THE GAY HEALTH AND LIFE MAG

ISSUE #184 JUNE/JULY 2021

HOT
OUT
HERE
In a COVID world
are gay men
sexing it up
outdoors more?
Let’s find out...

Also:
What is asexuality?
The cruising guide
Plus much more...
 After I was
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I am now a
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HIV has changed. We help people John
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and get on with life. Support our work now.

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Published by LGBT HERO

Unite 22, The Link,

If you go down to the woods

49 Effra Road,
London, SW2 1BZ.
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The FS team for issue

184 was:
• Ian Howley
• Liam Murphy
• Hadley Stewart
...you’re in for a big surprise. Hopefully.

Design and layout by Ian

Howley and Liam Murphy
This issue is all about cruising. In the year of outdoor socialising because of COVID, sex
outdoors and in non-traditional venues (i.e. not the bedroom) is more popular than ever. We
spoke to 71 LGBTQ+ people about the pros and cons of cruising for sex, how to stay safe and
where to (lawfully) go.

Appearance in FS is Also in this issue, we take a deep dive into asexuality and look at the mental health statistics
not an indication of an
individual’s sexual for LGBTQ+ people.
orientation or HIV status.

The views of our writers I hope you enjoy the issue,,

are not necessarily the
views of FS, of the
organisations mentioned,
LGBT HERO or of the Liam Murphy
editor.
Editor - FS
Volunteers contribute
to the planning, writing,
editing and production
of FS.

www.fsmag.org.uk | 05
 HOT
OUT
HERE
In a COVID world
are gay men
sexing it up
outdoors more?
Let’s find out...
Photo © lloydtheabstrac on unsplash.com

© PHOTOS BY CHRIS JEPSON

www.chrisjepson.com
 COVER STORY

The COVID-19 pandemic has changed the way we have sex, at least for this period of time.
There was a time during the pandemic when being indoors with a stranger didn’t happen (or
shouldn’t have happened), which also meant fewer people hooking up. Being outdoors was
a slightly different story.

People are cruising for sex more than ever: some for the first time, some have returned to
it, while others have always loved the thrill of the outdoors. Or the public toilet. Or the gym.
(We’ll go into a more detailed breakdown of where people are cruising below).

What do we need to know about cruising in 2021? What should we be wary of? How can we
have the best time possible? And how can we stay safe?

THE WHEN AND WHERE OF conversations on dating apps. The majority of sex
CRUISING venues have also yet to reopen, which means cruising
may be the only outlet for some people.
We spoke to a small sample size of 72 cruising
enthusiasts and supporters to give us the lowdown When it comes to where people are cruising for sex,
on the out-of-home experience. WE ASKED: When the ‘cruising staples’ of parks, public toilets (also called
was the last time you went cruising for sex? cottaging), and woods take the lead, with 69%, 63%
and 61% respectively. Cruise bars (49%) and
• In the last week – 29% beaches (37%) were further down the list, but this
• Over a year ago – 20% could be due to the pandemic restrictions resulting in
• Over two years ago – 18% closed venues and fewer holidays.
• In the last six months – 16%
• In the last month – 14% Ian Howley, Chief Executive of LGBT HERO, the
• In the last year – 4% national health and wellbeing charity for LGBTQ+
• Where have you cruised for sex? people said, “I don’t think anyone at LGBT HERO
• In a park – 69% thought there would ever be a day where we were
• In a public toilet – 63% telling people not to hook up as we just didn’t know
• In the woods – 61% how bad COVID-19 would turn out to be. And during
• Saunas and spas – 61% those initial months, most people followed our advice.
• Bars and clubs – 55% But we knew that it was never going to last, and it
• Arrange to meet someone outside via a dating/ shouldn’t. Also, we know that many people use sex as
sex app – 55% a way to connect and meet people. This is why saunas
• Specific cruise bars and venues – 49% are very popular, lots of men who go regularly will tell
• In the gym – 41% you they’ve met some great friends through them. It
• In a shopping centre/retail outlet – 39% was no surprise to me than that in a
• Beaches – 37% pandemic, when lots of sex-on-premises venues are
• Airport – 33% closed, that people would return to the “old school”
• Country roadside/roadside - 33% method of hooking up. Gay men still want to
• Dunes – 27% hook-up, as they should, and sex outdoors is probably
• In a cemetery – 23% the safest way of hooking up in a pandemic.”

