FOREIGN LANGUAGE SPECIALIZED

SCHOOL

INTENSIVE ENGLISH
PROGRAMME 2021-
2022
Grade 10 - Term 1

WRITING
PORTFOLIO
NGUY ỄN H ỒNG ÁNH - 10E6
 Instructions
This portfolio covers 3 essay entries including a comparative essay, a
problem-solution essay and a cause-effect essay. Down below, you
shall see a table of contents which will guide you throughout the
portfolio.
The purpose of the portfolio is to show the students' progression in
linguistic as well as critical thinking skills
My thoughts on the portfolio :
- The process of creating and designing the portfolio was really
refreshing and enjoyable in my opinion
- Some part in the course of writing the essays was dauting to me,
for example the research on the topics took a really long time considering
all sources with divergent viewpoints and judgements. However, thanks to
this, i was able to sharpen my critical thinking skills

1
 - Even though there were a couple of things which i was dissatisfied
with , but generally-speaking, i find it benefits my educations significantly
and tremendously helpful
About my entries' checkers ( peers) :
+ On the whole, my assigned peers graded my essays very
thoroughly and sincerely, which i am incredibly thankful for.
+ For the comparative essay which was assigned in groups, group 3
check group 4's essay, which was the group i participated in.
+ For the problem-solution essay, Tran Nhat Minh marked my essay
+ As for the cause-effect essay, Doan Phuong Linh checked my
essay.

2
 Table OF CONTENTS

Instructions
1

Compare-contrast
Problem-solution
4 essay 16
essay

Cause-effect
3 25
essay
 COMPARE - CONTRAST
ESSAY

TOPIC
Women vs men occupying

managerial positions who is

more successful
4
1. Draft
Despite the fact that women account for a significant segment of the
workforce, they remain underrepresented in managerial positions
compared to their male counterparts. This phenomenon has aroused a
controversial debate about whether men’s or women’s managerial traits
lead to more success. To this day, the matter prolongs without an explicit
answer.
Starting off by judging the gap between men’s and women’s confidence. The
myth has long been believed by many, in which women often lack the
confidence that can be seen in most men with authority. But the line
between confidence and arrogance is a thin one, and the majority of male
managers walk on this tightrope. Another characteristic which can make or
break one’s capability in handling administrative tasks is one’s own
commitment. Despite being equally ambitious, men tend to be exposed to
more opportunities as a result of work settings and cultures being more
favorable towards men; therefore, they are more motivated and driven to
climb the executive ladder, knowing that their pursuits are being supported.
5
 However, a leader needs more than pure dedication to be successful, especially
when they are in charge of supervisory roles – it boils down to their composure.
The composure of a leader is reflected in their attitude, body language and
overall presence. Thus, men are presumably more assertive and forceful in the
way they communicate, which can create images of a dominant but manipulative
leader, damaging the communication flow and result in a divergent work
environment.
Women, in contrast to their male counterparts, are more prone to dismiss
praise and downplay their abilities, attributing to gender stereotypes distorting
women’s self-view, bringing a bleak self-image into existence that is certain to set
them back professionally. As Vince Lombardi explains, "Individual commitment
to a group effort—that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society
work, a civilization work." One factor that fuels devotion to work is ambition and
as previously said, though equally determined, women tend to face the “
ambition penalty “— the social, professional, and financial costs most women
deal with when asking for more. Consequently, the ambition that they have at
the beginning of the work phase dies down within time, degrading women’s
commitment to labor.
6
Besides confidence and work commitment, composure is also paramount to
an effective leader. That said, even the best directors can lose their
composure at times and for women, they are more expressive of their
emotion, which is always seen as a sign of weakness. So the key here is how
do they regain control over emotions. A woman's style of maintaining her
poise is to talk, is to share her struggles with her co-workers, creating a
harmonious and more efficient work setting, as opposed to men’s.

Conclusively, both men and women have their own unique characteristics and
traits. Nevertheless the question whether either of them are more fitted to
become an idealistic director still remains unanswered and shall stay
unanswered in the future as it all comes down to each individual’s strengths
and weaknesses. No one should forget that gender doesn’t identify anyone’s
personality as well as capabilities and both male and female should never be
judged for the gender stereotyped-norms.

7
2. Peer's check
FORMAT : Block and block method, executed very well

VOCAB : +) Fairly balanced in both academic and commonly - used words,

though only some errors in phrasing in the Conclusion.
+) great use in transition words

ORGANIzATION: The writer first points out the main differences between men
and women by listing the key factors that contribute to a fine leader, then they
move on to discuss the characteristics of men and women individually before
ending with a conclusion. The structure perfectly follows the form of a block and
block essay.

