Secrets and Lies Pt.

9
Sheridan waited for the elevator to arrive to the second floor. She thought with some
sadness about the years of friendship she and Gwen had, had. How Gwen had been
there for her when Chris had been exposed. Sheridan sighed to herself as the
elevator doors opened. She needed to really talk to Gwen...find out if there was a
friendship they could salvage. She felt her stomache flip flop as she stopped in front
of Gwens door. She took a deep breath in Here goes nothing she thought as she
softly knocked on the door and opened it. She peered in "Gwen?" she asked tentively
"are you up for a visit?"

Gwen, honey...it was a dream. That is it. I will be back and I will hold you till
morning. I just need to do this. I will be back. Rest and don't worry...

As Gwen watched Fox walk toward the door, she laid back down on the bed and
stared up at the ceiling. Trying to be brave, Gwen gritted her teeth in an effort to
keep from calling out to Fox...asking him not to leave her. You are being totally
ridiculous! she chided herself. Fox needs to go and check on his daughter. She had
brain surgery yesterday...stop being selfish. You are just fine, it was only a dream.
They were ALL dreams...you have nothing to worry about.

Several minutes after Fox left, Gwen continued to stare at the ceiling, attempting to
do what Fox asked and will herself to sleep...but her mind was refusing to cooperate.
Almost as if on some level it had decided that since she kept traumatizing herself
when she slept, it would protect her by forcing her to stay awake.

Sighing deeply, Gwen sat up and swung her feet off the bed. Wandering back over to
the window, Gwen sat down on the settee and looked out at the stars once again.
Searching the sky, she smiled slightly as she found the ones Fox had pointed out to
her on the rooftop hours ago. Look Gwennie, the stars are out tonight. It looks like a
blanket covering the world doesn't it? You know what I always loved about the stars?
No mattered where you are...they are always there. See those two stars right there
with the cluster of stars around it? Those are our stars Gwen. Whenever I can't be
there with you physically...and you need me just look up into the sky and I know I
will be looking up at those very stars and thinking about you...

Hearing Fox's loving words resound in her head, Gwen smiled to herself. He had
been right, seeing those far-off lights gave her an enormous amount of
comfort...that no matter what happened, they would find a way to get through
it....even this latest mess with Jared. As Gwen continued to look over the peaceful
courtyard, she heard a light tap on her door. "Gwen? Are you up for a visit?"

Turning around slowly, Gwen's breath caught as she saw Sheridan hesitantly
standing in the doorway. Torn between wanting to run up and hug Sheridan or fall to
her knees and beg for forgiveness, Gwen simply stood up and took a tenuous step
toward her long-time friend. "For you? Of course I am. Please...come in... have a
seat," Gwen gestured to one of the arm-chairs by the window.

Waiting until Sheridan walked in and took a seat, Gwen sat down next to her. A
million things raced through her mind as she looked at Sheridan's cautious and wary
expression. Unsure where to start to begin to try and repair the enormous damage
she had done to their friendship, Gwen decided to lay it all out there first. "Sheridan,
I'm so glad you came to see me. I was afraid that you would never speak to me
again after what I've done. And frankly, I wouldn't blame you if you did just that. But
please...believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt you. I wouldn't do that. I
let my anger, jealousy, and insecurities blind me to anything and anyone except
getting and keeping Ethan. And now I realize how much that hurt everyone I ever
cared about...you especially."

Gwen lightly touched Sheridan's hand as she continued, "I know that it is way 'too-
little, too-late' but I need you know how sorry I am Sheridan. For everything..."

Sheridan took a tentative step into Gwen's room. There was a portion of her that
wanted to dart out the door and never see Gwen again. She was upset. No..she was
mad. All the things she and Luis went through...when it never would have happened
had Gwen left well enough alone and let Fate and destinye decide what would work
and what wouldn't. But no, Gwen took matters into her own hands and in the
process ruined many lives.

Aren't you forgetting something inquired the voice inside her head. If Gwen had not
stopped that wedding you may have DIED the voice reminded her. She couldn't
disagree with the voice. It was right. She could have died. And really.. what stopped
her and Luis from getting married after that? Nothing. Their own issues...which
maybe means that the tabloid happened for a reason like fate the voice said.
Sheridan pushed the voice down. SHe would deal with that later...right now she was
angry.

She walked silently to the window where Gwen was sitting. There she sat. The
woman who she had been friends with for years, whom she had loved like a sister,
defended to everyone. There she sat. Watching her...her eyes filling with tears.
Tears that looked like they threatened to spill over. There she sat. The most dispised
woman in Harmony.

Yet. Sheridan felt something. Compassion. Sheridan KNEW what it was like to be
alienated in this town. SHe too had been alienated when Alistair had instructed Chris
to help him control Sheridan's mind. He had been successful too. Sheridan had
almost killed her neice in the process. She had almost ruined things between her and
Luis. She had done some horrific things during that time. A lot that she was not
proud of.

But you were not in your right mind reasoned a voice. Gwen was the voice said.
Sheridan agreed.

Sheridan felt Gwen touch her hand. That gesture almost brought her to tears. The
hurt that seared inside her heart was almost unbearable...and made her feel very
very alone. She had no one to turn to, to talk to , to confide in. SHe had Theresa,
but she had always gone to Gwen. ALWAYS. Its only been recently that she had
started turning to Theresa...and Theresa had so much on her plate. How could she
go up to Theresa and say "Hey...know you are going 2 million directions but really...I
need to talk to you" It would never happen. Sheridan wasn't like that.

Sheridan gently took her hand back. She looked up and saw a lone tear fall from
Gwen's eyes. Her own eyes were brimming with tears.

"Gwen" she started quietly " I need some answers. I understand you were angry at
Theresa for taking Ethan. That I understand. I don't agree but I understand. What I
don't understand is why you felt compelled to hurt me. Why you ruined MY wedding
to the man I loved. You ruined a day that should have been filled with joy and love.
You took away my dream of marrying next to the man I had considered a nephew
for so many years" she continued, the tears running a stream down her cheeks.
"Gwen" she whispered "I was devistated. And then all the things that happened with
Beth, and Marty...and with Fancy" Sheridan shuddered when she remembered
almost killing her own neice. "I guess that is the answer I need from you Gwen." she
said her voice breaking "what did I do to you that you felt the need to hurt me?"

Silence...Gwen wondered if Sheridan knew the best possible torture was to be silent
and let the voices in Gwen's head destroy her on their own. During her whole speech
and for several minutes afterward, Sheridan hadn't said a word or displayed a single
emotion. You're too late Gwen... Sheridan doesn't want to hear your pathetic
excuses or apologies, the never-ceasing voice of doom droned in her mind.

When Sheridan removed her hand from Gwen's it was almost as if she had slapped
her. Truth be told, Gwen would have almost preferred that. Anger she could
handle...detestation she could deal with...rage she could work through, but the quiet
hurt emanating from her long-time friend was too much for Gwen to bear. A tear
escaped before she could stop it as she thought about just how much her quest to
keep Ethan had cost her. It cost you your bestfriend...Good job Gwen...

Gwen was about to speak when Sheridan finally started talking. Gwen, I need some
answers. I understand you were angry at Theresa for taking Ethan. That I
understand. I don't agree but I understand. What I don't understand is why you felt
compelled to hurt me. Why you ruined MY wedding to the man I loved. You ruined a
day that should have been filled with joy and love. You took away my dream of
marrying next to the man I had considered a nephew for so many years... As
Sheridan broke off through her tears, Gwen wanted to dissolve into the tiled floor.
She knew what Sheridan needed...an explanation. The problem was, Gwen didn't
have one. She couldn't explain her own behavior, and she certainly couldn't justify it
where Sheridan was concerned. Curling her fingers into a tight ball to stop herself
from reaching out for Sheridan again, Gwen used every ounce of strength she had
left to keep herself from completely breaking down. This isn't about your pain, she
reminded herself. This is about Sheridan. You deserve this...you did this. There are
consequences for your actions Gwen. You now have to deal with them...

