Positive Discipline WORKBOOK

POSITIVE
DISCIPLINE
Workbook
Facilitators Guide
Dr. Jane Nelsen

Illustrated by: Alicia Diane Durand and Paula Gray
The Positive Discipline
Workbook
Facilitator’s Guide
Copyright © Jane Nelsen 2010
Revised 1/14
All rights reserved
Many of the activities are taken from the Teaching Parenting

the Positive Discipline Manual by Lynn Lott and Jane Nelsen.
www.positivediscipline.com
Published by Positive Discipline

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 2

FACILITATOR’S GUIDE INCLUDES
1. An outline for each of the six lessons in the Positive Discipline Workbook, with
referenced page numbers for the workbook so you can let your participants
know where to find them. You can follow the outline as is, AND/OR delete
and/or add whatever activities you prefer. Some facilitators may want to skip
the break and tighten the schedule for a 2 hour instead of a 2 1/2 hour class.
2. A one page “Week at a Glance” agenda including topics, activities, reading
assignments, and practice suggestions for each week that can be copied for
participants.
3. Let participants know that you have a specific time schedule to follow. This is
one of the best ways to deal with monopolizers. “I would be happy to talk
with you after class, but I need to stick to our schedule to fulfill my promise to
cover all the material.” Or, “I’m glad you brought that up. It will be covered in
an upcoming class. First, we need to create a foundation.” Or, “Please write
down your question for the ‘parking lot’ (sticky notes that can be posted on a
designated sheet of paper) and we’ll get to it during the Q and A time.”
4. Full versions of the short activities covered in the Positive Discipline Work-
book, plus the full version of the alternative activities suggested for that class.
Keep in mind that you have the discretion to use different activities from the
Teaching Parenting the Positive Discipline Way Manual by Lynn Lott and Jane
Nelsen (or others that have been created) that may seem more pertinent to
the needs of your group.
5. At the end of this guide you will find 26 posters that you can laminate (and
enlarge, if you choose) to enhance important Positive Discipline tools and
concepts. Your class room can be made more attractive by hanging these
posters on the walls and pointing them out during appropriate lessons.
6. Reading assignments for the next class and suggestions for journaling. Let
your participants know that many more tools are covered in the Positive Dis-
cipline book, and that journaling about experiences with the Positive Disci-
pline Tools covered during classes will deepen their learning. Taking time to
write about experiences, both in class (when appropriate) and/or as a home-
work assignment, accesses a different part of the brain. (Parents may be sur-
prised at the new insights they have when journaling.)
7. The latest revision of the Parents Helping Parents Problem-Solving Steps.
The workbook also serves as a quick summary of what is presented in class.

Parents Helping Parents Problem-Solving Steps
Lynn Lott and Jane Nelsen, Revised 2/14
1. Invite the volunteer to sit next to you and explain what the Parents Helping Parents
Problem-Solving Steps are. (And how he or she is now a co-teacher with you to help oth-
ers.)
2. Ask for a scribe to write the volunteer’s name, spouse’s name, and the names and ages of
all the children and other household members on a flip chart.
3. Ask the volunteer to give a newspaper type headline of the concern (just a few words). Ask
the group for a show of hands of those who have had a similar concern or felt the same.
(This is encouraging to the volunteer—and you can point out how many people he/she will
be helping.)
4. Ask the volunteer to describe the last time the problem happened, in enough detail, so the
group can get an idea for how to role-play the problem. To help the volunteer focus on
specifics, ask, “What did you do and say? What did the child (or others) do and say? And
then what happened?
5. Ask the volunteer, “How did you feel?” If he/she has trouble finding a feeling (or says, “frus-
trated”), show the Feelings column on the “Mistaken Goal Chart” and ask him/her to
choose the feeling that comes closest. Ask the group, “How many of you have felt the
same?”
6. The volunteer and the group can now find the mistaken goal in Column One and the “belief
behind the behavior” in Column Five. Point out that this is just a working hypothesis and
move quickly to the next step.
7. Ask the volunteer, “Are you willing to try something new that may be more effective?”
8. Set up a role-play. Invite the volunteer to role-play the child (or, in some cases, offer the
choice to watch). Ask for volunteers to play each part, starting with the lines they heard
during the description of the problem. Advise that they “be” the part instead of “acting” the
part. (Include volunteers to play people who might have been in another room.)
9. Stop the role-play as soon as you think they have had time to experience feelings and de-
cisions (usually less than a minute). Process by asking the role players, starting with the
child, what they were thinking, feeling, and deciding (to do) as the people they were role-
playing.
10. Ask the group to brainstorm suggestions the volunteer could try. Be sure suggestions are
addressed to the scribe at the flipchart, not to the volunteer, so the scribe can record all
suggestions. For ideas, invite the group to refer to the last column of the Mistaken Goal
Chart, and/or the Positive Discipline Tool cards, or suggestions from their personal wis-
dom.
11. Ask the volunteer to choose one suggestion to try (even if he/she claims to have tried all).
12. Bring back the volunteers to role-play the suggestion the volunteer chose, with the volun-
teer playing him/herself (so he or she can practice) or playing the child if a punitive sugges-
tion is chosen (so he/she can experience the child’s reaction). At the end of the role-play,
process the thoughts, feelings and decisions of each role player, starting with the child.
13. Ask for a verbal commitment from the volunteer to try the suggestion for one week and re-
port back to the group.
14. Ask the group for appreciations for the volunteer. (What help did you get for yourself by
watching this? What did you see that you appreciate about the volunteer? What ideas did
you see that you could use?)

SKILLS FOR STAYING ON TASK
Most facilitators like to be over prepared instead of under prepared. This facilitators
guide includes more than you can cover in 2 1/2 hours, so it will be up to you to choose
what you want to cover, discard or replace. I suggest you have a "General Agenda"
posted on the wall as follows: (Adapt the times if you are doing 2 1/2 hours.)
7:00 - 7:25 Review of reading assignments, questions, sharing of success stories.

7:25 - 7:40 Warm-up
7:40 - 8:00 PD Information (often through an activity or demonstration)
8:00 - 8:15 Break for networking
8:15 - 8:25 Questions, comments, sharing
8:25 - 8:45 Activity (followed by processing and discussion)
8:45 - 9:20 Parents Helping Parents Problem-Solving Steps.
9:20 - 9:30 Go over homework and reading assignments.
This agenda leaves plenty of time for 2 activities (choose your favorites) and processing
what people are learning from the activities. There is even time to refer them to a page
or two in the workbook. The rest of the workbook can be used for homework review.
It is very important to leave a full 35 minutes for the PHPPSS and 5 minutes to go
over the homework assignments.
If your classes are 2 1/2 hours long, this gives you extra wiggle room and 15 min-
utes for a break—which is important for a 2 ½ hour class.
If you are going over this amount of time, it could be that you are wan-
dering off task into long lectures or allowing long conversations among
participants that do not lead to the discovery of learning through experien-
tial activities. (Experiential activities and the PHPPSS are what makes Positive Disci-
pline classes different and more effective than most parenting classes.
SKILLS FOR KEEPING ON TASK:

• "It is time to move on to our next part of the agenda."
• "We have an activity coming up soon that will address your question."
• "Are you willing to be the volunteer for the PHPPSS to handle that challenge?"
• Assign a volunteer to be the timer for each class to let you know when it is time
to move on to the next part of the agenda.
• Let participants know that it is important to stick to the agenda so they receive
the information and experience they need to implement Positive Discipline and
that you need their help to stay on task.
• Let them know that the PD Workbook will serve as a review of what they learn in
class and will provide additional, valuable information that is not covered in
class, and the PD book gives even more information and tools.
• Forget all you have been taught about it not being polite to interrupt. Kindly and
firmly interrupt to prevent rambling and to stay on schedule. This is respectful to
everyone and to the integrity of Positive Discipline classes.

SKILLS FOR STAYING ON TASK CONTINUED
Watch your timing and notice when you slip into lecture mode instead of inviting
most of the learning to come from participants. (Mini lectures, with an emphasis on
“mini,” may enhance their learning.)
It is respectful to stay on task and to honor the time commitment you make to peo-
ple. It is more important for them to learn a few things in the depth they receive from
the experiential activities than to try covering everything in Positive Discipline or trying
to answer all their questions. Let them know that you will cover as much as possible
and then offer another class.
PARENTS HELPING PARENT PROBLEM-SOLVING STEPS!
! Emphasize to your group that the PHPPSS is not just for the person who volunteers.
Often it is the observers and other role-players who get the most out of it—especially
when it doesn't "seem" to work. Explain that part of "Trusting the Process" is knowing
that most of the activities and the PHPPSS "keep cooking" long after the class experi-
ence—and that deepened learning takes place during the "cooking."
• If you are taking more than 35 minutes (25 minutes would be better) for the
PHPPSS, you are not sticking to the steps. :-) Are you making any of the follow-
ing mistakes?
• Are you letting the volunteer take too long to share his or her "story" instead of
sticking to the last time the challenge happened and providing a brief script?
• Are you letting people discuss and analyze the presenting challenge?
• Are you letting the role-play go too long?
• When it is brainstorming time, are you allowing people to "discuss" suggestions,
instead of teaching them to make short suggestions?
• Are you making sure the suggestions are directed to the “flip chart”—not to the
volunteer (which can seem like threatening advice giving).
• If the second role-play doesn't turn out the way you "want it to," are you trusting
the process and just leaving it alone, or are you trying to make it "work better?"
Trusting the process means knowing that what doesn't "seem" to work is just as
valuable as what does—if not more so because it encourages thinking and proc-
essing and often coming up with something better on their own.
• Give everyone a copy of the PHPPSS and inviting them to interrupt when you or
the group members gets off task?
• Study the expanded version of the PHPPSS in the Teaching Parenting Manual on
pages 269-273 to be reminded of the meaning of each step?
You will learn to revise your lessons every time you teach a class as you learn from your
mistakes and enjoy your successes.

Week at a Glance
Week Topic Activities Read Weekly

Practice
1 - What Do You Want? - Two Lists 1& - Remember what you

- Curiosity Questions - Asking vs. Telling 2 want for your children.
- Hugs for Connection - Intro to Tool Cards - Go a whole day (or more)
- Intro to Positive Discipline - Hugs of asking not telling.
Tool Cards - Parents Helping - Try a hug.
Parents Problem Solv- - Choose a PD Tool Card.
ing Steps
2 - What is Positive Discipline? - What have you tried? 3& - Practice being kind AND
- Kind and Firm - Competent Giant 4 firm.
- 3 R’s of Punishment - Tool Cards - Treat your children the
- Five Criteria & PD NO NOs - Brain in the Palm of way you would like to be
- Understanding the Brain the Hand treated.
- Positive Time Out - Piaget Demo & PTO - Create a positive time out
- PHPPSS area WITH your child.
3 - Not so Perfect Parenting - Fighting & the 3 Bs 5& - Complete the Mistaken
- Birth Order and Sibling Ri- - Candle Demo 6 Goal exercises on pages
valry - Mistaken Goals & 10-13 of your workbook.
- Belief Behind the Behavior Tool Cards - Avoid taking sides when
- Not your Job to Make your - Connie P. video children fight—treat them
Children Happy - PHPPSS the same.
4 - Why Children Misbehave - How Adults May 7, 8, - Be aware of how you

- Childhood Decisions Contribute to Misbe- &9 MIGHT contribute to mis-
- Natural and Logical havior behavior.
Consequences/Solutions - Mr./Mrs. Punishment - Start family meetings.
- Family Meetings - Family Meetings - Create a routine chart
- Routine Charts - Routine Charts with your child.
- PHPPSS
5 - Not Perfect Review - Asking vs. Telling 10, - Remember to make a

- Connection before Correc- - Thermometer Demo 11, connection before correc-
tion - Encouragement vs. tion.
&
- Encouragement vs. Praise Praise - Create a wheel of choice
- Wheel of Choice - Wheel of Choice 12 with your child.
- Don’t Back Talk - Model what you want
Back from your children.
- PHPPSS
6 - What is My Part? - What is my part and - Notice your part in con-

- Lifestyle Priorities the 4 R’s of Recov- flicts.
- Mistakes as Opportunities ery from Mistakes - Use empowering state-
to Learn - Top Card ments (review pages 12
- Empowering vs. Enabling - Empowering vs. and 13 in your work-
Enabling book).
- Ball of Yarn - Practice mistakes as op-
- PHPPSS portunities to learn.

LESSON ONE
What Do You Want for Your Children? Curiosity Questions, and Hugs
7:00 – 7:15! Family Name Card Activity. Use the simplified directions.
7:15 – 7:20! Introduce yourself. Be sure to share why you are teaching Positive
! ! ! ! Discipline —what it has meant to you.
7:20 – 7:40 !Invite participants to introduce themselves and their children using their
! ! ! ! family !name cards—and what they hope to gain from the workshop. Ask
! ! ! ! for a volunteer to write what they want on a flip chart.
7:40 – 8:00! Two Lists Activity
8:00 – 8:15! Asking vs. Telling Activity
8:15 – 8:30! Break
8:30 – 8:40! Introduction to the Positive Discipline Tool Cards
8:40 - 8:55! Hugs Activity
8:55 – 9:25! Parents Helping Parents Problem-solving Steps (You can briefly introduce
! ! ! ! the Mistaken Goal Chart while doing the PHPPSS, and have participants
! ! ! ! follow along. Let them know they’ll be learning more about the Mistaken
! ! ! ! Goals in Lesson 3.)
9:25 – 9:30! Go over reading assignments on Lesson One, page 12 of the workbook
Since many parents are busy and may skip reading the Positive Discipline book, assign
chapters to each class member (or two people per chapter) to read the assigned chap-
ter and provide a 5 minute synopsis at the beginning of the class. Suggest that they
read a few of their favorite passages. If no one has read a chapter, say, "Okay, we are
going to spend just 10 minutes taking turns reading together, to get a taste of the valu-
able information in the book.”
Workbook: Invite participants to read all the pages in their workbook where they will
find reviews of the class lessons and activities, journal pages, and reading assign-
ments.
Alternative Activities: The T-Shirt Activity, page 25 in the TP Manual

! ! ! ! ! Do as I Say Activity, page 26 in the TP Manual

FAMILY NAME CARD
OBJECTIVE:
To help participants remember names of other group members and to have a “picture”
of the children they will be helping.
COMMENT:
The Family Name Card is a way to “bring the children to class,” and is a fun way to re-
member names.
MATERIALS:
•! 8 ½ by 11 (or larger) tag board
• Photos of each family member (or see simplified version below)
• Colored Marking Pens
• Glue
• An example of your family name card
DIRECTIONS:
1. In advance, invite parents to bring small photos of themselves and their children to
class. If they don’t, they can still do the activity and add the photos at home.
2. Show an example of your family name card and then give the following instructions:
Fold the tag board in half so it will stand by itself on the floor. (During class, you will
place it in front of your feet.)
3. Paste a picture of the parent (or parents) at the top half of the tag board that will be
facing the group. Leave room for descriptive adjectives.
4. Paste pictures of children underneath, in order of their birth. Leave room for their
age and three descriptive adjectives.
5. Use marking pens and write at least three adjectives that describe you and each
member of your family after the pictures—large enough to be seen across the room.
6. Bring your family name card to each class.
DIRECTIONS SIMPLIFIED:
Have a folded tag board sitting on each chair and the sample of your name card in the
middle of the floor. Ask participants to make their own family name card using three de-
scriptive words for each member of their family. Invite them to bring photos next time to
add to their name cards.

