looked at the photo again. Kamukha ni Demitri ang batang lalaking karga ng
babaeng Elena Hernandez ang pangalan. The boy looked so young, seven or eight years
old.

"Siya iyan?"

"Malamang. Look..." Hermes zoomed in the photo. "Green eyes. Siya iyan."

Napangisi ako. "Find everything about Elena Hernandez. Siguro ako na matutuntun
natin ang lahat sa lalaking iyan sa oras na makilala natin ang Elena Hernandez na
iyon."

Bumalik ako sa kinatatayuan ko. Hindi sinasadyang napatingin ako sa wall clock ni
Nikita. Napaawang ang labi ko nang maisip ko kung gaano na siya katagal wala.

She's been gone for almost an hour. Where is she?

"Hahanapin ko lang ang fiancé ko." Sabi ko sa mga pinsan ko. Lumabas ako ng shop
niya at nagpalinga-linga. Hindi niya sinabi sa akin kung saan siya bibili ng
pagkain. I took my phone out to call her but she's not answering. Nakadama ako ng
pag-aalala.

Tumawid ako ng daan. Hindi naman sinasadyang napatingin ako sa loob ng ice cream
house at namukhaan ang nakakainis na lalaking si Yckos. Walang sabi-sabing pumasok
ako sa loob niyon.

"Welcome!" He greeted me. "Oh, Yto Consunji, anong atin?"

Nilapitan ko siya. "Have you seen, Nikita?" Kunot noong tanong ko. He grinned.

"Girlfriend mo hindi mo alam kung nasaan?"  Nang-aasar na sabi niya. Napangisi ako
tapos ay kinuwelyuhan siya.

"I'm not really asking for your opinion so just back off! Akin si Nikita and no
matter how hard you try, you can never take her away from me. Naiintindihan mo?"

Dahan-dahan kong inalis ang mga kamay ko sa kwelyo niya. Ngumisi siya sa akin.

"Masyado kang mainit. Para nagbibiro lang ako." Sabi niya sa akin. "Nandito siya
kanina, try mo baka nagpunta siya sa kabila para bumili ng pagkain." Nakangusong
sabi niya. Tumalikod na ako pero bago ako makalabas ng pinto ay muli siyang
nagsalita.

"Ang gago mo. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit mahal na mahal ka ni Nikita."
Sabi niya sa akin. Humarap ako sa kanya.

"Our love is something ordinary people can never understand do just back off."

I went out. Nagpunta ako sa sinasabi niyang lugar at doon ko nga nakita si Nikita.
She was wiping her tears. Nakadama ako ng pag-aalala. Tumakbo ako papasok sa loob
at dinaluhan siya.

"Pretty baby... what's wrong?" She looked up at me.

"I tried to be strong, but I'm so scared Yto." She said in between sobs. "He was
here... He said that he will break us apart. Yto ayoko nang ganoon..." Yumakap siya
sa akin. Damang-dama ko ang panginginig ng katawan niya. Nagtiim ang mga bagang ko.

Do I have to ask? No, I was sure who Nikita was talking about. It's was no one but
Helios Demitri. I hugged her tightly.

It is on.

----------------------------

"Is Niki, okay? You're always worried about her. Sabi niya may body guards na siya.
Pati si Yna binigyan mo din. Ano bang nangyayari, Yto?"

Nagkasalubong kami ni Yza nang gabing iyon sa corridor ng mansyon. It's been a week
since that incident happened between Demitri and Nikita and I'm really furious
about it. I wanted to confront him pero hindi ko ginawa. I'm taking things slow.
Kung paiiralin ko ang pagiging mainitin ng ulo ko walang mangyayari sa akin. I'm
keeping a close distance with my enemy pero kasabay noon ay ang mariing pag-iingat
ko sa mga taong nasa paligid ko lalo na kay Nikita.

I don't want him near Nikita. Nang hapong iyon kung kailan nilapitan niya si Niki
ang tagal bago ko siya napakalma. She was really scared, she was shaking with fear.
Kinabukasan, pinadalhan ko siya ng body guards. I did the same with Yna. Napansin
ko kasi na tuwing pupunta si Yna sa Consunji Hotels para magpatulong kay Gabriel sa
term paper niya o kaya man ay para lang mangulit, nilalapitan siya ni Demitri.

One time, Demitri even took her out for coffee. Yna is only eighteen at wala siyang
alam sa mga nangyayari sa paligid. I don't discuss this kind of things with my baby
sister.

"Yto, is it that bad? The last time I saw Tatay act like you do is when that bad
lady came took nanay away."

Napabuntong hininga ako. Binalingan ko siya. "It is that bad. But you don't have to
be scared. I'm doing everything to protect the family and Tatay is doing the same
so you don't have to be scared."

"Iyong Demitri diba? I read articles about him. Is he that bad?"

"Yes, Yza. Mag-iingat ka." I told him. Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko at saka
bumuntong hininga.

"But Yna said he's a good man."

My eyes darted on her face. She was biting her lips.

"I'm worried, Yto."

Napatiim ang bagang ko. Hinatak ko si Yza papasok sa private office ni Tatay.
Nandoon siya kasama si Uncle Lukas at si Nanay.

"Kids, what are you doing here?" Tatay asked us. I was holding Yza's hand tightly.

This morning I had a talk with Hermes. He had finally cracked the mystery about
Elena Hernandez. She was indeed the mother of that asshole who's trying to break
everything apart. Pero hindi lang iyon. Hermes also find some things – things that
my father had something to do.

"Tay, Nay..." Sabi ko. "Uncle Lukas." I took a deep breath. "I need to talk to all
of you."

Sumeryoso si Uncle at si Tatay. Si Nanay naman ay napahawak sa dibdib niya.

"It's about Helios Demitri." Sabi ko. I took a deep breath. Tatay eyed me like he
was really waiting for the next thing that will come out of my mouth.

"Tatay, sino si Wilfredo Santillan?" Malumanay na tanong ko. Nanay looked at Tatay.
She tear up immediately. Nagyuko siya nang ulo. Nilapitan naman siya ni Yza. Uncle
Lukas just stayed quiet on his chair. Bakit pakiramdam ko may alam rin siya sa mga
nangyari noon?

"Why are you asking?"

"Sancho..." Nanay called him. "Sancho, you promised me."

"Why are you asking?" Tatay's voice boomed. "Why do you wanna know?"

"I'm thinking – we're thinking of a way to bring Demitri down. We looked him up,
dig deeper and we found those names."

Tatay look at Uncle. The two of them seemed proud. "Sino nga ba si Wilfredo
Santillan, Yto? I'm sure you know."

"Sancho please..." Nanay almost begged. Naguguluhan ako. Nanay is crying. Tatay
just stood still.

"May company siya. Biniling ng emperyo, some months later, he died." Iyon lang ang
alam ko tungkol sa Wilfredo na iyon. Tatay took a deep breath.

"Honey, I'm sorry..." Tatay said. Lumapit siya kay Nanay. "The kids won't love us
less if they know the truth."

Kunot na kunot ang noo ko. Yza was crying too.

"What is the connection of Wilfredo Santillan to Helios Demitri, son?"

"Si Santillan, tay. Napangasawa niya ang nanay ni Helios – Elena Hernandez."

"Anak ni Santillan si Demitri?" Tanong ni Uncle. Umiling ako.

"Step son." I said to Tatay. "Pero palaki siya ni Santillan, Tay."

"He kept on saying that we have something he owns." Tatay said. He sighed after
that.

"Naisip kong iyon kompanya nila iyon, tay. You took it away from his family, that
ended his life leaving Demitri alone..."

Kinakabahan na talaga ako. Why does it feel like I'm about to uncover the biggest
secret of my family?

Tatay sighed. "Now I know why he's that mad." Lumapit siya kay Nanay at saka
niyakap ito. Nanay was crying. Tatay was comforting her.

"Yza, take nanay to bed. Now."

Hinawakan ni Yza ang braso ni Nanay. "Sancho nangako ka sa akin." Paulit-ulit

niyang sinasabi iyon pero kahit na anong sabi ni Nanay ay nagso-sorry lang si Tatay
sa kanya.

Nang mailabas ni Yza si Nanay ay saka lang bumaling sa akin si Tatay. Uncle Lukas
tapped his shoulder and left the office too. Naiwan kaming dalawa. He sighed.

"Alam ko na kung anong dahilan ni Demitri, Yto."

"What? The company? Hindi ba dapat magpasalamat pa siya dahil naisalba ng Consunji
ang nalulugi at pabagsak nilang kompanya? Kung iyon ang problema, then we'll just
give it back to him! Tapos ang usapan."

"I don't think that's want he wanted." Tatay said in a very low voice. Naupo siya
sa sofa at saka tumingin sa akin. Tatay's eyes were hollow and deep. Natatakot ako.

"Then what does he want?!" Inis na inis ako. I needed to get rid of him.

"Si Yna." Malumanay na sabi ni Tatay. Natigilan ako. Bakit si Yna?

"I lied, Yto." Sabi niya. "I promised your mother that I will never tell you and
your siblings where I got Yna. Hindi siya galing sa ampunan, Yto."

Kunot na kunot ang noo ko. Tatay and Nanay adopted Yna when we were very young.
Malinaw sa isip ko ang lahat noon. Bigla na lang silang dumating ni Nanay na may
kasamang baby na nakabalot sa pink na lampin. Yza and I fell in love with her the
first time we laid our eyes in her – ganoon din ang naramdaman ni Yvo at ni Yllak.

We loved Yna immediately – but now...

"Santillan has a daughter, Yto. When he and Elena died, naiwan iyong bata. I didn't
have the heart to just leave her like that... So if you're telling me that Demitri
is Santillan's step son, then...." 

"Fuck!" I said.

=================

17. Light years

I wasn’t really ready for the things that I have uncovered. I realized that this
thing with Demitri doesn’t have anything to do with money, business or with the
empire my family built – it is something personal – so personal that he was willing
to play dirty to get what he wanted.
That night, my parents talked to me. Tatay have decided to send Yna and Nanay to
the states until things are normal again. Hindi naman ako tumanggi. Mas maganda na
iyon kaysa nandito siya sa oras ng pagharap ng pamilya sa Demitri na iyon.

Isa pa, hindi ako papayag na ibigay nila si Yna kay Demitri kahit na magkadugo
sila. Yna is my sister – she’s a Consunji – hindi man sa dugo pero sa puso.

I took a deep breath as I walk in the corridors of the Consunji Hotels. I never
hated mornings like this. I love going to work and do productive things pero
ngayon, palaging mainit ang ulo ko at hindi lang ako ang nakakaramdam ng ganito
kundi pati si Gabriel at Hermes.

I went straight to my office pero bago ako makarating doon ay agad kong nakita si
Demitri na kausap si Mr. Sandejas. Mukhang nagkakaigihan na sila. Mr. Sandejas even
patted Demitri’s shoulder. Natigilan ako. They were even whispering – para bang may
pinaplano sila na hindi ko alam.

My jaw clenched. I know that Demitri is planning something that will make me look
stupid in front of the board and I will never let that happen. Lalong napatiim ang
mga bagang nang magtama ang mga mata namin. He grinned at me – para bang
pinamumukha niya sa akin na nasa kanya ang tiwala ni Mr. Sandejas. I sighed.
Tumalikod ako para pumasok sa opisina ko.

I kept on walking back and forth. Kailangan kong kumalma. Kung magpapatuloy ang
pakikipagmabutihan ni Demitri kay Mr. Sandejas malaki ang posibilidad na ibigay
niya kay Demitri ang control sa shares niya. Hindi pwede iyon dahil sa oras na
ibigay ni Sandejas kay Demitri ang control – I will be dethroned as the General
Manager and CEO of the Consunji Hotels. Hindi ako papayaga na makuha niya sa akin –
sa pamilya ko nang ganoon kadali lang ang hotel.

I needed to think of a plan. Napaupo ako sa swivel chair. Kung tutuusin alam ko
kung paano maibabalik ang tiwala sa akin ni Sandejas pero kapag ginawa ko iyon
masasaktan ko si Nikita. I don’t want to hurt her. She’s the love of my life.
Ngayon  pa ba ako tatalikod kung kailan alam na niya na mahal ko siya?

I took a deep breath. I will never hurt Nikita again. Kung makikiusap naman siguro
ako kay Tosca tutulungan niya ako. Alam kong may kwenta pa rin para sa kanya ang
pinagsamahan namin. I needed to talk to her – it wouldn’t hurt if I try.

I took my phone out and texted her. I was waiting for her answer at hindi naman ako
nabigo. A minute later, she texted back and I sighed in relief when she agreed to
see me. Mabilis pa sa alas kwatro na umalis ako ng hotel. I cancelled all my
appointments just to see her. Nagkita kami sa isang coffee shop. She was still the
same. Apat na buwan kaming hindi nagkikita. She is still her glamorous self.

“Hi...” I greeted her. She smiled at me. Tosca’s smile is always warm and
accommodating. It’s something that I like about her.

“Kamusta, Yto?” She asked me.

“I’m good. How are you?” Tanong ko sa kanya. She shrugged.

“I’m good, Yto. Wag mo na akong bolahin. Ano bang kailangan mo?” Sarcastic na sabi
niya. Napangisi ako. I guess Tosca already know why I’m here. Hindi na ako
mahihirapan sa pag-explain sa sarili ko. Kailangan ko siya at gagawin ko ang lahat
para lang makuha ko ang tiwala ng daddy niya.

“I need you to help me.”

“Bakit? After all the things you’ve done to me, Yto? Sa tingin mo tutulungan kita?
Sinaktan mo ako.” Mariing wika niya. I took a deep breath.
“Kung hindi ako kumalas, mas lalo ka lang masasaktan dahil hindi naman ikaw ang
mahal ko.” I said truthfully. Nakita kong ngumiwi siya. She looked at the window –
it was as if she was trying hard not to cry. I know that I have broken her heart
pero ginawa ko naman iyon para sa kanya.

I courted her to earn her father’s trust. I proposed to her because I needed her
but despite all of the things I did with her – si Niki ang mahal ko at hindi ko
kayang lokohin ang sarili ko kaya sa huli, I ended things with her. Itinigil ko ang
kalokohan ko dahil sa huli alam kong masasaktan at masasaktan ko rin siya.

“Hindi kita mahal, Tosca. You already knew that. I dated you because of your
father’s approval.”

“Wala ka bang naramdamang kahit na ano para sa akin?” Biglang tanong niya. “Dahil
ako, Yto, minahal kita at mahal kita hanggang ngayon!” She hissed at me.

“I’m sorry, Tosca.” Sabi ko na lang sa kanya. She stared at me.

“Tapos ngayon sinasabi mo sa akin na kailangan mo ng tulong ko.” She sighed. “Dahil
kay Dad?”

“Yes...” I looked at her. “Kilala mo na siguro si Helios Demitri.”

“Yes. Dad had invited him a couple of time to play golf with him. He’s ruthless.
Naririnig ko ang mga sinasabi niya and Yto you won’t like it. He’s plotting to take
your position and Dad seems to like that idea.”

Naikuyom ko ang mga palad ko. “Natatakot ka na ba? You may be the demon in a suit
but Helios is Satan and based on my assessment – he’s willing to do everything just
to get rid of you and your cousins. I haven’t met a man with so much hatred and
anger to your family.” Ngumisi siya. “I’m sure, nababahag ang buntot mo kaya ka
nandito ngayon.”

Natiim ang mga bagang ko. Hindi ako naduduwag. I have a plan but to get the plan in
motion, kailangan ko ng tulong ni Tosca and right now – it’s clear – hindi niya ako
basta tutulungan lang.

“Ano bang gusto mo? Let’s make a deal, Tosca.” Tumaas naman ang dulo ng bibig niya.
She looked as if I have hit a spot.

“Sleep with me again, Yto and I will give you what you want.”

I have received tons of indecent proposals in my life but I never thought that I
would still be shock after hearing those words come out of Tosca’s mouth. She
smiled at me. Nakakasilaw ang mga ngiti niya.

“Iyon lang, Yto. Sleep with me. Satisfy my craving for steamy hot sex – isang gabi
lang. Pagkatapos noon, I’ll talk to dad, tell him things you want me to say and I
promise you, hindi maglilipat ang araw, you will have dad on your side.”

