Rehab Kids

Gaslighting 101 for

Therapists:
3 Strategies to Help Clients Break
Free from Narcissistic Abuse
Amy Marlow-MaCoy, LPC

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 Gaslighting 101 for
Therapists:
3 Strategies to Help Clients Break
Free from Narcissistic Abuse
Amy Marlow-MaCoy, LPC

Rehab Kids

ZNM058405
7/21
Copyright © 2021

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15pp

7/21

Rehab Kids
 Materials Provided By

Amy Marlow-MaCoy, LPC, focuses her practice on treating

complex and developmental trauma in adults raised in
narcissistic, emotionally immature, and toxic families of origin.

She is the author of the Amazon best-selling book The Gaslighting

Recovery Workbook: Healing from Emotional Abuse (Callisto
Media, 2020), a workbook designed to help individuals identify,
understand, and begin to heal from emotional trauma and
abuse caused by gaslighting in interpersonal relationships.

Amy has been trained in Level 1 Internal Family Systems therapy.

She also provides supervision to LPC candidates and regularly
consults with other clinicians regarding treatment of adult
children of narcissists. She earned her Mast of Education in
counseling psychology degree from Temple University.

Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Amy Marlow-MaCoy maintains a private practice. She is an author and receives
royalties. She receives a speaking honorarium from PESI, Inc.
Non-financial: Amy Marlow-MaCoy is a member of the American Counseling Association.

Materials that are included in this course may include interventions and modalities that are beyond the
authorized practice of mental health professionals. As a licensed professional, you are responsible for
reviewing the scope of practice, including activities that are defined in law as beyond the boundaries of
practice in accordance with and in compliance with your professions standards.
 Gaslighting 101 for
Therapists
3 STRATEGIES TO HELP CLIENTS BREAK FREE FROM NARCISSISTS AND HEAL

Amy Marlow-MaCoy, LPC

Disclaimer

Materials that are included in this course may include interventions

and modalities that are beyond the authorized practice of mental
health professionals. As a licensed professional, you are responsible
for reviewing the scope of practice, including activities that are
defined in law as beyond the boundaries of practice in accordance
with and in compliance with your professions standards.

1
 Goals

1 2 3
Recognize gaslighting in Support clients in Help clients set
your clients' lives, and asserting their right to boundaries without guilt
help them recognize it, healthy and respectful
too relationships

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which

one party manipulates another into doubting
their thoughts, feelings, judgments, perceptions,
and/or memories.

The goal is to create doubt, undermine self-

What is confidence, and cause victims to doubt their sense
of reality and/or sanity.
gaslighting?
A common tactic in narcissistic, emotionally
abusive, and coercive relationships.

2
 Origins and current usage

 The term gaslighting developed from Patrick

Hamilton's 1938 play Gas Light.
 Public awareness of the concept has grown in
recent years.
 May describe deceptive and manipulative
behaviors in many kinds of relationships.

Gaslighting in relationships

Undermines the gaslightee's ability to trust themselves.

Erodes self-confidence.

Convinces the gaslightee to accept the gaslighter's version of

reality at the expense of their own.
Empowers the gaslighter and disempowers the victim.

3
 Why do they do that?

 Power and control  Needing to be right

 Inabilityto tolerate  Redirecting blame

onto victims
different perspectives

 Making the outside

 Revisionist history world match their
internal concept
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Gaslighting in Action

ROMANTIC AND INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS

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  Used to maintain a
sense of power, control,
or influence over a partner
 Behaviors may include:
Intimate and  Lying

Romantic  Invalidating/dismissing
Infidelity
Relationships 

 Veiled/overt threats
 Blame shifting
 Mindreading

Spoken and Unspoken

Gaslighting phrase Implication or inference

 "I never said that."
 "You're overreacting."
 "You're trying to make me
look bad."
 "It was just sexting and
nudes. I'd do that with you if
you weren't so prudish."
 You're making things up and
can't be trusted.
 Your feelings are wrong.
 You're acting in bad faith, I didn't
really do anything wrong.
 My infidelity is your fault because
you are falling short as a partner.

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5
 Spotlight: DARVO

Deny  Deny the victim’s assertion of

hurtful, deceptive, or manipulative
Accuse/Attack behavior.

