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Gay Fathers and Their Children

Author(s): Brian Miller


Source: The Family Coordinator, Vol. 28, No. 4, Men's Roles in the Family (Oct., 1979), pp.
544-552
Published by: National Council on Family Relations
Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/583517
Accessed: 21-10-2017 14:24 UTC

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Gay Fathers and Their Children *
BRIAN MILLER**

Depth interviews were conducted with a snowball sample of 40 gay fathers and 14
of their children. Questions addressed the nature and quality of the fathering as ex-
perienced by both the men and their offspring. Four issues often raised in gay parent
custody cases are examined. Data indicate that notions about gay fathers' compen-
satory behavior, molestation of children, negative influence on child development,
and instigation of harassment are largely unfounded. The father's "coming out" to
his children tends to relieve family tension and strengthen the father-child bond.

Many families have skeletons in the closet. male role (Pleck & Sawyer, 1974, p. 53). Soci-
When the father of a family is homosexual, ologists have so seldom researched fathering
the discreditable secret is best described as a that Safilios-Rothschild (1969) proposed that
closet within a closet. Both the father and "sociology of the family" be renamed "soci-
mother are reluctant to admit the situation to ology of wives and mothers."
either outsiders or each other. Additional con- References in the literature to homosexual
cerns arise when children become aware of fathers are limited to personal accounts
their father's stigmatized status. This paper (Clark, 1977; Gengle, 1977; Lynch, 1978;
presents data from a three-year study on the Mager, 1975; Voeller & Walters, 1978) and to
relationships of homosexual fathers with their several scholarly studies that mention gay
children in an attempt to assess the nature fathers in moving on to more general surveys
and extent of these concerns. of homosexuality (Bell & Weinberg, 1978;
Saghir & Robins, 1973; Schofield, 1965; Wein-
Present Knowledge of Gay Fathers
berg & Williams, 1974). These latter refer-
There is considerable literature on atypical ences indicate that up to a quarter of self-
parenting which documents the fathering identified gay men father children. Because
abilities of male-to-female transsexuals (Bog- such studies research only more overt gays, it
dan, 1974; Conn, 1974; Feinbloom, 1976; is probable that even a larger percentage of
Hunt, 1978; Jorgensen, 1967; Morris, 1974) homosexually-oriented men are fathers. The
and the mothering abilities of lesbians (Good- study presented here documents the nature
man, 1973; Green, 1978; Kirkpatrick, Roy, & and quality of the fathering abilities of homo-
Smith, 1976; Martin & Lyon, 1972; Pagelow, sexual men.

1978), but there are no empirical studies


The Study
documenting the fathering abilities of gay
men. Neglect of this topic is consistent with a Methods
general avoidance of tender aspects of the
Depth interviews were conducted with a
snowball sample of 40 homosexual fathers
*This is a revised version of a paper presented at the and 14 of their children. The sample is cross-
annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association,
national, interviews being conducted in both
Chicago, May 1979. Thanks are extended to Professors
Gordon Hirabayashi, University of Alberta, and Laud
large and small Canadian and American
Humphreys, Pitzer College, for their helpful comments on cities. In order to control for the salience of
this paper. the father role, only homosexual men who
were currently interacting with their offspring
"Brian Miller is associated with a private counseling
were sampled. Thus, men who no longer saw
practice at 1011 N. Fairfax Ave., West Hollywood, Califor-
nia 90046, and is completing a Ph.D. in sociology at the their children or who were prevented from
University of Alberta, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. seeing them because of a negative court

