Secrets and Lies Pt.

4
Fox peered into the room and saw Gwen sleeping. She looked so peaceful...yet so
sad. She was all alone. He quietly opened the door and walked across the floor
careful not to wake Gwen. He sat down in the chair and took her hand.

"Oh Gwen" he said barely above a whisper "your Sarah is alive and you are here in a
hospital room recovering. Of all the ironies" He held her hand and watched her sleep

Gwen was having the strangest dream . . . In it, she awoke to hear a man's voice
spouting off parts of a Shakespearian sonnet only to look down and discover that she
was in a medieval dress. Walking over to her hospital window which had now been
transformed into a set of french doors that revealed a balcony overlooking a garden,
Gwen looked down to see a man standing in the garden below. Her "Romeo" was
hidden in the shadows and Gwen couldn't make out his face.

Sure that it would be Jared's face she saw, Gwen decided to play along and recited
some of Juliet's lines back to him. Walking over to the balcony Gwen reached her
hand out and beckoned him to come closer. However when he moved into the
moonlight, Gwen gasped to see blonde hair shining up at her. Straining to make out
his face, Gwen suddenly felt a shove from behind. Turning as she fell, Gwen was
shocked to see Nichole, Sarah's friend, looking at her with a devilish grin on her face.

Feeling herself fall, Gwen tried to brace herself for the impact when she felt a pair of
strong arms catch her and hold her close. Breathing a sigh of relief, Gwen looked up
to thank her rescuer and was stunned to see Fox's smiling face looking down at her.
Before she could say anything, Fox leaned down and kissed her. Too startled to
react, Gwen suddenly heard Jared's voice.

Snapping her head around, Gwen saw Jared's angry and hurt face coming towards
her. As Fox set her down, Jared went into a tirade about everything he had done for
her, for the two of them And This is how you repay me?! he sneered. Gwen started
to speak when Jared raged on and said that he was leaving Harmony forever and
taking their daughter with him. Vanishing as quickly as he had appeared, Gwen tried
to run after him but her feet wouldn't move. Calling out for him to stop . . . wait . . .
come back, Gwen sobbed as she felt Fox's arms go around her. Comforting her as
she cried, she could hear him tell her that everything was going to be all right . . . he
was here now . . .

Waking up with a start, Gwen realized that she wasn't alone. Looking over, Gwen
saw Fox's smiling face staring back at her as he held her hand. Her recent dream all
too vivid in her mind, Gwen almost snatched it away. Man, I have got to tell them to
stop giving me so many drugs. It's making me loopy . . . she thought.

Trying to give the impression that everything was fine, Gwen gave Fox a small smile
back. Remembering how wonderful he had been when they thought Sarah had died,
Gwen had always liked Fox. Even though they had vehemently disagreed about
Theresa, because he had always defended her just like everyone else, the two of
them had matained a tentative friendship throughout the years. After all, Maria and
Jane were good friends and they had spent countless hours together as chaperones.
I wonder how he's doing with all of the changes that have happened to him in the
past 24 hours . . . Gwen thought. "Hi Fox . . . it's nice of you to come and see me. As
you can probably imagine I'm not on high on many people's 'to-do' lists." Giving a
self-deprecating laugh, Gwen continued. "How are you doing? I know that with
everything that you found out yesterday, things must seem really crazy right now. I
met your daughter earlier today and she seems great. A handful . . .but great none-
the-less. Have you been able to get ahold of Whitney and tell her the good news
yet?"

Fox looked back down at Gwen's pale face against the pillows. SHe seemed to be in
pain. "are you ok Gwen? Can i get you a dr? a nurse? a nice whiskey on the rocks?
"he said to her with that famous Fox grin. He stood up and adjusted her pillows to
make her a little more comfortable. "There you go"

He sat down and sighed deeply. "You met my daughter huh?" he said with a devilish
grin "ya...she is gonna keep me on my toes but she must get that from her mother. I
Whit knew abouther but thought she had died. So Whitney and I have been talking
about patching things up between us but my head is just a mess. Kay left me, Whit
is back...2 kids...oh wait...maybe 3...Miles may be mine too." he said his voice
starting to crack. He looked over at Gwen to see that she had a look of genuine
concern on her face. "I am just not sure what end is up anymore Gwen. Jane is mine
not Ethan's, your Sarah is alive. I am just a mess" and with that the flood gates open
and the dam broke. ALl the turmoil and upset, happiness and sorrow came spilling
forward as he put his head in his hands and sobbed.

Are you ok Gwen? Can i get you a dr? a nurse? a nice whiskey on the rocks?
Completely shocked that someone other than Jared and her Mother would still care
"a whit" about her after everything she had done, Gwen sat there and allowed Fox to
help make her more comfortable. Before Gwen could thank him, Fox started pouring
his heart out.

I think Whit knew abouther but thought she had died. So Whitney and I have been
talking about patching things up between us but my head is just a mess. Kay left
me, Whit is back...2 kids...oh wait...maybe 3...Miles may be mine too . . . I am just
not sure what end is up anymore Gwen. Jane is mine not Ethan's, your Sarah is
alive. I am just a mess . . .

Trying to take in everything that Fox was telling her, Gwen struggled to make sense
of it all. Whitney is back in town? I knew about Kay leaving Fox and Jane and Nichole
being his, but Miles too?? Man, poor Fox . . . no wonder he looks so lost. His whole
world has been turned upside-down in a matter of hours. He went from being a step-
father to having 2, possibly 3 children of his own. Wow . . . Gwen could barely wrap
her mind around having one child return from the dead, let alone 2 or 3 children that
you never even KNEW about.

Searching for the right words to say, Gwen was astonished when Fox broke down.
She had never seen Nicholas Foxworth Crane cry. He was always the strong one, the
one you could count on to help you out when you needed a friend or a shoulder. But
who does he get to lean on? Gwen thought to herself. Going with her first impulse,
Gwen reached over out of the bed and ignoring the pain put both of her arms around
Fox's neck. Touching his forehead with her own, Gwen whispered "It's okay, Fox. You
don't have to be strong around me. I'm here . . . I'm right here . . . "
Fox felt Gwen put her arms around him. He felt his forhead against hers It's okay, Fox. You don't
have to be strong around me. I'm here . . . I'm right here . . . " He heard Gwen allowing him to
break down...holding him in his time of weakness and he was grateful. Greatful that in the time of
her own pain she was putting his needs before hers. He opened his eyes to see her eyes staring
back at his. He felt her hand wipe away the tears that were coursing down his cheeks and landing
on the sterile bed linens. He took her hand in his...and leaned in. He hesitated for a
moment...guaging her response...then decided to go ahead and he tenderly kissed her lips

Jared strode down the hall as if his feet had wings. He had everything he had ever
dreamed. He and Theresa were parting amicably, and had agreed to stay friends, he
was going to keep in touch with his step daughters, and he had just found his
daughter and was about to be reunited with the love of his life. Contrary to his
original thinking, he had made one stop on his way to the hospital. He had stopped
at the Jewellers, no better time than the present, and no better way to encourage
her to get well... he was just outside her door when he saw something through the
window that completely broke him. There, in Gwens room, was Fox, and they were
kissing, not knowing what else to do, he dropped the roses, and the ring at the door,
and walked away

Out in the parking lot, Jared sat in his car... knowing now he was stupid to leave the
ring, and the roses... if Gwen read the card...
Gwen...
Marry me, make me the happiest man alive...
Love forever, Jared

She would KNOW he had been there, KNOW he had seen her, and KNOW she had
hurt him. So be it. She could live with The consequences. He started the car, and
barely paid attention as he tore out of the parking lot. He had no idea where he was
going, just... away from here.

Gwen honestly had meant to reach out to Fox as a friend. She hadn't entertained a
single romantic thought about him . . . well, except for that strange dream . . . but
all she had really wanted to do was help comfort him. He seemed so lost, so alone . .
. and those were definitely things Gwen could relate to.

As she wiped away his tears, Gwen started to feel a weird sensation. Looking at
Fox's face, Gwen was stunned at what she saw. Is he . . . no, he's not. . . he
couldn't . . . he wouldn't . . . Frozen in shock, Gwen sat there as Fox gently picked
up her hand and leaned in toward her. Knowing that she should put a stop to this
right now, Gwen's brain and heart tried to get her body to move out of the way. But
something got lost in the translation, and she couldn't move an inch.

As she felt Fox's lips touch hers, Gwen knew it was wrong . . . completely wrong.
He doesn't mean this, he's grief stricken over losing Kay and everything else going
on his life. Besides, it's not a secret that he's always loved Whitney. And more
importantly, you are in love with Jared. Jared!

Jumping back as if being woken up out of a trance, Gwen looked at Fox. "What . . .
on earth . . . was that?" she gasped, looking around to make sure that no one had
seen it. Assuring herself that the coast was clear, Gwen couldn't shake the feeling
that something was terribly wrong. She felt a sharp pain in her heart, like someone
she loved was hurting desperately. Shaking her head, Gwen decided that she must
just be feeling guilty for not stopping Fox from kissing her sooner. Sitting back on
the bed to put some distance between them, Gwen looked at Fox who didn't look as
upset about the whole thing as she did. "Well, I certainly didn't see that coming.
Have you been trying some of my drugs?" Gwen joked, trying to laugh the whole
thing off as if it had never happened.

'I am So stupid, how could i be SO stupid?? I SAW what she did to Tess all these
years, saw how she lashed out, how she alienated her from her daughter for so long.
That woman... is not the woman I fell in love with... The woman I fell in love with...

BANG
Jared heard the screech of metal, and felt the smash of the airbag against his chest,
then his head struck something, and everything went black.

Fox pulled away abruptly. "Oh My GOD" he thought to him self in a panic "what the
hell have i done" Fox scrambled off the bed and away from Gwen. Then he saw the
expression in her eyes. Was she hurt? The expression was gone even before it had a
chance to truely register. no he thought this was all just a big mistake.

Oh Gwen he said coming back to her " I am so sorry. I didn't mean to. I mean I like
you and all but you know...I need to try and work things out with WHitney. I mean I
think you are great and I think we could have had something really special...but we
have both moved on with our lives...." Fox realized he was rambling a mile a minute
and had given far too much away. He had always thought Gwen was beautiful...and
how he admired her ability to tell things as she saw them. But she was married to
Ethan. NOw that she wasn't there was Jared and he was with Whitney. He was happy
remaining friends. "again Gwen...Iam so sorry' he repeated. "I would totally
understand if you chose not to continue our friendship' he said. He turned around to
pick up his jacket and leave....leave her in peace

I am so sorry. I didn't mean to. I mean I like you and all but you know...I need to
try and work things out with WHitney. I mean I think you are great and I think we
could have had something really special...but we have both moved on with our
lives... Gwen...I would totally understand if you chose not to continue our friendship

Gwen remembered to breathe again as Fox started babbling. See? He's just as sorry
and confused as you were by it. It's just all the stress that we've been under in the
past 24 hours. That's what made him kiss me . . . it didn't mean anything.

Hearing the embarrassment and pain in his voice at the thought he might of hurt
her, Gwen felt her own embarrassment melt away. After all, it was just a little kiss
and no one was hurt, right? No harm, No foul . . .

As Gwen watched Fox walk towards the hospital door, she knew she had to stop him.
Fox was one of the few friends she had, especially now. And she didn't want to lose
him over this . . . "Fox, wait!" she shouted after him as he opened the door to her
room. "Please don't go. I completely understand, and I'm really happy that you're
going to work things out with Whitney. This doesn't have to change anything. We
can still be friends, right?"

