Chapter 6

CHAPTER REVIEW QUESTIONS

1. What questions should a writer ask before beginning a memo or e-mail message?

2. Why are subject lines such as “Hello” or “Meeting” inappropriate?

3. Since e-mail messages are almost like telephone calls, why should one bother about
correct spelling, grammar, punctuation, and expression?

4. What are the four parts of the writing plan for a routine memo or an e-mail message?
What is included in each?

5. How can listed items improve memos and e-mail messages?

6. When are numbers appropriate for listing items? Bullets? Asterisks?

7. What are three kinds of e-mail messages and memos frequently used for business
messages?
 WRITING IMPROVEMENT EXERCISES

MESSAGE OPENERS. Compare the following sets of message openers. Circle the letter of
the opener that illustrates a direct opening. Be prepared to discuss weakness and strengths of
each.

1. An e-mail message inquiring about Web hosting:

A. We are considering launching our own Web site because we feel it is the only way
to keep up with our competition and make our product more visible in a crowded
market. We need some information about Web hosting.
B. Please answer the following questions about hosting our new Web site, which we
hope to lunch to increase our product visibility in a crowded market.

2. An e-mail message announcing an in-service program:

A. Employees interested in improving their writing and communication skills are
invited to an in-service training program beginning October 4.
B. For the past year we have been investigating the possibility of developing an in-
service training program for some of our employees.

3. An e-mail message announcing a study:

A. We have noticed recently a gradual but steady decline in the number of customer
checking accounts. We are disturbed by this trend, and for this reason I am asking
our Customer Relations Department to conduct a study and make
recommendations regarding this important problem.
B. Our Customer Relations Department will conduct a study and make
recommendations regarding the gradual but steady decline of customer checking
accounts.

4. A memo announcing a new procedure:

A. Some customer representatives in the field have suggested that they would like to
key their reports from the field instead of coming back to the office to enter them
in their computers. That’s why we have made a number of changes. We would
like you to use the following procedures.
B. Customer representatives may now key their field reports using the following
procedures.
OPENING PARAGRAPHS. The following opening paragraphs to memos are wordy and
indirect. After reading each paragraph, identify the main idea. Then, write an opening
sentence that illustrates a more direct opening. Use a separate sheet if necessary.

1. Several staff members came to me and announced their interest in learning more
about severance policies and separation benefits. As most of you know, these areas of
concern are increasingly important for most Human Resources professionals. A
seminar entitled “Severance & Separation Benefits” is being conducted February 11. I
am allowing the following employees to attend the seminar: Terence Curran, Cindy
Thompson, and Darlene McClure.

2. Your Intel Employees Association has secured for you discounts on auto repair,
carpet purchases, travel arrangements, and many other services. These services are
available to you if you have a Buying Power Card. All Intel employees are eligible for
their own private Buying Power Cards.

LISTS. Write lists as indicated below.

1. Use the following information to compose a single sentence that includes an

introductory statement and a list with letters (a, b, c). Do not list the items vertically.
The front page of a Web site should orient readers. This front page should tell them
what the site is about. It should also tell about the organisation of the site. Finally, it
should tell them how to navigate the site.

2. Use the following instructions to compose a bulleted vertical list with an introductory
statement. To use the conventional Rollerblade heel brake, you should do these
things. First, you should move one leg slightly forward. Then the ball of your foot
should be lifted. Finally, the heel should be dragged to complete the braking action.

3. Use the following information to compose a sentence containing a list. Your

equipment lease will mature in a month. When it does, you must make a decision.
Three options are available to you. If you like, you may purchase the equipment at
fair market value. Or the existing lease may be extended, again at fair market value.
Finally, if neither of these options is appealing, the equipment could be sent back to
the lessor.

4. Use the following hard-to-read paragraph to write a set of instructions with a title. We
are concerned about your safety in using our automated teller machines (ATMs) at
night, so we think you should consider the following tips. Users of ATMs are
encouraged to look around-especially at night-before using the service. If you notice
anything suspicious, the use of another ATM is recommended. Or you could come
back later. Another suggestion that we give our customers involves counting your
cash. Be sure that the cash you receive is put away quickly. Don’t count it as soon as
you get it. It’s better to check if you must use an ATM at night? Parking in a well-
lighted area close to the actual location of the ATM is also wise.

WRITING IMPROVEMENT CASES

CASE 1 - INFORMATION E-MAIL OR MEMO: REDUCING WORKPLACE

VIOLENCE. In the following e-mail message, Avianca harper intends to inform the
boss, Todd Shimoyama, about a conference she attended on the topic of workplace
violence. This first draft of her information memo needs work.
Your task: Analyse Avianca’s first draft. It suffers from wordiness and lack of graphic
highlighting techniques to improve readability. List its weaknesses and outline an
appropriate writing plan. If your instructor direct, revise it.