CONTENT : Thanks to this organization, the essay conveys substantial

information and key elements for the readers to decide who rivals who.
Conclusively speaking, the content is fairly sufficient.

8
 GRAMMAR: There weren’t any major grammatical errors, only a few mistakes
here and there.

*Indent at the start of each paragraph

above word limits: 530 words
wording
wrong sentences => fixed version

Despite the fact that women account for a significant segment of the workforce,
they remain underrepresented in managerial positions compared to their male
counterparts. This phenomenon has aroused a controversial debate about
whether men’s or women’s managerial traits lead to more success. To this day,
the matter prolongs=> continues without an explicit answer.
Starting off by judging the gap between men’s and women’s confidence. -
> fragment sentence. (can be replaced by: It is generally believed that there
exists a gap between the confidence of men and women)

9
This myth has long been believed by many, in which women often lack the
confidence that can be seen in most men with authority. But the line between
confidence and arrogance is a thin one, and the majority of male managers walk
on this tightrope. Another characteristic which can make or break one’s
capability in handling administrative tasks is one’s own commitment. Despite
being equally ambitious, men tend to be exposed to more opportunities as a
result of work settings and cultures being more favorable towards men=>them.
Therefore, they are more motivated and driven to climb the executive ladder,
knowing that their pursuits are being supported. However, a leader needs more
than pure dedication to be successful, especially when they are in charge of
supervisory roles – it boils down to their composure. The composure of a leader
is reflected in their attitude, body language and overall presence. Thus, men are
presumably more assertive and forceful in the way they communicate, which can
create images of a dominant but manipulative leader, damaging the
communication flow and results=>resulting in a divergent work environment.

Women, in contrast to their male counterparts, are more prone to dismiss praise

10
 and downplay their abilities, attributing to gender stereotypes distorting
women’s self-view, bringing a bleak self-image into existence that is certain to
set them back professionally. As Vince Lombardi explains, "Individual
commitment to a group effort—that is what makes a team work, a company
work, a society work, a civilization work".
One factor that fuels devotion to work is ambition and as previously
said, though equally determined, women tend to face the “ ambition
penalty “— the social, professional, and financial costs most women
deal with when asking for more. -> run on sentence.
(can be replaced by: Another contributing factor to the ‘commitment’ in
the workplace is ambition. As mentioned, though both men and
women share the same level of determination, women tend to face
more penalties as a cost for asking for more.) Consequently, the ambition
that they have at the beginning of the work phase dies down within time,
degrading women’s commitment to labor. Besides confidence and work
commitment, composure is also paramount to an effective leader. With that
said, even the best directors can lose their composure at times and for
women, they are more expressive of their emotion=>emotions, which is
11
always seen as a sign of weakness. So the key here is how do they regain control
over their emotions. A woman's style of maintaining her poise is to talk, is to share
her struggles with her co-workers, creating a harmonious and more efficient work
setting, as opposed to men’s.

Conclusively, both men and women have their own unique characteristics and traits
Nevertheless, the question of whether either of them are=>is more fitted to
become=>becoming an idealistic director still remains unanswered and shall
=>might as well stay unanswered in the future, as it all comes down to each
individual’s strengths and weaknesses. No one should forget that gender doesn’t
identify =>determine anyone’s personality as well as capabilities and both male
and female should never be judged for the gender stereotyped-norms.

12
 4. Final version
Despite the fact that women account for a significant segment of the workforce,
they remain underrepresented in managerial positions compared to their male
counterparts. This phenomenon has aroused a controversial debate about
whether men’s or women’s managerial traits lead to more success. To this day,
the matter continues without an explicit answer.
It is generally believed that women often lack the confidence that can be seen in
most men with authority. However, the line between confidence and arrogance
is razor-thin, and the majority of male executives tread it. An element deciding
one’s capability in handling administrative tasks is commitment. In spite of being
equally committed, men tend to be exposed to more opportunities due to
favored work environments and cultures. Therefore, they are more motivated
and driven to climb the executive ladder, knowing that their pursuits are being
supported. However, a leader needs more than pure dedication to be
successful, one’s composure is also equally important. The composure of a
leader is reflected in their attitude, body language and overall presence.

13
 Thus, men are presumably more assertive and forceful when communicating; in
leaders, this can be perceived as dominant but manipulative, resulting in a
damaged communication flow and therefore, an uncoordinated environment.