Umiling ako. “Ayaw mo?” She sighed. “Then say goodbye to your precious position,
Yto Consunji.”

Walang sabi-sabing tumayo siya para iwan ako. I watched her as she leaves. Hindi
ako makapaniwala sa naging takbo ng usapan naming dalawa. Naiwan ako sa loob ng
coffee shop – confused, angry and stressed.
Gusto kong magwala pero anong gagawin ko? I sighed. Naramdaman ko ang pag-vibrate
ng I-phone ko. I took that out and slide to read my message. I smiled when I saw
the message contains a picture of Nikita – still on bed, wearing her lacey hello
kitty pajama.

From: My girl

Subject: Morning <3

Msg: Good morning, Yto ko. I missed you on bed this morning. I hope to see you
tonight. I love you, so, so much, Yto ko. Have a great day. Love you. Xox

I sighed. Between Tosca’s proposal and this...

I will always choose this.

I texted her back – I love you, pretty baby. See you tonight.

-------------------------------

From: Yto ko <3

Subject: Morning

Msg: I love you, pretty baby. See you tonight.

 

Muntik na akong mapatalon sa tuwa nang mabasa ko ang message ni Yto sa akin. Hindi
ko alam kung bakit sa tuwing sasabihin niya iyong salitang I love you ay lumulundag
ang puso ko sa tuwa. Siguro iyon ang epekto nang matagal akong naghintay at matagal
akong nasaktan pero sa huli – lahat worth it.

Tama si Yckos Emilio – hindi nga lang ako naka-move on pero lahat ng pains and
tears and sadness na napagdaanan ko – worth it lahat dahil mahal na ako nang mahal
ko.

I sighed. Our story started with me trying to move on from him but we ended up
falling for each other and conquering the pain.

I stayed in bed for another hour. Paulit-ulit ko lang binabasa ang text ni Yto.
Hindi na kasi ako nag-reply sa kanya because I know that he’s busy lalo na ngayon
na umeeksena iyong Demitri na iyon.

I could still remember what happened that afternoon inside the restaurant. Kapag
naaalala ko ang mga mata niya kinikilabutan ako. Para kasing susunugin niya ako sa
papamagitan lang ng mga mata niya. He’s really something and when Yto gave me two
body guards – somehow I know that a war is about to begin.

I sighed. Bumangon ako at nag-ayos. Kailangan kong pumunta nang maaga sa shop ko
ngayon dahil darating ang delivery ng mga sapatos ko.

I went down stairs to have breakfast with Momsi and Popsi. Popsi was reading the
news paper while momsi was talking on the phone nang maupo ako sa pwesto ko ay
tumigil sila sa mga ginagawa nila.

“Anak, pakakasalan mo ba talaga si Yto?” Tanong ni Momsi. “Hindi pa naman siya

namamanhikan, pwede ka pang mag-back out.”
Kumunot ang noo ko. Tumingin ako kay Momsi at Popsi.

“Sasaktan ka lang ng batang iyon, Nikita.” Dagdag ni Popsi. Napamaang ako. Bakit
ngayon sinasabi na nila ito? Kung ayaw naman pala nila kay Yto, bakit pumayag pa
sila noong nag-propose sa akin ang boyfriend ko?

“Popsi, di po ba pumayag ka na na magpakasal kami? Na-delay lang naman ang

pamamanhikan dahil may problema sila ngayon but that doesn’t mean he loves me
less!” I exclaimed. Popsi sighed.

“Kung mahal ka niya bakit ka niya iniwan noon sa Paris?”

Napamaang ako. They know about that? Hinawakan ni Momsi ang kamay ko.

“We know about that, baby. Lindy told us.” Napaiyak si Momsi. “Those nights that I
could hear you crying baby, iyong mga gabing tinatanong kita at sinasabi mo lang na
masama ang pakiramdam mo – alam ko noon pa na hindi lang dahil masama ang
pakiramdam mo. I wanted to know, I was waiting for you. Ang tagal kitang hinintay
na mag-open sa akin pero hindi ka naman nagsasalita...”

“Matagal na iyon.” Sabi ko. “Yto loves me now. Ano pa bang kulang doon?”
Nanginginig ang boses na wika ko. I looked at Popsi.

“Mahal ako ni Yto, Popsi.”

“Maaring mahal ka niya, pero kung nagawa niya iyon sa’yo minsan, hindi malayong
gawin niya ulit.” Sabi pa ni Popsi. Naiiyak ako. My tears were about to fall again.
Para bang sinasabi nila sa akin ngayon na binabawi na nila iyong permission na
ibinigay nila sa amin ni Yto.

“Mahal ko si Yto at masaya ako sa kanya.”

“Hanggang kailan, Nikita?” Tanong ni Popsi. “Sinabi ko sa’yo noon na hindi ko siya
gusto para sa’yo dahil paiiyakin ka lang niya. Pinaiyak ka na niya, hindi malayong
paiyakin ka niya ulit.”

“Popsi!” Sabi ko. “Diba si Lola din ayaw sa’yo noon? But you proved her wrong---“

“Niki, wag mong sigawan ang Popsi mo...” Hinawakan ni Momsi ang kamay ko.

“Totoo naman po. Paano mapapatunayan ni Yto sa inyo na mahal niya ako at hindi niya
ako papaiyakin kung hindi ninyo siya bibigyan ng chance?” I sobbed. I didn’t
realize that I was crying. Nasasaktan na naman ako. Bakit ba nila ginagawa sa akin
ito?

“Magkaiba kami ni Yto.” Popsi said.

“Anong magkaiba, Popsi? You made Momsi cried! You bullied her---“

“Shut up, Nikita!” Popsi yelled at me. Natahimik ako. This is the first time that
Popsi raised his voice at me. Napasinghap si Momsi.
“Antoy, ano ka ba?” Momsi tapped Popsi’s shoulder.

“Buong buhay mo, Nikita ibinigay ko sa’yo lahat. Ngayon, ako naman ang pagbigyan
mo. Don’t marry, Yto Consunji. Break up with him. You will find someone else –
better that him, anak.”

Umiling ako. There’s no better man for me. Bakit ako mag-se-settle sa better kung
nasa akin na iyong best? I wiped my tears.

“I love you so much, Momsi and Popsi but I won’t let Yto go. I’m in love with him.
I have gambles everything for him – nanalo na ako sa sugal ng pag-ibig bibitiwan ko
pa ba ang premyo ko?”

Tumayo ako. “I’m staying with Yto, Popsi. I’m sorry.” Sabi ko sa kanya. Tumalikod
ako. Lumabas ako nang bahay para sumakay na sa kotse ko. I saw the two guys Yto
assigned for my security. Nakita ko pang kumunot iyong noo ng isa dahil nakita
niyang umiiyak ako.

“Sa shop.” Sabi ko sa kanila. Sumakay silang dalawa sa harapan. I was on the
backseat busy wiping my tears. Tahimik lang ako habang nasa byahe kami. Naipit pa
nga kami sa traffic. Kahit na gusto kong tumigil sa kakaiyak, hindi ko naman
magawa. The thought that my parents dislike Yto for me hurts me so much. Pumayag na
silang magpakasal kami tapos babawiin nila just because they finally know what
really happened in Paris?

Nandoon na iyong nasaktan at umiyak ako pero sa akin wala na iyon – Yto loves me
and that’s enough to erase all the pain away. I sobbed. Nakita kong napatingin sa
akin ang dalawa kong body guard. Nakahinto lang ang sasakyan ko sa gitna ng EDSA. I
was just looking outside the car window when suddenly the car door opened on my
side.
Nagulat ako. Napalingon – ni hindi ko napunasan ang mga luha ko. My mouth parted
with shocked and amazement when I saw Yto settling beside me. Puno ng pagtataka ang
mukha niya.

“What happened?” He asked. Napasinghap ako. Paano niya nalaman kung nasaan ako?

“How?” I asked. “How did you find me?”

“GPS. Plus, Greg texted me saying that you’re crying, Nikita. What happened?”

Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya. I was asking myself kung totoo ba siya? Parang hindi
kasi. I’ve been so in love with him that I didn’t even realize that he is a prince
charming material. All along I thought I was in love with the devil but it so
happens that the devil is also a prince charming – a devilishly sexy prince
charming in a Versace suit.

“Nikita, did something happen?” He pulled me closer. I cried on his Versace suit.

“Ayaw na ni Popsi na magpakasal ako sa’yo.” Napapahikbing wika ko. Humigpit ang
yakap sa akin ni Yto.

“Shhh... that will never happen.” Sabi niya.

“Pero ayaw na ni Popsi. Binawi na niya iyong permission. Yto...” I sobbed. “He
wants me to break up with you.” Halos mabali ang mga buto ko sa higpit ng yakap ni
Yto sa akin. He kissed my forehead.

“That will never happen because I will never let you leave me, Nikita. You have the
Consunji mark all over you – you’re mine and no one can ever break us apart.
Naiintindihan mo?”

Bahagya akong lumayo sa kanya. I looked at him. Napakagat ako ng labi when I
realized how deep his eyes were. Seryoso si Yto. “You will never let me go?”

“Never, pretty baby. I love you to death. I love you from here till seven hundred
light years from now, baby. I love you...”

I nodded. Ang sarap-sarap marinig. 

=================

18. Explosives

 I woke up in the middle of the
tumayo ako para hanapin siya. I
alam kung ilang oras akong iyak
matapos ng pagpayag ni Popsi ay
ibinigay niya. Ang unfair. Para
night without Yto by my side. Nagtataka ako kaya
was sighing, Pagod ang mga mata ko. Hindi ko nga
nang iyak. Hindi ko kasi talaga matanggap na
bigla na lang niyang babawiin ang permission na
bang sinasabi nila na hindi ako pwedeng sumaya.

I walked out of the room and looked for Yto. Nakarinig ako ng yabag sa private
office niya. Doon ako nagpunta. Hindi pa ako nakakapasok doon kaya hindi ko alam
kung anong meron sa loob. I knocked three times tapos ay pinihit ko ang doorknob.
Pumasok ako. Wala doon si Yto. Tatalikod n asana ako nang mapansin ko ang wall sa
likod ng table niya.

Naroon na naman iyong portrait ng babaeng nakatalikod. This time, silhouette ang
ibang pictures. The first frame shows the girl was standing on a balcony – her hand
was on her waist, sa isang frame naman nakaupo iyong babae sa isang step ng hagdan.
Nakayuko siya – parang inaayos iyong sapatos or something.

“Niki?” Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Yto. I looked at
him. May dala siyang isang tasa ng kape. “What are you doing here, pretty baby?” He
asked me. Nagkibit-balikat ako.
“Nagising ako, wala ka kaya hinanap kita.” Sabi ko sa kanya. Ngumisi si Yto.
Hinaplos niya ang mukha ko.

“Bakit? Gusto mo bang mag-sexy time?” He licked my lower lip. It sent shivers on my
spine. Nanginig ang tuhod ko.

“Yto talaga.” Humagikgik siya at saka iniharap ako sa picture frames. He wrapped
his arms around my waist.

“Bakit kahit saan tingnan, pretty baby, ang ganda mo?” Tanong niya sa akin. Kumunot
naman ang noo ko. Ako? Bakit ako samantalang sa picture frame siya nakatingin.

“Bakit ako?” Tanong ko. “Ano bang sinasabi mo?”

“Slow ka talaga minsan, pero kahit ganoon, mahal na mahal kita.” He kissed my
cheek. “Looked at the frames closely, pretty baby, hindi pa sila familiar sa’yo?”

Humarap ako kay Yto. “Iyong sa hallway, parang kilala ko siya. Nasa Black friars
bridge iyong babae diba?” There was a hint of smile on his face.

“Uh-oh...” Tumango siya sa akin. Matagal kong tinitigan si Yto hanggang sa ma-
realize ko iyong gusto niyang sabihin. Nahampas ko ang balikat niya.

“You mean?” He nodded. “Lahat iyon ako?” Tumango ulit siya. “Eh bakit hindi mo
sinabi?” Naiiyak na naman ako.

“Takot ako noon, Nikita.” Huminga siya nang napakalalim. “I was so scared that if
you already know my feelings for you, mawawala na iyong spice, iyong excitement mo
para sa akin. Alam mo naman na hindi ako tulad ng ibang lalaki. I’m boring, I’m
ruthless, I’m harsh – blame my father for it.”

Natawa ako sa sinabi ni Yto. Hinalpos ko ang mukha niya. “Hindi ka boring. Saka isa
pa, ang tagal kong nagmamahal bakit mawawala na lang bigla?”

“Tanga ako eh.” Ngumisi siya sa akin. I bent forward and bit that sensitive part of
his neck. Umungol si Yto. “Ang landi mo, pretty baby.” He said in a husky tone.

“Gusto mo naman...” Gigil na sabi ko. Napabungisngis pa ako. I was playing with his
hair now. “What made you decide to finally give in to your feelings and tell me?”

He sighed. I like this conversation with him. I grew up with Yto being distant and
secretive – ngayon na nakikita ko na ang chance na maging open siya sa akin, hindi
ko na palalagpasin. Nasa buhay na kami ng isa’tisa, sasamantalahin ko na.
Yto carried me and made me sit on his table. He spread my legs and put his hands
under my lacey nighties. I bit my lower lip. He was touching me there and all I
could do was sight. I felt him stroking his fingers inside of me.

“Yto... uhg...” I moaned. “M-may tinatanong pa ako sa’yo...” Napahawak ako sa

balikat niya. He gave me a sexy smile.

“I broke your heart in Paris because I got scared.” He inserted two fingers inside
of me. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa balikat niya. “I let you go because I didn’t want
to...”

“Uhhhh...” Napatingala ako.

“Niki, nag-uusap tayo diba?” He hissed.

“Eh paano naman...”

“Shhh...” He hushed me. He grinned. He took his fingers out and licked it clean.
While he was doing that, he was staring at me. I could feel the intensity.

“Sarap...” He said naughtily. Hinampas ko ang bibig niya.

“Yto!” Sabi ko. He chuckled.

“I let you go because I thought that it was the best thing to do. I didn’t care
because I’m in the middle of forgetting my feelings for you but when I saw you with
Xander that morning you went to the mansion, I saw red. Gusto kong patayin si
Xander. Hindi ako mapakali noon. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands.”

He sighed. I know that Yto can be violent pero sa lahat ng sinasabi niya, kinikilig
ako. It only shows how much he really wants me. He spread my legs. I felt his
growing member in the middle of my thighs.

“Hmnnn.” I moaned again. Hindi ako makapag-concentrate sa sinasabi niya dahil sa

ginagawa niya sa akin.

“That same night, I went to your house just to see you, but then I saw you and
Xander. Akala ko nagkakamabutihan na kayo. Sa galit ko, binagga ko ang kotse ni
Xander.”

I stared blankly at him. “What?”

“I told you, I’m not like other guys. Blame Tito Adam for the violent streak and
Uncle Lukas for the unstoppable libido.” Kinindatan niya ako.
“Yto!”

“Oh yeah, and my father too. Ano sa tingin mo ang dahilan kung bakit ang dami
naming magkakapatid?” Ngumisi siya sa akin. Nakakatunaw talaga ang ngisi ni Yto.
Kahit ang weird ng usapan naming ay natatawa pa rin ako. I wrapped my legs on his
waist.

“Then I saw you with Yckos that day on your shop. I really wanted to run over him
pero hindi ko ginawa. Kinumbinsi ko iyong sarili ko na wala lang sa akin pero hindi
ko kaya. I want you to move on, I really do but I want you to love me still because
I’m so in love with you, Nikita.”

Ngumiti lang ako. Kay sarap-sarap marinig ng mga salitang iyon mula sa kanya.

“I am who I am today because of you. I love you. And I will marry you again and
again para mahirapan kang magpa-annul sa akin.”

“Sira! Bakit naman ako magpapa-annul? Patay na patay ako sa’yo! Ang landi-landi mo.
Nakakainis ka!” Natatawang sabi ko. Ngumisi lang si Yto.

“Sexy time na!” He yelled. Binuhat niya ako at saka inihiga sa sofa bed sa mismong
office niya. Yto seems playful tonight. May kasamang pangingiliti ang mga halik
niya.

