Embarrassing

By Danielle Brett Large

The incident happened a few months ago, but I could swear it was yesterday. I met a guy at a

volleyball game. His name was Sean, he was really cute, and had a great sense of humour. He had

brownish-blond hair, blue eyes, and a body you would swear was carved by angels. After talking for a

while between games, we realized how much we had in common. We hung out that weekend (just as

friends) we went to a movie, and out for supper. I had a great time with him, so we decided to hang out

the next weekend, and continued to go out every weekend after that. Every day spent with him was

another unforgettable memory made, I loved spending time with him, it didn’t matter what we were

doing, as long as I was with him. I really liked Sean, and I was pretty sure he liked me too. I waited

patiently for him to ask me out, not just as friends. But, sadly it never happened. I was going crazy, I was

happy to have him as a friend, but I wanted more than “just friends”.

I spent every night thinking about him, thinking about what it would be like if we ever were ever

together. I dwelled over this for months, wondering why he had never asked me out. Wondering if he

ever would. I deliberated asking him myself, but I didn’t. I was afraid of rejection, afraid of what it would

do to our friendship. I held my emotions and feelings inside. It seemed to be working, but as time went

by, the more feelings I developed for Sean. And the harder it became for me to be with him without

actually “being with him”.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore; I had to tell him how I felt. We were going to go to the fair

that night. My stomach was doing back flips, my throat felt like it was swelling. I was so nervous, but so
excited at the same time. I didn’t know what to feel. Finally I just blurted it out “Sean I love you.” He

looked at me in confusion as I awaited his response, he turned beet red as he said “Dani, I’m gay. I

thought you knew.” I looked at him and started to cry. The man I have been in love with for as long as

I’ve known him doesn’t even like girls. I was shaken, heart-broken, and unbearably embarrassed; we

sat in the theatre, in dead silence, left with only our thoughts of what had just happened.

After the movie, we tried to avoid any confrontation with each other, but this wasn’t something

we could avoid. We sat down and decided to talk about it, he asked how long I’d had these feelings, and

I could get past it and just go back to being friends. I replied to him “I really wished I we could still be

friends, but it has become too hard to be with you without actually being with you. I think it’s best if we

don’t see each other anymore.” That night he drove me home, not a word was said the whole way. I’ll

never forget the embarrassment I felt that night.