Bluebird

Goluenin
Bluebird •vas first performed a t the R oyal Cour t T heatre
Upstairs, Lo ndon, on 1Decetnber 1998. 1'he cast , in order
of appeara nce, '"'as as fo llovvs:
Jimmy Macneill Chris Gascoyne
Guvnor D anny \ 1Ve bb
Robert Greenwood Christopher Ettridge
Young Man Fraser Ayres
Angela Davies Angela Lonsdale
Girl L aura Sadler
Clare Macneill J o iv1clnnes
Richard Wright E\·v an S te\vart
Woman Gina Aris
Man P aul Chequer
Andy Green Andrew D en.nis
Billy Lee Paul R itter
Janine Williams J a ne Gurn ett
Directed by Gordon Anderson
Designed bj1 l(eith l(han
Lighti11g f?yJ ohanna T o,·vn
Sound b)• Rich \IValsh

Characters
Jimmy Macneill
Guvnor
Robert Greenwood
Young Man
Angela Davies
Girl
Clare Macneill
Richard Wright
Woman
Man
Andy Green
Billy Lee
Janine Williams
Spotlight onjimmy Macneill Aged thirt;y-tivo. Strong, short,
dishevelled. Unshaven. fie is a taxi driver. 1'1anchester-born. flu11ched
in a red phone box at the rear of the stage. Speaking on the phone.
Jimmy f-Iello. 1'1n sorry for b othering you. I v.ronder if
you could help n1e. I'm trying to get in touch \vi.th
son1ebody. Son1ebody \·vh o used to live at this n un1ber. She's
called Clare lviacneill. :Niacneill. Yes. (Disappointed.) R eally? I
don't suppose you have any kind offor\·v arding nu1nber for
her? l'\o idea a t all? 01(. Sorry for boLhering you. G'nigh t.
Headlights of a taxicab fill the stage.Urban jungleja,v:, music plays
loud. l1fixed in with sounds of a taxi-Jiim radio. lifter a short whi/.e the
1nusicfades. It should return in between each scene to provide a rl1:ythrn
to the night and the driving. Lighting beconzes full but 1110ody, neon,
night-tirne.
A thin inan, 111aybe weaiing shorts and a flazvaiian shirt and sucking a
can of Special Brew through a straiv is Jimmy's next passenger. fie
is Guvnor. f{e addressesJimmy rvho responds to nothing. Just
continues driving.
Guvnor I \Vas \·vorking on a case last \veek. (1'/o response.) I
couldn't afford a desk. (Pause.) I got up. There \Vas a tap on
the door. (Pause.) vVhich \Vas an odd place for a tap I
though t. (J\ fo response.) Yesterday morning I v.ras at my local
off·licence. I wen t to buy some cigarettes. There v.ras this
guy in there buying a four-p ack of Guinness. Scouser. \ Vith 1

a n un usually h igh-pitched voice. f\ very ugly-lookin g 111an.

Turns to 1ne. Says to 111e, 'Th at's cheap , eh? Ninety-nine
pee? That's pretty cheap. They fluctuate the prices, y'kno\·V?
Up and do\·Vn. Son1etin1es they can be one tv.renty-nine. But
nah, that's pretty cheap right eno ugh. T he only thing that
annoys me abou t the Guinness,' he says to me, 'the only
thing that annoys me about the Guinness is that every
fucker aJv.rays says about h o\v it's Irish and that. I t's not
fucking I rish. I t·s no t a fucking Irish drink. It's a Russian
drink. Specifically. It's specifically a R ussian drink. Inven ted
by Josep h Stalin and Leon Tro tsky. Y'kno\·v? It's not fucking
Irish. I sho uld kn ovv and all,' he says, ' I sho uld kn ovv and all.
I an1 a con1munist!' (J\ fo response.) H e says this and h e grins
4 Bluebird

a nd he walks ou t of the door o f the shop. H e was quite a

happy guy. \ 1Vhich matters, I suppose. Honestly, though. It's
bloody mad. Do you not reckon? D oes it no t get to the point
where you're j ust thinking, 'This is fucking mental'? Y'know
wha t I tnean. It was a very hot morning this tno rning, for
exan1ple. You probably noticed that. I wen t to work o n the
b us this morning a nd just as I was getting off the bus this
g uy got on who was altnost entirely spherical a nd he had
this big reel rou nd face and he was con1pletely bald. Gets on
the bus as I'm getting off a nd s tops tne. Says to tne, 'Now
then , young man. \ Vhat are you going to do when winter
1

con1es?' H e gets on. Pays his fare and I get o ff a nd go to

work. I tnean winter. T hat's like seven 111on ths away. I
hadn't even thought about it. (Pauses.far a response. Gets none.)
Do you not reckon? D o you not reckon tha t things have
started to get j ust a little bit out of hand? (No response. Getti11g
more frantic.) Earlier on tonight I'n1 riding the Victoria Line
in to the \1Vest Encl. I get on at Brixton. All the way there
there's this guy.Ja1naican guy. Abou t SL'<ty years old. And
he's standing on the tube rea1Tanging all the discarded flyers
that had fallen ou t or the clay's newspapers. All the book
club and the record club and Eife insura nce offers. T earing
them exactly into t\VO halves and lying them face up so that
everybody can see then1. H e was taking it very serio usly. H e
was very n1eticulous. I mean, w hat does it all 1n ean? Eh? Do
you have any idea what it all n1eans? At all?

Jimmy T hat's four pounds seventy.

Lightsfall.

Lights iise 011 Robert Greenwood i11 tlze back efJimmy 's
cab. A balding, drunken, upjJer-middle-class,fat man qffiftJ1.

Robert They say it's going to be ho t. This summer. I

heard it on the radio. T hey say it's going to be the hottest
su mn1er we've had in years. I can barely believe it.

Jimmy T he Queen Carolin e Estate. T his alJ righ t for

you'
 Bluebird 5

Robert I'm not getting out here. I just wanted to look at

it. It's very beau tiful in 1nany ways. Don't you think?
Jinuny I like the lighting.
Robert The footlights? \ !ery theatrical. And its colour. It
could do with a touch of pain t . But still, its colour is quite
startling. Do you know how 1nany people get 1nuggecl here
every year?
Jinuny I have no idea.
Robert Thirty-eigh t. Now ttha t doesn't sound like very
n1any, does it? Does it?
Jinuny I don't know.
Robert It doesn't. It doesn' t sound like very many. It's
one every eight clays. v\lhen you think abo ut that it grovvs
rather black. \1Vould you not agree?
Jinuny It's very sad.
Robert Sad? I don't know whether it's what I would call
sad. Ni y daugh ter lived here for a while.
Jinuny Oh yeah?
Robert She had a flat here .
Jimmy T hey're not bad. T he flats in th is place. T here are
1nany worse.
Robert I cried today for the first tin1e since I was a boy.
Jimmy \ 1Vhy were you crying?
Robert I t's not a crin1e,, vou
, know.
Jinuny I know that.
Robert I cried for aln1ost a n hour.
Jinuny \ 1\lhat happened to you?
Robert D o you believe in ghosts?
Jinuny In ghosts?
Robert I do. You can sense them.
6 Bluebird

Jinun.y rv1aybe.
Robert T here's no rn aybe a bout it, rny friend. Do you
know wha t the distinguishing facto r of the ageing p rocess is?
Jinun.y There a re a lot of th ings.
Robert No. T h e n1ain distinguish ing factor of the ageing
process is the overwhelming sense of regret.
Jinun.y That's a very sad id ea.
Robert It's the truth, n1y frie nd.
Jimmy \ 1Vhat do you regret?
Robert T oo inany things to cou n t.
Jinun.y I don't want to be funny but this is adding up. I
don' t wan t you to regret the size of the fare.
Robert You m ust excuse ine, my friend. I am very drunk.
Jinun.y That's all right. Do you want rne to ta ke you
h0111e?
Robert She was very proud of this place, you know?
l\ Ioved here after she left horn e. Bo ught a ll her own
1

furnitu re. l\f ade a little nest fo r herself. She was seven teen.
\ 1Vhen she left hotne she was only sevenleen . Too young,

you understand. Far too young. I told her. At the tirne I

remember telling her. Told he r to wail a couple of years.
She would hear no thing of it. She was a very independent
girl and she d id well for hersdf. Used to cook for us
occasionally. Cook for n1yself and 111y wife. One night. She
woke up in the n1id dle of the night. H eard son1ebody in her
kitchen. Sn1all kitchen acijoiJ1jng the bedroom and three
o'clock in the morn mg she wakes up and it was, 'H old on a
second, l'rn being bu rgled.' T h at's was what she n1ust have
though t. Of cou rse. She's eigh teen now. She's an a dult now.
She's grown up. She thinks, 'Nobody's goi11g to b urgle rny
fla t. No little fu cker 's going to burgle n1y flat.' Gets up in the
n1iddle of the night to go and investigate. Now. I ask you.
ltnagine yourself a b urglar. Yo u're a professional, let us say.
This is tn aybe the third, the fourth flat you've broken in to in
 Bluebird 7

a month. Grab the video. Grab the television. Bugger olr

and flog the lot of then1 and think nothing of it. Son1ebocly
catches you a nd, \·Veil, that's very u nfortunate b ut as soon as
you a re interrupted you scarper. Run like the bloody
clappers. Drop the goods and leg it. You understand what I
1nean?
Jinun.y Yes.
Robert No b ut seriously. T ha t's what you do, isn't it? Of
cou rse that's what you do. It n1akes perfect bloody sense.
Not this little shit though. She walks in on hi1n . Says to hi1n,
'vVhat the bloody hell do you think you're doing?' D o you
know wha t he does? D o you?
Jinun.y I have no idea.
Robert H ave a bloody guess for God's sake.
Jimmy Tells her he's fr01n pest con trol.
Robert Picks up a kitchen knife and stabs her in the ti l.
Jimmy Christ.
Robert H e stabs her in the tit. Eight tin1es. Leaves her.
And this is the p unchline. H e leaves the bloody video.
Leaves all her cash. Leaves everything. J ust leaves. She's
bleeding to death on her own kitchen floor and he j ust
leaves. I 1nean, Christ. V\' hat can you say? Eh? Answer 1ne
that.
Jinun.y 1'111 sorry.
Robert Sorry? You're sorry? tvly friend, you can have no
possible idea.
Jinun.y I knovv that.
Robert I like to co111e here. N igh t-times. D rive around.
Look at the place where she used to live. She'd be twen ty-
seven now. "fhey actually caught the guy. D aniel
vVashington. T wenty-four years old. Drug addict. Gave him
fou rteen years. And I've been keeping my eyes peeled. For
8 Bluebird

developn1en ts. He had his sentence cut. For good

behaviour. Do you have any c hildren?
Jimmy No I don't.
Robert VVell, believe me. If you had children. If you
knew how I felt. It is enough to ahnost kill tne.
Jimmy I can i1nagine.
Robert And then last week we had a young lady round to
visit us. From the victit11 support agency. Stnart lady. Pre tty
young thing. I must adn1it they have been quite good to us.
She can1e round last week to J.et us know that, for reasons of
good behaviour and a regular attendance to a drug-
rehabilitation program1ne that had apparently proven quite
successful, l\1r \ 1Vashington was clue for release. This
afternoon. After eight years. Now. Yo u seen1 like a rational
and reasonable man. Eight years? Is that enough titne to
con1e to tenns with son1ething like that?
Jimmy I would say not.
Robert lL is no tin1e at all, 1rny friend. It is no ti1ne at all.
It took n1e a 1natter of tninutes.
Jimmy To do what?
Robert I decided that I vvould go and welco1ne Ni r
\ 1Vashington back into the world.