TWO LISTS: CHALLENGES AND LIFE SKILLS
OBJECTIVE: To create a list of present challenges and future goals that will be used
in all future classes to help parents see how the challenges they face can be used to
help them understand what skills they need to teach.
COMMENT: Following with the Asking vs.Telling activity will make the above objec-
tive very clear.
MATERIALS:
• Two Sheets of Flip Chart Paper labeled:
! “Challenges” !
! “Characteristics and Life Skills”
• Masking tape.
DIRECTIONS:
1. On the paper with the heading “Challenges” ask participants to brainstorm a list of all
the behavior challenges they experience with their children.
2. You may want to have participants turn to the blank lists in their workbook on Lesson
One, page 3 to fill in their challenges list before they brainstorm out loud.
3. Let suggestions come from members of the group. If they don’t mention something
you would like to add to the list, it is okay to add it when they are done. Make sure
“not listening” and “back talk” are on list for future activities.)
4. On the paper with the heading “Characteristics and Life Skills” ask participants to
brainstorm a list of qualities, characteristics, and life skills they think children need to
be capable, confident, contributing members of society? Invite them to include every
quality they hope to help their children develop.
5. Again, you might have them individually fill out their list on Lesson One, page 3 in
their workbook before brainstorming together.
6. After they have brainstormed both lists, let them know that typical lists can be found
on Lesson One, page 4 of their workbooks. Ask if there is anything on the typical
lists that they would like to add to their individual lists on page 3, and their group
lists.
7. Post the group brainstormed lists on a wall so participants can refer to them during
the Motivational Curiosity Questions (Asking vs. Telling) Activity.
COMMENT: In this class you will learn that all challenges can be used as clues for
what you need to do to help children develop the characteristics and life skills that will
help them become capable, contributing members of society. Now you can get excited
every time you are faced with a challenge because it offers an opportunity to help chil-
dren develop the characteristics and life skills—as the next activity will demonstrate.”
FACILITATORS NOTE: Be sure to bring the Characteristics and Life Skills list to
every class. You will refer to it often at the end of activities by bringing people who role-
play children to the list to see what they learned (as children) during the activity.

ASKING VS. TELLING (MOTIVATIONAL)
OBJECTIVE:
To demonstrate how a challenge (such as not listening) from the Challenges List)
can be used to teach valuable social and life skills.
MATERIALS:
Asking Parent and Telling Parent comments printed and laminated in advance.
Characteristics and Life Skills List from Two Lists activity.
Comment:
Sometimes curiosity questions can be one simple question (motivational), and
sometimes questions that invite responses (conversational) to help children explore
the consequences of their choices (as opposed to imposing consequences on
them).
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask participants to turn to Lesson One, pages 6 and 7 in their workbooks and
discuss the points made on “My Child Doesn’t Listen” and on “Stop Telling” (in-
cluding the Conversational Questions.
2. Ask for one volunteer to be a child, and 9 volunteers to be parents who will stand
in a line.
3. Give each parent a laminated strip that has both “telling” and “asking” state-
ments. (If you have fewer than 9 volunteers, some may be given more than one
laminated strip.) Let them know their will be two rounds. During round one, the
parents will make the A. statements (telling), and during round two they will
make the B. statements (asking).
4. Let the volunteer “child” know that he or she will walk down the line and listen to
what the parents have to say. He or she is not to say anything in response to the
parents—just to notice what he or she is thinking, feeling, and deciding (about
what to do). In other words, the “child” will stand in front of the first parent in the
line, listen to the statement, notice what he or she is thinking, feeling, and decid-
ing, and then go to the next “parent.”
5. After the “child” has listened to all 9 “Telling” statements, process with the child
by asking, “What were you thinking, feeling, and deciding when hearing the
statements from these parents?”
6. Take the child to the list of Characteristics and Life Skills list and ask him or her
to see if there is anything on that list that he or she is learning (usually none of
them).
5. Now ask the “child” to walk down the line again, stopping in front of each parent
to listen the parents B statements. Again, he or she is to notice what he or she is
thinking, feeling, and deciding (about what to do) when listening to each state-
ment.

6. Again, process with the child by asking, “What were you thinking, feeling, and decid-
ing when hearing these statements”?
7. Take the child to the list of Characteristics and Life Skills again and ask him or her to
see if there is anything on that list that he or she is learning (usually most of them).
8. Process with the “parents” by asking what they were thinking, feeling, and deciding
during both rounds.
9. Invite a discussion from the group about what they learned from this activity.
10. Point out the physiology of asking vs. telling. “Notice what happens in your body
when you are given a command (telling). You body may stiffen and the message that
goes to your brain is ‘resist.’ Notice what happens to the body when you are respect-
fully asked a question. Your body relaxes and the message that goes to your brain is,
‘search for an answer.’ During the process of searching you are feeling respected,
capable, and are more likely to cooperate.”

1-A Go brush your teeth or you’ll have a mouth full of
cavities.
1-B What do you need to do so your teeth will feel squeaky

clean?
2-A Don’t forget your coat.
2-B ! What will you take so you won’t be cold outside?
3-A ! Go to bed now!
3-B What is next on your bedtime routine chart?
4-A ! Do your homework now.
4-B What is your plan for doing your homework?
5-A Stop fighting with your brother (or friend).
5-B How can you and your brother (or friend) solve this
problem?

6-A Put your dishes in the dishwasher.
6-B What did we decide, at our family meeting, to do with

our dishes when we have finished eating?
7-A Hurry up and get dressed or you’ll miss the bus.
7-B What is your plan for catching the bus on time?
8-A Stop whining. You are driving me crazy.
8-B How can you talk so I can hear you?
9-A Pick up your toys or I’ll give them to children who

don’t have any toys.
9-B What is your responsibility when you are finished

playing with your toys?

INTRODUCTION TO
POSITIVE DISCIPLINE TOOL CARDS
OBJECTIVE:
To give parents a glimpse of the many Positive Discipline tools they will be learning.
MATERIALS:
A deck of Positive Discipline Tool Cards

DIRECTIONS:

1. Pass out a deck of Positive Discipline Tool Cards. If you have a small group,
each person may have several cards.
2. Invite them to take just a minute or two to think about how one of the cards they
received could make a difference in any relationship in their lives: children,
spouse, friend, co-worker, etc.
3. Have them get into groups of 2 or 3 and share with each other.
4. Ask if anyone would be willing to share with the whole group.
5. Ask if anyone found a tool card they would like to try to solve a challenge they
might be experiencing with one of their children.
6. If no one volunteers, ask for a volunteer to share his or her card with you. You’ll
be able to look at the list of challenges and find several that the card could help
solve. Share how the tool card could work for at least one challenge.
7. Let them know that during the class they will be learning and practicing as
many Positive Discipline Tools as possible.
ALTERNATIVE:
Choose one challenge from the Two Lists activity and ask how many have a card
that might be effective to use for this challenge. They should be able to find sev-
eral.

HUGS
OBJECTIVE:
• To help parents experience the power of asking for a hug to provide connection and
encouragement that might change behavior—including their own.
• To help parents understand that it is okay to allow their children to have their feelings.
MATERIALS:
• Bob Bradbury story on Lesson One, page 11 of the workbook. (You might want
to role-play the scene, taking both parts.)
• Copy of Steven Foster stories for a volunteer to read.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask for 8 volunteers (4 to be children and 4 to be parents). It is important to ask

participants to “be in the present” when they are role-playing children. This
means they are to react (as children) to what is happening now—not what
happens when they use a non-effective parenting tool).
2. After they decide who will be parents and who will be children, ask the parents to
“adopt” one of the children to form pairs.
3. Ask for a volunteer to take the children outside the room so they can’t hear the in-
structions given to the parents while other participants are listening.
4. Instruct the parents, “Your children will have a temper tantrum. Go to your child, get
contact if you can, (put your hand on a shoulder if you can’t get eye contact) and
say, ‘I need a hug.’ Wait a few seconds to see what your child does. If your child
doesn’t give you a hug, repeat, ’I need a hug.’ If your child still doesn’t give you a
hug, say, ’I need a hug. Come find me when you are ready,’ and then walk way.”
5. Ask another volunteer to go get the children who left the room.
6. Tell the children that their role is to have a temper tantrum (a loud one or a sulky,
quiet one). Have the children go to the front of the room or to the middle of the cir-
cle. Have the parents go to the side of the room, or outside the circle.
7. Tell the children to start their temper tantrums. Let them have their temper tantrums
for a few seconds and then signal the parents to intervene according to the instruc-
tions in No. 4.

HUGS CONTINUED
8. Just watch what happens and then process with the group. Ask the children what
happened for them (what they were thinking, feeling and deciding) and then process
the same questions with the parents.
9. Ask the observers what they noticed and what they learned.
COMMENT: Many children will want a hug after the first request. Some won’t even
after the third request. However, it is interesting to watch and to hear what they were
thinking, feeling, and deciding when their parents walked away.
10. Make the following points if they don’t come out during the discussion:
• Nothing works for every child every time.
• Why say, “I need a hug,” instead of, “I want a hug,” or, “Please give me a
hug?” Saying you need a hug may speak to the child’s innate desire to help
and contribute.
COMMENT: Children DO better when they FEEL better Too many people think chil-
dren must pay for what they have done in the form of blame, shame, or pain (other
words for punishment). Try a hug instead.
Story by Steven Foster, co-author of Positive Discipline for Children

with Special Needs
! Today a four-year-old boy stormed away from the art table, screaming that he
was "mad, frustrated and not happy." My assistant followed him over to our comfy
cushion where he had wrapped himself in a blanket, now just screaming wordlessly
and kicking the cushion. He refused to talk to the assistant, just continuing to scream.
! I sat next to him and whispered, “I need a hug.”
! He continued screaming and writhing.
! After about 15 seconds, I repeated, "I need a hug."
! He stopped screaming and flailing but kept his back to me.
! 10 more seconds. "I need a hug."
! Long pause and he turned over, climbed into my lap and hugged me.
! I asked him if he wanted to go back to the art table by himself or if he wanted me
to go with him. He asked me to go with him. He went back, finished his project hap-
pily and left the table.

LESSON TWO OUTLINE
What is Positive Discipline, Kind and Firm, Brain in the Palm of the Hand,
Piaget, Positive Time Out
7:00 – 7:30! Check in: questions, comments, sharing about what they tried during
the week or their reading assignment. (If no one has had time to read,
spend 10 minutes taking turns reading some of the pages from the
Positive Discipline Book.) For reading assignments, suggest that they
journal about:
! !
The most profound thing I learned was:
How I used what I learned:
I have questions about:
7:30 – 8:05! Discipline: What Have You Tried? Activity (Includes an adaptation of
the Competent Giant activity, PD tool cards for encouragement, and
intro to 5 Criteria for PD.)
8:05 – 8:20! Kind and Firm Activity
8:20 – 8:25! Brain in the Palm of the Hand Activity
8:25 – 8:35! Piaget Demonstration and Positive Time Out Activity
8:35 – 8:50! Break
8:50 – 8:55! Catch up time (or Q and A)!
8:55 – 9:20! Parents Helping Parents Problem-solving Steps
! Continue to hand out and use the Mistaken Goal chart, which will in-
crease interest in learning more about it next week. Pass out Tool
Cards for participants to use when brainstorming during PHPPSS.
9:20 – 9:30! Questions and Answers
! Workbook assignments on Lesson Two, page 21. Remind them that
the rest of the PD Workbook can be used for review
Assignment for next week: Chapters 3 and 4 in Positive Discipline
ALTERNATIVES: Do vs. Don’t, page 26 in the Teaching Parenting Manual

