Ex 9.

5: Document for Analysis: Request Refusal— Bitter Taste of the Beach

Ms. Diane Hinchclife
Taste of the Beach
310 Ocean Avenue, Suite 304 Carmel-by-the-Sea, CA 93521
Dear Ms. Hinchclife:
Unfortunately, we cannot participate in this summer’s Taste of the Beach event. This
may be particularly disappointing to you because, merely as a friendly gesture, I had
earlier agreed to provide a selection of tasty hors d’oeuvres from my restaurant, The
Zodiac. I’m sorry to let you down like this. We have participated in the past, but we just
can’t do it this year because our aging kitchen facilities require major and extensive
remodeling.
I heard that this year’s Taste of the Beach is really going to be a blast with new and old
food, wine, music, and artistic oferings. How did you get so many prized vintners and all
those well-known chefs, artists, and music groups to participate and perform?
This is probably quite disappointing to you (and to me) because the event supports Big
Brothers Big Sisters of America. I know that BBBSA is simply the very best as a youth
mentoring organization.
Let me repeat—I’m sorry we can’t participate. Don’t bother to beg me. But for your silent
raffle we can offer you a coupon for a dinner for two. Of course, this could not be used
until October when our renovations are completed.
Sincerely,

Weaknesses:
Lacking of subject line, date
Using direct approach. The message starts with a negative tone of voice (Unfortunately,
we cannot participate in this summer’s Taste of the Beach event- a blunt denial)
Using despise expression ( “merely” as a friendly gesture ~ the agreement is just a
friendly gesture/ Don’t bother to beg me ) make the recipient feel disrespected.
Not using passive voice to subordinate bad news
Inappropriate closing ( should provide goodwills, forward look)
Lacking of sender’s information
Revision:
Ms. Diane Hinchcliffe

Taste of the Beach

310 Ocean Avenue, Suite 304 Carmel-by-the-Sea, CA 93521

Dated: September 11, 2021

Subject line : Response to the invitation for the summer’s Taste of the Beach Event

Dear Ms. Hinchcliffe:

Thank you for inviting us to participate in the Summers Taste of the Beach event. We
heard that the “taste of the beach” this year will be provided with good wine, good food,
good music, and a lot of other artistic offerings. We are always amazed by the number
of prized vintners, well-known chefs, artists, and music groups that participated in your
event.
The Big Brothers Big Sisters of America is the best youth mentoring organization and
we also noticed that your event supports it.
However, It’s a pity that we will not be able to participate in such an amazing event, it’s
not due to lack of intent but because our kitchen is under renovation. I would like to
apologize for not being able to supply a selection of Tasty hors-d'oeuvres from my
restaurant. I know I had promised earlier but the circumstances don’t allow me to
participate this year.
As an apology, I would like to give a coupon for your silent raffle that offers dinner for
two at my restaurant. The coupon will valid from October as my restaurant is under
renovation. I hope you will enjoy it.
Thank you and sorry for the sudden announcement, We hope you will understand our
circumstances. We look forward to working with you at the next event.
Yours sincerely,
[ full information of the sender]