Jimmy I see.
Robert It was surprising to n1e just how easy it was to get
hold of a knife. It took 111e 1nerely a couple of phone calls.
And cost n1e fifty pounds to get hold of a nlost fearson1e
weapon. Can you believe that?
Jimmy I don't know.
Robert Everything was so bloody sin1ple. 1 knew that he
was in Pen tonville Prison. I telephoned to find out the exact
tin1e of his release. And this afternoon I took off work. Took
the train to Caleclonian R oad. Two o'clock in the afternoon.
Traffic was actually starting to pick up. I 1nade n1y way to
 Bluebird 9

the en trance of the prison. V\' a iting o utside I asked the

guard on the door when he "vas going to b e released. }l e
told me tha t it would n't be too long. That he was out of his
cell and gathering his things. H e said tha t he didn't know
that somebody had arra nged to come and see hi1n . Said that
he would be glad.
Jimmy \i\lhat happened?
Robert Abou t fi fteen n1inutes I was waiting. Hold ing the
knife that I had brough t beneath n1y coat. Touching the
edge of the blade. And thinking about her. And what he'd
done to her . After a bout fifteen 1ninutes the guard co111es to
ask me ifl wan ted to go inside and n1eet him.
Jimmy \ 1Vhat did you say?
Robert I told him that it d idn't ma tter. T hat I would be
all right. H e asked n1e what 1ny nan1e was. Asked me t'l·vice.
I d idn't know wha t to say. I had this picture in my head of
hin1 collecting his things. Of what he would look like now.
After eight years. Collecting his things. Changing in to his
civilian clo thes. And the guard asked nie ifl was all right.
H e had very blue eyes. T he guard. A very clear, quite
startling blueness. And I turn around. And walk away.
Jimmy Christ.
Robert I am very dru nk
Jimmy 1'1n sorry.
Robert I've been sitting in a p ub on the Caledonian
R oad fo r fou r hou rs. I have never felt so n mnb.
Jimmy l'n1 sorry.
Robert V1ihat's your natne?
Jimmy J in1111y.
Robert V\ihat's going to happen to us, Jit11n1y? H ave you
any idea?
Jimmy I don't know.
l0 Bluebird

Robert \'\!hat's going to happen to us all?

Jimmy \ 1\Toulcl you like me Lo drive you hotne?
Robert Yes. I thin k so. Please. I thin k you better ha d.
Lights jade.
Lights rise on an ene1getic Young Man ef some thirty years. I-le is
dressed casualty. J\fot smart.
Young Man I like your shirt.
Jimmy T hank you.
Young Man \l\fhere did you get that then?
Jimmy 1\1arks and Spencer's.
Young Man ~1arks and Spencer's, eh? Great. (Beat. )
\1\There's that then?
Jimmy (bewildered) T hey're a very big chain store.
They're all over the place.
Young Man Are they really'
Jimmy Yeah.
Young Man (ve~y enthusiastic) That's brillian t.
Lightsjade.
Lights rise. Jimmy has retunied to the phone box. I-le is speaking lo
Clare's sister. He talks urgent!) and quickb1. fie is edgy and anxious
not to allow her time to think about what is actualh;going on.
Jimmy Sarah? Sarah, this isJin11ny. Ah, don't get angry,
Sarah. No. Sarah, don't hang up. D on't! Just! H ear me ou t.
Listen. I'n1 t1ying to get in touch with Clare, Sru·ah . I was
wondering if you could give 1ne her p hone nun1ber.
Lightsfall quick!).
Jungle music. L ights rise. Jimmy addresses Angela Davies, a
prostitute of indistinguishable age. flaunted, hollow beauf)1 chewed
awqy by years ofseif-hat:red, self-abuse, cold, etc. The cab is obviousf:y
parked and the two efthem are sharing takeaway coffees. Jimmy is a
 Bluebird 11

little awl.ward and bewildered by this strange situation. She is a wide

girl. Hard, independent, se:ry and defiant. She flirts , taunts and takes no
shit. Below this she is damaged.
Angela My foot hurts.
Jinun.y Your foot?
Angela These bleeding shoes.
Jinun.y \1Vhere you going?
Angela \ 1\Test End.
Jimmy You wan t a plaster?
Angela Yo u what?
Jinun.y A plaster. For your foot?
Angela v\That are you talking about you, eh?
Jinun.y It's a ll right. It's just that I keep plasters in 1ny car.
If you wanted a plaster for your foo t you could have one.
Angela I've been walki ng for nine hours.
Jinun.y (finding a plasterjor Jui) You ought to get yourself a
111ore sturdy set of footwear if that's the kind of vvaU<ing
you're doing. Get son1e Ti1nbe rland. Or Caterpillar. Fine
shoes.
Angela I con1e here all the ti1ne. They have the best
coffee in I<ing's Cross.
Jinun.y T his is a very unusual situa tion.
Angela I'n1 a very unusual person.
Jinun.y I don't often find myself sharing cups of coffee
with the fares .
Angela Is that what you call then1?
Jinun.y \1\Th at?
Angela People who you give lifts to? You call the1n a
' fare'?
Jimmy Yeah.
12 Bluebird

Angela That's very impersonal.

Jinuny Don' t take it the wrong way. I 1neet a lot of
people.
Angela Do you know any card tricks?
Jinuny No. I can eat fire but card tricks I know nothing
abou t.
Angela \ 1Voulcl you like to see a card trick?
Jinuny Only if I can be your beautiful assistant.
Angela (placing a pack ofcards on the dashboard between them)
I'll bet you the fare you can't work out how I do it.
Jinuny Get to fuck.
Angela All righ t. I'll bet you half the fare.
Jinuny Do you do this with every taxi driver you get?
Angela Pick a care!.
Jinuny (picking a card) Because if you do you n1ust11't get
very far .
Angela Don' t tell 111e what it is.
Jimmy ' Cause, I n1ean, you '11 be stopping and starting
every five n1iI1utes.
Angela Now put it back iI1 the pack and shuffle it. Don 't
let 1ne see ·what it is.
Jinuny (following her instructions) I'1n not ordiI1arily a
gatnbling n1an, you understand.
Angela Now cut. (fie does. ) t-\ nd turn over the top card.
That was your care!. The queen of hearts. Am I righ t?
Jinuny Yeah. You're right.
Angela Is that half the fare then?
Jinuny Go on.
Angela Funny.
 Bluebird 13

Jimmy \1Vhat?
Angela l\IIost people nonna lly lie.
Jimmy I'1n a disarmingly honest person .
Angela You're l\IIancunian, aren't you?
Jimmy As drizzle.
Angela I like Ni a ncunians.
Jimmy All of then1?
Angela l\IIancunians are very sensitive.
Jimmy J esus.
Angela I had a l\Iancunian boyfriend once.
Jimmy vVhat happened to hi1n?
Angela He killed himself.
Jimmy Fucking hell.
Angela J um peel off a b ridge over the l\lf25 .
Jimmy Christ.
Angela He was eigh teen.
Jimmy liVhere are you from , d arlin'?
Angela 1'111 no t your darling.
Jimmy Sorry.
Angela Don' t call us that. I'n1 nobody's fucking darling.
I t's ve1y fucking patronising.
Jimmy I n1eant it as a tern1 of endearn1ent. Nol a
declaration of ownership.
Angela Yeah, well. I hate it when people call us that. I'n1
fron1 Sunderland.
Jimmy \1Vhat a n1a rvellous town S underland is.
Angela It's a dun1p ofp issy shite .
Jimmy Pissy shite. T hat's a n odd idea.
14 Bluebir d

Angela I left when I was fourteen.

Jimmy And catne to Londo n.
Angela No. T o Dorset.
Jimmy Dorset?
Angela Aye.
Jimmy \ 1VelJ, I'1n sorry to tell you this, my fri end, b ut this
isn't fucking D orset. I think you've been misinfo rmed.
Angela T ell us about it. I "'rent to stay with rny uncle.
Jimmy \ 1Vhat happened?
Angela (matter-of-fact) H e rap ed 1ne and beat 1ny face to
shit.
Jimmy (unfazed ) You were obviously very close.
Angela I can1e to London when I was fifteen.
Jimmy How old are you now?
Angela How old do I look?
Jimmy I have no idea.
Angela Have a guess.
Jimmy Twen ty-nine.
Angela Tvven ty-nine?
Jimmy Yeah.
Angela I'n1 nineteen.
Jimmy Fuck oIT.
Angela \ 1Vhere do you live?
Jimmy Bluebird Towers. By the Goldhawk R oad Arches.
H ain1nersmith.
Angela 'Cause I'm looking to tnove ho use. Is it nice there?
Jimmy Bloody wonderful.
Angela I don't like rlammers111ith.
 Bluebird l5

Jimmy Ha111111ersmith's all righ t.

Angela Full of Irish . I hate the Irish.
Jimmy \i\lh at do you hate the Irish for?
Angela Tight-arsed sn1elly-faced basta rd drunks. ivly
uncle was Irish.
Jimmy T hat's fa irly unequivocal.
Angela Yo u use a lo t of long words.
Jimmy Don't worry about iit. I can't spell then1.
Angela You see that hotel?
Jimmy Across the road?
Angela T he Great Northern.
Jimmy Sounds like a hospital.
Angela T hat's where I stay.
Jimmy \1Vhat a desirable residence.
Angela It looks very beautiful fro m the o utside, don ' t you
think?
Jimmy Yes I do.
Angela You should see the roon1s.
Jimmy
Angela T hey're terrifying.
Jimmy T errifying?
Angela It gets very hot in there.
Jimmy I see.
Angela Especially these pas t few weeks. It's been kiljjng
us.
Jimmy \ 1Vhere do you wan t to rnove to?
Angela 1'111 going to live in An1erica.
Jimmy (doubtful) America?
16 Bluebird

Angela (defiant) Yeah.

Jinun.y (singing the Leonard Benzstein tune) La la la la la la.
Angela You what?
Jimmy (quoting.from the smne) You can have fun in
A1nerica.
Angela I'1n going to live in San ta Barbara.
Jinun.y vVhat the fuck do you want to live in San ta
fucking Barbara for?
Angela rv1y favourite telly p rogranu11e's Santa Barbara.
Jimmy Good reason.
Angela ' 'Vhat's your favourite telly progra1n1ne?
Jinun.y I don't own a television.
Angela (staggered) God. vVhat's your favourite song?
Jimmy Have you ever heard of Otis R eckling?
Angela No.
Jinun.y (realising the relevance ef Otis Redding's nationalif:Y) H e's
American. l'vly favo urite song is a song by Otis R eckling
called 'l\1y Girl'.
Angela I could have been a singer.
Jinun.y \1Vhat happened?
Angela Nothing. Nothing happened. That's the point.
Jinun.y Those 1narks. On you r face. H ow d id you get
them?
Angela Fucking hell.
Jinun.y \1Vhat?
Angela Are you a social worker?
Jinun.y No. l'n1 a taxi driver.
Angela I walked in to a wall.
 Bluebird J7

Jimmy You 1nust have been walking very quickly.

Angela Running. And I fell clown son1e stairs.
Jimmy That was very clu1nsy.
Angela l'n1 a very clLUnsy person .
Jimmy T ell nle to fuck off if it's none of1ny business but
should I be worried about you?
Long jJause. Good three seconds.
Angela It's very good the coffee here, isn' t it?
Jimmy You clicln'l answer n1y question.
Angela Best fucking coffee in King's Cross.
Jimmy \ 1Vhat are you going to the \ 1Vest Encl for?
Angela I've got a 1neeti ng.
Jimmy Are you not going to be late? Sitting here
drinking pissy coffee, doing fu cking card tricks a nd talking
shit about f\ merica?
Angela I wasn't talking shit. I mean it.
Jimmy liVoulcl you like ano ther one?
Angela I wasn't talking shit.
Jimmy 01(. \t\loulcl you like another coffee?
Angela No thank you . I don 't have tin1e. (Beat..~ faybe she
examines herself in the passenger-seal mirror.) There was a tune,
you know, when I though t I was going to be a filin star.
Jimmy Really?
Angela No shit. \iVhat do you reckon o f that? D o you
think I could have clone it?
Jimmy It's a distinct possibility. You have a certain
charis111a .
Angela I've lost n1y looks. I know that. You don't have to
be polite about it.
18 Bluebird

Jinun.y I vvouldn't say that.

Angela No?
Jinun.y You have very striking eyes. They're very blue.
Angela This guy wanted to put n1e in one o f his filtns.
Gave 111e his care!. Told me to give him a ring s01netime.
Jinun.y Did you ring hin1?
Angela I lost the card. I don't want to go.
Jinun.y Go where?
Angela To this 1neeting.
Jinun.y I see.
Angela I'n1 very tired.
Jimmy (challenging, he knows that it is a pickup) \!\That is this
1neeting?
Angela (notfazed, challenging him back) \!\That do you think it
. ?
JS .

