Peer Editing

Cause-Effect Essay
Writer: Nguyen Quang Anh Tuan Date: 8/9/2021
Peer Editor: Nguyen Xuan Truong
Essay Title: As a student of HNMU, you are likely to experience some problems of
studying in insufficient learning conditions. Write to your university administration board
and explain the causes and effects of insufficient learning conditions.
(1)I am a sophomore of Hanoi Metropolitan University. (2)Throughout my learning
process, some problems occurred and caused insufficient learning conditions such as
moving from place to place for learning and online learning. (3)This essay will explain
the causes of insufficient learning conditions and its effects on the efficient of learning.
(4)The first problem that I want to mention is moving from place to place for
learning. (5)In the middle of second term of my first year, our school’s facilities needed
to be upgraded so I had to go to another school to learn some subjects. (6)The next reason
is Covid-19 pandemic. (7)This pandemic made us quarantine at home and in order to
maintain the learning process, online learning is the best solution.
(8)Firstly, moving from school to another school to learn different subjects wasted a
lot of time. (9)It took me 5 to 10 minutes to get there- I used to be late for classes due to
this problem. (10)Secondly, I have to learn online because of Covid-19 pandemic.
(11)Online learning has disadvantages compared to traditional learning and sometimes it
is not effective. (12)Some problems like unstable connection may occur and make the
learning process less effective.
1. What is the essay about? The causes and effects of insufficient learning conditions.
2. Do the ideas progress smoothly: Yes
3. Do all the topic sentences support the thesis statement: Yes
4. Are the supporting details ralated to the topic sentence: Yes
5. Is it easy to understand the connection between the causes and the effects: Yes
6. Check for wordiness: No wordiness
7. Does the writer restate the thesis in the conclusion: Yes
8. Logical between the introduction and conclusion paragraph: Yes
 Complete Essay

I am a sophomore of Hanoi Metropolitan University. Throughout my learning

process, some problems occurred and caused insufficient learning conditions such as
moving from place to place for learning and online learning. This essay will explain the
causes of insufficient learning conditions and its effects on the efficient of learning.
The first problem that I want to mention is moving from place to place for learning.
In the middle of second term of my first year, our school’s facilities needed to be
upgraded so I had to go to another school to learn some subjects. The next reason is
Covid-19 pandemic. This pandemic made us quarantine at home and in order to maintain
the learning process, online learning is the best solution.
Firstly, moving from school to another school to learn different subjects wasted a lot
of time. It took me 5 to 10 minutes to get there- I used to be late for classes due to this
problem. Secondly, I have to learn online because of Covid-19 pandemic.)Online
learning has disadvantages compared to traditional learning and sometimes it is not
effective. Some problems like unstable connection may occur and make the learning
process less effective.
In conclusion, insufficient learning conditions can make the learning process less
effective.
 Peer Editing
Cause-Effect Essay
Writer: Nguyen Xuan Truong Date: 8/9/2021
Peer Editor: Nguyen Quang Anh Tuan
Essay Title: As a student of HNMU, you are likely to experience some problems of
studying in insufficient learning conditions. Write to your university administration board
and explain the causes and effects of insufficient learning conditions.
(1) Insufficent learning condition has become one of the most remarkable issue for
not only students buts also for adults .(2) What potential problems does this pose ?. (3)As
a learner of HNMU , i am suffering to deal with some difficulties while learning .
(4)To begin with, covid pandemic is the biggest reason why we are now suffing hard
condition. (5)Because of the covid, we can not go to join our school so we have to learn
without the direct intruction from our lecturer. (6)We can not gain enough knowledge as
the traditional class. (7)In addition to continue learning process , we started learning on
the internet .(8) Another problem appear because not all student have a good internet
connection.(9) For example , if you live far from the city center, your poor internet
connection will be broken down when you join in your class. (10)These could effect
badly on your learing result .
(11)So if these proble lasted for a long time , what will be the most serious
consequences ?

1. What is the essay about? Explain the causes and effects of insufficient learning
conditions.
2. Add the thesis statement to the essay. Thesis statement: This essay will explain the
causes of insufficient learning conditions and its effects on the efficient of learning.
3. Do all the topic sentences support the thesis statement: Yes
4. Are the supporting details ralated to the topic sentence: Yes
5. Is it easy to understand the connection between the causes and the effects: Yes
6. Check for wordiness: Eliminate (11)
7. Does the writer restate the thesis in the conclusion: No
8. Logical between the introduction and conclusion paragraph: No

Complete Essay
Insufficent learning condition has become one of the most remarkable issue for not
only students buts also for adults What potential problems does this pose ?. As a learner
of HNMU , I am suffering to deal with some difficulties while learning . This essay will
explain the causes of insufficient learning conditions and its effects on the efficient of
learning.
To begin with, covid pandemic is the biggest reason why we are now suffing hard
condition. Because of the covid, we can not go to join our school so we have to learn
without the direct intruction from our lecturer. We can not gain enough knowledge as the
traditional class. In addition to continue learning process , we started learning on the
internet . Another problem appear because not all student have a good internet
connection. For example , if you live far from the city center, your poor internet
connection will be broken down when you join in your class. These could effect badly on
your learing result .