But Fox was still standing in the doorway looking down at the floor. Feeling that
sickening feeling crawl back into the pit of her stomach, Gwen asked. "What is it
Fox? What are you looking at?"

Jared could hear noises around him, but they sounded too far away to understand.
Voices... calling for an ambulance... getting farther away then quiet again... 'where
am I?' he thought and tried to look around. he realized that he couldnt lift his head...
couldnt open his eyes and he felt pain, OH he felt pain everywhere... Metal sounds
now... loud, but still as if coming to him through water, water he could feel running
from his ear... was there water dripping? was he in a shower? he couldnt remember
anything, couldnt think straight. Metal sounds again, like a powersaw, but bigger...
then he heard crunching, like a monster truck driving over cars... car... he was in his
car... he had to get out, before he was crushed... but he couldnt move, it was
getting harder to breathe... and his thoughts were becoming more jumbled. "WHY
CAN'T I OPEN MY EYES I WANT TO SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING!!' Then there was
silence again... and he felt hollow, empty, as if he were floating inside his own body,
but at least, he didn't feel anymore pain

Fox looked down at the roses and the ring box and felt like he was going to vomit.
"Oh no" he thought to himself willing the panic to remain in control. " i just took
away the one chance at happiness Gwen had"

"What is it Fox? What are you looking at?"

He heard her voice behind him, How exactly was he going to tell her that it was his
fault Jared had left the flowers and the ring at the door. The reason he had fled the
hospital. The reason he had gone to where ever he was. How could he tell her that
he had just smashed everything she had ever hoped and dreamed about into shards
of glass.

He knelt down to pick up the flowers and ring and then he turned around slowly. The
colour draining from his face. HE looked into her deep blue eyes and saw the panic in
them. He saw that she was shaking...partially due to the pain...partially due to the
fear of whatever he was about to tell her. He walked over to her and sat down on the
edge of her bed.

"Gwen, I think Jared saw us" he said placing the flowers and the ring in her lap

Gwen felt like she was going to be sick. Fox still hadn't answered her and now he
was picking something up off of the floor. Remember when you felt that something
was terribly wrong . . . Straining to see what Fox was trying to hide from her, Gwen
started to panic. What on earth could he have? What is that?

Turning around Gwen finally saw what Fox was holding. Flowers? A Box? . . . Seeing
the pain and guilt written all over Fox's face, Gwen started to hyperventilate. Oh no .
. .Jared . . . As Fox moved closer to the bed, Gwen started to silently pray that it
wasn't real. This is all just a bad dream . . . you're still dreaming . . . just close your
eyes and it will all go away. When you wake up Jared will be here smiling back at
you. This can't be happening . . .

But even as she wished Gwen knew it wasn't going to be true. Fox walked over and
timidly placed the ring and flowers in her lap. Gwen, I think Jared saw us . . .

Her breathing becoming even more rapid, Gwen moved her shaking hands over to
the beautiful roses that were tied up with a bow. Noticing a card attached to them,
Gwen was almost afraid to read it. Forcing herself to look at the beautiful note Jared
had written, Gwen dissolved into hysterics. Gwen... Marry me, make me the
happiest man alive... Love forever, Jared

Curling her body over the bed so that she was cradling the flowers that Jared had
discarded, Gwen sobbed like there was no tomorrow. Unable to think past the fact
that she had hurt him, again . . . Gwen wished that she could just go to sleep and
never wake up again. He didn't even stay and fight for us. He just walked away . . .
she thought as she cried her eyes out. What do you expect? After everything you
have done to him . . .everything he FORGAVE you for . . .and you do THIS to him?
Really Gwen, if the situations had been reversed would you have listened to his
explanation? the other side of her brain argued.

Struggling to breathe through her tears, Gwen cradled the flowers as she murmured.
"No . . . this can't be happening . . . Not now. We just found each other again. Please
God, No. Please, come back . . . don't leave me Jared . . . Jared . . ."

'I need 6 litres of O neg, NOW' Jared heard someone saying 'Mr Casey... Mr Casey
can you hear me??' 'Of course I can hear you' Jared tried to say, but the words
wouldn't come out, his lips refused to co-operate. 'I'm not sure he's gonna make it'
the voice said again. 'how are the kids?' the kids... Oh my God the kids, what kids,
not his kids, not Emily and Sarah... no, they hadnt been in the car... they were still
at home. he understood enough to realize that he was back at the hospital and
something had happened... then he remembered... he had crashed into something in
his rush to distance himself from Gwen, and Fox, and... the kiss. 'well Nichole here
pretty beat up,' 'Nichole? Oh my god NO not NICHOLE' her BP is low, and she has
some minor contusions and abrasions, pupils are uneven and are not reacting we
need to get her to CT to check for subdural hematoma' Jared could hear wheels
squeaking as if something were being rolled away... 'miles isnt much better, he isnt
responding to stimuli, and from the swelling in his abdomen I would check for
internal bleeding. can we have portable ultrasound here please? then He is going to
have to follow his sister to CT'

'My babies, where are you taking my babies??' It was Whitney...

'WAKE UP DAMNIT!!' he felt like screaming at himself, but the noises were getting
farther and farther away... the last thing he heard was the nurse ask Whitney if
there was someone she could call for her, and whitney answered that Fox was
upstairs, with Gwen... then everything went quiet again
Fox sat on the bed and stroked her hair to calm her down. Her sobs becaome more
and more panicked "WHy did you come here " he chastised himself. He was already
sporting some good internal bruises over this. Fox sat himself on her bed and put her
head against his chest as he continued to stroke her hair. "There there, let it out
honey" he said to her soothingly. "I am so sorry hon. I never meant for any of this to
happen. I got wrapped up with everything. I am so very sorry." He wrapped his arms
around Gwen as he felt her sobs increase in intensity He softly whispered to her
"everything will be all right, I'm here now"

Gwen felt someone stroking her hair. Fox . . Gwen was so mired in her own guilt and
anger at herself, she almost unleashed it on Fox. This is all his fault! If he hadn't of
kissed me . . . But Gwen stopped herself right there because she knew better.

Wait a minute, you didn't stop him from kissing you. All you had to do was move
away, but you didn't . . did you? You have no one blame but yourself, Gwen. As
usual you have ruined everything and everyone you've ever cared about. Way to go,
Gwen! You destroyed Jared once before and now you've devastated him again. Well
this time I don't think there will be any "third chances". The man gave up everything
for you last night Gwen! And you let Fox kiss you a mere twenty-four hours later?
What kind of woman are you? How could you do this to him? To Sarah? Did you even
think about how much this is going to hurt her? If you think she'll ever forgive you
now, think again. Once she sees how much you've hurt her father, she'll probably
leave the STATE to get away from you . . .

Stopping her self-bashing for a moment, Gwen had a horrific thought. What if your
dream wasn't a dream? What if it was a premonition of sorts? After all everything
that has happened in the dream has come true so far. Fox kissed you and Jared saw
and left. What if he takes Sarah and moves far away with her? Then you'll never see
them again. Thinking it was impossible to cry any harder, the thought of never
getting to know her only child was almost more than Gwen could bare.

Feeling Fox hold her in his arms and lay her head on his chest, Gwen tried to stem
the torrent of never-ending tears. Feeling a small sense of peace and comfort that
she wasn't having to go through this alone, Gwen allowed Fox to gently rock them
back and forth while he whispered words of comfort. Everything will be all right, I'm
here now . . . Wondering why those words sounded so familiar, Gwen had a flare of
recognition. Oh My God . . . that's what he said to me in my dream . . . Wishing
desperately that somehow Fox could make it all right, Gwen closed her eyes and
continued to cry softly.

Mr... Oh I'm sorry Mr Crane... "

The nurse stammered looking embarrassed at having walked into such am intimate moment
"I didnt mean to interrupt, but... There's been an accident, and a Miss Russell has asked us to
come for you, about your... children?"
she could see the effect her talking was having on the man, and given that he was running the
Crane Hospital Foundation since his father had retired, the last thing she wanted to do was upset
him
"You should know they are getting the best possible care, and we have sent for the top specialists
who are on their way immediately... but... well we can talk about that in private. Miss Russell is
looking for you, if you could come with me?"

Fox looked at the nurse through disbelieving eyes. He heard her words I didnt mean
to interrupt, but... There's been an accident, and a Miss Russell has asked us to
come for you, about your... children? You should know they are getting the best
possible care, and we have sent for the top specialists who are on their way
immediately... but... well we can talk about that in private. Miss Russell is looking for
you, if you could come with me?" " What was she talking about? How could his
children be hurt? They were back at the mansion probably bickering and
arguing...with Whitney looking on "Wh-what?" he stammered. He felt Gwen take his
hand and give it a gentle squeeze in support. He was so confused. He looked down
at Gwen with total bewilderment on his face. Gwen shifted allowing him to stand up
"What do you mean specialist?" he questioned "How badly were they hurt? What
were they doing out of the mansion?" He gave one last look at Gwen hoping she
could help him understand. SHe whispered "Go to your family Fox. They need you"

Fox nodded blindly. He left his jacket...his personal belongings in Gwen's room and
tore down the hallway to the stairs. He had to see his children. He had to see that
they were alright. Tears threatened to fall as he ran down the stairs. He walked into
the ER just in time to see Nicky being wheeled into a cubical. The tears that were
threatening to fall made good on their promise and fell. He walked into the cubical
behind her, took her hand "Oh no...my poor Nicky-girl" he wailed and began to sob

Gwen was so clouded in her own misery that with her eyes closed she didn't even
notice the nurse until she started to speak. Popping her eyes open at the nurse's
jarbled explanation, Gwen's gaze darted to Fox's shelled shock expression. Oh
no . . . Nichole, Miles, Jane. How awful! Gwen thought to herself. Squeezing his hand
to let him know that he wasn't alone, Gwen fought to understand exactly what the
nurse was saying. So Whitney's here with them? Was she hurt too?

Shutting out her own misery in an effort to help Fox, Gwen moved over so that he
could stand up. Listening to Fox's barrage of questions, Gwen knew exactly how he
felt. She would feel the same way if anything had happened to Sarah. Seeing him
turn his gaze back to Gwen, her heart went out to him. After all that he has gone
through, now this? Feeling that Fox was pleading with her to give him some
guidance, some way to make sense of all this, Gwen knew that the only thing that
would help Fox was to get out of here and be with his family.

Giving him a watery smile on her splotchy, tear-soaked face Gwen whispered, "Go to
your family Fox. They need you". Fox nodded numbly and rushed out of the room
behind the nurse. Glancing around her room, Gwen noticed that Fox had left his coat
with his wallet behind. Calling after him, Gwen knew it was too late. Hopefully he
doesn't need it . . . Gwen thought to herself.

A splash of red catching her eye, Gwen's attention once again focused on the now
crushed roses sitting on her bed. Feeling the eternal tears begin to fall again, Gwen
picked them up and set them on the pillow beside her. Turning back, Gwen
recognized the ring box Fox had carried in with the roses. Trembling as she picked it
up, Gwen dreaded opening it. Gingerly opening the blue velvet box, a pained gasp
escaped as Gwen looked at its contents. He remembered . . . After all these years,
he remembered . . . Nestled in the plush folds was a beautiful pink diamond
engagement ring. Gwen had a rush of memory as that moment came back to
her . . .