What’s clear is that people tend to cruise fairly

regularly, with 43% of respondents having gone THE WHAT OF CRUISING
cruising for sex within the last month, 29% of those
within the last week. This could be because of an Why What do people get up to when they go cruis-
upturn in the weather, as dry, warm conditions do ing? WE ASKED: What type of sex do you have when
help when having sex in areas like parks and woods. It cruising?
could also be because of the ease and accessibility of
cruising, with a variety and volume of sexual partners • Blow jobs – 98%
which are harder to cultivate in one-to-one • Wanking - 82%

www.fsmag.org.uk | 07
• Fucking (give and receive) – 74%
• Kissing – 70%
• Threesomes – 54%
• Group sex – 48%
• Fingering – 40%
• Rimming – 36%
• Watersports – 18%
• Fisting – 2%
• Chemsex -2%
• Other fetish – 2%
Ian Howley of LGBT HERO told us the importance of
testing for HIV and STIs regularly. He said, “So during
the last year we’ve heard form lots of men who didn’t
test for STIs because they weren’t having sex, only to
discover that they had an STI after the symptoms set
in over a long period of time. It’s important that all
sexually active men test for HIV and STIs at least
every six months and more if you’re having lots of
partners. Most STIs show up in tests 10 days after
infection and it can take up for four weeks for HIV to
show up in a test. So, no matter what type of sex you
are having, and how frequent or infrequent it is during
a pandemic, test regularly.”
THE BEST TIME
While there are concerns to be had around cruising
(which we’ll go into further detail on later), people
cruise because it’s fun, horny and ultimately a good
time. We asked some of the respondents to our
cruising survey about their favourite moments.
“I was reading a book on a bench,” Mike tells us, “and
a man walked by and asked how the book was. We
ended up walking to a nearby park and fucking.”
J says, “I had sweaty group sex on a hot day and I
bumped into hot guy from work in a cruising area and I
swallowed his load.”
Jake divulges, “I was going to a known area and I just
posted online somewhere about when and where I’d
be. I just help everyone there out for an hour or so.”
“I was cruising in Heathrow Terminal 5,” Paul says,
“while waiting for a connecting flight. We did use
Grindr to chat first, then we met in a cubicle.”
David tells us about the multitude of action he has
experienced: “There’s too many to shortlist. I had a
threesome in a mirrored cube in Chariots (gay sauna)
in Waterloo. There was a scally lad in a public toilet
whose dick I sucked. A man covered head to toe in
tattoos I fucked in a toilet in Croydon. The porn star
who fucked me in toilets in Tunbridge Wells. All good
times!”
Jeff says, “On the beach in the sun. Lots of guys
around and super horny and mixed ages. Or in London
parks, often there’s someone around looking for some
quick fun.”
Norman gave a more specific example: “It was finding
someone pre-lubed for fisting on Hampstead Heath.”
THE WORST TIME
With the good often comes the bad. Not every time
cruising is gold, as the respondents to our survey
made clear.
Mike finds time wasting frustrating: “It’s using the web
or apps to meet guys in parks who don’t show up. It’s
easier to just go myself and see who’s around.”
David had as many unfortunate experiences as great
ones: “Oh god I have so many. Being shagged a
middle-aged man when I was 16, who I then
discovered was the manager of the Debenhams
where I worked.”
“When the bottom hadn’t douched,” says Sebastian.
“I was in the Gran Canaria dunes,” says Paul. “None
of the gentlemen in attendance caught my attention,
however, some of them were quite persistent in
following me around, even though I studiously ignored
their attempts to engage. It became quite unpleasant
and I felt uncomfortable so I left.”
Reggie told us, “There was a very pushy and
desperate guy in Liverpool Street station toilets. It
got aggressive when affection wasn’t reciprocated. I
simply left and was glad he didn’t follow.”
J says, “I was pestered then verbally abused by an
older guy for not being interested. I also once caught
a guy filming.”
CONCERNS AND THE LAW
What are people most worried about when they go
cruising? WE ASKED: What are your biggest con-
cerns when you go cruising?
• Being caught by the police – 67%
www.fsmag.org.uk | 09
