Diary of No One

By Jarsey Krim Alob Taub

In the late evening when the shadows were long hovered by my body, I sat quiet and
unmoving approximately near in my favorite spot. I heard the statues whispering to me of the
past I could never forget, hinting slyly of the future I was trying to ignore. Flickering ghostly in
the pale light of the rising moon were the uh-oh regrets that told me in my entire life that I could
and I should have done it differently. In the bitterness of twilight, my skin was bathed by the kiss
of strong winds. As I was enjoying the darkest moment, hidden secrets of the past rose up to
trouble me. I look around only to see no one but me. The rage and fire my ancestors had felt
returned to torment and twist myself.

A sudden smile had pasted my lips, together with the tears that passed through my
cheeks. No! I mean it is a drop of rain coming from above. I’m not crying! And I’ll never cry
myself! My heart had stopped its beat for a while, remembering those people who monster my
life. Reminiscing the path I once had, everyone resembles everyone. Gotcha! They all look
familiar because a devil has only one face with ample of bodies he uses for hiding himself.

“Come on! Come and get me! You fool!” savoring the bravery who keeps my soul
exuberantly intact, I shouted. Helping myself to get serious about the situation, I burst out
laughing. See? I’m the real brave here! No one but only me. It was on the middle of my laughter
that a loud silence of “Bang!” murmurs in my ear. My heart throbbed in triple times as I held my
breath as if little bugs are up to crawling in my nose and mouth to stop me from living at the
moment. As I came fast approaching my death, memories of the yesteryears flash flooded my
mind going back to what I’ve been and what I’ve done answering those questions you had since
you started reading this diary of mine, the diary of no one.

I’d been a child believing that the world is spelled by happy tales and pronounced with a
perfect twist of good venture. I thought love is brilliant smooth clothe of a newly sued satin. I
was still a child but I’ve already been fooled. Was ignorance a big sin? Could this innocence of
a child be the root of bad circumstances? I was only seven years old, young in age, young in
appearance, when I witnessed the prison-like world. Instead of realm waiting for me, people
were enslaved by their own words, where action is only a projection.

I once heard my mama her “Ssssh” sound towards my papa. “You should be careful by
now! If our child will find out about us fighting endlessly the whole night, she might end up
having her first heartbreak! Our child is the only reason why we are keeping this marriage
alive.” It is when I saw my mama pleading, kneeling in front of my father who used to be the
man I adore so much. It is that day when I started hating my papa. A pang of pain in my chest
was present seeing him betraying my mama.

“Stop crying mama. Stop hurting yourself. I’ll help you ending that suffering of yours.”
I’m not the one who says it but my inner self. My hands act independently, having the ability to
grasp the sharpest object I found upon racing in the kitchen.

“Darling! Papa’s home!” I took a glimpse on a tall man with dark hair turning grey, a
man who called me his daughter. I try not to look anymore at his face, forgetting as well the
nice, warm, and safe feeling he gave me. “Come on Darling. Papa has missed you so much.”
And for the last time, my feet brought me towards the person whom I really hate and cursed to
death. “Scritch!” that was exactly the sound that touches my ear the instance that my dear knife
sealed the man’s death.

Thanks with the age I have; it saves me going behind the bars. I was been pardon for I
was just a child who had helped her mother ending the pain she was going through. “Mother,
you are now healed.” a little voice of mine lingers on the pillars of the house.

Long sweetest years passed slowly, bending the time given to people, I am proud being a
17 years old lady who will become a woman soon. Thinking everything is well, life is good to
me, and thankful to have such mama who’s ideal above all, I have nothing that I desire to have
anymore. That’s when I’ve been fooled again. Uh-oh! Mama lied to me! Mama made me fool!

The mother I thought ideal is no near to perfection. Another of those words I need to
master. I’d sworn to eliminate those who will betray me. She promised me her love and attention
but letting another guy enter her life with me means breaking that oath. I used to be mama’s
little girl who gets lot of attention until that man come to take my place. I stood in the doorway
and stared at her, my heart pounding for I wanted so much to run on her arms and sit on her lap
like what I used when I was a little one. I was about to take another step towards her but I found
her, happy and rising to extend her arms towards that man.