544 THE FAMILY COORDINATOR October 1979

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ruling were excluded from the study. Findings
In order that a broad range of fathering
Compensation
styles be observed, fathers were selected to
exhibit a full range of homosexual overtness Popular belief asserts that homosexual
to covertness. They varied in age from 24 to men who have children do so only to hide
64, and their children ranged from infants to their true orientation. It is claimed that the
late 30's, although children interviewed men- regard their children as merely smoke
ranged from only 14 to 33 years. Younger off- screens, that they have little fatherly affec-
spring were not interviewed due to ethical tion, and that they make poor parents. This is
considerations regarding consent and be- one argument raised in court to deny custody
cause it was felt they might not understand to gay fathers (see, for example, National
the nature of questions on the interview Lawyers' Guild, Note 1).
schedule. All children had been told about Evidence from the present study does not
their father's homosexuality by him prior to substantiate the claims that gay fathers have
the interview. Although children were met children to hide their homosexuality. At the
who did not know their fathers were homo- time they become parents, most of the men
sexual, they were not interviewed since it was did not identify themselves as homosexuals.
felt this would violate research ethics and They had experienced sex with other males,
confidentiality. Fathers and children were in- but they did not recognize it as a salient
terviewed separately and in private. Addition- aspect of their identity or behavior. Instead,
ally, 12 wives/mothers were interviewed to tri- they defined themselves as heterosexual or
angulate the data (Webb, Campbell, Sch- tentatively bisexual. Most men married and
wartz, & Sechrest, 1966). All the fathers were had children in good faith, reporting genuine
white, predominantly middle-class, and love for their wives and subsequent children.
college-educated. Only during the course of the marriage did the
There are as many styles of gay fathering as men gradually come to recognize their erotic
there are of heterosexual fathering; space per- orientation as basically homosexual. In view
mits this paper to touch on only the most cen- of this predominant developmental sequence,
tral features. Indeed, in the course of the re- it cannot be said that the respondents be-
search, interviews were conducted with came fathers in a conscious attempt to cover
fathers living suburban home lives with or compensate for homosexuality. (For more
wife and children; not living with the wife but on the process of gay identity development,
with children; fathers with split custody, joint see Humphreys, 1979.)
custody, or with various arrangements of While most of the men did not view their
visiting rights; and grandfathers, stepfathers homosexual activity prior to marriage as sig-
and adoptive fathers who were homosexual. nificant, three respondents were sufficiently
Additional details about these lifestyles are concerned about it to seek counseling. These
found in Miller (1978, 1979). men became heterosexually married only after
Issues addressed in the present paper are counselors suggested they were "cured" or
the nature of the father-child relationship and that marriage and parenthood would "cure"
the children's adjustment to the fathers' them. One of the men made his fianc6e pre-
homosexuality. Specifically, four questions maritally pregnant, a fact that the psychiatrist
frequently raised in custody cases are dis- pointed to as proof that the respondent must
cussed: (a) Do gay fathers have children to be genuinely heterosexual. Perception of the
cover their homosexuality? (b) Do they gay world as unfulfilling, and discomfort with
molest their children? (c) Do their children their own homosexual feelings, made these
turn out to be disproportionately homosex- respondents eager to accept the counselors'
ual? (d) Do they expose their children to assessments:
homophobic harassment? A section on the The shrink told me what I was dying to
quality of the fathering as experienced by hear: "A person as nice as you couldn't be
both the men and their children concludes the homosexual." What he should have done
paper. was get me to accept my homosexual self

October 1979 THE FAMILY COORDINATOR 545

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rather than some imaginary heterosexual but none had ever acted on it, and no gay
self. But I believed him because I desper- friends had ever molested their sons. Only
ately wanted a home and someone to love once did an inebriated guest make an oblique
to come home to. I thought homosexuality overture to a father's adolescent son, and
offered only sordid one-night stands. Back both the son and the father intervened to
then I never thought it possible for me to rebuke him. This evidence indicates that fears
actually love another man and for us to of child sexual abuse by gay fathers or their
share a home life together; I thought only gay friends are not warranted. This finding is
heterosexuals could do that. Besides, [Su- in agreement with other studies on child
san] was lovable and available, so we got molestation and incest that show such of-
married. But it didn't take me long to figure fenders to be disproportionately heterosexual
out that, whatever the disadvantages of men (de Francis, Note 2; Gebhard, Gagnon,
being a gay single were, they couldn't be Pomeroy, & Christenson, 1965; Meiselman,
more painful than being gay and married, 1978). In particular, Groth and Birnbaum
living a lie and being unable to share my (1978, p. 181) reported: "The adult hetero-
deepest feelings with those I was closest sexual male constitutes a greater sexual risk
to. to underage children than does the adult
Compensation does become a factor when homosexual male."
the fathers recognize their homosexuality,
Sociosexual Development
marital relations deteriorate, and warm rela-
tionships with the children offset the lack- One idea about the genesis of homosexual-
luster marriage as well as serve to keep the ity, sometimes called the germ theory of
marriage intact. One father, who was still homosexuality, states that children catch it
living with his wife, said: "In this horrible through exposure to it. Other forms of the
marriage [the children] are the consolation argument suggest children congenitally in-
prize." In such cases, the children assume herit homosexual tendencies or that homo-
considerable importance; fear of losing them sexuality is so overwhelmingly attractive that
should their wives, the community, or the its mere presence subverts conventional sex-
courts learn of their homosexuality is one fac- ual development. The notion that gay fathers
tor that prevents respondents from coming cause their children-especially sons-to be
out. gay has been used to justify the separation of
these men from their offspring. A cursory ex-
Exploitation
amination of 16 lesbian mother and gay father
The familiar notion that the only relation- custody cases revealed courts as being much

