Maria Caxaria

Maria Santos
Íris Santos
Joana Cerqueira

Arabic music playing in the background. Two people ( siblings) approach a vendor selling
wares (mercadoria). They are in Dubai

Vendor 1- Come buy my wares, they are the best in this whole market. You won’t find better
prices and better quality. Come, come. Come and take a look.

Woman- Look at that glass sculpture of Burj Khalifa! It’s amazing, grandmother would love
it!!!

Man- Our grandmother collects porcelain dolls, I don’t think she would-

Vendor 1- I see you are looking at my trinkets, take two and I will make you a special price,
just for you. And if you are on your honeymoon I will offer you a box of sweets.

They look at each other.

Woman- Oh wow, you guessed it. We are indeed on our honeymoon.

Man- Are we? I wasn’t aware of that!

The woman kicks him.

Woman- Of course we are! We are seeking something to offer my grandmother and we are
not sure of what to offer her. What would you recommend?

Vendor 1- Ohh, so since you are asking, I will show you the gem of my collection. I have this
beautiful piece of rope, it’s called the rope of skheef (parvo em arabe). It was found in an
Egyptian pyramid back in the fifties. This rope is gold plated and I’ll make you a good price.

Man- Mmm, that seems rather unnecessary to me. Why would I need a rope like that? Give
me a good reason and I will buy it!

Vendor 1- Do you want a good reason? I will give you one. This is a great piece to show to
your friends at parties? They would all be jealous. I bet that they don’t have a rope that is as
good as this.

Man- Sis, we need to buy this. Jon would be so jealous. I can even imagine his face when
he sees this.

Vendor 1- What does sis mean?

They ignore him and keep talking.

Woman- No! We are not going to buy that. We don’t need it!!

Man- But john-

Gets another vendor in the scene.

Vendor 2- Everything that comes out of Khalid Naim Samir’s mouth is a lie. And I can prove
it! That “gold” you see in the rope is spray painted. It 's a forgery.

Vendor 1- Don’t listen to him, Farouk Altair Rafik is lying through his teeth.

The man starts to eat stolen popcorns from vendor 1

Vendor 2- No I am not, in fact I can make an even better deal! Come and look upon the rope
of glupav ( estupido em macedônio). This rope came from the first civilization to have ever
walked upon this earth. The ancients macedonians. This rope is embedded with amethysts,
one of the most valuable gems in the world.

Vendor 1- Lies, all lies. These gems, he spoke so proudly about, are nothing but plastic. And
I can prove it to you.

Vendor 2- Oh but I can prove to you that he is the one who is lying. My cousin Mohammad is
friends with Mohammed, who is friends with Karim, who saw Farouk Altair Rafik buying his
famed rope in decathlon and I even have pictures if you want to see.

Vendor 1- That’s outrageous!! How dare you! I swear on my mother’s grave.

Vendor 2- On your mother’s grave? My cousin Youseff, who heard from Hassan, the baker,
that heard from Jamal, the postman, that he saw your mother on minipreço the other day
buying you strawberry flavored lollipops. That is embarrassing ( pausa dramática).
Everybody knows that apple flavored lollipops are the best.

Woman- Enough! We won’t buy any of your ropes. I just wanted the glass sculpture of Burj
khalifa!

Vendor 2- Oh I happen to have exactly what you are looking for. I have that sculpture right
here.

Woman- That is not even the Burj Khalifa. That is the Pisa tower. You shouldn't trust a word
that comes out of his mouth.

Man- It takes a liar to recognise another liar. Our mother told us. And yes, she is not my
wife, she is my sister. And by the way thanks for the popcorn.

Vendor 1- (inalar exageradamente) This were from my favorite aunt Soraia Malika Najla.
Man- Why does your family have such strange names? You know what, don’t answer. And
we will take those sweets you offer. Thank you, we will be going now.