They had been window shopping on Walnut Grove in New York. It was one
of their favorite things to do on Sunday afternoons. Walking by the various
windows, Gwen had suddenly stopped in front of one of the local jewelry
stores. Chuckling at the wistful expression on her face, Jared had asked
which piece had caught her eye. Gwen had refused to answer at first, but
Jared had drug it out of her eventually. Refusing to let him buy her the pink
diamond she had been eyeing longingly, Gwen had dragged him away
saying that she was getting hungry. I was so sure that he would have forgotten
about it after all this time . . .
Thinking that any minute her lungs and heart would burst from the abject sorrow,
Gwen curled up in the fetal position. Holding the ring box in her hands and laying her
head on the crumpled roses, Gwen wondered if there was any way that she could
salvage her life. Maybe I can make him understand . . . she thought to herself, but
dismissed it just as quickly. No . . . if he saw Fox kissing me . . . he'll never
understand. Why should he? What have I ever done to instill a level of trust in him,
in anyone? Remembering Ethan Martin's words about Karma coming for her, Gwen
could only think that on some level she deserved this. This was what she deserved
for all of her mistakes . . . to lose everything . . .

Fox walked out of the cubical where Miles had been. He was so tired. He felt
emotionally like he had been awake for weeks. He looked in the cubical ahead of him
and there he saw Whitney.
She was laying there very still. Her face was badly cut up. She was asleep so he sat
down beside her and took her hand.

"hey sweetie" he whispered. "I wish I knew why you came out here. Now look. Our
kids are injured and so are you. We will deal with that when you are well again" he
sighed deeply. He kissed her hand quickly. "I will be back in a few minutes." he said
to her quietly. He needed a walk...he needed to get some air and fast. He felt like
the world was crashing in on him.

He walked outside the cubical and there he saw...Jared...or at least he thought it

was Jared being wheeled away. His face was a mess. Blood everywhere. He was on a
ventalor. One of the dr's yelled "Code Blue" and they stared to shock Jared with the
deflibulators. Fox looked on disbelieving.

Then...it dawned on him. Oh no. OMG no he thought to himself. No no no. This

cannot be happening. Jared saw him and Gwen kissing and... tears pricked at the
back of his eyes again. He was responsible for this. He had no one to blame but
himself.

OMG Gwen. he thought to himself. I have to go up and tell her what is going on. She
cannot hear this from a nurse. It will kill her. He told the nurses he would be in room
229 talking to Mrs. Winthrope.

He headed to the stairway and walked up the 2 flights of stairs to get to Gwen's
room. As he walked he felt like he was being pulled into an abyss of darkness and
sorrow and he could not find his way out. WHat have I done he thought

Gwen was still in the exact same fetal position she had been in since Fox left to go
and check on his children. I wonder how they're doing? . . . she wondered. Unable to
move a muscle, Gwen just laid there. Every time she thought maybe she could get
past the pain long enough to call Jared, the tears started fresh all over again. And all
she could do was cry them out.

How did I come to this? How did things get messed up so badly and so quickly? And
how in the name of heaven can I ever make things right? . . . Jared . . . Unable to
find any answers or solace in her soul, Gwen slowly felt herself drifting off to sleep.
The combination of the pain killers and all of the crying had left her completely wiped
out. So as she lay there in her hospital bed still clutching the ring Jared had bought
for her, her head resting on the now deformed roses, Gwen literally cried herself to
sleep.
Fox quietly walked to Gwen's door. He took a deep breath and walked in. He could
see that she was asleep but she needed to know...to know his actions had cost
them...and cost them dearly.

He walked over to the side of her bed and looked at her sleeping. He could tell her
sleep was not a restful one. She moaned out Jared's name a few times and a sob
escaped. He reached out and stroked her golden locks. Gwen stirred slowly and
looked at him with foggy eyes

Gwen was running after a plane. She was sure that Jared was on it, and he had
Sarah with him. They were leaving her, removing themselves from her life forever.
Gwen could feel her lungs burning as she sprinted down the runway after the
departing aircraft, but no matter how hard she ran she couldn't catch it. Eventually
collapsing from exhaustion, Gwen cried out " Jared wait! Don't go! I can explain!
Please don't leave me . . . I love you . . ."

Watching the plane become a blip in the distance, Gwen felt hollow. As if all of her
insides had been ripped out and put aboard with Jared and Sarah. Concentrating on
the rapidly diminshing dot, Gwen felt fuzzy. Feeling something gentle touch her
head, Gewn groggily opened her eyes. Seeing Fox's haggard face looking down at
her, Gwen tried to sit up steadily. Oh no! I know that look. Something awful has
happened . . . was it one of the kids?

Repressing her own anguish, Gwen reached out and took Fox's hand. Pulling him
down on the bed next to her, Gwen gave him a caring look. "What's going on Fox?
Did something happen to one of the children? Whatever it is, I'll help you through it .
.."

Fox felt himself being pulled down onto the bed. He sat down with a thump and with
that the emotions that he had bottled up to be strong all day came tumbling out.
How Nicki was on life support, Miles needed a kidney and was not his son...how
Whitney was unconscious....sobs wracked through his body like they had never
before. HE had never known such grief and such guilt in his entire life.

He felt Gwen cradle him in her arms and stroke his hair. Shhhh he heard her soothe.

Fox sat up a bit and looked at Gwen. "There is something you need to know" he said

Sensing Fox's imminent breakdown, Gwen pulled him into her arms. Feeling his
whole body dissolve into a flood of tears, Gwen felt her heart go out to him. He is
such a good guy. He shouldn't have to go through all this. Now me on the other
hand . . . Pushing the self-deprecation out of her head temporarily, Gwen
concentrated on being there for Fox.

Repaying the favor in supporting him as he let all of the fear, frustration, and anger
out from the past 24 hours, Gwen knew that this is what Fox needed. He needed
someone he could lean on, someone he could turn to in this time of crisis. Well, I
know that he would be there for me if the tables were turned. The least I can do is
the same for him . . . Smoothing out his hair and mumuring in a soft, low voice
Gwen felt his sobs finally start to subside.

Sitting up, Fox looked at her with a pain-filled expression. "There is something you
need to know" Assuming that he was about to tell her something about his children
or Whitney, Gwen answered. "Of course, Fox. You can tell me anything. Whatever it
is we can deal with it . . .together . . ."

Fox looked at her....such a sadness over came him. SHe had had such a hard life.
Agreed she had made some of it harder on herself by marrying a man who she knew
did not love her for who she was. And although snagging him by going to the tabloid
was not right..she deserved better. SHe had finally found better and that was about
to be ripped from her too. He gathered her up in his arms and kissed the top of her
head in such a loving manner it took him a back a bit. But he could not concentrate
on that right now...not when there were far more pressing matters at hand

Gwen...honey he started taking her hand and holding it close to his chest. I made a
horrible mistake earlier. I kissed you and I shouldn't have. For that apologize, He
began.

Gwen started to brush off the kiss like it was no big deal. But he knew better. He
knew that it was a big deal and would affect the rest of their lives. Every action has a
reaction he rememberd a professor saying once. WHy could he not have been sure of
the reaction when he kissed Gwen this morning.

"Gwen" he started his eyes filling with tears again. "Jared saw us kissing at the door
earlier" he said "He was obviously upset by it and left the hospital. His car smashed
into the car that Whtiney, Nichole and Miles were in Gwen" the tears silently fell from
his eyes

Gwen was expecting Fox to tell her what happened to his children or Whitney. But
instead, Fox gathered her into his arms and kissed her forehead. Almost like he is
trying to protect you from something that he knows is going to devastate you . . .
Gwen thought.

As Fox took her hand and brought it up to his chest he started apologizing for kissing
her again. Relief flooded through Gwen as she thought she knew what he was trying
to protect her from. Is he still worried about that kiss? I told him it wasn't a big deal,
maybe he doesn't believe me yet. Starting to reassure him that what had happened
between them earlier this evening wasn't his fault, Fox interrupted her platitudes.

Seeing the devastating look on his face, Gwen felt time slow down. This isn't just
about a kiss . . . she thought. She could see the tears well up in his eyes as he
talked. "Gwen . . .Jared saw us kissing . . . He was obviously upset . . . left the
hospital . . . His car smashed into the car that Whtiney, Nichole and Miles were
in . . ."

Unable to process what Fox was saying Gwen just stared at him. Jared saw me and
Fox kissing . . . and he was so upset he raced out of here and had an accident? Oh
MY GOD! Feeling herself being jolted back to real time, Gwen felt an overwhelming
urge to totally lose it again. But this time, something stopped her. You are not going
to sit here and cry over what you've done while Jared is down there fighting for his
life! You need to get down there . . . right now . . .

Steeling herself from the reality that she was the one responsible for all of this,
Gwen focused on the one thing that mattered at the moment. Jared . . . Looking up
at Fox with pleading eyes, Gwen asked. "Fox, do you know anything about Jared?
Was he hurt badly? Can you take me to him? Please Fox, help me . . . "

Fox looked into the beatufiful blue eyes that were swimming with sorrow. He hated
that the actions he had initiated had caused so much pain and destruction.

"Gwen" he said" Jared is badly hurt. They are not sure whether he is going to make
it." He could see the tears swimming in her eyes. "Oh baby" he whispered
softely...barely audiable. "I am so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I am
sorry that I have ruined your chance at happiness through my selfishness>" He
pulled her in again and held her close He felt her melt into him

Gwen, Jared is badly hurt . . .not sure whether he is going to make it . . . I am so

sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I am sorry that I have ruined your chance at
happiness through my selfishness . . .

Gwen was still curled up in Fox's arms as he spoke to her. Unable to stop the tears
from coming again, Gwen valiantly tried to keep up her brave front. Feeling Fox's
quiet strength seep through her, Gwen gave in and allowed herself to relax against
him. It was just too much to handle on her own . . . And as Gwen melted against
him, she recognized exactly what he was saying. Oh No! He thinks that he is
responsible for what happened tonight . . .

With tears slowly rolling down her cheeks, Gwen turned around in Fox's arms so that
she was facing him. Putting her hand up to his face, Gwen whispered. "Listen to me.
This is not your fault. None of this is your fault. If anyone is to blame here it is me.
I could have and should have stopped you. And honestly I can't even tell you why I
didn't. . . maybe I'm just destined to ruin every good thing in my life. But I won't
allow you to blame yourself for this. What happened to Jared, Whitney, Nichole and
Miles was entirely my fault. And if Jared doesn't make it, I'll have to live with that
pain and guilt for the rest of my life. That I killed the only man I've ever truly loved .
.."

Certain that once Fox realized she was telling the truth he would want nothing more
to do with her either, Gwen tried to move away from his embrace. She didn't
deserve to be comforted . . . her actions tonight had destroyed so many lives.
Again . . .
Fox looked at Gwen with her eyes so full of pain...so full of guilt. He wanted to take
that pain away. He smoothed her hair out of her face Listen to me. This is not your
fault. None of this is your fault. If anyone is to blame here it is me. I could have and
should have stopped you. And honestly I can't even tell you why . . . maybe I'm just
destined to ruin every good thing in my life. But I won't allow you to blame yourself
for this. What happened to Jared, Whitney, Nichole and Miles was entirely my fault.
And if Jared doesn't make it, I'll have to live with that pain and guilt for the rest of
my life. That I killed the only man I've ever truly loved . . . " he heard her say and
his heart felt like it could split in 2.

He looked at her in such a different light. He saw the warmth she had inside that was
dying to come out. He saw the hurt of being in an unloving marriage to his half
brother had done to her. Made her jaded and cold. She thought she was not
deserving of love...and nothing could be further from the truth.