Women, in contrast to their male counterparts, tend to dismiss praise and

downplay their abilities. This can be attributed to gender stereotypes, specifically
how they can distort a woman’s self-perception. Another contributing factor to
one’s directorial potential is ambition. As mentioned, though both genders share
the same level of determination, women tend to face the “ambition penalty” as a
cost of asking for more. Consequently, the ambition that they have at the
beginning fades away with time, affecting their productivity. In addition,
composure is also paramount to an effective leader. With that said, even the
best directors lose their composure at times. And for women, they are more
expressive of their emotions, which is often considered a weakness. So, the
primary point here is how they regain control over their emotions. A woman's
style of maintaining her poise is to talk, to share her struggles with her co-
workers in order to create a harmonious work setting.

14
 All in all, men and women each have unique characteristics and traits. Thus,
the question whether either of them are more fit to the ideal director still
remains unanswered. As it is dependent on each individual’s strengths and
weaknesses. It should not be forgotten that gender does not dictate one’s
personality or capabilities. Hence, neither gender should ever be judged in
accordance with gender stereotypes.

15
 PROBLEM-SOLUTION
ESSAY

TOPIC
Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous

problems. Identify two serious ones and suggest ways that

governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

16

1.2nd entry_ 1st draft

It’s true that world population has increased rapidly in the last few decades
and urban areas are the worst affected due to date. With the impact of
population growth, the cost of living is only sky-rocketing as the
environmental qualities are seriously aggravating. As far as I'm concerned,
these issues can still be tackled to a great extent only if authorities and
individuals are willing to put in a concerted effort.

One of the most prominent reasons concerning the problem is that with the
advance of technology which can be found in many modern cities nowadays,
more and more people are migrating to such areas as convenient living is
acting as a pull factor in this situation. As the number of metropolitans
increase, the demand for accommodations also increases, leading to the
cost of living escalating. Another major effect of population density is air
pollution due to more people beginning to use transportation services such
as cars and motorbikes, contributing to an increase in air pollution.

17
 In truth, some imperative measures ought to be taken to resolve these
prospective issues. Governments investing in rural development by
constructing infrastructure and creating jobs is highly recommended, which
will prevent people from flocking to big cities when jobs are available in the
countryside, and the load on metropolitan areas is reduced to some extent. As
for each individual, there is a need to promote public awareness about the
negative consequences of environmental concerns on life in order to change
poor practices that hurt the environment. Furthermore, we must educate
children about the importance of nature and the consequences of destroying
our ecosystem through extracurricular activities.

In conclusion, there are indeed various repercussions regarding

overpopulation, yet, they can be solved once according measures are enlisted
imperatively.

18
 2. Peer's check ( Checker : Trần Nhật Minh )
wrong wording
wrong sentences => fixed version
It’s true that the world population has increased rapidly in the last few decades
and urban areas are => have been the most affected due to date => so far.
With the impact of population growth, the cost of living is only => also sky-
rocketing as the environmental qualities are seriously aggravating. As far as I'm
concerned, these issues can still be tackled to a great extent only if => if only
authorities and individuals are willing to put in a concerted effort.
One of the most prominent reasons concerning the problem is that with the
advance of technology which can be found in many => a lot of modern cities
nowadays, more and more people are migrating to such areas, as convenient
living is acting as a pull factor in this situation. As the number of metropolitans
increase, the demand for accommodations also increases => grows, leading to
the cost of living escalating => leading to the escalation of the cost of
living. Another major effect of population density is air pollution due to the fact
that more people are beginning to use transportation services => private
vehicles such as cars and motorbikes, contributing to an increase => a rise
19
in air pollution.

In truth, some imperative measures ought to be taken to resolve these

prospective issues. Governments constructing infrastructure and creating jobs is
highly recommended, which => as it will prevent people from flocking to big
cities when jobs are available => unavailable in the countryside, and the load
on metropolitan areas is reduced to some extent. As for each individual, there is
a need to promote public awareness about the negative consequence effects of
environmental concerns on life in order to change poor practices that can hurt
the environment. Furthermore, we must educate children about the
importance of nature and the consequence => effects of destroying our
ecosystem through extracurricular activities.

In conclusion, there are indeed various repercussions regarding overpopulation.,

yet => However, they can still be solved once according measures are enlisted
imperatively.

20
 Comments:
Organization: The essay has a full layout of 3 parts: introduction, body, and
conclusion. In which, the introduction is quite complete and specific.
However, the conclusion seems to be a bit short and should add a
personal opinion.
Content: The content of the article is very clear and specific. The
introduction includes both a thesis statement and a paragraph that leads
the reader to the main idea of ​the body of the essay. In the body of the
article, both the problem and the solution have been divided into two
separate paragraphs but still have a connection. In particular, about the
problem, the paragraph includes 2 very specific main ideas with both
supporting ideas and evidence. As for the solution, both governments and
individuals are given separate advice to prevent the consequence of
overpopulation. The ideas are well developed and organized. However,
there are some ideas that are still quite confused and ambiguous, from
which it is difficult to convey the ideas to the reader.

