Screen writing

 Module code: 21FMS08I

 Group: A4
Date of submission: 11/4/2021
Name:
Omar Aly Abounegm
ID: 196028
Title: Metamorphosis

Logline
An ugly girl who gets entrapped in the whirlpool of body shaming and beauty seeking

Synopsis

Stephani Clarks, a city girl who faces daily brutal criticism from her beloved ones; family,

friends, siblings, even her workmates. With her XXL waitress uniform serves the models of

Instagram and gets obsessed with the perfect looks on social media.

That one November night, she decides to take that step and changes that one oversized uniform

into an extra small one. As she sees the advertisement of Dr. Phelix Dockson who created a

machine that transforms the human body into a dreamy unrealistic perfect one. She drifts into her

imagination seeing how a perfect body she'll own and starts being famous and loved by all

human beings. Stephani immediately calls the Dr and books her first appointment.

They meet at his underground lab and leads her into the machine and starts by getting rid of her

stretch marks and sculpting her body into a perfect fit one. But every time she decides to change

something else, she has to sign a pledge that says anything negative happens it is her own

responsibility. The results we definitely showing and they were perfect yet she still gets

criticized for what she was deciding and the actions she is doing but she started posting anyway

photos of herself. She never was satisfied she wanted more and that's when she continues on

having more and more surgeries that ger family starts asking who she is until she isn't recognized

anymore. Surgery after another she becomes even uglier than before until she finally realizes

what damage she has done to herself and she creating another level of body shaming. She

couldn't know who she was becoming, and so she decides to go ask for Dr Phelix’s help. He

reminds her of the pledge and that's impossible to retrieve all the changes he told her she needs to

accept herself and that what she's doing wasn't making her any better. Days and days of
imprisoning herself in her basement ghosting everyone even her own family. People read the

news of the previously-fat Stephani Clarks who was found in a basement hung from the ceiling.

She finally becomes famous and a story that everyone talks about.

Acts

In my synopsis, the 3 act-structure was used. The first act starts when Stephani Clarks daydreams

about the day she goes from a XXL waitressing uniform to a small one and it end with her

meeting Dr. Phelix. The second act then revolves around her signing the waver then entering the

machine, anticipating the long-awaited results. As for the third act, it starts off with Stephani

Clarks abhorring the way she looks in the mirror and end with her hanging from the ceiling.

The Synopsis and the structure paragraph were not modified according to the comments you

were given.

Treatment

Somewhere between midnight hours, Stephani Clarks sitting looking through her brown old

broken window that's above her bed in her large sprawling room. Looking at the sky counting the

stars, or she might be seen like this, while she is actually daydreaming about how her life would

change to the better after achieving her main goal. Stephani is a teenager girl who is nineteen

years old, has lack of self-confidence because of her big, fat, stretch marks body. She is tired

with her body form and wishes to be renowned so that everyone would be inspired by her

stunning and well-defined figure. She gets out of bed and walks over to her lengthy mirror,

which is located between her bed and the closet, where she examines her physique while
unconsciously humming a tune to herself. She then turned off the light and went to bed,

anticipating a difficult day at high school filled with criticism from everyone she knows.

A loud clamor can be heard in the corridor as students protest about the number of tasks they

have. Stephani then walks alone, wearing her black backpack and carrying a stack of biology

books, looking at the ground, trying to ignore how everyone looks at her, wearing her air pods

and listening to jazz music on the highest volume, as if she is not trying to ignore what others say

about her body, as if she is not being bullied. After that, she pumps into one of the students'

closet. She threw herself on the floor, scattering all of the books she was clutching. Stephani was

sniffing and wiping away her flowing tears above her chunky cheeks as everyone started

laughing and pointing at her. She noticed a paper on the floor written on it “Dr Phelix Dockson

greeting you to model life. No more fats, no more depression!” She picked up the paper, hiding it

between the papers of “plants life” biology book, and she starting running off to her classroom.