"Oh Gwen" he whispered to her. He held her close stroking her hair. He looked down
at her, their eyes meeting again. She lowered her head in almost a bashful way. Fox
took her chin in his forefingers and pulled her head up so she was looking at him. He
leaned down and gently kissed her again. He felt her arms go around him and she
wrapped his arms around her he felt her melt into his embrace as he pulled her
closer

After pouring her heart out to him, Gwen waited for Fox to move away from her and
leave. Feeling his arms close around her tighter and pull her back towards him,
Gwen closed her eyes as she felt a traitorous sensation creep up her spine.

Turning her face around, Gwen stared into Fox's beautiful eyes. Hearing him whisper
her name, Fox reached up and gently stroked her hair. What are you doing?! the
rational part of her brain screamed. Dropping her head to break the intense eye-
contact, Gwen struggled to figure out what was wrong with her. You LOVE Jared!
You have always loved Jared! So what is this?!

Feeling Fox's fingers underneath her chin, Gwen slowly allowed her head to be pulled
up again. Caught in that mesmerizing gaze once more, Gwen knew what was about
to happen . . . again. And this time she didn't even have the element of suprise as
an excuse. Unable to think through the pain of having lost everything in her life that
mattered . . . Jared, Sarah, the family she had always dreamed of . . . Gwen found
herself incapable of resisting Fox anymore.

As Fox's lips touched hers again, Gwen was overcome with a strange feeling. It was
one she had felt for the first time in the garden of her dreams. And then again when
Fox had kissed her earlier tonight. Not able to define the rampant emotion, and
honestly past caring anyway, Gwen gave in completely. She had nothing left to lose
anymore. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Gwen knew that this was complete
madness but in a weird way it almost made sense. After all they were two people
who had essentially just lost everyone and everything in their lives that they had
ever wanted. They needed each other . . .

Turning in Fox's embrace, Gwen just happened to see it. There, on the bedside table,
was the blue box. The box that Jared had bought for her. And the ring inside had
been their ring. The one she had fallen in love with so many years ago. Jared . . .
The memory snapped her fiery response and wilted it instantly. Pulling back out of
Fox's embrace, Gwen wished that she was able to walk so that she could go and fling
herself off the roof. The man you love more than anything else in this world is
downstairs in intensive care . . . he's might be dying and you are doing THIS?! You
disgust me! Theresa and everyone else have been right all these years! You are
JUST like your Mother. Anything for a bit of action, eh Gwen?

Unable to withstand the abuse she was inflicting on herself, Gwen folded her head
down to her chest. In a very small and pained voice, she said "I'm sorry Fox. I
just . . . I just can't. I'm in love with Jared, and you're in love with Whitney. This
isn't right, and you know it. Both of our loves are in this hospital hurt tonight
because of us. Because I let you kiss me . . . and I can't hurt Jared anymore than I
already have. I love him, Fox. He has been the one person that has always loved
me, no matter what. And if he survives tonight, I'm going to do everything in my
power to get him back. I know he may not give me another chance . . . not that I
deserve it anyway . . . but I am going to try none-the-less. He never gave up me
Fox. When I was near death last night, Jared was the one by my side, holding my
hand and telling me how I had to hold on because he and Sarah needed me. Jared
was the one who stayed with me through the night to make sure I pulled through.
And this is how I repay him? By betraying him like this? What kind of a woman does
that? Someone like my mother, that's who! I swore I would never treat men the
way she does. And now look at me . . . "

Gazing up at Fox with a tear-stained face and a heavy heart, Gwen continued. "I
think you need to go and find Whitney, Fox. I'm sure that once you take her in your
arms, all of this will seem like a distant memory. Like a dream almost . . . " Moving
out of his arms completely, Gwen almost felt a surge of sadness that he had let her
go so easily. Shaking her head to clear it of that ridiculous emotion, Gwen crossed
her arms protectively over her chest and looked at the ground.

Fox looked at Gwen as she stood there her arms folded protectively over her chest.
His heart was heavy at the fact their kiss had ended. "I think you need to go and
find Whitney, Fox. I'm sure that once you take her in your arms, all of this will seem
like a distant memory. Like a dream almost . . . " He heard what she was saying and
he felt it seemed logical. He loved Whitney..he thought he did anyways. The thought
of leaving Gwen hurting and alone made his heart break into a million pieces. There
was a sadness too. He didn't want to leave...it was as if his feet were cemented to
that area. He didn't WANT to find Whitney. He wanted to stay with Gwen and make
her hurt go away. He wanted to chase the sadnesses out of her eyes and replace it
with happiness. He was so confused and never had he felt so alone. These past few
hours he had really felt like he had a bond with Gwen...and now she was saying she
wanted him to find Whitney. The tears that were in his eyes were threatening to fall
once again.
"Ok Gwen" he said softly, looking sadly into her eyes. " I will find Whitney. But I am
going to be back later. I think we have some things to talk about" He hoped that she
would listen to what he had to say...after he had spoken to Whitney. "Things will
work out for the best Gwen...you wait and see" he said as he managed a small smile.
With that last look he turned and walked out the door to find Whitney.

Gwen wrapped her arms around herself tighter as she waited for Fox to leave the
room. The pain from her injury added to the complete chaos her heart was in, made
it difficult for Gwen to remain standing. But she knew that if she showed that
weakness now, Fox would stay. He was that kind of guy. He wouldn't leave her alone
if he knew how much pain she was in. And he needed to leave. He needed to go and
find Whitney. He loves her . . . Gwen told herself. He has always loved her. The only
reason he's been turning to me tonight is that he's been overwhelmed and
overwrought with everything that has happened in the past day and a half. Sure that
once he talked to Whitney he would remember how much he cared for and needed
her, Gwen bit on her bottom lip to stop a pained cry from escaping. Just another
minute or two and he'll be gone. This is for the best. For Fox and for you.
Bewildered, Gwen wondered why that last thought made her feel . . . well, almost
sad.

Raising her head up, Gwen saw those eyes staring back at her. She could feel so
many emotions coming through them; sorrow, confusion and something else . . .
was that hurt? Ok Gwen . . .I will find Whitney. But I am going to be back later. I
think we have some things to talk about . . . Things will work out for the best
Gwen...you wait and see Listening to him agree with her, Gwen felt a shiver run
through her at the cryptic meaning of his last words. Giving her a small smile, Gwen
watched as Fox walked out of her room in search of Whitney.
Seeing the door close firmly, Gwen finally let the pain show in her face. Barely able
to make the one step to the bed, Gwen couldn't stifle the cry of pain as she lowered
herself back onto the bed. Grateful that no one was here to witness her utter
weakness, Gwen replayed Fox's final words in her head over and over. Things will
work out for the best Gwen...you wait and see Wishing she had some of Fox's
optimism, Gwen couldn't stop those relentless tears from falling again. I don't see
how things could possibly work out for the best. I have destroyed not only my life
again but Jared's, Whitney's Nichole, Miles . . . even Fox.

Picking up the phone, Gwen dialed the nurses station to try and get some
information about Jared. But since she wasn't family, no one would tell her anything.
Frustrated at her lack of mobility and helplessness, Gwen did something she hadn't
done in a really long time . . . she prayed. Please God, don't let him die. I know I
don't deserve to ask for anything after all of the things I have done. But please,
don't make Jared pay for my mistakes. The only thing he ever did wrong was love
me . . .

Fox walked around the hospital looking for a place to be alone. He needed to be
alone to deal with the influx of emotions that had over taken him and he had no
where to turn. He looked up. HE was on the 3rd floor waiting room where Nicki's
surgery was taking place. There was a spot over by the window where he could sit
and think. He walked over to the leather couch and sat down and stared blankly out
the window.

How his life had changed over the past 24 hrs. He had gone from knowing he would
never have a biological child to having 2 beautiful girls with 2 women who were best
of friends Interesting predicament to be in he thought wryly to himself.

His marriage to Kay had broken up. He knew now how he could not make someone
love you as much as you loved them. His marriage to Kay was proof of that. He
loved Kay. A part of him always would. How could he not. BUt it was not that all
emcompassing love. That love that thrills you, exhausts you and makes you come
back craving more I have never had that type of love he thought sadly to himself. He
loved Kay enough to let her go. To let her go without a fight to the man that SHE
loved. THe man who she desired to be with. He wanted her to be happy and if that
was not with him so be it. He would get over it in time.

Besides, the love of his life had come back into his life. Or had she. He loved
Whitney. They shared a child together. But he was uncertain as to what the future
held. One thing was for certain they would never be more than friends. Whitney had
hurt him deeply when he found out that Miles was not his but Chad's. Down in the
ER it had kicked him in the gut again. He lost that baby boy whom he adored a
second time. The pain and anguish that went with that also came flooding back. How
do you forgive and forget something like that. he thought. Also...he could not get
over that she would keep from him that he had had a child 12 yrs ago. She knew
how much having a child would mean to him. She took away his right as a father to
grieve over the fact he had lost a child. In doing that he had lost complete trust in
her. How do you rebuild from that

Now there was Gwen. He had always felt a sort of protectiveness towards her.
During Sarah's death he was there for her when she wouldn't let Ethan be there for
her. He always had a special place for her. But now things were different. Both of
them had children whom they had discovered after a long absence. But every move
he made towards her made her feel guilty about Jared or hurt her in some way.
Maybe I am just meant to be alone he thought to himself dejectidly. He wished his
life would be less complicated but that was par for the course in being a Crane.

He felt someone shaking him awake. He woke up with a start and realized it was dr
Johnson was waking him up.

"Nichole;s surgery went well Mr. Crane" she said "Let us get her settled into this ICU
and someone will come and get you so you can visit with her

K-nock K-nock" said Whitney smiling.

Fox's expression changed to one of hurt and sorrow. He was truely about to close
this chapter of his life. He had to end things with Whitney fast. Like a band aid just a
quick rip and the pain would not be as bad. His heart was not with WHitney...not
totally anyways. He had kissed Gwen. He was attracted to Gwen. And even if it was
not Gwen...he knew he could nto trust Whitney and he needed to be able to trust.

Fox looked at Nichole and smiled. He took her hand. "Nica?" he said to her lovingly
"You mom and I need to go discuss a few things down the hall. I will be right back
sweetheart. You and Jane can visit and do that girl talk thing" He leaned down to
kiss Nichole's for head and without thinking did the same thing to Jane's He could tell
Nichole could already read him like a book and was concerned. "Don't worry" he said
squeezing her hand gently "Everything will work out" he said. "Now don't give the
nurses too much trouble" he said joking with them "I will be right back.

And with that he and Whitney left Nichole's room

Fox lead Whitney to a small room outside the ICU waiting room. He knocked on the
door and found out the room was vacant. He sat down on the couch. Whitney sat
next to him. Fox jumped up and paced the small room. How am I going to make her
see this is the way things have to be

"Whitney" he said quietly " I need to be straight with you. Things are not going to
work out between us. Too much water has passed under the bridge. I don't really
think we have enough wood to build another bridge." he said quickly. Enough with
the metaphores Fox he thought to himself.

"Whitney" he said. "WIth everything that happened with Miles and then you not
telling me about Nicki. I just don't think I can get past that. I know I said I would
try...but I don't know. I just don't see how I can look past that and accept things
how they are. I love Nichole and I will always be there for Miles to come and talk to.
He is my main man after all "Fox chuckled at his lame joke. "But you and i. My heart
is just not in it Whitney. I don;t think I can make my heart love and trust you. You
betrayed me in the worst possible way. I have forgiven you...but I cannot forget."

Fox paused wondering if he should go any further. He decided if he was talking about
Honestly he really should walk the walk.