Reverse  Accuse the victim of attacking

the gaslighter unfairly OR

Victim and  Attack the victim's character

Offender  Reverse victim and offender by claiming

the gaslightee is targeting them.
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Gaslighting in Action

FRIENDSHIPS AND THE WORKPLACE

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6
  The "Frenemy"
 Turning a friend or work group
Friendships against the gaslightee
and the  Downplaying another's
Workplace accomplishments.
 Backhanded "compliments" or
veiled criticism.

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 Gaslighting down the chain:

 Taking credit for subordinates' work
 Constantly finding flaws with employees
Workplace  Punishment for failing to meet impossible
standards.
Spotlight:
Hierarchies  Gaslighting up the chain:
 Falsely claiming bullying by managers
 Blaming managers for employees'
failures
 Playing double agent

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7
 Gaslighting in Action

COMMUNAL TRAUMA IN MARGINALIZED

POPULATIONS

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Gaslighting trauma in communities

 Disempowered and/or disenfranchised groups are
especially vulnerable to systemic gaslighting about their
trauma.

 Gaslighting a population places the responsibility for

wounding on the parties who have already suffered.

 Gaslighting marginalized populations supports biased and

prejudicial systems of power to remain in power by
silencing victims of systemic abuse.

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8
 Gaslighting trauma in communities

 Gaslighting harms minority and disempowered

groups by suppressing, undermining,
and invalidating the voices of those with less power.

 Black, Indigenous, and Persons of Color

 LGBTQ+ individuals
 Disabled and chronically ill individuals
 Women

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 "Slavery was in the past, talking

about it only keeps us divided."
Gaslighting  "You aren't really bisexual, you're
community just confused."
trauma  "You don't look sick."
phrases  "If she didn't want to be assaulted
she shouldn't have worn a short
skirt."

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9
 Beginning to Heal

LETTING GO OF GUILT AND REBUILDING THE

SELF

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Rebuilding self-compassion

 Say it to your best  Practicing neutral self-talk

friend (alternative: Say it  Meditations of release
to a child)  EMDR resourcing and
 Positive affirmations visualizations
 Self-compassion log  Letter of self-forgiveness

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10
 Rebuilding self-trust

 Mindful
awareness of  Recognizing progress,
body sensations even if steps are small
 Keeping a log of  Increase time with
positive responses to positive social supports
assertiveness  Recognize the courage
 Expressing gratitude to of changing a harmful
internal survival pattern
mechanisms
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Beginning to Heal

ASSERTING THE RIGHT TO HEALTHY

RELATIONSHIPS

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11
 Developing assertiveness: Starting
Points

 Psychoeducation about  Assertive vs aggressive vs

healthy relationship passive aggressive
dynamics  Role playing/modeling
assertive communication
 Identifying the "buts"
 To confront or to
 Exploring the fears
disengage?

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Assertive responses to gaslighting

“I know what I experienced."

“We remember that differently.”

“I hear you, and that is not my experience.”

“My feelings (thoughts, memories, experiences) are valid.”

“My emotions are not up for debate.”

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 Beginning to Heal

SETTING BOUNDARIES

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Beginning to heal: Setting boundaries

 In order to protect against further gaslighting, clients will most likely

need to develop healthier boundaries.

 Assertive communication is part of boundary-setting.

 Psychoeducation may be needed to clarify what boundaries are

and how they work

 Have a plan for how to handle gaslighters who ignore boundaries

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  Step 1: Identify the client's values.
 Step 2: Define the perimeter.
5 Steps to  Step 3: Identify specific, problematic
Setting behaviors and offer an alternative (if
appropriate).
Boundaries
 Step 4: Identify how the client will
respond if the boundary is violated.
 Step 5: Follow through on the
consequences.

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 Healing is a non-linear
process
 Clients may be in denial –
tread softly
The healing  Fear and resistance are
process: Points normal
to remember  Patience is key
 Our clients are resilient, and
healing is possible

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 Bonus offer!

Interested in learning more? Join me for my full day training Narcissistic

Abuse for Therapists: Empower Clients to Break Free and Recover from
Gaslighting, Emotional Manipulation and Coercion.

This training takes place on September 24th and earn 6 CE hours.

Visit www.pesi.com/webcast/85614 and enter promo code NAFT50 at
checkout to save 50%.

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Amy Marlow-MaCoy, LPC

Author of The Gaslighting

Contact Recovery Workbook: Healing
from Emotional Abuse

Amy@amymarlowmacoy.com
www.amymarlowmacoy.com

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NOTES
NOTES