Yto is a great lover – maski wala akong masyadong reference sa bagay na iyon – alam
kong great siya. Tulad ng topak niya, paiba-iba rin ang gusto niya. Sometimes, para
siyabf villain – he likes it fast, hard and mean. There are night when he likes to
do it slow and mind boggling and there are nights like this when he’s playful but
hot.

Moments later, I was moaning. His tongue was giving me full pleasure – I’m so wet
down there and yet he keeps on doing what he was doing. Halos masakal na siya ng
mga hita ko and yet he didn’t want to stop.

I opened my eyes when I heard his phone ringing.

“Yto...” Tawag ko sa kanya. I was breathless. “Yto iyong...ahhh! Phone mo!”

“Busy ako, pretty baby.” He whispered. I wanted to just ignore that but the sound
of his phone was bothering me so much.

“Sagutin mo... ahhhh.. god, Yto! Just answer the fucking phone!” Sigaw ko.
Humihingal pa ako. Tumigil siya at saka tumayo.

“Kainis naman. Istorbo.” Sabi pa niya habang naglalakad papunta sa mesa niya. He
answered his phone.

“Bakit, Yvo?” He was talking to his brother. Umupo naman ako ng maayos. I was
looking for a box of tissue. I needed some. I was busy snooping around when
suddenly, Yto yelled.

“What the fuck is that motherfucking bastard doing in our turf!?!”

Nanginig ang buong katawan ko. Galit si Yto. “I’ll be there. Just... Fuck! Nakaalis
na ba sila Nanay?!”

Hindi naglipat ang segundo ay ibinato ni Yto ang I-phone niya kung saan. Tumama
iyon sa pader at kitang-kita kong nabasag ang screen.

“Yto...” My voice was shaking. He looked at me.

“Get dressed. Aalis tayo.”

Tumango na lang ako. May pakiramdam akong ngayong gabi sasabog ang gulo.

---------------------------------------

Halos paliparin ko ang sasakyan makarating lang sa mansyon kung saan naroon ang
gulo. I wanna punch myself for not sleeping in the mansion tonight. Kung nandoon
ako, maagapan ang mga pangyayari.

Damn that son of a bitch!

“Yto, can you please slow down?” I looked at Nikita. Wala nang kulay ang mga labi
niya. Napansin ko ring nanginginig na ang mga kamay niya. I took her hand and
kissed it.

“I’m sorry, pretty baby. We’re almost there.” Sabi ko na lang sa kanya. Lumiko ako.
Hindi naman nagtagal ay nakita ko na ang gate ng village namin. Bahagya ko lang
ibinaba ang salamin ng sasakyan ko para makita ako ng guard. Nagtuloy ako papasok
sa loob ng village hanggang sa marating ko ang bahay.

I saw a green Mercedes Benz parked in front of our gate. Bumaba ako at hinatak si
Nikita papasok. Her hand was cold and shaky. I looked at him.

“Things are okay, Nikita. Don’t worry.” Huminga ako nang malalim at saka nagtuloy
sa bahay. Inside I saw Yza pacing back and forth. Mukhang hindi siya mapakali.
“Yto!” She exclaimed when she saw me.

“Nasaan sila?” Tanong ko.

“Sa private office ni Tatay.” Sabi niya. Binalingan ko si Nikita.

“Stay here, pretty baby. I love you.”

Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya. I went upstairs to Tatay’s private office.
Binuksan ko ang pinto at nakita kong naroon nga si Demitri. Kaharap niya si Tatay,
si Nanay naman ay nakaupo sa tabi ni Tatay. She looked nervous.

“What do you want, Mr. Demitri.” Tatay asked. Napatingin sila sa akin. “Yto...”

“Consunji. Great. You joined us. I was just terrorizing your parents.” Ngumisi siya
sa akin.

“Umalis ka dito?! This is my parents’ house! You don’t belong here!” I hissed at
him. He shook his head.

“Yto, huwag kang sumigaw.” Wika ni Tatay. Humikbi si Nanay.

“Karapatan kong magpunta dito. Nasa bahay na ito ang isa sa mga pag-aari ko and I
know your father knows what I’m talking about.” He calmly said. Kahit kalmado siya
ay bakas naman sa boses niya ang panganib.

“Wala kang pag-aari dito. Mr. Demitri.” Nanay spoke. “Everything inside this house
is owned by the Consunjis alone.”

“Shut up!” He raised her voice on my mom. Aalma na sana ako nang biglang kwelyuhan
ni Tatay si Demitri. My father is old – alright but he could still take Demitri.

“No one raises his voice to my wife.” I am now seeing firsthand the devil in the
corporate suit. “You have no idea who you’re messing with so might as well back
off.”

Ngumisi ako. Tatay can handle him. Nakita kong dumilim ang mukha ni Tatay. It was
like he would swallow Demitri alive.

“Sancho tama na...” Nanay’s voice filled the room. Nakatayo na siya at hawak ang
braso ni Tatay. Binitiwan ni Tatay si Demitri.
“Umalis ka na.” Sabi ko.

“At ano? Ilalayo ninyo siya sa akin? She’s mine—“

“You don’t own anything here!” Sigaw ko. “Yna is a Consunji – by blood, by heart
and by veins. She’s our sister!”

“Yto, tama na.” Sabi pa ni Nanay. Binalingan niya si Demitri. “Please, umalis ka
na. Hindi ka dapat nandito.”

“Sheena, you don’t have to beg. A Consunji never begs.” Tatay said. Umiling si
Demitri.

“Okay, I’ll leave now. Pero hindi pa tayo tapos.” Sabi niya. Nilagpasan niya ako.
Lumabas siya ng pinto. Dama ko pa rin ang tension. Nang tingnan ko si nanay ay
nakayakap na siya kay Tatay. Umaalog ang mga balikat niya. She was crying so hard.

“Sancho, anak natin si Yna. Atin siya. Atin siya...”

“Shhh... I’ll never let him take our daughter, honey. Stop crying.”

Iniwan ko silang dalawa. My mind was racing. Kailangan nang mawala ni Demitri sa
buhay naming lahat. Hindi ko na hihintayin pang lumuha ng dugo ang nanay ko bago
ako gumawa ng paraan. Tinawagan ko si Gabriel habang pababa ako ng hagdan. Sumagot
siya matapos ang ilang segundo.

“Gab, get the plan in motion. Hindi ko na dadaanin sa usap si Sandejas. We need to
do it now.”

Matapos iyon ay tinapos ko ang tawag. Marami akong kailangan ayusin ngayon. I need
to do some things important para maisagawa ang plano ko. Nang marating ko ang
living room ay nakita kong magkausap sina Yza at Nikita. Yza was crying.

“Yzang...”

“Umalis na siya diba?” Tanong niya sa akin. “Yto natatakot ako.”

“Don’t be.” I sighed. I looked at Niki. Tuwing nakikita ko siya, lumalakas ang loob
ko. Matapos lang lahat ng problema ko ngayon sa pamilya, aayusin ko naman ang amin.
Haharap ako sa mga magulang niya para mapatunayan na hindi ko siya sasaktan ay
malinis ang intensyon ko sa kanya.

“Are you okay, Yto ko?” Tanong niya.

“As long as you’re here, pretty baby.” I said to her.

“Kuya!” Napalingon ako sa may hagdan nang marinig ko ang boses ni Yvo. “He’s taking
Yna!”

“What?!” Yza exclaimed.

“Si Nanay?” Tanong ko habang lumalakad palapit kay Yvo.

“Nasa taas pa. Hindi ko pa sinabi but he’s taking Yna now!”

Magkasabay kaming lumabas ni Yvo ng pinto.  Yza and Nikita are behind us. Napamura
ako nang malakas nang makita kong hawak ni Demitri ang braso ni Yna at pilit na
inilalabas ng gate. Nakita kong nakabulagta iyong guard namin.

“Demitri!” Sigaw ko. Thank the heavens naabutan ko sila. I grabbed Yna’s hand.

“Hindi ako sasama sa’yo.” Sabi ni Yna. She was crying now.

“Bitiwan mo ang kapatid ko.” Sabi ko sa kanya. He grinned.

“Kapatid mo? Really, Consunji?”

“Kuya, Kuya...” Inaabot ni Yna ang kamay ko. I took her hand. I will never let her
go.

“Hindi siya sasama sa’yo kaya bitiwan mo na siya. Yna is a Consunji, she belongs
here with us – her family.”

“Putang ina, Consunji! Hanggang kailan ninyo lolokohin ang kapatid ko?!”

Natigilan ang lahat. Yna let go of my hand. She shrugged off Demitri’s too and both
looked at us. Her tears were falling. I wanted to curse him.

“Yna...” That was Yza’s voice. “Yna, huwag kang makinig sa kanya, okay?”
Nanginginig na rin ang boses ng kakambal ko.

“Umalis ka na!” I yelled again. “Yvo, take the girls inside.”

“Ayoko!” Sigaw ni Yna. Napahikbi siya. She kept on looking at us.

“Maniwala ka sa akin, hindi ikaw si Yna Consunji. You are Leigh Santillan.”
“No!” Halos magkapanabay na sigaw namin ni Yza. Naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Nikita
sa likod ko.

“Yvo, take her inside!” I hissed again.

“You are Leigh Santillan and Sancho Consunji killed our parents, Leigh. Maniwala ka
sa akin. They took you in because of guilt.”

“Hindi totoo yan! My father didn’t kill, Santillan!” I hissed. Naikuyom ko ang mga
palad ko.

“He took away the company my step father built! We had a happy family, swerte
lahat, masaya lalo na noong ipanganak ni Mama si Leigh! But then, you father had to
come in the picture and ruin everything! He killed our parents! He took away
Leigh’s chance on being with our Mother! He took away the life that Leigh should’ve
had!” He hissed at me. Galit na galit siya sa akin. Kung nakakuyom ang mga palad ko
at ganoon rin ang kanya.

“Leigh, I am your brother and I’m here to take you. Ako ang totoo mong pami---“

I punched his face. Diretso sa ilong. I broke his nose and maybe that angered him
more. Kinuwelyuhan niya ako. The next thing I know nakalabas na kami ng main gate,
nagpapambuno.

Hindi ako magpapatalo. I kept on punching him.

“Yto! Tama na!” Sigaw ni Yza. “Yto!”

“Yto stop!” It’s Nikita’s voice now.

“Your family ruined my life!” Demitri yelled before kicking my legs. I managed to
stand up after that. I gave him an uppercut. Natumba siya pero mabilis na tumayo.

“Yto stop!” Nikita yelled. Napalingon ako sa kanya. She was in tears. I tried
smiling pero muli na naman akong natamaan ng kamao ng kaaway.

“Sabi ko sa’yo iyang letseng pag-ibig na iyan ang magiging kahinaan mo!”

Kinuwelyuhan niya ako. We were standing in the sidewalk – near the gate of the
mansion. His eyes were fiery as hell pero hindi ako natatako. He grinned at me.

“You love, you get weak!” Wika niya pa. He pulled me closer. “Isa lang ang masasabi
ko sa’yo, Consunji. Ang bobo mo!”
After saying that he pushed me – hard. Nawalan ako ng balanse. Kasabay nang
pagtulak niya sa akin ay ang pagliwanag ng kung ano. I looked at the other
direction and there I saw two headlights approaching. Gustuhin ko mang umalis ay
hindi ako makagalaw.

“Y-yto!!!”

=================

19. Lahat

“Yto!”

Halos panawan ako ng ulirat nang makita kong bumangga si Yto sa Frontier Navarra na
parating. Yza gasped so hard while my mind raced as my tears fall. Bumaba ang
driver ng Frontier Navarra at tiningnan si Yto.

My Yto was lying on the ground – he’s conscious and yet he couldn’t move. Tumama
ang kaliwang braso niya sa bumper ng kotse at napahiga siya. His legs were fixed in
an unusual way. Tinakbo ko siya. His lips were bleeding because Demitri hit him so
many times before actually pushing him to the ground that caused him to bump in the
car.

“Yto ko...” Humihikbing nilapitan ko siya. I kneeled in front of him. Hindi ko alam
kung hahawakan ko ba siya o ano. He looks so fragile.

“Tumawag kayo ng ambulance!” Frantic na sigaw ni Yza.

“My bad. The car didn’t hit you. I hope you die and rot in hell Consunji.” I even
heard the monster said. Ang lakas ng loob niya. Tiningnan ko siya. Yza faced him
and slapped his face.

“How dare you that to my brother!” She hissed. Naiiyak lang ako. “Kung tutuusin
dapat magpasalamat ka sa amin – sa pamilya ko becase we took care of Yna, we loved
her like she’s our own! You should be thankful!”

To my horror, Demitri slapped Yza’s face too.

“Ate!” Yvo screamed.

“You deserve that, Consunji. You all are leeches and murderers.”

“Gago ka!” Yvo pushed him away. Hawak naman ni Yza ang mukha niya. Wala na si Yna
noon, I guess pumasok na siya sa loob. Hindi naman nagtagal ay narinig ko na ang
pagdating ng ambulance, kasabay noon ay ang paglabas ni Nanay Sheena, at Tatay
Sancho. Kasama nila si Yna na nakayakap kay Tatay. She looked so scared.

“Yto!” It was Nanay Sheena’s voice. Dinaluhan niya kami. May mga dumating na mga
lalaking binuhat si Yto para ipasok sa ambulance. Iyak nang iyak si Nanay. Ako din,
si Yza din – hindi ko nga lang alam kung umiiyak ba siya dahil kay Yto o dahil sa
pisngi niyang namamaga mula sa sampal na natamo niya sa halimaw na iyon.

“Umalis ka na dito?!” Narinig kong sigaw ni Yna. “Hindi kita kapatid! Kung kapatd
kita tulad nang sinabi mo, hindi mo sasaktan ang mga mahal ko!”

Iyon ang huli kong narinig bago ako tuluyang pumasok sa loob ng ambulance. Kasama
ko si Nanay Sheena at si Yza. I was holding Yto’s hand.

“Yto, wag kang matutulog!” Sigaw ko. “Stay awake! Please! Okay?”

Yza was caressing my back. Umiiyak din siya. Hindi naman nagsasalita si Yto. He was
just looking at me.

“Bakit hindi siya nagsasalita?!” Tanong ko sa mga nurses sa loob. “”Yto ko!” Yumuko
ako at umunan sa dibdib niya. Iyak ako nang iyak hanggang sa makarating kami sa
ospital. Inilipat si Yto sa ibang kama. Sumunod kami sa kanya pero nang marating
naming ang emergency room ay binawalan kaming pumasok. Yza made Nanay sit. Nagyakap
sila habang ako palakad-lakad. Hindi ako mapakali.

Bakit hindi nagsasalita si Yto? Bakit nakatingin lang siya kanina. Bakit ang tagal
lumabas ng mga doktor sa emergency room?

“Tita!” Napatingin ako nang marinig ko ang boses ng mga pinsan ni Yto. Kasunod nila
si Tatay Sancho na akap pa rin si Yna, Si Yvo at si Yllak naman ay nasa likod nila.
Iyak nang iyak si Yna.

“Anong nangyari?” Tanong ni Tatay. Nilapitan niya si Nanay at niyakap. “Shh, honey
don’t cry.”

“Yza, ayos ka lang ba?” Tanong ko sa kanya. Napapangiwi ako kapag nakikita ko iyong
pamamaga ng pisngi niya.

“Oo. Ikaw? Yto will be okay, Nikita.” She smiled at me. Tumango lang ako. We all
stayed there outside the emergency room waiting for the doctors. We waited for 
half an hour – iyon na yata ang pinakamahabang half hour ng buhay ko. Finally after
minutes of agony, lumabas ang doktor. Nakangiti naman siya pero hindi ko alam kung
matutuwa ako sa ngiti na iyon o mas kakabahan.

“Okay na ang patient.”

Lahat yata sa area na iyon ay nagbuntong-hininga.

“Nadislocate ang binti niya at nagka-fracture sa braso pero other than that wala na
siyang injury.”

Napaiyak ako sa relief. Okay si Yto at walang nangyaring masama sa kanya.

“B-bakit po hindi siya nagsasalita kanina?” Nanginginig ang buong katawan ko.

“Dala lang iyon ng shock. Pero maayos na siya. Hinahanap niya ang Nanay niya at
si...” Tumingin siya sa kanyang palad at saka ngumiti. “Niki. Pwede ninyo na siyang
puntahan. He’s being transferred in a private room.”

Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Nanay at sabay kaming sumunod sa doktort. Kakaba-kaba pa

rin ako. Hindi ako matatahimik hangga’t hindi ko siya nakikita. Kailangan kong
masiguro na okay talaga siya.

Sumakay pa kami ng elevator, sa second floor ang kwarto ni Yto. Halos takbuhin ko
iyon nang marating namin. Pumasok kami sa loob at hindi na ako nahiya kay Nanay.
Nilapitan ko ang kamay niya. Naka-elevate ang paa niya at nakatingin siya sa
bintana.

“Yto ko!” I called him. Ngumiti naman siya sa akin. I cupped his face and give his
mouth my full attention. I didn’t care if Nanay was looking I was just so relieved.

“Sorry...” He said after the kiss. “I made you cry.”

“Nakakainis ka naman kasi!” Humihikbing sabi ko. I looked at Nanay she was smiling.

“Bagay talaga kayo...” Nakadama ako ng pamumula ng pisngi. “Anak, kailan ba tayo
mamamanhikan? Delayed na lang lagi baka kung anong isipin ng parents ni Nikita.”

Nakadama ako ng hiya. Sa mga Consunji, okay na okay ako samantalang sa pamilya ko,
ayaw nila kay Yto.

“Malapit na nay. Si Tatay po? Si Yna?”

“Huwag kang mag-isip.” Sabi ni Nanay. Hinaplos niya ang buhok ni Yto. “Hindi ako
papayag na ibigay ang kapatid mo sa kanya. Atin si Yna. Galing siya sa puso ko.”
Emotional na sabi ni Nanay. Ngumiti si Yto.

“Love you, Nay...” Nanay kissed Yto’s forehead. Hindi naman nagtagal ay isa-isa
nang dumating ang mga kapatid ni Yto. Si Yna, iyak pa rin siya nang iyak. Humiga pa
siya sa tabi ni Yto at paulit-ulit ang sabi ng Sorry, Kuya...  sa kanya. Nanonood
lang ako.

Si Yllak at Yvo galit kay Demitri dahil sa ginawa niya kay Yza. Tahimik lang naman
si Yza at pinagmamasadan ang lahat. Alam ko ang tingin na iyon. May iniisip siya at
hindi ko alam kung maganda ba iyon o ano...

“Magpapahinga na si Yto.” Sabi ni Tatay. “Uuwi na muna tayo. Nanay are you
staying?” Tanong ni Tatay kay Nanay Sheena.

“Yto is in good hands, Tatay.” Nakangising sabi niya sabay tingin sa akin. Namula
ang mukha ko.

“Bye Kuya...” Sabi pa ng mga kapatid niyang lalaki. “Kami ang bahala sa lalaking
iyon. Lamang lang ng isang gym session ang abs niya sa abs ko.” Sabi pa ni Yllak.
Yvo shook his head.

“Di mo ba naisip? If we fight that monster using out fists, we will never win. We
have to attack him strategically. In short, ginagamitan ng utak.”

Napangiti ako sa usapan ng dalawa. “Ayoko ng away...” Narinig ko si Yna. “Sasama na

lang ako sa kanya kung magkakagulo ulit.”

“Hindi!” Nagulat ako nang sumigaw ang kambal. “You will stay here because you are a
Consunji by blood, by veins and by heart!”

“Easy twins...” Huminga nang malalim si Nanay. “Yna, huwag mong iisipin iyan. Uuwi
na muna tayo para mapag-usapan natin iyan ng Tatay, okay?” Nanay kissed her cheeks.
“Come now, kids.”

“Ihahatid ko sila...” Sabi k okay Yto. Sumunod ako kina Nanay. Naiwan si Yto sa
loob kasama si Hermes at si Gabriel.

“Niks, dito na lang kami.” Ngumiti si Yza sa akin. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan
pero may nagbago sa mga mata ni Yza. I waved at them. Patakbo akong bumalik sa loob
ng room ni Yto. Narinig kong nag-uusap sila nina Hermes.

“Sa nangyayari ngayon, mas lalong nag-init si Demitri. If what I gathered is true
and correct, nasa ilalim na niya si Sandejas, Yto at araw na lang ang bibilangin
bago niya patalsikin, ako, ikaw at si Gabriel sa Consunji Hotels.”

“It’s still my surname in the hotel so it wouldn’t be that easy.” Giit pa ni Yto.
Lalapit n asana ako pero nagsalita muli si Hermes.

“Ikaw naman ang may kasalanan nito. If you didn’t break up with Tosca, nasa ngayon
ang majority ng shares. Kung si Tosca ang pinili mo at hindi ka nagpaalipin diyan
sa nararamdaman mo, sana wala tayong problema.”
“Hermes, shut up!” Wika ni Gabriel. “We don’t need, Tosca!”

“Actually, we do need her.” Napasinghap ako nang marinig ko si Yto. Naiiyak ako.
“Pero hindi ko siya lalapitan dahil lang sa kailangan ko siya. My feelings are
separated from the business. I will always choose Nikita.”

Napangiti ako.

“Iyan, iyan ang principle mo na magpapabagsak sa imperyo na pinaghirapan ng mga

tatay natin. Yto, mag-sacrifice ka naman!”

“Gago!” Sabi ni Gabriel.

“Basta. Nikita is a liability, Yto. Tosca is the asset. Mamili ka.”

“I have made my choice.” Yto said. “I’m staying with Nikita.”

Somehow, it made me feel better.

------------

“Yto, rise and shine na.”

Hinahaplos ko iyong mukha niya habang ginigising siya. He opened his eyes and
smiled at me. Pangalawang araw na niya sa hospital. Ako ang palaging naka-duty sa
kanya. Tuwing tanghali, pumupunta si Yza dito. Hindi na masyadong maga ang mukha
niya. Kagabi nga, nagtagal pa sila ni Zach sa ospital. Nanood kami ng movies then
si Zach, nakipagbiruan pa siya kay Yto.

“I love you.” Sabi niya sa akin. I just made a face. “Lika na. Kakain ka pa.” Sabi
ko sa kanya. May pumasok na nurse.

“Sige uhm patulong muna sa bathroom, pretty baby.” He smiled at me. Tinulungan ko
naman siya. Inalalayan din siya noong nurse na pumasok. Maya-maya ay muling lumabas
si Yto sa bathroom. Inayos ko ang kama niya bago ko siya inupo tapos ay sinubuan ng
pagkain.

“Ang ganda-ganda mo, pretty baby.” Sabi niya sa akin.

“At ang landi-landi mo naman.” Kinurot ko ang ilong niya. Naiisip ko pa rin ang
pinag-usapan nila nila Hermes noong gabing iyon. Doon ko napatunayan na mahal nga
niya ako. Naisip ko rin na kung sakaling narinig ni Popsi ang sinabi ni Yto, baka
sakaling maisip niya na mahal talaga ako ni Yto kahit nha nasaktan ako noon. I know
it’s wrong but I’m starting to hate Popsi.

Noong nakaraan, umuwi ako para magpalit ng damit pero bago ako makaalis ay hinarang
niya ako. He asked me kung may koneksyon pa daw ba kami ni Yto. Inulit ko lang ang
sinabi ko na hindi ko siya hihiwalayan dahil mahal ko siya.

Ako nga pinili ni Yto, siya pa kaya itatanggi ko?

I did the sponge bath thing after feeding him. Kahit may injury na siya, ang
pagkalandi-landi pa rin ng Yto ko. Matapos ko siyang bihisan ay nagpaalam akong
bibili lang ng tubig niya. Ubos na rin kasi ang mga supplies niya.

I was walking on the corridor when I stopped. Nakita ko si Tosca na papalapit sa

akin. She was flipping her hair. Huminto rin siya sa tapat ko. Natigagal ako nang
bigla na lang niya akong sampalin.

“Hindi ko pa nagagawa iyan for taking Yto away from me.” She hissed at me. “Masaya
ka na ba, Nikita? Today, the Consunji Hotel fell apart. Demitri have taken over
habang si Yto nandito sa ospital at nagpapagaling. Walang nagawa ang mga pinsan
niya. The Consunji’s are out of the Hotel and it’s all because Yto’s bad decision.
He left me for you and what happened? He will forever regret the fact that he left
me. Ikaw ang may kasalanan ng pagbasak nila!”

She spelled that on my face. She looked so disappointed.

“Hindi totoo yan.” Sabi ko. Isinampal niya sa mukha ko ang news paper na hawak niya
– doon, nakangiti si Mr. Sandejas habang hawak ang kamay ni Demitri. The headline
says: The newest CEO and GENERAL MANAGER of the Consunji Hotels. Where is Yto
Consunji now?

“Kasalanan mo iyan!” Sigaw niya pa. “You took away all of Yto’s hardships. Sayang
ang lahat ng pinaghirapan niya! I hope masaya ka na!”

Pagkasabi noon ay umalis na siya. I stood there watching her leave. Hawak ko sa mga
kamay ko ang news paper na iniwan niya sa akin.

I found myself crying. Naglakad ako pabalik sa room ni Yto. Nahuli ko siyang
nakatingin sa kawalan. Para bang ang lalim ng iniisip niya. Napahikbi ako.

“Yto...” Tawag ko sa kanya. He looked at me. Mukhang natigilan siya pero agad
siyang ngumiti.
“Nasaan ang supplies natin?” Tanong niya. Malamlam ang mga mata niya. Pinipilit ko
naman na hindi maiyak sa harapan niya.

Dahan-dahan kong inabot sa kanya ang news paper. “Alam mo na ba ito?” Tanong ko sa
kanya. Tumango siya. Ni hindi niya binasa ang papel.

“Wala na akong magagawa diyan.”Malungkot na sabi niya. Napaiyak na ako. Alam kong
may magagawa siya pero hindi niya ginagawa dahil sa akin.

“Yto, bakit ba kasi iniwan mo si Tosca?” Tanong ko sa kanya. He looked at me. “I

heard you and Hermes two nights ago.”

“Wag mong isipin iyon.” Mariing sabi niya.

“Paanong hindi ko iisipin? Nasayang ang lahat dahil lang sa pinili mo ako...”
Mahinang sabi ko.

“Lang?” Yto looked at me. “I love you. I will always choose you no matter what
happens. Remember, Nikita, I love you till seven hundred light years from now...”
He sounded so desperate. Napaiyak na ako.

Oo, mahal ko si Yto pero ayokong piliin niya ako over sa pamilya niya. Nagagalit
ako sa sarili ko dahil sa naiisip kong gawin pero alam kong sa ngayon ay ito ang
tamang gawin. ”

Napahikbi ako. “Ayoko ng iniisip mo.” Sabi niya sa akin.

“P-para naman sa’yo ito...” I told him. “I’m sorry, Yto. Mahal na mahal kita pero
hindi ito ang panahon para sa atin...”

Sandali niya akong tinitigan tapos ay ngumiti siya –iyong ngiting masaya talaga.

“Joke iyan diba? Natawa na ako. Tapos na. Now can we please be pretty baby and Yto
ko again?” He said. I sobbed hard.

“I’m sorry...” I shook my head and walked away. Narinig kong tinawag ako ni Yto
pero hindi ako bumalik. Umiiyak na lumabas ako ng ospital. Nanghihina ako.

Bakit ganoon? Ito iyong alam kong tama but why does it feel so wrong?

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakauwi ng bahay. Nakita ko na lang si Popsi at si
Momsi na nakatayo sa sala at nakatingin sa akin. Puno ng pag-aalala ang mukha nila.
“Anak?” Momsi said.

“Don’t ask her, Hanna. Gusto niya iyan. Sinaktan na naman siya ng Consunji na
iyon.”

Hindi ko n asana papansinin pero hindi ko kaya. I looked at Popsi. “I broke up with
him kasi ako iyong nakakasakit sa kanya. Yto loved me too much that he actually
chose me over his family.” Napahikbi ako. “Ganoon niya ako kamahal pero hindi mo
makita iyon because you didn’t want to take a chance on him, Popsi.”

I turned away.

That day, I lost everything that’s important to me. Si Yto, ang mundo ko at ang
puso ko. 

=================

20. Defeat

“There, it’s fixed.”

Ngumiti sa akin si Yza matapos niyang ayusin ang necktie ko. Nasa loob kami ng
kwarto ko. It’s been a week since I got out of the hospital. Naka-cast pa rin ang
paa at ang kamay ko. Sabi ng doctor, masama para sa akin ang gumalaw pero hindi ako
pwedeng nandito lang sa bahay at pinapanood lang si Demitri habang isa-isa niyang
kinukuha ang lahat sa pamilya ko.

“Sigurado ka ba?” Yza asked me again. I just smiled at him.

“Huwag mong sabihin kay Tatay. Kasama ko naman si Gab at si Hermes. Kami na ang
bahala.”

“Sasama ako, Yto.” Sabi niya sa akin. Tinitigan ko siya. Umiling ako. “Hindi
pwede. Sinaktan ka ng demonyong iyon noon, hindi ako papayag.” Ngumiti si Yza sa
akin.
“Sa labas lang ako. Sasama ko si Zach para may bantay ako.” Ngumiti ulit siya.
Huminga lang ako ng malalim. Parang determinado si Yza na sumama sa akin sa
Consunji hotels, ang buong akala yata niya ay mapapanatag ako kahit nandoon si Zach
– lalo na kapag nandoon si Zach.

“Sige na! I wanna see his face kapag na-dethrone mo na siya. I hate that guy for
doing that to us.” Galit na sabi niya. Sa huli tumango na lang ako. Napapalakpak pa
si Yza tapos ay tinawagan si Zach.

“Ayan papunta na daw siya.” Ngumiti siya sa akin.

“Whatever happens, stay with Zach okay?” I told her. Tumango siya at inalalayan ako
palabas ng kwarto ko. Nandoon na si Hermes at si Gabriel. Ngumiti si Hermes sa akin
at siya na ang umalalay. Si Yza naman ay nilapitan si Gabriel tapos ay sabay-sabay
kaming lumabas. Maaga pa nang araw na iyon, tulog pa sila Tatay pero ako, gising na
gising na.

Today, I will make sure that Demitri and Mr. Sandejas will pay for what they did to
me and to my family. Hermes opened the car door for me. Nakita ko naman na
paparating na ang kotse ni Zach. Yza automatically smiled after seeing him. Bumaba
si Zachary Drew mula sa kotse.

“Dalawa pa ang body guard mo ah!” Nakipag-high five siya sa kamay kong may cast.

“ZD!” Yza tapped his shoulder.

“Aw, masakit naman, love.” Sabi niya sa kapatid ko.

“Zach, no matter what happens, protect, Yza.” Utos ko sa kanya.

“Hindi mo na kailangan sabihin. Mahal ko si Yza at gagawin ko ang lahat para sa

kanya even if that means catching a bullet for her or for anyone she loves.”

Napailing na lang ako habang pinagmamasdan sila. Yza and Zach had been together for
two years, they’re in love with each other, so in love that they stand the test of
time and distance samantalang ako...

I missed my pretty baby. Gustong-gusto ko na siyang puntahan at makita pero

tinitikis ko ang sarili ko dahil gusto ko na sa oras na humarap ako sa kanya,
maayos na ang lahat at masasabi ko na hindi na niya kailangan masaktan para sa
akin.

I’m doing this not just for my family but for the both of us. I want to be with her
forever and our forever will start after this.

Sumakay na ako sa kotse ni Hermes. Gab drove his own car while Yza and Zach told us
that they’ll meet us at the hotel.

Habang nakaupo sa passenger’s seat ay malalim naman akong nag-iisip. I was sighing,
my mind was racing. I want today to be over para makauwi na ako sa mahal ko.

Fifteen minutes later, nakarating kami sa hotel. Inalalayan na naman ako ni Hermes
pababa ng sasakyan. Gabriel asked the guard if Mr. Sandejas was already in his
office and when he nodded, sabay-sabay kaming pumasok. Hirap akong magalakad pero
hindi ko pinapansin iyon,

Ito na ang simula ng lahat at ngayong araw na rin magtatapos ito. I’ll finish what
Demitri had started.

“Good morning, Mr. Sandejas!”

Pinigil ko ang ngisi nang marinig ko ang tono ni Hermes. He was just so happy. Si
Mr. Sandejas naman ay mukhang hindi natuwa nang makita ako at ang mga pinsan ko. I
just stared at him.