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• Safety – 63% be arrested simply for going cruising.
• Unwanted attention from other people cruising /
consent – 39% “If you engage in sexual activity or behaviour that may
• STIs – 37% cause alarm or distress to others, such as indecent
• Being caught by the public – 33% exposure or voyeurism, you could be arrested or
• Not knowing where to go – 31% prosecuted under the Sexual Offences Act 2003 or
• The COVID-19 pandemic – 23% the Public Order Act 1986. Therefore, it is advisable to
• Seeing someone you know – 4% be as discreet as possible to avoid attracting attention.
• Getting lost – 4% If you feel that you have been unfairly treated by the
police (or others) while cruising, you should contact
When it comes to the most prevalent concern – being Galop for more advice. You can call their helpline on
caught by the police – there may be news to assuage 020 7704 2040 or report an incident at their website,
that fear. There’s no specific law that prohibits www.galop.org.uk.”
cruising. Sex in public places is not illegal, but only if
other members of the public can’t see you having sex
and are unlikely to come across you having sex. That CRUISING DURING COVID
means if you’re having sex late at night in the woods,
for example, then you should have nothing to fear from The pandemic saw people dabbling in cruising for
the police. Discretion is key. the first time, as being outside is considered saf-
er when it comes to the transmission of COVID.
For cottaging, the act of cruising and having sex in Although this didn’t stop people being concerned
public bathrooms, the rules are a little different. It’s about the safety of sex outdoors.
against the law to have sex in a public toilet. You run
the risk being arrested for cottaging whether you’re Barry tell us, ”I’m in a high risk group, so both myself
being discreet or not. and my partner agreed to stay monogamous until we
had both been vaccinated.”
10% of respondents to our survey told us they had
been caught by the police while cruising before. Richard says, “I held off at the peak of the pandemic
for a good few months, but I ultimately went back for
Jake confides, “I was just sucking someone off in a car the thrill, the release and just the physical contact.”
on an industrial estate, they knew what was happening
but were more concerned about drugs so told us to I only went when it was safer,” says J. “I didn’t go
move along.” during the national lockdown and only when local
rates were lower.”
Stephe told us: “On all occasions, I’ve been in
situations where the police have arrived but never James explains, “I didn’t go because of safety
caught me in the act so been able to leave unhindered. concerns. Also, all bars and saunas have been
I’ve once hidden in bushes until the police left and closed.”
then casually left myself.”
Ian Howley of LGBT HERO said, “Not only do people
“It was so long ago,” says Norman. “I can’t recall, but have to worry about catching HIV or STIs, we now
fled from Hampstead Heath often.” need to worry about catching or passing on COVID.
What a fantastic time to be a sexually active man! First
Ian Howley of LGBT HERO said, “If you go cruising in let’s talk about HIV and STIs, the best way to prevent
open public spaces, such as parks or lay-bys, you HIV is a combination of using condoms and PrEP. If
need to be aware of the law around sex in these areas. you decide to only use PrEP then understand that
There is no specific law against cruising. Sex in public it won’t prevent STIs and most STIs can be passed
places is not illegal as long as other people who might through oral sex. Make sure you test for HIV and STIs
be offended cannot see you and are unaware that regularly. If you are living with HIV, then becoming or
you are having sex. The police should only respond remaining HIV undetectable means you cannot pass
to complaints from the public and should not go to on the virus through sex, though you still need to
an area to proactively try to catch people cruising. It worry about STIs.
is not against the law for people to loiter, engage in
conversation or walk around a cruising ground with the “When it comes to COVID, it’s obviously a lot more
purpose of meeting others. In other words, you cannot difficult to prevent catching the virus. This is because