I guess that is the answer I need from you Gwen is what did I do to you that you felt
the need to hurt me? Unable to sit there and look at Sheridan's devastated face
another second, Gwen bolted up from her chair and wandered across the room.
Staring up at the ceiling, as if some divine intervention would appear to give her
some direction on what to do, Gwen snorted derivisely at her own foolishness. Please
Gwen, no one and nothing can help you. You did this. You are the one responsible
for all this mess...everything Sheridan said about you was true. You ruined her
wedding. What? Did you think that she and Luis would still get married after you
sabotaged Ethan and Theresa's wedding? Oh wait, I remember...you didn't think.
That's the problem. You never thought of anyone or anything except yourself. Of
YOUR need to have Ethan...to not let Theresa win... and in the process you
destroyed your best friend's life. How do you explain that? What can you possibly
say that will make Sheridan understand...let alone forgive you?

Taking a shallow breath, Gwen gave Sheridan a regretful glance. "Sheridan...I don't
know what to say. I wish I could tell you there was a reason for my behavior,
something that would put it all in perspective...but there isn't. The truth is that I
honestly didn't think about you being hurt when I was plotting with Mother to break
up Ethan and Theresa. I should have...and that should have been enough to make
me decide not to go through with it, but I didn't. You have every right to hate me for
what I've done."

Taking a step back toward Sheridan, Gwen worked on keeping her voice from
cracking as she continued. "You didn't do anything Sheridan. You have done nothing
but be a wonderful friend all of these years. I am the one, the only one, who is
responsible for all this. And I know you may not believe me, but I would give
anything for you not to have been hurt by my actions. Your friendship means so
much to me. And I can't tell you how much I regret anything that I've done that has
caused you pain. I am so sorry Sheridan. I know that sounds pitiful coming from me
after all this, but it's the only thing I can think of to say. And I don't expect you to
understand or forgive me for any of this. Honestly, I don't I think I will ever forgive
myself either..." Powerless to stop the tears from falling anymore, Gwen gave a
muffled sob as she crossed her arms in front of her chest, turned away from
Sheridan, and walked across the room. Facing the wall, Gwen waited to hear
Sheridan's footsteps echo across the room as she walked out of Gwen's life forever.
It's no more than you deserve... the thought skidded across her mind. You aren't
worthy of a friend like Sheridan. She'll be much better off without you anyway...just
like everyone else

Sheridan looked over at Gwen one last time. That's it, I'm done. This friendship is
done She was just about to head out the door when Sheridan heard a tortured sob.
muffled, but a sob none the less. Sheridan looked over at Gwen who had her back to
her. Her shoulders were shaking from holding the sobs in. Something in Sheridan's
heart broke.

We all make mistakes a voice reasoned with her Is there nothing to be salvaged?
Nothing to TRY and salvage over all those years of friendship the voice continued.

Sheridan walked over to Gwen, her eyes filled with tears. She put her hand on
Gwen's shoulder. "Gwen" she said to her softly "you were there for me in a time
where everyone thought I was nuts and trying to kill Fancy " she said, shuddering at
the memory. "I can't promise that our friendship will work, there is a lot of hurt still
there. But I want to try. I want to rebuild from here. I know you are going to need a
lot of support with this whole thing with Jared. It is hard to see the man you love in
such an awful state...." Sheridan stopped talking as she noticed that Gwen had gone
very pale. "Gwen...what's wrong?" she asked, concerned

Hearing the footsteps moving toward the door, Gwen worked on hiding her soul-
wrenching sobs from Sheridan. When she heard Sheridan's steps stop, Gwen froze as
she wondered what was keeping her from leaving. Then the steps grew closer and
Gwen could scarely dare to hope what that meant.

Feeling Sheridan's hand on her shoulder, Gwen allowed herself to be turned around.
Seeing the tears in her best-friend's eyes broke what was left of Gwen's resolve. As
she listened Sheridan tearfully told her that while she wasn't promising
anything...she was willingly to try to salvage their friendship. I can't promise that
our friendship will work, there is a lot of hurt still there. But I want to try. I want to
rebuild from here. I know you are going to need a lot of support with this whole
thing with Jared. It is hard to see the man you love in such an awful state....

Unable to stop her reaction, Gwen felt her face drain as she listened to Sheridan wax
on about how Gwen would need support during this rough time with Jared. Sheridan
doesn't know how right she is... Gwen thought to herself. I am going to need
support. But I'm not sure Sheridan will understand. No one else seems too... Lost in
her thoughts, Gwen heard Sheridan ask if she was all right. Gwen...what's wrong?"

Debating momentarily whether or not to tell her about Fox and Jared and the whole
mess, Gwen suddenly had an overpowering desire to pour her heart out to Sheridan.
All of these years, Gwen and Sheridan had been best friends and she was the one of
the people Gwen had always known she could talk to about anything. Next to Fox,
Sheridan was the only other person Gwen felt like she could possibly talk to about
this.

As Gwen started to explain how things weren't what they seemed anymore...a
confused look came across Sheridan's face. Trudging forward, Gwen explained how
Yes...she had thought the night of the party that she would be reuinted with Jared.
That he was what she thought she wanted. After all, she had always loved Jared
secretly so it should have been perfect, right? Gwen then explained how Fox had
shown up at the hospital to check on her. He had been upset and Gwen had
comforted him...one thing led to another and the next thing Gwen knew Fox had
kissed her. Seeing absolute shock on Sheridan's face, Gwen tried to make her
understand how from the minute Fox had kissed her everything changed. How she
had been harboring deep feelings for Fox, grown from twelve years of friendship that
had become much more precious. But Gwen had been so mired down in guilt and
trying to keep her failed marriage in tact to notice until that fateful moment when
Fox's lips had touched hers...and it was like a dam bursting. "I call it the Sleeping
Beauty Syndrome..." Gwen laughed at her own bad joke.

Trying to hit all the major details, Gwen told Sheridan about how Jared had seen
them...the accident...the ring Jared had bought her...how Gwen had tried to ignore
her feelings for Fox but couldn't...and how finally when she had gotten the courage
to tell him how she felt, she had been rewarded with a similar declaration of his own.
Finally, Gwen told Sheridan about how Jared had now woken up and didn't
remember anything after coming to the hospital to propose. "So basically, he thinks
that he did propose and that I said Yes," Gwen told a still shocked Sheridan. "And
because of his precarious health condition... I can't tell him about Fox because it
might cause him to have a permanent setback or relapse, " Gwen finished with a
ironic smile. "I told you it was confusing..."

Before Sheridan could really comment on everything Gwen had just told her, there
was a knock at the door. Before Gwen could say "Come in..." Rebecca breezed
through the door like a woman on a mission. Giving both women an incredulous
look, Rebecca seemed almost suprised that Gwen was there. Muttering something
about how incosiderate some people were not answering phones when they were
called, Sheridan gave Gwen an almost conspiratorial wink as she stood up.
Saying she would call Gwen and they could talk later, Sheridan hugged Gwen briefly
and headed out the door before Rebecca could stop her. Turning around, Gwen saw
the look on her mother's face and steeled herself. This isn't going to be pretty... she
thought as she settled herself on the bed. Putting on her most ambivalent
expression, Gwen calmly asked. "Ok Mother, what is the matter? Where have you
been all day? And what happened to Sarah?"

Rebecca nearly flew down the hall toward Gwen's room. She usually didn't make a
habit of knocking, but what if no one was there, or someone else had moved into the
room while she was gone? "Oh, nevermind," she thought, sweeping into the room.

Rebecca burst into the room only to see Gwen and Sheridan engaged in serious
conversation. Noting her daughter's expression with annoyance, Rebecca knew
immediately where her daughter's mind was. Fox. That's all she had been thinking
about for two days. Exasperation finally won out over relief as she started to snipe at
Gwen. "Really, you think you could at least answer the phone and be considerate
towards your mother. I don't need any more scares from you to sabotage my efforts
to stay youthful."

Before Rebecca could stop her, Sheridan quickly hugged Gwen and left. "Damn,"
thought Rebecca, "maybe she could encourage her towards Jared. After all, if anyone
knows anything about men fighting over her, it's Sheridan."

Rebecca watched incredulously as Gwen put on her best expression of feigned

ambivalence and started her litany of questions.

"You can drop the fake nonchalance, darling. You forget who you deal with and I can
read you like a book. Still on this Fox business, are we? That's what you were talking
to Sheridan about when I arrived. As for where I've been, I've been trying to save
you from certain disaster. And as for Sarah, she is with that Barrio Barracuda known
as her stepmother. I've been trying to figure out how to ensure you stay out of
trouble, but that's rather hard to do when you insist on courting disaster, Gwennie.
Or should I say encouraging disaster to court you?"

You can drop the fake nonchalance, darling. You forget who you deal with and I can
read you like a book. Still on this Fox business, are we? That's what you were talking
to Sheridan about when I arrived. As for where I've been, I've been trying to save
you from certain disaster. And as for Sarah, she is with that Barrio Barracuda known
as her stepmother. I've been trying to figure out how to ensure you stay out of
trouble, but that's rather hard to do when you insist on courting disaster, Gwennie.
Or should I say encouraging disaster to court you?

Bristling at the her mother's thinly veiled jab at Fox, Gwen sat up straight and cooly
looked her mother in the eye. "Fox is not a disaster Mother. And if you had been
here, you wouldn't doubt his intentions or feelings in the slightest. He loves me,
Mother. I know it sounds crazy and it seems rushed, but it's actually been a long
time coming. You know we've been friends forever, and over the years it's become
something more...much more...I just couldn't look past all the guilt and mess with
Ethan to see it. But now it's like the wool has been lifted from my eyes and I'm
finally seeing clearly. I know what I want, who I want."

Seeing her mother make a face at that last statement, Gwen felt the need to defend
her decision even more. For all her faults, Gwen loved Rebecca dearly. And she
wanted her mother to understand how good Fox was to her, how good Fox was for
her. I can make her understand... Gwen thought determinedly. She just wants me
to be happy. She'll come around...I know it... As Rebecca put a hand to her head in
a mock swoon, Gwen reached out and grabbed her other one. Pulling her down on
the bed next to her, Gwen continued.

"Mother, I know you're not happy with my decision. I know you think that Fox is
wrong for me. That I don't really know my own feelings...but if you just give him a
chance, I'm positive that you'll see in him what I do. He cherishs me Mother. He
makes me feel safe, valued, and protected. He has said he would never leave me,
never give up on us and I believe him. He's even going to support me through all
this stuff with Jared."

Seeing Rebecca's eyebrow rise, Gwen remembered her mother didn't know yet. "Oh,
I haven't seen you this evening to tell you. Jared woke up today and the last thing
he remembers is coming to the hospital to propose to me. So he now thinks that I
said "Yes" and we're engaged. To top it off, because of his remarkable but fragile
recovery I can't tell him what really happened or about me and Fox because it could
cause him to have a permanent setback or relapse."

Lost in her thoughts, Gwen didn't notice the gleam that appeared in her Mother's
eyes as she talked about the latest developments with Jared. "So Fox and I aren't
even going to be able to be near each other when Jared is around because the
doctors are worried that it might trigger those memories that traumatized him in the
first place. And until he's stronger, they don't want to chance it." Sighing, Gwen
plowed on, "And I understand not wanting to hurt Jared. I certainly don't want to
cause him anymore pain than I already have. He's a wonderful man who doesn't
deserve to be hurt again. But I know this is going to be hard on Fox as well. Tonight
however, he told me how he would still be here to love and support me through this
regardless. He loves me that much Mother..." Gwen's voice trailed off as she saw
Fox's handsome face appear in her mind.

Smiling at the picture in her head, Gwen pleaded. "I know that deep down all you
want is for me to be happy, Mother. Well, let me reassure you that Fox makes me
happy. I love him Mother. It's as simple as that. I can't remember being as happy as
I was today spending time with him. So what do you say? Do you think you can give
Fox a chance to prove he's everything I know he is?"

After listening to Gwen's impassioned speech, Rebecca was just dumbfounded. She
honestly thought that Fox was the right man for her?

Clearing her throat, Rebecca found her tongue. "Gwen, please, you are going to have
to listen to me. I know you don't have much of a reason to considering that hindsight
tells us my past counsel was bad, but this isn't playtime, dear. When I went to see
Theresa, I rode with her in the limo because she was in a hurry. She was on her way
to see Judge Reilly. She and Jared likely have temporary custody of Sarah as we
speak. The only thing I can say is that she reassured Sarah that she would not keep
you away from her. Gwen, you have to stop this. It IS rushed. This man has always
been Theresa's ally, and how do we know he's over his wife, Gwen? Have you
forgotten that Fox is still married to Kay? Think about Sarah, Gwen. Your best
chance of being a mother to Sarah lies with Jared. So you better start thinking of a
way to turn your little masquerade here into a reality, Gwennie. Not only for Sarah,
but for your own future. You insist on pursuing Fox, it won't be pleasant for anyone
involved."
Gwen, please, you are going to have to listen to me. I know you don't have much of
a reason to considering that hindsight tells us my past counsel was bad, but this isn't
playtime, dear. When I went to see Theresa, I rode with her in the limo because she
was in a hurry. She was on her way to see Judge Reilly. She and Jared likely have
temporary custody of Sarah as we speak. The only thing I can say is that she
reassured Sarah that she would not keep you away from her. Gwen, you have to
stop this. It IS rushed. This man has always been Theresa's ally, and how do we
know he's over his wife, Gwen? Have you forgotten that Fox is still married to Kay?
Think about Sarah, Gwen. Your best chance of being a mother to Sarah lies with
Jared. So you better start thinking of a way to turn your little masquerade here into
a reality, Gwennie. Not only for Sarah, but for your own future. You insist on
pursuing Fox, it won't be pleasant for anyone involved...

Man, she's good... the thought crossed Gwen's mind as the voices in her head
became louder and more persistent. Rebecca knew the best way to get to Gwen was
through her fears and own sense of inadaquecy. And by bringing up the possibility of
losing Sarah and the questioning the sincerity of Fox's feelings, she had done just
that.

Temporary custody? Theresa filed for temporary custody?? If Theresa had gone to
Judy Reilly for a custody order, Gwen was sure Reilly had granted it. It was no secret
he was in the Crane backpocket. What does this mean? Gwen asked herself fearfully.
It means that Theresa can now control when and if you get to see Sarah. Feeling
helpless, Gwen tried to figure out what do. I can't win against Theresa in court...
Gwen thought morosely. That's why Mother is pushing me towards Jared. She thinks
that if I'm with Jared, Theresa will drop the temporary custody and let Sarah come
home with us.

As she mulled over the options, Gwen couldn't reconcile herself to her mother's
thinking. Yes, Sarah was one of the most important things in her life...and Yes, she
would go to great lengths to ensure her role in her daughter's life...but did that
include turning her back on what her heart was saying...again? She had tried that
once before. And look how well that worked... a voice in her head mocked. And was
it really fair to Jared or even Sarah for Gwen to put them all through round two of
that? Yes, she loved Jared...that wasn't in dispute, but it wasn't in the same league
as her feelings for Fox. Quite honestly, Jared was the safer bet here. Jared didn't
have a wife who might want to keep him, a former lover who was hell-bent on
getting him back, and a child who seemed to not be on the best of terms with Gwen.
And to top it all off, her feelings for Fox scared the living daylights out of her. Fox
made her feel things that she quite frankly thought she wasn't capable of. While her
feelings for Jared were comfortable and manageable.

And then there were the points Rebecca made about Fox's situation. It was true that
he had been one of Theresa's closest friends all these years, but he and Gwen had
also been close. Closer than she had even let her mother know. Maybe on some
level, Gwen knew that Rebecca wouldn't have like the amount of time she had spent
with Fox so she had kept it to herself. But if Mother's right? After all, she seems
genuinely worried for me. I know that she only has my best interests at heart. So
what if she's right about Fox and his feelings for Kay? Remembering how quiet Fox
had gotten when Gwen had originally brought up the subject of Kay, a sense of
dread started creeping through her. Is that the real reason Fox was so quiet for so
long? the question whirled around in her head while the voices of doom and derision
continued their assult. Putting her hands to her head in an attempt to make them
stop, Gwen saw the silver charm bracelet dangling from her wrist. So Gwen, I
really think that the fountain represents a beginning for us...What do I
want? I want the woman who makes me smile. I want the woman who has
more courage and strength than I will ever possess. I want the woman who
sees she has made mistakes and is willing to accept responsibilty for them.
Gwen, I want the woman who is in my heart and soul and has been for
years. That woman is you. I love you Gwen.

Hearing Fox's words wash over her like a healing balm on her soul, Gwen closed her
eyes to tried to focus on Fox's voice over her mother's words and her own self-
doubt. Feeling like the knot in a game of tug-of-war, Gwen almost wished the rope
would split and put her out of this agony. Any way she looked, she hurt or
disappointed people she cared about. Feeling vunerable and confused, Gwen looked
at her mother's determined face. "Ok Mother...what is it you're asking of me? What
exactly do you want me to do?"

Dad... How do you tell someone you're sorry about what you said and that you really
do love them without sounding too mushy?" He knew right away she was talking in
code to her brother. "Well honey' he said to her playing along. "I guess you just say
it the way it is in your heart. If it is too mushy that is ok. A little mush always helps
an 'I'm sorry' he said winking at her.

Fox looked from Miles to Nicki and he could feel the tension in the air. You could cut
it with a knife. They need to clear this up and it is not going to happen with you
standing here Fox thought. He kissed Nichole lightly on the head. "I will be back
tomorrow. You have my number if you need me sweetheart" He leaned in and gave
her a big hug "I love you ....don't forget it" he said to her

Fox then walked to the door and exited the room. He went to the elevator and
pressed the down key. He checked his watch It sure feels like time is standing still he
thought. Over to the right of the elevator he saw a stairwell. The elevators were still
stuck on the ground floor. It would take forever to get back to Gwen's room. He
walked over to the stair well and pushed the heavy door open. He made a mental
note to call a technician monday to fix those elevators.

As he walked down the stairs the thought of Jared popped into his head. He thought
of what had transpired that evening and he sighed deeply.

The thought of Jared thinking he was engaged to Gwen right now made him feel sick
to his stomach. Although he would never share this thought with anyone else there
was a part of him that was sure he was going to lose Gwen through this It's obvious
she loves Jared more the voice in his head sneered She didn;t kiss him ONCE but
TWICE. Give it up you putz. NO ONE is EVER going to love you Fox He continued
trudging down the stairs as he absorbed the voices words. Maybe Gwen doesn't love
me he thought Maybe I was a substitute for Jared all along

He remembered what Gwen had said in the observatory though. "I meant every
word I said earlier. I love you. I am in love with you. None of that has changed
because Jared woke up. I didn't fall in love with you because Jared was out of the
picture. I fell in love with you in spite of my feelings for Jared. In fact, I think I have
been in love with you for quite some time...I was just too blind to see it. You are the
man I want. Today, tomorrow...for as long as you'll have me. I love you Nicholas
Foxworth Crane." He had heard her words. But words were just words. Her actions
spoke a different message. Her actions had told him she still loved Jared.

But Gwen loves you another voice reasoned This has not been a walk through the
park for her

Park...his memory flashed back to that fateful day when he had met Gwen in front of
the fountain...when she had been so upset....that day where he wanted to take all
her hurt away. They had come so far since a few days ago but still those insecurities
were there.

As he arrived on the 2nd floor the door swung open and his Aunt Sheridan passed
him heading down stairs. She looked somewhat upset. He made a note to call her
later.

As he walked down the now familiar second floor corridor to Gwen's room. He
knocked softly on the door and walked in

"Hello sweetheart" he said looking at Gwen. "Oh hi Rebecca" he said flatly.

Lying comfortably on his new bed, Jared smiled as he drifted off to sleep thinking of
the wonderful things that were to come. He dreamed of his wedding day to Gwen...

It was a Beautiful September day, and he was standing outside Saint Mary of
Margaret, staring up at the beautiful bell tower, knowing that in a few short hours,
that bell would be ringing out his marriage to the woman of his dreams for all the
world to hear. He walked in through the back of the church knowing that at any
minute the Limousine would arrive with his beautiful bride in tow, and he didnt want
to see her before the ceremony that would be bad luck. He walked into the
Sanctuary, and saw that it was all decorated with their colours, Emerald Green and
Gold. Gwen had always looked amazing in Green. He was eager for things to begin
so he walked back to the Grooms room, where Chad, Fox and Ethan Jr were waiting.
He couldnt imagine any men that he would rather have by his side when he greeted
his new bride. He and Chad had been friends for years before he left Harmony when
Whitney divorced him. They had kept in touch all these years so of course Chad had
been thrilled to come back and stand up for Jared. But Fox... Fox was his best man.
The two had become close all those years that they had shared a home. Fox, with
Kay and Maria, and Jared with Tess and Ethan Jr. and Emily. He trusted Fox, more
than he trusted most people, because he had learned early on in life that there
werent many people you could trust. He hugged his groomsmen, and thanked them
for sharing in his day, as Father Lonifan came out to get them, to escort the guests
to their seats. They wished Jared good luck, and walked out, leaving him alone with
Father Lonigan.

"Father, I wanted to thank you, for performing the ceremony, and on such short
notice, but I just couldnt wait any longer, I had to make it official, I had to make
Gwen, Mrs Gwen Casey, before some other lucky shmoe realized what a prize she
really is. Ethan doesnt know what he lost. but I suppose he is happy now with
Tess..."
"You're sure that you are ready Jared, and that this is what you and Gwen want. It
does seem quite sudden, after all things were sped on quite fast with you and
Theresa, and with Gwen and Ethan. The annulments are final though based on the
fact that you had never totally committed yourselves to one another, although I am
sure that Theresa's generous donation to the church helped the archbishop in
awarding them so quickly.

"I am sure that this is what we want father, along with our daughter Sarah, we will
be the happiest family in Harmony, you'll see." he shook father Lonigans hand, and
watched him walk out of the room.

Alone with his thoughts, he pictured Sarah in her Emerald Green dress, pictured her
walking down the aisle behind Him and Gwen, on Ethan Jr's arm... who knows,
maybe there could be a romance there, in a few years. He heard his music cue to
come out to the front, and as he took his place, the bridesmaids came out, one by
one, First Sarah, Then Sheridan, Then Theresa, he had had to convince Gwen that
this was a good idea, something about Theresa, bridesmaid, wedding planner... he
didnt really follow the whole logic, but in the end Gwen had succumbed to his
wishes, and had added Theresa to her bridesmaids...

The wedding march began its melodic introduction, that would bring with it his
wonderful Gwen, he waited with baited breath, as her cue to enter came... and went,
he turned to look nervously at his groomsmen waiting behind him, and noticed that
Fox had not taken his place at Jared's side.