"There is something else you need to know" his face clouded over in an unreadable
expression "I kissed Gwen today. Twice" he said quickly "it was not planned
but..."his voice trailed off "i don't know what the future holds for her and I. But I do
know that I need to close this chapter and move on with my life. I am sorry WHit...I
really am. But this is the way things need to be"

Mrs Crane!! "[/i] said the flustered nurse... " I mean Mrs Casey... you're here for your husband,
right this way"
Theresa could tell that the nurse was new... probably new to Harmony, because few
people still reacted so nervous around her. Most knew she was nothing like the
tabloids portrayed her. she followed behind Nervous Nelly down into the ICU, not
even able to ask her if they could stop and deliver the purchases to Whitney and the
kids first

"Now" said the nurse, not making eye contact with Theresa " He is connected to alot of machines,
and is only allowed 2 visitors at a time, so you and your son can go in. He is on a ventilator, he
is on dialysis because his kidneys were severely damaged, one had to be removed and the other
is failing quickly. He isnt conscious right now, and we had to put a shunt into his head, and
remove a small piece of his skull to alleviate some of the pressure and fluid on his brain, at a
later date, if his condition improves, the Dr will be able to put it back into place, for now they
have nestled it into his hip so that it doesnt degenerate. he has Heart monitors, and oxygen
monitors, and all those machines make alot of noise, but try to talk to him. we dont know if he
can hear you or not, but studies show that People come out of Comas faster when they know
they are loved, and when they know that someone is there, when they are talked to. If you need
anything, press the red button and we will come right away." she was about to turn away when
she remembered something... " Oh and Mrs Casey, if you need one we can have a cot brought
down as soon as possible so that you can stay with him. If he stabilizes, and his condition
improves, then we will move him to the VIP suite upstairs that Mr Crane had built for the family
years ago. There is a team cleaning that up now in case you or Mr Crane would feel better
sleeping there, we have 2 separate beds that are there in case you both choose the suite..."

"Wait... Theresa said, slightly confused "Julian is here?"

"No ma'am sorry for the confusion" The Nurse replied "Mr Nicholas Crane"

Gwen was going stir crazy. She wasn't able to walk, and even if she could it wasn't a
good idea 24 hours after major surgery. Since Fox had left, Gwen had been all alone
with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company. She had called repeatedly to try
and find out about Jared's condition, but no one would talk to her. Gwen had then
called her mother in the hopes that Rebecca could go and find out about Jared for
her. But Rebecca was obviously having too much fun with Charles and it kept going
to her voicemail. Leaving a brief message to call her asap, Gwen hung up the phone.
Who can I call? Who could help me? Suddenly a thought crossed her mind Oh no . . .
I can't . . . I can't ask her. Besides she wouldn't help me anyway . . . would she?

Deciding that she would do anything to find out about Jared, Gwen picked up the
phone and dialed before she lost her nerve. One would think that it would be
completely strange for someone to have their arch-rival's cell phone number
memorized. But since they had shared Jane all these years, they had had no other
choice but to keep in contact. Hearing it ring, Gwen fought the urge to hang up. I
can't believe you're going to ask Theresa for help. After all that has gone on between
you two, do you really think she's going to care that you are worried about Jared?
Especially once she realizes that you are the cause of all the probelms yet again?

Gwen didn't know whether to be angry, sad, or relieved when she heard Theresa's
voicemail click on. If she's at the hospital, she probably has to have it turned off . . .
Gwen thought. Debating over whether or not to leave a message, Gwen took a deep
breath and forged ahead. "Theresa, it's Gwen. I . . . I need . . . Do you know. . . I'm
trying to find out about Jared. Call me . . . please "

Hanging up the phone, Gwen didn't know what else to do. She couldn't help
Jared . . . hell, she couldn't even help herself! Running a hand through her totally
beraggled hair, Gwen noticed how much of a mess she must look. Oh well, it's not
like anyone's here to see me anyway. Jared . . . As always, the thought of his
smiling face as he kissed her goodbye this morning caused a few more tears to drip
down her face. You would think I would be totally dehydrated by now . . . she scoffed
at how she had turned into a water-works factory overnight. Of course I meant it My
Love . . .rest, I want you home with me as soon as possible Hearing Jared's last
words to her echo in her brain, Gwen felt a new load of guilt and despair wash over
her. How could I do this to him? I love him. I have always loved him. Even when I
was married to Ethan all those years, I never stopped loving him. We were so close
to having the life we've dreamed of. The life we should have had all those years ago,
if I had been wiser and stronger. What is wrong with me? And what is happening
with me and Fox?

Closing her eyes briefly, Gwen tried to block out the moment when Fox kissed her
and she had kissed him back. It was madness, it wasn't real. We were just both
upset. Fox doesn't care for me that way. No one but Jared has ever loved me. He is
the love of my life. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't escape the
memory of that moment. Stop this! she shouted at herself. You are just exhausted
and guilt-ridden. Fox is in love with Whitney, you are in love with Jared. And as
soon as you can, you're going to get down there and find a way to let him know
that. You are going to try and help him hold on . . . the way he did for you last night.

Feeling her eyelids sag once more, Gwen laid her head back against the pillows and
decided to rest up. Jared was going to need her and she was going to be there for
him . . . whether he wanted her there or not.

Rebecca strode into her daughter's room looking as if she had spent the day at the
spa. Makeup once again flawless, and freshly showered and dressed and sporting a
rosy glow that left people with no doubt as to what she had been doing all this time,
she came to Gwen's side.

"What is it darling? Have there been complications to your recovery?"

Theresa's beeper went off, notifying her to check her voicemail, she picked up the
phone in Nicki's room and dialled to her cell. she punched in her access code and
heard...

"Theresa, it's Gwen. I . . . I need . . . Do you know. . . I'm trying to find out about
Jared. Call me . . . please "

Theresa excused herself and walked out to the Nurses station, she asked the nurse
to go to Gwen's room and give her a full update on Jared's condition, as well as
hourly reports, even if there was nothing to report, in return she Promised the Dr in
charge of his case that she would make a donation in Jared's name to the Childrens
ward of the hospital. When she needed to, she knew how to use her money to get
what she wanted. then she went back in to see about whitney
Waking up as her mother strolled in, Gwen wondered how her mother could be so
blazee about her life when it crumbling down around her. Wondering where to start,
Gwen realized what she needed her mother to do most . .. . Sarah .

Grabbing her mother's hand, Gwen pleaded. "I have so much to tell you but now is
not the time. I need you to do something for me. Jared was hurt badly tonight in a
car accident. He's downstairs in the ICU, but since I"m not family the nurses won't
give me any information about him. This means that Sarah is all alone at the
mansion. Can you go and get her for me? She just got here, and I can't stand the
thought of her feeling abandoned again . . . "

Hearing Rebecca grumble about how at least this didn't involve diapers and bottles,
Gwen smiled because she knew that her mother was going to help her. Giving her a
quick peck on the cheek, Rebecca waltzed out of Gwen's room.

Watching her leave, Gwen was about to close her eyes when a nurse popped in her
room. Apparently Theresa had gotten Gwen's message after all, and she was going
to report hourly on how Jared was doing. Listening to all of the horrible things that
had happened, and how he might not last the night, Gwen felt her heart break. He's
hurt because of me. I did this to him. I did this to everyone . . . Unable to do
anything but sit there and cry, Gwen thanked the nurse and laid back down.
Reaching over and grabbing the ring box, Gwen snuggled it close to her chest.
Wondering if she was ever going to be able to stop crying, Gwen closed her eyes and
drifted off to sleep once more.

Jared was in the empty place again, dark and strangely he could feel nothing. he just
wished he knew what whas going on, Suddenly a flash of light and he saw himself,
Ethan martin at his bedside, as if he were floating above the bed. Almost as if
through a tunnel he heard his step son talking to him...

"Wow...it's moments like these where not even I know what to say..." "Shocking...I
know, but it's these moments that could be our last that we really think about our
life and not wanting to waste it seeing how precious it is". "Jared I've known you for
a long time". "You've been my step father for most of my life and you know me as
well as I know you". "You know I can be arogant and stubborn, but I also can admit
when I'm wrong". "And you know when I love the ones I care about, I love whole
heartidly". "So I think there's no time like the present to tell you I was wrong". "To
try to force you and my mother back together when I knew you
were right, you're marriage wasn't working..." "I've seen you over the years long for
something, someone, who wasn't there". "But you wish she were, it's like you
mourned for that life, that woman, that love". "It's just like I saw last night, with you
and..Gwen". "I saw the love in your eyes for that woman that I never saw with my
mother". "I wanted to deny it and convince myself it was wrong, but t's not". "Jared
loving someone and making yourself happy isn't wrong at all, it's the rightest thing
in this world". "I was wrong to for one
second try to make you think it wasn't, to continue living a lie and forcing yourself
where your heart wasn't at". "That choice has only caused misery so far, mine as
well correct is sooner rather than later". "As late as it may be, you have a chance,
you have to fight". "For Gwen, I know you two still love each other even after
everything that's happened". "And Sarah, you just found her and she needs both her
parents". "So come back Jared, come back for your family". "Don't give up your last
chance at a happy life with Gwen and Sarah".
Wow... Gwen... could he really forgive her? and even if he couldn't he wished he
could see
her one last time to say goodbye... Another flash of light, and he was in her room,
floating above her bed. sleeping so peacefully with the ring box in her hand.

'I should have stayed Gwen, I should have fought for you, I should have demanded
an explanation... I should have hit Fox, he KNEW we were trying to work things
out... I love you Gwen, dont let me go...'

He tried to reach out and touch her when the door opened, and Fox came in the
room. Jared watched for a moment in silence, as the heartbreak overtook him once
again...

Fox walked into the cafeteria clutching the bag which the paper and pen he had just
purchased paper and a pen. He was going to write Gwen a note and have one of the
nurses bring it to her.

Dearest Gwen,

I am writing you to let you know that you I have decided to step aside. I know that
you love Jared and that I should have never stepped in front of a love so true. For
that I am sorry.

Gwen I have deep feelings for you. I will not deny that. I am not walking away cause
I don't care but because I do. Your happiness is paramount. You have been through
so much you deserve to be with Jared. I want you to find happiness,and I know it
will not be with me. I hope that you are able to patch things up with Jared and that
any damage can be reversed. KNow that you will be forever in my heart.

Love always Fox

Fox folded the letter and sealed the envelope up put the paper and pen in the bag
headed up Gwen's room.

Gwen was having another dream. This time she was trapped in a dark forest. She
had been running after Jared again, following what she had thought was his shadow,
when suddenly she was lost in darkness. Unable to determine which way to go,
Gwen started calling out for him. Pleading with Jared to show her the way to get
back to him. Hearing her voice start to give out, Gwen slumped to the ground in
defeat. Sitting down and curling her knees up, Gwen rested her head on them and
sobbed in despair. He's never going to forgive me. He's never going to come back.
No matter how hard I try, or how much I love him. He's gone . . . Gwen was still
sobbing when she heard a faint voice, almost like a whisper on the wind. It sounded
like . . . Jared Stifling her cries momentarily, Gwen strained her ears to see if she
could hear the sound again.

I should have stayed Gwen, I should have fought for you, I should have demanded
an explanation... I should have hit Fox, he KNEW we were trying to work things
out... I love you Gwen, dont let me go...'