“Buhay ka pa pala, Consunji?” Tanong niya sa akin. He was sarcastic and unhappy
upon seeing me.

“Immortal kami.” Wika ko sa kanya. Inaalalayan ako ni Hermes pero ako na mismo ang
kumawala sa kanya. Dahan-dahan akong naglakad papunta sa harapan niya. Mula sa coat
ko ay may inilabas akong brown envelope. I gave that to him.

“Open that.” Sabi ko sa kanya. He looked at me. Amazement was written all over his
face. Mabilis niyang binuksan iyon at kitang-kita ko ang panlalaki ng mga mata niya
nang makita ang nasa loob.

Inside the envelope were Tosca’s photos while having sex with six men.

“What the hell is this?!” His voice boomed while he scans the photos. Hermes butt
in.
“I’m sorry to inform you, Mr. Sandejas but your daughter is a nymphomaniac.” Hermes
grinned.

“Hindi totoo ito.” Mariing sabi niya. “You’re just using this to spite me dahil
ibinigay ko ang control ng shares ko kay Helios!” Sigaw pa niya. “Hindi magagawa ni
Tosca ito!”

“Gusto mo iyong video?” Mariin kong sabi. “Gab...”

Gab handed me his phone. I showed the video to Mr. Sandejas. Para siyang kandilang
unti-unting nauupos. Napaupo siya sa swivel chair at biglang napahagulgol.

“You never thought that your daughter could do things like this, did you? Pero
nandito na ang katibayan. Now you tell me, what do you want me to do with this?”
Tanong ko sa kanya. Napatingin siya sa akin.

“You’re black mailing me.”

“Nope. I’m giving you a choice. I’ll take the video and the photos down if anf only
if you take away the position from Demitri, today at the conference room in front
of the board members and give it back to me. Kung ayaw mo naman, this video will be
viral in the internet in five... four...” I looked at Hermes. “Be ready, Hermes...
three-----------“

“Fine!” Sigaw niya. “Fine! I’m giving you the shares, Consunji! You now have fifty-
five percent of the company. You are again the CEO and the General Manager of this
hotel! Just please, take it down...” Naiiyak na sabi niya. I smiled at him.
“Sabihin mo iyan ngayon sa meeting na nagaganap.” Utos ko sa kanya. Ang bilis
niyang kumilos. Hermes took my arm again. Sumunod kami sa kanya. When we entered
the conference room, Helios Demitri was standing in front of the board, making his
speech pero natigil siya nang makita niya ako.

“The Consunjis are here.” Nakangising sabi niya. I grinned at him.

“Mr. Sandejas...”

He cleared his throat.

“I am giving my shares to Yto Consunji. As of this moment, he now has fifty – five
percent of the Hotels shares. So therefore, he is again, the CEO and the General
Manager of the Hotel and Demitri will remain as a minor share holder. Good day.”

He walked out. A victorious smile formed on my face while I look at Demitri for the
first time since I met him, ngayon ko lang siya nakitang natigilan. He stared at
me.

“Leave us.” Sabi ko sa mga board. Kaming tatlo lang nila Gab ang naiwan sa loob,
pang-apat si Demitri. Hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita. He was breathing heavily.

“You may have won the first round but I’m not done yet.” He said in a very low
voice. He was threatening me pero hindi naman ako natatakot. Nagawa ko na nga
siyang talunin, ngayon pa ba ako tatalikod?
Ngumisi lang ako sa kanya.

“A Consunji never accepts defeat. I won. Kahit kailan hindi ka na mananalo sa

akin.”

“Oh yes, and for that I badly needed to kill someone.” Wika niya Tinitigan niya
ako. “Hindi pa tayo tapos, Yto Consunji.”

Tumalikod siya. I just smiled. I have defeated the monster. I have won over the
virus who’s trying to infiltrate my family and the empire my ancestors built. His
gone for. Hindi man habambuhay pero pansamatala at sa mga susunod na panahon na
susubukan niyang makialam sa akin o sa amin ng pamilya ko, alam ko na kung paano
siya tatalunin.

Gab, Hermes and I group hugged each other. Hindi ko na muna ni-meet ang mga board
dahil gusto kong umuwi sa bahay at ibalita kay Tata yang nangyari. Alam kong madumi
akong magalaro pero nauna naman siya kaya wala nang problema iyon.

We went down to the lobby, nakita ko doon si Yza at si Zach. They were holding each
other’s hand.  Habang nakatingin ako, lalo kong nararamdaman ang pangungulila kay
Nikita. Isang linggo ko na siyang hindi nakikita at sa ngayon gustong-gusto ko na
siyang mayakap.

Zach looked at me and smiled. “How did it go?” He asked. Lumapit naman ako sa
kanya. Yza was just eyeing me.

“I’m the CEO again.” Masayang bati ko. Natawa si Yza. Niyakap niya ako. Niyakap
niya rin si Gab at Hermes tapos noon ay binalingan niya si Zach.

“Mukhang matutupad na iyong sinabi ko kanina. Ikaw na talaga ang kakanta sa wedding
ni Nikita at Yto!” She kissed his cheek.

“Diba break na?” He even asked.

“Siyempre babalikan niya kasi kapag hindi, lagot siya sa sandok ko!” Yza even said.
Alam kong nagbibiro lang siya pero I sensed na may halong katotohanan iyon.

Niyaya ko na silang lumabas ng hotel. I was thinking of going to Nikita today. I

want to talk to her, pero ang iniisip ko, handa na ba siyang makinig sa akin? One
week without communication, baka naman nak-move on na siya ng tuluyan kaya hindi
niya ako tinatawagan.

“Yto, kita na lang tayo sa bahay.” Sabi ni Gab. Tumango ako.

“Kami rin, sa bahay na lang.” Sabi pa ni Yza. Umikot naman ako papunta sa
passenger’s area ng kotse ni Hermes. Inalalayan ako ni Zach.

“Si Niki, kailan kayo mag-uusap?” Tanong niya pa. Ngumisi lang ako. “Wag mo akong
ngisihan. Aalis na ako, gusto kong makita kayong maayos.”

“Saan ka pupunta? World tour?”

 
“Oo eh. Saka habang wala ako, pakialagaan naman si Yza. Medyo nahihirapan siyang
mag-adjust kapag mag-isa. Alam mo naman iyan, medyo mahinhin. Kapag naman nagwala,
sobrang tapang.” Zach giggled. Binuksan niya na ang pinto ng kotse.

“Aalagaan ko. Kapatid ko iya----“

Natigil ako sa pagsasalita nang may marinig akong putok ng baril. Magkakasunod
iyon.

“Yza, dapa!” Sigaw ko.

Hermes did the same thing. I looked around. Naramdaman kong niyakap ako ni Zach. I
closed my eyes. Hinihintay kong mawala ang nakakabinging sound na iyon and when
it’s finally gone, kumalas na rin si Zach sa akin. Pilit akong tumayo.

I saw a white SUV passing through. Kitang-kita kong mula doon ay pumasok ang
lalaking may baril at kung hindi ako nagkakamali, hindi talaga ako nagkakamali, I
saw Demitri inside, watching us. He seemed disappointed.

“Is everyone okay?” I asked after. Tumayo si Hermes. “Si Yza? Yza?!” I called.
Humahangos na lumapit si Hermes sa kanya.

“Shaking but okay, Yto.”

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag. I looked around me. Natigilan ako.

“Zach.” I whispered. I looked down. Tinakasan ako ng kulay sa mukha nang makita ko
siya. He was lying on the floor, his blood was all over him.

“Anong nangyai kay Zach?” Nanginginig na tanong ni Yza. Hindi ako sumagot. “Yto!”
Sigaw niya.

“Hold her, Hermes.” Wika ko.

“Ayoko! Yto!” She gasped. Kumawala siya kay Hermes at tumakbo papunta sa akin. She
broke down her knees when she saw Zach lying on the cold pavement – bleeding.

My heart broke seeing my sister’s reaction. Hindi niya alam kung hahawakan niya ba
o yayakapin si Zach. She out her hand over her mouth and cried like a little girl.

“Zach!” She cried out. “Z-ach, wake up!”

Nilapitan din siya ni Hermes. “I calle the ambulance already.” Lumuhod siya sa tabi
ni Yza. Pinulsuhan niya si Zachary.

“Hermes...” I called him. Yza was crying. Hermes looked at me. He shook his head.

 
 

=================

21. If tomorrow...

It’s been three weeks since I broke up with Yto. Never in my life have I imagined
myself breaking up with him. I had loved him all my life and leaving him never
crossed my mind but I had too or else he will lose everything that he ever worked
hard on. Sabi nga ni Hermes, liability ako at si Tosca ang asset. I just took a
deep breath.

I used to be really good in remembering the days and the seconds but right now, I
just want to forget everything and focus on what’s important – getting well and
finally moving on. Right now, I’m really serious upon moving on. Kailangan ko nang
alisin sa sistema ko si Yto. Ito ang dapat gawin dahil ito ang tama – para naman sa
kanya ito. Alam kong hindi siya magiging masaya sa una, ako rin naman. Mahal naming
ang isa’tisa pero hindi kami pwede. Ayokong piliin niya ako. I want him to always
prioritize his family. Pamilya sila at iyon ang gusto kong laging piliin ni Yto.

“Ma’am, forty-five pairs po iyong dumating sa atin ngayong araw.” Nginitian ko si

Thea. She’s my assistant. I hired her last week because my shop is getting a lot
bigger than the last time. Tumango lang ako sa kanya at nagpatuloy sa pagbabasa ng
mga mails ko. I encountered a pink envelope with my name engraved on it.
Nagtatakang binuksan ko iyon – the envelope was from Paris. Binasa ko ang nakasulat
doon at ganoon na lang ang panlalaki ng mga mata ko nang maintindihan ko ang
nakasalat doon.

Paris Fashion week is approaching and they were inviting me to showcase my shoe
line in the cat walk with Yves Mclalahn – the renowned Avant Garde designer.

“Oh my god!” I exclaimed in so much happiness. Ito na yata iyong sinasabi nila na
kung hindi man swerte sa love life, swerte naman sa career. “Oh my god!” I
exclaimed again. My heart – although it is broken –it’s swelling with so much
happiness right now. My dreams are coming true little by little – kahit na may
masakit na parte sa buhay ko, unti-unti ko nang naabot ang mga pangarap ko.
Bigla ay natahimik ako. Mas masaya sana kung nandito si Yto. I’m sure he’ll be
thrilled for me too. Nakadama na naman ako ng lungkot at muling napaupo.

I looked around me. Maraming tao sa shop ngayon pero kahit na maingay at kahit na
napapalibutan ako ng lahat ay nalulungkot ako, hinahanap ko si Yto. Gusto ko ang
Yto ko pero hindi pwede. Iniwan ko siya and this is the right thing to do.

Inayos ko na lang ang inventory para sa linggong iyon para naman mawala sa isipan
ko si Yto. I badly needed to get him out of my system. I was in the middle of my
work when I heard the door opened. I looked up and from there, Yckos entered my
shop. Binigyan ko siya ng ngiti. Nakatitig siya sa akin, halatang kagagaling niya
lang sa pagtakbo, hingal na hingal siya at mukhang pagod na pagod. Natawa ako sa
kanya.

“Yckos, anong problema?” Tanong ko. He shook his head.

“Okay ka lang ba?” He asked me. Sa klase nang pagtatanong ni Yckos, alam ko nang
may hindi tamang nangyari. Kinabahan ako. Agad akong hindi mapakali.

“Bakit?” Napatayo ako. “Anong nangyari, Yckos?”

He took a deep breath. “Hindi mo ba napanood ang balita?” He asked me. “A shootout
happened in the parking lot of the Consunji Hotels. Yto was there and----“

Wala na akong ibang naintindihan sa mga sinabi ni Yckos kundi ang mga salitang
“shootout” at “Yto was there.” My heart beat so fast. I was actually scared that it
may jump out of my chest. My tears feel instantly. Hindi ko na hinintay ang susunod
na sasabihin ni Yckos. Lumabas ako ng shop at sumakay sa kotse. Hindi ako makapag-
isip ng maayos. Alam kong kailangan ko munang alamin kung nasaan ospital si Yto.
Kung sinong kasama niya at kung ano bang nangyari pero sa ngayon – all I know is
that I needed to see him – right now. I needed to know if he’s alive.
I took my phone out. My hands were shaking. I looked for Yza’s number and called
her but she’s not answering. I texted Yna, Yvo and even tatay Sancho and I got the
information I needed from Yvo who replied two minutes after I sent my text message.
They were in Angel’s Haven Hospital. Doon dinala si Yto. Naiiyak ako habang
nagmamaneho. Kung ano-ano ang iniisip ko.

Paano kung napahamak na ang Yto ko? Ni hindi man lang kami nakapag-usap. Halos
paliparin ko ang sasakyan makaabot lang sa kanya at nang makarating naman ako sa
ospital ay halos takbuhin ko naman ang distansya ng lobby papunta sa operating
room. Iyon kasi ang sabi ni Yvo, naghihintay sila sa

Labas ng operating room.

Hilam na hilam na ng luha ang mga mata ko nang makarating ako doon. There I saw
Nanay Sheena, she was embracing Yza so tight. Si Yza naman ay iyak nang iyak. Hindi
nagkakalayo ang hitsura naming dalawa.

Dahan-dahan pa akong lumapit sa kanilang lahat. “Y-yza...” Naungol ako. She looked
at me. Her eyes were swollen. Iling siya nang iling. Napahagulgol ako. Anong ibig
sabihin nang pag-iling niya? May nangyari ba kay Yto? Huwag naman niyang sabihin
na...

“Niks...” She slowly approached my hand. “Niks, natatakot ako...” She whispered.
Yza’s voice was so hollow and cold – she seemed so scared.

“A-aako rin...” Bulong ko sa kanya. Nakatingin ako kay Nanay Sheena, umiiyak din
siya.

“H-hindi niya ako p-pwedeng iwan...” Sabi niya ulit.

“Mas lalo n-naman ako...” I whispered at her. Yza nodded. “Hindi niya tayo
iiwan...” Bulong ko.

Silence filled the area. Naupo ako sa tabi ni Yza. Nasa gitna namin siya ni Nanay.
Nakahilig siya sa akin habang hawak naming ang kamay ng isa’tisa. Damang-dama ko
ang takot at pangamba ni Yza. Siya kakambal, ganoon na siya nasasaktan, ako – ako
na nagmamahal, pakiramdam ko, dahan-dahang gumuguho ang mundo ko.

I was looking at the hallway, waiting for a miracle to happen. Waiting for the
doctor to arrive – waiting for a good news and somehow – a miracle did happen.
While I was looking at the middle of the hallway, I saw a familiar figure
approaching our direction. The figure was limping, he had a cast on his hand. He
was walking with so much difficulty but my heart knew that it’s indeed a miracle.

Slowly, I stood up. I let go of Yza’s hand at nahihipnotismong lumakad ako papunta
sa kanya. Hindi siya sa akin nakatingin kundi sa kasama niyang umaalalay sa kanya.
My tears were falling like rain – hindi ko mapigilan. Huminto siya sa gitna –
inihinto siya nang kasama niya. Nagtatakang lumingon siya sa akin at doon lalo
akong napaiyak.

It’s him.

It’s Yto.

He’s here. He’s not inside the operating room.

I run to him. Hindi ko na nga inisip iyong katotohanan na break na kami at iniwan
ko siya kahit na gaano ko siya kamahal. I’m just so thankful that he’s alive and
well and he’s here in front of me. When I reached him, I hugged him so tight. I was
still crying with so much joy and happiness.

“Akala ko....” I gasped. “P-pero hindi...” Sabi ko pa. Naramdaman kong pumalupot sa
baywang ko ang kanan niyang kamay. “Pero kasi... akala ko...” Humihikbi ako. “Yto
mahal na mahal kita!” I sobbed hard like a little kid who lost her lollipop.

I could feel his warmth against my body. I could feel his heartbeat. He’s real.
He’s here and I’m so fucking in love with him. “Kiss me.” Yto ordered me. Wala na
akong pakialam kung makita o marinig kami ng pamilya niya – he was asking me to
kiss him and so I did. I kissed his lips not thinking about what happened to us
three weeks ago or what I said to him. All I know is that I’m so happy he’s here
and that he’s alive.

