Swapnil Pandey

An army wife who leads her daily life among warriors! A BIT Mesra
Alumni who ended up doing 100 different jobs before settling to be an
author! A proud social media influencer who loves tweeting about things
that catch her attention! And at last a professional blogger who loves pouring
her heart and talks a lot about army life at her blog https://girlandworld.com

Also she is a huge green tea addict and complete fitness freak. She adores
her Chanel perfumes, Zara trousers, MAC lipsticks and her love for the
shoes bothers her mom. Apart from this, she is a completely dedicated army
wife who loves attending all the social evenings, enthusiastically participate
into ladies meets and associates with all kinds of army welfare programs that
she comes across while travelling the length and breadth of the country with
her very own soldier.

You can contact her @swapy6 on Twitter, on her Facebook profile ‘swapnil
pandey’ or on her Instagram account ‘girlandworlds’. And if you want to
read more of her, subscribe to her blog, girlandworld.com

Soldier’s Girl
(Love story of a Para-commando)

Swapnil Pandey
 EBH Publishers (India)
Swapnil Pandey
Soldier’s Girl (Love story of a Para-commando)
All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval electronic, without the prior written permission of
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system or transmitted in any form or mechanical, photocopying, recording by any means,

or otherwise,

The views expressed in this book are those of the Author, and not necessarily that of the publisher. The publisher is not responsible
for the views of the Author and authenticity of the data, in any way whatsoever.

ISBN : ..............
© Author, 2019

First Published in 2019 by

EBH Publishers (India)
an imprint of Eastern Book House
136, M.L. Nehru Road, Panbazar
Guwahati-781 001, Assam (India)

Phone : +91 361 2513876, 2519231, 92070 45352 Fax : +91 361 2519231
Email : easternbookhouse@gmail.com.
www.easternbookhouse.in
Printed in India

'You have never lived until You have almost died And for those
who choose to fight, Life has a special flavor, The protected will
never know!'

– Capt R Subramanium Kirti Chakra (Posth)

To the unsung heroes of Indian Army, who sacrificed everything for the
nation they believed in!

Army Wife Quotes

➢ You know you are a military spouse when relatives visit and think
they hear thunder, and you have to explain it is just artillery.
➢ Behind every soldier, there is an even stronger woman who stands
behind him, supports him, and loves him with all her heart.

➢ My hero doesn’t wear a cape or tights; he doesn’t have superpowers

and he can’t lift cars, but he fights to defend his country, and that is
enough for me.

➢ ‘If you love an Army Officer, raise your glass and if an Army officer
loves you, Raise your head and walk like a QUEEN’

➢ Each country has second Army of women, who chose to support the
Army on front, as their full time job.

➢ If you think soldiers are strong, you should look at their girls.

➢ You are an army wife if you love your nation as much as your
husband and ready to face sacrifices that comes along with the man in
the uniform.

Content

Prolouge – viii–xi
1. College – 1–6
2. The Party – 7–16
3. Lion's Den – 17–29
4. Captain Aakash – 30–41
5. World's Quickest Break-Up – 42–45
6. City of Joy – 46–50
7. Romance is in The Air – 51–61
8. The Demons – 62–65
9. Welcome to the Abode of Warriors – 66–73
10. Those Little Moments – 74–76
11. New Friends – 77–87
12. The Army Ball Dance Competition – 88–98
13. The Start of a New Chapter – 99–105
14. Solace of his Friendship – 106–126
15. The Beginning of an Evil – 127–138
16. The War – 139–147
17. The Reunions – 148–159
18. God's Little Game – 160–169
19. The End, The Beginning – 170–175
Epilogue – 176–177
Acknowledgment – 179

Prologue

Today my world is upside down. I am shattered, battered and completely

devastated. But it was not always the case, I had this perfect blissful life with
all those rainbow colours and flying butterflies around before I met this guy
Aakash. Technically just not any guy, but a Para Commando. Para
Commandos are some super deadly guys who just don’t walk but slither
from a helicopter at about twelve thousand feet, slaughter deadly terrorists,
save innocent hostages, follow unconventional warfare and sleep with TAR-
21 assault rifles, or MP5 sub machine guns may be. Surgical strikes, cross
border operations and even maintaining peace around the globe as UN
peacekeeping forces where they hang out and share their beers with the most
deadly soldiers of other nations, is just a routine for them. Basically they are
the deadliest of all the soldiers who are trained to become ‘ONE MAN
ARMY’.

I know your mouth is open, eyes are bulging out but I was also not aware of
these things, till recently. All thanks to my Para Commando boyfriend for
expanding my vision beyond ordinary and adding all these alien words to my
vocabulary. And now I speak ‘Army’! But this is not the point, the point is
what happened so bad to a typical Indian girl like me who had a string of
admirers and suitors behind her, led a conventional life where maximum
adventure meant bunking classes or going to parties without the parents
knowing it. I was a fashionista,college sweetheart and crowned campus
princess just like the ones you would see in movies like ‘Mean girls’ ,
‘Legally Blonde’ or ‘Easy A’ . Just not the ‘plastic’ types! I was well placed
in one of the top multinational companies of the world, had some huge
dreams about my career and future, until I met him and realized life is much
more than that.

(viii)
Though I would not say I was some saint or anything and I surely had low
tolerance for shitty people. Raised eyebrows, hair flickering or strobing of
sheer nuisance would meet similar set of reactions with double the intensity.

I might sound sexist but I feel girls are all about never ending drama, and
just like to start cat fights, but guys just slap each other around a little and
then go get a beer. Boys fight do get serious, only when there is a girl
involved and it lasts till the girl ditches them both, then the guys cry over
and remember her sweet little things together, in a pub with long beards and
bloodshot eyes. But girls? They are completely a different league, they can
fight over a lipstick shade to their possessive Ex but they do it in style, they
won’t open up, they won’t try to clear the misunderstandings, they would
just keep their heads high and continue to behave mean forever.

So is the reason, a girl to girl sophisticated fights are specifically termed as

‘catfights’. Have you ever noticed how all the vamps in movies love to pat
their cute little cats? That is the sign, they are ready to be mean anytime,
thus start a catfight.

There is nothing sexist or misogynistic about it. Why do some people have
the habit of relating everything to gender? Why do you believe in equality,
when you are better than the rest already? We all are made unique, we all
have our peculiar traits which make us truly special in this universe and we
should stick to the raw rules of nature than believing in equality of sexes, the
least. We should rather focus our energies in claiming righteous places and
fulfilling our roles positively than wasting our whole life over equality.

I feel, I am deviating from the real point and clearly not presenting myself
into perfect shades of pink. Female protagonists are supposed to be
conventional, cute, sacrificing and mostly inspirational and I surely lack
these qualities, no wonder I fell for a Para commando.

If you ever thought Para Commandos are cute little boys next door, throw
that fascination of yours right out of the window. They are the next deadly
thing after ‘Hulk’ but I surely did not know I have a thing for ‘Bad boys’
until I met him ‘Luck by Chance’.
But anyway this type of introductions about any Indian protagonists are
simply unacceptable to all those feminists who don’t believe in watching
‘Netflix’. I should stick to the right kind of diplomatic correct ‘entry of
female protagonist’ of this story, which happens to be me, in this case. And
heroines always enter the scene running around the trees or sometimes even
smooching the hero, than supporting catfights and disregarding male
chauvinistic mind set. It is just not conventional but then what is
conventional about my story?

Like not everybody falls for soldiers, leave alone ‘Paras’! Even if they have
a Para boyfriend they sure don’t go about bombing Pakistan nuclear
establishments!

You cannot even imagine it? Never heard this sort of thing? Like where is
the scope of bombing in this romantic world of love songs when the greatest
hurdle the protagonists face is that by a half bald, full mustached father or
some really psycho ex-boyfriend! My dear, it is just the soup, I have not
even presented the main course yet! My love story crosses an entire war (yes
W-A-R, I totally spelled it right), some counter insurgency operations where
the love of my life was just about to wave me goodbye, leaving me alone on
this planet and not to forget some cross border infiltrations where he went
again and slaughtered some of the deadliest terrorists (totally Lashkar E
Toiba and Mujahidin Types ) and some other things. So, if you are still
expecting that there ‘would be some cool uncleji or auntyji who would eat,
pray and love in my story then please leave that hope right now because
‘Brother in Arms’ and ‘Band of Brothers’ have replaced all such humble
souls in my love story!

That does not mean, I am not normal and only hang out with macho military
men, I totally have a cool family, loving parents and cutest siblings on the
planet ( I know everybody feels the same!) So

(x)

how, when, and where did these totally out of the box things happen to an
ordinary engineering college girl like me who ultimately ended up losing her
heart to a soldier? It was never planned. It just happened or better yet, let’s
call it destiny. Destiny is just the life’s way of telling you that everything
happens for a reason. I still remember when my life was just about to
experience a roller coaster ride.

College

I was sitting cross legged and dead faced before the Vice Chancellor of my
college. His office was pretty inspiring. The more you looked around, the
more you noticed. The various glories and trophies were tucked into shelves
behind his chair. The series of Amartya Sen books like ‘Development and
Freedom’ , ‘The Idea of justice’ , ‘Identity and Violence ’ were neatly
stacked under a side table, decorative lanterns were used in lieu of desk
lamps and a distinctive pendulum clock with a slightly rustic look was
hanging on one of the walls. The wooden table had pictures of him receiving
various awards, a pen stand, few files and a glass of water! And there,
behind that table was sitting that man who owned the office ‘Dr Anant
Padmanabhan’. He was definitely not in one of those pleasant moods. He
was sulking and gritting his teeth. The only good thing about the entire
scenario was I was not alone before my sulking VC but I had the lovely
company of ‘Vartika’ the real culprit behind this disaster. It was her fault
which eventually dragged me to the lion’s den along with her rotten self.

What I mean to say is whatever was about to come would be equally shared
by both of us and to gloat over her miseries was more satisfying than
drowning in my own miseries. And yeah! Did I mention my mom and dad
were also present to grace the occasion? Nothing could have been better than
this, getting caught with drugs (marijuana to be more specific) in boys hostel
snapping and swiping the hairs of another girl. Before getting caught that
way, we actually punched each other while trying to grab and scratch each
other’s faces.

We were sent to the growling VC who looked like he could tear us apart,
ruin our career or maybe snatch our degrees back.
Sometimes I even amaze myself with my immense capacities of falling into
a pit and inviting the world’s most miserable miseries all by myself. That is
some true talent.
Just a day before, my life was absolutely fine and I had my tickets booked
back to home. That was the end of my college life and more generically to
the entire batch of B.Tech 2014. Our semesters were just over and we were
already placed.

But you never know life! Do you?

I believed in hard work as well as looking good. I was among that lot of
women who believed, why cannot they have it all? Why stereotyping things,
like a successful women cannot have the best career along with a smoothly
operated household? Why can not a beautiful woman be among the best
brains in the world? Why can not a female CEO of any Forbes 500
companies be the best wife ever? Why can not a woman climb onto Mount
Everest along with tiny toddlers back home?

Why do we stereotype our thoughts unknowingly which eventually limit our

true potential?

I was a true millennial, ambitious about her future as well as dreamy about
her love life. I was quite popular in the college and good in studies too, not
that brilliant, but still good. Like I did not invent some blub or discovered
USA but nabbed this prestigious placement in a four star MNC after working
my day and night. There were endless nights sailed through, the sincere help
of a bowl of Maggi cooked in an Electric kettle, memorizing Java codes,
peeking through my nerdy glasses. All these dark circles, I still carry over
my face are last reminisces of my placement days.

I was a very independent girl, maybe just like any other girl of my age with
dreams to conquer the world, open those wings and touch the skies.

But life would never be that simple and protagonists are always made in pair
with vamps like Cinderella with her step mom, Snow white with the Evil
Queen and I with Vartika. Sigh!

I remember meeting Vartika or rather colliding with that little asteroid,

because asteroids are uglier versions of planets, skinnier fragments of mass
and their only purpose in life is to mess up things. And how to define
Vartika? Obnoxious, Skinny, anti-trendy, extremely clueless and so many
guy friends. She also owned a puppy called Molly. Molly as such was a real
girl but her only job was to follow Vartika, everywhere she went, everything
she did.

I always wondered, how girls like her manage to draw out such fierce
loyalties among people. You remember, Regina George from Hollywood
chick flick ‘Mean Girls’ who would always hang out with Gretchen, ‘ready
to do anything for Regina’ and Karen, ‘one of the dumbest people you will
ever meet’? Exactly like that! Vartika could easily qualify for some distant
cousin of Regina George while Molly was perfect combination of best of the
traits Gretchen and Karen possessed individually. You can relate me to
‘Cady Heron’ in their little sweet world except the fact I hated her from
bottom of my heart. I never wanted to be her friends and also I was never
raised in Africa or home schooled. I was mostly a regular Indian teen who
wasted all her school life, mugging to get 90% in board examinations, like
most Indian kid are expected to behave.

Until I reached college and realized life has more colours than what your
teachers tell you back in school. I still remorse not hooking up during my
school days only because I was busy taking four tuitions a day and making
science projects meticulously.

Our rivalry sparked when we were freshmen and participated in this

‘Campus Princess’ pageant and this event was like the fiercest competition
among the hottest girls in the campus. It was like winning a popularity
contest at the time when you are just dealing with your newly acquired
college freshmen status.

It was an instant shortcut to the college hall of fame, ticket to easy college
life away from seniors’ grips and a lot of other friggin things which would
basically convert your fearful freshmen days into party at exotic Goan
beaches.

I participated mostly because practice sessions involved bunking Sharma Sir

Algorithm classes.

Somehow, he had developed a nasty urge to put me down every time he

would spot me hiding my existence at the back benches. He would
especially point me out and ask to solve a question on the white board hung
carelessly on the front wall of the lecture room. Now, who does that to a
college student? It was humiliating.

Somebody told me about this event and I hastily filled the forms, during
practice sessions I made some nice friends too, who ended up being friends
for life eventually. Vartika was there too and we would glance at each other
occasionally but never exchanged even pleasantries leave alone cracking
conversations, may be out of those instincts which tell you that your spirits
won’t match the other.

Anyway that fateful day the contestants were gathered behind the backstage
a few hours before the show and no matter how comfortable I was onstage,
I’d always been asphyxiated around such popularity prick clubs where every
other stuck up self-obsessed girl would think that she was above humanity
and carry only one task on her petite shoulders to make others feel
insignificant. And here we are talking about a beauty contest! Sheer display
of cat powers were going on that time, Archie was busy putting on some
seventh layer of make up on her face, Rosy was busy fighting with the hair
dresser, two other girls were busy scanning and scrutinizing every other girl
there except themselves and I was busy texting my mom one of those usual
fifty calls/ messages back home and Vartika, wait what the hell was she
doing? She was actually wiping her foundation brush onto my dress.

I bounced instantly and snapped at her, “You! What do you think, you are
doing?”
“Wiping my brush!” And she said it as if it was her birth right to do that.
OMG! Look at this audacious little person! “Hey, what are you guys doing
here? Quick, quick, the show is about to start.” One of the show coordinators
shouted. “Awww, bye honey,” was the little thank you Vartika threw at me
before leaving
“I will shred you onstage you little fruit loom!” was my returned pleasantry.
That is how we started.

Some other girl won the contest but that little interaction sealed our rivalry
forever. Our paths kept colliding and we would always end up on a bitter
note.
Do we all have one such sulking person around us throughout our college
life to make life more miserable or is it just me?

I made friends and memories too, had loads of fun but catfights were as
common as hash tags on Twitter. But this time it was unimaginable.

We were on the verge of finishing our college lives and at the last stages of
our project submissions, assignments, and semesters. Our entire batch was
placed in various multinational companies. Yes, those corporations which
symbolize and sell ‘American dreams’ !

Just so you know ‘American Dreams’ is a National ethos of United States,

the set of ideals in which freedom includes the opportunity for prosperity
and successes as well as an upward social mobility for the family and
children achieved through hard work in a society with a few barriers.

I wonder what stops us from adopting such ethos which could be proudly
acclaimed as ‘Indian Dreams’. Why cannot we create better opportunities for
everyone here in our country rather than training an entire generation to run
behind American dreams? Why don’t we train the next generation to fight
against injustice, inequality and everything wrong like our forefathers did for
freedom of this great nation, against all odds with minimal of resources
available .

I always wondered what kind of people they would be! They seemed far-
fetched imaginary heroes of age old folk-lores to me that time.

If only, I would have known my path would soon cross such passionate souls
who still believe in opportunities for all, keep alive the principles of freedom
and fight for securing the future of this country, sacrificing everything they
have.

May be not exactly following the ‘Gandhian’ ways but ‘Bhagat Singh’ style!

The Party

That day was our last day on campus and we had our tickets booked back to
our homes next day. The entire B.Tech batch of 2014 was about to bid
goodbyes and leave college boundaries once and for all. Ready to explore
that big exciting world! Little did we know that time that those walls were
actually confining us to our little heaven, all protected and safe from that big
bad world where we’d be all alone on our own soon.

Just to slog, breathe and die for the rest of our lives! We left our lives within
those walls, once we left those lovely college premises and the world we
imagined from within the walls was just not the same outside.

It was the college tradition to celebrate last night with the immediate juniors
in the hostel. The juniors who would soon be the new kings and queens of
the campus threw a rave party exclusively for their batch and senior most
batch. That was one grand party of the millennia about which you would just
listen throughout your college life and wait to be a part of. All the girls and
guys would meet at a venue and spin to trance with glow sticks, flaunt
extravagant clothing like baggy pants, dyed hairs, wigs, hot pants, really
short dresses and roll drugs or alcohol. Complete swagger! But of course this
party was not official. Many college officials knew about it and the rest of
the batches would always wonder about it but nobody ever broke this secret
code of conduct and entry was strictly on invitation basis.

The theme of this rave party was ‘KISS’ aka Keep It Short and Sexy ! It was
organized in the common rooms of boy’s hostel number 5. The warden was
on leave which was an aided advantage. It was to start at 10 P.M.

When we reached the common room, the techno music was playing loud and
clear. The dudes were jumping and looked wicked high already. ‘BYE-BYE
2K16’ was boldly carved on some fluorescent banner and the entire room
was decorated with balloons, nude posters and other wicked things. Beer
was openly served at the bar in Styrofoam cups and the bar was set up on
plastic tables with a written note of ‘hips don’t lie’. There were also some
chips and other snacks on a table adjacent to it. Then there were two huge
tables placed at one corner where one could go and pick those glow sticks,
dandiya sticks, wigs and weird masks. The swag was already in the air with
all that booze and glow sticks around but no drugs on display. I was
wondering whether it was a rave or not!
I was told that there was weed around somewhere but I could not find it. It
was quite embarrassing but yeah, I confess that my entire college life passed
without a trace of banned drugs. I would keep listening to rumors of hostel
raids or some college student caught red handedly but I never saw it
personally. So yeah, I wanted to see it before leaving the college just to add
few extra cool points to my college life. Most people at such parties go sober
only. It was all about the excitement of being at such parties and leaving the
campus after it.

I suddenly spotted my arch enemy Vartika wearing some super skimpy and
slutty sort of clothes. Her clothes always sucked but that day it was her worst
ever sense of dressing or may be just an homicidal attempt of wiping out a
thing called ‘fashion’ from this planet.

She was scantily clad in a short dress with ruffles and frills protruding from
every side of her skimpy dress. There was this small wrap around her waist
which had polka dots. I mean black and white wrap around along with
fuchsia Wedges with neon ruffled dress? Who dress up like that? Molly was
standing just beside her holding Vartika’s cocktail like a loyal puppy would
do and dressed the part too, in her animal print nylon capri with a ‘Swag’
written printed crop top along with a playboy hair band and extra huge
loops.

“Oh wow Ananya, lovely mini skirt!” It was Rupali, my other batch mate.
We cheek kissed and greeted each other very warmly. “Look at your lovely
gladiators! What amazing shoes! From where did you buy it?” She chirped
like a bird instantly.

I tell you the little secret of ‘women code of conduct’. Never underestimate
their little compliments over shoes and clothes, that might just act as catalyst
for their next shopping spree and provide reasons to a fashion brand to
exists, flourish and be expensive every second, it also might give hopes to a
street side vendor selling ‘Osho Chappals’ opening his own shop soon.

These discourses over ‘heels and hats’ are among the most important pieces
of conversations two girls can have together. It is just like asking cricket
scores among guys. Other important conversations may comprise bitching
about other girls, flaunting boyfriend’s gifts, talking about curves vs. size
zero and so on.

“Oh, I ordered it online.” I said casually.

“I tell you Ananya, Online shopping is so cliché! I can not buy a stuff until I
touch, smell and feel it personally. Where is the devotion of visiting fifty
shops and exploring every little secret those shops hold and pushing each
vendor to reveal most exotic piece they ever held? Don’t you think these
online e commerce websites are decimating the whole concept of shopping?
Where is the pleasure here?” She looked very sincere asking this.

I had exactly two seconds to answer this important question that we heard a
loud “Hi girls!”

She must be high on booze to come directly to me. I was still deciding if it
was real or I was day dreaming when she said again, “ Oh come on, Ananya,
I know we never got along well but you see it is our last day and don’t you
think we should leave all the grudges here and be friends?”

“Yeah, yeah!” was all I could utter out of my electrocuted mouth.

Soon there was this huge group we formed and eventually started dancing
and jumping. It was followed by a competition of ‘biggest piyakkad’ where
one had to prove his mantle by drinking maximum number of beers. Stupid!
But you will agree we all do such stupid things when we were young,
effervescent and unaware of this wicked world. When Bryan Adams sang
‘Summer of 69’ these were the essence.

I tried my hand in it and vomited after one mug. So nobody pushed me any
further. But competition was shitting the F out of many courageous
contenders as they were either rushing towards the bathroom or lying down
and licking the floor unconsciously. Some were lying on the floor, some
were dancing on tables which rather looked like uncontrollable spasms of
appendages. I mean, that is why we love parties; music, weed, coke booze,
snog and everything else forbidden by society.

I must be high to talk these things. My head was spinning. I was sleepy and
wanted to go back to my room but I was not up for some peer
embarrassment for leaving such a happening party by midnight. Then it was
our last party as well!

I bumped onto a bean bag and lay there for some really long time until
Vartika came to me and said ‘Hi’ again. It was a shocker and I did not have
the energy to like her. And how do you control that urge to punch in the face
every time you see someone you really hate?

But guess today was not the day and I can use my manners today. I secretly
pleaded my etiquettes to be present around me and not leave me alone when
I need them the most. After all it was last day in college and I wanted to ‘bid
adieu’ with a smile on my face and pride in my heart wrapped in beautiful
memory sheets. ‘I will be good!’ I made a mental note to myself.

She came a little closer and hugged me warmly. I almost choked. May be I
am hallucinating.

Two ‘Hiiis’ straight in a day and one warm hug were more interactions, than
what we had in four years. It reminded me of Hollywood movie ‘Day After
Tomorrow ’ the Hollywood Science fiction movie released in 2004 where
the plot revolved around extremities, it showed ‘when global warming
triggers the start of another ice age, it brought out best in those struggling to
survive.’

I could easily conclude that humanity thrives upon conflicts, like this one,
where arch enemies were on the verge of becoming BFF. And as we have
just declared truce so there was no harm in chit chatting. Maybe we might
make up for our entire college life.

Hail sisterhood!
Suddenly she said, “Hey, Ananya, there’s some stash downstairs. You
interested?”
“What?” Was all I could utter but it surely ignited my half sleepy and mostly
curious soul.

“Gosh! Everybody is high in here.” She said.

“Really?” I muttered.
“Oh, Come on, no one looks up as high as fuck unless they are. Why do you
think they are enjoying this crappy music way too much? Hah!” She was
looking at me like I was some sort of retard.

“Ah, well I don’t know. I was actually wondering what kind of rave this
was.” I was sounding like a rookie.
“OMG! Really? Don’t you know it?” I think she just gasped.

“No, In fact I was thinking there’s no weed around only.” Gosh! That was
my last day in college and I am clueless about the stash. What could be more
embarrassing than this?

“Oh, everybody is smoking a whole lot of weed and getting high.” She was
all wide eyed.
“Come, let’s smoke some pot.” She said.

“Hey, it’s okay I am not interested actually. Either way I am very sleepy and
would leave now.” I don’t know but there was something fishy about weed
and Vartika which I wasn’t still sure of.

These are instincts I guess, that inner voice of yours which tries to warn you
most of the time? When people are not genuine, you can feel it. That is your
gut instincts painting a danger sign in your head.

Always trust your first gut instincts, if you feel something’s wrong, it usually
is. Your mistakes might as well be your own instead of someone else’s. Your
bodies can pick up bad vibrations and your instincts warn you about a person
or situation, you are not being paranoid and you should not discredit your
gut instincts. Because instincts are the first ones to warn you when you are
all set to jump into that hideous well of Karma, even before your head
catches up but the point is you never listen to it.

The very same thing happened to me which ultimately screwed me horribly.

“Come on, don’t be a rookie. Do you know the best feeling in this world?
Get your friends and some weed. Turn on some pink Floyd, roll a joint, pass
it around, relax and enjoy. This is life Ananya. Live it once before you leave
this college.”
I gave up and said, “Okay, let’s smoke some pot!”

We moved downstairs where she assured me of some huge stash and walked
me through the lonely corridors of the first floor, the corridors were dimly lit
and there was no one around at that time of the night, nothing looked
suspicious. The first floors were allotted to first year students and they were
mostly asleep by now. This floor also had warden’s office cum room but as
he was on leave, it did not seem like a problem. She knocked at one of the
doors. No response.

She knocked again but nobody replied. She just pushed open the door and
there were no lights inside too. I did not like it much. So I said, “Hey
Vartika, where is everyone?”

“I don’t know. There were guys here before. Seems like they are all high and
passed out but look, I know where the stash is.” She said very casually.

Then she flashed the torchlight in her mobile phone and got inside the table
kept there and brought out a packet. She waved it to me and said, “Look,
weed!”

I was still ingesting the information that she just handed me that entire
packet and asked me to open it. I was very hesitant and asked her to drop the
idea but she said, “What’s the fuss dude, smell it at least.”

I tried to open it but some of the marijuana spilled onto my hands and feet.
Maybe it was not packaged nicely. Suddenly I realized there was some flash
blinking at regular intervals from the window. I turned back and realized that
it was a camera flash and before I could make out anything I saw Vartika
running out of the room. I could smell something fishy going on and jumped
on her half consciously and tried to grab her by her hairs. I actually
succeeded in doing so too. I pushed her onto the floor and started pouncing
on her. She was trying to defend herself but failed badly.

Suddenly that room was filled with the blinding lights of tube lights and I
flinched for a second. Vartika removed herself from my grip. Right then, I
saw Samanta Sir standing right before me. I was confused, scared and crying
all at the same time and so was Vartika.
For some five minutes we all were in shock, including Samanta Sir. That
moment of shock was eventually broken down by angry gasps of Samanta
Sir followed by gritting of teeth, sweat on forehead and fire under his breath,
“What the hell are you two doing in my room?”

He was swearing and it was an extremely bad sign to start with. Unknown
fear gripped me, my heart was racing, pounding and fluttering. My instincts
were shouting out loud ‘I told you so, why don’t you ever listen to me? What
is wrong with you?’ I made a mental note of never discrediting its voice now
onwards and asked if it can pull up some miracle at that moment? It turned
its face away like it never existed.

I could feel none of my senses to be vigilante that time. Why this do happens
to me? Everybody including my own senses disown me right when I need
them the most.

The silence in that room was filled with soft sobs from Vartika . She looked
exact replica of what victims look like, for an instance, I had this urge to
offer her a handkerchief and wipe away her tears then I realized it was me
who was dragged into this shit…by her!

Technically I should cry and validate my victimized status. Why do Indians

have a soft corner for tears? What do it prove anyway? Damn! I can’t even
cry, where were my tears when I need them the most!

I looked around and realized it was the warden’s office along with the
attached room. The door to his room was open and the curtains over it were
still fluttering, indicating the rushed emergence of Samanta Sir from the
same doors which meant he was inside that room throughout the course of
events. But then how come drugs were here and by the way who was on the
window clicking the pictures? Right now no one was there, he or she must
have fled away taking advantage of the chaos. It clearly saved him from
Samanta Sir’s rage. Some people are plain lucky, but I definitely don’t make
the cut.

“Would you please tell me what is going on here and what kind of clothes
you two are wearing in college premises? Wait! What is this powder on you
and what is that?”
He looked like a growling hyena with million emotions on his face at that
time. Shocked, confused, angry, pissed and hopeless all at the same time!

He picked up the packet and smelled it. “What the hell? Were you guys
smoking marijuana in my cabin?”
Things were clearly moving from good to better to best. Unimaginable!

Though I really don’t know how he knew what weed smelt like. I know, I
know my neck was already deep down in shit and I was thinking about this?
Only an idiot would do that but then only an idiot would fall into such
situations.

Last jolts to his patience! That was it. He started pressing the table call bell
vigorously as if determined to strangulate the poor call bell. Suddenly, it
seemed like someone just electrified the entire campus and everybody
rushed towards warden’s office into their night suits, some even in baniyan
and shorts.

Coming back to our senses was humiliating and shocking. Whatever Vartika
planned did not go very well, but what do you expect from a dimwit
wannabe blonde, her hair was desperately bleached and dyed to pale yellow.
I know this moment and I am thinking about her hair color. Ugh, if I had not
been distracted and dazed by the sudden turn of events I could have killed
her, gladly gone to jail and made my ancestors proud.

Our dresses were also not appropriate. The high fashion statements just a
while ago felt like some insulting wraps before everyone, including our
professors who once had high hopes from us (at least from me). Don’t know
who but some godly person bothered to cover us with two bed sheets. Yes,
what do you expect to get in a boys hostel? Duppata ?

There were a lot of murmurs going on and we were being asked so many
things including what were we doing in the boys hostel. I was trying my best
to understand the gravity of the situation and also wondering about the
sudden disappearance of all those party hoppers who by the way were
equally drunk and skimpily clothed like us. Many of them were roaming
around high,a while ago too.
Where the hell did they all vanish? Why wasn’t anybody coming to rescue
us? What was going on? My head was spinning and I behaved dazed all the
while.

People were murmuring, growling and shouting too. I could gather that
Samanta Sir was temporary in charge of hostel number five in absence of the
warden and was sleeping in his room. He heard some rattling noise outside
his room and tried to ignore it initially as he thought it might be rats or
something but then he heard loud thuds and when he flung open the door he
found us hitting each other.

The girl’s hostel warden was also called up and asked to take back ‘the low
lives’ immediately. Can you imagine how it is to be surrounded by all those
red eyed blood thirsty people who were forced to get up at 3 AM because of
somebody else’s bull shit? They resembled Dracula.

Finally the Fatwa was passed. The VC and our parents were called and our
parents must have escaped some serious heart attacks by an inch. Then we
were hurled back to our hostel with an angry howling warden who kept on
showering us with some of the choicest abuses on the way back.

The night came to an end but only with the promise of a super dreaded
tomorrow!

Lion's Den

We were informed that the VC had called us in the evening and we could not
leave campus till further orders. So with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart I
bid farewell to my batch mates.

Rupali came to my room before leaving and said, “Oh babes, what have you
gotten yourself into?”
I said, “Rupali, I was trapped by Vartika. Nothing was intended. I didn’t plan
to smoke the pot.”

“I know, I know! I saw you two leaving but before I could ask anything you
just vanished. I really did not have a good feeling about it. I also saw Vartika
giving a DSLR to Molly and heard her saying ‘Click carefully. She should
not know.’ Though I could not understand it at that time but I know now,
that it referred to you.” She said.

“Oh! So it was Molly who clicked me and fled away before Samanta Sir
could catch her.” I murmured.

She did not pay much heed to what I said and narrated further. “You know
when you and Vartika entered Warden Sir’s room, Sid and Amy saw that but
could not identify you guys due to darkness.”

“What the hell were they doing down there at the lower corridors?” I was
confused.
“Oh please, Ananya, come on.What else?” She smirked. “I have actually
been sleeping all these years. I know nothing about my own college.” I
sighed.

“So they were too busy to be distracted by little things but when the lights
were turned on and some voices started coming out of the room, they peeped
in. They rushed back to us and narrated everything. We all threw everything
into the dustbin and hid whatever we could and rushed back to our hostels
before the hell broke loose and the campus slipped into an alert mode.”

So that was the reason of the complete absence of my peers. I sighed again.

“It was very foolish of you, Ananya, to trust your arch enemy. She wanted
revenge for so long and you let your guard down and gotten yourself into so
much mess. You not only ruin an epic party but also gotten yourself into epic
mess, who knows what is awaiting for you ahead?”

She said, what she was dying to say since the beginning but it did not matter
anymore and as a matter of fact it was true too. “I was not a fool, Rupali. It’s
just that she pretended to be friends!” I said.

She was all teary eyed, wished me luck, embraced, patted my back and then
left. My mum called and informed me that they would arrive soon and hung
up immediately. I knew it was the silence before the storm. I sat in my room
silently for a long time, skipped my lunch and tore my tickets back home
mercilessly and then started moving towards the lion’s den aka VC office
with cold feet.
I found Vartika already awaiting there and we both stared at each other for
long and I growled, “Why did you do this?”