! ! What is Your Style (using the issue of homework instead of !
! ! drugs), page 259 in the Teaching Parenting Manual.
Positive(Discipline(Workbook(by(Jane(Nelsen(( ( Facilitators(Guide((2(;(1((((
DISCIPLINE: WHAT HAVE YOU TRIED
OBJECTIVE:
To examine conventional thinking about discipline (punishment) and the long-term re-
sults.
MATERIALS:
• Flip chart
• Marking Pens
• A deck of Positive Discipline Tool Cards
• Poster of the 5 Criteria for Positive Discipline
• Poster of 3 Rs of Punishment
• Chart of Characteristics and Life Skills from Two Lists Activity
COMMENT:
This activity provides a new way of doing the Competent Giant activity.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Create two flip-chart papers labeled as follows:
! Discipline Methods Used!! What Children Learn From These Methods
2. Ask for a volunteer to record on the first flip chart while you facilitate brainstorming
what are typical Discipline Methods Used by “your neighbors” or that were used by
your parents?
3. In a beginning group, most of the discipline methods used will be punishment such
as: spanking, time-out (the naughty chair), taking away privileges, lecturing, yelling,
rewards, bribes, threats. If any of these are missing you can ask, “What about___?”
4. Now ask the group to get into the child’s world and imagine what the child is learn-
ing from these methods while a volunteer records on the flip chart under What Chil-
dren Learn. Have them turn to page 3 in their workbooks to compare What Children
Learn with their brainstormed list and see if there are any they want to add to the
flip-chart.
5. In beginning groups, many may indicate that their children are learning good things
from the punishment. They may think their punishments are logical consequences.
They may say, “I was punished and I turned out fine.” For now, point out that as
they continue the activity (and future activities) they may learn that non-punitive
methods may have even better results.
6. Competent Giant Activity: Invite participants to find a partner. One will be A for
Adult and the other will be C for child. Ask A’s if they are willing to stand on a chair
while C’s kneel on the floor (or A’s can stand while C’s sit on the chair).
7. A’s will then think of a behavior that pushes their buttons and then look at the list of
brainstormed Discipline Methods Used and choose one to role-play using on the
child who is kneeling on the floor or sitting in a chair. Ask them to exaggerate with
Discipline: What Have You Tried, Continued
loud voices and shaking fingers in the children’s faces. (Demonstrate while you are giv-
ing the instructions.) Let them know they will be switching roles so they can experience
both positions.
8. Process by first asking the children what they were learning when their parents
used this method. After each has shared, display the poster of the 3 Rs of Punish-
ment at the end of this lesson (or on page 6 of Lesson Two of the workbook) and
ask if any of them were experiencing any of the 3 Rs while role-playing the child.
9. Display the Characteristics and Life Skills List to see if they can find things on the
list that they were learning. (Probably none of them.)
10. Introduce Positive Discipline Tool Cards: Pass out the cards from the deck so
that each member has several. Ask them to team up with the same partner again.
Allow a few minutes for them to look through the cards they have and see if one of
them might work better to use with the child than the discipline method they just
role-played. (They may not be familiar with many of these tools, so ask them to
choose one even if they don’t understand how it works.)
11. The partners will role-play again. This time they will stand or sit at the same level
facing each other while A’s practice their new tool. After a minute, ask them to
switch roles so C’s can try their new tool.
8. Process by asking the children what they were learning when their parents used
this tool. Refer to the Characteristics and Life Skills list to see if they can find things
they were learning. (Probably many.)
9. Alternative: If you don’t want to use the tool cards this early, ask them to sit eye
level with their partner and simply apologize for what they did, and to tell their child
how much they care.
10. Invite a discussion of the difference between the list brainstormed under What Chil-
dren Learn from these methods, and the list of what they want for their children (the
Characteristics and Life Skills list).
11. Introduce the Five Criteria for Positive Discipline on page 9 of Lesson Two. Point
out that all discipline methods they learn in this class will meet the five criteria.
12. Invite sharing of what they learned from this activity. If it doesn’t come up, ask them
if they notice a difference in how they felt when playing the adult while standing
above the child and how they felt when standing or sitting eye level. What can they
learn from the single act of taking time to get eye level with a child?
13. Encourage them to journal about what they learned as a workbook assignment.
The “And” in Kind and Firm
OBJECTIVE:
To help parents understand the importance of the AND in kind and firm.
COMMENT: Many parents are drawn to Positive Discipline because they do not like
to use punishment. However, some parents may become permissive if they do not un-
derstand the importance of being both kind AND firm.
It helps to first get into the child’s world and to verbalize understanding or validate
feelings (kind) before stating what needs to be done (firm). Firm may include many
Positive Discipline tools such as offering a choice, redirection, focusing on solutions,
family meetings, deciding what you will do, etc.
MATERIALS:
Copies of the attached questionnaire for each participant (or in Lesson Two, page
11 of the workbook).
DIRECTIONS:
1. Briefly share the objective and comment above. (You might also want to have
them take turns reading some of the examples at the bottom of page 10 of the
workbook.)
2. Invite parents to fill out the questionnaire.
3. Then have them share what they wrote in groups of 2 or 3.
4. Invite sharing with the whole group.
5. Ask what they learned from this activity.
EXPANDED VERSION
Invite participants to form groups of four. Invite them to choose one of the power strug-
gles described in their questionnaires and create a before and after role-play (what
they did as scene one, and what they will do as scene two).
The “And” in Kind and Firm Questionnaire
Think of a recent power struggle you experienced with a child (your child resisted doing
what you wanted). Describe what happened: who said what and who did what—then
what?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
When you look at what you have written, underline what you did or said that could be
interpreted as firm, but not kind. Then circle what you did or said that could be inter-
preted as kind, but not firm. Then get into your child’s world and make a guess about
what he or she was thinking, feeling, and deciding to do.
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Create a new scene where you are kind and firm. In the first blank below, KINDLY vali-
date your child’s feelings and/or verbalize understanding of what he or she wants. In
the second blank, FIRMLY tell your child (sometimes telling is appropriate) what needs
to be done. In the third blank (if you think it would help) add a choice, a redirection, or a
KIND and FIRM statement about what you will do.
________________________________________________________________
AND _______________________________________________________________
___________________________ (Keep in mind that this blank may not be necessary.)
EXAMPLES:
(Validate feelings) I know you don’t want to stop playing AND it is time for _____
(Show understanding) I know you would rather watch TV than do your homework AND
homework needs to be done first.
(Redirection) You don’t want to brush your teeth, AND we’ll do it together.
(Agreement in advance) I know you don’t want to mow the lawn, AND what was our
agreement? (Kindly and quietly wait for the answer.)
(Provide a choice. As soon as . . . .) I don’t want to go to bed, AND it is bedtime. Do you
want one story or two stories as soon as your jammies are on?
(A choice and then follow through by deciding what you will do) I know you want to
keep playing video games, AND your time is up. You can turn it off now, or it will be put
in my closet.
BRAIN IN THE PALM OF THE HAND
A simplified version of an activity by Jody McVittie, MD, based on information in
Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell
OBJECTIVE:
To demonstrate a useful (and fun) visual to help parents understand what happens
in the brain when we “lose it.”
MATERIALS:
Be sure to share the reference to the book, Parenting from the Inside Out.
To watch Dr. Siegel do a demonstration of Flip Your Lid, go to
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DD-lfP1FBFk
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask participants if they have found some tools they agree with, but still find
themselves slipping into old patterns?
2. Ask if they know why? Because they have buttons—and guess who knows what
they are and how to push them? (Summary on page 12 of workbook.) I like to
joke that when their buttons are pushed, they go into their reptilian brain—and
reptiles eat their young. Then you can go into the real explanation of the brain.
3. Introduce the brain in the palm of your hand by asking everyone to hold up their
hands in an open position. Demonstrate what you want them to do while explain-
ing that the area of your palm to your wrist represents the brain stem. The brain
stem is responsible for the freeze, fight, or flight response. Fold your thumb over
your palm. The thumb, in this model, represents the midbrain (amygdala) where
early memories that created fear and insignificance are stored—and irrational
decisions about how to find belonging and significance and/or to prove you are
good enough). Then fold your fingers over your thumb (so you now have a fist).
This represents the cortex. The prefrontal cortex (point to the front of your fist
where your fingertips touch the palm of your hand) is where “rational thinking”
and “emotional control” takes place.
4. What happens when our buttons get pushed and we “lose it?” We flip our lids
(let your hand open, keeping the thumb in place…fingers up).
5. Now our prefrontal cortex is not functioning. In this state we cannot think or be-
have rationally.
6. Because of “mirror neurons” (one reason why modeling is the best teacher),
when you flip your lid, your child will flip right back. (Hold up both of your hands
in the flipped lid position facing each other.) If your child flips his or her lid first,
you are likely to flip your lid right back. (Two flipped lids facing each other.)
BRAIN IN THE PALM OF THE HAND CONTINUED
6. Is this time to try problem solving? Why not? (Let the group respond: can’t be
rational, can’t hear each other, can’t control emotions, no connection, etc.) This
is called reactive parenting; wanting children to control their behavior when we
don’t control our own.!
7. Why do parents try to solve a problem when they or their children are in a
“flipped lid” state? (Let the group respond: afraid they aren’t doing their job;
afraid they are letting the child get away with something, reacting from fear, etc.)
8. What kinds of things help you re-gather (gently close hand again). What kinds of
things do you do? (Take a few ideas from the group. You can make this longer
by writing them down…or just introduce the idea.)
9. Introduce the need for positive time-out. It is important to point out that if chil-
dren can’t understand this demonstration on the brain in the palm of the hand,
they are not old enough for even positive time-out. (You can either teach more
about positive time-out or let participants know that will follow.
COMMENT: The prefrontal cortex is where you know right from wrong (morality),
regulate your emotions (self-control), and have the ability to respond instead of react
(rationality).
The prefrontal cortex doesn’t finish developing for 25 YEARS, so children don’t have a
fully formed prefrontal cortex. They do not have the neurology to self regulate like
adults. That is why it is our job to model it.
COMMENT: The idea is not to stop from ever flipping your lid. That is impossible. We
will all continue to do it. Our challenge is to be more aware of what is happening
sooner. As our awareness increases, we will be able to choose self-soothing methods
sooner—and to teach our kids to do the same.
COMMENT: After the demonstration, let parents know they can share this with their
children who are old enough to understand (around six), to increase their understand-
ing of how their brains work. They can then follow-up by helping their children create
self-soothing methods such as deep breaths, counting to 10, positive time-out, using
the Wheel of Choice, and putting problems on the family meeting agenda
PIAGET DEMONSTRATION
The following Piaget demonstrations illustrate intellectual development, and help

parents understand why children can’t understand some concepts (such as ‘no’ or
‘sharing’) as soon as adults think they can.
Find four glasses: two that are the same size, one glass that is taller and thinner, and
one glass that is shorter and fatter. Fill the two glasses that are the same size with
the same amount of water. Ask your group to pretend they are three-years-old and
ask them if they can see that the two glasses have the same amount of water. Then
pour the water from one of these glasses into the short, fat glass, and the other one
into the tall, thin glass. Then ask if they think a three-year-old would think they still
have the same amount of water. They will say, “No.” Ask which glass a three-year-
old will think contains the most water—usually the tall, thin glass.
Now ask them to pretend they are six-years-old and repeat the same process. Most
six-year-olds know the glasses still have the same amount of water even after being
poured into different sized glasses.
I like to share the true story of a six-year-old who came to my child development
class to help me with this demonstration. When I asked if they still had the same
amount of water, he said, “No, because you spilled some.” Which I had.
This demonstration illustrates that the brains of children under the age of five to six
have not yet developed the ability to “conserve.” They do not understand advanced
cause and effect, yet they are often punished for what they are not capable of under-
standing.
When we understand that perceiving, interpreting, and comprehending an event are

so markedly different for young children, our expectations as adults alter. The under-
standing children attach to their experiences does not match the understanding
adults attach to the same experiences.
Facilitators Note:
To watch some demonstrations, go to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnArvcWaH6I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMK2kFZTGYI
Interesting to me that the experimenters use three containers instead of four, which
works just as well. (I taught Child Development 40 years ago when they used 4. :-)
POSITIVE TIME OUT
OBJECTIVE:
To help parents understand the abuses of punitive time-out, and effective uses of
positive time-out.
MATERIALS:
1. Copy the words in Nos. 2 and 3 to create scripts
2. Flip chart and markers
3. A copy of “Jared’s Cool Out Space”
COMMENT:
Often adults don’t consider the long-term results of the discipline methods they use.
They don’t understand what the child is thinking, feeling, and deciding about himself
and about what to do in the future.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask for a volunteer to role-play your husband. (Remind participants that men and
women can role-play each other, so the volunteer doesn’t have to be a man.) Let the
volunteer know that his or her role includes only two words.)
2. Hand the script (“Hi Honey”) to the volunteer who is to pretend he or she has just
come home from work and greets you with his line.
3. You will respond with something like the following: “I can’t believe you didn’t pick up
your socks this morning. Who do you think I am—your servant? Go to your den and
think about how inconsiderate you are, and I’ll tell you when you can come out.”
4. Process by a the volunteer to share what he or she is thinking, feeling, and deciding.
Don’t be surprised if the spouse says he is happy to be sent to his den, and be sure
to ask the following questions:
Are you feeling closer to your wife, or more distant?
Are you feeling like picking up your socks next time?
5. Invite sharing about what members of the group learned from this role-play.
6. Ask for another volunteer to role-play a five-year-old. Explain to the child: “Some-
times we get upset and need time to calm down (like time-out in sports). Let’s create
a positive time-out place. This is not about punishment, but a place that will help you
feel your feelings until you feel better. If you had a corner you could fix up with
things that would help you feel better, what would you put in that corner?
7. Write everything he or she says on the flip chart.
POSITIVE Time Out, Continued
8. If the child wants any kind of screen time in their area, it is okay to say, “Screens
cannot be part of your special time. What other things help you feel better?”
9. After you have written down what the “child” would like for his special place, ask
what he or she would like to call this place?
10. Now ask the volunteer child to pretend he or she is upset about something. Move
into a position where you are eye-level, validate feelings, and then give a choice.
For example, “I can see you are very upset. What would help you the most right
now? Your special place or the wheel of choice? (Or, for older children, to put this
on the family meeting agenda?)
11. If child doesn’t choose either, say, “Okay, I’m going to my feel good place until I
feel better,” and leave.
12. Process by asking the “child” what he or she was thinking, feeling, and deciding.
13. Invite participants to discuss what they learned from this activity.
14. You might want to ask someone to read “Jared’s Cool Out Space” and let them
know this can serve as added inspiration for their children to create their own spe-
cial place.
15. Invite participants to turn to Lesson Two, page 20 in their workbooks for more in-
formation and tips on using positive time-out.
LESSON THREE OUTLINE
Belief Behind the Behavior, Mistaken Goal Chart,
Birth Order, and Sibling Rivalry
7:00 – 7:20 Check in: questions, comments, sharing.

7:20 - 7:30 ! Go over “Not So Perfect Parenting” on Lesson Three, page 3 of the !
! ! Workbook. (You might allow a few minutes for them to read and then !
! ! invite discussion.)
7:30 – 7:50! Fighting and the 3 Bs Activity (Supports Chapter 3 reading assignment.)
7:50 – 8:00! Candle Demonstration!
8:00 – 8:30! Mistaken Goal Chart and Tool Cards Activity
8:30 – 8:45! Break
8:45 – 9:15! Parents Helping Parents Problem-solving Steps
9:15 – 9:20! Questions and Answers
9:20 – 9:25! Go over “It Is Not Your Job to Make Your Child Happy” on Lesson 3, page
! 7 of the workbook. Be prepared to tell the story of the Little Boy and !
! the Butterfly before going over the points. If possible, show the the clip !
! of Connie Podesta http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDeHCh7dHD4
9:25 – 9:30 Point out the Paradigm Shift Parenting Tool Boxes on page 15 of Lesson
3 as a page they might want to post on their fridge. Go over assignments
on Lesson Three, page 16 of the workbook.
ASSIGNMENT FOR NEXT WEEK:

Chapters 5 and 6 in Positive Discipline
ALTERNATIVES:
Make a Fist: page 24 in the TP Manual
(Positive(Discipline(Workbook(by(Jane(Nelsen( Facilitators(Guide( (((((3(;((1((((

KIDS FIGHTING AND THE 3 BS
OBJECTIVE:
To understand possible beliefs that are formed as a result of ineffective interference in
kids’ fights, and to provide alternative tools for parents to use when their children fight.
MATERIALS:
• A chart of "The Three Bs" below
• A chime or a bell (or some other noise maker to signal for attention)
COMMENT: Parents encourage sibling rivalry when they decide which child is to blame
for the fight, or when you take responsibility to resolve the fight. Taking sides can cre-
ate greater sibling rivalry and invite children to assume the roles if victim and bully.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask the group to divide into groups of three. Within their groups, have them de-
cide who will be the parent and who will be the two children.
2. Explain to the "kids" that they will be asked to start a fight, which won't stop until
they hear the chime.
3. Explain to the "parents" in front of the whole group that when you give a signal
(a simple wave of your hand), the parents will step in to break up the fight—
blaming one child for the fight. This will be repeated three times, and the parent
is to pick on the same kid all three times. (It increases the effectiveness when
they know exactly what is going to happen—as most kids do.)
4. Give a signal for the kids to start fighting. Wait about 10 to 20 seconds before
giving the parents a signal to step in and break up the fight. Wait 10 to 20 sec-
onds before ringing a bell to signal that the children should stop fighting and the
parents should step away. Repeat the above two more times.
5. Process by first asking the children what they were thinking, feeling, and decid-
ing. Also ask the kids what they are learning about fighting. Then ask the par-
ents what they were thinking, feeling, and deciding.
6. Now tell the parents they are going to a Positive Discipline parenting class. The
“children” can listen in while you describe "The Three Bs" to the parents. Explain
that the 3 Bs are tools for dealing with fighting that avoids teaching children to
become victims or bullies.

FIGHTING AND THE 3 BS CONTINUED
1) Beat It: The parent makes sure the children see her and then leaves.
2) Bear It: The parent stays and observes, but doesn't get involved no mat-
ter what.
3) Boot 'em Out: The parent removes all the children from the scene while
treating them the same. "Kids, if you want to fight, and you need to do it
outside," or, "Kids, you can go to separate rooms until you are ready to
stop fighting,” or, “Kids, go to another room together and come out when
you have solved the problem and are ready to stop fighting,” or, “Kids,
which one of you would like to put this on the Family Meeting agenda?”
7. Ask each “parent” to choose one of "The Three Bs" to deal with the fight. Ask for
a show of hands regarding who is doing each "B" to make sure all are covered.
8. Ask the kids to start fighting again. Give the parents the signal to move in and
use whatever “B” was chosen. (An alternative is to have the parents have a short
meeting with their children to let them know in advance what they are going to do
when their children fight and then follow-through when their kids fight.)
9. After about 30 seconds of the parents role-playing whichever B they are using,
ring a bell or chimes to gain their attention and process by asking the kids first,
what they were thinking, feeling, and deciding. Also ask them what they are
learning about fighting. Ask the parents what they were thinking, feeling, and de-
ciding—and what they were teaching about fighting.
10. Invite a discussion about what they learned from this activity.
11. Point out that the 3 Bs are not the only ways to deal with fights. Invite partici-
pants to brainstorm other Positive Discipline tools that might be even more ef-
fective for dealing with sibling fights. (Or, let them know they will be learning
many alternatives to dealing with fights such as putting the problem on the fam-
ily meeting agenda, the wheel of choice, or just plain focusing on solutions,
etc.) Also see Fighting, Family Meetings, and Focusing on Solutions in Positive
Discipline A-Z.
COMMENT: Parents do not realize how they teach the opposite of what they want
when one child labeled as the bully and another child learning to feel special by being a
victim. They don’t see how the “victim” starts the fight.
! Not getting involved in fights is not the same as abandonment. Occasionally
adults have memories of their own parents just leaving them at the mercy of their violent
siblings. That is not what we are advocating. It is the parent’s job to teach that hurting
other people is not okay. This is done most effectively by using some of the alternatives
mentioned in No. 11 above.

