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Juicy As a Peach News!

Where you can pick a peach to get the juice.

by Penny Harris on November 10

"Bewitching Housewife"
There’s a new “be-witch” on the Housewives of Beverly Hills, and her name is
Samantha. Samantha Stephens, her husband Darrin, and their two kids, just moved out
West from the East coast. Reportedly, she has been seen around town, twitching her
nose. “Yeah she does this thing with her nose, it’s like moving back
and forth, kind of like she has some weird type of allergy”, said Erika
Jane. “Yeah it’s allergies alright. She probably got a hatchet nose
job. No one beats Beverly Hills plastic surgeons”, snorted Lisa Rinna
while rolling her eyes. “Whatever she’s doing, it’s working”, snarled
Kyle Richards, “I caught a glimpse of her birth certificate, and it says
she was born in 1857!” How does Samantha respond to all of the
hearsay? “These girls are just jelly. Where I come from, everyone looks ageless and
beautiful. It may take a little bit of nosing around to see what makes these gals tick, but I
will have them under my spell in no time!”

Family Hoarder Reporter: April Rideout

It has been brought to our attention that celebrity Jaleel White also known as Steve
Urkel, will be the next participant on the television show, Hoarders. Jaleel (Urkel), who
premiered on 9 seasons of Family Matters, has been hoarding hundreds of suspenders.
According to department stores JC Penny's, Sears and Macy's, Jaleel visited stores and
purchased every last pair of suspenders that were in stock. Sources say that he has
been doing this for the past 5 years. When asked what he would be doing with so many
suspenders, his response was, "Oops, did I do that?", while pushing up his glasses. You
can catch Jaleel on the season premier of Hoarders on FunnyTV tonight, Thursday,
November 11 at 8p.m ET/PT.

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Oops She Did It Again Clueless to America's Next Top Model

Well it looks like Britney Spears has gone Reporter: Abigail Luna

back to her old ways, like really old. This just in: Cher Horowitz is not so
clueless anymore! Cher just got signed as
Britney has been missing from her social
a contestant on America's Next Top
media! Where has she gone? No one Model. Cher was seen talking to Tyra
knows for sure, without her Instagram, we banks at a local club having drinks in Los
Angeles last Monday. Cher came on
can only speculate. But reports are video interview to announce her
coming in that she has appeared in appearance on the show and her ideas
Bedrock. Will she be staying with the on how she plans to win top model easily.
Flintstones or maybe the Rubbles? Will
Slate Industries be a good fit for her? But
most importantly, what drove Britney to
make this move? Not everything was fun
and games. Everyone knows that
dancing half naked, over and over on
Instagram and all that lip syncing can be
pretty tiring. And those flights to Maui can Sources say that many other contestants
be very stressful. Maybe she just needed think her father Mel Horowitz bought her a
spot on the show and many are not happy
some good, OLD fashioned rest. Keep
about her advantages over the other
your eyes peeled, and of course, keep contestants. When asked about this Cher
checking this post for more updates. replied, "Ewww as if''. Tyra Banks has not
spoken on these allegations and has
Answering the questions, you never denied several interviews keeping it that
way. We'll be hearing more next Sunday
asked. at 8 when Mel Horowitz comes in for a
Reporter Kyle Williams live interview and shares his side of the
story. Until furthermore this is Abigail
News at 8.
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THIS WEEK’S
TOP STORIES

Beloved cartoon character discovers it's a "No Bones" day.

Last Sunday tiktok celebrity Jonathan Graziano received quite the surprise as a living
cartoon walked right out of his TV. Jonathan and his 13 year old pug noodles have
become a viral sensation on tiktok with their show "no bones" in which they determine if
Noodle will stand or flop down. Millions of fans have been using the videos to determine
what kind of day they will have. He was in the middle of one such
video when living cartoon Shaggy Rogers from the animated children's
cartoon Scooby-Doo, walks out of his television holding a half eaten 5
foot tall sandwich. When interviews arrived on the scene the beloved
childhood hero seemed to be slowly erasing however they did manage
to get a few words from him before he completely disappeared.
"Well zoinks guys I don't know, one minute I was chowing down on a
double triple-decker sardine and marshmallow fudge sandwich with my pal scoob, and
the next I'm in this guy's house with a pug that has no bones man." Jonathan, when
asked, declared "You can watch the unusual incidents on his tiktok under the handle
@jongraz" and refused further comments. Perhaps we will never get to the bottom of
this mystery if only we had some meddling kids.
Editor Gordon Knighton

A New “Friend” in Town

Reporter: Deanna Onori

Jack Tripper was recently spotted in Manhattan, New

York, at the Central Perk coffee shop with Monica Geller. When we caught up with Jack,
He shared that he had to say good-bye to roommates Janet and Terri in Santa Monica
when he received an offer to open his restaurant, “Jack’s Bistro” in New York. Jack has
been in search of new roommates, but just anyone would not do. It is no surprise that
Jack and Monica managed to connect as they both work in the Culinary Industry. It is
rumored that she plans to introduce him to her friend and local actor, Joey Tribbiani,

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who is looking for a new roommate. Social media posts showed that Joey’s friend,
Chandler, moved out about a year ago when he and Monica tied the knot, and he has
been in the hunt for a new roommate ever since. Tripper and Tribbiani are two of the
most eligible bachelors out there. Putting them in the same apartment could be
interesting. Keep an eye on social media because one thing is for sure, there could
never be a dull moment with Jack Tripper and Joey Tribbiani in the same room.

Suez Canal blocked... AGAIN!

You can kiss your Christmas presents goodbye this year as our very own Johnny Depp,
AKA Jack Sparrow has done it again; he has dressed up as a pirate and stolen yet
another ship. This time he got himself stuck in some troubles, literally. Johnny has
lodged a boat containing what is believed to be thousands of Christmas presents
sideways in the Suez Canal. According to witnesses at the scene Johnny was
celebrating over finding “Shiny treasure” in the Canal when he let go of the wheel and
the ship began to quickly become lodged. At the scene authorities reported that Johnny
was found holding a bottle of Captain, but also had a blood alcohol level of 0.25, way
over the legal limit of .08. Our team interviewed Johnny hours later and what he had to
say shocked us all. When asked what he had to say for his actions Johnny stated, “It
was totally worth it. I finally found Kim Kardashians earring and it finally is all mine!”
Hours later, the ship is still stuck, and the Kardashian's have come forward with a
lawsuit against Johnny. This is a developing story. Check back for details.
Reporter: Brittney Cox