“Iiwan mo pa ba ako?” Tanong niya matapos ang halik. I looked at him. Iiwan ko pa
ba siya? Gusto kong sumagot nang hindi na pero alam kong hindi ko kaya. Ang
pagmamahal ko kay Yto ay parang yo-yo na kahit ilang beses kong itapon, babalik at
babalik pa rin sa akin.

I shook my head. Yto smiled at me. “Good. Cause I ain’t letting you go now, pretty
baby.”

-------------

After that excruciating hospital moment, Yto and I went home to his unit. Gusto na
niyang magpahinga muna. He was so worked up. Sabi niya, kumikirot ang braso niya
kaya nang mag-aya siyang umuwi ay sumama ako sa kanya. I have to take care of him
now. Ang tagal kong tiniis na hindi siya puntahan kahit nag-aalala ako sa kanya,.
Nagkasya na lang ako sa pakikibalita sa mga kapatid niya tungkol sa kanya.

I made him sat on the bed then I took his shirt off. Pinupunasan ko siya ng basang
bimpo. Habang ginagawa ko iyon, Yto was just looking at me. His eyes were deep and
mysterious.
“I missed you.” He said to me. “Don’t you ever walk out on me like that again,
Nikita.” 

Ngumiti ako sa kanya. Naupo ako sa tabi niya tapos ay hinawakan ang kamay niya.
Nag-uunahan na namang tumulo ang luha ko. Napahikbi pa ako.

“Akala, a-akala ko kasi...”

“Pinili na nga kita, ano pa bang gusto mo? I will never let my family down, Niki. I
have made a choice yes, pero hindi ibig sabihin noon na iiwan ko sila. They are my
family and you are my life. You can never make me choose between them, if ever
someone would ask me to choose, I’d rather die than answer them. You are as
important as my family, Nikita...”

Tango lang ako nang tango. Hindi ako makapagsalita dahil may kung anong bumibikig
sa aking lalamunan. Nakikinig lang ako kay Yto.

“Remember what I told you? That I love you till seven hundred light years from now?
Tapos iiwan mo ako? Gusto kong magalit sa’yo pero hindi ko magawa kasi mahal na
mahal kita.” He even said. I was still crying. “Lalo na ngayon na nangyari iyon kay
Zach.” He whispered. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kamay niya. He sobbed.

“I should’ve been in his place. If he didn’t then...” Yto rested his head on my
shoulder. “He was my best friend, Nikita. He saved my life...”

“He did that because he loves you, Yto...” Sabi ko pa. “ZD caught that bullet for
you because he loves you so much and I admire him for that. He saved you for me. I
guess he knew what I was going through that time.”
Noong mga nakaraang linggo, si ZD ang kausap ko. He was always going to my shop
because he wanted to talk me into going back together with Yto pero dahil matigas
ang ulo ko noon, kahit anong sabi niya sa akin ay hindi ako nakikinig and right
now, I regret ignoring his request. All I could do right now is to pray for him to
get well.

The doctors have removed the bullet on his back. Hindi ko masyadong naintindihan
iyong sinabi ng doctor tungkol sa kanya basta ang alam ko, ZD was lucky enough that
the bullet didn’t scratch his spine kundi habambuhay na siyang hindi gagalaw.

Before we left the hospital, he was being transferred to a private room. Naampat
na rin ang mga luha ni Yza. Nakakausap na siya ngayon, nakakangiti. Hinihintay na
lang niyang magising si ZD.

I held on Yto’s hand. “Till seven hundred light years from now, Yto ko.” I said to
him.

“Yes, pretty baby. Till seven hundred light years and more...”

We talked a little while, na-realize ko na lang na nakatulog nap ala siya sa

balikat ko nang hindi na siya nagsasalita. Nakangiti lang ako habang pinagmamasadan
siya. Iniisip ko kung ano bang pumasok sa utak ko at naisipan kong iwan si Yto.

Natakot lang naman kasi ako noong araw na iyin – na baka tama si Tosca at si
Hermes – na baka hindi ako para kay Yto na kapag ako ang kasama niya, mababale-wala
ang lahat ng pinaghirapan niya pero ngayon matapos ang lahat nang nangyari, naisip
ko na hindi naman posible, mahal niya ako at alam kong lahat ay kakayanin naming sa
dalawa basta magkasama lang kami. I’m so in love with Yto. I don’t know how many
times I have thought of that today but I’m so in love with him and leaving him will
not be a part of the choice now.

I will always stay with him. Love him. I’ll make him happy until our hairs turned
gray.

The next morning came in bliss. I woke up next to him again after twenty-one days.
He was just staring at me as if making sure that I’m really with him and that I am
not a dream.

“Good morning, Yto ko. I love you.” Sabi ko sa kanya. Kahit hindi pa ako nagtu-
tooth brush ay inabot ko ang labi niya para halikan.

“I love you more, pretty baby.” Kumindat pa siya sa akin. Napahagikgik ako. Tumayo
ako para alalayan siya. Lumabas kami ng silid niya at saka pumunta sa kusina. I
asked him to just sit down while I make breakfast for him. Habang nagluluto ako ay
bigla kong naalala si Helios Demitri. Tumingin ako kay Yto, kasalukuyan niyang
pinaglalaruan iyong cast niya. I cleared my throat.

“Yto ko...” Tawag ko sa kanya. “P-paano s-si D-demi...” I am having a hard time
saying his name. Agad kong nakita ang galid sa mga mata niya.

“I’ve kicked him out of the Consunji Hotels.” Mariing sabi niya. “But I’ll make him
pay for what he did to Zach.” Bigla siyang bumuntong hininga. “Gab had talked to
the police pero ang sabi nila wala naman silang nakitang kakaiba sa cctv footage na
ipinakita namin sa kanila. Wala ring evidence na magpapatunay na si Demitri nga ang
nag-utos na gawin iyon. It’s not even his car.” Napailing siya. “Napakalinis gumawa
ng krimen nang taong iyon.”

Huminga na lang ako nang napakalalim at lumapit kay Yto. “Basta ligtas si Zach,
diba?” Sabi ko. He smiled at me.

“Right...” He kissed my forehead. “Punta tayo sa bahay ninyo ngayon.” Biglang sabi
niya sa akin. Para namang nanlaki ang ulo ko. Aano siya sa amin? Alam naman niya
kung anong hatol sa kanya ni Popsi.
“Niki, you know what happened to Zach and that incident only made me realized how
short life is. Kung ipagpapaliban ko pa ang pakikipag-usap sa daddy mo, ano pang
mangyayari sa atin? I want you in my life at hindi na ako makapaghintay. You know
how impatient I am – blame my genes for it – but I am impatient and I want you all
mine.”

Kahit kinakabahan ako ay tumango pa rin ako sa kanya. He smiled at me. Mabilis
naming tinapos ang pagkain at nagbihis. Yto was very excited upon the idea that he
will talk to my father. Kung excited siya, hindi naman mag-abot ang kaba ko.

Nasa kotse na kami pero hindi ako talaga mapakali. Natatakot ako, pinagpapawisan.
Kung ilang linggo kaming wala ni Yto ay iyon din ang tagal nang hindi naming pag-
uusap ni Popsi.

Kinapos ako nang hininga nang marating namin ang bahay. Yto’s driver opened the car
door for us. Hand in hand, we walked together until we reached the living room.
Lalong tumindi ang kaba ko nang maulinigan ko ang mga boses ng mga Ninong ko.

“The whole Pastels are here.” I said right after I realized who Popsi was talking
too. Nang sumilip ako sa sala nakita ko si Ninong Lex, Ninong Nathan, Ninong Caleb
and Calen and Popsi all sitting together on the  couch – relaxing while catching
up.

“B-bukas na lang kaya?” Baling ko sa kanya. Lalo akong napasinghap nang makita kong
lumabas sa kusina si Momsi kasama si Tita Keith, Tita Ella, Titak Aiko at si Tita
Harmony. They were all here! Oh my god!

I could just imagine what’s going to happen if Yto goes on with his plan. “Yto,
bukas na lang!” Bulong ko sa kanya. He faced me.
“What if tomorrow never comes Nikita?” He asked me. Kumabog ang dibdib ko. “What if
tomorrowi’ll die?”

“Y-yto!” Saway ko sa kanya. He held my chin.

“Iyon ang na-realize ko after what happened to Zachary Drew. Life is too short to
delay everything, Nikita. That is why I’m doing this now. Naiintindihan mo ba?” He
asked again. Wala sa loob na tumango ako. He kissed my forehead. Kahit alam kong
kaya ni Yto ang kausapin si Popsi.

I have a bad feeling about it. As I watched him approach my father, fear envelope
my whole being.

=================

22. When we love

I have been exposed to board rooms and business meetings all my life. Being Sancho
Consunji’s son, I have been trained to lead and to be number one in all the things
I am doing in my life. Whether its school, an activity, a sport event or anything –
I have to be as competitive as I can be but right now, in the twenty – seven years
of my existence – it is only now that I feel the pressure, the stress and the fear.
This is the first time I have felt those things and it’s just overwhelming.

I was walking slowly towards Mr. Kerkmez. He seemed so oblivious about the things
around him. He was just talking to his friends and he’s not minding anything. I
have known him all my life. Mula nang pumasok ako sa buhay ni Nikita, nakilala ko
na ang pamilya niya – hindi nga lang pormal pero kilala ko sila at alam ko kung
gaano sila kahalaga para sa kanya. Mahal ko si Nikita at dahil doon mahal ko rin
ang mga tao sa paligid niya – kung hindi lang lalong magagalit sa akin si Mr.
Kerkmez, itatanan ko si Nikita at ibabalik ko lang siya sa oras na kasal na kami –
iyong wala nang magagawa ang mga magulang niya na kahit na ano – madumi akong
maglaro – matapang ako at kaya kong gawin iyon. Kaya kong daanin si Nikita sa
gulatan. I’m that confident. I know and I could make impossible things possible for
my convenient and people wouldn’t have a say on this – it’s one of the perks of
being a Consunji.
Finally, Mr. Kerkmez fixed his gaze on me. He seemed to be shocked and amazed upon
my presence. His friends were looking at me too. They all have the same expression
on their faces. I actually find it comical and I really want to laugh but I shook
the feeling of. I needed to take this thing seriously because no matter how much
Nikita loves me, if his father doesn’t approve of me, we’ll both be dead.

I cleared my throat. “Good morning, Mr. Kerkmez. Mrs. Kerkmez and the others.” I
said to them. I know I sounded so board-room-ish – but it’s the only way I could be
calm. If I treat them as my subordinates – no matter how old they are – magagawa ko
ang dapat kong gawin but if I think about them as Nikita’s parents and the people
Nikita loves so much – I’ll be dead.

Kinakabahan din naman ako. This isn’t normal for me. The last time I felt like this
was when I found out that Sancho Consunji is indeed my father. It was a long story.

“Anong ginagawa mo dito?” Agad na tanong ni Mr. Kerkmez sa akin. Naramdaman ko

naman ang kamay ni Nikita sa braso kong walang cast.

“Popsi, be nice to Yto.” Nanginginig ang boses na wika ni Nikita. Huminga na lang
ako nang malalim.

“I came here to talk,Mr. Kerkmez.” I told him. My eyes went around the room.
Nandoon pa rin ang mga kaibigan ng Daddy ni Niki. I saw Xander’s parents looking at
me. Lalo akong kinabahan. “In private.” Dagdag ko pa. Mr. Kerkmez grinned at me.

“What you want to tell me, Consunji, you can also tell my friends and their
wives.”

I breathed out sharply. “Antoy...” Narinig ko si Mrs. Kerkmez.

“Okay, just my friends.” Sabi pa niya. As if on cue, unti-unting nag-alisan ang mga
tita ni Nikita. Naiwan ako, si Nikita at ang mga kaibigan ng daddy niya sa living
room. Nikita’s hand was tightly enclosed on my palms. She was shaking.

“Ano bang sasabihin mo?” Tanong pa ni Mr. Kerkmez. “At bakit kasama mo na naman
iyan, Nikita. I tole you I don’t like him for you.” Mariing wika pa niya.

“Kerky, don’t you think that’s too harsh?” Said the man sitting beside him.

“Thanks Uncle Calen.” Naiiyak na sabi ni Nikita.

“Wag kang makialam, Cal. This is my daughter we’re talking about. This man, wants
to take her away from me. I don’t even think he’s good enough for him. A man who
made my daughter cry isn’t the man for her. He broke her heart.”
“Yes I did all of that.” Pag-amin ko. Ano pang kwenta nang pagtanggi? I did all of
that to Nikita. I broke her heart – I made her cry. But back then, I wasn’t sure of
my feelings for her.

“He left her in Paris."

“Popsi! That’s too much information!” Sigaw pa ni Nikita. “Hindi na nila kailangan
malaman iyon! I know you don’t like Yto for me, but Popsi, I’m in love with him as
he’s in love with me! No matter how much tears I cried because of him, I will
always come back to him – because I’m in love with him.” She sobbed. Lalo akong
kinabahan. Tiningnan ko si Nikita.

“Sirs, have you ever loved someone so much that you feel that your heart is not
really in your chest anymore?”

I don’t know where I got the courage for asking them that question. It’s been going
around my mind and I just really wanted to know if they have felt what I’m feeling
right now. Ganoon ko kasi kamahal si Nikita. When I feel in love with her – I lost
my heart.

“I have...” The man Nikita called Uncle Calen answered.

“Thank you for that, Sir.” Magalang na sabi ko.

“My father has taught me to be ruthless and cold – it runs in my blood but still he
had to make sure that a big piece of ice is around me. I had lived my life like
that but Nikita – she was able to break in my barrier and she stole my heart from
my chest and since then, my heart...” Itinuro ko ang dibdib ko. “isn’t in my chest
anymore.” Itinaas ko ang kamay ni Nikita. “It’s here. Your daughter have stolen my
heart and there’s no way I’m getting it back now, kahit na isoli niya sa akin ang
puso ko, tatanggi ako at magmamakaawa sa kanya na kunin niyang muli ito.”

Tahimik lang si Mr. Kerkmez at ang mga kaibigan niya habang sinasabi ko ang mga
salitang iyon. Nikita’s Uncle Calen was smiling ear to ear while looking at me. He
even encouraged me to go on.

“You see, I know my flaws. I can be jealous – too jealous. I can be too
insensitive, too ruthless, and too cold. There may be times when I won’t have
enough time to spend with her because I’m too busy with work or there may be times
when I won’t be able to go home to her at night because I’ll be in my office
plotting on how to get the major shares of a certain company. There may be times
that I’ll make her cry but although those times came, Sirs. I’m going to assure you
that I won’t love her any less.”

“That’s not enough.” Biglang sabi ni Mr. Kerkmez. Ngumiti lang ako. “Nikita is
precious, she’s my treasure.”
“She’s my gold, Sir.” Sabi ko. I adoringly looked to her. “She has my heart on her
hands. Yes I may have made her cry. I may have left her – my excuse isn’t even good
enough. Natako lang ako noon dahil gago ako. Hindi ako naniwala sa pagmamahal niya
sa akin. I thought I was only a challenge to her, that when I finally say those
three words, she will love me less.”

“But I loved you more when you told me you love me, Yto. I feel in love with you
again.” That moment, she was crying. Kahit hirap ay pinahid ko ang mga luha niya.

“Don’t cry, pretty baby. Your father will hate me more because I have made you cry
again.” Bulong ko sa kanya. She looked at her father.

“Popsi, I have gambled everything for him and now we’re here. Please Popsi.”

“Niki, let me to all the talking.” I whispered to her. Muli ay tiningnan ko si Mr.
Kermez.

“One thing about the Consunji’s, Mr. Kerkmez is that when we love, we love not just
with our hearts but with all our beings. We love not just because we’re in love –
we love because the person we love becomes our life, the air the we breath, the
reason why we wake up every morning. We die, we may resurrect and we will still
love the same person again and again no matter what lifetime it is...”

