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Research Essay Current
Research Essay Current
Amy Spicer
Professor Helmers
communicating can still pose a challenge. The presentation of the information is just as
important as the information itself. This is especially true when the conversation contains
someone with inadequate communication skills, causing immediate feelings of dread. Although
some professionals declare avoiding difficult conversations reveals character weakness, nearly
As human beings, one of the fundamental needs we all have is to be heard. To be listened
to and understood. However, in order to be heard, we must first learn to communicate. Defined
in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as: “the transmittal of information, thought, or feeling so that
Acquiring conversational skills and etiquette are an important part of socialization and impact
our ability to build trust and connect with others. “Pro-social behavior is often referenced as the
very essence of human nature.” (Balboa PhD, Nicklaus) Conflicts are known to be the most
difficult of all conversations at the workplace. People have been known to go to extreme lengths
in order to avoid the confrontation that accompanies having a difficult conversation. In fact,
conflict resolution is one of the most researched interpersonal skills in the corporate world. The
consequence of poor communication when confronting a sensitive situation is the liklihood for
right words in the right way. An article in Science Direct entitled, “Emotion:Current Opinion of
Psychologists,” explains how the biography of our emotions, and the backstory of our behavior
are directly affected by previous experiences with language. Outlining the direct connection
answers into why, we avoid having difficult conversations. I admit, I will dodge a difficult
conversation for as long as I can get away with it. That applies to both my personal and
professional life. Despite having endured the consequences of postponing the inevitable, I
continue to do so. That is what lead me to choose this topic for my research. Painfully aware of
my own sensitive nature; I place half of the blame there, the other half is on fear. In perfect
alignment with the dozens of studies and researched literature I’ve reviewed, I’m certain fear is
the reason I avoid having difficult conversations. Well, fear and a huge dislike of confrontation. I
do all I can to prevent others from feeling anything other than good or happy. I sugar coat or
dance around giving negative feedback. I avoid or cautiously respond to questions that require an
opinion, so as not to offend anyone. I often find myself acting as a buffer between my teenagers
to protect their feelings. It only recently occurred to me what a disservice I have done to them.
The cruelty of this world requires one to have thick skin, In addition to, the ability to accept
constructive criticism. Seeking to evade confrontation, I have avoided phone calls and social
gatherings, in addition to wasting hours of time devising alternative ways to approach a sensitive
issue. This is limited to my personal life, for the most part. As several years ago, my younger,
less assertive self, learned a lesson It caused me great embarrassment and made me question my
own authority.......
In anticipation of what would surely be uncomfortable, an unavoidable meeting with my
supervisor and others, taught me a valuable lesson about avoiding difficult conversations in the
workplace. My concern for the feelings of a co-worker, not wanting to make a big deal of a
minor infraction for fear of appearing like I was on a “power trip”. I allowed myself to turn a
blind eye to the bending of a rule in order to preserve the relationship between myself and my
co-worker, whom I sat next to and worked closely with every day, During the meeting, when
questioned about the incident, I was unable to defend my decision. I skirted around the severity
of the situation, I let my fear of confrontation and of how I would be viewed, prevent me from
standing my ground and enforcing company policy. It resulted in my appearing weak and unable
to take control of a situation. I proved I was unable to run the office without a direct supervisor
about,”(Garfinkle, Joel) such as delivering unwanted news or maybe discussing the birds and
bees with your children. Differences in beliefs, the neighbors barking dog, or loud screaming
music, are all examples of small issues where a conversation is needed for conflict resolution.
Conversations become difficult when painful or negative feelings are involved. The display of
anger, pain, frustration, hurt, and anxiety we see is a disguise for fear. Fear of what people may
think about you. Fear that you won’t know how to handle the repercussions. However, each of
them can also stand alone. People give many reasons for avoiding difficult conversations,
class. Nor is it limited to can be problematic for anyone. It may surprise you to know, a revered
this struggle. Those trained to perform in stressful situations, whom we trust with our lives and
the lives of our loved ones, even they are not exempt.