CANDLES DEMONSTRATION
OBJECTIVE:
To help parents get into the world of the “dethroned child” and then help their dethroned
children understand the true nature of love.
MATERIALS:
• Four candles: Two tall candles to represent parents, a shorter one to represent a
young child, and an even shorter one to represent a baby
• Candle holders
• Fire lighter
• Number One Song (available at
http://store.positivediscipline.com/MP3-Downloads_c_10.html
• Device for playing the song (or you might have to sing it).
GIVE THE FOLLOWING BACKGROUND:

There is a belief behind every behavior, but we usually only deal with the behav-
ior. Dealing with the belief behind the behavior does not mean you don't deal with the
behavior. You are most effective when you are aware of both the behavior and the be-
lief behind it.
The following is a classic example of the belief behind a behavior. Suppose you
have a four-year-old child whose mother goes off to the hospital and brings home a
brand-new baby. What does the four-year-old see going on between Mom and the
baby? (Time and attention.) What does your child interpret that to mean? (Mom loves
the baby more than me.) What does the four-year-old do in an attempt to get the love
back? (He may act like a baby himself and cry a lot, ask for a bottle, and soil his
pants.)
Wayne Freiden and Marie Hartwell Walker created Family Songs that help
adults get into the world of children and understand the beliefs they could be creating
based on their birth order. Their songs include seven different birth order positions.
(Play the first verse from the song, Number One)

! Oh it's hard to be number one.
! And lately it's just no fun at all.
! Life was so nice, when there were three,
! Mommy and Daddy and Me.
! And now there's another.
! And I don't like it one bit.
! Send it back to the hospital
! And let's just forget about it.

CANDLES DEMONSTRATION CONTINUED
! Four-year-old Becky could identify with this song. Becky was feeling dethroned
by the birth of a baby brother and was experiencing confusion about her feelings for the
baby. Sometimes she loved him, and other times she wished he had never been born
because Mom and Dad spent so much time with him. She didn't know how to get atten-
tion for herself, except to act like the baby.
! One evening, when the baby was asleep, Becky's mom sat down at the kitchen
table with her daughter and said, "Honey, I would like to tell you a story about our fam-
ily." She had found four candles of varying lengths. "These candles represent our fam-
ily." She picked up one long candle and said, "This is the mommy candle. This one is
for me." She lit the candle as she said, "This flame represents my love." She picked up
another long candle and said, "This candle is the daddy candle." She used the flame
from the mommy candle to light the daddy candle and said, "When I married your
daddy, I gave him all my love -- and I still have all my love left." Mom placed the daddy
candle in a candle holder. She then picked up a smaller candle and said, "This candle is
for you." She lit the smaller candle with the flame from her candle and said, "When you
were born, I gave you all my love. And look. Daddy still has all my love, and I still have
all my love left." Mom put that candle in a candle holder next to the daddy candle. Then
she picked up the smallest candle and, while lighting it from the mommy candle, said,
"This is a candle for your baby brother. When he was born I gave him all my love. And
look -- you still have all my love. Daddy has all my love. And, I still have all my love left
because that is the way love Is.
! You can give it to everyone you love and still have all your love. Now look at all
the light we have in our family with all this love." (To see a video of this demonstration,
go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJDvujaPEKY)

MISTAKEN GOALS AND TOOL CARDS
OBJECTIVES:
To help parents and teachers become more aware of how many ways there are to en-
courage a child who is operating from a mistaken goal. To give parents and teachers
an opportunity to practice encouraging tools for each mistaken goal
MATERIALS:
• A copy of the Mistaken Goal Chart for each participant. (Lesson 3, page 8 in the
workbook)
• Four decks of Positive Discipline Tool Cards
• Coded message signs for each Mistaken Goal (attached) printed & laminated with
yarn to hang around necks.
• Number One Song, Undue Attention Song, and Misguided Power Song (available
at www.positivediscipline.com under downloads).
COMMENT: Parents and teachers can have fun while learning through role-plays that
help them get into the child’s world. The Positive Discipline Tool Cards provide visual
clues to emphasize the fact that there are many different tools that can be effective.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Introduce mistaken beliefs and mistaken goals by sharing the story of the dethroned
child on Lesson 3, page 4 of the workbook. You might want to play the Number One
Song.
2. You might also want to play the Mistaken Goal songs (Attention and Power) to cre-
ate atmosphere.
3. Divide the large group into four groups. Each group will receive a deck of Positive
Discipline Tool Cards and a Coded Message sign.
4. Instruct each group to go through their deck of cards and make a pile of as many as
they can that will address the Coded Message for their group. (Allow 5 minutes.)
5. Ask each group to share how many they found, but not to read each one—just how
many tool card titles might work. (This might raise the curiosity of others to find ap-
propriate tool cards for each mistaken goal on their own.)

MISTAKEN GOAL ACTIVITY CONTINUED
6. Ask each group to choose a “typical misbehavior” for the Mistaken Goal they are
discussing. (A few are listed on the Coded Message signs you will give to each
group—which also lets them know the Mistaken Goal they are representing. An al-
ternative is to ask each group how they would respond to a child who won’t do his
or her work (homework, chores, etc.), with the Mistaken Goal their group repre-
sents. Then ask them to choose just one of the tools from the tool cards and plan 2
one-minute role-play scenes using that tool with a child. The role-play will consist of
at least one adult and one child—and as many other role-players as they need for
their scene. The first scene will incorporate Nos. 1-5 on the Coded Message Signs.
Scene 2 will incorporate Nos. 2 and 7 on the Coded Message signs. The child will
hang the coded message sign around his or her neck in Scene 2.
7. (Allow just 5 minutes for planning the role-play reminding them to have fun and to
have the courage to be imperfect—and that the role-play should be 60 seconds or
less.) At the end of each role-play scene, process with each person by asking what
he or she is thinking, feeling, and deciding. (Processing for each role-play can be
done in 5 minutes or less.)
8. At the end of the activity, ask the whole group to share what insights they had from
participating in this activity.
9. Ask a member of each group to be responsible for collecting all the tool cards and
returning them to you (to use another time).

Undue Attention
How many tools from the deck of Positive Discipline Tool Cards will respond to the be-
lief behind the behavior and the coded message “Notice me. Involve me usefully. Count
them. Then create two role-play scenes as follows:
Scene One: Undue Attention
1. Child’s belief: “I belong only when I’m being noticed, or getting special service, or
keeping you busy with me.”
2. Typical behaviors: interrupting, talking out of turn, constant noises, won’t do work
3. Parent/teacher feels: annoyed, irritated, worried, guilty
4. Parent/teacher tends to react by: reminding, coaxing, doing things for the child
he/she could do for him/herself
5. Child’s response is: stops temporarily, but later resumes the same or another dis-
turbing behavior
Scene Two: Child’s behavior will be the same. Choose one tool card for the par-
ent or teacher to role-play instead of No. 4 above. Child will role-play his or her re-
sponse to the new behavior from the parent or teacher.
Notice me.
Involve me
usefully.
Misguided Power
How many tools from the deck of Positive Discipline Tool Cards will respond to the belief
behind the behavior and the coded message, “Let me help. Give me choices.” Count
them. Then create two role-play scenes as follows:
Scene One: Misguided Power
1. Child’s belief: “I belong only when I’m the boss—or at least don’t let you boss me.”
2. Typical behaviors: You can’t make me. Says, “Yes,” but doesn’t do it. Challenges
your authority. Won’t do work
3. Parent/teacher feels: angry, Challenged, Threatened, Defeated
4. Parent/teacher tends to react by: fighting, giving up in defeat, thinking, “You can’t
get away with it,” or “I’ll make you.” Wanting to be right.
5. Child’s response is: intensifies behavior, defiant compliance, feels he/she’s won
when parent/teacher is upset even if he/she has to comply, passive power
Scene Two: Child’s behavior will be the same. Choose one tool card for the parent
or teacher to role-play instead of No. 4 above. Child will role-play his or her response to
the new behavior from the parent or teacher.
Let me help.
Give me
choices.
Revenge
lief behind the behavior and to the coded message, “I’m hurting. Validate my feelings.”
Count them. Then create two role-play scenes as follows:
Scene One: Revenge

1. Belief: “I don’t belong and that hurts, so I’ll hurt back.”
2. Typical behaviors: Destroys property. Hurts others. Calls adults names. Won’t do
work.
3. Parent/teacher feels: hurt, disappointed, disbelieving, disgusted
4. Parent/teacher tends to react by: hurting back, shaming, thinking, “How could you
do such a thing?”
5. Child’s response is: retaliates, intensifies, escalates the same behavior or
chooses another weapon
ent or teacher to role-play instead of No. 4 above. Child will role-play his or her re-
sponse to the new behavior from the parent or teacher.
I’m hurting.
Validate my
feelings.
Assumed Inadequacy (Giving Up)
lief behind the behavior and the coded message. Count them. Then create two role-
play scenes as follows:
Scene One: Assumed Inadequacy
1. Belief: “I can’t belong. Leave me alone.”
2. Typical behaviors: won’t try, withdraws, gives up, won’t do work
3. Parent/teacher feels: hurt, despair, hopeless, inadequate
4. Parent/teacher tends to react by: doing for, over helping, or giving up
5. Child’s response is: retaliates, retreats further, passive, no improvement, no re-
sponse.
ent or teacher to role-play instead of No 4 above. Child will respond accordingly.
Don’t give up
on me.
Show me
a small step.
LESSON FOUR OUTLINE
Adults May Contribute to Mistaken Goal Behavior,
Your Childhood Decisions, Natural and Logical Consequences,
Focusing on Solutions Through Family Meetings, Routine Charts
7:00 – 7:15! Success stories. (Shorter time because of so many activities)
7:15 – 7:25 ! Go over the exercise on page 2, “How Adults May Contribute to Mistaken
Goal Behavior.” Note the new Mistaken Goal Chart on page 3 that in-
cludes column 6 on “How Adults May Contribute.” Have participants form
groups of two or three and share how they may contribute to a behavior
challenge they complain about. Then invite large group sharing.
7:25 – 7:45 ! Allow 10 minutes for participants to fill out the exercise on Childhood De-
cisions on page 4. Then allow 5 minutes for sharing with a partner and
then invite sharing about what they learned from this activity with the
whole group.
7:45 – 8:05 ! Mr./Mrs. Punishment Activity
8:05 – 8:10 ! Review the information on Natural and Logical Consequences on pages
5–8 in their workbooks. If there is time, allow 3 minutes for participants to
fill out the exercise on page 9 of their workbooks (or assign as homework).
Invite them to share with a partner (1 minute each). Ask if anyone would
like to share what they wrote. Process by asking what they learned from
this activity.
8:10 – 8:40! Family Meetings Activity (No break with so many activities)
8:40 – 8:55! Routine Charts Activity
8:55 – 9:25! Parents Helping Parents Problem-solving Steps!
9:25 – 9:30! Go over Practice and Assignments on page 14 of the workbook.
Alternatives: Routine Charts, page 237 in the TP Manual
I Love You and the Answer Is No, page 173 in the TP Manual
Positive(Discipline(Workbook(by(Jane(Nelsen( Facilitators(Guide( 4(;(1((

YOUR CHILDHOOD DECISIONS
I FELT ENCOURAGED/DISCOURAGED WHEN
OBJECTIVE:
To help parents understand encouragement and discouragement at a deeper level by
remembering their own childhood experiences.
MATERIALS:
• Encouragement/Discouragement questionnaire for each participant (see follow-
ing page, or have them fill out Page 4 in Lesson 4).
• Two flip chart papers: one with two column headings: Encouragement and Deci-
sions; and another with two column headings: Discouragement and Decisions.
• Markers
COMMENT:
How quickly we forget our own childhood experiences after becoming a “parent” and
do the things we swore we would never do to our kids when we grew up.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Allow 3 to 5 minutes for parents to fill out the Encouragement/Discouragement
questionnaire.
2. Allow another few minutes for them to share what they wrote with a partner.
3. Bring them back to the whole group and ask who would be willing to share their
memories of encouragement and discouragement and how their decisions af-
fected their lives.
4. While they are sharing, you might want to write the one thing that was encourag-
ing under the Encouragement heading on your flip chart, and Decision; and the
one thing that was discouraging, under the Discouragement heading, along with
the decision.
5. Invite a discussion about what they learned from this activity. If it doesn’t come
up in the discussion, ask if they can think of ways they encourage and discour-
age their children.

I FELT ENCOURAGED/DISCOURAGED WHEN
Think of one thing your mother or father did that invited you to feel encour-
aged (belonging and significance)?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
When this happened, what did you:

! Think? _______________________________________________
! Feel (one word)? _______________
! Decide about yourself and what you would do?
__________________________________________________________
!__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
How has this affected your life?

__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Think of one thing your mother or father did that invited you to feel discour-
aged (lack of belonging and significance)?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
When this happened, what did you:

! Think? _______________________________________________
! Feel (one word)? _______________
! Decide about yourself and what you would do?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
How has this affected your life?

__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

MR./MRS. PUNISHMENT
OBJECTIVE: To help parents become aware of the long-term consequences of differ-

ent discipline parenting methods.
MATERIALS: (You might want to make the cue cards on sheets of laminated paper that
hang around the parents necks so observers can follow what is going on.)
• For Mr. or Mrs. Punishment: Black mask to cover eyes, belt, cape, and a cue
card that says: Threaten to use the belt, or grounding, or taking away privi-
leges, or, “Wait until your dad/mom gets home.
• For Mr. or Mrs. Reward: Crown, magic wand, bag of goodies including stickers,
money, M & Ms, and a cue card that says: Offer money, candy, and stickers
as a reward if behavior will change.
• For Mr. or Mrs. Natural Consequences, a cue card with the words: I wonder
what you will do when you don’t have clean clothes tomorrow?
• For Mr. or Mrs. Logical Consequences, a cue card with the following to be
said kindly and firmly: Clothes not in the laundry don't get washed.
• For Mr. or Mrs. Focusing on Solutions, a cue card with the words: I love you
and I have faith that we can find a solution. Let’s brainstorm for ideas that
will be respectful to everyone.
• Some dirty clothes (a few socks and t-shirt might be enough)
• Handout on Alternatives to Logical Consequences, and Dreikurs’ Quotes on Logical
Consequences (below)
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask for five volunteers to play Mr./Mrs. Punishment, Mr./Mrs. Rewards, Mr./Mrs.
Natural Consequences, Mr./Mrs. Logical Consequences, and Mr./Mrs. Focusing
on Solutions, and one volunteer to be the child. Let them know this a a time for
them to exaggerate and have fun while role-playing, and that the will be given
specific scripts for what to do and say.
2. In front of the whole group assign each a role and give them the props described
above for their roles. Only Mr./Mrs. Punishment, Mr./Mrs. Reward, and Mr./Mrs.
Focusing on Solutions have props.(Some facilitators prefer to take volunteers out
of the room to give them their roles. See comment below.)
3. Explain that each parent will follow the role directions that will be hanging around
their necks (so observers can see) to interact with a volunteer child regarding the
challenge of not putting dirty clothes in the dirty clothes hamper (or unloading the
dishwasher). Ask them to read the instructions on their role signs out loud so ob-
servers can hear, and will know what is happening.

