Trigger His Desires

Live, Love, and Learn the Dynamic Connection Method Page 2
Trigger His Desires
Copyright © 2021 by Blink Publishing LLC
All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by
any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from
the publisher.
Warning and Disclaimer
Every effort has been made to make this book as complete and as accurate as possible, but no warranty is
implied. The information provided is on an “as is” basis. The author and the publisher shall have neither
liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damages arising from the
information contained in this book. The insights and advice you see in this document represents the insights
of the author and those the author consulted with during the creation of this book. No claim is being made
regarding the accuracy or usefulness of the author’s opinions, insights, or advice. You must make your own
decisions about how to apply these ideas in your relationship (or not) based on your own judgement.
Nothing in this book constitutes, or is meant to constitute professional advice of any kind. If you require
advice in relation to any legal, financial, psychological, or medical matter you should consult an appropriate
professional.
Blink Publishing offers content on the topic of relationships and dating for entertainment purposes. As our
products are for entertainment purposes only, they are NOT to be considered as legal, medical,
psychological or professional advice.
By downloading, reading, or using our products or using our website, you must agree that neither Blink
Publishing nor the author is providing you with any medical or psychological counsel.
Live, Love, and Learn the Dynamic Connection Method ©2021 Luke Pendleton
Trigger His Desires

Table of Contents
Introduction: The DCM (Dynamic Connection Method) ... 4
Novel layout ..................................................................... 7
Chapter 1: How to start a Dynamic Connection......... 11
The eyes have it ............................................................ 11
Scenario 1: A first meeting ............................................................. 12
Scenario 2: A missed connection ................................................... 14
Scenario 3: The wild connection .................................................... 15
The Gentle Touch .......................................................... 16
Scenario 4: A night at the theater: the gentle touch ....................... 17
Chapter 2: Possible connection: turn it Dynamic!..... 21
How a man’s self-esteem works .................................. 21
Viva la difference! ......................................................... 21
Scenario 5: Bolster that ego (slyly!)................................................ 22
Scenario 6: The infamous “Are we lost?” ....................................... 23
Chapter 3: Adding emotion to a new Dynamic
Connection ..................................................................... 27
Method 3: Create an emotional connection ................ 27
Share yourself ................................................................................ 27
Be interested in his life ................................................................... 29
Go to him for advice ....................................................................... 29
Show interest in his hobbies ........................................................... 30
Have an affirming attitude no matter what ..................................... 30
Scenario 7: Surprise him ................................................................ 31
Scenario 8: Show him you care ...................................................... 31
Chapter 4: Cementing that DCM with Micro
confidence boosters ......................................................... 36
All is well, but what if? .................................................. 36
Carry yourself with confidence .................................... 36
Move that body .............................................................. 36
Scenario 9: Positive affirmations several times a day .................... 36
Exercise for people-pleasers .......................................................... 37
Exercise for self-esteem ................................................................. 37
Shake things up ............................................................ 39
Exercise: Fear of new connections ................................................ 40
Chapter 5: Building your connection: Now you’re
dating ..................................................................... 44
Charisma, the art of charm ........................................... 44

How to develop charisma ............................................................... 44
Exercise for positivity ...................................................................... 44
Be a giver ....................................................................................... 45
Don’t talk at people: share! ............................................................. 45
Right-brain dating ......................................................... 45
Respect his need for space .......................................... 46
Love languages ............................................................. 47
Affection......................................................................... 47
Understanding ............................................................... 48
Sex .................................................................................. 48
Sex in general................................................................................. 49
Open Up to Him ............................................................. 50
Tips to open up to him .................................................................... 51
Be honest always ........................................................................... 51
And always speak your mind .......................................................... 52
Watch his behavior ......................................................................... 52
Figure out your attachment style .................................................... 52
Ask for help every now and then .................................................... 52
Do a vulnerability check every now and then ................................. 53
How to get him to open up to you ............................... 53
Dating a dad................................................................... 54
Chapter 6: The Science behind the Dynamic
Connection Method .......................................................... 58
Mindreading ................................................................... 58
Texts or calls? The social brain ................................... 58
Brain synchrony ............................................................ 59
Chapter 7: Maintaining your connection: Do’s and
Don’t ..................................................................... 63
Don’t blame, explain! .................................................... 63
Don’t let anger last ........................................................ 63
Don’t become a ‘pleaser’ – he’ll know! ........................................... 63
If that connection is slipping, don’t go into ‘fix it’ mode .................. 63
Do instead ...................................................................... 64
Work things out in compromise ...................................................... 64
Relish alone time – yours and his .................................................. 66
Establishing free time rules ............................................................ 66
You’re responsible for your own happiness – shelf the neediness
and become a real partner! ............................................................ 66
How to improve your happiness with him ....................................... 67
1. Appendix A: Body language & Micro-expressions 70
Overview of body language.......................................... 70
Study his eyes ................................................................................ 70
Gaze at his face .............................................................................. 71
What is his proximity to you? .......................................................... 71
Watch his head movements ........................................................... 72
Check if he’s ‘mirroring’ you ........................................................... 72

Look at his feet ............................................................................... 73
Watch his hand signals .................................................................. 73
Watch his arms ............................................................................... 74
Micro-expressions & hand movements....................... 74
Eyebrow flash ................................................................................. 74
Surprise .......................................................................................... 75
Happiness ....................................................................................... 75
Sadness .......................................................................................... 75
Fear ................................................................................................ 75
Anger .............................................................................................. 75
Contempt or Disgust ....................................................................... 76
2. Appendix B: The Romantic Touch ............................ 79
Back rubs ....................................................................... 79
All-over body massage ................................................................... 80
Foot massages .............................................................. 81
5. Appendix C: Trial Scenarios ..................................... 85
He won’t text/call me! ................................................... 85
The Quarreling Couple.................................................. 86
Brain synchrony ............................................................ 87
Tale swapping ............................................................... 87
A shy but smart lady ..................................................... 88
My wife’s favorite help me!........................................... 89
Test yourself: Body language ...................................... 90
Create common goal (older)......................................... 91
Get new furniture for your shared space .................... 91
Learn something new ................................................... 92
Couple call-ins example 1: Circular quarrelling ......... 93
6. Appendix D: Intimate questions................................ 97
For a new man ............................................................... 97
For a burgeoning relationship ..................................... 98
For established bonds .................................................. 99
Introduction:
The DCM (Dynamic Connection Method)
You have a certain man in your sights. He’s your type and isn’t
hard on the eyes. You’ve seen him at work, in a coffee shop, out
dancing. You seem to run into each other fairly often.
How do you spark his desire into asking you for a date?
And then…
How do you fan those flames into a wonderful relationship that

satisfies you both?
If only you had someone to give you advice…
Someone who knows the art and craft of influencing others…
Someone with such a powerful mastery of these skills that he

consults for certain high net individuals who seek to influence the
thoughts of others…
Where would you even find such a person?
You’re in luck.
Because you’ve already met him.
Hi, I’m Luke Pendleton.
For fun, I’m a ghostwriter for a rather well-known dating and

relationship coach for women.
I’ve finally gone out on my own to share my deep knowledge of

starting and maintaining lasting relationships through the art of
connection.
An art backed by science, of course.
On occasion, my wife Nicole has a word to share. No way to stop

her. No way I’d want to. That’s one brilliant woman, my wife.
Married me, didn’t she?
In this book, we’ll work on the single most important part of any
relationship:
The connection between two people.
And we’ll do it with a tool I call the DCM – Dynamic Connection

Method.
Something that is dynamic is “characterized by constant change,

activity, or progress.”
A dynamic person is someone who is “positive in attitude” and

“full of energy and new ideas.”
A true connection will always be dynamic, just like life.
Change keeps it exciting and fresh. Your connection evolves as the

two of you evolve and grow.
Paradoxically, this flexibility keeps your connection rock solid.
As the French say, “Plus ça change…”
(The more things change, the more they remain the same.)
As you learn how to tap into the DCM, you’ll experience a deeper,
more powerful connection between you and the man of your
dreams.
Imagine spending time with your girlfriends. You’re at home

hanging out, imbibing a glass of wine or two. You’re laughing,
completely relaxed. You feel such a close connection.
Now imagine yourself on a date with THE man. You’re discussing

your upcoming ski vacation. Suddenly, you both say the same
thing at the same time. That deep attunement is born from my
Dynamic Connection Method.
And that is the idea behind this book:
How to reach the deepest, most dynamic connection possible

between you and the man of your dreams.
Along the way, I’ll share tales from my own experience. I’ll throw
in a few appendices to help you know if that connection is real via
sample sessions, knowledge of body language, micro-expressions,
and intimate questions.
And, of course, I’ll teach you a particular favorite of mine: how to

apply “The Gentle Touch.”
I’ve divided these lessons into 6 sections:
Learning Journey Layout
Dynamic Connection Step: Page #

1. How to start a Dynamic Connection
Page 11
When you first meet him, how to grab his attention:

step 1 of the Dynamic Connection Method
2. Possible connection: turn it Dynamic!
Page 21
You’re going on that crucial date. Is this a dynamic

connection?
3. Adding emotion to a new Dynamic Connection
Page 27
Yes! You and he have the first steps completed in

the DCM…. Now what?
4. Building your connection: now you’re dating…
Page 44
You’re seeing him regularly. How to keep that DCM

fiery hot and closer yet.
5. The Science behind the Dynamic Connection
Method
Page 58
Have you heard of oxytocin? Learn the chemical

responses behind these steps and you’ll see why to
use them.
6. Maintaining your connection: Do’s and Don’t
Page 63
There are indeed do’s and don’ts to keep that DCM

strong. These you need to learn.
Appendix A: Overview of body language
Page 70
You really need to know that he means what he

says: this is how to do it.
Appendix B: The Romantic Touch
Page 79
A quick overview of scenarios you might run into.

Appendix C: Trial Scenarios
Page 85
Give these a quick read to see how others have

worked out certain situations with success.
Appendix D: Intimate questions
Page 97
These will get you an intimate knowledge of your

man, no matter what stage you’ve reached in the
DCM.
Chapter 1: How to start a Dynamic

Connection
The eyes have it
Confidence is everything.
You don’t have to feel it as long as you look it.
We’ll go into confidence in detail later.
For now, throw your shoulders back, walk tall, and look him right
in the eyes.
Ah, the eyes!
Every dynamic connection begins with them, as does my Dynamic

Connection Method. Why so?
Making eye contact helps establish intimacy and promote trust,

which are key facets of any healthy relationship
The first thing you must do is meet his eyes.
Don’t glance away instantly, but don’t do the Bug-Eyed Stare

either! (We all know someone who does the Bug-Eyed Stare –
staring at someone for so long that they become uncomfortable.)
Instead, hold that eye contact for one beat.
Make like Tyra Banks and “schmize” (smile with your eyes) for
all you’re worth!
To smile like a supermodel, Tyra says to “think of something that

makes you happy, makes you proud. Then smile… and squint a
little bit while you’re at it.”
Confused? Then grab a mirror or your smartphone and practice

until you see the difference.
Just one warning:
Dropping your eyes is a sign of disrespect.
It indicates you might not even be listening to what he’s saying.