conversations with each other can lead to serious negative consequences for patients. The 2020
article, Avoiding Difficult Conversations in the Australian Health Sector, published in SAGE
Open Nursing where Christine King, PhD, Tanya Edlington, MA, Brett Williams, PhD, discuss
the findings of a study done from the perspective of clinical supervisors who interact with a
broad range of students, peers, and colleagues in the health sector. An action research-based
interview method known as Convergent Interviewing Process was used. This method was
created to explore issues in under researched areas. According to Brett Williams, PhD, the
“Objective of the study was to identify the reasons why difficult conversations are avoided
between health-care professionals and to gain deeper insight into the phenomenon of avoiding
difficult conversations in general.” Twenty (20) health professionals took part in the study. Ten
(10) nurses (eight (8) allied health, five (5) speech pathologists, two (2) physiotherapists, and one
(1) community support worker), and two (2) were in medicine. Of the twenty (20) nurses, two
(2) were from the private sector, the remaining eighteen (18) were in the public sector.
Figure 1: The Complexity of Avoiding Difficult Conversations. 9 themes emerged from the
Convergent Interviewing Process, briefly described below.
“The main reasons given for avoiding difficult conversations included the fear of
negative consequences, a dislike of confrontation, and a lack of confidence in their skills to have
such conversations. Contributing factors are complex and varied, as are the potential impacts to
patients when such conversations are avoided. Results of the convergent interviewing process
1: Negative Consequences of the Conversation: were the most commonly discussed issue by all
participants. not wanting “any backlash” not wanting the person to feel hurt or disliked, etc.
2: Fear of Confrontation: people in their workplace are afraid or fear confrontation, want to avoid
3: Lack of Skill: a lack of confidence brought about by a lack of skill in not only having a
difficult conversation but also in planning and reporting on this type of conversation.
4: Lack of Time: The time to plan and have a difficult conversation was another reason these
conversations were avoided. As one participant stated, “we are so busy often that we don’t really
have time to critique performance and then spend time talking about it later.”
5: Cultural Issues: a range of cultural issues including, a culture where people find it particularly
hard to report unprofessional behavior, a culture of making up for someone else’s “slack,” and a
culture of not wanting to take the lead and passing the responsibility of a difficult conversation
onto someone else. a nursing culture where senior nurses were not trained to embrace
communication style as influencing whether or not a person was more likely to avoid a difficult
conversation.
7: Size of Workplace Size of the workplace was mentioned by participants in all professions as
influencing whether conversations were avoided; however, participants were divided about the
8: Types of Difficult Conversations: placed into two categories, those relating to clinical skills
and attitudes and behavior. Participants believed that conversations about someone’s attitudes
and behaviors were more difficult than those about their clinical skills and were therefore more
likely to be avoided.
9. More Difficult Conversations About Attitudes and Behavior: Are Heavily Influenced by
“Lack of Insight”
Avoiding these conversations is associated with higher rates of medical errors and poorer
patient outcomes. For example, “The “Silence Kills” study which focused on how
communication problems in hospitals affect patient safety. used focus groups, interviews,
workplace observations, and survey data from more than 1,700 nurses, physicians, clinical staff,
and administrators, identified seven different crucial conversations that are often avoided and
correlate strongly with medical errors, patient safety, quality of care, staff commitment,
employee satisfaction, discretionary effort, and turnover “(Maxfield et al., 2005). The Silence
Kills study suggests most reasons why health-care professionals avoid difficult conversations
including people’s lack of ability to have a difficult conversation, low confidence that it will do
any good to have the conversation, fear of retaliation, lack of time, and a belief that it is not part
of their job. Results of the “Silence Kills” study, put into perspective “more Americans die each
year from medical errors than from motor vehicle accidents, breast cancer,or HIV/AIDS.” (King,
Christine)
Comparing healthcare professional results with a setting outside of health care, the
classroom setting, Abrams (2006) notes that “people avoid difficult conversations because of the
desire to be pleasing to others including both the avoidance of appearing mean as well as
wanting to be liked and respected by others; maintaining safety in terms of both emotional
comfort (avoiding any potential emotional pain or discomfort) and job security (fearing the
attempt could jeopardize one’s employment); an organizational culture where people do not face
things head-on; power/control differentials where one person may not feel they have the
authority or position to undertake the conversation, or feels the other person has power, which
makes them hesitant; priorities, such as a lack of time due to other pressing concerns; or a
personal identity based on one or more characteristics that leaves one feeling that they would not
be taken seriously.”
Study concluded the two main barriers to having difficult conversations are the fear of the
other person’s response and emotional discomfort. The study also showed that the more difficult
a conversation was, the more likely it was to be avoided. Conversations were seen as difficult
when they are about a person having to make a change. The degree of difficulty depended on
what the conversation was about, the least difficult being about clinical skills and the most
difficult about needing a change in behavior and/or attitude with a student or staff member who
“lacks insight.”
“We live in a culture based on avoidance and blame.” According to Elaine Montilla,
founder of 5xminority.com and Assistant Vice President and CIO for Information Technology at
The Graduate Center, CUNY, “The top reasons we tend to avoid conflict is because we want to
feel “safe” and make sure we are liked and supported by others. Avoiding hard conversations
leads us to swallow our feelings, which is unhealthy. Resentments we fail to address turn into
blame or anger, or they manifest in different ways, like a stress-related illness.” Faced with a
difficult conversation containing controversial topics many people focus on whether or not they
will be “liked” after speaking their mind. Their fear of not being liked or supported by others
Despite known health benefits of spiritual care and high patient interest in discussing
spirituality with their physicians, the frequency of spiritual discussions in medical consultation is
low. The top five reasons being (1) confusing spirituality with religion; (2) peer pressure; (3)
personal spirituality; (4) institutional factors; (5) historical factors. Underlying confusion
regarding the differences between religion and spirituality, and the current suspicion with which
must be able to have difficult conversations that accurately describe diagnostic procedures,
Most of us weren’t taught in school or at home how to deal with conflict effectively or in
Journal by Joel D. Marcus, PsyD, Director of Psychosocial Oncology and Palliative Care
clinicians may have difficulties with, or in the worst-case scenario, avoid delivering bad news
and discussing end-of-life treatment. Clinicians also struggle with how to have the last
“The consensus about difficult conversations as part of our professional lives, being most
people would prefer to avoid such conflict at work. Unfortunately, difficult conversations in the
workplace happen more often than they should. There is a fundamental reason for this, the “Inner
Voices.” A conversation between two people has four voices. Two of them being what each
person speaks, the other two being what each person thinks.
Figure 1. Spoken & Unspoken
Stone et al. (2010) illustrates this with an example. He shows two stick images of a
supervisor and subordinate. The speaking bubble of the supervisor says, “How is the project
going?” while his internal voice bubble says, “Why can’t you pick up and work faster?” At the
same time, the subordinate’s speaking voice bubble says, “It is going fine” while all the while his
internal voice bubble is saying, “You never help me on this. You are no good manager!” Now, as
both individuals hide their real inner voices and speak out only the superficial voices, over a
period of time, these inner voices will start to surface in almost every conversation of theirs and
suddenly one day they will find themselves in the middle of a difficult conversation that
giving a poor employee review. All are unpleasant conversations to have but necessary none the
less. Is it confrontation? conflict? Or lack of concern that prompt us to put off having difficult
find answers into why we avoid having difficult conversations. Conflicts are known to be the
most difficult of all conversations at the workplace. People are known to go to any lengths to
avoid conflict or the person. In fact, conflict resolution is one of the most researched
expressing their views, and afraid to burn bridges with others. However, according to leadership
expert and author Lisa McLeod, t’s quite the opposite, “People that address conflict head on and
No one is exempt from difficult conversations, they are a necessary evil, nor are they
limited to our own personal issues. A common reaction to unwanted impending confrontation is
wanting to avoid conflict or discord, but they’re an essential part of life, and something we need
to become more comfortable with. As to why we avoid having difficult conversations, the
research is hard to dispute, it is fear. No matter what form it presents itself, at the center is an
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Garfinkle, Joel, How to Have Difficult Conversations When You Don’t Like Conflict, Harvard
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Keating, DavidM., et al. “Family Communication Patterns and Difficult Family Conversations.”
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