4. Instruct the child to stand by the dirty clothes looking frustrated (or sitting on the
couch instead of unloading the dishwasher). Each parent will take turns approach-
ing the child to role-play according to their scripts in the following order: Punish-
ment, Rewards, Natural Consequences, Logical Consequences, Focusing on Solu-
tions.
5. The child is not to say anything—just to notice what he/she is thinking, feeling, de-
ciding.
6. After each role-play (with each parent), process with the child what he/she is think-
ing, feeling, deciding (to do); and then take the child to the Characteristics and Life
Skills list from the Two Lists activity and ask, “Did you learn any of these character-
istic and life skills from this parent? Now look at the Challenges list. Did you feel in-
spired to do any of these?” (It is helpful to focus on what the child is learning before
processing with the parents.)
7. Process with the parents about what they were thinking, feeling, and deciding in
their roles.
8. Process with the whole group by asking what they learned from this activity.
9. Pass out the handout of Logical Consequences. You might ask them to read it and
then invite more discussion, or assign it as homework and invite them to bring their
questions, comments, and sharing next week.
EXTENSION:
10. You might want to ask participants to share childhood experiences of how punish-
ments and rewards were used in their families, and what they learned from these
experiences.

Alternatives to Logical Consequences
Jane Nelsen
Punishment (even when a poorly disguised as a consequence) is designed to make

kids PAY for the past.
Positive Discipline is designed to help children LEARN for the future.
1. Focus on the future instead of the past.
One clue that we are more interested in punishment (in the name of consequences)
is when the focus is on the past rather than the future. The focus is on making kids
"pay" for what they have done (poorly disguised punishment) instead of looking for
solutions that would help them “learn” for the future.
2. Focus on solutions instead of consequences.
Instead of imposing logical consequences, involve children in thinking of solutions.

It is a mistake to think there must be a logical consequence for every behavior, or
that a logical consequence will solve every problem.
3. Get kids involved in solutions.
Kids are our greatest, untapped, resource. They have a wealth of wisdom and talent
for solving problems when we invite them to do so.
The benefits are numerous. They have the opportunity to use and strengthen their
skills; and they are more likely to keep agreements in which they have ownership.
They develop self-confidence and healthy self-esteem when they are listened to,
taken seriously, and valued for their contribution. They experience belonging
(connection) and significance. When they feel belonging and significance they feel
less inclined to misbehave and more willing to learn from their mistakes with
optimism.
4. Help children explore the consequences of their choices through curiosity

questions (instead of imposing consequences on them).
Exploring is very different from imposing. Curiosity questions help a student explore
the consequences of his or her choices in a way that leads to solutions. What
happened? What do you think caused it to happen? How do you feel about it? How
do you think others feel? What have you learned from this? How can you use what
you have learned in the future? What ideas do you have to solve the problem now?
These are just examples, not to be used as a script. Be in the now and be curious
about “getting into the child’s world.”

This is very different from teachers telling children what happened, what caused it to
happen, how they should feel about it, and what they should do about it. Education
is derived from the root educarè, which means, “to draw forth.” Too often adults try
to “stuff in” and then wonder why their words go in one ear and out the other.
5. Allow consequences instead of imposing consequences (punishment).
If a child doesn’t study, failing may be the obvious consequence. Allow child to
experience his or her feelings. Avoid rescuing. Show empathy. When the child is
ready, use curiosity questions to help the child explore what the consequences
mean to him or her. What does he/she want for the future? What does he/she need
to do to accomplish what he/she wants?
6. Allow suffering.
Adults should never make children suffer, but allow them to suffer. Through the
suffering they can build their "disappointment muscles" and gain a sense of
capability in the process. For example, if children don't get the toys they want, they
may "suffer." This will not hurt them and may have great benefits. The great benefits
come from using the many Positive Discipline tools we teach: validating feelings
without rescuing, allowing a cooling of time and then involving children in solutions,
involving children is solutions in advance through family/class meetings, routine
charts, wheels of choice, deciding what you will do and letting kids know what you
are going to do and then following through, asking curiosity questions, to name a
few.
7. Decide what you will do. Inform in advance. “I will read when everyone is
ready to listen.” “I will listen when you speak in a soft voice.”
8. Follow through (Shut your mouth and act with kindness and firmness)
9. As soon as ________ then _____ “ As soon as you clean up, then you can go
outside.”
10. At least hardly ever! When consequences are appropriate, use the for-
mula: Opportunity = Responsibility = Consequence
For every opportunity students have there is a responsibility. The obvious

consequence for not wanting the responsibility is to lose the opportunity. Students
have the opportunity of using the school playground equipment during recess. The
responsibility is to treat the equipment and other people with respect. When people
or things are treated disrespectfully it would be a logical consequence for that
student to lose the opportunity of using the playground equipment until he or she is
ready to be respectful again. These consequences will be effective only if they are
enforced respectfully and children have another chance to have the opportunity to

use the equipment as soon as they are ready for the responsibility. This does not
mean they should lose recess, just do something else that doesn’t require respectful
use of equipment. (See No. 11)
However, even in this case it might be more effective to focus on an immediate

solutions: What was our agreement regarding respectful use of playground
equipment? Could you two find a solution to your conflict on the Wheel of Choice?
Would you be willing to put this problem on the class meeting agenda?
11. Take time for training
Provide many opportunities for skills training. Family/class meetings are a great
opportunity to get children involved in sharing their ideas on how to treat equipment
and people respectful. It is quite amazing to hear them say many of the things they
have been “lectured about” that seemed to go in one ear and out the other. It is so
much powerful when the ideas come from them.
12. Observe and wait
Kids often solve their own problems if allowed time. If not, wait for a “no conflict”
time. Then focus on solutions.
A Logical Consequence by Some Other Name does Smell Sweeter.

Following are several alternative names for Logical Consequences
• Curiosity questions to help children “explore” the consequences of their choices

• Decide what you will do
• Shut your mouth and act
• Family meeting agenda
• As soon as ______, then ______
• Follow-through
• Mistakes as opportunities to learn
• Time for training
• Letting go
• Allowing children to experience consequences (different from imposing conse-
quences)
• Avoiding pampering, fixing, rescuing

Logical Consequences
Quotes from Children the Challenge by Rudolf Dreikurs
When we use the term “logical consequences,” parents so frequently misinterpret it as

a new way to impose their demands upon children. The children see this for what it is
– disguised punishment. (Children the Challenge, P. 80)
If logical consequences are used as a threat or “imposed” in anger, they cease being
consequences and become punishment. Children are quick to discern the difference.
They respond to logical consequences; they fight back when punished. (Children the
Challenge, P. 79)
Logical consequences cannot be applied in a power struggle except with extreme cau-
tion because they usually deteriorate into punitive acts of retaliation. For this reason,
natural consequences are always beneficial but logical consequences may backfire.
(Children the Challenge, P. 84)
If, however, the parent is engaged in a power struggle with the child, he is inclined to
use logical consequences as punishment and thereby forfeit the effectiveness of this
method. P. 85
There is no logical connection if Mother denies Bobbie a favorite television program

because he failed to take out the garbage…On the other hand, if Bobbie fails to com-
plete his Saturday chores by the time the ball team gathers, it is quite logical that he
cannot join the play until he finishes the job. (Children the Challenge, P. 85) (As soon
as…)
If, however, Mother were to add, “Maybe this will be a lesson to you,” she would imme-
diately turn the “consequence” into a punishment. (Children the Challenge, P. 77)
(Avoid piggybacking)
There is always a misbehaving parent when a child becomes a feeding problem. (Chil-
dren the Challenge, P.78) (Attitude and Decide What You Will Do)
Many times a logical consequence to fit the act will occur to us after a little thought.
We merely need to ask ourselves, “What would happen if I didn’t interfere?” (Children
the Challenge, P. 81) (Natural Consequences)
Sometimes the problem can even by solved by discussing it with the children and see-
ing what they have to offer. (Children the Challenge, P. 85) (Getting children in-
volved.)

FAMILY MEETINGS
OBJECTIVE: To help parents understand the value of family meetings to teach

valuable social and life skills such as compliments and respectful problem-solving.
MATERIALS:
• Flip chart
• Marking pens
• Lesson Four, pages 10 and 11 of the Positive Discipline Workbook.
COMMENT: During family meetings children have the opportunity to develop most of
the Characteristics and Life Skills parents want for them, including the belief that they
are capable and to feel a sense of belonging and significance. Parents have the oppor-
tunity to avoid power struggles when they stop lecturing and micromanaging, and invite
shared problem-solving.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Allow a few minutes for participants to read Lesson Four, page 10 in the workbook.
Ask for a show of hands of those who hold family meetings. Occasionally? Regu-
larly? Never?
2. Ask the group to share their experiences with family meetings. Record short com-
ments on a flip chart under the headings: Benefits and Challenges.
3. Have the group divide into groups of four and choose roles: two parents and at least
two children. Have the families hold a mini-family meeting. Ask them to start the
meeting by giving compliments they might give to one of “their own children” (if they
are role-playing a parent), or an appreciation they wish they could receive (if they
are role-playing a child.)
4. Have each group choose a challenge from the “Challenges” list and pretend it is on
the family meeting agenda. Role-play brainstorming for solutions. Have one family
member write them all down—making sure they come up with at least 5 possible
solutions. Then have a discussion of the pros and cons of each suggestion. See if
you can reach a consensus in 5 to 7 minutes.
5. Process by having each member of the “family” share what they were thinking, feel-
ing, and deciding during the family meeting.
6. Invite a discussion from the whole group about what they learned from this activity.
7. Have participants turn to the Dos and Don’ts for Successful Family Meetings on
Lesson Four, page 11 in the workbook. Allow a few minutes for them to read the
page and then invite them to share the DO that might be the most important for
them to remember, and the DON’T that might get them into the most trouble.
8. On another flip-chart paper, ask participants to share what they think would be the
benefits of having a family meeting every week.
ROUTINE CHARTS
OBJECTIVE: To avoid power struggles while helping children feel more capable
when they use their power in constructive ways.
MATERIALS:
• Flip chart
• Marking pens
• Lesson Four, pages 12 and 13 in the workbook.
COMMENT: Children feel empowered and motivated to cooperate when they are re-
spectfully included in problem-solving—including the creation of routine charts.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask for a volunteer to role-play a three-year-old (or whatever age you want) to cre-
ate a bedtime routine.
2. You can role-play the parent.
3. Go to the flip chart and ask the “child” to tell you what he or she needs to do to get
ready for bed. Write every task on the flip chart.
4. If the child forgets something, it is okay to say, “What about picking out your clothes
for tomorrow?” or whatever else is forgotten.
5. If your child wants screen time (or anything else you don’t want as part of the rou-
tine chart), say something like, “That can’t be part of your bedtime routine, but we
can put it on our agenda (family or one-to-one problem-solving) and talk about when
you can do that.”
6. After getting all the items on the flip chart, ask the child to rank-order what needs to
be done first, then next until all the tasks have a number.
7. Ask the child if he or she would like to draw pictures of each task or have you take a
picture of him or her doing each task that can be posted on the routine chart later.
8. Process with the child by asking, “What were you thinking, feeling, and deciding
while being included in creating a routine chart?”
9. Explain to the group that this list can be used to help the child create a routine chart
on tag board or ribbon with pictures next to each task. Some might want to draw pic-
tures of their routine chart. (See review on page 12 of the workbook, and samples
on page 13 of the workbook.)
COMMENT: It is important to let the routine chart be the boss. In other words, instead
of nagging, ask, “What is next on your routine chart?”

LESSON FIVE OUTLINE
Review (Not so Perfect Parent and Asking vs. Telling
Connection Before Correction (Thermometer)
Encouragement vs. Praise
Wheel of Choice
Back Talk
7:00 – 7:20! Check in: questions, comments, sharing.

! ! !
7:20 – 7:30 ! Discuss “Tips that do not Imply Perfection” on Lesson Five, page 2 in the
workbook.
7:30 – 7:45! Asking vs. Telling Review Activity
7:45 – 7:55! Thermometer Demonstration
7:55 – 8:05! Encouragement vs. Praise Activity
8:05 – 8:20 ! I Felt Encouraged When Activity
8:20 – 8:30! Break (May not need a break with so many activities)
8:30 – 8:45! Wheel of Choice Activity
8:45 – 8:55! Back Talk Activity
8: 55 – 9:25! Helping Parents Problem-solving Steps!
9:25 – 9:30! Go over Practice and Assignments on page 17 of the workbook.
READING ASSIGNMENTS FOR NEXT WEEK:

Chapters 10, 11, and 12
ALTERNATIVE:
Decide What You Will Do, and Follow Through, page 107 in the TP Manual
Positive(Discipline(Workbook(by(Jane(Nelsen( Facilitators(Guide( 5(;(1((((

ASKING VS. TELLING REVIEW
MATERIALS:
(This activity is covered in the workbook. You may just refer to it if you don’t have time to
squeeze it in.)
• Simple Curiosity Questions Review (Copy Lesson Five, page 3 in the workbook
or have participants turn to that page.)
• Pencils
• Characteristics and Life Skills List from Lesson One
COMMENT:
This activity is a follow-up to the activity of Telling vs. Asking. Parents usually need time
to practice, practice, practice a new skill.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask participants to turn to the Review of Simple Curiosity Questions Activity on Les-
son Five, page 3 of their workbooks (or make copies). Allow three minutes to fill out
Nos. 1 and 2.
2. Ask them to find a partner and share the incident when they used a “telling” com-
mand with their child. Then how they could have asked a “curiosity” question. To-
gether they can brainstorm other suggestions for asking questions.
3. Ask for volunteers who will role-play in front of the whole group to illustrate both
their “telling” command and the “curiosity question” while one partner plays the par-
ent and the other plays the child. Let them know that this isn’t about the academy
awards—just a fun way to learn.
4. If this is a beginning group and people seem shy about volunteering, ask if anyone
is willing to let you be the parent. You will use his or her “telling command” and
“possible curiosity question.” He or she will play the child who doesn’t have to say
anything except notice what he or she is thinking, feeling, deciding, learning.
5. In either case, process what each role-player was thinking, feeling, and deciding, in
each role. Be sure to ask the “child” to look at the List of Characteristics and Life
Skills to confirm what he or she was learning in each situation.
6. If there is time, do more than one role-play and process after each one.
7. Invite the whole group to share what they learned from this activity.

THERMOMETER ACTIVITY
OBJECTIVE: To experience the results of connection before correction
COMMENT: Lectures that sound critical and judgmental invite defensiveness and
rebellion (in the body, even before in the mind), thus negating the message parents are
trying to convey. Connection (from love and understanding) invites openness that can
lead to critical thinking, problem solving and cooperation when followed by curiosity
questions.
MATERIALS: None
DIRECTIONS:

1. Ask for a volunteer to be a child.
2. Tell the volunteer to pretend there is a thermometer (or if you are creative, make
one) on the floor between you. When you use words that are discouraging he or she
will move away from you (to the cold end of the thermometer) and when you use
words that feel encouraging he or she should move closer to you (to the warm end
of the thermometer). Let the volunteer know that he of she need not respond with
words—just movement indicating discouragement (moving back to the cold end of
the thermometer) and encouragement (moving forward to the warm end of the
thermometer).
3. Start by using discouraging words (lecturing and blaming) to the volunteer. Use an
accusing voice as you say. “Your teacher called me today! What did you do? Don’t
tell me you didn’t do anything! Why would the teacher call if you didn’t do anything?
She said you were talking in class.What are you going to do about this? You can just
go to your room and think about what you did.”
4. Take a deep breath and switch to encouraging words and voice, pausing between
sentences to give the child time to move toward you in small steps. “Your teacher
called me this morning. I’ll bet you felt very embarrassed when she yelled at you in
front of everyone. I remember a time the teacher yelled at me in front of everyone. I
felt humiliated and angry. I would really like to hear your version of what happened.
Since you can’t change your teacher, I’ll bet you can think of a way to avoid this
problem in the future. Why don’t you think about it and let me know what you come
up with.”
5. Process with the volunteer child what he or she was thinking, feeling, and deciding
during both phases of the role-play. Ask if he or she noticed what happened in his or
her body at each end of the thermometer. If you have done the Brain in the Palm of
the hand activity, you could ask, “What was the state of your brain (which part being
accessed) at the cold end of the thermometer? Flipped (midbrain) or closed fist (cor-
tex)?”

THERMOMETER CONTINUED
6. Invite a discussion about what participants learned from this activity.
7. To extend discussion ask some of the following questions:
• Why do you think parents use lectures (criticism and judgment)?
• Do you think parents are aware of the long-term results of what they do?
• At which end of the thermometer are children open to learning?
• Does anyone have an example of a time when they were a child and experi-
enced a critical lecture—and what they were thinking, feeling, and deciding?
• Does anyone have an example of a time when they were a child and experi-
enced connection in response to a mistake they made—and what they were
thinking, feeling, and deciding?

ENCOURAGEMENT VS. PRAISE
OBJECTIVE:
To help people understand the difference between encouragement and praise and the
long-range effects on children of each.
MATERIALS:
• Praise and Encouragement Statements Lesson Five, page 8 in the workbook.
Prepare each of the encouragement and praise statements on 8 1/2 x 11 lami-
nated sheets of paper and arrange them in the order they will be used. (See direc-
tion No. 3.)
• Differences Between Praise and Encouragement chart, Lesson Five, page 9 in the
workbook.
COMMENT:
Praise may seem to work "for the moment" and motivate good behavior temporarily; but
what are the long-term results? Praise may "feel good" for the moment but what does it
invite children to decide about themselves? What does encouragement look and sound
like, and what does it invite children to decide about themselves? This activity helps
parents explore the answers to these questions experientially.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask for two volunteers—one who will experience praise and the other encourage-
ment. Have the two volunteers stand on either side of you.
2. The facilitator will introduce the participants as his or her two children. Child # 1 will
be given the praise statements. Child #2 will be given the encouragement state-
ments.
3. As each statement is made verbally, hand it to the child and ask her to hold it facing
out so the audience can see it. Alternate the praise and encouragement statements.
For example, say, “All A’s. You get a big reward,” to child # 1 (while handing her the
laminated statement to hold so the audience can see it), and, “You worked hard; you
deserve it,” to child # 2. Alternate back and forth until all the statements are made.
4. Process with the two participants. Ask what each was thinking, feeling, and deciding
while hearing the statements. Ask if either would like to trade with the other person,
or if they want to keep their statements, and why or why not. (Normally the person
who received praise is willing to trade and the person who received encouragement
is not.)
5. Don’t be surprised if the person who received the praise liked it. They have learned
to be “approval junkies.” More often the person who received the praise statements
will make comments such as "I felt conditionally loved," or “It was all about you,” or,
"I felt pressured to live up to adult expectations." If the volunteer doesn't make these
comments, ask if he or she felt any of this.
ENCOURAGEMENT VS. PRAISE CONTINUED
6. The person who received encouragement statements usually makes comments

such as "I felt empowered to be myself and to improve myself. I felt unconditionally
loved and encouraged." If the volunteer doesn't make these comments ask if he or
she felt any of this.
7. Ask the observers what insights they had from watching this process. Ask for a
show of hands how many would prefer the praise and how many would prefer the
encouragement. Point out that it is impossible to give praise when someone is fail-
ing and that is when they need encouragement the most.
8. Ask if either participant is willing to trade posters with the other, and process the
reasons why or why not. (Normally the person who received praise is willing to trade
and the person who received encouragement is not.)
9. Ask both children to look at the Characteristics ad Life Skills list (Lesson One, Page
4) to see if they were learning any of them from the statements they heard.
10. Ask the observers what insights they had from watching this process. Ask for a
show of hands how many would prefer the praise and how many would prefer the
encouragement.
11. Process with the group what they feel would be the long-term effects of excessive
praise. (Normally participants will indicate that too much praise can keep children
tied in an unhealthy way to their parents or other authority figure and keep them
from gaining independence. They also see that praise is enabling—teaching chil-
dren to become “approval junkies”). Encouragement is empowering.
12. Refer to Differences Between Praise and Encouragement chart on Lesson Five,
page 9, and the iceberg analogy on page 10, of the workbook.
Comment: We can never be sure what kids are deciding, but we can do things that
are more likely to invite healthy decisions.
This exercise is not meant to make us paranoid for giving praise occasionally. Praise,
like candy, can be enjoyable on occasion. Encouragement, however, should be the sta-
ple that you give to yourself and your family ever day. Encouragement allows your chil-
dren to see themselves as being capable, and it values their effort rather than focusing
on perfection or pleasing others.

WHEEL OF CHOICE
OBJECTIVE:
To get children involved in creating a problem solving tool
MATERIALS:
• Wheels of Choice Samples—Go over pages 11-12 in Lesson Five in the work-
book (and/or bring your own samples to share).
• Flip chart and markers
COMMENT:
It is very important that children are involved in the creation of their wheel of choice.
Involvement enhances feelings of belonging, significance, and capability. Involve-
ment also increases motivation to use what has been created.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask for a volunteer to role play a child.
2. Show the “child” some wheels of choice (Lesson Five, page 12 of the workbook)
and let him or her know you will help her create her own wheel of choice..
3. Take the child to the flip chart and ask for ideas of what to do when he or she is feel-
ing frustrated, sad, or hurt. What would help him or her feel better (calm down) or be
a solution to the problem?
4. Write down every suggestion.
5. Turn to another flip chart and draw a big circle and divide into pie pieces. (If the child
is old enough, let him or her do it.)
6. Ask the child if he or she would like to draw pictures that represent each choice, or
would like to find clip art on the computer.
7. When the chart is finished, ask the volunteer to choose one of the following situa-
tions, role-play it happening, and then choosing a solution from his or her Wheel of
Choice.
1) Sibling takes one of his or her toys.
2) A friend hurts his or her feelings.
3) Mom or Dad want him or her to stop watching TV and/or do a chore.
8. Process with the child volunteer what he or she is thinking, feeling, and deciding?
Be sure to show the “child” the Characteristics and Life Skills List (Page 4 in Lesson
One) to see if he or she is learning anything on the list.
9. Invite the whole group to share what they learned from this activity.

DON’T BACK TALK BACK
OBJECTIVE:
To help parents understand how they often model the opposite of the characteristics
and life skills they want to teach.
MATERIALS:
• Chart of Characteristics (Lesson One, Page 4)
• Laminated scripts for Parent A and for Parent B (below)
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask for nine volunteers: eight to be a parents and one to be a child. (If you don’t
have enough participants for eight parents, give the parent volunteers more than
one of the A and B statements.
2. Give each parent a script that has an A statement and a B statement. (See at-
tached.) Suggest that they try to memorize them so they can say them more
spontaneously without reading—and it is okay to peek if they need to.
3. Begin by having the child to say, “I don’t have to,” and then walk down the line of
parents and listen as each parent says the A statement. The “child” is not to re-
spond to the statements, but just notice what he/she is thinking, feeling, and de-
ciding in response to each statement.
4. Process by asking the child what he or she is thinking, feeling, and deciding after
listening to all the A statements. Take him or her to the Characteristics and Life
Skills list and ask if there is anything on the list that she is learning.
5. Tell the parents they have now attended a Positive Discipline class and are
ready for their B statements (memorized if possible). Have the child go down the
line again saying, “I don’t have to.} Each parent will make his or her B statement
while the “child” just notices what he or she is thinking, feeling, and deciding.
6. Process by asking the child what she is thinking, feeling, and deciding. Take her
to the Characteristics and Life Skills list and ask if there is anything on the list
that she is learning. There is usually a big difference.
7. Now invite the parents to share the difference in what they were thinking, feeling,
and deciding when making the A and the B statements.
8. Invite the whole group to share what they learned from this activity. Ask if they
can guess which statements represent Positive Discipline and why (creates con-
nection before correction, is kind and firm, invites the child to think, is respectful).
If it doesn’t come from the group, point out that modeling is the best teacher and
invite a discussion about what is modeled by A statements and B Statements.

1-A Don’t talk to me that way young lady!
1-B I wonder what I did to upset you so much?
2-A Go to your room and don’t come out until you can be
respectful!
2-B Wow. You are really angry.
3-A You are grounded for a week!
3-B I need to take some time out until I can be with you
respectfully. (Modeling)
4-A How can you talk to me that way after all I have done for
you?
4-B What would help us right now—some time out or putting this
on the family meeting agenda?

5-A You just lost all your privileges.
5-B I can hear that you are really angry right now. Do you feel
like telling me more about it?
6-A Maybe Military School will teach you to be more

respectful of authority.
6-B I need a hug. Please come find me when you are ready for
one.
7-A How far do you think that smart mouth is going to take you?
7-B “Hmmm. Umhmmm.” (Listening with your lips closed.)
8-A You will be respectful if I have to ground you for a year.
8-B Do you know that I really love you?

DECIDE WHAT YOU WILL DO AND FOLLOW-THROUGH
Objective:
To help parents understand the value of deciding what they will do instead of what they
will try to make the child do—and then to follow through with kindness and firmness at
the same time.
Materials:
3 chairs set up to represent a car with one seat in the front and two seats in the back.
A book to read while following through
A flip chart and marking pens
Characteristics and Life Skills list from the Two Lists activity
Comment: Too many parents don't say what they mean and mean what they
say—and children know this. Children feel much more secure and avoid
learning manipulation skills when they know they can trust their parents to
mean what they say—and to follow through with dignity and respect.
1. Let the group know there are many different ways to solve the problem of fighting in
the car, such as a family meeting where the kids come up with a plan. However, in
this role-play, you are going to demonstrate deciding what you will do, informing in
advance, and following through.
2. Ask for two volunteers who will role-play siblings who fight in the back seat of the
car while you are driving. (Whisper in their ears that when you move your chair to
indicate pulling the car over, they will need to move their chairs with you.)
4. After the whispered instructions, give the volunteers the following instructions out
loud so everyone can hear, “I want you to play real kids and I would also like you to
be in the present. In other words, please notice what you feel like doing in response to
what I do instead of continuing to role-play what your kids do in response to what
you usually do.
5. Role-play, Scene I. Ask the "children" to come with you a few feet away from the
"car." Then inform them what you have decided to do, "It is dangerous for me to drive
when you are fighting because I get distracted. So, when you fight, I have decided
that I will pull over to the side of the road and I will read my book until you are done
fighting. The way I will know you are done is that you will both tell me that you are
ready for me to start driving again.”

DECIDE WHAT YOU WILL DO AND FOLLOW-THROUGH
Continued
6. Then check what they heard by asking, “So what is your understanding of what I will
do when you fight?" Wait for them both to clarify that they understand you will pull
over. Then ask, "And how will I know you are ready for me to drive again? What do
I need to hear from both of you?" Wait until they both respond with what they heard
you say.
7. Role-play, Scene II. Let the audience know you are first going to demonstrate what many
parents do that is NOT effective because they don't follow through and do what they said
they would do.
8. Sit in the front seat and ask the children to sit in the back seats and start fighting. Let them
fight for a few seconds and then say the following while getting louder and louder, "Girls, I
told you that I would pull over if you fight. Don't you know this is dangerous? Why can't
you cooperate? Do you want me to pull over and make us late? I mean it. I'm going to pull
over. I really mean it. Did you hear me?”
9. Usually, the children continue to fight and get louder as you get louder. Stop this scene and
process with the children. Ask, “What were you learning from what I did?” Show them the
list of “Characteristics and Life Skills” and ask them if they are learning anything on the list.
(Usually nothing.)
10. Role-play, Scene III. Let the audience know you will now demonstrate what follow through
looks like.
11. Ask the children to start fighting again. After a few seconds, without saying a word, pull
over (move your chair a few feet to the side), pick up your book, and start reading. Usually
the children will keep fighting for a while, but they eventually stop and tell you they are
ready. It is very important that you don't say a word until they BOTH tell you they are ready.
Then you can say, "Thanks. I appreciate your cooperation."
12. Ask the children what they learned from what you did. Show them the list of “Characteris-
tics and Life Skills” and ask them if they are learning anything on the list. (Usually many
things.)

LESSON SIX OUTLINE
What is My Part?
Lifestyle Priorities (Top Card)
Mistakes as Opportunities to Learn
Empowering Vs. Enabling
7:00 – 7:20! Check in: questions, comments, sharing success stories

7:20 – 7:25! Take 5 minutes to read Review of Tools for Focusing on Solutions on
page 2 of the Workbook. Invite participants to share their favorite tools.
7:25 – 7:45! What is my Part and the 4 Rs of Recovery from Mistakes Activity
7:45 – 8:00! Mistakes as Opportunities to Learn Activity
8:00 - 8:05! Continuum of Change Activity
8:05 – 8:15! Break Activity: Have bumper sticker posters hanging in four corners of
the room if you want to do the first 3 steps of the Bumper Sticker activity
on page 6-8 below.
8:15 – 8:40 Lifestyle Priorities (Top Card Activity)
8:40 – 8:50! Empowering Vs. Enabling Activity
8:50 – 9:15! Parents Helping Parents Problem-solving Steps !
9:15 – 9:25! Ball of Yarn Activity (page 81 of the Teaching Parenting Manual)
9:25 – 9:30! Certificates and sign up for advance class
ALTERNATIVES:
!
! Follow Through, page 159 in the Teaching Parenting Manual
Positive(Discipline(Workbook(by(Jane(Nelsen( ( ( Facilitators(Guide(( 6(;(1(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

WHAT IS MY PART AND 4 RS OF RECOVERY ACTIVITY
OBJECTIVE:
To help parents become aware (without blame, shame or guilt) of their possible contri-
bution to mistaken goal behavior, and the value of a simple apology.
MATERIALS:
• What is Your Part (Lesson Six, page 4 of the workbook). You might want to go
over the information on page 3 for the workbook first.
• Pencils
• Flip Chart and Marking Pens to create the Chart of the 4 Rs of Recovery
• Positive Discipline Tool Cards in a basket
COMMENT:
Parents seldom take responsibility for the possibility that they may help create the chal-
lenging behaviors they complain about. Taking responsibility for your part can be done
without blame, shame or guilt—but with awareness that can help you make changes
that empower your child and yourself.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Introduce the Four Rs of Recovery on a flip chart:
1) Recognize your mistake (awareness)
2) Reconnect (sit or stand at eye level, maybe hold hands)
3) Reconcile (apologize—children are so forgiving)
4) Resolve (focus on a solution—maybe take turns randomly choosing a Positive
Discipline Tool Card to see if one of you chooses one that could work.)
2. Let participants know they will use the Four Rs in a few minutes.
3. Turn to Lesson Six, page 3 in the workbook to go over the “What is My Part?” as
preparation for the next step.
4. Ask participants to turn to “What is Your Part” (Lesson Six, page 4 in the workbook)
and to take a few minutes to choose just one mistaken goal behavior and write
about it in the appropriate space.
5. After three to five minutes, invite participants to share what they wrote with a part-
ner. Let them know they will each have one minute.
6. After two minutes, ask them to role-play the Four Rs of Recovery with their part-
ners—each using the situation they wrote about, and asking their partner to play
them, while they take the part of their children. When they come to the 4th R of Re-
covery, they can use their own idea of how to solve the challenge, or each choose a
Positive Discipline Tool card to see if one would be an appropriate solution.
7. Call participants back to the large group and ask if anyone would like to share what
he or she wrote with the whole group—and if partners would like to share one of
their role-plays.
8. Invite a discussion of what they learned from this activity.

