Cooper 1

McKenzie Cooper

Professor Kate Kimball

ENC 2135-203

8 December 2021

Revision Rationale for ePortfolio

For my essay revision, I decided to revise my second essay, a rhetorical analysis on a

scholarly journal and YouTube video on the impact the Coronavirus had on the medical field. I

decided to revise this essay because out of essay one and two, I felt that this one needed more

revision and that I could make it better. The first thing I did before going in to revise it was look

at the comments that were left on my submission because I felt that those would give me a

starting point. The first thing I revised was my thesis because it was repetitive and contained too

many unnecessary words. While I did not change my thesis, I took out what was not needed and

condensed it so that my argument was clear, and it was not as lengthy since that can be

overwhelming. The majority of my edits were focused on the analysis of my artifacts. The

biggest change that was made within these paragraphs was breaking them up. Looking back at

the original version, especially for my first artifact, the second paragraph was too long and

needed to be broken up because it was difficult to read and comprehend the points I was making.

Within the same paragraphs on the first artifact, I also analyzed the genre conventions more in

depth and explaining how the quotes related back to my thesis and the overall understanding of

the audience. I did this so that the reader would be able to see why I included the quotes I did and

understand why I focused on the genre conventions within the artifact.

Along with the first artifact, my analysis on my second paragraph also received a lot of

revision. I broke these paragraphs up as well so that each paragraph had a general topic or
Cooper 2

specific device I was analyzing. Again, breaking this big paragraph into smaller ones gave the

paper more of a flow and the information came across more clearly and was not so intertwined

with the other facts and analysis. While I focused on going more in depth with the genre

conventions in the first artifact, I focused more on explaining the details of the purpose found

within the second artifact since my analysis did not relate back to my thesis the way it should

have. I did this by explaining how the purpose relates to the deeper understanding of the topic to

the audience since that is an important aspect in this essay.

Finally, I focused on the paragraph where I analyzed the two artifacts by including how

both pieces work together to inform the audience of the issue since the audience is the same for

both artifacts. I included how even though each of them presents a different piece of the

information that relates to the overall topic, both are seeking to inform the patients in one way or

another. Since I discussed different rhetorical elements when analyzing the artifacts on their

own, I added a sentence about how these elements needed to be different since the academic

journal and the interview sought to inform the audience in two very different ways.