www.fsmag.org.uk | 11
Photo © Brandon Atchison on unsplash.com
during sex we tend to swap bodily fluids such as salvia
(spit), sweat and cum. So, kissing and face-to-face
activities will increase your risk. What we advise is
that if you eligible, get your COVID-19 vaccination as
soon as you can. It will give you the best protection as
it shows to limit transmission and for those who get it
then to get very mild or no symptoms. But if you are
planning on hooking up, get yourself a lateral flow test,
they are free and give you your results in less than
30 mins. Testing and being vaccinated is your best
defence to limiting the impact of COIVID and will allow
you to have a happy and healthy sex life.”
THE FIRST TIME
What if you have never been cruising before? What
sort of information would be useful? WE ASKED:
What information do you wish you had when cruising
for the first time?
• Where to safely cruise – 88%
• Information about cruising and the law – 84%
• How to stay safe while cruising – 67%
• Information about consent – 29%
• Information about HIV and STIs – 27%
• How to report sexual assault – 25%
• Information about how to more safely cruise
during a pandemic – 21%
We know there’s little or no information about how to
cruise safely, so we’ve drawn up a mini guide.
Get to know the area:: If you don’t already know the
area well, walk around and check it out when you get
there – especially if it’s likely to be dark by the time
you leave. Find out where the exits are and where any
paths lead to. It’s a good idea to stay fairly close to
where most guys are concentrated.
Take condoms and lube or look into PrEP on demand:
Even if you don’t plan to fuck at the cruising area, you
might change your mind in the heat of the moment.
If you haven’t got any condoms and lube, other guys
may be happy to spare some.
EBP or Event Based PrEP (also known as PrEP on
Demand) is when you take PrEP before you have sex,
and a day or two after. Studies have shown that event
bases PrEP is just as effective as daily dosing. Event
based PrEP should be for people who may not engage
in lots of sexual activity or plan their sexual encounters
in advance. If you know that you might have sex with-
out condoms at least 24 hours in advance:
• take two pills at least 2 hours and up to 24 hours
before sex
• take one pill 24 hours later
• take one more pill 24 hours after that
For example, if you are planning on going cruising
at 10pm on a Friday, you take TWO pills at 2pm that
day. On Saturday you take a pill at 2pm and on Sun-
day you take a final pill at 2pm.
Leave valuables at home: You won’t need your credit
cards or a lot of cash. If you take your phone, put it
on silent mode and keep it out of sight. Don’t walk
around checking Grindr on your new smartphone.
Not only will you be advertising it to potential
pickpockets, but you may not notice if guys are
cruising you.
Wear something suitable: Don’t wear expensive gear
or a new pair of shoes. The ground may be muddy
and if it’s dark you may not be able to see where
you’re walking. Put your keys, money and anything
else you don’t want to lose in a secure, zipped
pocket.
Be clear about what you want: Even once you’ve
hooked up with someone, there may not be much
verbal communication. However, you can’t expect
him to read your mind. If you’re confident and make
it clear what you want, the chances are he’ll be more
relaxed too. If you want to fuck him, tell him – or take
out a condom – and see how he reacts. If you want to
get fucked, he’ll definitely get the message if you put
a condom on him.
Ian Howley of LGBT HERO gives his final thoughts,
“After the year we’ve had I think if you are engaging
in sex outdoors, you have the right to enjoy it. The
best way to do it is to keep safe, stay out of sight, be
respectful to the area and do your best to prevent
STIs, HIV and COVID transmissions. You are not
doing anything illegal so enjoy it. Let’s just hope we
get the weather for it.”
To find out more about how to have a happy and