Jinun.y I vvouldn't like to guess.

Angela That's p robably very wise. You really don't want
to know.
Jimmy That's a sha1ne.
Angela Thanks for having a coffee with us.
Jinun.y That's n1y pleasure. Are you going to be all righ t?
Angela (flirting with him) Are you married?
Jinun.y Yes I am.
Angela (pulling a can ef Cokefrom her pocket) Never 1nind . I
co111e here all the time.
Jinun.y Yo u said. Are you going to be all right?
Angela So if you ever wanted to buy 1ne another coffee
you could probably find me he re.
 Bluebird 19

Jimmy I'll bear that in n1incl. Are you going to be all

right?
Angela I'll show you how to do that card trick.
Jimmy I can hardly wait. You look after yourself.
Angela I always do. \ 1Vhat's your na1ne?
Jimmy Jitn1ny.
Angela J inuny what?
Jimmy Jit1uny Cagney.
Angela Good name.
Jimmy I 1nacle it up 1nyself.
Angela l\1ore people sho uld do that.
Jimmy \1Vhat's your na1ne?
Angela l\1faria.
Jimmy J\1Iaria?
Angela l\1aria Callas.
Jimmy N ice to 1neet you, lVIaria.
Angela Nice to meet you to o, J im1ny.
Lightsfall.
Lights iise. A Girl has entered Jimmy's cab. She is.fifteen. Dressed
in the bright and vivid clothes and rnake-ujJ of late-rave culture. Sex)
and vibrant andyoung. T!flearing shades. Chewing conspicuous bubble
gum. The two do not talk far a while. She is humming. Looking out of
the window.
Girl (quietly, suddenl:)!, whispered')
\1\fh at shall I do vvith this absurdi ty -
0 heart, 0 troubled heart - this caricatu re,
Decrepit age that has been ti ed to 111e
As to a clog's tail?
Jimmy doesn't respond. He is, however, evidenth1sU1p1ised,
moved.
20 Bluebird

Girl This is where I get out.

Jimmy T hat's five pounds eigh ty.
Lights fall.
Lights rise on Jimmy again in phone box. T1Ve hear Clare 's voice
on the other side efthe line.
Clare H ello? (Pause.) Look, is anybody there?
Jimmy C la re?
Clare Speakin g.
Jimmy It'sjimn1y.
The Line.falls dead as Clare hangs ujJ. Lights fall.
Lights iise on Jimmy and Richard Wright. A Scottish engineer
on the London Underground. Dressed in the Underground engineers'
blue-and-orange overalls. Bone-tired with a cigarette.
Richard T his city. It's fu ll o f 1nusic, did you ever notice
that?
Jimmy l\/[usic?
Richard Every·"vhere you turn. Rad ios. Shopfron ts. Pubs.
Cafes. Cars. Fucking everywhe re. Everybody with their own
little personalised packed c01npacted d iscs of love songs and
soundtracks.
Jimmy Fuck.
Richard O ne time. Long ago. There n1ust have been a
siJence here.
Jimmy ' "'hat are you talking about?
Richard T his place is never to tally quiet. Even when you
think it is it's only because you're so accustomed to the noise
that you've stopped noticing a ny 1nore.
Jimmy Yo u never stop no ti cing.
 Bluebird 21

Richard T hat's what I yearn for s01n etu11es. That's what

I could kill for. For there to be no noise. No noise at all.
H ow's b usu1ess, Ju111ny?
Jimmy Fair to midcllu1g. Yo u rself?
Richard S hite. Desperate.
Jimmy \i\lhat do you do?
Richard l'n1 an engineer.
Jimmy I see.
Richard On the U ndergrou nd.
Jimmy Hard work?
Richard R epair work. Every night 1 go to offer one sorry
fucking atten1pt at securing so111e ki11Cl of engineering
solidity o n the bving breathing 1nother that is our capital's
tube syste111.
Jimmy So which particular subterranean anornaly and
p ubbc safety hazard are you doctoring tonight?
Richard Light b ulbs.
Jimmy I see.
Richard Checking the transfonn ers on the forty-eight
tracksicle light bulbs each side of the track between
Clapharn North and S tockwell .
Jimmy Forty-eight?
Richard Each side.
Jimmy Fuck me.
Richard T hank you. No. Each one ofth e1n shagged.
Every si11gle fuckmg light bulb and every single fucking
transforn1er bet'Neen the two stations on each side of the
track.
Jimmy T hat's terrible.
22 Blueb ird

Richard It fucking is terrible,Jimn1y. (Pause.) \ 1Vith the

weather like it's been these past two \Neeks it gets so fucking
ho t clown there it is just fucking men tal. l'n1 getting out of
here.
Jinuny I knovv that an1bitio n particularly well. Not
always easy though, eh?
Richard T h ere are two defining fac tors ab out n1ost
peop le in th is city as far as I can tell.
Jinuny \1Vh at are they'
Richard T h ey con1e fron1 somewhere else. And th ey
wan t to leave. Take it from me,J imn1y. You see all these
peop le o n the fucking trains. L ast thing a t nigh t. \i\lh en
you're going to work. Good, healthy, normal people with
legs, h air, eyes, b owels, b olloc!ks, h opes, h ungers, all nian ner
of norn1al h u1nan faculties. You see them on that last train
and th ey've grown totally fuckin g e1npty. I'1n not going to
let that happen to 111e.
Jinuny I never travel on the train.
Richard I do n't bla1ne yo u, pal. Scares the fuck out of
n1e son1etin1es,Jiin1ny. I catch 111yself staring at the111. J ust
end up wanting to fucki ng shake the1n. f(ick then1. I
recognise n1yself in them too n1uch. Y'know what I 1nean ?
Jinuny I think so.
Richard I smoke too n1uch. I'n1 getting through fifty a
day at the 111on1ent.
Jimmy No shit?
Richard Fifty fags a clay.
Jinuny T hat's q uite a handful.
Richard Spend all my n1oney on n1y fags and 1ny fa mily.
Jimmy You can't take it wi th you.
Richard At least I get to see the fucking fags . You
1narried ,J immy?
 Bluebird 23

Jimmy Yes I ain.

Richard H ow long have you been married?
Jimmy Eleven years.
Richard That's good. You r wife. Does she not 111ind you
driving at night.
Jimmy I vvouldn't know. I never asked her. I haven't seen
my wife in five years.
Richard \Vhat did you do before you drove a cab?
Jimmy If I told you wouldn't believe ine.
Richard \Nhy no t?
Jimmy Nobody ever does.
Richard I'd believe you.
Jimmy I was a writer.
Richard A writer?
Jimmy Yeah.
Richard Lying basta rd. \!Vbat did you write?
Jimmy I was a novelist.
Richard \IVhy did you stop writing?
Jimmy I didn 't have anythiing left to say.
Richard Do you not regret it?
Jimmy I regret n1any things, big 1nan. But that isn't one
or the1n.
Richard H ow long have you been driving for?
Jimmy Five vears.
,
Richard Do you ever get scared?
Jimmy Scared?
Richard D riving. Letting a total stranger into the back of
your cab. Does it never scare you?
24 Bluebird

Jinuny No.
Richard T hey could rob you.
Jimmy T hey wouldn't.
Richard H ow do you kno'"' that?
Jinuny I'd break their fucking a rn1s.
Richard T hey could rob you. Shoot you . K.ilJ you. R ape
you . And you'd be utterly povverless to stop it.
Jinuny I've got a baseball bat.
Richard Big fucking deal. \ t\1hat's the worst thing that
ever happened to you? In you r job?
Jinuny T hat's an odd question.
Richard Come on,Ji1nmy, 1nan. T hink. Bit ofthe old
grey stuff. Put it to work.
Jinuny Smnebody tried to 1rnug 1ne once.
Richard \Nhat happened?
Jimmy Couple of sn1acked -up fuckheads jutnp in the
back of the cab. Said to us, 'Give us your fucking money,
you thick Northern Bastard, or we'll fucking kill you.'
Richard \!\That did you do?
Jimmy Beat the crap out of the two of them with a
baseball bat.
Richard No shit.
Jinuny Told you. Always keep a baseball bat underneath
the driver's seat. It helps.
Richard You really beat them up?
Jinuny Too fucking righ t I d id.
Richard Jitnmy.
Jimmy Yes, 1nate.
Richard Do us a favour.
 Bluebird 25

Jimmy \1Vhat's that, 1nate?

Richard Next ti111e. Give 'en1 your 111oney.
Jimmy Fuck off. T hey were just a couple ofjmnped-up
pricks.
Richard Do you know what the worst thing that ever
happened to me is?
Jimmy Tell tne.
Richard One time I had to cut a corpse fro1n the wiring
in the tracks. Had an old boy throw hjmself under one of
the work trains. Punter. Southbound platfonn o n the
Northern Line at Ken tish T o\·Vn.J ust as it was p ulling in .
Throws hi1nself in front of it.
Jimmy Christ.
Richard I t was a tness.
Jimmy I bet.
Richard D ied on itnpact. Train carried him 1naybe ten
feet. Runs him over . Ambulance gets there. Needs sOJne
help negotiating the cables and the wires to get hi111 off the
tracks. \Ve were doing the escalators there. Fucking hell,
ji.Jnmy. They called us clown. Station master gives us a call
over the blower. Can the engineers make their way to the
southbound platform. v\lhat a fucking state. \!\Te helped the
paramedics clown on to the track. Helped lift the boy up on
to the stretcher on the pla tfonn. You could feel the place
where his neck had snapped. t-\ ncl all the blood clinging to
his cloth es and to the track. And his eyes were open and
they were as grey as stone. H e was j ust staring. His skin had
turned a sick cold blue. And his face was contorted and
solid. Dead. H e had the n1ost terrifying expression of fear in
his eyes that I swear I have ever seen. You try to look away.
Avert the old eyes. Try not to look. It's not always possible.
You know what I n1ean.
Jimmy I hope they pay you well.
Richard I live like a king.
26 Bluebir d

Jimmy I hope so.

Richard \Ne get paid so 111uch fucki ng 111oney, Ji111111y, we
can barely even n1ove for it. But I thilu< I'm going to jack it
in.

Jimmy vVhat are you going to do?

Richard I've been offered sotne work.
Jimmy Oh yeah . \!\Th at kind of work's that, 1nate?
Richard T he kil1d of work that pays a shitbag of111oney
in cash. In a very short space of time. A drivingjob. For an
acquaintance of n1ine. T he kind of work that only a
desperately scared n1an would teU a fucking taxi driver
abou t.
Jimmy I see.
Richard It's actually r en1arka bly easy. It 111erely involves
parking a car at a certain ti1ne in a certail1 space. Collecting
a package in a car park. Driving the package about five
h undred 1niles to the north-vvest of E ngland and delivering
it to another man that I have never n1et before in another
car park at a motorway service station . Not the kind ofjob
prospect that I took n1y Open U niversity degree in
philosophy with a view to securil1g. But lucrative, Jm11ny,
and very motherfucking scary. "fhis is where I get out, mate.
Jimmy You don't sound too convinced.
Rich ard T his is where I get out.
Jimmy I know that. You don't sound loo convinced.
Richard I don't have any choice.
Jimmy That's not true.
Richard Of course it's fucking true, Jim1ny. You know
it's fucking true .
Jimmy I know no thing of the sort, pal.
Richard Do you believe il1 the intransience of love?
 Bluebird 27

Jinun.y You what?