And that’s a thought you never want crossing his mind.
Enough discussion. Let’s see how it actually works.
Scenario 1: A first meeting
You are a coder at an architectural firm.
Their server room is your office, as the rest of the time you’re on
the run from computer to computer.
You’ve noticed an incredibly fine architect on the third floor. He

has a corner office, must be good. Due diligence: his left hand is
ringless.
He does, however, work really late. Often, nobody is around but

several other architects, the cleaners – and you.
One night you get an exasperated call: this POS computer is

frozen, right in the middle of a really important design! Can you
help?
With a clever smile he can’t see, you assure him you’ll be right
there.
When you walk into his office, the lights are dim except for that
huge computer screen...
“Wow, that’s absolutely beautiful!” you blurt out. Your eyes focus
on what has to be the most unique skyscraper ever, built like an
infinity line.
He turns, a look of surprise on his face, and he sees you.
Really sees you for once.
You make direct eye contact with him for a beat, and of course you
schmize.
His eyes catch yours…
And he smiles!
First step of Dynamic Connection Method: complete.
You discuss his latest creation, where it will be built, how difficult
the curves are to design…
You murmur, “Mmm-hmm,” to keep him talking as you hit the

ALT TAB to get to another screen, pull up the task manager, and
close down the offending app – happily not the CAD he’s working
on.
And voilà! He has his cursor and pen working. You remind him to
save. He says it auto-saves but only every 10 minutes. You change
it to save every minute, and you’re done, sitting in his chair while
he leans over your shoulder.
“If you like this drawing, you might like to see several others I’ve
done lately,” he says almost shyly.
Click. That is the sound of a brand new dynamic

connection! You now have a date, because you
connected with him right off the bat by schmizing and admiring his
work. Easy enough, but how many ladies would have kept their
mouths shut and just done the work they were there for…
Perhaps waiting for him to make the first move?
With the Dynamic Connection Method, there are no first moves.
A connection is a connection and happens on its own, though you

can help it along. That’s what you’re here to learn.
If you admire something he’s done, let him know.
(And if you don’t actually think it’s any good, do not BS him. We
know the difference, believe me!)
Scenario 2: A missed connection
You are a waitress in an upscale restaurant.
There’s a man who eats here several times a week. He insists on

the same table and the same waitress (you).
He even orders the same steak au poivre from the menu each time,
and God help the chef if it doesn’t nearly moo on presentation.
After more than a month, you’ve noticed that ringless finger.
You’ve also noticed that he dresses well and has a car drop him off
and pick him up. (Not rare for Manhattan, but not usual, either.)
So…. how to make that all-important connection?
One night, as you’re serving his perfectly-done steak, you decide

to make a small effort to see where it goes.
You tell him that the chef’s crème brulee is superb tonight. Would
he like to try it?
If you’d slapped his momma in the face, the reaction couldn’t be

worse.
“I don’t like crème brulee. Have you ever seen me order it?”
Numbly, you shake your head.
“Then why bother me by asking?”
Perhaps had you given the man a choice of delicacies – perhaps if

you’d tried a Gentle Touch – he might have bit.
But if he’s been eating there for that long and hasn’t ordered
dessert, chances are he’s not going to perk right up and order it
now.
Mistake on your part – and a missed connection.
(Although if I were your friend, I’d tell you that you lucked out. A
rude man is no catch at all.)
Scenario 3: The wild connection
The wild connection happens... yes, in the wild!
This will be someone you’ve never seen before. But the instant you
lay eyes on him, you just know.
You’re walking down the street, window-shopping.
You look up and there, coming toward you, is a man. But what a
man!
He’s got the perfect build. His hair is ruffled and mussed, just as
you like it. He’s dressed casually but neatly. You can all but feel
the confidence pulsing from his pores. He’s striding along with his
head upright, king of all he surveys. Check, check, check!
You step in front of him, look him directly in the eyes, and
schmize. “Excuse me,” you say, “but I’m lost. Can you tell me
how to get to Connection Boulevard?” (You’ve lived here your
entire life, but he doesn’t need to know that.)
He smiles – great teeth. Check!
“You’re not far at all,” he says. “Go to the next corner, take a left.
Go down two blocks…”
But your eyebrows are furrowed. You put on a confused look.
He hesitates, glances at his watch, then glances back at you.
“Tell you what. I’ll walk you there. It will only take a minute.”
He looks at you, one eyebrow raised in a “Do you trust me that

much?” look.
You smile from ear to ear and reach out a hand. “I’d be delighted.
I’m Sharon.”
He takes your hand and introduces himself.
At his touch, an electric bolt sizzles down your spine. Your eyes
widen in surprise. You see a similar expression cross his face, and
you know he feels it, too.
You’ve just begun a Dynamic Connection out of the blue, because

you had the courage to take that first step.
Later you’ll both laugh at the pretense, when he offers to take you
to a restaurant and you give him a shortcut!
A Dynamic Connection can take you out of your comfort zone, but
if you follow my method, you will get there.
The Gentle Touch
Ever noticed how great you feel when you have positive
interactions with other people…
While loneliness feels lousy?
There’s an evolutionary reason for that.
Long ago, community meant survival. There was safety in

numbers from warring tribes and predators
These days, we don’t need other people for physical safety, but we
still need them for emotional security.
People are hardwired to connect — emotionally and physically —

and your brain rewards you when you do it.
Hugging and other non-sexual touching release a hormone called

“oxytocin,” also known as the bonding hormone.
Oxytocin makes you feel so close and connected. It’s how your
body rewards you for making physical connections.
Touch also releases dopamine and serotonin. It dampens stress

hormones cortisol and norepinephrine.
The result:
Your heart rate and blood pressure drop. You feel less depressed
and anxious. You may even find that your headache goes away.
Nature has designed us to feel incredibly nourished by touch.
Physical contact is vital when forming new relationships. When

you shake a stranger’s hand, you’re more likely to trust them – and
vice versa.
Touching can also show how you feel. Think of how you’d
squeeze your guy’s hand if he was feeling down… versus if you
were watching a scary movie together… versus if he was about to
get on stage to deliver a speech.
Touch can comfort, reassure, and encourage.
Touching and being touched boosts your mental and physical

wellness. So don’t stint on giving hugs or shaking hands,
especially at the start of a relationship!
Scenario 4: A night at the theater: the gentle touch
You’ve dressed to kill, but your date fell through.
Normally, you wouldn’t go to the movies alone, but you’ve been

dying to see this one.
Decision made: you’re going.
The seat is great. It’s in the middle, towards the front. You’ve got
the perfect view... especially of the guy seated to your left. He’s on
his own, too.
He laughs at all the same places you do, and then it happens.
The next scene shows the actress in tears over her dog being put to
sleep. Several months ago you, too, had to put your pet to sleep.
You still miss your kitty so much.
You try to sniff back the tears, but they only fall faster. You
rummage through your tiny purse and find only a lipstick and the
ticket stub. You stand, excuse yourself, and ease past his long legs
to make your way to the aisle.
He raises a hand to stop you. He digs in his pocket and offers you a
handkerchief. Do you take it and get it all snotty, or do you keep
going toward the restroom?
You make your decision. You take it from him, lightly brushing
his fingers (the gentle touch) as you do. You settle back into your
seat and dab your eyes. You glance back over at him with a
grateful smile. You whisper, “Can I wash this and get it back to
you?”
“Keep it,” he whispers. He settles back into his seat. “I lost my dog
several years ago. I know just how you feel.”
The people behind you hiss at you to shush, but when you walk out
at the end of the movie, you’re not alone.
You allowed him to be the hero by giving up his hankie. You

touched him on the hand. And you began a conversation. Well
done! That’s how to spark a dynamic connection.
Now let’s find out how to keep it going…
Chapter 2: Possible connection: turn it

Dynamic!
You have a first date planned with the MOD (Man of Your
Dreams). How can you solidify that Dynamic Connection you’ve
started so well?
Let’s start by understanding what makes a man tick; otherwise,

that connection won’t stick.
How a man’s self-esteem works
A man defines his sense of self via his ability to achieve results,
create accomplishments, and succeed.
Accomplishing things entirely on his own gives a man a sense of

power, efficiency, and competence.
His self-esteem is slanted heavily towards his career: how he’s

doing at work, what he’s doing, and how appreciated he is.
While women are more interested in people and feelings, men are
drawn to objects and things.
We men rarely moan about our problems unless seeking

professional advice.
We feel that asking for help when we can do it ourselves is a sign

of weakness. (And there’s not a man alive who wants to think of
himself, or – heaven forbid – have others think of him as “weak.”)
Remember all the times you’ve asked a man to “Just pull over and
get directions,” only to be snarled at for failing to comprehend the
extent of his abilities?
Exactly. He’s a guy.
He will always believe he can do everything himself.
Viva la difference!
Because guys prefer to work out their solutions themselves, avoid

offering advice or criticism unless he asks.
It can be hard to bite your tongue when he’s floundering, but show
him how much you trust him. Your trust will inspire and motivate
him.
Men flourish when they’re appreciated and admired. They feel

incredibly motivated when they’re needed.
His deepest fear is that he’s not competent enough... though you’ll
never hear him say that!
Scenario 5: Bolster that ego (slyly!)
This is the first time he’s been in your new condo.
He looks through the place and notices several boxes in front of

your patio door.
“I bought some patio furniture at IKEA,” you tell him. “I’m

dreading figuring out how to put everything together.”
Mr. Man to the rescue! He’ll be back Saturday to do the deed.