healthy sex life, including where to find home HIV
tests and where to access PrEP, visit
www.gmfa.org.uk.
To find out more about how to improve your mental
health or to find out where to find help and support
visit www.mehimus.org.uk or visit lgbthero.org.uk
www.fsmag.org.uk | 13
Photo © Shutterstock
 FEATURE
The cruising guide
By Anthony House @aho
Cruising is sometimes dismissed as a lost art, but I
don’t see it that way. Put simply, cruising is looking
for sex in real-time, in the physical world.
Sure, you can do it near Hampstead Heath’s famous
fuck tree, but that’s a small fraction of the cruising that
happens every day. You can also cruise on the train, at
a sex club, or in a public toilet. My personal favourite
is the street—once or twice a month, I seem to find
myself enjoying a tryst with a man I passed on the
pavement. I am a cruising evangelist: I think it’s easier,
faster, and more reliable than the apps. But I know
that it can also seem scary if you’re not used to it, so
here are some tips to get you started. Some of them
are more specific to particular places than others, but
keep in mind that I’m not a lawyer: just another horny
bloke:
1. The eyes have it. Posture and attitude matter, but
you’ll always struggle to cruise if you can’t make eye
contact. Your gaze sends a clear message. If you’ve
clocked a guy you’re interested in, look at his face.
You’ll learn a lot from whether (and how) he makes
eye contact, and whether he looks back after you’ve
passed each other.
2. Be ready for any number of sins. Maybe neither of
you is ready to fuck. Maybe you want to be pissed on,
but he just went. This is sex in the wild, so approach
it with an open mind. And if you’re really keen on one
particular scene or act, there’s probably a cruise bar
night for you. Check out their listings now that places
are reopening!
3. Look for the spark. On the apps you’re stuck with a
curated, two-dimensional depiction. But when you’re
cruising you experience the full person. For most,
cruising isn’t about comparing what you’re both into.
If you find a spark with someone, you’ll find a way to
have fun.
4. Your chat up line doesn’t need to be good. I often
ask for the time...with my phone in my hand. It’s banal
enough to filter out oblivious straight guys on the
street, but daft enough that it sends a signal.
Wherever you’re cruising, the main thing is to signal
interest clearly, but in a way that allows a graceful exit
if needed.
5. Don’t be afraid to say no. You’re probably not up
for anything with anyone at any time (as much fun as
that would be). Nor do you need to be. If you’re going
cruising, be clear with yourself about what you’re not
willing to do, and don’t apologize for keeping your
boundaries.
6. Don’t be afraid to hear no. For ease of rejection,
nothing beats the apps. Blocking someone is just a
click away, but that doesn’t make it sting any less. If
you cruise, you’ll get rejected sooner or later. Don’t
take it personally: you can’t be everyone’s type.
Respect the “no”, though. Don’t lurk in hopes that he’ll
change his mind. If he wants you to watch, he’ll make
that clear. Otherwise, dust yourself off and keep cruis-
ing. There are, as they say, plenty of cocks in the yard.
7. Safety first. You’re an adult, so you can decide what
safe sex means for you. But you probably don’t want
to get mugged...or twist an ankle. If you’re heading to a
cottage or cruising ground, do some homework ahead
of time. Or find a slutty friend to go with you so you can
watch out for each other.
8. Public sex doesn’t mean subjecting the public to
your sex. Being watched can be fun. Being arrested is
not. Most straight people are oblivious to what’s going
on around them. Let’s keep it that way.
9. Don’t take it too seriously. You’re there to have fun;
so is everyone else. Treat your fellow cruisers with the
respect they deserve, and have a great time.
If you have an idea for a cplumn or want to wrote
for FS Mag, please email fs@lgbthero.org.uk
www.fsmag.org.uk | 15
 Photo © Adobe/Drobot Dean

Photo © Jakob Owens on unsplash.com

 OPINION
Therapy and me
By Hadley Stewart @wordsbyhadley
My therapist told me she doesn’t read my articles.
“That wouldn’t be appropriate,” she said during one
session. I have been in therapy for almost two months
now, and whilst I’m far from being an expert, I’m very
much a therapy convert. Often, perhaps thanks to
American TV shows, therapy is seen as something
that is done for status. A bit like wearing a designer
coat or having a membership to one of those fancy
clubs in London. But most people who are in therapy
aren’t doing it to make themselves sound more inter-
esting at a social gathering.
I had been thinking of starting therapy since before
the pandemic. Then the coronavirus arrived and
forced us all into solitude, with sometimes only our
thoughts to occupy us. I had formed a support bubble
with a friend, where the boundaries of friendship had
blurred into something more, and my heart would
eventually get broken, then taped back together,
then broken again. The last heartbreak happened the
weekend after lockdown restrictions lifted, on a street
in East London, with us shouting at one another and
me bursting into tears. The following Monday, I started
therapy.
I was no stranger to the idea of therapy. One of
my closest friends has been in therapy for years,
and I’d always admired her ability to articulate her
feelings and emotions with other people. She had
never sought to glamorize therapy either; it was hard
work sitting down for an hour a week and diving into
emotions and memories that were filed away. I had
prepared myself for what I was getting into.
Although what had happened during lockdown was
the catalyst to prompt me to start therapy, there were
other things I wanted to talk about. I had behaved in
ways that I didn’t recognise. Before the pandemic I
would have stepped away from this friendship sooner,
now I felt like I’d be hurting him and his feelings by
doing so. I had justified his ‘hot and cold’ behaviour
towards me to my friends, and felt defensive when
they suggested this support bubble was far from
supportive. And I had overshared things with him,
in an attempt to get him to open up about his own
experiences. It felt as though there was something
more lurking under the surface; something which my
therapist and I are currently working on.
I feel lucky to be able to engage in talking therapy, as
it remains something that is still relatively difficult to
access for many people. Whilst some people have the
privilege of unlocking the therapy room door thanks to
their financial situation or their employers, others are
spending months on a waiting list. For LGBTQ+ people,
we see higher rates of poor mental health in our
community compared with the rest of the population.
But our paths to therapy are littered with obstacles,
from negative experiences with therapists who do not
understand the needs of LGBTQ+ clients, to those
who wish to engage in so-called conversion therapy.
Arguably the group in society that could benefit the
most from counselling, psychotherapy or other talking
therapies, is still one of the most disenfranchised.
It seems clear to me that LGBTQ+ people need more
options when it comes to looking after their mental
health, but the health system which we rely on is
currently unable to provide this. I fear that as the true
physical and emotional consequences of this pan-
demic emerge, things will only get worse. This article
won’t change that – these are decisions that are down
to those who govern our country, but I hope that
anyone who feels like they need to talk about what’s
happening on the inside can begin to take those first
steps. That could be looking for a therapist, speaking
with your GP, calling your friend, or even contacting
Switchboard.
The past year has taught many of us about the fragility
and vulnerability of life. Perhaps now is the time to
surround ourselves with people who embrace, respect
and celebrate us. And if all else fails, let me share with
you a soundbite from what my therapist said to me,
“It’s time to put yourself first, and ask yourself what is
good enough for you.”
For help and advice around mental health and
wellbeing, visit LGBT HERO’s general wellbeing hub
at www.lgbthero.org.uk/Pages/Category/general-
wellbeing
www.fsmag.org.uk |17
Loneliness
and being
LGBTQ+
Loneliness is a common
feeling, but everyone’s
experiences of loneliness
are different and unique
to them. For example, you
could be alone and have
little social contact but not
feel lonely, or have tons of
social interaction but still
feel lonely. Loneliness is
more common amongst
LGBTQ+ people and can
take its toll on both your
mind and body.