“You stole her from me.” I cried like a baby without caring on the surroundings I am in.
“She was the best friend I ever had. The only one who really loves me and now that you stole her
away so now she likes you better.” replacing an evil grin from single curve on my lips, I am now
having a hard time killing their time. Being an audience on the both of them, fate had informed
me that he is on my side.

“Bang!” it is strange but I love the sound of that thing, a bang that seems a love song to
my ear, wanting myself to dance in rhythm. Voila! They are fighting and that man was dressed
already in a red coating. I love the picture of blood being printed on his shirt. Not until I
realized that another love song had started to plunge in my ear. A loud thud that gives me cues
to bid a good bye to the woman who gave me birth. Roaring nearer to their last romance shots, I
feel scared knowing that I never feel anything but happiness.

Sun won the game in the sky and shone hot on my head which I almost heard my brain
frying on its own. How many years have passed since those people who used to be part of my life
were gone? Well, I am now Twenty-five and I don’t have plan counting those years that passed
without them. Gathering the comics I am currently enjoying, I stood up and walk past through
the lobby that leads me towards the exit. And since destiny was not on my side that day, I fell on
the ground and someone help me standing up. That’s how I come to know the man I never
thought rushing in my life.

How did it get there? I retraced my crawl of love story with my eyes remembering how
we both had made it. We are now 3 years and counting. No! Scratch that! We just lasted 3 years
because at the moment, I don’t have a plan but to give him his last wish before he dies. I’ve been
fooled again! People are really born liars. Mama, papa, and now the love of my life was lying
all these years? How could he! He was never been loyal to me and now I’m making his death
honest towards him.

“Your last wish, Jon?” my voice going through his soul as I let the gun I am holding
kissing on his skull. His mouth gaped open, even as a wild look of horror came to his brown eyes
and made them dark. “Please let me live. I once love you.” I watched as he begun to tremble.
Almost as I was about to send him to his own death, my fingers has their own life to stop me
from clicking it as he whisper the words that brings a sudden chill to my spine. “You are love,
your mother, your father, and me. You are love! It might not have been a perfect love but still
you are love!” my hands were shaking and that’s when I let him go from my grip.

Soon as he was out of sight, I slipped in the late evening when the shadows were long
hovered by my body; I sat quiet and unmoving approximately near in my favorite spot. I heard
the statues whispering to me of the past I could never forget, hinting slyly of the future I was
trying to ignore. Flickering ghostly in the pale light of the rising moon were the uh-oh regrets
that told me in my entire life that I could and I should have done it differently. In the bitterness
of twilight, my skin was bathed by the kiss of strong winds.

A sudden smile had pasted my lips, together with the tears that passed through my
cheeks. No! I mean it is a drop of rain coming from above. I’m not crying! And I’ll never cry
myself! My heart had stopped its beat for a while, remembering those people who monster my
life. Reminiscing the path I once had, everyone resembles everyone. Gotcha! They all look
familiar because a devil has only one face with ample of bodies he uses for hiding himself.

“Come on! Come and get me! You fool!” savoring the bravery who keeps my soul
exuberantly intact, I shouted. Helping myself to get serious about the situation, I burst out
laughing. See? I’m the real brave here! No one but only me. It was on the middle of my laughter
that a loud silence of “Bang!” murmurs in my ear. My heart throbbed in triple times as I held my
breath as if little bugs are up to crawling in my nose and mouth to stop me from living at the
moment. It was too late to realize that I was being shot by one of the authority, as the serene
keeps surrounding me. “Please let her live! She’s no one but only a girl who lost herself in love!
The wrong thing she has done was she got the wrong idea of love.” I am now at the final stage of
my life as I hear his voice, the voice of the man who almost has taught me of what should be the
real love could be but my time is up.

“You are loved my dear. Let go of the pain as I will heal you my child. For now, sleep as
I say so, sleep with a good heart. Give yourself a peace my child. You are not alone all these
years, I’ve seen your sorrow and pain. You are no one but a God’s child no matter what, always
remember that.” It was a voice echoing from above. Facing my end, I will sleep peacefully,
knowing that I was loved and realizing that I am not just no one for I am His’. That golden voice
was now my favorite song I love to hear the moment I will wake up.