A cloud passed over the sun at that moment and Jared suddenly knew, he knew
what he hadn't wanted to know, that he was too late.

Sheridan quickly walked to the back of the church and opened the doors to where
Gwen should have been waiting her cue, only to gasp in surprise at what she saw,
There tangled in a passionate embrace, were Gwen and Fox.

With a strangled Cry of despair, Jared fell to his knees, and wept at the loss of his
beloved Gwen, as everything around him faded to black...

Monitors started flashing and alarms started beeping, waking Cathy who sat dozing
in the chair beside Jared's bed...

"Code Blue!" she called "I need some Help in here, He just stopped breathing!
Initiating CPR," she hollered to the other nurses on the floor. There was a nurses
station right in front of her so she knew that it wouldnt take long for them to come
to her assistance. "He's tachy can we get an amp of epi in here Please?" she said,
hollering again. Within seconds there were four other nurses in the room, and Jared
was being injected with medication while another Nurse helped her perform CPR.
Cathy breathed a sigh of relief as Jared gasped for breath, and moments later his
heartrate returned to almost normal. The Crisis had been averted for now, but Mr
Casey still had a long way to go...

Jared slowly opened his eyes, and looked at Cathy. He smiled realizing where he
was.
"Just... a dream" he said slowly "Get... Gwen... need... Gwen... Please... Cathy."

Cathy knew that Mrs Casey would not allow that, without explicit permission.

"I'll see what I can do Jared" she said "But Gwen is probably sleeping, so you might
have to wait till morning."

"Cant... wait." Jared pleaded "Must... see... her... now... Urgent" this seemed to sap
the strength from him and he slumped further back into his pillows, but his eyes still
pleaded with Cathy, so that she went to the Nurses station and had Mrs Casey
paged. She would want to know about the recent developments anyway

Gwen was still sitting there waiting for her mother to answer, when she heard a soft
knock on the door. Turning around, her heart leapt as she saw Fox's strong face
enter. Lighting up like a Christmas tree, Gwen saw him smile as he said "Hi
Sweetheart" and in the next moment watched his voice and face fall as he greeted
her mother much more cooly.

Seeing her mother's body language stiffen, Gwen saw Fox look back at her. His own
face becoming a mixture of concern and protectiveness, Fox took a step towards her
and held out his arms. Needing no further incentive, Gwen practically leaped off the
bed and into his waiting arms. Feeling them lock around her securely, Gwen finally
heard the voices quiet down. Hearing her mother make a strangled sound, Gwen
buried her head further into Fox's chest for a second. Fox's arms tightened around
her and from the annoyance radiating from him, Gwen guessed he had figured out
what her mother had done as well.

Looking up at his fierce expression, Gwen could tell he wanted to know what Rebecca
had said that made her so upset. Not wanting to drive the wedge deeper between
her mother and Fox, Gwen decided to tell him about Sarah's custody instead. As
Gwen told Fox about how Theresa had arranged temporary custody through Judge
Riley, she saw his face cloud over. She knew that he already wasn't happy with
Theresa and this was only going to add fuel to the fire. Being a new parent himself,
she was sure if anyone could understand the fear of having your child seemingly
snatched away from you...it was Fox.

When Gwen got to the part where she said Sarah was with Theresa now, Fox
interrupted. "Theresa is here in the hospital...I saw her just a little while ago. That
must mean Sarah is here too." Gwen's face brightened at the thought of seeing her
daughter for the first time in days. Spinning around in Fox's arms,Gwen looked at
her mother's unhappy face. ."Mother, I know we were talking but would you mind
finding Sarah for me? I would love to see her. Please, Mother... do this for me...."
Gwen added when Rebecca opened her mouth to protest. Snapping it shut again,
Rebecca gave her daughter a haughty look that promised this conversation wasn't
finished as she answered. "Ok, I'll see what I can do. But I can't promise that she
will come or that Theresa will even let her." Giving Fox a challenging look, Rebecca
stood up and walked toward the pair. "Think about what I said Gwennie, I'll be back
soon..." she finished and regally walked out the door.

Feeling some of the tension dissapear with her mother's departure, Gwen let out a
breath she hadn't realized she was holding. Resting her head on Fox's chest again,
Gwen wrapped her arms tightly around him and just stood there for a moment. "I
am so glad to see you, " she said softly . "I know you haven't been gone long, but it
has seemed like forever. Between everything with Sheridan and then my mother..."
Gwen's voice trailed off as she felt the internal tension rise again in Fox as she
mentioned her mother. "I'm just glad you're here...I needed you..."

Sensing something else was wrong, Gwen looked up at Fox's face again. He's trying
to hide something from me... she thought to herself. He's upset about something
and trying to keep it from me. Putting her hands on either side of Fox's face to trap
him, Gwen said tenderly "Fox, what's wrong? Is it about Nicki? Did something
happen while you were gone?"

Fox felt Gwen's slender hands trap his face. His eyes met hers. He forced himself to
push the insecurities he had been feeling to the bottom of his stomache. He would
deal with them later.

"Nothing's wrong honey" he said to her "You said Sheridan came by what did she
have to say"

Fox listened and Gwen explained the discussion with Sheridan. He knew his aunt, he
knew that she would eventually get past this with Gwen. Gwen and Sheridan had a
unique friendship. He knew that Gwen was afraid of losing Sheridan's friendship. He
agreed that this was a step in the right direction for Gwen.

He held Gwen close again feeling her nuzzle against his chest. He stroked her hair
and kissed the top of her head. Fox told Gwen about Nicki and how she was loving
her new digs "and who wouldn't" he chuckled

He heard Gwen talking about her mother. Gwen was laughing about her mother is
pushing Jared onto her. "Isn't that silly Fox"

Out of nowhere Fox felt those repressed feelings he had been feeling bubbling
through him. He couldn't stop the self imagined images of Gwen kissing Jared. The
dam broke. He buried his face into her shoulder as Gwen held him close. "I am upset
over you kissing Jared not once but twice. I just cannot imagine you telling him you
love him. want to BE with him." Fox sighed deeply and said quietly "Things WILL
work out for us right Gwen?"

Cathy Hurried down the elevator to the second floor and stopped outside room 229.
It was getting late and she was worried that she might be waking Gwen. But then
again if she didnt wake her, and Theresa found out she would lose her job, and if
Jared DID die... well she would be on Gwen's hit list too...

She was about to knock when she heard voices inside..."I am upset over you kissing
Jared not once but twice. I just cannot imagine you telling him you love him. want to
BE with him." she Heard Fox Sigh before going on... "Things WILL work out for us
right Gwen?"

Cathy felt bad having to interrupt such an intimate moment, but she had to get back
upstairs and tend to her patient before Theresa decided that someone else could do
the job better. So before Gwen could answer she knocked gently at the door...

"Miss Hotchkiss?" she said "Gwen?" As the door opened and Gwen stood there in
shock at such a late night visit, Cathy continued. " I need you to come with me right
away. Jared, he's ... He's had another episode and we almost lost him, and now he's
asking for you." Sensing her objection Cathy went on " Mrs Casey has given strict
instructions that you are to have Full access to Mr Casey as often as you want, or as
often as he needs, but on the condition that you visit him alone. We... That is the Dr,
Mrs Casey and I, are all afraid that if Jared sees you with Mr Crane, that well ... He
might have a traumatic memory causing a major setback... maybe even death, and
we just... can't allow that to happen" Cathy stood there for a moment, and sensing
that she really HAD interrupted, simply said "I'll give you a moment, and I will wait
for you by the elevators, because you will need me and the card key to get upstairs,
you will have your own by morning." And with that she walked out closing the door
behind her

I am upset over you kissing Jared not once but twice. I just cannot imagine you
telling him you love him. want to BE with him...Things WILL work out for us right
Gwen? With those tear-filled words, Gwen felt what was left of her heart break.
Holding Fox as close as was humanly possible, Gwen felt his fear and pain as if it
were her own. She knew how much Fox had been through...first with Whitney and
then with Kay. Fox had always been second best, the choice when option one wasn't
available. And now he's feeling that same fear...because of you... her conscience
raged. You promised him he would never have to question his place in your heart.
How could you do this to him Gwen? But what was the answer? What could she
possibly say or do to convince Fox that he was first in her heart? Sure she could tell
him, but she had already done that and he was still insecure. Do you blame him?
You turned around and kissed Jared mere hours later? Your motives and intentions
don't matter. The fact is that you did kiss him, and you can't even promise Fox that
it won't happen again. How can you possibly expect him to deal with all this Gwen?

Murmuring softly and stroking his back as she comforted him, Gwen racked her
exhausted brain for a way...anyway to fix this. To show Fox just how much he meant
to her. Because the thought of having to face all of this turmoil without his love and
support was too bleak to even contemplate. Tilting his chin up, Gwen saw the hurt in
his eyes staring back down at her. Moving her face so that their lips were a breath
away from touching, Gwen opened her mouth to speak...

Miss Hotchkiss?Gwen? I need you to come with me right away. Jared, he's ... He's
had another episode and we almost lost him, and now he's asking for you... Gwen
snapped her toward the door. She had been so lost in her attempt to comfort Fox,
she hadn't even heard the knock on the door. As Cathy's words sank in, Gwen felt
Fox straighten up and become tense again. Closing her eyes and giving an internal
sigh, Gwen bowed her head for a second. She hadn't even had a chance to reassure
Fox about the last time she had spent with Jared and now she was needed again.
Tempted to tell Cathy that she would be up later, she had to talk to Fox now and
make him understand first, Gwen opened her mouth again only to be interrupted
once more.

Mrs Casey has given strict instructions that you are to have Full access to Mr Casey
as often as you want, or as often as he needs, but on the condition that you visit him
alone. We... That is the Dr, Mrs Casey and I, are all afraid that if Jared sees you with
Mr Crane, that well ... He might have a traumatic memory causing a major
setback... maybe even death, and we just... can't allow that to happen... Hearing
Cathy relay the harsh truths about what would happen to Jared if she didn't come
right away, or even worse if Fox came along, Gwen felt utterly and completely
trapped. Almost to the point of wishing she hadn't been found that night...because
no matter what she did she was hurting everyone and making them miserable. That
point was driven home as she felt Fox's withdrawl from her again. He didn't remove
his arms from around her waist, but she could feel his emotions shut down as much
as if he had. He's just protecting himself... the thought blazed through her mind. But
knowing that fact didn't make it any less torturous.

Cathy must have seen the agony written on her face, because a sympathetic look
came over her own as she said, "I'll give you a moment, and I will wait for you by
the elevators, because you will need me and the card key to get upstairs, you will
have your own by morning." Watching Cathy quietly leave the room, Gwen tried to
swallow past the lump in her throat. She could feel Fox looking at her, waiting for
her to make the next move. Feeling his vulnerability sweep over her, Gwen did the
only thing she knew to do to show him how much he meant to her. Cupping his face
in her hands again, she leaned up and kissed him. Sensing that he was holding back,
Gwen wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with every ounce of love
she possessed. Her heart did a little leap as she felt his resistance crumble and with
a groan pull her tightly against him as he passionately kissed her back.

When their lips finally parted, an idea crossed Gwen's mind. Stepping out of Fox's
arms, she headed over to the nightstand next to her bed. Searching through the top
drawer, Gwen grabbed something and headed back over to where Fox was still
standing with a confused expression on his face. Taking his hand, Gwen opened it
palm up. Placing her own in it, Gwen dropped a simple silver chain in his grasp.
Attached to the chain was a sterling heart charm. Giving Fox an adoring smile, Gwen
explained. "This was given to me by my father right before he died. It was for the
charm bracelet he had given me, but as you know I had already lost the bracelet
years ago. I couldn't bring myself to tell him I had lost it, so I put the charm on this
chain and have worn it around my neck ever since. I had planned to put it on the
new bracelet that you gave me..." she continued, pointing to the glistening silver
bracelet attached to her wrist, " but now I want you to have it."

"Fox, I know that this isn't going to be easy, and I wish that I could promise you that
there won't be any more hard times...but I can't. What I can promise you however,
is this: That through all the fears and tears to come, I'm yours. You are the man I
love. Don't doubt it, and don't forget it. You are the man who has my heart..." she
said with a twinkle in her eye as she closed his fingers around the necklace.
Reaching up for him, Gwen gazed directly in his eyes hoping he could see the
sincerity in hers, the determination to find a way out of this...together. "Things will
work out for us...I promise. Because I have never loved anyone the way I love you.
You are the man in my heart, Nicholas Foxworth Crane...now and always." Giving
him another brief but fiery kiss, Gwen forced herself to stop and back away. Tears
glistening in her eyes, Gwen moved toward the door. Turning back to see Fox hadn't
moved an inch, Gwen gave him one last pleading look. "Don't give up on me...don't
give up on us...." And with that, she quickly headed out the door and down the
corridor to the elevator bay.

Cathy hit the button as she saw Gwen walking down the hall so that the minute she
got to the elevator, the doors opened. Motioning for Gwen to get in, Cathy followed
and used her cardkey. The elevator doors closed and they headed up for the Crane
Suite. Wiping the tears away from her eyes, Gwen tried to get emotions under
control. She knew that Jared needed her to be strong, happy, and supportive so that
he could make a full recovery. And if she came in looking despondent and teary-eyed
he would want to know why. No Gwen, we are NOT doing this. This is not fair. You
can't pretend to be in love with Jared when really you are in love with me...You ARE
in love with me right Gwen? Hearing Fox's anguish-filled words from earlier tonight
repeat in her brain and remembering how he had looked at her just moments ago,
Gwen couldn't stop the tears from coming once again.

Noticing a tissue being held out to her, Gwen took it and gave Cathy a grateful smile.
Ms. Hotckhiss, I know this isn't easy. And I'm sorry I interrupted your time with Mr.
Crane. It's just that... Gently blowing her nose, Gwen interrupted, "Cathy, you don't
have to explain or apologize. You were right to come and get me. If Mr. Casey is
asking for me, I should be there. After all, it's my fault that he's in this position in
the first place. He had the accident because he was upset with me...because he was
trying to get away from me. Once again, I've managed to destroy someone I care
about."

The elevator doors opened and Gwen quickly brushed away any remaining tears as
she stepped out into the hallway. Following Cathy's lead, Gwen cautiously walked to
Jared's door. Peering in, Gwen saw that his eyes were closed. Giving Cathy a small
smile, Gwen quietly walked in and sat down next to Jared's bed. Lightly covering one
of his hands with her own, Gwen whispered. "I'm here Jared...I'm right here...."

Fox watched as Gwen left the room. He listened as her footsteps grew fainter and
fainter...till finally he could no longer hear them.

Around the room Fox saw the remnents of their romantic dinner that had been
shared hours ago. We were so happy. What happened from then till now? His
melencholy thoughts took him to the night that everything came out. When he had
seen Kay kissing Miguel. The hurt of seeing Kay in Miguels arms that night came
hurdling back. That same hurt he had felt in the observatory when Gwen had told
him about Jared kissing her. Why is this bothering you so much? his inner voice
questioned.

Why was it bothering him. Perhaps because now that he was first in Gwen's life he
was afraid to believe it. It was desconserting to him. He didn't know what it was like
to be first...let alone with someone who he never would have expected. He knew
they would always be friends but to have her...as the one who loved him best...it
was unfathomable

Fox yawned. He glanced over at the bed and remembered being snuggled in with
Gwen mere hours before. Before that...he had no idea the last time he had slept. He
looked down at the beautiful silver heart Gwens father had given her. Fox reached
guililty into his pocket and pulled out Gwen's old charm bracelet. He slid the charm
onto the bracelet. When she got back he would give her the bracelet. Then he would
tell he that he knew she loved him...that this was just all so new to him.

He shuffled over to the bed and sat down Gwen won't mind if I take a nap here he
thought sleepily. Through the partially drawn shades, he could see the stars. Fox
smiled sleepily to himself Star light Star bright...first star I see tonight. Wish I
may...wish I might. Have the wish...I wish tonight. For the first time in a long while
he had nothing to wish for. Other than his own insecurities he had nothing to fear
with Gwen, he had nothing to fear with Nicki. Nothing with Jane. For the first time he
felt complete. WIth that he left himself to the exhaustion overcome him. He closed
his eyes and was fast asleep.

He sensed her before he felt her, like the suns warm rays touching a spot where
before had been only cold shade, gently she took his hand "I'm here Jared...I'm right
here...." And that is when he knew, he knew that he had to make her his wife, right
away, before anyone else realized what a Gem he had in his possession.

"Gwen" He said... "You came... They didnt wake you did they? If they did I'm sorry
But I..." he was weakening and she must have sensed it because she put a finger to
his lips "Shhhhh. Dont talk, just rest Im here and that is what matters"

He Closed his eyes contentedly and thought... 'tomorrow, she gets discharged
tomorrow, I need to talk to Ethan, and Tess, I wonder if they are still here. They will
be thrilled to write up the divorce papers so quickly and Reilly will sign them with no
questions, he knows we are in love, after all he granted the power of attorney the
other night, so he knows that I am the one Gwen wants...'

"Gwen?? are Tess and Ethan... still here? Can you send them in if you see them??I
need to talk to them, and you need your sleep... I just, needed to see you, needed
to kiss you goodnight, and to know you still loved me as much as I love you." With
that he pulled her close, and kissed her gently, using most of his remaining strength,
and when they parted, he looked at her, lovingly... "Tell Me Gwen... Tell Me you Love
Me before you go..." he said pleadingly, his eyes begging her to confirm everything
he believed to be true.

You came... They didn’t wake you did they? If they did I'm sorry But I... Seeing the
raggedness in Jared's face, Gwen leaned in put a finger up to his lips. "Shhhhh. Don’t
talk, just rest I’m here and that is what matters." As Jared gave a tired smile and
closed his eyes, Gwen quickly ran a hand through her hair. She was so tired. If it
hadn't been for the brief couple of hours of rest she had gotten in Fox's arms, she
probably wouldn't be able to stand up right now...much less be here for Jared.
Because every other time she tried to rest in the past three days had either been
interrupted by nurses poking her, angry people threatening her, or her own
nightmares robbing her of the sleep her recovering body so desperately needed.
Fox... the thought popped in her head. Gwen didn't know if she had gotten through
to him in the end. Yes, he had kissed her back but that was just physical. What
Gwen needed most was his emotional understanding, love, and support. With the
way Rebecca was acting about Gwen's choosing Fox and the disaster her relationship
with Sheridan was at the moment, without Fox Gwen felt like she had no one. Not
even Jared...because she couldn't be honest with him. But at the same time she
couldn't be responsible for destroying him again either, she wouldn't. No matter
what that meant... Gwen was sure her already decimated conscience and psyche
couldn't handle being responsible for another Jared relapse. She already felt guilty
enough as it was.

Gwen?? Are Tess and Ethan... still here? Can you send them in if you see them?? I
need to talk to them, and you need your sleep... I just, needed to see you, needed
to kiss you goodnight, and to know you still loved me as much as I love you... Gwen
didn't have time to express her trepidation at talking to either her soon-to-be ex-
husband or Theresa because Jared pulled her against him and kissed her with a
surprising amount of strength. Unable to do anything but acquiesce, Gwen felt that
same little stab in her heart when Jared released her. You don't have a choice... the
little voice in her head argued. Jared would be terribly hurt and wonder what was
wrong if you jerked out of his embrace or didn't at least mildly return his affection.
And what if that caused him to remember and have a setback or worse, kill him?

But knowing all that still didn't stop Gwen from feeling like she was betraying Fox on
some level...and man did it hurt. Pushing it all down, Gwen was glad that Jared was
weak he didn't notice her brief hesitation when their lips met. Smiling back at him,
Gwen froze for a second when she heard his next words. "Tell Me Gwen... Tell Me
you Love Me before you go..." Hearing the almost pleading quality in his voice, Gwen
felt her already destroyed conscience take another hit. But thinking about his words,
Gwen knew what her answer would be. Slightly tightening her grip on his hand,
Gwen looked directly in his eyes and answered, "I love you, Jared.”Seeing his eyes
grow warm at the confirmation of his feelings, Gwen's guilt kicked in again. Honestly
the words hadn't been hard. She did love Jared. She had for years. They even had a
daughter together. But while she loved Jared, she wasn't in love with him. Her heart
belonged to Fox, and Gwen was beginning to seriously think it had for years she just
hadn't put the pieces together. The one thing that Gwen knew was that Jared
deserved someone who loved him beyond reason, someone who would put him first,
last, and every place in between in her heart. And when the doctors eventually said
he was strong enough to handle the truth...that's exactly what Gwen would tell him.
But for now, Gwen would be able to at least live with herself knowing that she was
trying to make up for hurting him so much.

Standing up, Gwen briefly kissed his forehead and said "You are exhausted, I'm
going to head back down to my room and let you get some sleep. I'll be back up in
the morning before I check out, Ok?" Seeing Jared's facial expression, Gwen laughed
lightly "You're just jealous because I get to go home tomorrow. But don't worry; I'll
still be here to check on you." Giving his hand a last squeeze Gwen headed for the
door. "Oh, and I will see if I can find Theresa or Ethan on my way back down. If not,
I'll leave a message with Cathy that you need to talk to them. Pleasant dreams..."

Walking out of Jared's room, Gwen looked around for Cathy. She knew that without
her, she couldn't get off this floor. You had to have a key card to make the elevator
doors open or even access the stairwell. Walking towards the nurses’ desk, Gwen
was stunned to see Ethan standing next to the elevator doors. Taking a deep breath,
Gwen forced herself to walk over to him. Ethan seemed to be lost in deep thought,
which wasn't unusual. Her husband...soon-to-be ex-husband was definitely an
internal person. He thought more about what he said and did before he did it than
anyone else Gwen knew. Hesitantly, Gwen stopped a few feet away and called his
name. Ethan's eyes refocused as his head turned towards her. His eyebrows rose as
he looked at her, waiting for her to speak. Deciding to just hurry up and get this
awkward conversation over, Gwen hurriedly starting speaking. "I'm sorry to bother
you, but I need to let you know that Jared is asking to see you...well, you and
Theresa. I don't know what it's about, but he seemed to think that it was very
important that he talk to you right away. And considering his fragile recovery, I'm
afraid of him having another setback. Would it be possible for you to find Theresa
and let her know? It's best for everyone if she and I don't see each other right now.
I'm sure she's still furious with me over all of the stuff that came out at the party,
not to mention Fox." Seeing her husband's expression remained completely
unchanged as she talked, Gwen sighed. Ethan was so good at not letting on what he
was feeling unless he wanted you to. That was one of the things that made him such
a brilliant attorney. Throughout the years Gwen had learned the same skill from him,
in fact until four days ago she was intrinsically proud of her ability to mask her
feelings. And now...she was a human water-pot who struggled with keeping any
emotion under control.

