KOJIMA

NAME
GENERAT
OR
Section 1: Determining How Many Names You Have

Kojimaoftencreatescharactersthathavemanyalternate

names, so we must first figure out how many names you will have.
1.Roll a d6. Use this table to determine how many names you have:

1-5 You have 1 name.

6 You have 1 name + 6 other alternate names.

2.If you rolled a 6, you must do this worksheet 6 more times. You do not

need to complete Sections 1-3 on subsequent name generations.

Section 2: Personal Information

Kojima’scharactershavenamesthataredirectlyrelatedtotheirown

character traits. This information will make sure your name fits your personality.

1.What is your full name?

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2.What do you do at your occupation?

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2a. Condense the verb in your answer into a single -er noun. (e.g. if you

are a sheep farmer, your answer will be “farmer”)

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3.What was your first pet’s specific species/breed? If you never had a pet,

please answer with an animal you wish you owned.

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4.What’s your most embarrassing childhood memory? Be specific.

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4a. Condense this story into two words.

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5.What is the object you’d least like to be stabbed by?

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6.What is something you are good at? (Verb ending in -ing)

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7.How many carrots do you believe you could eat in one sitting, if someone,

like, forced you to eat as many carrots as possible?

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8.What is your greatest intangible fear? (e.g. death, loneliness, fear itself)

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9.What is your greatest tangible fear? (e.g. horses)

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10.What is the last thing you did before starting this worksheet?

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11.What condition is your body currently in? (single word answer)

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12.Favorite state of matter?

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13.A word your name kind of sounds like? (e.g. Brian -> Brain)

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14.What is your Zodiac sign?

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15.If you had to define your personality in one word, what would it be?

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Section 3: Kojima Information

Kojima character names reflect his own idiosyncrasies. He can’t help himself.

16.Who is your favorite film character? (NOTE: must be played by Kurt Russell)

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17.What is the last word of the title of your favorite Kubrick film?

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18.What is the first word in the title of your favorite Joy Division album?

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19.What is a scientific term you picked up from listening to NPR once?

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20.What is a piece of military hardware you think looks cool even though war

is bad?
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21.What is something you’d enjoy watching Mads Mikkelsen do?

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21a.Please condense into one word.

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Section 4: Determining Your Name Conditions

Sometimes,acharacterwillhaveaplot-basedconditionthataffectstheirname.

You,too,mighthaveaconditionthataffectsyourname.Conditionscanstack,

so please make note of how many your name has.

1.THE -MAN CONDITION: Roll a d4. Use this table to determine whether you

have this condition:

1-3 You do not have this condition.

4 You have this condition. Your last name will include the suffix

-man. If your name already has -man at the end of it, I guess

you’re just going to have -manman at the end of your name.

2.THE CONDITION CONDITION: Roll a d8. Use this table to determine your

what this condition will do to you:

1-5 You do not have this condition.

6 You’re big. Your name must have “Big” at the beginning of it.

7 You are older than you once were. Your name must have “Old” at

the beginning of it.

8 You are how you currently are. Please add your answer from Section

2, Number 11 to the beginning of your name.

3.THE CLONE CONDITION: Roll a d12. Use this table to determine if you have

this condition:
1-11 You do not have this condition.

12 You are a clone of someone else, or you have been brainwashed

into becoming a mental doppelganger of someone else. Find

someone who has completed this worksheet and replace 50% of

your Kojima name with 50% of their Kojima name.

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4.THE KOJIMA CONDITION: Roll a d100 (or two d10s, using one as the 1s

place and the other as the 10s place.) Use this table to determine if you

have this condition:

1-68,

70-100

You do not have this condition.

69 Oh no. You are Hideo Kojima. Hideo Kojima created you and is also

you. You are the man who created himself and there is nothing you

can do about it. You’re in Kojima’s world—your world—and that’s

just the breaks, pal. Stop this worksheet now. You’re Hideo Kojima.

Go do the things that Hideo Kojima does.

Section 5: Determining Your Name Category

Kojimanamesfallintoafinitenumberofcategories.Thissectionwill

determinethecategoryinwhichyounamebelongs.NOTE:Ifyouhavea

name+6alternatenames,youwilldothissectiononcetofindyourtrue

name, and then you will have an alternate name in every other category.

5.Roll a d20. Use this table to determine your name category. Once you

have figured out your name category, you can skip ahead to the section

that outlines the rules of your name:

1 You have a NORMAL NAME (See Section 6)

2-6 You have an OCCUPATIONAL NAME (See Section 7)

7-10 You have a HORNY NAME (See Section 8)

11-13 You have a THE NAME (See Section 9)

14-17 You have a COOL NAME (See Section 10)

18-19 You have a VIOLENT NAME (See Section 11)

20 You have a NAME THAT LACKS SUBTEXT (See Section 12)

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Section 6: NORMAL NAME

Kojima’searlyworkincludeslotsofcharactersthathavenamesthatare

widelyconsideredtobe“normal.”Wasthisjustbecause,intheearlyyears,

hedidn’thavethepowertosay,“I’mHideoKojima,Icannamesomeone

Die-Hardman if I want to” without people questioning him? Probably.

