A New “Friend” in Town

by Deanna Onori
Jack Tripper was recently spotted in Manhattan, New York, at the Central Perk coffee shop with
Monica Geller. When we caught up with Jack, he shared that he had to
say good-bye to roommates Janet and Terri in Santa Monica when he
received an offer to open his restaurant, “Jack’s Bistro” in New
York. Jack has been in search of new roommates, but just anyone
would not do. It is no surprise that Jack and Monica managed
to connect as they both work in the Culinary Industry. It is rumored
that she plans to introduce him to her friend and local actor, Joey
Tribbiani, who is looking for a new roommate. Social media posts
showed that Joey’s friend, Chandler, moved out about a year ago
when he and Monica tied the knot, and he has been in the hunt for a new roommate ever since.
Tripper and Tribbiani are two of the most eligible bachelors out there. Putting them in the same
apartment could be interesting. Keep an eye on social media because one thing is for sure, there
could never be a dull moment with Jack Tripper and Joey Tribbiani in the same room.

Chrissy Snow’s Realty

“NOBODY “Snows” real estate like me.”
Get a complimentary pair of short shorts with every sale.
Christmas “Chrissy” Snow
702.375.SNRT(7678)

You gotta be Kitten me Bobby Flay!
by Katie Franco
Celebrity chef Bobby Flay announced on Good
Morning America that he has decided to turn all his
Las Vegas properties into fine dining establishments
for cats only. During the 2020 quarantine, Flay
realized his true passion was cooking for his two
beloved cats Nacho and Stella. Flay made sure Nacho
and Stella had gourmet meals daily,
and noticed there were no places to
take his cats out to eat with him. That
is when he had the idea to turn his
restaurants into the most hip cat
hangouts in town. Flay says that
training for chefs and staff will start
immediately, and he's bringing in
animal handling experts so the staff will be well
trained to treat your cat like a true high roller.
Renovations on some properties have already begun,
as some casino guests have said they spotted tiny
furniture being brought into Flay’s establishments.
Let's all stay tuned for grand opening date
announcements, because this is definitely not one to
miss!
Harry and Niall's Bundle coming Valentine's Day 2022
by Consuelo Cuhate
Sources say they saw Harry Styles walking out of an OBGYN office filed a hefty 500 million dollar
this morning, wearing an oversized coat to hide his 6-month pregnancy.
When asked who was the father of his child, he answered, “the love of
my life, Niall Horan.”
When asked how long their affair was going on, he replied, “6 years on
and off. We both wanted to be together, but we have not had too much
luck to build a stable relationship due to being a part of 1Direction and
seeing other people. But now that we are expecting our bundle of joy,
we can be together forever.” To end his interview, he said, " I cannot
wait to post a picture of our beautiful baby when he or she is born on
Valentine's Day 2022".
2
BREAKING NEWS: Suez Canal blocked...
AGAIN!
by Brittney Cox
You can kiss your Christmas presents goodbye
this year! Our very own Johnny Depp, AKA Jack
Sparrow, has done it again; he has dressed up as a
pirate and has stolen yet another ship. This time
he got himself stuck in some troubles literally.
Johnny has lodged a boat containing what is
believed to be thousands of Christmas presents,
sideways in the Suez Canal. According to
witnesses at the scene, Johnny was celebrating
finding “shiny treasure” in the Canal, when he let
go of the wheel, and the ship began to quickly
become lodged. Authorities at the Canal reported
Johnny was found holding a bottle of Captain,
and had a blood alcohol level of 0.25, way over
the legal limit of .08. Our team interviewed
Johnny hours later, and were
shocked by his answer. When
asked what he had to say for
himself, Johnny stated, “It was
totally worth it. I found Kim
Kardashian’s earring and it is
all mine!” Hours later, the ship
is still stuck in the Suez Canal,
and the Kardashian's have
lawsuit against Johnny.
DON’T FORGET THE TURKEY!!!
 3

Make No Bones about It

by Gordon Knighton
practically aged backwards. He looks like he’s in his
20ies again.” Can this amazing change be the work of
skilled plastic surgeons or something darker and
Last Sunday tiktok celebrity Jonathan Graziano received quite the
mysterious? Rumors started over the extremely risky
surprise as a living cartoon walked right out of his TV! Jonathan and
measures of the surgery and the longevity of the
his 13 year old pug Noodles have become a viral sensation on tiktok
procedure. Some say that his new treatment cost him
with their show "No Bones" in which they determine if Noodles will
millions. Shortly after Robert posted the picture there
stand or flop down. Millions of fans have been using the videos to
was a rally outside of his house. There were fans
determine what kind of day they will have. He was in the middle of
present, and an angry group who were yelling that
one such video, when living cartoon Shaggy Rogers, Mr. Downey Jr. sold his soul to have youth again. Of
from the animated children's cartoon Scooby-Doo, course this crowd got a lot of media attention and
walks out of his television holding a half eaten 5 foot now people are wondering if it could be possible.
tall sandwich. When reporters arrived on the scene, the Over the years we have known Downey to take risks,
beloved childhood hero seemed to be slowly but to join a cult to regain his youth seemed very
erasing, however they did manage to get a few words far-fetched. That was until we saw the strange and
from him before he completely suspenseful Illuminati symbols around his house and
disappeared."Well zoinks guys I don't know, one property. Can this be true? Can our beloved Iron man
minute I was chowing down on a double triple-decker sardine and be part of the dark cult Illuminati like many other
marshmallow fudge sandwich with my pal Scoob, and the next I'm in celebrities are accused of?
this guy's house with a pug that has no bones man." Jonathan, when
asked, declared, "You can watch the unusual incidents on his tiktok
Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter for
more updates!
under the handle @jongraz" and refused further comments. Perhaps we
will never get to the bottom of this mystery. If only we had some
meddling kids to investigate the matter!