Hindi siya nagsasalita. Mula kanina hanggang ngayon ay titig na titig lang siya sa
akin. Si Nikita naman, umiiyak na. Kahit anong pigil ko sa kanya. Hindi siya
tumitigil. Her head was resting on my shoulder, pilit niyang itinatago ang mga luha
niya na kanina pa yata umaalpas sa mga pisngi niya. I wanted to hug her tightly but
it’s not yet time for us.

“The reason why I’m here is because I want you to see how much I love her. I know
you don’t like me for your daughter but I will work – everyday of my life just for
me to get your approval. Ganoon ako kaseryoso kay Nikita Sir. Hindi ko na
maibabalik ang mga luhang inilabas niya para sa akin, pero handa akong bumawi.
Mahal na mahal ko siya, Sir.”

That was all I have. Iyon na lahat ng bala ko. Wala na akong ibang masasabi pa. I
have poured my heart out in front of Nikita, her father and her father’s friends.
Now I stood in front all of them feeling so naked, feeling so vulnerable and yet I
still have no idea what’s going inside Mr. Kerkmez’s mind. I wanted so much for him
to speak and let me inside his thoughts but I couldn’t possibly do that.

He cleared his throat – the little sounds he’s making scares the hell out of me.

“No man is ever good enough for my daughter, Consunji.”

I heard Nikita sighed loudly. I just held her hand. I wanted to ask her to stop
crying but before I could say anything Mr. Kerkmez spoke again.
“You may have her now, but you’re still not good enough for her, Consunji” Mr.
Kerkmez looked at me. Hindi ako makapaniwala. Why do I feel like I have gained his
blessing and his trust?

“Kung ako sa’yo, Yto.” Xander’s father spoke to me. “Matuwa ka na. That’s the
closest answer you may get from Kerky.”

Bigla na lang akong niyakap ni Nikita. I was so happy – too damn happy because I
think I have proven myself to him.

“Mamanhikan ka pa rin. Kailangan ko pa ring makausap ang mga magulang mo. Hindi
pwedeng matulog si Nikita sa’yo hangga’t hindi kayo kasal. Nagkakaintindihan ba,
Consunji?”

“Pero, Popsi, malaki na ako!” Nikita said. Mr. Kerkmez looked at me.

“Naiintindihan mo ba?” Ulit niya.

“Yes, Sir.”

-----------------------

“Don’t you think it’s unfair, Yto?”

Nikita asked me while we were in the car. Papunta kami sa ospital para dalawin si
Zach. Katatapos ko lang kausapin ang Popsi niya. Masaya ako ngayong araw dahil sa
dami ng oras na naubos ko sa pakikipag-usap kay Mr. Kerkmez, masasabi kong worth it
ang lahat. I now have his blessing. I can now call Nikita mine without even
hesitating. Hindi pa rin niya ako gusto para kay Nikita pero at least, pwede na
kaming dalawa.

“What’s unfair pretty baby?” I asked her. I have no idea what she was talking
about. She looked at me and groaned.

“That I cannot spend a night with you? Bakit ka naman kasi pumayag?” Naiinis na
tanong niya. “Alam mo ba iyong feeling na nagigising ako na nasa tabi kita?” Her
face was red. “Isa pa, paano na iyong sexy time?!”

I laughed after hearing her sentiments. “Pretty baby, sa lagay ngayon ng braso ko,
sa tingin mo makaka-pag-sexy time tayo?” I grinned at her.
“Ehhh! Yto naman.” Sabi niya. Humilig siya sa akin. She sighed deep. “Totoo ba
lahat ng sinabi mo kanina?”

“Alin doon?” I asked while playing with her hair.

“The part where you got scared that I might lose interest in you if you told me you
love me?” Kagat-labing tanong niya. Tumango lang ako. Masaya ako dahil nandito na
kaming dalawa ngayon. His father’s trust will be easy to gain as long as she’s in
love with me and I will make sure that she will be in love with me until our last
breaths together.

“But I will never fall out of love, Yto.” Sabi niya sa akin. Napangiti ako. Every
time she assures me that she’s in love with me, and will never fall out of love –
para bang nadadagdagan ang buhay ko.

Huminto ang kotse. Binuksan ng driver ko ang pinto. Nikita took my arm, inalalayan
niya ako habang papasok ng hospital. Napapangiti ako. Iba talaga iyong pakiramdam
ng liberation – the first time I felt like this was when I have told Nikita that I
love her, ngayon iyong pangalawang beses, ngayon na alam kong kahit paano ay okay
na ako sa tatay niya.

Hand in hand we walked the corridors of the hospital. Nagtatawanan pa kami habang
naglalakad pero natigil iyon nang manahimik ako. Nikita eyed me, I saw fear in her
eyes. Hindi ko rin naman siya masisisi. The man I hate was standing outside Zachary
Drew’s hospital suite. Meron pa siyang dalang mga prutas na hawak ng body guard
niya. Lumapit ako sa kanya.

“Why the fuck are you here?!” I hissed. Helios Demitri looked at me. He looked as
if he was about to knock on the door pero hindi niya itinuloy dahil dumating ako.
Pinilit kong pumasok si Nikita sa loob. Naiwan kami ni Demitri sa labas. Kahit na
may injury pa ako, hindi ko siya uurungan.

“How dare you do that to my friend?” Sabi ko. Halos hindi bumubuka ang bibig ko. 
Helios Demitri’s eyes pierced right through my soul. Tumaas ang sulok ng bibig
niya. Hindi siya natinag. I now know that Demitri is a rock and its really hard to
move him but I’m not scared of him. Pagkatapos nang ginawa niya kay Zach, there’s
no way I’m ever going to back down. He should be in jail for what he did to Zach.

“Easy, Consunji. I came here to check on your friend.” He said in a ver dark tone.
His ojaw even clenched.

“After what you did to him? You should be in jail for that!” I yelled. Nagtinginan
ang mga nurses sa paligid namin. He just grinned.
“Ano bang ginawa ko? Is there something wrong with just driving by?” He was
sarcastic. Tinulak ko siya. Kahit injured ako, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na
saktan siya. Kulang pa iyon sa ginawa niya kay Zach. Paglatapos ko siyang itulak ay
bigla na lang akong tinutuklan ng baril ng body guard niya.

“Put it down,” He said to his guard. “He’s not worth any bullet, si just put it
down.”

“Gago.” Sabi ko. “Tandaan mo Demitri, may araw ka rin.  You don’t mess with a
Consunji and just get away with it.”

“Zach isn’t a Consunji.” Makahulugang sabi niya. “Leigh isn’t a Consunji too.”

“Yto...”

I was about to talk when the door opened. Mula doon ay lumabas si Yza. Nakita ko
agad ang pamumuo ng luha sa kanyang mga mata nang makita niya si Demitri. Bigla na
lang niyang sinugod si Demitri at pinagbabayo ang dibdib nito.

“How dare you!” Yza yelled. “Why are you here, you asshole!” She hissed. “You
should be in jail for trying to kill my Zachary Drew!”

“Yza tama na!” Hinahatak ko siya palayo kay Demitri pero ayaw magpahatak ni Yza. Sa
huli itinulak siya ni Demitri papunta sa akin.

“You son of a bitch!” Yza yelled – crying. Halos hindi na maampat ang mga luha
niya. “Umalis ka dito?! Bumalika sa pinaggalingan mo!”

“Aalis naman na talaga ako.” He was grinning again. “But that doesn’t mean na tapos
na tayo. One day I’ll come back and all of you will be doomed.”

Pagkasabi noon ay tumalikod na siya. Iniwan niya ang mga prutas na dala niya. Sa
galit ni Yza ay pinagabato niya iyon kay Demitri. He didn’t even look back. He just
walked away pero kahit na paalis na siya, alam ko talagang hindi pa kami tapos.
Alam ko na hindi ito ang huling pagkakataon na makakaharap ko siya.

I looked at Yza. “Stop crying.” I wiped her tears. Tumango siya. Sabay na kaming
pumasok sa loob ng suite ni Zach. Tulad noong huli ay nakadap pa rin siya. He was
still wearing his hospital gown – the only difference now is that he’s awake and
he’s looking at me.

“Damn...” I whispered.

“Kamusta, Yto?” Mahina pero buo ang boses niya. Agad siyang tinabihan ni Yza. She
held his hand.
“Ang gago mo! Bakit mo sinalo iyong bala?!” Tanong ko sa kanya. Habambuhay akong
magpapasalamat kay Zach dahil sa ginawa niya para sa akin. He closed his eyes and
smiled.

“Because I love your sister.”

I took a deep breath. Hindi ko na kailangan  itanong  pang muli ang tanong na iyon.
Tama na sa akin  ang sagot niya. Yza was smiling now. She was adoringly touching
Zach’s face, she was whispering how much she loves her and how thankful she was for
him.

Tiningnan ko si Nikita. She was sitting on the couch near Zach’s bed. She was
looking at the two. Her eyes were teary but her smile was for genuine happiness and
right there and then, I realized how much I realy  love her.

My  love for her is bigger than the universe itself.

We stayed for a while. Maya-maya ay nag-aya na rin siyang umuwi. Habang naglalakad
kami sa corridor ng ospital ay bigla na lang akong huminto. I faced her.

“What?” She asked.

“You are my pretty baby.” I told her off. She blushed. “Say it. I wanna hear it
from you.” Utos ko sa kanya.

“Yto!”

 “Sige na!” Hinawakan ko  ang kamay niya. She looked around after that, she cleared
here throat.

“I...” She took a deep breath. “I am Yto Consunji’s pretty baby...”

Lalo akong napangiti. I kissed her forehead. I realized that when A Consunji loves
– when we love – we just don’t love with our whole beings – we love with our
universe. We make the person  we love the center of our lives – I don’t  know if
that’s a bad thing but I really don’t mind. As long as Nikita is here and she’s in
love with me -  nothing else matters.

I love her more than life itself. 

=================
Epilogue: The last time

For the first time...

I really don’t know what to expect in London, England. This is the first time I’ll
ever be parted from my family. Ayoko naman talagangumalis noon pero kailangan para
na rin sa ikabubuti ko. Tatay explained to me that I needed to get my degree so
that after two years I’ll be taking over the Empire. I was reluctant to leave but I
have to do what I have to do. Being a Consunji and all – life isn’t that simple at
all.

It was my first week in London. Malamig – kahitnamaaraw ay sobranglamig pa rin.

Wala akong ginagawa sa apartment ko nang araw na iyon. I received a call from
Thomas Everdeen – my classmate at the graduate school I was in – asking me if I
wanna go with them to a five star bar in Paris. Paris is two and a half hours away
from London, kahit ganoon kalayo ang pupuntahan ay pumayag na rin ako, mas okay
iyon kaysa naman magmukmok ako sa loob ng bahay ko – lalo ko lang mami-miss ang
pamilya ko.

I met Thomas and his “lady” friends at the train station, thirty minutes later.
Ipinakilala niya sa akin si Stacey,she will be my companion tonight. Stacey is
really very pretty, her smile was something. Agadkosiyangnagustuhan. Sa train,
kaming dalawa ang magkatabi. I started talking to her. Nalamanko na isa siyang art
student sa isangsikat na art school sa Paris. Nagtakalang ako kung bakit nasa
London siya, she told me that Thomas invited her over to meet me. I was grateful at
Thomas for that – when I looked over to him – I saw him already making out with his
girl. I grinned. Stacey took my hand and bent over to kiss me – I was about to kiss
her too when the train stopped. Sabay-sabaykaminglumabas ng train. I don’t know
what to expect in Paris. After getting out of the train – I realized that Paris is
a whole new city. It is more colorful in here, more lively – London is a beautiful
city but it lacks life – unlike here in Paris – life and happiness is screaming
that I could feel it in my veins.

“Are you enjoying, Yto?” Stacey asked me. I smiled at her. She bent forward to
finally meet my lips. I grinned. I guess I’m going to be lucky tonight. Thomas took
us to an A class bar. The bar has booze, girls and music. It is the only bar in
that neighborhood that actually plays music. Stacey couldn’t get her hands off of
me. Ayoslang naman sa akin iyon. Stacey is a really pretty and I wouldn't if I have
to take her home tonight. I needed some company so might as well make the best out
of this.
 

We ordered some drinks, I was busy talking to Stacey – getting to know her more
seems like a good idea. She was flirting with me and I was flirting back. Right at
that moment, I knew that I have her around my fingers.

“Come on, Yto! Let’s dance!” Kinuha niya ang kamay koat dinala ako sa gitna ng
dance floor. We started moving, she started grinding at me. I think she was making
me feel how hot she was. I was enjoying the moment. I am a man and I have needs.
I’m lonely and she’s here, she’s a willing victim. I took advantage of the moment.

The next thing I knew we were making out in the middle of the dance floor. No
matter how fast the beat was or how crowded the dance floor was, I didn’t really
care, all I knew was that I need her and she was willing to give what I want.

“Oh, Yto...” She was moaning loudly. I knew that the people around us were looking.
I started feeling her up. My hands were on her breasts, massaging it roughly. She
was groaning with pleasure – suddenly the beat changed and I had to stop because
she pushed me away.

“W-what?” I asked a bit irritated.

Binulungan niya ako. “Meet me at the ladies room, Yto. Hmmn.” She licked my earlobe
then she walked away. I just smiled. I thought that she was backing out but I was
wrong. I watched her as she walks away. Naghintay lang ako ng ilang sandali bago
ako sumunod sa kanya. I was walking away when suddenly I saw something that caught
my eye.

Someone – a familiar figure of somebody I know. I wasn’t sure at first but when I
got a full view of the face my heart sank in excitement. Hindi ko alam kung bakit
nakadama ako ng excitement sa pagkakakita sa kanya.
 

She went up the stage and in there I saw her stand in front of the mic. It was
really her. Si Nikita – my twin sister’s best friend. What is she doing here in
Paris? Nakita kongtumabi sa kanya ang isanglalaki. Familiar siya sa akin. I know
his name pero hindi ko lang matandaan. Ipinakilalana sa akin noon ni Xander ang
lalaking iyon – I don’t know if it’s Anton or Lukas but he’s name sounded like
that. May ibinulong siya kay Nikita. Nikita smiled. Para akong nabato-balani.

I have known her for all my life but right now, I feel like I was only seeing her
for the first time.

The man who was beside her sat in front of a grand piano and started playing.
Nikita smiled again and she sang.

You light me up and then I fall for you...

You lay me down and then I call for you...

Stumbling for reasons that are far and few

I’d let it all come down and then some for you...

Pretty baby don’t you leave me...

Hindi ko alam kung bakit napapangiti ako habangnakatingin kay Nikita nang gabing
iyon. I haven’t seen her since the day of our college graduation. Kinabukasan kasi
noon ay umalis na siya papunta dito sa Paris. Pero tandang-tandako ang nangyari
noong graduation namin – I kissed her and it was the most beautiful thing that
happened to me that day.

 
Pakiramdam ko nga naging espesyal ang araw na iyon dahil sa halik na ibinigay ko sa
kanya.

Pretty baby why can’t you see you’re the one that I belong to...

I’ll be the embrace that keeps you warm...

For you’re the sun that breaks the storm;

I’ll be alright and I’ll sleep tight as long as you keep coming round...

Finally our gaze met. I don’t know if she saw me but she smiled. I guess she did
see me that time. When our gazes met – I suddenly forgot what I’m supposed to do
our where I am supposed to go. I was just – what was the word for that?

I even forgot what I’m supposed to think.

“Yto ko?!” She called me. Iyon ang tawag niya sa akin. Gusto at mahaldaw kasi niya
ako.Minsan tinanong ko siya kung bakit YTO KO ang tawag niya sa akin. Sinabi na
lang niya na gusto na niya akong i-claim para magkatotoo ang lahat ng wish niya.

“Oh hey...” I cleared my throat. Nikita is really pretty – matagalko nang alam iyon
pero bakit parang ngayon ko lang talaga siya nakikita sa ganoong paraan?

“Sabi nga ni Yza nandito sa sa Europe pero sabi niya sa London tapos nandito ka,
nagkita tayo! Oh my god, destiny na ito!”

I just shook my head. Hindi pa rin nagbabago si Nikita. “Uh, I’m with some friend.
I’ll just see you around.” Sabi ko sa kanya. I didn’t even wait for her answer
basta na lang ako tumalikod. I looked back on her, nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin.
She waved at me, I just nodded at her. While I was walking away, the word that I
was looking for came to my mind.