1.Please rewrite your answer from Section 2, Number 1 here. This is your full

Kojima name:

_______________________________________________________________________

2.Add any conditions you accrued in Section 4.

3.That’s your name. Your Kojima name is probably just your actual name.

Sorry if you were expecting something wild. Skip to Section 13.

Section 7: OCCUPATIONAL NAME

Kojima’scharacterstendtobedrivenbytheworkthattheydo.Thatoften

carries over to their names. You, too, can be nothing more than your job.

1.Please rewrite your answer from Section 2, Number 2a here. This is your last

name:

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2.Roll a d4. Use this table to determine your first name:

1 Your answer to Section 2, Number 15

2 Your answer to Section 2, Number 6

3 Your answer to Section 2, Number 13

4 Your answer to Section 3, Number 16

3.Add any conditions you accrued in Section 4.

4.That’s your Kojima name. Skip to Section 13.

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Section 8: HORNY NAME

Kojima’scharactersandstoriesareirrevocably

horny. Weirdly horny, sure, but horny nonetheless.

1.Please rewrite your answer from Section 2, Number 3 here. This is your last

name:

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2.Roll a d4. Use this table to determine your first name:

1 Your answer to Section 2, Number 12.

2 Your first name is “Naked.”

3 Your answer is Section 2, Number 6.

4 Your answer to Section 2, Number 14.

3.If you feel like it, your middle name can be “Lickable.” I won’t stop you.

4.Add any conditions you accrued in Section 4.

5.That’s your Kojima name. Skip to Section 13.

Section 9: THE NAME

Kojimalovestomakepeoplehavenamesthatstartwith

theword“The”andtheyusuallysymbolizefearsor

unstoppable forces. You are now that unstoppable force.

1.Your first name is “The.”

2.Roll a d4. Use this table to determine your last name:

1 Your answer to Section 2, Number 8

2 Your answer to Section 2, Number 9.

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3 Your answer is Section 2, Number 4a.

4 Your answer to Section 3, Number 20.

3.Add any conditions you accrued in Section 4. If you have any conditions

that go at the front of a name, they now go directly after “The.”

4.That’s your name. Skip to Section 13.

Section 10: COOL NAME

Kojimalovestobecool.Sometimes,hisideaofcoolisabitstrange,

but it is always cool to Hideo Kojima, and that’s what matters.

1.Please rewrite your answer from Section 3, Number 21a here. This is your

first name:

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2.Roll a d6. Use this table to determine your last name:

1 Your answer to Section 3, Number 17.

2 Your answer to Section 3, Number 18.

3 Your answer to Section 3, Number 19.

4 Your answer to Section 2, Number 6.

5 Your answer to Section 2, Number 8.

6 Your answer to Section 2, Number 13.

3.Add any conditions you accrued in Section 4.

4.That’s your name. Skip to Section 13.

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Section 11: VIOLENT NAME

Sometimes,aKojimanamecanbeverythreateningandviolent,like

Sniper Wolf, or The Fury. Now you can also be threatening and violent.

1.Please rewrite your answer from Section 2, Number 5 here. This is your last

name:

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2.Roll a d4. Use this table to determine your last name:

1 Your answer to Section 3, Number 19.

2 Your answer to Section 2, Number 12.

3 Your answer to Section 3, Number 20.

4 Your answer to Section 2, Number 9.

3.That’s your name. Skip to Section 13.

Section 12: NAME THAT LACKS SUBTEXT

Sometimes,Kojimagivesupandjustnamesacharacterexactlywhatthey

are. Congratulations. You are exactly what you do.

5.Please rewrite your answer from Section 2, Number 10 here. This is your full

name:

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6.Add any conditions you accrued in Section 4.

7.That’s your name. Skip to Section 13.

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Section 13: Explaining Your Name

Kojima’scharactersknowthattheirnamesaremeaningful,andtheywilltell

youitcompletelyunprompted.You,too,mustexplainyournametoany

potential friends, foes, or shadowy government institutions.

1.Use the following blank to fill in your monologue. Explain your Kojima name

to the best of your ability. Feel free to draw from personal experience,

friendships you’ve had, or just say some guy on the internet made you fill

out an 11-page worksheet to gain this name. Here’s a start:

Hi, I’m _________________________________________, and if you’re wondering how I

got this name, well, let me tell you. I ___________________________________________

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CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE

KOJIMA NAME GENERATOR.

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