ship between gays and children is one of more concerned with conventional sexual de-

molestation leads many to view gay fathers velopment.of sons than of daughters, a clear
with suspicion. Dr. I. M. Luezy, a Los Angeles indication of the perceived greater social im-

psychiatrist, is against gays having chikdren portance of males. These data suggest that
because he believes they may be "sexually gay fathers seeking custody face considerable
abused" (Woolfolk & Woolfolk, 1975, p. 176). difficulty in trying to dispel contamination
Such a notion follows the "logic" that, since charges.
gays cannot reproduce, they recruit. The Disregarding the dubious assumption
spectre of molestation has been raised nu- behind this accusation, that gay children are
merous times to legally deny gay fathers less desirable than heterosexual ones, ques-
access to their children. tions were asked of the respondents to dis-
With these notions in mind, gay fathers cover if there was a disproportionate amount
were asked three questions: (a) Have you ever of homosexuality among the children of gay
fantasized about engaging in sex with your men. The 40 gay fathers had a total of 48
son(s)? (b) Have you ever had sex with them? daughters and 42 sons. Twenty-seven daugh-
(c) Have your children ever been molested by ters and 21 sons were of an age where their
your gay friends? Three men said they had sexual orientation can be assessed. Fathers
fantasized about having sex with their sons. stated that one of the sons and three of the

546 THE FAMILY COORDINATOR October 1979

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daughters were gay. Of the six sons and eight My straight parents failed to make me
daughters directly interviewed, only one of straight, so there's no reason to believe I'd
the sons and one of the daughters were gay. succeed in doing the reverse with [my son]
On the basis of this small, nonrandom sam- even if I wanted to. He will be whatever he
ple, there does not appear to be a dispropor- is. Gay or straight is okay as long as he's
tionate amount of homosexuality among the happy. I'll love him. Relatives will blame me
children of gay fathers. if he's gay and say it's a miracle if he's
That the link between parental sexual orien- straight. Either way they'll give me no
tation and children's orientation is weak is credit, so I've stopped worrying about
given further support by the fact that only one it. . . . If he's gay, it might bring us even
of the gay fathers thought that his father was closer, and he wouldn't have to go through
homosexual, an indication that heterosexual the lonesome struggle I did in accepting
parenting per se is insufficient to ensure myself. He'd be one of few kids who could
heterosexual children. Data from this study tell his dad without fear. That's a big plus.
indicate that second generation homosexuals In saying that gay men's children appear to
are rare. Other studies point in this direction be within the range of conventional develop-
as well. Green (1978), studying lesbian ment is not to say that the lives of either these
mothers' children, concludes that they are men or their children are problem-free. Homo-
likely to identify themselves as heterosex- sexual men living with their wives reported
uals. Weeks, Derdeyn, and Langman (1975) considerable marital tension; those with
also found from their study of two homosex- visiting rights or custody reported problems
uals' children that their behavior patterns with being part-time or single parents. Some
were not a direct consequence of the parents' of the latter mentioned feeling isolated from
homosexual ity. both gay and non-gay support groups that
These findings have not stopped people might have provided resources and guidelines
from worrying about the sociosexual develop- to help them in constructing alternate family
ment of children who are near gays. One forms.
heterosexual son laughingly related how his Evidence in the children's biographies
mother, fearing he might become gay, en- pointed to problems of sexual acting-out.
couraged him away from artistic pursuits Two daughters reported premarital pregnan-
toward mechanical ones. A daughter recalled cies and abortions; one admitted to engaging
being discouraged from equestrian training in some prostitution. Two interviewed off-
for the same reason. It is understandable that spring had problems in school, and one had
gay men's wives may fear and struggle against had professional counseling for emotional
the possibility of their children becoming difficulties. As studies of children of divorced
homosexual since the lives of gays in our heterosexual parents have revealed similar
homophobic society tend to be more difficult problems (Hetherington, Cox, & Cox, 1976;
than those of non-gays. However, to prevent Keshet & Rosenthal, 1978; Krantzler, 1974;
gay men from parenting because they may Lynn, 1974; Victor & Winkler, 1977), these
raise homosexual children is a circular, self- concerns may not result so much from the
validating argument that perpetuates such father's homosexuality as from family ten-
homophobia. Conceivably, separating chil- sions surrounding marital instability, divorce,
dren from a loving father, regardless of his and residential relocation. Anger and bitter-
orientation, may do more harm than good. ness toward parents are common to children
Because only fathers who currently see their with disrupted families, and respondents in
children were interviewed, no assessment can this study were not immune to such feelings.
be made here about the effects of spousal- or In particular, two daughters, subsequent to
court-initiated separations on eithyer the fa- learning of their father's homosexuality,
thers or the children. blamed him for a wide range of personal diffi-
Fathers interviewed tended to show little culties, so much so that a family friend
anxiety about their children's eventual orien- dubbed it "scapegoating."
tation. One openly-gay respondent said: Only carefully-controlled studies will reveal