It was Jared! He was talking to her! She had to find him! She had to tell him how
sorry she was and how much she loved him. Gwen jumped up started looking around
for a sign, any sign, that would show her the right path. The path that would take
her back into the arms of the man that she loved. The man she was meant to spend
the rest of her life with. Scanning the pitch black forest in every direction, Gwen
finally saw a flash of light. Taking it as the sign she so desperately wanted, Gwen
started sprinting again with renewed spirt. Jared does love me. He doesn't want me
to give up on us. Dodging trees and plants, Gwen wound around the forest floor
keeping her eyes focused on the speck of light that always seemed just ahead. She
was so busy watching the light she didn't even notice the hole until it was too late.
Feeling the ground suddenly disappear beneath her feet, Gwen saw the light go out
as she plummeted into the abyss.

Fox stood outside Gwen's door looking at the letter down in front of him. I know this
is for the best he thought to himself. He knocked softly on the door and when no one
answered he quietly opened the door.

Gwen was sleeping on the bed. She looked so peaceful. Content almost. He took her
hand and sat down.

Gwen I hope you can eventually forgive me for the pain I caused you. That was not
my intent in the least. I like you. I think we could have had a shot at a read
relationship. But I guess that is not meant to be

Fox stood up and placed her delicate hand on the sheet. He took the note he had
written and placed it carefully under her pillow so not to disturb her. He turned and
started to walk towards the door.

Gwen then stirred in her sleep and a soft wimper coming from her broke Fox's heart.
He looked around the room realizing that she must feel so alone...so scared with
everything going on. He walked back over to the chair and sat down. He leaned over
and kissed her on the forehead and took her hand once again

Gwen was still falling . . . she tried to brace herself for the impact that she knew was
coming when she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her and break her fall.
Dazed and distraught, Gwen glanced up to see Fox's face. Except unlike her previous
dream, Fox wasn't smiling this time. Instead he looked sad, weary, defeated . . . as
if he had decided to give up something important to him. Something precious . . .

Gwen tried to ask him what was wrong, how could she help him but he just
continued to look at her with a tortured and resigned expression. Although it was
dark, Gwen could have sworn she saw tears in his eyes. Then, Fox did something
Gwen would have never expected . . . he let her go. Gwen felt herself falling once
more and this time she was sure that there would be no one to catch her. She let out
an anguished cry that reverberated throughout the bottomless shaft.

Just when Gwen thought all hope was lost, she felt someone reach out for her. She
felt a hand grab hers, and knew without a doubt who it belonged to. Jared . . .
Looking up she saw Jared standing on a ledge. He had heard her cry and reached out
for her. Feeling him pull her up out of the blackness, Gwen felt him kiss her
forehead. He came back for me! the thought raced through her mind. Reaching up to
pull him into her embrace, Gwen kissed him with every ounce of feeling and passion
she possessed.

Jared looked on as Fox came into the room and sat down, he took her hand and
whispered to her softly, trying not to wake her, then stood and slid a note under her
pillow. He almost rejoiced when Fox began to walk away... then everything changed,
Gwen began to cry, she didnt want him to leave, he came back and took her hand
once again, and kissed her forehead. Nothing could have prepared Jared for what he
saw next. Just when he thought that he and Gwen could move past this whole 'Fox
Thing' that he could forgive what had probably been just a one time, innocent
mistake with all the turmoil they had all endured since last night... Gwen did
something that shattered his entire world. She wrapped her arms around Fox's neck
and Kissed him, deeply... passionately, like a woman in love. he stared, unable to
take his eyes off the situation unfolding before him, like a witness to a trainwreck,
taking in every painful and horrifying detail. Slowly his disbelief turned to anguish,
and anguish to rage. he swooped down trying to pull Fox away from HIS Gwen but
realized he wsa nothing but air. Instead of filling him with resignation, this fuelled his
rage... he swung once, twice, three times but his fists went right through the
amourous couple. buidling up all his rage into a final swinghe closed his eyes and felt
his fist connect... with what he didnt know. Opening his eyes, he saw a picture on
the floor, shattered. It was a picture of Nichole, Marty... and Sarah.

" How COULD YOU??" He Cried at her, feeling the rage seep out of him now, he felt
his energy being drawn away from her. "How could you do this to me... to us... To
SARAH???? I loved you Gwen... I LOVED YOU!!! DAMN YOU!!!" he sobbed... then
everything went black around him again, and all he heard was silence

Jared...calm down". * Ethan Martin reached out to him* "You've been in an accident, you must be
hellucinating". "Just take it easy, okay"? "Stay wth us". "I know you love Gwen and Sarah". "So
fight for them, fight for your family". "Don't give up, you...." *Jared's moniter flatlines* "Oh my
god...no". "Jared you can't die, you can't leave Gwen and Sarah when they just only found you
again.." *EM rushes out of Jared's cubical and yells for a doctor* "Doctor, doctor you have to help
this patien has just flatlined". "Jared Casey, right in there, you have to save him". *EM froze as he
heard noises and code blue going off listening to Jared's flatlining moniter*

Fox felt himself being pulled towards Gwen...her lips met his. He returned her kiss
tenderly knowing this is not what she wanted. she loves Jared he thought sadly to
himself. He pulled away whispering "Gwen" he said softly. Gwen's eyes opened and
she reached for him. He smiled and took her hand. She then pulled him into another
passionate kiss. She knows its me and STILL wants to kiss me he thought
incrediously He put his hand on her face and kisses her tenderly yet passionately.
She pulls him down onto the bed and close to her. He lays down on his side and
gathers her up in his arms. He brushes the hair from her face. He kisses her cheeks
and the tip of her nose. She snuggles into his chest closer...almost as if the inches
between them was too much for her to bear, He rested his head on the top of her
head. There Fox fell into a deep sleep. Deeper sleep than he had hadin years. For the
first time, in a long time he was content.
"Mrs Theresa Casey to the ICU Nurses station please immediately, That's Mrs Theresa Casey to
the ICU Nurses station thank you"
Cynthia felt weird making an all hospital announcement about this, but she WAS the biggest
contriutor to the hospital, and she HAD just promised another large sum to the Childrens ward,
and Cynthia just couldnt fathom being the cause of a loss that huge, besides, the Chief of Staff had
demanded it, and she wasnt going to lose her Job over this...

Theresa heard her name called over the intercom

"I'll be right back sweetie, Im sure Jane will be right back too. They are probaly just
wanting to update me on Jared's condition" but in the pit of her stomach she knew it
was more... way more

As Gwen pulled Jared into her arms, she couldn't believe how lucky she was. He
didn't give up on me. He came back! He didn't leave me after all. He rescued me!
Feeling Jared kiss her tenderly back, Gwen felt her heart swell. He does love me, he
wouldn't kiss me this way if he didn't.

But then Jared pulled away. Hearing someone whisper her name, Gwen opened her
eyes briefly. And through her unfocused, drug-induced, pain-filled, completely
overwrought gaze Gwen saw Jared's face smiling back at her. Reaching for him,
Gwen felt him take her hand as she pulled him back against her. Kissing him with an
all-consuming passion, Gwen could feel how right this was. This was the kiss of the
man she loved. The man she was destined to spend her life with. Bringing him down
to the ground with her, Gwen felt Jared draw her into him. She closed her eyes as
Jared lovingly stroked her hair and kissed her face. Snuggling even closer into his
chest, Gwen tried to make sure that he knew just how much she loved him . . . how
much she needed him. Feeling Jared rest his head on top of hers, Gwen closed her
eyes and felt a strange feeling come over her. Unable to define it, she just gave in
and let herself relax in the arms of her true love.

Fox layed there is a semi conscious state feeling content...like he never wanted that
moment to end. All those years of watching her with Ethan and being miserable with
Ethan...they were all in the past. She had chosen HIM put her trust in HIM. He would
never betray that trust. He cared for her too much to do that. He heard her sigh and
he pulled her close to him.

He saw her eyes open and sleepily smile at him. Then it suddenly changed. From
happy contentment to bewilderment and disbelief. As if she couldn't believe that he
was there.

Oh no he thought sadly to himself she didn't realize it was me she was kissing last
night. She was dreaming of someone else. Sadness came over him like a cloak.
Tears pricked the back of his eye lids but he willed them not to fall. In fact he
begged them not to. He could not do that to her..make her think she had hurt him.
It was not fair. She had been through enough over the past few days. He did not
need to add this to her list of things to feel guilty about. He was already on the list a
few times. He did not need to add more.

"HeY Gwen" he said smiling at her. "Sorry bout that. You were crying in your sleep
last night and I decided to hold you. You had been through a lot and I thought you
could use a friend" he lied to her.

His heart was shattering in a million pieces as he watched the relief flood her face.
She really doesn't want to be with me "I hoped it helped "

A look of mixture of relief, sadness and confusion clouded her features. "How is
Jared" he heard her ask him

"I am not sure how Jared is Gwen" he said to her "the nurse is due in in a few min
with an update. Can I refill your water jug?" She nodded her head and he turned to
head to the bathroom for water
At that moment an announcement came over the PA "Mrs Theresa Casey to the ICU
Nurses station please immediately, That's Mrs Theresa Casey to the ICU Nurses
station thank you"

Fox looked over at Gwen who looked like she had to throw up He opened the door
and asked the nurse to bring her down to see Jared.
"Come on Gwen he said rolling the wheelchair Jody the head nurse had brought him
"lets get you TO Jared" After he had helped her into the wheelchair she looked up at
him with a greatful smile. He knew he was doing the right thing in helping her get to
Jared

As Gwen rested in Jared's arms she felt so safe, so protected . . .so loved. I love you
Gwen, dont let me go . . . she heard Jared whisper to her again and she sighed in
complete contentment. Feeling him pull her closer against his chest, Gwen sleepily
opened her eyes and smiled. But instead of Jared's rugged good looks, she saw Fox's
chisled features smiling back at her.

Confused beyond belief, Gwen rapidly blinked her eyes several times but it was no
use. It was still Fox's face she saw . . . No, it couldn't be. Jared was here with me . .
. Jared saved me . . . it was Jared I kissed. . . kissed! Looking at Fox with an
almost fearful expression, Gwen was about to ask what had happened when Fox
removed himself from her arms. Sitting down in the chair next to her bed, he smiled
lightly as if nothing had happened. Hey Gwen . . . sorry, you were crying in your
sleep . . . and I decided to hold you . . . thought you could use a friend . . . I hope it
helped

Taking a deep breath, Gwen felt relief pour through her. It was all just a dream. I
didn't kiss Fox last night. He was probably just stopping by to get his coat and wallet
when he heard me crying in my sleep and wanted to help me. He's been such a good
friend to me.

But if Fox was here . . . then that means that Jared . . . Jared didn't find me after all.
He didn't come and save me, he didn't say that he loved me and never wanted to let
me go . . . Feeling alone, lost and confused all over again, Gwen looked at Fox. "How
is Jared?" she barely whispered, deathly afraid that Fox would tell her the worst had
occurred.

I am not sure how Jared is Gwen, the nurse is due in in a few min with an update.
Can I refill your water jug? Nodding numbly, Gwen watched Fox pick up the plastic
container and walk toward the door. Something not right . . . she thought to herself.
No matter how much he tries to hide it, he's really upset about something. I wish he
would tell me what it is . . .

But then, she heard the PA system announcement "Mrs Theresa Casey to the ICU
Nurses station please immediately, That's Mrs Theresa Casey to the ICU Nurses
station thank you"

Oh My God! Jared . . . It had to be something really important for them to paige

Theresa over the entire hospital PA system. What if? What if he's . . . Unable to even
contemplate the thought of never seeing Jared's face again, Gwen thought she was
going to be sick with grief. Jared . . .
She was so lost in her guilt and sorrow that she didn't hear Fox ask the nurse to
arrange a way for her to get down to the ICU. Looking over to the table, she noticed
that both the ring box and the picture of her and Sarah were missing. Oh no! Where
did they go? she thought in a panic. Remembering that she had fallen asleep with
the ring box in her hand, Gwen started frantically searching the crumpled bed linens
for it. Reaching under her pillow, Gwen almost cried with relief when she felt her
hands touch the velvet box.