MISTAKES AS OPPORTUNITIES TO LEARN
OBJECTIVE: To help participant replace negative beliefs about mistakes with beliefs
about the value of mistakes.
MATERIALS:
• Pencils
• "Mistakes Interview" for each participant (following pages or have them turn to
Lesson Six, pages 8-9 in their workbooks).
COMMENT: Parents usually mean well when they try to motivate their children to do
better by making them feel bad about their mistakes. However, they fail to check out the
results of their good intentions. When they see the fallacy of their misguided intentions
they are open to explore how empowering it is to see mistakes as wonderful opportuni-
ties to learn.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask the group to choose partners (a different one from the last activity) and take
turns interviewing each other using the "Mistakes Interview Form." Allow three minutes
for each partner. Let them know when the first three minutes is up and it is time to
switch interviewer and interviewee positions.
2. Ask the group:

! a. What insights did you gain from participating in this activity?
b. Are you willing to make some new decisions about mistakes?
c. What are they?
d. What do you think it will mean to your children if you teach them that mistakes
are wonderful opportunities to learn?
3. Suggest that everyone try the exercise at the bottom of page 7 as a regular ritual in
their homes.

MISTAKES INTERVIEW
1. What are the messages you heard from your parents about mistakes either stated
or implied? Based on the messages you heard, what did you decide about mistakes
and about yourself? I am
2. Based on that decision what kind of behaviors do you do to either avoid making mis-
takes or keep others from knowing if you do.
3. What do you think mistakes might mean for your child/children?
4. Describe a time when your child made a mistake and you were supportive and en-
couraging.
a. What did you do?
b. What was the result of what you did?
c. What do you think your child learned from that experience?
1) What perceptions?
2) What skills?

MISTAKES INTERVIEW CONTINUED
d. What did you learn?
5. Describe a time when your child made a mistake and you were not supportive and
encouraging.
a. What did you do?
b. What was the result of what you did?
c. What do you think your child learned from that experience?
1) What perceptions?
2) What skills?
d. What did you learn?

CONTINUUM OF CHANGE
Kate Ortolano and Laurie Stolmaker
OBJECTIVE:
To recognize change as a process involving awareness and skill development
MATERIALS:
Flip Chart
Marking Pens
COMMENT:
Once you recognize change as a process, you can become encouraging and compas-
sionate with yourselves and others during the process.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Make four vertical lines on a flip chart with no labels (for each column leave
some space at the top).
2. Invite participants to remember when they could watch other kids riding their
bikes and were imagining how wonderful it would be to ride. What were they feel-
ing or thinking? Record in the first column.
3. Next invite them to imagine getting on the bike and trying to ride the first (and
second) time. Write feelings and thoughts in the second column.
4. Fill the third column with feelings and thoughts about the time after they could
ride, sort of, but it was still challenging around corners and hills.
5. Fill the fourth column with the feelings and thoughts of being really skilled at rid-
ing the bike.
6. THEN over each column fill in with the appropriate title: (1) unconsciously un-
skilled, (2) consciously unskilled, (3) consciously skilled, (4) unconsciously
skilled.

CONTINUUM OF CHANGE, Continued
7. Draw an arrow from the right to the left above the continuum as you explain that
sometimes we move backward. Ask "What feelings might come up when you or
others move in this direction?" Write comments above the arrow in the chart.
8. Ask the group what they are learning about themselves and others. What in-
sights are they having?
COMMENT:
Remind participants that once we learn to ride a bike, the skill is mastered. However,
when we are using skills that involve people, our emotional buttons may get pushed
and the skill may be lost temporarily.
9. This is a great exercise near the end of parenting class for two reasons:
a) You can point out to participants that it is normal to have feelings of being
consciously unskilled—and occasionally consciously skilled. That is where
they "could" be after six or seven weeks of parenting class.
b) It is really important to imagine what will happen to your neighbors when

you, in your enthusiasm, go share what you have learned. They may be
unconsciously unskilled; and you start telling them about all these new
things. Where do they go? (Move your finger from the feeling col

BUMPER STICKERS (OR LIFE SLOGANS) ACTIVITY
OBJECTIVE:
A playful way to help participants identify their Top Card and bond in their groups.
MATERIALS:
Four sheets of flip chart paper with the list of bumper stickers (see last four pages), or
have them enlarged, printed, and laminated.
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Fill four flip chart papers with the bumper sticker statements (leaving room at the top
for the name of the Top Card later), and post them in four corners of the room. If you
have laminated posters, tape them in four corners of the room and cover Top Card
labels at the top until No. 5 below.)
2. Ask participants to wander to each corner and read the flip chart posters until they
find statements that make them laugh because they can identify with statements that
fit them—even though they may feel a little embarrassed. (It is called a recognition
reflex.)
3. Ask them to stay in the corner with the box or poster that had the most statements
with which they can identify—even if they don’t like them.
4. Get their attention and ask them to choose their favorite bumper sticker (or slogan)
and pair and share how this slogan serves them in their lives, and how it might get in
their way in life and relationships. After a few minutes invite whole group sharing.
5. Then write the name of the Top Card at the top of each flip chart (or uncover the la-
bel at the top of each poster).
6. Follow up with the Top Card activity on pages 6-7 above.
Alternative: Do steps 1 through 3 during a break just before doing the Lifestyle Priori-
ties (Top Card) activity.

Control
Do what I tell you and you’ll be fine.

I have bossy pants and I am not afraid to use
them!
Let me make up your mind for you.
I can give up control so long as I can control
what I give up.
Let’s compromise and do it my way.
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
I can do it.....whenever I get to it.
I’m here to save the day with lots of organiza-
tion and structure.
If I don’t worry about this, who will???
Sticks'and'stones'could'break'my'bones,'but'
words'can'really'hurt'me'too!
Plan, prepare, and worry anyway!
I have a list for that
Never let them see you sweat.
I’ve got it covered
I’ll put it on my agenda
Whoever thought __________ was a good idea
surely did not ask me!
Comfort
Just chill!
Relax!
What’s the hurry?
Stress me & I'll sleep more
Check with me tomorrow. I’ll still be here.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Warning: you may get snapped if you knock on
my shell.
Go ahead and change, but don’t ask me to.
Hassles go away!
Don’t forget to smell the roses.
I can rationalize any situation
Take a Number/ Gone Fishing/ Be Back in 5
Worry Wart Onboard
Let’s wait and think about it.
Positive(Discipline(Workbook(by(Jane(Nelsen( ( ( Facilitators(Guide(( 6(;(10((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Superiority
Caution: driver is reviewing daily planner,
checking voicemail, and applying mascara.
I intend to make a difference in the world. It’s
important.
Just do it right! Never mind; I’ll do it.
Over-achiever on board.
If you want it done right, ask me!
If you want to help me, do it my way.
Follow me; I know where I’m going.
Don’t lead or follow—let me do it.
Oh goodie! Something else to add to my list of
projects.
Out to save the world one person at a time.
What do you mean I can’t save the world?
Don’t worry; I criticize myself too.
I’ll answer the phone when I can find it.
I was not born to be mundane.
I know I’m right. Will anyone listen to me?
Got problems? Got answers.
Move over. I’ve got this.
Let’s save time and just assume I’m right.
Put it in my pile, I’m already overwhelmed

Pleasing
Honk if you like me.

Honk if you need help.
Please cut in front of me.
If you say so…
Your way—not my way.
Please leave a message with what bothers you I
will fix it right away when I come home.
Let’s all just be merry.
Excuse me. I’m sorry.
If you don’t like what you see—wait a minute,
I’ll change.
Help, I can’t say no.
I hope you appreciate all I do for you.
Please clean up the mess and tell me that you
love me.
Whatever makes you happy!
Can’t we all just get along?

LIFESTYLE PRIORITIES (TOP CARD)
OBJECTIVES:
To help participants understand how their early decisions effect their personalities—and
how their personalities may affect their children.
MATERIALS:
• The Lifestyle Priorities “gifts” sheet ( page 10 of the workbook).
• Flip chart paper for each Top Card (labeled with the Top Card at the top, and the
rest of the flip chart to look like Nos. 4 through 8 on page 10)
• Marking pens and masking tape
COMMENT: Emphasize over and over the importance of avoiding labels. Top Card is
about awareness not labels. Top Card helps us understand decisions we have made,
not who we are. Awareness can invite conscious change and/or improvement.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask participants to imagine the UPS man has delivered four packages. They don’t
want any of them but can eliminate only one. Tell them to put the No. 1 in the box
under the gift they would like to have the UPS man take back. (In other words, No.
1 represents the package they most want to avoid.)
2. Tell them you have changed your mind. They can now send two gifts back. Have
them put the No. 2 in their second least favorite gift.
3. Now explain that the No.1 gift they want to return, represents their Lifestyle Priority
(or Top Card). This is the card they “play” when they are feeling insecure—the one
they can play irrationally (sometimes referred to as “mischief”) that can get them
into relationship “trouble.”
4. The No. 2 gift they want to return represents their “method of operation,” the Top
Card they usually play more rationally (when they are feeling secure).
5. It is important to note that all people may play all of these “Top Cards” to some de-
gree. At this point it is helpful for them to understand the one that most interferes
with their relationships and personal growth because of their mistaken beliefs about
how to find belonging and significance.
6. Ask how many chose meaninglessness and unimportance as their least favorite
(No. 1) and let them know that their Top Card is Superiority. (Let participants know
that no one likes their Top Card, and remind them that they play the liabilities when
they are feeling insecure. Their second choice is what they do more rationally.)
Point out that Superiority usually doesn’t mean they are trying to be superior to oth-
ers, but are trying to overcome insecurities by excelling, Some say that people with
a Superiority Top Card like to be right. They are more fearful of being wrong as an
indication that they aren’t good enough.

LIFESTYLE PRIORITIES (TOP CARD) CONTINUED
7. Ask how many chose Criticism and Humiliation as their least favorite (No. 1) and let
them know that their Top Card is Control. (Point out that when they feel insecure,
some people want to control others, some want to control their environment, and
some want to control themselves in an attempt to feel more secure.)
8. Ask how many chose Pain and Stress as their least favorite (No. 1) and let them
know that their Top Card is Comfort. (Point out that all Top Cards often create the
opposite of what they are trying to avoid and/or achieve. For example, people with
a Comfort Top Card may cause themselves stress by trying to make others com-
fortable, or the pain of boredom and loneliness by avoiding things they think might
be too uncomfortable.)
9. Ask how many chose Rejection and Abandonment as their least favorite (No. 1)
and let them know that their Top Card is Pleasing. Point out that the “mischief” of
people who have a Pleasing Top Card is that they may have strings attached. “I
have decided what will please you (without asking) and I want you to know what will
please me. In this way they invite the rejection they want to avoid.
10. Divide the participants into groups representing their Top Card and give them the
the flip chart for their Top Card and have them brainstorm to fill out the information
(Nos. 4 through 8 that you have prepared in advance).
11. Refer them to Lesson Six, page 11 in the workbook so they can refer to Top Card at
Your Best and Your Worst to get ideas for brainstorming characteristics in the small
groups.
12. Allow 5 to 10 minutes and then invite participants to tape their flip charts on the wall
and take turns sharing with the whole group what they have come up with. Invite
sharing of what they learned from this activity.
COMMENT: Let them know that their understanding of Top Card will grow as they
study the Best and Worst sheet and notice the behaviors (and beliefs) that invite rela-
tionship and personal challenges in their lives. Also point out that there is a whole chap-
ter on Life Style Priorities in the Positive Discipline book called, “Personality: How Yours
Affects Theirs”.

EMPOWERING VS. ENABLING ACTIVITY
OBJECTIVE:
To help parents understand and experience discipline methods that are enabling to
their children, and those that are empowering to their children.
Materials:
• Printed and laminated Empowering and Enabling Statements (next four pages)
• Characteristics and Life Skills list from The Two Lists activity.
Comment: Many mistakes are made in the name of love—sometimes excessive

control mistakes, and sometimes rescuing and over protection mistakes.
Directions:
1. Print out the Enabling and Empowering scripts and cut them into strips. (Laminated
if possible.)
2. Ask for 19 volunteers (9 Enabling parents, 9 Empowering parents, and 1 child). If

you have fewer people in your class, you might want to use fewer statements, or
have some participants read more than one statement.
3. Ask the parents to make two lines and give the “empowering” scripts to the parents
in one line and the “enabling” scripts to the parents in the other line.
4. Instruct the child to start at the top of the line of “enabling” parents, stand in front of
the first parent, listen to script No. 1, and then move to the next parent and listen to
that statement, and continue to the end of the line. Instruct the “child” to just notice
what he or she is thinking, feeling, and deciding while listening to these parents.
(You can choose to have them go all the way down the Enabling Parents and then
down the line of the Empowering Parents, or to have them go back and forth to ex-
perience the contract immediately.)
5. Process by asking the "child" what he or she is thinking, feeling and deciding. Then
take the "child" to the Characteristics and Life Skills list and ask what he or she
learned from the enabling parent (nothing), and then from the empowering parent
(just about everything on the list). Process with the parents what they were thinking,
feeling and deciding.
6. Invite participants to share what they learned from this activity.

Enabling Statements
1. “I can’t believe you have procrastinated again. What

will ever become of you? Okay, I’ll do it this time, but
next time you’ll just have to suffer the conse-
quences.”
2. “Honey, I thought you would do your homework after

I bought you a car, a cell phone, and gave you a big
allowance.”
3. “Sweetie, you hurry and do as much as you can now

while I pick out your clothes, and warm up the car so
you won’t be cold when I drive you to school.”
4. “I just don’t understand. I excused you from chores, I

woke you up early, I drove you everywhere so you
would have more time; I made your lunches. How
could this be?”

Enabling Statements
5. “Well no wonder. I saw you wasting you time watching

TV, spending too much time with your friends, and
sleeping in.”
6. You should feel ashamed of yourself. You’d better

shape up or you’ll be shipping out to live on the
streets like a bum.”
7. “How many times have I told you to get your home-

work done early? Why can’t you be more like your
brother? What will become of you?”
8. “Okay, I’ll write a note to the teacher that you were

sick this morning, but you’ll need to be sure and catch
up.”
9. “Well then, you are grounded and you lose all your
privileges, no car, no TV, no friends, until it is done.”