(Double whammy: you get another date out of the deal!)
You’re pleased with yourself. Your DCM is established and

growing. You’re not quite there yet, but this weekend is sure to
solidify your connection.
Saturday arrives, and Mr. Man rocks up with his toolbox.
Within minutes, there are boards and packets of screws

everywhere. He’s scrutinizing a set of dowels of various lengths,
and you may have just heard a muttered curse word escape under
his breath.
What do you do?
⮚ Tell him to RTFM (Read the Fricking Manual)?
⮚ Let him suffer in peace?
Neither one, you smart lady.
You rub his shoulders and express gratitude that he’s helping you,
because it’s clearly more complicated than you’d thought.
You root through the pile of ripped cardboard, find the assembly
instructions, and attempt to read it in your best Swedish accent.
Then you cleverly leave the sheet of paper within his reach on a
nearby table, tell him you’re going to get him a cold drink, and
withdraw.
Did you suggest he read the directions?
You already know the answer to that. That would mean he’s not
capable of doing it on his own!
But now that he knows you’re safely ensconced in the kitchen,

where you can’t possibly see him consult the instructions, he can
casually pick up that sheet of paper and figure out what he needs to
do next.
In about an hour, you have a new set of patio furniture and a very
satisfied male.
AND you’ve just made the connection more stable, because you
showed you trusted him 100%.
Scenario 6: The infamous “Are we lost?”
You’re taking a drive in the country to visit a friend.
After a good hour has passed, you both know you’ve taken a
wrong turn somewhere.
His set mouth shows he’s expecting you to mention it and make
him stop for directions. All women do, don’t they?
Not the ones who have the DCM under their belts.
You wait a minute or two, then mention you need to use the lady’s
room.
When he suggests you go behind a tree, you give him the shmize.
“I need to freshen up, babe.”
He finds the next gas station and lets you out to get the key and do
your thing.
When you come out, lipstick freshly applied, he is at the counter

handing over some bills for a few bottles of water as the gas station
attendant gestures towards the highway.
“Thank you so much, honey,” you tell him as he hands you the
bottled water.
“You always know just what I need.”
Chapter 3: Adding emotion to a new

Dynamic Connection
Things are going great.
You’ve seen each other a number of times. You’re feeling more

and more comfortable together.
But you don’t just want to date this guy. You want a real
relationship.
How can you deepen that connection?
Method 3: Create an emotional connection
We’ve all been on dates where one side does all the talking and the
other side does all the listening.
Depending on whether your guy is a talker or a strong silent type,

you may find yourselves falling into this pattern.
That kind of one-sided conversation isn’t dynamic.
What you’re looking for is the kind of connection you have with
your friend. You share, you laugh, sometimes you cry.
With men, it’s a little different.
Share yourself
I had a friend, a stunning woman I’ll call “Cecily,” who told me

that while she had no trouble getting a date, things never
progressed very far.
I asked her to describe a recent date she’d been on.
“Well, I work at a travel shop,” she said.
“This guy came in and was looking at the brochures. He decided

he wanted to try sailboarding. He asked me if it was fun. I was
like, ‘Yeah!’ Of course, I’ve only been once, but enough to know,
right? So he asked me if I would take him out at some point and

show him the ropes.”
She sighed. “We had a great time. Without his shirt? Totally
yummy!”
They sailboarded for an hour, then went for ice cream. Cecily was
feeling more and more confident that this one was going to work
out. There was a connection, for sure. They both laughed a lot.
She learned that Rick was a photographer who wanted to spend

more time on the ocean. She noticed he drove a sports car, so he
must be doing well for himself. She asked him about his car – keep
the conversation on him, right?
She asked him where he liked to go on vacation, what his favorite

hobbies were, whether he had any siblings, what kind of movies he
liked to watch – all this, in forty-five minutes.
Positive she’d made a great connection, she waited for him to ask
for her number.
She’s still waiting.
Can you see why?
Her date had been one-sided. She’d learned all about him but
volunteered nothing about herself.
Sure, show interest in him, but reciprocate by telling him about

yourself. Share your own stories. Help him get to know you.
That’s how dynamic connections are formed.
“Give him the space to ask you questions,” I told her. “He wants to
find out who you are, too.”
Two months later, I got a text from Cecily.
She’d met Mr. Right for sure this time, and it was amazing how
well they got along.
He had the best sense of humor. They liked to prank each other. In
other words, they’d made a dynamic connection.
And a permanent one, as I discovered when I got the wedding

invite a year later.
Be interested in his life
Of course you want to ask him questions about his life, but
listening to his answers isn’t enough.
You want to reflect and respond.
Mention things you found interesting about what he said. Mention

the parts you really resonated with. Tell him what you agreed with.
You can also respond with a story of your own.
Some of the best fun on first dates is what I call “Tale Swapping”
(See Appendix A, Tale swapping, for an example.)
Go to him for advice
Nobody enjoys being told what to do or how to do it, especially us

guys.
If we don’t know how to do a thing, trust us. We’ll figure it out.
Read the manual? That’s a female thing.
You can use that insight to enhance your Dynamic Connection.
Here’s what you do:
Simply ask your guy how to do a thing, or get somewhere, or what

you should do about something.
He’ll feel trusted and appreciated, because you asked him for
advice.
He’ll feel incredibly confident, which will in turn spark that DCM.
(Check out My wife’s favorite help me! on Page 89.)
Show interest in his hobbies
Some men out there are like clams.
You have to pry their lips apart to get them to open up.
That’s no problem for you.
Ask him what he does when he’s not working.
And when he lights up about fixing 1968 Harley’s, you might need
to go to plan B!
Plan B gets him to open up even further, into territory you can
relate to.
Ask about the funniest experience he’s ever had with a Harley,
then respond with a funny experience of your own.
HUMOR is a major principle of the DCM! Get him

laughing and you’re nearly there.
Have an affirming attitude no matter what
He’s had a lousy day.
He took a sip of coffee and the plastic lid popped open, spilling
boiling hot coffee straight down his shirt.
He had to change into his workout clothes, which weren’t exactly

fresh, and his boss made a comment.
All in all, he could have done without today.
You can respond in several ways.
You can empathize. “That sounds terrible! What an awful day you
had.”
Or you can respond in the time-honored way men respond to each

other. You can make a joke.
“I like the idea of you hot, but that’s over the top.”
Laughter is the best way to get his mind off his problem and
reminds him why he’s coming home to you.
(Want to make it all better? Make him his favorite meal and throw
in a backrub. See Appendix B: The Romantic Touch - Back rubs
on Page 79 for a truly sexy back rub and a few other touching
methods as well!)
Scenario 7: Surprise him
Change is a key element of a dynamic connection.
Your connection stagnates when you always do the same things,

go to the same places, and see the same people.
So keep it fresh.
There’s a new restaurant in town. Tell him you’re taking him out
to dinner, but don’t tell him where.
Surprise him by answering the door in your coat and heels and
nothing else. It’s a classic for a reason - but you might want to wait
until you’ve been dating a while for this one!
Plan a picnic, but don’t tell him you’re secretly packing his fishing
gear. Head to his favorite fishing spot, and let him do what he
loves while you eat strawberries dipped in chocolate. (Who knew
fishing could be so fun!)
Scenario 8: Show him you care
It’s fun to be light-hearted, laugh, and not take things too seriously.
But often it’s those moments where you do get serious that take
your relationship to the next level.
Guys pay attention when you do or say things that show you really
care.
Friends of ours, whom I’ll call Nancy and Dan, were discussing
how they knew their relationship was getting serious.
Dan said, “Well, there’s one time I knew she really cared. Nan,
you remember rock-climbing Dumbo Boulders?”
She laughed. “The view of the Brooklyn Bridge was worth it.”
Dan shook his head. “That’s not what I was referring to.”
Nancy looked at him quizzically.
“I was just behind you,” Dan remembered, “and I was reaching for
a hand-hold when you said, ‘Not there, Dan.’ And then I got a
good look. Some idiot had crapped right where I was about to
grab!”
Nancy covered her eyes with her hand. “How could I forget!”
He smiled at her. “That showed me that she cared. We were only

on our second date, but it felt like she was looking out for me. Like
she already had my back.”
You can’t plan for moments like those, but there are other ways to
show you care.
⮚ Watch something with him that he loves - the football, a

superhero movie, anything with explosions - even if it’s not
your thing.
⮚ Make one of his favorite foods from scratch.
⮚ Look out for him. If a leaf or a bug has fallen to his
shoulder, lean over and brush it off. If his tie is crooked,
straighten it. If his hair is sticking up, take the opportunity
to run your hands through it. (For extra points, you
exercised the Gentle Touch!)
Showing him you care can also be as simple as a text saying, “P.S.
I love you,” and nothing else.
If you haven’t hit the ‘L’ word yet, try, “P.S. I really enjoy having
you around. I can’t wait to see you tonight.”
Chapter 4: Cementing that DCM with

Micro confidence boosters
All is well, but what if?
Your connection is moving right along, but you can’t help

worrying something will go wrong. Maybe he’ll turn out to be a
jerk. Maybe he’ll discover the real you and drop you like a hot
potato.
A strong DCM requires a confident woman, so this chapter is

going to take you from Zero to Hero (not the Netflix kind!).
Every woman has something she doesn’t like about herself. Some
women like nothing at all about the way they look. While I can’t
change what you think about yourself, I can certainly help you
show up in the world with confidence.
Carry yourself with confidence
When you don’t like how you look, it can feel uncomfortable to
put yourself out there and be seen. But that’s exactly what you
must do.
Walk tall with your head held high. No more hunching your
shoulders. Practice the classic way: see if you can stride across the
room while balancing a book on your head.
Look straight ahead. You can’t make eye contact if you’re gazing
down at your feet (or your phone).
Move that body
You can’t make friends with your body if you don’t move it. Feel
the pleasure of stretching those limbs and working up a sweat. The
more you use your body, the more you come to appreciate it for the
many miraculous things it does for you (and us!).
Scenario 9: Positive affirmations several times a day
My wife Nicole had a girlfriend who constantly beat herself up. If

she was given a compliment, she immediately deflected it. It was
as if she was constitutionally unable to think anything positive
about herself.
From a man’s point of view, how do you think this looks?
We are logical creatures. If you keep saying, “Sorry, I know I look

like crap today,” or, “I guess I just don’t have much of a sense of
humor,” we’re going to ultimately believe you, even if we
originally thought you were gorgeous and funny. After all, you’re
the expert on yourself. You must know better than us.
I’ve come to notice that women who struggle with self-esteem also
seem to be people-pleasers. They have a hard time saying no.
Trust me: saying yes all the time will not endear you to men. Men
appreciate a woman who can stand up for herself.
Here’s a simple exercise to help you break the habit of people-