21

 Format: This is a problem-solution essay full, well-formatted and shows a

specific way to do all the comments in the most concise and logical way.
Language: The words used are varied, correct word phase and many
professional and formal words. However, some sentences are still too
long but still confusing, and words are also repeated quite a lot (for
example the word "increased" is used 3 times in the second paragraph).
Grammar: Grammar in general is quite good, with few mistakes.
However, in some places there is still confusion between the present
simple and the present perfect.

=> Final score: 8/10

22
3.2nd entry_ 2nd draft
It’s true that the world population has increased rapidly in the last few decades
and urban areas have been the worst affected so far. With the impact of
population growth, the cost of living is also sky-rocketing as the environmental
qualities are seriously aggravating. As far as I'm concerned, these issues can still
be tackled to a great extent if only authorities and individuals are willing to put in
a concerted effort.

One of the most prominent reasons concerning the problem is that with the
advance of technology which can be found in a lot of modern cities nowadays,
more and more people are migrating to such areas as convenient living is acting
as a pull factor in this situation. As the number of metropolitans increase, the
demand for accommodations also grows, leading to the escalation of the cost of
living. Another major effect of population density is air pollution due to the fact
that more people are beginning to use private vehicles such as cars and
motorbikes, contributing to a rise in air pollution.

23
In truth, some imperative measures ought to be taken to resolve these
prospective issues. Governments investing in rural development by constructing
infrastructure and creating jobs is highly recommended, as it will prevent people
from flocking to big cities when jobs are unavailable in the countryside, and the
load on metropolitan areas is reduced to some extent. As for each individual,
there is a need to promote public awareness about the negative effects of
environmental concerns on life in order to change poor practices that can hurt
the environment. Furthermore, we must educate children about the importance
of nature and the consequences of destroying our ecosystem through pollution.

In conclusion, there are indeed various repercussions regarding overpopulation.

However, they can still be solved once both individuals and governments work on
altering people's mindsets since the threat posed by the overpopulation crisis to
economic growth and our environment is unavoidable.

24
 CAUSE-EFFECT
ESSAY

TOPIC
What causes teenagers to spend so much time on Instagram (or

Tiktok) and what effect does Instagram (or Tiktok) have on

teenagers' mental health?

25

 1. 3rd entry_in class

For the last decade, Instagram has proven to be one of the most prominent social
media platforms among teenagers. With its visually appealing aesthetic, most teens
can’t seem to resist the temptation and end up investing an unhealthy amount of
time which ,irrefutably, result in several profoundly negative effects on themselves.
In this essay we are going to discuss why youngsters are so unhealthily obsessed
over Instagram and possible effects of the problem.

The topic of obsession over looks and fear of missing out can most likely drive
teenagers to Instagram addiction has been around for years to come. With
Instagram being one of the most well-favored social media platforms nowadays,
many kids may feel compelled to spend a significant amount of time on it in order to
stay current and relevant. Moreover, another reason why teens are obsessed with
Instagram is because their profiles truly depict their appearance in others'
perspectives. To put it another way, the more likes or followers they have, the more
popular and adored they are. Some teenagers may be continually on social media
platforms in order to improve the quality of their postings, or discover a technique
to increase the number of likes on their posts all to gain more followers.

26
 Toxic infatuation towards Instagram may cause body image issues as well as
personality disorders. “Thirty-two percent of teen girls said that when they felt bad
about their bodies, Instagram made them feel worse” according to the Journal. Due to
the highly visual nature of Instagram, mass teens usually navigate towards putting it
on social premium for appearance while they are still in the process of discovering
their true identity. Olivia Rodrigo describes it best in one of her songs “ Jealousy
jealousy “: “I kinda wanna throw my phone across the room, [because] all I see are
girls too good to be true...I wanna be you so bad, and I don’t even know you. All I see
is what I should be. Happier, prettier. Jealousy, jealousy.” Joining alongside is
personality disorders including depression, anxiety, envy or even as serious as
overwhelming panic attacks. A teenager with personality disorders has difficulty
recognizing, connecting to circumstances, abnormal thinking, operating, and believing
tendencies.

In conclusion, Instagram addiction is a significant problem that may take a toll on

youngsters’ life if it is not addressed in a timely manner. However, as long as they are
ready to put in considerable effort, there are countless ways to participate in this
platform in a more healthy manner.