Looking back at Ethan once more, Gwen continued, "I need to find Cathy so I can
get back down to my room. I'll talk to you later." Walking past him toward the
nurses’ station, Gwen stopped as she remembered something else she needed to
say. "Oh Ethan?" she asked, regaining his attention. "I'm hopefully being discharged
tomorrow. And I was wondering...are you living at the house right now or at the
apartment? I know you said I could have the house, but I didn't want to intrude if
you are still there. Fox had suggested that I could stay at the B&B...but I would
really love to be home while I finish recovering from this surgery. I know I have no
right to ask anything of you but...if there's any way I could come home tomorrow..."
Breaking off in exasperation at Ethan's still emotionless expression and silence,
Gwen amended. "You know what...nevermind. I've got to go find Cathy."

Striding down the hall, Gwen almost wept with relief when she saw Cathy's face.
"Ms. Hotchkiss? What's wrong? Is it Mr. Casey?" Cathy asked standing up and
walking around to the other side of the desk. Everything... Gwen thought to herself.
"No, Mr. Casey is fine. He was going to get some rest. I was hoping you could take
me back to my room. I am dead on my feet. It's been one long day. Giving Gwen an
understanding smile, Cathy agreed. "Knowing everything that you've been through
today, I'm amazed that you're still functioning. Come on; let's get you back to your
room." As the pair walked back down to the elevator bay, Gwen saw Ethan still
standing there. Giving him a slight nod, Gwen hoped he would go and find Theresa
soon. While she didn't expect him to lift a finger to help her, like making sure he was
moved out of their house so she could go back tomorrow, she fervently wished that
he would listen to her about Jared's request. Jared had made it seem very important,
something that mattered greatly to him, and the last thing anyone needed was Jared
upsetting or exciting himself so much that he had another episode. Cathy accessed
the elevator with her card key and Gwen gratefully walked inside.

Upon returning to the second floor, Gwen got out and gave Cathy another
appreciative glance. "Thank you again Cathy. You have been so wonderful to me
these past couple of days. I really appreciate everything you've done for me and
Jared." Cathy smiled back and gave a small wave. "I'm happy to help, Ms. Hotchkiss.
Now go and get some sleep. I'll be back in the morning to start processing your
discharge." The elevator doors closed, taking Cathy back up to the 8th floor, and
Gwen walked down the hallway to her room.

Opening the door, Gwen was about to flip on the lights when she saw Fox sleeping
peacefully in her bed. Her heart swelled as she looked at his innocent expression as
he slept on his side with one arm curled under his head. He's such a good man. It's
so unfair what he's had to go through... Gwen thought to herself as she tiptoed into
the room. Silently moving over to the opposite side of the bed, Gwen hesitated for a
minute remembering how she had left their last conversation in a state of limbo.
What if he still doesn't believe me? What if he's decided he doesn't want me after
all? The thought of Fox rejecting her was enough to almost make her turn around
and head for the couch in the second floor waiting room. Gwen I want you to know. I
am going to be there for you throughout this whole ordeal... I love YOU Gwen
Hotchkiss. I have for a very long time and I will continue to do so as long as you will
put up with me being an oaf from time to time... Hearing Fox's words from the
observatory, Gwen pushed her own demons down. She had always been someone
who fought for what she wanted...and she wanted this chance at happiness with Fox.
And that meant taking risks, making yourself vulnerable...no matter how much it
scared you to do so.

Slipping off her shoes, Gwen slowly climbed into her side of the bed. Laying down
her on side so that she was facing Fox, Gwen stared at his still sleeping face. Poor
guy... she thought. He's had even less sleep than I have...and that's saying a lot!
Not wanting to wake him but needing some form of physical contact, Gwen reached
out and put her hand on his chest. Feeling that now familiar warmth creep into her
fingers as she touched him, Gwen's body and senses immediately started to relax.
Wondering what kind of power he had to make her feel calm when her entire world
was erupting all around her, Gwen whispered as she started to drift off to sleep, "I
love you Nicholas Foxworth Crane..."

"I love you Nicholas Foxworth Crane..." Fox heard the words and he felt her hand
gently place her hand on his chest. He felt her need for that physical contact. He
sleepily opened his eyes and saw her beautiful face, with the reflection of the moons
light on it. Her blond hair cascaded over her eyes. Fox gently pushed her hair back
and tucked it behind her ear.

She came back, she came back and she came to bed...with me his heart swelled at
that thought . She really does love him...for him. She wants to be WITH him. She is
not settling FOR him as everyone else has. He leaned over and kissed the top of her
forehead gently so as not disturb her. "And I love you Gwen Hotchkiss. For now and
always. No matter what. Come what may"

With that he wrapped his arms around Gwen, and pulled her in close. He felt her
meld against him, He rested his head on top of hers and fell asleep feeling complete.
He knew that a few short hours from then, morning would be dawning and real life
would start again, but for now, he was content to live in this moment.

Sheridan looked around the nurses station. Where did Jane go she wondered to
herself. Sheridan looked over at Luis who was still talking intently to a person in the
waiting room. I wonder what they are discussing with a feeling of uneasyiness falling
over her like a dark cloud. Sheridan reached into her pocket and pulled out the letter
Luis had sent her while he was under cover.

Dear Sheridan,
The undercover operation is over now so I should be returning home soon. I can't
wait to see you and the kids. Its great to hear that Gwen and Ethan have their child
back after thinking she was dead for so long its so amazing...whats this about Marty
being alive you must have dreamed it because our dear Marty died in Rome I saw it
with my own eyes he died along with Beth.

I will be home as soon as I can and we can talk more I love you please give the kids
and the rest of the family my love.

Always yours
Luis

Anger and frustration rose in her. It was like when she KNEW Marty was hers, and
yet Luis could not believe her. Luis made it seem like she had lost all her marbles.
Sure the notion had been far fetched but heck, Beth was a loon. She had known that
for years and Luis never believed her. Even after it had been proven, Luis let her run
off with their child.

For years after Marty was presumed dead, Sheridan told Luis that she didnt feel like
Marty was dead. She would somehow 'know' if her first born had died. But as the
years went by, she had stopped talking about it. It was not worth the argument that
usually ensued. It was not worth the tears and hurt that it brought with it.

But now, things were different. If they had continued to search for Marty...maybe
just maybe they would have found him earlier. This wasn't like Sarah or Nicki.
Sheridan had KNOWN Marty was alive and Luis should have trusted her...just like
he should of trusted her all those years ago.

Sheridan turned to leave. She caught Luis's eyes and pointed to the cafeteria sign.
She needed some time to do some thinking. SHe had not really had time since so
much had happened in the past 4 days. She felt all alone...with no one to turn to.
She couldn't talk to Theresa about this. This was her older brother. How would that
conversation go exactly. "Hey Theresa..I know there is no proof but I knew that
Marty had been alive all this time and Luis won't believe me" It would sound like she
was 5 yrs old and taking her toys home because Luis wouldn't play nice. Sheridan
went and got a cup of coffee and sat down at one of the tables in the cafeteria.

Gwen would understand the voice inside her head argued. [I] This is the perfect way
to break the ice. You need someone, she needs someone. This is how your friendship
was born back in school years ago. When they had both needed a shoulder to cry on.
They had become fast friends and insperable. Sheridan had missed that over the
past couple of days. Theresa was wrapped up with Jared and being a good friend to
Whitney, she certainly didn't need another thing on her already full plate.

Sheridan thought about walking up to Gwen's room but really, she wasn't sure what
kind of reception she would get. They had left things on good terms but Gwen was
still recovering. Out of the corner of her eye Sheridan spotted one of Gwen's nurses
Phobe.

"Hi Phobe if it not too much trouble...could you send Gwen down here. I just need a
friend to talk to..." Sheridan waited for Phobe to respond.
"Of course Mrs Lopez-Fitzgerald. I will do that at once" Sheridan sighed and looked in
her coffee while she waited patiently for her freind to arrive