pleasing.
Exercise for people-pleasers
At least three times a day, look into a mirror and say “No.” It’s that
simple.
After a day or two, think of a situation where you should have said
no and didn’t.
Run through that scenario in your mind. This time, imagine you
said no. Say what you wished you would have said out loud.
Doesn’t that feel good?
Exercise for self-esteem
If you’ve got a habit of beating up on yourself, you’ve got to break

it. Replace those negative thoughts with positive ones.
Say these positive affirmations to yourself several times a day.
“I feel great.”
“I love my body.”
“I look great.”
“What I do is amazing. Not many people can do what I do.”
“I have a huge heart.”
“I make a difference in the world.”
“My guy is so lucky to have me in his life.”
If you’re not used to saying nice things to yourself, it may feel silly
to hear those words coming out of your mouth.
But it shouldn’t feel silly. You really are amazing. Your guy really
is lucky to have you.
Beating up on yourself is not the same thing at

poking fun at yourself, which shows that you don’t
take yourself seriously. Being able to laugh at
yourself solidifies that connection!
I was at a party with Nicole one night, and as usual she was
surrounded by a laughing group. I edged over to see what she was
up to. She was listening intently to a man who had the group
spellbound with his story.
“I don’t know what to do,” he said. “I’ve taken him to three vets,
one of whom calls himself the Dog Whisperer. Nothing works!
I’ve changed his food; I feed him these gas buster dog treats. No
matter what I do, he farts like a trooper. I can’t bring a woman
home because my house stinks like garbage!”
“Fascinating...” my wife said, taking a sip of her drink. I could see

a glint in her eyes. “When you get an answer, would you let me
know? My hubs does the same darn thing.”
Here it was me she was insulting, but I was laughing along with
everyone else. And loving her all the more for that rascal sense of
humor.
Shake things up
Sometimes all you need is a change.
Play with your look. Switch things up.
A change in appearance can be a marvelous confidence booster.
When’s the last time you did something new with your hair, for
example?
Now, guys don’t always like drastic surprises. If one of the things
he loves about you is your long hair, you might not want to
surprise him with a pixie cut.
So test the waters first. Tell him, “I’m thinking of doing something
different with my hair, maybe chopping some off for the summer.”
If he stares at you in shock and horror, then you know he probably

won’t applaud if you come home looking like Tinkerbell.
Before doing anything drastic, test the new look first by

downloading one of those apps that let you try out different
haircuts.
A less radical change is wearing something a bit different to what

you’re used to.
If you live in jeans or khakis, try a dress. Nothing too chi-chi, just
something comfortable and fun.
If you can afford a stylist or have a friend who’s an aspiring stylist,

get help with your look. They know what will look good even
better than you do, because they do it for a living.
Exercise: Fear of new connections
Not everyone leaps at the thought of making eye contact with

strangers or starting a conversation with someone they don’t even
know.
If you feel shy or nervous, then this exercise will help you gain the
confidence you’ve always wanted.
Get out of your comfort zone. Go somewhere you normally

don’t: a book reading, an art exhibit, a concert. And here is where
the exercise begins. Pick any three men (ideally men you feel
attracted to) and give them the Gentle Approach.
What is the Gentle Approach?
Let’s say you’ve gone to a book reading. After the author is

finished and everyone is standing around, look for a man who’s
standing on his own.
Go up to him and ask what he thought of the reading. Would he

buy the book? Is he familiar with the author?
Don’t use the same approach on different men at the

same place!
When your conversation is finished, smile at him and tell him it

was nice meeting him. Then walk away and see if you can spot
another man standing on his own.
Ask this man if he often attends readings, and, if so, which ones. If
he says, “This is the first!” ask him what brought him out tonight.
You’ve got one more man to approach before you’ve finished for
the evening. With this man, comment on something the author
wrote and ask if he agrees with it.
Any of these icebreakers can lead into a conversation, which can

blossom into a connection.
Chapter 5: Building your connection: Now

you’re dating…
Charisma, the art of charm
Most people understand charisma as this instant quality that a man

or woman has on entering a room.
Charismatic people are magnetic. They draw people to them.
But I see charisma a little differently.
I define charisma as the art of making others around you feel great
about themselves.
When talking with a man, for example, many women try to

impress him by showing how cool, smart and funny they are.
Instead, insinuate how cool, smart and funny he is!
Find out what’s unique about him. Appreciate him for it.
Your charisma will grow as will that precious DCM.
Developing charisma means a deeper Dynamic Connection, and

I’m going to show you just how to accomplish that.
How to develop charisma
Have you noticed that, at get-togethers, there’s always that girl

who is surrounded by people, usually laughing? How does she do
it?
Via positivity.
Exercise for positivity
Think of a song that makes you feel great. One that reminds you of
some super memories.
Now, before you enter a room full of people, hum that song to
yourself.
Tap your feet, shake your booty (I suggest maybe in a bathroom

stall), and voilà!
You’ll be Miss Positive en route to Miss Charisma in no time.
Be a giver
Don’t just beeline for the best-looking guy in the hopes of him
asking for your digits.
Make your way around the room. Have fun by making everyone
laugh, brightening their day.
He’ll ask for your number anyway, because you’ll be the one
surrounded by laughing people.
Don’t talk at people: share!
Remember that connecting is a two-way street.
Entertain people with your stories, but also be entertained by

theirs.
Being an appreciative audience boosts your charisma just as much

as fascinating your audience.
Right-brain dating
Remember the whole right-brain/left-brain distinction?
Left-brained people are detailed, logical, methodical, and linear.

They make lists, analyze, and classify.
Right-brained people are visual, conceptual, imaginative, sensual,

heart-centered, and creative. They interact with the world based on
feelings, direct experience, and intuition.
If you happen to be left-brained, here are several approaches that

will help you date in a more sensual and heart-centered “right-
brained” style.
Have a conversation that engages your imagination and vision.

Talk about your dreams.
No, not the ones you have while you’re snoring, but the dreams of
what you’d like to do with your life. Have him reciprocate. Often,
hearing about each other’s dreams can lead to fantastic revelations.
The next time you must make a decision, follow your gut. This can
lead you in some unexpected directions!
Instead of thinking through every possible option and outcome,

make a decision off the top of your head. He asked you where to
go for dinner? Give him the answer that comes to your mind first.
When talking to him, don’t just focus on understanding and

analyzing his words. Pay attention to his body language to pick up
what he’s really trying to say. In Appendix A: Body language &
Micro-expressions on page 70 , we’ll go into specifics.
If he’s the one who usually makes decisions or creates things, you
take over – you newly-minted right-brained dater. This will
surprise and delight him.
Respect his need for space
Men need more space than women do.
The last thing a man wants is a clingy woman or one who needs
constant reassurance.
If we kiss you, that’s it. You should know we care.
We also take longer than you do to process things.
If we’re having a serious conversation, don’t expect an immediate

response. Give us space to soak it in.
If I look like I want to be left alone, most of the time it has nothing
to do with you.
Understanding a man’s need for his own space goes farther than
you’d believe in solidifying your connection.
Love languages
Ever heard of the five Love Languages?
They come from the book The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary
Chapman.
Dr. Chapman describes them as the most common ways people

communicate and receive love.
The five Love Languages are:
⮚ Words of affirmation,
⮚ Physical touch,
⮚ Quality time,
⮚ Acts of service, and
⮚ Receiving gifts.
Do you know which Love Language your guy speaks?
Maybe he feels most loved when you get him a small gift or you
set aside time just for him. Maybe he loves compliments.
If you don’t know his language, then try them all and watch that
Dynamic Connection tighten.
Affection
Just like women, some of us guys aren’t into PDA (Public Displays
of Affection).
But many of us are, and we’re proud to hold your hand or put our
arm around you both in public and in private.
It’s one way we show you that we care.
For the rare woman out there who doesn’t enjoy being touched,
perhaps there’s a reason – and perhaps you should figure it out.
Affection isn’t just touch.
Affection can be little notes in his pocket or in his car.
An “I love you” text “just because” or little gifts for the same
reason.
Keep that affection going long past the first blush if you want to
keep that bond strong.
Understanding
Understanding your man takes a little time, but just think how hard
it is to understand a woman! (Allegedly: I understand my wife’s
every nuance. And she just smacked me for writing that.)
Here are a few clues to understanding your man:
1. We don’t take hints well. If you want something, tell us!

2. We remember different things than you do. Don’t get upset
if we don’t remember something you expect us to
remember - your birthday aside! Just kindly remind us:
we’ll appreciate you all the more for it.
3. Men are like natural antidepressants, ever notice? We
produce 52% more serotonin than you do. Appreciate that
instead of yelling, “Why in the world are you always so
happy!”
4. We’re not always talkers. Sometimes, we like a bit of
silence. Enjoy those lulls in the conversation. The more
relaxed you are, the firmer the bond.
Sex
Of course good sex tightens your dynamic connection, if done to

both of your satisfaction. This subject could cover an
entire book, but I’ll give you what I consider the most
important tidbits.
⮚ Don’t always expect him to initiate! I’ve heard more

complaining about that than nearly anything else:
o “She doesn’t want me. She never even initiates.”
o Look of shock on her part: “I just wasn’t raised to.”
⮚ Take it slowly to begin with. A kiss here, a rub there, a lick
somewhere else, accompanied by a purr, and you’ll fire
him up.
⮚ We’re visual, and we love to watch you. A great position
for that is when we’re both on our sides, facing each other.
⮚ Ask us what we like. It may not even be all that X-rated. I
heard about a guy who finally told his wife that she really
got him going when they had sex on the couch, she on his
lap, facing him.
⮚ Most of us love it when you’re on top. We can play with
your boobs, lean up to kiss you, play with other things.
⮚ As I said, we’re visual. Do it in front of a mirror to double
the fun.
Sex in general
We like it when you tell us how you like it.
In fact, many men love to hear their woman mumble filthy things
in their ears.
Switch it up. Sometimes let him walk in the door and jump his
bones then and there.
Other times, wear something slinky and don’t go near him. Touch
yourself, shake that booty, but don’t touch him. He’ll touch you
soon enough.
The ever-asked question: how much sex is enough?
When the two of you are both satisfied, that’s when.
Early in your relationship, you’re going to be like bunnies.
As the connection solidifies, you’ll calm down, but you should still
want him – and let him know it!
This is one place where hinting is a really bad idea. Because if he

doesn’t get it, neither do you. (The wife liked that one!)
If he’s too rough, tell him so. And if you’d like it harder, show
him!
Asking for what you want is super hot.
Open Up to Him
This is difficult for some women.
It’s hard to open up when you’re naturally reserved or you’ve been

badly hurt before.
You may even believe that being vulnerable makes you weak.
But take it from research professor Brené Brown:
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and
courage arenʼt always comfortable, but theyʼre never weakness.”
The more you share with him, the more you’ll share – and know –
about him. Win-win.
I heard about a couple where the man swore he knew nothing

about his wife – she could have been an exotic dancer prior to their
dating, for all he knew. She was not amused.
Tell him about school, your childhood, that funny time when
someone farted in church and your mother cried trying not to
laugh. Give him plenty of time to open back up to you.
Sharing is caring except in one regard:
Your past relationships.
You do not want to share a lot of details about past relationships

with him. This is one area that needs delicacy.
I’ve had women say, “But I want to know about his past
relationships.” Why, exactly?
You can have some sense of his relationship history without going
into all the gory details. That’s enough.
Similarly, you can give him the broad brush strokes of your past
without going into detail.
He’s more interested in how your past has shaped what you want
and need from him now. The present is what matters to him, not
what happened before.
Tips to open up to him
You can talk about how your past relationships have made it hard
for you to open up now. You can tell him, “I was cheated on, so I
find it really hard to trust now.” Talk about the past in a way that
makes it useful to him. Let him support you.
Be honest always
You might think if you tell him that, he’ll be

horrified/disgusted/drop you. Or you might think that a white lie is
no big deal.
It is, though, because it prevents you from being vulnerable with

him.
And vulnerability on both sides equals a stronger Dynamic

Connection than ever before.
And always speak your mind
If something is on your mind about your relationship, don’t just let

it sit and fester. Don’t stay in your own head. Open up and let him
know. It might be something he was wondering about, too.
Watch his behavior
We’ll get into this more deeply in Appendix A: Body language &
Micro-expressions on page 70 , but for now ask yourself:
Is he sharing his feelings with you? Telling you about his past?
If not, it’s time to figure out if he’s on the same page emotionally
as you are – or if he just finds it difficult to open up.
Try sharing these things with him and, if he doesn’t reciprocate,

ask why not!
Figure out your attachment style
Some people need to feel extra-connected. They feel anxious if

there’s distance between them and the person they love.
Other people need their space. They get irritable if they don’t have
room to pull back and breathe.
Those can be signs of insecure attachment styles.
If your attachment style is anxious, you may need extra reassuring:

texts throughout the day, an extra touch here and there.
If your attachment style is avoidant, you may have more issues

opening up to him and need more “me” time.
Talk to him about attachment styles and how to balance space and
closeness so that you both get what you need.
Ask for help every now and then
Even if you’ve been single for a long time and don’t need anyone,
lean on your guy. Guys like to be needed, remember? Ask him
with help for something, even if you can do it yourself. You can
start by asking him to look at that drip in the bathroom, for starters,
and make bigger requests as your bravery (and vulnerability)
grows. You’d want him to ask you for help if he was in trouble,
wouldn’t you?
Do a vulnerability check every now and then
To make sure you’re still on the right path, have a heart-to-heart a

couple of times a year. Find out if those little aspects of your
relationship are going the way you think they are. Ask how he
feels about it, then open up to him. Communication keeps you
connected as your relationship changes and grows.
How to get him to open up to you
If you want him to be open with you, there must be trust there.
Most men want nothing more than to be comfortable and be
themselves around a woman, so it isn’t as difficult as you might
think.
Here are some tips my wife has used on me throughout the years:
⮚ When he does open up, never judge. Listen. Be honest with

him in return.
⮚ When he tells you something about himself that upsets you,
do you get angry or cry? He’ll withdraw, because sharing
won’t feel safe. Try not to be reactive. Share something
with him in return.
⮚ When he does share, be calm and supportive, so he feels
rewarded for opening up.
⮚ You can always ask questions, but do so in a loving
manner.
⮚ If you make him feel understood and accepted, you’ve won

the game. He’ll trust that you’re not judging him. No guy
wants to feel like a wimp for talking about his feelings.
⮚ Show appreciation. Always thank him whenever he does
something for you, whether little or big.
⮚ Do fun things together. This is a biggie! Don’t just be
couch potatoes. Do things you both enjoy or try something
new like dancing. Anything that involves physical touch
strengthens your bond.
⮚ Watch his body language. Is he tense while you’re laid
back and relaxed? See Appendix A: Body language &
Micro-expressions on page 70 for specifics on body
language.
⮚ Don’t make assumptions. No matter how well you think
you know him, don’t assume you know what he thinks or
feels. If a question comes up, ask. You want to know him
inside and out to solidify that dynamic connection!
⮚ Talk about his favorite subjects. If he’s shutting down on
you or saying very little, subtly change the subject to
something he enjoys talking about or doing. Watch his
body language (see Appendix A: Body language & Micro-
expressions on page 70.) If he relaxes, you’ve hit the spot.
Dating a dad
If you’re dating a dad, then having a good time with his kids is
important.
If he has kids and you don’t like kids, find another man. It’s not
fair to him or his kids.
That said, it’s hard to resist most kids. Make sure to have a blast
with his. He’ll be delighted to see you playing with them, and your
bond will strengthen even more.
Be careful about rebuking his kids. Obviously, you don’t want to

let them run into the street, but you want a delicate touch or you
may hear, “You’re not our mom!” (Respond: “No, of course not,
but that doesn’t mean I don’t care for/love you.”)
Take the kids out on your own for short trips to the park or local
attractions to get to know them as people. If you’re going to be in
their lives, they need to know you’re interested in them for who
they are, not just because they belong to the guy you’re dating.
One thing a kid always knows, and that’s when some woman is
BSing them to get near their dad. Enjoy them, and they’ll enjoy
you.
Chapter 6: The Science behind the

Dynamic Connection Method
The medical field has known for years that we are profoundly
shaped by our social environment. We suffer horribly when our
bonds are threatened or broken.
If your connection with a man has been broken, you really are in
pain.
It’s more than a metaphor. The DCM is a necessity, not a luxury.
If you think you won’t be truly happy until you’ve formed a

dynamic connection with a man, that’s partly true.
If you have other dynamic connections with friends and family,

you’re on the right path.
If not, it’s time to study this manual because everything I say about
connecting with men also goes for humans in general. (Well,
except the sexual bit!)
Mindreading
Women spend a lot of time trying to get into men’s minds.
You do succeed here and there. If you know what we’re thinking
and what we want, it strengthens our connection.
According to Scientific American, we have two distinct networks

that support social and non-social thinking.
As one network increases its activity, the other tends to relax and
quiet down, sort of like a neural seesaw.
Whenever we’re done with some sort of non-social thinking, the

network for social thinking comes back online like a computer,
almost instantly.
Texts or calls? The social brain
When you speak to him on the phone, you connect much more
strongly than a dashed-off text.
Recent studies of the brain have shown that our brains are wired to
be social and build these connections.
Scientists believe that the secret to building a strong dynamic

connection is via perception.
Because the brain is wired to be social, it seeks social cues, the

real-time behaviors that display that dynamic connection.
When you make eye contact with a new man, smile at him, and
pay close attention for just one beat, his social brain registers and
becomes in sync with yours.
On the contrary, failing to look and listen lessens the flow of social
information into his social brain, limiting the potential for building
connections, establishing trust, and creating a relationship.
And as I’ve said, initiating a relationship well is the crucial first

step in building a dynamic connection between individuals.
Paying close attention — and thus tapping into the social brain —
improves your ability to do that.
Brain synchrony
When you communicate with a man on the same level – for

instance, you tell a funny story and he laughs – this creates similar
processing in both of your brains.
The activity in the brain circuits becomes synchronized.
As this happens, it allows information and feelings to flow far

more effectively than if those circuits were not coordinated.
Even more importantly, brain synchrony also leads to

physiological synchrony.
This is visible on brain imaging and heart rate studies. When brain
circuits match, so too do heart electrocardiogram rates.
Synchronized heart activity is definitely going to grow that DCM

and strengthen it in the process.
And here you thought it was just feelings that were involved!
This synchrony has consistently been found to improve trust and

liking between individuals, creating a higher likelihood of
successful relationship outcomes.
See Appendix C: Trial Scenarios - Brain Synchrony on page 87 for

a specific example.
Chapter 7: Maintaining your connection:

Do’s and Don’t
Don’t blame, explain!
He’s going to do things that annoy you.
We guys can’t help it; it’s just how we’re built.
As tempting as it is to shove your perspective on him to make sure

he gets where you’re coming from, doing so can come across as
accusatory blaming. You’ll throw him on the defense. Instead,
communicate minus the self-victimizing.
Instead of telling him, “It ruined my whole day when you didn’t
call me!” try:
“I was really worried when I didn’t hear from you. I was about to
start calling hospitals! It’s likely my insecurity, but I would really
appreciate it if you’d contact me more often.”
Don’t let anger last
If he does something that doesn’t please you, don’t let him repeat it
until you finally blow.
Let him know that you’re upset about whatever it is and encourage
him to do the same if you inadvertently step on his toes.
Don’t become a ‘pleaser’ – he’ll know!
If you always give in to what he wants, you’ll become a doormat.