Richard \!\Tha t about the co1nmunicability of the h utnan
spirit?
Jimmy T hose are very odd questions.
Richard T hey're about the most in1portant questions in
the whole fucking world, Jin1my. Give 1ne an answer.
Jinun.y Yes. I do.
Richard You believe in both of thetn.
Jimmy Unquestionably.
Richard You see, the thing is,Ji1nmy, l'rn starting to
fucking wonder. I'm starting to lose faith in those things.
You lose faith. And then what are you meant to do?
Jinun.y You wan t to know son1ething quite funny?
Richard \!\'hat's that, pal?
Jinun.y That's actually my na1ne. Ji1n1ny. It's actually my
fucking na me an all. That's seven pound, mate.
Lightsfall.
Lights iise 011 ayoung couple sat in the back efJimmy's car.
Pointedfy not talking. Stming out ef their own windows.Jimmy
concentrates on his driving. The Woman sighs. She is apparently
a11go1. 4fter a short while the Man looks up. He strokes the back ef
her neck.
Woman (exaggerated whisper) I love you .
Man (ditto) I love you too.
Jinun.y smiles. Lights fall.
Lights iise on Jimmy again i11 the jJhone box. Tiiie hear Clare 's
voice on the other end qfthe Line.
Clare H ello?
Jinun.y Clare. It's Jitnmy. (L ong /Jause. Five seconds.) It's
Jin1my, Clare. Are you there?
28 Bluebird

Clare V\1hat do you want?

Jimmy I want to see you. (Pause again.) Can I see you?
Clare? Look. You don't have to say anything. I would just
like Lo see you tonight. I have s01n e thing that I wan t to give
you. (JVo response.) I pro1nise. Just tonight. I can pick you up.
I f you tell 1ne where to 1neet you.
Clare 01(.
Jimmy I'n1 going to be very late. I have Lo work tonigh t.
Clare Do you know what night it is tonight?
Lightsjades.
Lights iise. Andy Gre en enters. Sixfoui~ brick-shithouse-built
bouncer in a bouncer's blackjacket and dicky bow.
Andy H ackney.
Jimmy Right you are.
Andy You kl10\ V H ackney?
Jimmy Yes. I know H ackney.
Andy Y'knovv Goldbourne House. On the Beauvoir
Estate.
Jimmy Side of the canal?
Andy S'right.
Jimmy You been working?
Andy \!\'hat?
Jimmy You been working tonigh t?
Andy I don' t like taxi drivers.
Jimmy All ta.'Xi drivers?
Andy All of 'e1n.
Jimmy (taking the piss) H o\·Vdo you know?
Andy Are you being ftm ny, 1nate?
Jim.my No.
 Bluebird 29

Andy Then shut up.

Jinuny I had somebody in the cab tonight. Tried to
convince n1e that the art of polite and civilised conversation
was actually dead. I told hin1 to fuck hin1selfin the 1nouth. I
m ean, you're a perfec t exatnple.
Andy You what?
Jinuny There is always hope, 111y friend.
Andy I've been working.
Jimmy Nightclub?
Andy Yeah.
Jinuny Busy night?
Andy :Niad busy.
Jinuny Good n1oney?
Andy I don' t knovv. It doesn ' t affect 111e. I get paid shit
whatever happens.
Jinuny I know that feeling.
Andy You ever been a bouncer?
Jimmy No. I haven't.
Andy Then how the fuck could you know that feeling?
Jinuny I was just saying -
Andy H eh? H ow the fuck could you possibly know what I
m ean?
Jinuny Is it true that all bo1.1ncers a re gay?
Andy F uck you.
Jinuny Is it true that bouncers don't have a sense of
h umour?
Andy Do you want your arms breaking, mate?
Jinuny Do you want a cigarette?
Andy Yo u what?
30 Bluebird

Jimmy Do you vvant a cigarette?

Andy Yeah.
Jimmy Here, take one.
Andy Thank you.
Jimmy I'n1 a sarcastic cunt.
Andy You are that.
Jimmy Just ignore nie.
Andy I was trying to.
Jimmy So. \'\/hat's it like then?
Andy \!\That?
Jimmy Being a bouncer?
Andy You don't want to know.
Jimmy You know what I do wan t to know?
Andy \1\lhat's that?
Jimmy Like bouncers, yeah? \'\Thy the fuck are they
called bouncers? D o you ever wonder that?
Andy Are you a Scouser?
Jimmy Mane. I mean, you don't exactly look very
bouncy. If you'll excuse the observation. And n1ost people,
yeah, when you p unch the111 in the tnouth or srnash their
fucking heads on the gTouncl they don't exactly fucking
bounce.
Andy I hate fucking l\!Iancs.
Jimmy Thank you.
Andy \ Ve had a boy sen t to hospital tonight. Seventeen
1

years old.
Jimmy vVhat did he do?
Andy Two pints of piss lager shandy and he thinks he's a
fucking hard bastard. Tries to start kicking off.
 Bluebird 31

Jimmy \i\lhy's that then?

Andy \ Ve caught hi1n trying to p ush the fucking Es.
1

Jimmy O ooh. Bad boy.

Andy Trying to p ush them o n Lo fucking teenage girls.
Jimmy O ooh. Very bad boy.
Andy I n1ean, that is so fucking stupid. You just don' t do
that. You do no t go to a club ]ike the club vve vvork a t and
try p ushing the fucking shite. \!Ve have su rveillance cameras
poin ti ng a t every single fucking corner of the b uilding. \Ne
can see every fucker pick their nose, scratch their arse,
grab a bit of tit. Fucking anything. You do it in our place
and we fucking see you.
Jimmy I believe you.
Andy So we goes up to hin1 a nd politely suggest that he
n1ight think abou t collecting h is coat. .1\ncl he's giving it all
the fucking gangster shire. You know what I hate?
Jimmy I can i111agine that you hate 1nany things.
Andy I f there is o ne thing I cannot fucking stand it is your
white boy trying the fucking p atois. That reeks of so 111uch
bullshit. So there's three of us, yeah, and he's giving it all
thisJ an1aica crap. v\!e p ut our a rm around him . Suggest he
1nakes a fucking 111ove. You know what he does?
Jimmy Thrill me.
Andy P ulls ou t a fucking bla de.
Jimmy Prick.
Andy I t is ou t of his hand and he is on the floor before
you can say Bob fucking l\·farl·e y. H eacllock. Up and clown
on the floor. Up and clow11 on the floor. U p and clown on
the floor. Three times. Blood coming out o f his fucking eyes
and the knife in the p ocket and he is out of the doo r. And by
the time he's hit the fucking pavemen t the para1neclics are
waiting for him picking th eir n oses a nd read ing the papers
and he's off and he's away.
32 Bluebird

Jinuny Yo u work quickly.

Andy You got a ny kids~

Jinuny Used to. l\'ot any tnore. vVhat about yourself:'

Andy I've got two boys and a girl.
Jinuny How old?
Andy Boys're eleven and thirteen. Girl's twelve.
Jinuny Good ages.
Andy I tell you, if a ny cunt tried to p ush any of that shite
on 1ny girl I would fucking kill then1.
Jinuny I believe you.
Andy And if I ever caugh t any of n1y kids vvith any of it I
don't know what I'd do.
Jimmy Breaks your heart, eh?
Andy Some of the kids we have clown there. I can see my
lot in then1 . And the girls are wearing nothing. Not a
fucking stitch half of then1. You feel like stopping then1 . Feel
like saying to them, do you kn ow what you are doing? H ave
you thought about what you are doing? About where you
are going? Iiave you even tho ught about it? It was hot in
there tonight. Leaves you breathless. These past few weeks
it's been fucking crazy. You get so thirsty you encl up
drinking yourself to the ground.
Jinuny It's frightening, eh?
Andy I'm sorry. If I was rude to you before. I'n1 lired.
Jinuny That's not a problem.
Andy T akes me a bit of time to relax. To re1nember that
no t every cunt is going to try to bottle you.
Jimmy I can believe that.
Andy I've seen people in this line of work getting screwed
up by it. There is a point when you just have to turn off.
Enjoy a bit of sunshine. H ang out in the park with the kids.
 Bluebir d 33

H ave a lie-in with the wife. I know s01ne boys come back
from work go home and use their wife as a heavy bag. You
j ust can't do that. It is just not on.
Jinuny It's not easy sometimes, eh?
Andy Yo u mar ried?
Jinuny Yes I a1n.
Andy I hope you treat her right, my friend.
Jinuny I try to.
Andy I a tn a big 1nan. I an1 a big n1an, and when the
n101nent calls for it I can be a hard bastard. But I have never
so 1nuch as laid a finger o n iny wife, in 1ny life.
Jimmy That's always a good approach to a n1arriage.
Andy I have never hit n1y \vife and I have never hit 1ny
kids.
Jimmy Good man.
Andy One boy. One of ou r boys. Banged away for
fourteen years.
Jinuny Fuck me.
Andy G BH. Cut so1ne fucker's face to shit. Got banged
up.
Jinuny That's bad.
Andy This is the only place he can get work.
Jinuny I see.
Andy H e is a nasty inalevolent motherfucker and I hate
hin1 1nore than I ever believed could be possible. And
everybody hates hi1n. T he custo1ners hate him. The other
bouncers hate him. The bar staff. The managers. Every
cunt in that whole fucking building hates that shit. And we
are all, every last one of us, too fucking scared to even talk
about it to one another. So we laugh at his jokes and we buy
34 Bluebird

hin1 drinks and we admire his car and we tell hi1n that he
could pull any one of the girls in the club a ny ti1ne he liked.
Jinun.y T hat's a wee bit dishonest.
Andy And when he does we laugh with him. J\nd we offer
hin1 our respect. And I tell yo1U, 1ny friend, the next time he
does it I am going to kick the !fucking crap righ t ou t of his
arse.
Jinun.y You see1n p retty detennined.
Andy Yo u ever see anybody get killed?
Jinun.y O ne tin1e.
Andy \ Vho was it?
1

Jimmy It was 1ny daugh ter.

Andy Christ.
Jinun.y I saw niy daugh ter get run over.
Andy Fucking hell .
Jimmy I don't re111e1nber very niuch about it. I try nol to
think about i t.
Andy I saw a lad get killed o nce.
Jinun.y O h aye?
Andy O utside the club.
Jinun.y \1Vhat happened?
Andy H e was giving one of the old boys a little bit of
aggro. Mouthing off. H e was coked up or E'd up or
so111ething and he was mouthing off. Our boy gives him a
clip ro und the earhole and he goes absolutely ballisti c.
Con1es a t hitn with a bottle. I t's been a bad nigh t for our
boy already a nd he j ust fucking snaps.
Jinun.y Christ.
Andy vVe're trained, 1nost o f us, to deal with situa tions.
T his boy is just one of the gy1n boys. Bit of casua l work.
 Bluebir d 35

H e's not been trained a t all. Young lad comes a t hin1 with a
bottle and he goes absolutely fucking n1ental. Drags him to
the gr ound. Sta rts sn1acki11g his head against the pave1nenc.
O ver and over . Blood starts ru n ning o ut 0 11 to the road.
Before we can do anything. Just takes a couple of seconds is
all . Takes th ree of us to drag hiln off a nd calm hi111 clown
and even when I'm dragging hiln up I'm thinkil1g, 'This is
bad. This is really bad, Andy o ld son. ' And when we get him
up, y'know what I notice most of all?
Jimmy \ 1Vhat's that?
Andy Is how blue the boy's eyes were. They were such a
still blue. I won't ever forget that, (Long pause.) It gets hard
son1etimes. Y'know what I rnean'
Jimmy I know exactly wha t you n1ean.
Andy I'n1 trying. So hard. Trying raise the boys.
to
T rying to look after the daughter. Trying to 1nake the vvife
happy. Trying to save a bit of money. Trying to get us o ut
of this shithole. This place. It isn' t a nywhere to raise a
fanuly. The things that go on here. T hey break your h eart.
Jimmy I wish you luck, 1n y friend.
Andy H ow old was your daugh ter?
Jimmy She was seven.
Andy 1'111 really sorry.
Jimmy Don' t worry, Andy. You couldn' t have known.
Andy Yo u working all nigh t?
Jimmy N o. I'm going to 1neet smnebocly.
Andy A I . time.
r \ t t 11s
. ;>

Jimmy 1'111 going to n1eet the wife.

