IV: FINAL PERIOD

MODULE 8- The Art and Process of Communication

At the end of this lesson, the learners should be able to:

1. Identify the process of communication.
2. Practice and evaluate effective communication skills.
3. Define the full and correct construct of an effective conversation.
4. Engage in a dialogue and conversation in order to accomplish effective results.

Communication
Communication is the transmission of ideas and emotions between or among persons with the
use of verbal and non-verbal cues. It occurs everywhere; it takes place at home, in schools, in
modes of transport, in streets, in stores, in concert halls, in malls, in churches. With the latest
telecommunication advances, communication between two distant people in remote areas is
possible. In fact, we use our mouths in speaking more than we do in eating. While we eat three
times (breakfast, lunch, supper) or more every day, we spend most of our waking hours talking.
This happens because there is an imperative on our part to let other people know what we have in
mind or what our hearts say. Simply put, being social beings, we cannot keep to ourselves our
thoughts and our feelings.

Communication Process
The communication process involves elements such as source, message, encoding, channel,
decoding, receiver, feedback, context, and barrier.

1. Source- the speaker or sender of a message.

2. Message- the message, information, or ideas from the source or speaker.
3. Encoding- the process of transferring the message.
4.Channel- the means to deliver a message such as face- to-face conversations, telephone calls, e-
mails and memos, among others.
5.Decoding- the process of interpreting an encoded message.
6. Receiver- the recipient of the message.
7. Feedback-the reactions or responses of the receiver to the message from the reader.
8. Context- the situation or environment in which communication takes place.
9. Barriers- the factors which may affect the communication takes place.

Examples of barriers to communication:

1. Culture
2. Individual differences
3. Language use
4. Noise
5. Past experiences
6. Status

How to Be a Good Conversationalist

For those of us who dread idle conversation, who find small talk loathsome and awkward, these

small tweaks can render small talk bearable, even enjoyable. Given that small talk is nearly

impossible to avoid unless you’re a recluse, being a better conversationalist can reduce your anxiety

and enhance your social experiences.

(1) Listen.

We put listen first because it’s the hardest, and perhaps the most crucial, way to become a better

conversationalist. Listening, contrary to what you might have been told, is not the opposite of

talking. In fact, listening and talking equally are the qualities that make good conversation. It’s

important not only to talk and move the conversation forward, but also to really listen and integrate

what the other person has to say. Give them space to talk, and take the time to appreciate what they

have to say. The more attentively you listen, the better you can understand what that person means

and respond incisively instead of merely talking over them.

(2) Be present.

Be present in the moment. Don’t look at your phone, or your watch, or dwell on that sour interaction

you had with a coworker. Instead, focus entirely on the conversation and the person you’re listening

to. Be in the moment with them. Take the time to give thoughtful responses and ask questions

they’ll want to respond to. Don’t talk over them and push your own agenda; give them equal space

to talk and contribute to the conversation.

(3) Embrace silence.

Even the most extroverted people shouldn’t feel they have to fill silent spaces with chatter. In fact,

silence is often as meaningful as talking. When there’s silence, you can appreciate and assimilate

what others are saying, and take time to formulate a considered response. Silence is uncomfortable
at first, but with practice, you will become accustomed to it and wield it to enhance your

conversation skills. Remember: silence is only awkward if you perceive it as such.

4) Take genuine interest.

Often, when we talk to people, we are more interested in getting our own words out than listening

to what that person has to say. We are eager to jump in and offer our opinion, or talk about ourselves.

But what that shows is a lack of genuine interest in the other person. Instead, we need to think: who

is this person we’re talking to? What motivates them? What’s important to them? What are they

trying to convey to us? Being genuinely interested in someone is essential to being a good

conversationalist. We connect to people’s stories, to their motivations: that’s what we remember

about people in the next conversation.

(5) Ask better questions.

Asking questions is an art in itself. After all, questions drive conversations forward, introduce new

topics, and display genuine interested in what others have to say (see #4). The key to good questions

is asking questions that are open-ended and will elicit a response that’ll enrich the discussion. Don’t

ask questions that prompt a yes or no answer. Those are an instant conversation killer. The trick is

for your questions to be purposeful, to hit below the surface. You want your questions to encourage

critical thought — not so you’ll put your conversation partner on the spot, but so that your

conversation will blow open in an interesting way.

(6) Deepen the conversation.

That brings us to the next way to have better conversations: don’t be afraid to deepen your

conversations. This means shifting from small talk to medium and large talk. Deepening the

conversation starts with asking open-ended questions — but it ends with pushing the conversation

into more profound, and more real, terrain.

For example, you might ask someone what they do for work. Then, you might follow the question

by asking why they chose that profession, followed by asking what they aspire for their career over

the long term. Or you might ask someone if they’re from here originally, and if they answer no, you

might ask what their hometown is like, and if they would ever move back there or what the biggest

differences are

GETT
Do’s and Don’ts in Conversation

Everyone knows a person who speaks out of turn, says the wrong thing that creates an awkward
moment, asks rude questions, or never allows anyone else to get a word in edgewise. He might have
good intentions, but being around him can grate on the nerves. Don’t become that person. If you
already are, you probably know, but you're not sure how to change. It's important to understand some
basic social skills and then put them into practice.

Regardless of how smart or witty you are, there are times when you need to stop and evaluate the
appropriateness of what you are saying. Make sure you have good speech filters to prevent saying
something rude. Acquiring the skill of a good conversationalist requires learning some fundamental
guidelines and practicing them.

1. Pause

Before you open your mouth to speak, stop and think about what you are going to say. Too many
people speak before they think and when the words come out, they don’t convey the intended
meaning. Before you say anything, pause for a moment to allow your internal filters to take over.
This may make the difference between being considered a good conversationalist and others thinking
you are boorish.

2. Pay Attention to Signals

As you chat with others, pay close attention to their body language signals letting you know that you
are losing them in conversation. If you continue talking long after they have mentally zoned out, you
may find yourself alone, or worse, not invited to the next get-together. The instant you realize you’ve
said too much, take a breath and give someone else a chance to talk.

Signs the other person is no longer engaged in the conversation:

1. Yawning
2. No longer making eye contact
3. Glancing around the room as if looking for an escape
4. Backing away
5. Not responding
6. Tapping foot or pointing feet toward the nearest escape
7. Listen to Others

One of the best ways to have people thinking you are good at conversation is to listen to what they
have to say. In order to listen, you have to zip your own lips and be in the moment. This shows your
interest in them, and they are more likely to show interest in you when you speak. Give the other
person your undivided attention. Listening is the best way to get to know someone.

How to show you are listening:

1.Maintain eye contact.

2.Nod or interject an occasional, “Yes, I agree,” or “I know what you mean.

3.Acknowledge the other person's triumphs by congratulating them

Conversation Topics

Before you go to a party or casual get-together with friends, put some time into what you’d like to
discuss. Doing this will help prevent lulls in conversation, and you’ll find that these topics provide
excellent springboards for discussion that can go in a variety of directions.

Ideas for discussion topics:

1. Local news items

2. Favorite foods
3. New businesses in the area
4. Sports
5. Hobbies
6. Music releases
7. Favorite books
8. Pop culture topics
9. TV shows or movies

Topics to avoid (unless you are with long-time friends):

1. Political opinions – unless you are at a political rally or convention

2. Lifestyle pet peeves – unless you are at a function that promotes a specific lifestyle
3. Age issues – unless you are at an event where everyone is in the same age group
4. Weight issues – unless you are with a group of people whose goals are to gain or lose weight
5. Personal finance – unless the other person is your financial advisor or banker
6. Nitty-gritty details about a health problem – unless you are with a group of health professionals
who don’t get grossed out from talking about blood and other body fluids
Etiquette Mistakes

A social situation calls for knowing how to avoid making mistakes during a conversation. Many
people leave wondering what they might have said or done to turn people away. Be aware of some
of the most common mistakes in order to prevent bringing a discussion to a screeching halt.

