Volume 1, Issue 1
The Foul Mouth
T H E N E W
I N S I D E T H I S
I S S U E :
Understanding your
2
character
Zombieland Review 2
Malifaux Review 3 (but half the fun) there hasn’t
Your article here!
W h a t
Everyone knows what an
elf looks like; long
blonde hair, pointed
ears, stands slightly
shorter than a man and
built like a waif. But
there is more to the
elves in Mercia than
their physical appear-
ance.
In Mercia the elves are
an ancient race that
are primarily nocturnal
S L E T T E R O
T h e
The Dirty Gnomes have been
around for a while, something
like, four years. No body really
keeps track of this stuff. Even
from it’s glorious origins when
there were twice the members
been any true organization to
the club. And why change that
now? The Foul Mouth isn’t
intended to bring organization,
it’s really more a personal
soap box for which ever
Gnome wants to write what he
wants to write. We’ll publish it,
nothing censored, even your
bad grammar and terrible
spelling. We’ll also mock it,
deride it, discuss it, and use it
as toilet paper in the final act
m a k e s
An elf family sets for a portrait
F T H E D I R T
F o u l M o u t h
but at least your voice will be
heard!
For the Foul Mouth to be suc-
cessful though we need ink.
The Dirty Gnome is
watching you masturbate
This initial issue is filled with
my blathering so you only have
yourselves to blame for not
coming up with the idea
sooner to prevent me. So suf-
fer with some dignity.
a n d e l f . . A n
and need little sleep. As a
result they have very de-
veloped eyes that allow
them to see in the dark of
night as if it was day. This
isn’t perfect though, if
there is no ambient light at
all, such as would be
found underground, then
they can see no better
than a human.
They come from across
the ocean from the west,
December 2009
Y G N O M E S
i s U p !
To specify what we are looking
for The Dirty Gnome (pictured
center) encourages you to
send reviews about products
or media, house rules, battle
reports, philosophical
thoughts, or basically anything
else really but the more game
and club oriented the better.
Keep the articles between 100
and 200 words so we can fit it
and feel free to cut some into
multiple parts.
Can you draw? Great! We need
a club cartoon and if you
would be so good as to do just
that and submit it , it WILL go
in, no shitting.
~Wickerman
E l f !
coming to Mercia for adventure and
treasure to take back to their king-
dom. Not all elves are the same
though, as some have an evil heart
and the humans call them Dusk Elves,
the dangerous part is that only an elf
can tell the difference between the
two. And this fact allows the Dusk
Elves to take advantage of human’s
goodwill towards elf-kind and often
brings about confusion and hatred of
the good elves visiting Mercia.
P a g e 2 T h e F o u l M o u t h

M o v i e
Sony pictures provides
the zombie connoisseur
with a delectable film
cookie. The batter is solid
lacking any of the annoy-
ing pretense of telling you
why the zombies are here
(although a disease is
referenced) and instead
fills it with the sugar of ac-
ceptance. The character’s
within the film don’t try to
desperately survive the zom-
bipocalypse but instead con-
R e v i e w :
Columbus and Tallahassee
kickin’ zombie ass!
cern themselves with Twin-
kies, the “zombie kill of the
week”, and painting a num-
Zombieland
ber three on the side of
every vehicle they drive.
There is always electricity,
food, and water although
showers appear in short
supply. Overall this is what
a modern zombie movie
should be, hands down
the finest shotgun toting
film of the year. The only
problem was the rules, they
never listed them all and I
still want to know the rest of
them.

U n d e r s t a n d i n g y o u c h a r c t e r :
p a r t 1 - p r i m a r y a b i l i t i e s
The primary abilities of the char-
Power acter are named such because
they affect the other abilities and
Agility are the physical and mental
measurements
Fitness of your charac-
ter. All other
Learning abilities are
measurement
Luck of previous
experience and
training. Each
of the primary
abilities define
Jonas Kane brings the light to
the character
the undead of Mercia (Reaper
in very specific
Miniatures)
ways and as the character
“works out” the stat will
increase until it reaches its natu-
ral maximum.
Power: defines how strong the
character is and how well it ap-
plies that strength. For every 20
points of power the character
will do 1 extra damage with me-
lee weapons and benefits from a
1 point bonus to fighting ability.
Agility: defines the hand-eye
coordination of the character and
reflexes. This ability is invaluable
to avoid lethal traps. For every 20
points of agility the character
benefits from 1 extra point to
missiles weapon skill and 1 extra
point to critical kill rolls.
Fitness: defines
the over all
health of the
character, the
ability to push
itself, and resis-
tance to disease
and poison. For
every 20
points of
fitness
the char-
acter
benefits
from 1 extra survival point.
Learning: the measure of all the
mental capacity of the character
from recall to problem solving
and the how well the character
can learning new skills. For every
20 points of learning the charac-
ter gains the use of a new lan-
guage.
Luck: some people have all the
luck, some have none, and even
the lucky find it abandons them
when they need it most. Luck is
used for a variety of things from
determining
...how much treasure is found in
a chest or to see if you get a
broken bone from a from a par-
ticularly solid hit. For every 20
points of luck the character gets
1 re-roll. These re-rolls can be
spent to re-roll the dice on any re-
roll and even to re-roll a re-roll.
These points only refresh at the
beginning of a new session.
When you initiate the use of a
primary ability you mark it for
experience (successful attempt
or not) and for the next three
successful attempts you initiate
you mark it for greater experi-
ence. At the end of a session the
players may roll on any ability
that has been marked. This
makes it possible for an ability to
exceed 100, in fact in can get as
high as 107. An ability roll always
fails on a roll of 96-100 though,
the points above 95 allows the
character to compensate for
penalties to an action.
V o l u m e 1 , I ss u e 1 P a g e 3