27

 2.Peer's check ( Checker : Đoàn Phương Linh )

wrong wording
wrong sentences => fixed version / suggestions
For the last decade, Instagram has proven to be one of the most prominent social
media platforms among teenagers. With its visually appealing aesthetic, most teens
can’t seem to resist the temptation and end up investing an unhealthy amount
of time ( "Investing" is often used in positive situations-> Suggest: consume
(spend,...) a huge amount of time ) which, irrefutably, result in several profoundly
negative effects on themselves. In this essay we are going to discuss why youngsters
are so unhealthily obsessed (the word "obsessed" may be too rough and
negative in this context-> Suggest: addicted to,... ) over Instagram and possible
effects of the problem.
The topic of obsession over looks and fear of missing out can most likely drive
teenagers to Instagram addiction has been around for years to come. With
Instagram being one of the most well-favored social media platforms
nowadays (This idea is completely different from the problem mentioned in
the above sentence-->you should leave it as a separate idea ), many kids =>
a large number of youngsters may feel compelled to spend a significant

28
 amount of time on it in order to stay current and relevant => be au courant to the
surroundings' occurrences. Moreover, another reason why teens are obsessed with
Instagram is because that their profiles truly depict their appearance in others'
perspectives. To put it another way, the more likes or followers they have, the more
popular and adored they are. Some teenagers may be continually on social media
platforms in order to improve the quality of their postings, or discover a technique to
increase the number of likes on their posts all to gain more followers.

Toxic infatuation towards Instagram may cause body image issues as well as personality
disorders. “Thirty-two percent of teen girls said that when they felt bad about their
bodies, Instagram made them feel worse” according to the Journal. Due to the highly
visual nature of Instagram, mass teens usually navigate towards putting it on social
premium for appearance while they are still in the process of discovering their true
identity. Olivia Rodrigo describes it best in one of her songs “ Jealousy jealousy
“: “I kinda wanna throw my phone across the room, [because] all I see are girls
too good to be true...I wanna be you so bad, and I don’t even know you. All I
see is what I should be. Happier, prettier. Jealousy, jealousy.”( non-specific
evidence-> you shouldn't use song lyric as your evidence ) Joining alongside is
personality disorders including depression, anxiety, envy or even as serious as

29
 overwhelming panic attacks. A teenager with personality disorders has
difficulty recognizing, connecting to circumstances, abnormal thinking,
operating, and believing tendencies.

In conclusion, Instagram addiction is a significant problem that may take a toll

on youngsters’ life if it is not addressed in a timely manner. However, as long
as they are ready to put in considerable effort, there are countless ways to
participate in this platform in a more healthy manner.

30
 3. 3rd entry _ 2nd draft
For the last decade, Instagram has proven to be one of the most prominent social
media platforms among teenagers. With its visually appealing aesthetic, most teens
can’t seem to resist the temptation and it ends up consuming an unhealthy amount
of time which ,irrefutably, result in several profoundly negative effects on
themselves. In this essay we are going to discuss why youngsters are so unhealthily
obsessed over Instagram and possible effects of the problem.

The topic of obsession over looks and fear of missing out can most likely drive
teenagers to Instagram addiction has been around for years to come. With
Instagram being one of the most well-favored social media platforms nowadays, a
large number of youngsters may feel compelled to spend a significant amount of
time on it in order to be au courant to the surroundings' occurrences. Moreover,
another reason why teens are obsessed with Instagram is that their profiles truly
depict their appearance in others' perspectives. To put it another way, the more likes
or followers they have, the more popular and adored they are. Some teenagers may
be continually on social media platforms in order to improve the quality of their
postings, or discover a technique to increase the number of likes on their posts all to
gain more followers.
31
 Toxic infatuation towards Instagram may cause body image issues as well as
personality disorders. “Thirty-two percent of teen girls said that when they felt
bad about their bodies, Instagram made them feel worse” according to the
Journal. Due to the highly visual nature of Instagram, mass teens usually navigate
towards putting it on social premium for appearance while they are still in the
process of discovering their true identity. Joining alongside is mental illnesses
including depression, anxiety, or even as serious as overwhelming panic attacks.
A teenager with such mental illnesses may have difficulty recognizing, connecting
to circumstances, abnormal thinking, operating, and believing tendencies.

In conclusion, Instagram addiction is a significant problem that may take a toll on

youngsters’ life if it is not addressed in a timely manner. However, as long as they
are ready to put in considerable effort, there are countless ways to participate in
this platform in a more healthy manner.

32
Thank you
for reading
!!!