Robert Downey Jr. New Face CULT or Clueless to America's Next Top Model
SURGERY by Abigail Luna

by Aranza Larez
Robert Downey Jr. broke the internet early this week
with a selfie he posted on Instagram. Sources close
to Mr. Downey have given us intel about his risky
new plastic surgery, done earlier this month. This
secret was kept on the down-low for almost 2 weeks!
His new face is the stuff of dreams. Sources say “he
This just in: Cher Horowitz is not so clueless anymore! Cher just got signed as a
contestant on America's Next Top Model. Cher was seen talking to Tyra Banks
at a local club, having drinks in Los Angeles, last Monday. Cher appeared on the
video interview to announce her appearance on the show, and her ideas on how
she plans to win Top Model. Sources say that the other contestants think her
father Mel Horowitz bought her a spot on the show, and many are not happy
about her advantages. When asked about this, Cher replied, "Ewww as if". Tyra
Banks has not spoken about these allegations and has declined several
interviews.. We'll be hearing more next Sunday at 8 when Mel Horowitz comes
in for a live interview and shares his side of the story.
 4

Good Old Fashioned Prairie House Cooking Celebrity Refreshment News

by Jose Manuel Ponce by Ronisha Wesley

Top celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay is on the road Halle Berry! Halle Berry! The
looking for the best and worst food in the country. Academy Award winning actress
Fortunately, Gordon stumbled into Walnut, Minnesota. Halle Berry has a new movie called
Gordon stopped by Nellie’s Restaurant and Hotel, to see BRUISED that she directed, and it
will be airing November 24 on
what this old-timey cooking had to offer. Ramsay's
Netflix. This movie is about a woman
opinion on the food may surprise you. Caroline Ingalls, who is a great prize fighter trying to
a long time worker, was surprised to see Ramsay at her restaurant, but reclaim her power inside and outside
was confident he’d love the food. Gordon definitely wasn’t impressed of the ring. And check this out: the
by the décor, but as soon as the food came out, he was pleasantly soundtrack will only feature female
surprised. “My God, this food is bloody impressive!” exclaimed Gordon music artists.
as heard by nearby witnesses. Ramsay was also heard saying how much Foran example
he loved the desserts the restaurant had to offer too. News of Ramsay’s you would have
admiration of the food traveled fast, and the local area is said to have an artists like The
increase of tourists. So if you want to try the food that Gordon Ramsay City Girls and
raves about, stop by Nellie’s Restaurant and Hotel !!! Young M.A.
Before we finish our drinks(spilling
the tea), don't forget to go check out
"Bewitching Housewife" all of the new music by Summer
Walker, Wale and Adele that was
by Penny Harris
released this week and some
There’s a new “be-witch” on the Housewives of Beverly Hills, and her name is Samantha. will be releasing next week.
Samantha Stephens, her husband Darrin, and their two kids, just moved out West from
the East coast. Reportedly, she has been seen around town, twitching her nose. “Yeah she Don’t forget to try our
does this thing with her nose, it’s like moving back and forth, kind of like she has some
weird type of allergy”, said Erika Jane. “Yeah it’s allergies alright. She probably got a signature drink for the week.
hatchet nose job. No one beats Beverly Hills plastic surgeons”, snorted Lisa Rinna while
rolling her eyes. “Whatever she’s doing, it’s working”, snarled Kyle Richards, “I caught a glimpse of her Pineapple Sunrise
birth certificate, and it says she was born in 1857!” How does Samantha respond to all of the hearsay?
“These girls are just jelly. Where I come from, everyone looks ageless and beautiful. It may take a little bit
of nosing around to see what makes these gals tick, but I will have them under my spell in no time!” Mimosas
● 4 ½ cups pineapple juice
Family Hoarder ● 1 ⅛ cups orange juice
● ⅓ cup lime juice
by April Rideout DID I DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ●
●
¼ fresh pineapple, sliced
½ blood orange, sliced
● ½ lime, sliced
It has been brought to our attention that celebrity Jaleel White also known as ● 1 (750 milliliter) bottle Prosecco
(Italian sparkling wine)
Steve Urkel, will be the next participant on the television show, Hoarders. ● ¼ cup Campari
Jaleel (Urkel), who starred on 9 seasons of Family Matters, has been hoarding ● 4 slices pineapple and orange
hundreds of suspenders. According to department stores JC Penny's, Sears and slices, for garnish
Macy's, Jaleel visited stores and purchased every last pair of suspenders that Please drink responsibly !!!!!
were in stock. Sources say that he has been doing this for the past 5 years.
When asked what he would be doing with so many suspenders, his response
was, "Oops, did I do that?", while pushing up his glasses.