Common blunders:

1. Not knowing anything about the person you are talking to. The solution there is simple: take the
time to get to know the person you are having a conversation with. This will enable you to talk
about something that might interest him or her.

2. Texting or constantly checking your phone for messages. No one wants to feel that the phone is
more important than the here-and-now conversation.

3. Telling off-color jokes. If you don’t know the person you are speaking with very well, you never
know what might be offensive, interrupting or monopolizing the conversation. Give the other
person a chance to shine. Doing otherwise is a good way to have people walking a wide berth
around you.

4. Randomly changing the conversation to suit yourself. If you do this often, others may consider
you to be narcissistic.

5. Glancing past the person you are speaking to. You don’t want to appear opportunistic at the
expense of the other person’s feelings.

6. Acting like a know-it-all. No one knows everything, so don’t pretend that you do.

7. Forgetting to introduce others. Be gracious and at least start with an introduction.

8. Gossiping about anyone. You never know whose best friend you are talking about.

There are times when you can't prevent the conversation from going toward an uncomfortable topic,
and there are a couple of ways you can handle it. You can quickly change the subject and hope the
person takes the hint. Or you can simply say, "Let's not discuss this anymore."

Proper handling of Conversations in Various Situations

We all have an inner voice that tells us when we need to have a difficult conversation with
someone—a conversation that, if it took place, would improve life at the office for ourselves and
for everyone else on our team. But fear drowns that inner voice—and we put the conversation off.
Meanwhile the offending individual continues to provide substandard performance, miss
deadlines, engage in interpersonal conflicts and exhibit toxic behavior.

The consequence of not having that uncomfortable conversation is costly. A CPP Inc.
study of workplace conflict reveals that employees in the U.S. spend roughly 2.8 hours per week
dealing with conflict. Thirty-three percent of employees report that the conflict led to personal
injury and attacks, and 22 percent report that it led to illness and absence from work. Ten percent
report that project failure was a direct result of conflict. A similar study by Psychometrics in
Canada, showed that 32 percent of employees have to deal with conflict regularly. More alarming
is a recent study by Accenture revealing that, even in this challenging economic climate, 35
percent of employees leave their jobs voluntarily because of internal politics.

Handling the difficult conversation requires skill and empathy, but ultimately, it requires the
courage to go ahead and do it. The more you get into the habit of facing these issues squarely, the
more adept you will become at it. If you're unsure of how to best approach a crucial conversation,
here are some tips to guide you:

1. Be clear about the issue.

To prepare for the conversation, you need to ask yourself two important questions: "What exactly
is the behavior that is causing the problem?" and "What is the impact that the behavior is having
on you, the team or the organization?" You need to reach clarity for yourself so you can articulate
the issue in two or three succinct statements. If not, you risk going off on a tangent during the
conversation. The lack of focus on the central issue will derail the conversation and sabotage your
intentions.

2. Know your objective.

What do you want to accomplish with the conversation? What is the desired outcome? What are
the non-negotiables? As English philosopher Theodore Zeldin put it: A successful conversation
"doesn't just reshuffle the cards: it creates new cards." What are the new cards that you want to
have in your hands by the end of the conversation? Once you have determined this, plan how you
will close the conversation. Don't end without clearly expressed action items. What is the person
agreeing to do? What support are you committed to provide? What obstacles might prevent these
remedial actions from taking place? What do you both agree to do to overcome potential obstacles?
Schedule a follow up to evaluate progress and definitively reach closure on the issue at hand.

3. Adopt a mindset of inquiry.

Spend a little time to reflect on your attitude toward the situation and the person involved. What
are your preconceived notions about it? Your mindset will predetermine your reaction and
interpretations of the other person's responses, so it pays to approach such a conversation with the
right mindset—which in this context is one of inquiry. A good doctor diagnoses a situation before
reaching for his prescription pad. This applies equally to a leader. Be open to hear first what the
other person has to say before reaching closure in your mind. Even if the evidence is so clear that
there is no reason to beat around the bush, we still owe it to the person to let them tell their story.
A good leader remains open and seeks a greater truth in any situation. The outcome of adopting
this approach might surprise you.