Photo © clemono2 on unsplash.com

Why are LGBTQ+ people more
likely to be lonely?
LGBTQ+ people are more likely to be lonely than
cis-het people. This loneliness can stem from a variety
of factors: we’re more likely to be disconnected from
our families, or have problems finding other people like
us who we can connect with..
LGBTQ+ people are also more likely to face
discrimination due to their sexual orientation and/or
gender identity, which can lead to feelings of isolation
and difficulties getting close to other people.
Older LGBTQ+ people may experience heightened
loneliness and feelings of disconnection from a queer
community that’s increasingly centered around young
folks. That is, older queer folks may no longer want to
go to LGBTQ+ clubs, bars, pubs, etc., but find
themselves unable to find a replacement community
where they can connect with their peers.
What are the effects of
loneliness?
MENTAL: While loneliness by itself isn’t a mental
health problem, it can certainly take its toll on your
mind.
• Loneliness has been linked to increased risk of
mental health problems such as depression and
anxiety
• Loneliness can increase risk of suicide
• Loneliness can exacerbate existing mental health
conditions, such as depression and anxiety
• Loneliness can result in increased stress
• Loneliness can cause low self-esteem
• Loneliness can result in poor decision making
PHYSICAL: Your body can also feel the effects of
loneliness, often in serious ways.
• Research suggested that loneliness can result
in increased risk of cardiovascular disease and
stroke
• Loneliness can lead to sleep problems
• Loneliness heightens the risk of high blood pres-
sure
• Loneliness can increase likelihood of death
How can you combat
loneliness?
Loneliness may seem scary, but luckily, there are ways
to combat it.
SELF-CARE: Self-care and being kind to yourself can
make a huge difference. See LGBT HERO’s article with
tips on how to improve your mental health here www.
lgbthero.org.uk/7-ways-to-improve-your-mental-
health. Some examples include getting enough sleep
and trying to exercise and spend time outside.
FIND COMMUNITY: There are plenty of ways to find
community, especially with lockdown restrictions eas-
ing up. Sites like Meetup and LGBT HERO’s FindOut
service are great ways to find community.
TALK ABOUT IT: Talking to the people you do have in
your life about your loneliness can help alleviate some
of its effects and help them better support you.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to family or friends,
talking therapies may be another helpful option.
PinkTherapy has a directory of LGBTQ+-specific
therapists.
Seek support
Switchboard is an LGBT+ helpline and support service.
Call Switchboard at 0300 330 0630 or see their
website at switchboard.lgbt
Samaritans is another helpline, but is not
LGBTQ+-specific. Call them at 116 123.
If you think therapy may be right for you, PinkTherapy
has a directory of LGBTQ+-friendly therapists at
pinktherapy.com
MindOut.org.uk is an LGBTQ+-specific mental health
service. They have online support in the forms of
phone, email, or instant message.
LGBT Foundation has an advice, support, and infor-
mation line at 0345 3 30 30 30. They also have a wide
variety of other support services for LGBTQ+ people.
ELOP is a lesbian and gay centre offering social, emo-
tional, and support services, including counselling and
young people’s services.
www.fsmag.org.uk | 21
LGBTQ+
MENTAL
HEALTH:
the stats
The scale of the problem has
become harder to ignore in
recent years, with many
indepenent studies coming to
the same conclusion:
LGBTQ+ people are more
likely to experience depres-
sion, anxiety, self-harm and
other mental health issues.
The exact reasons for this are still being explored,
but it’s thought that our common experiences of
prejudice, rejection, difficult childhoods, and other,
more complex inequalities are all factors. So what
does the evidence say? Here are a few key stats.
Depression
According to Mind, around 11% of people in the
England experience depression, or a mixture of anxie-
ty and depression. For LGBTQ+ people, the figures are
much higher.
A Stonewall report from 2012 found that:
• 22% of gay and bisexual men experience moder-
ate to severe depression
• 79% of lesbian and bisexual women felt sad,
miserable, or depressed in that year
For trans people rates are even higher according to
CliniQ and Gires:
• Over 80% of trans people experience depression.
Self-harm
It’s hard to know exactly how many people in the
UK self-harm: some estimates put it as low as 0.4%,
others as high as 6%. Regardless of the actual fig-
ure, in LGBTQ+ people the rates are much higher.
According to the same Stonewall report in 2012:
• 20% of lesbian and bisexual women deliberately
harmed themselves in that year
• 7% of gay and bisexual men deliberately harmed
themselves
• These figures increase when isolating bisexual
people only (29% women, 11% men)
In the same year, a Gires study found high rates of
self-harm among trans people:
• 53% of trans people had self-harmed, with 11%
still self-harming
• Another recent study suggests that over 80% of