Feeling a piece of paper, Gwen pulled it out. Recognizing Fox's handwriting, Gwen
felt her heart warm. Thinking it was sweet of Fox to write her a get-well note, Gwen
decided to read it later as she placed it on the bedside table. Looking down, she saw
the shattered picture of Nicole, Marty, and Sarah on the floor. What happened to it?
It looks like someone hit it . . . Grimacing with the discomfort it caused to reach
down and grab the photo, Gwen felt a sudden jolt of pain as she picked it up. Feeling
tears well up in her eyes at the sudden and swift hurt in her heart, Gwen didn't know
why she would be so upset about a picture. Jared . . .

Shaking her head, Gwen dismissed the thought. Jared doesn't even know about this
picture. And why would he feel upset about it? Why do I feel all of this pain and
betrayal? As if I had hurt someone I love badly?

Come on Gwen he . . . lets get you TO Jared. Blinking again, Gwen saw Fox standing
by her bedside with a wheelchair. Still holding the ring box and the picture in one
hand, Gwen felt Fox's arms go around her and pick her up. As he placed her in the
wheelchair, Gwen felt the sadness emanating from Fox again. What happened? she
wondered. Giving him a grateful smile, Gwen felt her heart go out to him. He looks
so sad, weary, defeated . . . just like in my dream. I have to help him. I have to let
him know that he's not alone. As Fox wheeled her down the hall, Gwen wondered
how she could reach him. Deciding to try the honest approach, Gwen reached around
and grabbed his hand. "Fox . . . what's wrong? Did something happen tonight? Tell
me . . . let me help you"

Fox felt her hand on his. The mere touch of her sent electrical waves through him.
Like his skin was alive. Fox . . . what's wrong? Did something happen tonight? Tell
me . . . let me help you"

Fox sighed. How he wished he could sit her down and tell her she had kissed him
passionately...but didn't truely mean it. That she had probably been dreaming of
Jared? But he couldn't tell her about that. Then he knew what he could excuse his
sad demenor about.

"Whitney, Miles and Nichole were in the accident with Jared." he began. It seemed so
long ago that he had spoken to Whitney. "Ya...Miles had some internal injuries and
Nichole....she had brain surgery. Whitney was fine...maybe shocked but on the
whole lucky" he rambled at her "Whit and I broke up. I just can't trust her." he
contiuned "besides my heart is with another...." his voice trailed off. oh no...now I
have done it he thought to him self. "uhh ya...my heart belongs to Nichole right now.
When that special comes along I will know." he said quietly.

He let go of Gwen's hand abruptly. The tears were stining the back of his eyelids
once again He started walking from the room. He pushed her chair in silence to the
elevator. Both of them were deep in thought. He could hear Gwen trying to hide her
tears from him but he knew better. As he walked around to the back of her chair
Gwen grabbed his hand once more. He gave him a winning smile and let go of her
hand gently She could tell something further than the accident was hurting him.....he
just prayed she would be to distracted to ask him what. The doors opened to the
floor of the ICU and he wheeled Gwen into Jared's room

Jared was coming out of the dark place, everything was warm, he felt at peace, no
more anger. He Heard his step son talking to him, but all he could see was light.

"I know you love Gwen and Sarah. So fight for them, fight for your family. Don't give
up, you...."

'No Ethan,' he thought 'Gwen loves Fox. But that's Ok, that means that he'll be there
to take care of her when Im gone, just like i will need you to take care of your mom
for me.' he paused for a moment... 'Gone... the bright warm light, the peace he felt
instead of rage... he was dying, but he didnt care, this is the way it was meant to be
'
"Oh my god...no. Jared you can't die, you can't leave Gwen and Sarah when they
just only found you again.."

Theresa burst into the room,

"Whats going on they paged me here, does he need another specialist? another
surgery? What for the love of God tell me? Anything he needs, i will pay for it, just
bring him back! His... his children need him, Gwen needs him... I NEED HIM!" with
that she broke down crying, no longer able to control the flood of tears he heard her
yelling, getting angry at the doctors

He wanted to reach out and tell her he loved her and he was sorry, and to take care
of Emily and tell her that he loved her too, but most of all, to tell Gwen that Even
now he still loved her, even if she didnt feel the same.

Then Gwen came in... Fox wheeling her in... and Jared lost all resolve and strength
to hold on. She was in good hands, and he knew that. Fox was a good man. If only
she could have loved him the way he loved her...
The room started to fade into darkness once again, only this time it was warm and
inviting. He watched as Theresa seemed to explain what was happening, and Gwen
moved to his bedside. As the scene before him began to dim, he noticed something
clutched in Gwen's hand... his ring, and the picture he had broken... "HOW? he
asked himself "Why??" was it possible he had misunderstood? was she really here for
him? he watched as Fox squeezed her hand and left the room, looking as if he had
lost everything. Had Gwen really chosen him over Fox? This thought alone gave him
new resolve and he fought his way back to Gwen. he felt her take his hand... wait!
he felt it, he could feel it, he wasnt numb, he could feel her touch and it brought
tears to his eyes, he felt one warm drop roll down his cheek, it felt good to be able to
feel this again... Then he felt her put something into his hand, he tried to look down,
but was suddenly unable to see things from afar, and everything was dark again,
then came the pain... pain everywhere... he heard voices, frantic voices, Doctors
trying to tell Gwen to get out of the way, and Theresa ordering them to let her stay
and work around her... He heard her whispering to him... but could barely make out
the words "...Fight for Sarah Jared, Fight for me, Fight for us... I Love you..."

"He's back!" Hollered a nurse, "pulse is weak but its there, and its steady, I dont know what you
did Mrs Winthrop, but you did it, it was all you... to think, we were about to call it."
The patient lettering on the doorframe was the first surrounding he noticed. In bold
lettering, the last name stood out light a plague, beckoning to him.

Theresa had told him that Gwen had been admitted last night. Gwen Winthrop;
Ethan was sure she had professed. Gwen Winthrop...

The marital name was gone. Vanished. In its place stood the former surname.

Gwen Hotchkiss.

Though it pained him to know that their marriage was truly over, he did feel the
slightest bit of guilt in regards to Gwen. Despite the fact that she had lied to him for
the duration of their marriage, on some level he still felt some compassion towards
her.

Sighing, he stared down at his hands. Yellow roses were her favorite. She'd always
told him that. Yellow roses signified happiness & friendship; two things that Ethan
knew they'd never have with each other.

He'd hoped Gwen would take them to mean freedom. They were both free from
these chains that once bound them together. Opening the doorway, Ethan was
surprised to find an empty room.

Where was she? Surgery? Dead?

No, Ethan shook his head. She couldn't be dead. Theresa would have told him if she
were.

Out of instinct, he'd heard solemn voices down the hallway. Soft voices; soothing
one another, comforting each other. He knew now where they were.

Jared Casey's room.

It didn't take him long to reach the cubicle, where whispers of sound came from. He
could hear Gwen talking to him, promising him her undying love & devotion.

He couldn't interrupt something so intimate, could he?

Forcing himself to do the unthinkable, he walked softly into the room.

"Hello, Gwen." He spoke, smiling softly.

Whitney, Miles and Nichole were in the accident with Jared . . .Miles had some
internal injuries and Nichole . . . she had brain surgery. Whitney was fine . . . maybe
shocked but on the whole lucky . . .Whit and I broke up. I just can't trust her . . . my
heart is with another . . . my heart belongs to Nichole right now. When that special
person comes along I will know.

Listening to Fox's explanation, Gwen felt the pain in his voice. Poor Fox, he has been
through more in the past day than anyone should have to endure. And now his little
girl has just had brain surgery, his almost son has internal injuries, and Whitney . . .
Gwen's thought broke off as she wrapped her brain around what Fox was saying. He
broke up with Whitney? But that can't be right. He loves her . . . doesn't he? And if
not who was he talking about? Wanting to press the issue, but sensing that Fox
didn't want to talk about it anymore Gwen let it drop. Maybe he'll come around . . .
she thought.

Feeling Fox let go of her hand, Gwen had the strangest feeling come over her. Was
that . . . sadness? Not able to deal with analyzing it, Gwen shoved it away from her
mind as her thoughts turned to Jared. What if you're too late? What if he's already
dead and it's all your fault? Blinking back the perpetual tears, Gwen tried to be
strong. IF Jared was still alive he wasn't going to need her to be all weepy. He
needed her to be strong for him. Just like he was for you . . . she thought.

Getting into the elevator, Gwen looked down at the ring she was still clutching tightly
in her hand. Seeing flashes of what her life might have been like; the moment where
Jared proposed . . . their wedding . . . their happy life with Sarah, Gwen couldn't
stop a few stray tears from leaking out. Not wanting to burden Fox with anymore of
her grief when he was obviously overwhelmed with his own problems, Gwen quickly
wiped them away.

As they got out of the elevator, Gwen once again felt Fox's sadness swamp her.
Trying one more time to reach him, to get him to talk to her, Gwen grabbed his
hand. Seeing him mask his feelings with that trademark grin, Gwen knew that he
wasn't going to tell her what was really bothering him. But right now she couldn't
dwell on helping Fox, because the minute they started moving towards Jared's
cubicle Gwen felt an encompassing sense of dread. We're too late . . . Gwen thought.

Gulping as Fox pushed her into the room, Gwen's eyes went immediately to Jared.
He was beaten up, he had wires and monitors everywhere, and he looked so still . . .
so alone. Wanting to rush over to his side, Gwen saw Theresa standing at the foot of
his bed barking off orders like an avenging angel. Ready to smite anyone who
threatened to stand in her way. Gwen looked at her rival's face and uttered the
question she most feared. "Is he . . .?"

Answering her question with a quick shake of her head, Theresa briefly relayed how
Jared had flat-lined and the doctors were currently trying to bring him back. Seeing
the pleading question in Gwen's eyes, Theresa offered to let Gwen sit next to Jared.
As Fox wheeled her closer, Gwen bit down hard on her lower lip to stop from bursting
into tears at the sight of his bruised face. Jared needs you to be strong . . . she kept
repeating to herself. Feeling Fox squeeze her hand briefly, Gwen was grateful for his
support. But this was something she had to do on her own. She had to convince
Jared that she loved him, only him, regardless of what he had seen.

Taking the ring box and the crumpled picture, Gwen reached over and put them in
Jared's lifeless hand. Covering it with her own, Gwen took a ragged breath and
started talking in a soft voice. "Jared, listen to me. Last night you wouldn't let me
leave you. You said I had to hold on, to stay with you. Well, I am saying the same
thing to you right now. I won't let you leave me. I'm not letting you go. I need you
to hold on. I need you to fight; Fight for Sarah . . . Fight for me . . . Fight for
us. Please don't leave me . . . I love you . . . "

Leaning down to kiss his still motionless hand, Gwen couldn't hold back the tears any
longer. All of the sudden, machines were beeping and doctors and nurses were
scrambling to get to Jared. Hearing Theresa tell them to let her stay, to work around
her, Gwen looked with disbelieving eyes. The heart monitor . . . it's working! He's
got a pulse!