DATE: April 2, 200x

TO: Todd Shimoyama tshimoyama@chemco.com
FROM: Avianca Harper aharper@chemco.com
SUBJECT: Violence Conference

Todd:

I went to the OfficePro conference on May 2. The topic was hoe to prevent workplace
violence, and I found it very fascinating. Although we have been fortune ate to avoid
serious incidents at our company, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Since I was the
representative from our company, I thought you would like me to report about some
suggestions for preventing workplace violence. Robert Mathew was the presenter, and
he made suggestions in three categories, which I will summarize here.

Mr. Mather cautioned organisation to pre-screen job applicants. As a matter of fact,

wise companies do not offer employment until after a candidate’s background has
been checked. Just the mention of a background check is enough to make some
candidate withdraw. These candidates, of course, are the ones with something to hide.

A second suggestion was that companies should prepare a good employee handbook
that outlines what employees should do when they suspect potential workplace
violence. This handbook should include a way for informers to be anonymous.

A third recommendation had to do with recognising red-flag behaviour. This involves

 having companies train managers to recognise signs of potential workplace violence.
What are some of the red flags? One sign is an increasing number of arguments (most
of them petty) with co-workers. Another sign is extreme changes in behaviour or
statements indicating depression over family or financial problems. Another sign is
bullying or harassing behaviour. Bringing a firearm to work or displaying an extreme
fascination with firearms is another sign.

By the way, the next OfficePro conference is in September, and the topic is the new
OSHA standards.

I think that the best recommendation is pre-screening job candidates. This is because
it is most feasible. If more research is needed on pre-screening techniques, do not
hesitate to let me know. Let me know by May 7 if you want me to make a report at
our management meeting, which is scheduled for June.

Avianca

1. List at least five weaknesses in the preceding information e-mail.

a) Grammatical errors
b) Email is not in the systematic order.
c) Vague subject line
d) The email is too long
e) Not in correct structure email

2. Outline a general writing plan for this memo.

Subject line: Violence of Conference

Opening: Hello

Body: On the 2nd of May I was in Office Pro conference. The topic was about how
to prevent workplace violence, and I found it very fascinating. Even though been
we were fortunate to avoid serious incidents at our company, it’s better to be safe
than sorry. Since I was the representative from our company, I thought you would
like me to report about some suggestions for preventing workplace violence.
Robert Mathew was the presenter, and he made suggestions in three categories,
which I will summarize here.

Mr. Mather had warned to organisation for pre-screen job applicants. In fact, wise
companies didn’t offer employment until after a candidate’s background has been
checked. To mention of a background check is enough to make some candidate
withdraw. These candidates, of course, are the ones with something to hide.
 A second suggestion was that companies should prepare a good employee
handbook that outlines what employees should do when they suspect potential
workplace violence. This handbook should include a way for informers to be
anonymous.

Further, third recommendation is to recognising red-flag behaviour. This involves

having companies train managers to recognise signs of potential workplace
violence. What, are the listed red flag?

One sign is an increasing number of arguments with co-workers.

Next sign is extreme changes in behaviour or statements indicating depression

over family or financial problems.

The last sign is bullying or harassing behaviour. Bringing a firearm to work or

displaying an extreme fascination with firearms is another sign.

Closing:

CASE 2 – REQUEST E-MAIL OR MEMO: FLOATING HOLIDAY. The following

memo requests a response from staff members. But it is so poorly written that they
may not know what to do.
Your task: Analyse the message. List its weaknesses and outline an appropriate
writing plan. If your instructor directs, revise it.

DATE: Current
TO: All employees
FROM: Elizabeth Mendoza, Human Resources
SUBJECT: New Holiday Plan

In the past we’ve offered all employees 11 holidays (starting with New Year’s Day in
January and proceeding through Christmas Day the following December). Other
companies offer similar holiday schedules.

In addition, we’re given all employees one floating holiday. As you know, we’ve
determined that day by a companywide vote. As a result, all employees had the same
day off. Now, however, management is considering a new plan that we feel would be
better. This new plan involves a floating holiday that each individual employee may
decide for herself or himself. We’ve given it considerable thought and decided that
such a plan could definitely work. We would allow each employee to choose a day
that he or she wants. Of course, we would have to issue certain restrictions. Selections
would have to be subject to our staffing needs within individual departments. For
example, if everyone wanted the same day, we could not allow everyone to take it. In
the case, we would aloe the employee with the most seniority to have the day off.

Before we institute the new plan, though, we wanted to see what employees thought
about this. Is it better to continue or current companywide uniform floating holiday?
Or should we try on individual floating holiday? Please let us know what you think as
soon as possible.

1. List at least five faults in this message.

2. Outline a general writing plan for this message.

Subject line:

Opening:

Body:

Closing: