Chapter 3

Find the equation of the tangent at ( 0 , 2) to the circle with equation

(x + 2)2 + (y + 1)2 = 13. This is why I despise math. How in the actual fuck am I
supposed to do this. Slowly, my eyes turn towards the paper beside me. The handwriting
is neat, tidy, with absolutely no hesitation seen in her answers. For some reason, the sight
of it pisses me off. Ding dong. Excitement rushes into the air. Textbooks are put away
and pencil cases are zipped up. The boy sitting in front of me folds his worksheet in half
before tucking it away in his binder. I shove my pencil into my bag and crumple up the
forgotten worksheet that remains unfinished. I can feel her staring at me.
“Are you ready to go?” Her voice sounds like honey, it’s as soft as silk. It seeps
through my ears and webs itself throughout my mind. Her voice sounds kind, a type of
kindness that I have never been able to fathom. I nod in response to her question,
wondering where I’ll take her first. The library, the gym, the science classes… the roof.
“I’ll take you to the gym first, you do have gym this year right?” My eyes scan her
body up and down. She looks fit, at least, fit enough to take PE.
“I am taking PE this year!” She tells me excitedly, a wide smile taking over her
face. “I didn’t take any kind of PE at my old school, but I’ve always loved playing sports.
What about you Damien, are you taking PE this year? Maybe we’ll be in the same class if
you are, wouldn’t that be so cool?” I tilt my head to the left, signaling to her that we’re
about to turn right. My arm brushes against the corner of the wall as we turn, and the
scraping sound seems to be amplified by ten through the silence.
“No,” I finally respond, “I don’t like PE.” The expression on her face falls and her
smile falters.
“Oh, that’s too bad.” She says, trying to postpone the lack of conversation falling
upon us. The sound of our steps cease as we stop in front of the gym doors. Two towering
yellow doors that haven’t been touched up in years. Grabbing the handle of the door, I
open the yellow slab of wood only to be met by the scent of body odor and perfume
attacking my senses. I cringe as we walk inside, the doors letting out a chorus of squeaks
as it closes behind us. Amelia walks into the center of the gym and looks at the banners
hanging upon the walls. There aren’t many of them, but the majority are from the boys
basketball team. It makes me want to tear the banners off of the walls and burn them. I
despise the boys basketball team. Rage wells up inside of me and the foul smell radiating
from the surrounding area suddenly amplifies. Tear them apart. I’m extremely tempted
to. The strings hanging down from the worn pieces of fabric taunt me, as if telling me to
grab hold and pull. My hands reach for one on instinct. Grab it. Just a little bit more. My
hands continue to reach, my fingers outstretched, my mind throbbing, my body burning.
“What are you reaching for?” My entire body jolts awake. The hand that had been
reaching upwards falls to my side, and the forgotten string continues to hang in place. My
eyes go back and forth between the two figures that are encapsulating my attention.
Amelia or the banner, Amelia or the banner, Amelia or the banner. In the end, I decide to
go with the more rational option of the two, and put my spiral of rage on hold.
“I was going to adjust the banner,” I tell her. She looks at me with questioning
eyes, her head tilting to the right. “It was crooked.” Our eyes meet and the pools of
molten brown inside of her eyes stare into mine, as if she knows what my true intentions
were. I stare back with just as much certainty and confidence as her. Suddenly, her
expression changes and the smile that encompassed her face early on in the day returns.
It’s beautiful.
“Alrighty then, where to next?” She asks me while turning around and walking
back to where we came in from. Her hands are clasped behind her back as she bounces
towards the gymnasium doors. I follow her with less enthusiasm, still thinking back to
what had just occurred. Taking in a deep breath, I look back towards the banner which,
only a couple of moments prior, had filled me with an indescribable rage. I avert my eyes
and choose to forget about it, this is the reason why I choose not to go into this place. A
fake smile plasters itself on my face as I look towards Amelia’s figure patiently waiting
for me at the doors. Hm, she walks fast. Sliding past her, I walk straight down the
hallway and turn left. I can hear her following me.
“Next is the science lab, it’s just a few feet ahead of us.” My voice comes out
louder than I expected it to in the empty hallway.
“Hmm, I don’t mind science classes, but if they make me dissect a frog,” She
stops walking and turns to me, putting her hands up to her mouth and making a gagging
noise. “I will throw up.”
“There are some dissections.” I respond curtly, turning the handle on the door to
the science lab. “So hold it in.” A small giggle escapes her mouth as she walks inside the
class. I lean on the door frame and watch her look around the room. There’s not much to
see, only 3 sinks in the back of the class and glassware scattered throughout the cabinets.
She opens a cabinet door, grabbing a thermometer and twirling it between her fingers.
“I’ve broken so many of these things.” She states while inspecting the piece of
glass, a small smile etched upon her face. I tap my foot against the ground in an unsteady
rhythm, waiting for her to be finished. Boredom surges upon me, and a yawn escapes my
lips. “Tired?” She asks me, turning around and putting the thermometer inside the
cabinet.
“A little.” I reply, my foot still tapping against the ground.
 “Hmm, well, the only other place I really wanted to go to was the library, so could
you take me there?”
“Sure.” I answer, grateful that our tour session would soon be over. The library is
actually my favorite place to go to in school. It’s usually quiet, empty even, and allows
me time to breathe and collect my thoughts. I know that way to the library quite well.
