Beeyotch - How To Break-Up With The Bad Boy

How To Break-up With The Bad Boy?
(Completed)
by beeyotch
[Bad Boy # 1] Monique Aldea never wished for a story as complicated as this. Sa
kanya, okay na 'yung isang mabait na boyfriend at 'yung mga kaibigan niya. Things
were turning great for her until she met Lourd, the bad boy who was willing to be
the best guy just for her.
Will she give everything up for him or be the coward that she was and continue
living her perfect life?
=================
How To Breakup With The Bad Boy?
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, places, and events are
product of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or
dead, is purely coincidental.
Do not distribute without the permit of the author.
Start: March 1, 2014
End: July 15, 2014
=================
Prologue
“One minute,” he said while his lips were moving down the hollow of my neck.
I closed my eyes and bit my lips.
“Lourd, nandyan si Chance sa labas,” I said, trying to reason with him. His lips
travelled north, back to my lips. “Oh, s-hit,” I said and then grabbed his face and
kissed him back.
We have been playing this game of hide and seek since the night he pulled me and
kissed my senses away. Don’t get me wrong, I loved his brother so damn much... but
with Lourd, all my reasons just come flying out the window. He was the only wrong
thing that I was willing gamble with. Masama yet hindi ko kayang tigilan.
Oh, God.
“Monique?”
My heart stopped beating. S-hit.
Lourd was biting my neck while breathing raggedly. “F-uck. Wrong timing naman si
kuya,” he said.
Inayos ko ‘yung damit ko and then combed my hair. Si Lourd, naupo sa gilid ng kama
niya at pinanood ako na ayusin ang sarili ko. I was shaking my head while rolling
my eyes. What a perverted moron.
“Alis na ako,” I said.
Humiga siya sa kama niya and said, “Alright. Kailan ulit make out session, Miss?”
Napailing na lang ako. I was dating his brother: Chance Sandoval. He was perfect
yet I was having an affair with his devil of a brother.
=================
-1-
Chapter One
“Tama na, please!” sabi ko kay Cassandra. We’ve been here for what felt like an
hour already and yet hindi pa rin siya tumitigil sa pag-iyak. If we had known any
better, sana hindi na lang kami pumunta ni Trisha dito. We could have been enjoying
our lives getting wasted in some bar kaysa nandito kami sa condo ni Cass, tiga abot
ng tissue paper.
Napailing iling na lang si Trisha sa akin and then inabutan niya ng another roll ng
tissue paper si Cass. I looked at our surrounding. Too many f-ucking tissue paper!
“Pabayaan mo siya, Mon. Kakagaling lang sa breakup, oh. Be considerate,” she said.
I rolled my eyes. Consideration my arse. Bakit ako magcoconsiderate e right from

the very beginning, we have gave plenty of warnings about that d-amned man. Sinabi
na nga sa kanya na ‘wag niyang patulan pero ano ang ginawa niya? Wala. Nada. Kaput.
She insisted on dating Chance Sandoval. And where did it get her? Here, inside her
condo, wailing like some deranged woman.
We gave her almost a list of reasons as to why she shouldn’t purse that as-shole.
I’ll provide a rundown of the things:
1. He’s an ass.
2. He’s snob.
3. He’s a total achiever.
4. He’s f-ucking perfect and he knew it.
I could mention all the things na naging dahilan para maging taboo siya yet still,
in Cassandra’s crooked mind, wala. She still fell for Chance. ‘Yan tuloy, iiyak
iyak.
I crossed my legs and arched my brow. Ugh. Sumasakit ‘yung ulo ko dito kay
Cassandra!
“Is it my fault, then? Sinabi na ngang that Chance Lucas Sandoval is no good yet
you still insisted on dating him,” I said while she was shedding another batch of
tears. Kailan ba mauubos ‘yung luha niya?! “Tumigil ka nga sa kaiiyak, Cassandra
delos Reyes! Hindi ka namatayan, okay?!”
Ugh! Kung pwede ko lang sampalin ‘tong babaeng ‘to kanina ko pa ginawa, e! Hindi ko
talaga maintindihan kung bakit niya iniiyakan si Chance. As if naman umabot sila ng
anniversary, baka ‘yun maiconsider ko pa. E hindi naman. They were together for
just a week. Just a freaking week yet kung makaiyak siya akala mo iniwan siya ng
long-time boyfriend niya!
“Mahal ko nga, e...” she reasoned while hysterically sobbing.
“Mahal my ass. You’re just lusting over him, Cass. Gising gising din sa
katotohanan,” I said. Pakielam ko ba kung masaktan siya. I was just trying to make
her see why she shouldn’t waste her time crying for that guy. E baka nga ni hindi
na siya pansinin ni Chance the next time na magkasalubong sila. Sayang ang luha.
Natawa si Trisha sa akin.
“What?” I snapped at Trisha.
She shook her head. “Wala lang, Mon. I was just wondering kung bakit ka galit na
galit kay Chance. Ex mo rin ba?”
“What the f-uck?” sabi ko sa kanya, hindi ako makapaniwala na pinag-isipan niya na
ex ko si Chance!
Mas lalong lumakas ‘yung tawa ni Trisha. The hell was wrong with this Chinese?!
“Wala lang, you’re just too pissed at the guy. You haven’t even met him personally
yet,” said Trisha.
I rolled my eyes at them and watched Cassandra wiped her tears with disgust. Never
akong iiyak para sa isang lalaki. Hindi worth it.
“Hindi ko na siya kailangang makita in person, okay. Just hearing stories about him
is enough for me to loathe the guy.”
Trisha’s smile turned into a grimace. “Why don’t you meet him para malaman mo why
our dear Cassandra’s bawling her eyes out?”
“Are you trying to match-make me and that Chance Lucas F-ucking Sandoval? Because
that isn’t happening, sister,” sabi ko sa kanya.
Sumandal siya sa sofa and then crossed her arms. “Oh, really, Monique Aldea?”
Sumasakit ang ulo ko. Bakit ko ba naging kaibigan ‘tong si Trisha? If I hadn’t
known any better, iisipin ko na baka gipit lang talaga ako sa kaibigan kaya
pinagtatyagaan ko ‘tong Intsik na ‘to. But then again, wala namang gustong
makipagkaibigan sa akin sa university since I wasn’t that two-good-of-a-shoe. I was
too much to handle for most of them. Si Trisha at Cassandra lang talaga ang
nagtagal. Most of my former friends were a bunch of users. Ginawa ba naman akong
human credit card? The nerve.
I mimicked her tone, “Oh, really yes, Trisha Fajardo.”
Like it was planned, she clapped her hands. “It’s settled then! You’re meeting
Chance tonight!”
“What?”
She beamed at me and showed me her phone. Nakalagay dun ‘yung schedule ng parties
for the whole month. Trisha’s a socialite kaya invited siya sa mga parties. Siya
lang naman ang mahilig sa party sa aming tatlo. Nakakasawang magparty. Same faces.
Walang bago, not to mention the hangover b-itch na kasunod tuwing umaga.
Lourd’s party
“It’s a black and white party, okay? And for sure dadating si Chance kasi party
‘yun ng twin brother niya!” she said, kulang na lang tumalon siya sa sobrang saya.
I shook my head and blindly agreed to her stupid plan. As if naman mababago ang
judgment ko kapag nakita ko si Chance. So what if he’s good-looking? Ang daming
gwapo sa Manila. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ‘yung ibang babae kulang na
lang mangisay kapag nakakita ng gwapo. Try niyong lumakad sa Eastwood, magsawa kayo
sa lalaki. Tss.
After a while, kumalma na si Cassandra. Actually, she’s ecstatic about the idea na
mamemeet ko si Chance. Sabi niya lang sa akin ‘wag akong ma in love kay Chance kasi
friendship over na daw kami. Parang baliw. Nakita ko na si Chance sa picture. Okay
fine he’s handsome... that’s it.
Umuwi na kami ni Trisha sa unit namin. We live together since we’re practically
sisters. She was bugging me the whole night about Chance. I swear pakiramdam ko
kilala ko na siya dahil sa dami ng kwento ni Trisha! Kulang na lang magvolunteer
siyang biographer, e!
Before I even knew it, the morning rolled in. Pumasok ako sa university since konti
na lang talaga madodrop na ako sa courses ko due to excessive absences.
Nadaan ako sa parking lot and there, I saw Lourd Sandoval flirting with yet his
another victim. That man was the worst. Grabe. I didn’t know why girls still like
him despite the fact that he drops them like a hot potato right after sleeping with
them.
I knew him since he’s studying in the same university. Weird lang dahil ‘yung
kakambal niya, nagtatrabaho na pero siya nag-aaral pa. Mahina siguro ang ulo.
Pumasok na ako sa school, and things were normal as ever. Boring sa school.
Palibasa exclusive school kaya walang nakakapasok na hindi students. Walang
masyadong away sa school, hindi uso ang pambubully dito. Most people came from
elite family kaya alam nila ang proper decorum... at least inside the school. Ibang
usapan kapag nasa clubs. It’s like they turn into some wild animals.
“Excited na ako!” squealed Trisha nung pagdating namin sa unit. Kanina pa siya
nangungulit nung nagdadrive pa lang ako pauwi. Kulang na nga lang ihulog ko siya sa
highway sa sobrang perky niya, e! “Wear that sexy dress, okay?”
“Whatever, Instik.”
We stayed for a while at umalis kami sa condo nung 10pm na. Parties start at 10pm,
earliest. Loser lang talaga ‘yung pumupunta ng maaga. Minsan nga nakakainis ng
magparty kasi may mga jejemon na social climber na nakikiparty. Halata mo naman
kasi ang desperate nila. Yuck. Feeling naman nila seseryosihin sila nung mga
lalaking nilalandi nila. Those kinds of guy will have sex with them and then forget
them. I have cousins na ganyan ang gawain. They are like some antidote for their
itch.
Dumaan muna kami sa convenience store and bought energy drink. Sa sobrang hassle ng
school works, baka bigla na lang akong bumulagta dun sa sobrang antok.
“Ready?” Trisha said the moment the attendant ushered us in. She winked at me and
then whispered in my ears ‘yung suot ni Chance at kung saan siya located.
After just a while, she bounced away.

I didn’t look for the guy right away. Mamaya na siguro. The night was still young.
“Tonic,” I said to the bartender.
I was observing the party, subtly looking for the target. Wala pa yata siya pero
‘yung kambal niya nandito na. Ayun, may binibiktima na naman. Manw-hore.
“Not interested,” sabi ko sa mga lumalapit na lalaki. They’re drunk. Wala akong
balak mag-alaga ng lasing, noh. And I wasn’t interested in casual sex. No, thanks.
I was too good for that kind of crap.
After a while, lumabas na ako dahil hindi ko na makaya ‘yung usok mula sa sigarilyo
pati na ‘yung mga lalaking desperadong makakuha ng babae. Aba kung gusto nila ng
ka-sex, sana sa Cubao sila naghanap! ‘Dun daw madaming prostitute. Tsk. Guys and
their stupid brains!
“Chance, baby, please?”
“I don’t do my workmate, Sasha. Stop touching my crotch.”
Goodness! Ano bang pinag-uusapan nila?!
“I’ll resign just please, please... Please just one night.”

“You’re drunk. Umuwi ka na,” the man said. I think it was Chance. Duh. I heard the
desperate woman say his name. “Stop opening my zipper, woman! You have a boyfriend;
hindi ako pumapatol sa may sabit,” sabi niya.
Oh, heavens! Natatawa ako sa usapan nila! Never thought Chance was this cool!
I was chuckling all by myself ng mapansin kong lumabas na ‘yung desperate woman.
Oh, my god! Kung hindi lang masama na gumulong dito katatawa, kanina ko pa ginawa!
That one was desperate attempt to get laid! Sabi na madami talagang jejemon sa
clubs, e!
I was suppressing my laughter nung pumasok ako sa nilabasan nung babae. It was some
kind of balcony on the second floor na kita ang Manila skyscrapers. A breath-taking
sight to hold, I tell you.
“Hi,” I said. I was way too confident para mahiya sa kanya. I’m Monique Aldea,
bakit ako mahihiya sa ibang tao? Too conceited for that kind of crap.
Humarap siya sa akin and then nodded. Wow. He’s really something.
“I heard your conversation accidentally. It’s funny,” I commented.
He cocked his head. “You think so?”

I nodded.
“Well, no one’s asking for your opinion,” he said and then strutted away.
What the hell?!
--
Lagyan niyo ng hashtag na #HTBWTBB kapag may tweets or posts sa tumblr para mabasa
ko, pls! Hahaha natutuwa kasi akong magbasa ng reactions niyo. <3 And and and I'll
update as much as possible since sooobrang haba ng story na 'to.
Twitter: @beeyotchWP
=================
-2-
Chapter Two
Kanina pa tawa ng tawa sa akin si Trisha. Naikwento ko kasi sa kanya ‘yung ginawa
at sinabi ni Chance. Actually, wala naman akong balak ikwento kasi masakit sa pride
‘yung ginawa niya but I seriously cannot hold it in! Sasabog na ako sa sobrang
inis!
“Ano ka ngayon?” she said while changing magazine. Nandito kami ngayon sa target
shooting range. Nag-aya kasi ako dahil stressed na stressed pa rin ako!
It’s been four days since that night pero iba pa rin ang epekto sa akin ng ginawa
niya! Mabuti na lang hindi kami nagkikita because I swear to the gods and
goddesses, tatamaan sa akin ‘yung lalaking ‘yun! Gusto ko siyang saktan at sampalin
at i-castrate! Ugh! Dalawang sentence lang ‘yung nasabi niya sa akin pero sagad
sagad sa buto ‘yung inis ko sa kanya!
Ilang araw na akong parang mababaliw dahil gustung-gusto kong ilabas ‘yung inis sa
antipatikong Chance na ‘yun pero wala akong masabihan! Sobrang hiyang hiya ako sa
sarili ko. Hindi na lang talaga ako nakapagpigil kaya nasabi ko kay Trisha. And it
was a bad move. Wala siyang ibang ginawa kundi ang tawanan ako!
“Shut up,” I said before firing the gun.
Nakailang rounds kami pero hindi pa rin sapat. Naiinis ako! Kailangan kong ilabas
‘to or else baka mabaliw na ako!
“Seriously, Mon, let it go. Ganyan talaga si Chance, akala ko naman aware ka,” she
said and then opened her bottled water.
Mukha bang alam ko?! Kung alam ko e di sana hindi ako nagmumukmok ng ganito, ‘di
ba?! Kulang na lang barilin ko pati ‘yung mga staff dito sa sobrang inis ko, e!
Imagine, si Monique Aldea, binara ng lalaki?! What the effin’ hell?!
“I can’t let it go!” I said with pure frustration. Naiinis ako. Naiinis ako.
Naiinis ako!
Tawa pa rin siya ng tawa sa akin. Pasalamat siya sinurrender na naman ‘yung baril
kung hindi baka ginawa ko na siyang target!
“He’s Chance, middle name niya ang masungit. Hindi ka naman nag-iisa na nasungitan
niya so sweat it off, Monique. Move on, okay?”
I can’t, that’s the thing! Once na may ginawa sa akin ang isang tao, hindi ko
makalimutan! Sure marunong akong magpatawad but I really cannot forget. Nakatanim
na sa puso ko ‘yung ginawa sa akin. I’ll forever be pissed. Bwisit!
Umuwi na kami at naiinis pa rin ako. Sa sobrang bad trip ko, nagvolunteer na si
Trish na siya ang magdadrive dahil daw baka ibangga ko ang sasakyan... na hindi
malayong mangyari given the state of mind that I was in. I was in for some trouble,
I was quite sure.
Trish went somewhere else, hindi ko alam. Wala naman akong pakielam sa buhay nung
Intsik na ‘yun. Probably some blind date na inayos ng Mama niya. Whatever.
Naiwan ako sa condo and I was so pissed that I typed his name sa Google. Okay, time
to know the enemy!
Name: Chance Lucas Márquez-Sandoval
Age: 21
Birthday: June 1, 1992
Educational Achievements: Elementary and High School Valedictorian

(Ateneo de Manila High School) College Summa Cum Laude (University of the
Philippines)
What an ass! E di siya na ang matalino!
I was browsing religiously when I came up with an article about him.
“Chance Sandoval: Left at the altar, alone and frustrated.”
What could be more humiliating than being left at the altar by your girlfriend for
five years?
Nathalia Montealegre, the long-time girlfriend of the most sought after bachelor
Chance Sandoval, left the Philippines just few hours before their wedding. Many
rumours about the reason of her sudden leaving were circulating around the society.
She fell out of love, wedding jitters, pregnant with another man’s child, etc.
People were still dazed by the sudden turn of events as to why Miss Montealegre
decided to call it quits with her boyfriend.
The article was still long but I decided to stop reading. It was so heart-breaking
to read. Kaya ba siya ganun kasungit dahil iniwan siya sa altar ng girlfriend niya?
Pero bakit naman siya iiwan for no particular reason? Maybe because he’s an ass!
Pero... ugh! Nakakaawa talaga si Chance. Ikaw ba naman ang iwan ng fiancee mo at
mapahiya sa buong Pilipinas? Ang baliw naman nung babae! Sana sinabi niya, hindi
‘yung umalis siya bigla. Nagmukhang tanga tuloy si Chance.
Nagpatuloy ako sa pagbabasa... they still had no clue about the whereabouts of the
girl. Saan naman kaya nagtatago ‘yun para hindi nila matunton? Sa mundo ngayon,
impossibleng hindi siya makita! Internet does everything for the people!
After an hour, natapos din ako. Damn. I felt like kilala ko na talaga si Chance.
Para akong groupies niya. Tsk.
Lumabas ako to eat my lunch since hindi talaga ako sanay kumain mag-isa sa loob ng
unit. Mas okay sa labas kahit mag-isa at least may presence ng ibang tao. Whatever.
Iba talaga ang gusto ko sa buhay.
I grabbed my things and then went down. I live in Rockwell kaya konting lakad lang,
mabubuhay na ako. Nakakalungkot lang talaga kasi may mga jejemon na na nagkalat sa
lugar.
“Pesto and fruit shake,” I said to the waitress.
Umupo ako sa pinakagilid, sa tabi ng bintana kasi gusto kong nagmamasid ng mga
ginagawa ng mga tao. I took up Psych for that reason. Masayang mag interpret ng
actions ng mga tao.
I was waiting for my food when I saw Chance walking down the street looking so
chic. Damn! Bakit bigla akong nagka crush sa kanya?! Dahil ba naawa ako bigla dahil
sa backstory niya?!
At bakit naman ako maaawa? That man was so cruel to me!

I was watching him walk ng bigla siyang malingon sa direksyon ko. Ugh! Ayan, nahuli
niya pa tuloy ako na nakatingin sa kanya. Bwisit! Bwisit!
He rolled his eyes at me. That f-ucking man! Ang sama talaga ng ugali! Ugh! Lord,
why?!
Nung dumating ‘yung order ko, pinagdiskitahan ko ‘yung French toast. Bwisit na
lalaki. Makakarma ka din! Ang sama ng ugali mo. Hindi porke iniwan ka ng fiancee mo
sa altar, pwede ka ng magsungit sa buong mundo. Bwisit!
Kumakain ako ng tahimik ng bigla siyang pumasok sa loob ng restaurant. He actually

had the nerve to sit near me!
Doon siya umupo sa table beside me and sat on the chair adjacent to my position. He
crossed his legs and then rolled his eyes at me. S-hit ang kapal ng mukha!
I was murdering my food and looking at my food alone (baka kasi isipin niya
tinitignan ko siya. Please lang.) nung biglang dumating si James, pinsan ko.
“Lunch alone? Nasan ‘yung maldita mong best friend?” he asked the moment he plopped
down next to me. Patingin tingin siya, probably looking for Trisha. He has hots for
her but too bad, ayaw sa kanya ng best friend ko. He’s a playboy and Trisha hates
his kind with passion.
I shrugged, wala naman kasi akong concern sa whereabouts nung Chinese na ‘yun. I
continued eating while he was ordering for his own food.
“Chance?” he said. My eyes automatically shot up. Magkakilala sila?! “Mon, dito na
rin si Chance, ha?”
Before I could even utter a protest, napalipat niya na sa table namin ‘yung
antipatikong lalaki! Sige, kailan ba matatapos ‘yung inis ko?! Malapit ng mag-isang
linggo akong pissed off, ah!
“Mon, si Chance. Chance, pinsan ko, si Monique,” James said, introducing us.
I gave a small smile. Pasalamat siya nag-effort akong ngumiti!
He just nodded at me. Walang manners.
After a while, they were drowning in their own world. Pareho na kasi silang working
kaya about the corporate world ang pinag-uusapan nila. Stocks here, investments
there. Boo! Boring! Siguro ang boring kasama nitong si Chance. Para siyang robot.
Walang feelings.
“Hey, you okay?” sabi ni James sa akin. Napansin niya yata na bored na bored na
ako, kulang na lang saksakin ko ‘yung sarili ko dito ng bread knife.
I nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

Napansin ni James na hindi ako okay, which was so obvious! I would slap him right
on the face kung di pa niya napansin ‘yun!
“Well, anyway, don’t you two know each other? Pareho kayong galing sa UP, ah,” sabi
ni James.
I shook my head. Hindi ko siya kilala. Kung pwede nga lang alisin ko siya sa utak
ko, ginawa ko na, e.
“Don’t know her,” sabi ni Chance.
Tumingin naman sa akin si James. “How about his twin? Si Lourd. Well, impossible na
hindi mo siya kilala. I heard he’s quite famous in your school,” mentioned James.
Tumango na lang ako. Duh. Famous talaga si Lourd. He’s been inside every girl’s
vagina. No pun intended. Seryoso ako.
“Well, that’s nice!” sabi ni James and then tumayo siya. He patted Chance’s back
and then kissed me on the cheek. “I’ll go ahead, work call. Usap lang kayong
dalawa,” he said and then left us alone.
This was awkward. Super awkward. Really awkward. I cannot emphasize how awkward it
was.
“Stop staring. You’re creeping me out,” he said.

WHAT THE SERIOUS F-UCK?!
Lumingon ako sa harap ko and he wasn’t paying attention to me. He was drinking his
coffee and eating his cake. What the hell was wrong with him?! Hindi ko gets ‘yung
logic niya!
Sa sobrang inis ko, binato ko sa kanya ‘yung tissue paper. Mabuti na lang walang
masyadong tao sa restaurant kasi for sure pagtitinginan kami. At makakarating sa
parents ko ‘yung ginawa ko. Maraming tenga ang mga tao sa mundo namin. Konting
galaw mo lang, alam na ng parents mo.
In an instant, napatingin siya sa akin. His eyes were flaring.
“Problema mo?” he said, anger seething through his voice.
“Ano’ng problema ko? Ikaw, ano’ng problema mo?!” I said, tumataas na din ang boses
ko. Nakakairita na siya, sobra na talaga!
“Lunatic,” sabi niya.
“What the hell?!”
He rolled his eyes at me and then tumayo na siya. “Nakakawalang gana kumain kapag
nakikita ko ‘yung mukha mo,” he said and then walked away.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa isip ko pero pinatid ko siya nung naglalakad
na sana siya paalis. I swear sometimes I do things impulsively lalo na kapag galit
ako. And right now, I was beyond furious.
I heard him say numerous curses under his breath. Okay, Mon. ‘Wag kang matakot sa
kanya. Hindi ka niya sasaktan out in the open!
“Ano bang problema mo, Miss?”
Five words. Five words lang ang sinabi niya pero kulang na lang manginig ‘yung
tuhod ko sa sobrang takot. He was staring intently at my eyes, pakiramdam ko
matutunaw na ako.
With trembling hands, tinuro ko ‘yung note na ibinato ko kanina sa kanya. “I-ikaw
kasi, sabi mo c-creepy ako.”
“Then stop staring kung ayaw mong sinasabihan ka ng creepy.”
I raised my chin. Hindi niya dapat mahalata na kinakabahan ako kahit obvious na
obvious na!
“So, feeling mo gwapo gwapo mo?”

He rolled his eyes at me. Mukhang bored na bored na siyang kausapin ako. Konti na
lang talaga mauubos na ‘yung dignidad ko sa lalaking ‘to!
“Ikaw nagsabi niyan, hindi ako.”
Pinagpagan niya ‘yung pants niya dahil nga pinatid ko siya. Dapat pala tinodo ko na
para nadapa talaga siya! Ang sama ng ugali niya! Sobra! Sobra pa sa sobra! Hindi
naman sapat na reason na iniwan siya ng fiancee niya para maging ganito siya
kasungit!
“Sama ng ugali mo,” I whispered.
Inabot niya ‘yung gamit niya na nakapatong sa upuan and then looked at me. “See if
I care,” sabi niya before leaving me in disgrace yet again.
--
Put hashtag #HTBWTBB sa posts niyo mapa twitter or tumblr or fb para mabasa ko
kahit di ako nakatag! <3
=================
-3-
Chapter Three

“Chill. Mamaya bumagsak ka niyan sa exam, sige ka,” Trisha said. Nandito kami sa
condo, nagrereview para sa midterms. We’ve been YOLO-ing these past few days kaya
cramming kami ngayon! No use din naman kasi kung magrereview kami ng maaga,
nakakalimutan din namin. Well, anyway, kanya kanyang reviewing strategy ‘yan as
long as papasa ka!
I listened to her advice, nagreview na lang ako ng mabuti. At least dito may
mapapala ako, e kung iniisip ko pa rin ‘yung antipatikong Chance na ‘yun, masisira
pa ang kinabukasan ko.
Hours passed and hindi pa rin kami natatapos sa nirereview namin. Sino ang
nagsabing masaya maging Psyche student?!
“Let’s eat, Mon. Mamamatay na ako sa gutom...” Trisha said.
Natawa ako sa itsura niya, namumutla na si Chinese!
“Tawa pa, nagugutom na nga ‘yung tao.”
Not so long after, nakarating na kami sa Thai resto nearby. She was busy ordering
tons of food nung mapansin ko na nandun din si Chance sa resto! Talk about
coincidences nga naman, ‘di ba?!
I was so caught up in looking at him from my distance ng kalabitin ako ni Trisha.

She was snapping her fingers at me na pala! I shooed her hands away and made some
really lame excuse, buti na lang naniwala siya sa reason ko! Anyhow, nagtago ako
gamit ‘yung menu ng resto para hindi niya ako makita. I wouldn’t want for him to
roll his eyes at me again naman, noh!
He was talking to someone so seriously... Sobrang seryoso niya. If he was normally

serious, ngayon nasa serious version 2.0 na siya! Just by looking at him, natatakot
na ako! From afar pa ‘to, ha! Paano pa kaya ‘yung nararamdaman ng kausap niya?!
Okay lang kaya ‘yung girl na kausap niya?
Dumating na ‘yung order namin but I really just had to have an excuse para lumapit
sa pwesto nila Chance. Ugh! Since when pa ako naging chismosa?! Minsan bad
influence din ‘tong antipatikong ‘to, e!
“Washroom muna ako,” I said, I didn’t even bother to wait for Trish’s reply. Bahala
ka muna dyan, Instik!
So I did what I have to do, I walked like a freaking ninja hanggang makarating ako
dun sa likod na part ng kinauupuan nila. They were so engaged in the conversation
kaya ni hindi nila namalayan ang presence ko. Okay, thank you! Hindi ko alam kung
kakayanin pa ng pride ko kung mahuli ako ni Chance na nagsspy sa kanya. Lubog na
lubog na ako pagdating sa kanya!
They were so serious, hindi ko masyadong marinig ang pinag-uusapan nila. Things
like ‘annulment’ and ‘sorry’ ang naririnig ko. Ano ‘to? Hidden wife ni Chance? As
far as my research about him went, wala siyang asawa!
Ugh! Mas nacurious tuloy ako!
“No, Nathalia. Tapos na tayo,” he said, loud enough kaya narinig ko.
Damn! Siya si Nathalia?! The great Nathalia?!
I heard some sobbing, na sa tingin ko ay mula kay Nathalia. “B-but I already said
that I’m sorry...”
My heart was racing in anticipation. It was like I was listening to some radio
drama, only here, totoo ang nangyayari!
“Maibabalik ba ng sorry mo lahat ng kahihiyan na nakuha ko?”
“So, is this about pride, Chance Lucas? That damned pride kaya hindi mo ako
mapatawad?”
Nathalia’s words were sharp as knives. Bawat labas ng salita sa bibig niya,
kinakabahan ako. But I feel for Chance... He was left at the altar together with
all the humiliation... No wonder he felt all this coldness towards her.
Gustung-gusto kong tignan si Chance. Gusto kong tignan kung ano ang itsura ng mukha
niya but I just couldn’t risk it...
“Pride? S-hit, Nathalia, you left me at our godd-amned wedding! You could have done
better. Sana sinabi mo sa akin na nagbago pala ‘yung isip mo hindi ‘yung ginawa mo
akong katatawanan. Ano? Are you happy? Naging katatawanan ako dahil sa ginawa mo?”
he said. Kahit na kalmado ‘yung boses niya, ramdam mo ‘yung galit niya.
...and the pain. He was still hurting.
“That’s why I said I’m sorry, Chance! Can’t we put this behind us?”
There was a beat of silence.
“No, Nathalia. I still love you but I love you differently now. I can’t even look
you in the eyes without getting mad and frustrated,” he said. “Every time I see
you, naaalala ko kung paano mo ako iniwan. Five years, Nathalia. Five years tayong
magkasama yet in the end, iniwan mo din ako... You destroyed every woman for me. Ni
hindi ko kayang magtiwala sa kanila dahil sa ginawa mo sa akin. You turned me into
a heartless bastard who couldn’t even feel anything but hatred.”
Napatakip ako sa bibig ko sa narinig ko... Here he was, baring himself enough para
maunawaan ko kung bakit siya ganyan... kung bakit parang hirap na hirap siyang
buksan ang sarili niya sa ibang tao. Now, I couldn’t exactly blame him for being so
mad at the world. Ngayon na narinig ko mismo galing sa kanya kung ano ‘yung
naramdaman niya, I could feel him...
Sorry, Chance. Sorry dahil ganyang klase ng babae ang minahal mo. But not all girls
are like her.
“I’ll get your trust again, Chance. I’m really sorry for what I did... Maniwala ka
sana.”
“Sorry, Nathalia but no. I forgive but I never forget,” and that was the last thing
he said before standing up.
I could hear his footsteps getting louder... kasabay ng paglakas ng tibok ng puso
ko. Damn it! Palagi na lang lumalakas ang tibok ng puso ko, ah! Kailangan ko na
talaga magpa check-up para maagapan!
He stopped right in front of me. Not again! Bakit palagi niya na lang akong
nahuhuli?!
“Wala ka bang ibang magawa sa buhay mo bukod sa sundan ako?” he said and then
walked away... not before rolling his eyes at me! S-hit, Monique! Kailan ka ba
matututo?!
I watched him walk away, completely and utterly humiliated. Another point in your
humiliation chart, Monique! Way to go!
Bumalik ako sa table namin ni Trisha, looking really frustrated. Hay, buhay!
“Problema mo?” she said while happily enjoying her Thai pod.
I shook my head. Ayoko ngang sabihin sa kanya... Pagtatawanan niya na naman ako.
Tahimik lang ako buong pagkain namin. Even after namin kumain at bumalik sa condo,
hindi pa rin ako mapalagay. It was like I feel bad for myself but I feel worse for
Chance. Gusto ko siyang damayan kahit na ang sungit sungit niya sa akin.
Hindi rin ako makapagreview ng maayos because image of Chance kept on flooding my
mind.
“Aalis ako,” I announced. I picked my phone up and searched for Chance’s
whereabouts! Sorry but technology’s really awesome. Nahanap ko siya because of
phone tracker. Medyo madali pala siyang hanapin...
I was bouncing nung makarating ako sa isang bar. Tahimik dito, pang mga matured
person na gustong mag unwind. Bagay na bagay kay Chance...
He was there, drinking by himself in the corner. He was so serious and at the same
time malungkot. Minsan, ang hirap niyang basahin... I was asking myself why I was
even trying pero wala din akong makuhang sagot. What a heart wants, a heart wants.
Unti unti akong lumapit sa kinauupuan niya. I was preparing for the blow, or for
the snarky remark. He was still Chance Lucas Sandoval, after all. Kasama sa
pagkatao niya ang masasakit na salita.
“What do you want?” sabi niya habang iniinom ‘yung alak niya.
I gave him a small smile. “You can talk to me,” I whispered. Nahihiya pa rin ako sa
kanya.
“If this is about what you heard, you can now go. Ayokong pag-usapan,” he said
dismissively. Nagpatuloy siya sa pagsasalin ng whisky sa baso niya.
The sweet music of Bossa nova was serenading us. Naupo ako sa upuan sa harap niya.
I was unwanted and unwelcome pero kailangan niya talaga ng kausap.
“I said leave me alone. Tanga ka ba?”
I took a huge breath. “Sure, tanga na kung tanga. But talk to me. Nabobother ako sa
narinig ko kanina. Hindi ako matahimik so please do me a favor and talk to me, will
you?”
Umiling iling siya matapos kong magsalita. Way to go, Monique!
He cocked his arrogant head to my side. “Sigurado ka? Miss, wala sa plano ko ang ma
in love. Ngayon pa lang tigil-tigilan mo ako kung ‘yan ang habol mo sa akin.”
Natawa ako sa kanya! Damn this man! Palagi na lang ako naaamaze sa kanya! Siya lang
ang tanging lalaking kaya akong pabilibin ng ganito. Masama na ‘to.
“Sorry for laughing. Grabe! Are you really that straight-forward?” sabi ko sa
kanya. I had to wipe my tears dahil naiiyak ako sa katatawa.
Inirapan na naman niya ako. He even crossed his legs. Damn! He’s just really hot,
wasn’t he? Mas nakakadagdag nga sa appeal niya ang pagiging masungit. But not
enough. Madami akong kilalang gwapo na masungit.
“Ayaw lang kitang paasahin sa bagay na impossible. Masakit umasa,” he said.

“Based from experience?” I said, mocking him.
Napangiti siya sa sinabi ko. First time! “Touché.”
I winked at him. “I’m just awesome,” I said.
Finally, nagiging palagay na ang loob ko sa kanya. Sure, naiinis pa rin ako minsan
dahil sa buong pag-uusap namin, hindi mawawala na insultuhin niya ako. Nandyan na
sasabihan niya ako na ang creepy ko, na tanga ba ako, na ‘wag ko siyang landiin,
etc etc. His ego was just over the top!
“Hindi ka pa rin magsasalita about your ex-fiancee?” I asked him nung mapalagay ang
loob niya sa akin kahit papaano.
He shook his head. “Don’t wanna talk about her.”
“Bakit? Do you still love her?” I asked.
“Bakit? Nagseselos ka? Bakit? In love ka na agad sa akin?”
--
Put #HTBWTBB sa tweets and posts niyo para madali hanapin! :)
Twitter! @beeyotchWP
=================
-4-
Chapter Four
It was a sunny day and we were out in the field for one of our core courses.
Kailangan daw kasi naming mag observe sa mga tao dito sa corporate world. Buti nga
maayos dito, the last time, sa public market naman kami nag-observe. God, that
place was beyond filthy! Kinailangan ko pang magpa body scrub para lang matahimik
ang kaluluwa ko sa dami ng germs na kumapit sa akin!
I chose to observe in the coffee shop where some people from the business world
hold their meetings. It was pretty normal. Iba kasi magreact ‘yung mga tao mula sa
elite society. Para bang calculated ang bawat galaw nila. Some were pretentious,
bihira ka lang makakakita nung ginagawa talaga ‘yung gusto nila. And goodness, some
of the teens were so spoiled it made me want to punch them in the face!
Sumandal ako sa upuan ko and continued my observation ng magvibrate ang phone ko.
It was Trisha, informing me na nandun si Chance sa café na pinagoobserve-an niya.
I closed my eyes and took three, deep breaths. No, Monique. You’ve been pushed far
too many times already by that bastard. Aba, alagaan mo naman ang pride mo kahit
papaano!
Sobrang pagpipigil ang ginawa ko para hindi pumunta dun sa café. Ayoko na, noh. I
laid myself bare enough pero antipatiko pa rin siya sa akin. As if naman maiin love
ako agad sa kanya e wala pang isang linggo ko siyang kilala. Di ako cheap, noh.
Pero no use din kasi Trisha’s updating me thru text like crazy! Kung ano ang
inorder ni Chance, ano ang ginagawa, sino ang kausap. She’s really, really crazy!
I was taking notes nung pumasok si Nathalia sa café. Damn she’s gorgeous! May taste
sa babae si Chance, in fairness.
She was walking so confidently, siguro dahil alam niyang she’s got it. Sinundan ko
siya ng tingin at nagulat ako ng umupo siya sa table kasama si Lourd. What the
hell?! Nandito ‘yung manyak at hindi ko man lang napansin?!
My mouth fell open nung halikan ni Lourd sa cheek si Nathalia. No, hindi ako
malisyosa and I don’t put colours in actions pero I swear may iba sa halik ni
Lourd! Or baka paranoid lang talaga ako?! Or baka naman kasi manyak talaga si Lourd
kaya kahit simpleng halik sa cheek, nabibigyan ko ng malisya? Ugh!
I was observing them from afar ng makita ko si Chance na nakatingin din sa kanila
from the window of the café. Damn! Akala ko ba nasa ibang café siya?! Bakit siya
nandito?
He was looking at them so intently it was so scary.
Pabalik balik ako ng tingin sa kanila. It was like there was something different.
Mayroong kakaiba.
After a few minutes, umalis na si Chance. Damn nakaka curious talaga!
The days passed by and I was busy as hell. Daming school requirements! Naglalakad
ako papunta sa Faculty Center ng harangin ako bigla ni Lourd?! Say what?!
“Hey,” he said and then winked his filthy eyes at me. “You’re Monique, right?”
I nodded and then looked at my wrist watch. Nagmamadali kasi ako, as in! Kailangan
kong ipasa on time ‘yung paper ko or I’m dead! Ano ba kasi ang kailangan ng Lourd
na ‘to? As far as I was concerned, hindi kami aware sa existence ng isa’t-isa... or
at least I was pretending.
He showed me his boyish grin. “Are you busy? I can wait. When’s your free time?” he
said.
I arched my brow.
He chuckled. “Ang sungit mo naman, Monique. Look, I come in peace. No need to put
your guards really up,” he said and then showed me his perfect set of white teeth.
Tsk. Perfect din ang ngipin ko, noh!
Itinaas ko ‘yung papers ko. “Look, sorry but I gotta pass this one.”
“Alright. I’ll walk you there. Sa FC, right?” he asked. I nodded. Itinaas niya
‘yung kamay niya and said, “Lead the way.”
Napailing na lang ako. Playboy na playboy ang dating ng isang ‘to. Halatang halata.
While walking, ang daming babaeng napapatingin sa amin. Goodness! Matagal pa ba
‘to?! Malaman, oo, Monique! Nasa tapat pa lang kayo ng Benitez Hall at nasa dulo pa
ng mundo ‘yung Faculty Center!
Siguro iniisip nung mga babae na ako ang bagong conquest ni Lourd. Yuck. As if
naman papatol ako sa isang ‘to. Wala akong balak magka AIDS, noh.
“So, are you really that quiet?” he asked habang naglalakad kami. He was so
carefree unlike his uptight brother. Nakakapagtaka na kambal sila. Sigurado ba
silang kambal sila?
“No, hindi lang talaga kita feel kausap,” I said, direct to the point.
“Aray. Grabe ka naman sa akin,” sabi niya, acting hurt.
Huminto ako sa paglalakad at humarap sa kanya. “Look, Lourd, nakakadena ‘yung belt
ko. Hindi mo maibababa ‘yung pants ko. In short, wala kang mapapala sa akin,” sabi
ko sa kanya. Mabuti na lang malayo ‘yung mga nagjojogging sa amin, nakakahiya ‘yung
mga lumalabas sa bibig ko!
For a second, nanlaki ‘yung mata ni Lourd tapos bigla siyang natawa. For half a
minute, tawa lang siya ng tawa!
He was clutching his hand on his tummy tapos tumingin siya sa akin and said, “Pero
may zipper ka pa naman. Kaya kong gawan ng paraan ‘yan.”
Bigla akong namula sa sinabi niya. What the hell?! Bakit siya ganyang mag-isip?!
Napansin niya na namumula ako kaya tumigil siya sa pagtawa. “I was kidding,” he
said.
I was blinking and blinking. What the eff? He just rendered me speechless! Hindi ko
kayang sumabay sa green jokes. I just cannot...
Nagsosorry siya sa akin ng mapatingin ako sa relos ko.
“S-hit.”
“Ha?”
“’Yung paper ko,” I uttered. “Three minutes na lang.”
Biglang tumibok ng mabilis ‘yung puso ko. Hindi pwede! Hirap na hirap akong tapusin
‘tong paper na ‘to tapos babagsak ako dahil lang sa nalate ako ng pasa? At dahil pa
dito kay Lourd?!
Nagulat ako ng bigla niyang kunin sa kamay ko ‘yung papel. “What’s the room
number?”
“H-ha?”
“I said, ano’ng room number ng professor mo? I’ll pass this for you. Bilis na,” he
said.
Nataranta ako pero naibigay ko pa rin sa kanya ‘yung room number ng professor ko.
Room 1006. Okay. ‘Wag kang kabahan, Monique. Maipapasa ‘yan. Hindi masasayang ‘yung
pagpupuyat mo para gawin ‘yung feature article. Kalma lang.
Pinanood ko siyang tumakbo palayo. Ang bilis niyang tumakbo. Runner ba siya? Tss.
Hindi ko alam, wala naman kasi akong idea sa pinaggagagawa sa buhay ni Lourd. Ang
alam ko lang, BS Economics ang degree program niya at playboy siya. ‘Yun lang. At
delayed siya.
Napaupo ako sa isa sa mga concrete benches sa harap ng Palma hall, naghihintay kay
Lourd. Naipasa niya kaya?
I clasped my hands altogether and prayed that he was able to pass my paper.
Mababaliw ako kung hindi niya maipapasa ‘yun.
“I passed it,” he said. Nakalagay ‘yung dalawang kamay niya sa mga tuhod niya and
he was slightly panting. Pinagpapawisan din siya. Tumakbo ba naman kasi ng sobrang
bilis... Hindi ko naman siya masisisi dahil malayo talaga ang FC mula sa Benitez
Hall.
Kinuha ko mula sa bag ko ‘yung tissue and offered it to him. He declined. Ang arte.
Tumayo ako and faced him. “Well, thank you. Alis na ako,” I said.
“Grabe. You’re so ungrateful,” sabi niya.
Humarap ako sa kanya. Medyo hindi talaga sila hawig ng kambal niya. Pero magkahawig
in some aspect. Weird ng Sandoval twins!
“Sorry, Lourd, pero may class kasi ako. Busy akong tao,” I said.
Sinabayan niya ako sa paglalakad. I could smell his masculine musk, pero mas gusto
ko ‘yung amoy ni Chance. Mas nakakaakit.
“Well, okay. When will your class end? I’ll pick you up,” he offered.
“Lourd, Lourd, Lourd, we don’t know each other and please stop recruiting me to
your harem.”
“I’m not recruiting you to my harem, and I don’t have a harem,” he said. Ang ingay
niya. And he’s conyo, goddamnit!
I rolled my eyes. Yeah, right. Walang harem e ano ang tawag niya sa mga babae niya?
Uhh... no, I can’t think of a better term to describe it.
Nagvibrate naman ‘yung phone ko and I read it, nagtext ‘yung class beadle and she
said na wala daw pasok dahil may emergency meeting ‘yung professor nung department.
Ugh! Di ko alam kung matutuwa ako or what. Ang aga pa and 2pm pa ‘yung next class
ko. Wala naman akong org para tambayan.
“Why are you frowning?” he asked.
“Wala,” sabi ko sa kanya.
“Ang sungit mo. Why does Chance even talk about you,” he whispered to himself.
Biglang bumilis ‘yung kabog ng dibdib ko. Nagkkwento si Chance tungkol sa akin? For
real?!
Nag-iba ang ihip ng hangin. All of a sudden, gusto ko ng kausap si Lourd. Baka may
makuha akong information about sa kakambal niya.
He stretched his arms and said, “Well, anyway, it was nice meeting you, still. See
you around na lang,” he said and then walked away.
Damn it. Nakaalis pa!
“Oh, galit ka na naman sa mundo?” Cassandra said to me nung maupo ako sa upuan. I
texted her na magkita na lang kami sa UP Town Center since ‘yun naman ang
pinakamalapit na hangout place na wala pang masyadong jejemon. Oh, god, I hope na
hindi nila ma-infiltrate ang lugar na ‘yun!
“Si Lourd kasi,” I absentmindedly uttered. Biglang nagka twinkle ‘yung mata ni
Cass. Nakalimutan ko na first class stalker nga pala siya ng Sandoval twins! Yes,
first class. She refused to be labelled the same as those who belong to the
Sandoval harem.
She measured me with her gaze. Uh-oh. “What about him?” sabi niya while her
eyebrows where arching up.
I sighed. Wala ng magagawa. “He approached me kanina...”
“OMG!”
“Oh, shut up! We didn’t have sex, nag-usap lang!” I said, medyo assuming kasi si
Cass! Mahirap na, noh! “He even said na kinwento daw ako ni Chance...”
Her face fell into a frown. Heartbroken pa din. Tss.
“For the record, hindi ko type si Chance so stop frowing. Nakakairita ‘yang mukha
mo,” sabi ko sa kanya.
She smiled a bitter one. “But you’ll soon fall, Monique. I said the same thing to
myself but I still did fall. That’s the thing with the twins: once na mapasok ka sa
mundo nila, mahuhulog at mahuhulog ka.”
I bit my lips. No. Hindi pwede.
--
Tweet with #HTBWTBB :))
=================
-5-
Chapter Five
I looked at her with disbelief in my eyes. Seryoso ba siya kasi wala akong balak
magseryoso sa sinasabi niya, noh!
“Sige na, Mon,” Cassandra pleaded. Kagaya ko, napailing na lang din si Trisha.
Minsan, hindi talaga namin gets ‘yung takbo ng utak ni Cass. Parang patapon, e.
‘Yung tipo ng gagawin kung ano ang maisip, no second thoughts? “It will be fun
naman!”
Rolling my eyes at her for the third time, I shook my head. “Ayoko nga. Ang hassle
niyan plus mukha ba akong mahilig sa charity?”
“It’s for a good cause naman!”
“Still a no.”
Kanina niya pa kasi kami pinipilit na sumama sa event ng isang fraternity. Pupunta
sa isang depressed area and then magtuturo sa kids. Maganda ‘yung reason and goal,
yes, pero it’s not my thing. Maarte ako, hindi pa ba halata? Ni ayoko ngang
nakakakita ng jejemon, pumunta pa kaya sa lugar nila? Duh.
Tumigil si Trish sa pagttype niya ng paper sa laptop niya, stretched, and said,
“Cass, my dear Cassandra, ‘wag kang umasa kay Monique. Never na pupunta ‘yan sa
ganyan, may germ phobia ‘yan.”
Bigla siyang tumawa. Bakit ba ang big deal? Masama na ba maging hygienic?!
After a while, nag give up na din si Cass. Thank God! Nagawa ko na yata lahat ng
pangle let down pero to no avail. Sobrang persistent niya when she wants to and
right now she’s persistent-annoying.
We finished our group work sa isang course ng bigla siyang mag-squeal. “OMG!” sabi
niya habang nakatingin sa phone niya. She was squealing like a puppy! Grabe! Mukha
siyang jejemon. Sigurado ba siyang anak siya ng isang respected politician? ‘Di
halata, Cass.
“OMG!” sabi niya ulit. Napailing na lang ako at kinuha ko ‘yung nail polish ko na
red. “Mon, dapat sumama ka na, as in!” sabi niya with her eye glistening like
diamonds. Seriously?
Nagcoconcerntrate ako sa paglalagay ng pantay na shade ng nail polish ng sabihin

niya na, “Pupunta din pala si Chance! Wait, did I mention na fraternity nila Lourd
‘yung partner nung event?”
Biglang napatigil ‘yung kamay ko. Damn it! By the mere mention of his name,
naaapektuhan ang pagkilos ko. Umayos ka nga, Monique. Ano ka, member ng harem? If
you’ll degrade yourself, sa A class stalker na lang. Medyo may class!
Kahit si Trisha na nagpapakabanal sa paggawa ng term paper, napatigil din. See?
Epekto ng Sandoval twins! Grabe nakakaloko!
“Ano, nagbago na ng isip, Mon?” she said.
I closed my eyes, took a really deep breath, and nodded. “Ano’ng oras ba ‘yan?”
And there, they started berating me like crazy! Kesyo pa hard to get ako, bibigay
naman pala. Duh! What do they take me for, a dog who’ll jump at every opportunity?
Of course not! Malamang nag-iisip muna ako. ‘Yan ang hirap sa ibang babae, e. Akala
nila tatakbo ‘yung mga lalaki kaya kung makahabol ang desperate. Try nilang sila
ang hinahabol. It’s more fun. The chase is always more fun than the ending.
“6am ang call time sa Bahay ng Alumni and then may briefing session and stuff. By
8am, nasa designated areas na tayo,” she explained.
“6am? Ang aga naman!” sabi ko. Inayos nga namin ni Trisha mabuti ‘yung sched namin
dahil ang hassle ng morning classes. Tops na ‘yung 8:30am. Ang tagal kaya ng travel
time from Makati to Quezon City! And no, ayaw naming tumira sa QC. We’re happy and
fine sa Makati, thank you.
Cass just shrugged. This evil, little witch! Alam niya siguro na papayag ako once
na banggitin niya si Chance. Ang evil niya talaga! Mapasama lang ako sa event,
kahit na ibenta niya sa akin ‘yung ex niya wala siyang pakielam.
Our day ended abruptly since kailangan na naming matulog ng maaga. Maaga means
11pm. Maaga na ‘yan for college students kasi minsan may all nighter talaga kami.
The next day, we were prepared. I tucked my phone deep in my shoulder bag,
nakakatakot kasing manakawan, noh. And why was I being so negative? Wala lang. I
was brought up this way by my parents.
“Game na?” Trish said before igniting the engine. I shrugged and off we go.
The music of Demi Lovato was blasting through the stereo when we arrived. Wala pang
mga tao. Filipino time nga naman, oh! Here we were, we woke up so early in the
morning dahil 6am daw ang call time pero turned out na wala pang 15 ang present.
Nasaan naman kaya si Cassandra? She said na nandito na siya.
Kinalabit ako ni Trisha. “Hey, ayun si Antipatiko Guy, oh,” she said.
Lumingon ako sa direction na tinuro niya and true enough, nandun si Chance looking
like a demi god in khaki pants and white v-neck shirt. Bwisit! How could he manage
to look so divine sa ganyang damit lang?!
“Stop drooling, kadiri ka,” sabi ni Trisha. Napatigil ako. Ugh! Nakakainis! Bakit
ba ako nagkakaganito?! Umayos ka nga, Monique!
Biglang nawala si Monique nung pumasok ako sa Bahay ng Alumni para bumili ng
coffee. I figured this was going to be a long day so might as well be prepared. I
was holding the cup of freshly brewed coffee ng makasalubong ko si Lourd. He just
smiled and nodded at me and then nagpatuloy siya sa paglalakad kasama ‘yung mga
fratmates niya yata. Well, good news, then. Wala naman kasi siyang mapapala. Kahit
zipper ko pinalagyan ko na ng lock, noh.
Bumaba ako at paikot ikot para hanapin si Trisha. Hindi din kasi siya sumasagot sa
phone pati si Cass. Great. Paano ako nito ngayon?
“Okay, since you all filled up the attendance sheet, we did groupings na.” The
event head said the groupings. Nakatayo lang ako sa side, waiting for my name to be
mentioned. Ah, bahala na! Lilipat na lang ako sa group ni Trisha. Ayoko ngang
pumunta sa lugar ng mga jejemon na wala man lang akong kilala. Maarte na kung
maarte, so what.
The list was kind of long since 15 people per team and there were like 6 baranggays
included. Puro around UP lang naman ‘yung baranggays. So ang dami palang depressed
people sa loob ng UP?
“...and Monique Aldea ay sa Baranggay Malinis,” she said.
Oh, well.
I plugged my earphones on and waited for further instruction. Bigla, I felt someone
sit beside me. There was no need to turn since kilala ko naman kung sino siya.
“Lourd,” I said.
He showed me his playboy smile. “I did good, huh?” sabi niya.
“Ha?”
He stretched out and so tumaas ‘yung black shirt niya kaya nakita ko ‘yung simula
ng happy trail. Bwisit! At bakit ba siya nakablack? Required ba na kapag nagwhite
si Chance, siya naman naka black?
“I purposedly put you and Chance sa isang place. Nice, huh?” sabi niya and then
winked at me.
My mouth fell open. Magkasama kami at hindi man lang ako aware?!
Pinitik niya ‘yung noo ko. “Ikaw kasi ‘di ka nakikinig, e. You’d go with Chance and
I’ll be there, as well since ako ang faci ‘dun but don’t worry, I’ll be out of your
way,” he said.
My mind was still digesting the idea.
Tumayo na siya pero nagtanong muna ako. “Why are you doing this?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “He deserves a new shot at love,” he said. Tumingin siya sa akin from
head to toe. “And you don’t look too bad either.”
Grabe ang kapal! Hindi naman porke’t mala model ‘yung ex fiancee ng kakambal niya,
pwede niya ng icompare lahat ng babae dun! Mas may class naman ako kay Nathalia,
noh. Blonde lang talaga siya. Duh if I knew better fake blonde naman ‘yun.
Pumasok kami sa jeepneys. Nakasakay naman na ako sa jeep before so no need to
worry. Ang worry ko ay puro mula sa counterpart na sorority ‘yung laman ng bus.
Bwisit talaga ‘yang si Lourd! Ang out of place ko naman dito!
Pinagtitinginan ako nung mga babae. Tss. Ano ngayon kung member kayo? Wala akong
balak sumali sa sorority, noh. Hindi ako magpapasampal para dun. I’d rather have my
own sorority.
Tumingin sa akin si Lourd nung makaupo siya. Mukhang magkakakilala na silang lahat.
He introduced me.
“Guys, this is Monique. Be nice to her, she’s my friend.”
In an instant, biglang nag-iba ‘yung atmosphere. Naging mabait sila sa akin. Ano’ng
meron?
I was wondering aimlessly ng magsalita si Chance sa tabi ko. Oh, did I forget to
mention na katabi ko siya? Yes. Lourd’s a scheming b-itch. Halatang halatang gusto
niyang magsama kami ng kakambal niya.
“President si Lourd ng frat,” he said.
Napatingin ako kay Lourd and then kay Chance sabay nganga. Really?!
Napailing sa akin si Chance. “Sometimes, your stupidity amazes me,” he said.