4. Manage the emotions.

Most of us were likely raised to believe that emotions need to be left at the door. We now know
that this is an old-school approach that is no longer valid in today's work environments. It is your
responsibility as a leader to understand and manage the emotions in the discussion. The late Robert
Plutchik, professor at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, created a Wheel of Emotions to
show that emotions follow a path. What starts as an annoyance, for example, can move to anger
and, in extreme cases, escalate to rage. We can avoid this by being mindful of preserving the
person's dignity—and treating them with respect—even if we totally disagree with them.

In some cases, you may have to respond to a person's tears. In the video "How To Handle Tears
At Work," Anne Kreamer, author of It's Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New
Workplace, provides several strategies. These include acknowledging the tears rather than ignoring
them, offering the person a tissue to provide an opportunity to gather his or her thoughts, and
recognizing that the tears communicate a problem to be addressed

5. Be comfortable with silence.

There will be moments in the conversation where a silence occurs. Don't rush to fill it with words.
Just as the pause between musical notes helps us appreciate the music, so the periodic silence in
the conversation allows us to hear what was said and lets the message sink in. A pause also has a
calming effect and can help us connect better. For example, if you are an extrovert, you're likely
uncomfortable with silence, as you're used to thinking while you're speaking. This can be perceived
as steamrolling or overbearing, especially if the other party is an introvert. Introverts want to think
before they speak. Stop talking and allow them their moment—it can lead to a better outcome.

6. Preserve the relationship.

A leader who has high emotional intelligence is always mindful to limit any collateral damage to
a relationship. It takes years to build bridges with people and only minutes to blow them up. Think
about how the conversation will build good relationship.

7. Be consistent.

Ensure that your objective is fair and that you are using a consistent approach. For example, if the
person thinks you have one set of rules for this person and a different set for another, you'll be
perceived as showing favoritism. Nothing erodes a relationship faster than perceived
inequality. Employees have long-term memories of how you handled situations in the past. Aim
for consistency in your leadership approach. We trust a leader who is consistent because we don't
have to second-guess where they stand on important issues such as culture, corporate values and
acceptable behaviors

8. Develop your conflict resolution skills.

Conflict is a natural part of human interaction. Managing conflict effectively is one of the vital
skills of leadership. Have a few, proven phrases that can come in handy in crucial spots.

9. Watch your reaction to thwarting ploys.

In a Harvard Business Review article, Sarah Green lists nine common mistakes we make when we
conduct a difficult conversation. One of these mistakes is how we handle thwarting ploys, such as
stonewalling, sarcasm and accusing. The best advice is to simply address the ploy openly and
sincerely. As the author says, if the ploy from your counterpart is stubborn unresponsiveness, you
can candidly say, "I don't know how to interpret your silence." Disarm the ploy by labeling the
observed behavior.

10. Choose the right place to have the conversation.

Calling people into your office may not be the best strategy. Sitting in your own turf, behind your
desk, shifts the balance of power too much on your side. Even simple body language, such as
leaning forward toward the person rather than leaning back on your chair, can carry a subtle
message of your positive intentions; i.e., "We're in this together. Let's problem solve so that we
have a better workplace." Consider holding the meeting in a neutral place such as a meeting room
where you can sit adjacent to each other without the desk as a barrier. Don't exclude the coffee
shop.

11. Know how to begin.

Some people put off having the conversation because they don't know how to start. The best way
to start is with a direct approach. "John, I would like to talk with you about what happened at the
meeting this morning when Bob asked about the missed deadline. Let's grab a cup of coffee
tomorrow morning to chat." Or: "Linda, I want to go over some of the issues with XYZ customer
and some concerns that I have. Let's meet tomorrow morning to problem-solve."

Being upfront is the authentic and respectful approach. You don't want to ambush people by
surprising them about the nature of the "chat." Make sure your tone of voice signals discussion
and not inquisition, exploration and not punishment.