young trans people have harmed themselves.
Suicide
Knowing exactly how many LGBT people end their
lives each year isn’t possible, as sexual orientation
isn’t
recorded by hospitals in the same way as gender
or age. Studies indicate, however, that suicidal
thoughts and suicide attempts are higher for LGBT
people than the national average.
The Stonewall 2012 study also found that:
• 3% of gay men attempted to take their life in that
year, with half of gay and bisexual men saying that,
at some point, life had not felt worth living.
• 5% of lesbians and bisexual women attempted to
take their life.
For trans people these rates are, once again, much
higher, especially among young people.
The Stonewall School Report last year found that:
• 45% of young trans people have attempted
suicide.
More broadly, according to CliniQ
• 50% of trans people in general have considered
or attempted suicide.
Drugs and alcohol
Both drugs and alcohol impact our mental health,
but vice versa, substance abuse is also often a
symptom of poor mental health, especially among
LGBTQ+ people.
Various studies have come to the same conclusion:
on average, we’re big drinkers and take more drugs
than the general population.
• One study found that drug use among LGB
people is seven times higher than the rest of the
population. (various drugs, including cannabis,
ecstasy, and cocaine
• LGBTQ+ people are far more likely to binge drink,
and importantly, far more likely to binge drink. One
study found that 29% of gay and bisexual women
and 34% of gay and bisexual men binged in the
last week, compared to 15% and 19% of hetero-
sexual women and men respectively.
• LGBTQ+ people are also more likely to continue
binge drinking later into life.
For further information and support, visit
www.lgbthero.org.uk
For help right now, call Switchboard on 0300 330
0630
www.fsmag.org.uk |23
 ADVICE
What is asexuality?
By Elle Lapsen
Asexuality is a term used to describe people who
experience little to no sexual attraction. It can be used
as an identity itself as well as an umbrella term for an-
yone who identifies along the asexual spectrum (more
on that later!). Asexuality is often shortened to ‘ace,’
with asexual people calling themselves ‘aces.’ Aces
probably represent around 1% of the population.
The opposite of asexuality is allosexuality, which
describes regularly experiencing sexual attraction,
regardless of sexual orientation.
The spectrum
Asexuality is a spectrum, with some folks not
experiencing any sexual attraction, to some peo-
ple identifying somewhere between allosexual and
asexual (graysexuality, gray-ace, or gray-a), and some
people only experiencing sexual attraction after they
have formed a strong emotional bond with someone
(demisexuality).
Myths and misconceptions
There are some common myths and misconceptions
about asexuality.
Asexuality = celibacy: Celibacy is the decision to
abstain from sex. Asexuality isn’t a choice and some
asexual people (especially if they’re gray-a or demi-
sexual) choose to have sex.
Asexuality is a phase: ‘You just haven’t found the right
person.’ ‘You’ll grow out of it.’ These are phrases aces
hear a lot and they’re super invalidating, dismissive,
and damaging. While sometimes identities change
over the course of a person’s life, being ace still isn’t a
‘phase.’
Ace people don’t have relationships: Love doesn’t
have to equal sex! Plenty of ace people still experi-
ence romantic attraction (more on that here) and have
fulfilling, healthy romantic relationships.
Ace people are broken or have some kind of disorder:
Asexuality does not mean you’re broken, defective, or
have a disorder. Just because you don’t experience
sexual attraction the same way others do doesn’t
mean you’re somehow broken. It’s completely valid to
be asexual and you’re not alone!
What next?
The Asexual Visibilty & Education Network (AVEN)
has tons of resources on asexuality as well as forums
where you can find support, at asexuality.org.
Stonewall has a great article on how to be an ally for
asexual people, at www.stonewall.org.uk/about-us/
news/six-ways-be-ally-asexual-people.
The Trevor Project also has an info page on asexuali-
ty, at www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/
asexual.
Sounds Fake But Okay is ‘a podcast where an aro-
mantic asexual girl and a demisexual-straight girl talk
about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality,
and pretty much anything else that they just don’t
understand.’ Find it at soundsfakepod.com
GLAAD has a cool guide to finding your ace com-
munity, at www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-find-
ing-your-community.
And there’s an awesome Glamour article by the lovely
Yasmin Benoit talking about asexuality and
aromanticism, at www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/
asexuality-and-aromanticism.
For further information and support, visit
www.lgbthero.org.uk
For help right now, call Switchboard on 0300 330
0630
To chat with people going through the same thing
as you in a safe, moderated space visit the LGBT
HERO forums at www.lgbthero.org.uk/forums
www.fsmag.org.uk |25