Smitten – that was what I was looking for.

I was smitten by Nikita Kerkmez.

Not yet falling...

“I’m asking you out.”

Nikita’s eyes widened as she looks at me. It’s been months since I first saw her in
the bar. Ang pagkikitang iyon ay nasundan pang muli – hindi ng isang o dalawang
beses kundi marami. Naging habit ko na kasi ang pagpunta ng Paris tuwing Friday
night just to see her. Parang kinikilala kong muli siya sa nangyayari sa amin. She
had always been around me pero kahit kailan ay hindi ko siya nakita sa ganitong
paraan. She was like a ray of sunshine – tama si Yza noon, if I give Nikita a
chance, we’ll hit it off.

Mabait siya, masarap siyang kausap and despite the fact na lagi niyang sinasabi sa
akin na gusto niya ako – pinipilit kong hindi mailang sa kanya.

“Sigurado ka, Yto ko?!” Napatayo siya. We were inside a library that time. Natawa
pa ako nang bawalan siya ng librarian at mapaupo muli.

“Yeah. Saturday, I’ll meet you at Vinta De Grande then we’ll have dinner at that
restaurant you were telling me last Saturday.”
 

“Sigurado ka talaga?!” Tanong niya ulit.

“Oo nga. Pag nagbago ang isip ko, malulungkot ka na naman.” Biro ko sa kanya.
Nikita made a face. Bigla siyang tumabi sa akin at niyakap ako. Hinalikan niya pa
ako sa pisngi tapos ay ngumisi pero napalitan din iyon nang kalungkutan. Bakit siya
nalulungkot? I’m asking her out. Alam ko naman na matagal na niya akong gusto kaya
bakit siya nalulungkot ngayon na makikipag-date na ako sa kanya?

“Yto, alam mong gusto kita diba? Sana wag mo akong paasahin. Kung wala naman kasi
diba... Ano kasi...”

“Shhh.” I put my forefinger on her lips. “Just go out with me on Saturday and we’ll
see what happens after that.” Ngumiti na siya ulit.

That Saturday I took Nikita out, we had dinner at her favorite French restaurant.
She was so pretty. She was wearing a red dress – halata naman na pinaghandaan niya
ang paglabas namin. Wala akong maisip dalhin para sa kanya kanina. On my way to
Paris, I saw a lady handing out sun flowers. Kumuha ako ng isa at iyon ang ibinigay
ko sa kanya.

Iniisip ko pa nga kung bibilhan ko siya ng rosas pero hindi. Nikita is more special
than the roses. She deserves something not ordinary. So when I saw the sun flowers,
I thought of her. Nagustuhan naman niya ang ibinigay ko.

The night was a blast for us. Kung saan pa kami nagpunta. Kung hindi lang lumamig
masyado, I would’ve taken her to the train station to London. I want her to see my
pad. I want her there. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Siguro dahil na-attached na ako sa
kanya.

 
“Good night, Nikita.” I smiled at her. I put my hands inside my coat’s pocket. She
waved goodbye.

“Yto ko!” She called out. Ipinakita niya sa akin ang sun flower. “Bakit ito?” I had
a feeling that she would ask me that.

“Because you’re special, Niki. Good night.”

Nasundan pa ang date na iyon. Hanggang sa nakita ko na lang ang sarili ko na laging
sabik na makita siya. One time I asked her to watch a foot ball game with me. I
asked her to come to London. Break naman niya kaya pumayag siya.

I was so excited upon seeing her. Thirty minutes bago dumating ang train galing
Paris ay nag-aabang na ako sa train station and when her train finally arrived – I
couldn’t get any happier. Sinalubong niya ako ng yakap. I caught her in the middle
of the hallway. I felt the urge of kissing her – so I did. I kissed her. It was the
second time that out lips met. Iyong una ay noong graduation namin.

“Y-yto...” Her voice was shaky. I grinned. “Welcome to London.” I touched her face.
Namumula ang mukha niya. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at niyakag na siyang sumakay
ng taxi. We went to the football arena.

Hindi ko naman talaga maintindihan ang game. My attention was on her. She seemed to
be enjoying herself. Hawak ko lang ang kamay niya. Bigla ay naalala ko si Nanay.
She used to play with our fingers – mine and Yza – a lot when we were kids. Sabi
niya – ginagawa niya iyon kasi mahal niya kami. I looked at Nikita, masyado siyang
engrossed sa pinapanood niya samantalang ako – siya lang ang nakikita ko.

“Are you still in love with me?” Tanong ko sa kanya pagkatapos nang game. Bumaba
kami sa pinaka ground ng arena. Tuwang-tuwa siya pero natigil siya nang tinanong ko
siya noon.

“Huh?”

“I asked you, are you still in love with me.” Malumanay ang mga sinasabi ko.
Napaawang ang mga labi niya.

“Yto...” Sabi niya na lang. “Ano kasi...”

Hindi ko na siya hinintay, bigla ko siyang hinapit at hinagkan sa labi. Maalab ang
mga halik na iyon. I really do want her near me. Hindi ko na inisip ang sasabihin
ni Yza kapag nalaman niya ito o ang mga bagay na mangyayari kapag hinayaan ko ang
sarili ko.

Nahulog na ako sa kanya – hindi ko alam kung kailan nagsimula pero hulog na hulog
na ako at wala akong balak bumangon.

That night – in the middle of the football field – I claimed Nikita. I took her. I
marked her and I made sure that my mark will be all over her body.

What’s mine is mine – at siniguro kong alam niya ang bagay na iyon nang gabing
iyon.

Nasundan pa ulit ang mga tagpong iyon. As the days passed by, alam kong lalo lang
akong nalulunod sa kanya. Naiintindihan ko na ngayon kung bakit mahal na mahal siya
ng mga magulang ko.
 

“Yto ko...”

We were in bed that night – resting from another mind blowing session we hand. Her
hands were all over me. Half of her body was resting on mine. I was enjoying her
warmth.

“Hmmn?” I asked her.

“Wala lang. Mahal kita.” Sabi niya sa akin. Hindi ako kumibo. Naisip ko kung
sasabihin ko sa kanya na mahal ko siya ay baka mawalan siya ng interes sa akin.
Baka mamaya – mawala iyong nararamdaman niya sa akin.

“Tulog na...” Sabi ko na lang.

Sa tuwing magkasama kami ay palagi niyang sinasabi sa akin na mahal niya ako. Sa
ganoong pagkakataon ay parang gusto ko na ring sabihin iyon sa kanya. Hindi ko na
rin kasi kaya. But one night, Hermes and I were talking and that was when I got so
scared.

“Minsan, Yto kapag sobra kang magpakita ng pagmamahal, mas lalo ka nilang
sinasaktan. Bakit ganoon? It’s better to be cold and distant than to be vulnerable
and loving. Sinasabi ng mga babae na sila ang nasasaktan at ang mga lalaking ang
heartbreaker pero ang totoo, they were the once that breaks us – at kapag nangyari
iyon, napakahirap nang bumangon.”

Hindi ko makalimutan ang sinabi ni Hermes. Kinabukasan nang magkita kami ay iniisip
ko pa rin iyon. I evaluated myself and I realized that I’m so in love with her to
the point that I have bared my soul to her. I’m vulnerable whenever she’s around.

So I ended things with her. I came home to the Philippines after getting my degree.
I didn’t even bother saying goodbye to her. I know how much she hates me now. I
know that I have hurt her. I couldn’t take away the pain I have caused her. Naisip
ko na mas mabuti nang ganoon. Ayokong masaktan. Mas mabuti na ako na lang ang
makasakit. Alam kong darating ang araw, makaka-move on rin si Nikita.

Six months have passed. I have a new girlfriend – I met her in Morocco. Her name is
Tosca and she’s the daughter of one of my father’s colleague. Hermes and I were
talking and I have decided to ask Tosca to marry me. Hindi dahil mahal ko siya pero
dahil kailangan kong suyuin ang tatay niya. But my plan of proposing to her got
delayed when Nikita came back.

Unang araw niya pa lang sa Pilipinas, nayanig na niya ang mundo ko sa pamamagitan
ng pakikipaghalikan kay Xander. Sa pangalawang araw niya, niyanig niya na naman ang
mundo ko nang makita ko siyang kasama pa rin si Xander.

I so wanna kill Xander.

Noong akala kong wala nang Xander sa buhay niya, kahit paano ay nakahinga ako nang
maluwag.

I know she was still hurting but the last time we talked – she told me that she is
moving on. Sa katuyuan niya ngayon parang hindi pa rin.

One day, we Xander and the others asked me to play football with them. Sumama ako.
Kasama ko si Tosca – girlfriend ko siya. She was on the bleachers with Yza – alam
kong hindi siya gusto ni Yza para sa akin pero wala siyang magagawa.

 
Nagsimula ang game, teammate ko si ZD, si Lukas Anton at si Gerd. Ako ang goalie.
Xander kicked the ball – timaan ako sa mukha, nawalan ako ng balanse at tumama ang
gilid ng ulo ko sa post – naging dahilan iyon ng pagdudugo.

“Gago ka, Xander!” Sigaw ko sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit inis na inis ako sa
kanya. Siguro dahil sa pagsipa niya ng bola o dahil sa kaalamang may posibilidad
siyang magkagusto kay Nikita.

“Yto!” Sumigaw si Yza habang naglalakad ako papunta sa kotse. Nakita ko siyang
papalapit. “Nasaan si Tosca?”

“May kausap sa phone. Ano ba iyan...” Hinipo niya ang dumudugong parte ng ulo ko.

“Ang gago ni Xander!” Sigaw ko sa kanya.

“Oo na!” Napahagikgik pa siya. “Oh ayan na pala si Nikita.”

I looked at the direction Yza’s looking and there I saw Nikita getting out of her
car. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko habang titig na titig sa kanya. Wala na ang mahaba
niyang  buhok – may kulay na iyon – halos kulay pula na. She was wearing a very
tight jeans and a see – through top. Kitang –kita ko ang bra niya sa loob.

Sinalubong siya ni Lukas Anton. He kissed her cheeks tapos naman si Xander ang
binalingan niya ng atensyon. Lalo akong nag-init sa galit.

“Yza!”

“Uy!” Sabi ni Yza. “May first aid ka ba? Dumudugo oh.”

 

Nikita looked at me. She sighed. “Gamutin mo, kay ZD muna ako.”

“Yza!” Tawag niya dito. Hinawakan ko siya sa braso.

“What were you thinking!” I yelled at her.

“Yto hindi kita sinsundan.” Sabi niya sa akin. “Kung sasabihin mo na naman sa akin
iyan, pwes hindi, okay?”

Mula sa bag niya ay may inilabas siyang alcohol at wet wipes. Sinimulan niyang
dampian ang mukha ko. Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya. Parang kahapon lang nagkita kami
sa mall, parang kahapon lang napaiyak ko na naman siya. Hindi ko naman iyon sadya.
I just wanted to know why she’s around me all the time. Siguro nga nagkakataon
lang...

“Diba galit ka sa akin?” Tanong ko sa kanya. “I broke your heart.”

“Dahil naman sa sakit na iyon, nakahanap ako ng will para mag-move on. Sabi nga sa
kanta sa kotse ko, thank you for the broken heart. You may be my first but
definitely, you won’t be my last.”

Gusto kong suminghap sa mga narinig ko sa kanya. “Oh ayan nap ala ang girlfriend
mo.” Binitiwan niya ang hawak niyang wet wipes. Tumalikod siya.

“Niki...” tawag ko. “Mas mabilis maghilom ang sugat ko kapag ikaw ang gumagamot.”

She took a deep breath.”Sugat ko muna ang gagamutin ko, bago ang sa’yo.”

 
I watched her as she leaves. Natakot ako. Mukhang nakaka-move on na si Nikita at
ayokong mangyari iyon.

That was the reason why I started following her. Stalking was the right term for
what I was doing. Palagi ko siyang sinusundan. Minsan ay nakita ko siyang kasama
ang isang lalaki sa labas ng shop niya. Nasundan iyon nang minsang mag-lunch kami
kasama ng mga magulang ni Tosca. She came in, she was with him, he was making her
laugh at hindi ako makakapayag na may ibang lalaki nang pwedeng magpangiti sa
kanya. I confronted her.

“Yto, wala naman akong ginagawa.”

Natigilan ako nang biglang lumabas ang luha mula sa kanyang mga mata. She didn’t
even blink. Basta na lang lumabas iyon mula sa kanyang mga mata – ang ibig sabihin
talagang nasasaktan ko na siya. Binitiwan ko siya noon. Gusto ko man siyang tawagin
ay wala akong nagawa kundi ang sundan na lang siya ng tingin.

Matapos ang insidenteng iyon alam ko na sa sarili ko na hindi ko na talaga kaya na

wala siya sa buhay ko. I just needed to see her. And I did. I went o her shop and I
told her that I don’t want her to move on. Somehow, she understood.

We started going out again. I started feeling alive again.

I don’t know where I got the courage but I told her that I’m in love with her and
since then everything fell in their proper places.

Now, we’re back in Paris, I was watching her as she dominates the stage. Her shoe
designs were being showcased in Paris’ Fashion week. I’m so proud of her.
Finally, she took the final walk. I could see her father from where I was standing,
her whole family was there at mukhang masayang-masaya siya pero tulad nang sinabi
niya kanina, mas masaya siya kung nandoon ako.

Nandito naman ako – hindi niya lang alam. Ang buong akala niya nasa Macau ako para
sa isang business call. Tinapos ko muna lahat ng trabaho ko bago ako lumipad ng
Paris para makita siya.

My phone rang, I answered it. “Sir, everything is set.” Kinumpirma sa akin ng

kausap ko sa kabilang linya. Wala akong sinabi. Inayos ko ang sarili ko at dahan-
dahan akong naglakad patungo sa gitna ng crowd. The show manager gave her the
flowers. Nagpatuloy lang ako sa paglakad. She was smiling at everyone nakakaramdam
naman ako ng kaba.

Finally, I reached the catwalk. Inabutan ako ng mic ng show manager. Nikita’s back
was against mine. Hindi niya pa ako nakikita.

I smiled. Ito na talaga ito. I am proposing. “I love you.”

Agad siyang lumingon sa kinaroroonan ko. “Yto?”

“Hi pretty baby.”

“Oh my god!” She screamed when she saw me. Sumigaw siya. Ako iyong naka-mic pero
mas dinig ang boses niya. “Sabi mo nasa Macau ka! Shet! Nagtagalog ako!” Natawa ako
bigla. Binalingan ko ng tingin si Mr. Kerkmez.
“Sir, magpapaalam lang po ako. There’s a big possibility that Nikita will cry
tonight. I’m just giving you a heads up.” I took a deep breath and faced her.

“Pretty baby, do you remember the first time we kissed?” Tanong ko. Nagbulungan ang
mga tao. “That was the first moment that I realized something else about you. A
year later, I saw you inside that bar in her in Paris, you were with Lukas Anton
and you sang – pretty baby – that was the first moment that ever saw you as you –
just you – hindi iyong Nikita na patay na patay sa akin – just Nikita – a girl who
have smitten me.”

Her tears started falling. I held her shoulder. “As I was saying...” Kinapa ko ang
pocket ko. I smiled at her and got on my knee. Napahagulgol na siya.

“A lifetime with you isn’t enough, pretty baby. I want you now, tomorrow, the next
day, for the rest of our lives together, until the day of my last breath. Will you
be my lifetime, Nikita Cyrene Fatima Kerkmez – Consunji?”

Hindi pa siya sumasagot ay inilagay ko na sa daliri niya ang singsing. “Say yes.” I
told her.

“Do I have to?” Naiiyak na tanong niya. “But if it will make you feel better than
yes, Yto!”

Tumango ako. I stood up and claimed her lips. I kissed her like there’s no
tomorrow. I kissed her in front of her family, her father – whom until now hasn’t
given me his trust but it’s okay, engage na si Niki sa akin at wala na siyang
magagawa.

“I love you, Yto. Thank your loving me back. Akala ko, forever nang unrequited ang
love ko para sa’yo.” Naiiyak na sabi niya.
“I love you more, pretty baby.” I kissed her forehead. “You have my heart...”
Humagikgik siya.

“The devil’s heart is in my hand.”

It is. My heart is in her hands and it will be like that till eternity...