“It was not the part of the plan. I just wanted to send your pictures with weed
to your parents. Nothing much! But yeah, I accept things got little out of
control.” Can you actually believe her casual tone!

No repent, no remorse, no guilt!

“Oh! Really? You thought my parents would see those pictures and go all
mad at me? My parents are the coolest parents on this planet and it does not
matter to them whether I am smoking a pot or dancing naked.”

Now, do you think any Indian kid would ever have parents like Brangelina
or Victoria-Beckham ? We share slightly a different equation with our
conservative parents. Our relationships are anything but communicative and
respect is strictly one way.

The major part of my childhood was wasted thinking that I’d be the next
adopted child from Asia by Angelina Jolie, which never happened. She kept
on adopting kids of vivid ethnicity from various continents and showered
those kids with best of everything, plus her kids got to actually wave at
paparazzi away from the world of mathematics home works and meager
pocket money.

Now, let’s rewind how do Indian children are raised and groomed!

Indian kids spend major part of their childhood listening ‘ Beta poem sunao
uncle ko’ in utter embarrassment before amused relatives and overtly elated
parents, other part of their childhood is spent getting acquainted with a
deadly and potent weapon popularly known as ‘Chappal’ in the
neighborhood, It is a famous thing used by Indian parents to bring their
children back on track. Not to forget ‘Sharma ji ka beta’ who would ruin
your life soon after you exit your school life. You behave as an outcast
hiding most of the time in your own house especially when your mausi or
bua visit you. Throughout this time people love throwing their famous jumla
on you ‘you can do what you want to do after school, after college etc’
But what really happens is, once you finish your college, even get a job and
start thinking of living your life on your own terms, that they throw once in a
lifetime surprise party for you famously known as Arranged marriage and
hustle up two lost souls to live together and suddenly you listen ‘Be mature,
your days to eat and sleep are gone now, you have a family and
responsibilities now.’

This is the standard pattern of an average Indian child.These are also the
unspoken laws of Indian parents and every Indian kid abides by the rules.
Those interactive sessions meant to bridge the communication gap among
parents and children never actually happen in our Indian set up.

The actual scenarios consist of mostly protective and noncommunicative

parents which firmly believe in patronizing the kids. This is the standard
criteria of healthy Indian kid-parent relationship!

But I did not want to give her the sadistic pleasure, so I bluffed. I continued,
“But if you’d have little neurons working in your tiny brain then you‘d have
surely chosen a better place.”

Before she could say anything, her parents arrived and saved the drama.
Though they kept on glaring at me till the time my parents arrived.

My parents were not giving me friendly vibes either and worse, Rita Aunty,
listed as my local guardian was also accompanying them. With each
miniscule detail of the incident, my parents were growing restless and Rita
aunty perplexed. Her eyes were bulging out and her round body was
vibrating with each ‘err’ or ‘ohhh’ sounds with synchronized oscillating
movements of her head. Things would have been much easier for me if she
had not been present there along with my parents.

I so wished to hug my mom and cry before my dad but they were also in
moral obligation to behave as strict parents before her. The orderly came out
and said, “kaha hai gunda log? VC bulaya hai!”

What? I mean come on, it was just a catfight between two girls who were
also caught red handed with drugs but that did not mean we were ‘Gunda ’
already and that too before our parents. We all stared hard at him.
He said “Are Baba, ladki log?? Kya jamana aa gaya hai? Jao jao VC gussa
me hai.”
Wow! Big thanks to boost our already shivering morals. As asked, we
dragged our ant bitten feet to his office and the rest is history.

“What were you both doing at the boy’s hostel wearing those kinds of
inappropriate clothes?” Finally the lion growled and wait what? I thought
weed was the issue and that should be the prime concern, more than our
clothes and boys hostel. The feminist in me shook her head in despair.

“Sir, Ananya invited me to a party there.” Vartika spluttered out at the very
first opportunity she got.
“What? How dare you? Sir she is lying.” I tried to defend myself.

“No Sir, Ananya is lying.” And can you beat the fact that she also started
sobbing? Big round tears appeared in her eyes and she kept on wiping her
nose occasionally. I knew I am about to lose the battleground if I don’t put a
leash right there. Pity! I can’t even cry.

“Shut up! Both of you! I am not here to take nonsense from you. I have been
straightening goons like you for thirteen years and I can tell who is lying and
who’s not just by looking at their eyes.” He said.

Why bothering us then? Just look at our eyes . I did not say it out loud
because I did not want to lose even that one slim chance of getting away.

Miracles happen! Right?

What was this goon thing again! Were we already declared official goons of
this college? Bravo!
“What do you people think that I am a fool and would let you go like this?”
He growled again.

‘’Well, the fool part was right but let you go part was beyond imagination so
don’t worry we don’t have too many expectations here.’ The avid thought
lingered onto my mind, when it should not have.

“You two wait outside and send your parents in.” He ordered. That’s it?
Really? Nothing like ripping throats, sucking blood, beheading us?
It was tolerable but the parents’ part was really scary. I mean it was
absolutely fine that I had to stand before him as he hurled all those
derogatory remarks about my lineage but a single blow to my parent’s ego
would hurt like hell.

So my palms were all sweaty and even Vartika seemed like downing the
bitch guards for once in her life, when our parents came out and headed
straight towards us. Nobody said anything to anyone. It was all so blurred
after that. My dad collected my stuffs from the hostel along with all those
bills and no dues certificate on my behalf and drove us all back to Rita
Auntie’s house.

Vartika faced the same destiny, only her mother kept on nudging her half the
time and the other half she was busy blaming me openly, how her ‘sanskari’
and ‘bechari’ daughter was incapable of pulling out any stunts unless some
low lives (ME) plot and frame her poor little girl.

It was unlike my ice cold stony mother who preferred giving me cold
treatments and ‘tu ghar pahuch pahle’ messages flaring through her eyes.

At least we were alive. After everything I had no hope left in humanity and
frankly I was expecting no less than some crucifixion ceremony held in the
college auditorium for us. So it was still better than what we’d bargained for.

Here goes all the respect I earned throughout my college life and we bid
goodbyes to our college so indignantly.

As soon as we reached home, Rita Aunty let loose her torrents of comments.
“Seema, it is entirely your fault. I asked you to control Ananya but no, you
would not listen to me. Now see the result is just before us all. That is why I
never sent Dimpy to any engineering college. After all our sanskar and
values are above any engineering or doctory . I am so happy to let Dimpy
pursue BA and look what a cultured girl she has turned out to be.”

Oh my god! This is too much. You cannot compare Dimpy with me. She is
some thrice failed highly ignorant fat cousin of mine .

She paused to see the effect and elated with my parent’s drooped down face
and my pestered looks continued. “See Seema, I am telling you, just marry
her off. Otherwise God only knows what this girl is capable of and she will
not rest until dishonors the family, if she hasn’t already done so.”

“Whoa! Maasi! Please, marriage is not in my cards for the next five years at
the least. I am pretty used to family drama but what do you think, is it easy
to get a job in Forbes top ten MNCs? I got dark circles under my eyes during
placements. I cannot allow marriage or anything to affect my career! I have
not even started. God damn it!” I almost shouted.

“Dark Circles? Now we have such slim chances of marrying her off. ‘Dimpy
ko mai roj kheere ka eye pack lagati hu’ Seema do something before it’s too
late. I am very particular about my Dimpy’s beauty sleep. Aur padhao beti
ko !”

“How is this even possible that you did not get, I was studying hard part but
dark circle one?” I shouted to let that frustration go out of my throat.

“Enough!” It was my dad speaking for the first time, since he picked me up
from my college.

“She is right. Either way we were planning to find a suitable boy for you,
once you finish your college. It has nothing to do with anything. It was pre
decided.” My dad imitated ‘Amrish Puri’ so well.

“Why are you even asking her jijaji ? Girls are not asked for marriages in
our family. Let me fix up a meeting with their family.” Rita aunty with her
big mouth again.

Wait! Their family ? Something was already cooking in the family. Great!
You know, when your ass is kicked, it will be kicked from every possible
direction and mine was hurting already.

I tried to counter but no one was listening to me. It was as if marriage was
the second most important thing after God. Now come on, you can’t be that
naïve! There exist things like career, job, financial security and other things
before you get hitched and hooked to any idiot.

Well yeah! Told ya, I am an independent, self-sustaining, coffee loving

feminist!
My own people do not just understand my point of view. Before giving me
some prehistoric lectures on marriages and values they should at least think
that they are talking to ‘ Gucci Suede and Jimmy Choo Leather’girl.

But there is a thing about generations and let me enhance your vision by
exposing you to generation gap and why it is particularly difficult to agree
over little topics together.

People born before 1940s were called the silent and powerful generation.
This was when we got Shakespearean poetry and Einstein intellect, people
born between 1940sto 1960s were called ‘the baby boomers’ as it was all
about population explosion that time. People born between 1960s to 1980s
were called ‘Generation X’ as their fight was to raise their kids right and
providing them right values, clearly they were baiting on some unknown X
factors. Yes, the true civil rights talkers and booklovers generation of our
parents.

Finally the people born between 1980s to 2000s were called generation Y
whose interpersonal communication skills are different from Generation X .

I’ll tell you ‘Why.’

“Y should I go to the school? Y should I study? Y should I get a job? Y can’t

I update my potty habits online? Y do you think Badshah is better than Yo Yo
honey singh?” And other such Ys!

It is not fair to compare rebel driven, free spirited, passionate, techno savvy,
digitized millennial generations of ours to our parent’s generation which
believed in accepting their marriage proposals by nodding their heads and
reproducing two kids at least by the time they were twenty five.

I am not saying they were wrong but we are different. I was just not going to
accept it.

But after some failed attempts to make them understand, I thumped my feet
on the ground and left for the terrace, leaving behind all the hassled “tsk,
tsk” of Rita Aunty.

My mom followed me back.

She hugged me for some really long time and let me cry like a child, blow
my nose and sob on her crisp cotton yellow kurta. All Indian kids have this
privilege of behaving this way to their moms guiltlessly and our moms
would never mind too.

It’s called ‘comfort sobbing’, you know, just like comfort food. “Mumma! I
don’t want to marry now. I have to join my job soon.” I said.

“Beta who said we will do anything against your wish? And by the way,
marriage does not mean the end of your career these days. Give it a try, beta.
The guy is really good.”

“Mumma please at least you don’t talk like Rita Aunty. It pisses me off.”

“Haha! You know Rita Aunty. She is all drama. But this time she has really
brought us a good proposal. The guy is a captain in army and his father is a
bureaucrat. Very nice family, you see.” Mum said.

“Oh God! What is wrong with everybody and why is it particularly difficult
to understand that I don’t want to get married only.” I was going hysterical.

“Ananya, we have been told that you were caught with drugs while fighting
with another skimpily clad girl at the boys hostel. Rita Aunty is eagerly
waiting to spill this at every nook and corner and the only way to shut her up
is to do some respectable thing (she meant marriage!) So if you still behave
childish and don’t understand the gravity of the situation then it’s all your
wish.” Now she was talking and all the while I forgot to ask what happened
at the VC office. “What happened at the VC office?” I asked dimly.

“See, the good thing was that it happened on the last day of your college and
college had no obligations to manage such undisciplined students for the rest
of the semester and earn a bad name for it. As we were told by your VC! He
also said that not many people know about it and he doesn’t want to defame
such a prestigious college over two girls catfight. However he was well
aware that some sort of unauthorized party was going on in the college
premises but finding you both with drugs was shocking. Still he said he is
willing to let this go just not to ruin your careers and defame the college.”
“Oh! Come on mom. He’s so lying! Weed in the college is as common as
fishes in the fish market and he deals with drug cases almost every second
day. So what is so shocking in it? Yes okay, I agree that I was in an
‘unauthorized party’ as he quoted but that party is a part of college culture
since the beginning and the clothes are just the dress code of this farewell
party. And I swear I did not even touch drugs, it was Vartika who spilled it
all over me so that she can take her long held revenge from me. Now what
can I do about it?”

My mom stared me hard, looked pissed and blurted out, “Ananya, that’s
enough. Your college life is over. Grow up! And you are meeting Captain
Aakash. I will ask Rita to pursue the talks further.”

Whenever my mom calls me by my name it always mean that she is really

pissed with me and I should just let that go and keep quite. Then she left me
all alone. I was upset and did not know what to do. Suddenly this brilliant
idea of stealing my Dad’s phone diary and talking to this Captain Aakash
directly, sparked into my mind and maybe I would manage to turn him off
too. Brilliant!

Either way I just could not be hash tagged as behanji on twitter by my own
peers. ‘#AnanyaMathurbabesturnedbehanji by marrying just after her
college.’‘A Facebook page named ‘troll Ananya’ would even be horrible’
Gross!

I shuddered, shrugged the thought aside, and mustered all my courage to call
him quick. I stole my father’s phone diary, which he always kept in his shirt
pocket hanged mostly behind the door on some nail in spite of dozens of
hangers in his cupboard. I found this Captain Aakash’s number easily on the
last page.

Our parent’s generation will still keep a diary with all the possible entries in
it including birthdays, anniversaries, phone numbers and God knows what
not! They bash this modern technology of saving everything in a magical
device called ‘smart phone’ which is like lifeline to our generation.
Generation Gap! As they say.
I dialed the number instantly and somebody actually picked it up! “Hello,
Umm..err.. Well, is it Captain Aakash? I am Ananya, hope you have heard of
me.”
I instantly regretted my decision of calling him. Stupid me, why did I call?

“Oh, hi! Ananya! Err... Ma’am, just call me Aakash. In fact, I was thinking
of calling you too but you know the drama of arrange marriages. So I was so
much in dilemma.” said that awesomely sexy voice at the other side of the
phone.

God! He talks exotic. Hmm! Who addresses you ‘Ma’am’ these days. I
thought.
“Totally! So I heard you work in army. Are you a soldier?” I tried to take our
hellos further.
“Ha Ha...Well, yeah! I work in army but I am an officer not just a soldier.”
He laughed.

“I am sorry but all my ideas about army come from Bollywood, so you see I
am really not aware of the technicalities. Would you please like to enlighten
me?” I said.

“And so, I don’t watch Bollywood movies! They just misguide girls about us
and we hardly find any dates and then these girls give us brotherly vibes.
They think we just carry our guns, all the time and do absolutely nothing
except killing or be killed. It is so disappointing to face stereotypical minds
every day. If you ask me, I am more of a sports person. I play tennis in the
morning and squash in the evening. Gym, swimming, golfing are also an
integrated part of my daily routine. Occasionally, I like to play polo and
sometimes hike too. You know, whenever I feel like it. If I get time, I also
attend my office at Fort Williams.” He laughed.

Oh! Unbelievable. This guy is saying that he is some sports star or adopted
son of Bill Gates. Even if you could play all these games in a day, then too
you really need to be an Ambani to afford all those filthily expensive club
memberships.

That’s it Ananya. Just hang up the phone.

“What do you do ma’am?” He asked.
Again ma’am! Now it was annoying!

And how do you strike conversations with people who make you feel like a
slacker and when they sound like a star? I always considered myself as some
self-accomplished girl in my own little world until I met this guy who just
introduced himself as absolutely awesome. So I could hardly utter, “Umm…
I have just finished my engineering in Computer Science from BIT Mesra.”

“Isn’t your college featured among top ten engineering colleges in India by
‘India Today’?” He asked casually.

Oh yeah, I do have something in my resume too, after all that’s one of the
premium colleges in India. The confidence was back again and that phone
call which was supposed to be for like five minutes ended after some fifty
minutes.

The talk was mostly focused on Captain Aakash’s extra ordinary

extracurricular activities which he claimed to be official (so he seriously
meant that faujis don’t fight all the time?) . He also mentioned with his
selection in Roadies which he couldn’t join because of the official
obligations and Ranvijay was pleading him to join the show without
auditions but he just couldn’t.

Definitely a lie! Then there was this motorcycle expedition which started
from ‘Khardungla,’ world’s highest motor able terrain and ended in
Chandigarh.

Right when he was talking about his ‘ Siachen’ adventures, my mum started
calling out my name, I had to say goodbye and end the most exciting
conversation I ever had, even though the guy was bluffing.

I realized that I didn’t talk a word about marriage which was no less than
‘ISIS threats of mass bombing on United States’ for me. I was left with no
other option but to call my best friend Nancy who was very much disgusted
by how a guy could lie so much and flaunt to such an extent, that too, to the
perspective bride?

Nancy was my best friend since childhood. We did our schoolings together
but in spite of planning our best we got separated at college. She scored
lesser marks in AIEEE and had to join some low ranking college in Orissa.
Everything was fine, but the long distance calls and different set of problems
in our lives started taking tolls on our friendship. Actually more than that it
was her new found boyfriend who was severely affecting our relationship.
Recently she would always be judgmental about me. Still, she was my best
friend and I had this obligation to narrate every miniscule details of my life.

She kept on ranting about how my worst fears would come alive and how I
would end up making a baby every alternate year and how brutally I would
stab my career opportunities. Sigh ! She always had this extreme allergy for
my boyfriends and here, we were talking about my perspective groom could
not have asked for a better analysis of the situation.

It did not help much and I slept, feeling a bit depressed.

Captain Aakash

Next day we flew back to our city after thanking Rita Aunty for her
hospitality and concern. She waved us off very unwillingly. Apparently it’s
not every day that you find people in front of whom you can flaunt your only
skill of ‘I told you so. ’ It was of much relief to me and I am sure to my
parents, who had to constantly listen how they had failed as parents.

Relatives, I tell you, are the reason for half the problems at your home. They
are simply pea brains with the mouths the size of a water melon. Anyway
enough of Rita Aunty ‘kahani ghar ghar ki’ and we close this chapter here.

At home my younger brother Sunny was pretty elated to see me. What better
than getting your guinea pig back home? He was three years younger to me
and we shared a close bond. We did our schoolings together, shared our
rooms, toys and childhood together. He makes almost all the memories of
my childhood, alone. We have fought over almost everything and anything
from a broken pencil to a TV remote and what not. He would always derive
this sadistic pleasure in tormenting me. Beneath the layers of mockery,
ridicule and regular fights there laid an extremely loving bond of a caring
brother and a protected sister. He gave me a gigantic laugh with a snide
remark ‘bade beaabroo hoke… ’once we were alone, referring to my
indignant exit from college. I stared him hard and smiled at my heart ‘it’s
good to be home.’

Though funny thing about coming home is nothing changes. Everything

looks same, even smells the same. It’s just that you realize what’s changed is
you. The warmth inside your adobe is same, the unconditional love among
your folks is same, the feeling of belongingness is same but what is missed
is your own beat. Your house feels inadequate to hold your aspirations and
desires to jump into another dimension away from the safety and comforts of
your own home.

I guess it is Human!

He hugged me tightly, pulled my hairs just like old days and showed me, my
joining letter he received by post. It stated that I needed to get done with my
medical reports as soon as possible and send it off to them. It has to be done
only at their laboratory situated in Kolkata. Now wait, isn’t it his city? Is not
it the place where he is currently posted at? Hmm!

That is how destiny plays its little games on us mortals, who could have
done something else, could have been someone else but we all end up ‘being
destined!’ Things that excite you are not random, they are connected to your
purpose. They always hold some hidden hints, some secret messages, all you
need to do is to accept life as it is and it itself would show you the path.

The next few days were spent preparing for my joining and also checking
Captain Aakash’s Facebook profile.
Well now, all thanks to Mark Zuckerberg!

These days Facebook acts as our unofficial data base. Though the profile
was locked and his picture was barely visible, it provided some peace to my
inquisitive mind.

Nancy again enriched me that people with little information on their

Facebook profiles are secretive people and cannot be trusted. It was really
informative as it made almost half of the Facebook users secretive and
untrustworthy.
I sometimes feel it is not just some social networking tool but a little factory
of human communications; how much you can learn about human nature
and how billions of people evolve their interactions each day and establish
new connections, here. How each profile clearly depicts the individual’s
peculiar behavior, there is so much to learn every single day. Facebook has
not bribed me, but I am just another addict and cannot help it. I owe my
loyalties to it.

In between I talked to Captain Aakash a few more times which would

always be filled with endless excitement of encounters, terrorists, sports,
adventures and the beauty of unseen and unheard places.

So every time I tried to talk about my intentions of not getting married, he

would come up with some interesting cross border operations at North-
Eastern regions with ULFA terrorists or the adventures over Pakistani
airspace.

Tell me who would even think about this fiddly topic of marriage?

I kept thinking about my situation- that I was just about to start my career for
which I had worked really hard and I could not just waste it by getting
married and dump all those dreams of getting onsite projects in exotic cities
all around the world. It was lucrative.

Nancy would always lecture me on how I was ruining a bright and shining
career ahead of me just for one guy. How marriages end up in producing a
dozen little babies and cooking rotis for the rest of life, how I should say
straight ‘No’ to him as it will save me some family drama and yeah, she
never forgot to mention her cool life with her boyfriend and her new job
every single time we discussed my situation.

It would all scare me as my idea about marriage was all I had seen in
Bollywood movies, which was no different from what she kept narrating.
Her evolution into a marriage counselor - I mean, an antimarriage counselor
was astonishing and overwhelming at the same time. Just sometimes back
she was ranting about my wrong degree choices. It’s irritating not to get the
kind of support you expect from your friends. All you have to do is just
listen and understand.
At home, my parents were behaving as noisy bunch of exuberant elders over
my marriage prospects and Sunny was thrilled about the idea of me, leaving
the house soon which basically meant that he would have my room. This
was in his bucket list since long, just so he could convert it to be his personal
playroom, invite his friends for a night over and he also said something
about selling rest of my stuff on OLX.

This was something really motivating and moving at the same time. Love of
your siblings’ right when you need it!

How Indian marriages are so unlike the Western ones, though both believe in
uniting two souls for the rest of their lives, Indian marriages emphasize more
on uniting two families than the union of just two people and don’t you think
how the basic set up of Indian marriages resemble the social networking
sites?

Let me explain you! Indian marriages are just like those tweets on twitter. As
Twitter helps in posting real time events and spreads it all across the world
by organizing all these events by hash tags on same row, your marriage is a
similar real time event which is firstly hash tagged by your relatives,
mohalle wale , your bai , your dhobi and even by your dog. There is no leash
on anyone. Your marriage is open for all to discuss, debate and even eligible
for trolling.

Hypothetically, it is about two people uniting for an intimate affair but

practically it involves people who have basically nothing to do with your
marriage or your life, but they take it as their moral duties to indulge,
interfere and extend the whole ‘big fat Indian wedding’ concept all around
the globe, which start by first spreading the news across every nook and
corner just like Twitter.

The only opinion that does not count would be that of the subject of that
tweet (i.e. bride and groom) and even if they do have an opinion, nobody
bothers.

The speed of commenting and sharing the information concerning a

marriage by all such unwanted people competes directly with Facebook. In
fact they threaten its efficiency. Hence proved, Indian marriages are like
social networking sites in real world. I strongly feel Mark Zuckerberg and
Twitter founders have extensively studied big fat Indian weddings and
marriage frame work before setting up these social networking sites.

But no matter how annoying it sounds, this is the reason why our marriages
last too! Is not the product supposed to sustain after these many of tests,
trials and product validation?

Anyway back to the cacophony of my overtly dramatic Indian middle class

family …

Amidst all these kerfuffle, my Dad booked my tickets to Kolkata along with
my younger brother for my medical tests. One truth about Indian families ?
No matter how big, important and grown up the sister is and no matter how
insignificantly and indignantly small or younger brother is, he would always
be considered her protector and escorts her at every single place possible.
Every Indian girl having a brother has these God sent customized
bodyguards by ‘default.’

We rock. Seriously now where would you find such theatricals in any
culture? Why do you think Ekta Kapoor is making millions every year?

I had my flight next day and I thought to clear things up before leaving so I
called him up but Aakash sounded occupied even at eleven in the night. I
just hung up without informing him my plans to visit his city and other
things. Then I drifted off to the dream world.

I decided to stay with my college friend Prachi there and as my medical tests
were to be conducted next day, we planned to roam around the city, Jaya,
another friend in Kolkata joined us too. My brother wanted to stay and play
X-box with Prachi’s brother so we left him happily and went to this huge
Forum Mall.

There, I told them about Aakash and how our parents were planning to hook
us up.

Then came this brilliant idea to meet him right there at Forum itself. Well
yeah! Either way marriage or no marriage I wanted to meet this husky voice,
well just for curiosity’s sake, nothing else, Okay!
I called him.

“Oh hi, Aakash I am in Forum.” Good Ananya you just need to tell him
where you are and he himself would offer to meet you. Why should you show
the desperation ?

“Oh, great! Enjoy! Ananya if you don’t mind, I am with my Commanding

Officer, I will call you later. Bye!”
What? Really? That was super embarrassing before my friends.

You know girls are all nice and sweet until you do one thing wrong. I mean,
this world is already full of sexist, short sighted, narrow minded,
condescending, chauvinistic hypocrites who behave just like a bunch of big
babies. Do we need more guys who don’t know how to treat girls? Don’t you
think this is a little too much to take?

On top of that Prachi and Jaya said,these army guys are insane and egoistic
in general. They are nothing but just a pack of bulletproof jackets and
combat shoes who do nothing, except ‘Hoohah’.

God, now it’s a definite no. Henceforth, I dump all the plans of
reconciliation in the dustbin. Though I was kind of disheartened somewhere
deep down in my heart. I so wanted to meet him.

When we returned, my brother was sleeping and Prachi’s mom offered us a

hell lot of food and we filled our grumbling tummies generously.

I tell you there is nothing like ‘Bong hospitality.’

Right when, I was all set to go to bed, I saw his call flashing on my cell
phone but I was little too angry to pick it up. Go to hell! I have some attitude
too! But after some five missed calls I picked up the phone to finish it off.

I said “Hi Aakash, anything special? I am kind of busy.” Well I can be busy
too, after all I have to sleep on time today, for a change.

“Hi Ananya! I am sorry. I could not talk to you properly that time, these
senior officers are a bit finicky about discipline and picking up the phone
could have been hazardous to my health.” He said very casually.
“I understand, but sorry I cannot talk to you much now. My medical tests are
there at Kolkata Medical Institute tomorrow.” I said dryly.

“What!! You mean you are in my city?”

“Are you kidding me? Did not I tell you, I am in Forum?” I was visibly
annoyed.
“I thought some Forum Mall of your city. Oh, God! I am so happy! We
should definitely meet!” He proposed.

“What? Are you crazy? I am at my friend’s place and you are asking me to
meet you at this hour. What would her parents think and then, I have my
brother with me who is sleeping in the next room.”

“Oh no Ananya, I don’t know. It’s very rude of you not to meet me in my
city.” He said.
Well, Hellooo! Me and rude? It’s you who is rude, Mr. so-muchattitude . Did
he just pull all the wrong chords at the wrong time?

Aghrrr… Now he will see. There’s no stopping me and I am going to stamp

his ugly looking face with my big ‘NO’. Did not he insult me before my
friends?

“Okay sure, but see only for five minutes. Note down the address,” I
snapped and hung up the phone.

The real quest started after that. Do you remember all those 90s movies
where the ‘heroine ka baap or bhai’ would be lying down on a couch and
the heroine would be trapped inside, singing a raunchy song all the while
trying to meet her lover just outside her house? Well, my situation was
somewhat like that. I mean what if my brother got up and found out that I
was not there or what if Aunty came looking for me and found me nowhere?
And then everybody would just call the police, or worse, they would call my
parents! Surely it was not possible to take permissions from the sleeping
folks at that time to meet some random stranger.

I just didn’t want to create a bad impression on the very first day of my stay
just by meeting some guy at such unearthly hours. I know, no big deal but all
Indian parents think alike.
A girl and a guy should only meet at the allowed hours in the presence of the
guardians, parents, brothers or better would be to not meet at all! My
situation was a bit tricky.

But anyway we decided to sneak out, but before that I changed to my

favorite red round neck tee along with a pair of black leggings and applied
little Chanel mascara and a coat of MAC Matte Ruby Woo lipstick. It was
not necessary to do all that make up and stuff at such constraints but I am a
girl and my system is designed that way.

There’s one thing about us as a species,-our primary priorities cling around

looking neat, cute, classy, sexy, adorable etcetera in any given situation like
drought, flood, desert or even in a pond full of crocodiles. Our ensemble
should be perfect and our makeup should be flawless. There should never be
a bad hair day, we should never be fat and pimples should just vanish from
this planet. These are our ultimate nirvana goals.

Trust me, a guy in such conditions would think of survival rather than
noticing how horrible he is looking or smelling!

Guys think that they have swag. Grunge, hippie, preppy, nerdy and what not!
They think they have more swagger than us. Cool? Hah! Tell me what do
they own? A pair of boxers, a pair of smelly socks, a fungus smitten tee and
an ancestral coat suit which they wear from a friend’s birthday party to their
bhaiya’s wedding.

Now look at us, we as a group have elevated this planet with our fashion
sense and given this world something more than war and peace. Those
fashion shows at Milan and art exhibitions at Paris are inspired by our
panache. These Forbes listed multimillion dollar companies which
manufacture clothes, shoes, cosmetics, bags and what not, rely single
handedly on female adulation for fashion. Do you think they will spend a
penny if one day they realize women are not interested in fashion anymore
and it’s just men left? The golf kits or footballs would be some surviving
businesses for the rest of the eternity. Horrible!

This is all serious business. Future of this planet depends on how we dress at
a party or how differently we dress up for some picnic. What we wear at
night and what we choose to jog the next morning, it is all very important.
So is the reason behind why we take ‘too much time’ before stepping out of
the house and why we sleep in pink gowns matching with those pink bows.

Dude, we are helping this world, think twice before being judgmental about
girls and their beauty regime.

Anyway Prachi also changed to some cute frock and applied some kohl and
lip gloss which was absolutely not required from her part but as I told you
before we are girls and this is how our system works. No matter how much
we loath a guy we will always present ourselves at best of our capacities.

We reached at the pre-decided place which was a simple ‘Haldiram ’ outlet

where a few people in their baniyans were busy eating dosa, chole bhature
and rasmalai inside. I know! Not an ideal place to meet a guy but then I was
there to give him a piece of my mind not to date him.

A straight no Ananya, nothing else!

It was getting late and my heart was palpitating, right when I decided to turn
back, I saw a long black Honda Sedan parking nearby and wait…

‘Oh Myyy Goshhhh! Who is he, man?’

I saw a well built, tall and handsome (read really really hot!) man walking
towards us. He was definitely handsome with his broad shoulders, olive skin,
beautiful almond shaped eyes, and short well maintained hair. His was a
strong face, masculine and powerful. He was perfectly dressed up in his
black shirt neatly tucked in his blue monkey washed jeans which was clearly
hiding his never ending legs. He had a kind of proud and erect posture like a
lion. He looked lean and fit and his shirt was definitely fondling his eight
pack abs. This gorgeous man with a delicious smile on his face was actually
coming towards us.

He doesn’t look like, he’s coming for dosa, Ananya! My thumping heart said
meekly.
“Oh, Hi Ananya! I am Aakash. Nice to meet you!”
Was that a handshake? Why was I not dying then? Electric shocks are
supposed to kill people, right? Seems like I am still in my dreamland! How
strong his grip is! You are thinking like a pervert Ananya, Stop it! Barked my
mind.

“Oh! Hi Aakash! How did you recognize me?” I asked while glancing at
Prachi, whom I found was jaw dropped too. “I always imagined you to be
just like a dream come true,” He said very sincerely.

What was that? A little compliment! But then, why was I blushing?
“Ananya, you are in my city! Let me take you to dinner at some place. It’s
quite hot in here,” he suggested.

It was not possible with my brother and Prachi’s parents just at a distance of
half a kilometer back home, while we sneaked out right under their noses.
Poor souls!

“Well thank-you, but sorry Aakash, we are full. Just had it!” Right then,
someone godly called Prachi and she just walked off leaving us all alone…to
each other.

Can I hug him, considering the fact no one is here? Would he mind? Did he
use one of those deodorants from those ads which make chicks go mad? Did
somebody just play ‘Shape of You’ by Ed Sheeran?I think, there are
butterflies flying around.

Meanwhile, I noticed him sliding beside me at a close proximity. That

proximity was filling my nostrils with his aftershave, jamming my mind and
freezing my senses. When was the last time, I felt something like this?
Never! I was kind of mesmerized. The time stood still. Was I just imagining
it or did he just brush my fingers with his warm hands? Was it his heart
thumping so loud or mine? Is he saying something to me or it is just the air
whispering softly into my ears? Why cannot he take his eyes off me, I want
to breathe! I felt helpless, in his overwhelming celestial presence.

First meetings are eternal. Are not they? When you meet your soul mate for
the first time you are bound to be hypnotized for a while. I believe, when
you meet someone new and your souls instantaneously recognize a piece of
yourself deep within the other, and right away you both feel safe being your
authentic self, that is soul connection. It is like a magical spell which binds
the counterparts of one soul across the ocean into one common thread.