M a l i fa u x
B y
In a loose overview, consider
an alternate Earth in the mid
to late 1800's where magic is
more prevalent but diminish-
ing. Like our current financial
collapse the people of this
Earth are desperate and strike
out at the heavens where they
still feel a tug of magic/
spirituality and they open a
gateway into this other world
that's similar but obviously
different from our own.
O v e rv i e w
L i z a r d k i n g
a very tight and iron reign with
a somewhat abusive hand
(necessary, they feel, because
of the abusive landscape), the
Arcanists who feel that this
world represents freedom to
explore new powers and new
possibilities (the direct rebels
against the authority of the
Guild), the Resurrectionists
faction or have accidentally
gotten entangled in the mess.
That's the world of Malifaux:
Wild West, Victorian, Steam-
punky, horror splashed in as
psychological and physical,
and a lot of unease between
the groups as they explore a
new world with hopes of fixing

Like good white folk (lols –ed),

they not only go exploring but
claim the abandoned place as
their own even though there's
whispers in the wind and their
nightmares are frighteningly
real while they're there. They
find an abandoned town called
Malifaux and take up resi-
dence there.

There's a ton of great story SNUGGLES WANTS A HUG

that would be a great injustice
to try to summarize. Suffice it
to say that in Malifaux the
humans discover stones im-
bued with a magical/spiritual
essence and this rejuvenates
the failing magics back home.
There's great conflicts that
ensue and the spiritual deni-
zens of Malifaux take on physi-
cal presence again, fueled by
the human explorers plunder-
ing their land.
Thus begins the game setting:
Wild west and Victorian gas
light London in a strange and
kind of haunted place. Human
factions are in conflict over
their new rights in this world-
the Guild are established to
police and keep order, but it's
who have felt the connection a problem, but very obviously
of soulstones and this world unearthing a much bigger one.
with death and have turned
their magic to vile practices of
necromancy and corpse ma-
nipulation, and the Neverborn
who are the remnants of the
indigenous population of Mali-
faux - they're reborn and
pissed off and they've taken
the form of Man's dreams and
nightmares and use his
dreams and nightmares
against him. Finally are the
Outcasts who have links to the
world, its magics, but have
either no direct allegiance to a
 DIRTY GNOME
APPROVED

T H E F O U L M O U T H

Issue 1 of Volume 1

Newsletter and soap box of the Dirty

Gnome game club

Bert Smith’s dwarf cannon and crew from

his 2,500 point dwarf army. The full article
detailing Bert’s painting and army building
style can be found on the Games Workshop
NUT UP OR SHUT UP! website.

H O U S E R U L I N G !
W a r h a m m e r F a n t a s y B a t t l e s
T u r n i n g M o v e m e n t s

The standard rules for WHFB read,
“When (a unit) wheels, the entire unit
counts as having moved as far as the
outside model.” which means that a
unit of, say, 20 night goblins with
spears that wants to wheel around to
face an enemy to their left is going to
sacrifice a significant portion of their
move. This can result in failed charges,
short movements, and several turns of
maneuvering if the table has a lot of
terrain in the middle… or any at all
really. This seem to work fine for many
games but the skirmish addicted lot
that is the Dirty Gnomes do NOT like
this too well. As a result a house rule
has been amended to play as follows;
Any standard infantry or cavalry unit
receives one free wheel during the
course of a regular move with further
wheels costing 2 inches of the avail-
able move for the turn. Fast cavalry
receives two free
wheels each turn to
reflect their greater
maneuverability.
This enables more
maneuverability during
the course of a game
turn allowing play to be
more dynamic and
exciting while retaining
some of the limitation
that a block formation imposes on
troop movements. Keep in mind that
during a declared charge the unit must
first wheel to face the enemy directly
and can’t wheel a second time during
the course of a charge. Also, single
models and skirmishers are not sub-
jected to the same restric-
tions. These troops have
no true facing and as
such move without using
a wheel and can switch
directions several times
during the course of a
move.
HOUSE RULING! Is a stan-
dard article of the Foul
Mouth. With each issue a
house ruling will be discussed and
reasons given for the ruling.