October 1979 THE FAMILY COORDINATOR 547

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if the problems of children from divorced, gay ported being prepared to give their children
fathers are disproportionate to those of di- considerable support and resources should
vorced, non-gay fathers' children. Such they be needed to counter community harass-
studies will need to account for not only the ment. Three fathers said that their children's
problem behaviors, but also the positive be- experiences with homophobia had made them
haviors of these offspring. Employing tri- devoted champions of civil rights for minor-
angulated data on academic and occupational ities. One respondent said that he and his
accomplishments, the present study found daughter had become closer through mutual
that six of the fourteen children interviewed interest in such causes:
evidenced exceptional adjustment. My daughter got me to march with her in a
feminist and gay liberation parade. She is
Harassment
determined if she helps me get my gay
The charge is sometimes made that com- rights, I have to help her get her woman's
munity indignation results in the harassment rights.
and embarrassment of gay fathers' children.
Such stigma contamination is seen as detri- Discussion

mental to their healthy development. Courts Coming Out to Children


have used this issue to justify custody denial
Discussing any kind of sexuality with chil-
to gay parents.
dren tends to be anxiety-provoking for many
Evidence from the present study indicates
parents, but homosexuality raises even more
that, contrary to this opinion, fathers do not
strain. A national survey found homosexuality
expose their children to homophobic harass-
the single most difficult subject for parents to
ment. Both fathers and children say they exer-
discuss with children (Yankelovich, Skelly, &
cise discretion as to which audiences they
White, Inc., 1977, p. 98). Gay parents might
reveal the father's homosexuality to thus min-
be expected to find this topic even more diffi-
imize the possibility of negative reaction. A
cult to discuss. Rather than dealing with it in
17-year-old son said:
a detached manner, they have a strong ego-
I don't tell people if they're uptight types or
investment in it that increases its salience.
unless I know them well. I've told my close
All the men interviewed feared that revela-
friends and it's cool with them. Friends' re-
tion of their gayness to their children would
actions are the most important and they
decrease the children's respect and affection
usually like dad and [his lover]. I even have
for them as fathers. Not only was there fear
two old girlfriends that come back to see
that the children would be repulsed but that
them, not me [laughs].
they would hate the father for the years of
An exception to respondents' careful differ-
deceit he had given their mother. Of the men
ential disclosure exists if there is a custody
who had come out to their children, all found
battle and the case goes to trial. Publicity re-
their children more positive than had been
sulting from the court case usually seeps into
anticipated:
the community and may result in snide re-
At worst I figured instant rejection; their
marks made to the children. Ironically, the
mother or society would poison their minds
legal procedure designed to protect children
against me. At best I thought they'd be
is the one that leads to their suffering. Con-
blase. It was beyond my fondest dreams to
sequently, gay fathers in custody trials ex-
think telling my kids I'm gay would actually
perience a "Catch 22": They may be judged f it
bring us closer together, but it has. The ad-
fathers so long as their gayness remains hid-
justment period was touchy at first, but
den from the community, but to legally prove
now their acceptance is amazing.
their fitness they must go to court where their
gayness becomes public. There is additional Interviews with children revealed a belief
irony in the fact that those gay fathers who that their father's candor and honesty had
are most candid and proud are the ones most helped to strengthen the relationship. Also,
likely to be denied custody. the father's coming out had tended to relieve
In light of this situation, gay fathers re- some family tensions. Children gained in-

548 THE FAMILY COORDINATOR October 1979

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sight into their parents' marital problems and means to belong to it. Now I understand
were less apt to blame themselves for diffi- how we all fit together.
culties in the home. Children who showed the Supporting evidence of this finding is con-
greatest acceptance were those who, prior to veyed in writings of three sons who sensitive-
full disclosure, were gradually introduced by ly and warmly discussed their fathers' pos-
their parents to homosexuality through sible homosexuality (Ackerley, 1968; Nicol-
meeting gay family friends, reading about it, son, 1973; Spike, 1973).
and discussing the topic informally with Despite evidence of a warm father-child
parents. bond, most of the gay fathers did not have
Negative reactions to the father's homo- custody of their children. Financial consider-
sexuality consisted of the following: Two ations, domestic limitations, career advance-
children suspected years before disclosure ment, day-care difficulties, fears about
and were upset because they thought their custody trials, and the nature of the relation-
father should have trusted them enough to ship with the wife had led most men not to
broach the issue sooner. One son in his late seek custody. The two fathers who had waged
teens, who had become a religious funda- and won informal custody battles with wives
mentalist, said, "I don't talk to him about my expressed concomitantly high commitment to
sex life, so why should he tell me about his? spending considerable time with and devotion
I'm not interested in that kind of talk." to their children. However, most of the fathers
Another son-now self-defined as heterosex- who lived with their children did so only be-
ual but who had had two homosexual "experi- cause the mother did not want them or the
ments" during adolescence-said that he was children were of such an age that they were
initially uncomfortable with his father's gay allowed to choose for themselves and thus
friends but that this had since lessened. A chose to live with their fathers.
daughter, whose father chose a lover about One father said that his children had arrived
her age, felt "replaced." Another expressed at the stage of acceptance where they were
ambivalence: able to joke about the unique quality of their
Dad's coming out has made me suspicious family. He said his children laughed at the
if there are a lot more out there. I don't like idea of Anita Bryant praying for him and
having to wonder about my boyfriends; pointed to men in magazines that they knew
other girls don't. Things would be less he found attractive. A daughter jokingly said,
complicated if I'd never heard or had to "The only thing I worry about is that we'll be
think about it. I guess I want to know, but I in competition for the same men."
don't want to know. If any pattern in differential acceptance was
found, it was that daughters tended to be
Favorable comments, more typical from the
children, were: more accepting than sons and that wives
tended to be the least accepting of all. This
I know dad has gone through a lot of pain.
difference is explainable by reference to the
He's sensitive. Now I know I can talk freely
varying commitment each has had in the
to him about the things that are important
homosexual denial system. Over the years of
to me, too.
marriage, wives-for economic, ego, and
I wasn't surprised or shocked. He is still my social reasons-tend to deny numerous clues
dad and I still love him. He is still the same indicating their husband's homosexuality.
person he's always been. Well, he takes Consequently, when this elaborate denial
better care of himself and is more relaxed facade is exposed, the wife's confrontation
now, but I mean he is still the same person with her own seLf-deception as well as her
inside. Just because he is gay doesn't husband's deceit is frequently devastating.
change my love. Typically, these women describe feeling "be-
I'm glad he came out to me. It started us trayed" (Miller, Note 3). By contrast, children
communicating. It made him more human. are minimally involved in such denial. In fact,
It was also the first time I ever understood most had not even thought of their fathers in
what our family is all about and what it any sexual terms, much less homosexual

October 1979 THE FAMILY COORDINATOR 549

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ones, prior to the disclosure. Two children indulgent behavior in what may be called a
had resented being forced to see their father "Santa Claus" syndrome. To assuage guilt,
as a sexual being. Daughters, more than they tended to shower their children-some-
sons, tended to see their fathers' gay relation- times also the wife-with expensive and ex-
ships in romantic terms rather than sexual cessive gifts, often to the point of accumulat-
ones, tended to empathize more fully with the ing severe debts. One father still living with
emotional impact of their fathers' new-found his wife commented: "It's the least I can do
relationships M. d, consequently, were more for having ruined their chance to grow up in a
favorably predisposed toward them. normal home." For openly gay fathers, gifts
Open displays of affection between the tended to be given on a more practical basis.
father and his gay lover or friends appeared to Financial pressures of divorce and maintain-
be an issue that the fathers were initially more ing two households introduced some down-
concerned about than were the children. One ward mobility, and this may also have played
respondent noted that affectionate horse- a part in reducing indulgences of openly gay
play among the father, lover, and children fathers. One child perceived the change as the
"broke the ice" for them. Another said: father's becoming "stingy," and there was
Some think gays flaunt sex, so [my lover] some jealousy that the gifts were now going
and I were maybe over-cautious when the to the father's lover instead. Openly gay men,
kids first came to live with us. We have sex on the other hand, appeared more self-accept-
in private, of course, but now we kiss and ing and did not need to buy-off guilt because
touch in front of them. It's important they they saw their gayness as an asset for father-
know [Tom] and I love each other and see ing, not a liability.
us relate that way. There's no reason we Data also indicate that respondents living
should be any more modest in front of our with their wives tended to spend less time
kids than straights are with theirs . . . Last with their children. There were simply not
Sunday morning, they came into our bed- enough hours in the day to organize bread-
room and we all got into a pillow fight. It was winning, husband, and father duties, as well
hilarious, but I was exhausted before the as locate gay sexual partners, organize
day even got started. clandestine rendezvous, and keep gay and
The daughter and son of one gay father non-gay worlds separated. Father-child inter-
regularly joined him and his lover in the rela- action appeared to be tension-filled and
tive intimacy of a nude dip in their jaccuzzi. rushed. Several fathers, now separated, re-
These children reported being relaxed about ported having played workaholic roles when
the affection and appeared well-adjusted. living with their families. They suggested that
This small number of cases cannot prove that this not only allowed them to finance guilt
children are unaffected by displays of homo- gifts, to avoid time with the spouse, and to
sexual intimacy, although it is interesting that have alibis for secret cruising forays, but also
observed reactions contradict popular belief to gain family sympathy for their apparent
on the topic. sacrifice to over-work.
By contrast, gay fathers with custody tend-
Fathers Whose Children Do Not Know ed to spend more time with their children.
Since ethics of confidentiality prevented in- There was less necessity for them to segment
terviewing children who did not know their audiences. Integration of worlds allowed the
father was gay, there is evidence only from children to meet the gay father with his gay
the covert fathers themselves about the qual- friends, and often the father's lover came to
ity of their fathering. Several dynamics in the be regarded by the children as a second father
family interaction of fathers still living with or as a big brother. Having a gay step-father
their wives suggest, however, that their also gave the children more resources and
fathering is of lower quality than the fathering outlets for care and attention.
of more overt respondents. For example, the Other differences in child-rearing between
guilt many of these men experienced over publicly gay fathers and those living with their
being homosexual manifested itself in over- wives were to be found in methods of disci-

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pline and educational values. Openly gay ried, but who managed to adopt children
fathers tended to be less authoritarian and to through marginally legitimate channels, had
use less physical punishment with their chil- had generally positive histories of parenting.
dren. They also expressed strong desires to Victories by the Gay Liberation Movement
raise their children with non-sexist, egalitar- may allow a proliferation of non-traditional
ian values; two fathers have sent their family lifestyles so that gay men may openly
children to liberal, private schools. None of demonstrate their fathering potential. Several
the covert gay fathers mentioned this con- organizations have already been established
sideration. One openly gay father explained it to work toward this end for gay fathers and
by commenting: their children. Information about them may be
In those days, when I didn't like myself and obtained by writing: National Gay Task Force,
was frustrated with my life, I took it out on 80 Fifth Ave., New York, NY 10011, and Chil-
the kids. I thought everyone should be as dren of Gays, 430 East Sixth Street, Apt. 11 D,
controlled with their feelings as I was trying New York, NY 10009.
to be with mine. I wanted everyone kept in
place. Besides, I wasn't home much; so,
when I was, I had to make my presence felt.
REFERENCE NOTES
Because little father-child interaction was di-
rectly observed, it is difficult to know if per- 1. National Lawyers Guild. A gay parent's legal guide to

ceived differences in fathering patterns are child custody. (Available from Anti-Sexism Committee
NLG, 558 Capp Street, San Francisco, California 94110),
due to actual transformations in the fathering
1978.
after coming out or to the fathers' tendency 2. De Francis, V. Protecting the child victim of sex crimes
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Summary and Conclusions ments of women married to gay men. Paper presented
at the annual meeting of the Canadian Psychological
This paper has addressed the nature and Association, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, June 1978.
quality of fathering as experienced by both
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