Andy Yo u gi ve her niy love, n1ate.
Lightsfalls.
36 Bluebird

Lights iise 011 Billy Lee. a broken fascist with his wrist in plaster, in
Jimmy's cab. He addressesJimmy.
Billy Lee Everybody asks n1e if I've broken tny v.rrist. I t's
enough to fucking drive you tnacl. A broken vvrist takes six
weeks to inend. Three snappe d tendons and n1aybe you get
son1e move111en t back in your hand after twelve mon ths if
you're fucking lucky. I've been trying to draw with my left
hand b ut it's just shit a nd it j ust n1akes 1ne fucking so fucking
angry. I've been drunk for a week now. I'm going into
hospital ton101Tow for the operation and y'know why I'm
drinking? D o you? O y?
Jimmy I have no idea.
Billy Lee l'n1j ust despera te to bla nl< ou t the pain. And
I'n1 going in tomorrow a nd 1'111 j ust a fuckin g guinea pig.
I\inety-six stitches. Righ t arou nd n1y fucking wrist. I migh t
get son1e compensation. I better fucking had. Bu t honestly,
eh? V\lhat do you think about this operation? Am I just a
fucking guinea pig or what?
Jimmy You'll be all right.
Billy Lee Fucking bastards though. They told me that
with an injury like n1ine there was a possibility that within
twelve mon ths I migh t start to get s0111e movemen t back in
1ny righ t hand . It's fucking hopeless tho ugh . 1'111 telling you.
I t's fucking hopeless. (Long pause.) You want to hear a story?
Jimmy Yo u what?
Billy Lee You wan t to hear a story? Do you like stories?
Jimmy Sure.
Billy Lee There are a lot of pigeons on Ladbroke Grove.
Jimmy I'n1 sorry?
Billy Lee T here are a lot of pigeons on Ladbroke Grove.
\ 1Vith it getting so ho t they've been rebuilding their nests.

!\!faking cooler nests. Accotnmoda ting to the heat. You

understand?
 Bluebird 37

Jimmy I think so.

Billy Lee You know what they do to their young?
Jimmy T heir young?
Billy Lee Yeah. Those motherfucking pigeons. You know
wha t they do to their young while they're rebuild ing their
fucking nests to acc0tn1nocla te then1selves to the fucking
heat?
Jimmy I have no idea.
Billy Lee Kick the111 out.
Jimmy I see.
Billy Lee Bastards. They just kick then1 out. Can you
believe that? l\!Ionday morning I'tn walking clown Portobello
R oad. Look clown. There's a tiny naked feat herless pigeon
hopping clown the road. Buggers belief, 111ate. Absolu tely
buggers belief.
Jimmy \ 1Vhat did you do?
Billy Lee vVhat d id I do?
Jimmy T o the pigeon.
Billy Lee I left it. You shouJd never disturb baby birds.
D o you vvant to see tny tattoos?
Jimmy You r tattoos?
Billy Lee Aye. I've got tattoos. On 1ny good ann. Do you
want to see then1?
Jimmy It'd be a n honour .
Awkwardf:y but eventualfy Billy Lee manages lo roll up his sleeve,
ma)'be with his teeth, and shows Jimmy his good arm.
Billy Lee D o you know wha t tha t 1neans? Can you read
it?
Jimmy Cotnbat 18.
Billy Lee D o you know wha t that means?
38 Bluebird

Jimmy O f course I know what that 1neans.

Billy Lee (twning his mm to show Jimmy the back of hisfist)
\,Yhat about this? These blue clo ts, do you know what they
111ean?
Jimmy I have no idea.
Billy Lee I ain't never going to get involved in any of that
shit a ny more. This is where I get ou t.
Jimmy \ 1Vhat do the five blue clots 111ean?
Billy Lee You don't want to even know.
Jimmy That's six fifty.
Lightsfall.
Lights iise 011 Janine Williams, a smartly dressed, middle-aged,
manic depressive former teacher. She addresses Jimmy.
Janine Yo u knovv wha t I think?
Jimmy \ 1Vhat's tha t?
Janine I son1eti1nes think that there is so 1nuch confusion
and sad ness and hatred and everything.Just eve1ything.
Broken. H orrible. It would j ust be better. I t could just be
simpler . If people said things.
Jimmy I think you're right.
Janine \ 1Ve never, do we?
Jimmy Not very often.
Janine Nobody reads any nlo re.
Jimmy Nobody has ti1ne.
Janine H ave tin1e for d rinking. H ave ti1ne for sn1ashing
things up. For killing people. I-l ave tin1e for shopping and
1nad and stupid crazy th ings. Bicycles. Hundreds and
h undreds of cars. vVe have ti1n e. If you knew you were
going to d ie a nd had ti111e to r·ead one 1no re book before you
d ied, what book would you read?
 Bluebird 39

Jimmy I don't kno>v.

Janine I'd read a pornographic tnagazine.
Jimmy ' 'Vhy?
Janine I can relate to the wotnen in pornograp hic
m agazines. H ave you ever been in love?
Jimmy Yes. I have.
Janinel'1n a teacher.
Jimmy ' 1Vhat do you teach?
Janine Or rather I was a teacher. I don't do n1uch of
anything any 1nore.
Jimmy \1Vhat d id you teach?
Janine I visit gardens a lo t o f the tin1e. So111etirnes I
itnagine tha t it would be nice to be a gardener. (She has
started to cry.)
Jimmy Are you all right, darling? Are you crying?
Janine No.
Jimmy Here. I've got a handkerchief.
Janine I'm not cryi11g. All right? Can you no t hear 1ne'
Jimmy I j ust though t -
Janine (intenu/Jting) T hey told nle they were going to have
to tnake son1e changes.
Jimmy vVho?
Janine They told n1e they \.Yere going to have to n1ake
s01n e cha nges and there was no thing they could do for 1ne
any more.
Jimmy vVho told you that?
Janine \Vho were you in love with? (No resjJonse. Pause.)
Please tell 1ne. I p ron1ise I won't tell a nyone.
Jimmy I was in love with a London girl. Called Clare .
(Janine is silent so he continues.) And we got nia rried. And
40 Bluebird

had one child. A baby girl. (Ditto.) And I haven't seen her for
five years.
Janine (responding very quickly) \ 1Vhy not?
Jimmy I left her. Or she left 111e. Somehow. One or the
other left.
Janine \1Vhy?
Jimmy I don't often talk about it.
Janine (almost angry) Look. I j ust want to hear a story. I've
been having a very hard ti1ne.
Jimmy I drank too much .
Janine I drink too. S01neti111es.
Jimmy I started to do crazy things.
Janine \ 1Vhat happened to your girl?
Jimmy The girl d ied.
Janine 1'111 sorry.
Jimmy \ 1Vhy are you having a hard tin1e?
JanineThings.
Jimmy \ 1Vhat things?
Janine Just things. Teacups sit for weeks. I don't even
wash the111 any n1ore.
Jimmy I hate it when that happens.
Janine Shoelaces.
Jimmy Shoelaces?
Janine Do you never get upset by shoelaces? I hate shoes
vvithout laces. But son1eti1nes. I could just c1y. I'm sorry. I
shouldn't be talking about this.
Jimmy vVhy not?
Janine You don't want to hear about it.
Jimmy I don't m ind listening. I like stories.
 Bluebir d 41

Janine I can't have child ren.

Jinun.y I'111 sorry.
Janine l\.'Iy insides are a ll w rong. I went to the doctor this
a fternoon. I-Ie said there was no thing he could do.
Jinun.y That's sad.
Janine l\ n d I don' t wan t to adop t. I don't know what I
would do.
Jimmy \ 1Vhat do you mean?
Janine I don't even know h O\ ·V to love a child.
Jimmy Are you married?
Janine O f course I'1n not inarried.
Jinun.y \i\lhy 'of cou rse'?
Janine J ust. Look at n1e.
Jimmy You aren't bad-looking.
Janine For a long tin1e. I slep t with tnen.
Jimmy O h yeah'
Janine l\1en I inet on trains . In cafes. In p ubs. I'd go to
pubs to rneet men there. I wan ted children so badly. I let
then1 do an ything to ine.
Jimmy I see.
Janine One tnan hurt n1e. H e really h umilia ted me.
Son1e of the things he said. I vvas very drunk. But I
re1ne1nber . "fhe things he said .
Jimmy You should be careful.
Janine And every n1on th. Like a hanuner. Nothing ever
happened.
Jimmy I'n1 sorry.
Janine It's very hot in here . People should get, you
should get better air conditioning. \ A/e can't cope. \i\lill you
see you r wife again?
42 Bluebird

Jimmy 1 phoned her.

Janine \\'hen?
Jimmy T onig ht.
Janine \\'hat did she say?
,

Jimmy 1"111 going to sec hcL

Janine \ \'hen?
Jimmy 1'onight.
Janine Good.
Jimmy \ \'hat's your na111c?
Janine Janine.
Jimmy That's a nice nan1e.
Janine It's a stupid name .
Jimmy No it's not.
Janine It's a stupid name fo r a stupid who re.
Jimmy You· re noc a
Janine (inlcrmpling) I sho uld kn ow. I don't have any
111oney.
Jimmy \ \'hat?
Janine l don't IH \\'C any money. I can't pay the fare.
Jimmy \\'hat did you stop n1c for then?
Janine l don't c\·en kno\\'.
Jimmy \ \'hat did you stop me for if you don't haYe any
111oney?
Janine \\'ould you like to go to bed \\ith 111e?
Jimmy o.
Janine You ca n stop here if you wan t to.
Jimmy l'\o. I'll Lake you hon1e.
 Bluebir d 43

Janine But I don't h ave a ny 1noney.

Jinun.y I don 't care a bout that. It's all right.
Janine \ 1Vhat would you do if every cust01ner refused to
pay you?
Jimmy I don 't think I'd last very long.
Janine \ 1\That vvi!J you say to your wife?
Jinun.y I've got a presen t for her.
Janine T h at's nice. How d id your daugh ter die?
Jinun.y She was run over.
Janine I wouldn' t h ave let th a t happen . Ifl'd been her
n1other.
Jimmy Sornetimes you can 't stop these things.
Janine I wouldn' t h ave let h er leave the ho use without
m e. I wouldn't have let her ou t o f rny sigh t.
Jinun.y She was seven years old. You can' t stop children
fro1n h aving their freeclon1, J anine.
Janine You could do. If you vvanted to. I could have
clone .
Jinun.y (has Lit a cigareue) No . T h at's not aJways possible .
Janine I t kills yo u. It kills 1ne. I have to sit in these ro01ns
and sometm1es I can't even b t·eathe .
Jinun.y It's 111y car.
Janine I like the colou r of the s1noke. T hat blueness. Are
you scared of seeing yo ur wife again?
Jimmy N o.
Janine \1Vhat do you think she'll be like?
Jinun.y I have no idea.
Janine No.
Jimmy I re1nen1ber her bei:ng very b eau tiful.
44 Bluebird

Janine That's good.

Jinuny She n1ight have changed. She'll be older now.
Janine Yes, she will.
Jinuny It's the anniversary.
Janine ' 'Vhat anniversarv?
'
Jinuny Tonight, five years ago, was the night o ur
daughter was killed .
Janine I see.
Jimmy T his is where you get out.
Janine I know that. I don't have any n1oney.
Jinuny Don' t worry about it.
Janine I'm very scared.
Jimmy T here's no reason to be.
Janine I probably won't sleep tonight.
Jinuny Read a book.
Janine T hat's quite funny.
Jimmy You'll be all right, darling.
Janine Do you think so?
Jinuny You'll be all right.
Janine I don't know.
Jinuny You will be.
Janine Yo u have very kind eyes.
Jinuny T hank you.
Janine You look very tired. But you have very kind eyes.
Lights fall.
Lights iise on Jimmy and Clare Macneill. The two are alone
together standing in conjiw1/ation on of1posite sides ofthe cab. Their
 Bluebird 45

conversation is i11itialh1at least hostile and awkward. H e is trying

harder than her.
Jinuny Yo u 're looking good.
Clare (cold) Thank you.
Jimmy You're looking really well. You've cut your hair.
Since Lhe last tin1e I saw you.
Clare T hat was five years ago. O f course I've bloody cut
m y hair.
Jinuny It looks nice. It suits your face . Your bone
structure. You have a very classical bone structure.
Clare When you told tne you'd pick 1ne up I d idn't
expect you to arrive in a blood y taxi.
Jimmy Do you like it?
Clare \t\lhy d id you wan t to see n1e?
Jinuny I had something I \·Van ted to give you.
Clare \tVhy tonig ht?
Jinuny You know vvhy. You know why tonigh t. You
don' t need to ask me tha t.
Clare I can't stay long.
Jimmy T here's son1e thing I wanl to say to you.
Clare I shouldn' t even be here. T his is mad ness. I don't
even know what I'1n doing here. I don' t even know why I'm
talking to you . l'vfaybe I should go.
Jinuny liVait.Just for a while.
Pause.
Clare It scared the shit out o f me to hear vou r voice.
(Smiling coldlj;.) I was actually a ltnost sick. '
Jinuny \Noh. (Pause.) v\lould you like to go somewhere?
Clare W hat are you talking abou t?
46 Bluebir d

Jimmy \ 1\TeU, I was wondering if you wanted to go

son1ewhere. I rnean, we could sit her e aU night if you
wanted to b ut I though t you 1night want to go for a drive.
Clare I don't know,J an1es.
Jimmy Look. I like driving. I can talk n1ore easily when
1'1n driving. I can listen with 1nore accuracy. I don't get
claustrophobic. I think driving is very intimate. I'd like to
d rive for a bit. I vvas wondering if you wanted to join n1e .
Clare I see you've retained your enorn1ous sense of self-
interest,J an1es.
Jimmy Diel you ever notice how people never talk loudly
to one ano ther in cars?
Clare No.
Jimmy \1VeU, take it fro1n tne . It's fucking true. (Pause.)
This is an extraordinary city, Clare. It's a city that you
should see prilnarily in the night-time. It becon1es 111ore
concen trated in the nigh t-time . \Ne could have a look at it
for a while.
Clare Concentrated?
Jimmy Yeah.
Clare I'm no t going to stay aU nigh t.
Jimmy I'n1 not asking you to.
Cla re (agreeing) 01(.
Jimmy (des/Jerateb' relieved) Thank fuck for that. \!\There do
you want to go?
Clare I don't know.
Jimmy I'll take you anywhere you wan t.
Clare Is the 1neter oil?
Jimmy (grinning) It's a 1nin icab. It doesn' t have a 1neter.
Long jJause.
 Bluebird 47

Clare You know what I 111ean.

Jimmy continues lo grin.
Clare v\le could go back.
Jimmy Back?
Clare Back to the old house.
Jimmy That's where I though t you'd wan t to go.
LightsfalL, save for a wash of deep bLue. Gentle sound ofa quiet
backstreet.
Clare H ave you been back here before?
Jimmy Ahnost every night.
Clare J esus.
Jimmy Every night. Righ t in the 111idclle of the nigh t I
con1e back.Just drive past. D ovvn the street. Son1eti1nes sit
here for a while.
Clare H ave you got a ligh t?
Jimmy \ 1Vhen d id you start sn1oking?
Clare T hree years ago.
Jimmy You' re an id io t. \ 1Vh at do you wan t to bloody
smoke for? As if you start sn1oling when you're twen ty-six.
Christ, Cla re.
Clare H ave you got a ligh t?
Jimmy O f course I've got a bloody light. I've been
sn1oking all n1y life. But you're no t having it. I'm no t going
to encourage this flagrant idiocy.
Clare (ve1J1angry) Fuck off.
Jimmy (passing her a lighter) Don' t you tell 1ne to fuck off.
Long pause.
Clare T his is the first time I've been back. Since I left.
Jimmy It's changed a lo t, e h?
48 Bluebird

Clare It's not changed that n1uch .

Jinuny T hey've built a porch. You can't see it too well in
the dark but it's really fucking horrible.
Clare lfwe sat here. All nigh t. \Vith the ligh ts off. Do you
think anybody would noLice?
Jinuny I've clone it before.
Clare \t\lhat happened?
Jimmy Nothing. Never does.
There is a j1ause. AsJimmy talks he grows increasingly conscious
that Clare isn't really listening to him. She is lost in her own
thoughts. His words become more uigenl in order to compensate.
First few ti1nes I came here I tho ugh t the neighbours n1ight
have recognised 1ne. Phoned the police. Invited me in for a
cup of fucking tea. "fhey were always inviting people in for
cups of tea. It used to do lny head in. Invite all these people
round and nobody used to ever go. I can't even re1ne1nber
their names. (Pause. ) Funny going back to a place though,
eh?
Clare Funny?
Jinuny Like listening to a record that you used to love.
Used to know as well as the sou nd of your own b reathing.
Listenjng to it after you've p ut it away for a while. So that it
1nanages to sound as new and as fresh as it ever did but it's
still loaded with all of these intangible fucfilng memories. It's
funny.
Clare It's very sad.
Jimmy I've been back here so 1nany times now that it's
like it's becon1e part of my body. I t's as tho ugh this place is
a p hysical extension of 1nyself. I c01ne back here. Try to
make sense of things. I can sit here for hours s0111etin1es. I
know every crack and pebble and cut in every paving stone
a nd every strip of paint clown this whole street. I never
thought I'd actually develop a physical relationship with a
street before.
 Bluebii·d 49

Clare Where have you been?

Jimmy \1Vhat do you mean?
Clare All this time, J ames. '\1Vhere the hell have you been?
You just disappeared.
Jimmy I didn't clisappear. I've been around.
Clare You djdn't phone. You d idn't write. Five years and
I didn 't get a single sodding word from you and then all of a
sud den you turn up a nd you tell 1ne that you want to see
n1e.
Jimmy I'n1 sorry.
Clare You sho uld be. You should be sorry.
Jimmy I think about you all the ti1ne.
Clare (angl)•) Oh fuck, J an1es.
Jimmy '\i\lhat?
Clare Just oh fuck. T hat's all .Just. Oh fuck.
Long jJause.
Jimmy Do you believe in ghosts?
Clare \Vhat?
Jimmy It's just something somebody asked n1e. Earlier on
tonig ht.
Clare No.
Jimmy No. Neither do I. (Pause.) Can I ask you another
question? (JVo response.) T his on e's a touch n1ore involved. Do
you believe in the intransience o f love, Clare?
Clare \Vhat are you talking about?
Jimmy '\1\That about the c0111municability of the hurnan
spirit?
Clare I tried contacting you . At the address you gave tne.
They told n1e you'd tnoved out.
Jimmy I did.
50 Bluebird

Clare Where di.cl you go?

Jimmy I brought a cab.
Clare That wasn't what I was getting at. ' 1Vhereabouts
did you tnove to?
Jimmy I didn't n1ove anywhere.
Clare But you only left that address . ..
Jimmy Yeah, b ut ...
Clare V\lhere did you live? ' 1Vhere do you live now?
Jimmy There's no point telling you.
Clare J ames.
Jimmy You wouldn't believe me.
Clare Oh for fuck's sake.
Jimmy I live in 1ny cab. I sleep in n1y cab. I've slept in
n1y cab for four and a half years.
Clare You what?
Jimmy Park it clown beneath the Goldhawk Road
Arches, fold do\vn the passenger seat and sleep. Shave in the
toilets of the garage there. T hey have showers there too. So
I clean 1nyself up there. Never did understand why they had
showers in the garage.
His talk is relentl£ss almost to himself. He has sensed he may be Losing
this one. She tries to interrupt him.
Clare J atnes.
Jimmy There must be 1nore people doing this than I
thought there was. It's a good life, Clare. I own L w o bags
which I keep in the boot of my car. One is full of clean
clothes. The other is full of dirty clothes. I O\vTI an Otis
R edding cassette, a very fucking clan1n good copy of the A-..('.'
of London and a dog-eared edition of Lord Jim by Joseph
Conrad that Alice bought 111e one year for n1y birthday.
 Bluebir d 51

Clare Alice didn't buy it for you. I bought it fo r you and

gave it her to give to you. She was six years olcl,J an1es.
Jinuny 1\1y d iet consists en tirely of p re-packed po rk pies,
sweets, canned drinks, n1achine coITee and those
n1icrowavecl burgers that some of the garages have. I a n1
very happy.
Clare J an1es.
Jinuny I an1 as happy as I have ever been in my life. I ain
as happy as a pig in fucking shit. Nobody would believe me
b ut it's tTue actually.
Clare Does anybody else know that you do this?
Jinuny No.
Clare Diel you never think of telling aJ1ybody where you
a re?
Jinuny No.
Clare So1nebocly m ight m iss you,J an1es.
Jinuny T hey would n't.
Clare They 111ight.
Jinuny Diel anybody phone for 111e? Try to get in touch
with n1e? \!\Trite to me? \1\Tonder where the fuck I was?
Clare No.
Jimmy I told you . Nobody n1isses me, C lare . There's
nobody to m iss 111e.
Clare Diel it not occu r to you for one second that I n1igh t
have liked to knovv where vou were?
'
Jinuny The last tin1e I saw you, you said . ..
Clare I know what I said.
Jinuny vVell then.
Clare It's very ugly here no w. l\,faybe I should go.
52 Bluebird

Jinuny Don't. Not yet. (umgpause.) Do you know how

many ligh ts ther e are on each side of the tube track between
Clapha1n North and S tockwell?
Clare What?
Jimmy Never m ind.
Long pause.
Clare vVhat about you r agent? Diel you never wan t to tell
your agen t?
Jinuny I hated the111. Screw-faced little pin1ply-arsecl
j un1pecl-up fuckin g shites. I always hated the1n .
Clare Do vou
,
not write anv' tnore?
Jinuny No.
Clare \t\lhy no t?
Jinuny I can' t.
Clare O f course you can.
Jinuny No, honestly. I can' t even pick up a pen any
1nore. I can barely write receip ts. If anybody asks me for a
receipt it can get quite en1barrassing. I can't even sign my
own na1n e any 1nore.
Clare Fu nny.
Jinuny liVhat is?
Clare T hat is actualJy the o nly real thing I still li ked
abo ut you. Even now. I always liked your \·vriting.
Jinuny T hank you.
Clare I read one of you r books again. A few n1on ths
back. It was good. 1t actualJy n1ade 1ne laugh.
Jimmy T hat's good. I always though t everybody
underestimated the cmn ed y in tn y books which can be
frankly q uite devastating.
Pause.
 Bluebird 53

Clare vVhat are the people like?

Jimmy The fares. \i\ie don't call them people. Vve call
then1 fares.
Clare \i\lhat are Lhe fares like?
Jimmy I like then1.
Clare vVhy?
Jimmy I like the arbitrary naLure of that social
in teraction. It's very rand0111. I find that an endless source of
inspiration.
Clare I don't like the sn1ell of these cars.
Jimmy The sn1ell?
Clare T hey smell of dead people.
Jimmy Fucking hell.
Clare \Veil, no t actually de<\d people. !\'lore the dead
smell of people still alive.
Jimmy There you a re, you see. The con1mm1icability of
the human bloody spirit. You knew exactly what I was
talking about.
Clare \i\lhy are you doing this, Ja1nes?
Jimmy Doing what?
Clare Living like this. Living in a N issan bloody Bluebird
for God's sake. It's not even a particularly nice car.
Jimmy I like living in a car.
Clare Are you a particularly bad taxi driver?
Jimmy On the contrary. I'n1 a particularly good taxi
driver.
Clare Do you not 1nake any money?
Jimmy I 111ake a fine amount of money.
Clare \i\lhy don't you get somewhere to live then?
54 Bluebird

Jimmy M oney's got no thing to do with it.

Clare \t\' hat has it got anything to do with then because
I'1n fucked if I understand it?
Jimmy Do you never just get sick of houses?
Clare No.
Jimmy I do. I d id. I'd be happy ifI never saw the inside
of a nother bloody house again.
Clare I thin k your rebellion is a to uch n1isguided,J a1nes.
Jimmy 1'1n no t being rebellious. In the fucking least.
C lare. I'n1 just being honest.
Clare \t\lhat do you tell people who you rneet? If they ask
where you ]jve?
Jimmy I tell them I live in Blue bird T owers. Off the
Goldhawk Road.
Clare T hat's very good. vVhat if they want to go home
with you?
Jimmy They don't.
Clare Do n' t they?
Jimmy Nobody's wanted to come horn e with 1ne in five
years.
Clare Tha t's sad, J ames.
Jimmy It's not in the least bit sad.
Cla re \t\lhen was the last ti1ne you slept with son1ebody,
J an1es'
Jimmy It was five years ago, Cla re. I slep t with you.
Pause.
Clare (still angry) After what happened. I never wan ted to
see you agai11 b ut tha t d idn' t n1ean ... (JVew thought.) I
actually vvasn't going to show up, you know.
Jimmy I wouldn't have blam ed you. 1'111 glad you d id.
 Bluebird 55

Clare V\1hat is it that you've got for n1e?

Jimmy I'll show you later.
Clare J an1es, don't piss 111e about.
Jimmy (trying to maintain civilitzy) How have you been?
Clare Is that any of your business?
Jimmy You're maki ng this very fucking difficult actually,
Clare, you know that?
Clare (sarcastic) Oh, you poor bastard. I can't stay n1uch
longer.
Jimmy I'111 j ust trying to ... Look. 1'111 sorry. I just want
to know. H ow've you been?
Clare T hat's a very difficul t question to answer.
Jimmy Is it?
Clare I n1et s0111eone.
Jimmy I 1neet a lot of people.
Clare I've lived with him for the past three years.
Jimmy You liked hi111 then?
Clare I still do.
Jimmy T hat's always a good thing in a flatmate.
Clare H e's not my flat111ate.
Jimmy I see. \ 1Vhat's he called?
Clare Andrew.
Increasing tension. I-le grows more terrier-like. !:>ne more defiant.
Jimmy Good name. Nice a nd religious. I like that in a
name. \1Vhat does he do'
Clare He's a doctor.
Jimmy vVhat kind of doctor is he?
Clare H e's a heart surgeon.
56 Bluebird

Jim.my Fuck me. A fucking heart surgeon. H e n1ust be

loaded.
Clare Jarnc .
Jimmy Is he good?
Clare \\"hat do you 111can?
Jimmy Is he a good heart surgeon?
Clare H e's ,·ery good.
Jimmy ls he?
Clare Yes.
Jimmy And is he ,·cry rich?
Clare Incalculably.
Jim.my (vicious) Good on ycr, girl.
Clare T hank you.
Jim.my \l\lhal else docs he d o?
Clare Apan from hcan surgery you rnean?
Jim.my Y<.:ah.
Clare H e collecLs buncrflics.
Jim.my f\o he docsn'L.
Clare Yes he docs.
Jimmy Clare. nobody collects butterflies any rnore.
E'-erybody know:. that.
Clare Andrew doc .
Jimmy Doe~ he not get ,·cry lonely? Being the last
ren1aining butterfly collector in the world?
Clare H e's not the last one. H e's in a club.
Jim.my (relentless) C hrist ali\'e. \'\'hat football tea1n does he
support?
Clare :H e clocsn 'Lfollow foo tball.
 Bluebii·d 57

Jinuny '"'hat 1nusic does he listen to?

Clare H e plays the piano.
Jinuny vVhat kind of clothes does he wear?
Clare Jin1my.
Jinuny Say that again .
Clare V\1hat?
Jinuny Say tha t again . Call 111e Ji1n1ny again .
Clare V\1hy?
Jinuny That's the fi rst time you've called 1ne Jim1ny all
nigh t.
Clare H e wears all kinds of clo thes. H e likes piano music.
And he likes seafood and he reads a lot of history books and
he collects butterflies. H e doesn't watch football or cricket
or rugby or any sport. But he exercises. He swi1ns and he
runs and -
Jinuny Does he work out?
Clare No. H e doesn' t work ou t.
Jinuny Thank fuck for that.
Clare V\'hat do you want, Jin1my?
Jimmy I vvanted to see you. I have son1ethi11g I want to
give to you. 1'1n also generally interested in how you're
getting on having not seen you for such a long tune.
Clare (interrupting} \i\Te're going to buy a ho use. In the
country. A cottage and we're going to take weekends there
and walk and have open fires and we're goii1g to go on
holidays to France and also to Gern1any because that vvas
vvhere his n1o ther was born.
Jimmy Bloody hell. It's peachy fucking creamy all the
way, darlin'.
Clare I didn't tell you.
58 Bluebird

Jimmy \1Vhat?
Clare I'1n pregnant. I'm going to have a baby. At the
start of the year.
This has utterly knocked the wind out qf his attack.
\1Vell . Don't you have a nyth ing to say?
Jimmy How do you feel?
Clare I feel good.
Jimmy That's good.
Clare \t\lhat do you n1ean b y that?
Jimmy I 111ean what I said. That's good. It's good news.
!'111 glad for you.
Clare H ow do you feel about it?
Jimmy \ r\lhat's it got to do ,.vith n1e?
Clare It has nothing to do v.rith you at all. I just want to
know.
Jimmy How do you expect me to feel?
Clare I have no expectations.
Jimmy (honestly, not pathetic) It breaks 111y heart, Clare.
Clare I' m sorry.
Jimmy Don't be.
Clare I didn't wan t to upse t you.
Jimmy Don't apologise to 1ne. Nobody should apologise
to tne . I a m beneath all apology. No matter what anybody
ever does to 1ne it could never be as bad as what I did to
you.
Clare T hat's not true.
Jimmy Of course it's true Clare. You know it's true.
(Considerable beat.) H ow pregna n t are you?
Clare Two 1nonths.
 Bluebird 59

Jimmy So it'll be a new-year baby.

Clare T hat's righ t.
Jimmy T hat's good.
Clare Is it?
Jimmy I've started trunking recently that the time of a
child's bir th in relation to the birth of the natural cycle of
the year is enormously importan t.
Clare T hat's bullshit,J imn1y.
Jimmy ~faybe. I t's j ust something I thought.
Clare I hope you're righ t, you know, but -
Jimmy So do I. (fie is attempting to recover his spirit.) Are you
still teaching?
Clare Yes I a1n .
Jimmy Do you still enjoy it?
Clare Yes I do.
Jimmy I n1et a teacher earlier on tonigh t.
Clare No you didn't.
Jimmy I did as •..veil. ?\'find you. She didn't seem to be
taking it too well. All the p aperwork. See1ned to have got to
her a bit.
Clare I know tha t feeling.
Jimmy How are the kids?
Clare T hey're the san1e. Yo u know. They never change
fro1n year to year. Not really.
Jimmy Have you noticed th at inru·ked deteriora tion in
their moral fortitude tha t I'm always fucking reading abo ut?
Clare No. K.icls have never had a ny moral fortitude.
Jimmy T hat's what I always thought. T hat's wha t I
always liked about the1n . So vvhat else have you been up to?
60 Bluebird

H is thoughts change direction with no pause, breath or consideration.

Almost manic. As though he senses a decreased hostili01on her part and
is very anxious to make the most ef it. Clare, surprised slightly by the
mania, pauses to think.
Clare I wen t to painting classes for a while.
Jimmy Bloody hell.
Clare It was good.
Jimmy \ 1Vhat kind of painting were you doing?
Clare J ust painting. Yo u knovv. SliUlifes. \ 1Vatercolours.
Jimmy \ 1Vere you any good ?
Clare I don't know. I don' t think so.
Jimmy You always did tha t.
Clare \t\lhat?
Jimmy Always p ut you rself clown. You sho uld n't. I bet
you were a great painter.
Clare One ti1ne. \ 1Ve had to paint a portrait. From a
photogr aph. I painted a pictur e of Alice.
Jimmy \Nhich photograph?
Clare One of her in Brittan y.
Jimmy \!\'hat did she look like?
Clare She was wearing tha t fishern1an's hat. Do you
re1ne1nber?
Jimmy Of course I ren1en1ber.
Clare And she had an ice cream. And she was smiling a
big ice-creain-sn1earecl smile.
Jimmy I wish I could see it.
Clare I'U show it to you one clay.
Jimmy Yeah, maybe. (Long pause.) Do you know what
pigeons do to their young when they have to rebuild their
nests to accl i111atise to the heat?
 Bluebird 61

Clare I have no idea .

Jinuny They just hoofthe1n out. That's pretty bad eh?
Clare Terrible. (Long pause.) D o you realise this is going to
be the hottest sun1mer we've had in fou rteen years?
Jinuny Yeah. Everybody keeps telling n1e that. (Long
pause.) I was working on a case last week. I couldn' t afford a
desk. I got up. There was a tap on the door. v\lhich was an
odd place for a tap I thought. You laughed! I saw you la ugh I
Clare Do you ever think about her? (.No response. )Jin1my.
Jimmy l\IIaybe we should go?
Cla re Ji1n1ny, answer n1y question.
Jinuny I'n1 getting cold. Are you not getting cold?
Cla re Ji1n1ny, for God's sake.
Jimmy I think about her all the ti1ne.
Clare Do you know how old she'd be now?
Jimmy Twelve.
Cla re Twelve years. Three 1nonths and fourteen clays.
Jimmy I know.
Cla re I celebrate her birthdav.
'
Jimmy How?
Cla re I pour n1yself a drink. And then I pour 1nyself
another one . And then I hate you 1nore than anybody has
ever hated anybody else.
There is a /1ause. Thr)I gather themselves. f!erfor a.fight.
Jinuny Should we go?
Clare (pursuing him) \t\lhat do you ren1e1nber about her,
Jii111ny? l\.fost of all? \t\lhich 11101nent? v\Thich thing that she
d id?
62 Bluebird

Jimmy (matter-ofjact) I ren1e mber watching her dance. At

one of her friend 's parties. She danced just like you clicl. She
was 1nad.
Clare I know.
Jimmy Do you still dance?
Clare \t\lhy d id you want to see n1e, Jit11111y?
Jimmy I told you . I have son1ed1 ing for you. I used to
love to watch you dance.
Clare v\lhat have you got for me?
Jimmy I'll tell you later. I used to love to da nce with you .
Clare \t\lhat have you got for n1e?
Jimmy I was always a fu ckiing terrible dancer but I still
used to enjoy dancing with you. I've got a present for you .
\1Vhat do you ren1e1nber most of all?
Clare I re1nember everything.
Jimmy It's hard, isn't it?
Clare I re1nen1ber everything, Jimmy. Every 1non1ent.
Every breath. Every utterance. Every touch. Eve1ything. I
reme111ber it p hysically. As tho ugh I could feel her. The
1nemories are tangible. Does that n1ake any sense to you?
Jimmy It 1nakes perfect sense to 111e.
Clare But do you know what I ren1e1nber n1ost of all?
O ut of everything?
Jimmy \i\fhat?
Clare I re1n en1ber tha t I never said goodbye to her. I just
bu ttoned up her coat and kissed her on her head. And told
her that her dinner would be ready before too long so that
she sho uldn't go too far. Tha t's what I reme111ber tnost of
all,J itn1ny. I won't ever forge t that.
Jimmy I'1n sorry.
Clare It was very cowardly of you to leave like that.
 Bluebir d 63

Jinuny I knovv that.