“Hey! That’s offensive!”
The jeep was travelling to our destination pero nagtatalo kami ni Chance. He’s
really mean. Palagi niya na lang akong sinasabihan ng masasakit na salita.
“I meant that as offense,” sabi niya ulit.
“You’re mean.”
“Alam ko,” he said. “I’m bipolar.”
“Huh?” Hindi ako nakapagsalita after nun. Clinically diagnosed bipolar ba siya?
Hindi naman halata. Based kasi sa mga napag aralan namin, extremes ang mga bipolar.
Looking at Chance, mukhang hindi naman.
He put his hands on his lap. “Minsan kapag mabait ako, nagkakagusto sila sa akin
kaya sinubukan kong maging masungit pero mas lumala. Paiba iba ako ng ugali, minsan
pati ako nalilito na sa sarili ko.”
Natawa ako. Natawa ako. S-hit. Ang adorable ni Chance!
Napatingin siya sa akin habang tumatawa ako na para bang ang weird ko. Sorry, ang
cute kasi nung pagkakasabi niya! Para bang litung lito na siya sa sarili niya!
Mabuti na lang may sariling mundo ‘yung ibang tao sa jeep kung hindi baka pag-
isipan nila ako ng masama. Kulang na lang gumulong ako sa floor sa sobrang pagtawa.
“Bakit ka tumatawa?”
“Para kasing ang laki ng problema mo...” I said, in midst of hysterical laughter.
He nodded. “Malaki naman talaga. Nakakasawa makakita ng umiiyak na babae.”
“Why don’t you ask your brother? Mukhang expert naman siya sa panglelet down ng
girls?” I said.
This felt good. Parang friends na kami. Who would’ve thought na may mabuti din
palang maidudulot ang charity events sa buhay ko?
Tumingin siya kay Lourd and shook his head. “No, he’s not.”
“Huh?”
He smiled. “Wala,” sabi niya. Tumigil na ‘yung jeep and bumaba kami. Ang daming
bata! Napatingin siya sa akin and nakita niya yata na hindi ako natutuwa sa mga
bata. Lumapit siya and leaned in. “You don’t like kids?”
I shook my head.
“Well too bad because I like them.”
“And so?”
He smiled. “Hindi ka pala pwede talaga sa akin, Monique. Paano na ang baseball team
ko kung ayaw mo sa mga bata?”
And that left me with my mouth hanging open.
--
#HTBWTBB ;)))
=================
-6-
Chapter Six
It took me almost five seconds bago ako nakarecover sa sinabi ni Chance. That
Chance Freaking Sandoval! Bakit siya biglang nagsabi ng ganun?! Sobrang out of
character!
Sumunod na ako sa kanila pagkatapos kong kalmahin ang sarili ko. My heart was still
racing inside my chest. Damn that man. Bipolar nga siya gaya ng sabi niya. Bakit ba
hindi ako naniwala agad?
“Okay, kids, sila Ate at Kuya ang magiging teachers for today, ha? Maging mabait
tayo at sumundo sa kanila, maliwanag ba?” sabi nung female facilitator. Akala ko ba
faci si Lourd e bakit parang like a boss lang siya na nakaupo dun sa may chairs?
Tamad talaga, oh.
After a while, nagsimula na kaming magturo. Mabuti na lang semi malinis yung kid na
napunta sa akin. All hell would break loose kung maduming bata ang tinuruan ko.
Pakielam ko sa baseball team ni Chance. Hindi naman mawawala ang germ phobia ko
dahil sa kanya, noh! And if ever na magkakaanak ako, malamang malinis ‘yun. Mukha
ba akong magiging pabayang ina na tipong paliguan ang anak hindi magawa? Tsk.
“Ate, ano ‘yan?” sabi sa akin nung kid. Tinuturo niya ‘yung phone ko.
“This is an iphone,” I said.
“Pwede pahiram?” sabi niya na naman.
Nagpuppy face look siya but I seriously just cannot... Hindi naman kasi sa
kaartehan ko lang. I have a germ phobia and just sitting near this kid was too much
for me already. This phobia’s not under my control, okay.
“Hindi pwede, e...” I said to her. Nakakalungkot ‘yung disappointed face niya but
sorry, still. I can’t risk it.
Biglang may kamay na pumatong sa balikat ko habang tinitignan ko ‘yung puppy face
nung kid. Ang bigat ng kamay ni Lourd, in fairness. Hindi ko na talaga kailangang
lumingon because his masculine scent said it all. Kumbaga, tatak Lourd Simon
Sandoval. Hindi mo na kailangang mag-isip kasi alam mong siya ‘yun.
“Ang sungit mo talaga,” he said and then inabot niya sa kid ‘yung phone niya.
“Here, you can play with mine,” and then he smiled and patted the kid’s head.
Tahimik na naglalaro ‘yung kid ng 2fuse habang naupo naman si Lourd sa tabi ko.
Thank goodness, break time! Kanina pa ako nagtuturo ng Math sa kid na ‘to and it’s
tiring. Hindi ko naman maikakaila na ang sarap sa feeling gumawa ng charity work
but as I have said, ang hassle niya. And besides, we do charity work naman... Or at
least my parents do.
“Water?” he said and then kinuha ko ‘yung tubig. “Alam mo, Monique, you’re far
different from all the girls my brother dated.”
Mabuti na lang nalulon ko na ‘yung water kung hindi baka naibuga ko ‘yun sa mukha
mismo ni Lourd. Kailan pa kami nagdate ni Chance?!
“Say what? Hindi kami nagdedate ng kambal mo, for the record.”
Tinaas niya ‘yung kilay niya sa akin. Oh, really?
“What? E sa hindi naman talaga! Goodness, why are you so assuming?” I said to him.
Nakangiti na naman siya sa akin ng pang asar. Grabe, ang sakit sa ulo nitong si
Lourd!
He shrugged. “But you’re considering the possibility?”

“I am not!”
Natawa naman siya again. Ugh! Why was he so cheerful? Hindi bagay sa pagiging
playboy niya! Usually kasi ang playboys na kilala ko, masungit, pa mysterious. But
this one? Na-ah. Ang palangiti niya and he’s really nice! What an irony to his
kind.
“But why are you here kung hindi? Come on, don’t be shy,” he said playfully. Damn!
Bakit siya ganito?! It’s irritating and frustrating. Parang gusto ko siyang batuhin
ng hollow blocks. Lalo na ‘yung ngiti niya na parang alam niyang may ginawa akong
masama. Bakit siya ganun ngumiti?!
I looked at the kid who was silently playing between us and decided to swallow back
the barrage of curse I was about to give to him.
“Moron,” I whispered instead and all I got from him was a mocking laugh. Kainis
talaga siya!
Umalis din siya pagkatapos matapos nung mini break time namin. He even patted the
kid’s head, so ibig sabihin pareho sila ng twin niya na mahilig sa bata? Hmmm.
Interesting. Bihira lang kasi akong maka encounter ng guys na mahilig sa kids and
not to mention ang manly kasi masyado ng itsura nilang dalawa. Medyo foreigner-ish.
I think they’re Spanish or something. Medyo Hispanic kasi ‘yung features nila and
they’re both mestizo.
Tahimik na nagcocolor ‘yung kid and medyo mahaba haba pa ‘yung tatapusin niya so I
opted na iwan muna siya. He’s behaved naman so wala naman sigurong magiging
problema.
Bumalik ako sa jeepney since nandun ‘yung stocks and kukuha sana ako ng water nung
makita ko si Chance dun sa side, nagyoyosi. So he’s not the good boy, after all.
Napatingin siya sa akin at ako naman, napatingin din sa kanya. For about 5 seconds,
nagtititigan lang kami. Hindi ko alam pero parang may sariling buhay ‘yung mga paa
ko na nagpunta sa kanya. Ah, screw this! Usap lang naman. Wala namang masama dito.
“Hey,” sabi ko after I sat beside him. I didn’t want for him to think na iniinvade
ko ang personal space niya kaya umupo ako a few inches away from him. I could smell
his personal scent mixed with the smell of cigarette. Ang manly, damn.
I really abhor those who smoke. I mean, ano bang mapapala niya dyan bukod sa short
term satisfaction e long term destruction naman ang kapalit which is lung cancer?
And nakakabaho pa ng breath. And the list of stuff goes on and on.
And besides, pa cool lang naman ‘yung iba kaya nagssmoke. Peer pressure my arse.
Wala ka bang sariling utak? ‘Yung cousins ko halos lahat nagssmoke, ako na lang
yata ang last one standing. Good grief.
“Bakit?” he asked and then puffed his smoke. It was so sexy how he did it. Ugh. Ang
pervert ko na!
Mabuti na lang hindi siya nakatingin dahil nakakahiya na makita niyang

‘pinagnanasahan’ ko siya.
Umiling lang ako and looked at the blue sky. Ang ganda ng panahon ngayon. Hindi
masyadong mainit, hindi rin masyadong malamig. Tamang tama lang. And it’s a bit
cloudy. Just good enough for my liking.
“Hindi ka ba concerned sa health mo?” I asked him.
Tumingin din siya sa langit. “Concerned. Pantanggal stress lang naman,” he

rebutted.
“Okay...”
“Why? Nag-aaalala ka ba sa akin?” he asked, nakatingin siya sa akin. Those dark

orbs looking straight into my eyes. Nakakapanghina ng tuhod ‘yung mga tingin ni
Chance. Mabuti na lang at nakaupo kami dahil baka napaupo ako sa sobrang lakas ng
intensity ng mga tingin niya. Bigla akong namula at umiling naman siya sa akin.
“Ang dali mo namang pakiligin, Monique.”
“Excuse me?”
Binato niya ‘yung sigarilyo at inapakan. Hindi siya nakatingin sa akin habang
sinasabi ito pero ramdam na ramdam ko ang bigat ng bawat sinasabi niya. Pareho lang
naman sila ni Lourd na 21 pero kung umakto at mag isip si Chance, akala mo ang
tanda tanda na niya. Dahil ba sa mga pinagdaanan niya sa buhay? Masyado ba talaga
siyang nasaktan?
Bakit ba ang mga tao nagbabago pag nasaktan? I can’t see the logic. Why change? I
mean, hindi ba parang inamin mo na rin na weak ka, na sobrang affected ka to the
point na binago mo ‘yung sarili mo? That’s bullcrap.
“You blush easily,” he commented.

“Kasi mainit,” I said while raising my eyebrow. Never akong aamin na nagblush ako,
noh! Lumubog man ako sa lupa, hinding hindi ako aamin!
He chuckled. It was low and dangerous and sexy.
“Kunwari naniniwala ako.”
“Grabe! Akala ko friends na tayo, bakit ang sama mo pa rin sa akin?”
He shrugged. Ayan. Konti na lang talaga maniniwala na ako na bipolar siya.
“I don’t know. Sabi na sa’yo, bipolar ako. One of these days, maybe I would act
like I don’t know you,” sabi niya and then he stood up. “Monique, masamang
magkagusto sa kagaya ko. I’m too broken as it is. Hindi ikaw ang bubuo sa akin kung
‘yan ang iniisip mo. I’m not some game you girls want to play.”
Nagsimula na siyang maglakad at naiwan ako doon mag-isa. Here was I, thinking na
baka okay na ang lahat pero the truth was, hindi naman talaga. I don’t live in
fairy tales where when the princess meets the prince, konting pagsubok lang, happy
ending na. I live in the real world and here, maraming pagsubok. Minsan kahit na
gaano mo kagustong makuha ‘yung happy ending, kung hindi para sa’yo, hindi talaga.
Pinanood ko siyang maglakad palayo. Something inside me throbbed.

“You want my handkerchief?”
Lumingon ako and there, I saw his twin looking at me. Walang bakas ng awa sa mukha
niya. Good. Dahil hindi ako nakakaawa. Ayokong maging nakakaawa. Never. No. Just
freaking no.
“Your brother is bipolar,” sabi ko sa kanya through gritted teeth. Natawa naman
siya sa akin. Imbes na maupo sa tabi ko like a normal person, sumabit siya doon sa
parang monkey bar. Ayan na naman ang happy trail niya!
I wanted to talk seriously pero nakakadistract ‘yung happy trail. Damn it.
“Hindi naman masyado. Okay naman si Chance,” he said.
“Hindi kaya. He just made fun of me for the infinite time already!” sabi ko, fusing
in real anger.
Natatawa pa rin siya sa akin habang nakabaliktad siya dun sa monkey bar. Kitang
kita ko tuloy ‘yung abs niya. Sinulit niya talaga ang definition ng pagiging
playboy. Abs? Check. Perfect set of white teeth? Check. Alluring musk? Check.
Dimple? Check. Messy brown hair? Check. That little, f-ucking tattoo on his arm
that looked so freaking sexy? Check. And last, the very happy trail? Check na
check.
Bumaba na siya from the bar at umupo sa tabi ko.

“I’ll tell you a secret...”
Bigla akong naexcite.
“He talked to Nathalia a while ago kaya siya bad trip. Just understand him. He’s
diagnosed himself as a bipolar and he’s taking it to heart.”
Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako sa kanya o hindi.
“You’re an ass.”
He winked at me. “Nah. You just don’t know me. I’m nice.”
“Hindi rin. I’ve heard rumors about you. You’ve been inside every girl’s vagina and
don’t you dare try to deny it,” sabi ko sa kanya. Totoo naman! May balita pa nga na
meron siyang girl from every degree program. Like what the eff?! Ang dami nun!
Bigla siyang tumawa ng tumawa. As in! Dahil nga mestizo siya, kitang kita ko ang
pamumula ng mukha niya hanggang sa leeg niya. Medyo lumabas din yung ugat sa leeg
niya. Ang sexy tignan. Damn.
“Tawa pa. Totoo naman.”

He was still in hysterics when he stopped. He was trying not to laugh.
Tumingin siya sa akin. “Oh, damn it, Monique. I’ve never been inside your vagina so
your accusation is a mere fallacy.”
--
#HTBWTBB ;)
=================
-7-
Chapter Seven
That was the last time I am going to talk to Lourd. Sinisira niya ang pagka
inosente ko! I’d admit to it, hindi ako masyadong mabait but at least my mind’s not
as—as polluted as his.
Bumalik ako sa kid na tinuturuan ako and finished the whole 3 hour session without
any disturbances. Unfortunately, we will be back next week since good for 3
sessions ‘yung pinirmahan ko na semi-‘contract.’ Not that obliged kami na pumunta
but we were advised. Hopefully, sana walang ibang gagawin that weekend. I did enjoy
my little time here din naman.
Nagkanya kanya na kaming sakay sa jeepney and all was well. Si Lourd, he’s talking
to his frat buddies. Si Chance? Ang tahimik niya. He’s drowned in his own, little
world. Tama nga kaya si Lourd? Nagkakaganyan siya dahil sa nakausap niya sa
Nathalia? But I thought he said he’s over her? Pero bakit sa tuwing titignan ko
siya, bakas na bakas pa rin na nasasaktan siya?
Sabagay, they were together for 5 years. And it wasn’t a joke. Five years was a
long time. Siguro seryosong bagay ang naging problema para magbackout siya sa kasal
nila. Because honestly, I can’t find a decent reason enough para ma justify kung
bakit niya iniwan sa altar si Chance. The price of humiliation was just too high.
Really just damn too high.
“Well that was fun,” sabi ni Trisha nung nagkita kita ulit kami sa Bahay ng Alumni.
Tumingin ako sa likod ko and saw Chance and Lourd talking seriously. Si Lourd,
nakasandal sa hood ng Montero Sport niya habang si Chance naman, parang seryoso sa
sinasabi niya sa kakambal niya. Oh, goodness. I really just can’t understand those
two.
I nodded at Trisha. I had fun naman.
After a while, sumakay na kami sa sasakyan namin and drove ourselves back to the
comfort of Makati. This has been a long and tiring day.
The next few days were rather boring. Sunud-sunod ang dating ng requirements. Exams
there, projects here. So by the end of the week, mukha na kaming zombie pare-
pareho. Nung kinagabihan, we decided to kick some ass, meaning, iinom kami.
“Can’t we just buy drinks then dito na lang tayo?” I suggested. Wala kasi ako sa
mood ngumiti in case na may makita kaming familiar faces kung saang bar man kami
mapadpad. I just wanted to unwind and relax. Walang stress o anuman.
Cass gave a strong declination. Oh, party girl alert.

“Please, Mon! I need to be out! For the whole week, school-house ang routine ko. I
need to see some faces other than—no offense—yours. Kayo na ang kasama ko buong
week! Nakakabaliw!” sabi niya.
Tsk. As if naman masaya ako na mukha lang nilang dalawa ang nakita ko buong linggo,
noh. Sawang sawa na ako sa pagmumukha nilang dalawa at sa pag-iinarte nitong si
Cassandra.
Sa huli, ako rin ‘yung pumayag. Pati kasi si Trisha gusto rin lumabas. Ano ba ang
laban ko sa dalawang babae sa sabik na sabik bumalik sa club scene, ‘di ba? Wala na
rin akong nagawa kung hindi pumasok sa CR at magbabad sa bathtub. We’ll be leaving
in a few hours. Kailangan kong irelax ang sarili ko.
Habang nakalubog ako sa bathtub, biglang nagring ‘yung phone ko. Kahit na ayaw kong
gumalaw, no choice ako. Ako kasi ‘yung tao na tinitignan talaga ‘yung phone. Minsan
na kasi akong nagkamali...
My brows automatically shot up nung nakita ko kung sino ‘yung gustong makipag
facetime sa akin.
Interesting.
With a bit of hesitation, I clicked accept. Huh. Tignan natin ngayon, Lourd, kung
sino ang mas magaling maglaro.
“Hi,” I said with a big smile painted on my face. My hair was tied in a messy bun
at may ilang piraso ng buhok ko na nalaglag sa balikat ko. Did I mention na nasa
bathtub ako?
Bigla siyang napaatras sa iphone niya ng makita niya ang itsura ko. No, mula
shoulder hanggang ulo lang ang kita! As I have said, wala akong balak maging member
ng harem niya, noh! I just wanted to get even dahil sobrang ininis niya ako the
last time na nagkita kami.
A small smirk was very visible on his face. Manyak talaga, oh.
“Well, hello there, Monique. Nakakaistorbo ba ako sa pagligo mo?”
I shook my head and laid my head back. “No, go and speak. Ano’ng kailangan mo sa
akin?” I asked.
He was still smiling from ear to ear, as if he was very amazed. Manyak talaga nito,
tuwang tuwa.
“Well, seeing you like that, Monique, hindi ako makapag-isip ng maayos,” he said
suggestively. The hell!
Bigla akong namula nung sinabi niya ‘yun. Nasa screen pa siya niyan! Paano kung
nasa harap ko pa siya mismo?! Baka nilunod ko na ‘yung sarili ko sa bathtub right
there and then!
He was chuckling as he shook his head in amazement. I calmed myself down. Bakit ba
masyado akong apektado sa Lourd na ‘to?! The last time I checked, ‘di ko talaga
siya type! I swear. Yes, gwapo siya and sobrang lakas ng dating niya (no joke) pero
hindi talaga, e. Minsan ganun, di ba? Kahit na gaano ka attractive ang isang tao,
mafefeel mo na nasa friendzone sila. And ganyan kami ni Lourd. Kahit gaano pa niya
ako sabihan ng green jokes, never ako na turn on. Natatawa na hindi ko maipaliwanag
ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya.
“Pervert,” I said.
He wiggled his eyebrows at me. Nandun yata siya sa kwarto niya, I think? May AC
kasi sa likod niya and I can see a study table. Judging from it lang naman.
“So, is it my fault that you answered my call wearing... nothing?”
“Fine!” I said and then reached for my robe. “I’ll call you back,” I said abruptly
and then ended the call.
Tumakbo ako pabalik sa kwarto ko and then looked for something decent to wear...
Nagsettle ako sa long sleeved dress. Kailangan tagung-tago. Iba kasing tumingin si
Lourd, para akong nahuhubaran. Or ganun lang talaga siya normal na tumingin?
I didn’t bother to blower my hair. Okay na ‘yan.
I grabbed my phone and rolled over my bed. I called him... while wondering where
the hell did he get my number?
“Ooh. Balut na balot ka naman ngayon,” he said while smirking. Oh, god! How badly
do I want to wipe that smirk off his face!
“Tsk. Ano bang kailangan mo?”
Sumandal siya sa kinauupuan niya. He was wearing a black sando that revealed his
well-toned arms. Sakto lang, not like his brother’s. Mas malaki ang katawan ni
Chance, no arguments needed.
“Well, I like you for my brother.”
Biglang tumaas na naman ang kilay ko sa narinig ko sa kanya.
“Go on...”
Tumayo siya at kagaya ko, humiga rin siya sa kama niya. We were both lying on our
beds, and it was like we were planning some schemes sa twin brother niya.
“Well, you don’t look too bad.”
“Excuse me, as far as I’m concerned, maganda ako,” sabi ko sa kanya. Sawang sawa na
ako na nilalait ako ng kambal na ‘to.
Natawa naman siya sa akin. “Fine, you’re pretty. And... well, Nathalia’s back. And
she’s bad for my brother.”
Bigla na namang nabuhay ang curiosity ko. Ano ba kasi ang dahilan kung bakit hindi
natuloy ang kasal? Sobrang curious na ako! Gustung-gusto kong magtanong but I
didn’t want to sound so curious. Nakakahiya kasi... Masyadong personal ‘yung
problema tapos magtatanong ako? Hindi ba parang ang bastos naman?
“I don’t know, Lourd... I want to help pero hindi ba intruding na ‘yan?”
“Technically, I’m just giving you both a push.”
“Ha?”
“Oh, come on, Monique. You like my brother, right?”
Gumulong ako sa kama ko hanggang sa naka side view na akong nakikipag-usap kay
Lourd. “You’re so assuming.”
He gave out a low chuckle. It sounded so sexy, parang ang sarap pakinggan. Minsan,
parang nauunawaan ko na ang pakiramdam ng mga member ng Lourd’s Harem. Sexy naman
talaga si Lourd. He’s nice and friendly din. Yes, he has it all. Gwapo, mabait,
matalino (questionable, still. Delayed siya yata?) maganda ang katawan, friendly.
Well, I guess his harem members aren’t stupid, after all.
“You do like my brother. And I’m right.”

Itinaas ko ng todo ‘yung kilay ko. Never akong aamin. That’s just so cheap. “Well,
let’s say na tama ka... Ano naman ang pakielam mo?”
“Well, as I have said, Nath’s back. And she shouldn’t be back.”
“Lourd, as far as I know, they were together for five years. Sa tingin mo ganun
kadaling paghiwalayin sila? I don’t think so,” sabi ko sa kanya.
What they have was history. History na hindi kayang burahin. Hindi biro ang five
years. It’s almost a lifetime para sa iba...
“Come on, Monique. Where’s the spirit?” he said, cheering me up. “She’s history,
ancient history. And my brother likes you, for sure.”
“No, he doesn’t. Ilang beses niya na akong binara.”
He nodded right after that. Kahit siya aminado. Madalas niya kasing nakikita at
naririnig na binabara ako ng kambal niya. Tsk.
“That’s his way to show you that he cares,” he said and then so filthily winked at
me. Ugh! Playboy moves!
Mukha sigurong diring diri ‘yung mukha ko sa ginawa niya!

“Wow, tough love, ha!”
He was laughing at gumulong din siya sa kama niya. Para kaming bata na
naggugulungan sa kama, sa totoo lang.
After a while, sumeryoso na ‘yung mukha niya.
“You want to know why Nathalia left just a few hours before her wedding?” he asked
me.
Seryoso ako kapag sinabi ko na halos huminto ang tibok ng puso ko. Parang may mga
kabayo na nagkakarerahan sa loob ng dibdib ko. Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Hindi
ko alam kung paano habulin...
It was low as whisper but the impact blew my mind away. I never thought na
nangyayari pala talaga ang ganun sa totoong buhay... Akala ko kasi sa mga teleserye
lang possible ang mga ganun. Para kasi sa akin, practical lang ang mabuhay. Walang
masyadong drama unless ginusto mong magkadrama. But this was a low blow. Ang sakit
sa ego.
“She had a pregnancy scare with Chance’s best friend’s child.”
--
Lamest Update so far... but whatever at least nag update! ;)
Put #HTBWTBB sa tweets nito! Nagchcheck ako palagi :)

=================
-8-
Chapter Eight
It took me seconds to process what he just said. Pregnancy scare? With Chance’s
best friend nonetheless?!
“What the f?” I asked him with my mouth still hanging wide open. Hindi ko kayang
maniwala sa sinabi niya. Can’t Chance’s life be anymore cinematic? Grabe na, e!
Iniwan sa kasal and now, muntik ng magkaroon ng anak ‘yung ex-fiancée niya sa best
friend niya... which implied na nagkaroon ng affair. What the hell was wrong with
him that people close to him kept on messing things up for him?
He shrugged and then inabot niya ‘yung bottle ng Gatorade and drank it in few
gulps. Wait a minute, nag exercise yata siya prior to talking to me. He’s cladded
in a black sando and he was kind of sweaty. Yeah, I think he just finished
exercising. Humahabol yata sa katawan ng kambal niya.
“Yeah. He has some serious trust issue,” sabi niya sa akin and then drank some
more. I could see his adam’s apple moving up and down, so sexily.
Naaawa naman ako kay Chance. He’s too broken. Habang tumatagal, mas naiintindihan
ko kung saan nanggagaling ‘yung angst niya sa buhay. Mayroong dahilan naman pala.
Dati kasi, akala ko gusto niya lang maging masungit. I was not aware about his
backstory, which was very tragic, by the way. How often in your life can you
encounter someone like him? Iniwan ng bride. That’s just too cruel for words.
And now, I can’t get Nathalia’s point. Bakit pa siya bumalik? Hindi pa ba sapat
‘yung nagawa niya dati? And if she wanted, really, to get back with Chance, why
now? She had all those years. Three freaking years. She was gone for three long
years and now she wanted to bounce back to the scene like nothing happened?
What a b-itch.
“I still don’t know, Lourd... Baka mas lalong magalit si Chance kapag pinakailaman
natin ‘yung buhay niya,” I argued.
Bigla niyang nilapit ‘yung iphone, ang kita ko na lang ang ‘yung mga labi niya at
‘yung leeg niya at ang mahiwagang adam’s apple. He was speaking so slow. Fudge.
What the hell?! Na-master niya na yata ang art of seducing! If I was another girl,
I would have palpitated to death right there and then! Mabuti na lang, imbibed na
sa utak ko na maharot lang talaga si Lourd. Walang meaning behind that.
His lips were moving sexily.
“Please, Monique?”
I resigned. Makulit siya talaga and I didn’t have the luxury to talk to him and
turn him down the whole day.
“Oo na, oo na. Ang kulit mo,” I said.
He winked at me, filthily. Again and again, wala akong balak maging member ng
Lourd’s Harem kahit pa mag offer sila ng free membership!
“Thanks, Monique! You’re the best!” he said and then winked another time and then
ended the call.
What the hell did I get myself into?
Tatayo na sana ako ng kama ko ng biglang magvibrate ‘yung phone ko. It was a text
from Lourd. That man had all the time to spare. Para lang siyang naglalaro. Tsk.
From: unregistered number
There’s a ball tonight. Masquerade. You know the drill. Pick you up around 7pm.
Ugh! Hindi ba siya aware na nag-aaral ako sa UP at kailangan kong mag-aral?!

Seriously, siya yata ang bipolar at hindi si Chance, e!
I was fuming, really fuming hanggang sa matapos akong maligo. Paglabas ko sa

kwarto, naabutan ako nila Trisha at Cassandra na sobrang lukot ang mukha. I was the
obvious, huh? Sino ba naman kasi ang hindi maiinis. He told me about some party
just 5 hours away! Ano ba ang tingin niya sa akin? Prepared palagi?
“What’s up, buttercup?” asked Cass and then she got another piece of grapes and
then swallow it whole. Tsk.
I sat on the bean bag and reached for the bag of chips. Nakaka stress naman si
Lourd.
“I might ditch your party...” I said. Bigla namang napatigil si Cass. She was
really looking forward sa party na ‘to so I was pretty sure she’s disappointed. “I
have a valid reason, delos Reyes! Don’t shoot deadly glares, okay?” sabi ko bago pa
man siya magsimula na konsensyahin ako.
I told them about Lourd’s invitation and all the other stuff excluding the one
about the pregnancy scare. They’re both my almost sister pero that’s not my story
to divulge. I respect Chance’s privacy.
They were both sad, mas lalo na si Cass kasi alam niya pala na party ‘yun ng mga
Sandoval. Bakit ba ako invited kasi? Nakalimutan kong itanong! Kung ano pa ang
importanteng itanong, iyon pa ang nakalimutan ko!
“Wait, bakit may party?” I asked them, baka kasi may alam sila bilang First class
stalker naman sila. I swear, wala akong alam masyado sa Sandoval twins aside dun sa
mga sinasabi nila sa akin.
Trish went back to whatever she was doing, si Cass na lang ang kumausap sa akin.
“It’s some sort of welcome back party for their older sister. Basta. It was a mess
back then kasi for the Sandoval because Fier Marie ran away. I have no idea sa
ibang bagay. Basta as far as I know, welcome party ‘yun.”
So... family affair pala! Bakit ako kasama?! Ang desperate naman ni Lourd, oh!
After a while, iniwan na nila ako. Since hindi ako makakasama sa bar hopping,
nagdecide na lang sila na maghotel dalawa. Magpapa spa and whatnot sila while I was
going to... what the hell, wala akong idea kung ano ang gagawin ko mamaya!
I rummaged my stuff and yet wala akong makitang matinong isuot. Bwisit naman,
Lourd! Binigyan pa ako ng panibagong problema!
Susuko na sana ako ng makita ko ‘yung ball gown na ‘yun...
“Oh, what the hell,” I said before getting it. Bakit ba ako magpapaapekto? He’s in
the past and I was in the present.
I stared at it one more time. It was still in the same shade of midnight blue,
princess cut. It was still elegant... Pero puro kasi masasamang ala-ala ang dala
dala niya.
Sinuot ko na ‘yun and I smiled to myself. Yes, Monique. You’re pretty. Magsisi sana
‘yang ex mo na pinagpalit ka niya sa isang call girl, nonetheless! Magsama silang
magka herpes sana!
I was busy in front of the vanity mirror when someone rang the bell. I looked at
myself one last time and then kinuha ko na ‘yung mask ko.
Dahan dahan akong pumunta sa pintuan. I calmed myself down. Ang bilis ng mga
pangyayari, nakakabigla. Parang last month, pinag-uusapan lang namin ni Cass kung
bakit hindi siya dapat malungkot kahit iniwan siya ni Chance... but look at me now.
Pupunta ako sa party ng pamilya nila. I felt like a real hypocrite. A really,
really low hypocrite.
“Wow.”
Iyan ang unang lumabas sa bibig ni Lourd nung makita niya ako. He was busy checking
me out pero damn it, hindi ko rin mapigilan na tignan siya.
He was a walking sex icon!
Oh, my goodness! Kung nandito siguro ang members ng Lourd’s Harem niya, malamang
lumuhod na ‘yung mga babaeng ‘yun sa harap ni Lourd. He looked so sexy in that suit
and his hair was sexy pushback. Paano niya nagawa ‘yun?! He looked so suave without
even trying!
“Satisfied?” sabi ko sa kanya nung maitago ko ‘yung admiration ko sa itsura niya.

Gwapo siya at alam niya ‘yun. Hindi niya na kailangan ng reinforcement mula sa
akin. Lalaki na masyado ang ego niya.
He grinned. Damn. Ang sexy talaga.
“You polished good,” he said and then winked. “Chance will love it.”
I blushed at the thought. Mapapansin kaya ako ni Chance? What if mangyari nga ‘yung
sinabi niya na baka hindi niya ako pansinin? I wasn’t expecting much from him...
Sinabi niya na naman sa akin na wala akong mapapala. But where was I? Risking it
all kahit na alam ko na sa huli, ako din ang masasaktan.
Love is never about the what ifs. It’s about placing your bet and actually fighting
for it even if you know you’re on the losing side.
“You know what, Monique, if you’re gonna showcase that midriff of yours, I can stay
here and perv on you all night long,” sabi niya habang nakatingin sa cleavage ko.
Ang manyak niya talaga!
“Ang bastos mo!”
His eyebrow arched. “Was it my fault na naghehello sa akin ‘yung boobs mo? I think
not,” sabi niya sa akin.
Kulang na lang, sumabog ako sa sobrang kahihiyan!
Tinakpan ko ng braso ko ‘yung boobs ko.
“Isa pang comment, hindi na ako sasama sa’yo!” I warned him.
He chuckled at umiiling iling siya. “Oh, Monique. You’re such a tease but when I
tease you, you don’t like it. Saan ako lulugar?”
“Shut up. Tara na nga,” I said.
Naglakad kami papunta sa lift at inaalalayan ako ni Lourd. He was holding me by the
arm. Ano ba ang height ng lalaki na ‘to? I was already 5’7 and my heels were 4
inches. So technically, 5’11 na ako but he’s still towering over me! Ayoko namang
itanong, mamaya magyabang na naman ‘to.
“So, nandun ba si Nathalia?” I asked the most important question.
Sumandal siya and crossed his arms. He was wearing bow tie. Bakit ang sexy tignan
ng bow tie? Since when?
He nodded at me. “She’s friends with Fier. Can’t do anything about that.”
She’s actually friends with their sister and invited pa siya? And ano’ng klase
namang kapatid si Fier? Ni hindi man lang niya inisip na baka ayaw makita ni Chance
si Nathalia! Anong klaseng pamilya ba ang Sandoval?
Nakababa na kami and a fancy limo was awaiting us.
“Before you,” sabi ni Lourd and then opened the door for me. Pumasok ako. Nagsimula
na ang byahe and my hands were getting colder as minutes passed by. Damn it. Ngayon
lang ako kinabahan sa isang party, ever!
Hindi ko namalayan, nasa tapat na pala kami ng hotel. Okay, Monique. Kalma lang.
Party lang ‘yan. Nothing you’ve never experienced before.
Inalalayan ako papasok ni Lourd. People were everywhere. May ilang mga media kaya
nakuhanan kami ng picture. We posed for them. Medyo kinakabahan lang ako dahil baka
makarating sa parents ko. But then, naalala ko na naka mask nga pala kami so walang
problema. Hindi nila alam na may kakilala ako sa mga Sandoval. And I didn’t think
they would mind. As long as mayaman ang kaibigan ko, they’re good.
The party was already starting nung pumasok kami. Actually, nagseserve na ng
pagkain.
Lourd kissed me on the cheek and then iniwan niya ako bigla. Damn that man! Pero
hindi naman pala niya ako iniwan, totally. Pagbalik niya, he was with Chance.
Kahit itago pa ng ilang maskara, alam na alam ko na si Chance ‘yun. ‘Yung paraan ng
pagtayo niya pa lang, alam ko na na siya ‘yun. That thin and alluring lips, that
sexy musk, just everything about him shouted danger. Sabihin na nila na si Lourd
ang playboy pero alam ko sa sarili ko na mas delikado si Chance. He was
something... and so much more.
Kahit wala siyang sabihin, nahuhulog ka? Ganun, e. We barely spoke anything simula
ng magkita kami. Siguro bilang na bilang lang ang paguusap namin sa loob ng isang
buwan na magkakilala kami and yet, he already held a special place in my heart.
“Chance, take care of this girl. I’ll take care of your problem,” sabi ni Lourd and
then inilagay niya ‘yung kamay ko sa kamay ni Chance. Ang obvious niya masyado,
nakakainis!
I was staring at the floor. Ni hindi ko kayang tumingin sa kanya. All of a sudden,
I was back to being a shy high school girl in front of her crush.
Naramdaman ko ‘yung kamay niya na inangat ‘yung mukha ko. Unti unting lumapit ‘yung
mukha niya sa akin... kasabay ‘yung pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko.
Inside, I was waiting for the kiss.
The kiss that never happened.
His lips landed on the side of my lips. Konting konti na lang talaga!
He was chuckling all to himself, much to my dismay.
“Easy there, Snow White. How sure are you that I’m your Prince Charming?” he said
and then guided me towards our table.
Why was he so cryptic?!
--
This was lame, huh? I know!! Hahaha sorry. I was very sabaw when I wrote this. I
just needed to write it down or else, tatamarin na ako!
#HTBWTBB ;)
=================
-9-
Chapter Nine

We were busy dancing when he suddenly pulled me closer. I was surprised—no, I was
shocked! He was hugging me in front of all these people! I was stunned and I
couldn’t even move. It was like something magical was happening and I was too
scared that if I move, all these will come to an end.
All of a sudden, my heartbeat was racing inside my chest. Ang bilis bilis ng tibok
ng puso ko. There were even goddamned butterflies inside my stomach! Damn these
stupid butterflies, ang likut-likot nila! And since when did I become so poetic?!
I could feel his heart beating against mine. For the first time in my life, I was
speechless. My eyes were still wide open habang nakayakap ako sa kanya. I was
savouring every moment because I knew this might be the last. He was Chance Lucas
Sandoval, after all. No one knows what he’s about to do next.
“She’s gone,” he whispered low and then released me from the hug.
Hindi pa rin ako makagalaw. He hugged me!
“Okay ka lang?” he asked me nung mapansin niya na hindi ako gumagalaw. I tried to
make a move but all I managed to do was a nod. “Let’s sit,” he said and then guided
me back to our place.
Pagdating namin, Lourd winked at me. Nakatingin kasi siya sa amin habang nagsasayaw
kami ni Chance. This ass! Kulang na lang lagyan niya ng price si Chance at ibenta
sa akin ng 50% off. Ganun siya kadesperado.
“Monique, are you okay?” tanong ulit sa akin ni Chance. “You’re shaking.”
Oh, goddamnit! Para na talaga akong high school student na nanginginig kapag nakita
ang crush niya!
Tumayo siya and said, “I’ll get you somethiing to drink,” sabi niya at saka umalis.
Pero bago pa man siya makaalis ng tuluyan, he turned around with his scrunched
forehead and said, “Are you sure you’re fine?”
And all I managed was a timid nod.
Just after he left, lumapit na naman sa akin si Lourd. Seriosuly, hindi ba ako
pwedeng magkaroon ng isang araw na walang Lourd na eepal sa buhay ko?! Simula ng
harangin niya ako sa acad oval, araw araw na siyang nagpaparamdam! Hindi man
personally pero sa text, facetime, viber, facebook. God, he was everywhere!
“I saw what you did there,” he said.
“I did nothing, Lourd. Tigilan mo nga ako ngayon.” Masyado pang mabilis ang tibok
ng puso ko. Para akong sumali sa 20k marathon sa sobrang kabog ng dibdib ko!
But he did the otherwise, of course. Hindi na ako nagulat. He was stubborn. Really,
really stubborn.
Lumapit pa siya sa akin lalo. “You really like Chance, huh. You’re blushing like
crazy, Monique. That is so cute.” And then he wiggled his eyebrow. Ugh! Bakit ba
ang pa-cute niya e alam niya naman na cute siya?! He’s so evil! Alam niya na naman
na nag-uumapaw siya sa charm (duh obvious naman sa overflowing na member ng harem
niya) pero nageeffort pa siyang magpacute!
I gritted my teeth. Hindi ko pa nga nakokontrol ‘yung paghinga ko, sisimulan naman
ako ni Lourd dito sa mga pang-iinis niya! Ano’ng buhay ba ang meron ako?
“Just shut up, Lourd. Talk to your date or whatever. Give me my peace of mind.”
Tumingin siya duns a date niya. What was her name again? Bianca? Whatever. Basta
she’s a member of Lourd’s Harem. Dapat siguro asikasuhin na nila na irecognize ng
university ang Lourd’s Harem. I was pretty sure more than 20 naman ang members nun!
Good enough!
He winked at her and she blushed. Ganun din ba ako when it comes to Chance? Shit
lang!
“I’ll play with her all night long so I’ll bother you now,” sabi niya sa akin.
“Yuck! Bakit ba sinasabi mo sa akin ‘yung mga ganyan?!”
He chuckled and said, “Because you reactions are priceless. Para kang virgin na
nakanood ng porn video. I like it. It’s cute.”
Saan ba pinaglihi ‘tong si Lourd?!

I glared at him and he just laughed at me. Bwisit!
Hinampas ko siya ng purse ko kaya nanahimik na siya, at isa pa, kinausap yata siya
nung date niya kaya nabaling ‘yung atensyon niya. Mabuti naman.
Overall, the ball was pretty fine. I knew some people even though their faces were
hidden behind their masks. Funny how people just can’t hide who they really are.
“Why do you always have to look utterly bored?” asked by Lourd again. Wala pang
five minutes ang katahimikan ko, nawala na naman!
Si Chance? He was asked by his father to accompany him dahil ipapakilala yata sa
ibang business partners. Now, I was thinking kung ano ang silbi ni Lourd sa pamilya
nila. Well, Marie Fier obviously wasn’t a part of the business hierarchy since
she’s a doctor already. But Lourd? Meh. Maybe their father will marry him off to a
filthy rich cougar para magkasilbi naman siya.
I adjusted to my seat. I already removed my mask because I was eating. Ang tagal ni
Chance...
“Pano’ng hindi ako mabobore?” I said to him and then glanced at Chance who was
shaking the hand of an old man.
Lourd shook his head. “You’re like a puppy in love with my brother. That’s bad,
Monique.”
I raised a brow.
“You know, love isn’t all rainbows and unicorn. For us, love is all about sex and
hypocrisy.”
Tumahimik ako. I can’t understand them both. Ang lalim nilang pareho. Even Lourd,
kahit na minsan akala mo ang carefree niya lang, but if you would just take time to
listen to him, he’s more than what he looks like. There’s more to the surface than
what was shown.
There were just... just what the hell, Sandoval twins?!
“I’d rather be Chance’s puppy than to be yours, noh.”
He chuckled after hearing what I just said. The lady he was with stood up and went
to the bathroom. Good! Kanina pa ako naiirita sa mukha niya. She’s pretty, I know.
Mukhang model din but goodness, she’s so pathetic! Kulang na lang halikan niya si
Lourd out in the open! Nasa party kaya kami, for heaven’s sake! And her hands? Ugh.
I wish I hadn’t discovered where her hands were!
“What about my pup, Monique? I take good care of my pets. Inaalagaan ko sila
hanggang lumaki sila na malusog,” he said very sensually and then winked at me.
Bwisit!
“Ewan ko sa’yo,” sabi ko tapos inayos ko ‘yung purse ko. Since busy pa naman si
Chance sa ginagawa niya at wala namang ibang ginawa si Lourd kung hindi akitin ako
para mag signup sa membership ng Lourd’s Harem, lalabas na lang ako. I needed a
breather.
I walked out and looked for a place to stay. Masyadong maraming tao sa lobby,
masyadong maraming reporter at wala ako sa mood na sumagot sa mga tanong nila.
Dumaan ako sa likod ng hotel hanggang sa makarating ako sa manmade lagoon nila. It
was breath-taking. Just exactly what I needed.
I removed my shoes and held it instead. The grass against my feet felt so good.
I was out in the open, feeling the calmness of the night and the wind was busy
brushing against my skin when I saw a silhouette standing just a few meters from
me. I couldn’t deny who it was. That red gown, that blonde hair, and that f-ucking
perfect face?
“Nathalia,” I whispered to myself as I was approaching closer.
She was smoking when I saw her. Umiiyak din siya. Her face was a picture of a
broken woman. Bakit ganun? Mas okay pala na alam ko lang na siya yung babaeng nang
iwan kay Chance. Ayoko ng ganito. Ayoko kung nalalaman ko na mabait pala siya, na
may reason pala kung bakit niya ginawa ‘yun. Ang hirap kasing kamuhian ng isang tao
kapag alam mo kung ano ang pinanggagalingan nila.
“A-are you okay?” I asked her hesitantly.
Humarap siya sa akin and shook her head. She was crying real hard. Damn it. Bakit
ako naaawa sa karibal ko?!
I fished for my tissue paper in my purse and gave it to her immediately. She
accepted it and said thanks. Goodness, Monique! Ano ba ‘yang ginagawa mo? You must
hate her, not befriend her!
“Okay ka na?” I asked her.
She tried to stifle a smile but she obviously wasn’t okay. Para sa akin, mas
nakakatakot ‘yung iyak na tumutulo lang ‘yung luha kaysa dun sa iyak na maingay. I
don’t know. She was just standing while her tears were continuously pouring down.
She’s so broken.
“Care to talk?”
Okay, tonight was the night when I officially lost my mind.
Umupo kami sa concrete bench at nag-usap. Tahimik lang kami sa simula, hindi ko
alam kung saan kami magsisimula. She was a stranger and so was I.
“You’re a friend of Chance, right?” she asked out of the blue. Hindi ko alam kung
ano ang isasagot ko. Friends nga ba kami ni Chance? Do friends kiss each other—
almost? Sa akin kasi, hindi kami friends. I didn’t like to be friends. Ayoko dahil
natatakot ako na baka hanggang dun na lang.
So I opted to remain silent. It was the best damn thing I could offer to her.
“How’s he been while I was away?” she asked. Hindi ako makasagot. It’s only been a
month since I knew him but during those times, malungkot lang siya palagi. Ayokong
aminin pero alam ko na mahal niya pa rin si Nathalia. Five years was almost a
lifetime. Hindi kayang burahin ng simpleng goodbye.
“He’s... fine.”
So I chose to lie.
She smiled a bitter smile. Mahal niya pa rin si Chance. Why did I suddenly feel
bad? Sa story ba na ‘to, ako ‘yung kontrabida na aagaw? O baka naman ako ‘yung
kontrabida na uuwing luhaan? Bakit kasi ang hirap talunin ng five years!
“He’s fine even without me... great,” she said as she wiped another batch of tears.
Gusto kong tumayo at umalis. Ayoko sa ganitong sitwasyon. Sa ganito nagsisimula

lahat ng complications. Ayokong maipit sa gitna nila ni Chance.
“Hey,” she said. “What’s your name again?”
I smiled, kahit ayoko. I didn’t want to be her friend. Kapag kaibigan ko ang isang
tao, I tried my best para ‘wag gumawa ng bagay na masasaktan sila. Konti lang ang
kaibigan ko but I value them so much. And for Nathalia? No. Ayoko. Because I was
pretty sure our ‘friendship’ will end up messy.
“Monique. Monique Aldea.”

She offered her hands. “I’m Nathalia Germaine Montealegre.”
Damn. Kahit ‘yung pangalan niya ang ganda. Tsk.
I stood up and said my goodbye. Gusto kong bumalik sa loob. She was nice and
everything but I can’t be her friend. That’s just crazy.
Nung bumalik ako, I saw Chance approach me. His face was a bit worried. Could it be
na nag-aalala siya sa akin? Tss. Assume pa, Mon. Si Chance ‘yan.
“San ka galing?” he asked.
Hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin sa mukha niya. Bakit ba ang gwapo niya talaga? Tama
nga si Cass, ang hirap ngang hindi magkagusto sa isang ‘to. That strong jawline,
those black orbs, that sexy lips just begging to be kissed, and that scent that
made me want to run and hug him. Grabe, Chance. Wala ka pang ginagawa sa akin yet
here was I, almost begging na gawin mong member ng harem mo.
Paano pa kaya kung ligawan niya ako? Maybe I’d die out of sheer happiness.
Cause of death: too much feelings courtesy of Chance Sandoval.
Ang unfair ng buhay minsan. ‘Yung mga babae, gustung gusto nila ‘yung mga masungit
na lalaki. Pero ang mga lalaki, inaayawan nila ang masungit na babae. Ang labo, e.
“N-nagpahangin lang.” I was stuttering like a little girl. Grabe.
He nodded and then held me by the arm. Ang gentleman niya talaga. Kung si Lourd
‘to, malamang sa bewang ko ‘yun nakahawak.
Nung makaupo ko, he stared at me. “Are you sure you’re fine?”
I nodded. Ayokong sabihin na nakausap ko ‘yung ex niya. That’s insanity version

2.0.
He stared at me with scrutinizing eyes. “Monique, ang pinakaayoko sa babae,

sinungaling.”
Bigla akong kinabahan ang said, “Okay fine masama ang pakiramdam ko!” He rolled his
eyes at me. Typical of him! Masungit pa rin after ng lahat ng pinagsamahan namin.
Umalis lang siya sandali dahil sabi niya magpapaalam siya sa Dad niya. Bigla na
namang dumating si Lourd. Ugh! Palagi na lang siyang nasa eksena!
“You’re going home? Already?”
“Mind your own business nga.”

“But you’re my business.”
“Shut up, perv.”
He raised his brow. “Call me perv once again, Monique, I’ll show you how perverted
I can get.” My face fell into a frown and his smirk grew wider. “I’ll make you
scream so loud that we’ll wake your neighbours up.”
Bigla akong namula sa sinabi niya. Damn this asshole!
“Shut up na nga!”
He chuckled. “Such a virgin.”
“Ugh! Lubayan mo nga ako!” sabi ko sa kanya tapos biglang dumating si Chance.
“What’s wrong?” asked Chance.
Hindi ako makapagsalita. Ano naman ang sasabihin ko? Minanyak ako ng kakambal mo?!
“Wala, wala,” sabi ko na lang. Tumayo na ako at hinintay silang matapos mag-usap.
Weird mag-usap ng kambal na ‘to, akala mo nasa USA kung makapag English. I mean,
yeah I speak in English, too, pero ewan, iba ‘yung dating nung sa kanila. Idagdag
mo pa na mukha silang foreigner. Unfair life.
We were waiting in the entrance for the valet when Chance spoke.
“Monique?”
“Yes?”
“Do you like my brother?”
“What?! No!” sabi ko sa kanya.
Nakatingin lang siya sa harap niya and nodded. “Okay.”
--
Sorry boring feeling ko. Hahaha! Bawi soon after finals! ;)
#HTBWTBB
Twiiter: @beeyotchWP
=================
-10-
Chapter Ten
I woke up with a huge grin on my face. Goddamnit! Ilang gabi na simula nung hinatid
ako ni Chance pero ‘yung epekto, ganoon pa rin. I just can’t erase this freaking
smile on my face! Para siyang permanently etched. Ang hirap alisin. Nakakaloko.
Pero ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Ugh! I was being poetic again!
“Good morning, Mon! Ang saya pa rin natin, ah? Di pa ubos ang happy pill?” Trisha
asked me habang naglalakad siya sa kitchen with a bowl of scrambled egg in her
arms. Dumiretso siya sa stove and poured the contents in the pan.
Naupo naman ako sa stool on the kitchen island. Ang saya ng umaga lalo na kapag
isang Chance Lucas ang magtetext sa’yo.
Isang simpleng ‘Good morning’ lang naman ang text niya pero goodness! Gumulong ako
sa kama sa sobrang kilig. Ano bang ginawa mo sa akin, Chance?! You got me
bewitched!
Hindi pa ako nagrereply kay Chance. I didn’t want for him to think that I’m some
overly-attached and obsessed girl. I mean, obsession is a negative term, both in
connotation and denotation. It’s still a wonder why some people are so proud to say
that they’re obsessed. I mean, do you have even half an idea of what that word
really means? Some people are too dumb and ignorant and pathetic for words.
I watched as Trisha murdered the egg. Well, she’s not that bad of a cook naman but
I would prefer if she gave the idea of being a cook up. The taste was tolerable but
I deserve better food.
Anyhow, pinanood ko siyang lutuin ‘yung egg at i-oven ‘yung hotdog. Five minutes
later, I composed my text reply. Good morning lang din naman ‘yung nakalagay.
Walang emoticons or whatever. Ugh! Hindi ko pa rin kasi talaga alam kung paano ko
papakisamahan si Chance. He’s freaking cryptic. Natatakot ako na kapag may magawa
akong isang maling bagay, lumayo siya.
He wasn’t there yet so I was afraid to push him away.
“Kain na,” Trisha said. I snapped out of my reverie. “Can you please let go of your
phone? It won’t run, you know,” she commented as she placed a plate in front of me.
Nilayo ko na ‘yung phone ko sa akin. Ayokong mag expect kay Chance. Expectations
lead to disappointments. And I hate being disappointed. It freaking hurts because
you put your hopes up...
We ate and talked. Malapit na kasi ‘yung data collection namin sa isang course and
we were planning kung sasama kami sa Ilocos tour. Ang hassle naman kasi, e. Ang
layo ng Ilocos and 3 days kami doon without internet or anything or even a decent
phone coverage! Paano kami mabubuhay dun?
“Kailan ba ‘yun?” I asked her.
“Next week, I think. May kasama daw tayong ibang class, e.”
I didn’t tell her na kasama namin ‘yung class nila Lourd kasi for sure magpupumilit
sumama si Trisha. Knowing her, she’ll bug the hell out of me para lang sumama kami!
Why did I know? Nakwento kasi sa akin ni Lourd. That guy’s so freaking talkative.
Hindi siya nawawalan ng sasabihin, I swear! Ang dami niyang kwento, ang dami niyang
alam. Bakit kaya siya nagugustuhan ng mga babae? Daig niya pa ako sa kaingayan
niya, e.
“Hey.”
“Ha?”
Trisha pointed at my phone. “It’s ringing, oh. Won’t you answer it ba?”
I looked at the phone and my mouth went hanging wide open.
Chance Sandoval
Calling...
Oh, my goodness!
Okay, puso, kalma ka lang! It’s just a freaking phone call! Bakit ka ba
nagpapanic?!
“Screw it, Mon. Phone call lang ‘yan! You’re acting like a baby,” sabi ni Trisha
while sipping her cup of freshly brewed coffee. She was laughing and shaking her
head in amusement. Ngayon niya lang kasi ako nakita na nagpanic ng ganito para sa
isang lalaki. I always check myself. I usually don’t let emotion rule my life. That
will surely screw me up. Ngayon lang ako naging masyadong transparent.
I sneered at her and then stood up. Pumunta ako sa veranda to get some fresh air.
Nakakakaba naman kasi. Lumitaw lang ang pangalan niya sa screen ng phone ko, daig
ko pa ang tumakbo ng 20km. Grabe naman ang epekto niya sa akin. Minsan naiisip ko
na masama siya para sa akin. I wasn’t usually like this... yet I didn’t want to
stop. I can’t stop. I love this feeling.
Three deep breaths were all it took bago ko sagutin ‘yung tawag.
“Hey,” I said.
He replied with, “Did I wake you up?”
I was like an idiot, smiling from ear to ear. Damn you, Chance! Bakit mo ako
ginaganito?!
Nilagay ko ‘yung kamay ko sa railing ng veranda and bit my lips. Hindi ko mapigilan
na hindi mapangiti! 19 years old na ako pero ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng ganitong
kilig. ‘Yung tipo na ang hirap pigilan ng pagngiti? ‘Yung tipo na tatalikod ka pa
para ngumiti kasi hindi mo talaga kayang pigilan? ‘Yung ayaw mo ring pigilan?
“Nope. I was already up. Bakit?”
“I see,” sabi niya. “Do you have lunch plans?”

My heart figuratively stopped. Was he asking me out on a date?!
“W-why? Niyaya mo ba akong magdate?”
And sometimes, I do wonder kung bakit ang straight-forward kong tao.
Bigla akong kinabahan. Bakit ka ba kasi ako nagtanong! Si Chance ‘yan! Ugh,
Monique! So stupid of you to ask him such question. Paano kung sabihan ka na naman
niya ng creepy?!
There was a beat of deadly silence. This freaking silence was slowly killing me.
“Yeah. Wala ka namang boyfriend di ba?”
Okay, kalma, Monique Aldea! Hindi ito ang time para mag panic!
Huminga ako ng malalim at kinagat ang labi ko para hindi ako mabulol. I swear,
inside my chest, para na akong aatakihin sa puso. Masama sa kalusugan si Chance.
Masyado siyang straigh-forward. He asked me out on a date, walang hiya hiya! He’s
so... he’s Chance. Enough said.
“Wala,” I whispered almost inaudibly.

“Alright. See you later?” he said.
“Okay...” sagot ko naman. “Chance?”
“Hmm?”
Huminto muna ako sandali. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ito sasabihin. With Chance,
palagi akong kinakabahan.
He was a risk I was willing to take but too afraid to mess up.
“Are you seriously asking me out?” I asked.
“Monique,” he started off. His voice over the phone sounded so sexy, I just wanna
jumped up on him and hug him. There’s something about Chance that’s making me
crazy. Para akong nababaliw. Kung sino pa yung tao na sinusungitan ako, dun pa ako
nagkagusto. Mas lalo niya akong tinutulak palayo, mas lalo kong gustong lumapit.
Wala na akong pakielam kung may Nathalia sa eksena. Gusto ko siya. Everyone else
doesn’t matter. They are just collateral damage. I’ll get him.
“Date me and let’s see how things will go. Alright?”

And just like I have been hypnotized, I nodded. Wala. With Chance, nawawala ako sa
katinuan.
“Aalis ka? But it’s Monday!” Trisha whined. Right after the call ended, pumasok ako
sa kwarto and looked for something to wear. At bigla namang wala akong makitang
matinong damit. Bakit ganun?
I nodded at her while I was busy looking for a shoes to wear. Slippers na lang
kaya? I’ll buy things sa mall na lang. Damn it. Things I do for that guy!
“I thought we’re gonna be bums for today...”
Napili ko ‘yung pink flip flops. Pwede na ‘to. I’ll be driving naman.
“Be a bum or whatever. I’m going out. Bye, Intsik!” and I ran out before she could
even utter a protest. Today’s going to be freaking awesome!
I bounced toward my car and started the ignition. Habang nagddrive ako papunta sa
pinakamalapit na Mall... or wherever, biglang nagvibrate yung phone ko. And it was
Lourd, nonetheless.
“What?” I said.
Naka facetime na naman kami. I turned the loudspeaker on. Ayoko ngang mabangga
dahil lang kausap ko siya. Such a dumb way to die.
“Ang sexy talaga ng mga babaeng marunong magdrive.”
I rolled my eyes. Ganyan talaga ang way niya ng pagbati ng good morning, ang
sabihan ka ng perverted remark.
“Oo na, oo na. What do you want?” I asked him.
“Grabe, Mon. Tinatawagan lang ba kita kapag may kailangan ako?” he asked, faking a
hurt. Arte niya talaga. Bakit di siya gumaya sa kakambal niyang cool?
I focused my vision on the road. May date pa kami ni Chance, hindi ako pwedeng
maaksidente.
“Yeah, ganun ka nga. So, what do you need?”
Tumingin ako sandali sa phone ko and I saw him smiling like an idiot. Bakit ba siya
nakangiti?! Nakakainis!
“Wala naman. Just checking up on my favorite girl.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, shut up, Lourd. 1 month pa lang tayong magkakilala.”
He chuckled at my remark. Totoo naman. Sandali pa lang kami magkakilala pero halos
araw araw niya akong tinatawagan. Ganun na ba kami ka close? Tsk.
“So brute, Monique. Bagay talaga kayo ng kapatid ko. Twisted.”
“Oh, shut up, you. If we’re twisted, what does that make you? Sick?”
Natawa na naman siya sa akin. Seriously, isa ba akong clown para kay Lourd? Palagi
niya na lang akong tinatawanan, e!
“Ano ngang kailangan mo?” I asked him again. Malapit na kasi akong dumating sa
pupuntahan ko at wala akong time na makipagusap kay Lourd habang naghahanap ako ng
isusuot sa date namin ni Chance.
“May date kayo ni Chance, right?”
Right. Bakit niya alam ‘yun? He’s freaking nosy.
“So?” I asked with my brows arched.
He showed me that devilish smirk of his. Twisted and sick guy!

“Are you aware why he asked you out?” sabi niya biglaan.
Hindi ko alam pero bigla akong kinabahan. Ayoko nitong feeling. I stopped the car
and parked on the side. Bwisit na Lourd ‘to!
Sometimes, not knowing is better than knowing. Because with knowing comes hurting.
Pero ayoko ng niloloko ako. As much as it would hurt, hurt me but never lie to me.
That’s how I want things to roll. Kill me with the truth but don’t dare comfort me
with lies.
“Why? Why did he ask me out?” Every word stung. Ang sakit. Didn’t he ask me because
he likes me? Bakit kailangan laging may plot twist? Hindi ba pwedeng wala na?
He laughed at winked at me.
“He likes you. Tsk. Mapaghinala ka talaga, Monique. That’s bad.”
“Fuck you!” sabi ko sa kanya. Kinabahan ako dun, ah! Bwisit na lalaki ‘to!
Suddenly, he moaned. “Harder.”

Ugh! Bwisit! I turned the phone off. Maaga akong mamamatay sa kanya!
Namili ako ng susuotin ko and I ended up with a Sunday dress. Actually, wala pa
kasi akong idea kung saan kami kakain kaya bumili din ako ng formal dress. Ah,
bahala na! Whatever it is, bahala na.
Dumating ako sa isang café, dun muna kasi kami magkikita. Naghintay ako for roughly
10 minutes nung makita ko na padating na si Chance.
I was looking at him religiously while he was walking. Bakit ang gwapo niya talaga?
It’s screwing with my mind. He’s just too perfect for me. Wala akong pakielam kung
sabihin nila na nobody’s perfect. For me, Chance is way beyond perfect.
He was walking toward me and I cannot help but feel lucky. What did I do in my past
life para swertihin ako ng ganito?
“Naghintay ka ba?” he asked.
I shook my head.
Tumayo na ako at naglakad kami. Para akong teenage na kinikilig. Masyado na akong
nagkakagusto kay Chance. Sana ganon din siya. Ang hirap kasi na ikaw lang ang in
love.
“Chance?” I said and then stopped on my track.

“Hmm?”
“Is this a date, for real?” Kailangan ko lang magtanong. Kasi aasa ako. At
kailangan ko ng assurance. I’ll take the risk but I should know my chances.
He nodded. “Why?”
I smiled at him. That’s all I needed.
“Nothing,” I said and then continued smiling. I tucked a strand of my hair behind
my ear and then looked at him. “I just need to hear it. That this is a date.”
Nagsimula na akong maglakad ng may ngiti sa labi ko ng biglang hawakan ni Chance

ang bewang ko. Napatigil ako. Damn it, eto na naman ang puso kong nagwawala!
He was holding me by my waist. We were so close.
“Can you feel me now, Monique? Is this close enough?”
--
Freaking sabaw update! Bawi next time! ;)

Hashtag HTBWTBB :D
=================
-11-
Chapter Eleven
I was still shaking inside. I still can’t process the fact that Chance was dating
me. For real? I wasn’t that special. Sigurado akong madaming kilala si Chance na
babae. Ano ba ang meron ako? And I knew him enough to doubt whatever this was.
Masyado siyang cryptic. He’s different.
“What do you want to eat?” he asked me.
My fingers were shaking from the nervousness inside me.
I looked at the menu and placed my order. Usually, girls would say na ‘bahala ka
na’ but that’s just too lame. If you do that, guys would assume that you’re easy.
Pag-order na lang ng pagkain hindi mo pa magawa. What more sa ibang bagay?
“So?” I said hesitantly the moment the waiter left us. It was awkward. Palagi akong
awkward basta si Chance ang kausap ko. Para akong bata na nahihiya. Damn it.
He sat back and then crossed his arms. He was looking at me intently and I felt
like melting under his gaze. It was so intense. So extreme.
“So what?” he said. Tumingin siya sa akin ng malalim. Damn it, Chance! You need not
to do that anymore! Simpleng tingin lang, tunaw na tunaw na ako. “Monique, I don’t
do games. When I ask you out on a date, I mean it. Now, why do you still doubt me?”
That made me shut up. Bakit nga ba ako ganito magduda? Dahil ba natatakot ako na
maloko ulit? O baka kasi masyado akong umaasa kay Chance na natatakot akong
masaktan. I wasn’t in love yet but I did not want to be finally in love but with a
broken heart.
Gusto ko ng assurance.
Gusto ko na kapag lumaban ako, alam ko na matalo man ako, may saysay naman ang
pinaglaban ko.
I didn’t want to fight a futile battle.
“It was just too sudden...” sabi ko kay Chance. “Sorry. Hindi pa rin kasi ako
makapaniwala na niyaya mo akong magdate.”
It was a dreamlike fairy tale. The prince asks the princess out.
But I do not live in fairy tale ending. I belong to the real world.
Sumandal pa siya lalo sa kinauupuan niya and even put his hand under his chin. Mas
lalo na talaga akong tinatamaan sa bawat titig niya.
“Monique, I asked you out on a date, I did not propose to you. Can you chill for a
moment?” sabi niya.
Bigla akong natawa. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.
“Good. There, smile.”
Inabot ko ‘yung baso ng tubig at ininom ‘yun. He’s right. I’ve been fussing too
much about this and I needed to calm down.
“Sorry for overacting. Swear, I’m usually not like this!” I said. Baka kasi ma turn
off siya sa akin kapag ganito ako.
He gave out a cheeky grin. Oh, how gwapo he was right there!
“Ayos lang. Bakit ba mukhang impossible na yayain kita sa date? I’m not some
celebrity, Monique. I’m an average guy.”
Average my ass. Everything about you screamed perfection.
But I sighed, ayoko ng makipagtalo. “Yeah, whateever.”

After a while, dumating na ‘yung pagkain namin. We talked about things, how he was
accelerated kaya mas nauna siyang grumaduate kay Lourd. Oh, well. I thought na
mahina lang talaga ang utak ni Lourd kaya siya nag-aaral pa. Turned out na matalino
lang talaga si Chance... Hmmm.
“I thought so! Kaya pala may Aussie accent ka!” I said with much fascination.
Tumira pala sila sa Australia for 2 years and a half kaya ang lakas ng dating ng
accent ni Chance. Pero si Lourd, wala naman masyado. E bakit ko ba kinukumpara
‘yung dalawa? Obvious naman na magkaiba sila. Intellect pa lang.
He smirked at me. “Oh. You’re one of those girls.”
“Excuse me?”
He leaned in and I was, again, intoxicated by his alluring scent. “Sexy accent gets
you going, right?”
Muntik ko ng maibuga ‘yung tubig na iniinom ko. Grabe!
“Oh, my god, I’m sorry!” sabi ko kasi nung ibinaba ko ‘yung baso ng tubig, medyo
natapon. Masyado akong nagulat sa sinabi ni Chance! It blew my mind away! “Hindi
lang kasi ako sanay na nagsasabi ka ng ganun.”
“And why so?” he asked.

Sasabihin ko ba? Sasabihin ko ba na mas natturn on ako kapag sinusungitan niya ako?
Weird ba ako dahil gustung gusto ko kapag sinusungitan niya ako?
Umiling na lang ako. Ayokong sabihin. Baka sabihin niya naman ang weirdo ko.
“Wala...”
He sighed. “Come on, what?”
I looked at him and then resigned. There’s really no use in lying to Chance. He
just sees right through me. Kahit anong tago ang gawin ko, it’s like he could read
my thoughts.
“I like it better when you sneer at me,” I said and then lowered my head.
And then... he burst out laughing!
Napatigil at napataas ako ng tingin. He was laughing! Can you freaking believe it?!
He was still laughing and I was holding my breath. Paanong kahit pagtawa ay ang
perfect? Si Chance lang talaga. Kahit ano ang gawin niya, natutuwa ako. It was like
I was blinded by whatever this was. It is not true that love makes one blind. You
can see but you choose to endure. Because love accepts everything.
“Oh, Monique. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko sa’yo,” he said while still holding that
smile on his lips.
Please don’t stop smiling. Please smile for me.
I bit my lips. “Can we please forget about this? Nahihiya ako...” I admitted.
I looked at him and I saw amusement on his face. “Alright,” he said. “But may I
ask, to what extent does my rude attitude turns you on?”
“What?” sabi ko. Nabigla ako sa tanong niya. I’m 19, not stupid! Alam ko kung ano
ang ibig niyang sabihin pero hindi lang ako talaga sanay na nagsasabi siya ng
ganyan! Si Lourd ang perv... no, not Chance!
Bigla siyang napasandal ulit sa upuan niya. “Oh. Sorry for asking. You’re young. I
forgot.”
Natahimik ako sandali. Fudge! Did I screw this up?!
“No, don’t say sorry. Nagulat lang ako...”
“Sorry, still. I was used to dating older women. Hindi ako sanay na mas bata sa
akin ang kasama ko,” he said. “Sorry for that.”
Bakit ko nga ba nakalimutan? I was but another face in the sea of girls he had
dated. Bakit nga ba ako nagkakaganito? I’m sure he dated better girls. Heck, his
ex-fiancée was way better than me! I’ve seen it. Nathalia looked so divine. She’s
kind; just stupid enough to run away.
“Why... why did you date Cassandra, then?” I asked. She’s younger than him. She’s
younger than me!
But, deep inside, I felt like a traitor. I’ve seen how my friend cried for this guy
but still, where was I? Here, out on a date with him.
Hindi ko kayang pigilan. I like him. But I love my friend.
What a freaking irony.
He reached for the glass of wine and washed it down in one gulp. That smouldering
eyes looking right through me. Nakakapanghina ng tuhod.
“Monique, I avoid three types of girls: my ex-fiancée, girls with attachments, and
girls my brother slept with. Other than, I can’t say no to women in general.”
“So?” I said. Hindi ko siya maintindihan.

He leaned back and then crossed his arms. Itinaas niya din ang isa niyang kilay.
Damn it, natturn on na naman ako!
“She asked me out and I said yes,” he said, as simply as that. “I was raised by a
deeply religious woman, Monique. Kapag nagplease ang babae, wala akong magawa kung
hindi pumayag. Damn, I can’t even end a call, dapat babae ang magbaba. That’s crazy
as shit pero ganun talaga.”
Oh, screw it! Why was chivalry so freaking hot?!
“When your friend asked me out, I said yes. But I wasn’t looking for something
serious.”
I clasped my hands together. I wasn’t looking for something serious until I met
him... I just... I just keep on wishing for more.
“What about me, Chance? Isa din ba ako sa mga babaeng hindi mo matanggihan?” I
asked him.
The chilliness of the wind crept through my system. Bigla akong nanlamig.
Kinakabahan ako sa sagot niya. It was unbearable.
“You did not ask me out. I asked you out.”
My heart stopped beating. Butterflies were everywhere. Damn being poetic!

“So whatever the case will be, it’s you who would dump me if ever, Monique. You
have me wrapped around your fingers.”
---
Finally! A chapter without Lourd!!
#HTBWTBB :D
=================
-12-
#HTBWTBB ;)
Talk to me on twitter! ;) @beeyotchWP
--
Chapter Twelve
I was smiling the whole time Chance and I were together. Grabe. I just can’t
explain it...
Alam mo ‘yung feeling na kahit walang magsalita sa inyong dalawa, it wasn’t boring
at all? What was it? Uh, yeah. Comforting silence. That was it. Kahit sungitan niya
ako ng sungitan, the end game of it all was that... I was comfortable with him.
“So...” I said, trailing a bit kasi ayokong matapos ng araw na ‘to. I should’ve
asked for a dinner date. It was just around 2 in the afternoon yet maghihiwalay na
kami agad. “Thanks for today,” I said.
He smiled at me and damn, can I melt?!
Oh, Chance Lucas Sandoval, what did you do to me?
He nodded at me. I was biting my lips. Should I kiss him or hug him? Ugh! Hindi ko
alam kung paano magpaalam. Heck, I didn’t even want to say goodbye!
I was balancing, finding it in me kung paano magpaalam when he pulled me and kissed
my forehead.
“Thanks for today, too,” he said, my head buried in his chest. I was frozen as of
the moment. Ayokong gumalaw. Hindi ako makagalaw. My entire system was in panic.
“Let’s do this again,” he whispered.
I was like kid hypnotized by someone who has a candy. Tumango ako. Just like that,
napapayag niya ako. He was wrong. I didn’t have him wrapped around my fingers. It
was the other way around. He got me hypnotized... and I wasn’t caring a bit.
I liked it.
The moment he released me from the hug, I smiled a very big smile.
“See you soon,” I said and then turned around and walked away.
Days have passed and the effect was still the same. Para akong naka-drugs. Palagi
akong nakangiti. Minsan nga naweweirduhan na sa akin si Trisha and Cass pero wala
na akong pakielam. Tahimik lang ako kasi hindi ko pa alam kung paano ko sasabihin
sa kanila, lalo na kay Cassandra. I didn’t know how to break it to her. She was in
love with the guy... and I was dating him.
Mahal ko si Cassandra because she’s my friend. Pero hindi ko alam kung paano ko
gagawin. I never really liked choosing. Kung pwede silang dalawa na nasa buhay ko,
sana ganun.
I’d hate to lose one of them.
I was walking to my class in College of Education when someone elbowed me.
“Deep thoughts, huh.”
“Ano na naman ang kailangan mo?” I asked him.
Hindi naman ako masyadong nagmamadali since maaga kaming pinalabas sa isa kong
minor sa College of Arts and Letters and I had all the time to spare. Pero kung si
Lourd lang din naman ang kakausapin ko, no, thanks. I’m good.
Sinabayan niya ako sa paglalakad. Nandito kami sa tapat ng FC and the road to CEduc
was still long and winding. I had no choice but to talk to the devil.
He walked a bit faster and now he was in front of me, walking backwards. He’s
really an idiot.
“It has come to my attention that my brother didn’t kiss you yet,” he said.
Automatically, tumaas ang kilay ko. Ano bang pakielam niya ‘dun?! He’s so freaking
nosy!
Binilisan ko ang lakad pero binilisan niya din ang pag atras. Seriously? Siya yata
ang bipolar at hindi si Chance, e!
“Pakielam mo ba?” I hissed.
He shrugged. Ugh!
“It’s the second time na hindi humalik si Chance. Hmm. I just find it weird.”
I glared at him. “And fascinating? Seriously, ang usisero mo!” I exclaimed at him.
Nakakainis ‘tong Lourd Simon na ‘to!
Natawa lang siya sa akin at nagpatuloy sa pagsabay sa akin sa paglalakad. This
time, nasa tabi ko na siya. May mga ibang tao na tumitingin sa akin. Seriously,
gaano ba kasikat ‘tong si Lourd? Alam ko tiga College of Economics siya pero ang
daming tumitingin sa amin kahit nung nasa CAL pa kami!
Medyo yumuko ako and I whispered low enough to let him hear. “Ang daming
nakatingin. Lumayo ka nga,” I said.
“Are you ashamed of me?” he asked.
Biglang napataas ako ng tingin. Why did he sound like some betrayed boyfriend?! Ang
daming alam sa mundo ni Lourd!
Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at hinarap siya.
“Lourd, you’re not my best friend or my boyfriend or whatever. Bakit ba ang

demanding mo?” I asked him. I didn’t care kung maging harsh man ako. He asked for
it. I didn’t like annoying people, I hate them the most. Kahit mga kaibigan ko
ayoko ng kinukulit ako. I liked having my own space and do things at my own pace.
His face turned serious. Parang nabigla siya sa sinabi ko.
“Oh.” It was all that he said.

Suddenly, I felt guilty for lashing out at him. I didn’t mean to be mean at him.
It’s just that I had too much on my plate. My courses were killing me and this
guilt for Cass that I had inside me was turning me into a monster. I hated lying
especially when my friends were involved.
“I—I didn’t mean it that way, Lourd,” I said, grabbing him by his arms.
He looked at my hand on his arm and then smiled at me. “No, you’re right. I’ve been
meddling way too much,” he said and then slowly removed my grasp.
F-uck it I felt so guilty!
He took three steps backward, while still facing me. “Good luck,” he said. “Don’t
hurt my brother, alright.” And those were the last words he said before he turned
his back at me.
Ugh!
Gusto ko siyang habulin pero natatakot ako. It was my fault. Hindi ko siya dapat
sinabihan ng ganun... He was just trying to help. Monique, ano bang problema mo?
Pinanood ko na lang siyang maglakad palayo, with this guilt inside me.
I’m sorry, Lourd. I really, really am.

Nakarating ako sa class namin, feeling devastated as shit. I felt so guilty na
hindi ako makapag concentrate sa activity na ginagawa namin. My prof even noticed
that I was spacing out. It was unsual of me to space out in her class because I
enjoyed it much. EDCO101 was a good course since nakakarelax siya and everything.
Damn it, guilty lang talaga ako.
When the class ended, my phone vibrated and it was a text from Chance, asking kung
free ako mamayang gabi.
I was walking while trying to think of what to reply when someone called out my
name.
“Monique,” it said.
I put my phone back inside my bad and then turned around. There, I saw Nathalia
approaching me. Anong ginagawa niya dito?
“Uhm, hi?” sabi ko sa kanya.
She was wearing a smile yet I was feeling off. Something was bound to happen, I was
sure of it. Hindi naman siya mageeffort na puntahan ako dito para lang kamustahin,
‘di ba?
We were standing at the balcony and people were looking at her. Well, I really
couldn’t blame them. Nathalia’s a head turner. And the blonde hair did a lot of
help.
“Can we talk?” she said. I felt chills crept down my spine. That voice, that tone,
it just made me nervous.
I nodded; after all, it was the only response that I could give. Naglakad kami
papasok sa lobby. Good thing no one was around. I motioned her to sit on the chair
and she smiled at me.
Tahimik lang kaming pareho. Ako? I didn’t know what to say. We met only once and it
wasn’t that much of a meeting, actually. We just talked for a bit...
She was playing with her fingers and biting her lips. I could tell from the looks
of it that this was something serious.
“Monique,” she said. She, then, took deep breaths as if to calm herself.
Nakakakaba. Kahit ako, ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. The anticipation was a
torture. “Can I talk to you about Chance?”
And right then and there, my breathing hitched. It was about Chance.
“W-what about him?” I asked.
I tried to remain as calm as possible. Hold your horses, Monique. Malay mo this was
just something friendly. Wag mag-assume.
She smiled at me. She’s really just too beautiful.

“Can you help me, Monique?” she asked, her voice shaking. “Can you help me get back
together with him?”
And then as if on cue, her tears fell. I was taken aback. I didn’t know what to do.
My mind went blank and everything just felt like they collapsed.
“Pardon?”
The tears continued to flow. Parang walang katapusan.
“Please, help me, Monique. He won’t talk to me, won’t listen to me. He just won’t
see me. I’m desperate...” she said, holding my hands.
I hated this kind of thing. Hindi ako santa. Helping other people was never my
thing. Ayoko... ayoko. But yet deep inside me, naaawa ako sa kanya. But at the same
time I hated her.
“He won’t listen to my explanations. I already told him I am sorry and that I still
love him but he won’t even look me in the eye...”
I wanted to tell her to stop it. Why was she being this desperate? He’s out of it
yet she can’t accept it. When people want you out of their lives, stay out of it.
They want you out for a reason. Just fucking give them what they want.
“He hates you,” I whispered. But she heard it.
“I know. And it’s killing me...”
Gusto ko siyang tanungin. Bakit ngayon? Why now? She had all those years to
spare... She was gone for years... Bakit ngayon? Bakit ngayon pa na nagsisimula na
akong magkagusto kay Chance?
I stood up and got my things. “I can’t help you, Nathalia. He hates you and you
should forget about him,” I said and then started to walk away.
But I heard her talk. And I shouldn’t have had.
“He’s the one for me, Monique. No matter how hard he tries to push me away, I’ll
still come back. I will always come back. That’s how it works.”
I took three deep breaths and then turned to look at her. I mustered to be as
courageous as possible. I am Monique Aldea. What’s mine is mine alone.
“But he’s mine now, Nathalia. Deal with the fact and move on... with his ex-best
friend because that’s how you roll.”
=================
-13-
#HTBWTBB
Twitter: @beeyotchWP ;)
Enjoy!
--
Chapter Thirteen
I was holding my swollen cheek. That bitch. Ang kapal ng mukha niyang sampalin ako.
It was hard for me to be honest enough para sabihin sa kanya na tigilan niya na
siya Chance yet this was what I got? A bitch-slap?!
“Bitch,” I kept on uttering to myself. Ugh! Inis na inis ako! How dare her?!
Instead of going home like what I originally planned, I drove to Trinoma instead
and went to a coffee shop on the rooftop. Kailangan ko ng katahimikan or else
sasabog ako sa sobrang inis. Good thing wala na akong class kasi naaawa ako sa
magiging kapartner ko sa exercise kasi masisigawan ko siya, for sure.
After ordering, I asked for a pack of ice.
Seriously, I would strangle her neck kapag nagkaroon ako ng pasa. She slapped me
real hard! I was just too astounded to react. If I had seen that coming, I would
pull her hair so hard that she’ll surely cry.
I was nursing my swollen cheek when the door opened and I heard a familiar voice.
Ugh. Can’t I have a rest? Nasampal na nga ako, ngayon naman makokonsensya na naman
ako!
Patuloy kong hawak sa kamay ko ‘yung ice pack ng dumaan si Lourd sa harapan ko. He
looked at me but he didn’t even smile like he used to or teased me like it was his
favourite job.
He just passed... like he didn’t even know me at all.
Huminga ako ng malalim. I asked for it, hindi na dapat ako mabigla. Like if someone
did the exact same thing to me, I’d do the same, only worse. I’d pretend like he
didn’t even exist. At all.
They sat just a few sits from where I sat and I could hear them laughing. So, this
was Lourd when he’s not with me.
I could see him smiling and hear his laughter. He was talking animatedly to his
friends. He looked happy. I even saw him having his arm draped over some girl’s
shoulder. Good for him.
For the last time, I glanced at him. Maybe time would heal this wound between us.
But for now, iiwasan ko muna siya. I have problems of my own. In the future, I know
we’ll be back to normal. After all, I was after his twin brother. It’s quite
impossible na hindi kami magkita ni Lourd. So I would just let the issue between us
resolve on its own.
I grabbed my cup of coffee and went directly to the valet lounge and waited for my
car. As I was waiting, my phone, again, vibrated. It was a message from Chance. He
re-sent the message he sent me. With trembling hands, I dialled his number. God, I
was still furious at Nathalia! Siya ang kauna unahang babae na sumampal sa akin.
Heck, even my own mother didn’t have it in her to slap me. That stupid Nathalia!
“Hey,” he said.
I can’t tell it to him. Pero pakiramdam ko sasabog ako sa sobrang galit para sa ex-
fiancée niya.
“Can we meet somewhere?” I asked him and then gritted my teeth in anticipation.
He answered pretty fast. Damn it, hearing his voice made me miss him even more. “I
thought we’re meeting for dinner?” he said. “But yeah, nandito lang ako sa office
ko. You could swing by, if you want.”
I tried to remember where he worked but I just can’t. Yeah, I liked this guy pero
hindi pa naman ako dumadating sa punto na alam ko lahat ng bagay tungkol sa kanya.
I would really freak out kung alam niya ang lahat ng bagay tungkol sa akin. That’s
so creepy!
“Where are you exactly?”
I swore I heard him chuckle. Weird ni Chance minsan, laughing at the weirdest thing
possible. Sinabi niya na sa akin ‘yung location niya. I said thanks and that I’ll
be there in an hour. Bago ko ibaba ang phone, may sinabi pa siya.
“Monique,” he started off. I didn’t answer. I was, still, too pissed off at the
world. “Thanks for not being creepy.”
And then he ended the call.
Damn it. Bakit kaya niya akong pakiligin kahit sa pinaka weird na paraan?!
The valet attendant arrived and I entered my car and drove away with a freaking
smile on my face. Ugh, Chance Sandoval effect!
As I was speeding away and the music of Medina’s Addiction was blasting through my
stereo, I smiled to myself.
Should I drink another drink, say another lie. I know that you may think that I'm a
broken little bird in my mind...
I knew someday, I might regret this decision. I might get hurt, I might cry, I
might get my heart broken... But to hell with that. At least I got to be happy.
Happiness does not come to everyone. It’s a luxury that only some people could
afford... and it comes with a price. And if a broken heart someday was what it
takes, then come hell or high water. I was willing to bet on it.
Cause I'm falling on the floor I'm climbing up the walls And everytime I get a grip
I seem to lose myself just a little more Cause I am here and it eats me up But I
love the way it feels I really shouldn't stay But I can't give up The more it
hurts, the more I need

It was a rather peaceful drive. In less than an hour, nakarating ako sa office ni
Chance. People were busy and it was nothing new to me. I approached the front desk
and said that I had an appointment with Mr. Sandoval.
She smiled at me and motioned me to wait at the waiting area. “Please wait first,
Miss Aldea. Mr. Sandoval is still on a meeting,” she said.
I returned her smile and then sat on the stool. I got my compact mirror and checked
my reflection. Ayokong mapansin ni Chance na nasampal ako. I live in the 21st
century, hindi na uso ang damsel in distress. Hindi ako pumunta dito para
magsumbong. Did I mention that that’s a pathetic move? Using tears to get things in
your favour.
When I was finally satisfied with my face, I closed it and then at the exact same
time, I saw Nathalia going out of Chance’s office.
Okay. What the hell was happening?
Tumayo ako agad and approached her.
“Why are you here?” I hissed. I didn’t want to make a scene. It was my first time
here and I didn’t want it to be the last time. Gusto ko lang malaman kung bakit
nandito si Nathalia.
She was surprised to see me. I could see it in her eyes.

She guzzled a few times and I could sense the nervousness.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” she said.
I added to her statement, “I got the same feeling here.”
She tried to compose herself and then took a step back. Siya pa ang may ganang
matakot sa akin pagkatapos niya akong sampalin kanina? Kung wala lang kami sa
office ni Chance, I would slap the bitch out of her.
“Well, I got to go,” she said and the disappeared out of my vision quickly.
My feeling escalated quickly. Ang sakit sakit na ng ulo ko. This day has been
clearly too much for me. Gusto ko na lang umuwi at magbabad sa bath tub. Ang sama
ng pakiramdam ko and it was killing me.
Chance’s secretary motioned me to go in and I obliged. In there, I saw Chance

sitting with his hands massaging his temple. He looked stressed, too.
“Chance...” I said. Tumingin siya sa akin and smiled.
Umupo ako sa couch and he followed me. Nakaupo siya sa tabi ko. He was looking at
me intently and I was blushing... damn it I could feel my cheeks heating up as
seconds passed by.
I took many deep breaths. I badly wanted to ask kung bakit nandun si Nathalia but
that wasn’t my line to cross... I wasn’t his girlfriend. Yet. Ayokong magtanong ng
mga tanung na hindi ko naman dapat tanungin. Today wasn’t the day.
“Why?” he asked. “You wanted to see me so suddenly.”
Smiling at him, I changed my face from smiling to frowning. Ugh. I needed to ask
this, for my sanity!
“Bakit nandito si Nathalia? I’m sorry, ayokong magtanong but hindi ako matatahimik
until I hear why,” I explained. Ayokong ma misunderstood niya. I just wanna be
aware... That’s all.
I looked down. Nahihiya ako sa ginagawa ko. Since I met Chance, I did things I
never thought I would ever do. Ngayon lang. I was challenging my limits when it
comes to him.
He turned silence for a few seconds and then looked at me. “She came here saying
that you assaulted her.”
Nabigla ako. I couldn’t even react. How dare she?! Siya nga ‘tong pupunta punta sa
school ko para kausapin ako tapos siya pa ang may ganang magsumbong?! I take my
words back. She’s not nice! She’s the real definition of a bitch. Backstabbing
bitch!
I badly wanted to explain myself but Chance cut me off before I could even begin.
“She said you slapped her and that you cursed at her,” sabi niya.
My face went from blushing to pale white. What the f-uck? She was the one who
slapped me! And some of my classmates saw that! Problema ko pa kung paano ako
sasagot kapag tinanong nila ako kung bakit may sumampal sa akin. Ugh! That freaking
Nathalia! Puro problema ang dala sa buhay ko!
“She’s lying...” I breathed.
He didn’t hear it but he turned at me. He was gazing at me.
“I didn’t believe her. And even if you really did it, I know you have your
reasons,” he said and the scooped closer and held my hand. “I trust you, Monique.”
And then he pulled me close and hugged me. “God, you smell so nice.”
Thank you, Chance. Hinding hindi ko sisirain ang tiwala mo sa akin.
=================
-14-
Chapter Fourteen
I slumped back on the couch. I can’t even look him in the eye, nahihiya ako... But
this felt like home, with Chance nursing my soon to be bruised face. It felt so
warm, so nice, so good.
“Masakit pa ba?” he asked as he placed the pack of ice down the side table. He
brushed the back of his hand against my numb face. I couldn’t feel my face; the
numbing effect of the ice was overwhelming.
Kinakabahan ako dahil baka naaabala ko na siya sa mga ginagawa niya. It was still
working hours, after all. And knowing Chance, he’s busy as hell. Nandito kami sa
top floor ng isang building and that showed how important he was as a person.
I nodded at him and then smiled even though I couldn’t feel my face. I reached for
my purse and then pointed at my wrist watch. “I have somewhere to go,” I excused.
Tumayo ako and then looked back at him who was still sitting on the couch. “I’ll
see you tonight?”
He gave me that heart melting smile and then I went straight out. Baka kasi hindi
ko mapigilan ang sarili ko at hatakin ko si Chance.
God, he was tempting me every single time na magkasama kami!
Those smiles, those stares, just basically everything about him made me want to
push him down the couch and make out with him.
He made me sound like a desperate hag. Ugh! Nababaliw na talaga ako!
I almost ran to the car park. Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. It’s not that he’ll be
my first kiss, anyway. My asshole ex-boyfriend already got that trophy. Pero
kasi... the atmosphere was so perfect. It was like the universe was telling me to
kiss the guy—to grab his collar and have my lips placed against his, to feel his
mouth against mine.
Screw it, I need my cold showers.
The moment I got home, Trisha was waiting for me.
“Young lady, where have you been? Iniwan mo ako! How dare you!” she said and then
marched towards the couch with a bag of chips in her hands. “Sana sinabi mo sa
akin. So unfair.”
I sighed. Oo nga pala, nakalimutan kong sabihan si Intsik na mauuna akong umuwi.
Again, it was that stupid Nathalia’s fault. Kung hindi niya ako pinuntahan sa
school kanina at sinampal, e di sana naalala ko na sabay nga pala kami ni Trisha.
She’s a pest, indeed.
While walking towards the bean bag and slumping myself on it, I said, “Sorry. I
spaced out.”
Trisha gave her words of acceptance. Ano pa ba ang magagawa niya kung hindi
patawarin ako? Tss.
We were engaged in watching a movie in HBO when my phone vibrated. I lazily reached
for it and then I read my man’s name. Chance Sandoval.
Seriously, I should give him his own message alert.
Message: I’ll pick you up later.
Oh. Bossy.
But nevertheless, I said yes. I would always say yes to Chance. Yes to him, yes to
this, yes to everything. Just yes.
Out of the blue, Trisha threw a popcorn at my direction. “Kadiri ka, Mon. Biglang
smile. Yuck! In love ka nga.”
Normally, I would glare at her and roll my eyes. But I was too tired for that.
Inubos na ni Nathalia lahat ng energy ko sa katawan and I was guilty—not that I was
admitting that I was in love with Chance. I wasn’t there yet. But I will be. Soon
enough.
We finished watching the movie and I checked my planner. It seemed like I could
spend the night without worrying. Usually kasi, stressed ako kahit nasa labas kami
nila Trisha. Those academic stuff wouldn’t just leave my mind. But tonight, I swear
I’ll enjoy this night.
Pumasok ako sa kwarto ko and took a nap. Ayoko kasing antukin ako mamaya sa date
namin ni Chance. The school works were messing up with my sleep so babawi muna ako.
And I didn’t want to look like a walking zombie later.
My nap lasted for a few hours and I felt rejuvenated after I woke up. I went to the
bathroom and did all my things. I washed my body down from my feet to my hair. I
just had to make sure I scrubbed real good.
When he pulled me close and whispered those words... “God, you smell so nice.” I
swear that was the time my heart stopped beating. I couldn’t breathe. It seemed
like everything around me stopped, as well. It was legendary how he hugged me close
and melted my very soul.
Did you ever have something like that? Having someone whom you want to call your
own. It’s unexplainable. I just met him few months ago but the more I spend time
with him, the more I realize that it doesn’t matter how long you knew the person.
The only thing that matters is if you’re happy. And if you are, bag it. Own it.
Because some bitch might steal your prince away. And sometimes, there’s no do over.
You just have to live with the lost.
I dolled up pretty nice and then looked at the mirror. You’re one lucky girl,
Monique Aldea. How many times in your life will someone like Chance pass? I’ll make
the most out of this. And I will never break his trust.
Minutes later, I went out. I was looking for Trisha but she wasn’t anywhere to be
found. Pero nakakita ako ng note sa fridge saying that she went out with Cass. Tsk.
Those girls, iniiwan na ako.
So without any choice, I waited on the couch and scanned some of my readings
until...
“Okay, calm down, Monique,” I repeated to myself until I calmed my heart down.
He just buzzed the bell. I looked at the surveillance monitor and he was standing
outside my unit looking as dashing as ever. Dadating pa ba ‘yung oras na hindi ako
matutulala kay Chance?
“Hi,” I said when I opened the door. I closed it behind me and smiled at him.
He did the same, he shot back his smile.
“Okay lang ba kung sa bahay tayo magdinner?”
Napahinto ako. Bakit sa bahay nila?!
It was as if he saw how the colour in my face changed. He quickly laughed and then
shook his head, as if he was really amazed. “You have a pretty dirty mind,
Monique,” he said and then patted my head as if I was a kid. “My father sent my
favourite chef to our house. Gusto ko lang matikaman mo ‘yung luto niya,” he
continued.
I bit my lips. Nakakahiya. Bakit ba kasi nagkakaganito ‘yung isip ko? It was as if
my mind was corrupted!
“A-alright,” I said.
Chance was still smiling and then we started walking side by side. Nasa loob na
kami ng elevator pero hiyang hiya pa rin ako. Baka isipin naman niya ang advanced
ko mag-isip! Ugh, hormones!
When we were inside the elevator, kulang na lang sumiksik ako sa gilid. Nahihiya
talaga ako. Para akong teenager—wait, I was still in my teenage years. But that
wasn’t the point! Ayokong magmukhang baby sa paningin ni Chance. He said it
himself, he dates older women. I was the execption—and Cass. But I didn’t want him
to regret his decision because I was such a baby.
Stupid face! Bakit ang dali mong mamutla?
We were on the fifth floor. I took deep breaths and said, “Chance, look—”
He cut me off. “Look, Monique, it’s no big deal. You’re younger and I get it. I
won’t force you to do things you’re not yet ready for,” he said and then looked
straight at my eyes. “Shrug it off.”
I nodded and looked down. But he lifted my chin and said, “When I asked you out on
a date, I knew what I was getting into. There’s no need to be shy about anything.”
Slowly, a smile was being painted on my face.
“Thank you,” I breathed.
And then the elevator opened. I was about to go out but he pulled me back and
hugged me from behind.
“Monique,” he said. “I’m trying to fall in love again. Don’t break me when I’m
finally there. I don’t know how to fix myself again if you’ll break me.” I smiled
and then held his hand.
Never, Chance. Never.
We went in his car and the sweet music of bossa nova was serenading us on the way.
I couldn’t help but smile. I’ve never been this happy in my life. Ngayon lang.
‘Yung pakiramdam anytime sasabog ka sa sobrang saya? Ito na ‘yun.
I will never let this go. I will hold on to whatever we have because I knew this
was worth fighting for.
Momentarily, we arrived at their house. It was a huge white house with classic
Renaissance vibe. It was elegance at first glance.
Chance started walking when I tugged on to his shirt.
“Hmm?” he hummed.
“Wala naman siguro jan ‘yung parents mo, right?”
He smiled and shook his head. “They’re in some country. Don’t worry, I will never
sell you out. You’d know if you’re meeting my old folk.”
With that answer, I rested my case. Hindi ako papabayaan ni Chance. He always got
my back.
Pumasok kami sa bahay niya and the inviting smell of Italian cuisine welcomed us.
This was my cheat night.
Naglalakad kami papasok when Chance asked one of their maids. “Si Lourd?” he said.
“Nasa taas po. May kasama po,” she said and then walked back to what I assumed was
the kitchen.
Chance shrugged and then we sat on the sofa. I sat near him so I could enjoy his
musk. Damn it naaadik na ako sa kanya. Was this bad? Palagi ko siyang hinahanap.
Hindi kumpleto ang araw ko kapag wala akong nababasang pangalan niya sa phone ko. I
was slowly being dependent and it was scaring me. But I didn’t want to do anything
about it. I was enjoying every dependent moment.
We were talking about something when we saw Lourd walking down the staircase with a
woman on his arms. And it looked like he just got laid.
=================
-15-
Chapter Fifteen
This surely felt weird. It was the first time I ever saw Lourd in action. I mean,
Lourd actually playing his role in life which was a satyriasis.
"Chance," Lourd said the moment he laid his eyes at the both of us.
Napatigil siya sa paglalakad nung nakita niya kami. Was it supposed to be the other
way around? Pakiramdam ko dapat ako ang mapatigil. It was so obvious that he just
had s-ex, for Christ's sake!
I suddenly froze at the spot. Hindi ako sanay sa ganitong pakiramdam. He was still
mad at me-at least that was my assumption. Hindi ako sanay sa komprontasyon.
Sometimes, I hide... Not because I am afraid but because there's too much to risk.
I still needed time to think over things.
The girl in his arms snaked her arms around Lourd's waist. Akala mo naman aagawan
siya.
"What did Dad tell you?" Chance said, sounding irritated.
Lourd seemed like he regained his stance. Nagpatuloy na silang bumaba at imbes na
nasa balikat nung babae ang kamay niya, ibinaba niya iyon sa bewang nung babae,
just above her hips. And the member of his harem seemed to enjoy it. She was
giggling like some harlot.
He cocked his head to the side. "He said that I should always be protected. Right,
babe?" he whispered the last part and then nibbled the ear of the harlot.
Seriously, Lourd? Were you that cheap?
Napailing na lang ako sa nakita ko. I was pissed off enough for today. Hindi ko na
kailangan pang dagdagan.
Chance, on the other hand, stood up. Mukhang naiinis na siya sa mga nangyayari. It
was very rare of him to look pissed. He was always very calm, very composed. It was
just that he paraphrases things in the most annoying manner but other than that,
he's always as cool as a cucumber.
He smiled at the girl and then asked, "Can my brother and I talk?" he said
politely.
The girl blushed. The hell?! She just-for god knows how long-screwed Lourd tapos
ngayon mukhang type niya na rin si Chance?! Magkapatid pa talaga?
She freaking nodded and then Chance and Lourd disappeared from our line of vision.
Pagkaalis na pagkaalis nila, naupo sa sofa sa malapit sa akin 'yung member ng
Lourd's harem. She was a mess, in my opinion. She was wearing an oversized while
button down shirt (some buttons were undone, obviously because lack of time or
whatever the freaking reason was) and her hair's a mess. Ugh! Just looking at her
made my blood boil.
She, then, crossed her legs and then naglabas siya ng stick ng cigarette. May balak
pa yata siyang gawin smoking area 'yung bahay nila Chance.
"What's your name?" she asked after she puffed her first smoke.
I discreetly covered my nose. Ayoko sa amoy ng sigarilyo, para kasi akong hihikain.
"Monique Aldea."
Right after I said my name, she nodded. "What's your deal? Bed warmer? Friend?
Cousin?"
"Excuse me?" I said.
She crossed her legs and then faced me. I hated this girl already.
"With the twin brother. Girlfriend ka ba or what?"
I arched my brow and crossed my arms. Sino ba 'tong babaeng napulot ni Lourd? Ni
wala man lang class. Nakakadiri. "Pakielam mo?"
She laughed at my response. Bakit ba nakakairita lahat ng babae sa buhay ng

magkapatid na 'yun? Una si Nathalia, ngayon ito namang harlot na 'to! I swear, isa
pang bwisit na babae, maiinis na talaga ako!
"I'm just checking. So, girlfriend or what? I'd like to ask him out kung hindi ka
girlfriend," she said. "Just asking, ayoko ng complications if ever na may
girlfriend," she continued.
Kulang na lang malaglag ang panga ko sa naririnig ko sa babaeng 'to! Did she just
ask my permission to ask Chance out?! Right after she b-anged Lourd?
Ano na ang nangyayari sa mga babae ng 21st century?! Sleeping around like it's the
most normal thing?
I tried to compose myself before I asked her. Ayoko ng eksena sa bahay na 'to. I'd
like to leave a good impression kahit na sa mga maid nila.
"Didn't you just f-uck his brother?" I asked her, point blank. Ayoko ng
makipaglokohan sa babaeng 'to. She nodded right after. Ugh! I can't believe it!
Bakit ba ako nakikipagusap sa ganitong tao? I feel so low and dirty! "If you don't
mind me asking, isn't he enough?" I asked her, sarcasm included.
She chuckled. "If I may ask you, too, ilang taon ka na?"
This conversation was so freaking weird. Bakit ba ako nakikipagusap sa member ng
Lourd's Harem? Didn't I say before na walang mga utak ang member nun? Sino bang
matinong babae ang papatol sa kagaya ni Lourd? I mean, okay point taken, gwapo
siya-but that's it. That guy doesn't know the word commitment, for heaven's sake!
He'll f-uck you and then drop you. Ganun na ba ang uso ngayon?
"19," I asnwered.
She placed the cigarette butt on the ashtray and then crossed her other leg over
and then placed her hand under her chin. "Well, I'm 23 already and those guys," she
said and then pointed her finger at the direction where Chance and Lourd went,
"they are 21 and horny. Taking them seriously is just the same as wishing for a
broken heart."
Right at that moment, I just wanted to stand up and walk away. I can't take what
she was saying. Ayokong marinig kasi alam ko na totoo. Who was I, anyway, para
seryosohin?
The truth alone hurt already... but hearing it being spoken out loud hurt twice
worse.
Tumayo ako. I didn't need to take bullshits from someone I didn't even know.
"They will play with you and ditch you. That's how it always go. Always had. Always
will," she said while I was walking away.
I went out and walked and walked until my feet hurt. Ayoko. Ang sakit sakit isipin
na isang araw, magigising si Chance at matatauhan siya na hindi ako sapat. Iniisip
ko pa lang, parang gusto ko ng mabaliw.
God, what was happening to me?!
I wasn't even in love yet but I was already f-ucked up!
I sat on the grass and calmed myself. Kahit ilang assurance ang ibigay ni Chance,
there still was this part inside me that will always be insecure. Insecure of his
exes, of the girls he dated before me, insecure of just literally everything! I
hated this feeling!
Before him, I was never insecure. I was sure of everything. I love myself, my
family, my few hand-picked friends. I had control over everything but since I met
him, things changed. It was like driving when you know the brake's broken. You know
you should stop but cannot stop. It was frustrating and exhilarating. It was slowly
taking over my life.
I wanted to run away because I was scared. Scared of this, of what this might
become. But god, I can't even turn my back! It was like I was watching myself sink.
Unti unti akong nahuhulog pero wala akong ginagawa para pigilan 'to.
I knew I was slowly falling for Chance. The first time we met, I knew that. But I
didn't do anything. I let myself get involved... and this was what I got. I deserve
all the insecurity. I asked for this.
My phone vibrated and I looked at it. Chance was calling. Kailangan ko ng bumalik.
Three deep breaths and I was able to calm down. Sana lang wala na 'yung babae dun.
I was walking toward their house when I saw the woman walking out. Huminto ako. I
didn't want to cross paths with her again. Talking to Lourd's harem members made my
head ache. Hinintay ko siyang makapasok sa sasakyan niya at makaalis bago ako
naglakad papasok.
"Hey," I said. I saw Lourd leaning against the post. He was smoking. D-amn it why
was everyone smoking?!
He was about to blow out smoke when he turned to face me. Imbes na ibuga, nalulon
niya 'yung usok kaya napaubo siya.
And I laughed. It was funny!
I was laughing real hard while he was coughing like a kid. Nakakatawa talaga!
The moment he stopped coughing, he looked at me. It took his seconds before his
lips curled into a smile.
"It wasn't funny," he commented.
I bit my lips. "Yeah, it kinda was."
And then there was an awkward silence. I was trying to find the right words. I
wanted to say sorry to the guy. It was my fault, anyway. I told him words-harsh
words-that I didn't really mean. I liked him as a friend. And I want that
friendship back.
I was about to speak when he threw the cigarette and stomped on it.
"Chance's looking for you," he said and then started to walk away. Again.
Huminga ako ng malalim bago ako naglakad kasunod niya at hinawakan ang braso niya.
"Lourd-"
He cut me off by saying, "Chance's looking for you."
I nodded. "I know. I just want to say that-"
"Look, Monique Aldea, my brother is looking for you. I'll talk to you once I figure
things out."
I can't. I've been troubled enough. Ayoko ng ganito. Masakit sa pakiramdamn,

nakakabagabag ng konsensya.
I needed to let my sorry out so that I can move on with my life.
I was also troubled because of my problems with Cassandra. Kahit na anong gawin
niyang ngiti kapag magkakasama kami o kaya naman kapag napag-uusapan namin si
Chance, I still knew that deep inside her, she's hurt.
I was her friend, after all. And what I was doing was betrayal. But I just cannot
stop. It felt too good that I can't stop.
"Figure what?" I asked him, still tugging on to his shirt.
He sighed and then he turned around to look at me. He placed his hand on the top of
my head. "Who I really am," he said and then laughed. "Damn, that's like the
deepest words I have ever said," he mumbled to himself.
I smiled at the sight of him being playful in front of me. This was the Lourd I
knew and learned to like.
"Go to my brother's side, Monique. That's where you belong."
=================
-16-
Chapter Sixteen
I did as Lourd ask me, I went back to Chance.

The moment I saw him, I immediately knew something was off. His forehead was
scrunched in that infamous crease. He was pissed. Ano kaya ang pinagusapan nila ni
Lourd?
But the funny thing was, kahit hindi magsalita si Chance, I knew how he felt. It
was amazing like we had some sort of connection.
“Hey,” I said. Pumunta ako sa tabi niya, just like how Lourd asked me to. “Okay ka
lang ba?”
He nodded and then sighed and then smiled. It was like a process.
“Ready to eat dinner?”
Just when he said that, I felt my tummy crumble. Nagugutom na pala ako. I think I
haven’t eaten lunch yet. I was too preoccupied with basically everything. Siguro,
overthinking ang ikakamatay ako. I always overthink things. It’s like a disease.
The smell of Italian cuisine was nothing of any help to my dilemma. Mas lalo akong
nagugutom. I think I saw linguini when I passed by the kitchen. Damn it, I was
hungry!
Chance assisted me in standing when I saw Lourd’s silhouette standing outside. He

was alone out in the cold. Kahit na nagkaroon kami ng problema at palagi niya akong
pinapaalis papunta sa tabi ng katapid niya, of course I cared for the guy. And
seeing him alone like that made me sad.
“Do you think we should invite Lourd? Baka kasi nagugutom na siya, e,” I said.
I felt Chance’s grasp tightened.
“I mean, baka lang naman kasi nagugutom na siya,” I explained. I couldn’t even look
at his eyes. I must admit, it was pretty rash of me. Alam ko naman na nagseselos
siya kay Lourd. I wasn’t dense. The moment he asked me if I liked his brother, I
knew it. I felt it. And me asking him like this, I think I just stirred trouble.
“You know, it was a dumb idea,” I said, immediately discarding the thought. I reach
for his hand and held it. It was so warm against mine. It felt so good. “Let’s
eat.”
But before I could even take a step, he pulled me back.
“Monique,” he started. And my heart started beating erratically.
I could not even say a word. His tone was threatening. I was scared.
“You really don’t like Lourd?”
Thank, heavens, it wasn’t a statement. God knows kulang na lang tumalon ang puso ko
palabas ng dibdib ko sa sobrang kaba.
I turned around and intertwined my fingers with his. It fit perfectly, having his
fingers completing mine. It felt like he was the missing piece to my puzzle. This
felt so like 7th heaven.
I pursed my lips. “I said yes to you, right?” and then he nodded. “I also don’t do
games, Chance. When I said yes to you, I said yes to you.” I took a step so that
we’re close to each other. His scent was really driving me crazy. “I was being nice
to Lourd because he’s your brother. It’s like a package deal since you’re twins.”
He wasn’t contented with my answer. Bakit ba siya nagseselos sa kapatid niya? Siya
‘tong kinababaliwan ko! Kulang na nga lang tumira ako sa kwarto ni Chance dahil
sobrang namimiss ko siya kapag hindi ko siya nakikita. Kahit ngayon na nasa harapan
ko siya, namimiss ko na siya agad.
“I don’t like that package, Monique. Kapag ako, ako lang. Ayoko ng may kahati.”
That tone in his voice sent chills down my spine.
“He may be my brother but when it comes to this—to whatever we have—I don’t intend
to share. I never want to share.”
I didn’t know why but it felt right. I stepped a bit closer and then tiptoed.
And the moment our lips touched, it was magical. This felt right. It felt good. It
was blissful.
I closed my eyes and then stayed there. I didn’t know what to do; heck I wasn’t
even sure why I kissed him. It was just this felt right. There was this force
inside me that told me to grab him and kiss him. And there, here was I, with my
eyes closed and my breathing hitching as every goddamned seconds passed by.
And then there it was... we were kissing. Legit kissing because I could feel his
lips moving softly against mine.
Seconds passed and now, his forehead was resting against mine.
“So...” I said. Wala akong idea kung ano ba ang dapat kong sabihin. And my lips
felt kind of sore. For how long exactly were we kissing?
His hands were caressing the side of my body up and down. Damn it. Ang sarap sa
pakiramdam. His warm hands against my soft body. Couldn’t this moment get any
better?
“You are my girlfriend, right?”
Bigla akong natawa. He was uncertain. Well, I was, as well. Hindi ko alam kung ano
ba kami. We just went out a couple of times, text and call each other, walk while
holding hands... were that enough to brand us as a couple? Because if yes, then we
were a couple. And I would like us to be in the future, as well. Doing those things
with Chance felt like the most right thing in the world...
“Am I?” I asked him back.
And with that, he pulled me again and then kissed the top of my head.
“Yeah, you’re kinda my girlfriend.”
Bumalik na kami sa dining area nila. Chance left me for a moment but then he
returned with Lourd. So... now he’s settled. He’s my boyfriend so he should be.
Wow. Chance was my boyfriend. Damn it sounded so good.
“So, am I like the third wheel?” Lourd said as he took his sit.
“We don’t accept intruders,” Chance retorted back.
It was the first time I saw them interact. I never saw them together. Well, yeah,
madalas kong kasama si Chance at madalas kong nakakausap si Lourd but there was
never a time na nakasama ko sila parehas ng sabay. Tonight was full of firsts.
First kiss, first argument, first conversation.
Naupo na kaming lahat and the maids were serving us. “So, are you two like an item
already?”
Chance answered with a quick, “Yes.”
“Nice!” Lourd said. “You’d be getting laid again, finally!”

“Lourd!” I interjected. Grabe! Bakit ba ganito siya? Ang manyak! Sobra!
He reached for the bread and then put it inside his filthy mouth. Ugh! God knows
where that mouth has been! “What? Ooh. You’re a virgin nga pala. Chance likes
virgin. Right, brother?”
Oh, please, swallow me right now! Hindi ko kaya ang pinaguusapan namin!
“Shut up, Lourd. Kumakain tayo.”
Tumango tango naman si Lourd. “Yeah, right. I wonder what you will eat later.”
“Lourd!” I screeched. “Shut up,” I said, and meaning it. Konti na lang tatakbo na
ako palabas sa sobrang kahihiyan!
He was chuckling—seemed like he was amused by his ‘wittiness’ although I will argue
that he wasn’t witty, he was a perv. End of discussion.
Kumakain kami ng tahimik, with me shutting up dahil mas gusto kong pakinggan na
magusap sila. Hearing them converse was delightful. Hindi ko alam pero there was
something inside me that was delighted whenever I hear them talk. It was like my
guilty pleasure.
“You know where dad is?” asked Lourd.

“No. Pakielam ko kung nasaan siya,” answered Chance.
But that didn’t stop Lourd from talking. God, he was so talkative! “He’s in
Disneyland; can you believe it? He’s smitten by the kid.”
Chance nodded. “Yeah. Couldn’t exactly blame him, can you? She’s the first
grandchild.”
Oh. Pinaguusapan pala nila ‘yung anak ni Fier. Speaking of her, bakit wala siya
dito sa bahay nila? Oh. Baka naman kasal na siya? I really didn’t know much about
Chance’s family.
Time flew fast and before I even knew it, papauwi na ako. Chance was supposed to
drive me home but his secretary called. There was something about his work na hindi
ko na naintindihan. He was talking about fluctuations and I really didn’t give a
damn about those things kaya pinabayaan ko na lang siyang umalis.
He said na ihahatid ako ng driver because he was really in such a hurry.
“Where’s the car?” I asked Lourd. Kanina pa ako naghihintay dito pero wala pa rin
‘yung driver. It’s already 11pm and I should be studying at this point. Yeah, I was
a study freak. So what. Grades matter.
Lourd got his key from his pocket and dangled it in front of me. “I’ll drive you
home.”
“What? No. Nasan na ‘yung driver?”
“Made him go home to his wife and kids. Now, let me drive you home.”
Gusto ko sanang pumayag but I knew I shouldn’t. He’s Lourd. His middle name was
danger and sex and lust and pervertedness. All bad words.
Hindi ako nakasagot ng matagal. I was stalling time because I was thinking of a
rational reason to turn down his perfectly normal offer. Sapat na ba na baka kasi
pagselosan ka ng kapatid mo? I highly doubt it.
“I thought we’re finally in good terms. Are you still not good with me?” he asked.
Fine. He was good with the guilt card. He made me say yes right after that.
While we were on the road, I felt uneasy. Being in a closed space with Lourd was
exciting as well as terrifying. It was a weird mixture of feelings. Two that shall
not be combined because it screamed danger.
I had the chance to do the thing I never thought I could do And as I let you fall
apart I found something ugly in between the two of us I never saw the blood inside
The radio was blasting and the clock was ticking and soon, it read 11:11.
We were speeding in the busy streets of Makati when Lourd spoke.
“Do you know the 11:11 wish?”
I didn’t say a thing.
“I want something real.”
It was uncalled for. It was unfair of him to say such things. It didn’t feel quite
right.
=================
-17-
Chapter Seventeen
I have been trying so hard—too hard, even—not to think about what Lourd said. I
knew I shouldn’t and I was trying not to. I have engaged myself in far too many
activities. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nababagabag. I asked myself why and I just
can’t consider that I liked him that’s why I was bothered. Maybe I was just being
emphatic. After all, he’s a friend.
Chance and I have been going out for a few weeks already and I could say that
things weren’t easy but we’re trying our best to make ends meet. It was hard
because he was working and I was still studying. There were days na hindi ko man
lang naririnig ang boses niya and it frustrated the hell out of me! Hindi ako
makapagconcentrate. Ang sakit sa ulo.
We’re here in a seminar for one of my minors and it was boring. The only thing that
made this interesting was the fact that Lourd’s frat was one of the sponsor.
Akalain mo ‘yun?
Since he said that he wanted something real, hindi na kami nakapagusap. It was like
an unspoken rule. Ganun ba talaga ‘yun? Kapag nagkaboyfriend ang isang babae,
parang may force na nagsasabi sa kanya na ‘wag ng makipagkaibigan sa ibang tao. It
was a bs rule but it was real. It was happening.
“Hey,” the person beside me said. “20 minutes break,” she continued and then stood
up.
Naiwan ako sa conference room. I wasn’t in the mood to eat.
I placed my head on the table and pretended to sleep. Masyado na yata akong
nagpupuyat nung mga nakaraang araw. Ang sakit sakit na ng ulo ko.
Minutes passed and I was on the verge of falling asleep... but still not there yet.
I was half asleep. It was a dreamlike state.
“What? Am I her baby sitter?” I heard Lourd’s voice. Suddenly, I froze. Bakit
nagkakaganito ako? Masyado akong kinakabahan sa presensya niya. It was like
everything changed when he said those words and looked at my eyes. It was a game
changer. “Yeah, she’s here. Oh, f-uck that, Chance. Girlfriend ko ba ‘to? Ikaw
boyfriend, ‘di ba? She’s sleeping, a-sshole! Malamang hindi makakasagot sa tawag
mo!” he was shouting at the phone. Fudge. Ang hirap magpanggap na tulog! “Ewan ko
sa’yo.”
And then there was silence.
I could hear my own heart beating inside my chest.
“Suppress.”
He said or more like whispered, and then I heard the door closing.
Right after that, sinubukan kong magfocus sa seminar. I tried to be zen. Hindi ko
na kailangan ng distractions. Sobra sobrang distractions na ang nasa buhay ko.
Nung malapit ng matapos ang seminar, I remembered Chance. Goodness, nakalimutan

kong magtext! May lakad nga pala kami kanina. This is what happens when you are
preoccupied with everything, you forget what’s really important for something that
matters less.
I composed a quick text saying that I’ll see him later. After that, I arranged my
things and went out. Wala kasi si Trisha and Cass since they attended the earlier
seminar. I was really sick yesterday kaya ngayon lang ako nakaattend.
My head was spinning so bad while I was walking. Kanina umaga, kaya ko pang
magdrive but now, I didn’t think I can. The pathway was like swirling. Pati
paningin ko, nanlalabo na. Everything was just blurry.
I knew I was walking weird. Hindi ko alam kung saang direksyon ako papunta. Damn
it. This was the very reason why I hate being sick. I feel vulnerable. I feel the
need to be helped. It sucks.
“Whoa. Are you alright?” someone said.
Napahawak ako sa kanya. God, I can’t even stand alone!
“You’re burning!” he commented.
I can’t speak, even breathing was hard.
I felt his hand down my waist. Hindi ko na alam. Wala akong lakas para magprotesta.
I was freaking weak.
Tinulungan niya akong maglakad, I knew it. But his hand on my waist was bothering
me. I felt like I was cheating on Chance. Kung mismong makausap ko lang ang kapatid
niya, nararamdaman ko ng nagseselos siya, papaano pa kaya kung may isang lalaki na
hindi ko naman kakilala na hinahawakan ako?
Nakalabas na kami sa Palma Hall. We were about to go down the AS steps when I heard
a familiar voice...
“Monique?” he said. The guy beside me stiffened. Did he really have that effect?
Kapag nasa school kami, everyone was afraid of Lourd. Not so afraid that no one
talks to him, but afraid enough that no one messes with him. It was crazy how he
has authority with practically over anyone.
The guy beside me explained the situation to Lourd and before I even knew it, I was
in the arms of the devil.
He was helping me walk and I couldn’t help but admire how his smell was a mixture
of cigarette and mint. It was sexy.
S-hit ano bang sinasabi ko? Naapektuhan na ng lagnat ko ang utak ko.
Lumabas kami and he let me sat on the front sit of his Montero Sport. Binuksan niya
‘yung pinto and let it remain open.
“Are you crazy?” he started. “You’re sick tapos aattend ka ng seminar?” he

continued. He gave me a bottled water and opened it for me. “You’re so crazy.”
I tried to smile. At least things were back to normal... for me, that is.
“You’re dripping in sweat,” he commented.
I felt so hot. Literally hot. I felt like I was burning. Sino ba kasi ang nagsabi
na tumakbo ako sa ulan? May payong naman ako pero... Minsan talaga tanga ako.
My focus was scattered. Ni wala na akong idea sa nangyayari. I was solely

concentrating in breathing alone...
“Here, magpalit ka ng shirt,” he said. “I’ll close the door, okay? My car’s tinted
so don’t worry.”
Before he closed the door, he looked at me. “Suppress,” he said once again.
It took me minutes before I successfully managed to change clothes. Ang hina hina
na ng pakiramdam ko. I felt so weak. Pakiramdam ko hindi na ako makakapunta sa
lakad namin ni Chance... All I wanted to do was to lie down and sleep.
“You look like s-hit, Monique. I’ll drive you home,” he said.
I didn’t say a thing. My head was about to explode.
The drive was long and torturous. I remembered us stopping at a drug store. Bumili
yata si Lourd ng gamot. I didn’t know. My recollection was far too blurry. I just
woke up in front of my unit. He was watching me sleep.
By then, I was feeling a wee better, but still sick, nevertheless.
“Thanks, Lourd.”
He smiled. It was the first time I saw him smile like that. “Yeah, no prob. You
want me to help you get in?” he asked me.
It was a nice offer but I had to refuse. I have been troubling him enough, baka
sumobra na ako. Besides, I didn’t want to have to explain myself to Trish if ever
she sees us together. That’s another load of problems for me, if ever.
“No. Masyado na kitang naabala,” I said.
Papaalis na sana ako nung isara niya muli ‘yung lock ng pintuan. Now, I was
trapped.
“Lourd,” I said in a reprimanding tone.
“Monique,” he mimicked me. I had to roll my eyes. He was being a kid again. “Look,
awkwardness was never my thing and yet you are so f-ucking awkward with me around.
Stop that.”
Hindi ako nakasalita. He was right. I was awkward whenever he was around. Hindi ko
mapigilan.
“Sorry...” I whispered. It was all I could offer.
He placed his hands on the steering wheel, as if deliberating what he had to say.
“Why are you awkward? Did I do something wrong? What? Honestly, your awkwardness is
driving me nuts,” he hissed. His tone was scary. It was the first time I saw him
half pissed. He had always been the playful one.
I played with my fingers. I didn’t know where to start. And I didn’t want to start.
Saan ako magsisimula? Sa pinagseselosan ka ng kapatid mo kaya ganun? It was a crazy
explanation just by me listening to it!
Huminga ako ng malalim, malalim na malalim. If I want to resolve this issue, I

should start first by addressing it. Wala naman akong mapapala pag dinelay ko.
Delaying tactics will give you time but will just prolong your agony. Win-lose
situation. Crazy one.
“Your brother is my boyfriend.”
Okay. This was a good start... ‘Di ba?
“So? Paggirlfriend ng kapatid ko, bawal kong maging kaibigan? May ganun bang bulls-
hit rule?”
Kinagat ko ang labi ko. This was going bad. Hindi ako makapag explain ng maayos. My
head was pounding. My vision was swirling. This aint good.
“Look, Lourd, sorry kung naiinis ka sa akin. Sorry, okay? Ikaw na ang tama, ako na
ang mali. Just please, ‘wag na tayong magtaasan ng boses. Pagod na ako,” I said in
the gentlest manner. Ang sakit na ng ulo ko. I just wanted to rest.
He was silent for a minute.
“Monique,” he said after his deafening mum. “We really can’t be friends.”
And that was the last time I talked to him.
=================
-18-
Chapter Eighteen
That night, Chance took care of me.
“Baby, you’re sick,” he said while stroking my hair. I was really sick that even
breathing was hard to do. I didn’t know that running under the rain could reduce me
to this worthless.
He scooped in closer and hugged me tighter. Hindi naman kailangan na yakapin niya
ako but it felt really good. Having myself inside his arms was making me feel
really cozy. Ewan ko ba kung hindi alam ni Chance na uso na ang bed warmers o gusto
niya lang talaga akong yakapin. Either way, I was in for a treat. Ikaw ba naman ang
yakapin ng isang Chance Sandoval, aangal pa ba ako?
“You should’ve called me,” he said.

“You’re at work. I don’t want to bother you...” I reasoned. Hindi ko nasabi na
hinatid ako ni Lourd. Tonight wasn’t the night. Siguro bukas na lang or any day na
may lakas na ako.
His fingers were doing a wonderful job caressing my arms. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam.
It was like this was where I belong, inside his arms. I felt him kiss the side of
my head. “Stupid. I’ll drop my work for you. Para saan pa na girlfriend kita?”
And with that, napatingin ako sa kanya. I was leaning in when I remembered that I
was actually sick. I stopped midway and then—“Why did you do that?!” sabi ko. Bigla
ba naman kasi akong hinalikan! “May sakit kaya ako!”
He didn’t even listen to what I just said. He leaned in and kissed me again. Sino
ba ang mas stupid sa aming dalawa?!
“Umph—“ It was all I managed to say. Chance wasn’t giving me a chance to speak!
Nung magsasalita sana ulit ako, he placed his index finger on my mouth. Damn it!
How can a simple act look so f-ucking sexy?!
“Ssh. When I’m kissing you, don’t disturb me.”
“But I’m sick! Baka mahawa ka!”

He shrugged. Aba’t! Parang hindi siya natatakot magkasakit ah!
“It’s just fever. I can manage.”
“Just for a kiss?” I asked him, hindi ako makapaniwala!
He shook his head. “When I say kiss, I mean...”
I blushed sa binulong niya sa akin. What the heck?!
“Chance!” I said.
He was grinning. “What? Come on!”
“Ang bastos mo!”
“But you’re smiling, baby. So... ibig sabihin gusto mo rin?”
Goodness gracious! Paano ako makakatanggi kapag ganito siya?! Makita ko nga lang
siya—kahit sa normal na araw, kahit na naka pants at shirt lang siya, nawawala na
ako sa sarili ko. What more now? He was being playful. Goodness!
I shook my head. “Chance Lucas Sandoval—”
Hindi na naman ako nakatapos sa sasabihin ko dahil nagsalita siya.
“Don’t call me by my full name, you’re just turning me on..er—if there’s even such
a word.”
Hinatak ko ‘yung comforter sa katawan ko. Bakit ko ba naisipan na papasukin si

Chance sa kwarto ko?
Bigla naman siyang tumawa. Grabe! Nagawa pa akong pagtawanan! Hello, may sakit
‘yung girlfriend mo?
Hinampas ko siya. “Nothing’s funny!”
“Well, you are being funny, girlfriend.”
“But you said you’ll...” Ugh, damn it! Tignan mo, hindi ko matuloy yung sasabihin
ko! God, this was humiliating!
“What? The French kiss?”

“Don’t say it!” sabi ko sa kanya. Bigla na naman siyang tumawa. Tawa siya ng tawa!
Nakakatawa ba ako?!
“Babe, it’s just French kiss. You make it sound like a bad word.”
Huminga hinga ako ng malalim. Goodness! What’s with him today? Para siyang high.
Nagddrugs ba ang boyfriend ko?
“Don’t you want to kiss me?” he asked.
Of course I wanted to kiss him! Looking at his lips, damn it those lips were
begging to be kissed!
Slowly, I nodded. And he pulled me close. I could feel his hot breath on my mouth.
God, he was so close... Konti na lang bibigay na ako. Screw whatever. I’ll kiss my
boyfriend.
“Then kiss me...” he said. Why was he being sexy? Ugh! This was torture!
“But magkakasakit ka...” I tried to reason. It was freaking lame.
“F-uck your reasons and logic, Monique.”

And that was the last of his straw. He pulled me and kissed me. And what can I say?
My boyfriend was a good kisser—best even.
His hands travelled down my waist, he scooped me closer until I was straddling him.
Goodness, I was straddling Chance Sandoval! Cassandra will surely kill me kapag
nalaman niya ‘to!
All my senses flew out the window just seconds ago. Oh, screw it. I’ll enjoy every
godd-amn moment. Magkakasakit na lang din naman siya, sulitin na.
My hands were busy playing with his soft, black hair while his hands were inside my
shirt, just caressing the small of my back. Was it just me or it was hot inside my
room?
He bit my lips, asking for entrance. I didn’t want to let him in. Ugh! Sure, I did
kiss some guys before but not... oh, no not that French kiss!
“Uhm,” I said, shaking my head.
“Monique.”
I made my puppy face look. He laughed at me.
“Screw it, you’re adorable,” he said and then kissed the hollow of my neck. He was
whispering sweet nothings while trailing my collarbone. “Babe, I’m gonna be sick
tomorrow. Give this one to me.”
“Chance...” I said and then bit my lips again. This was turning into a hobby,
really! “Okay, fine!”
And then... oh, goody goody. It was the best kiss I have ever had in my life!
“Oh, my god. Stop smiling, Monique! Nakakainis na!” Trisha said and then threw the
pillow at my direction. Tignan mo ‘to. May sakit na ‘yung tao, nakukuha pang
batuhin ng unan!
I sneered at her. Bitter kasi. She’s single for all I care.
I was digging in my bowl of cereals when the bell rang. Wala sa amin ni Trisha ang
may gustong pumunta sa pinto para buksan.
“You get it.”
“No, you get it.”
“I am sick!”
“You’re sick, Mon. Your legs didn’t get amputated.”

“B-itch.”
In the end, ako rin ang pumunta sa pintuan. Tsk. That Chinese!
Turned out, it was a delivery boy. Hmm. Wala naman kaming inorder, ah? But I got
the delivery, anyways. It was a gift from Chance together with a container with
homemade porridge and herbal tea.
‘I was supposed to come and give this but turned out, I got sick, as well. Let’s
get better. See you soon.’
“Ugh. Cheesy niyo!” Trisha said. Nasa likod ko pala siya, nakikibasa ng note. Nosy
Chinese!
I walked back to the kitchen and started eating the porridge. Trisha ate, as well.
While we were at it, I was supposed to send a text to Chance but then when I
scrolled down, I saw Lourd’s name.
Bigla bigla, nawalan ako ng ganang kumain. It was so obvious that Trisha asked me.
“Problem?” she said while holding the spoon close to her mouth. I wanted to talk to
her about this issue but I wasn’t sure where to start. I, myself, haven’t figured
this whole thing up. It was like... we stopped talking. That was it. No goodbyes
whatsoever.
I took really deep breaths. As in really deep.
“Okay, here’s the thing...”
As I was explaining, I can’t help but feel bad. Was I playing with the both of
them? Hindi naman, ‘di ba? With Lourd, it was all harmless flirtation. I knew right
from the start that he will never be my type. Players just weren’t my style. I have
many playboy cousins that I just spite them all. I mean, some girls go for the bad
boys because they are hoping that they could change that bad boy. Why bother to
change someone? What for? For the sake of fulfilment? Why not love someone whom you
accept right from the beginning? I just see no point in loving if all you’ll do is
to change one another. That’s one poorly written love story.
“Monique, you should break up with Chance.”
“What?!”
She raised her hands to stop me. “Whoa, Mon. Chill ka lang. What I meant was,
girlie, you’re clearly infatuated with the devil! It’s too obvious! Duh! Earth to
Monique?”
“No...” I whispered.
Umiling iling siya sa akin. “There’s nothing wrong, girlie. Lourd’s awesome—of
course, minus the possibility na may aids na siya because of numerous girls he
banged. But putting that aside, wala naman akong makitang masama. It’s natural.
He’s uber gwapo, nice, tiga UP, and and and he’s always there for you!”
“But Chance is also there for me...”
It was like reasoning when you know you’ll just lose in the end. So futile. So
worthless.
She nodded. “Yeah. But Chance is from the other world. Monique, he’s already
working, thus, living a life different from ours. Not that that’s a wrong thing,
ha. What I’m trying to say here is that, with Lourd, the chance of interaction is
far more likely, per se, time will come that maybe... just maybe, you’ll learn to
like him more.”
Tumayo ako. I didn’t want to hear any of this.
“Monique,” she shouted at my back. “Choose the second one. That’s the golden rule.”
=================
-19-
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--
Chapter Nineteen
Maybe it’s the stress, maybe it’s the weather, maybe—no. Maybe it’s just Trisha
getting into my stupid head.
Ilang araw na ba ang nakakalipas simula nung ginulo niya ang utak ko? Days na!
Ilang araw na pero parang kahapon lang. Naririnig ko sa isip ko bawat salita na
binitiwan niya. It was like I was getting crazy as each moment pass by. Medyo
iniiwasan ko nga si Trisha kasi nainis ako sa sinabi niya. Not that she was right
but because she was building this doubt inside me. And I didn’t like it. I hated
it.
So my mantra for this week was to ignore her. And God, it’s crazy! I missed that
Intsik! Best friend ko siya kahit na ganun siya.
“Kung ayaw mong kumain, ‘wag mong idamay ‘yung pagkain.”
Napatigil ako sa ginagawa ko. My mind was like wind floating—ugh! Ano ba mga
sinasabi ko? Nababaliw na ako. It’s confirmed.
For a change, kasama ko si James, ‘yung pinsan ko. We’re having a lunch together
because apparently, he misses his favourite cousin. If I know, he’s only using me
as a front. Marami kasing naghahabol sa kanya na wannabe girls lalo na at he’s a
good catch. Yeah, I gotta admit it, even though James’ was a f-ucking womanizer,
he’s really something. He looks good, drives a European car, and has his own
business at the age of 22. Kahit sino yatang jeje girl pipilitin magpa impress sa
pinsan ko.
Downside of living in Eastwood nga naman. Jejemons everywhere. Tinotoo naman nila
yata yung rise of the aspiring class.
“Sorry. Stressed out lang.”

“Yeah, obviously. Wanna talk about it?”
Would I talk to him? E baka walang masabi sa akin yan kung hindi, ‘That’s fine,
Mon. You’re an Aldea; makakahanap ka ng iba.’
What kind of twisted reasoning was that, right?
And so I shrugged... siguro kikimkimin ko na lang ‘to hanggang mawala sa isip ko.
As they say, the more you deny something, the more it becomes realistic. But then
you may confuse your reality with your mind's eye. That’s a crazy bull.
“Come on, Monique. Try me. Lately, profound na yata ako,” he said while wiggling
his eyebrow. Seriously, weird nito! Bakit kaya ang daming naghahabol na babae? When
I see James, I see... James. Yuck. Ang incest naman yata kung magkagusto ako sa
pinsan ko!
I reached for my glass of iced green tea and took a sip.
“Alright,” I said. “Do you believe that when you fall in love with two guys, you
should ditch the first one and be with the second one?”
“Are we talking about you?”
“James!” I spat out. Baka malaman niya pa yung dilemma ko. I can’t afford that. Of
course he’s friends with Chance. And I do know a thing or two about boys and their
secret talks. “Focus.”
Bigla siyang natawa sa akin. “Fine, fine. Give me something. Masyadong vague.”
And I explained my thing, of course minus the really specific details. Natatakot
kasi ako na kapag nalaman ni Chance, iwan niya ako. And the thought was scaring me
already.
He was munching on his food while listening to me. He even looked utterly bored.
Mali yata na nakipagusap ako sa lalaking ‘to. Pareho pa rin siya ng dati.
“You’re done?” I nodded.
Hinihintay ko na magsalita siya. Okay fine. I was too desperate na kahit advice ng
pinsan ko na babaero, pinatulan ko na. It was a cry for help! If it wasn’t too
obvious, hindi ako masyaodng friendly and when it comes to advices, I only have
Trish and Cass to rely on... but that seemed a tad too impossible right now. I was
avoiding Cass for a long time already. She was aware that I was seeing Chance but
she wasn’t aware that we were a we already. I didn’t know how to break it to her.
And with Trisha, ewan ko. Masyado akong nainis sa sinabi siya. She practically said
na hiwalayan ko si Chance!
“Mon, split up with both guys.”
“What? No!”
“Alright, I’ll humor you and pretend that I don’t know that we’re talking about
Chance and Lourd.”
“James!” I shouted.
“Gwapo!” he retorted back. Ugh! He’s hopeless! “Monique Aldea, I’m a guy and you’re
playing a dangerous game. Ditch them both or whatever. Kilala ko ‘yang magkapatid
na ‘yan, alright. Ilang babae na ang nakita ko na nakasama nila and I’m telling
you, no one can break that two. Not even you,” he said.
As he was saying those words, my eyes started to water. Was this the sign that I
should give Chance up? We barely even started yet the ending was showing itself
already. It sucked.
“So, I’m just a fling,” I whispered to myself.
Tumayo si James at umupo sa tabi ko. He hugged me and patted my head.
“Stupid. No. It’s just that, I’m concerned about you. Kilala ko ‘yung kambal and if
you’d ask me kung papipiliin mo si Chance between you and Lourd, he’d always choose
his brother. That’s the twin code or something. Basta. Those two are unbreakable.
Not even Chance’s ex fiancée managed to break them.”
And then my tears continued to pour. Damn it. Kailan pa ako naging damsel in
distress?
“But, do you love Chance?”

It was a question that challenged me. Was I in love with the guy? If yes, then I
was doomed. It was a crazy mess. Tama nga si Cassandra. Once na pumasok ka sa buhay
ng kambal, wala ng labasan. It was crazy but I didn’t want to go out. I was
enjoying the crazy mess.
I didn’t answer because I wasn’t prepared to answer.
“You’ll be fine,” he said and then hugged me tighter.
The day ended and it was exhilarating. Kanina ko pa gustong tumawag kay Chance kaya
lang natatakot ako na baka umiyak lang ako sa oras na makausap ko siya. Ayokong
idamay pa siya dito sa problema ko.
Pababa na ako ng sasakyan when someone approached me.
“Monique.”
God.
Not a second after, I felt his hands on my shoulder. I was tempted to hold them and
have it against my skin. Namimiss ko na si Chance, sobra. The way he smiled—that
crooked smile of his. I missed him so bad!
I gave it up. Humarap ako at yumakap sa kanya. I acted like nothing was wrong. I
needed this hug for my sanity.
“Hey,” he said. I can feel that he was smiling. Fudge. I missed this man so much!
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
I could feel my eyes tearing up again. Not now. I needed for this moment to be
perfect so I painted a smile on my face.
“School works,” I lied. “Bakit ka nandito?” I asked him. Nandito kasi kami sa
parking lot ng condo and I wasn’t expecting to see him here, of all places. Usually
kasi may driver siya.
He was combing my hair with his fingers. Nakakamiss ‘yung feeling. Masyado na ba
akong nagiging dependent kay Chance? Natatakot kasi ako na dumating ‘yung araw na
hindi ko na kaya na wala siya sa paningin. Ayoko ng ganun. I didn’t like losing
myself to other people. It makes me feel weak.
“My work ended early and I was hoping to have dinner with my girlfriend. Is that
enough?”
“But kakakain ko lang... How about we order food and watch movie?”
In the end, nasunod ako. The good thing about Chance, palagi ako ang nasusunod. He
was too good. Hindi niya ako pinipilit sa ayoko. When I say no, he respects it.
When we argue, he won’t shout even if I’m shouting at him. He will remain calm and
say, ‘alright, baby. You’re right. Let’s stop fighting’ and we will end every
argument with a hug. If you will ask me, this was the perfect relationship.
And no. Hindi ako makikipaghiwalay kay Chance just because people are telling me
to. This is my heart, my life, my feelings. I will love whoever I want. I call all
the shots.
We went up my unit. Wala si Trisha because she went home to Nueva because of some
sort of whatever with her family.
“What do you want? Chinese or Thai?”
Nakaupo kami sa couch and I was looking at the takeout menu that we have. We have
tons because I hate it when Trisha cooks. She’s terrible. Palagi akong may takeout
plans kasi mamamatay ako kung si Trisha ang magluluto ng pagkain ko.
“Chance,” I breathed. He was kissing my shoulder blades. “Food, Mister.

Concentrate,” I said, half laughing.
“Anything,” he answered and then continued kissing my neck. I was scanning the
channels because there’s no interesting film to watch yet. Baka may makita kami
dito.
I was laughing because it tickles! “Chance, stop, nakikiliti ako,” I said in

between laughter. “Sige ka, I’ll order something you don’t like,” I said.
“Baby, do that and I’ll make you my dinner, instead.”

I was about to speak when he kissed me on the lips. And that seemed to have
rendered me speechless.
We were making out on the couch—bless the couch for it was the place where Chance
likes it best. Seriously, what’s with men and their couch?—when the television
started spatting out things.
“...how about your love life, Nathalia? Any news?”
I tried my best to stop kissing this man in front of me but it was so hard. But the
news...
There was a chuckle and then there was a voice.
“Oh, my god! Is it what I think it is?!” the reporter said.
“Yes, yes. We’re back together,” Nathalia’s voice said.
It was hard but I had to stop kissing him.
Inabot ko ‘yung remote controller and turned the volume up. What the hell?! Kailan
pa naging celebrity si Nathalia at bakit siya nasa TV?
“So, it’s confirmed! Nathalia Montealegre and Chance Sandoval are back together! As
shown on the video footage, Nathalia was showing off the diamond engagement ring
her beau gave her—and there are speculations that it’s worth a huge fortune!”
I was lost. What the f-uck.
=================
-20-
Chapter Twenty
Under normal circumstances, I would be fuming mad right now. But this was Chance
we were talking about. I would always give him the benefit of doubt. He’s my
Chance. He will always have that luxury no matter what happens.
I was pacing back and forth, massaging my forehead while I was at it. Damn that
blonde! Sabi ko na nga ba e, she’s up to no good! At ano naman ang mapapala niya sa
pag broadcast niya sa buong Pilipinas kung nagkabalikan nga sila ni Chance?! And
since when did she become a celebrity?
“Calm down,” Chance said.
I arched my brow. Calm down? How can I calm down kung ‘yung boyfriend ko, engaged
na sa iba! What kind of stupid and lowly mockery was that?
“Explain yourself,” I hissed.