If you have not experienced it, then you have not met your soul mate yet!
Just like the perfect timing of any villain in ‘Bollywood masala movies,
Prachi joined us back and I so felt like stabbing her right there. That perfect
moment, that beautiful trance was broken and we came back to our senses.
She started nudging me and I remembered why I came there and without
thinking even for a fraction of a second I started blabbering my well-
rehearsed half remembered speech, “Look Aakash! I just cannot marry you,
initially it was because of my job which I am about to join soon but after
talking to you I realized that you are such a selfabsorbed person. You are
rude, arrogant and you lie too much. I am not naive. So enjoy your
adventurous life and I am going to enjoy mine! Goodbye!” And I just turned
my back at once and started walking.
Wait, what was I doing? What did I just say? No Ananya, you just cannot be
that stupid. But was not it the plan? Was not it what I rehearsed so much?
There was this constant struggle between my mind and heart going on. My
mind was still talking but my heart had already skipped a beat or two and I
was on the verge of crying.
I did not even wait for his response. I was just not in my normal senses. I
was in a rush and wanted to get back as soon as possible.

You know, sometimes, in life escape is the only option one is left with!

I could have turned it into a Cinderella story but I waved away my prince
charming all by myself. So yeah that is me! Some people are just blessed
with such stupendous caliber to walk away from those perfect moments.

Please don’t appreciate me much; I know, I am an idiot! I switched off my

phone and don’t know when I fell asleep.

World's Quickest Break-Up

Next day, after I had my medical tests I thanked aunty and Prachi for their
hospitality and left for the airport with Sunny. The plan was to return back
just after the tests. My tests went well and we headed for the airport. I don’t
know how but he sensed that I was just not my usual self.

I tell you a few things about brothers ‘Brothers are the friends given by the
Gods.’ They may be annoying at times, hide your stuffs, break your things,
fight for the remote control, discover hundred different ways to tease you,
make funny faces just to see how you react but trust me, only a brother can
love like a father, care like a mother and support like a friend.

Sunny tried hard to annoy me and he could have totally won ‘The Best
Tormentor’ award that time but I refused to notice, leave alone slapping,
shouting or beating, my usual responses with him. I was simply not
responding. On top of that Aakash was constantly calling me on my cell
phone. I was confused and scared to pick his phone so I kept on ignoring.
Right then Sunny snatched my phone out of annoyance or may be just to
make my life more miserable.

Lack of mannerism, I know! But it is still the improved version of him over
the years, I remember when I was six and he was four and he would be part
of my regular morning prayers like ‘Dear God, I hope Sunny does not tease
me much today or I will return him back to the market from where mommy
has bought him. Amen!’

Obviously I was also lied to and kept in the dark by my mom about this
whole baby making procedure.
“Sunny, wait what is this?” I yelled.
“Well, well Di whose calls are you not picking up? Do you want me to
answer? It is A.A.K.A.S.H. Aakash?’

“Wait, this is the same guy papa was talking about? You are already
communicating with him? Why are you not answering his calls?” His tone
changed in a second.

Now! You cannot lie to an instinctive brother with whom you have grown up
and who knows you more than you do. Trust me, there is no hiding from this
‘brotherly sense.’ I was left with no option but to narrate him the entire story.
Of course I was scared as he could open his mouth any time before my
parents and it would be another episode of drama. I did not want to be
blackmailed by him and lose my already meager pocket-money over my
little to lost credibility in my parent’s eyes.

But you know, brothers are the greatest gift any parents can give to their
daughters! I was surprised to see his reaction, he got all serious and said
“Didi, how dumb are you! How can you behave like this to a guy just
because your stupid friends asked you so? How can you be so judgmental
even without meeting him? Even if I agree with your stupid logic for a
second, then too, how can you talk to a person like this whose family is so
known to ours? And who asked you to create this situation, when our parents
are already pursuing talks with his parents? You should have at least thought
of this!”

There stood, my brother talking sense and I had to accept it.

Oh, God! What did I do? What should I do now? I panicked. There is a
saying ‘the tongue has no bones but it is strong enough to break a heart, be
careful with your words, once they are said, they can only be forgiven not
forgotten.’

I don’t know why, I did not remember this quote back then when I was using
my tongue as a sword. I kept on wondering how to mend this throughout the
flight and ask for an apology.

After a long day I was back to my cozy room which had almost all the
possible shades of pink available on this planet along with the most
comfortable bed in the world and cushions on it (again in pink) stitched
perfectly with laces and frills protruding from every possible side of it.
There were sequence, beads and pearls here and there which were the
outcome of me following various décor pages on Instagram. And this is one
of the possibilities of a girl’s room. We don’t believe in sticking posters of
nude women and sports cars, just a little Barbie touch would do and we take
absolute pride in our humble abodes.

I decided to call him but after all that erratic behaviour of mine I did not
expect him to pick up the phone but wait, he picked! Thank you God! You
exist!
“Hello Aakash!”
“Hi Ananya!” It was definitely stiff.

“Aakash, I called to apologize! I swear, I did not mean any of those things. I
don’t know why I said such stupid things! It’s just that I don’t want to get
married because I have to join my MNC soon and I am in a contract. But the
rest of the things I said were just not true, I hope you forgive me.” I
spluttered out all at once.

“Hey, it’s ok Ananya. I might sound rude to the people who don’t know me.”
Was that a taunt?

“Rest whatever you said I don’t think deserves a clarification.” I could

totally imagine him holding his cell phone and glaring at the sky with angry
red eyes. But I kind of deserved it. No?

“Aakash I am very embarrassed about my behaviour. I don’t know what

happened.”
“Oh, its Ok Ananya I forgave you that very moment when you turned your
back on me!”
Ouch, hurts!
“Well Aakash, if you really forgave me then let’s just be friends and start our
chapter all over again.”

“Now that you have dumped me, it will be very tough for me to be friends
and seriously you are the first girl who has ever dumped me.”

Of course, Aakash I know I would be the only girl after all, fools are not
made in pairs!

But I really wanted to be his friend, marriage for me was a very scary idea
but I just did not want to lose that guy. At least we could be in touch, so I
said. “It seems like you did not forgive me.” It was the final ‘arrow in my
quiver.’ And normally it works.

“Oh, No! You are totally forgiven; I guess there would be faults from my
side only.” That was heart breaking to hear. Even his sugar coated tone could
not hide his sarcasm.
“If you have really forgiven me, then let’s just be friends.” I was actually
pleading.
“Ok, I will try my best, Friend! Bye for now!” He sounded like chewing
every word and hung up.

Silence engulfed my room. I wanted to listen to that exotic voice some more
but his heart was broken, his pain was visible and I was to be blamed for
this. From marriage to friendship! No doubt it would be a huge setback for
him and in fact it was for me too. But my decision making capacities were
long gone and I was too confused to analyze the damage. It was just like
exchanging your Louboutin stilettos for a pair of Bata slippers. We girls love
our shoes and yes, that qualifies for a reference point I will never forgive
myself. What a jerk I have been! Why? Did I mention that I cried after-
wards?

City of Joy

Soon after, my dad got a call from his dad that he was going for some sort of
combat training and nothing could be finalized for now. My parents were
clearly disappointed and even Sunny behaved pretty annoyingly, not that he
ever behaved nicely to me but this time he was extra annoying. But it might
be because he was not getting my room any sooner.

After that my mum diverted all her attention towards my stay there in the
metro city, though it was a tough decision for her to leave her little girl on
her own in that big bad city. I still remember, the unwilling forced and feeble
approvals came after gallons of tears from her eyes. A very emotional mum
of mine started acting possessed and obsessed by preparing every single
snack on this planet for me, which she could easily stuff into my travel bag.
Pickles, mixtures, laddus, fafda, chakli, aam papad, namkeen and what not!
Not to forget the quantity! She could have opened a sweet shop with that
much.

I really don’t know why Indian mothers emphasize so much on food; if the
child has fever it is because he eats less, if he breaks his hand it is because he
eats less, if he fails in exams it is because he eats less and several other
motherly theories, only god can dare to contradict. By the way why was my
mother thinking, there is going to be a drought soon? Her packets were
definitely going to last for two years.

My Gucci supreme canvas New York yankee suitcase, was choked

mercilessly with food packets and jars, the day I was leaving. Hope the
makers never know it, who carries jars of oil leaking pickles and fafda tied
in loose plastic bags in a Gucci suitcase? That Gucci suitcase was a gift on
my sixteenth birthday by Simmi Maasi who lives in Texas and look how her
own sister has no respect for a premium Gucci suitcase? Can I do something
about it? No! Absolutely not!

At one point of time my mother was literally over my suitcase and pushing it
with all the power she had, just to accommodate those extra packets of
churan she remembered at the last moment. I tried to whine that I would not
be able to consume that much and I would have to pay extra money for that
extra weight but she did not listen. For her, it was the least she could do to
calm down those emotional waves in her motherly ocean.

Nevertheless food is a very sentimental topic in Indian homes. The

roundness and plumpness of the child is considered as the qualifying criteria
of being a good mother and obviously nobody wants to lose in this power-
packed motherly community. A fierce competition among mothers to feed
the innocent child goes on all the time with the help of potent weapons of
‘threatening’ or ‘emotional black mailing’ which ranges from ‘teri shaadi
nahi hogi’ to ‘kha nahi to papa ko bata dungi’.

Anyway crossing that emotional tsunami I reached Kolkata safely and joined
in my dream office. And man! I was so proud of myself and decided not to
go back home at least for another one year.

I was provided a very comfortable stay at a five star guest house for the next
fifteen days and expected to find my accommodation by then.

I opted for a cozy three room flat in Salt Lake which was close to my office
too which I shared with another trainee Dishi Bora who seemed smart and
jovial. She was a little plump like those woogly woogly woosh kinda sweet
girls and dress up in those cute dungarees with sneakers. One glance at her
and you will say cute not the kind of cute guys like to stare at but the baby
kind of cute. But as they say looks are deceptive; she was not one of those
shelter seeking pillow hugging girls but the breed with whom you would not
dare mess with. She was bold enough to say it straight on my face “Hey I
heard HR guys were pretty easy with you too. Even Mads (Modhopriya
Chakrobarti, our manager to be specific) was pretty cool unlike the snobby
bitch she used to be. That is some kind of royal treatment you got here!
Haha.”

Now who talks like that to you in your first meeting? But I liked the girl
considering the fact she was the only one who bothered to come and talk to
me. I guess the rest of the people did not like me much or were too busy to
give a damn. A few more interactions and we found each other pretty
compatible to share a flat together.

We fixed a Tiffin Wala for our dinners as we would have our lunches in the
company cafeteria. Though I would eat as minimal as needed to survive
basis because liters of oils and tones of chilies in the mess food were
susceptible to cause death by food poisoning or diarrhea at the least.

Our clients were mostly ‘ Goras ’ residing abroad and we would follow their
schedules, which meant our nights were their day time and our days were
their night time. It messed up my sleep cycles harshly. After completing my
shifts from 9 pm to 8 am I would just hit the bed and doze off and by the
time I get up it would already be late noon so my tussle to get ready for the
office and managing daily chores would start again. The wretched office car
would honk mercilessly even if I am late by a minute. And when I would
reach there, five other people already seated inside would make faces as if
somebody has died while accommodating me. Farts and sneezes were our
unwavering companions. Except the driver, all the passengers firmly
believed in napping till we reach our office, all of us assigned with night
shift would grab our work stations and work our asses off till early morning
hours. This vicious cycle of corporate slavery became the integral part of my
daily life soon.

The weekends were spent doing Jhadu-katka’ that is cleaning the mess and
washing clothes which we would dump during the weekdays. In spite of
trying hard for a good maid and washer man we could not find any. These
days, finding a gold mine is easier than finding good house help, I tell you
Sometimes I would think about Aakash and wonder whether my job was
really worth leaving him for. Was it this kind of job I wanted to do? Where
was the life in it?

In fact it was getting tougher each passing day, and the sanctity of my life
was murdered everyday by the piles of excel spreadsheets and factual
representations followed by coding right to visual basics.

Since my childhood I wanted to create a difference in society, make people

happy and work for some cause. I always thought joining some MNC would
solve everything but reality was different, in spite of earning good money at
the end of the month I was hardly having time for making myself happy,
leave alone the society!

I was not able to talk properly at home too. My mom was concerned but my
dad tried his best to motivate me. My friends were all slogging like me and
we had no time to connect. All those teary eyed promises of keeping in
touch evaporated just like that! I was realizing gradually that the myth of a
perfect corporate life I’d created in my wishful head was indeed a mirage
and I was a pea brain to think that there existed such a thing as ‘carefree
corporate life.’

In short, life sucked!

One such drenched down in miseries Sunday, I saw this huge picture of the
Army day parade in the Times of India which was held a day before on
Kolkata grounds but what caught my eyes was Captain Aakash leading the
parade. He was looking stunning in his olive green uniform and maroon
beret, there were various medals and ribbons tucked in here and there on his
ceremonial uniform. There was a sword in his hands too. There was a
masterly display of drill movements, synchronized with the accompanying
band. There was some sort of aura about that picture. It was a magnificent
picture and spectacular vision.

Though after that friendship proposal we never actually talked and I was
quite comfortable in my skin. The truth was, I didn’t feel like showing my
face to him, but that picture triggered all that lust and longing hidden deep
inside me and I could not hold back the urge to call him anymore.
I called at his number and he picked up after a few rings. “Hello!”

Oh! That husky voice again! I have missed him! “Hi Aakash, it is Ananya.”

“Oh, sorry Ananya I could not recognize you as your number is new. Guess
you have joined your dream job.”
“Well yeah, I am staying in Salt Lake area presently. Where are you? Where
do you stay?”
“Well I am in Kolkata only and stay in Fort William Military Area near to
Victoria memorial.”
“I guess it is not very far from Salt Lake.”
“Yes and it seems we can catch up for a cup of coffee. I mean of course if
you are available.” He added after a pause. “Oh! Yeah, yeah sure! I am
available, totally available.” God, I am sounding such a despo. Fine! I am
desperate.
“Ok then, five in the evening? Flurys Bakery at Park Street. It is a great
place for some coffee and muffins.”

Romance is in The Air

I heard that lovely voice again which sent cold shivers all over my spine
right when I was negotiating with my Autowala. God, it’s been long!

“Hey, Ananya!”

I turned and saw that dangerously dashing man again. He was wearing a sky
blue Chinese collared linen shirt paired with black jeans and Steve Madden
brown shoes. He had also worn a pair of sexy Ray-Ban black aviator
sunglasses cozily settled on his nose. The frames were flaunting the kind of
looks which could have pushed ad makers to develop an entire series of ads
on him in aviators. His short cropped army hairstyle looked invariably
stylish and he surely did not look part of the crowd.

Meanwhile the ‘Axe’ ad was going on in my mind where those half naked
girls blossom their love and lust towards semi naked men even though they
happen to meet instantly in the middle of the street. No hellos good evenings
or other pleasantries, just the display of sheer lust! Such a simple world…
Oh, How I wish!
“Hi, Aakash…” was all I could utter.

“Let’s go,” That sexy man with the ‘Axe effect’ said. Was it just me or did
he always talk like that? Even a simple Hi feels like ‘Come I am good in
bed.’

While he ushered me into the Flurys, I noticed his cute bums too! (Yes, we
girls do ‘tado’ from head to toe too. And Why cannot we? Just as Alia Bhatt
says in Hero Pleasure Scooter ads ‘Why should boys have all the fun?’)
Though the terminology differs a bit, like it’s not ‘tota ’ it’s ‘hot ’ for us, it’s
never ‘maal’ but ‘ good looking’ , it’s not ‘bomb ’ but again ‘hot’ for us.
Though, I will agree there is not much to observe in a guy. Like the options
you guys have in our cases, you know what I mean. Like it’s tough to
measure the quality of the umm... stuff which you can measure so easily in
our case.

There was a group of college going girls already encroaching some of the
fancy looking bakery chairs there. We could totally hear the Ooohhs and
Ahhhs, ‘Wow ya,’ ‘Sexy hai,’‘He’s so hot ya’,‘Yumm man’ from their
direction. Clearly it referred to him.

I was clueless and he seemed pretty embarrassed. I am not sure but I

seriously doubt that one of the girls even touched his bums too. As he looked
perplexed and pale while insisting continuously for the corner seat as far
away as possible from that bevy of women.

We chose a corner table and he pulled it out for me and took his seat
afterwards. Such a gentleman! And also, I realized the gang was staring us
intently and envying my luck. They clearly thought, I would be his
girlfriend! Well if only, they would have known the story... sigh!

The fresh aroma of baked breads, molten chocolates and exotic spices
gushed out, pushing us to devote our senses to the baked beauties. The
bakery had a vintage appeal; exposed walls, wood and glass shelves. The
dark brown wooden flooring, random seats for the tables and bamboo
baskets for take-aways all added a whimsical touch to the interior. Signature
bakery items like tarts, brownie, crumpets, bagels, doughnuts, scones,
cookies, pastries, cake, buns, croissants etcetera on display were highlighted
with large pendant lights brightening the counter.

Very English! Very Exquisite! Never thought one little bakery can leave such
alluring effects on heart and mind. The guy has good taste.

The menu was English too and I could not make out what to order. Anything
beyond south Indian or Chinese did not excite my taste buds much. I asked
him to order, and he ordered almond croissant, tiramisu and Belgian hot
mocha with cookies. How adorably cute it was to see a guy ordering good
old European classics.

“Wow! That was a very good order you placed.” “Oh, that! I just placed my
favourites from academy.”
“Now don’t tell me! They treat you all with these cuisines there in academy.
I mean come on!”

“Haha! Actually, Ananya a lot more than that! We have our best cooks there
to prepare food for the cadets, Chinese, Continental, English, Desi and what
not!”

“Not just that, soups and desserts are an integral part of the dinners and
everything is served in a proper manner. The table manners are religiously
followed. Several instructive films on etiquettes, customs, hygiene and
similar subjects are an integral part of our curriculum. In fact in academy,
emphasis is put on creating a gentleman first out of a cadet, then a soldier
and then an officer.”

“Really?”

“These unofficial codes of conducts are taken pretty seriously and that is
why we are called GC, which means, ‘Gentleman Cadet’ in the academy.”

“So you are saying that you guys are trained in a Harry Potter sort of
academy.”
“Yeah, true! It’s just that we don’t have owls and wands.” He smiled.

I smiled back and asked him about his combat training as his dad had told
my dad. He said his father was insisting on marriage continuously and he did
not find any better excuse.

“So, training is easier than marriage?” I winked.

He laughed a laugh which was as colourful as rainbows and then, he winked
back at me.

We were the last customers to leave there, we talked and talked and found
that we shared many common interests and also ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya Le
Jayenge’ was favourite movie of both of us. He also loved watching the first
rain and smelling nature afterwards just like me, oceans gave him a sense of
‘Nirvana’ too and many other such things which were similar between us. In
spite of my constant denial, he dropped me home too.

It was a beautiful evening, the best ever! The chirping of birds flying back to
their nests, the music of traffic horns, the darkness approaching the sky and
his smile all made perfect communion that evening.

We started catching up frequently. The streets of Kolkata started witnessing

our little escapades from daily routine. Sometimes we indulged ourselves in
playing pool at ‘The Park’ or would just enjoy a warm cup of tea in
‘Kulhads ’. We even went to the zoo together. I know it was kiddish, but it
felt good. The sweetness of Rosogulla would fill our mouths and the
spiciness of Jhal-muri would thrill the taste buds. I always knew that he
never liked roaming every nook and corner of those dusty compact markets
but never said anything and happily accompanied me everywhere. Not to
forget how delightfully he carried all my shopping bags in his always ready
to walk on ramp clothes. My performance was also improving. I was also
assigned to the day time projects and life was finally picking up the pace.

Oh boy! Those were the happy days. All that love and lust covered under the
sheet of ‘just friendship’.

One day we decided to visit Victoria Memorial unlike the markets or

restaurants we preferred mostly for our escapades. It was another ‘Meet up’
as it was still not a date, because friends don’t date! They catch up, Right!
And we were friends... Were not we?
Victoria memorial is a vast, beautifully proportioned festival of white
marble, think US capital meeting Taj Mahal had it been built for a beautiful
Indian princess rather than a dead colonial queen, this would surely be
considered as one of India’ s greatest buildings.

It was beautiful. Two large marble lions at the entrance welcomed us, at the
apex of the dome there was a black bronze angel, lush green lawns were
adding freshness to the sight of picturesque building, while the tranquil lake
surrounding it changed mood according to the sky. All set to steal your
heart! We enjoyed the impressive interiors of the museum. There were
paintings, artifacts, furniture and various other memorabilia of history and
after that exciting stroll, we decided to sit in the lawns near the lake.

It was unlike our previous meetings where we would engross ourselves

teasing each other over a cup of tea or filling our tummies voraciously after
an entire day of work. Also the nostalgia of jhal muri and heavenliness of
kulhad chai at the little ram-shackles dotting the streets of Kolkata would
always weigh more than our little togetherness. The noise of the people
around us would suppress our inner voices.

But there, we were sitting close to each other in that tranquil beauty of a
beautiful building which was poetry written in the marbles itself. The
freshness of the lawns and crispness of the air were creating some musical
notes in the silence and there were no people around us. It was just us. I
could literally smell him and feel his pounding heart. His heart beats
sounded like some sonnet to me.

There was nothing there that moment but that handsome him and a very
mesmerized me. It was getting difficult for me to even breathe and just to
break that spell, I asked him, “So, what do you think of me?”

“Aah! What? What did you say?” He asked as if he had just got up from
some deep sleep.
“Arre baba ! I said, now that you know me, what do you think of me?”

“Sorry Ananya, but I cannot lie to you and I cannot tell you what I think of
you in spite of thinking about you every single second these days.” He
sighed.
“Oh! Come on, Aakash, I am not that bad, seems like you are still holding
grudges against me.” I teased him.

“Hey! Nothing like that! Please don’t push me.” “I insist.” I demanded.

“Okay!” He inhaled deeply and then said, “Well you! You are all waves and
honey Ananya. I feel like touching you at least once, just to make sure that
you are not a dream. Sometimes I feel, I can gobble you all up. Your sweet
lips, milky complexion increase my heartbeats every time I see you. Your
long lovely black tresses which always curve like cupped hands around your
face seem like they are teasing me and I cannot tell you how jealous I feel,
whenever the wind gets to play with them. Your sparkling golden brown
eyes have their own language which I, so want to understand but fail every
time. My own heart looks strange to me nowadays. I just don’t know, but
your beauty touches my soul.” He was breathing heavily.

The earth beneath me was heating and I wished I could explain, how his
voice gave me butterflies, how his smile made my heart skip a beat and how
his entire self-encompassed the warmth of this entire planet and how every
time I was with him I felt complete. But I could not! Just like always, the cat
got my tongue, right when I needed it the most. Damn!

I heard him saying, “You are exquisite Ananya.” and at that very moment
our eyes met and in an instant with an inexplicable only half conscious rush
of emotion his lips touched to mine and I felt my whole-self melt away and
the time stopped for that moment.

Those sweet lips! My, Oh My! I could kiss those lips all night long.

It was not my lips he kissed but my soul! That small touch between two
pairs of lips blew my mind and I felt more beautiful than a blossoming rose,
more livelily than life itself.

I think kissing is the most pure and raw form of physical contact there could
ever be. A kiss can change your world! And mine, was certainly changed!

I slept very nicely that night and when I got up, I could smell the morning
literally. There was some magic in the air and I could not stop smiling. I
dressed myself carefully, stared my lips for long time, trying to feel the
presence of his lips again and left for my office early. The love, which I
always thought to be a hindrance in my work, was proving to be a catalyst
for it. I did not call him and neither did he. I was waiting for his call eagerly
but he did not call me for the next two days.

Men can be strange sometimes. Especially the men in love, they don’t get
butterflies like us. A man in love is not simple. He will be unpredictable,
persistent and stubborn. They may be physically superior to us but carry the
most fragile hearts which they care the most. They may make hundred runs,
run like no one ever did, record fifteen goals in the world cup and may even
kill hundred terrorists or destroy battle tanks but feel scared of a simple no
from a simple girl’. Imagine! Rejection is their greatest fear.

Anyway I was getting restless and called him eventually. “Hello,” I said.
“Hi, how are you?”
“I am fine. What will happen to me?” I chuckled.

“See, I just wanted to say that I hope you did not mind whatever happened
between us and hope it won’t affect our friendship,” He said very pleadingly.

What! Whatever happened? It was not whatever happened, it was an eternal

kiss!
My heart which was just about a size of a watermelon shrunk to the size of a
bean.
“Umm, well not really, it happens all the time, (what was I saying?) After all
we are friends! Right?”
“Oh, God! I am so glad. I was so scared. I thought I lost our friendship too.”

My heart was screaming out loud. Yes, You Jerk! You are right, you have lost
it big time ! But I said, “Oh no, not at all! What are friends for? A few little
kisses here and there, no big deal.”

“Oh! Thanks Ananya, I will call you up later. Oh! I am just so relieved.
Goodnight.” He seemed so elated. How could he be?

He hung up the phone, leaving me alone in the same silence I had earlier in
my room and in my life. I stared the ceiling like I would blow it up
The little light which entered for a while was long gone. Right when I was
ready for a new chapter he just burned the book! I was angry and distraught.
I cried and cried till my eyes swelled up. Girls do cry all the time. It is
normal. I will get over it. It’s okay.

Then, I remembered all my long lost friends whose calls I was constantly
ignoring due to my over indulgence in Aakash saga.

Women don’t use cigarettes or beer for healing themselves or to mend a

broken heart, they just call their girlfriends who would have never been
happy about the guy in your life and right at such moments you just die to
listen to their grumpy “I told you so !”

Now was the perfect time to call Nancy, just to get my dose of karma . I
called her and narrated the entire story, sobbing all the time. The bitterness
was reducing with each sentence. I could feel that. This was the moment
Nancy was awaiting since long and now was the time to say those words.

“See Ananya I told you so! I never liked the guy, he has always been self-
obsessed and you just kissed the guy and didn’t even inform me.”

Yeah right! I should have clicked a picture and tweeted it . “How insensitive
he is, you are so innocent. When will you learn to recognize men, baby? He
used you!”

My mind instantly said that we are not dwelling in Stone Ages and a kiss
was just a kiss. It was nothing like using and even if it was true, I equally
used him. Those lips! Oh my my, those ultra smoochable lips. Stop Ananya!
How can you even think this way after everything? You Tharki ! My mind
barked.

But it was not the point. The point was that a woman’s logic of ‘Using ’ is
beyond logical thinking! So yes, he used me. I repeated it in my mind
several times.

“Don’t worry, I will fix his mind soon.” She said. “No, I don’t mean that
Nancy.”
“It’s ok Ananya! Now you don’t use this innocent mind of yours and let me
deal.” She said confidently.
“But Nancy, there is no situation. It’s ok.”
“No Ananya, it is not ok. You just watch. Message me his number.”

“But Nancy...” I tried to say but she was not listening to me. Ultimately I
gave up and messaged the number.

Next day, the morning was dull, black and colorless again. My legs were
struggling against the laws of friction to move forward and my body was
feeling heavy. I so wanted to bury my face into the pillow and didn’t want to
get up ever but then do I enjoy this luxury of doing whatever I want to do
with my life? This ‘corporatesophere’ is a vortex and you just can not avail
any such seasonal breaks out of the blue on a working day. You have to slog
to deliver to those American clients of yours, every single day and your
manager does not care even if you have seizure during working hours and
here we were talking about my broken heart. What a joke!

The next few days were spent alike, from my flat to office and from office to
flat again. No calls from Aakash too, perhaps he was busy kissing some
other girl!

Huh! Who cares! Oh no, I do care.

I called Aakash absent mindedly.
“Hi Ananya,” said that exotic voice and the butterflies started flying again.
“Hi Aakash, it’s been long and no calls, so I thought of calling you.”
“Yeah, I did not call you so as not to disturb you with all that workload of
yours.”
“Oh yeah, it is going a little hectic at this time of the year, but how do you
know?”

“I am talking to your best friend Nancy these days. We just keep talking
about you and she only said, you are extremely busy with your project
deadlines and other things. She is a nice girl though, no doubt you are fond
of her. She also told me your little secret.”

Little? She knows all my secrets. Which one he is talking? “What secret?” I
asked.
“Aree that you get angry very soon.”
No! That is not true. Why did she say that?

“Well now! That I agree. I have witnessed one, by myself.” He laughed.

I wanted to say No Aakash that was just a mistake but I could not. I did not
like the idea of contradicting my best friend’s statement. But why the hell,
she did not tell me that she was talking to him!

I called Nancy with so much rage. “What did you say to Aakash? Why did
not you inform me that you are talking to him?” “Hey! Chill ! It was just a
little product validation.” “Product Validation?” I was wondering.

“Yeah, you are so innocent. You don’t know these army guys. They just tend
to hurt innocent girls and play with their feelings. They are emotionless.
They are trained that way, babes. If he will know that you get angry soon he
will not dare to mess with you again.” “So why did not you inform me?”

“Aree, you are so busy and already stressed. I was just waiting for your
project to be completed and then I would have called you.” She said very
sweetly.

I cursed myself for doubting her and thanked her for being such a caring
friend. Such an angel! God bless her! She said she would always be there for
me and guide me till eternity, after all only sisterhood can prevent this men
monopoly.

She ranted about her possessive boyfriend who was restricting her from
wearing jeans and stopping her to continue any kind of communication with
other guys. Also her snooty roommates kept troubling her all the time. I felt
good about myself, thank God! I did not have a possessive boyfriend or a
bitchy roommate. Trust me, it is the worst combination of all time. Nothing
can be more horrible than this. Bitchy roommates plus a possessive
boyfriend…Gosh! Welcome to hell.

By the way what kind of boyfriend would ask his girlfriend to be clad in
ethnic wears all the time and dump the most comfy clothes of the twenty
first century? Like the jeans is cult! Our generation cannot do without it. It’s
just not fair to ban it to your wife or girlfriend! In fact, who the hell are you
to utter such stupid demands in the first place? Have you ever heard girls
banning guys from wearing vests instead of Tees? I mean, come on vests are
no Tees nor do they qualify for T-shirts and trust me it looks funny when
guys roam around flaunting their hairy bodies so confidently. Gross! What I
am trying to say is that no one can tell you what to wear or what not to wear!
It’s just the matter of personal preferences.

I wondered why ‘the-know-it-all Nancy did not do something about her own
miserable life. Perhaps it is easier to advice than to implement. But yes, her
tragedies made me forget mine and I tried my best to console her,
suppressing my own grief deep down in my soul.

The Demons

My deadlines were approaching and workloads were at their peak. One

Saturday, I decided to work late in the office and borrowed my roommate’s
scooter. By 11 pm I realized, there was no one in the office and I was tired
too, so decided to let go.

I started the scooter and left the campus. Some days just suck! After
sometimes the scooter made some horrible sounds and stopped in the middle
of the road. I checked the petrol and sure enough the tank was empty. Wow
great! Also I found no petrol pumps around. Doubly great! So finally I was
standing alone at that place and wondering what to do. I realized there was
no civilization around and it was kind of deserted there. I was basically
under an over bridge with a few stall vendors around and some vehicles
crossing by time to time. I got scared, really scared.

It was an extremely dangerous situation for me. Calling for lift seemed very
risky, it might not stop and then there was no guarantee of the driver too. I
could have been another ‘Nirbhaya’, ‘Jisha’ or they might have found
another name for me. Who cares, but yeah the fate could have been similar
for me! Then asking any of the goon looking people around would have
bought another set of problems. You know what I mean? Like here girls
have this unofficial code for when to go out and if you dare to step out at
odd hours then a couple of nice and humble men would find you, rape you
and tear your internal organs by the roadside. It is totally your fault because
good girls don’t roam around at night. And if you do, that just mean you are
a very bad girl so get ready to be raped and killed.

My heart was palpitating with fear and I did not understand what to do.
Suddenly Aakash’s name flashed in my mind. I called him immediately and
narrated my situation. He told me to hide myself somewhere around till he
reached there to pick me up. He said he would call me once he reached
there.

I left my scooter and thought of getting under the over bridge. But probably
by then a few stall vendors caught my sight because two men suddenly
appeared before me and said, “Hey madam, what are you doing here? Kuch
mangata hai kya ?” I did not reply and rushed back to my scooter.

They left! I was scared to death and then I looked at my attire. I know, what
you are thinking is what kind of stupidity is that?

Well, I was in jeans and t-shirt and if anything would happen to me then the
next day headlines would be that some girl in jeans provoked some men to
rape and murder her. My parents would keep defending my character and
seek justice for rest of their lives. Meanwhile some Baba or some group will
issue a notice stating that jeans are degrading to women and provoking men!
So it should be banned for the rest of the girls too and they would hate me
forever.

Right at that time one stall vendor came with his stall and put it just beside
me. I was aghast and asked him, “What are you doing?” He laughed and
said, “Madam, public property hai.” I tried to step aside and two more men
rushed towards me and I could smell the stench of alcohol from a distance.

I tried to run away but one of the men grabbed my hand and pushed me on
the ground, now it was the stall vendor who grabbed my legs and the other
man tied my hands and the third man tied a piece of cloth on my mouth.

I was trying to shout and struggling hard, but there was no one to listen, then
they started taking me somewhere. I started crying but they were laughing
and laughing! Vicious laughter echoed in my ears!
One of them said, “Madam, you will like it. We know you want it.”
I could not see any man but I was seeing three demons ready to violate me.
It was getting cold and so was my heart, it was getting dark and so were my
thoughts, I was falling apart and then! Right then! I saw him; his eyes were
blazing, visible even in the dark.
He pulled his arm clenching his fist and threw it forward with a force that
knocked the stall vendor. The dull thud and gasp of breath confirmed that
he‘d winded him.
The other two men turned towards him, dropping me, their eyes bulging with
rage as they stared at their opponent.

“You! Mother**cker!”One of them took a lurching step forward with each of

these words, and on the third, he swung back to his place earlier, as Aakash
kicked him in his stomach with full force. Meanwhile, the third man
launched a punch on Aakash which he blocked and countered with an upper
cut to his neck. He staggered backwards violently coughing and right then
Aakash punched him in the pit of his stomach, which seemed to knock him
down.

Then I saw Aakash kicking his groin and growling, “I just don’t want to kill
you all in front of her! Feel lucky, you bastards!” It did not even take him ten
minutes to knock them all down. They had clearly awakened the demon
inside him, which was more demonic and brutal then all of them put
together.

He turned towards me. I was frozen I guess as I was not able to move my
arms and I wanted to smile to him but my lips refused to do so. He opened
his shirt and wrapped it around me and pulled me towards him. I was
shivering in his arms and then, I lost all my senses.

I woke up in a room and saw no one and then I remembered what had just
happened and shrieked!
“It’s ok, It’s ok, Ananya. It’s me! Aakash. It’s over, it’s over. You are safe.”

I started sobbing. He moved further, pulled me by my hands and hid me in

his chest gently. I heard myself saying, “I am sad, I am lonely, see the
demons are screaming! I need you to hold me, please don’t leave me! Please
don’t leave me! Please!”
He pressed me some more very gently, like he was holding a baby and said,
“It’s ok. I am here. I am here. Don’t worry! Shhhh” and I lost my senses
again.

Welcome to the Abode of Warriors

I woke up again in the morning and everything felt like a nightmare, but now
my body and soul had regained their strength. I moved out of the bed and
that was when Aakash entered into the room and said, “Good morning
beautiful, be seated, relax!”

“What happened?” I asked in a voice even I could not hear. “Wohi, jo ek

jawan ladke aur ladki ke beech me hona chaiye Senorita!”
Really? Is this the time to use Dilwale Dulhaniya le Jayenge dialogues?
Come on grow up ! I stared him hard.
“Ok baba, just kidding.” He folded his hands.
“It’s ok. See, I have brought you some breakfast and right now you are weak
by trauma. So let’s eat first and then we will talk.”

I did not counter him for the first time ever and laid my hands down to those
sandwiches which seemed like the last left meal on the planet that moment. I
gobbled up four of cheese sandwiches and gulped entire coffee and he
seemed like enjoying it while sipping his coffee delicately.

“Now!” I asked dimly.

“Well, you passed out there under the bridge, I put you in my car and did not
know where to take you in this condition, so I brought you to my room and
then I called my chaps to collect your scooter and clear the mess I have left
there.” He smirked mentioning that.

“Then you woke for a while and passed out again, you have slept straight for
seven hours after that!”

“What? What time is it?” I stammered.

“It’s eleven in the morning” He said calmly.
“What! Where is my cell?” I panicked.
“Hey, chill! I have messaged your roommate and your parents that you will
be busy today and contact them in the evening and as it is Sunday today I
don’t think anyone will bother at your office. I am sorry but I also took this
privilege of peeping into your cell and seems like you have no social life.
Also locking your phone is a good habit, next time suggest you to have a
password on it” He pouted carelessly.

God! Not just sexy but intelligent too! I know only a pervert would think that
way after a close escape from life and death situation. But what to do, I
could not get over him. Especially after he had saved me like that! Damn!

I stared at him and he laughed. “What? I am a trained commando, Ma’am!

My job is to deal with dreaded terrorists and rogue elements. It was nothing,
except you were involved in it.” I felt his eyes were burning again but he
changed his expressions soon.

“We are also trained to be extra cool, apply our mind calmly at such times
and with your lovely quotations of ‘dear daddy’ and ‘sweet roomy’ it was
not tough too. But yeah, I was quite disappointed seeing my name as Mr.
Stranger. Now that is just not fair!” He laughed.

I was embarrassed. Really, really embarrassed! Not even a fifth grader

would save contacts like this.
“This is not done! You cannot peep into my cell like that.” I protested.
He laughed and I was mesmerized again.

We decided not to mention it to anyone as I did not want to bother my

parents. Also it would have been disturbing to see people hash tagging
#JusticeForAnanya , #ShameGovernment on Twitter or opening support
pages like ‘Learn from Ananya, don’t go out at all’ on Facebook. So better
keep it under wraps! I did not want people to get so much of sadistic
pleasure for free, scrutinizing females, making assumptions, altering events
to suit their mindsets, making rapists into martyrs, playing politics, blaming
the victim or local government depending on their political affiliations.
People don’t do candle marches anymore. They just need to have a smart
phone with internet in it to peddle their agendas these days.
Either way he said his chaps would deal with them nicely (yes, wicked
nicely). Then he left for his office and asked me to feel free at his place
which I thought was his way of saying that I should take a shower and get
ready.

I got to take a good look at his room. It was extremely neat and organized.
Everything was in its perfect order. There was a huge Led T.V. on one of the
walls, a split ac and he had several perfume bottles of ‘Burberry’, ‘Prada’,
‘Givenchy’ and ‘Calvin Klein’ on his dressing table too. So, this was the
secret behind his exotic smell, I smiled.

There were combs, talcum powder and other things, and I also noticed there
was this beautiful light blue bed sheet neatly tucked in his bed. There was a
cupboard at the corner of the room which I assumed to contain his clothes
and I just could not resist the urge of opening it. If there would be a
competition of most nicely kept cupboards in the world, his was going to
win for sure. I saw neatly folded clothes in it and I think they were
categorized too, as there were T-shirts only in one shelf, formal shirts in the
other, one had just jeans and so on.

Suddenly my eyes spotted the much talked about clothes in his wardrobe, his
uniforms! They were of different types and had several pieces of insignia
tucked onto them. There were several caps, hats, berets too. The uniforms
were of different colours like olive green, white etcetera all tucked with
various stars, ribbons, medals. The stars were golden brass stars matching
the ones in the sky, lying coyly on the shoulder straps of the uniforms! I
closed it carefully.

I looked into the mirror and realized what a mess I have been! My hair was
messed up badly, my tee was torn and my eyes were swollen. I needed to be
fixed and I rushed to the bathroom.

The bathroom was equally beautiful and extremely clean and there was this
crispy lemony smell of a room freshener. There was a huge mirror fit to one
of the walls and a corner shelf with several toiletries in it, there was a towel
rack too with neatly folded towels in it.
Pretty impressive, really a pleasant surprise for me that a guy’s place can
also look like a suite at a five star hotel. He could have surely competed with
all those ‘Safai Nazi’ girls and beat them fairly. I used his Body Shop
Satsuma shower gel and Forest Essential shampoo and bathed nicely. The
cold breeze of water refreshed me and my soul. Now, the real problem was
to dress up as I had no second set of clothes. I decided to wear my old pair of
jeans and borrow his shirt, so I opened his wardrobe again and chose a black
crisp linen shirt which I tucked nicely and folded the arms. I let my hair open
to dry and decided to move out of his house. When I stepped in the corridor,
there was this long shoe rack with at least thirty pairs of various types of
shoes, boots, sports shoes, Oxford shoes, sneakers, crocs and what not! Each
type had at least three different brands and variety.

God, this guy could seriously embarrass women who righteously acclaimed
cleanliness and fashion was a womanly thing. I realized, it was a two
bedroom flat with no kitchen.

I opened his door and realized there was heaven right outside his room. I
saw a highly manicured lawn right outside his building with a huge mermaid
fountain at the middle of it. There were crisscross tiny pavements made of
marble and stones making some sort of pattern, there were huge trees at the
sides of the entire complex, some of them had various types of lamp sheds
hung onto them.

Then at one corner, there was a small curved wooden bridge and a tiny lake
beneath it. I shrieked in delight when I found a few ducks swimming happily
in it. I saw that there were two entrances to the entire complex with some
sort of army symbols carved on the walls. There were also two mini
medieval tanks (something like used by Tipu Sultan may be) at those
entrances, and yes all the little plants were in brass planters.

Now who does that? Only Tata or Birla can afford it. You need high
maintenance for such residential complexes.

I was so engrossed in those visual delights that I did not realize when
Aakash came and grabbed me by my hands and rushed me towards his door.
Then he just moved me aside and locked the door, I am not sure but I guess
he was panting.
I was shocked. “What the hell!”
“Ananya, you just cannot be seen outside my room. I am a Bachelor
Officer!”
“What are you blabbering? What the hell?”

I stepped forward hurriedly, lost my control and caught myself on his hard
chest. I could feel the heat rise off his body through his shirt, could smell the
cologne he was wearing and the musk of sweat and masculinity beneath that.
Turning to look up at him, I realized that he was right there, his lips just
inches away. The moment slowed down and he wrapped an arm around my
waist and pulled me against him, trapping my hand between them. I could
feel his heart thud beneath my fingertips. Then the hand on my waist
tightened, pulling me even closer, and his other hand found the back of my
neck and his lips locked mine and his tongue started exploring each corner
of my mouth and then we kissed like we invented it. It was a long and
intense kiss.

Suddenly he pulled back, out of his breath and moved onto the opposite wall
and I just gripped the wall as tightly as I could, else I felt would jump on him
or fall down! A few moments passed staring at each other silently and there
was something magical about our quiet conversation, and I don’t know when
but I moved from my place and embraced him, he embraced me back with
equal passion and tightened his grip as if he would never let me go. My face
was buried in his chest and I was spellbound.

Right then his door bell rang and I rushed to his bedroom. He left to open the
door and returned after sometime and said his buddy had come so now he
would drop me off to my place.

I asked him if it was his friend, but he said that ‘buddy’ referred to his chap
who helped him out, in almost everything. Out of all the chaps an officer
commanded, the relationship with his buddy was most special and close.

They were almost like a family member. He explained that the secret behind
everything being so perfect at his place was his buddy’s hard work as he
carefully looked after everything and coordinated with everyone, be it
attending his calls in his absence or to tighten the safaiwalas . He even
carried his ATM and withdrew money most of the time. Such was the trust
between them. It was the buddy who walked with his officer first carrying
the gun and the officer would take a bullet willingly for him and vice versa
during the war.

He said, “he is special you see, my life practically depends on him.” Okay,
so you mean you don’t need a wife. Hmm!

When we stepped out, his buddy said, “Namaste madam” with great respect
and I tell you with great sophistication too. I was never wished this way
before! I was overwhelmed! I stammered “Err…Namste!”

Aakash said, “Ananya, this is Khan and Khan, this is Ananya, one of my
friends! We are just moving out and leaving you all alone with your
kingdom.”

“Are, no no Saab! You just cannot go out yet, not before I offer some tea to
madam.” I was feeling very uncomfortable and said, “Thank you, but I am
already late”.

He said “No madam, you just cannot go without some tea, you are the first
girl, errr... friend, Saab has ever brought home.” He was actually talking like
the owner of the house, and he had this exact same righteousness of my
mother.

“Ok Khan,” Aakash interrupted. “But do it quick!” “I will be right back,

Saab,” and he vanished.
I stared hard at Aakash and mocked him. “My men obey me! Cannot defy
me! Ha! Ha! Ha!”
He laughed “What is this? Aree, he would be the first to die for me, it’s just I
cannot dishearten him. He is really excited to see you.”

I could really see their special relationship. The tea was nice and it was
served very nicely in a huge silver tray along with some biscuits. The fine
bone china cups had a logo of two eagles flying and ‘matrabhumi
rakhshitam’ written at their base. I asked about it and he said, “It’s the unit
symbol, the crockery belongs to this particular army unit.”

Ok, even crockeries and cutleries are distinguished as faujis! Mind it

Ananya, drink carefully !
Then we sat in his car and he started driving. It was for the first time that I
actually got to see a Cantonment, ‘a place just like a housing society but
exclusively for army men.’ Though it was all the same for me but he
explained that Fort William was the Army headquarters of Eastern
Command and it was actually a fort built during British Era. It was one of
Kolkata’s most enduring Raj era edifices. This was a fort of stupendous
dimensions and built of brick and mortar in the shape of an irregular
octagon, the five of its sides faced landward and three towards the Hooghly
River. The design was that of a star fort, suited to defense against cannon. It
was guarded heavily and civilian entry was actually restricted but of course
this did not include me right then.

There were also a temple, a mosque, a church and a gurudwara adjacent to

each other. What astonished me was that the walls were attached to each
other and in fact it was like four different rooms of a barrack. No matter who
came and worshipped which God, did it really matter after all? Such a
beautiful initiative and I so wished such things could be built in rest of the
city civilian area too, in this world full of hatred spread by some people just
to use religion for their own advantages kills the beautiful essence of any
religion.

There were huge trees, plants, manicured gardens. It was like there were
buildings inside a park. All the buildings and villas were painted white
which was providing a very majestic feel to everything.

My aesthetic treat to the eyes ended soon with a very loud voice of “Jai Hind
Saaab” which suddenly echoed in the air. My seat belt prevented me from
jumping out of the seat and I felt as if some attack had happened. I was still
amused that I heard the exact same voice at the next stop and it kept on
happening after every five minutes. I was so scared that I gripped the seat.
Aakash realized my uneasiness and said, “Hey it’s ok, these are sentries out
there on gates and they’re saluting me.”

“What?” I asked like a total idiot. “Do they salute every single officer
crossing them every single time?”
He said very casually. “Yes! It is the courtesy here. I do the same too to my
seniors, everybody do it. Saluting or wishing to the seniors is taken very
seriously. Discipline is must!”
By the last gate, through which we exited the fort William, I started enjoying
this saluting thing myself and suddenly realized how much power and
respect Aakash held, he had the responsibility of the men he commands and
shared their lives too. He was no ordinary man but among those who carry
the passion to serve the nation and die for it too and still, how humble he had
always been and what a jerk I had been!

He dropped me at my building and right when I was turning back, he said,

“This shirt looks good on you.”
And I thought he never noticed. I blushed and waved him goodbye.

Those Little Moments

My roommate was really worried to death by now and was pretty elated
seeing me back in the flat. I had never left like that before and she was
genuinely concerned for my safety but then I thought I could not be any
safer.

I called my parents for our same old casual chit chat. I could not have
afforded to narrate the incident which would eventually lead to two options,
them coming over to my place or calling me back home. Not to forget my
mom’s never ending tears which I would have to bear with. So I kept it
under the wraps for good.

Next morning the birds were chirping again and the air smelled nice too. I
could not help but notice this positive effect Aakash had in my life. With
him, I always wanted the best for me. The best dresses, the best food, the
best health and in fact the best of everything that life had to offer me. He
made me realize every single time I was with him that life is beautiful. I
always wanted to explore more with him. The zeal, hope, happiness and
confidence which never liked settling inside me were my permanent
residents now. After all that inner balance and contentment I had so much to
offer to the world.

You know you never fall in love but always rise in love. Love always brings
the best out of you. It is pure and pious, never dark!
Aakash called once to ask if I am ok and I assured him that I am more than
ok, else I feared he would drop into my office but it didn’t help much. Right
when I was about to leave my campus, I saw that same old lovely Sedan and
God knows how delighted I felt.

And that devastatingly handsome face emerged out of that car, this time in
perfectly matched white Zara shirt carefully tucked in ripped Zara denims
with those chocolate coloured Woodland shoes. Oh God this guy can give
any movie star a run for his money!

“Hi, Ananya! This is for you.” He gave me two beautiful red lilies and those
lovely flowers brightened everything around me. How adorable! What can
be better than fresh flowers!

“Oh!” I can never get over this guy. I turned back and realized almost
everyone at my campus was staring at this clearly distinguished guy. I
blushed and requested him to rush.

He said, “I thought of having our evening snacks together, so I just dropped

in.”
Oh, wow! What an excuse! I knew he was worried and wanted to drop me
home.

There are some people who enter your life and make you feel how
incomplete your life was without them, and then you wonder what you were
actually doing before them!

Aakash was that same person in my life. We started hanging out again. One
day I asked him to come meet me in his uniform, and he got all very
sentimental and said, “No, I cannot do that!”

“But why? Either way you wear it every day. Why can’t you wear it
publicly? Let me flaunt you to people. Can’t you fulfill this small wish of
mine?” From fluttering of my eyes to flipping my hairs back, I used
everything while saying those words.

His face hardened and he said firmly “Ananya, these uniforms are earned
through endless moments of toil, pain and sweat. It takes a lot of rigorous
physical and mental training to protect the honour of this uniform, not
everyone can wear it and not everywhere can it be worn!”

There was an austere silence before he continued. “You have to earn it to

wear it. It’s not something to be flaunted to your girlfriend!” He sounded
decisive.
I never thought that way; of course, how would I? And then he was
absolutely right so I smiled and said, “Well, what did you say?”

“What?”
“Arre, I mean the last line.”
“You have to earn it?” He seemed puzzled.

I mimicked him. “No! Flaunt to you girlfriend line. So you mean to say that
I am your girlfriend?” I asked him very innocently. “What? Arre no, no! I
just gave a general perspective. We are friends, friends yaar. Don’t worry!”
He stammered.

Men! I tell you, weirdest species that inhabit this planet! How long would it
take them to crack the so called ‘girls code?’ It’s been centuries and they are
still not able to understand our moods and swings? Pathetic! When we say
‘No’ that just means ‘Yes’ and when we say ‘Okay go forward’ it’s just the
time to ‘move backward,’ if we ask a question like ‘So am I really pretty?’
The answer is already decided by the Gods which is ‘Yes sweetheart, of
course you are.’ You absolutely don’t need to discuss that extra fat we need
to cut or stop eating. Don’t you think it is pretty simple? We could have
kissed here at this point of our conversation. Frustrating!

New Friends

One day I got a call from him at five in the morning! I know it might not be
a big deal for him as he once told me all about his early morning exercises,
BPET and cross country races. But God help me, who gets up as early as
five in the morning these days anyway?

“Hello.” I already sounded half dead.

“Hey sleepyhead, get up!”
“Oh, come on Aakash, I will talk to you later. Let me sleep.”
“Ananya, please get up yaar and listen to me. It is urgent, my life depends on
it.”
I got up at once. “What! What happened?”
“Ananya, I am in a great dilemma. I don’t know whom to turn to and so I
called you up.”
“Aakash relax! Take a deep breath and tell me what happened? I am here na,
baba.”

“You promise? You will help!” He was really desperate. “Okay baba,
promise.” I surrendered.

“Actually Ananya, our Summer Ball Party is approaching where every

officer and lady grace the occasion and trust me! It’s a high end event of the
year. The couple dance to win the titles of Ball King and Queen. The units
take it as a great honor that the king and queen belong to their unit. The
Commanding Officers are usually keen to encourage their youngsters to
participate and win.”

“Okay, I got it but then where do I fit in? What is the point of telling me all
this at five in the morning?” I said while holding my breath quietly, though
my mind was running fast.

“Would you like to be my ball partner?” He said at once.

“What? Are you crazy! You want me to dance with you before your entire
fraternity! No way!” I declined at once.
“Please Ananya, even I am not interested but then my Commanding Officer
is very keen for my participation and forget participation, he is actually
expecting me to win! Imagine my situation! And I don’t have any female
friends and it is just you whom I can beg to. Please agree!”

“But Aakash, I know nothing about dancing and you are asking me for a
ball? Tell me, how is that possible?”

“That is not even a problem! Once they get the names of all the participants,
they hire good professionals and train them for a few days and I am sure you
will learn quickly. In fact, you look like you are dancing even when you
walk, sweetie.”
“Oh, come on Aakash! Stop flirting and either way I have no time for
practicing. Did you just smack your head somewhere and forget that I have a
full time job?”

“No, absolutely not, sweetheart, but surely I have solution to your problem.
Look, they keep practice sessions during late evenings as everybody
participating is working and also, I will pick you up and drop you too.
Problem solved and come on please say yes, now!” He was pleading very
sweetly. I smiled and wondered if I could do it after all, also my project was
just over so I did not have much to do.

“Okay, but on one condition.”

“Just order, my Lord, your wish is my command. I can bring you the stars
too.”
“We will save the stars for later. Right now I just want you to say Ananya is
great and Aakash is stupid fifteen times straight.”
“What is this Ananya? You may be great but that does not mean I am
stupid.”

“Okay, then find another partner! Bye!”

“Ohhh, okay, I will do it,” and he actually recited it like a school kid for
fifteen times straight and was sounding damn cute!
“Happy? Now I will come at five to your office and pick you up.”
“Wait! You have not even proposed our names yet.” I said.

“Well, madam, this stupid has already given our names together and don’t
you think it’s quite smart to do that! See you in the evening.” And he hung
up.

I could not help but smile. He knew I would not say no and I immediately
landed in my dream world by sleeping again.

That evening I changed into my favorite black Adidas tee and similar
coloured yoga leggings. I also made a tight ponytail and stepped into my
sneakers. This was all executed perfectly in my office washroom. Not an
ideal place but ‘washrooms’ are our second best ‘hang-outs’ after our
dressing tables. Then I reached the parking lot and started waiting for him.
As usual he was on time and looked impressed with all that casual outlook of
mine. He drove me to this huge army building inside Fort William which
had a total of four levels but no lift. Can you believe this? A building
without lifts! Who climbs stairs anyway! But these army guys are just crazy.

What do these army people eat? How could I agree to die for a stupid ball? I
thought.

There were these ‘Squash Courts’ at the first level, ‘Badminton Courts’ at
the other and ‘Gymnasium’ at the third floor. I could even see a few tennis
courts and an Olympic size swimming pool outside the building.

Wow! An entire building dedicated to sports, it was all pretty impressive.

These people took sports quite seriously.
Finally I reached the top of that building which was no lesser to me than
climbing Mount Everest itself. I was panting and sweating like the one
courageous mountaineer too. To hell with my dancing! To hell with the ball!
To hell with every single person associated to it, except Aakash of course! I
thought.
I stepped into a huge hall with mirrors on its wall with a few benches at one
corner, a water filter and a snack bar at the other corner. Good! That could be
of some use.
There were several men, women and a team of dancers already waiting in
the room. We were actually the last pair to join them. The dance master was
not in for some introductions and came straight to the point.
“Hi guys! I am Diwakar and this is my team. We are here to guide you for
your prestigious ‘Summer Ball’. I know twenty days are not enough to
drown into this dancing ocean, that too a Ball! But then I have heard
everything is possible with you guys.” It resulted in a few enthusiastic hoots.
He began after a pause. “See, dancing is a sport it takes more than a pretty
face to do it. It takes a lot of effort and hard work which I know is just a cake
walk for you guys. For Ball dancing you need not to be perfect at it but you
need to love it and more than that you need to know your partner and love
him or her too. It’s a passionate thing and you imbibe this passion together!
So now, we will just begin to learn the magic.”

We all stood with our partners at our places, and his assistants demonstrated
a little ball dance and taught us a few basics which was quite fascinating. I
never knew how much a simple dance could hold. We were asked to practice
by ourselves and meanwhile, the assistants would keep coming and help us
with our postures. Aakash and I stepped onto each other many a times.

It was nowhere near as romantic as I imagined it to be, throughout the day.

In fact, it was stressful trying to balance between what Diwakar would
imagine and what our bodies could actually do. Finally after an hour long
session, we got our much needed break. We all rushed to the water filter and
right when I was about to soothe my thirsty self, I heard an extra loud “Good
Evening Ma’am” right into my ears.

I spilled all the water over me and my eyes swivelled around to spot the
culprit. He got apprehensive, “Sorry, sorry ma’am seriously I didn’t mean to
startle you.” He grabbed his ears with both his hands and pouted.

One look at that face and I could not stop laughing. “It’s ok,” I said.

“So, Anant has already started teasing you!” Aakash came straight to us and
smiled.

“Oh, Aakash please yaar! You are ruining my impression already. Do me a

favour, step aside and let me introduce myself to the lady. “ He said and
extended his hands to shake mine.

“Hi ma’am, I am Captain Anant and also course mate to Aakash. We are
fortunate enough to be posted together and before your lovely presence I was
his only companion of distress and partner in crime.”

Do they all talk alike, polished and suave! I thought and smiled.
Aakash mock punched him in his abdomen and said, “Stop it, your chivalry
is complete waste on her, I tried once and got thrashed.”

“Oh god, when will you be over that incident?” I almost scowled.

Anant said, “Come on Aakash! Bhai, you just cannot dishearten such a
beautiful face and what is this by the way? You told me everything except
how pretty ma’am is! She’s just not capable of holding any sort of anger.”
He smiled.
“What? He said I hold anger, I cannot believe it?” My eyes widened and
stomped on the floor.

Aakash intervened finally. “ Oye, Chup kar, else I will kick you and Ananya,
he’s just pulling your legs. Don’t mind him.” He pushed Anant towards the
nearest wall and caged him haphazardly like guys do, in his arms.

Before I could say anything, the whistle for resuming our practice was
blown and we all rushed back. That day I returned home super tired and
slept without eating anything. Next morning, my body was aching.

Dancing is not easy, you see!

The very next day, Aakash picked me up again and I went through the
rigmarole all over again. After all, it’s just not easy to move your body in
perfect communion as commanded by Diwakar when every inch of that
body is drowned in the ocean of pain already. And did I mention, I had to
cover all those thousand stairs to the top by my already traumatized legs
again?

If I had the slightest idea of my super strengths then I would have enrolled in
army myself!

Those days I would pray for an earth-quake, storm, flood just so that
Diwakar would postpone his practice sessions and I did not have to go
through that torture over and over again, but nothing happened. Ever! I think
that even a breezy rainy and cold day would have helped but life sucked
those days. The weather, the sky, the sun, the moon, this entire universe
seemed like basking in the pleasure of my turmoil and behaved super
pleasant that time! Is it just me or does it happen with everybody? ‘Dictator
Diwakar’ never even gave us proper breaks to stretch our bodies. These
fucking dance shows! Why do they portray their practice sessions as if the
contenders are partying with their hot masters, when reality is working your
ass off? Not to forget dealing with tantrums thrown by your half bald,
constipated and ugly master like Diwakar.

Everybody, except me seemed quite energetic and why not! Leave the tough
officers, rest were either military wives wedded to olive greens that I have
heard to be stronger than their men or dynamic lady officers who were
girlfriends or friends. Tell me! Where did a poor civilian like me stand a
chance among that extraordinary crowd! Forget about winning, saving my
lousy ass was a challenge to me. I was never ever going to forgive Aakash.

The practice sessions were going on with full ‘josh’ as they termed it. The
refreshment breaks during those horrendous sessions were much relief.
Especially when Captain Anant and his ball partner Dipti, a lady officer,
would chill out with the two of us and boost our morale.

Captain Anant’s hilarious jokes would make us burst into laughter now and
then. He had this aura of ease around him. He would always give off those
cool vibes. Everybody would look up to him and want to get with him. He
was popular with the ladies too but I felt that somehow Dipti never liked him
hanging around the other girls. Everybody just loved his swagger. And he
looked desirable too, not as deadly as Aakash but he was still quite charming
in his own way.

Captain Dipti was an OTA Chennai Pass out and a Signals Officer. She had
short hairs and fair glowing face. The aura around her was very captivating,
I could make out she enjoyed good will, of many other Bachelor Army
Officers but I had a feeling, she really liked Captain Anant. But Anant would
never pay much heed to her and treat her like his male buddies. Sometimes
he would even mock Dipti about her trying to act like a lady when she is not.
Hopeless! They could have made an amazing couple.

Anant had his birthday just three days before the Ball and he invited me to
his birthday party at Hayatt next evening which was coincidently Sunday
and there were no practice sessions too! I tried to resist it but Aakash also
insisted and I agreed eventually.

Next evening I decided to wear my knee length body hugging Bebe scarlet
red dress with black short sleeves. I applied Chanel mascara and bobby
brown number four lipstick which perfectly complimented my open hairs. I
slipped into my Charles & Keith black pumps which I recently bought in
sale, wrapped a very feminine Tommy Hilfiger watch around my arm. I
adorned my earlobes with little diamond earrings that matched the tiny rows
of buttons down the front of my dress. I was good to go for this birthday
party.

When I reached there, Anant was standing right there at the entrance and
waved at me. I handed him a perfectly wrapped Burberry perfume and he
kissed my hands very elegantly in return and said, “Thank you and hey, by
the way you look kind of umm.. sweet, little sour may be.”

I smiled. ‘I like this guy.’

“Shut Up, I know I am looking good, usher me in…Okay!” I said.

We then stepped into the elevator which opened to reveal a beautiful terrace
decorated with wild lilies and orchids, creating a beautiful ambience of red,
white and pink. A little lighting was also done, there was a small swimming
pool at one end and a few tables and chairs at the other end with beautifully
lit candles on tables. The party set up was quite impressive, except it was all
empty.

“Where is everyone?” I asked.

“Yaar! Actually I have just invited a few of my close friends only. This
basically includes you, Dipti and Aakash. Aakash is on his way and Dipti
could not make it as her CO handed her some last moment urgent work and I
did not tell you all this because I was really scared that you would decide not
to join me on my birthday.” He said in his own style after which you could
do nothing, but smile.

We decided to wait for Aakash for his cake cutting and sat in a corner, and
then he ordered white wine for himself and juice for me after I told him that
I did not drink. He insisted that wine was not a ‘drink’ but I refused firmly. It
is not that I am uncool or something but somehow I could never relate to
alcohol neither did I like the taste.

Anant told me about his family of three and how he’d been a brat courtsey to
his single child status. How he joined army and hooked up with many girls
but never had been serious about anyone and was still waiting for that right
one. He also mentioned how Aakash saved him at several occasions, when
they were fighting the ULFA militants in the North East. Hey have even
served in Siachen together where weather was of greater concern then the
enemy.

I realized that Aakash and Anant share a very special bond, which was
greater than friendship. They were actually ‘brothers in arms ’ fighting side
by side and saving each other’s back but unlike

Anant, Aakash was man of few words. Ten minutes with Anant gave me
enough material to write a biography on him and then there was Aakash who
never mentioned much.

Aakash entered right at that moment in a grey black plaid shirt, which he
teamed with faded jeans which were perfectly complimenting his masculine
physique, yeah! I was always awestruck over him.

He just gasped and said, “you are looking stunning, Ananya”. It hit me with
such an intensity that my cheeks flushed and turned red. I could not help but
start gazing down at some imaginary thing on the floor intently and I did not
even utter a simple ‘Thank You’ blushed, laughed or fluttered my eyes.
Basically I did not do anything which intelligent girls do to make the move
or what’s that term in guys’ dictionary… ‘yeah, to give away the hints.’ No.
Nope. Nothing, absolutely hopeless!

It would just always happen to me and snatch away my opportunity of

basking in the glory of Cinderella moments where the poor girl enters right
at the time of ball and have the courage to hold the hands of her prince
charming, make eye to eye contact and leave the prince running behind her
forever. I mean come on what the eff! I would always freeze before my
prince Charmings and ultimately pass my time only with the frogs since my
childhood. Aakash was not the first guy to knock at my heart. I actually had
seventeen crushes before him who eventually ended up with other girls
(mostly my friends) just because I was hopeless in responding back.

My thought process was interrupted by Anant. “She surely is! Let’s cut the
cake.”

It turned out to be a wonderful evening. He cut his cake, we clapped for him
and smashed cake on him which eventually turned out to be a little cake
smashing brawl between both of them and when I thought it was over, they
both grabbed me and smashed cake on me brutally in spite of me crying out
loud about my expensive dress and hair, but in vain! Here goes off my Bebe
dress! Why do I even care?

Finally we all settled around the pool area, exhausted and done. There was
no cake left to nibble upon, we stared each other and laughed our hearts out
over it. I could truly grasp the real essence of 90s hit friendship movie ‘Dil
Chahta Hai’. Anant asked the hotel reception to send the waiters up there.
They all started serving us delicious snacks and mocktails. There were fried
mozzarella, kebabs, fried prawns, fried crackers and lovely looking colourful
mocktails to start with. We had it all near the pool only. We talked and talked
like nobody’s business. It was magical and warm. They disclosed their
adventures, mishaps, mistakes and heartbreaks. Then there were tales of the
‘ragda’ and ‘rolls ’ they faced back in academy together and how they saved
each other’s asses many a times.

The ‘ragda’ referred to ragging and roll referred to cream roll, egg roll, side
roll and various other rolls which they did not have to eat but had to perform
as part of punishments; like cream roll referred to getting close to the shape
of a roll by twisting every possible part of the body and then moving to and
fro. Then there were ‘maharaja ’, ‘duck walking ,’ ‘stray jumping ’ etcetera
to name a few other mind boggling body thumping signature punishments of
NDA.

They even mentioned a poem they all used to sing together while patrolling
at Siachen at minus 50 degrees of temperature. It was like From this day to
The ending of the world

We in it shall be remembered
We few, We
Band Of Brothers, Band Of Brothers
For he today that
Sheds his Blood with me
Shall be my brother!

I know! I felt the same…Aww, sooo freaking cute! And I thought David
Guetta has swag.
Then there were other inside stories of band of brothers like how Anant had
a long distance girlfriend to whom he would send gifts at every single
possible occasion like ‘Vishwkarma puja,’ ‘Sarhul,’ ‘Onam,’ ‘Lunar
eclipse,’ ‘Solar eclipse,’ ‘World Health day,’ ‘Hygiene day’ etcetera. Anant
protested in between. “Come on! Not on Sarhul!”

Once, he sent some gift personally by one of his course mate who happened
to reside in her city and she actually went out for a cup of coffee with him
just to say thanks to him! (As she Clarified, Anant later). It happened several
times with several other gift deliverers and they doubted she went to have
coffee even with the ‘Blue Dart’ delivery boy. But Anant continued to date
her until that girl dumped him and Anant cried for about a week.

Anant claimed that it was a sheer lie and he never cried for anyone though I
felt he could cry any moment now.

I had never seen nor participated in men talk before, leave alone soldiers! It
was just one of those days which you cherish for the rest of your life! Finally
being the host, Anant took the responsibility of dropping me off though I
could feel how much Aakash wanted to drop me off, but I decided to honour
the birthday boy.

He kept on cracking his jokes throughout our way back and then he also
gave me a friendly hug with a little ‘Thank you’ before leaving. It is just me
or all girls feel equally pampered in company with Army guys?

The Army Ball Dance Competition

Next evening, Diwakar did not push us much for the practice and declared
next day off to shop, sleep or whatever we wanted to do with our anxious
souls just a day before the ball. He wished us luck and said that it was not
the dance which made a winner but the chemistry and passion that creates all
the difference. He bid us all goodbye hoping that we would not let him
down.

For this man, it was not a ball dance competition but World War three. Man!
Dance can be deep .
All the officers were planning to watch India-Pakistan cricket match the next
evening as their ultimate relaxation therapy! I mean, men are creatures born
with very simple needs, their brains have only two segments with two simple
buttons of ‘Yes’ and ‘No’. For example, shopping for them is “Do I need this
stuff?” If yes segment dominates they will buy it. If it’s the no segment then
they will return back home. They just don’t have an alternate segment! If yes
segment tells them there is a cricket or football match going on T.V. they
will have ‘fun’! This yes segment also includes three more ideas of fun.
‘Sex, X-box and drinking beer with pals’ and if any of these are not possible
then their no segment will ask them to sleep. They just don’t have an
alternate segment!

Like I said, humble creatures, poor men!

Now let me take you to the women world! Here our systems don’t
understand the simple binary language of ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. Our system prefers
to understand even simple things in a complex way. Like for an example,
“Do I need this stuff?”

“Is this colour nice?”

“Is it the exact shade?”
“Don’t they have other shades?”

“What is the material they have used?” “Why don’t they have it in cotton?”
“Oh! The cotton is ok but do they have it in organic cotton?” “It seems ok,
but let’s just go to another shop and explore other options!”
And I can not even explain the idea of fun. So I am leaving the topic and
taking you to the direct demonstrations.

Our girls group was buzzing with the worries of not having a perfect ball
gown to wear. Did not that sound astonishing? I mean many of them had
already participated in balls earlier yet none had that perfect dress! It
seemed, everybody was left with the only option of buying it.

I suggested for a group shopping but nobody seemed very enthusiastic about
it, simply because nobody wanted to reveal their gowns to the others. I know
how stupid that is but we are women! This is how our system works.
Women are very unique species. We are bound to disagree and we totally
believe in quiet fights! We don’t have any rules or protocols for our clashes
but as I told you about our complex systems, so actually simple rules just
don’t work for us. Lady Officers, wives, students, models, teachers,
corporate professionals or even a sabji wali, no matter what or who there
have always been a struggle for supremacy among us.

Who says, it’s a man’s world? It has always been ‘By Woman, For Woman
and To Woman.’ Men have always been mere tools for us!

The reasons can be anything “I have scored two marks extra, your jeans are
not fitting you, my boyfriend gifts me better than yours, your hair doesn’t
have enough curls, my iPhone is better than your Samsung Galaxy. God
knows how every single spoken and unspoken word can trigger female
rivalry or jealousy! Sometimes not even words are required, just your
personality would do and how do we fight? It’s just the mean way of
behaving! We don’t need to draw out swords or fire guns; all narrowed eyes
and furrowed brows are enough!

Men can never sense that deep seated secret feeling of envy and desire for
the other to fail among women and it is always woman versus woman. Deep
down our hearts we know, we can always control a man anytime. It is just
the other woman we loath who is equally equipped with the weapons of
mass destruction.

Yes, welcome to the woman world.

Ultimately we could not decide anything and headed back to our homes with
fake all the best wishes to one other. It seemed like the men were all so
content to find their ultimate stress busters by the evening cricket match and
then they did not have to mug up much with the preparations of their
ceremonial mess uniforms. Happy, happy!

Next day I took a day off from the office and dragged my friend Nancy who
happened to be in the town for a few days for some wedding. We decided to
go to the ‘New Market’.
New market is a British era market area situated on Lindsay street, despite
the American style air conditioned shopping malls flourishing all over
Kolkata, it remains at the core of the shopping experience of the city. It has
more than two thousand stalls which sell everything from clothing to
artifacts from Mughal era to a special pickle found nowhere. Under its
apparent chaos, lie magnificent finds as well as remarkable bargains! So, no
other place could have been better than that for our shopping goal.

In the midst of small shops we entered a spacious pink lit, pink coloured
shop named ‘CHOCO PINK’ with some real good music and ambience. My
God! It could be any girl’s little idea of fun. It had everything; the trendiest t-
shirts, dresses, six inch high party stilettos, metal conductor bags, high boots
everything. I went through a few gowns but then they were too blingy, not
something to be worn at an ‘Army Ball.’I saw at one corner it was written
‘Future of Fashion’ and well, my party was tomorrow! So we moved on.

Either way it was a sheer insult to our immense shopping capacities and
patience to buy stuff from the first shop itself. Trust me! Even if a girl buys
something from her first shop encountered due to some unavoidable
situations like flood, earthquake, tsunami etcetera then too she will never use
it. It will always be tagged unworthy for her.

We went to some other shops named DOLL, NIC-MIC, NAKHRA, DRESS

ME which were really happening in some manner or the other and had
almost everything like fashion wears, preppy jackets, trendy denims, full
length gowns, neon neck pieces, colour block rings, statement accessories,
perky bags etcetera. But we did not even buy a handkerchief after exploring
things for hours with a constant disinterested looks pestered on our face
before the poor shopkeeper. It is a miracle the kind of patience these
shopkeepers keep.

Did I mention ‘New Market’ has several renowned confectioners and food
stalls? You imagine a cuisine and you will find it there. Be it a brownie, fruit
cake, pastries, marzipan, pasta, macaroons, momos, sandwiches, pizza,
burger, chaat, golgappe, pakoris and what not!

Nancy and I decided to eat something before shopping any further so that we
could make life miserable to the rest of the shopkeepers in the area as well.
Anyway we settled for some sandwiches and kulhad chai. Though the bill
was not much but I paid as always and forever! It was some sort of code of
conduct for Nancy. She would always lend me an ear whenever I needed
someone to listen to me but whenever our paths crossed financially she
expected me to take a step forward or simply waited for me to pay the bills
for our joint adventures and sometimes even sponsor it. She felt it was the
least I could have done for her rare and gracious presence in my life. Can
you believe that? Such people do exist in real!

I guess we all have at least one friend like this. Such friends won’t love you,
they will pretend they love you. They don’t even care about you, they will
pretend they care about you. They just want to be connected to you. They
love the benefits. So they do the minimal! A little phone call here and there,
just checking on you! A little hang out sometimes, when they are bored or
want a company. They don’t harm you; they can even keep a secret too.
What they are really doing is maintaining the connection so when they need
you they still have a way in. I call such friends ‘PREFRE’i.e.‘Pretend
Friends! ’

Nancy was one such Prefre. But I guess I was so immersed in her pretend
friendship that I could never feel it that time or maybe, I did not want to feel.
Her constant presence in my life was more of a habit to me that time no
matter how expensive it was proving to be. Anyway let’s move on to the
shopping part as my gown was not still bought.

After our little tea we decided to visit ‘enSoie’. It was an exclusive European
fashion store at the heart of New Market. It had almost everything needed
for a high end party or wedding. I was lost in the handmade Indian and
western apparels, fabric bags, embellished clutches, beautiful scarves,
shawls, silver jewelleries and other accessories. The designer there claimed
everything to be natural and eco-friendly in nature.

I told him my requirements for a ball gown and then the party began. There
was a huge collection of exclusive gowns worth exploring. Finally I selected
an off shoulder classic black gown which was beaded with Swarovski
crystals around the waistline and neck line, full of tulle and jaw dropping
embroidery. It was seriously one of the most elegant and beautiful
silhouettes I have ever seen. I thought of pairing it with my Swarovski
crystal necklace.

‘Sophisticated sexy’ was what I thought of! However, it cost me my full

month salary to buy it along with a perfect pair of stilettos and a silver
clutch, but it was worth it and it would perfectly match Aakash’s white crisp
ceremonial mess uniform. Now I would sleep peacefully.

Next evening Aakash came to pick me up and gasped. I could see the light in
his eyes. He was looking at me like I was something he had been looking for
his entire life and I could sense it! He was totally mesmerized. Finally he
said, “Gosh! Ananya, what did you do? You are every lovely word I could
possibly think of! Do you realize that you are looking like an art, some
poetry in black?” I blushed and kept looking down without saying a word.

We entered the magnificent Fort William army area. The majestic Fort
William seemed to be extra alert that day. I felt there was more number of
fully uniformed guards looking like royal guards with their fringed striped
waist bands and other gears. They were guiding the incoming vehicles by
their white gloved hands with full army efficiency.

That day, the quiet Fort William was buzzing with lot of activities. He
parked in the army club AOI i.e. Army Officers Institute of the Fort William.
Then he opened the car door for me in a very chivalrous manner and offered
me his hand while I stepped out of the car. With all those high heels and
gown I really appreciated his gesture. Then he escorted me towards the open
area of AOI, it was a huge beautifully manicured lawn. Beautifully lit palm
trees surrounding it, fresh air and bright sparkles of the stars filling the dark
raven evening sky were all providing a beautiful romantic ambience.

I saw that there was a tank at one corner of the lawn but then I realized that it
was the remain of an old tank which was converted to a ‘Mini Bar’ with
drinks laid out on the upper surface and small bulbs highlighting its
structure. There were some chaps behind the wheels and they were serving
the drinks. Style, I tell you!

The lawn was full of officers and wives. Perhaps there were no kids allowed.
All the officers were dressed in unison as they all wore ultra-white shirts
with ribbons and different sort of golden insignia on their shoulders like
golden brass stars, swords, and the national emblem of India of four lions.
These various insignias reflected their ranks. They had nameplates pinned to
their shirts and wore regimental waist bands over their black pants and
sparkly black classic oxford shoes.

Can you visualize drop dead handsome? They were all looking gorgeously
handsome. Army officers in uniform together, are a real treat to eyes, In spite
of looking similar they were all looking visibly distinct.

As far as Aakash was concerned he was looking extraordinary in his

uniform, his biceps were fitting perfectly in his ultra-white shirt and his
chest was gorgeously protruding in that shirt. The waist band was providing
a beautiful detailing of his accurate waist size and his long legs were looking
extra sexy in those pair of black formal pants. His stars were creating an aura
around his personality. I still don’t know why I did not die even after seeing
that ‘Greek God’ live. Poor me! All I could do was hold my breath.

The ladies there were dressed in two types; one lot which was comparatively
younger was clad in almost all types of evening gowns and the other lot was
elegantly wrapped in the most amazing saris I have ever seen. I tell you,
these army people take their dress code pretty seriously! The people were so
good looking I felt as if I am invited for a page 3 Bollywood party, only
more classy. There were team of uniformed waiters lined up and ready to
serve various snacks now that Party has just started. There was an aura of
chivalry and sophistication in the air.

Now came, the most horrible part of that evening which was introductions!
Aakash had this compulsion of introducing me to all his seniors and all the
while I could only hear him saying, “Sir,” “Yes Sir,” “Sir,” “Yes sir”. We
were totally at the mercy of the senior officer and the lady. I was speaking as
much as asked basis and Aakash was limited to only “Sir,” “Yes Sir.”

And these army wives? They even held a greater aura than the officers
themselves. One short meeting and you would instantly feel inadequate
about yourself. I mean look at their knowledge, exposure, confidence and
poise. One of the elderly looking lady told me ‘how she had spent fifteen
long years without husband, raising kids alone and how their kids refused to
recognize him everytime he would be back home with his long beards.’ She
then gently suggested me to spend as much time as I get with my husband.
My cheeks went red but Aakash stood there nodding his head approvingly.
He later told me, we don’t correct seniors, especially ladies in Army. Though
everybody was extremely sweet and treated me dearly.

When Anant came to greet us with Dipti, I heaved a sigh of relief. His first
reaction was, “Wow! Are you sure you belong to this planet? Or do you need
my help to send you back to your fairyland?” I felt as if Dipti would stab
him anytime, now.

I said, “Oh, come on, Anant I will hit you. Stop flirting, go chase other
girls!”
“Arre, I was serious. You should look at yourself in the mirror properly,
definitely not from this earth!”
“Ok Baba, I surrender. Whatever!” I said, sounding pretty annoyed.
Now Dipti would surely kill me too. Sigh!
Someone on the mike announced to move to the ‘Golden Hall’ as soon as the
chief guests and other honorary guests arrived.

The chief guests of the evening were Army Commander of Eastern

Command General Shekhawat and his wife. Their arrival was something to
be witnessed and it gave me the same goose bumps, I got last after
witnessing the retreat ceremony at Wagah border. It was so out of the world.
When they arrived sharp at eight I felt as if somebody had activated the alert
mode of the entire area.

The army jazz band started playing their victory tune and several Generals
who were anticipating their arrival rushed to the black Ambassador VVIP
car. Their arrival was already announced by the guards outside in a very
ceremonial tone which echoed for long. The car door was opened promptly
by the guards present there and then the king and the queen graced the venue
with their royal presence and one of the wishes ‘to go back in the history’
which was long pending in my bucket list was instantly fulfilled as I totally
witnessed how Emperor Akbar would have been escorted, just several
centuries back!
With army precision, everybody started moving towards ‘Golden Hall’ by
themselves in a disciplined, discreet and quiet manner. There was no rush or
chaos anywhere. It was not like you would lose your Chappals , break your
plate or would be forced to push other people to make way during a Dandiya
event or our very own marriages when Barat arrived. They knew what they
had to do. You know, just like they do this ‘drill to behave’ every day.

I was dumbstruck seeing the ‘Golden Hall.’ It was a huge cylindrical room
with a giant shining chandelier hanging down from the ceiling in the middle
of the room, and under it sat a grand polished stage of red and gold carpet.
The floor was a shiny pure white marble and reflections could be seen on the
floor. There were golden curtains at the entrances and exits and golden
lampshades were hanging at the sides of the doors. It had a very vintage
appeal! The entire hall was decorated with countless floral arrangements to
provide atmosphere for the proceedings.

The areas around the main floor were filled by the guests securing for
themselves, a good vantage point from which to view the proceedings. The
chief guests took their place and all the participating officers along with their
ladies promenade into the hall to the traditional sounds of official beginning
of the ‘Summer Ball.’ Music changed to a soft romantic tune and so it all
began!

We started performing an appealing dance number which was choreographed

and rehearsed by the grand master Diwakar himself who was present there as
a judge sitting just beside the Army commander. The Ball orchestra provided
a steady stream of various melodies, tunes and swinging with a more
contemporary beat to add variety. We all began to waltz, spinning, making
circles and shuffling our feet to the music. The guests were cheering us from
time to time and the atmosphere was super charged.

We were at the climax of the dance and heading towards the end, and that
was when Aakash leaned in and whispered into my ears, “I love you Ananya
and I cannot hold it any longer.” His warm lips brushed against my cheek
within an inch of my mouth, causing a riot of tingling sensations to explode
in my stomach and it actually radiated throughout my body. I felt very light
headed and couldn’t utter a single word but I was dancing no more, I
surrendered myself to him and started swinging in his arms, just like a
rubber doll. The music was slowing and lights were fading too, perhaps the
show was to end. I did not know and I did not care!

I heard a huge round of applauses and we all started scattering. The guests
started mingling with the participants and congratulating us. He squeezed
my hands gently and then let it go. Dipti and I sat around one table, relaxed
on the couches kept in the lawns, where the people were eating drinking and
chattering around. The results were to be announced at the end of the event.
Aakash and Anant were nowhere in sight, perhaps they were busy receiving
accolades at the bestowing of their glorious dancing skills.

Aakash’s words were echoing in my ears continuously but I managed to

keep calm and maintain normalcy. I mean, I was not doing bhangra,
scratching my head, jumping in the air or anything like that. That is normal,
right? I was maintaining my super cool and nibbling over my little black
forest pastry and sipping my ‘sex on the beach’ mocktail as if nothing had
happened.

What was that? Should I take it as a proposal or he was just kidding? Or

was that just the imaginary figment of my head? Damn!

My racing thoughts came to a halt when the Emcee proclaimed, “Alles

Walzer” and invited all the Ball guests to join in waltzing on the floor at
golden hall. Everybody was done with the snacks. Now they all started
moving to the main floor.

Anant approached us on our way back to the hall and said, “Where were you
girls? I was looking for you guys, and Ananya, may I kiss your hand? You
danced lovely. You were outstanding.” And he kissed my hands before I
could even reciprocate.

I was astonished. “Hey! When did you see me dancing? You yourself were
busy dancing!”
“Madam, fauji nigahe hai sab dekh leti hai! Please may I have the honour of
dancing with you?” He said at one once.

“Oh! No Anant! I am tired.” I tried to make an excuse but he grabbed my

hands and ushered me to the floor saying, “Come on! Just one dance!”
I turned around and saw Dipti going red and I really felt bad for her. Stupid
Anant! When was he going to understand her feelings? But I was in no
position to say anything there.

It started all over again, just this time it was more casual and fun and yes, on
filmy numbers too. Soon the dance floor was filled with waltzing couples
and even General and Mrs. Shekhawat looked very elegant waltzing
together. What an adorable couple! Truly age is just a number when we talk
about true love.

We started dancing together. He was spinning me, circling me and telling all
his crazy jokes continually, making me laugh uncontrollably; so much so
that I thought I would fall down any moment. Rigorous and constant dancing
since evening had made me super tired by now and I felt the urge of going to
the washroom and splashing some water on my face.

The Start of a New Chapter

I excused myself, grabbed my clutch again and moved towards the

washrooms through those endless corridors, and suddenly I felt somebody
grabbed me from my waist, pushed me up against the wall and caged me
there with arms on either side of me. I wanted to shriek but he put his hand
on my mouth. It was Aakash!

“Shh,shh,” he said and removed his hands.

“What the hell? What is wrong with you?” I yelled at him. “Why were you
dancing with him?” He was hissing.

“What? What are you saying?” I uttered in shock. He growled. “I cannot see
you with anyone else.” He was angry. Really, really angry!
I said calmly, “It was just a casual dance and I was looking for you but could
not find you.”

“I was always behind you, it’s just I cannot take it anymore. You are in my
head all the time, Ananya! I cannot focus on anything, but you. And you?
You were dancing with him. I know it’s nothing but.... but I cannot control
it.” And he banged his fist on the wall.
The music was playing loud and coming clearly into those dimly lit
corridors.
Suddenly he bent on his knees and said, “May I have the honour of dancing
with you, my lady?”

Men are strange, I just thought he was angry with me. I held my hand out
quietly. He grabbed it and pulled me towards him, his familiar musky smell
washed over me and the contours of his muscular body pressed against mine.
His eyes were trailing to my entire body and my lips were quivering slightly.
He leaned down to kiss me, just a peck! That peck was enough to take away
all my senses.

Suddenly the music changed to a very slow relaxing tone, he pulled my body
closer to his and his hands grasped my hands firmly. We were dancing and
suddenly he dropped my hands and before I had time to frown, he wrapped
his arms around my waist and pulled my body even closer. I could feel his
warm breath on my face, my gaze rested on his sinfully full lips and his lips
met mine.

It was hard and possessive. His hands grasped hold of my neck, pulling me
closer to deepen the kiss and within seconds, it exploded out of control and
he held me in his arms like I was made of cotton and said in a husky voice,
“I want to show you exactly how badly I want you!”

My lips parted slightly and my tongue slipped over my bottom lip and I
murmured, “Then show me!”

He took me to an adjacent room, closed the door and he started placing soft
kisses on my neck. “I am dying to rip your gown off you and make love to
you all night!”

I was too stunned to respond but his passion hit me like the fiery breath of a
dragon and I said, “Then rip it!”

My jaws dropped, as I saw him unbuttoning himself, revealing a chest and

stomach straight out of Calvin Klein underwear ads and his broad shoulders
were unimaginable too. Something I always dreamt of, seeing and touching
and there it was right before my eyes but I did not know what to do!
His chest muscle flexed and his warm fingers gripped and pulled my gown
down to my waist as he promised and then let it fall to the floor.

He ripped my corset literally and I heard him saying “Oh Ananya! I love
you, I cannot live a day without you.” I could not say anything. The crazy
sensations were making me clung onto the bed tightly. His muscular body
brushing against mine, time freezing into frames and angels lurking around,
never knew love making could be so beautiful.

He said, “You are making me mad, will you be mine?” He plunged deep
inside me. Every nerve ending seemed alive! Pulsing! Aching! Paining! It
was not just establishing physical relationships but initialization of a pious
bond for eternity. Love making is purest form of love when you know the
other person is the one who is meant to be yours, forever. It has power to
create a new life, a new bond and sometimes history.

After some times our breathing evened out and he snuggled up to me very
cutely and draped his legs over me and drifted off to a little nap. After a few
minutes I realized where we were and I nudged him. “Aakash! Aakash! Get
up. We have to go.” He tried to embrace me again but I slipped out and
hurriedly started redressing. He got up too and rushed just like me.

When we reached the main floor the Ball Dance was over and results were to
be announced and I could not believe my ears. “I request Captain Aakash
and his partner Ananya to come over the stage and receive the honours of
being our new ‘Ball King and Queen!’”

God, there was a huge round of applause, hooting and cheering for us.
Love brings luck too!

After that, the event ended and everybody departed. We could not find
anybody known to us and were super tired by that time because of obvious
and inevitable reasons.

We were smitten at the first sight. There was passion and deep longing, our
souls innately understood long back but we never did. The man of my
dreams was in front of me with lust in his eyes and a smile on his face all the
time. All this time we just waited and pushed away this love and desire
which eventually led to the blast and united our souls into one whole
existence. I was sure of myself now and what I wanted. The time was
approaching and wedding bells were already echoing in my ears. I know, I
might be sounding like a freak but I was that clear at that time.

If only I would have known…..

Aakash took me to his place very righteously, where I had been before
already. He embraced me and then gently crooked his finger under my chin,
lifting my eyes to meet his bold stare and said, “You are my eternity, always
and forever.”

After that we did not say anything to each other, our eyes were talking till
they closed for a much needed sleep and we slept in each other arms. I
wanted to stop that eternity, right there. How I wished!

But destiny had other plans for us.

How silly of me! The union between a warrior whose loyalties were bound to
his nation and a maiden of simple means and an insatiable craving for love
was bound to end in a catastrophe .

But we do hope! Right?

Next morning I got up smiling and turned to see his handsome face but he
was not in the room. Breakfast was kept neatly on the peg table beside the
bed. I thought he left for his office by now as the clock was telling me it was
nine in the morning.

I smiled to myself. “Oh, and how he did not forget my breakfast even then.”
I freshened myself and ate that aaloo parantha voraciously. I thought of
calling him and opened my silver clutch to take out my cell phone and that
was when I saw a piece of paper which had the name Ananya on it. I was
overwhelmed with curiosity. I opened it. It was a letter, a letter from my
soldier!
Dearest Ananya,

I know, it’s going to be tough for you but please try to understand each and
every word which I am about to tell you and I mean each word of it. There
are a few things which you will have to understand and a few things you will
have to sacrifice, if you belong to me. I am saying it as I feel, you have been
made just for me and you are mine only. You never committed anything but I
could feel that your heart belongs to me now.

And giving your heart to a soldier comes with a lot of complications. I will
worship you for the rest of my life but I may not always be around you. I
will fill you with all the luxuries of this world but you will have to learn to
take care of yourself! It’s very important because then only will this soldier
be able to serve his first love, ‘his motherland.’

This morning when I got up I was very much sure about us and was planning
a few things for our eternity. I cannot tell you how I wanted to bring and
serve the breakfast to you and make coffee for you once you got up and how
badly I wanted to see you eating all that! But sometimes even simple
pleasures in life are luxury. Right then, my commanding officer called me to
report to him immediately. I wanted to wake you up but you were looking
damn cute asleep! I just couldn’t wake you up. Yes, I watch you when you
sleep and last time it was for hours.

I am asked to report to Kashmir borders and must leave immediately. There

had been riots triggered there recently but now it’s confirmed that it’s the
Pakistani army behind it and they are preparing the grounds for battle. It’s
really heated up there.

I remember the first day when I looked into your eyes and felt my entire
world flip. My heart whispered, “She’s the one!” I don’t want you to wait for
me but I will come back for you. If ever you miss me or feel like crying (I
know you enough by now to know that you are going to do a lot of it) please
write me an email. I am duty bound but my heart is not. I will try to call you
or mail you as much as possible. P.S. well, I read this somewhere and am
repeating it:

1 universe
9 planets
204 countries
809 islands
7 seas
And I had the privilege of meeting you! Aakash.

I was crying and crying very badly. How could he do this to me? Nobody
has the rights to depart through a letter. How could he leave me like this?
When was he going to come back? Would he ever come back? He was a
fighter, he could be at risk. God no! No! No!

You know, when you realize that you have found your soul mate and you
want to be with him for the rest of your life then you want to start that rest of
your life as soon as possible and when that somebody is gone suddenly the
purpose of life goes with him too. You enter into that dark gloomy phase of
life and all you want is to stay alone.

I had the entire world at my feet just a day before and now I was left with
nothing, not even my soul and with each passing moment, the feeling of
having that void was growing stronger. It was even getting difficult for me to
breathe in there. I left in a rush from there. I just wanted to go away from
everything which belonged to Aakash, but then how far could I even dream
of going if my mind, my heart and even my soul belonged to him?

Thankfully, Dishi was out of town and it was just me and my loneliness in
my flat. I fell onto my bed and cried out loud, I mean literally loud! I knew, I
loved him. I had a crush on him, his single glance made my heart dance but I
could never foresee how his separation was going to affect my life. How it
would even be difficult walking, talking and breathing without him!

I cried and then I slept. I got up and cried again, then slept again. It went on
for two days straight.
When I got up, I could hear my cell phone ringing but I didn’t bother.
Suddenly my phone which was like a lifeline to me until two days back
became nonexistent for me. It was ringing and ringing but it did not matter
anymore. Would it help me getting him back? No! So why should I pick it
up? I tossed it onto the ground. ‘Ha, I did it!’
I was hungry perhaps, I don’t know exactly. I hadn’t eaten anything past that
breakfast so I was supposed to be hungry, right? But I was not sure. I didn’t
want to move any part of my body. That breakfast! Oh, he didn’t keep his
letter in that tray because he knew I would not be able to eat after that. He
made sure I ate and I started crying again. I was miserable and shattered or at
least I was feeling so.
There are times when you are done with everything! You just want to shout,
scream, break things, hurt yourself and end everything in a second. You
don’t want another morning, another night and you just feel like staying in
that ‘second’ forever. You don’t want to face anyone and just want to skip
every single day of your life. Those days I was lost exactly in that sort of
phase.

Deserted! Lonely! Craving! Shattered!

Solace of his Friendship

The doorbell was ringing repeatedly and I was pretending hard not to listen
to it but I couldn’t tolerate the annoying sound of it for long and decided to
give whosoever a ‘piece of my mind.’ I opened it and it was Anant at the
door. I tried to shut it on his face but he pushed it and came inside.

“What? Ananya ! Come on! What’s wrong?” “Anant! Go away, I don’t want
to talk.”

“It’s ok, I will talk.” He winked. How I wished I could kill him and I might
have done that too, if they don’t hang people here in India for killing other
people.

“What have you done to yourself? You look miserable. As far as I remember,
you were fine just two days back.”
“Miserable! I don’t think so. I am good. In fact, I am better. What are you
talking about?”
“Come on, Ananya! You are acting miserable too. What happened? Why?”
“Like you don’t know what happened?”

“I really don’t know what happened! Yeah, I do know Aakash is gone and so
I just thought of checking on you. I was crossing by and thought of saying
‘Hi’ to you, but I really don’t know what happened to make you so
miserable.”
I yelled. “He is gone! That too to some war prone God forbidden area to
fight some terrorists or army or whatever and you are asking why I am
looking miserable. Where has that brotherly ‘die for each other spirit’
gone?”

He laughed and said, “Ha-ha. Ananya! We are soldiers! It is our job to fight
and this is what we have trained for our entire life. It’s an immense honour if
we get a chance to serve our country.

Fighting and dying for it is something every soldier dreams of. We are
fighters. What do you expect?”
Well okay, this makes some sense. Right, he is a soldier and he is just doing
his job, but what about leaving me ! I thought. “Then why did not you go?
Why him?”
“Really Ananya? Really?” He laughed again. “So you are saying that instead
of him I should have gone. How mean of you!” I did not say anything.

He took a deep breath and continued. “Well okay, I wish I would have gone!
You don’t get such opportunities everyday. Let’s just say, my specialization
doesn’t fulfill the purpose there and his does. So alas! He was called and I
wasn’t.” He pouted.

“Okay, I understand. But Anant, I feel terrible. He was my constant

companion for the past few months and we have gotten really close. So, it’s
just tough for me not having him around, even if I ignore the fact that he
would be fighting some deadly terrorists somewhere and I don’t care about
that.” I said.

“You know, Ananya there’s a term ‘Army Wives.’ Have you ever heard of
it?
I nodded.

“Oh, yeah! You even got to interact with a few during your dance practices
and I am sure, you would have found them very lovely and full of life!” He
said.

“Yeah, in fact I found their zeal and enthusiasm unmatchable.” I agreed.

“Have you ever wondered why there is such a term for the women married
to army officers only? Why there’s no words coined like ‘IAS Wife,’ ‘Police
Wife’ or ‘Minister Wife?’”

He answered himself. “It is because these women are special! They sacrifice
their love for their country. Many of them get to see their husbands after two
or three years and sometimes they can’t even reach them in between. They
know that their husbands are fighting and they fear every single second of it
but they are proud of their husbands and the uniforms they wear. They try
their best to do their share to keep alive the principles of freedom, for which
their country stands.”

He paused.

“You know, these army wives play a vital role in their husband’s decision to
be protector of this great nation. It’s because of their encouragement that
their husbands protect their families and their country’s freedom. Some of
them raise their children almost alone but imbibe the same values in their
children too.”

He was really serious. “Still they never cry in public or stop their lives for
the sake of that immense love they hold for their husbands and live every
moment fully whenever they get a chance to be with their husbands. And so,
we need to term this extraordinary lot of women ‘Army wives!’

I was speechless, I never knew that actually. I just always saw their convoy
of gypsies, guards, beautiful houses and free ration. “And you are going
miserable over a friend!” it was Guru Anant again.
Yeah, friend! I thought again,‘just a friend .’
“But still I would say, you could be forgiven if you had not committed a
major crime!” he said.

“What?”I got scared.

“You, actually shut the door on my face.” He laughed again. “Aghrrrrr! Oh, I
so want to punch you.” I said.
“Ok, then punch me.”
“Really? Either way I wanted to punch the entire army, nice that I got a
soldier at least.” And I actually punched him.

At once, we both laughed. Then we went to a little bakery just near my

apartment and ate something, talked some more and I was already feeling
better. At least now, I was trying to feel better.

He waved me goodbye and said that he was just a call away and I could call
him anytime.

Next day I joined my office again and when that feeling of being doomed
started kicking in I decided to write a mail to Aakash, just like he asked.

Dearest Aakash,

Though it was very mean of you to leave me and say goodbye through a
letter, I love you enough to fight for you, compromise for you and sacrifice
for you. Yes, I do love you too! Sorry, I could not say it that day and how I
wish now that I could have said so only but you see, a lot happened that day,
but yeah, good that you read my eyes.

I miss you incredibly and maybe I am scared too, because you mean more to
me than any other person. You are everything I think about and everything I
need but the tragedy is, I am not getting this ‘everything,’ except everything
else! I know, I am not making any sense but I just mean to say I love you to
the moon and back.

I believe enough in our relationship to stand for it. I have enough faith in you
that I will never give upon us. I want you to read my mail and reply to it
regardless of the distance and constraints you have. And I want every single
detail of what you are going through.

I will be waiting for you, no matter what stretch of time it takes. You just
finish your job and come back to me ASAP.
P.S. You are my little universe.
Only yours,

Ananya. I already felt good. I started engrossing myself in my work and

other things which actually never mattered to me before. My purpose was
just to get exhausted enough to sleep peacefully without thinking about him
which was still very difficult. In spite of my best efforts I was aimless and
depressed.

Depression is a phase when you drown in your own miseries and you don’t
want to come out too. Everything felt like moving around me but I don’t
know why I would find myself standing among other people scowling, rigid,
misshapen and grim as ever. Was it some sort of sign? Like of true love or an
apocalypse, I mean both are synonyms, right? Both result in ultimate doom,
don’t they?

Sometimes I’d blame myself and sometimes curse him loud for my miseries,
for his miseries or for even hunger, poverty, flood, drought and every other
misery on this planet, which would seem like his fault. Something was just
not right about me. Maybe I was very close to touch that spectrum of mental
illness from depression to paranoia.

Never knew, how much a single person could affect your whole existence!

We don’t exist unless there is someone who can see us existing, what we say
has no meaning unless there is someone who can understand. When that
someone is gone, he takes everything along with him. How do you suppress
that itch to destroy the world you have earned before them? How do you find
meaning into your meaningless life? How do you survive?

Life is a mirage. It is never what it looks like. The best of moments might
hold the worst of memories and there might be chances to explore best of
life during worst of times. Life is anything but predictable. Never rely on
life! It feeds on your feelings, love, hopes, and dreams. It might keep toying
with everything that matters to you. Life is a bitch with B in capitals.

People say bad things in life give you lessons and enrich you with
experiences but then who wants to bloody take the lessons? That way, isn’t it
better to be uneducated and unaware?

Some more time passed without any email or news from Aakash and I was
going crazy. I decided to call Anant, he said he was just about to call me and
asked if I could accompany him for a Hollywood flick. I desperately said
‘yes’ as I had nothing better to do in my miserable life.

It was ‘The Fault In Our Stars,’ a teenage romantic movie in which the
heroine is terminally ill, meets a guy who likes her for God knows why, they
spend some quality time together and make some memories, the hero fills
her with feelings and moments she never knew existed and then one day he
waves her goodbye forever, as he was terminally ill too and dies before the
heroine.

It even worsened my condition and I cried throughout the movie. Though I

tried to hide it as much as possible, Anant noticed. While dropping me back
he said, “It was a bad choice.”

Next day when I opened my mail I found a mail from Aakash. I was
hysterical and opened it instantly.
Dearest Ananya,

Thank you so much for everything and every single word you mailed me.
You just don’t know how much courage you have given me and more than
that, you have given me the reason to live and come back!

I have served here in this region before. Sorry, I can’t disclose the location to
you but it is beautiful. The lazy mountains covered with white snow, the
small little mountainous paths covered with colorful flowers, the coniferous
forests, the little village, the lovely people, their simplicity and warm
hospitality! Everything felt so much like home, once upon a time.

But now, I just don’t know this place anymore. Every single person here has
a gun in his hands and hatred in his eyes. Every single day someone from the
village gets killed, sometimes someone I knew so dearly.

They killed Tanveer brutally. It did not matter to them that he got married
only a few days back. They raped Farhana and shot her coldly, it did not
matter to them that she was pregnant. She had fed me a lot of sevaiyaa
during ‘Eid.’ They burnt Nusrat chacha’s home without a feeling of guilt.
They bother about nothing and no one!
There were too many deaths to mourn and there is so much of anger that
now can not be cooled down. The ones who escaped the enemy’s guns want
to avenge. Nobody trusts anybody. They are just too blind with hatred to see
that it is all being operated by the Pakistani Army. This is all a coveted
operation to prepare a solid battleground with enough reasons to initiate a
war.

We are ordered to keep as calm as possible and not to shoot our own but in
such conditions it is getting difficult day by day to recognize who is on our
side and who is on the enemy’s side. But we are trying our best and repeat
the motto we have molded in our heart since the ‘Academy days.’

‘The safety, honour and welfare of your country comes first always and
every time.
The honour, welfare and comfort of the men you command come next.
Your own ease, comfort and safety comes last, always and every time!’

So forgive me, my dear, I cannot be with you even though I so much wish
for it, I could not play with your hair as much as I wanted to, sorry I could
not hold you in my arms as much as I craved for. Forgive me for everything
I wished to do with you but I could not. Just forgive me.

Your’s forever, Aakash. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I clicked the
reply button.
Dearest Aakash,

Every time it rains, I miss you. Every time I see the trees waving and birds
chirping, I miss you. Every time the wind tosses my hair, I miss you. Every
time the morning comes and the sun rises in the sky, I miss you. Every time
the moon smiles and the stars sparkle, I miss you. Every time I see a couple
looking into each other’s eyes, I miss you. The holding of hands, the warmth
of giggles, smile of an innocent child, speed of this city and everything else
about me and around me makes me miss you!

Basically, every single thing about life, reminds me of you but I am moving
and I try my best not to mess up much in your absence. I never understood
this word ‘Army Girlfriend’ before but now I actively participate in all those
army wives or army girlfriends groups on Facebook and comment every
single time I see someone’s husband or boyfriend is there on the borders, just
like mine!

So don’t worry about me and definitely don’t be sorry, in fact you have
given me enough reasons to be proud of. Just please don’t get hurt, that
might just destroy me.

Loads of love, Only yours, Ananya.

I shut down my computer after that. There was no strength left in me to

work, to talk or to face anyone. Even though I said good things to him, I was
scared, really scared for him. After all it is not easy to be normal when your
love is at the border and every person there is shooting or killing every other
person.

I decided to ask Nancy to stay with me for some time, thinking that her
presence would keep off this loneliness. I would have at least someone to
talk to about him and share my fears. Though I was not very sure whether
she would come or not, it seemed that she herself wanted to come to me as
she had just broken off with her boyfriend or rather her boyfriend had
broken up with her. She asked me if I could do her tickets as she was unable
to process her ATM card due to some technical problems. I already assumed
that she has lost all her cash too just like before but I said okay as I wanted
her to come as soon as possible. My loneliness was killing me.

She arrived the next day and in spite of having three rooms in my flat she
decided to crash into my room and jumped onto my bed. Perhaps she liked
my room or the TV in it. So that left me with two options, either to go sleep
in the third room or share the bed with her and finally I decided to sleep in
the spare room.

I thought her presence would lessen my loneliness but it even worsened my

condition. I got this extra responsibility to cook for her as she would be
hungry every half an hour or so but would never like to enter the kitchen and
ask me. So I had no option left except to be in the kitchen all the time.
Though this way she really helped me in getting occupied, I must say. She
was always grumpy too, either she would cry over her boyfriend or she
would crib about him. I wanted to shout out loud but I couldn’t do that too
and there went all my dreams of sharing our pajamas, hugging each other
and watching movies together.

When life starts sucking, it will suck from every corner possible.

So I was kind of relieved, when she asked me if I knew any guy other than
Aakash, here in the city. I asked her why, as I thought it would be a bad idea
after a break up for her.

She said “Arre yaar, just like only an iron can cut another iron, similarly a
man can make us forget another man. Haven’t you seen ‘Pyar Ke Side
Effects? ’ Gosh!”

Wow! I never thought that way, there is some logic in it. Though I felt my
condition was far better than hers, it was not like my boyfriend had dumped
me for some stupid reason and I was wasting my life over him, but my
boyfriend was fighting for my nation and this way, he inspired me to do
something good too. No matter how far he was due to some inevitable
reason, his heart belonged to me and I knew it.

So it was not like Nancy’s presence went all in vain. I felt good about many
such facts and really liked her idea of hanging out with some guys, more
than anything it meant I did not have to tolerate her constant crying and
cribbing. By then she was annoying the fuck out of me and I wanted a little
escape from her tormenting. So it was a good idea.

Now the only guy I knew other than Aakash was Anant and I told him that
my best friend has come and she wanted to hang out, so it would be great if
we could make some plan for her. He got all excited and asked us to meet at
the ‘Tantra’ which was the most happening club in the city, after all Kolkata
is the ‘City of Joy’ and it is as lovely at nights as it is during the days and
‘Tantra’ opens its doors long after everything else in the city shuts down.

He also said he would bring some of his own friends, so I decided to take my
roomy Dishi with us too.

We reached Tantra at our pre-decided time and Anant was already waiting
for us with his friends there. He had some sort of connection with the owner
so we didn’t have to pay anything. It was a perfect place to chill out with a
bunch of friends. It was huge and spread over two levels. It had two bars
along with this ‘Bodhi Bar’ exclusive for patrons, which served fine single
malts and Cuban cigars. Any pub goer’s dream!

We ordered a few pita pockets, wraps, basket of fries with bourbon tomato
sauce and chilly prune smeared cottage cheese kebabs and prawns. I was just
happy with my pita pockets huge buns with plenty of vegetables inside, food
for mind, food for soul , I love it. Then the drinks consisted fruit punch for
me and mojitos, vodka, white wine, rum and Sula rose sparkling wine for
others.

The music was breathtaking and the DJ Sukirti was playing some
psychedelic trance. Once we were finished with our orders, everybody
decided to move their bodies on that beautifully lit dance floor. I just wanted
to sit in a relatively quieter corner away from that booming bass and just sip
my mock tail. So I asked them to go dance.

I saw Nancy and Dishi had acquainted really well with Anant and his group.
They were all dancing in a circle, though dancing is a ‘crude term’ to be
used for what they were doing. Mostly it was some sort of ‘Nagin dance’ but
what mattered ultimately was that they all seemed like they were enjoying
themselves and I could totally see Nancy throwing herself on Anant.
Sometimes she might act as a level five clinger. I smiled.

I smiled and thought how a single person can create all that difference in
your life and how you may feel alone even in the crowd and feel complete
even in your loneliness; it all depends upon your state of mind.

The biggest problem with people in love is that they forget depending on
themselves and are always in acute need for their partners. For them, the
world does not exist single anymore. Everything exists in double! For them
the sun is with the moon, the earth is with the sky and the man is with the
woman and for me it was Ananya with Aakash.

I was just physically present there but my mind and soul were definitely not
there. In that state of mind I heard, “Hello gorgeous, you seem lonely! Care
for a dance?”
How is it different from the army way of asking for a dance! Ah, where are
those ‘honour,’ ‘pleasure’ sort of words. I sighed and said, “No.”

“Oh, come on beautiful, it is a long night and all I am asking is just a simple
dance.” He was clearly drunk.
“I said no! And a no means absolutely no!”
“Is there any problem Ananya?” I saw Anant approaching me and only God
knows how glad I was to see him.

“ Tu kaun hai be ?” That man asked.

“You can call me your daddy” Anant said very casually.

“Bastard, leave her or I will kill you. She is mine!” Can you believe that
douche like him still exists in 21st century!

“Last time, I checked she was single and as far as I know her, she would
clearly jump out of the window than to commit to a rotten egg like you.”
Anant winked.

It provoked that man some more and he said, “You don’t know who I am!
My daddy is a minister here, don’t mess with me. Even police won’t save
you.”

“Of course, your daddy is ashamed enough of you to hide you during the
elections so there’s no chance that I will know a low life like you and don’t
worry about police saving me, I might give an easy hand to them when they
will be escorting you to the hospital.” Anant said.

Oh, God! Now it was going to get ugly and I did the most courageous thing
of hiding myself behind Anant. By now, seven more men joined him and
they all seemed like they were recently released from ‘Tihar Jail .’

Rest of our pack also joined us by now. It boosted the morale of those men
and the fact that they outnumbered us totally and badly clearly delighted
them.

Anant still had the audacity to say, “Yo dude! Back off! It’s just me who can
piss her off!”
That man threatened Anant again. “Rascal, today you will not return back to
your mommy and good that you have brought two more girls, don’t worry
we will take them all home and take good care of them. Hahaha.”

Too many men at one place attracted the attention of the bouncers by then
and they started approaching us. All of them scattered while threatening us
of consequences again.

One of the bouncers came towards us and asked if there is any problem and
before we could say anything, he said himself, “Dekh bhai, you have girls
with you. Why did you take panga with Baba? You don’t know him and our
responsibility ends here at the club only, we cannot guarantee your safety
outside the club.”

Nancy and Dishi were shivering by now and Nancy was almost on the verge
of crying. She said, “What will happen now and Ananya, why do you roam
around inviting trouble every single time? Now we will all have to pay!”

There was standing this ‘perfect friend’ out of the books, boosting my
morale right when I needed it the most and taking all the blame on herself
and how very thankful of her for coming to this wretched place so
unwillingly, just for my happiness. Yes, it was all my fault!

But as usual I kept mum and either way, we were in no situation to kill each
other before they did.

He smiled and asked very sweetly, “It’s ok bhai, but tell me if I do call some
of my men, then hope you guys won’t have any problems?”

Oh, God! This guy is insane. He’s still not getting it!

“Arre nahi re, why would we bother? Almost every day these morons create
problems for us too. But see bhai, no matter how many men you call, it is of
no use. You don’t know these guys.” The bouncer warned again.

“It’s ok, I will see to it. But thank you bhai .” Anant offered a hearty
handshake to him.
There’s nothing warmer than watching two perfectly unfamiliar men
engrossed in discussing saving lives or the honour of girls. They flush with
childish pleasure and pride. These are some limited joyful ideas of
brotherhood which unite men irrespective of any caste, creed or nation.

Anant turned towards us and said, “let’s go dancing.”

We stared him hard. In fact I am sure my eyes were bulging out of horror.
What the eff! Is he out of his mind? How can he even talk like this?

“How can you even think of this?” It was Dishi. “Arre yaar , why are you
guys thinking so much? Anant sir will sort them out, don’t worry. Let’s go
dancing.” It was Lieutenant Hem. Now it was proved all army guys are
totally insane!

“Anant, both way it is very late and our mood is really off by now, it will be
better if we head home safely.” I tried to talk some sense into him while
emphasizing on ‘safely.’

“Ok, Ananya but would you mind if I just go and come back? Hem, you just
stay here and Mohit, you come with me.”

Hem and Mohit both were junior to Anant, so following his orders were
instinctual. No arguments, no plans, no group discussion, no confusion, no
right or wrong among boys. He said and they followed, simple! This is how
army guys are trained to work. That is the level of trust that exist among
them and that is the kind of commitment they hold for the people who have
faith on them. Camaraderie is what makes of their life ethics!

Band of brothers !

Those men were acting like predators, observing us and waiting for that right
moment. The situation was like a few rats trapped in a small hole guarded by
ten cats outside that hole. And what more, they all looked like herd of
shitheads. Retards! Defective replicas of Gabbar and his gang!

After some fifteen minutes, Anant returned with a big smile on his face and
asked us to leave.
“How? They are still watching.” Nancy said.
Anant turned towards me and said, “You trust me, right? Just come with
me.”
“Yeah, you go first, we will join you later.” Again, my perfect friend out of
the books!

Anant grinned at me and said, “See, Nancy is saying, now you have no
option but to follow me.” And I felt like punching him. This situation and he
is mocking me!

But I actually trusted him, so I got up from my place and left with him. He
instructed Hem to stay with both the girls and come out only when he
signaled.

So we moved and it delighted the men who were tired of waiting and wanted
some action. So they all quickly followed us. Anant clutched my hands and
moved boldly towards the exit and right then that man jumped before us
outrageously, grinning and flashing all his gutka smeared ugly teeth. He was
perfectly depicting some south Indian villain, just not clad in lungi.

And then! Right then, I saw at least twenty men rushing towards us with AK
47 (thanks to watching all those action movies for this knowledge) in their
hands. I guess, they were all black cat commandos as they were all dressed
in pitch black from head to toe.

It was a sight enough to change the scenario, the man before us was shocked
and turned back to look for his men who had already rushed back to the club
and I was sure they would have definitely hidden themselves into the
washrooms by then.

One of the commandos who looked like the senior most saluted Anant.
“Saab, what are our orders?”

Anant said very casually, “Karnail singh, you first escort the madam to the
gypsy nicely and then I will brief you about the next order” while staring
hard at that man who was now surrounded by some five commandos with
guns which they waved at him.

It was enough to break the rest of his confidence and he knew I could be his
only key to safety so he joined his hands and cried, “Sister, mother swear! I
was just joking, please save me.”

I looked away and right then he jumped onto my feet. “Sister, please, sister.
Don’t leave me here. I have two children at home. It was my brother who
provoked me, I meant no harm!” and God knows what else he said but his
constant begging and tears which had started soaking my feet by now were
fucking annoying. So just to finish this episode, I asked Anant to leave him
which he tried to reason but agreed eventually.

By then a lot of people gathered there along with the bouncers. Anant asked
that same bouncer if he could send his chaps inside to find the rest of those
morons. The lost glory of his golden bouncer days were back and he was
pretty charged up to beat a few goons by himself and so he personally
ushered all the commandos right to the washrooms and began howling some
really nasty mother sister abuses straight to the Gabbar and his goons oops!
ex gabbar and his goons.

Suddenly everybody in the gang had several children, wives and one old
blind mom back home that were so dependent on them. Their tears could
have filled a pond.

One can find this lot of men anywhere, who pride themselves on preying on
those weaker than them but when it comes to fight with someone stronger
they start behaving like puppies. They remember their children and women
back home at such times only. Such men are clingers you see, exactly the
kind of turds that should not exist in our society, but they do and flourish
too. It was useless wasting our time on them.

So Anant left them after a clear warning that if he hears any such nonsense
by any of them again then he will find them and not leave them and it was
clear to each one of them that he was quite capable of doing that.

Hem asked Anant if he could kick them on their lousy itchy asses. Anant
smiled and said “I am leaving, you are the boss now. Do what you feel like!”
Then Hem actually started kicking asses and taking names too. Ooh! Man,
sure he was good at that. At 2 AM outside the pub, people were yelling at
top of their lungs and a good show of kicking their asses was going on. It
was more like a concert going on the street. Mass euphoria! Some moments
are just priceless and should be witnessed once before you die.

Finally we left fully escorted by the army gypsies. Hem and Mohit emerged
to be the stars of the evening and were flooded with phone numbers,
Facebook requests and lipsticks on their faces from their new found female
fan followings. I was sitting with Anant in one of those gypsies and he saw
me staring at the elated Lieutenants and said, “Been there! Done that!” and
winked. He is such a public whore! Hah! These army guys are really crazy .
I smiled affectionately.

They dropped us at our flat first and then before waving them off Nancy
asked Anant, “Oh, God! What did you do out there? What was that?”

He laughed. “Oh, that! Nothing, just the routine!”

“What do you mean by routine? You would not be walking with twenty
armed commandos every day in the market! What did you do? What if we
would have been hurt?” Sometimes the thin line between friendship and
righteousness just escapes Nancy.

“Hey, I know what I do! Either way I was not going to do anything to them,
my men are trained to fight dreaded terrorists. It’s an insult to fight those
roadside twats. We would have dealt with those men easily all by ourselves,
if you girls would not have been with us. I just wanted to scare them off. I
called my chaps, gave them our location then I clearly instructed them not to
use weapons in any case and take everything just as a daily drill.” He said.

“Oh!” Was her only response.

“Still if you perceive your life was in danger that time then I apologize from
the bottom of my heart, lady.” He looked pissed. Maybe a ‘thank you’ was a
better idea than her interrogations at that hour of the night.

“Oh, it’s okay. Thank God nobody was hurt. Ananya might act as magnet
sometimes attracting all sort of wrong guys to her. Hahaha!” She really can
be annoying as fuck sometimes. Nobody even laughed.
“Can we go now? I don’t want my chaps to disrupt their sleep cycles without
any reasons.” Was he gritting his teeth?

Now was the perfect time to jump into the situation and control further
damage. So I quickly said, “Thank you so much.” And stared at him
helplessly. Eyes speak a lot. You just should be open about it. He
understood… maybe. And then they all headed back to their dens; that’s
where the lions reside. And we poor civilians, to our humble abode!

Next day I was hugely relieved when Nancy said she would return home as
her holidays were all over; so with the promise of coming back she said
goodbye. I personally dropped her to the airport, just to make sure she didn’t
return back. I mean, who knows?

On the way back I reached my office and opened my laptop, though it was
Sunday but I was very eager to narrate last night’s incidents to Aakash. So I
typed a really long mail stating how much I was missing him, how much fun
he was missing here and how I wished he would have been here.

Then I left for my flat. That same old flat seemed a wonderful place that day
without Nancy, even Dishi seemed pleased as she had prepared upma for me
and ordered pizza that evening. It seemed like she was in a celebratory
mood. Well, I was feeling good too. At least I wouldn’t have to cook and
make beds now.

By the time the clock showed eight we dozed off beside the empty pizza
boxes. God, we must be tired.

Just like I said earlier, “how much difference a single person can make,”
thank you Nancy for making us realize the worth of our little flat and the
happiness that surrounded us.

So after few days I got a call from Anant and when I informed him dimly
that Nancy had left it felt as if he punched his fist excitedly on the other side
of the phone. He suddenly sounded like a million crackers bursting in the
sky. “Wow, I actually called you to ask for a cup of coffee but I was not sure
if she would accompany you.”
How is that even possible? How can a person spread so much happiness in
this world single handedly? Of course not by her presence, but by her
absence!

“How mean of you, Anant!”I faked anger.

“Okay, okay leave it. Would you like to have coffee with me today at
Barista?” He asked.
“Well okay, I have nothing much to do in the evening. See you then, bye.”I
hung up.

We met over a cup of casual cappuccino and paneer tikka sandwiches.

Suddenly he said “Trust me, it feels great not to have your poky friend with
you.”

I said, “Come on, don’t be mean. She’s my best friend.” “Really?? He asked
with fake astonishment.
“Okay, tell me if you are her best friend or she is your best friend.”
I was seriously puzzled. “What do you mean? What is the difference?”

“How can someone be your best friend? In fact, can even be called your
friend if you slog for her all the time? I mean, seriously! Cooking for hours
and she doesn’t even bother to lend you a helping hand and that too, for her
own meals? Then she always forgets her ATM and cash at home and isn’t
ashamed to use yours? Can’t you see, she is just using you? For her, money
is more important than you.”

I was shocked and stammered, “Well, how do you know all this?”
“Madam, I do have my sources but just so you don’t die of a heart attack,
Dishi told me all about her. In fact she talked only about her at ‘Tantra’ to
me. Seems like, she really loathes her.” He laughed.
“We are friends since school and I don’t think anybody can judge our
relationship. We have had our share of ups and downs together. She has
created all my childhood memories almost alone and even if she doesn’t
speak much I feel pretty comfortable in her presence. We had some good
times together and she was not like this always. It is just her boyfriend’s bad
influence.” I tried to defend her.
“Well, Ananya come out of this, your glorious past! Good times together!
Blah, blah! Really? I call such friends ‘strangers with memories,’ everybody
isn’t your friend just because they hang around you and laugh with you. Not
everyone will make it to your future. Some people are just passing through
to teach you some lessons in life.”

I was surely feeling uneasy and sad.

He continued. “Friendship is not about who you have known the longest, it
is about the people who love you from bottom of their hearts. They should
make you laugh and care for you as well. True friends would never make
your life miserable. They will have the audacity to face the world for you
and stand during your tough times. They just don’t lend their shoulders but
every possible resource they have just to help you out.”

I was angry and felt like crying but said, “Why are you telling me all this?”

He smiled, sensing my uneasiness perhaps. “So that, you don’t cross oceans
for the people who wouldn’t jump puddles for you and you should stop
doing things for someone, when you find out it’s expected than appreciated.
Seek friendships only from those who carry the back bones to stand with you
even at your bad times.”

Now I couldn’t take it anymore and I burst out. “Why are you telling me all
this? It might be easy for you lecture on friendship because you hail from the
world of enforced camaraderie. What do you think I don’t know? Or you
think I am a fool! She’s been my friend for the past fifteen years, I know
everything about her more than you or Dishi do, but I was happy doing
everything good or bad for her for the sake of our relationship. It didn’t
matter to me how much money I spent on her or how much I slogged for her.
At least I could always frame her as my best friend before people and I was
just happy with this and now thanks to you I have none, not even to imagine
or feel good about.”

I picked up my bag and left at once. He was shocked initially, perhaps he

never imagined this reaction from me but then he regained his composure
and ran behind me. “Hey, come on Ananya. It’s exploitation. What kind of
friend does this emotional blackmailing?”
“Still! Still! You will never understand. Never! Did not you get it? It did not
matter.” I snapped and entered the taxi which just stopped before me.

I was so visibly upset that even the taxiwala didn’t dare argue with me over
his wages and accepted whatever change I had in my bag. Trust me it is so
unlike the Kolkata cab drivers. Reality was harsh. It was like telling a child
that there exists no ‘Santa Claus’ or the ‘Tooth Fairy.’ I always denied
acknowledging the fact and I couldn’t take it from Anant. I was just not
prepared for this sort of conversation from him.

I rushed into my room directly and fell onto my bed. I didn’t even bother to
say Hi to Dishi. I was just in one of those moods when anybody’s face just
annoys you.

The Beginning of an Evil

I was missing Aakash terribly and wanted to talk to him badly. I opened my
Smartphone just to check if he had sent any mail. God never closes all the
doors together and there was indeed a mail from him.

Dearest Ananya,

It’s good to know that now you are getting out and having good times.
Though I am personally not in favour of taking our soldiers out on public
places but I am sure Anant would have his reasons.

Few days back, we got an Intel regarding few militants hiding in a deserted
fort near the area. We established a taskforce and left for there. There is a
rickety bridge near the fort over the fiery Chenab. To reach there, you need
to pass through vast barren lands with a hut or two in between, with some
people inhabiting those. The entire area is surrounded by hills.

It was a covert operation and we planned to catch them unaware, little did
we know we had been double crossed by our source. It was their plan to
catch us off guard. Once we reached the area and moved towards the fort
without realizing that militants had already taken safer positions over the hill
tops and there was no one in the fort.
The militants opened fire from the hill tops. Being at an elevated position
they had a very clear sight of us and we had nothing to take cover or provide
cover fires to each other. So a brutal massacre began, we were returning fire
but in vain! A few of us started looking for safer positions to aim them, so
along with ten more men, I ran towards the bridge on the rear side.

Our signal man Nayak Suresh Kumar martyred but not before informing our
Head-Quarters. Meanwhile ten of my men and I started firing towards them.
We got to kill some of those bastards but their position was providing them
tactical advantage. The rickety bridge couldn’t take much and some bullets
to its age old ropes untied it from one side, five of my men who were
severely injured already fell into the river. Helpless, two more of my men
plunged into the angry goddess to evade bullets and the mighty currents of
Chenab and icy cold waters proved fatal.

I could do nothing to save them as I was hanging myself upside down

entrapped in the ropes. It was a fifteen minutes ride for our choppers to our
location and they moved immediately but that too, couldn’t save twenty of
our men from losing their lives that way. Once the choppers reached, there
were no militants in sight except the trails of blood they had left there of
their injured and dead friends.

We could do nothing except mourn. Dying is not the point, as we take

immense pleasure in embracing death by enemy but what was sad was the
fact that we didn’t get a chance to fight back. Emotions are high here. We
have lost our friends and we don’t know whom to trust and whom not to.

Missing you, Aakash,

I was stunned, but then I saw another mail from him dated two days after
that mail. I opened it, feeling shaken.
Dearest Ananya,

Of course, they had a grand celebration after claiming the lives of Indian
soldiers but they had provoked the lions, their death sentences were passed
that day itself. We were given forty-eight hours to capture them, dead or
alive! We all took an oath on our blood to kill those bastards or die ourselves
trying. The food was not cooked that day nor nobody ate. The fire of revenge
was fuming deep within.
We were scanning them like mad dogs, every nook and corner, scanning
through thick forests, stiff cliffs, gorges. We left no stone unturned, but there
was no sight of them. But we found trails of blood running across the border.
It is not easy to locate such militants; they usually cross borders just after
committing such crimes as they know international laws will protect them.
Sometimes, they even mingle with the local crowd and it is very difficult for
us to attack them there for the fear of innocent lives being lost.

Twenty hours had already passed and we found no sign of them, but the
blood trails clearly indicated their presence just across the border. We were
adamant not to leave them this time, no law could protect them now. Our
superiors took the permission of the honourable prime minister and our
satellite images confirmed their locations. They were camping in Badgam, a
small village surrounded by dense forests fifteen kilometers away from Line
of Control.

We prepared a team of fifteen of our best Commandos. Though just ten of us

were sufficient for those cowards, but we didn’t want much show. ‘Finish
and come back’ was our motto. So we began ‘Operation Revenge!’

We boarded our Rudra attack helicopters with our Israeli Tavor TAR-21
assault rifles and MP5 sub machine guns in our hands. Our bird was
approaching them and those bastards camping on one of the hill slope were
feeling safe in the enemy forests surrounding the village. I bet they wouldn’t
have realized that death was just about to reach them.

We stopped our helicopters midair and slithered to ground through the ropes
and gheraoed the militants from all the sides, cutting off all routes of
escapes, the battle (I’d say ‘slaughter’) went on for two hours straight. Our
guns were raining bullets and no low life was spared. They could only dare
to attack us from behind and they knew how it tasted to provoke us.

Soon, we got back to our base where we were received like heroes for
avenging our friends. Seems like, our neighboring country has opened its
eyes finally but of course to protest for our injustice! They have even
declared some black day too. Wow! We really did achieve something.
It’s getting worse in here and every day is filled with explosions and cross
border firings, we have vacated the nearby villages already. Seems like the
war is inevitable!

You, my heart, don’t worry about me. I am fine and I will be able to put all
my focus here and do my job more proficiently if you are happy and move
ahead in life just like you have been doing all these days. Please promise me
to do that.

Yours always, Aakash.

How could he be so normal? And what did he mean by don’t worry? How
could I not? I rocked back and forth, tears coursing down my cheeks
unchecked. My heart was praying. Praying for his safety, praying for his
well being, praying for his coming back soon and praying for the war not to
happen! But you can never control destiny. Can you? One thing which is
destined to happen will happen no matter what and how hard you try. After
all, there is not much we mortals can do!

The governments create the wars but the people pay the price. These are the
soldiers who die and it is their families which are destroyed.

Wars are not fought, wars are grieved!

The piece of barren land is valued more than human lives. Nature has given
us everything to sustain ourselves on this planet but alas, she missed giving
us something to suppress our greed and lust. How funny is this, that wars are
fought for peace with guns and bombs? How difficult it is to realize that
peace can only be bought by love and compassion?

I wish our politicians could understand this simple fact.

I did not know whom to turn to, I felt I had lost all my friends and that time I
had nothing but faith. Faith in his love, faith in his loyalty, faith in some
miracle, faith in God! I did not know when my eyes shut close and I dozed
off.

Morning was quiet and there was some fear of the unknown in my heart. I
left for my office early that day, sometimes noises are better than silence.
While I was on my way I could sense there was some uneasiness in the air
and people seemed like they were discussing something in every nook and
corner. Even in the age of social media, masses do come out on roads and
form herds for common reasons like a cricket match, a protest or a ….war
maybe? My heart was pounding. I did not know and did not want to know.
In my office, I found that most of my colleagues were glued to the TV but I
was least bothered.

Sometimes your heart knows the fact but your mind denies acknowledging
it. I was in the exact same dilemma, my delicate heart was already there with
Aakash praying for his safety and I did not want to clog it with the fear of
unknown things.

But how long can you run from reality? I saw Mads, my manager
approaching me. She did not even bother to exchange morning pleasantries
not that she was ever into it . “Arre yaar, leave this work-sork. Don’t you
know?”

I knew perhaps and so I asked dimly. “What?”

“Where are you lost, madam? The biggest infiltration of

Pakistani forces has been detected in the history of India-Pakistan, seems

like the war is approaching. It’s trending on twitter too.” She replied and
dragged me to the common room even without waiting for my response
where there was this huge gathering of my office people before the TV.

The reporter was saying, “It is the biggest military coup Pakistan has ever
played in history, though Pakistan is constantly denying the presence of
10000 of its troops infiltrating the area near Kargil, mainly Mushkoh valley,
Drass and Batalik sector. They claim it to be the insurgents and militants
who are there. But by the capture of Pakistani soldiers and documents
available to them, it has been confirmed that the intrusion is controlled by
the Pakistani army. Several mobile phone calls and email conversations have
also been intercepted by our intelligence bureau which further confirms their
involvement.”

Suddenly a loud explosion was heard in the background of the reporter

which startled her too but she regained her composure and started reporting
again.

“It seems like Pakistan is trying to repeat 1999 Kargil war and trying to
achieve its long held objective of capturing Kargil hills again. For now,
shelling has increased in the area but I, Mihika Singh along with Suresh Pal
will keep updating you with the latest events. Signing off for now! Pray for
our soldiers!”

After that they started flashing various scenes of people fleeing the area,
some were crying and they were trying to interview them, on some channels
several experts were debating on the current situation.

In India, people are expert in two fields by default, one is ‘cricket’ and the
other is ‘politics.’ They think they got swag when they talk about such things
but you know some people can just be so insensitive. Please cannot you just
analyze the situation before opening your mouths? Who the hell asks you for
your expert opinions when India has just lost a match or somebody’s own
friends or relatives are there at the borders, facing the enemy at the first
hand? Is it really necessary to put up all those talk shows and spend so much
time on debates? It might hurt someone.

I heard someone saying, “You know why this Kargil like thing happens
again and again? It is because Pakistanis think it’s their territory as during
1984 they considered it LOC and they were also organizing tourist
expeditions during summers and in winters their forces retreated. Then
Indian forces captured it during the rule of ZiaUl-Haq and the retaliation of
Pakistani army was always considered as humiliation. So this failed attempt
of capturing it again and again is also because it being strategically very
important to join Leh from Srinagar and for the smooth flow of our troops.”
It was Swami, a south Indian nerd with plenty of information and of course
everybody looked pretty impressed.

“Oh man! These Pakistanis are such idiots!” Mads said loudly.

I heard someone saying, “I don’t really understand why they seem to ignore
the fact that we are the 4th largest army in the world and they are 15th. Our
economy is growing fast and theirs is crumbling, yet they try to fantasize
about these impossible goals as their forefathers. What a stupidity, I tell
you.”

“Soldiers die that is ok. It is their job to do so but it is really bad if they
disregard civilian safety and what about human rights? We should not
proclaim war over such small incidences, rather try to resume peace talks.”
Said Barkha, a liberal on her ideologies.

“These warmongers, they just feed on the blood of our soldiers! Hey, nice
lines. Lemme tweet about these Pakistani more.” Mads again!

I was going crazy, all red and hot with those irksome people talking nonstop.
God damn it! Aakash is there fighting and he doesn’t bother about what you
tweet, he‘s just doing his job silently and you talking about patriotism!
Maybe your silent prayers would help him better than your fucking tweets!

I just wanted to sit somewhere alone and cry. There were times when I
candle marched on India gate to support Anna, Hash tagged stop wars, world
peace etcetera million times and put status on how we should create a new
world. It was really easy then! But now… something had changed! It is easy
to shout out uselessly, isn’t it? Do nothing just tweet, Instagram it or put
Facebook posts and tag yourself a real tolerant patriotic Hindustani! Hah!
But real people don’t do it. They do their jobs silently. Now I was on the
sides of those who had actually suffered and had nothing to say or do except
pray for the safety of their loved ones all the while believing in a system,
hoping endlessly.

How I could relate to the families of these soldiers for whom nothing
mattered except the safe returns of their loved ones. The worth of a soldier
and what he deserves are the teatime topics of warmongers or social media
enthusiasts. Real heroes die namelessly and their loved ones suffer for the
rest of their lives facelessly. It was all clear to me now.

Nobody wins a war. Wars are the graveyards of people, families, hopes,
dreams and love.

I dragged myself back to my cabin and tried engrossing myself as much as I

could into my work. After lunch break I saw a familiar number flashing on
my cell phone, it was Anant. I picked up instantly and said, “Hello”

“Hi Ananya, just called to say goodbye.” he said. “Goodbye?”I was puzzled.

“Well, be happy! Now I have also been called to join my unit back to the
borders.” He said.
I was not happy, but I did not say anything.
“Hope you will be glad now, I won’t be around here anymore to trouble
you.” He teased.
I choked and all I could say was, “Can you please meet me one more time?”

“I have to leave tomorrow morning only. We all are flying by a special

aircraft which leaves here at 5 AM. And I am left with so much of packing
and then I do have to buy few things too.”

“Can you please do one thing, would you be able to buy your things from
Shoppers Stop? I will join you there.” I asked

“Ok yeah, that can be done as I have to buy some regular stuffs only. In fact,
it will be great if you could assist me. Is that okay if I pick you up by 4
then?”

“Yeah” and I hung up.

I was sad and I was feeling lonely. Even though I never accepted it, but
while yelling at him all the time, underneath there existed a special fondness
for him. He was always there whenever I needed him and now he was going
too. When somebody cares for you and you have gone beyond the limits of
taking them for granted, you realize the importance they played in your life
only after they are gone.

As Peter Pan said, “Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going
away, and going away means forgetting.” which is so true. Goodbye is the
second worst word in the human dictionary which means leaving someone
or something, and sometimes never seeing them again. I couldn’t wave off
Aakash so I was not going to miss giving Anant a proper farewell

I took the rest of the day off and first of all, wrote a long letter to Aakash
which was all comprised of how much I was missing him, and requested him
to be safe and return back to me ASAP.

Then I bought an ‘all the best card’ and ‘friendship band’ for Anant, some
assorted chocolates and two coffee mugs and prepared two baskets of some
goodies and chewing gums.

I was in a bad mood but then I was a ‘shopportunist’ too, always quick to
take advantage of some pleasurable, memorable retail therapy. So there was
no stopping me once we reached the mall. Though it was kind of pathetic to
shop for a guy because they prefer to pick fifteen similar tees at one go just
so they don’t have to try it. They might be all enthusiastic till they enter the
shop but once inside they will turn to shop slackers who prefer to sit on their
asses doing nothing. But I was there to wave him off properly so I let that
go.

Can you believe it? After spending two wholesome hours of shopping he just
bought a Fossil watch, two shirts and a Giorgio Armani deodorant. Just that!
Gosh!

He was going to the borders and probably would be involved in a war and all
he bought were two shirts, a watch and a deodorant? I would have bought
almost an entire mart in his position and shopped till I dropped for a week at
least.

Shopping for girls is just not shopping. It is some kind of a ‘stress releasing
therapy.’ Girls are emotionally attached to this concept of shopping. Popping
cosmetics, lovely perfumes, designer dresses, funky accessories, quirky
bags, stylish shoes! They help us achieve our little ‘nirvana.’ This is
meditation guys. Shopping keeps us focused.

After that we headed to the food court and ordered two foot long sandwiches
and there I gave him the gift bag. He got all excited and opened it. He then
picked up the friendship band and stared at it for some long time while
faking those happy expressions. Then he said, “Are you sending me to the
borders after tying this rakhi?”

“What? No-no! Can’t you see it’s an elastic friendship band? Does it look
like a rakhi? You retard!”
He heaved a sigh of relief, shook his head, and then opened my card and
read it out loud, ‘All the best soldier and return safely.’ At that time I felt it
was very girlish, maybe I should have bought him some manly stuff like a
wallet or a watch.

He looked pleased though. Then he said, “Thank you so much and I thought
you hate me.”

“Oh, please, Anant! That was just our first fight, friends do fight, okay. That
is normal. You don’t need to take it to your heart, in case you hold any
grudges!” I fluttered my eyelashes.

“Oh right, either way I am without a heart and my brain pumps all my
blood!” He mocked me.
I handed him the coffee mug with ‘friends’ written over it too.
This time he let out some ear ringing fake wow sounds after receiving it. All
the while thinking about what he was going to do with a goddamn bone
china coffee mug at the borders.
Then I gave him the goodie basket and he looked pretty elated receiving it,
perhaps the rest of my gifts did not make sense to him.
Then I gave him another goodie basket which was perfectly wrapped along
with the letter and coffee mug with love written over it and asked if he could
hand it over to Aakash.

He said, he was not sure if he would meet him as he could be sent to another
post at another area but he said he would surely try his best to deliver it to
him.

Then he dropped me home in his car and there he came out of his driving
seat, shut the door and stood right before me with hands folded and his back
rested on his car. I smiled and said, “It’s ok Anant, I know you are bad at
goodbyes. You don’t need to.”

He said “Gosh! You know me too much. But it’s not just the goodbyes; I am
bad at saying ‘thank yous’ too. Ananya, it really means a lot to me, nobody
ever bothered to take this much effort for me and thanks for helping me get
those great shirts. I really did not have anyone to help me out there.”
I did not know what to say so I just managed to whisper, “I thought you hate
the t-shirts and my gifts.”

He laughed. “Arre nahi, they are the best gifts ever and I will make sure to
keep them with me always.” Then he hugged me and kissed me on my
forehead and said, “Thank you, friend.”

He left after that and I could not say anything except waving him goodbye.
In fact, I had nothing to say. I was feeling silly. One more friend of mine had
left me alone. Now I was all alone. You know, loneliness is a disorder where
you feel habitually depressed and the only outcomes you get out of it are
those bodily fluids a.k.a. tears.

I entered my flat and saw Dishi with her pizza. I felt very warm and fuzzy in
her company and confided my heart to her. “Anant left too.”

She pulled me towards her, wrapped my neck with her arm and said, “I
know! It’s okay, love.” It was her style, she would never talk much but when
you needed her she was always around.

Life is such a beautiful deception. You never realize your true treasures and
keep running behind futile things. The warmth of a simple smile, the
presence of your loved ones, the power of a simple hug, the support of your
people all make sense only if you don’t get it.

The War

Next few days the tension across the borders escalated as Pakistan mobilized
its armoured regiments and tanks around the borders and India also
mobilized around twenty thousand of its troops there in return. There were
rumours about Pakistan launching a number of covert operations to infiltrate
and sabotage Indian air bases but nothing was confirmed to common people.
Reports of exchange of small arms and artillery fire were very common in
media. The authorities in India were engaged in the war efforts but I had a
feeling that war wouldn’t happen.

But you know I have seen so many lucky people around, like really they
managed to only get wet when they should have drowned but when it came
to me, I had ‘Luck AIDS’! A non contagious disease that brings horrible
luck down upon those infected, causes situations that would happen to no
other people, much like AIDS which will eventually kill you but will cause
much pain and havoc in your life before doing so. I found that one true love
of my life but that had to be a commando who preferred texting me right
from the counter insurgency operations. Like it was not enough for my
bright stars that they decided to throw an extraordinary situation in my life.
A War? A holy effing war? Are you kidding me? And the love of my life
was fighting there leaving me hanging on a delicate thread every moment.

It was Sunday that day that I heard loud banging on my door. I tried to
ignore but ultimately had to get up and saw a visibly shaken Dishi, who saw
me and shouted, “What are you sleeping for, you whore! The war has begun,
turn on the TV!”
“What?” and I switched on the TV immediately.

The prime minister was addressing the nation. “It is confirmed that Pakistan
has launched preemptive air strikes on fifteen of our airbases and we take
these airstrikes as declaration of war against India! Henceforth, all the
bilateral talks and diplomatic relationships have been suspended. We have
immediately mobilized our troops and India’s prime objective is to prevent
Pakistan from entering our soil, though there is no Indian intention of
conducting any major offensive into Pakistan but if situation demands,
Indian troops are prepared for anything. I appeal to all the Indian citizens to
keep calm and continue with their daily chores as normal without fear. Our
forces are capable and well equipped to deal with the situation. Let’s just
pray for their safety and for the integrity of our great nation. Jai Hind!”

Another T.V. channel showed the ongoing events of the airstrikes. The news
anchor was shouting. “There has been a launch of full scale airstrike after the
official declaration of war by our prime minister. The IAF MIG-29 UPG,
MIG 29K, Sukhoi 30mki and Rafale aircrafts have taken off from the
forward airbases and bombed several Pakistani airbases, though three of the
planes were brought down with the help of antiaircraft guns and surface to
air missiles, but Pakistan Air force has suffered huge losses, and the second
wave of strikes by MIRAGE 2000 and JAGUAR fighter planes to terrorists
camps in PoK have also been successful in severely damaging the area with
the loss of no planes there.”
Then he paused for a moment and continued soon after. “In another report,
INS Vikramaditya which is India’s mighty KIEV Class Aircraft Carrier has
been moved from the ports of Visakhapatnam and the second light aircraft
carrier INS Viraat has also steamed northwards from the ports of Cochin.
The sea wars have not started yet but the Indian Navy is on full alert.”

With a heavy heart I switched off the T.V. Dishi hugged me tightly and said,
“We will win, don’t worry.”
“I know that we are going to win. That is not something I am worried
about.” I said and left.

Once the war started, it felt as if there was another war going on in social
media, on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, these were all mere tools to spread
more hatred. These would all be filled with hate messages and brutal
pictures of martyrs, bleeding kids, crying widows and what not! They
claimed to be bigger patriots than the rest along with a request to like and
share the picture, else bad luck would prevail and war would never end! Can
you imagine how people could be so insensitive? Just because they own a
smart phone and an internet package they feel they owe no responsibilities to
anybody. They just need a story to run ahead in the virtual world.

But the irony is that dead soldiers made bigger stories. Indian or Pakistani, a
soldier is a soldier performing his duty and following the orders till his last
breath. It’s just about few disciplined men who dare to face death for their
country’s honour and display the art of battling gallantly for which they
trained their entire life. Should not both sides of such fine men deserve equal
respect? Should not the losses of such extraordinary men be mourned by
each country? It should just be warmongers who should be hated, not the
soldiers!

But the gory images of dead soldiers lying in their own blood began
spreading the hysteria among people more and more. There was a race going
on among various news channels to show more and more of such images and
horrifying details of every single bit related to the war. The people were
turning lunatic with every such news and the rush of adrenaline resulted in
assaulting the religious minorities on the roads sometimes, nothing serious,
just some hooligans trying to prove some point. I guess this was their idea of
mass patriotism.
One day I found a postman at my door. I was shocked for a moment. I mean,
who writes letters these days anyway. These days you can open a bank
account or book railways tickets, even obtain forms of government exams
through a post office but the novel idea of writing and receiving letters
through a post office is totally lost in this age of emails and mobile phones.

So, obviously I was a bit nervous when I got an authenticated letter from
postman bhaiya. In fact, I found it my moral duty to offer him some snacks
and tea after receiving this honour from him. It felt very retro, very vintage!

Anyway when I was left alone I opened that letter and realized it was from
Aakash.
Dearest Ananya,

I know you must be waiting for my emails but you know with this war going
on, I am a bit occupied and then there is some problem of connectivity too.
These days our Wifi and phone connections have been barred but yeah, we
always have this age old methods of writing letters to our near and dear ones
and the draftsman promptly dispatches our letters too. Sorry I can’t give you
my address and either way it keeps on changing, so for now you will have to
manage with this only.

Ananya, I am writing this letter because I don’t know when I will get this
opportunity next. Our unit has been asked for ‘Cold Start Doctrine.’ Though
officially, it does not exist!

But it calls for rapid mobilization and concentration of strike forces at the
borders so as to be able to launch a short duration invasion of Pakistan. The
idea is to attack, hit the enemy hard and return safely before any
international intervention. The aim is basically to neutralize any nuclear
threat and it is all done within forty eight hours of getting orders!

And, we have got our orders today. Our job is to drop into enemy area and
bomb their military establishments which are reported to have possible
nukes fittings and also seize their documents, kill the possible threats and
return back maintaining the anonymity. We have received the reports that
Pakistan is preparing for a nuclear attack soon, so we have been asked to
neutralize it. We are a team of twenty, who would slither and drop to twenty
different possible locations in the enemy area and bomb it.

You would be wondering how is this possible for a single man to bomb an
entire military establishment but don’t worry I never disclosed it to you but I
am a Para Commando from 9 Para of Parachute Regiment and we are trained
not like regular army personnel. Our training is far more advanced and the
best in the world.

‘Our only aim is to achieve the impossible, difficult is just a routine for us!’

I would be hanged to disclose everything to you but I don’t know when I am

going to meet you next. I might go missing too and Indian government will
not take the responsibility. So I find it my moral obligation to clear things to
my first love ever, when I have a chance. Yes, you are my first love, love at
first sight! I never admitted it as you see it’s quite embarrassing for a twenty-
five-year old guy to fall in love for the first time ever. But then I don’t know
when I will get to talk to you again. By the time it will reach you, we would
have already left for our mission.

Please, whatever comes, never ever think that I did not love you even for a
fraction of second. I love you from the bottom of my heart, truly, deeply and
madly! I may not be around you, but my heart would always belong to you.
My soul always craves for that little togetherness we had at AOI. The logical
mind is saying to me that it is a suicidal mission but my heart knows I will
return back to you. You just promise me that you will move on with your life
and nurture it always. You are a precious soul Ananya. You are here to
enlighten other people’s lives and brighten this world a little more.

No matter what comes to you ahead in your life you will not embrace
darkness.
P.S.-. “With you I lived an eternity!”

Love, Aakash

“Who is this guy? Why did I even meet him? How can he be so annoyingly
perfect about everything? And he is planning to leave me, yet that bastard
bothers every single time about me and how the fuck does he knows me so
well? I will kill him, kill him, kill him!” I banged my fists on the wall till it
hurt like hell.

My days had ended and the very same happened to my nights. For me,
nobody existed now and it especially included my God. He was some really
nasty person, if he had such big plans ahead on his mind then why did he
drag me into his dirty business? God! Hah! God, some large angry fairy-
pixie in the sky! Refuses to show any evidence of his existence but will
sentence you to an eternity of pain and burning if you do not accept it. Did I
ask you for this much of adventure? Who are you to decide things for me?
Do you have to go through all those heartbreaks and pains? No na? Then
why do you derive so much pleasure out of it?

After thinking much I drew a conclusion that no single God can be this mean
and choose never to reply, so earlier I was an agnostic but now I suppose, I
did not believe that God even exist.

Just the next day after receiving that letter, there was this news of bombing
of seventeen of the important military establishments in Lahore, Rawalpindi,
Multan, Islamabad, Miragarh, and several such establishments especially
near Punjab and Kashmir borders. They were all severely damaged. Though
Pakistan blamed India for it, India denied it and condemned the attack. No
one took the responsibility but Baloch rebellions or Swat fighters were also
the possible suspects who could have taken the advantage of the situation.

In another report, it showed that three of the dead bodies of the possible
terrorists who were suspected of bombings had also been recovered from the
blast sites. Their identities were not confirmed yet.

Can anybody feel how it is to live without life? How it feels to see the blood
of your soul in the form of tears all the time and wiping it quickly praying
nobody else noticed? Sadness would engulf me most of the time and it was
hopelessness which would reside in me at other times. There would always
be a constant tug of war between my mind and heart which would always
argue about him being dead or missing or believing in some miracle.

Emotional tension, physical discomfort, puddle of tears, pain had all turned
me into a living zombie.
News channels were shouting, “Now the war has reached into its final stages
as India has got upper hand after the bombings of Pakistani military
establishments and the chiefs are willing to launch massive coordinated air,
water and land assaults so that the enemy does not get the chance to
retaliate.”

Meanwhile, international communities were constantly urging for a ceasefire

but India was not retreating any sooner. US threatened to keep a leash on the
weapons which indirectly referred to the use of nuclear weapons, else it
would launch a full scale attack against the responsible nation. Though Israel
and Russia offered unconditional support to India and justified its causes, it
was strongly opposed by China who stood on a neutral stand and somehow
decided not to support Pakistan, after all China also had to safeguard its own
interests with our great country and surely was not willing to sacrifice its
financial ties with us by helping its age old friend Pakistan.

By now, war had entered into its second month and the Indian morals were
high after the bombings so finally there was a launch of full scale invasion
into Pakistan, but Pakistan decided to go all out and put everything into the
war.

Meanwhile the Indian Army 75 Armored Regiment crossed the international

borders of Punjab and Rajasthan. The attack was directed towards Multan
with their powerful Arjun and T-55 tanks. Pakistan with their Al Khalid
tanks counterattacked. They were backed by PAF J-10 and F-16 aircrafts.
These aircrafts succeeded in destroying few of the Indian tanks with their
bombs and armour piercing missiles, meanwhile the Mirage 2000 and MIG
29 fighter planes also joined the battle and counterattacked. Finally after the
loss of sixty tanks and fourteen aircrafts from both the sides, both the
countries decided to fall back till the reinforcements came.

Meanwhile the first squadron of T-90 and Arjun tanks of Indian army 43
Armoured Regiment reached the Lahore borders after an initial delay of five
hours due to darkness and severe dust storms. They faced counterattacks
from Pakistan 4th Armoured divisions with their T-80 UD tanks. The battle
started in pitch darkness which was getting ignited now and then by tank
explosions and gunshots. The battle was in progress even when morning
arrived but now it had turned ugly where tanks started ramming each other
and soldiers were shooting at point blank range. Neither side was able to
take the help of their artillery nor does air support because of the gigantic
dust storms over the battlefield created by the tanks tread.

However the superior number, training and equipments of Indian army

finally began to overpower Pakistani side and Indian tanks outflanked the
Pakistani ones. The Indian army managed to isolate and destroy the
Pakistani armoured group and ruined their basic plan of fighting. They also
managed to destroy the Pakistani reinforcement routes and thus succeeded in
blocking all the attempts of getting reinforcements or concentrating together.

Clearly the ‘battle of Lahore’ was won by Indian army and they succeeded
in their plan of capturing Lahore before the lunch. Though Indian side
suffered heavy losses of some hundred tanks but ultimately it’s all about
winning the battle that matters!

On the other side, another battle was going on in the sea where the Western
Fleet of Indian Navy escorted the Carrier battle group centering INS
Vikramaditya with its modern fleet of small destroyers and frigates ships. It
steamed northwards across the Arabian sea and launched the attack.

The first and second missile hit and sank two Pakistani fuel tankers, the third
and fourth anti ship missiles hit the Pakistani Navy fleet tanker and PNS
Alamgir. It was damaged beyond repair, meanwhile the MiG 29K bombed
the Pakistani Naval headquarters at Karachi and also arms and ammunition
depot of Karachi, the antiship missiles had already destroyed Pakistani
Destroyers and its guided bombs exploded another Pakistani ship carrying
ammunition. The air to air missiles destroyed two Pakistani fighter planes.

The Pakistani Navy submarine PNS Hamza was finally sent to take control
of the situation from Indian carrier battle group but before they could do
anything their passive SONAR picked up the signals of another submarine
drowned at some distance from the Indian ships providing it a cover. It was
India’s most powerful nuclear powered ballistic missiles submarine INS
Arihant! The name was so dreaded that PNS Hamza decided to sink back
into the depths of the great Arabian Sea.
Many of the battle ships, fuel tankers, even two to three merchant ships were
destroyed without even a scratch to Indian side. The Pakistani Navy Head
Quarters was bombed and was in complete ruin. They were not even able to
launch rescue operations. The carefully planned and executed operation of
Indian Navy enforced ‘Naval Blockade’ of West Pakistan with complete
control over the Arabian seas.

The Sea wars were over and India emerged as a clear winner.

India was emerging victorious at every front and the defeat of already
troubled Pakistan seemed certain; faced with insurmountable losses the
Pakistan military capitulated and finally surrendered. Pakistan began the pull
out of the infiltrators from Kashmir region and also withdrew its army from
the Indian Territory.

The Reunions

The international forces and UN urged both the countries to settle the issues
peacefully. The Indian prime minister in an address to the nation declared
the war to have ended officially. He was full of praises to Indian Armed
forces.

The various diplomatic talks of negotiations and exchange of POWs, i.e.

prisoners of wars initiated. There was a surge of patriotism from Bollywood
and cricket celebrities who just vanished like fart in the air during the war.
They were now resurfacing and expressing their support to the Indian troops.
Various Hindu and Muslim parties’ invisible dicks were in action now and
they were back crediting their respective Gods for this victory. Many
politicians who were corporate whores started faking compassion and
collecting mass support over a topic which could eventually fill their bank
accounts. Various other dicks were in full action hash tagging shitloads of
topics or sharing pictures of martyrs insensitively. The war was over but all
sorts of debates and polls splashed across the virtual world.

Yes, what did you think? Aftermaths of a war are even more brutal than the
war itself because they are negotiated over the dead bodies of the people
who died saving the grace of the very same people!
The only organization and people who were quiet about this victory were
Indian military and the soldiers. They were all busy calculating their losses
and mourning their friends and families. Nobody came forward to claim the
victory!

The generals were all quite enraged due to the lenient peace talks with the
enemy country and lousy exchange of POWs. They were all troubled
managing the damages and lifting the morale of their soldiers and families.

As Rudyard Kipling quoted

“God and the soldier, we adore,
In time of danger, not before.
The danger passed and all things righted. God is forgotten and the soldier
slighted!”

We remember our forces and God only at the times of war or crisis. During
peace they just turn into underappreciated branch of services where their
perks, privileges and rights are always under scrutiny. Yeah that is another
thing, nobody asks about their limits of duties during wars, flood, drought or
even when a kid has fallen into a hole.

We, my friend, are a cricket crazy country while most politicians suck the
blood out of us!

There was no news of Aakash or Anant, and I was eagerly waiting for their
arrival as the troops had started returning back to their bases. I was carrying
on with my life somehow but I was not alone. Now I was among the families
of those brave soldiers who were either martyred or had gone missing. There
were many questions but no one was answering; but maybe the quest for
answers kept us all going at that time. That faith and hope of reuniting with
your loved ones provides you with great courage you never knew existed in
you.

I kept missing Aakash a lot. The warmth of his presence, the cologne he
wore, his beatific smile were things that I craved for all the time. There were
times, I called his name in the dark, and expected a reply or imagined his
face right before me on the window glass. How crazy! I know but it happens
to you when sanity starts leaving you slowly.
After the war everything changed, I started appreciating little things in life.
God knows, I did not want a war, I did not want a victory, I did not want a
defeat. I wanted nothing but to meet Aakash one last time, if not forever!

I was missing Anant too. Few people dare to knock at the door of your heart
and develop an unnamed relationship with you which you end up treasuring
forever. His absence made me realize that I have developed a very special
kind of relationship with him.

One day, I got a call from Military Hospital Kolkata regarding a patient who
wanted to meet me and had requested my presence. I tried asking about him
but they immediately hung up the phone.

But it did not matter. I rushed to the hospital in my slippers, I thought it

would be Aakash but it was Anant lying on the hospital bed. I was
disappointed but yes, I was happy to see him. All that sudden shock and
realization of seeing someone finally made me cry, and he just got up and
hugged me. It made me cry even more. I was happy and sad at the same
time.

Happy to see Anant and sad not to see Aakash!

Finally Anant said, “Hey, sunshine! Why are you crying so much? It’s okay.
I am fine, just minor cuts and bruises here and there.”
Then I realized that now I should stop crying for Aakash and cherish his
presence. I removed myself from his embrace and sat quietly. He said, “Hey,
I just arrived here today and I had to go through all these regular medical
checkups. I did not have a phone and so I requested the nurse to call you.”

“Oh! How was it?” I asked.

“What?”
“The war,” I said

“Oh, come on. Ananya, please talk anything but the war! I did my duty and I
have lost a few friends. I am back in the city and I don’t want to remember
any part of it, at least not for now.” He seemed irritated, which was so unlike
him.
“I just thought...” I tried to say but he cut my statement.
“War is evil, Ananya. It changes people. After battling your inner evil every
single second there, more than battling your enemy outside, you change. You
are never the same person which you were before the war. It was my first
war and I feel the evil is already inside me.” He said.

We both sat in silence for some time, then I asked him slowly, “Where is
Aakash? How is he?”
“What? He has not come back yet?” He seemed shocked. “No, not that I
know off! Wait! What do you mean? Don’t you know?” My heart was
palpitating with unknown fear.

He said, “No, we both were posted at different locations and then he is a

Para and I am an infantry officer. This entire time I was moving with my unit
only, I never got to meet him. He would be on some special mission, I guess.
He will return soon.”

I wanted to tell him about the bombings in Pakistan but decided not to. I
urged him to find him and he promised me to do it on priority basis.

After all, Aakash was his friend, his brother in arms!

I would get up every day with the hope that today I would get some news of
Aakash but it did not happen ever. One evening, I found Anant at my
doorstep. Dishi had not returned from the office yet. He was looking
disturbed, as if he hadn’t slept for the past few nights.

I asked him, “What happened?”

“Ananya... I… Umm...” He was not able to talk.

I gave him a glass of water, asked him to relax first and then narrate the
story.
“I tried to locate Aakash, but his bosses are denying his existence and
providing me no details.” He said.
“What do you mean by denying his existence?” My heart was pounding.

“I mean, they are not acknowledging his presence in their unit and stating
that he was attached to some other unit of which they have no information.”
He said.
“This may mean, that either he is missing or dead.” He added slowly.
“What? No, no Anant! You are freaking me out. This can’t happen!”

“This is how it happens in wars, Ananya, and that is why it is dreaded. In

fact, one of his colleagues told me that he may be dead already as he was
sent on a very confidential mission at the beginning of the war itself and he
hasn’t heard of him since then.” He said.

“Oh, come on! Why are you talking shit to me? Shut the fuck up!” I yelled at
him.
“Ananya! Listen to me, Ananya. Nothing is confirmed, he may come back
too. Don’t panic.”

“He may? Oh, please! He is coming back soon. I know, he has promised me
that he will return. You have lost all your senses.” I yelled again.

He tried to console me but I shouted at him. “Please, go away. I am not in a

mood to talk to you right now.”

“But Ananya…”
“Just get lost!”

And he left. Perhaps, he also wanted to be alone or was not left with any
courage. I did not know and I was not bothered too. All my mind could
focus on was ‘missing’ or ‘dead’.

That little hope which was pushing me ahead all these days was long gone.
The earth burnt beneath my feet, fear clutched my throat! The fear of his
death, of separation, of losing hope, of being helpless all merged into one
feeling of sickening agitation and the rest of the feelings which I couldn’t
understand would roll down my cheeks in the form of tears.

Anant and Dishi tried their best to bring out that normal me but nothing
worked. Sometimes I would smile, looking at my reflection in the mirrors
but the agonizing image of his dead body would rupture from the glass and
force a long overdue reaction out of me. I‘d feel like vomiting the rest of the
day.
One day Anant called me and asked if I could join him for some welfare
affairs. I denied and tried to cut the phone call but he said, “Wait, I am asked
to visit the families of the martyred and report their well being and problems.
I need a lady to accompany me. It would be nice if you could come.”

Now this was something I could not deny. I wanted to visit those pretty little
family quarters of brave people. I saw the widows of all those unsung
heroes, who were well acquainted with the fact that they were all alone in
this big bad world now and had to carry on with all those incomplete
responsibilities of their husbands.

Some of them even had small children who would never see their fathers
again but their hopes were infectious and spirits unmatchable. I did not see a
single person cribbing about government or war. In fact, they were all very
proud of their husbands and wanted their kids to join army just like their
fathers.

They were moving on with their lives. It was extremely wonderful to meet
those incredible women who chose a life happily most wouldn’t be strong
enough for.

Anant noted down all their problems and asked me to interact with them and
console them. Little did he realize that it was me who was being counseled
and consoled!

With promises to come back, I left! While staring at those lovely little
quarters, I realized those houses were nothing but the dreams of the martyred
which were still glittering against all the darkness that surrounded their lives
now. Their spirits were rays of light in that darkness, exactly a shade
between sadness and despair, showing the possibility of a better tomorrow!

Drowning in your own miseries is sheer insult to all that hope with which
those brave men took a bullet in their chests happily. Nobody has the right to
insult that fearlessness, that sacrifice!

No, you cannot do that! You have to move on, Ananya, and make it worth the
living, for Aakash! Yes, for him!
Suddenly I got the power to shed that excruciating pain. The subconscious
control which was holding me to move ahead was gone at once. My heart
was still not there with me and I was totally aware of the void there. Still, I
was not much miserable now and rather worked for the settlements of those
families as much as I could.

The whole world was now divided for me into two halves: one half was
these families and there was all joy, hope, light; the other half was
everything stuck to his memories and there was all gloom and darkness!

I started hanging out again with my friends that actually included occasional
movies or dinners with Dishi and Anant. Anant’s company was pretty
comforting as we would talk about Aakash mostly and laugh remembering
his little things but I would always cry at the end. Soon Anant started
avoiding his topics, the only reason due to which I was seeking his company
.

One day I got a call from my mom saying that she was coming to stay with
me for some time. I showed my stubborn reluctance but then moms are
moms! There’s no escaping from what they want from you so I surrendered
finally and picked her up from the railway station.

“Ananya! What’s wrong?” Was her first statement once she met me!
“What? Nothing Mom, what are you talking about?” I said sheepishly.

“Girl, I am your mom. Okay? Respect that. I know about you more than you
do.” She growled.
Thanks to that taxiwala who stopped right before us then. For once in my
life something happened when I desperately needed it. I hopped onto it
quickly and stashed my face into the window till we reached our flat where I
could vanish comfortably.

Moms are genetically enhanced superbly intuitive Autobots! They have

these little remote controls in their systems with which they are capable of
solving all our problems at one go magically. They also plant mood tracking
sensors onto you right from the time you were comfortably sleeping in her
womb.
And if you talk about my mom, then all her sensors were imported directly
from NASA. She can track me down in any mood anywhere, even on Mars!
There is no escape, thereis no privacy. We hardly ever talked much recently
but she already looked like she knew everything.

Despite everything it felt very soothing having her around me. The air got
cheery and our kitchen was being utilized properly now, otherwise we
mostly used it as our store room. Dishi would mostly be ‘food drunk’ like
shit after eating mom cooked food too bloody much. Then she would say,
“Oh aunty, thank you so much but now I have some serious food fatigue to
deal with. Hehe.”

My elated mom would advise her to go take a nap every time she’d be
loaded with kilos of food in her tummy. Then my mom would give me all
those long held stares and say “Anu, learn something from her. What a
healthy girl! And you…look like a tooth pick!”

This was something I had been hearing all my life and so I knew it would be
a sheer waste of my time debating with her. So I pretended to be engaged in
all those (un) important works.

Now I could not dare tell my Mom that “Mom, I am gifted to achieve that
perfect body mass index naturally for which some skinny models would
spend crores and how come you don’t seem to notice all those farts which
have made a permanent residence at our flat?”

You know there’s a term ‘mother mafia’ which includes all those fat moms
who gather occasionally and eat, bitch, exchange novel ideas of emotionally
blackmailing their kids and winning over an argument so that they can be the
dominating one! They use their children to show off to other parents and can
be proud of their kids and brag about it over the phone while belittling any
‘Sharmaji ki beti.’ Hawww! My bittu is so sweet ,’ sort of conversation. At
the same time fit, slim, size zero would be a few hated terms in their world.
So trust me dude, never ever try to win over your mom by logic only, instead
use food!

One fine Sunday, mom decided to cook butter chicken with biryani. So I
thought it would be nice to invite Anant home. He accepted the invitation
gladly.

Nothing can be more important than feasting on ‘home made mother

cooked’ butter chicken and biryani for a ‘home deprived starved soul.’

He arrived sharp at the lunch time with a bouquet of rajnigandha for my

mom which she was so glad to receive. Actually Anant was my only friend
ever to bring something for my mom. How very sweet of him!

Our lunches began and trust me they were behaving like ‘foodjunkies!’ I
mean, after stuffing their mouths with every spoon full of biryani and licking
voraciously the juicy legs of chicken they would create random vocal noises
and give facial expressions like they achieved their nirvana right there with
occasional quick glances at me while I‘d be struggling to keep up with their
capacities.

Anant even tried to say something like “Dude, mmm why don’t mmm.. It’s
so tasty...mm…” all the while biting and chewing the leg piece. Dishi was
not even bothered to talk and instead focused on her food like a hawk all the
while creating sounds like moaning.

Oh! So this is how starved people from famine stuck African countries eat!
Though my mother was ecstatic with joy after they helped her achieving the
long held ambition by eating like boars. Gosh! Plain disgusting! They even
farted and burped too.
And look at my mum there, she was all so happy. Wow! I and my brother
always depressed my mom by our appetite.
The lunch got over very reluctantly, that too only after they could lay their
hands on that bowl full of ghee laden, sugar syrup dripping gulab jamuns !
But in spite of those nasty stares from my mom and immense pressure to eat
from my friends I denied to eat those. I couldn’t, man! My tummy would
have exploded. Thank god it got over soon after that.
I felt like an alien unwanted person in their gathering of ‘foodholics’ and
jumped onto my bed after that. I didn’t even return the smiles Anant was
throwing at me. Devil!

So when I got up after some two straight hours I expected him to leave by
then. Good I gave him cold responses, nobody can be at my place and shake
my very existence in my mom’s eyes by behaving like baby elephants.

But one more step into the living area and I could see them totally bonding
over a cup of tea! Oh man, what was this? Was it my home and my people
anymore? So finally when I lost all the hopes of him leaving before dinner,
he asked my mom if he could leave and after a few hugs and pleasantries he
left. Thank God for that. I would never invite any of my friends.

But the damage was done and Anant would come every Sunday uninvited
and eventually started assisting my mom, spending a keen amount of
attention and energy on knowing the ingredients and preparation of the food
while she would cook his favourites. If Dishi would be free she would also
join them and lend a helping hand.

Could you imagine how it felt? Possessing no control over your humiliation
by your own mom and friends!

I was so done with the comments like “Aunty, see Ananya is such a food
snob. Haha!” While Dishi would correct Anant, “Please yaar, she’s not a
food snob but a food nazi.” And they would all burst into laughter. I was the
other person at my own damn place! It happened for an entire month till my
mother left.

It was literally a national catastrophe day for Anant and Dishi when my
mom finally left. Anant hadn’t shaved for a few days and it really felt as if
he was trying to cope up with a heart break or failed suicide attempt.

Though I was sad too but could not dare tell it to her. Just not to make her
more emotional after the gallons of tears already. Moms! Really, there is
nothing like them! Our personal goddesses!

One day Anant called and asked me to join him for a family dinner as his
parents were in town. They came to visit their only son and pay homage to
the Goddess at ‘Kali Badi.’ I was reluctant to join them but then he
persuaded me ultimately. The dinner was at CCFC club located in Ballygunj.
It is one of the oldest clubs in Kolkata and very famous among sports
personalities particularly. I found his parents very warm people and they also
greeted me very amiably.
Just like all the other moms in the world she started narrating her little boy’s
misadventures in childhood very affectionately like how he dropped his
pants before his teacher, how his flies were always open, how he peed on
bed, how girls were teasing him and so on.

She kept on narrating every single hidden secret Anant ever possessed very
enthusiastically. She ignored all his attempts of sabotaging her stories. She
forgot her little boy was a macho Captain now who loved boasting about his
gun fights with terrorists and escapades from death traps.

But didn’t I say Karma finds a way to bite you? Haha! Now was my time to
avenge my humiliations and I showed keen interest in all the details and
pushed her for more all the time before a rather disturbed Anant and his
poker faced Dad!

Him fighting with his flies open…. Hahaha…funny…shit, man, what am I

imagining?

So by the end of the dinner there was a visibly embarrassed Anant and he
looked depressed all over while dropping me back home. Though I tried my
best not to laugh at his face, but couldn’t stop myself from giggling all the
time. I knew he just pledged too, not to invite any of his friends to meet his
parents. Bad idea, really!

God's Little Game

He did not call me for a week and I did not bother to call him either. I was
engrossed in my office work trying my best to forget Aakash whose
memories still haunted me. Sometimes I would get up sweaty in the middle
of the night and could smell his musk cologne hung in the air.

I was helpless and distraught. I don’t remember a night when I did not sob
after my mom left.
One evening my mom called me gleefully. She asked me, “Is there anything
special going on?” I answered casually, “Everything as usual mom”. She
said, “Drop it, and don’t pretend. I know everything.” I was seriously
puzzled.
I asked, “What are you talking about mom?”

“Arre, like you don’t know? Anant’s parents called yesterday and asked for
your hand in marriage for their son.”
I felt like everything was spinning around me and got numb with shock. My
mom was continuously talking something but my mind blanked out.
“Now how could they do so without your consent? You even had dinner with
them and did not bother to tell me. Now you are hiding things from your
mommy?”
She was overjoyed saying all that but her words were piercing me badly.
“Arre, even I liked him a lot, you could have told me there only. I would
have never denied. In fact we are so happy that finally you like someone.
The guy is well settled and he is their only son too! Good, you will not have
to face any hardship like I did from my sisterin-laws. Beta, there is no reason
to deny. You really made a wise choice.”
I could not take it anymore and said, “Mom I don’t want to get married so
soon.”
“Fir wohi drama, why do you always behave like this before us? We
accepted your wishes of working and earning last time, Didn’t we? You did
what you wanted to do. Now it’s time to tie the knot. Stop behaving like a
kid, sometimes yes, sometimes no! Either way I have said yes to them.” She
said decisively.
“What? Mom! How could you say yes without even asking me?” I yelled at
top of my lungs.
“What was there to ask you? I have met the boy, I liked him so much. They
have already met you and even had dinner with you. I have seen how much
you like him. So what was the point delaying things any further? I have even
asked the panditji to find a good date for your engagement.”
“What? Mom! I like him, but just as a friend! Please try to understand, I am
not going to marry him.” I was on the verge of crying.
“Listen, girl, I don’t understand what is liking as a friend or liking as a
boyfriend. These are modern day tantrums but I can’t let you do everything
as you wish. We have not died yet. I will let you know about the engagement
dates!” She hung up.
Soon anger replaced my shock. How dare he?
I took a taxi right then and headed towards his home. I knew he would be at
his home at that time. I rang the doorbell quite irately. He opened and
seemed astonished by my unannounced arrival.
I was at my shouting best. “How dare you, Anant? How dare you?”
“Hey Ananya, relax, what happened?”
“Oh please! Just drop your baby innocence. Don’t you know what
happened? Or should I call your mother to let you know?”

He knew everything! He stammered. “See, Ananya, listen… even I am in a

very awkward position. I did not know what to do. I tried my best to deny to
my mother but you know how she is! She is not listening. I did not call you
just because I did not know what to say to you.”

“Really? Really? This is all you have to say? She fixed everything and even
talked to my parents without your consent?”

“Yes! Believe me, please. I did not know my mom and dad came here to
meet you only. They always wanted to hook me up but every time I would
find some fault in the girl. But this time they tricked me badly.”

“Oh, you mean to say that they had this divine dream about my existence if
you did not mention me to them?”

“I don’t know, Ananya, I really don’t know. I got to know all this from my
mamaji. Perhaps they saw your photos with me in my Facebook profile and
had this idea from there. I even posted one picture with your mom. Perhaps
you have not logged in since long.” His voice was almost inaudible.

“What? How could you? I have not even posted a single picture of my
parents and you did! When did you click a picture in the first place?”

“Well, we clicked many. Perhaps you were too sleepy to notice any. In fact
you are in the back ground of many pictures we clicked.” He was talking so
meekly that I had to extract extra work from my auditory system to listen to
him and with each of his stupid statement I was going crazy.

“Anant, I really don’t have patience to listen to your stupid stories. I love
Aakash and I just can’t marry you.” I said it all at once. He seemed startled
for a while. Perhaps he did not see it coming, and then said, “What?”

“Yes, you heard it right. I cannot marry you as I love Aakash!” “But Aakash!
How is that possible?” He tried to reason.
“Yes, I know! He is not here but I am going to wait for him, even if it takes
me an entire eternity.” I was very firm about my decision.

“So you see, this is your mess! You clear it out and please don’t drag me into
all this. I always considered you as a good friend, nothing else.” I continued
further.

“But Ananya, can’t you even consider marrying me? There is no point
waiting for him. He may not even return.” He said slowly.

“Yes, I know he may not even return and that is why I said eternity. Though
my heart knows and my hope believes that he will definitely return.”

“Then your heart and hope both are wrong. He is not going to return ever
because he is dead now. He was one of those three unidentified dead bodies
in Pakistan which Pakistanis were claiming to be terrorists responsible for
bombing the military establishments.”

Suddenly I could not see anything, perhaps the world grew darker and I
blanked out. I felt I was falling too but Anant held me.
“Shut up! Have you lost your mind?” I could feel that molten lava out of my
eyes rolling onto my cheeks.

“It is true but as it was a covert operation, Indian government can’t declare
his death nor ask for the body from Pakistan.” “Why did you not tell me
earlier?” I almost screamed, pulling away to glare at him with my tear filled
eyes.

“I tried many a times, but could not. I got to know all about it from his team
mate who himself was on the mission. Everybody successfully returned from
Pakistan as per the plan except him along with two other Para Commandos. I
tried to tell you that day itself but I could not.”

“Then why did you tell me today? Why? My hopes were at least keeping me
alive. What am I left with now?”
“Please, Ananya, don’t talk like that. He was my friend too. You will insult
him by talking like this. He would have always wanted you to be happy.”
“He has no right to see me happy. He promised me that he would come back.
He lied!” And I left.
I don’t know, but it grew dark everywhere and I was thinking of some full
proof method of dying instantly and right when I was deciding between
jumping off the building and simply lying down on railway tracks I saw
Anant rushing towards me. I tried to run away but the shock of his shaking
me accompanied by his shouts flung my deadened senses awake. God only
knows how much I hated that jerk’s face that moment but he just grabbed my
hands and said, “Come, I will drop you home.”
I did not resist, neither did I say anything. This was all so sudden and violent
for me. I was not able to process anything. I saw him talking to Dishi when
we reached back to my flat and then I found her taking me to my room and
lay me down on my bed. I did not throw any tantrums, in fact I liked it when
she switched off the lights and put a duvet over me. Isn’t it nice to sleep? At
least I would get to close my eyes and see him easily.
Morning brought that haunting feeling again. A terrible anguish struck my
heart and I felt a dreadful ache as if something was being torn inside me and
I was dying. I felt broke to the extent that I could feel it. I mean physically
feel it! You know that is the thing about pain, it demands to be felt!
All that hope, all that courage that kept me going past few weeks that may
be, just may be today would be my lucky day was all gone leaving behind a
piercing void in my mind and heart. I knew the truth now and it was more
brutal than the feeling of not knowing anything about him.
I had sought shelter into the darkness of my room and the world outside the
door did not matter anymore. The painful memories were reminders that
despite all odds, something magical had happened in my life which was now
snatched away from me cruelly. Sleep was not sleep any more, it was an
escape. Sometimes I would feel him sitting just beside me and I’d rest my
head on his broad shoulders for that while but the reality was harsh once I
opened my eyes.
The world is pretty brutal. Isn’t it?
The bravest thing I could do at that time was to continue my life when I
wanted to die. I don’t know how many days I spent like that until one day I
saw my mom at my door. I was keeping my phone constantly off and
denying anyone’s existence ever in my life. But there was this woman who
created me; I forgot I couldn’t leave her behind. But the pain… Oh!
Allowing myself to meet her eyes, I found my anguish reflected back
through her, and then I saw Anant behind her, so perhaps he bought her here.
I turned my gaze away. I did not want anyone to see me, but she stepped
forward and hugged me.

“What happened to you, my baby? What have you done to yourself? My

Anu, my Anu beta.” Was all I could hear. “Mom!” My voice broke and a tear
slid down my face. “Cry beta. Cry some more, just let it out all at once.” She
hugged me even more tightly.

And I really cried, I cried till my tears refused to come out some more and
mourning decided to take a break. Nobody said anything. Mom fixed some
food and fed me by her hands. I ate and I slept after that. A sound sleep after
a long, long time!

When I got up I saw mom beside me caressing my hair. I hid my face in her
lap and did not know what to say.

She said, “Beta, Anant told me everything. You know, life is never easy. You
have to fight for every single step you put forward. Life is nothing but a
constant fight. But the best thing about life is that it goes on. Whether you
choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown or stay behind locked
in the past thinking of what could have been. You will always have to make
compromises and choices to live your life.”

“Who wants to live, mom?”

“Beta, you are right! Giving up on life seems pretty easy but then a man’s
character decides whether he will choose an easy path or a fair path. I will
tell you something about me.”

She paused for a while, perhaps deciding whether to tell it or not. Then she
took a deep breath, shook her head and said, “When I was young, I was in
love with a guy. He was nice and generous. I knew I was going to marry
him; even your grandma was aware of this and approved of him. With time
he even got a government job which was a big thing at that time. Our
marriage dates were fixed. Life seemed just like a dream but just a month
before marriage, he got killed in a road accident. Can you imagine how it
would have been to me? Life stopped for me but then with time I realized
that I was not going to surrender to life. I was going to fight. And then I got
married to your daddy. See what a great decision it has been! Your father
proved very loving and caring towards me and eventually you both came to
my lap. Time healed everything and I always hold this sense of
accomplishment of nurturing two more beautiful lives in this world. Now I
know if I would have embraced the defeat then I would not have been able
to cherish the beauty of life. Now I have no regrets, I have led a wonderful
life till now. I have nurtured you both and watched you grow and you cannot
imagine the immense happiness I seek out if it. You know, beta, happiness
teaches you the joys of life but it is the sadness that teaches you the meaning
of life.”

She paused and then continued again. “Beta, my love got killed in a road
accident but you should be proud that Aakash is a martyr. He laid down his
life for his nation. We all have to die one day, but he had this honour of
dying for his country. We all come here to serve some purpose in this world.
He served his purpose and now don’t dishonour his sacrifice by being weak
and surrendering to situations. You have loved a warrior. Rise and fight, give
some purpose to your life. You are not supposed to be wounded forever. Just
move through your tragedies and challenge it. You are my daughter.”

She left! Leaving me all by myself, perhaps she knew that I needed was
time. Mothers are extraordinary. Aren’t they? You can never break the bond
between a child and a mom. Nothing on this planet can simply replace it.
Just telling her your problems, makes you feel better because moms always
know how to make it all go away.

Then I spent hours pondering over what she said and she was right. How
could I dishonour Aakash’s sacrifice? I loved the bravest man on this planet
and now I couldn’t be a coward. You know, sometimes the best thing you
could do is to not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe
and have faith that everything will work out for the best!

I did the same and I told my mum to do whatever she wanted to do. I could
not dishearten and disappoint her anymore. She took it as my yes to the
engagement to Anant and conveyed it to his parents. We were engaged in a
small private ceremony just with our parents around. Anant was well aware
of my mental status, so he insisted it to be a very private affair and my mom
welcomed it. That day we simply exchanged rings and then Anant asked me,
“Are you happy, Ananya?”

At that time, all I was trying to do was forget my very existence. Missing
Aakash always came in waves and at that moment I was drowning.

I said very dimly, “I don’t know what happiness is anymore. All I know is
that it hurts but it’s okay. I am used to it now. I agreed to this because you
are the only person in this world with whom I can keep Aakash still alive
and share his memories. You are the only one with whom I don’t need to
explain my situation. I am ready for this change and I know this
transformation is painful but I will try my best not to fall apart. I think I am
falling into something different, something I never planned for.”

He was listening to me very carefully and then he just sighed and said, “At
the end everything is going to be ok, if it’s not ok, it’s not the end!”

When I showed Dishi my ring, she cried and said, “Why did you do it?”
I could only say to her, “Pain changes people.”

The friendship with Anant which I always cherished was lost. Now
everything was mechanical. There were times, when we would talk for
hours, fight, laugh and do all such crazy stuff but now everything evaporated
just like morning dew in the sunshine. Maybe Anant felt it too,he tried his
best to keep me happy. But he also stopped pushing me for things, unlike
before.

The sparkle of our relationship was lost and the simplicity of our friendship
was long gone!

We had suddenly become very formal. How strange was it that an untagged
relationship which was so beautiful once, became lifeless after tagging it and
shackling within the bond of relationship. A good relationship demands
purity and clarity. At that point of time our new found relationship had none.

One evening Anant called me to join him for DJ night at his officer’s club. I
did not want to go but said yes. Those days I would never say no to him.
Don’t robots just take the commands? He picked me up in the evening but
there was nothing for us to talk about. We simply exchanged pleasantries. I
kept gazing outside the window mostly to the sky while trying to smell the
air. But once I saw those majestic gates of Fort William, something just
moved inside me.

The DJ night was organized at the ‘Golden Hall’. The lawn was manicured
just as I remember. Everything was exactly like before, but was it really? In
fact the very same place pushed me down memory lane which I was trying
hard to forget. Though I tried my best to forge that fake smile on my face,
sometimes it’s better to fake a smile than to explain what’s wrong!

The Bollywood numbers were played by the DJ along with occasional

Hollywood hits but it could barely lift my mood. It was the same fauji
crowd. Some officers and ladies were drinking their cocktails and mocktails.
Some were dancing. The air was heavy with the giggles all around and I was
finding it difficult to breathe. Nothing was meant for me. Anant offered me
an arm and escorted me to the dance floor and we danced for two songs
together.

And then suddenly he embraced me. I suffocated and felt the immediate
need of breathing so I stepped out of his embrace.

He sensed my uneasiness and said, “Ananya, you have to let people go from
your life. Everyone who’s in your life is not meant to stay till the end. Where
is your sparkle which I loved so much?”

I could not say anything except, “Will you please excuse me for a moment?”

He let me go. I was suffocating there and now even faking a smile was too
much for me. I left towards those abandoned corridors of the club where my
love story bloomed. I wanted to be there and feel his presence.

The End, The Beginning

The corridors were dimly lit and deserted as usual. I was walking and
suddenly somebody grabbed me from behind and pressed my mouth to his
with one hand. I could feel a strong male body just behind me. I tried to
shout but could not. He turned me towards him and within a fraction of a
second pressed my lips with his. It was a deep passionate kiss with a lot of
longing in it and without opening my eyes I could recognize that kiss. It was
Aakash! He started kissing me on my neck and pressing my body against
his. My mind and my body both surrendered before him like always and
refused to move. His mouth trailed to my bosom and I could not take it
anymore and pushed him away from me.

Then I saw him clearly. It was him! The very handsome and masculine him!
He was in his battle order dress with combat boots, purple beret, ribbons and
9 Para badges tagged on both the shoulders.

He said very piercingly, “Congratulations, Ananya, or should I say,

congratulations, Mrs. Anant.”

Nothing I had gone through in the last few months had been more
excruciating than watching him before me with hatred in his eyes.
Confusion, fear, excitement, awe, tears…. All at once! I was overwhelmed.

“What happened? Cat got your tongue? Where are all those promises of
waiting for me and loving me truly deeply madly?” He taunted.

“Aakash you are alive! You are alive!” Was all I could utter.

“Yes I am sorry, I could not be dead and you know why I did not die, even
when I should have died? Because I saw you in my dreams and my promises
kept me alive just in hope of uniting with you again! And you? What an
opportunist you are! Where are your promises to wait for me till eternity? I
can clearly see that ring on your finger.” Pain, hatred, anguish and so many
other emotions flitted across his face!

“Aakash, listen to me. I did not know you were alive, I did not know, I...”
Suddenly I saw Anant standing just behind Aakash. Perhaps he came
looking for me. Aakash followed my gaze and realized that it was Anant.

His eyes burnt with the realization and he said, “Oh, congratulations my
friend. Sorry I could not attend your engagement, but then you did not send
me the invitation too! Oh, I forgot! How mean of me! How could you, when
you were busy stealing my girl?”
Anant tried to say, “Aakash, listen. Let’s just sort it out somewhere else!
Leave Ananya out of it!”

“Oh! Really? Since when have you started talking on her behalf? Oh, I see
you are engaged to her. Right! Right! But how could you choose to get
engaged with the only girl I told you, I love the most? Did you not know
how much I love her? I asked you to take care of her for me and this is how
you repay my trust?” Aakash was raging.

“Wait, what are you saying? You knew about us earlier and when did Aakash
ask you to take care of me?” There was something really, really wrong here
and I could totally sense that.

“Ahh! Well, Ananya...I....Ahhh...” Anant was stammering. “What? Did you

not tell her? Did you not give her my letter?” Now his eyes turned to the
exact shade of red I had seen before. “What letter? What are you guys
talking about?” I almost scowled.

“I met him before leaving for my mission and asked him to deliver a letter to
you in which I wrote how much I love you and will marry you as soon as I
return. I told him that I love you and how I am looking forward to meet
you.” Aakash said.

I could not believe it and my heart could not bear the fact that Anant could
do this to me, so I asked him, “Anant, please tell me he is wrong. You said
he is dead. Right? Just tell me he’s lying.”

“Ananya, see I did not know whether he was dead or not but his teammate
said that chances of his survival were sleek though they had received some
signals from Pakistan…but they were not sure about it. So...” Anant said.

“No! You said his teammate said that he was dead. You said that to me! You
never gave his letter to me, even then, when I could have killed myself. God
knows why I did not do that! I was on the verge of mental breakdown and
you did not utter a single word about his existence. How could you do this to
me?”

“Ananya, I don’t know when, but I fell in love with you. All through the
war, I kept thinking about you. Your face, your smile everything made me
crazy. All I wanted to do was to return to you and then Aakash met me and
said he loved you! I tried very hard to forget you but I could not. I tried my
best not to love you but I could not. I never meant to hurt you or Aakash but
nothing was in my hands. I tried.....” and he could not complete his sentence.

Aakash punched his face. “You bastard, you bastard....How could you? How
could you?” He was punching him repeatedly. Anant could not take it
anymore too, he hit Aakash back. “You do not possess the copyright to love
her.”

Aakash kicked him in his stomach. “Yes, but you surely possess the
copyright to betray your friend, your love and everyone. In fact you can’t
love anyone, you rascal. You just know how to stab in the back.”

They were fighting like animals, abusing and hitting each other hard.
Everything was happening before my eyes. I could not take it anymore.
Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by that single person you
thought would never hurt you but the sad thing about betrayal is that it never
comes from your enemies.

Something hit me hard and I did not feel fragile anymore. I felt tough. I
stepped in between them and yelled my lungs out. “Stop! Just stop.” They
both stopped at once.

“What do you think of yourselves? And why are you fighting? You think I
am some commodity belonging to whosoever claims me first. Please!”

Anant tried to say, “Ananya, I am sorry.”

“Hah, don’t be. It’s not your fault. It’s mine that I believed you. I am hurt not
because you did it to me but because my delusion of who you were is
shattered by the truth of who you are and yes, you were right about your ‘not
everyone is meant to be with you till your life ends’ dialogue.” Then I
removed my engagement ring from my finger and threw it at him.

I started moving towards the exit. Aakash rushed towards me. I turned and
said, “Just stop. True loves demands trust, so just stop following me.”
And I left both of them there. I reached my flat and Dishi hugged me happily
and said, “He is alive, Ananya. He is alive!”

Then she narrated how she found Aakash at the door just an hour after I left
and she told him everything. After that, he left angrily. She tried to call me
but my mobile was unreachable.

We were talking when we heard our doorbell ring. I peeped through the key
hole and it was Aakash. This guy never gives up! I smiled and opened the
door.

“Ananya, I am sorry. I am really, really sorry. Please forgive me,” And he

bent down on one knee and took my hand in his and put a rubber band in my
finger which he perhaps found in his pocket.

“What are you doing? Get up.”I commanded.

“I did not come prepared with a ring due to my eagerness to see you again,
but I cannot risk your ring finger to be naked again so I put my love band on
it and sealed it. Let me replace it soon with a permanent symbol of my love
like a stone or something more suitable to her highness’s stature.” He smiled.

That was it! I couldn’t hold myself anymore and a tear slid down my cheek
unnoticed until it dropped on him. He got up at once, cupped my face and
wiped that tear with his thumb.

That smile changed everything once again. After eight long months of
separation and everything that had happened I had no courage left to say
anything. I was overwhelmed seeing my soldier again, so I just kneeled too
and hugged him. I cried so much that his stars were all wet from my tears
and slapped him a lot too which he seemed to be enjoying.

Finally, Dishi, who was the silent spectator there, could not take it anymore
and asked us to move inside so that she could bolt the door and stop our
neighbours from peeking inside, the ones who were enjoying a free show.
And then she left us all alone.

Aakash wiped all my tears by kissing them and narrated his story afterwards.
“I bombed my target as planned and started following my predecided route
but mid-way near to some river an enemy officer saw and attacked me. I
thought I had finished him and dropped him on the ground but he had not
died completely and pressed his hand grenade. I tried to run away and
jumped into the river but still that grenade wounded me badly. Blood was
oozing out of my body and I started losing my consciousness slowly but
before losing it completely I found myself on the shores and the last thing I
remember was that you were walking in a garden and smiling at me. You
said, come back to me.”

He paused. “Which now, I realize was, of course, a dream.”

He continued again. “When I gained my senses again I found myself in a hut

with a boy playing on the floor. He told me that I was found unconscious
four days back near the shore by the fishermen who brought me to their
village. That was a very strange village hidden in the jungle. That village
was part of both India and Pakistan. It was like, the entry of the houses were
from one country and the exit to the other country. It was an extremely small
primitive village with only fifteen, twenty huts, but the people were very
friendly and considered themselves as citizens of earth.”

“I tried to signal my unit but my equipment were all ruined due to water and
battery was low. There was no electricity or any other mode of
communication in that village. It took me three months to be able to walk on
my legs again as I had fractured my leg while jumping into the river. Once
fit, I asked their permission to leave. They were all very sad but escorted me
till the last Indian post and asked me to keep their location and identity
secret which I swore on my blood.”

He further said. “When I reached the Indian post they first held me captive
but once I told them the codes and communication was established with my
unit, they freed me. My unit sent me a helicopter and I was immediately
taken to headquarters for debriefing. I cleared all the further formalities and
could not wait to meet you. So I directly came to your flat where Dishi told
me everything and when I reached AOI I could not resist myself but peeked
into those corridors once more just for old time’s sake. That is when I saw
you there too and my craving soul could not stop me from holding you once
again. Then after you left, Anant started apologizing to me, but I left him on
his own. Either way he seemed shattered already and now here I am at your
service again, Ma’am.”

I listened to him like I was listening to him for the first time. All that sadness
and darkness which had become permanent residents inside me, seemed long
gone. Though everything was not fixed yet and there was a lot to tell my
parents and convince them about everything, my heart was filled with
rainbow colours and butterflies started flying again.

Epilogue

I realized no matter where you go, what you do, if two souls are meant to be
together then they would always find a way to be together.

No matter how hard you try, you will never find love but love would surely
find you and embrace you with all its heart, simply touch your soul and
leave you with nothing but sheer happiness. Loving someone from all your
heart is blissful. It enlightens your soul and makes you good. Love enthralls
beyond the boundaries of logics and limitations. The chords it creates are the
basic reason for the existence of our race on this planet. This is the power of
true love!

An unconditional commitment, which brings some heavenly music to the

hearts and let you surrender to it completely. Love is equivalent of God and
God is synonym to love. Both have powers to touch your life and change it
forever.

True love has godly powers which brings miracle to this world. Love and
faith create Cinderellas and Snow Whites and make us believe, that fairy
tales are just not the myths.

And where do you find it? The extraordinary love stories lie among ordinary
people only. We are born to love and be loved. All we need is to go beyond
that blindness created by disbelief, open our hearts some more and believe in
the magical powers of love.

A simple touch of love has the power to change lives. Love has bigger
power than pain, grief and agony. It does change you for good. You always
rise in love, and never fall!

This is the indicator of true love, girls! The prince charming there would
always make you a princess, trust me, a very happy princess and you would
give him the courage to conquer all.

I told my parents about everything and they were shocked too. Anant’s mom
called to apologize but my mom refused any patch up and said, “It is not
about how much he loves her but it is about him as a person. If he can lay
the very foundation of a relationship with dishonesty there is no guarantee
that he won’t do it again.”

Aakash talked to his parents and both our parents met and as promised,
Aakash changed his rubber band with a big diamond ring. But I kept that
rubber band safely in the ring box. That was going to be my treasured piece
always.

A grand wedding was organized and the ceremonies like mehndi, sangeet,
tilak, reception, all were celebrated for an entire week. Everyone seemed to
be cherishing our union and I think that was one of the signs of a heavenly
relationship. He finally put vermillion on my forehead and sealed the
relationship for eternity.

It took us a lot to reach there. We even had to cross an entire war and a
friend’s betrayal to hold each other’s hand forever. Though one thing Anant
said was true,
Everything is going to be ok at the end, if it is not okay then it is not the end!

Words of Appreciation

➢ Major GauravArya: Soldier’s Girl is an exciting read.

➢ Major Surendra Poonia: Soldier’s Girl is beautifully written, intense

story.An exceptional storywhich allows to peek into a soldier’s love life.

➢ Dainik Jagran : Desh ke rakshako ki dil chu lene wali ‘Pyar aur Tyag ki
kahani, jo yuwao ko bhrtiya sena ke prati samparpit hone ki prerna deti hai
➢ Prabhatkhabar: Deshkejabanjokiadbhutkahanijohume
unkepariwarikjeevan kesangharsoseavgatkaratihai.

➢ SSBCrack.com: Soldier’s Girl is a power-packed military adventure and

love story of a soldier. Swapnil Pandey has poetically penned down different
emotions you get when you love a soldier and choose the life less ordinary.
Soldier’s Girl is a must read for all the defense lovers and aspirants.

➢ Omar Shadab Hashmi, cluster head (Bihar, Jharkhand, UP) 92.7 BIG
FM: Emotions of a soldier and his love story described never better.Astory
which will bring tears to your eyes as well as make you laugh hysterically.

Serving personnel who cannot be named due to protocols applauded the

book in unison for its appeal and true depiction of Army life.

Acknowledgment

Thanks to everyone who supported me in turning my lifelong desire to be an

author.

My readers, my blogger buddies, my ever engaging Facebook friends, my

interactive Twitter followers and my Insta fam, for reading, appreciating and
even for scrutinizing my articles. I am a blogger and I owe my
acknowledgments to my digital friends first.

My Dad for standing by my side through thick and thin and spoiling me with
everything he has. My mom for dedicating her life for my endeavours and
expecting nothing in return, it would not have been possible without you.
My younger brothers Sushant and Kshitij for being the sweetest brothers that
one can ever have. It’s like a dream come true to have them all in my life.
My gorgeous girl Saavi and handsome boy Aaveer for filling my life with an
everlasting bliss. My soldier for inspiring me in many ways and changing
my world upside down only to turn it into a fairy tale! Above all to that
divinity, without whom nothing was possible.

Heartfelt thanks to EBH publishing house and Mr. JP Sharma for their
extended support and encouragement.
This list of acknowledgment would not be completed if I don’t thank all my
soul sisters of Army Wives fraternity who have supported me. I feel
extremely fortunate to be among these special women. Massive thanks to
Army Wives Welfare Association and to the first lady of Indian Army for
working day and night to make our lives better.

Grateful thanks to all - I couldn’t do it without you!