Empowering Statements
1. “I can see that you feel bad about getting that poor
grade. I have faith in you to learn from this and figure
out what you need to do to get the grade you want.”
2. “I'm not willing to bail you out. When your teacher

calls, I'll hand the phone to you so she can discuss it
with you." (A respectful attitude and tone of voice is
essential.)
3. "I would like to hear what this means for you."
4. “Would you be willing to hear my concerns? Could we

brainstorm together on some possible solutions?"
5. “I'm willing to be available for an hour two nights a

week when we agree in advance on a convenient
time, but I'm not willing to get involved at the last min-
ute."

Empowering Statements
6. "I hope you'll go to college, but I'm not sure it's impor-
tant to you. I’m happy to talk with you about your
thoughts or plans about college."
7. "I'm feeling too upset to talk about this right now. Let's
put it on the agenda for the family meeting so we can
talk about it when I'm not so emotional."
8. "Could we sit down and see if we can work on a plan

regarding homework that we both can live with?
9. "I love you just the way you are and I have faith that
you can choose what is right for you."

FOLLOW-THROUGH
OBJECTIVE:
To give parents an alternative to punishment and logical consequences.
MATERIALS:
"Four Steps for Effective Follow Through" chart below
"Four Traps that Defeat Effective Follow Through" chart below
"Four Hints for Effective Follow Through chart below
Characteristics and Life Skills List from the Two Lists Activity
COMMENT: Parents usually use consequences to control or punish. That could be

one reason why children see consequences as punishment. This process of follow-
through is one effective alternative to avoid this dilemma. (With younger children, non-
verbal follow through [kind and firm action] is more effective.)
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask participants to find a partner and choose a situation where their child does not
keep agreements, such as unloading the dishwasher, cleaning up messes, doing
laundry, etc. Ask one to role-play a child and one to role-play a parent.
2. Display the chart on the "Four Steps for Effective Follow-Through" and ask for a vol-
unteer to read the chart to the rest of the group.
3. Ask them to role-play a scene where they use the first three steps and come to an
agreement. (Children usually are willing to make an agreement during a friendly dis-
cussion. However it is very normal for children to “get into their own worlds” and not
not keep the agreement.) Allow around five minutes for this process.
4. Display the "Four Hints for Effective Follow-Through" chart. For scene two, ask role-
players to pretend that the specific time for the agreement to be completed has ar-
rived and their child is parked in front of the television. The person playing the parent
will come into the room and approach the child using the "Four Steps for Effective
Follow-Through."
5. Process with both children and parents what they are thinking, feeling, and deciding.
6. Display the chart of the “Four Steps that Defeat Effective Follow-Through” and ask
the children if their parents avoided all of these traps.
7. Show the Characteristics and Life Skills list to the “children” and ask if they can find
things on the list that they were learning.
8. Ask the participants what they learned from this activity.

FOLLOW-THROUGH, Continued
ALTERNATIVE:
1. Do this activity as a demonstration.
2. Ask for a volunteer to play a child who doesn’t keep his or her promises to un-
load the dishwasher.
3. Show the Four Steps for Effective Follow-Through and let the volunteer know
that you would like to pretend you have already done these steps. For Step 1, he
has reassured you that he means to do it, but just forgets. You have shared that
you understand and will help in the future by following through. For Step 2 you
have had fun brainstorming and exaggerating solutions, including paying for
someone else to do it—which he rejected when learning half of the pay would be
his responsibility.
4. For Step 3, you have agreed to the first commercial of his favorite TV program,
5. For Step 4, let the group know that the scene you will role-play next is to show
what happens when the child doesn’t keep his or her agreement.
6. For the role-play let the child know that it is now the first commercial of his favor-
ite TV program and he is still sitting on the cocuch. Then you enter the scene and
play the Four Hints for Effective Follow-Through. (I have never seen it fail that
the child decides to keep his or her agreement IF you stick to the steps.)
7. Now display the Four Traps that Defeat Follow-Through. Process with the
child by asking him if you followed them. For example, “How high on your priority
list is unloading the dishwasher?” (Usually not on the list.) “Did you feel any
judgment or criticism or judgment from me?” “Did I stick to the issue?” “How im-
portant was it that you knew we had agreed to a specific time in advance?” “Did
you think I maintained dignity and respect for you, for myself, and for what
needed to be done?” The “child” agrees to all of these if you have played them
this way during the role-play.
8. Take the child to the Characteristics and Life Skills list and ask him or her if there
is anything on the list that he learned from this interaction. (Usually many of
them.)
9. Invite participants to share what they learned from watching this demo.

Four Steps for Effective Follow-Through
1. Have a friendly discussion where everyone gets to voice his or her feelings and
thoughts around the issue.
2. Brainstorm for possible solutions and choose one that both you and your child
agree to.
3. Agree on a specific time deadline (to the minute).
4. Understand children well enough to know that the deadline probably won't be
met and simply follow through with your part of the agreement by holding them
accountable.
Four Hints for Effective Follow-Through

! !
1. Keep comments simple and concise. "I notice you didn’t unload the dishwasher.
Please do that now."
2. In response to objections, ask, "What was our agreement?"
3. In response to further objections, shut your mouth and use nonverbal communi-
cation. Point to your watch. Smile knowingly. Give a hug and point to your watch
again.
4. When the child concedes to keep the agreement (sometimes obviously an-
noyed) say, "Thank you for keeping our agreement."
Four Traps that Defeat Effective Follow-Through
1. Wanting teens to have the same priorities as adults.!
2. Getting into judgments and criticism instead of sticking to the issue.!
3. Not getting agreements in advance that include a specific time deadline.
4. Not maintaining dignity and respect for the teen and yourself.

Ball of Yarn—A Closing Activity
OBJECTIVE:
To give participants an opportunity to reflect on what they have learned during the class
and to share it with others.
MATERIALS:
A large ball of yarn (It usually takes two skeins of yarn rolled into a ball if you have more
than 20 people.)
COMMENT: This activity usually serves as an excellent summary of the workshop

and helps people remember all the wonderful things they have learned.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Ask everyone to move their chairs into a tight circle.
2. Hold the ball of yarn in your hands while explaining, "Now is the time for every one to
reflect back on the last two days (seven weeks, or whatever amount of time the
group has been working together). Think about your experiences. Think about what
you have learned. If you had to choose one favorite thing you learned what would it
be?
3. Now take a few moments to think about what you will do differently because of your
experience in this workshop. What is the first small step you will take? What are your
long-term goals?"
4. Allow a few minutes for reflection before saying, "We are now going to create a web
of connection that will remind us of the power we have together to be a positive in-
fluence in the lives of children. We will toss or roll this ball of yarn across and around
the circle.”
5. When it comes to you, share what you have learned, or what you plan to do, or any-
thing you feel in your heart. Then hang onto a piece of the yarn before rolling or toss-
ing it to someone across the circle. (It is better to roll or toss across instead of pass-
ing it next to you to create a web.)
6. Start by sharing what the workshop has meant to you before tossing it to someone
across the circle. When everyone has had a turn, tug softly on the web to remind
yourselves of the interconnectedness of the group members. At the end, either roll
up the ball of yarn or invite participants o break off a piece of the web to keep with
them as a reminder of their work together.

WAYS TO GET SUPPORT
If you do not already belong to the Positive Discipline Association, go to

www.positivediscipline.org to discover the benefits of different levels of membership
Join the Positive Discipline Social Network at www.positivediscipline.ning.com While

there join as many groups as you like. This is a closed social network so information is
NOT picked up by Internet webcrawlers. It is a community where members help each
other use Positive Discipline tools to deal with challenges.
You will find continuing inspiration at www.facebook.com/positivediscipline. We hope

you will like us.
I hope you will sign up for my newsletter at www.positivediscipline.com. While there,

check out my blog.
For review, my daughter, Mary, and I have created an online parenting class.
http://store.positivediscipline.com/online-class.html
As you know, the best way to learn is to teach. Consider becoming a Certified Positive
Discipline Parent Educator. For live two-day workshops on Teaching Parenting the Posi-
tive Discipline Way go to www.positivediscipline.org. For the DVD training on Teaching
Parenting the Positive Discipline Way, go to
http://store.positivediscipline.com/teaching-parenting-dvd.html

Stop Trying to Stuff In
And then wonder why

it goes in and out.
Root of education is
educaré which means to
draw forth.
© Jane Nelsen & Diane Durand
Ask Curiosity Questions
• What were you trying to

accomplish?
• How do you feel about what
happened?
• What did you learn from it?
• What ideas do you have to solve
the problem now?

Individuation
Who they are today is not who they will be forever.

Connection Before Correction
One way to encourage
a discouraged child is
to ask for a hug.
Encouragement
changes brain
chemistry and
behavior.
Try it. You’ll both feel
better.

Positive Discipline
No humiliation, blame, shame, or pain
No punishment
No permissiveness
No rewards
No praise
No pampering (rescuing or fixing)
No punitive time-out (grounding)
No taking away privileges as punishment

No Permissiveness
!!!Permissiveness teaches children:
“Love means getting others to take
care of me and give me
everything I want,” and,
“I’m not capable and I can’t
survive disappointment.”
3 Rs of Punishment
• Rebellion
• Revenge
• Retreat
– Low self-esteem, “I must be a bad person.”
– Sneaky, “I just won’t get caught next time.”
Punishment invites compliance or rebellion—

not change.

5 Criteria for Positive Discipline
1. Is it respectful? (Kind and firm at the same time)
2. Does it help children feel belonging and significance?
3. Is it effective long-term?
4. Does it teach valuable social and life skills for good
character?
5. Does it invite children to discover how capable they are and
to use their power constructively?

Why is it so hard?
!!!!Because you have
buttons—
and guess who knows
what they are?
When your buttons are

pushed you revert to
your reptilian brain
(fight/flight).
Positive Time-Out
Create a positive
time-out area
with your children.
Call it something else: space, feel good

place, sparkles, Hawaii
Primary Goal of all Children
Belonging and Significance
Connection before Correction

Children Are Always Making Decisions
about themselves
(Am I good or bad, adequate or inadequate, capable or incapable?)
about others
(Are they encouraging or discouraging?)
about the world

(Is it a safe place or a threatening place?)
about what they need to do

(Can I thrive through encouragement or merely survive [misbehave] in
discouragement?)

Mistaken Goal Beliefs
• !"#$%&'(%")*"+!"#!$%&'()!*+%(!,'-!./,!
/0%(1'(!2'!3%45
• ,-./$-#%#&0*1%2+!"#!$%&'()!*+%(!#63!2+%!$'778!
'9!/2!&%/72!*+%(!#!:'(62!&%2!,'-!$'77!3%45
• 3%4%"/%+!"#!:'(62!$%&'()!/(:!2+/2!+-927!7'!#6&&!
+-92!$/;<45
• '..$5%#&6"7#%8$79:+!"#!)=>%!-.4!?%/>%!3%!
/&'(%45
Sibling Fights and the 3 Bs
Beat it
(Leave the scene)
Bear it
(Stay close, but have faith in them to work
it out.)
Boot ‘em out
(Kids, go some where else until you are
ready to stop fighting.)
During calm times, take time for training. Teach problem-

solving skills, Family Meetings, and the Wheel of Choice.

Discouragement
A misbehaving
child
is a discouraged
child.

Encouragement
A misbehaving child is
a discouraged child.
A Child needs
encouragement like a
plant needs water.
– Rudolf Dreikurs

Routine Charts
Let the routine chart be the boss:

Create routine charts
“What is next on your
with routine chart?”
your children.
No Rewards

No More Logical Consequences—
At Least Hardly Ever
Focus on Solutions
What is the What is the

problem? solution?

Mistakes
See mistakes as wonderful
opportunities to learn.
At dinnertime have everyone share a

mistake and what he or she learned from it.
Family Meetings
• Compliments
• Agenda
! Brainstorm for solutions
! Choose one that works for
everyone
• Calendar
• Family Fun

Are you looking for blame or are
you looking for solutions?

Discouragement
Where did we get the crazy

idea that to make children
DO better first we have to
make them FEEL worse????

Encouragement
Children DO better
when they FEEL better—
when they can access
their rational brains.

4 Rs of Recovery from Mistakes
1. Recognize your mistake
(awareness)
2. Reconnect (sit or stand at eye
level, maybe hold hands)
3. Reconcile (apologize—
children are so forgiving)
4. Resolve (focus on a solution)
A fun way to Resolve is to take turns randomly choosing a

Positive Discipline Tool Card to see if one of you chooses a
card that could work to solve the problem.
Empowering vs. Enabling
Enabling:
"Getting between young people and
life experiences to minimize the
consequences of their choices.”
Empowering:
"Turning control over to young people
as soon as possible so they have power
over their own lives."
Make Sure the Message
of Love Gets Through
Do your eyes light up when they walk into the
room?
! ! !!"!"!"!#$%&!'$((&)$%

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POSITIVE

Dr. Jane Nelsen

Copyright © Jane Nelsen 2010

All rights reserved

Many of the activities are taken from the Teaching Parenting

Published by Positive Discipline

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 2

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 3

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 4

7:00 - 7:25 Review of reading assignments, questions, sharing of success stories.

SKILLS FOR KEEPING ON TASK:

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 5

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 6

Week Topic Activities Read Weekly

1 - What Do You Want? - Two Lists 1& - Remember what you

4 - Why Children Misbehave - How Adults May 7, 8, - Be aware of how you

5 - Not Perfect Review - Asking vs. Telling 10, - Remember to make a

6 - What is My Part? - What is my part and - Notice your part in con-

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 7

7:40 – 8:00! Two Lists Activity

8:00 – 8:15! Asking vs. Telling Activity

8:15 – 8:30! Break

8:30 – 8:40! Introduction to the Positive Discipline Tool Cards

8:40 - 8:55! Hugs Activity

Alternative Activities: The T-Shirt Activity, page 25 in the TP Manual

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 8

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 9

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 10

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 11

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 12

1-B What do you need to do so your teeth will feel squeaky

2-A Don’t forget your coat.

2-B ! What will you take so you won’t be cold outside?

3-A ! Go to bed now!

3-B What is next on your bedtime routine chart?

4-A ! Do your homework now.

4-B What is your plan for doing your homework?

5-A Stop fighting with your brother (or friend).

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 13

6-B What did we decide, at our family meeting, to do with

7-A Hurry up and get dressed or you’ll miss the bus.

7-B What is your plan for catching the bus on time?

8-A Stop whining. You are driving me crazy.

8-B How can you talk so I can hear you?

9-A Pick up your toys or I’ll give them to children who

9-B What is your responsibility when you are finished

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 14

4. Ask if anyone would be willing to share with the whole group.

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 15

1. Ask for 8 volunteers (4 to be children and 4 to be parents). It is important to ask

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 16

Story by Steven Foster, co-author of Positive Discipline for Children

Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 17

ALTERNATIVES: Do vs. Don’t, page 26 in the Teaching Parenting Manual

The following Piaget demonstrations illustrate intellectual development, and help

When we understand that perceiving, interpreting, and comprehending an event are

To watch some demonstrations, go to:

7:00 – 7:20 Check in: questions, comments, sharing.

The most profound thing I learned was:

ASSIGNMENT FOR NEXT WEEK:

(Positive(Discipline(Workbook(by(Jane(Nelsen( Facilitators(Guide( (((((3(;((1((((

(Positive(Discipline(Workbook(by(Jane(Nelsen( Facilitators(Guide( (((((3(;((2((((

(Positive(Discipline(Workbook(by(Jane(Nelsen( Facilitators(Guide( (((((3(;((3((((

GIVE THE FOLLOWING BACKGROUND: