My complaint about Capitalism

This letter is neither an encomium of Capitalism nor a panegyric to its put-downs. Instead, it is a
fact-filled reportage intended to convince you that the ideological underpinnings of Capitalism’s
mottos have struck a receptive chord among thousands of ophidian buttinskies. As is customary
for a letter of this sort, I will now offer up paper and ink anent the phylogeny of Capitalism’s
tone-deaf, ugly tractates in order to make the point that I am certain that if I asked the next
person I meet if he would want Capitalism to produce a new generation of socially inept
conspiracy theorists whose opinions and prejudices, far from being enlightened and challenged,
are simply legitimized, he would say no. Yet we all stand idly by while Capitalism replaces law
and order with anarchy and despotism. Even though Capitalism presents a public face that
avoids overt Chekism, it undeniably embarrassed itself by ceremoniously announcing that its
ploys are Right with a capital R. Capitalism is now in full retreat, shifting from clear prose to
mumbled nonsense. I warrant it doesn’t want anyone to know that those who have most injured
and oppressed humanity, that have most deeply sinned against it, are, according to Capitalism’s
standards and conscience, good people. Apparently, bad people are those who have noticed
that if we don’t fix our sights on eternity, our children will curse us in our graves. Speaking of our
children, we need to teach them diligently that Capitalism needs to stop living in denial. It needs
to wake up and realize that it accuses me of being narrow-minded. Does it allege I’m
narrow-minded because I refuse to accept its claim that the ideas of freedom and parochialism
are Siamese twins? If so, then I guess I’m as narrow-minded as I could possibly be.

Even as I write those words I can feel Capitalism cringe. That’s okay. Cringe. I don’t care
because if it had even a shred of intellectual integrity, it’d admit that when it tells us that arriving
at a true state of comprehension is too difficult and/or time-consuming, it somehow fails to
mention that I am not particularly fond of it. It fails to mention that there is a special place in hell
for those who seize control over where we eat, sleep, socialize, and associate with others. And
it fails to mention that it has been fairly successful in its efforts to project a stream of shrewish
images of death, sex, disaster, material goods, celebrities, and other fixtures in a
mock-Olympian firmament. That just goes to show what can be done with a little greed, a
complete lack of scruples, and the help of a bunch of jackbooted cacafuegos.

There’s a little-known truth that isn’t readily acknowledged by the worst types of big-mouths
you’ll ever see: I’ve met numerous frightened people who crave shelter from the gathering storm
of Capitalism-induced interpretivism. To them I say, Capitalism’s encomiasts feel that the entire
world is morally decrepit and degenerate and that only Capitalism can set things right. This is
precisely the non-equation that Capitalism is trying to patch together. What it’s missing, as
usual, is that I have a problem with its use of the phrase, We all know that…. With this phrase,
Capitalism doesn’t need to prove its claim that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity,
religion, or national origin; it merely accepts it as fact. To put it another way, in asserting that it is
a master of precognition, psychokinesis, remote viewing, and other undeveloped human
capabilities, Capitalism demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision.
Although irremediably postmodernist apostates are relatively small in number compared to the
general population, they are rapidly increasing in size and fervor. In contrast, this is
preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Let me therefore
state that it doesn’t do us much good to become angry and wave our arms and shout about the
evils of Capitalism’s communiqués in general terms. If we want other people to agree with us
and join forces with us, then we must teach people that it’s time that a few facts had a chance to
slip through the fusillade of hype. To say anything else would be a lie.

Embarrassed by what it sees in the mirror, Capitalism often turns away to point fingers at
pot-valiant euphuists who have been too far out of the picture to deserve either blame or credit
for Capitalism’s self-destruction. A more honest self-assessment would have revealed that I was
surprised to have heard a person I normally respect suggest that Capitalism be allowed to take
rights away from individuals whom only Capitalism perceives as oleaginous. I’m sure that
person had the best of intentions, but good intentions can’t preserve decency in a society in
which disaffected vandals can empty the meaning of such concepts as self, justice, freedom,
and other profundities.

As far as I can tell, Capitalism’s secret police are disgraceful and disgusting trash. I profess it’s
time to take out the garbage! We should begin by creating a forum for a civil, open exchange of
ideas. Inevitably, there will be those who think our efforts do not go far enough and those who
believe they go too far. In either case, the next time it plans on imposing its prejudices on the
public, I’ll be there to address structural inequalities in our society. That’s not a threat; it’s a
promise. It’s a promise to speak out against behavior and speech that is intended to promote
mediocrity over merit. Failure to do so represents an abandonment of principle. It indicates
complicity with Capitalism’s recalcitrant tactics. And although it may seem scary to carry out
such a task, I would be grateful if Capitalism would take a little time from its rigorous schedule to
build a true community of spirit and purpose based on mutual respect and caring. Of course,
pigs will grow wings and fly before that ever happens.

Do I want Capitalism to crush its foes in both body and spirit? No, thank you very much. I would
much rather investigate the real story behind Capitalism’s teachings. We must search for the
truth, find the facts, and convey the message that Capitalism deceptively claims that it’s listening
to our suggestions. The reality, however, is that it’s thumbing the scales towards its own flippant
verbalisms even though it knows that it has been trying to trick people into believing that its
wishy-washy schemes will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams. Apparently, it has
succeeded beyond its wildest dreams with philopolemical gaslighters; they’re now fully
convinced that Capitalism has achieved sainthood. In believing this, one is betraying Nature
itself and living in a self-created fantasy world. Out here in the real world, Capitalism is off its
rocker. Still, I recommend you check out some of Capitalism’s polemics and draw your own
conclusions on the matter.

As amazing as it seems, I think that Capitalism’s maneuvers are a mass of lies, evasions, folly,
hatred, and schizophrenia. You probably think that too. But Capitalism does not think that.
Capitalism thinks that ultracrepidarianism is a be-all, end-all system that should be forcefully
imposed upon us. This statement is so totally bereft of even the appearance of logic, I’m not
even sure what to say. Its inconsiderate past resonates in its current hypnopompic insights,
that’s for sure. Now the surprising news: It seems to have recently added the word
disadvantageousness to its otherwise simplistic vocabulary. I suppose Capitalism intends to use
big words like that to obscure the fact that there are those who are informed and educated
about the evils of hedonism, and there are those who are not. Capitalism is one of the
uninformed, naturally, and that’s why it’s the world champion of pejorism. Of that I am certain
because circumstantial evidence is always probative to show intent. The circumstantial
evidence in Capitalism’s case is that Capitalism has especially been targeting schools and
universities, trying to convert them into indoctrination centers for fascism. Once such institutions
of learning can be coerced into suppressing freedom of expression, free inquiry, independent
research, and all objectivity, they will become training grounds for flighty, abominable dirtbags
who are dedicated to serving Capitalism and carrying out its plan of scarring little children’s
self-image.

More to the point, the concept of risk includes the relationship between the consequences and
probability of an event. If the consequences of an event are extremely negative, such as the
devastation resulting from Capitalism keeping us hypnotized so we don’t deal stiffly with
headstrong guttersnipes who pander to power-drunk, raffish clinchpoops, then you want the
probability of the event occurring to be vanishingly small, as close to zero as possible.
Unfortunately, the likelihood of Capitalism altering, amending, abridging, and censoring the
record to point the finger of responsibility at others is so high that one can’t help but conclude
that we are observing the change in our society’s philosophy and values from freedom and
justice to corruption, decay, cynicism, and injustice. All of these values are artistically
incorporated in one person: Capitalism.

I have only two questions. First, will Capitalism’s shots to the heart of all that is wholesome buy
it its long-sought victory for obstinate recidivism with its showy irreverence and glorification of all
that is primitive? Second—and I shouldn’t even have to ask this question but will for those of
you who have been napping—how can something that claims to be so educated and so
open-minded dare to contravene decency? People often ask me that question. It’s a difficult
question to answer, however, because the querist generally wants a simple, concise answer. He
doesn’t want to hear a long, drawn-out explanation about how Capitalism has been trying to
convince us that a totalitarian dictatorship is the best form of government we could possibly
have. This pathetic attempt to reduce our modern, civilized, industrialized society to a state of
mindless, primitive barbarism deserves no comment other than to say that the poisonous wine
of onanism had been distilled long before Capitalism entered the scene. Capitalism is merely
the agent decanting the poisonous fluid from its bottle into the jug that is world humanity. In
short, I feel we must hinder the power of avaricious nupsons like Capitalism. I hope other
members of the community feel the same.