Something to be stepped on, not related to or bonded with.
He doesn’t want that. (And avoid any guy who does want you to be
a doormat like the plague!) We want to know what you really
think.
If that connection is slipping, don’t go into ‘fix it’ mode
I know of a few couples whose connection had visibly slipped and

they wanted to re-bond....
Only to find out that she’d been allowing him to do anything he

wanted, including belting her when she’d not gone along.
Instead of trying to fix the bond, she went back to basics: touching
him more often, little gifts, being sexy in the bedroom.
I’d love to say it worked, but in this case it did not. He’d become
accustomed to hitting her when he wanted, and, worse, he found
he’d enjoyed it.
I’m not going to say that our brief conversation fixed an abuse
issue, but she eventually saw why it was happening.
If your bond seems to be slipping – you say goodbye to go to work

in the morning, come home, eat, watch a show and are soon
snoring – you’ve got some work to do.
And so does he.
If you start, chances are he’ll follow.
If you’re the main chef, make things that really please him. Slip a
note into his laptop: “Thinking of you!” Speak to him in his Love
Language. And when you see each other, give him a big hug and a
kiss.
That bond will strengthen again if it’s a dynamic bond. They

weaken, they strengthen, but they’re always there.
Do instead
Work things out in compromise
If your paths seem to be separating, try and compromise. You want

to do X, while Y pleases him? Do X and then Y. Try both! You
might enjoy Y.
If you’ve come to a position in a quarrel where nothing seems to

be working, suggest a brief time-out. Sometimes going away and
coming back to a topic can give you a fresh perspective.
Relish alone time – yours and his
Don’t just make time for each other as a couple.
Make time to do things on your own.
If you take just a few hours or even a full day to enjoy doing the
stuff you really love to do without him, it can help both of you
recharge your batteries.
Especially for parents, who never have time at all!
Send him for a fishing trip with the boys while you take care of the
kids, then swap and let him do the childcare while you take a day
for yourself. You will not believe the change in the strength of that
DCM.
Time to be by yourself and just breathe is precious. It can:
⮚ Provide an opportunity to connect with who you are when

you’re not part of a couple.
⮚ Expand your comfort zone by reminding you that you’re
capable and independent on your own.
Establishing free time rules
⮚ Agree on the amount of time

⮚ No communication unless things are dire
⮚ You may need to explain to your partner that you’re the
kind of person that requires alone time.
You’re responsible for your own happiness – shelf the

neediness and become a real partner!
Happiness for each of us means taking personal responsibility.
Figure out ways you can be happy despite external circumstances

or other people’s attitudes and behaviors.
Your happiness depends far more on your attitude than it does on

what’s happening to you.
How to improve your happiness with him
⮚ Let go of control! Needing to be in constant control is

exhausting.
⮚ In a new relationship, change your “adaption energy.” It’s
much easier to deal with a new man and new circumstances
if you’re flexible.
⮚ Don’t blame him for how you feel! (Unless he does
reprehensible things, of course.) You are responsible for
your own happiness. You can change how you deal with
him, suggest alone time, or, if he’s that bad, throw him
back and find another.
By learning my Dynamic Connection Method, you have set

yourself up for a lasting, vibrant bond with the man of your
dreams.
These appendices will add a bit more to your arsenal, including

body language and the art of massage.
With a little practice, you’ll become the confident, sexy lady with
charisma galore – and your pick of any man you desire.
Best of luck!
PIC OF YOUR SIGNATURE
1. Appendix A: Body language & Micro-

expressions
Overview of body language
More than 65% of all communication is via body language.
Learning to read these nonverbal clues is vital to your DCM.
Simply by observing certain parts of him closely, you can decode

the truth behind his words.
Study his eyes
For a Possible Connection (Possible connection: turn it Dynamic!

On page 21), does he make eye contact or look away?
The latter can indicate deceit, boredom, or disinterest, especially if

he looks away and to the side.
Looking down can indicate nervousness or submissiveness.
His dilated pupils will determine if he is responding favorably

toward you. Pupils dilate when he’s really thinking, so if he
focuses on someone he likes, those pupils will dilate.
His blinking rate can also dictate what is going on inside. His
blinking rate increases when he thinks more or is stressed.
Beware, though, as his increased blinking rate can indicate lying,

especially when it is accompanied by touching his face (in
particular, his mouth and eyes).
A quick glance at something can mean a desire for it.
For example, if he glances at the door, it could indicate he wants to

leave.
Glancing at you, however, can show his desire to communicate

with you.
When it comes to eye behavior, looking upwards and to the right

during conversation shows that a lie has been told.
Looking upwards and to the left indicates he is telling the truth.
Why?
People look up and to the right when using their imagination to

concoct a story. Looking up and to the left indicates they are
recalling an actual memory.
Gaze at his face
Although many people control their facial expressions to only

show what they want you to see, these nonverbal cues can help you
read his mind, especially in Possible or New Connections.
⮚ Genuine smile: involves the entire face, including eye

wrinkles on occasion.
⮚ Fake smile: only involves the mouth. Conveys approval
while he’s thinking of something else.
⮚ Half smile: involves one side of the mouth. Indicates
uncertainty or sarcasm.
⮚ Slight grimace before smile: he is hiding his dissatisfaction
behind a fake smile.
⮚ Pursed lips indicate displeasure.
⮚ A relaxed mouth means a relaxed attitude and positive
mood.
⮚ Covering his mouth or touching his lips with hands or
fingers when speaking might be an indicator of lying.
What is his proximity to you?
Proximity refers to the distance between the two of you.
Pay attention to how close he sits or stands next to you for a clue
as to whether he is attracted to you.
This proximity is perhaps one of the best indicators of connection

building.
On the contrary, if he backs up or moves away when you move

closer to him, this might be a sign that the connection is not
mutual.
You can discern what type of relationship two people have just by
observing their proximity.
Certain cultures prefer less or more distance during interactions,

however, so proximity is not always a valid indicator of a growing
bond.
Watch his head movements
When you’re speaking, notice how fast he nods his head.
This indicates his patience... or lack of.
Slow nodding means that he is interested in what you are saying

and wants you to continue.
Fast nodding means he has heard enough and is ready for you to be
done or give him a turn to speak.
Tilting his head sideways while in conversation can show interest

in what you are saying.
Tilting his head backward can be a sign of suspicion or

uncertainty.
Folks also point using their heads or faces at people they are
interested in or share an affinity with.
In groups and meetings, it’s easy to discern who the powerful

people are based on how often people look at them. Less-
significant people are looked at less often.
Check if he’s ‘mirroring’ you
Mirroring involves mimicking the other person’s body language.
When interacting with him, see if he is mirroring your behavior.
Try this test. You’re sitting at a table eating lunch with him.
Deliberately rest an elbow on the table. Wait 10 seconds to see if
he does the same. (This test may not work if he believes it’s
impolite to put his elbows on the table.)
Another small test: take a sip of your drink and see if he does the
same. Or try changing your body posture and see if he follows suit.
If he is mimicking your body language, this is an excellent sign

that he’s trying to establish a New Connection.
Look at his feet
People are usually so focused on controlling their facial

expressions that they ignore their feet.
If he’s standing or sitting, he generally points his feet where he

wants to go.
So pointing his feet at you can mean he’s impressed.
However, if he is talking to you but his feet are pointed at someone

else, it is likely he’d rather be talking to that person.
Watch his hand signals
When he’s standing, watch those hands.
When they are in his pockets or on his head, that can indicate
anything from nervousness to outright deception.
When gesturing, he will usually point in the general direction of

the person he shares an affinity with (hopefully you!).
Holding his head with one hand by resting an elbow on the table
can mean he’s listening and is holding his head still to focus.
Supporting his head with both elbows on the table can indicate
boredom.
When he holds an object between the two of you, it can serve as a

barrier meant to block you out!
Watch his arms
His arms are the doorway to his body and the self.
If he crosses his arms while interacting with you, watch out. This is
usually perceived as a defensive, blocking gesture.
Crossed arms can also mean anxiety, vulnerability, or a closed

mind.
If his crossed arms are accompanied by a genuine smile and

overall relaxed posture, then they display a confident, relaxed
attitude.
Hands placed on hips usually portray dominance and is used by

men more often than women.
Micro-expressions & hand movements
Early in your relationship, when you really don’t know him that
well, a knowledge of micro expressions will come in handy.
Micro expressions are facial expressions that last only a fraction of

a second. So you’ve got to pay close attention (to what you think
you just saw flash across his face for only an instant).
Micro expressions may not tell you exactly what he’s thinking.
You’ll need to lightly dig and find out.
Eyebrow flash
When you first meet someone and one of their brows jerks briefly
upward, that signifies attraction – or a sense of positive
anticipation.
Surprise
This is an expression where both eyebrows are raised, the forehead

is wrinkled, and the jaw slightly dropped. It means that what you
just said surprised him. It’s up to you to gently dig and figure out if
it was in a good or bad way.
Happiness
A quick smile (both sides of the lips rising) along with a squint, a
wrinkle running from his outer nose to his outer lip, and crows feet
next to his eyes means he likes what you just said.
Sadness
His face droops momentarily. Both lips turn down, and the lower
one might even stick out. His jaw is drawn up. This is worth
digging into. He may have a bad memory you need to know about.
Fear
This is when both eyebrows are raised and drawn together,

sometimes in a flat line. You can see wrinkles in the center of his
forehead, not all the way across. His lower lids are tightened and
pulled up, and his mouth is slightly open with tense lips. This
microexpression indicates you should move more slowly, as he’s
feeling threatened by something you said. Think back through your
conversation up until now, and you may spot the confusion.
Explain what you really meant.
Anger
If his brows are lowered and drawn together with vertical lines
between them, and his lower lip is tensed and his eyes are in a hard
stare, you may have unintentionally triggered him. Be sure and
find out how.
Contempt or Disgust
If his eyes are narrowed, upper lip raised, and upper teeth exposed
with a wrinkled nose, it indicates contempt. You might either
change the subject or consider ending this particular date.
My suggestion: put a mirror next to this book and practice these

expressions on your own. Once you recognize them on yourself,
you’ll be able to catch them on others. And they are truly handy.
2. Appendix B: The Romantic Touch

Physical contact is always a way to strengthen that DCM, and the
Method has several ways to use Romantic Touch to do so.
Keep in mind that atmosphere counts.
You don’t need anything expensive. Just a bed, a couch, or a tub

will do.
Don’t forget the candles (scented but not heavily), how that bed
looks (loads of pillows), and bubbles in the bath.
No candles? Dim those lights.
Make sure the room is warm as he’ll be naked or nearly so.
Don’t forget the massage oil (you can get flavored oil, if such is
your pleasure). There are also massage candles these days, with
warm wax that can be safely poured onto his back.
You get the idea, now let’s get to the details.
Back rubs
The quintessential Romantic Touch is a back massage.
A back rub should be gentle, slow, and wandering.
Pour a bit of oil into your hands, making sure it’s warm before it
touches him.
Use long, lingering touches to begin with to relax him.
Be firm but don’t press too hard. Firm contact will make him feel
safe, sort of like a firm handshake.
Apply the oil all over his back with your palms flat and your
fingers spread.
Don’t start by kneading too deeply. The opposite can be more

sexy. Use gentle, soft strokes.
Run your fingers through his hair and down his neck.
Be sure and ask if there’s anything you can do that he’d like.
Rolling your thumbs into his muscles is a great way to loosen them
– and him.
Press your thumbs next to his spine, then curve away from it,
following the muscles. Massage up and down the spine.
Then, using a thumb on each side, go up his neck to that hollow at

the base of his skull. Make small, circular gestures there to really
relax him. (This will also rid him of any headache he might have.)
All-over body massage
From his back, move down to his butt.
Here, you can increase the pressure, moving in deep circles. Then
switch back to gentle, then deep again.
Gently press a fist into one of his butt cheeks, then rotate.
Using squeezing motions, move down to his thighs (nowhere else,