He's back . . . pulse is weak but its there, and its steady, I dont know what you did
Mrs Winthrop, but you did it, it was all you... to think, we were about to call it Gwen
heard the words and completely broke down. Sobbing Jared's name, Gwen gently
kissed his hand. "I love you. I love you so much. And I don't want to imagine my life
without you. Please sweetheart, come back to me."

Still murmuring words of endearment to Jared, Gwen froze in shock when she heard
a voice from behind her. Hello, Gwen Turning around Gwen was astonished to see
Ethan standing in the cubicle doorway holding some yellow roses. Even more
surprising was that he was actually smiling . . . at her! Holding on tighter to Jared's
hand, Gwen tried to reign in her rampant emotions. What is he doing here? Gwen
thought to herself. Is he happy to see me, or was he hoping I would be dead? The
thoughts whirled through Gwen's mind at a mile a minute. Incapable of thinking
about anything but Jared at the moment, Gwen uttered the first thing that came into
her head. "What are you doing here?"

Fox was standing in the corner of the room watching everything transpire. He has
wheeled Gwen closer to Jared...knowing that by doing that he would be faced to let
her go. Not that she had ever been his to hold on to but in his dreams she had been.
Knowing that this dream was not meant to be...well it was almost too much for him
to bear How much sadness can on man take He put his hand on her shoulder and
gave it a reassuring squeeze. She needed that from him. His support and his
friendship. He heard her draw in a ragged breath and say to Jared ""Jared, listen to
me. Last night you wouldn't let me leave you. You said I had to hold on, to stay with
you. Well, I am saying the same thing to you right now. I won't let you leave me.
I'm not letting you go. I need you to hold on. I need you to fight; Fight for Sarah . . .
Fight for me . . . Fight for us. Please don't leave me . . . I love you . . . "

Fox wanted to leave...but his feet would not allow it. He was cemented into that
spot. He watched on as Gwen professed her love to Jared. His heart was shattering.
He felt the tears that had been pricking at his eyelids threaten to fall. He watched on
as Jared came back to life... Her love brought him back he thought to himself sadly.
He was happy for Jared, but with the selfishness of a child he wished it was him she
had a love so deep for.

I have to get out of here. he thought to himself. I am just prolonging the pain He felt
his feet begin to move towards the door. He felt a deep and complete sadness while
he watched Gwen with Jared. His eyes caught hers as he was leaving. He forced a
smile for her sake. He pushed past all the people in the room and did not even notice
his brother standing in the door way.

Once outside the room the tears that Fox had been holding back spilled over. He had
to get away from here...anywhere. Nichole! he thought. I need to go see my
daughter he made his way to the cubical where his daughter had been resting. He
looked through the glass doors at her sleeping with Jane sleeping beside her in the
chair. He quietly opened the door and walked across to the chair on the other side of
the bed. He slumped into the chair put his head into his hands. He looked on the
floor and saw a pad of paper with an N and an I on it. He looked at his daughter
worriedly. Is something wrong with her that I don't know about? With that he put his
head in his hands and began to sob softly
sitting there watching Gwens love Bring Jared back, Theresa felt a sense of ...
Gratitude towards the woman she had hated for so long. Through all the things that
Gwen had done, those things were in the past, and maybe Jared's love, True love
could turn her into a better person, someone who wouldnt lie, and scheme, 'and
attempt to kill' she thought as an aside... maybe Jared's love could make Gwen into
a better person... 'And I can Finally be with Ethan...'

"Hello Gwen" Speak of the devil, Ethan walked in carrying flowers for Gwen. he
smiled at her, with a look of sorrow and regret that Theresa feared meant he wanted
her back.

There was no mistaking that he had heard Gwen promising Jared her undying love,
but when the cards fell, would Gwen stick by that choice? Or would Theresa be left
again holding the bag, with no cards left in her hand to play. Not that being married
to Jared was a bad thing, he had been a wonderful husband, but knowing now, that
all of them had married second fiddle, how could either marriage continue. Theresa
watched as Fox fled from the room. Confused, and unable to deal with her own
insecurities any longer... Theresa followed. He was headed to Nichole's room, but
Theresa didnt want to call out, for fear of making him feel uncomfortable. "but i have
to make sure he is OK, he looks... devastated" she whispered to herself... she
arrived outside of Nicholes room in time to see him sit down, his back to her. Nicki
was asleep in her bed, and Jane was asleep in a Chair on the other side of the bed.
She heard a choked, muffled sob emanate from Fox, and her heart went out to him.
She went into the room, and wrapped her arms around him from behind, offering the
kind of comfort only a best friend can.

"Shhhhhhh, Fox, she will be OK, you and Nicki, and Whitney... you are all going to
be a family, just wait and see... and Janey... she'll come around, just you wait. And,
I dont want you to move out of the mansion... Nicki should be there where she feels
comfortable and we can get her a nurse, Full time, between her and Jared, we will
need one anyway. I will ask Kay and Miguel to find their own place, because first and
foremost its your home, and you and whitney deserve to be happy, and not have it
flaunted in your face that your wife..." 'she wanted to say is a slut, but thought
better of it' " You're my best friend Fox, and with everything else going on, I need
you... I dont know whats going on with Ethan, I think he is reconsidering his
divorce... and we dont even know if Jared is going to live, and all my kids lives have
been turned upside down..." Theresa stopped suddenly, realizing she was rambling
again... and crying as hard as Fox... "I... I'm sorry Fox" she said and hugged him
again, knowing that the one thing she could count on right now, was her best
friend...

Fox felt the warmth of Theresa's arms around him. He continued to sob while she
held him close. Shhhhhhh, Fox, she will be OK, you and Nicki, and Whitney... you
are all going to be a family, just wait and see... and Janey... she'll come around, just
you wait. And, I dont want you to move out of the mansion... Nicki should be there
where she feels comfortable and we can get her a nurse, Full time, between her and
Jared, we will need one anyway. I will ask Kay and Miguel to find their own place,
because first and foremost its your home, and you and whitney deserve to be happy,
and not have it flaunted in your face that your wife..." he heard her say to him Oh
my God he thought to him self [I] she has no idea what went on over the past few
hours...Whitney and him were no more. All the stuff about Gwen. He took her hand
and watched as her fingers interlaced with his. Its amazing how comfortable their
friendship was now. They had always been close but now there was such a comfort
between them...it was indescribable. Such a close bond they shared. He stood up
slowly so that he could guide her outside the room where he could tell her what had
happened. THe piece of paper he still held in his hand with Nichole's attempt at her
name, all that had happened with Whitney...Nichole's injuries. He led her outside the
door and said to her "Why don't we head somewhere quiet so we can talk" he asked
her

Theresa followed Fox down the hall to the waiting room. Thankfully there was no one
there. She sat down beside him and took his hand and said to him, "OK let it out, I'm
here for you, and you can't hide the fact that something is bothering you, and i
sense that it isnt about Nicki... so whats going on?" She had no idea that by asking
such a simple question she was opening a can of worms that could never again be
closed

Fox sat down next to Theresa and sighed deeply. How was he supposed to tell Theresa, his best
friend and confidante that he was interested in her arch enemy. He looked in her eyes and saw
deep down of the hurt of Ethan bringing Gwen flowers. How could he just up and say...hey...I am
interested in her too?

No he thought to himself I will tell her everything but all that. There are things she just doesn't
need to know. It doesn't matter anyways....

He told Theresa about Whitney and how he just did not feel he could trust her. She of all people
KNEW how heart broken he was about Miles...and now to know he had a daughter...a daughter he
never knew even was a glimmer. SHe took away his right to grieve a child she knew existed but he
didn't and in 13 yrs she never once contacted him and let him know. Add on top of it his marriage
ending before his eyes..him gaining 2 daughters...and the accident...now he was concerned about
Nica. He showed Theresa with the barely ledgible N and i. He looked up and saw Dr. Johnson walk
by in the ICU heading towards Nicki's room. He excused himself from Theresa to catch up with Dr.
Johnson. He walked right past Jared's room and looked in out of habit. There Gwen was holding
onto Jared's hand and weeping softly. He stopped a moment his heart going out to her. Do nothing
Fox he scolded himself you have caused her enough heartache for a lifetime...let alone a night Just
then her eyes looked up and their eyes met. He gave her his grin which he knew she would see
right through. He wasn't fooling anyone. His eyes filled with tears and he looked down and hurried
down the hall to catch Dr. Johnson.

What are you doing here? the words echoed throughout the room as Gwen stared at
her struck silent husband. Soon to be ex-husband she reminded herself. Noticing
the roses again, it finally occured to Gwen that maybe he had come to see her. He
did bring your favorite flowers, silly. Maybe he's come to make sure you're all right
after the surgery. But if that's true, where was he last night when I was dying? What
if I hadn't been able to give Jared my POA? I would have died because he didn't
bother to come to the hospital. Although with everything that happened last night, I
didn't honestly expect him to come and see me ever again . . .

Gwen's thoughts trailed off as she recapped the events of the past twenty-four hours
in her brain. A mere day and a half ago she was in a comfortable marriage to Ethan,
they had Jane and her past with Jared had been nothing more than a distant
memory. Now her marriage had been blown to smithereens, she had almost died,
she and Jared had found each other once again and then there was everything that
happened today with Fox.

Returning her thoughts to her still speechless husband, Gwen forced a smile and
said. "I'm sorry, Ethan. I didn't mean to sound rude. I've been through a lot today
and I guess I'm still a little on edge." Pointing toward Jared, she continued "As you
can see, Jared needs me right now. Thank you very much for the roses, I love them.
And Ethan . . . for what it's worth . . . I'm sorry. I know that doesn't begin to cover
or excuse anything I've done to you and everyone else. But with everything that has
happened to me in the past day, I've realized that I never should have married you.
I should have told you the truth about Jared and how Sarah might not have been
yours. You didn't love me . . . at least not the way a husband should. And I should
have been stronger and wiser and accepted that a long time ago instead of
manipulating you and trying to force your hand into marrying me out of
responsibility or guilt."

"You see, I now know what real love feels like. That 'I-would-sacrifice-anything-just-
to-know-that-you-are-happy' love feels like. And now that I do . . . I realize how
empty our marriage really was. I hope that someday you'll be able to forgive me for
that. You are a wonderful man, Ethan. And you deserve to be happy with the woman
that you truly love . . . even if it is Theresa. " And with that last gut-wrenching
truth, Gwen turned back around to comfort Jared some more. Quietly whispering and
crying Gwen pleaded "You have to get better. I need you . . . more than I ever knew
I could need anyone. Please Jared, don't give up. Stay with me . . . stay with us. I
love you."

Feeling the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, Gwen turned her head towards
the window. Fox . . . she thought to herself. Seeing the look of pain written on Fox's
face that was quickly covered by a half-hearted grin, Gwen couldn't help but feel for
him. What is wrong? she silently asked him but knew that she would get no
response. Whatever was causing Fox such heartache was not something he wanted
to share with her. Feeling helpless and hurt by his self-inflicted distance, Gwen gave
him a watery smile back.

Without warning a picture flashed through her mind . . . a fragment of her dream in
the cave with Jared. Except this time when she looked up it was Fox that was kissing
her. Telling her with his body that he loved her, that he needed her. Closing her
eyes to shut out the faulty memory, Gwen re-opened them to see an empty space
where Fox had been standing. Putting a hand to her head, Gwen thought to herself I
have GOT to stay off the painkillers. These hallucinations are killing me. Hearing
Jared groan, Gwen immediately turned around and scooted closer to his bed. Roling
her chair further up so that she could stroke his head and hold his hand she lovingly
whispered, "It's okay darling . . . I'm here. I'm not going to leave you. I'll stay with
you as long as you need me . . . "