“Left,” I announce as we walk up to a corner. Amelia only hums in response. Our
footsteps echo together, creating a melody that’s both out of tune and out of sync. My
ears cringe at the awkwardness of our breaths. The silence that encloses us seems to
reverberate throughout the empty halls. Almost there. One more turn around a corner and
we’re finally at our destination. The entrance to my school oasis appears in front of my
eyes and my body immediately reacts by opening the doors. Rows upon rows of shelves
are stocked with an endless supply of books, half of which remain untouched or unread.
“It’s huge.” A small voice breathes beside me. I glance towards the direction of the
sound and am met with Amelia’s eyes shining with awe. Her eyes scan over the shelves,
her expression becoming brighter with each passing moment. She almost looks like me
when I first discovered this place. She begins to walk through the aisles of novels, sifting
through each collection. My feet take me towards my favourite area in the entire school,
the libraries psychological horror section. It’s small, with few books that have been read
by other students, but I love it. I reach for a novel with a cover that shows a young man
screaming as blood trickles down his wrists. His hands are holding his head as if he’s
trying to break it, as if he’s trying to break himself. Interesting. A wave of pleasure runs
through me as I sit down and begin to turn the pages. A sweet, musky smell surrounds me
and sends a feeling of lightness through my head.
“What are you reading?” A feminine voice asks me from over my shoulder. I look
up to see Amelia staring over my shoulder at the book I’m reading, skimming over the
sentences of the first page.
“A psychological horror.” I show her, expecting her face to contort into an
expression of either confusion or disgust. Instead, to my surprise, a look of intrigue
encompasses her face and her eyes light up.
“What’s the book about?” She asks me again, her voice expressing a genuine
curiosity that sends waves of surprise through me.
“I don’t know yet, I just started reading it.” I say while flipping the first page, now
onto the second.
“Hmm,” She starts, walking towards the place where I found the novel. “If you
want one that’s really good, I’d suggest this one.” She informs me while grabbing a novel
with a similar cover. “I finished it in one day. It was so good.” She hands me the book she
grabbed and takes the one I was currently reading. A look of stupor overtakes my face as
she sits down and begins reading the book she took from me. She reads… psychological
horrors? Even more shock envelopes me. Her hair falls into her face and she uses her
hand to sweep it back. Her eyes remain trained onto the pages of the novel, a look of
concentration taking over her face.
“I didn’t think you’d be into this kind of stuff.” I say, looking down at the novel
she handed to me. Her eyes stray away from the sentence she was reading and lock onto
mine. We continue to lock eyes until she takes a breath and looks down at her book again,
preparing her reply to my statement.
“I’ve always loved these types of books.” She replies, running her hand over the
page. “They make me question my morality and the ethics behind decisions people make
when under a tremendous amount of pressure or faced with a situation that has no right
decision. The darkness inside of these books,” she continues. “Makes me question the
darkness we have inside ourselves.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and looks
down at her hands, as if she’s just revealed an embarrassing secret to me. For some odd
reason, I begin to laugh. My body shakes and streams of laughter erupt from somewhere
within me, refusing to cease. Amelia gasps and a look of mortification arises upon her
face as my laugh echoes throughout the library. Her cheeks turn pink and she slams the
book she was reading shut. “I- It’s not that funny.” She stutters, her embarrassment
turning into anger. I hold my stomach with my left hand and wipe the tears forming in my
eyes with my right.
“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh.” I manage to say while chuckling. She
narrows her eyes at me and crosses her arms over her chest. Oh, she looks pissed.
“Alright, well then why do you read them? What’s your amazing reason Damien?
Please, enlighten me.” Her voice comes out dripping with sarcasm which almost makes
me erupt with laughter again. It seems unnatural for her to be angry, like she isn’t used to
the feeling.
“I don’t really have a reason for reading them.” I answer with my palms facing her
as if I’m surrendering. “I guess it’s the same reason as yours. I just enjoy reading them.”
That’s not true, if anything, I actually relate to them. I relate to the neverending turmoil
and suffering that can come from your own mind. But I would never tell her that.
The pink that was spreading across her face slowly dies down, and she breathes
deeply. “So then why were you laughing so hard when I told you why I liked the genre?”
I take a moment to ponder this question, because this was the first time that I’ve laughed
in years. Genuinely laughed. A laugh that wasn’t meant to hide my intentions or exhibit
emotions that weren’t there. A laugh that wasn’t staged throughout a dinner filled with
agony or a moment where I wanted to die. I genuinely laughed, and she was the cause of
it.
 “I don’t really know why I laughed.” I utter, slowly getting up from where I was
seated. “Maybe I’ve just never met someone I’ve related to before.” The look of
annoyance across her face dissipates, and is replaced by something I’ve never seen
before. Her eyes turn downwards and her hair falls, hiding her expression. However, if
only for a second, my eyes see something I never want to see again. I see an expression
that one could only describe as an overwhelming sense of empathy. Oh, is she pitying
me? Turning away from her, I return the novel back to where it came from, a feeling of
bitterness overtaking me. I shouldn’t have said anything.
“Tours over.” I announce, leaving her slouching figure sitting in front of the
bookshelves. “I’ll see you on monday.” Taking one last look at her, I find myself wanting
to stay with her. Leave her there. Slowly, I rip my eyes away from her and walk away
from the library towards the exit doors. I don’t need sympathy from anyone, especially
not from her eyes.