as yet!)
Place your thumbs together and rub straight down toward his
knees.
Then rotate each thumb out, massaging in half circles, all the way
up and down each thigh. Don’t forget more oil if you need it.
For his calves, take one between your thumb and fingers (like
shaking a hand) and massage away. Go up and down each calf like
this, starting slow and gentle, then deepening your touch.
Now flip him over.
Massage his chest gently, making circles away from the center,
using those thumb rolls again.
Depending on the amount of muscle he has, you can go deeper.
(Some men don’t have a lot of padding. For those of us like that, a
very gentle touch – even a light scratch – can really get us going.)
Don’t ignore his chest. Make circles around his nipples, lightly rub
your palm over each one. You can go for a kiss here, but that might
end your massage!
Now go to the shoulder. Here is where you’ll use deep pressure

after a moment.
Take the flat of your hand and fold it over the top of his shoulder.
Put your fingers on one side and the palm on the other. Squeeze
and massage with your fingers, moving a little to the side toward
his neck each time.
Check in with him and ask if he’d like a firmer or more gentle
touch there.
Onto the belly. Use light, circular movements downward. (Be

careful, many of us are ticklish here!) Apply more oil. On his
belly, you want to glide more than anything else.
You’re going to skip right over the goods (perhaps with a gentle
brush) and move to his legs.
Using that same squeezing motion you did on his shoulders, go

down those leg bones. Rubbing one side with your palm, push
away from the bone in a semi-circular motion. Go up and down
both legs, starting gentle, then applying deep, rubbing strokes to
loosen those muscles.
Foot massages
Feet get a section of their own, because each part of the foot
represents part of his body. (We’re going to go over the most
sensual sections, of course!)
1. Press, knead, gently rub each foot to begin with. Use more
oil. Roll each foot between your hands, asking him as you
go what feels best.
2. Press the solar plexus, which resides below the pad under
his toes, right in the middle. Hold for 5-10 seconds and
release. If he flinches, you’re pressing too hard! Back off a
bit.
3. With your thumb, press a line from the base of his heel up
to each toe, with individual little pressures.
4. Apply the same relaxation techniques you used in #1, again
pressing on the solar plexus.
Best pressure points
⮚ Rub the tops of all 10 toes to stimulate his brain and

heighten libido.
⮚ Press the outside of his big toe to signal to the testes to
make testosterone.
⮚ At the center or his sole near the outside of his foot, press
for several seconds to heighten his energy.
5. Appendix C: Trial Scenarios

He won’t text/call me!
At the beginning of (or even well into) a relationship, this irritation

can pop up.
I’ve heard this one often enough that I’ve come up with a solution
or two.
Now, if you had a solid DCM, this would be no problem.
Men don’t put the importance on contacting you as much as you

do; it’s that simple.
We contact you to ask you out or some other reason.
But that’s the catch: we have a reason.
Rare is the man who just calls up to say, “Hey! How you doing?”
(Past the first hot rush, when you’re talking on the phone 26 hours
a day.)
So how do you get him to text you or call you more often?
Here’s a thought:
Let him know that you’d like more contact from him, because it
makes you feel wanted. A bit of truth never hurts.
“Janay” and “Alex” are a couple who have been dating some six
months already, and she was starting to feel that Alex didn’t really
care about her because he hardly ever contacted her.
“Do you call or text him?” I asked.
“No, I’m old fashioned. He’s supposed to—”
“Stop right there. This is about forming a dynamic connection:

there are no ‘supposed to’s involved,” I said.
“If you want to hear from Alex more often, reach out. Not too
often – men find that somewhat of a pain in the ass. But by all
means shoot him a ‘Hey! What’re you up to today?’
“And be sure you share what you’ve been doing – end with a,
‘Thinking of you,’ and that’s it.”
Simple, right? But it’s amazing how many women just don’t think
that way.
If he still doesn’t react, do not say, “We need to have a talk.” (In
fact, those are words that should never leave your mouth.)
Tell him that communication is high on your list of needs, and it

makes you feel wonderful and desired when he contacts you.
Then ask him what you could do more of that would please him.
(And when he gives you that dirty grin, you’ll have your answer.)
The Quarreling Couple
So many couples sit right down and are fighting in minutes.

Sometimes I wonder if they really shouldn’t be a boxing ring.
If you and your connected one are falling into the quarrelling
cycle, first I want the two of you to recognize certain words:
Always and Never
These words can almost always get you in trouble.
“You always say you’ll be right back and then it’s hours!”
“You never help around the house!”
Either don’t use those words or add a humorous twist.
(I vote for option 2. Make him laugh, and that bond tightens every
time. Anger him, and it loosens. That’s why it’s dynamic. It can
tighten and loosen, but it’s always there – if done correctly.)
Back to our trial. How about this?
Assume our couple lives in Maine.
“Pick me up some oranges and a coconut on your way back, will

you?”
“When did we move in here? Five years ago? I remember that date
well – it’s the last time you actually helped clean. Does that mean I
gotta wait another five years?”
Always and never are words that instantly anger. Work around
them, don’t use them, and the quarrels will lessen.
Brain synchrony
The two of you are headed for a new restaurant deep in the
country. He’s driving… and you’re lost.
This is the last scenario one would consider for brain synchrony
but read this small scene.
“Honey, I think we’re lost.”
“Brilliant observation, but I’ll get us there.”
“Hey! Did you see that sign we just passed?”
“What sign?”
“The one that said ‘Mexican border – 30 miles.’”
He laughs, you laugh. Brain synchrony.
Of course you’re still lost, but now he’s not defensive and when
you pass a small gas station, chances are he’ll pull in and ask.
Tale swapping
For that first date, he’s decided to take you out on horseback.
You’re riding peacefully through lovely woods.
This is the perfect time to begin to really get to know him via “Tale
swapping.” Here’s how it works...
“I’m really afraid of horses,” you admit. “I had a thing happen

when I was a kid.”
“Really? What?”
“We were at the circus, taking pony rides. You know, where a guy
leads you and the pony around a ring? All was going well, and then
it started to rain. Not heavily, just misting. But some darn lady was
standing there, watching her kid ride, and right when my pony was
next to her, she put up her umbrella! That pony reared straight up,
bucked me off, and was gone.”
“Ouch! You’re brave to be on one now.” He laughs. “Then again, I

had a similar circumstance when I was learning to scuba dive.
Minus the pony.”
You laugh. “This has to be good.”
“Depends on your definition of good. We learned to wear the tank

and breathe in a pool: I was fine there. Then we went into the
Puerto Vallarta Bay and saw these beautiful fish. This wasn’t so
bad, I was thinking… And then you have to know what went
swimming past. That bugger was bigger than me.”
“Not a shark?”
“A hammerhead, no less.” He laughs. “I broke a world record

swimming to the surface!”
You’re both laughing now. You’ve strengthened that Dynamic

Connection by sharing back and forth. Just with a bit of tale
swapping (and quite possibly a sore tail later).
A shy but smart lady
“Marian” was unhappily single.
There was a man she’d had eyes on, but how to get him to notice
her?
They rode the same bus into Manhattan every day. Hee sat across
and down from her.
I asked her what she’d noticed about him. Might as well have
asked what she hadn’t noticed!
⮚ Long dark hair

⮚ Wears band t-shirts
⮚ Wears boots
⮚ Mutters under his breath when he reads.
Reads, I asked? What does he read?
She mentioned the book: a sports bio.
I suggested she read that and another by another football player,

then go in for the kill.
First, though, the Eye Contact. Had she tried that?
No, too shy.
“Well, that has to go,” I told her. “I want you to catch his eye, even
if briefly. Then, if he makes contact, ask about that book. Bone up
on football.”
Now they’re engaged…
And she never learned to like football. He’s not into dancing, but
they go to games together and dance. A true bond in the making.
My wife’s favorite help me!
If I’m hanging out on a rare Saturday morning reading the news,

the last thing I want to do is build a bassinet.
My wife knows this, as she drags the box across the living room
into the baby’s room.
I eye her, but she never looks at me. Just keeps dragging until she’s
out of sight.
Then I hear the box open and things get pulled out. There’s
clattering right and left, and the sound of paper rattling.
All is quiet for a while.
Then I heard a tentative hammer.
And that’s when I give up. “Honey, you need some help?”
She didn’t pressure me into it, but she let me know she needed
help.
Manly creature that I am, I was glad to oblige.
We never want to feel pushed, but offering is a different thing.
Test yourself: Body language
By now you’ve read Appendix A: Body language & Micro-

expressions on page 70 , so this little test should be no problem for
you. Ready?
1. You’re talking to a new man in the office. His pupils dilate.

Is he attracted to you?
2. You’re discussing sports, and you ask if he’s ever gone
hang-gliding. You notice that his blink rate speeds up as he
nods. Does this mean he’s telling the truth?
3. He’s gesturing with his hands, and he’s unconsciously
pointing towards his secretary. Does this mean he thinks
she’s a fool?
4. At the end of this conversation, he smiles, and you see his
eye wrinkles. Is he going to ask you out?
5. He takes you to dinner. After you’re done eating, he brings
out his iPhone and places it between you. Does this mean
he’s attracted to you?
Answers: (Don’t cheat!)
1-yes 2-yes 3-no, he’s attracted to her. 4-yes! 5-No, he’s separating
you.
Create common goal (older)
We have some friends who are now in their forties.
Things weren’t as spicy as they’d been ten years ago, and it wasn’t
just their three young kids. What could they do?
“And don’t discuss sports, Doc,” they told me. “We both hate
them.”
“How about throwing clay?” I had to add.
“If you’re the target,” she snarked back with a wink.
But then I got serious.
“Okay, do you both have bucket lists?”
They looked at me like I’d grown horns. “We aren’t that old.”
“Not what I meant. Things you’ve never done that you’d like to at
least try once.”
She frowned and glanced down at her lap.
“I’ve always wanted to go to Paris but there’s never been the time.
And if there was, not enough money. So I’ve never mentioned it.”
He swept her into a hug. “Why am I just hearing this now? If we

scrimp a little, we could do two weeks at the end of summer!”
That was years ago.
Now they spend a lot of spare time deciding where to go next, and
then they do it...
Keeping that Dynamic Connection ever stronger.
Get new furniture for your shared space
Nicole’s friend “Anna” came up with one of the more peculiar

issues I’ve heard.
“I’m jealous of his nasty old recliner. He spends far more time on
it than on me.”
I coughed to cover up a laugh.
“What you need,” I finally said. “is one of those love seats. You
know? Those huge chairs that are really comfy and seat both of
you.”
“Yeah…” I could see her imagination kicking into gear.
Of course he didn’t get rid of the recliner. Too attached for that.
But thanks to the new “chair and a half” she got, they were able to
curl up together in the evenings… and firm up their bond, too.
Learn something new
Nicole’s young brother “David” was in his late twenties, married

with a 5-year-old.
He was going to go out of his mind if something didn’t change in

his life.
He adored his son, but sometimes the little tyke required more
energy than he could muster after a long day on Wall Street.
I asked if he and his wife managed to get out and do things

together. Farmers market? Hiking? White water rafting?
“We’re not that kind of people,” he said dryly.
“Do you take trips?”
“Of course. To the beach, to the park, and back home again.”
“Do you do anything non-kid related?”
“Make more,” he deadpanned.
I laughed. “Maybe once you feel your son is old enough to survive
without Mom and Dad for a few nights, you could make plans for a
trip that’s just the two of you.”
“Now there’s a thought,” he said.
“You’re more than parents. You’re two people in love. And your
son is going to appreciate having his mom and dad do the things it
takes to stay in love.”
David and his wife finally got to take that weekend away, just the
two of them.
And they decided to give white-water rafting a shot after all.
All while admiring the shininess of their newly-minted DCM.
Couple call-in: Circular quarrelling
I picked up several interesting cases from my friend’s call-in show.
One show even taught me how to “fight better” with my wife, if

there is such a thing!
“Will” and “Sandra” were a couple who called into the show, and
here’s what my pal “Shrink” taught them.
Will: She doesn’t give a damn that our credit rating is going down
the toilet. She maxes out every card we have!
Shrink: What happens then?
Will: I go to her and ask why she’s maxing out cards, spending
money we don’t have.
Shrink: What’s it like for you, finding out she’s done things behind
your back?
Will: I’m really pissed! She’s sneaking around and it’s ruining our
lives!
Shrink: You’re upset because she is doing things without you

knowing. (Now to Sandra) What’s it like for you when Will comes
to you, angry about your credit card use?
Sandra: I kind of go inside myself and get defensive. His anger

pushes me away, and he has no right to yell at me like that.
Shrink: You feel hurt and defensive when approached like that, so
then you withdraw. This isn’t healthy communication. It isn’t
going to strengthen that dynamic bond you two have been building
until now. Will, do you want her to feel hurt and defensive?
Will: Hell, no! But…
Shrink: Sandra. Do you want him yelling and angry at you so

often?
Sandra: No, but…
Shrink: Then we need to break out of this painful circle. Sandra,

why do you use credit cards knowing you shouldn’t?
Sandra (goes silent a minute): I guess I’m trying to get his

attention by buying something new to wear for him.
Will: Baby! You always have my attention, even if you wear

nothing. Erm, especially if you wear nothing.
Sound of two people kissing.
Here’s what I took away from this conversation.
Don’t let your fights turn circular!
There’s always a way to backup and go in a different direction.
Try to learn what’s really bothering your man – and it might not be
what you assume.
Dynamic Bond building requires work: this is some of it.
6. Appendix D: Intimate questions

How do you really get to know him and have him know you?
You ask him intriguing questions, and you share your own
answers, too!
Remember that the best conversations are dynamic. They switch

back and forth between you.
For a new man
⮚ What do you think about before you fall asleep?

⮚ What’s your ideal type in 4 words?
⮚ Morning or night person?
⮚ How do you know when your heart has become involved
with someone?
⮚ What is of the most importance in your life right now?
⮚ What’s your favorite kind of food?
⮚ What’s your biggest deal breaker on a date?
⮚ Do you have a good relationship with your family?
⮚ Would you answer if I called you really late at night?
⮚ Salt or sugar?
⮚ If you could dedicate a song to your lover, what song
would it be and why?
⮚ If you’re a reader, who are your top 3 authors?
⮚ And your top 3 novels?
⮚ If in school, what subjects do you like the best? What are
you majoring in?
⮚ If you’re out of school, where are you working? Do you
enjoy it?
⮚ Do you enjoy traveling?
⮚ Have you traveled outside of your state or country?
⮚ Do you want to travel outside the country?

⮚ What’s your idea of a bad travel companion?
⮚ If I were an animal, what would you see me as?
⮚ What are your top 5 bands or artists?
⮚ What are your top 3 movies or shows?
⮚ What sports do you play or watch?
For a burgeoning relationship
⮚ Do you have a “type”? If so, do I fit it?

⮚ Rating 1-5, how important is physical appearance as to
whether or not you are into someone?
⮚ Rating 1-5, how important is a sense of humor?
⮚ Rating 1-5, how important is intelligence?
⮚ What type of movie is your favorite: thriller, comedy,
mystery, animated?
⮚ If I were a genie and offered you three wishes, what would
you choose?
⮚ What is the first thing on your mind when you see me?
⮚ What is your favorite type of perfume?
⮚ What is your favorite food I could cook for you?
⮚ Is there anything I could do for you that I don't do now?
⮚ What would you do if my appearance drastically changed,
either overnight (new haircut and different hair color, for
example) or over time (more/less muscle, weight
gain/loss)?
⮚ What’s the very first thing you noticed about me?
⮚ What’s the first thing you think I noticed about you?
⮚ Have you talked about me to your friends?
⮚ How do you describe me to them?
⮚ Have you told your parents about me? What did you say?
⮚ Which qualities make me special to you?
⮚ Do you eyeball other women? If so, do you mind if I man-
watch?
⮚ Do you manscape?
⮚ Do you prefer your women hair-free – all over?
⮚ What goals do you have for our relationship?
⮚ Is there anything you believe or have heard is true about
me, but you've never asked about?
⮚ When was your last serious relationship and how long did it
last?
⮚ Have you ever cheated in a relationship?
⮚ Have you lied in a relationship?
⮚ What is your biggest no-no in a relationship?
For established bonds
⮚ What advice would you tell your younger self?

⮚ If you were given $10,000 out of the blue, what would you
spend it on?
⮚ Tell me the first 5 items on your bucket list.
⮚ How do you define cheating?
⮚ Is there any sort of cheating that’s okay?
⮚ When is the best time to keep a secret? Is there a good
time?
⮚ When was the last time you felt loved?
⮚ What is your favorite date we’ve had? Why?
⮚ What is one thing or activity that makes you feel truly
alive?
⮚ Do you enjoy learning new things?
⮚ In one word, describe our relationship.

⮚ What is one thing we can work on to become better
partners?
⮚ Are you happy with where we live?
⮚ If we changed locations/cities, would you like that?
⮚ If we got new furniture, would you be happy?
⮚ What is one thing or activity that bores you to tears?
⮚ What makes you feel truly appreciated?
⮚ What has been your greatest accomplishment?
⮚ Do you have a preferred sex position?
⮚ Are there any positions you would like to try?
⮚ Do you enjoy getting/giving oral sex?
⮚ Are you into toys? Would you like to try some new toys?
⮚ Describe me in three words.
⮚ What do you wish we could spend more time on?
⮚ Is there anything you miss that we used to do?
⮚ Is there anything we’ve never done that you’d like to try?
⮚ Are there other ways I can best show you my appreciation?
⮚ What’s your favorite memory of us thus far?
⮚ Is there anything you wish I would compliment you more
on?
⮚ Is there anything I do (consciously or subconsciously) that
really bugs you but you’ve never said anything about it?
⮚ What have you learned about being married or being
together that you would share with a new couple?
⮚ What is your very favorite part of our relationship?
⮚ When do you feel the very closest to me?
⮚ Is there anything I can do to make you feel more confident
about our relationship and future?

Trigger His Desires

Uploaded by

Document Information

Original Title

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

Trigger His Desires

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

Live, Love, and Learn the Dynamic Connection Method Page 2

Trigger His Desires

Copyright © 2021 by Blink Publishing LLC

Warning and Disclaimer

Trigger His Desires

Charisma, the art of charm ........................................... 44

Check if he’s ‘mirroring’ you ........................................................... 72

How do you fan those flames into a wonderful relationship that

If only you had someone to give you advice…

Someone who knows the art and craft of influencing others…

Someone with such a powerful mastery of these skills that he

Where would you even find such a person?

Because you’ve already met him.

Hi, I’m Luke Pendleton.

For fun, I’m a ghostwriter for a rather well-known dating and

I’ve finally gone out on my own to share my deep knowledge of

An art backed by science, of course.

On occasion, my wife Nicole has a word to share. No way to stop

The connection between two people.

And we’ll do it with a tool I call the DCM – Dynamic Connection

Something that is dynamic is “characterized by constant change,

A dynamic person is someone who is “positive in attitude” and

A true connection will always be dynamic, just like life.

Change keeps it exciting and fresh. Your connection evolves as the

Paradoxically, this flexibility keeps your connection rock solid.

As the French say, “Plus ça change…”

Imagine spending time with your girlfriends. You’re at home

Now imagine yourself on a date with THE man. You’re discussing

And that is the idea behind this book:

How to reach the deepest, most dynamic connection possible

And, of course, I’ll teach you a particular favorite of mine: how to

I’ve divided these lessons into 6 sections:

Learning Journey Layout

Dynamic Connection Step: Page #

When you first meet him, how to grab his attention:

You’re going on that crucial date. Is this a dynamic

Yes! You and he have the first steps completed in

You’re seeing him regularly. How to keep that DCM

Have you heard of oxytocin? Learn the chemical

There are indeed do’s and don’ts to keep that DCM

You really need to know that he means what he

A quick overview of scenarios you might run into.

Give these a quick read to see how others have

These will get you an intimate knowledge of your

Chapter 1: How to start a Dynamic

You don’t have to feel it as long as you look it.

We’ll go into confidence in detail later.

Ah, the eyes!

Every dynamic connection begins with them, as does my Dynamic

Making eye contact helps establish intimacy and promote trust,

The first thing you must do is meet his eyes.

Don’t glance away instantly, but don’t do the Bug-Eyed Stare

Instead, hold that eye contact for one beat.

To smile like a supermodel, Tyra says to “think of something that

Confused? Then grab a mirror or your smartphone and practice

Just one warning:

Dropping your eyes is a sign of disrespect.

It indicates you might not even be listening to what he’s saying.

Enough discussion. Let’s see how it actually works.

Scenario 1: A first meeting

You are a coder at an architectural firm.

You’ve noticed an incredibly fine architect on the third floor. He

He does, however, work really late. Often, nobody is around but