Clare I had to deal with everythi11g,J inu11y. O n my own.
I ha d to deal with packing her clo thes away. I had to th row
sotne o f her stuff o ut. I wanted to keep it all. Bu t some of it
was j ust ridiculous. I wanted to keep her library cards.
Letters from her school. But I had to face up to the fact that
it could n't happen. On 1ny own. I got all of her things that I
could n't keep or sell in to a box and I took them to a skip
and I threw then1 away and you weren't there. You weren't
there,Jinuny, and I fin d it hard to fo rgive you fo r tha t.
Jinuny I knovv.
Clare And I had to deal with the letters, frotn her school
friends. And their visits and cards and gifts and I had to
thank thetn and not b reak clow n and kiss their faces or
screan1 at then1, '' 1\/h y couldn't it have been you?' Because
they were seven years old and that would have been
irrational and unfair a nd stupid. I had to face their parents
and everybody. Her teachers. H er swin11ning teacher. I had
to go and tell her svvi111Jning teacher that she wouldn't be
coming to her classes any 1nor e because she was dead,
Ji1111ny. She was dead a nd I ha d to do it all on rny own. And
it was hard. And it wasn' t fair .
Jinuny Do you want to know what I had to deal with?
Clare I don't care. I don't care what you had to fucking
deal with.
Jinuny This is what I \·van ted to tell you, Clare. I just
want you to know.
Clare I packed away all of her things and saw her b uried
p roperly a nd I went back to my work. And I carried on,
Jin11ny. I 1net /\ ndrew and he looked after n1e so gen tly. The
kind of gentleness that you couldn't u nderstand. And you
expect to come back into n1y life and that every thing will be
all right and -
Jimmy I never expected tha t.
64 Bluebird

Clare - I'll hear you out and fo rgive you so that you can
carry on vvith a clear fucking conscience. \ 1Vell, you're
wrong,Jinm1y. You are so blo ody vvrong you couldn' t even
believe it.
Ve91 long pause. Clare is exhausted.
Jimmy (very lightly, quiet, matter-qf-fact, as one telling a story)
There's this guy. An d one nigh t he's d riving back hon1e
fro1n a 1n eeting. And the n1eeting ha d gone very badly.
Smn eboclv had told hin1 that he didn't have work for hin1
'
any 1nore. And on the way back hon1e frmn the meeting in
order to nun1b his d isappointn1ent and b race hin1Self for the
consequences o f this unexpected news he had stopped in a
pub. And in the p ub he'd drunk three pints of beer. And on
the way ho1ne frorn the p ub he'd got scared because he had
to tell his wife about the way he couldn't pay the mortgage
any more. Or for the holiday they'd already booked. O r for
any food that week. And he had no idea what he vvas going
to say. H e d idn't know what he was going to do. So he
stopped off at an off-licence. On the way home. And he
bought a qua rter-bottle of very cheap whisky tha t he did n't
even like but he bought it so that he would have the cou rage
to tell her and he sat in his car outside the off-licence and
drank the whole bottle. And drove home. And it's a very
wann night. And tl1e sun is coining ou t. It's a very still nigh t
a t the beginning of the sun11ne r exactly five years ago from
tonig ht. But you knew that a nyway, didn't you?
Clare Ju111n y.
Jimmy And he knows as he's driving that he is d ru nk.
But he d oesn' t stop. H e's very near his hmn e and he's
driving very quickly. H e doesn't stop. And the sun is getting
in his eyes and he's quite surpr ised beca use he no tices that
he's started to sweal and that the sweat is running over his
face and into his eyes and his 1nouth and his nose and it
sn1ells very bad. And he turns into his road. W here he has
driven rnany ti1n es. And all the houses look the san1e. And
the sun is still out. And he und erstands tha t he's driving too
quickly. And he doesn't even r ecogn ise the houses hardly.
 Bluebird 65

And just then, at the point where he's arriving at his house,
he no tices that his daugh ter, \•v ho is seven years old, is
playing outside his house.
Clare Don't.
Jinun.y And she looks very beau tiful in the sunshine. She
has this curly reel hair that re111inds hin1 of her mother. And
she looks up from the game where she has been playing.
Sees her dad cotni.ng ho1ne.
Clare Do n' t,Ji1nn1y. For God 's sake.
Jimmy And he even thinks. It only takes half a second.
But in th at half a second he even thinks. Oh God. Don't let
nie see her. D on't let her be there. Don't let this happen to
me. And he lTies. But he can't slow clown.
Clare Jin1my.
Jinun.y It was an accident.
Clare Jin1my.
Jimmy I an1 so sorry.
Clare Ji1n1ny.
Jinun.y I don't even know bow to sleep any more.
Clare I know.
Pause.
Jimmy I wen t to stay a t the Great Northern :Hotel in
I<ing's Cross. Spent niy clays \·Vatching television with the
curtains closed. Drinking. I just wanted to die then. I found
myself talking to Alice. T elling her not to worry. That I was
con1ing. (Ha!flaugh, disbelieving.) One time I drank so rnuch
that I actually almost blinded n1yself. I still talk to her. Even
now.
Clare \t\fha t do you tell her?
Jinun.y I tell her a bou t the people tha t I drive. Son1e of
then1 are extraordina ry. I tell her that 1'111 sorry.
66 Bluebird

Clare Does she talk back?

Jinuny Smne times.

Clare \i\lhat does she say when you tell her that you're
sorry?
Jinuny She tells n1e tha t she forgives me.
Cla re (finding this difficult to believe) Does she?
Jinuny Sometunes. Son1etimes she doesn't say anything.
Do you ever talk to her?
Clare I talk to her all the ti1ne.
Jinuny I knew you would.
Clare Of course I do.
Jimmy I'n1 glad. \i\1hat do you say to her?

Clare i\ 'lainJy I tell her that I 1niss her.

Jinuny (remembering suddenf:y) Oh yeah. I tell her that as
\Nell . (Pause.) This afternoon, before I phoned you, I was
working clown on the South Bank. Do you reme1nber when
we vven t there? Just after we \Vere 1narriecl. \i\'e were late for
the theatre. Bo th of us runn ing over \i\fa terloo Bridge. As
the sun set. I come here s01net i1nes and r eme1nber tha t
nigh t so clearly. Yo u looked very beautiful.
Cla re It was a lo ng tin1e ago.
Jinuny I remen1ber looking back at you running after
1ne. \Vaiting to let you catch up. You had to run n1ore
slowly than n1e because you were wearu1g high-heeled
shoes. And you took the shoes off a nd ran on the pavemen t
in your bare feet. I re1n e1nber thinku1g to n1yself that I was
so lucky because you vvere so beautiful.
Clare It was a long tin1e ago, juT1my.
Jimmy Do you think you'll be happy? \Vith Andrew?
 Bluebird 67

Clare He's a good tnan . H e's a kind 1nan. H e's very

attentive to vvhat I need. v\le look after each other. \ 1\Te're a
good team.
Jimmy You deserve to be happy.
Clare I know.
Jimmy I'd like to meet hi111.
Clare 1'111 not sure that you 'd like each other.
Jimmy Should we go?
Clare Go?
Jimmy \ 1Ve could drive for a while.
Clare I want to go hon1e soon.
Jimmy I thought we could go to the cemetery.
Clare Yeah. Yes. OK..
Lightsfall, then rise again to the light blue, quiet wash.
Clare I don't know what to say to he r.
Jimmy No. Neither do I.
Clare Do you think it's possible to forgive so111ebocly for
smnething that you can never forget?
Jimmy No.
Clare No. Neith er do I.
Jimmy I see.
Clare But I an1 glad vve carne here, y'know.
Jimmy l\IIe too.
Clare I won't ever be able tto forget what you did. I'm not
su re that I'll ever be able to forgive you. Jim1ny.
Jimmy I know that.
Clare But in spite of everyt h ing, y'kn ow, I do think that it
was unportant that we came here together.Just one time. I
68 Bluebird

think I was angry that we never ilid tha t before. Does that
1nake any sense to you?
Jimmy (joking) No sense whatsoever.
She laughs. He is going to sqy something. She stops him.
Clare Don't.
Jimmy vVhat?
Clare It's all right. I knovv.
Jimmy Good.
Clare It's warn1.
Jimmy I know. It n1ight rain.
Clare Strange, isn't it?
Jimmy li\liU you hold my hand?
Clare \t\lhy?
Jimmy I like hold ing your h and.
Clare (holding his hand) You have very good hands. I
always liked that about you. They're very big. Very hard.
Very well defined.
Jimmy \ Vell defined? I have well-defined hands?
1

Clare Yeah.
Jimmy \ 1VelJ, I never knew that.
Clare \t\lell, you do.
Jimmy I was always an1azecl by how small your hands
were.
Clare Really?
Jimmy Do you vvant to know s01nething stupid?
Clare vVhat's that?
Jimmy T hat was when I always understood rnost clearly
that I was a man and that you were a woman. \!\/hen I
looked at your hands. Because your hands are so small.
 Bluebird 69

You've got very sn1all hands a nd I've got very big hands and
I always used to enjoy that.
Clare You' re verv' strano·e
b .

Jimmy (moving his hands awqy) Yeah . I know.

Clare I'm hungry.
Jimmy Do you vvant to get something to eat? There's a
twenty-four-hour garage on the H arrow Road. T h ey do
these great pork pies.
Clare No. I sh ould go. \1Ve should have brought sorne
flowers.
Jimmy Yeah. I know.
Cla re You told rne you had sorn ething to give rne.
Jimmy I do.
Clare What is it?
Jimmy It's quite en1barrassing.
Clare Christ.
Jimmy You have to pron1ise n1e that you won't be
embarrassed.
Clare I'm not sure.
Jimmy Promise me.
Clare OK.. 01(. I promise.
Jimmy I h ave to go back to the car. \Vair h ere.
Hegoes back to the car. She lights a cigarette. fie returns with a
suitcase. Hands it lo her.
H ere. H ere you are. Open it.
Clare \Vhat's in it?
Jimmy Have a look.
She opens it. Inside is £100,000. Size is visibf:y shaken.
Are yo u ernbarrassed?
70 Bluebird

Clare I can't take this.

Jimmy O f course you can.
Clare I can't.
Jimmy Clare. There's over a hundred thousand pounds
there. Please, take it, Clare.
Clare \i\lhere did you get all this?
Jimmy I earned it.
Clare You what?
Jimmy I've been driving for four and a half years. Every
day. I drive for twelve hours a clay. i\lfi n un un1 . It gets quite
lucrative after a while.
Clare But.
Jimmy I don't want it. I do n' t need it. It means nothing
to rne.
Clare H ow can it n1ean nothing?
Jimmy I have no need for it. It is about as useful to tne as
a suitcase full of drawing pins. Or envelopes. Or shoelaces.
Clare Ju111ny.
Jimmy T his isn't an apology. l t's not a bribe. It's not any
kind of atternpt to compensate or inake up for what I did. I
want you to know that. I absol utely understand that there is
no way I could ever do that.
Clare Jin1my.
Jimmy I don't know anybody else. I have no o ther
friends. It is sin1ply that I have son1ething in my possession
that I don' t want and I though t that I would get in touch
with you so that I could let you have it. I wanted to see you,
Clare. I'm so glad that you ca1ne.
Clare I don't know wha t to say.
Jimmy Please.Just take it.
 Bluebird 71

Clare I hated you. I hated you. I hated you. I ha ted you

so rnuch.
Jimmy I know.
Clare (starting to cry) Oh fuck. Oh fuck, Jin1my.
Jimmy Don't.
Clare v\ihatever happened? Jimmy? \!\'hat happened? It's
no t fair.
Jimmy I know.
Clare I don't understand it.
Jimmy I knovv.
Clare She was so young.
Jimmy Yes. S he was.
Lightsfa LL.
Lights iise on Jimmy and Cla1·e back in the car. The tone has the
air ofconclusion.
Clare \t\fha t will you do novv?
Jimmy I'n1 going to carry o n.
Clare Carry o n?
Jimmy I'n1 going to carry o n driving. I like it. I t n1akes
me happy.
Clare Jit111ny, you can't do that.
Jimmy Yes I can. I can and I will.
Clare What? And sleep in your car? And eat nothing but
pork pies?
Jimmy I like pork pies.
Clare Jin1my. I'n1 being serious.
Jimmy So am I.
Clare You know those questi ons?
Jimmy \iVhat questions'
72 Bluebird

Clare The ones abo ut the intransience of love and the

conununicability of the human spirit?
Jimmy Oh yeah'
Clare They were good questions.
Jimmy Thank you.
Cla re I'll think about those ones for a while.
Jimmy Do you want to stop, watch the n1orning break?
Clare I should be getting back.
Jimmy I love the break ofn1orning. You know how you
can tell when tnorning has broken in London'
Clare How'
Jimmy It's nothing to do with sunlight. Or birds singing
or a nything like that. It's when the cars con1e out.
Cla re J i1n1ny, what will I do if I decide I want to see you
again? H ow will I get in touch with you?
Jimmy H ere. Take my card. This is the nrnnber of the
con1pany I work for. If you ever need a taxi ask for driver 42.
Clare Can't I ask {or you by name?
Jimmy I don't think they know n1y name.
Clare (almost surprised, as though suddenly realising) I'm glad I
catne, Jitnmy.
Jimmy Good. It's been good to see you, y'know.
Clare It's been quite a night.
Jimmy Yeah. It has.
Lights fade. Clare leaves the stage.
'1'~1 Girl' starts once more. Lights rises on Jimmy sitting alone in his
cab. Sound ef the taxi radio blends in with the music. He lights a
cigarette. Lights 011 cab jade, leaving only headlights. 1llontage eftaxi
radio instructions with the Otis R edding and the jungle music rises,
then, with the headlights,jades.