Stephani rode (rides, always use the present tense) her bicycle home as fast as she could after

finishing her high school lessons, as if she were competing for the Oscar of the Running

Champion competition. She arrived at her apartment, left her bicycle at the garage, and began

sprinting up the stairs to her room. She hurriedly opened her bag, went for her plant's life biology

book, and shuffled through the papers until she reached Dr. Phelix's paper. She dialed the

number given in the lower left corner of the page on her phone and scheduled an appointment for

one of the December days, which was directly after her exams.
Stephani went home after her examinations on the 6th of December, changed her clothes, took a

bunch of money, (where did she get the money from? Her savings? Her family? Did she steal

them? Those operations tend to be expensive) and went straight to Doctor Phelix. Doctor Phelix

is an old man, with grey short hair, and a fit body that doesn’t match his age as if he tried

changing his body too. They meet in his basement lab, where he introduces her to a machine that

converts the human body into a dreamlike, realistic, and flawless version of itself. He began to

explain to her how the equipment works and what it will do to her body. But then he told her that

every time she tries to alter something else, she'll have to sign a pledge saying that everything

bad that occurs to her will be her full responsibility. For a little moment, she daydreamed about

how everyone would be shocked and impressed by her attractiveness, and how her new physique

would suit her wonderfully. So, she agreed and signed the pledge with no hesitation.

She began by having Liposuction (fat absorption) performed on her entire body in order to

become slender and smaller in size. It took a total of five and a half hours to finish the operation.

She was so taken aback by the procedure that she began signing up for another vow, but this time

she wanted to get rid of all the stretch marks on her body and leave it as smooth as a bear's fur.

But it took an hour and 45 minutes to complete the treatment across her entire body. That startled

her even more, and it fuelled her desire to appear flawless like no other. She wanted to make

every male in school fall in love with her at first sight.

Stephani began seeing Dr. Phelix on a daily basis, as if she were meeting one of her own best

friends (despite the fact that she does not have one), and she began doing more surgeries and

signing up for more commitments. And she began snapping selfies and sharing them widely on
social media, demonstrating what she had evolved into and how she was becoming more and

more beautiful every day. People began to forget her own face and body, and even her family at

home became terrified of how she had changed, (why if she looks better? And aren’t they

curious to ask how she changed like that?) and this fear grew as her world turned upside down,

and instead of undergoing operations to improve herself, she began to repair the damage that the

previous operations had caused in her body. She began sobbing to Phelix every day, begging him

to restore her to her former state, even if it meant becoming obese and ugly again with stretch

marks, but he kept reminding her of the pledge. Day by day, she gets uglier and uglier.

What damage? How did the operations negatively affect her look?

Days and days of incarceration in her basement, ghosting everyone, including her own family.

And shattering all of the mirrors in the flat in an attempt to forget how she looks today, despite

the fact that she could still see her body without them. She became miserable, extremely

depressed, unwilling to eat, drink, sleep, or do anything other than cry in the corner of the room,

scared that someone would see her as a thief fleeing prosecution. And then one day she decided

to put an abrupt stop to it all. People heard about the formerly obese Stephani Clarks, who was

discovered hanged from the ceiling in a cellar. Newspapers began to cover her tale, people began

to talk about her everywhere, and those who knew her began to share their own experiences with

her and the process they had witnessed in her from the beginning until she vanished in her

apartment. Her family appeared on television with Phelix on one of the most prominent channels,

with one of the most popular TV hosts, telling the entire genuine tale of Stephani Clarks to the

entire globe. So, in the end, she does become renowned and the subject of much discussion.
50/100 (C-)

- You did not apply most of the comments that were given to you. There is still no

reason to set this story in a foreign country. The character did not develop, and I

still don’t see this as a 15-page script.

- You make Dr Phelix sound like he’s doing something out of the ordinary here,

that it feels like a sci-fi at times. However, plastic surgeries have been out there

for decades. We never understand how did the operations backfire and made her

look ugly. It is never clear how could she afford this money, and how didn’t her

family interfere or approve these operations given that she is a minor.

- Always write in the present tense. This has been stressed on many times.

- Make sure to improve your work in the final script.