He sighed and then nodded. He was too calm for this! ‘Wag niyang sabihin na alam
niya ‘to?
“We’re not together, Monique.”
I didn’t respond. I needed more than that!
“Expound, Chance! Can’t you see my face? Hindi ba halata na naiinis na ako?” I said
and then nilakihan ko ‘yung mata ko.
He shook his head and massaged his temple like what I was doing. We were supposed
to have a good time tonight but look at what happened. Sinira ni Nathalia ang gabi
namin!
“Chill. I’ll talk to her tomorrow. Let’s order first, alright?”
I was about to throw another banter of annoyed expression when he pulled me in for
a hug. And it was magical because I calmed down—relatively—after he did that. He
was talking to some restaurant while he was still holding my hands but my head was
still spinning because of annoyance.
What will she gain if she goes around prancing that she’s Chance’s fiancée? What?
Fame? Money? She has all that! And it’s not as if Chance will magically go back to
her if she did that. It will only tick him off. But what if they are really
together?
Ugh! Ang sakit ng ulo ko!

“I ordered Chinese,” he said.
I just nodded. I was still thinking of different scenario. Naiinis talaga ako.
Bigtime.
“Baby, calm down. Kakausapin ko si Nathalia bukas, alright? Don’t stress yourself
over this.”
“I can’t calm down, that’s the thing,” I hissed.
“Try,” he answered. “And don’t you trust me?”
I heaved a sigh. He’s right; I do trust him. It was just Nathalia I didn’t trust.
She’s one sneaky bitch.
“Sorry...” I whispered. “It’s just that things are going so well between us and
then this? I’m just worried. Ayokong maghiwalay tayo.”
It was the most self-deprecating thing I have ever said. Never in my entire
existence did I depend myself on anyone—not even my parents. I was too strong-
willed and I liked living my own life. But since I met him, the way my world
revolves changed. He was my game changer.
He pulled me in again and hugged me.
“Silly. Hindi naman tayo maghihiwalay. We’re better than gossips and
misconceptions.”
I smiled at his response. Yeah, we’re better than that.
We finished the food and cuddled up, instead. Kahit na nanonood kami ng comedy
movie, hindi pa rin maalis sa akin ‘yung napanood ko. Was Nathalia just being her
usual pathetic self or was it true? Bakit ba kasi kailangan pa ng complications?
Hindi ba pwedeng masaya na lang?
After an hour or so, he bid his good night. Hinatid ko siya sa may pintuan. I was
about to close the door behind me when he stepped in and kissed my forehead.
“Don’t overthink.”
That night ended slowly. I can’t help it. Overthinking was my second name. Palagi
ko ‘tong ginagawa. Hindi ako nakukuntento kapag pinapabayaan ko ang isang bagay. I
always seek for answers even if doing so brings stress in my life. It’s like a bad
habit I can’t shake off. It’s a part of who I am. No matter how self-destructing
this was, it’s still there.
Tomorrow rolled in fast. Trisha was still not here. Maybe she’ll be back tomorrow,
I didn’t know. It was a good thing tho since I still had no idea on how to talk to
her much more how to live under one roof with her. She’s my best friend, that’s a
given, but I really hated her telling me what to do with my life.
I went to school instead. It was a Monday morning and there were only a few people
in the campus. Wala kasing pasok sa UPDiliman kapag Monday, tho there were
instances na may courses na may pasok. But most normally, Mondays were free days.
Anyhow, I went to Diliman for research and stuff. My day ended and it was boring.
Walang Trisha, walang Cassandra, walang James, walang Chance... fine, walang Lourd.
It was boring!
Now that I came to think of it, my life’s a dull canvass. No colors, no nothing.
That night, I swung by Chance’s office since he said we’ll have dinner together.
Also, gusto ko rin kasing tanungin kung nakausap niya na si Nathalia. Fine, ang
kulit ko na. But can anyone blame me? Someone’s trying to steal my boyfriend away!
Was I supposed to just sit and wither away? Yeah maybe in some freaking multiverse
but not in this lifetime. Too tired to play innocent. What’s mine is mine. End of
argument.
I went inside the building. Hindi ko naman siguro makakasalubong si Nathalia, ano?
Wala naman kasi kami sa teleserye para mangyari yun. And if that happens, all hell
will break loose. Masasampal ko siya, swear! Hindi pa ako nakakaganti sa pagsampal
na ginawa niya sa akin dati. I didn’t care if I sounded childish. An eye for an
eye. That rule still applies.
I waited for the secretary to let me in. Hindi naman por que girlfriend na ako ni
Chance, bigla bigla na lang akong papasok sa office niya, di ba?
For minutes, I was patiently waiting. Matagal tagal na rin akong naghihintay. 30
minutes was a long time, already!
Hindi ako nakatiis, I went to the secretary and asked her what was taking Chance so
long? The last time I talked to him, he said that he’s free.
“He’s with his father, Miss Aldea.”
And that made me stop.
“Thank you,” I said.
Kasama niya pala ang father niya! Goodness! What was I supposed to do?! Hindi ko
man lang alam na makikilala ko pala ang tatay niya ngayon! I wasn’t prepared!
Galing pa akong school. I looked like a mess!
I went back to my seat and calmed myself down.
“Alright, calm down,” I cooed to myself over and over again.
Kinuha ko ‘yung compact mirror ko and applied powder to my face. I can do this. I’m
charming. I was pretty sure I could talk my way to his dad.... I think.
A moment later, umalis ‘yung secretary ni Chance and I was curious as hell! Ang
tagal tagal na nila sa loob!
I stood up and went near the door. My heart was beating abnormally because of the
excitement. First time kong makikita ‘yung tatay niya. It was exciting as well as
scary.
The door was ajar.
“Dad, no! I told you, I have a girlfriend and she’s not Nathalia. We’re going in
circles.”
“Well, your brother told me you’re not dating anyone. Ako ba ay niloloko mo, Chance
Lucas?”
I heard Chance cuss. D-amn it. Nag aaway ba sila?
“You know Lourd, maybe he’s joking. Kailan ba nagseryoso ‘yun?”
“But it’s final. Work’s work, Chance. I thought you knew better,” his Dad said.
Naramdaman ko na lalabas na siya kaya mabilis akong nagtago. Ang bilis ng kabog ng
dibdib ko, para akong sumali sa karera.
I was hiding behind the secretary’s desk, watching his footsteps disappear. Para
akong stalker!
Nung makaalis na siya, I arranged myself and went inside his office. Nakasandal
siya sa upuan niya and his hand was on the top of his head.
“I saw your dad...” I said.
He nodded. “Yeah. Dinner?”
I shook my head. We need to address this issue. ASAP.
“What was that about? Chance, tell me. Not knowing hurts me.”
He was looking at me intently, like measuring if he would tell me or not. Come on,
baby, I’m a strong soul.
“But knowing will hurt only twice worse. And I hate seeing you hurting,” he said.
“I’ll fix this, alright?”
Tumayo siya at hinawakan ang kamay ko, urging me to give the matter up and move on.
But I can’t. I always can’t. I hold on to whatever til I’m satisfied. That’s how I
have always lived.
He seemed to get that I wasn’t giving this thing up. He sighed and lead us both on
the couch.
“Nathalia talked to my Dad...” he said. “If you didn’t know, Nathalia came from a
really rich family and my Dad has been desperately trying to merge with them. But
then we broke up and his plans got messed up.”
And this was bad news, after all.
“Last week, she said we’re back together and for some unknown reason, the board
knew about this and the stocks skyrocketed.”
My heart stopped. This was way, way worse than I have imagined.
“So?” I said, my voice breaking.
He sighed. “Dad wants me to pretend to be Nathalia’s boyfriend—for the sake of the

company.”
=================
-21-
Chapter Twenty One
My heart leaped out of my chest because of what I have heard. What the hell?! Were
we in some tv series? This was too much of a clichéd plot!
“What?!” I spat out. “And you didn’t even protested?” I said, not being able to
believe it at all. This was Chance I was talking to, right? Since when did he lose
his backbone and follow whatever was given to him?
He stood up and held me by both of my arms, trying to calm me down. But it was a
little too late for that, I guess. I was having a row.
“I didn’t say yes,” he argued.
“But you didn’t say no.”
His hands were caressing my arms. It was a soothing feeling but I just can’t calm
down. I freaking can’t! Bakit ba ganito si Nathalia? Why can’t she give it up?
Wasn’t it obvious enough na ayaw na sa kanya ni Chance? Why was she pushing herself
to this extent? She’s using other people to get what she wants! It’s irritating and
frustrating!
“Monique, I didn’t say yes, you hear me? I studied hard to protect this godd-amn
company but I won’t let my father interfere with my personal life,” he said,
looking at my eyes. With that, I have seemed to calm down. Napansin ‘yun ni Chance
kaya medyo lumuwag ang hawak niya sa braso ko. He leaned in and gave a soft peck on
my forehead. “Baby, you should learn how to trust me if you want this relationship
to work.”
Napapikit ako. I wanted to trust him... so badly but I can’t fully. The thought of
Nathalia being around—constantly waiting for the chance to jump on him whenever
possible was making all my guards up. It was tiring but it’s what I do.
“Si Nathalia...” I whispered.

“Is in the past. Monique, you are my girlfriend. You are, not her.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“Then why do you worry so much?”
Because I was afraid of being cheated on. Because I knew how it feels to be left
alone and to be hurt and to cry and to know that whatever you do, you’re just not
good enough. I knew it all. Been there, done that. It still stings.
Instead of explaining my issues in life, I embraced him instead.
We decided not to go to lunch, well, ako ang nagdecide since ayoko muna siyang
makita much less kausapin. Masakit pa rin kasi sa part ko na hindi man lang siya
nag no. Ano ba kasi ‘to? Teleserye? Papayag siyang maging pretend fiancé ni
Nathalia then what? Maiin love siya and what do I have in it? A broken heart? No,
thanks.
I went home and wallow there instead. Trisha’s still not around, wala yata siyang
balak na umuwi. Ay ewan! Ang daming problema. Next week, start na ng finals week.
Screw this life! When it rains, it f-ucking pours.
My day ended without anything... Walang nangyari. The moment I stepped inside my
room, I slept it all. Ayoko na kasing isipin. Baka pag inisip ko, mas lalo pang
lumaki ‘yung problema. This was the time where I should put my trust on Chance,
right? He said he’ll fix it for us. I should just wait for it.
The next day rolled in fast. Pumasok na ako sa school and did my usual things. If I
will be honest, I’d say that without my friends, my life’s really dull. Namimiss ko
na rin si Lourd but I knew I shouldn’t talk to him because doing so would
compromise my relationship with Chance.
Yeah, I think I was fond of the guy but not to the extent that I’ll sacrifice my
relationship with Chance for him. Can’t we be just friends? I want to be friends
with Lourd... but he said we shouldn’t be. And people around me tell me we couldn’t
be friends.
It’s hard when people around you are telling you that you can’t have what you
really want. Where’s the sense in living if all you’ll ever do is follow what the
society dictates? Social convention sucks more so when you feel suffocated from the
inside because you’re jaded.
I went to the usual places, did the usual things. I looked at my phone, tempted to
text Trisha. Should I say sorry for ditching her? I mean, I didn’t literally ditch
her... Well, maybe emotionally. But I have my reasons. I hate being given
ultimatum.
Since today was a relatively cloudy day, I decided to take my walk. I left my car
on the parking lot in front of AS and walked my way to the School of Economics.
I have been having my moments since the day Trisha instilled in my mind the
horrifying idea of dumping Chance for Lourd.
Medyo kinakabahan akong pumunta dun since I was perfectly aware that it’s Lourd’s
haven. That’s his college. D-amn that book! Bakit sa dinami dami ng library dito sa
Diliman, dun pang college library napunta?
I was trying to keep my cool while walking. Truth be told, since Lourd and I hanged
out before, I became pretty known. Who would have thought na kahit simpleng lumakad
ka lang around the campus with him, makikilala ka na ng mga tao? That guy surely
had some reputation.
And as if I was in some freaking reality show, pagkalagpas na pagkalagpas ko ng

guard table, nakita ko si Lourd na nakaupo sa isang concrete bench, reading some
book. And as if it was meant to be, someone called him and then he saw me.
D-amn it.
Bakit ba kapag iniiwasan mo ‘yung isang tao, mas lalo mo siyang nakikita?
He looked at me for a brief second and then acted like he didn’t even know me. This
jerk! Pagkatapos niya akong ilaglag sa tatay niya, kung umarte pa siya ngayon
parang ako pa ang may kasalanan sa kanya? How twisted can his mind get? Really?
Lumapit ako sa kanya and then arched my brow.
I cleared my throat. “Hindi mo talaga ako papansinin? Ganon?”
Binaba niya ‘yung librong binabasa niya and looked up to me since he was sitting.
“What?”
“What?” I said, disbelief evident in my voice. “You told your Dad na single si
Chance! That’s my what!”
Good thing no one’s around because I was quite sure, this one was a scene.
He closed his book and stood up, towering over me. He gave me this no nonsense
look. Nakakapanibago.
“I have no time for this,” he said and then started walking away.
Grabe! Siya pa ang may ganang mag walkout!
“A-sshole!” I shouted at his back. Madaming tumingin sa akin dahil sa ginawa ko and
people started whispering. I guess that did the trick because Lourd stopped on his
tracks the moment I did it.
Before I knew it, he grabbed my arm and pulled me.
“Aray!” I said while he was dragging me out. Nakahawak siya sa braso ko habang
naglalakad kami. I didn’t know where we were going. Heck, I wasn’t even familiar
with this place! Basta ang alam ko, he was dragging me and we went up the stairs.
Naglalakad kami hanggang makarating kami sa isang tahimik na lugar.
“Monique,” he started. “What do you want?”

“I want nothing! Naiinis lang ako kasi bakit mo sinabi sa Dad mo na walang
girlfriend si Chance! Ano ba ako?!” I shouted at him.
His face was glum. It was unreadable. “’Yun lang ba ang kinakagalit mo?”
“Yung lang?!”
I can’t believe it! What was this for him, a game?
He nodded. “Fine, I’ll tell my Dad first thing when I got home,” he said,
resigning. “Good bye.”
Tumalikod siya sa akin at nagsimula na namang maglakad. Bakit niya ba ako

tinatalikuran palagi? Naguguluhan ako. Did he like me to the extent of him avoiding
me?
“Lourd,” I said, my voice was grim. He didn’t stop walking. He was going down the
stairs so fast that I just had to put into voice my sentiments. “Lourd, are we
still friends?”
I was standing holding on to the railings. I shouldn’t have asked the question, I
know. But I just needed to hear this. Avoiding him just because I was confused
wasn’t good enough for me. If he said we shouldn’t really be friends because of a
much bigger reason; maybe that would put an end to all this crazy drama. Just a
hopeful maybe.
He stopped on his tracks. Just for a split second before he got completely out of
my sight.
“A boy and a girl can never be just friends.”
“That’s bulls-hit, Lourd.”
He showed me his crooked smile. “That’s bulls-hit, that’s life. Think whatever you
want, Monique. I can’t be friends with you now. Maybe tomorrow, but definitely not
now.”
That look on his face tells me something... I should ask... But was I ready for the
answer?
“Do you like me?” There. I said it.
My heart was beating wildly. I shouldn’t be asking things like this but for the
contentment of my soul, I did. It was like asking for something you’re not yet
prepared for. It was like going to places you’re not familiar with. It was scary
but it was enticing. The feeling was crazy.
He looked at me. Again. “Do you like games, Monique?”
“No.”
He shook his head. “I don’t either. Yes, I do like you. But not enough to steal you
away from my brother.”
--
[AN: I have a selfpublished book entitled Drake Palma (second batch of printing)
and also the HKI book and if you're interested, you could check the external link
for more info or check the page Eydee's Stories. Thank you! ;)]
=================
-22-
Chapter Twenty Two
“What?” I asked him, dumb founded.
I have always known Lourd to be the guy who didn’t care about almost anything. He
was so carefree. He was a free spirit. Minsan nga, naiisip ko kung bakit siya
ganun. Palagi siyang stone-cold. He didn’t have the slightest care about anything—
let alone anyone. And now, he was acting like some heroic guy who was willing to
give way in order to be the bigger man.
He was frustrating in all senses.
He took a little step back. I could see his back clearly facing me. I have been
face to face with his back for a number of times already. It said something. That
he had been turning his back on me a little too many times. Sometimes, I felt like
believing him already. That we shouldn’t really be friends.
‘Di ba friendship is supposed to be fun, something that will take the bad times
away? But my frienship with Lourd was a complete overturn. It was stressful. It was
all complications.
“Monique, take a clue, will you? Are you f-ucking dense or what?” he said, slightly
sounding pissed.
Aba at siya pa ang may karapatan magalit! As far as I was concerned, I was the one
with rights to get infuriated! He was playing games with my mind!
“Ano ba kasing gusto mong sabihin, Lourd? You like me? What the hell? One minute
tinutukso mo ako, the next one, sasabihin mo may gusto ka sa akin? Baliw ka ba?”
Abruptly, he faced me. His face was a picture of angst. He was slowly getting mad
at me. Kahit na malayo ako sa kanya, I could feel him—his aura. He was mad! Bakit
ba siya nagagalit? Ako ba yung nagsabi na may gusto? It was him, for Christ’s sake!
Alam niya na girlfriend ako ng kapatid niya yet he developed that freaking feelings
for me! He’s crazy!
“Tingin mo ba gusto kong magkagusto sa’yo?” he said and then paused. “I don’t,
Monique. I hate liking you. Liking you is the worst thing there is for me. Liking
you entails destruction.”
Hindi ako nakapagsalita. His words were sharp as knives and those knives were
stabbed deep against my heart, slowly piercing their way through. It was hurtful.
And I didn’t know why I was hurting. Kilala ko ang sarili ko. I didn’t like Lourd.
He was everything I hate in a guy. Babaero. Tamad mag aral. Maraming bisyo. Ayoko
sa kanya yet here I was, hurting with every more he said.
Patuloy pa rin siya sa mga sinasabi niya sa akin. He was cruel! Hindi man lang ba
niya napapansin na nasasaktan ako? I have feelings, too, for heaven’s sake!
“Stop...” I whispered but he didn’t hear me. “I said stop!”
Tears were flowing. Nasaktan ako, okay. Tao naman ako. I was licensed to get hurt—
to cry, even.
“Shut it, Lourd! Hindi ka na nakakatuwa!”
He cocked his head. “Do you think I like this? Liking you sucks, Monique. Because
you’re my brother’s girlfriend.”
Tumalikod na ako. I won’t take any of his bullshits anymore.
I was on the side, subtly wiping my tears when he said words. I wasn’t used to him
telling me things. This was Lourd I was talking to. He was a box I can never open.
Kahit anong gawin kong reach out, he will never open up unless he wants to.
And now that he’s opening up, I hated it. Mas gusto ko na wala siyang sinasabi.
That way, it would hurt less. Hindi ba dapat masaya kapag may nagtatapat? Well,
this was an entirely different story. He liked me and it was hurting every bone in
my body. I can’t like him back. Never.
“I love my brother more than anyone, Monique Aldea. Gago lang ako pero pagdating sa
kapatid ko, hindi ako nakikiagaw. So do me a favor and stay away from me,” he said.
Wala akong idea kung paano sasagot. Papaano ka nga ba sasagot sa taong humihiling
na iwan ka nila? He was a friend. Aaminin ko na nag enjoy akong kasama si Lourd.
Wala akong masyadong kaibigan kaya masaya ako nung nakakita ako ng kaibigan sa
katauhan ni Lourd... Can’t we be just friends? Nakakagago naman kasi ‘yung rule
niya.
A boy and a girl can never be just friends?
Hindi ba pwede na exception kaming dalawa? We could make that work, right?
“I’ll try...” I mumbled.
He nodded. Ni hindi ako makatingin sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat
kong maramdaman. Dapat ba akong matuwa dahil iniisip niya ang kapakanan ni Chance o
dapat ba akong masaktan dahil pinaaalis niya ako regardless of what I feel about
it. Damn it everything was just messy.
“So... this is really goodbye...”
“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe in the future we can be friends... but I highly doubt
that.”
I smiled at him. “We’ll never know.”

“One day when you’re reduced to being the girl my brother dates, we could be
friends. But now, you’re still the girl who makes me smile. Someday, Monique. Some
d-amn day.”
And then he turned his back on me.
Three days have passed and everything was slightly normal. Masyado akong abala sa
finals kaya naman nakalimutan ko yung mga bagay na dapat kong pinoproblema. Tatlong
araw ko na rin hindi nakakausap si Chance. I was still mad at him for not standing
up for me! Yes, he didn’t say yes per se but still I was hurt.
I am a girl; I get hurt.
Just last night, nalaman ko na model pala si Nathalia! Who would have thought! Sa
lahat na lang ng commercial, mukha niya ang nakikita ko! God, she was everywhere!
Sa TV, sa billboard, sa ad sa youtube! Bakit ba ngayon ko lang nalaman na sikat
pala siya?
“Monique!”
“What?!”
I was in my room reading something when Trisha shouted from outside. She’s back
from her sabbatical in the province. It was awkward at first since hindi naman kami
madalas mag away but we managed to work things out. We weren’t friends for years
for nothing.
Kapag kaibigang totoo kasi, magaway man, magbabati rin.
“Your boyfriend’s here!”
Binaba ko ‘yung hand out ko at naglakad palabas. True enough, Chance was there. He
was looking divine as ever. Pero galit ako. Kahit na ang gwapo niya sa suot niyang
pants at navy blue fitted shirt, still, I was mad.
Ugh! Naaalala ko na naman yung pagsulpot ng mukha ni Nathalia sa mga pinapanood

kong video sa youtube! Kung hindi lang ako nanghihinayang sa macbook, matagal ko ng
pinukpok ng martilyo yun.
“Baby,” he said.
No, Monique. Wag kang bibigay sa baby na ‘yan.
When I didn’t react, he step in and pulled me for a hug. Damn it! Bakit ang hirap
tumanggi kapag gusto mo ‘yung lalaki? Yung kahit galit ka na, isang yakap at ngiti
lang, okay ka na? Ang unfair. Kahit masakit na, napapatawad mo pa rin.
I wasn’t in love with him yet. Papaano na lang ako kung mahal ko na siya?
“You’ve been dodging my calls,” he breathed on my neck.
“Yeah,” I said.
His hands were on my back, tracing small patterns. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam.
“You’re still mad. Nasabi ko na kay Dad, Monique.”
I was still mum. That wouldn’t change the fact that his Dad didn’t even recognize
me as his girlfriend. Ayaw sa akin ng Daddy niya. Stupid Nathalia!
“And he said?” I asked, fishing for details.
I felt him shrug. So, it was still the same picture. Ayaw pa rin sa akin ng Dad
niya. I wonder why... I mean, ni hindi niya pa nga ako nakikita ni nakakausap. Ano
ba ang meron kay Nathalia para ayawan niya ako without even knowing me first?
She broke his son’s heart! Wasn’t that reason enough?
“He’ll come around,” he said and then brushed my hair. “So, are we good?”
I nodded. I can never stay mad at him for a long time. Siguro kaya kong isipin pero
hindi ko kayang gawin. At some point, I will give up, I knew. He’s just crawled his
way into my system. Kahit na anong ayaw, anong complications, wala. Still the same
fucking butterflies.
He waited for me to change clothes because he’s taking me out for dinner. He missed
me badly but he wouldn’t say it. Tsk.
Nagpaalam muna ako kay Trisha and she said okay. Ni hindi makatingin si Trisha kay
Chance probably because of what she said. One day mag eexplain ako kay Trisha. I
like Chance but she couldn’t see it. Bakit ba nila ako tinutulak kay Lourd? Maybe
some girls fall for the bad boy but I wasn’t one of them. I like consistency and
loyalty—something Lourd can never give.
“Where do you want to eat?” he asked me while he was driving. He was holding my
left hand. Sabi ko ‘wag kasi bawal yun habang nagddrive but he wouldn’t let go.
Tsk.
I shrugged. “Something light.”
Minutes after, nakarating na kami sa Alabang. We were strolling and finding a place
to eat when some girls were giggling.
And the tale of jejemons continued. Hanggang sa ATC nakarating na rin sila.
Goodness! Wala bang lugar na walang jejemons?
I tried so hard to tune them out and ignore them but their giggles were just
annoying! Iniwan ko muna si Chance dahil may kausap siya sa phone.
This was too low of me but I can’t take it. Kanina pa sila nakatingin kay Chance
and giggling like some harlot! Bakit ba ang lakas ng appeal ng lalaking ‘to sa mga
harlot? Seriously? I’ve had encountered enough harlots to last a life time because
of him.
And besides, hindi naman artista o model si Chance! He was a businessman for
heaven’s sake!
“Excuse me?” I said. “Why are you looking at my boyfriend?”
Tumigil sa pag giggle yung jejemon leader and raised her cheaply plucked eyebrow.
“Boyfriend? ‘Di ba fiancée siya ni Nathalia Montealegre?”
I abruptly closed my eyes and controlled my breathing.
Freaking Nathalia again! Kailan niya ba ako titigilan!
“He’s not her fiancée,” I said through gritted teeth.
Tumawa lang sila. The nerve!
“Okay,” the leader jejemon said. “Sabi mo, e.” And then they left me.
S-hit! S-hit! S-hit!
Ugh!
“Hey, okay ka lang?” Chance asked me.
I looked at him and hinampas ko siya ng bag ko. “Kumain ka mag isa mo!”
--
AN: Do add #HTBWTBB sa twitter lurkers para mabasa ko yung tweets niyo! ;) Sorry
for the long wait. Once na matapos ang summer class ko, expect regular updates!
-Eydee
=================
-23-
Chapter Twenty Three
I was pissed off in all senses. Kailan ba matatapos ang problema namin kay
Nathalia? That girl ruined everything! Kahit na hindi siya magpakita, she followed
us everywhere. And I meant it when I said everywhere. Sa mall, sa school, sa
office! Damn it! Hindi pa ba halata na ako ang girlfriend ni Chance? I was the one
he held hands with, I was the one he hugged, I was the one with him yet si Nathalia
ang girlfriend according to the public?
Shit happens.
How hard was it to know that even though you’re the legal girlfriend, you still
feel like you’re the mistress? I didn’t give a damn about what other people think
but it still got into me. Masakit, e. I can’t stop the pain and hurting. Ang sakit
sakit na kahit anong gawin mo, sa mata ng publiko, hindi ikaw ang girlfriend.
And things got worse when I received bash messages. I had to turn my accounts all
into private because I swear, konting konti na lang sasagot na ako sa mga babaeng
‘yun! Sino ba sila sa akala nila? Tagapagtanggol ni Nathalia? That bitch didn’t
need protecting!
“Still mad? Sorry na,” Chance said.
I sighed. Wala naman siyang kasalanan talaga. I didn’t know why I was mad at him
earlier, either. I mean, it wasn’t exactly his fault that his dad stormed off
before he could even utter a protest. He was right, hindi naman siya pumayag sa
setup na gusto ng father niya. I just blew things out of proportion. That’s a
girl’s thing. Making everything worse when they just need a little fixing.
I shook my head. “No need to say sorry, it wasn’t your fault,” I replied.
We continued eating. Kakatapos lang ng first semester and I roughly had a month to
enjoy his company. Next semester, mahirap ang load ko since puro major class. I
think medyo mahihirapan kami magkita ni Chance considering na ang layo ng UP mula
sa office niya sa Ortigas.
“What’s new?” I asked him since hindi naman ako masyadong nakakapagtanong lately
dahil palagi lang akong inis kay Nathalia. I needed to have my temper control
checked.
He shrugged. “With me, nothing. Same old. But with Lourd... hmmm.”
I was tempted to ask but I shouldn’t. We agreed on it already. Walang pakielamanan

until he figured things out on his own. I didn’t want to risk my relationship with
Chance for whatever petty feelings Lourd had for me. It would be the stupidest
decision ever made.
“He’s dating Laura again. It’s weird,” he said.
What’s weird? Ugh! Silence was killing me!
“Who’s Laura?” I asked, hindi naman siya aware na may away kami ni Lourd. Thank
god! Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kung malaman niya na may gusto sa akin ang
kapatid niya!
He reached for the glass of water and washed it down in a few gulps. “Laura? She’s
his first girlfriend. I wonder why he’s dating her again.”
“Bakit ka naman nagtataka?”
He again shrugged. “She broke his heart when he’s in grade 7. She’s older by 3
years, by the way. He hated her.”
Ngayon, mas nagtataka ako sa relasyon na mayroon si Lourd sa Laura na ‘yun. What’s
with her and their breakup that made Chance wonder why Lourd was dating her again?
I mean, why? Was it too much of an impossibility for Lourd to date someone he used
to go out with? Hindi ba dapat mas matuwa si Chance dahil imbes na mga harlot sa
paligid o member ng Lourd’s harem ang idate ni Lourd, dun siya sa babaeng matagal
niya ng kilala?
“Why does he hate her?”
“He hated her,” he corrected me. “I don’t know about now. He must have gotten over
the fact that she just played with him years ago.”
Oh, my god! Siya ba ang dahilan kung bakit playboy si Lourd? I mean, hindi ba
ganoon yun? Behind every playboy lies a girl who broke his heart and turned him
heartless. Was Laura that girl?
I nodded, unable to give a decent reaction.
Natapos ang pagkain namin ni Chance na naiisip ko pa rin si Lourd. Why was he doing
this? Why was he dating someone who cheated on him? Was he a masochist, yearning
for the pain?
Chance kissed me on the cheek before driving away. Hinatid niya ako sa condo ko
since he still had some work to do. I like Chance so much but sometimes, I wished I
was dating someone my age. ‘Yung pwede kong makasama anytime, ‘yung pwedeng kasama
ko buong araw na walang aalalahananin na trabaho o kung anuman...
But those were just wishful thinking. I was perfectly happy with Chance. I had
nothing to ask for more.
I went home and rolled on my bed. These days has been such a stressor in my life!
Gusto ko na lang magrelax ngayong bakasyon. Was that too hard? I mean, kahit one
week lang na walang stress, magiging masaya na ako.
I went online to check for some news. Hindi ako masyadong mahilig mag facebook
since I decided that it won’t do me any good and plus some harlots were so
insistent on bashing me every chance they got. While I was at it, my fingers itched
and typed the name Laura.
Ugh! Things I do for curiosity!
I checked Lourd’s friend list and typed for Laura. Mabuti na lang at hindi pa ako
binlocked ni Lourd! Who knew what that man can do! Nagawa nga niya akong paiyakin,
e.
My fingers were restless as the search continued.
Laura Diaz
Oh. Who would have thought? Bakit nga ba ako nag eexpect kay Lourd! He’s dating
someone who’s already engaged! Naghahanap ba siya ng sakit ng ulo?!
I didn’t bother to scroll down. I saw it all! She’s engaged to be married in a few
months tapos ngayon nagdedate sila ni Lourd? Something must be seriously wrong with
his head!
Lumabas ako and grabbed my things. Ah! Naiinis ako! If I stayed inside the unit for
a little longer, baka hindi ko mapigilan at iistalk ko pa ‘yung girl! I shouldn’t
meddle with their affair! Kung gusto ni Lourd maging third wheel, ano ba ang
pakielam ko? That’s his call, not mine!
As I was walking through the streets of Makati, I accidentally bumped into a

couple.
“Sorry for—”
Oh shoot!
The guy smiled at me. “No problem,” he said and then draped his arms over the
girl’s shoulders.
Oh goodness! Did I just meet Laura?! And the fiancée?!
Naglalakad ako, thinking if I should concern myself over this thing. For one, it’s
Lourd’s life. Kung gusto niyang manira ng relasyon ng may relasyon, wala akong
magagawa. Pangalawa, he wanted me out of his life. Pangatlo—ugh! Hindi ko kaya!
I’ll call him!
I was about to ring his phone when I saw him standing alone outside a coffee shop.
He was holding a stick of cigarette. Smokers. Tsk.
Okay, Monique. Control your breathing. Don’t shout at him, okay? For sure iiwanan
ka niya kapag sinigawan mo siya.
I tried to smile but I can’t. I was pissed at him!
Nakatalikod siya sa akin when I poked him from behind.
Nung humarap siya, he just raised a brow and then walked away from me. Okay, calm
down.
“Lourd!” I shouted for his name. “I know I shouldn’t talk to you let alone meet
with you but I just have to ask this,” I said.
He was still walking away from me so I decided to trail behind him. Damn him!
Masyado niyang sineryoso ang pag iwas sa kin.
“Why are you dating someone who’s already engaged?” I asked but he didn’t answer.
“May sira ka ba sa ulo?”
“Ugh! Answer me!”

Hindi siya sumasagot and out of sheer frustration, I removed my peep toe and sent
it flying towards his head.
“Ano ba!” he said, angered at my childish act.
Naglakad ako ng mabilis at pinulot ‘yung sapatos ko na binato sa kanya. “Serves you
right, asshole.” Kinuha ko yung sapatos ko at isinuot ko. Thank goodness at walang
masyadong tao sa paligid. That would’ve been very humiliating! “I was asking and
you just ran from me.”
He placed his hand at the back of his head and sighed. “I thought we’re not on
talking terms. Why are you so dumb?”
Kalma, Monique.
“Why are you dating someone who’s engaged?” I reiterated my question. Honestly, I
wanna strangle him!
“What do you care,” he said. “Mas gusto mo ba na kayo na lang ni Chance ang guluhin
ko?”
Hinampas ko siya ng bag ko. This asshole! Saan ba niya nakukuha ang kayabangan
niya?!
“You’re unbelievable!”
He nodded. “Yeah, I kinda am,” he said. “Monique, just stay the hell away from me.
What’s up with you, anyway? You’re not even my friend, bakit ba pati babae ko
pinapakielamanan mo? You’re nosy as fuck.”
He’s infuriating! Bwisit na Sandoval ‘to!
“Well, you’re broken as fuck, Lourd. Laura’s already with someone! Bakit ba siya
ang ginugulo mo?”
Tinalikuran niya na naman ako. This guy! Ugh!
“Who I date, who I kiss, who I fuck, you don’t care, Aldea. You’re not my friend.”
“Then be my friend! Lourd, honestly, I want to be your friend. Please,” I said.
I was tired of all this chasing and hurting and shouting. Lahat na lang ng tao
galit sa akin. I just needed someone who will listen to all my relentless rants. He
used to be Lourd. But now he’s mad at me.
“I promise I will try my best para hindi ka magkagusto sa akin. Heck, I’ll even set
you up with my friends kung kailangan. Just please, let’s be friends again.”
Humarap siya sa akin and started walking towards me.

“Sigurado ka ba jan?” he said, his voice low and dangerous.
I nodded, after all, it was the only thing I could do.
“Alright,” he said. “Let’s be friends...without benefits.”
I shook my head. Lourd.
I extended my hand and offered it. “Friends?”
He smirked at me. “You’re playing with the devil, Monique.”
Indeed, I was.
[AN: Please bear with me. Hahaha! Malapit na tayo sa start ng real story, okay!
Last week na ng class ko and after that, regular updates na so, wag niyo akong
iwan! Hahaha
-Eydee]
=================
-24-
Chapter Twenty Four
“Huh... Wala na naman si Chance. Interesting...” Trisha said.
I controlled my temper. No, hindi ako dapat magalit na naman. But she’s being
annoying again! Yes, alam kong busy palagi si Chance dahil may trabaho siya but she
didn’t have to rub it in. It stung already, alright.
“Shut up, Trisha.”
My phone vibrated and it displayed Lourd’s name. No, we’re not hooking up contrary
to popular opinion. Friends nga lang kami ni Lourd, bakit ba kasi pinipilit ng iba
na mas higit pa doon ang relasyon namin? Hindi ba pwedeng friends lang talaga?
And besides, he’s dating Laura. I tried to understand where he was coming from.
She’s his first. Whatever the hell happened in the past, she’ll always hold a
special place in Lourd’s heart... no matter how absurd the present situation is.
Yes, she’s engaged. Yes, Lourd’s perfectly aware of it. Yes, I was going crazy over
the setup. But no, I won’t do anything about it.
I was Lourd’s friend and as his friend, I’d be supportive with whatever his
decision was, no matter how fucked up it was.
His iMessage read ‘Out again. This is exciting as hell!’
Hah. So may date na naman sila ni Laura. Amazing. Considering that Laura’s wedding
was just around the corner. Exactly a month from now, she’ll be tying the knot with
her fiancée. It constantly baffled me how she could manage to cheat on her beau...
I mean, yes, Lourd’s awesome but let us be honest here. He’s not the husband
material. He’s just... Lourd. Flings. That’s his thing.
‘Mahuli sana kayo. Kidding! Enjoy, ahole!’ I sent.
After that, I went to the bathroom to clean myself. Semestral break na kasi and I
have all the free time in the world. But my boyfriend’s so busy with his life so I
was left with all the freaking time.
Not that I was complaining... Okay, I was... A bit. But I was trying to be mature
about it, at least. Alam ko naman na busy siya sa ibang bagay at naiiintindihan ko
naman ‘yun. I understood it crystal clear but I cannot erase this gut wrenching
feeling inside me. It’s like a monster that I can’t get rid of. It’s killing me
from the inside.
Do you know this feeling? I wanted to spend time with him, badly, but I knew I
shouldn’t ask. I shouldn’t ask for more. Ayokong humingi ng bagay na una palang,
alam ko na na hindi niya kayang ibigay. He was trying his best, at least. I could
see efforts from him to spend time with me. That alone was enough for me to keep my
stance and wait for my turn. His life didn’t revolve around me. I should know where
to stand.
I stared at my phone, waiting for him to call me. I can’t call him. I can’t
pressure him with all these feelings inside me. I didn’t want to scare him off
because it was scaring me, too.
Alam mo ‘yun? It was scary how much you can actually love someone. It was
overwhelming but you can’t just do anything about it.
I smiled and contented myself with the feeling of missing him. Okay na ako dito. I
should be contented with this.
After a while, my phone vibrated again. Excited akong puntahan! But it wasn’t
Chance... It was Lourd.
‘Jackass’ here. Samahan mo ako?’ his text said.
‘Where to?’ I asked.
‘Hangout. Anywhere. San mo gusto?’ he asked.
‘Coffee. 20 minutes.’
Nag ayos na ako. Before I went out officially, I sent a text message to Chance
saying that I would be hanging out with his brother. I didn’t like for him to be
suspicious. As I have said, I just want pure friendship from Lourd. Ayokong magduda
si Chance. As much as I could, I would be transparent in everything because I
expect the same from him. Ayoko ng niloloko ako. Because with all the form of
fuckery in this cruel world, betrayal hurts the most. Why? Because it comes from
the people you trust. Always.
Bago ako makalabas, Trisha asked me where I was going.
“Out with Lourd,” I simply said while fixing my earring. “Why?”
She shrugged. “Nothing,” she replied and then smiled. “Enjoy.”
Alright? That was weird.
Lumabas na ako at pumunta sa mall na nandun si Lourd. I was driving pretty fast
because I was kind of excited to see him. He was out for a week because he was with
Laura. They went out and had a vacation in Puerto Galera while Laura’s fiancée was
doing some business out of the country.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko sinusuportahan—no, not sinusuportahan. I was against

him dating her but really, who was I to tell him things?
And I was happy for him. He really does like her. Alam ko sinabi sa akin ni Lourd
na may gusto siya sa akin but now? I think he’s over that. He’s in love with Laura.
After all, masisisi ko ba siya? First love niya.
I gave my car to the valet attendant and hopped my way to Lourd’s. He was there,
silent and leaning on the wall.
“Hey!” I chirped. “Ditched again, huh,” I said, stating the obvious.

He shook his head at me. “Rub it some more,” he replied. “San mo ba gusto?” he
asked.
We started strolling around the mall, casually hanging out. See? This was what I
like about hanging with Lourd. He has no pretentions. It’s fun being friends with
him. Mas okay ‘to, friends. Ayoko kasi ng complications. And I love his brother so
much. No jeopardizing.
I asked him about Laura and he said, “Jackass showed up. Nakabalik na pala. Thought
he went missing in Dubai,” he said.
Natawa ako. Ang sama kasi ng ugali niya sa fiancée ni Laura. Jack’s a nice guy.
Hindi ko alam kay Laura kung ano ang pumasok sa isip niya at pumayag siya sa setup
nila ni Lourd. It was like they were playing with fire and actually enjoying the
burned moments. It was masochism.
“You’re the real ass,” I said. “Seriously, Lourd, I know I said that I’ll support
whatever your plans in life are, but can you please enlighten me? I just can’t
fathom the idea of you going after someone who’s about to be married.”
He draped his arms over me and pulled me close. We were still walking around the
busy halls of the mall, mindless of the people around us.
“She’s Laura,” he said.
“That’s it?” I asked.

He nodded. “She’s my first love, Monique. I’ll tell you a little secret,” he
whispered in my ears. Naghintay ako sa sasabihin niya. Naglakad kami pataas ng
pataas hanggang makarating kami sa garden sa taas ng mall. It was so serene, so
calm. The beauty was captivating.
We walked together and sat on the wooden bench.
“You know Jack, right?”
I nodded. I’ve met him a few times. Minsan kasi, sumasama ako ni Lourd kapag
nagdidinner sila ni Laura para hindi malaman ni Jack. He said that Jack’s a
powerful man. And I was just worried for Lourd. Ayoko na dumating sa punto na
masaktan siya dahil sa ginagawa niya. I felt kind of responsible for him...
“He’s the reason why Laura left me before.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused of this whole scenario. I felt like an
outsider. It was their world. Chance, Nathalia, Lourd, Laura, and Jack. They have a
long history together... Who was I? I was just an intruder...
And suddenly it stung.
“Well, if you would put it in your sappy girl’s perspective, Jack stole Laura from
me, hence, Lourd turned into a playboy,” he said as if narrating some story from a
children’s book. The way he said it, it was surreal. I knew he was hurt. Sabi sa
akin ni Chance, mahal na mahal ni Lourd si Laura. It was even because of Laura that
Lourd first cried. “Hah. That didn’t sting at all,” he uttered to himself.
“So... you’re just taking back what’s yours?”
He nodded. “She’s mine to begin with, Monique. I’m doing everything to stop the
wedding.”
“Are you crazy?! Gusto mo bang ipabaril ka ni Jack?!” I shouted.
Natawa siya sa akin and then patted my head. “You watch too much drama, Mon. He
won’t do that. My brother will kill him if he did that to me,” he said.
“Confident mo masyado na ipagtatanggol ka ni Chance,” I commented.
Tumango siya and a smile spread across his face. “We have a strong bond, Monique.
Not even Nathalia managed to break us apart. Did you know that that blonde tried to
hook up with me before? Tsk.”
“What?!” I exclaimed. That bitch! Ang landi niya!
Lourd chuckled. “Yeah. But I didn’t. She’s Chance’s. I don’t do my brother’s

girls,” he said and then patted my head. “You’re safe from me.”
“As if naman papatulan kita,” I said.

He shrugged. “Who knows?”
“We’ll never know,” I said. “I’m with Chance.”
“Damn right you are,” he said and then cocked his head. “The highest form of
relationship we could have is being best friends.”
“Which we are both doing good at,” I cut in.
He smiled at me. “Yeah. Friends.”
=================
-25-
For twitter lurkers: #HTBWTBB or follow and talk to me @beeyotchWP
Chapter Twenty Five
“I never took you for a stalker!” I hissed as we were hiding like some ninja behind
the bushes. Seriously, anong nakain ni Lourd?! Bigla niya na lang akong inaya na
pumunta sa hotel na pag gaganapan ng food tasting ni Laura at Jack!
He’s losing it.

He placed his finger on his lips, signalling me to shut the hell up. Alright?
I shook my head instead and tried to enjoy the fruit juice in front of me. I
thought I had no better things to do but turned out that I actually had! Mas okay
pa yata na nagstay na lang ako sa bahay at nagbasa ng English novel than to play
ninja here with Lourd. Mas okay pa sana na may pasok, at least dun, productive ang
nagagawa ko. But here? Wala! I was just actually watching Lourd love another woman.
How funny this scene was? I used to have this teeny tiny crush on Lourd, I would
admit to that. Now? Hah. Life is indeed ironic in so many levels.
“Dapat nagbakasyon na lang ako,” I commented. “Or sumama kay Chance...”
He didn’t even look at me. He was leaning on his chair and concentrating on looking
at his secret girlfriend. Honestly, how could he do this? It was obvious that he
loved Laura! The way he looked at her? It gave it all. Sometimes, I did admire his
stupidity. He was stupid enough to fall for someone who’s already with someone
else. And mind you, it takes a lot of courage and guts.
I looked at my watch, we’ve been spying for what feels like days already but in
reality, 1 hour palang kami dito sa hotel. Bakit nga ba kasi ako sumama in the
first place kay Lourd? Ah. Baka kasi ‘yung boyfriend ko, wala sa Pilipinas. I have
made it as if it’s my personal mantra. Whenever Chance’s away, instead of acting
like a brat that I believe I actually was, I would take it like a woman.
I was dating a man, not a boy. I should consider that he has other things to do
instead of whining like some kid.
“Let’s go,” he said out of the blue.
Bigla siyang tumayo kaya naman napatayo din ako. Really, this guy has some serious
issues! Minsan sobrang playful pero kapag kay Laura, he’s like a ticking bomb! He’s
always extreme when it comes to that woman. Tama nga si Chance, if there’s someone
who could push Lourd to his limit, it would be that damned woman.
He would always be in love with her.
I was half running when I followed him. His strides were faster and he was
obviously pissed. Ano ba kasi ang nangyari? I wasn’t paying attention back then!
“Lourd!” I said over and over again but he wasn’t even paying attention.
He was walking and muttering things—incoherent things. What did she do again?
Lately, it was her who would define what Lourd would feel. I know, crazy, right?
But it’s happening.
In my own opinion, Lourd’s like Laura’s personal pet. When she calls for him, he
leaps for joy. When she’s away, he’s in constant longing. I never thought of him
like that...
Back then, para sa akin, Lourd’s the alpha male. Kahit naman sa school maraming
takot sa kanya. He was always the strong one. Ni hindi mo siya makikita na
natatakot. He’s always in control and that’s who he were... But not with her
around, I think.
“Get in,” he said when we reached his car.
“Lourd...”
“Get the fucking in,” he said, his voice low and dangerous. Wala na akong nagawa
kung hindi pumasok at sumunod sa sinasabi ni Lourd. He was angry and him being
angry was one of the things I can’t afford.
I got in the car and stayed silent. I was waiting for him to explain what the hell
was happening. Naguguluhan ako. What did Laura do again?
He was driving and his eyes were focused solely on the road. His hands? They were
on the steering wheel but even I could feel that he was controlling his anger.
Damn it! Ano ba kasi ang nangyari?
Pero hindi na ako nagsaliita. I knew better. The more I ask him, the more he
wouldn’t speak. Ganyan siya, e. Wala na akong magagawa kung hindi ang maghintay.
And then finally after a long period of driving and uncertainty, we arrived at this
place. I didn’t know this place. Or maybe because hindi naman talaga ako mahilig
mag explore? We were in this place full of kids playing around. Puro bata lang
dito, mayroong playground, and benches around. This place looked relaxing kasi puro
pagtawa lang ng mga bata ang maririnig mo.
But... why were we here?

Lourd started walking and I followed him. Nakarating kami sa ilalim ng isang puno.
He sat there and I did the same, I sat beside him.
We stayed quiet for quite some time. I didn’t even bother to ask him why. I was his
friend right here. I would say much that I have disagreed at first sa mga plano
niya. Sino ba naman kasing matinong tao ang papayag sa naiisip niya? He’s planning
on ruining somebody else’s marriage! That plan alone was crazy. But I was his
friend and so as crazy as it might sound, I tried to understand him.
He was in love. Crazily in love. Wala na akong magagawa.
“You know what?” he said suddenly. My whole system was alert. Ngayon lang siya
nagsalita ulit. “When I first met Laura, I know I was in for something deep. So I
did what needs to done, iniwasan ko siya. It was written all over; her face screams
danger. Pero wala, e. I liked her even if I knew she’s just playing with me.”
I leaned back and listened to everything Lourd had to say. I wanted to listen to
this, to know parts of him he buried deep. It was a once in a lifetime experience,
having him let you inside his deepest, darkest secrets.
“I was 17 and stupid. Alam ko naman na may boyfriend siya pero pumayag ako. Lourd
Sandoval? Tss. I was once the other guy, the emotional dumpsite. Kapag nag away
sila ng boyfriend niya, sa akin siya lumalapit. It was exhausting, really. Palagi
na lang ako ‘yung nilalapitan kapag pagod na siya sa isa. I didn’t think I’d be
able to keep up with that crazy setup but I did. After a year, she broke up with
that guy. Then I thought she’s finally mine. But bullshits really do happen,” he
said and then looked up the sky as if remembering what happened years ago. “Little
did I know that it would all backfire to me. Ako naman ang boyfriend tapos si Jack
naman ‘yung secret. Nakakaloko, noh?”
I was trying hard not to show any emotion. Alam kong ayaw niya na maawa ako sa
kanya. He was a man of ego and stature. Walang lugar sa pagkaawa.
“And now, they are getting married...”
I reached for his hand and held it.
“And I keep on asking, ano’ng kulang sa akin? Minahal ko naman siya. I even lowered
myself, pumayag maging kabit. Then this? Paulit ulit.”
“Lourd,” I said. “Tama na.”
He smiled. “It’s not that easy. If falling out of love is as easy as saying stop,
then where’s the fun in it? That’s the thing with love. When you fall, you fall.
There’s no telling when you would be able to stop... or if you would be able to
stop at all.”
I breathed out and held his hand tighter. “Nandito lang ako, okay? When these are
all too much to bear, remember you still have me.”
Ngumiti siya sa akin. “Alam ko.”
We stayed there for another hour. Tahimik lang. Walang nagsasalita.

“Tara na?” I asked him. He nodded and then pulled me in for a hug.
“Salamat, Monique.”
I smiled at him.
“You’re so good to me. How can I ever repay you?”
Umiling ako. Just with him being happy, okay na ako dun.
“Just be happy, Lourd. Find yourself a woman who’ll make you happy.”
=================
-26-
Chapter Twenty-Six
As a child, I always dreamed of the perfect love story. ‘Yung tipo na ‘yung lalaki
na mamahalin ko ay parating nandyan para sa akin; kapag may kailangan ako, isang
tawag ko lang pupunta na siya. I always asked and wished for the most lavish love
story there is.
True enough, I got my prince charming. But our love wasn’t the most charming love I
could have.
There were days when I wished na sana na in love na lang ako sa tao na hindi kasing
kumplekado ni Chance. I love him, I know that much, but I also knew I didn’t have
that much patience within me. May mga araw na sobrang depressed ako. Paanong hindi?
Sa loob ng isang buwan, dalawang beses ko lang siya nakita in person! He was so
busy! Minsan nga magugulat na lang ako nasa Japan siya, minsan nasa Europe. Ah!
Ewan!
“Kailan ka uuwi?” I asked him. After begging and pleading, nakausap ko rin siya sa
skype. Palagi kasing nagccall forward sa secretary niya ‘yung tawag ko. Ugh! Konti
na lang masisiraan na ako ng bait!
He looked at his phone and said, “In three days. Monique, please be patient. Ayoko
rin naman na wala sa Pilipinas but I have to close this deal...” he explained.
And now the table had turned. Ako na ang naguguilty. Why do I love this man so damn
much?
I sighed. “Sorry,” I muttered. “Sorry for being so needy, Chance.” I smiled.
“No, no,” he said. “I promise to make it up to you pagbalik ko. Sorry for always
being absent, baby. I just have too much on my plate right now,” he expounded.
“Dad’s extremely upset about the thing with Nathalia then Lourd’s always missing
and the board is pressuring me about all the business deals. Sorry, baby.”
Just with him calling me baby, nawawala lahat ng inis ko.

Napangiti na lang ako. “Alright, Chance. Close all that freaking deal and then come
home. Celebrate my birthday with me, alright?”
He nodded. “Of course, I will.”
“Can’t wait to see you,” I said.
“See you in three days, Monique.”
And then we bid our good byes.
‘I love you, Chance,’ I whispered as the screen shuts down.
Gusto kong sabihin pero natatakot ako sa magiging reaksyon niya. He likes me, sure,
but does he love me? Was I worth all the risk? Ewan. Kailan ko sasabihin? Bahala
na. Basta ngayon, sigurado ako. Mahal ko si Chance.
Every second we’re apart, my heart yearns for him. Kahit na sabihin ng iba na ‘wag
na lang siya, na iba na lang, in the end, it’s beside him where I wanted to be the
most. It’s beside him where I find most comfortable in.
I smiled at the thought. I fell in love yet again. Sana ngayon, maging maayos na.
Nakakapagod din kasi na magmahal kapag maraming problema. Parang imbes na maging
masaya ka dahil sa pagmamahal, mas nararamdaman mo ‘yung problema. It wasn’t fun at
all.
Lumabas ako ng kwarto pagkatapos naming mag-usap ni Chance and then there, I found
Lourd sitting on my sofa like he owns it.
“Mind if I ask you why are you here?”
“Trisha let me in,” he said. “Pinapasabi nga niya pala, mag oovernight siya kila
Cass.”
Ugh! Ayan na naman siya! Akala ba ni Intsik hindi ko napapansin na lagi siyang
napapa overnight kila Cass kapag pinupuntahan ako ni Lourd dito sa condo? Kahit na
hindi siya nagsasalita, I knew she was plotting me and Lourd. Kailan ba siya
titigil? Bakit kaya hindi na lang sila ni Lourd together? That would solve all my
problems. O kaya naman si Cass at Lourd? Hah. Hindi pala pwede. Ayaw ni Lourd sa
mga maiingay na babae. Baka imbes na magkatuluyan sila, magalit pa sa akin si Lourd
dahil sa sobrang ingay ni Cass.
I shook my head and headed towards the ref. Kumuha ako ng bottled water and then
went and plopped down the sofa.
“So? What’s up? Bakit ka nandito?”
Sumandal pa siya lalo sa sofa and even had the audacity to put his feet on the
table! Really, this guy!
“Bridal shower mamaya ni Laura,” he said.

Bigla akong natawa.
“Bakit ka tumatawa?” he asked.
Okay, Mon. Breathe in and breathe out.
“Oh, my god! You don’t—” I said. Hindi ko matuloy ‘yung sasabihin ko! Bigla talaga
akong natawa! Hahaha! I can’t even begin to imagine!
Biglang kumunot ‘yung noo ni Lourd. “I don’t what?” he asked. “Come on, ano ba
‘yung sasabihin mo?”
Hindi ako makapagsalita kasi tawa pa rin ako ng tawa! Goodness! This was epic!
Hahaha!
“You,” I said, struggling not laugh! Sobrang funny kasi! “You don’t plan on
crashing her bridal shower and be the macho dancer naman siguro!” I said and then
finally burst laughing.
“What the f-uck?!” he shouted at my face.
Tawa pa rin ako ng tawa. “Yeah,” I said and then nodded. “What the f-uck talaga!
Hahaha! Imagine, you inside a box tapos sasayaw to the tune of careless whisper!
Man, that’s one funny thing!” I said, laughing hysterically.
Kulang na lang gumulong ako sa kama sa sobrang pagtawa that I didn’t notice that
Lourd was tickling me!
“Hahaha!” I laughed and then, “Lourd! Stop!” I said. “D-amn it, it tickles!”
He didn’t even budge; he kept on attacking me.
“Macho dancer, huh,” he uttered and then tickled me some more.
“Stop!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. “Nakikiliti na ako, Lourd Simon! Tama na,
please!” I begged and pleaded. Hinihingal na rin ako katatawa!
We were entangled in some freaking weird way. Ang alam ko, nasa sofa kami pero nung
imulat ko ang mata ko, nasa carpet na kami! Ah! Ang sakit ng bewang ko!
“I’m warning you! Tama na!” I said, nung medyo tumigil siya para magpahinga.
He was showing me that cheeky grin. Ugh! Ayoko na! Ang sakit sakit na ng katawan
ko!
“What? Macho dancer pa, ha,” he said.

I defended myself, “Not my fault! Sabi mo kasi bridal shower ni Laura. And knowing
how crazy you can get, kasalanan ko ba na naisip ko ‘yun? I don’t think so!”
“You think that’s crazy?” he asked, dumbfounded.
“Yes! Aren’t you crazy enough? Gusto mong mang agaw ng mapapangasawa ng
mapapangasawa!” I answered.
He shook his head and then laughed. “Monique, Monique,” he said. “That’s not
crazy,” he continued.
“If that’s not crazy, what’s crazy?” I asked him.
He showed me that serious face that I dread to see. He sighed and then sat back on
the sofa. “Secret,” he whispered to himself.
Pinabayaan ko na lang siya. As long as he’s happy and laughing, ayos na ako. These
past few days, palagi na lang siyang malungkot because Laura’s wedding was nearing.
“Anyhow,” I said, diverting his attention. “Bakit ka nga nandito?”
He shrugged. “No one’s at home so I went here. Have any news kung kailan babalik si
Chance?”
“Hindi mo alam?” I asked him. Siya ‘tong kakambal, ako ang tinatanong. Weird. “In
three days, babalik siya dahil sa birthday ko,” I beamed. Kahit na sobrang busy ni
Chance, pipilitin niya na umuwi sa birthday ko! He’s still the best boyfriend!
Tumango tango siya. “Right.”
“Punta ka rin sa birthday ko, ha!” I invited him. “Small party lang.”
He placed his hand on my head. “I can’t. That’s Laura’s wedding day.”
Upon hearing that, a familiar frown was painted on my face. Bakit siya hindi—oh,
right. Laura.
“Okay lang,” I said. “Basta regalo ko, ha!” sabi ko na lang para hindi niya
mahalata na disappointed ako. Dapat maging understanding ako. Hindi naman siya
nagrereklamo nung mga panahon na palagi akong malungkot dahil kung nasaan saang
bansa si Chance. I should extend the same courtesy.
“Of course,” he said. “I’m sorry for missing your party. Babawi na lang ako,” he
continued.
I tried to smile but I think it looked at bit too scripted.

That entire night, I was busy making Lourd forget about Laura. Malapit na ang
kasal, ibig sabihin, malapit na rin na tanungin ni Lourd kung papayag ba si Laura
na siya na lang. Na sila na lang ulit.
Honestly, para akong nanonood ng drama sa kanilang dalawa.
Next day came in and out fast and before my very eyes, it was the day before my
birthday.
“Advance happy birthday, babe!” Trisha and Cass squealed. I woke up to a breakfast
in bed treat and then I talked to my parents via skype. I know I didn’t talk about
my parents much because they’re never home, anyways. Clichéd as it may sound, both
my parents were doctors and they’re both working abroad. Wala naman akong pwedeng
ireklamo dahil binibigay nila lahat ng gusto ko. And I was too old to rebel.
Really.
They greeted me today because they know they wouldn’t be able to contact me
tomorrow. I don’t celebrate my birthday with anyone. Sure, the first few hours but
the entire day? I’d like to be alone. Ayoko kasi ng may kasama. Mas gusto ko ng
tahimik at mapag isa.
I washed up and then treated both of them to lunch.
“Any plans before the party?” Cass asked. Hindi ko masabi na dadarating si Chance
mamaya because it still was a sensitive spot for her and believe me when I say that
I wasn’t that insensitive to tell that to her.
I simply shook my head and finished my meal. Tumahimik lang ako and then waited for
my phone to vibrate. Sabi kasi ni Chance, he’ll just text me when he landed here in
the country. 12 noon na pero wala pa rin.
“Meet you later,” I said to them the moment we finished eating. The party will
start at 8pm. But this year? I’d like to begin and end my birthday with Chance.
To kill time, I went shopping. My parents and James really knew how to give proper
gifts. I checked my bank account and I received loads of money! With this kind of
life, sino ba naman ako para magrebelde?
I bought almost everything my eyes laid at and still, no news from Chance. Ano na
ba ang nangyari sa lalaki na ‘yun?
My watch said it’s already 5 p.m.
“Nasan ka na, Chance?” I asked myself.
My mind said it’s useless. Walang Chance na darating. Baka kagaya na naman ng dati,
naipit sa trabaho. But my heart... my heart still kept on hoping. Baka naman kasi
may surprise... Baka naman kasi gusto niya darating siya sa mismong birthday mo.
Masyado ka lang nag iisip, Monique.
I kept on wandering around. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ako dinala ng mga paa ko.
Palakad lakad lang ako, hindi alam kung saan pupunta. Mabuti na lang pala, wala
akong kasama. Ayoko kasi ng may nakakita sa akin ng ganito, na umiiyak. It was a
low moment and crying was the only escape I had.
I had to wipe every tear but they kept on falling.

Ayokong umiyak. Ayoko.
Ilang oras na ba akong naglalakad mag isa? Hindi ko na nga maalala. Anong oras na
ba? 6pm? 7pm? Hindi ko na alam. Ayoko na rin magcelebrate. Ano ba ang icecelebrate
ko e ‘yung tao na gusto kong makasama, ni hindi ko alam kung nasaan.
But I still went to the hotel where my part would be held. May mga nakikita akong
kaibigan ko but I chose to hide from them. I still had this broken heart to nurse,
anyways.
My party would be held on the bar at the farthest side of this hotel. Siguro nandun
na sila, after all, 8:30 na. Bakit ko nga ba inaalam ang oras? Knowing the time and
knowing that Chance still wasn’t calling made my heart sank.
Masakit pala talagang umasa.
Instead of going to the bar I rented, I went to the bar beside it. I just needed to
collect myself or else, I would be a mess. A pool of ugly mess.
“One vodka, please,” I said to the bartender. I was sitting on the single’s stool
when I noticed that the person beside me was Lourd. “Lourd!” I said, perplexed.
Bakit siya nandito?! I thought—oh, my god! Did she dump him?!
He turned and then smiled when he saw me. “Monique,” he said, his voice slurry. “My
Monique,” he mumbled and then tried to hug me but he was too drunk for that.
Instead of hugging me, natapon niya sa damit niya ‘yung iniinom niya.
“You’re drunk, Lourd,” I stated the obvious.
He was just laughing and saying gibberish things. I would assume that he was
dumped.
“Where’s your car? Ihahatid na kita, come on,” I said. Wala na ako sa mood
magparty. Wala naman si Chance.
He fished for his keys in his pocket and then showed it to me. “Eto ba?” he asked.
“You just want this from me. Pare pareho kayong mga babae. You’re just like Laura.
You want me and then dump me. What the f-uck do you take me for? A toy?!” he
shouted.
People were looking at us.
“Tara na, Lourd,” I whispered to him. “I’ll drive you home.”
Kahit na mas matangkad at mas mabigat siya, pinilit ko na akayin siya. There were
people who volunteered to help but I declined, mamaya kung ano pa ang masabi nito,
kumalat pa. Who could say kung hanggang saan ang maaabot ng koneksyon ni Jack?
Papaano na lang kapag nalaman niya ang mga kalokohan ni Lourd? Tsk!
I clicked on the alarm to look for his car in the pool of cars in the parking
space. Bakit naman nasa pinakadulo pa si Lourd nagpark! We were swerving but we
managed to reach his car.
After quite an effort on my part, naipasok ko na siya sa loob.
Just when I was doing his seatbelt, I felt my phone vibrate.
It was Chance.
Bago ko pa man sagutin, I prepared myself for the blow. I knew he would say
sorry... Sorry for not being able to attend your party. Sorry. Stupid sorry.
“What?” I asked.
“Sorry, Monique...” he uttered, as I have thought. “I tried to catch—” hindi na

niya naituloy ‘yung sasabihin niya because I cut him off.
“Save your apologies, Chance. I don’t have the heart to listen to another one of
your excuses. Just wish me a happy birthday and end this call,” I said. I was
ruthless but he was worse. Making a promise only to break it. Pushing and pulling.
“Babe, don’t be mad.”
“I am not mad.”
“Monique...”
I closed my eyes and then turned my fist into a ball. “Chance, I am not.”
“Mo—”
“I SAID I AM NOT MAD! CAN’T YOU TAKE A CLUE? HINDI AKO GALIT, OKAY! WHY SHOULD I BE
MAD? WALA NAMANG DAHILAN, DI BA? WHY? JUST BECAUSE YOU PROMISED ME TAPOS HINDI MO
NAMAN TUTUPARIN, IBIG SABIHIN DAPAT NA AKONG MAGALIT? HINDI NAMAN YATA TAMA ‘YUN,
DI BA?”
“Babe, sorry... I’ll make it up to you.”
“Tama lang ‘yan! Girlfriend mo pa ba ako, Chance?! Kung puro ka trabaho, ‘wag ka ng
mag girlfriend!” I fumed. “Ugh! ‘Wag mong pakinggan ‘yung mga sinasabi ko! I am
just mad because I love you and you’re not here!”
And then there was silence.
Oh f-uck.
Did I just—
“You love me?”
I didn’t answer. I can’t speak. My whole system was in panic.
“Monique?” he called for my name.
My lips were trembling and my hands felt cold. My eyes were tearing up.
“I—I was just—” I said but I was cut off.
“Chance! Dad’s looking for you!”
Just when I heard that, a tear fell from my eye.
“Was that Nathalia?” I said, my lips trembling with anger.
“Monique, I could explain.”

“Thank you, Chance. Thank you so much for ruining my birthday.”
I didn’t wait for him. I ended the call.
=================
-27-
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Aray ko naman! Umayos ka nga, Lourd!” I said as I struggled to get him out of his
car. After a long and depressing drive (and after a lot of stop over because he
needed to puke), I managed to reach their house.
I would admit that I was nervous at first. Aba malay ko ba kung nandiyan ‘yung
tatay niya. He hated me! Wala pa nga akong ginagawa sa kanya, ayaw niya na agad sa
akin. Such a weird and complex life I had. But after confirming from their guard na
wala siya, I felt at ease. Hah! Masyado akong kinakabahan sa tatay ni Lourd.
Their maids came to my rescue and tried to help me get their boss out of the car.
“Don’t touch me!” he said to the maids. It was actually incoherent, ewan ko ba sa
sarili ko bakit ko naiintindihan ang mga sinasabi ni Lourd.
Ugh! Ang brat talaga nito! Hawiin ba naman yung mga katulong nila!
I smiled at the maid and instead, said, “Ako na ang bahala.”
Kinuha ko si Lourd mula sa kamay ng katulong nila and placed his weight against my
shoulders. Ayaw magpatulong, akala ba niya magaan lang siya?
Hirap na hirap akong ipasok siya sa loob and add the fact that their house has this
staircase! Feeling ba nila nasa fairy tale sila?! Bakit may staircase! Paano ako
aakyat diyan?! Hahatakin ko ba siya, or what?! Ano ba namang birthday ‘to!
“You’ll pay for me once na madala kita sa kwarto mo,” I uttered over and over again
until I reached the end of their freaking staircase. Buti na lang walang ganito sa
bahay namin! Pahirapan umakyat!
I slapped his face gently and asked, “Where’s your room?” Ang dami kasing kwarto
dito sa second floor and I had no idea where to put his drunken ass in.
He pointed at the door on the father left. Oh. So, ‘yun pala ang kwarto ni Lourd.
Kinaladkad ko ulit siya papasok sa kwarto niya and when we got in there, I laid him
on his bed. Hah. So this is his room... Okay naman pala. I was half expecting to
see posters of naked women on his wall and a rack full of p-ornographic videos. Can
anyone blame me? He’s Lourd, after all.
“I did my part. Good night, Lourd,” I said as I arranged myself, readying to go

back and party. I received a message from Trisha, Cass, James, and basically
everyone who’s attending my party. Kanina pa nila ako hinahanap. I checked my watch
and true enough, it’s already 11pm. Medyo natagalan yata ang paghahatid ko kay
Lourd. Medyo huminto rin kasi ako kanina. I needed all the air I could breathe. I
was too pissed to drive and God knows maibabangga ko ang sasakyan ni Lourd sa
sobrang sama ng loob ko sa kapatid niya!
Just by thinking na magkasama si Chance at Nathalia, kumukulo na ang dugo ko! Baka
masampal ko si Chance sa sobrang sama ng loob kapag nagkita kami! And that blonde!
Wala ba siyang ibang makitang lalaki?! I was pretty sure any guy would have her in
a blink of an eye! Bakit ba kay Chance pa siya dikit ng dikit!
As I was about to walk away, Lourd grabbed my hand. He didn’t say a thing; he just
held my hand and sat on the bed.
“What?” I asked him.
He raised his hand, signalling for me to wait. And so I did, tumayo ako dun,
waiting for him to regain whatever consciousness he still had left inside him.
It took him a few seconds before he managed to utter a decent response.
“San ka pupunta?” he asked, his voice rough.
“Back to the hotel. Why?”
He nodded and then he put his left hand on his face. Mukhang sumakit ang ulo niya.
Sino ba naman kasi ang nagsabi na maglasing siya ng sobra? Papaano na lang kung
wala ako? Paano na lang kung isa sa mga baliw na member ng Lourd’s harem ang
nakakita sa kanya dun? E di narape pa siya! Tsk.
“How much did you drink?” tanong ko sa kanya. He reeked of alcohol.
His eyes were weary. Mukhang pagod na pagod na siya. “Five? Six? I don’t know...”
he mumbled.
Umiling na lang ako and let my eyes wandered around his room. It was a guy’s room.
Navy blue’s the main color, mayroong konting white furniture but nothing too fancy.
Minimalist ang dating ng kwarto ni Lourd.
“Magpalit ka na ng damit. Natapunan ka ng alcohol kanina,” I suggested.
Tinuro niya ‘yung mukhang walk-in closet and said, “Can you get a shirt for me? My
head is pounding.”
At dahil mukhang totoo naman na sumasakit ang ulo niya, I agreed and went to his
closet and grabbed the first shirt I got. Bumalik ako at iniabot sa kanya ‘yung
shirt niya.
“What happened?” I asked as I was facing the wall, nagbibihis kasi siya. Ayokong
humarap. After all, he’s a guy. At kahit anong gawin ko, may boyfriend ako. Kahit
saang anggulo ko tignan, mali.
“I’d rather not talk about it,” he said, dismissing the possibility of us talking
about it. Hindi ko na siya pinilit. It was his story to tell, not mine. Kapag
siguro handa na siya, sasabihin niya naman sa akin. So for now, I just had to
respect and give him the space and understanding that he was asking. “What time is
it?” he asked.
I checked my watch. “11:10. Bakit?”
Tumango tango siya and then tried to stand up. Bago siya naglakad, huminga muna
siya ng malalim. Now, I really was curious. Ano ba ang ininom nitong si Lourd at
sobrang tindi naman yata ng tama niya? As far as I was concerned, he’s a licensed
drinker. Or perhaps it was the broken heart that made everything bitter.
“Here,” he said as he gave me a small box.
“What is this?” I said, asking the obvious. Alam ko naman na regalo ‘to but why did
I have this icky feeling that I shouldn’t be receiving this gift?
He did show me that cheeky grin. Medyo namumungay pa ‘yung mata ni Lourd. Medyo
kakagising nga lang pala niya. He was wearing a low hanging pants and a white v-
neck shirt... and he was barefoot.
“Gift. I know it’s not yet your birthday but I can’t wait to give it to you. Sana
magustuhan mo,” he said and then smiled.
I just shook my head in awe. Minsan, mahiyain talaga si Lourd.
Opening the little box, I didn’t manage to hide the smile on my face. Inside the
box was a silver anklet with my name hanging. It was beautiful.
Ngumiti ako. “Thank you, Lourd!” I said. “It’s pretty!”

Naupo siya sa gilid ng kama niya and said, “Thank god you liked it.”
I continued to smile but inside, I was bothered. Ano ba ang nangyari? Bakit siya
naglasing? Bakit siya malungkot? I thought everything was going on well... He said
the ship was sailing smoothly. And then this.
I sat beside him. “Lourd, you know you can talk to me,” I said, having the back of
my hand touching his cheek.
Slowly, he removed my hand from his face. “Don’t,” he said. “Just don’t.”
“Lourd...”
Nakayuko siya and tears were falling from his eyes. D-amn it, Laura! You did it
again! Sinaktan mo na naman siya!
“Happy birthday, Monique. Go to your party. Sige na,” he pushed me away with his
words.
Hindi ako nakinig. Instead of leaving like he asked me to, I kneeled in front of
him and looked at his tear-stained face. Hinawakan ko ‘yung magkabilang pisngi niya
and cooed, “Lourd, talk to me. Nandito lang ako, ‘di ba?”
I urged him to talk but he didn’t. I was there, kneeling and holding his face
between the palm of my hands. He wasn’t crying but those few tears he shed were
enough to make me stay.
“Lourd...” I continued calling his name.
“Monique,” he said. “Leave.”
“Lourd naman...”
“Leave until I’m permitting you to leave.”
I was stunned for a moment. Nag iba ang pakiramdam ko. It used to be cold inside
his room but now, I was sweating. And my fingers were shaking. Suddenly, all was
tensed up.
“Lourd...” it was all I managed to say.
He was still looking down, his tears falling and falling and I could do nothing but
to stand there, unable to do anything at all.
“Lourd, Lourd, Lourd!” he suddenly exclaimed. Itinaas niya ang tingin niya at
tumayo. I saw his face. He was broken... He was seething mad. “Stop f-ucking
calling my name, will you?!”
Napaatras ako sa lakas ng boses niya. He was shouting at me. He was angry and
furious and mad.
“First it was you and then I turned to Laura and then she dumped me and then there
was you again! Palagi ka na lang nandyan but goddamnit! I can’t have you, Monique!
You’re so near yet so f-ucking far! Lourd Lourd Lourd. You keep on calling my
damned name but what? At the end of the day, you’re still with my brother!”
Hindi ako makapagsalita. Parang tinakasan ako ng boses ko. Hindi ko maramdaman ang
katawan ko. It was all new to me. This feeling. This... all of these...
“L-lourd...” I managed to say.
His eyes were shooting daggers at me. He was beyond mad. Natatakot na ako.
He took a step closer. “Stop calling my name,” he whispered. Pero para akong bata
na walang narinig... I called his name again. “I SAID STOP CALLING MY NAME!”
Bigla na lang akong naiyak. Hindi ko na kaya. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.
Tears were falling like a stream on my face. It was a moment that would be forever
etched in my memory. Those dark orbs piercing right through me. It was hurting and
devastating.
With trembling hands, I tried to reach for his face but I wasn’t able to do it
because he caught my hand and pulled me in.
“Do you know how hard I tried, Monique?” he asked me, his voice very low...
Napailing na lang ako. It was the best I could do.
“When you’re near, I have to back down. When you’re talking to me, I have to shut
up. When you’re smiling at me, I have to walk away. Do you know what a f-ucking
torture is?! That! All that I had to endure because I f-ucking like you!”
Napaatras ako ng napaatras hanggang sa makarating ako sa dulo. I was trapped. Damn
it.
“I always have to walk away, Monique. Walk away every single time because I’m this
close,” he said and then showed me his fingers. “I am this close to stealing you
away from my brother.”
I was silent. I have never been this silent in my life. Just now. Just this once.
“Don’t...” I whispered.
Nakatingin siya sa akin. His lips were trembling from all the uncontrolled anger.
“Don’t what, Monique?”
Unti unti pang tumulo ang luha ko. No. Hindi. Ayoko. This can’t be happening.
Ayoko.
“Don’t... ‘Wag. I love your brother, Lourd...” I muttered.
He harshly put both his arms, trapping me in between.
“And I f-ucking like you. I really, really like you, Monique. What are you gonna do
with me?”
Pilit kong tinanggal ‘yung kamay niya. I was still crying. It was all that I could
do.
“Wala,” I whispered inaudibly. “Let me go, Lourd. I have a party to attend to,”
sabi ko ng hinang hina. Pagod na pagod na ako. I just wanted for this day to end.
Pinilit kong makaalis at ng nagawa ko, bigla niya naman akong hinawakan.
“Just this once, Monique.”
“Shut it, Lourd. Nothing you can say could ever change my mind.”
Hinila niya ako hanggang sa magkalapit na ang mukha namin. I could feel his hot
breath on my face, his heart beating against mine. Damn it! Bakit mo ba ako
pinapahirapan?!
“Just say yes, Monique. Just say yes and for the first time in my existence, I’ll
forget about my rules. I’ll forget about my brother.”
With what he said, I cried. I cried because I didn’t know what to do. Ang sakit
sakit na.
“I just want you, Monique Aldea. I want you. Everything else is just fatal
casualty.”
=================
-28-
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I turned my back on him.
And I started walking away.
“Monique...” he said, his voice icy cold. I could feel the intensity of his tone.
Was he angry? Mad? Shouldn’t I be the one feeling all those awful emotions? Hindi
ba dapat ako ang magalit sa kanya? He was stealing me away! Ayoko. Ayokong mapunta
sa kanya. I just... I just can’t risk it.
Not with Chance.
And definitely not with Lourd.
My hand was already on the knob. Bubuksan ko na. Lalabas na ako.
“Monique.”
“Lourd, save your breath. Ayoko, alright. I won’t cheat on Chance... certainly not
with you,” I said. I felt a stabbing pain inside my chest. It hurt doing this to
Lourd. I saw him bleeding because of Laura and I was doing just the same... I
didn’t want to but I had to. He kept on loving the wrong woman. Laura wasn’t the
one for him... and I wasn’t neither.
Hindi ba siya pwedeng magmahal ng babae na mamahalin din siya? Can’t he love
someone who can be his without any complications? Love is supposed to make you
happy, to bring bliss to your life. Not like this. Not with all the pain, drama,
and hurting.
Binuksan ko na ‘yung pinto and took my very first step outside his room.
“You think I would give you up like this?”

“I’m not yours to begin with, Lourd. Wala kang igigive up in the first place.”
He smirked at my response. Bigla akong kinabahan. Hindi ko nagustuhan ang balak

gawin ni Lourd.
He started walking towards me. Gusto kong lumayo but my feet felt like they were
glued on the floor. I can’t move, I can’t even flinch when he touched my face and
held it close to his.
“Then I will make you mine, Monique. Araw araw kitang guguluhin hanggang sa ikaw na
mismo ang magsawa at kusang bumigay sa akin. I am one very persistent man, Aldea.
Sasanayin kita na nasa tabi mo ako araw araw hanggang sa ikaw na ang mismong
maghanap sa akin.”
“No...” escaped from my mouth. “No, you can’t do this to me.”
He began caressing my face and smiled. I hated him right at this moment.
“This is me being bad. And I’ll see to it that you’ll love me being bad.” And then
he leaned in and kissed me on my forehead.
I slapped him and threw him one angry look and ran away.
That f-ucking bastard!

Bumalik ako sa part ko and the very first thing that I did is order alcohol. The
bartender was beating around the bush, wanting to ask me why the hell I was
attempting to get drunk. Nung tinanong niya ako kung ano ang gusto ko, I just said
to give me whatever can make my freaking problems go away.
Gusto ko lang makalimot. I wasn’t running away... Just for this night, gusto ko
lang maging masaya. Tomorrow, I would wake up with all these problems ruling my
world. Just give me this night.
“Baliw, that’s your third shot in a row. Gusto mo bang malasing?” James sat down
beside me and faced me.
I simply nodded, after all, that was the dream.
“Trouble in paradise?”
I just rolled my eyes and drank my fourth shot. My vision was becoming blurry but I
still had it in me. Hindi naman ako madaling malasing... just I have less troubles
when I got drunk. Maybe it was the Dutch courage but what the hell I feel much
better when I’m drunk. All my pretentions and problems fly away whenever I’m
intoxicated.
“Come on, Monique. I’m your favorite cousin, right? Kwentuhan mo naman ako,” he
urged me.
“Not a chance in freezing hell, James. Daig mo pa ang babae sa sobrang daldal mo,”
I replied.
He faked a hurt and clutched his hand on his chest. Ang daming arte. Bading yata
‘tong pinsan ko, eh.
“Ano nga?” he continued despite my previous statement that I wouldn’t talk about my
issues. “Chance? Lourd? Problem? LQ? Breakup? What?”
I tried to stand up but I guess even gravity had its issue with me. But I kept on
walking, defying gravity even though it was useless. In the end, napaupo na lang
ako dun sa couch and James followed me.
He sat beside me and then patted my head.
“I saw this day coming,” he began talking. “Sabi naman sa’yo ‘wag dun sa magkapatid
na ‘yun, eh. Kulit mo kasi, ayan tuloy...” he said and then brushed my hair through
his fingers.
My eyes started feeling watery and a tear escaped from my eye. Stupid tear. Sabi na
nga wag kang babagsak, e. You’ve had too much for this night alone. It’s your
birthday so please be happy kahit ngayon lang.
“Please let’s not talk about this, James. Pagod ako,” I reasoned out. He nodded and
then smiled at me.
He said, “Alright, ako ang bahala sa’yo ngayon. Be drunk and wasted, I’ll watch
over you.”
I smiled at him. I seriously got the best cousin I could ever have. Sinunod ko
‘yung sinabi niya, I drank my ass out. After ordering shots of tequila, dumating si
Cass at Trisha mula sa labas and then we began drinking. Ni hindi ko na nga maalala
kung ilan ang nainom namin. I lost count but I didn’t care. Like what James said, I
should just enjoy this night and let tomorrow be d-amned.
“Since we’re all being drunk and everything,” Trisha said in a very drunken manner.
She was raising her shot glass and swaying left and right. Goddamnit! Nakakailang
shot na ako pero hindi pa rin ako nalalasing. I wanted to be drunk and crazy. Not
drunk... and still sane. “Cassandra!” she shouted. “I heard you’re dating the
chinito guy from Engineering. Naka move on ka na ba kay Chance finally?” Trish
asked without any preamble.
My eyes went wide upon hearing her crazy question. We both knew she shouldn’t ask
that! It was a sore spot.
Natahimik ako and pretended that I was too drunk to care. Ugh! Bakit ba kasi kasing
taas ng puno ng buko ang alcohol tolerance ko?!
Biglang napatigil sa paginom si Cass at tumingin kay Trisha as if asking her if she
was serious. But then Trisha pushed her to answer...
“What difference would it make?” Cass said. “He’s dating Monique, ‘di ba? Wala
naman akong choice kung hindi mag move one,” she continued and then drank the shot
in one gulp. “I’ll just dance. Balik ako mamaya.”
She walked to the center of the dance floor and left us in awe. Bumaling ako ng
tingin kay Trisha and she was just smiling like an idiot. I still had no idea if
she’s really drunk or if she’s faking it.
“There, problem solved,” she beamed. “Don’t glare at me, babe. Tinutulungan lang
kita, see? Ang dami mong problema jan kay Chance. Kung kay Lourd ka mas easy ang
buhay,” she said and then took the shot.
I raised my middle finger and then she just threw her head back and laughed at my
pissed face.
There was a sea of people in the middle of the dance floor but I still managed to
see Cass. Nagulat siya nung nakita niya ako but she still smiled at me.
D-amn it. Nakokonsensya na naman ako.
Bakit ba kasi may konsensya pa ako? Ayoko nito. ‘Yung mga bagay na gusto ko na
gusto rin ng kaibigan ko, pakiramdam ko kailangan kong isuko. Ang unfair. Sobrang
unfair.
“Can we talk?” I mouthed as Iggy Azalea’s Fancy mashed up was blasting through the
speakers.
She was hesitating at first but she agreed anyways. Naglakad kami palabas hanggang
makarating kami sa labas ng bar. Naglalakad kami palabas ng hotel papunta sa
fountain sa may likuran. Mabuti na lang at madaling araw na din kaya wala ng tao.
“Cass...” I began. “Are you really alright with the setup? I’m your friend first
before I became his girlfriend. Kausapin mo naman ako...”
She smiled at me. “No, I’m not alright.”
I cannot find the right words to say. It was the first time we addressed this
issue.
Tears began falling down her cheeks and it pained me to watch her cry. She’s almost
my sister. Hindi ko akalain na lalaki pa ang magiging dahilan para magkaganito
kami.
“Monique, I told you I’m in love with him. Sinabi ko, ‘di ba? Umiyak pa nga ako sa
harap mo. But I guess that wasn’t enough for you. You still dated him. I’m your
friend, right?” she asked and then wiped her tear-stained face. “Wala rin pa lang
kaibi-kaibigan pagdating sa lalaki.” She looked up the sky and then smiled. “But I
won’t hold it against you. Hindi ako galit kasi ayokong magalit ng dahil lang sa
lalaki.”
“But Monique? I expected better from you... and you failed me.”
Iniwan niya ako dun and I can’t even move. What she said pierced to through my
heart. Sobrang nasaktan ako sa sinabi ni Cassandra... Ayoko rin naman. Ayoko ng
lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon. Everything was just damn too complicated.
I stared at my phone and cried even more. Ni hindi man lang nagtext si Chance.
Hindi niya na ba ako mahal? Talaga bang si Nathalia ang gusto niya?
I dialled his phone but he wasn’t answering.

Once.
Twice.
Thrice.
Paulit ulit ko siyang tinatawagan pero ayaw niyang sumagot. Hindi ko rin alam kung
bakit ko ‘to ginagawa... Para akong tanga umiiyak sa gitna ng kawalan, tumatawag sa
taong ayaw naman akong kausapin.
When I’ve had enough, I composed a quick text. Alam kong pagsisisihan ko ‘to pero
hindi ko na alam.
Tonight, everything was too f-ucked up. I didn’t care anymore.
‘I’m giving you 5 minutes, Chance. Pickup my call or I’ll do something we will both
regret.’
I sat down on the grass and stared at my phone like some lunatic. My whole life
depended on that single text. Please, Chance, sumagot ka. I can’t think straight
tonight. Naghalo halo na lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Galit ako, nasaktan ako,
nalilito ako. I wasn’t about to make any rational decision so please save me from
myself.
Tears fell when he didn’t even reply.

First love never dies. Lahat na ginawa ko pero Nathalia pa rin. Ayoko na.
With trembling hands, I dialled Lourd’s number.
“Monique...” he said.
=================
-29-
Chapter Twenty-Nine
My breathing hitched as I heard his voice. He was waiting for me to speak up but I
felt like my voice left my throat and flew out the window.
“Where are you?” I asked as I wiped the tears off my cheek.
He stopped and I could feel him smirking from the other line. Ang funny lang ng
buhay ko. Kanina, pinapaalis ko siya pero ngayon, ako rin ang bumalik. Bakit ganon?
Ang weird. Ang funny. Ang sakit.
“Where you want me to be,” he breathed. “Where are you, Monique? Pupuntahan kita.”
Those words. Those words. ‘Yun lang naman ang gusto ko mula kay Chance... ‘yung
nandyan siya kapag kailangan ko. ‘Yung isang tawag ko lang sasagot na. ‘Yung hindi
ako pinapaasa sa wala. I just want an ordinary love life. I want flowers and
unicorns. But I guess even those two were hard to achieve.
“I need you...” I cried.
I was as low as I could ever be. My dignity was lost at this moment. Hindi ko na
alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin na ‘yun. Right now, I just wanted for this pain to
end... it was excruciating how this hurt too bad.
He asked me and I felt panic in his voice. Buti pa si Lourd nag aalala sa akin...
Bakit hindi kayang gawin ni Chance ‘yun? Was it really that hard to care for me?
Lahat naman ginawa ko para maging mabuting girlfriend pero lahat na lang hindi
sapat. Kahit anong gawin ko, hindi sapat.
“Nasan ka?” his voice was sharp as a knife. “Ano ba?! Answer me, Monique! Nasan
ka?”
I can’t even utter a decent sentence because I gave it all up. I was crying damn
hard. It wasn’t just about me or Chance. Naghalo halo na lahat ng nararamdaman ko.
I felt like a bad person. Ang sama sama kong kaibigan kay Cassandra... Ni hindi ko
naisip na magagawa ko ‘to kahit kailan. Back then, fighting over a guy was the
craziest idea for me. It was just too shallow and I was never the shallow kind of
person... until I met him.
All my beliefs changed when I met him. Tama pa ba na mahalin ko si Chance when all
I ever did is change myself for him?
This wasn’t love. If this was love, it wouldn’t hurt this bad. I wouldn’t change
myself just to please him.
“P-puntahan na lang kita,” I said between my sobs.
He sighed in the other line. “Listen to me, woman. Where the hell are you?”
I didn’t answer. Even speaking was hard. I was crying really hard. Maalala ko pa
lang ‘yung sinabi sa akin ni Cassandra, naiiyak na ako. She was my almost sister
and I did hurt her... Ano na ba ang nangyayari sa akin...
There were noises from his line and I heard keys fumbling.
“I’m in my car. Where the hell are you, Aldea?”
“Pupuntahan kita jan. I’ll drive carefully, I promise.”
“Now, you don’t want me mad, Monique. Tell me where in this f-ucking land are you
and I’ll pick you up.”
In the end, he gave up. I was very persistent. In a few minutes, nakarating na ako
sa bahay nila. I was outside my car hugging myself. It was already 4 in the morning
and the cold wind was brushing against my skin. Lumabas siya sa bahay nila and
immediately made me wear his leather jacket.
“You’re freezing,” he said as he was leading me inside their house. As it was such
an ungodly hour, no one was around. Pagpasok namin, he turned the heater on and
made me sit on their sofa. “What happened?”
Hindi ako nakapagsalita. I just stared at him and then I did the unexpected.
I grabbed him and kissed him. And his lips felt warm against my lips.
‘Monique, you’re doing the wrong thing,’ my mind said. Pero wala na akong pakielam.
I did the right thing and all I got was a broken heart. F-uck doing good.
I felt Lourd stiffened but he didn’t stop me. He was evil. Kahit alam niya na mali
ang ginagawa ko, hindi niya ako pinipigilan. He was really willing to play bad just
to get me. And what was I doing exactly? I was helping him with his evil plans.
Time stood still as our lips moved together, making me forget how wrong this thing
was. His soft, warm lips tasted like mint and I just can’t stop myself from kissing
this man. I could feel him smirking which made my heart throb.
I was cheating on Chance.
I didn’t quite feel good about it.
Why was I cheating in the first place? Para makaganti? Para akong bata...
I pulled away, my forehead leaning against his. He cocked his head, making me
realize how this thing was wrong in so many levels.
I shook my head. “No, no,” I kept on repeating. “Sobrang mali nito...”
He pulled me close and had his hands on my face. Sobrang lapit niya sa akin. Kitang
kita ko ‘yung mga mata niya. His face was so close that just by mere moving, I
would be doing sin again. I would be kissing this evil man yet again.
“There’s nothing bad with kissing the man who’s crazy for you,” he breathed.
Dear god! Bakit mo ba ako pinapahirapan?
I tried to push him away.
“No, Lourd. Please ‘wag mo akong hayaan na magkamali. Not you...” I pleaded. “Not
with his brother...”
I promised Chance over and over again that I wouldn’t hurt him. Ayoko. I saw him
hurting. Nathalia hurt him and crushed him into tiny little pieces and I was there
to pick up those fragments... And now wasn’t I doing just exactly the same only
that this time, the blow would be worse.
His girlfriend and his brother.

God! Pakiramdam ko nasa teleserye ako!
Lourd hand was caressing my face and his other hand was on my arm, stroking it in a
way I haven’t even dared imagine. He was looking at me with such intensity that it
was scaring me.
What have I done? Lahat sila sinabi sa akin na ‘wag akong pumasok sa buhay ng
magkapatid but I did the otherwise. Pumasok ako. At ngayon heto ako, nahihirapan.
Maybe I deserved all of these shit.
“Monique, if anyone in this house would be hurting more, it would be me. I’m his f-
ucking brother,” he said and his face moved a bit closer. God, I could see those
brown eyes piercing through my humanity, my last piece of dignity.
My breathing was uneven and my brain was in panic. Hindi ko na talaga alam. Wala na
akong alam.
“Lourd, we would destroy him if we continue this...” I said, gathering all that’s
left within me.
He planted a kiss on my lips and stared at me once again.
“You own us both, Monique. You’re ought to destroy one of us. But I’m not going to
be destroyed without a fight. Not after you kissed me. No, not after that.”
And then the hands of time stopped as our lips moved together as one once again.
His lips were so soft and urgent, trying to express all those wrong feelings he had
for me.
This felt so wrong but god I can’t stop.
His mouth tasted so minty and I was lost. He gazed at me through those orbs, and
then he pulled away from the kiss and then he uttered, “Mine.” And then he slammed
his lips against mine. Before was slow but this kiss was different... It was urgent
and needing... He was kissing me as if tomorrow wasn’t bound to happen. His lips
moving against mine determined to make me lost any piece of sanity I had within me.
“Lourd...” I kept on chanting.
He was down kissing my neck when he said, “Yes, Monique?”
“I can’t,” I panted.
No, Monique Aldea. You love Chance. Mahal mo si Chance. Don’t do this to him. Maybe
he has his reason. Don’t do anything rashly.
But he didn’t listen. He kissed me again. Oh, God. Don’t test my limits, Lourd.
Konting konti na lang. I closed my eyes and bit my lips hard enough that I tasted
the metallic taste of blood on my tongue.
“Don’t test my patience, Monique. At this time of the day, I might just call my
brother and ask him to break up with you. I f-ucking like you and lying to my
brother isn’t exactly my strongest suit. In case you haven’t noticed, he’s my twin
brother,” he said and then tucked strands of my hair behind my ear. “But you’re
Monique Aldea and that makes everything complicated.”
And with those words, I finally gave in. I kissed him back with all that I can
offer, nibbling his lips and sliding my hands inside his shirt.
Oh d-amn conscience.
He ran his fingertips up my forearm, leaving a trail of goose bumps blooming in

their wake. He brought his hand up to cup my cheek, his thumb running along the
curve of my cheekbone. I nestled into his hand, feeling his warmth seep into mine.
We were kissing and then we got into his room. Hindi ko alam kung papaano kami
napunta dito but I can’t even think straight. All I knew was just after that earth
shattering kiss, he carried me and kissed me until we got in his room.
I was on his bed when I felt my phone vibrate.
‘Babe, I just got off the plane. I took the earliest available flight. Where are
you?’
I was staring at it and then a tear fell from my eye.

-
[AN: If it's not too much do include HTBWTBB in your tweets for it makes Eydee
happy just by reading them. Haha!]
=================
-30-
Chapter Thirty
As I was busy trying to condemn myself for all the bad things that I have done,
Lourd emerged from the bathroom. He was wiping his face with a towel and then he
sat beside me.
I flinched at the touch of his hands against my skin.
God, this was so wrong. Bakit ko hinayaan na dumating kami dito?
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he said as he placed his hand on my arm.
Gusto kong umiyak at tumakbo palabas. I shouldn’t have done this! I kissed him and
opened a portal and let the devil come out. I pushed myself into the endless pit of
d-amnation.
Instinctively, I stood up and tried to breathe normally. Any minute, my phone would
ring and I’d have to talk to my boyfriend. This wasn’t part of the plan. Tonight, I
just wanted to get drunk and hate my boyfriend but hurting him wasn’t included...
I swear I may be a bad person but hurting Chance was the last thing I would do. I
was crazy for the guy.
“I’m leaving,” I said to him.
“What? You just got here,” he replied and stood up to face me, towering me. “You
can’t drive at that state, Monique. You’ll just get yourself in an accident.”
Staying here would be more dangerous for me.
Just by looking at him, nababaliw na ako. I didn’t think I could stand being around
Lourd anymore. Sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, palagi ko na lang maaalala ‘tong ginawa
namin. Itong panloloko namin kay Chance. I was so stupid!
I arranged myself and calmed myself down, as well. “I’m going.” My voice was hoarse
from all the crying I did. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe I deserved all these mess.
Nagsimula na akong maglakad papunta sa pinto pero hinawakan ni Lourd ‘yong braso
ko.
“Monique,” he said. Ayan na naman. Tuwi na lang naririnig kong tawagin niya ako,
humihinto ‘yung mundo ko. “How many times do I have to tell you that this time,
there’s no backing down? I would get you no matter how hard you try to run from
me,” he said as he was tucking strands of my hair behind my ear, sending chills
down my spine. “Stop trying. Mapapagod ka lang.”
Hinawi ko ‘yung kamay niya mula sa mukha ko. No, Monique. This time, you need to be
strong. Don’t let the devil play games with you.
“I would keep running from you, Lourd. I would never be yours,” I spat out and
stared at him with utmost hatred. He made me do it. He pushed me. How could have I
not seen that?
He smiled at me but it was ruthless. How can someone make such a thing heartless?
He leaned in and whispered in my ears, “Haven’t you met me yet, Monique? I’m Lourd
and I always play dirty to get who I want.”
With that, I pushed him and ran away. Monique, ang tanga tanga tanga mo!
I was busy walking down the stairs when my phone rang. It was Chance and so my
heart froze. Hindi ko agad sinagot ang tawag niya at nagmadali akong pumunta sa
loob ng sasakyan ko. My hands were shaking as I started the engine and my heart was
beating wildly inside my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I did the most
horrible thing ever. I cheated on my boyfriend when he did nothing to hurt me...
When I was relatively far from their house, I stopped the car. It was already 5 in
the morning but I was still up yet—and crying at that. I searched for a bottled
water and drank it all. Damn it I needed to calm myself down.
Naghintay ako ng ilang minuto bago ko sinagot ang tawag ni Chance. He was calling
me and calling me... Maybe he finally read that text...
But baby, it’s too late. I already kissed the devil.
“H-hello...” I managed to say.
I heard a deep breath from the other line. “Thank god you finally picked up the
call,” he began. “Nasan ka na?”
“I’m in a club,” I lied.
I used to roll my eyes when people say what you don’t know won’t hurt you. Hindi
nga ‘di ba mas okay ‘yung hurt me with the truth but never comfort me with lies?
That used to keep me running. But tonight? What’s at stake changed me. I’m sorry,
Chance, but I would have to lie to you. I just can’t lose you.
“Alright. Where? Pupuntahan kita.”
I told him the address and then drove there as quickly as I could. When I arrived
there, all the guests were gone. Ako na lang ang natitira. But I still went to the
bar and got myself a glass of rhum. I really needed this drink.
After finishing my third glass, Chance arrived. He was wearing white long sleeves
with his sleeves folded up to the middle of his arm. He looked like he came from
work... all because of me... and all I did in return is to cheat on him with his
brother no less.
He was there standing with a bouquet of pink roses in his hand.
People should really stone me to death.
As if we were on the movies, he walked toward me and then kissed me on my forehead

and greeted me a happy birthday.
“Happy birthday,” he said as his forehead was resting against mine. “I’m sorry I’m
late—” and I cut him off by slamming my lips against his.
I just wanted to erase all the traces Lourd left. I shouldn’t have kissed him! Ano
ba ang pumasok sa utak ko at ginawa ko ‘yun?!
All these time I kept on reminding myself why it was Chance and not Lourd and just
because of one drunken mistake, I ruined it all.
But I tried to erase it all.
Baby, I’m sorry.

I can’t just lose you like this—not when I fought so hard to have you.
As I lay there in a daze of my own self-loathing, I felt a slight movement that

didn’t seem to distract me from my thoughts. But as soon as his lips touched mine I
was lost to the feel, the sensation, the electricity that shot through my body as
his lips lay upon mine, erasing all these guilt I had inside my heart.
I let myself get carried away with the kiss that I didn’t deserve. I kissed him
back with everything that I can although I shouldn’t have had.
And so I pulled away. I shouldn’t be kissing him when I had hurt him because of my
impulsiveness.
I can still remember the light pressure of those wonderful lips and the smell of
his skin as his hand grazes my cheek. I just stood there in shock as his lips left
mine.
“Why?” he said, his voice hoarse and needing.
Ngumiti ako sa kanya at hinawakan ‘yung mukha niya—yung mukha ng lalaking mahal ko.
Umiling ako at ngumiti sa kanya. “Nothing,” I said.
Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at inaya siya na maupo sa labas. Mabuti na lang at wala
pang masyadong tao. I needed all the peace I could get right now.
“I could explain,” he started. “I didn’t even know that she—”
He was about to explain when I cut him off. Hindi na siya dapat magpaliwanag. What
I did to him is far more hurtful. I should be the one apologizing...
“I’m fine, Chance. I was just overreacting... Hindi mo na kailangang mag explain,”
I said to him.
But he shook his head. “No, Monique. Listen to me,” he said and then held my hand.
Damn it mas lalo akong nagsisisi sa ginawa ko kapag ganito ka. “I was busy closing
a deal and I didn’t even know that she was there. I promised you, right?” he
whispered and looked at my eyes. “I promised you no lies. Ayoko ng nagsisinungaling
that’s why I don’t lie, Monique. Lies destroy relationship and I don’t want ours to
be destroyed,” he said and then cupped my face. “Do you hear me? I would never lie
to you, Monique. And I expect you to do the same.”
I smiled at him and let tears flow. “Of course, Chance, of course.”
Natapos ang buong birthday ko na magkasama kami. He took a leave from his work just
to spend a day with me. I did hear his father shouting from the other line,
probably berating Chance for leaving in the middle of a business deal.
And now my sins have grown.
I cheated on this amazing man.

That morning after my birthday, he took me to a nice restaurant and said he’d be
introducing me to someone. Nagulat ako nung makita ko si Nathalia at si Lourd na
naghihintay sa amin.
Napahinto ako sa paglalakad and so Chance looked at me with worried eyes.
“Something wrong?”
But of course I couldn’t say it. Not when Lourd’s smirking at me.
Dear heavens ano ba ‘tong gulong pinasok ko?
Chance wrapped his arm around me and lead the way. The moment we arrived, Nathalia
threw a bitter smile at me. This b-itch! Siya ang may kasalanan ng lahat! If only
she didn’t intervene, none of this would have happened!
“Monique,” she said.
And I replied, “Nathalia.” Even her name tasted bitter on my tongue.
Chance pulled the chair for me and I took a sit. I reached for the glass of water
and my hand was trembling because I was face to face with Lourd.
“Good morning, Monique,” he said. D-amn this evil!
“Good morning,” I tried to sound as casual as possible but my voice was just
trembling.
After ordering food, Chance turned at me and said, “Monique, babe, I know I told
you this the first time we met but I’d say it again.” And suddenly my throat turned
dry. “I forgive but I don’t forget... But because I want this relationship to work,
I fixed things with Nathalia.” The girl looked at me and gave me a bitter smile.
She was still in love with Chance but she can’t do anything about it.
Chance loves me.
Oh, my god. My sin just got bigger and bigger.
“He’s right, Monique. He said that we can only be friends because he already have
you,” Nathalia began. “You’re one lucky girl.”
I bit my lip and nodded.
“Yes, she’s damn lucky,” Lourd butted in. “She’s got everything she needed, sobra
pa nga.”
Chance smiled at that remark and then kissed me on the forehead and whispered, “I’m
glad things are finally working out.”
I really hope so.
=================
-31-
Chapter dedicated to Merrymeeeeee for being the only person who got exactly my
point! Her comment's superb! Anyhow, enjoy the update!
--
Chapter Thirty-One
These past few days were the hardest. Chance was so good to me, palagi niya akong
pinunpuntahan whenever he finds time which made me guiltier that I could ever be.
Simula ng natapos niya ‘yung business deal niya at umuwi siya sa Pilipinas, naka
focus na siya sa akin.
I should be happy but hell I can’t be.
“Last week na ng sembreak. Any plans?” Trisha opened up as she was busy digging in
her tub of Ben and Jerry’s courtesy of Chance. Ewan ko ba dito kay Chance, ako ang
girlfriend pero lahat ng kaibigan ko binibigyan niya ng pagkain. Even Cass. Yes, it
was really awkward pero si Chance parang wala lang. Sabagay, he never loved Cass
naman. Hindi lang talaga siya makatanggi dati.
Chance and I were cuddling on the sofa while watching a movie of my choice. Yup. I
always make the choice when we’re together. Ano ang kakainin, saan pupunta, anong
movie ang papanoorin. D-amn it why did I ever do that thing?
“We have a private pool and a rest house in Batangas. We could go there if you
want,” he said as he was busy kissing the top of my head.
“All expenses paid?” Trisha squealed.
Chance nodded.
“Yey! Alis na tayo this afternoon?” Trisha said. Sabik na sabik naman ‘tong Intsik
na ‘to! Kakagaling niya lang sa Bataan, ah?
I felt Chance move and then he said, “I can’t this afternoon. Gusto niyo mauna na
kayo? I’ll just follow tomorrow.”
“Cool!” Trisha exclaimed. “Iwan ko muna kayo jan, love birds. Aayusin ko lang gamit
ko,” she said and then bounced towards her room.
That girl, really. Kung sabihan ako na hiwalayan si Chance grabe then now she’s
enjoying Chance’s perks.
I held Chance’s face between my hands and kissed him chastely. “Thank you,” I
mumbled.
“For what?”
Hinding hindi ako magsasawa sa lalaking ‘to. He was just too damn perfect for me.
He’s the sweetest and the nicest. Palagi siyang gumagawa ng paraan kahit busy siya.
I liked him too d-amn much I was afraid of the things I could do just to keep him.
“For this, for everything...”
He smiled at me and leaned in. “You’re too dramatic, Monique.”
Natawa din ako. Ang drama ko nga. But I kissed him nonetheless. “But really, thank
you. You have no idea how happy I am.”
And that was the truth. I was cruel because despite of everything I did behind his
back, I was still happy. Basta nandito siya sa tabi ko, masaya ako.
That afternoon, we went to Batangas. Cass went with us even though it was a bit
awkward for me. But she did as she told me, she wasn’t angry or mad which made me
guiltier as ever. Bakit kasi hindi na lang siya sa mga napapanood ko sa tv? Mas
matatahimik ang kaluluwa ko kung sisigawan niya ako o sasampalin. But this? Mas
lalo akong nahihirapan.
I looked at her and she smiled at me. See? Guiltier than ever.
“Ladies, ang tahimik niyo yata?” James said as he was busy driving. Yes, he was our
designated driver. Tinawagan pala siya ni Chance nung umalis siya sa condo. He was
worried kasi puro kami babae na magsstay sa rest house nila. He was really sweet.
I rolled my eyes at him. Pa cool na naman siya palibhasa nandyan si Trisha. Kailan
ba matatatak sa isip nitong si James na hindi siya type ni Trisha?
“Shut up, James. Magconcentrate ka na lang sa pagddrive mo at tigilan mo kami,” I

said.
He shook his head. “Grabe. F1 car racer ako tapos ginagawa niyo lang akong driver?
Do you realize how lucky you girls are?”
Binato siya ni Trisha ng Ruffles. ‘Yan tuloy.
“Shut up, Tisoy,” sabi ni Trisha.
“Anything for you, Intsik.”
Ugh! Landian alert!
Natapos ‘yung byahe ng pilit nilalandi ni James si Trisha. Yup. One sided
relationship lang ang meron sila. I don’t know about that two. Trisha, I could
speak for her, she definitely will never like James. Positive. But James? Grabe.
Kulang na lang magtayo siya ng altar para kay Trisha. But it still baffles me up to
date since even though he liked Trisha, he kept on dating other harlots. Hmmm.
When we arrived at the rest house, Lourd was waiting for us.
S-hit.
“What took you so long? Kanina pa ako dito,” he said and then James went near him
and nag fist bump sila.
“Lourd, my man,” James said.
Ugh!
Lourd nodded his head at James and then looked at me. Napahinto ‘yung pagtingin
niya sa akin. “Monique,” he said, sending shivers through my body.
Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ngumiti na lang pabalik. Ayokong mahalata nila Trisha
na mayroong iba sa amin ni Lourd. No one should know about this. Hindi pwede. Not
now when everything’s finally working. Not now when Chance’s finally giving me time
and attention.
“What are you waiting for? Pasok na tayo! Ang init sa labas!” Trisha said and then
ran in kaya napasunod na lang din kami. Dali daling sumunod si James, being the
whipped boy that he was and then Cass, she followed in as well. Medyo naguguilty pa
rin ako kasi walang energy si Cass. She said she’s not mad but of course that was a
lie.
I was about to follow them in but Lourd pulled my arm.
I jerked at his touch. One week na siyang hindi nagpakita tapos babalik na naman
siya para guluhin ako?
“What?” I hissed.
Lumapit siya sa akin ng nakangit. “I missed you,” he said. Hindi ko alam kung
maiinis o magagalit ako. Ano ba ang pakiramdam niya? Laro lang ang lahat ng ‘to?!
I pushed him and slapped him. Napahawak siya sa pisngi niya.
“Ano ba, Lourd?! Why are you doing this to me?!” He wasn’t answering; instead, he
was looking intently at my eye. He’s lost it. “That thing that happened, it was a
mistake, alright? A drunken mistake so please let it go!” I shouted at him and then
walked pass him.
I was half running when he answered. I was frozen at my spot.
“Monique, how many times I pushed you away? How many times did I tell you to get
the hell away from me? Hindi ko na mabilang. But like a pest, balik ka ng balik.
Whatever I’m doing right now, you asked for this,” he said and then walked pass me,
leaving me hanging at his words.
Was he right? I bestowed this upon myself? But that was never my intent... I just
wanted to be his friend... not like this... Not with all the lies and deceptions...
Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal nakatayo sa labas bago ko nahanap ‘yung lakas
ng loob na pumasok. When I entered, they were all plopped down the sofa.
“Hey, babe! We’ll eat in a while,” Trisha chirped and I smiled as a response.
“We’ll just check the pool ni Cass, ha?”
Tumango ako at naiwan na naman ako sa sala kasama si James at Lourd. I sat on the
sofa nervously. Para kasing anytime, bigla na lang sasabog si Lourd at sasabihin
niya kung ano ang nangyari. Yeah, I know it was just a kiss but for heaven’s sake
it was Chance who was at risk. I knew him so well... Alam ko na sa oras na malaman
niya kung ano ang nangyari, iiwanan niya ako... He told me over and over again how
he doesn’t believe in second chances. Once you hurt him, there’s no do over. You
just have to live with the loss.
The telephone rang and Lourd answered it.
“Chance,” he said.
My body went numb at the sound of his name. I felt so paranoid whenever Chance and
Lourd were together. Ito na siguro ang parusa ko sa lahat ng kasalanan ko sa buhay.
The whole time they were talking, Lourd was looking at me. Those stares... those
stares would be the death of me.
“Si Monique?” he said and my world stopped revolving. I looked at him and bit my
lips. I was pleading at him. No, please, no. And then he smiled at me and said,
“Yeah, she’s here. Yeah yeah I got it. Alright see you tomorrow.”
Oh god! Ngayon lang ako kinabahan ng sobra sa isang phone call!
Gusto ko mang tumayo para makalayo kay Lourd, I can’t. My knees were wobbling in
fear. Takot na takot na ako. I have never felt fear in my whole life just today.
“I’m thirsty. May cola ba kayo sa ref niyo?” James asked Lourd. He nodded and then
James disappeared from my line of vision.
Ngayon, kami na lang ni Lourd ang naiwan dito. My heart was beating erratically
inside my chest and there were cold sweats forming on my head. Tears fell from my
eyes without me noticing. I was so afraid... “Lourd, please...” I begged and
begged. I never begged in my life. Just now. Just this day. Just for Chance.
Lourd stood up and sat beside me. His face turned soft and gentle.
“Monique, why are you doing this to me?” he said as he was looking at me. I saw
pain shot through his eyes. “I just want to be with you but you’re making me feel
like I’m a monster.”
But you were. You’re the devil.

“Lourd, please, don’t go there. You know I will never like you that way,” I
uttered.
I thought he would touch me but he didn’t. Naupo lang siya malapit sa akin and
looked at me with those sad eyes. “Try to at least like me, Monique. I swear you’ll
find something good in me if you’ll just try.”
Tears were continuously pouring. What had become of my life?
I couldn’t say anything against him. He had me hostage. I nodded and cried some
more.
He stood up. “Monique, I don’t like this as well but I’ve fought too far to back
down. Don’t make me the bad guy here because I never was. You made me do this.”
And then he left me. Was he right? Did I push him?
=================
-32-
Chapter Thirty-Two
That night, I took a plunge in the pool to relieve all my stress. There were just
too many stressors in my life that I felt like exploding soon enough. I swam and
swam until I felt tired. Umahon ako at naupo sa gilid ng pool and looked at my
phone.
Chance Lucas Sandoval. Who would’ve thought how one person can bring such happiness
and pain in my life?
With trembling hands and bothered conscience, I sent a text saying ‘Good night,
baby. See you tomorrow.’
Kinuha ko ‘yung tuwalya mula sa recliner at pinatuyo ko ‘yung katawan ko. After
seconds of useless attempt to fully dry myself, pumasok ako sa loob ng rest house
nila Chance. It was already 10 in the evening and before I dipped in the pool,
nakita ko na tulog na tulog na si Trisha probably dahil napagod siya sa byahe. I
have no idea about James since hindi ko pa siya nakikita simula nung natapos kaming
kumain kanina.
I took careful steps since medyo basa pa ako. I was thirsty, too, so I decided to
swing by the kitchen first. Maglalakad na sana ako papasok nung makita kong nag-
uusap si Cass at Lourd.
I automatically stopped on my tracks.
“Yeah, I went there last year,” Cass said while peeling an orange. Lourd, on the
other hand, was sitting on the stool on the kitchen island.
Lourd nodded. “Cool. There was a concert when you went. Nakanood ka?”
Cass beamed at him. “Yeah! Actually kaya talaga ako pumunta kasi may concert ‘yung
All Time Low there and ayokong manood ng concert sa Philippines kasi ang gulo ng
mga tao.”
I mentally rolled my eyes. Duh. Kaya nga concert, e. Sana kung ayaw mo ng magulo sa
prayer meeting ka pumunta.
Lourd nodded at her response and then later on smirked. “Interesting. I never took
you as someone na interesado sa bands.”
“Hey, that’s offensive!”
“You can’t blame me. You’re a girly girl, Cassandra.”
At the mention of her name, my heart throbbed. D-amn it ano ba ‘tong nararamdaman
ko.
Binato siya ni Cass ng pinagbalatan ng orange. “Just because I like to wear skirts
doesn’t mean I can’t listen to cool music.”
“I like your skirts,” Lourd commented. “The shorter, the better the view is.”
“Perv!”
Lourd just winked at her and then Cass threw her head back and laughed.
Tumalikod na ako. I didn’t like listening to them conversing and actually having
fun. God! Ano’ng nangyayari sa akin?! I shouldn’t be feeling this way. No.
Ugh!
Umakyat na ako sa kwarto ko at nagligo at nagpalit ng damit. I took my time because

I can’t be pissed off. I shouldn’t be pissed off. But let’s face it, was I jealous?
Bakit ba ang crappy ng mentality ko? Monique Aldea, Lourd wasn’t yours. Stop that—
whatever feelings you were having right now!
Naiinis ako.
Naiinis talaga ako.
I slumped on my bed feeling pissed as ever. But I shouldn’t so I closed my eyes and
listened to serene music. I should calm all these running angry horses inside my
head.
My phone vibrated and I read the text. It was from Chance.
‘Good night, baby. See you tomorrow.’

I smiled.
Yes, Monique. You already have the perfect guy. Don’t mess this one up.
But I really couldn’t sleep. I’ve been tossing and turning for quite some time now
when I decided to take a walk outside. Masarap maglakad rito dahil probinsya. Sa
Makati kasi ako lumaki kaya sa tuwing nagbabakasyon kami sa probinsya, naglalakad
ako. Breathing fresh air wasn’t a part of the package when you live in the urban.
I grabbed tied my hair in a bun and went for a walk. It was a particularly chilly
night.
“Oh,” was all that I was able to say when I stumbled upon Lourd. Nasa labas rin
siya but unlike me, he was smoking.
Nung makita niya ako, ibinaling niya ‘yung tingin niya sa akin. I guess he was
still annoyed with what I said earlier. Dahil na rin sa sinabi niya na ako ang
dahilan kung bakit siya nagkakaganyan, na lapit ako ng lapit, kahit na gusto ko
siyang kausapin, I chose not to. I walked passed him.
Medyo malayo na ang nalalakad ko ng maramdaman ko na may sumusunod sa akin. My

heart went wild. Hindi ko alam, okay! Paranoid akong tao! I’d rather be killed than
raped. Oh, god, sana hindi ‘to rapist because I swear I’ll stab myself first bago
niya ako pagsamantalahan! Kinabahan ako. Carefully, I made my strides faster when I
stepped in a shard of glass.
Oh, heavens! Bakit naman ngayon pa!

I tried to tune out the pain and went on even though I was limping.
Okay, kaya mo ‘yan, Monique!
I was trying to run when the man caught up with me. S-hit!
“Hey,” the voice said. And I felt relieved. Si Lourd lang pala!
I turned around and saw worry in his eyes. “Bakit ka ba tumatakbo?” he asked. I bit
my lips to prevent from yelping. My foot hurt. But I think he noticed because
before I could even blink my eyes, he was already on his knee, checking my injured
foot. “It’s bleeding,” he said.
I wasn’t afraid of the blood but I was afraid of this man in front of me.
“Ayos lang ako,” I lied even though it hurt like a b-itch. But he seemed to have
heard behind my lie and carried me on his back. “Lourd, ano ba,” I said.
“’Wag ka ngang maarte, Monique. You’re injured so just please give tonight a rest.”
Mukhang galit pa nga siya sa akin. I was mad, as well, but I just decided to let it
go for tonight.
He was carrying me on his back while we were walking back to the rest house. Medyo
malayo na rin pala ang nalakad ko kaya medyo matagal kaming naglalakad ni Lourd.
The silence was defeaning.
“B-bakit mo ako sinundan?” I cannot help but ask. Alam ko malayo na ang narating ko
sa paglalakad ko kanina. Hindi ko alam na sinundan pala ako ni Lourd.
His voice wasn’t the same as before. Ang daming nagbago. Before, he used to joke
around and he was the happy and carefree kind of person. I admired how laidback he
was but the instances changed him.
“It’s dangerous,” he said. “I can’t let you walk alone at night.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
I felt him smirk at my utterance. “You’re thanking the bad guy. That’s new.”
My body stiffened at the tone of his voice. Hindi ko na talaga maintindihan ‘yung
relasyon na meron kami ni Lourd. It was bad yet it was exciting. It has danger sign
all over it. It felt like Bonnie and Clyde.
“Sorry for lashing out at you earlier,” I finally said. Ayoko naman talaga sa mga
nangyayari. Lourd will always be my friend—at least that’s what I want. But these
days have proven that we can’t be. That it’s close to impossible. “Can we just
forget about that?”
My head was resting at the nook of his neck. His scent was just too d-amn hard to
resist. He smelled of mint and smoke. The smell of the bad boy.
His hands tightened around my legs. “You can’t just kiss a guy who likes you and
ask him to forget about it.”
“Not when he’s your friend...” I tried to pull all my reasons. It was a failure.
“Faulty logic. You kissed me. You opened my hellhole of what-ifs. Deal with the
repercussions.”
Natahimik ako sa sagot niya. He really won’t back down like what he said earlier. I
thought he loved his brother pero bakit niya ginagawa sa akin ‘to? Hindi ba niya
alam na sa ginagawa niya, sinasaktan niya si Chance? Kahit ako... kahit ako
nasasaktan niya...
We both love his brother but we were both hurting him. We’re both the bad guys
here.
“But still... sorry dahil nasampal kita kanina.”
“It’s alright. Hindi lang halata pero sanay akong nasasampal ng babae,” he said.
Hindi ko alam pero natawa ako.
This was good, right? The mood turned light all of a sudden. This was the very
reason why I kept on returning to Lourd, asking him to be my friend... I liked it
with him. No pretentions. Everything’s cool.
“You still haven’t talked about what happened with Laura...” I opened up. It was
still a mystery to me. Ano ba ang nangyari kay Laura? Bigla na lang nagbago si
Lourd.
I can’t believe him when he said he liked me... I saw it with my two eyes... He’s
in love with Laura. That’s why believing him was hard to do. Ano ako? Panakip
butas? Dahil wala na si Laura, ako na ulit?
“And I won’t,” he began. “That part of my life’s over.”
“You love her, Lourd.”
He stopped on his tracks and that rendered me nervous. “I stopped loving her when
she said I do. Monique, alam ko kung kailan ako susuko. Believe me. And that’s the
end of Laura.”
Hindi na ako nagsimula pang magsalita ulit. I was scared of the things I might ask
him. Lourd’s a mystery... Ang dami ko pang gustong malaman yet I can’t ask.
“What about Cass?” I asked him. “Do you like her?”
Nagpatuloy siya sa paglalakad habang buhat buhat ako. I could see the rest house
from where we were standing. We were nearing and approaching... As soon as we got
back there, we would again be friends. That’s who we were in front of our friends.
Friends who don’t talk. We’re worse than strangers.
“What?” he asked.
I bit my lower lip. “I saw you talking to her. Do you like her?”
“Are you seriously asking me who I like after telling you that I like you?”
I nodded. “I saw you talking to her. And you smiled. Do you like her?” I reiterated
my question.
The wind was getting chillier as moments passed by. I wasn’t wearing any extra
clothing that’s why I cuddled closer to Lourd. I saw him smile.
“I don’t,” he said and that gave me a breath of relief. “But liking her isn’t
hard.”
“A-anong ibig mong sabihin?”
We arrived at the gate of the rest house and ibinaba niya na ako. He looked at me
and smiled softly. This was the Lourd I knew and learned to like... This gentle guy
and not the monster who pushes me to my limit.
“You’re playing push and pull with me, Monique. You’re always pushing me away but
when you see me with other girls, you pull me back. I know I said no backing down
but I swear one day I would get tired and when that day comes, you can’t pull me
back.”
I stared at him, motionless.
“I’m way different from my brother but there’s only one thing we’re both same at...
When it’s over, it’s d-amn over. We don’t believe in second chances.”
=================
-33-
Chapter Thirty-Three
“Chance!” I ran to him and hugged him. Kanina pa ako naghihintay sa pagdating niya
and finally, he’s here.
I hugged him and hugged him and before I even knew it, I was shedding tears. He
held my face and wiped my tears. “Baby, why are you crying?” he said, his voice
laced with worry.
Pinunasan ko rin ‘yung mga luha na patuloy na umaagos. I was crying because I knew
I don’t deserve you. You’re too good for me, Chance. I shouldn’t be this happy but
I was. I was too glad that after all the things I did, you’re still mine.
But I couldn’t say that...
“Just too happy you’re finally here,” I lied. Dito ako magaling, e. Sa
pagsisinungaling.
He beamed at my response and planted a quick kiss on my lips.
Niyakap niya pa ako sandali bago kami sabay na pumasok sa loob. We saw them eating
lunch and we joined them. Binati nila si Chance at ako naman, iniiwasan kong
mapatingin kay Lourd.
“You drove here?” James asked.
“Yeah.”
James high-fived with him. “Cool! Dati ayaw mong nagddrive. Improving,” sabi niya.
Medyo nagtaka ako kung bakit ayaw magdrive ni Chance but I let it slide. I have far
too many things in my mind para isipin ko pa iyon. Right now, I should be enjoying
the moment because no one knows when’s gonna be the last.
We ate and talked and enjoyed. Masaya sana kung walang sikretong nakapaligid... but
all of these were lies.
We finished eating and Trisha excused herself. Si James naman may bibilhin lang daw
sa bayan kaya nagvolunteer naman si Chance na sumama dahil baka maligaw si James.
Naiwan na naman ako at si Lourd.
Nasa sala kami at nakaupo habang tahimik na nagbabasa si Cass mula sa phone niya. I
hated myself for hating Cassandra. She did nothing... ako lang ‘tong baliw na galit
sa lahat ng tao.
To avoid the inevitable awkwardness, I held my phone and browsed online, as well.
All was going well until Lourd decided to take his words to the next level.
“What are you reading?” he asked Cassandra.
Cass looked at him and showed him her phone. Lourd then nodded and said, “Mortal
Instruments. I see. Jace Wayland, huh?”
Biglang nagulat si Cass. “Nagbabasa ka?” she asked, bewildered.
“I’m not illiterate,” Lourd responded.
If not for the situation, I would’ve found this funny. But I can’t... and I didn’t
want to. Cass is my friend but seeing him being all comfortable with Lourd didn’t
feel right at all. It was like... yeah, maybe I was playing push and pull.
Cass laughed and shook her head in amusement. “Hey, I didn’t mean to offend you. I
never thought you like reading,” she said.
Lourd raised his brow. “Well, I do read, Cassandra.”
The way he said her name... I felt a pang in my chest.

“Alright, alright,” Cass said. “Sorry if I offended you.” Then she threw me a
glance and then looked back at Lourd and said, “Akyat muna ako sa taas.”
She was gone in a blink of an eye. Tumingin din si Lourd sa akin and smiled at me—
the annoying kind of smile. “Sucks, isn’t it? Watching the one you like flirt with
someone else?”
My nostrils were flaring at him. How dare he! Sinasadya niya pala ‘yun! At ginamit
niya pa si Cassandra para inisin ako!
“You’re using my friend!” I hissed.
He leaned back and crossed his legs. “I would use anyone to prove my point,
Monique.”
“And what’s your point?”
Lumapit siya at bumulong sa tenga ko... He was so close that it hurt.
“That you like me, too. You’re just too stubborn to admit it,” he said and then
left me in daze. Umakyat siya sa taas habang naiwan ako sa baba.
Was he right? I like him? But I shouldn’t... Mahal ko si Chance, sigurado ako dun.
But why did my heart throb when I saw him smiling at Cassandra? It didn’t feel
quite right.
With my mind going in circles, I followed him in his room.
I knocked and knocked until he opened his door.
“What?” he asked, sounding annoyed.
Itinulak ko siya papasok and closed the door behind me. “Enlighten me,” I shouted
at him. “Bakit mo naisip na may gusto ako sa’yo?”
I was on the verge of crying. Nagugluhan na ako sa lahat ng nararamdaman ko... I

just want to know what I feel once and for all... Was I really in love with Chance?
Did I really like Lourd? What’s real?
He didn’t reply and instead sat on the edge of his bed. He was looking at me.
“What?”
I stood there, determined to make my point.
“Why are you so convinced that I like you?”

He was staring at me so intently that it scared me a bit. My hands felt cold and my
heart was beating fast inside my chest. Deep in my head, I was wishing na sana wag
munang dumating si Chance. I wanted to clarify everything and the only way to do
that was to confront him—the source of my despairs.
“Monique, I could tell you all the signs but I wouldn’t. You know that you like me
but you just won’t admit it,” he said confidently.
I shook my head. “No.”
Bigla siyang tumayo at lumapit sa akin. Natakot ako kaya umatras ako ng umatras
hanggang sa maramdaman ko ‘yung matigas na pintuan sa likuran ko. I was trapped and
I didn’t know where to go.
He placed me in between his arms and scooped in closer—if it was even possible.
“Do you want proof, Monique?” he breathed in my neck.
I can’t answer with him this close to me. All I could hear was the rapid beating
inside my chest and the feeling of his skin so close to me. I was lost in the
senses and I was drowning.
He held my face closer to his. I could smell the mint in his breath and his hands
on my waist. Suddenly, all was hot.
He was so close to me... so close...
My phone began vibrating and it displayed Chance’s name. Pareho kaming napatingin
ni Lourd.
His face was only an inch from mine when he said, “Ano’ng gagawin mo ngayon,
Monique?” he asked.
It was like I was dazed because I pressed reject and then continued getting lost in
those dark orbs. He smiled at what I did and then caressed my face.
“See? Somewhere in that in denial brain of yours, you like me...” he cooed in my
ears. “You don’t want me with anyone else. You want me to be yours. I can be yours,
Monique. Just don’t push me when I’m near.”
“We can make this work, Monique... I’m not asking for much. I just want you with me
when no one’s looking. Is it too much to ask?”
Napatango ako sa sinabi niya. Wala na ako sa katinuan.
He smiled at me and tucked my hair behind my ear. “Good girl...” he said before
slamming his lips onto mine.
His hands were on the small of my back and he was pressing me against the door. It
surprisingly didn’t feel weird at all. In fact, I was enjoying it... I was feeling
hot in all the right places.
His kisses were getting intense and needier and as he slide his tongue inside my
mouth. His hands trapped my wrist and his knee between my legs. I was so shocked
that I didn't move at first but as he continued to assault me with his kisses, I
just found myself responding... so much that I felt my lips getting sore.
I kissed his soft lips biting on his lower lip and tugging it at the same time.
God this was so hot.
Slowly he plunged his tongue inside my mouth and mingled it with mine, pulling back
and teasing me. He tasted so sweet like candy. He continued kissing me until I
decided to take control.
I freed my hands with his hold and pushed him on the bed. Once he was lying down, I
got up on top of him and placed a single kiss on his lips. He smiled at my action
and placed his hands on my thigh and caressed it and made me feel wanton.
I trailed soft kisses down his jaw and onto his neck when he flipped our position
and got on top of me. He sucked on my neck hard all while kissing it.
When he stopped, I noticed a bruise on it. A hickey.
Nagulat ako. What if Chance saw this?!

“There, you’re marked mine now.” he whispered.
I tried to push him away while he was kissing me. Kailangan ko ‘tong alisin. Baka
makita ni Chance... Godd-amnit!
“One minute,” he said while his lips were moving down the hollow of my neck.
“Lourd, baka nandyan si Chance sa labas,” I said, trying to reason with him. His
lips travelled north, back to my lips. “Oh, s-hit,” I said and then grabbed his
face and kissed him back.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved his brother so damn much... but with Lourd, all my
reasons just come flying out the window. He was the only wrong thing that I was
willing gamble with. Masama yet hindi ko kayang tigilan.
Oh, God.
“Monique?”
My heart stopped beating. S-hit.

Lourd was biting my neck while breathing raggedly. “F-uck. Wrong timing naman,” he
said.
Inayos ko ‘yung damit ko and then combed my hair. Si Lourd, naupo sa gilid ng kama
niya at pinanood ako na ayusin ang sarili ko. I was shaking my head while rolling
my eyes. What a perverted moron.
“Alis na ako,” I said.
Humiga siya sa kama niya and said, “Alright. Kailan ulit make out session?”
Napailing na lang ako. I was dating his brother: Chance Sandoval. He was perfect
yet I was having an affair with his devil of a brother.
“Soon,” I said when I finished arranging my clothes. Nakinig muna ako sa labas at
nung nasigurado ko a na wala si Chance, dali dali akong lumabas at dumiretso sa
kwarto ko. I fixed myself and pretended to be inside my room all this time.
Chance came in and said, “I just went in here and wala ka naman...”
My heart went wild. “Ah eh... nasa cr ako,” I lied.
Lying becomes more natural the more I do it. It was so wrong. But it was necessary.
=================
-34-
Chapter Thirty-Four
In a blink of an eye, natapos na ang sembreak namin. I was back in the confines of
the university before I even knew it. Dahil halos konting majors na lang at
practicum ang classes ko, hindi na kami masyadong magkaklase nila Trisha at Cass.
It was a good thing, tho. I think I needed all the alone time I could get.
I was feeling really bad. I wasn't like this before... Hindi ko na kilala 'yung
sarili ko and I didn't like who I was turning into. Hindi ako kagaya ng sinasabi
nila. I was never like this. It was just the scenarios in my life pushed me this
far.
"Alright, class. That's all for today," the professor said right before dismissing
us. Kinuha ko na 'yung mga gamit ko at dali daling lumabas. Hindi pa ako kumakain
simula kanina kaya nagmamadali na ako dahil gutom na ako.
I walked out and went to my car which was parked outside the college building.
Bubuksan ko sana 'yun nung makita ko si Lourd na nakasandal sa sasakyan ko.
"Hey," he said and then smiled.

Napatigil ako. I immediately looked around to see if anyone was looking at us but
luckily, no one was. Lunch time ngayon at karamihan ng tao kumakain. Mabuti na lang
din pala wala si Trisha dahil ayokong magpaliwanag at si Cass naman... well,
ayokong nakikita na magkasama sila ni Lourd.
"Bakit ka nandito?" I asked him. Kahit na ilang beses na naming nagawa, hindi pa
rin ako sanay na kasama si Lourd in public. There's this constant worry inside me
na baka mahuli kami. I was being paranoid.
Ngumiti lang siya at lumapit sa akin. "Lunch?"
I raised a brow. Bakit alam niya kung saan ako manggaling? Kakasimula pa lang ng
klase at hindi naman ako nagpopost ng schedule ko sa facebook or instagram...
"Bakit alam mo kung nasaan ako?" I asked him.
He shrugged and then placed his hands inside his pockets. He tucked my hair behind
my ear and then once again showed me his smile. "I'm someone in this university,
Monique. I have my people doing my work," he said in a hair rising tone.
Bakit nga ba ako nagtatanong? Haven't I learned anything simula ng nagkakilala kami
ni Lourd? He's someone in this university. Kahit saang college yata siya magpunta
may nakakakilala sa kanya... Siguro freshmen lang ang hindi siya kilala. But
still...
I just nodded and pursed my lips at his response. Binuksan ko na rin 'yung sasakyan
ko. Time was running and I really get cranky when I'm hungry.
"Alright," I uttered. "But I need to go. Magllunch pa ako."
"Sabay na tayo," he said.
Inihinto ko ang pagpasok sana sa sasakyan ko and faced him. I was about to utter a
protest but he stopped me. "Have lunch with me," he suggested.
I didn't say anything and so he took a step closer.
"Monique?" he whispered. That familiar tone. "Monique, have lunch with me, please?"
And I just found myself nodding. I get it. I like him. But I don't love him.
Naguguluhan ako. Alam ko naman na mali 'yung ginawa ko at gagawin ko pero hindi ko
alam kung saan ako magsisimulang tumigil. I have been stuck way too deep for me to
be able to stop.
Do you know this feeling? I perfectly know how this might affect my relationship
with Chance pero sa isip ko, kaya kong tumigil pero iba 'yung ginagawa ko.
Naguguluhan na talaga ako.
He lead me to his car and we drove to Katipunan. While driving, he was holding my
hand. It was so wrong but it felt good.
"How's the first day?" Lourd asked me.

"Okay lang," I responded nonchalantly. Dapat hindi niya makita na nageenjoy ako na
kasama siya... I shouldn't be doing this in the first place.
He smiled at my response and then intertwined out fingers. It took just a few
minutes before we reached and parked. Bumaba kami at naglakad lakad para makapili
ng kakainan.
"Where do you want to eat?" he asked me.
"Kahit saan..."
He nodded and then moved in to kiss my forehead. "Alright," he said. Nakangiti lang
siya sa akin at parang ang saya saya niya. Gusto ko ring ngumiti but deep inside
me, alam ko na hindi dapat ako maging masaya. I can't be happy. "Thank you for
being here with me. It means a lot," he continued.
Imbes na sumagot, niyakap ko na lang siya. This hug would speak volumes. I looked
around and there were good restaurants around the place. I was still busy pondering
where to eat when suddenly, someone Lourd knew bumped into us.
"Matthew!" Lourd replied in equal delight. They did this weird fist bump. I guess
they're good friends, judging from their reactions. Mayroong kasamang babae 'yung
Matthew and I smiled at her. "Ooh. I see. Still going strong, huh?" sabi ni Lourd
sa kanila.
Matthew pulled the girl and kissed her on the temple.

I smiled at his gesture. Naalala ko si Chance... Kamusta na kaya 'yun? Kumain na
kaya siya ng lunch? Minsan kasi nakakalimutan niya... Masyado kasing busy 'yun sa
trabaho, e.
"Yeah. Hindi ko na 'to papakawalan, noh," he said. "You two? You haven't introduced
us yet," he continued while eyeing me suspiciously.
Lourd smiled at me and then draped his arm on my shoulders. "Matt, Melissa, she's
Monique, my girlfriend," he said.
My eyes went big at his introduction. Kailan niya pa ako naging girlfriend?! Wala
'to sa usapan namin!
Magsasalita sana ako ng biglang ngumiti ng malaki si Matthew. "Congrats, Lourd!

Finally, nagsettle ka na!"
Lourd beamed. "Yeah. Finally..." he said and then smiled at me once more.
Gusto kong magsalita na hindi ako girlfriend ni Lourd but I couldn't find my voice
anywhere. I was stuck at the moment and I didn't like it.
"So, magllunch ba kayo?" Matthew said. "Sabay na kaya tayo? What do you think,
babe?" he asked Melissa.
While they were busy talking, I excused myself. I was about to press call when
Lourd stopped me.
"Ano ba," I said, sounding irritated. Hindi naman ako aalis, e. Gusto ko lang naman
makausap si Chance. Was that too much to ask?
He briefly looked at my phone and he read that I was about to call his brother...
my boyfriend.
"Monique, don't," he said, his voice gentle.
Pilit kong tinanggal 'yung kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin pero hindi ko magawa. His
grip was too strong.
"Lourd, what do you really want?" I said. "Hindi na nga ako umalis, right? I'm not
running away... Just please let me talk to your brother."
He invaded my personal space and caressed my face using the back of his hands.
This... this was so wrong.
"Monique, the whole world knows that you're my brother's... just here in the
university, please be mine. Please be Lourd's property."
I gently slapped his hand away from my face.

"I am no one's property, Lourd."
But it was like he wasn't listening to me. He was all into the lies he built in his
mind. I wanted this, as well, but I wanted Chance, too. Pareho ko silang gusto and
it's making me insane.
"Matthew, tara na?" he said to Matthew and then he held my hands like nothing
happened.
I tried to struggle but all it got me was his mouth on my ears whispering,
"Monique, please." And that made me shut up. Hearing him lowering himself for me
always manages to make my knees go really weak.
I kept my mum and went with the flow... I acted like I was his girlfriend in front
of his friends... Natatakot ako kasi alam ko na isang araw, malulunod na ako sa
lahat ng kasinungalingan na ginagawa ko.
The day ended and I was drained as ever. Akala ko si Matthew at Melissa lang ang
makikilala ko but I was wrong. I was introduced as his girlfriend to his fratmates,
to his blocmates, to almost everyone he knew.
God, the list of my lies was never ending.
Lourd volunteered to drive me home. Gusto kong tumanggi but I rejected him enough
for today. Gusto ko namang iparamdam sa kanya na mahalaga din siya sa akin kaya
pumayag na ako. But we did take extra care para walang makakita sa amin. We were
like fugitives hiding from the authority. We even bought caps and shades to hide
ourselves.
He was chuckling as we made way in the elevator. Sinigurado namin na kami lang ang
tao.
"Hey," he said, his voice raspy and sexy.
Tumingin ako sa kanya and I couldn't help but wonder why did he want me out of all
the girls out there...
"What?"
Umiling lang siya at ngumiti sa akin. He stepped closer and brushed my hair between
his long fingers. "I just can't believe you're finally mine," he whispered in my
ears that sent tickles down my spine.
I moved forward, wrapping my arms around his neck, my eyes zooming from his eyes to
his lips and back. I grabbed his head and gently pulled our bodies together, and
bit his lower lip eagerly.
And that earned me a moan... Oh, god.
There was heat between us, radiating, making us glow. The music faded from our
hearing, and he pressed his lips to mine.
"Lourd," I kept on chanting, mindless of the possibility that someone might be
watching us from the cctv.
For a moment my brain shut down, and the pure ecstasy of our shape-shifting mouths
swirling and puckering with each delicious smack of escaping air overcame my entire
body. The sweat on my brow cooled; the hairs on my skin stood vigilant, waiting to
shoot off into space at any moment. His arms squeezed my head against his, his
fingers tracing their way through the back of my hair while mine explored his godly
thighs.
And then we heard the elevator door opening...
S-hit. Hinding hindi ako masasanay sa kabog ng dibdib ko tuwing may possibilidad na
mahuli kami.
Lourd held my hand and walked fast until we reached the front of my condo unit. His
eyes were burning with desire but god...
How can something as evil as this feel so damn right?
"We can't," I panted. Hindi ko alam kung nasa loob na ba si Trisha. I can't afford
to be busted. The stake's still too high.
He frowned but still pulled me in and kissed me deep that once again, I was
drowning. It was the beautiful kind... one that will keep you wanting for more.
"Dinner tomorrow?"
I nodded and kissed him again.
I went in and found James comfortably sitting on my couch. I walked straight to the
ref and grabbed myself a glass of ice cold water. Sobrang ang sama sama na ng
pakiramdam ko. I haven't even responded to any of Chance's messages because I was
feeling really guilty.
"Why are you here?" I asked him as I sat down on the couch next to him.
"Auntie asked me to check up on you," he said and I nodded. He's close to my

parents. "So, what's up?"
I told him the most common lie ever, "Nothing."
He smiled at me and wiggled his eyebrows. "Come on, Monique. We both knew
something's up."
"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"
He changed position and put his hand under his chin and looked at me suspiciously.
"Mon, I'm friends with most of Lourd's friends. News travels. Ngayon ako lang ang
may alam, who knows about tomorrow?"
=================
-35-
Chapter Thirty-Five
Inilagay ko lamesa ‘yung baso at humarap kay James. He wasn’t saying anything
exactly but he was making me feel so damn nervous. Alam na ba niya? Paano? Saan
niya kami nakita? Ugh! Sabi ko na kay Lourd ‘wag akong lapitan masyado kapag nasa
public place kami, e!
“What do you mean?” I said and then narrowed my eyes at him. I won’t give this up.
Kailangan kong malaman kung ano ang nalalaman ni James. My mind won’t let me rest
until I put an end to this misery.
James crossed his legs and put his hand under his chin, looking at me as if I was a
specimen under his observation.
“Let’s just say na hindi kayo magaling magtago ni Lourd.”
I closed my eyes and balled my hands into a fist. “James, now is not the time to
kid. What exactly did you see?”
He looked at me for a split-second and then sighed. “I saw you and Lourd making out
in the parking lot. Seriously, Monique? Parking lot?”
Flashbacks came flooding my mind. Shit! He saw us?! Last week lang nangyari ‘yun,
ah! Ugh! Sabi na kasi kay Lourd ‘wag, e! Alam niya naman na maraming nakakakilala
sa amin pero nagpupumilit siyang lumabas kami na parang normal na magboyfriend.
Because of that revelation, my mouth went dry. I can’t even speak or defend myself.
I was guilty beyond reasonable doubt. Wala akong maitatanggi dahil nakita na ni
James... And it was useless. James wasn’t stupid. He knew what he saw.
“I-I don’t know what to say...”
He was shaking his head profusely and then reached for his cola and drank it. He
was frustrated at me, I could see it. But he wasn’t saying anything.
“Are you mad at me?” I managed to ask after a few seconds.
Natatakot ako sa maririnig ko. I was afraid he’s say that I was a big
disappointment. His opinion mattered so much that I was afraid it would break me.
Alam ko naman, e. Alam ko na ang sama sama ko na ngayon. But no one could
understand me. This affair didn’t happen in a snap of a finger. It was a feeling
constantly building up inside me... so slow that it drowned me when it was already
too late for me to be saved. It wasn’t planned. We didn’t plan on hurting Chance.
No one wanted that... But this happened.
His eyes were on me, void of any emotions. My knees were shaking and if it weren’t
that I was sitting down, I might have fell down.
After a few seconds, he shook his head and then reached for me and pulled me to a
hug.
“No, silly. I’m your cousin. Kung saan ka masaya, dun ako.”
I sobbed in his arms. “Does that mean na hindi mo ako isusumbong kay Chance?” I
whispered. Natatakot ako na malaman ni Chance. It’s too soon... Alam ko naman
darating ‘yung panahon na malalaman niya, e. Pero sana ako ‘yung magsabi...
I knew I deserve every insult that he would throw at me. Tatanggapin ko naman ng
buong puso kapag iniwan ako ni Chance. I could live with that... What I couldn’t
live with was the possibility of breaking him for good. Natatakot ako na kapag
nalaman niya, hindi niya na makuha pang magtiwala at magmahal. He’s been broken far
too many times and I was afraid of him being scarred for the rest of his life.
It’s easy to trust but once the trust has been broken, getting it back is a suicide
mission.
He looked at me and then finally said, “I won’t, Mon. Hindi ko kayang sabihin kay
Chance.” He balled his fist and then turned at me. His eyes weren’t patronizing.
Kahit anong sabihin niya, alam ko na disappointed siya sa akin. Sabagay, sino ba
naman ang hindi? I already had everything but I still threw it away. James drew a
deep breath and then began. “Nandun ako nung iniwan ni Nathalia si Chance sa kasal
niya, Monique. I knew Chance for a long time already and not once did I see him
cry. But that day, he cried, Monique. First time kong makita si Chance na umiiyak
dahil iniwan siya ni Nathalia and it was horrible.”
My whole body froze at what was being revealed. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pang
makinig. All these revelations were making me feel worse. It was killing me from
the inside.
With fingers trembling from all too many emotions, I continued listening.
“He fought for Nathalia and even followed her to the States pero nung bumalik siya,
he was different. Akalain mo ‘yun sa dami ng lalaking susulot sa fiancé niya, best
friend niya pa? Akala ko talaga non nasa telenovela kami nung nalaman namin. Since
then, he viewed the world with animosity. He was still the same man we knew pero
mararamdaman mo talaga na may nagbago sa kanya. He continued living his life but we
never saw him take any women seriously... until you.”
Napatigil ako sa narinig ko. I knew I was bad but hearing all these things made me
convinced myself that I was the worst. I knew about his past and yet I chose to
hurt him.
I chose to hurt the man who trusted his heart to me.
James stared at me this time. “I can’t tell him because honestly, Monique, I can’t
imagine seeing him devastated again. Once is enough. The next one is on you,” he
said.
And then my tears were on the brink of falling. Ngayon pa lang, natatakot na ako. I
was too afraid of the reality that one day, Chance will know about my wrong doings
and one day, I will hurt him.
Before, I was wondering what would hurt worse, ‘yung iiwan ba ako ni Chance o ‘yung
masasaktan ko si Chance. But now the answer was clear as crystal. Mas masakit ‘yung
katotohanan na masasaktan ko si Chance. It was eating me up alive from the inside.
“James naman...” I said as tears began falling.
Umiling-iling na lang si James. “Hindi kita tinatakot, Monique. I’m just stating
the possibilities. I am telling you that this,” he said and then raised his hand to
make a point, “whatever is going on between you and Lourd, it’s not worth seeing
Chance in tears. I swear, Monique. It will haunt you forever.”
He stopped... and then said again, “This time with his brother. I don’t know what
kind of luck Chance has with the girls he fall in love with. Una, best friend, now
his brother. What’s next? His father? Ah, bulls-hits of life.”
“James, I’m scared...” I whispered almost inaudibly.
James stood up and tapped me on the shoulders.
After he left, I cried my way to sleep. Kanina pa nagvvibrate ‘yung phone ko pero
wala ako ng lakas ng loob sumagot sa tawag ni Chance. I was too damn guilty to even
pick his calls up. Ayoko siyang makausap dahil alam ko na sa tuwing kakausapin ko
siya, madadagdagan na naman ang kasalanan ko.
The morning after, I readied myself to school. Trisha left a note saying na nauna
na siya. Our schedules were way different kaya kahit nasa iisang unit kami, hindi
kami madalas magkita. Pagkatapos kong kumain ng breakfast, I went out.
“Oh, god!” nasabi ko at saka ako napahawak sa dibdib ko. Chance was there outside
my unit holding a bouquet of pink roses. “Chance!” I exclaimed.
He walked toward me and gave me the flowers.
“A-anong meron?” I said, unable to match his gaze.

Hindi siya nagsalita at sa halip, nilagay niya ‘yung kamay niya sa gilid ng mukha
ko, as if memorizing my face. He smiled right after that. “Nothing,” he said. “Are
you going to school? I’ll drive you.”
Gustung gusto kong pumayag pero hindi pwede. In my mind, I should be breaking up
right now. He didn’t deserve any of these deceptions. He’s too good for me... but I
was too selfish to even let him go. Tama naman si James, it was all on me. So might
as well enjoy all the remnants of our supposed to be happy relationship.
“I need to bring my car,” I tried to lie my way through. “Papaano ako uuwi kung
ihahatid mo ako?” I said through gritted teeth.
They said that the more you lie, the more it becomes easier. But why was my
situation unlike those? Mas tumatagal, mas humihirap. Ayoko namang lokohin si
Chance pero sa lahat ng narinig ko kay James, parang hindi ko kaya na sabihin sa
kanya. Siguro hindi muna sa ngayon. Baka mabaliw ako kapag nakita ko siyang
nasasaktan dahil sa akin.
I was pathetic, wasn’t I?
He rested his right hand on my right shoulder and caressed the side of my neck.
“Then I’ll pick you up later,” he whispered in my ears.
My knees turned wobbly at his display of affection. Gusto ko ng umoo pero hindi
pwede...
Not in my school. Not in the place where Lourd calls me his own.
“Chance...” I said in a disapproving manner.
He pursed his lips and then stared at me intently. “Monique, baby, please? You’ve
been dodging my calls for a few days and I am missing you so bad already.”
“Alright,” I conceded. “But what about your work? Baka malate ka.”
He smiled and held my hands as we began to walk and wait for the elevator. “It’s
alright, I’m done with the business deals. I’m all yours for this month,” he
beamed.
Bigla ko siyang nayakap sa narinig ko and then he hugged me back. His hug was tight
and it seemed like he didn’t wanna let me go. And then we kissed...
It began like every other time. Our lips locked and his strong arms wrapped around
me, never wanting to let go. Like every other time when we’re together, it feels
like heaven in earth, right beside him.
As I was enjoying Chance’s lips like it was the very first kiss, he began to slowly
and tenderly brush his tongue across my lips. It was the needy kind of kiss,
probably because of the days we’ve spent apart.
Those days did their share of hurt in my heart. I thought spending days from him
would make the guilt lesser but it didn’t. I was just yearning for him. But when
I’m with Lourd, I seem to forget whatever doubts I have inside my head.
But to erase all these unwelcomed thoughts inside my head, I opened my lips and
welcomed him inside. I was shocked at first, but then gave in to the pleasant
feeling and started to make his tongue tangle with mine.
The blissful feeling of pleasure made a moan escape from my lips
“Monique, I’m close enough,” he cooed in my ears as he was busy kissing my neck.
“What?” I said, unable to grasp what he said and unable to understand anything at
all. Lahat ng atensyon ko ay nasa kamay niya at nasa labi niya na humahalik sa leeg
ko.
Ugh, damn it!
He pulled away from the kiss and stared at my face. “I thought I already reached
the end of the line when I gave up on Nathalia but you found me. Thanks for not
giving up on me,” he said.
I bit my lips at what he said. Will you still love me after discovering the hideous
things I did behind your back, Chance? Will you spare me another chance if I beg?
=================
-36-
Chapter Thirty-Six
We were sitting near the window while eating dinner. My hands felt cold and I was
sweating because of all these mixed up emotions inside me. Nababaliw na ako! I
forgot that I promised Lourd that we’ll be having dinner tonight pero nung sinundo
ako ni Chance kanina, bigla na lang akong napa-oo.
And now I was here... with all these pent up excuses building inside my head
waiting to explode.
“Hey, ayaw mo ba sa pagkain?” he worriedly asked me when he noticed that I barely

touched the food. I smiled timidly and then shook my head. I wasn’t about to ruin
this night for both of us. Tama naman si Chance, I have been avoiding him long
enough kaya kailangan kong bumawi sa kanya ngayon.
With a clearer goal, I sat up straight and then focused my whole attention to him.
“You said that your whole family’s in town, right?” I asked him again since he
already mentioned it earlier. He said that it rarely happens na mabuo ang pamilya
nila since palaging nasa ibang bansa ang father niya, ang mother niya naman
palaging may charitable institutions na pinupuntahan around the world, at ‘yung si
Fier naman sa States talaga nagsstay.
He nodded and then took a bite of his steak. “Yeah. Do you want to meet them?”
I smiled at his question. Seryoso talaga siya sa akin. Most of the guys I know
would cringe whenever the possibility of their girlfriends meeting their parents
was mentioned. I really got the best fish in the sea.
But of course I shook my head. I finally made up my mind; I’m breaking up with him.
I would come clean and tell him about the things that I did. He deserves as much. I
know it would hurt but it needs to be done. Sa lahat ng narinig ko mula kay James,
ayoko ng saktan si Chance. The further I lie about us, the deeper the scar would
be.
However, the images of him in pain made my heart ache. Ang tanga tanga mo, Monique.
Just because he didn’t come to your party in time, you cheated on him. This would
be the dumbest decision I would ever do. Nothing would ever compete.
“Why? I already talked to my Dad, baby. Natatakot ka ba sa kanya?” he asked

worriedly.
Umiling naman ako and motioned my hand at his food. “Go, finish eating. Napagod ka
yata sa trabaho mo, e.”
He gave me that crooked smile that I would definitely miss. God, the thought of
breaking up with him was hurting me already. But I should... but not now. Gusto ko
muna siyang makasama even for a few days.
I was selfish... and I would be more selfish if it meant spending more time with
him.
We were in the middle of finishing our dinner when Lourd magically showed up...
with a girl in his arms.
Wow.
“Lourd,” Chance uttered. “Didn’t know you’d be here,” he said, sounding surprised.
Well, saying I was surprised would be a bit of an understatement.
Lourd showed us that bad boy smile and then pulled the lady beside him closer.
“Yeah, we’re hungry and we saw you from the waiting area.” He turned at me. “Hi,
Monique.”
All I managed was a slight nod and a small smile.
“So... can we dine with you, Chance? You wouldn’t mind, right?” he asked Chance.
Of course, Chance being the gentleman and adorable brother that he was, pumayag
siya. Since we were sitting in a round table, nakatabi ko si Lourd. Oh, for the
love of heaven, hindi ba pwedeng walang Lourd na abala kahit ilang araw lang? I was
making the most out of my remaining time with Chance and yet it deemed too
impossible!
Umorder na sila Lourd at ‘yung kasama niya ng pagkain. If memory serves right,
she’s the girl Lourd was with during the welcome party for Fier. Bianca’s her name
if I remembered it right.
“Why are you here exactly?” Chance asked again. “Kilala kita, Lourd. You don’t eat
in fancy restaurant. You’re a fast food kind of person,” he continued.
Bigla namang natawa at napailing si Lourd. Guess they’re that close na hindi kayang
magtago ni Lourd ng sikreto kay Chance.
“Yeah, yeah,” Lourd began. “Dad was asking where you are and you happen to ignore
my texts. So I figured malamang kasama mo si Monique that’s why you’re ignoring the
whole world again. Really, brother?” he said and the shook his head as if Chance
was a big disappointment.
I internally cursed upon hearing his excuse. Shit! Dahil pala sa text ko kaya siya
nandito! I thought he was checking up on me that’s why he was asking for my
location. Nasabi ko naman kasi sa kanya na hindi ako makakapunta sa dinner namin
dahil may gagawin kami ni Chance. Minsan talaga nagugulat na lang ako sa mga bagay
na kayang gawin ni Lourd para lang maipaalala sa akin na mayroon akong kasalanan sa
kapatid niya. I can’t even have enough moment to breathe.
“Why was Dad asking?”
Lourd did nothing better than to just shrug. “Dad wants you home asap.”
Chance’s forehead creased. Bakit naman kaya siya hinahanap ng dad niya... Sabi niya
sa akin he’s free for the month. Business related kaya? Ugh. Please no Nathalia
drama again. Kung makikipagbreak ako kay Chance, ayoko naman na kay Nathalia siya
bumagsak. I hope he’ll find someone who’ll love him wholly and will not cheat on
him with someone because Chance’s the best man I knew so far.
And hurting him would be the cruellest thing I would have ever did in my life.
That’s why I deserve to lose the best guy.
Tumingin sa akin si Chance as if he was deciding for something. I reached for his
hand across the table, held it, and smiled at him. “It’s alright. Gusto mo umuwi na
tayo?”
He was undecided. Ngayon lang kami nagkasama after a long time and he really wanted
to be with me. Gusto ko rin naman siyang makasama... Time’s ticking and I would
tell him in three days. I should seize every moment I could be with him.
After he drew a deep breath, Chance said, “We’ll go first, Lourd,” and then humarap
siya dun sa kasama ni Lourd, “and Bianca, nice meeting you again. Mauna na kami ng
girlfriend ko.” I stood up, as well, and then we walked hand in hand.
While waiting for the car, I was just there standing beside him, feeling every
moment because I was perfectly aware those moments will soon be just moments I
would reminisce... I was pretty sure that even if I beg, hindi na ako papatawarin
ni Chance.
I really should’ve told him that I kissed his brother when I had the chance... But
I didn’t and instead I continued my lies with another lies. Alam ko naman na
sobrang mali but it already did happen. There were too many lingering questions in
my head. Why did I do it? Why with his brother of all people? Why did I continue
with my lies? Too many questions but the only person who could answer it would be
the one wearing the shoes. No one has any rights to judge me if you’re not in my
position. I love Chance... too damn much that I was willing to breakup with him
because I can’t stand making a fool out of him anymore.
“Are you cold?” he asked me as he stole a glance. I was holding my arms because it
was pretty chilly out here pero kaya ko naman. But Chance being Chance, he went
near me and draped his arms over my shoulders.
“There,” he whispered and then smiled at me. “Too bad I don’t have a suit. I think
this would suffice,” he said while having me so close to him.
Wala na akong nagawa kung hindi ngumiti. Susulitin ko na lahat ng pagkakataon na
magkakaroon kami. Trisha said that I was still young, madami pang darating sa buhay
ko... But Chance is the best guy that I would ever have, I know that for sure. How
can I have a better choice when I already let go of the best?
Dumating na ‘yung driver ni Chance and we got in. Inside the car, hinawakan niya
‘yung kamay ko habang nag-uusap kami. He was asking me about my plans in life, kung
saan ako magtatrabaho after graduation, kung may naisip na daw ba ako or kung gusto
kong tulungan niya ako.
Bakit ba kasi ang bait bait niya? He was making it too hard for me to let go.
“You can work with me,” he offered. “Wouldn’t it be nice na magkikita tayo araw-
araw sa office?”
I smiled bitterly. I doubt it kung gugustuhin niya pa akong makita pagkatapos kong
sabihin ‘yung mga pinaggagawa ko kasama ‘yung kapatid niya.
“Doesn’t that violate your work ethics? I thought you don’t do your workmates?” I
asked, quoting him the night I first saw him. Nakakatuwa, ang layo na rin pala ng
narating namin. Mula dati na sinusungitan niya lang ako, umabot kami dito.
He chuckled. “Yeah, I’d have to trash that ethics if ever you’ll work with me. I’d
definitely do you,” he whispered huskily.
Tumingin ako sa kanya at hinalikan siya. This would be the last; better make it
last.
“Sleep with me tonight, Chance,” I begged and then crashed my lips against his.
[AN: A lot of you had been complaining about Monique's attitude and here's my
thought: I'm too tired of reading about righteous and perfect protaginists that's
why I made Monique Aldea aka my perfectly flawed and indecisive character. She's
not perfect and we all know it but then try to put yourself in her situation. She
didn't ask for any of those bs. She didn't flirt with Lourd asap. It was a pressure
that was slowly building up... kaya nga umabot ng 30 chaps before it did happen, di
ba? All I'm asking is that before bashing her so bad, imagine yourself in her
shoes. Surely you would have second thoughts. Chance and Lourd? Sorry but it's
really a hard call to make.
And I do accept criticisms provided you give it to me with a big bow. I have low
tolerance for rude people. :)
And, and a lot of you are saying that this story would go on forever because of my
writing style... What is my writing style? Hahaha di ko kasi alam.
Thanks for reading up to this point. ]
=================
-37-
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chance stared at me with disbelief. “What?”
I bit my lower lip, feeling extremely embarrassed all of a sudden. Pero

kailangan... I needed this to be sane. I needed all these memories inside my head
once I let go of him.
“Sleep with me...” I whispered against his ear. The driver wasn’t minding us,
probably because he signed an NDA before he even started working for the Sandovals.
What happens inside the car stays inside the car. That’s just the rule.
His eyebrow crunched up and then asked me, “When you say sleep, do we mean the same
thing?”
Hindi ko alam pero bigla akong natawa sa sinabi ni Chance. God, I would really miss
him! Kahit pa sabihin ng iba na boring siya, na minsan wala siyang oras sa akin,
alam ko sa sarili ko na masaya ako sa kanya. I really just did messed up decisions
that’s why I ended up losing him, after all.
I nodded and looked at him. “Will you?”
For a second, I saw hesitation in his eyes. I’m sorry, Chance. I know I would hurt
you more by sleeping with you right before breaking up with you but I needed this
for my own protection, for my own sanity.
“Oh, what the hell,” he cursed under his breath and then turned to his driver.
“Stop the car,” he said and then after a few seconds, the driver pulled on the
sideway. Pinababa ako ni Chance sa sasakyan at pinagbuksan niya ako ng pintuan sa
harap at pinapasok. I saw him talking to his driver and then giving him money...
Alright, what’s happening?
“Bakit siya umalis?” I asked him the moment he got inside the car.
He looked at me and then leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. “I want you
all mine tonight, Monique,” he said and then pulled the seatbelt over my body.
Habang nagddrive siya, hindi ko mapigilan na hindi kabahan. Ito na ba ‘yun? Gagawin
ko na ba talaga siya kasama si Chance? I have always known he was worth it... he
would always be. Siguro after years pagsisisihan ko ‘tong naging desisyon ko pero
ang mahalaga, this felt right at this very moment. Giving up myself to Chance felt
so damn right.
This is the flaw of humans. We tend to do what felt right never mind the possible
repercussions of our actions. Delayed gratification wouldn’t keep us going. We tend
to succumb to instant pleasures of life even though these pleasures could be our
own form of self-destruction.
Moments later, we arrived at a building. “Nasaan tayo?” I asked him when he stopped
the engine.
“In my condo,” he simply said. Lumingon siya sa akin at hinawakan ‘yung kamay ko.
“Monique, baby, it’s alright if you change your mind. We could just stay up and
watch some show. No need to feel pressured, alright?”
Ngumiti ako sa kanya. But my decision was firm and final. I was going to do it.
Bumaba kami sa sasakyan niya at pumasok sa loob ng building. Inside the elevator,
my mind was swirling with all the possibilities. What if mabuntis ako? No, hindi
pwede. I just can’t afford to ruin his life. Alam ko naman na hindi niya ako
mapapatawad kapag nalaman niya ‘yung nangyari sa amin ng kapatid niya. At ayoko
naman na magstay siya dahil lang mayroon siyang responsibilidad sa akin.
If he would stay beside me, it must be because he wants me and not because he ran
out of option. Because if it would be the setup, it would really suck. I can’t
continue living if every day in my life, I would remember how I stole his life from
him.
And then I heard the elevator opened. We reached the top floor.
“Do you own this building?” tanong ko sa kanya dahil nasa pent house kami ng
building na ‘to. It looked a lot different from his room.
Chance shrugged. “No, it’s my uncle’s. He gave this to me when I graduated summa.”
Napangiti ako. He’s really intelligent and one of a kind. Sigurado naman ako na
maraming babae na makikilala at magkakagusto sa kanya. Who wouldn’t want him,
anyway? He’s Chance Lucas Sandoval. Tanga na lang ang tatanggi sa kanya. At mas
tanga ‘yung taong lolokohin siya.
I wandered around his unit and found some photos. Mayroon din akong nakitang
pictures nila ni Nathalia. Ang tagal na pala nilang magkakilala... Ang bata bata
pang tignan ni Chance dito, e.
I was touching the frames when Chance caught my hands.
“Why?” I asked, worriedly kasi baka magalit siya na pinakakailaman ko ‘yung gamit
niya.
Umiling lang siya and then placed back his and Nathalia’s picture on the table.
“Nothing. The last time I went here was a few years ago. You shouldn’t have seen
that photo,” he explained.
I reached for his face and then smiled at him. “Okay lang, ano ka ba. I already
know about you and Nathalia, ‘di ba? She’s ancient history so no need to hide her
from me.”
Napangiti siya sa sinabi ko ang then lowered himself and kissed me on the lips. I
could feel him smiling while we were kissing. Those smiles that I would really
miss... those smiles that would keep me awake at night, wondering why did I ever
let him go.
His hands were at the small of my back tracing patterns. “Hmmm,” I moaned in his
mouth.
Before pulling from the kiss, he placed his forehead against mine. “Do you want
something to eat?”
Umiling ako at pulled his shirt. “Please, now.”
Chance lead me inside his room and then my heart started beating really fast. ‘Shit
ito na talaga ‘yun,’ I said to myself. As I found myself wandering my eyes around
his room, I felt his hand on the small of my back, leading me to his bed.
Upon seeing my biting my lower lip, he chuckled. “What?” I asked him. Medyo
kinakabahan kasi talaga ako. Goodness! I would only lose my virginity once so give
me my moment.
“Nothing. I would take that this is your first time?” he asked.
Tahimik lang ako. Really, why the hell would I answer? I don’t go around the street
telling people that, ‘Hey, I’m Monique Aldea, 20, and a certified virgin.’ Thank
you, but no. That’s not the kind of impression I would want to leave.
With the lack of response coming from me, Chance patted my head. “I’ll just take a
bath, alright? Feel free to run if you’re scared,” he whispered in my ears and then
entered the bathroom.
Nung umalis siya, nagsimula na naman akong kabahan. Oh, for the love of heavens!
Hindi ko naman siguro ‘to ikamamatay, ‘di ba? I mean, marami na naman akong
napanood na movies na may love scene and it looked pretty awesome naman. And Chance
cared for me... I was sure he wouldn’t hurt me.
Few gulps and I decided to end this agony inside my system. I stood up and removed
my shoes.
Alright, Aldea. There’s no point in running because after three days, he would be
the one asking you to leave.
I was quite shaking when I removed my skirt and my blouse. Hell, I didn’t even know
I was going to have sex tonight! Mabuti na lang maayos ‘yung underwear ko! My
breathing slowly became shallow as I took my very first step inside his bathroom.
There, I saw him taking a bath. Oh, good heavens! I never really watched porn in my
entire lifetime so this would be the first time I would be seeing someone totally
naked. Forgive me if I wasn’t fond of watching the naked running fest in my school.
Seeing guys running around naked really wasn’t my thing.
He was under the shower and he was nothing short of a god.

I gulped many times before I made my presence known. Bigla siyang napatingin sa
akin ang then his forehead creasing. “Monique?” he questioned me while his hands
were still at the top of his head.
I bit my lower lip, for the nth time already this night, and looked at him.
“Hi?”
As I took another step, Chance gazed at my almost naked body. Ngayon lang niya
akong nakitang ganito. I’ve known him for roughly six months already but he never
tried to get me off my pants. Yeah, sometimes he would whisper nasty things in my
ear but he never went beyond that. Sobra niyang pinapahalagahan ‘yung opinyon at
nararamdaman ko.
“Monique...” he said in awe.
Right now, talk seemed so cheap. I placed my index finger on his lip and started
kissing him.
Okay, Aldea. This was it, for real.
I stepped under the shower as well and now, we’re both wet and gazing at each
other’s eyes. I can’t find it in me to talk and I was too embarrassed of being
almost naked in front of him that’s why I grabbed him and kissed him hard. Just to
end this agonizing feeling inside me once and for all.
Chance wasn’t even taken aback by the kiss and instead, he pinned me against the
wall and kissed me roughly. I could feel him smirking and god, wasn’t that the
hottest thing ever?
“What the hell, Monique? You’re really testing all my self-control,” he huskily
said as he was busy kissing my shoulder blades down to the top of my breasts. His
left hand was at my nape while his other hand was kneading my bossom and it felt
like I would fall down on my knee anytime soon. I was still wearing my brassiere...
what more if I lose it? Oh, shit! I felt so freaking good, Oh, goodness!
Hindi na ako talaga makapag-isip ng maayos. Right now, ang naiisip ko lang ay ‘yung
kamay ni Chance at ‘yung kamay ni Chance. Heavens, those hands could really work
magic!
I let out a moan and that made Chance kiss me back on my mouth. Before I even knew
it, he already got rid of my bra. How did he freaking do that?!
The feeling of his naked chest against mine was so unbelievable. Shit, why was I
feeling so freaking hot?
And then he stopped...
Naglakad siya palayo sa akin and looked at me. Umiling iling siya at saka tumingin
sa mga mata ko. “Damn it, Aldea. Do you have any idea what I’m going to do to you?”
With what I heard, my body felt all the tingling sensation that was awfully strange
yet familiar.
Umiling ako. Ngumiti siya.
He strolled slowly toward me, slowly but sexily and confidently. My heart was once
again blazing wildly inside my chest, feeling like exploding anytime soon.
He reached for the wash cloth and began washing my body. Nakatalikod ako sa kanya
and I could feel every little sensation. It was like everything was heightened
right at this very moment. Napapikit na lang ako sa ginawa niya sa akin.
And when he began to reach the hem of my underwear and removed it, my breath
quickened.
“Excited, aren’t we?” he whispered in my ears. And then slowly, he washed me down
there. Oh, holy mother of all!
I was drowning in all these sensation when he flipped me over and made me stare at
his eyes. I have already drowned a thousand times in those beautiful orbs and
tonight, I would. Again.
“I would really like to make love to you under the shower but you’re my girlfriend
and you deserve every inch of my bed,” he said and then reached for my face and
then kissed me and then carried me.
Honestly, wala na akong maalala sa lahat ng ginawa ko. All I could remember was
that he made me feel like a woman. I didn’t even know we already reached his bed. I
was too busy kissing this wonderful man that everything was unimportant. He was all
that mattered.
“It’s going to hurt, babe,” he said as he anchored my left leg around his waist.
I didn’t care.
I reached for his face and kissed his cheek. “I know you’ll take care of me,” I
said.
Ngumiti siya and kissed my forehead. “Of course.” He reached for his nightstand and
got a condom. Hindi ko alam kung maiinis ba ako o matutuwa na meron siya nun.
Active ba talaga siya bago ko siya makilala? Ugh! Stop ruining the moment, Aldea!
Soon, magiging isa ka rin naman sa mga babaeng dumaan sa buhay ni Chance so stop
complaining.
“Ready?” he asked me. “I’m going to do you now, Monique Aldea.”
Instead of answering, I kissed him and made him shut up.
Oh, god! Reading about this was way different. It hurt too bad that I think I dug
my fingers way too deep on his back. While he drew his first thrust, kulang na lang
maiyak ako sa sobrang sakit. Oh, shit! It freaking hurt!
I cried as I felt a weird piercing sensation in my groin. He saw tears escaping my

eyes and he kissed them and then my lips. While he was busy kissing me, the pain
lessened. Instead of focusing on the pain, I was busy responding to his fervent
kisses and running my hands on his soft hair.
“You okay?” he asked me. I nodded, my eyes still closed. He stayed still, letting
me get familiar with the feeling of him being inside me. “I’m going to move now,
alright?”
He began moving and I accidentally bit his lip because of the antagonizing pain.
This hurt like a royal biatch! He closed his eyes and kept on slowly moving.
“More?” he asked me again and I could only nod. Goodness, there was a feeling
inside me that was waiting to explode. Mababaliw na talaga ako!
And then he moved again...but this time he didn’t stop. He shifted his weight onto
his elbows and began thrusting deeper and deeper until the only thing I could do
was to moan his name over and over again like it was some prayer. And as I grew
accustomed to the feeling of him being inside me, he sped things up and then
pounded me over and over and all I managed to do was to turn my head because I was
really about to lose my sanity.
Oh, my holy!
My thoughts were scattered everywhere and really, all I could think of was him and
me and this thing.
“Wow...” I said as I come after him. He laid down beside me and then looked at me.
“I’d like to do that again,” I said and then straddled him under me.
=================
-38-
Chapter Thirty-Eight

I woke up with Chance sleeping soundly beside me. I glanced at my phone and saw the
time. Umaga na pala.
Even though my body was sore in all the right spots and I was feeling so tired,
bigla kong naalala na hinahanap nga pala si Chance ng tatay niya. Tsk. Iisipin niya
na naman na bad influence ako sa anak niya kahit wala naman akong ginagawang
masama. He’s making me insane. I had no idea what I did wrong towards him yet it
seemed that my mere existence was enough to annoy him.
I gently tapped Chance’s face and that made him stirred in his sleep. “What?” he
mumbled softly.
Before replying, I stared at his face and smiled. Haaay. This would be the last
time I would be able to get this close. I would cherish this experience because
after this, all I could do is to reminisce. To think about the past about regret
about what could have been.
“Baka nagagalit na ‘yung dad mo...” I said.
Hindi man lang dumilat si Chance and instead, hinila niya ako pabalik sa kama at
niyakap. “Let later worry about itself. For now, cuddle with me,” he said before
dozing off once again.
Napangiti na lang ako. Bayaan na nga. Minsan na lang naman ‘to mangyayari...
I knew I was dreaming yet everything felt so real, so painful.
“Chance, I’m so sorry...” I kept on repeating. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.
Kulang na lang lumuhod ako sa harapan niya. I’ve long prepared myself for this
moment pero ngayong nasa harap ko na siya at nakikita ko kung ano ang reaksyon
niya, biglang nawala lahat ng paghahanda ko.

Damn. Ang sakit pa rin pala talaga.
He can’t even look at me.
“Chance...” ‘yun na lang ang tanging nasabi ko. I can’t even defend myself. I knew
I was the one at fault. Ako naman talaga ‘yung may mali, ako ‘yung may kasalanan. I
knew what I was getting myself into when I dated him yet I still made the wrong
mistake and here I was, suffering the consequences.
The silence enveloped us. It was more painful as each moment passed. Ang sakit sa
puso.
Napaupo siya sa kama niya at yumuko. He balled his fist.

“Chance, galit ka ba? Please, magsalita ka naman. Galit ka sa akin, ‘di ba? Magalit
ka pero ‘wag naman ‘yung ganyan...” pagmamakaawa ko sa kanya nung hindi siya
nagsasalita.
It really was my fault.
Tahimik lang siya. Hindi siya nagsasalita. Kinakabahan ako.
I was there, with my tears free falling from my eyes. I couldn’t stop them. I was
rendered useless and worthless. Tanging pag-iyak na lang ang kaya kong gawin
ngayon. Every damn thing hurt right now.

When he still didn’t speak after a minute, I kneeled in front of him and cupped his
face. Chance naman...
“Chance?” I kept on uttering as if it was on replay. “Chance...”
“Leave.”
I froze on the spot. His voice felt so cold. Ramdam na ramdam ko ‘yung galit sa
boses niya.
Unti-unti akong tumayo kahit na nanginginig na ‘yung tuhod ko. Everything in my

body was shaking and my mind was scattered all over the place.

“I’m sorry...” sinabi ko ulit. Kahit na sabihin ko ng paulit ulit, alam ko naman na
hindi na mababago nun na nasaktan ko siya. Pero kailangan ko ‘yung sabihin para
kahit papaano, mabawasan ‘yung bigat sa konsensya ko.
Kahit mahirap, tumalikod ako at nagsimulang maglakad. Every step was agonizing. I
wanted to stay there and beg for his understanding and forgiveness but I saw his
eyes... and I felt his pain.
“I asked you before, right?” He suddenly said, causing me to stop and freeze at my
spot. “I asked you before if you like my brother. Kung sinabi mo maaga pa lang, e
‘di sana wala ng nasaktan.”
His words pierced through my heart. Pero hindi naman ganun, Chance. I didn’t like
him when you asked me that. Ang unfair mo naman... hindi naman ako nagsinungaling
sa’yo dati. Hindi ko naman ginusto lahat ‘to.

“I’m sorry...” ‘Yun na lang ang pinili kong sabihin. Wala namang mababago kahit
magpaliwanag ako. Everything’s broken... Too broke to be even fixed.
“San ba ako nagkulang, Monique? I gave you everything that I could offer...”
“Chance, ako ‘yung may kasalanan. Ako ‘yung may mali, okay? I’m sorry.”
Inihilamos niya ‘yung mga kamay niya sa mukha niya. “Damn it. I’m so done with
love,” he said and then left me there crying.
I woke up with Chance tapping me. “Hey, are you alright? You sound like you were
having a bad dream,” sabi niya sa akin. Napaupo ako mula sa pagkakahiga ko at saka
niyakap ko siya ng mabilis. That dream felt so real! Naramdaman ko na basa ‘yung
pisngi ko mula sa pag-iyak. Akala ko totoo...
Para siyang totoo... Shit. Hindi ko alam kung gaano pang mas masakit ‘yun kapag
sinabi ko na talaga.
“Ayos ka lang ba?” sabi niya sa akin habang nakayakap ako ng mahigpit sa kanya.
Hindi ako sumagot at niyakap ko lang siya habang pinipilit kong tumigil ‘yung pag-
agos ng luha.
Hinayaan niya akong yakapin siya hanggang sa makahinga na ako ng normal. After that
humarap siya sa akin at tinanong ako. “What did you dream about?”
I stared at him and began crying again.
--
“Hey, you sure you’re fine?” he asked me over and over again after I took a bath. I
smiled at him and assured him na okay lang ako.
Inalalayan niya ako habang papaalis kami ng unit niya. I was tired but I could
still manage to walk, I guess. Nakarating kami sa sasakyan niya at hinatid niya
muna ako sa condo ko bago siya umuwi sa bahay nila. Medyo kinakabahan ako para sa
kanya. His father was asking for him last night tapos uuwi siya tanghali na.
Pero bakit ko ba inaalala ‘yung iisipin sa akin ng tatay niya? As if it would

matter after telling him what I did.
Sinamahan niya akong umakyat hanggang sa unit ko. Aayain ko pa sana siyang pumasok
sa loob pero naalala ko na baka nandun si Cassandra dahil sabi ni Trisha gagawa
sila ng paper. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Ang dami dami ko ng problema. Sobra
na.
Dahil sa isang maling desisyon, nagkagulo na lahat sa buhay ko.
We stopped in front of my door and he leaned in and kissed me on my forehead. “Rest

when you get in,” he said.
I smiled. “Ikaw din. Pag tinanong ng dad mo kung bakit ngayon ka lang umuwi, ‘wag
mong sabihin na ako ‘yung kasama mo, ha... Alam mo naman na mainit ang ulo nun sa
akin,” I kidded.
He showed me that crooked smile and then patted my head. “He’ll come around. If he
sees that I like you a lot, he’ll learn to like you, as well.”
I opted not to answer and instead, hugged him tight. Really, really tight. Kung
pwede lang na ‘wag ko na siyang pakawalan ngayon, e.
“Why do you keep on hugging me like I’m going somewhere?” he asked.
Niyakap ko na lang siya. Let tomorrow worry about itself. Right now, I would worry
about nothing and seize the day.
Pagkatapos ng mahabang pagyakap ko sa kanya, umalis na siya. I watched him walk

away and smiled bitterly. Tama kaya si Trisha? Bata pa ako at marami pa akong
makikilalang iba? But why did it feel wrong? Na kahit sino pa ‘yung makikilala ko,
nothing would compete. I already had the best yet I chose the wrong option.
Pagpasok ko sa loob—“Oh, my god!” I said and then clutched my hand to my chest.

Nakita ko si Lourd na nakasandal sa gilid ng pintuan. “Balak mo ba akong bigyan ng
atake sa puso?!”
He didn’t answer. He was just staring at me.
“What?!” I glared at him. Wala ako sa mood makipagtalo sa kanya. Pagod ako at
madami akong iniisip.
I was about to walk from him when he yanked my arm. “Lourd, ano ba?” I said, trying
to show him that I wasn’t in the mood to play with him. I didn’t get enough sleep
last night, I had a terrible nightmare, and my conscience was killing me. Can’t I
have a break? Wala na nga akong lakas na tanungin kung bakit siya nasa condo namin,
e. Pagod na lang talaga ako.
“I’m tired.”
“Tired from what?”

“Kailangan mo bang malaman lahat tungkol sa akin?”
His jaw tightened. I knew it was uncalled for but I really just can’t deal with him
right now. Masyadong magulo ‘yung isip ko.
“You smelled like sex.”
And that made me stop. Oh, God. Can’t I have a moment to breathe? Even just for a
few days. My time with Chance was ticking and I didn’t want to waste any of it by
arguing with Lourd.
Lazily, I turned to him. “So what if I do?”
I saw him close his eyes and contain his anger. “You had sex with my brother,” he
confirmed it himself. Bigla siyang natawa. “You won’t even deny it?”
“No. We had sex. Happy now?”
“Why are you being such a bitch?”
“Because you’re making me! Lourd, pwede ba, not now, okay?! Madami akong problema
at iniisip! ‘Wag ka ng dumagdag.”
Inalis ko ‘yung pagkakahawak niya sa akin at saka nagdirediretso papunta sa kwarto
ko. Hindi ko na siya pinansin dahil sa totoo lang, ayoko ng mag-isip. Kung pwede
lang i-shut down ‘tong utak ko sandali ginawa ko na.
Pero sinundan niya ako sa kwarto ko. God! What was wrong with him?! Can’t he take a
freaking clue?!
“What, Lourd? I’m tired right now so please leave me alone.”
Naupo ako sa kama ko at saka ipinikit ‘yung mga mata ko. Gustung gusto ko ng
magpahinga. Bukas, gusto kong samahan si Chance... Konti na lang sasabihin ko na sa
kanya kaya sinusulit ko lang ‘yung panahon na pwede pa kaming magkasama.
Napatingin ako sa kanya. “Lourd...” that’s the last thing I wanted to hear from him
right now. “Ano ba ‘yung gusto mong marinig mula sa akin? Alam mo naman na may
boyfriend ako, ‘di ba? Sana naman alam mo din na hindi sa lahat ng oras, pwede
kitang samahan. Na hindi ikaw ang priority ko. Na may posibilidad na may mangyari
sa amin ng kapatid mo. Alam mo naman ‘yun lahat, ‘di ba?”
He looked at me and gave me a mocking laugh. “I know yet it still stings.”
“I’m sorry.” ‘Yan lang naman ang kaya kong sabihin. Sorry. Sorry. Puro na lang
sorry.
He raised his hand to stop me. “No need, Monique. Sanay naman ako sa tira tirang
atensyon,” he said and then open the door behind him.
Tumayo ako agad at saka siya hinabol. Damn it, Monique! Bakit ba sa kanya mo
binubunton lahat ng konsensyang nararamdaman mo?!
“Lourd, wait,” I said bago pa man siya makalabas ng pintuan. I took a really deep
breath and then made him look at me. “I’m telling your brother about us the day
after tomorrow.”
“W-what?”
I wiped the tear from my eyes and looked at him. “I’m going to tell him...” I said,
my voice fading. Hindi ko namalayan umiiyak na naman ako. “I’m scared...”
He looked at me, drew a deep breath, and pulled me in for a hug. “Hey, stop crying.
He might hate us for what we did but I will always be here for you. I went this far
and risked my brother." He cupped my face and said, “Monique, I’m in love with
you.”
=================
-39-
Chapter Thirty-Nine

If I could only make sure that no one would bother us today, I would. Ngayon na ang
huling araw na makakasama ko si Chance dahil bukas, sasabihin ko na sa kanya. I was
pretty sure he wouldn’t forgive me but if there ever would be a miracle that he
would look pass my mistake, sa tingin ko hindi ko pa rin kayang humarap sa kanya.
But unfortunately, I needed to go to his parent’s party. Hindi ko alam kung bakit
may party pero sa tingin ko, hindi ko naman kailangang magtanong. I mean, rich
people throw party whenever they feel like it. And tonight’s a good example.
“Babe, sure ka ba na pupunta ka sa party? May graded recitation and quiz ka bukas,
right?” asked Trisha. I nodded at her and then looked at my vanity mirror once
again. I needed to look my best for tonight. “You’re ditching your studies. That’s
new.”
“This will be the last,” I said. “After nito, I’ll study to death.”
Tama naman. Right after this night, siguro sa pag-aaral ko na lang ibubuhos ‘yung
atensyon ko. Ayoko naman kasi na pagkatapos naming maghiwalay ni Chance, maging
pariwara ako. I would never be that kind of person. I would love, I would get hurt,
but I would never take my studies for granted.
“Okay. Kung san ka masaya,” she said and then she went back to studying.
Hindi naman sa hindi na ako nag-aral. I did study this morning but still, it felt
inadequate. Before, hindi ako titigil sa pag-aaral hanggang hindi ko nakakabisado
at naiintindihan mabuti ang isang concept. I was a sucker for mastery and
perfection. But this day, I should prioritize. After all, this would be the last
shot. Pagkatapos nito, I would dedicate all my attention to studying.
After minutes of prepping myself up, natapos na rin ako. It was a formal party so I
was kind of forced to wear a long gown. Sana kasi wala na lang party ngayon. I just
wanted to spend my night with Chance.
Originally, Chance wanted to pick me up from my unit but I declined since I’ve
already hogged him yesterday from his dad. Ayoko naman na hanggang ngayon kunin ko
siya. Besides, magkikita rin naman kami mamaya... Now, my problem was how on earth
would I go to his place? I can’t drive wearing this gown! Ayoko rin namang magtaxi.
Ayoko rin namang abalahin si Trisha sa pag-aaral niya. And there’s no way in hell
na magpapasundo ako kay Lourd!
I can’t even face him yet after he told me that he’s in love with me! Yesterday, he
got me tongue-tied. Ni si Chance nga na boyfriend ko hindi pa ako sinasabihan nung
three magic words... I would talk to him after I talk to Chance. ‘Wag muna ngayon.
Because I had no other option, I called James.
“Hey,” I started. I was about to ask for a favor. Sana lang hindi siya busy.
“Hey. Why?”
“Are you busy?”
“Hmmm. Not really. Bakit?”

“I’ll go to a party, e. Pwede mo ba akong ihatid?” I asked him, crossing my fingers
na sana pumayag siya. I would really hate to drive right now.
He stopped for a moment and then I heard noises from his background. Nasa party ba
siya? I looked at my phone and it’s still 7 in the evening. Masyado pang maaga kung
nasa club siya. “What party? I’m here at Manila Pen. Dito ka rin ba pupunta?”
Oh, shoot! How could I ever forget na magkakilala nga pala si James at sila Chance.
Malamang invited din siya sa party! Stupid Monique! Paano ako ngayon pupunta sa
party?
“Ah... Okay. Sige I’ll figure my way na lang,” I said and I was about to hang up my
phone when somebody butted in.
“I’ll pick you up.”
It was Lourd’s voice. Really, I can’t have a rest.
“No, ‘wag na,” I tried to politely decline. Tonight was about me and Chance. If it
would be possible, I wanted to have no interaction with him... But if not, let’s
keep it to a minimum. “I’ll take a cab na lang.”
“I’ll pick you up. Iniiwasan mo ba ako?” There was a hint of sadness in his voice.
Alam ko naman na nasaktan ko na siya kahapon nung wala siyang nakuhang sagot sa
akin. He told me he loves me and I stood there, saying nothing at all. Why should
I?
I love you is a statement, not a question.
I drew a deep breath and pacified myself. “No, hindi kita iniiwasan. I just told
you about my plans, right? Hindi ba pwedeng kami muna ng kuya mo ngayon?” I gently
said. I knew it would bring me nothing but headache kung makikipagtalo pa ako sa
kanya.
Tumahimik din siya and after a few seconds, binabaan niya ako ng tawag. That ass!
Hindi man lang marunong mag goodbye!
I bade my goodbye to Trisha again and went down kahit na medyo nahihirapan ako sa
haba ng suot ko. The guard outside was quite nice because he hailed a cab for me.
Pumasok na ako sa loob and then I was about to send a text to Chance but then I
remembered na minsan nga pala hindi siya nagdadala ng phone ‘pag party. Madalas
kasi ‘yung mga party ay puro siya pinapakilala ng father niya sa potential business
partners.
After a few minutes, we arrived at Manila Pen. The attendant ushered me in and then
I spotted James in a table. He was with few people I was quite familiar with.
“Hey,” I said and then sat down beside him. “Nagsisimula na ba?”
He shook his head and then I roamed my eyes around. There, I saw Chance. Tama nga
ang hinala ko, ipinapakilala pa siya ng father niya. Pinabayaan ko muna siya ‘dun
and James and I talked.
“Kamusta? Kaya pa ba?” he asked me while wiggling his eyebrows.

If not for the people around us, malamang hinampas ko na ng purse ko si James!
Nakakainis, e! Alam niya naman na magulo ‘yung sitwasyon ko kay Chance at Lourd
pero pinakausap niya pa rin ako. Nakakainis!
“Jerk!” I hissed. “You of all people know about my situation!”
Natawa naman siya and then he leaned back and sipped his champagne. “What could I
do? Lourd’s very persistent.”
I just rolled my eyes at him. Wala rin namang sense na makipagtalo ako sa kanya. He
wouldn’t be a very good business man for nothing.
Minutes later, the party began and it was a launching of another one of their
business abroad. Mag-eexpand na naman pala sila. I thought it was postponed because
of the Nathalia fiasco but I guess they moved on from that already. Madami naman
kasing investors sa Philippines, bakit kailangan pang pakasalan si Nathalia. I was
just happy that it didn’t push through.
Chance talked in front and I was so proud of him. At such a young age, he’s
achieved so much. Sana lang pagkatapos ko, ‘yung babae na magugustuhan niya, hindi
luka-luka kagaya ko. She should accept whatever he could offer, understands that
his world doesn’t revolve around her. She should learn to love his flaws.
I woke from my reverie when I felt someone kissing my cheek. “Hey,” he said after
that and then rested his hand on my shoulder. “Hungry?”
James stood up and said, “Labas muna ako.”

Chance sat on James’ seat and then played with my hands. “You wanna eat?”
Umiling ako and smiled at him. “Ikaw, kumain ka na ba? Kanina ka pa busy, ah.”
He nodded and then stretched his neck. “Yeah. Dad’s been introducing me to almost
everyone. It’s crazy.” Inabutan ko siya ng water kasi mukhang pagod na talaga
siya. Akala ko naman seryoso siya nung sinabi niyang magbabakasyon siya buong
buwan... Hindi pa rin pala totally. “You want me to introduce you to my family?”
Bigla akong nanigas. The first time I met his dad, kulang na lang tumakbo ako
palabas! I didn’t know but there’s really something about him that screamed ‘run
away! Danger ahead.’
Chance suddenly chuckled. “You’re so cute,” he said and then pinched my cheek.
“Come on. He doesn’t bite. He’s quite in a good mood, actually.”
My forehead automatically creased upon hearing that. His dad? In a good mood?
Weird.
“Bakit daw?” I asked, hindi ko na kasi mapigilan ang curiosity ko.
“There’s this business guy who has a daughter who’s quite into Lourd.”
“And?” I said. I had this hunch but I wasn’t sure. I was still quite optimistic
that the world I currently live in didn’t include forced marriage and marriage for
the sake of money, money, and more money.
Chance shrugged and then smiled. “I think he’s getting engaged.”
“What?!” hindi ko mapigilang medyo mapasigaw. What the hell? Ano ba ang tingin ni
Mr. Sandoval sa mga anak niya? Product? Ipinapamigay?
“Well, it’s not all surprising. Lourd knew he’ll end up marrying someone of our
father’s choice. That’s why he’s been delaying graduating from the university. Alam
niya kasi that once he graduated, Dad will marry him off.”
That rendered me speechless. That’s the reason why he’s still in UP... Akala ko
kasi may ibang dahilan... Na tinatamad lang siyang mag-aral. Why was I so
judgmental? Hadn’t I heard from Chance the real reason, I would forever think that
Lourd’s kind of stupid.
“Isn’t that unfair?”
Chance smiled at me and held my hand. “I really don’t know, baby. Lourd’s known
this all his life.”
Natahimik na lang ako hanggang sa makakain kami. I felt bad for Lourd. ‘Yun ba
‘yung reason kung bakit ayaw niyang magseryoso? Why he asked Laura to elope with
him before? Why was his life more complicated than what he was showing?
After eating, I excused myself. “I’ll just go to the washroom,” I said to Chance
and James.
“Alright. I’ll introduce you to my parents when you come back,” he said with a
smile. Oh, Chance.
Naglakad na ako papunta ‘dun while still feeling dazed. Lourd was getting engaged.
Wow. It came all too suddenly.
Pumasok ako ng comfort room ng biglang may humatak sa akin papasok ng cubicle. What
the hell?!
“Ano—what the?! Ano na naman?!” I fumed! Sabi ko na nga ba hindi ako matatahimik
kahit isang gabi basta nasa paligid ko si Lourd, e!
He suddenly hugged me and rested his head on my shoulder. “Two minutes. You’ve been
with Chance all night long. Kanina pa ako nagseselos...” he whispered in my ears
sending chills to my system.
Gusto ko sanang magreklamo pero ayaw ko rin... I just heard that he’ll be engaged.
I thought it was just my time with Chance that was ticking. Pati rin pala oras na
kasama ko si Lourd, bilang na rin.
I hugged him back.
“It’s been two minutes,” I said. “Okay na ‘yun, Lourd. Kailangan ko pang bumalik.
Ipapakilala pa ako ni Chance sa parents niyo...” I explained using a low voice.
Bubuksan ko na sana ‘yung cubicle when he pulled me back. Ugh! Paano na lang kung
may tao pala sa loob ng cr?!
“Don’t,” he said, his voice pleading. I avoided looking at his eyes because I might
get lost. Pareho ko na silang dapat iwasan. Chance will hate me and Lourd was about
to get engaged. I should really focus all my attention to studying.
“Lourd...” I said, asking him to let my hand go. “Let go.”
“Monique, you’re about to breakup with my brother tomorrow and then pumayag ka na
ipakilala ka sa parents namin? What the hell is wrong inside your brain? Paano
kapag pinakilala kita? What the hell would they think about you?”
I harshly yanked my hand away. “Who said na pwede mo akong ipakilala sa parents mo?
Lourd, when I said na iiwan ko si Chance, I didn’t mean na pwede ng maging tayo.”
He looked at me unbelievingly. I didn’t mean to hurt him but it would be easier

this way. He could hate me if he wants...
“You’re unbelievable, Monique Aldea. I just said that I love you and here you are,
breaking my heart again.”
I looked at him before I opened the door. “I love you is a statement, Lourd. It’s
not a question so don’t go begging for an answer,” I said and then opened the door.
I stayed inside matapos umalis ni Lourd. He was pissed off. And I didn’t want to
care about it. It was easier this way. Right now, I just wanted the easiest way
out.
I stared at my reflection in front of the mirror and gave a bitter smile. Ayoko na.
Nakakapagod na ‘yung nangyayari sa buhay ko.
“You really are a piece of work.”
My heart began pounding hard inside my chest when I saw their sister emerging from
one of the cubicles.
“Oh, my god,” bigla kong nasabi. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. My whole mind was in
a state of panic, in a pandemonium.
Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinawakan ‘yung kamay niya. “Please don’t tell Chance about
this,” I begged. My eyes were tearing up. Oh, God! What’s happening?
She raised her brow at me and then removed my grasp. “Don’t you touch me,” she said
with spite. “Why wouldn’t I? Sino ka ba para sundin ko?”
I began crying at the moment. I didn’t care if I looked pathetic. All I need was
her mercy.
“Please,” I begged hard. “Sasabihin ko naman sa kanya bukas, e... Let me have this
night...” I said in between sobs.
Kabadong kabado ako habang naghihintay ako sa sasabihin niya. But sadly, someone
knocked at the door. “Monique?”
Oh, for the love of heaven! Gusto ba niyang atakihin ako sa puso?!
“Y-yes?” sabi ko kay Chance na nakasilip sa pintuan.
“You’ve been gone for quite a while. Nag-alala lang ako...” he said worriedly. “Oh,
you’ve met my sister.”
I forced a smile and looked at her. “Y-yeah...”
Fier looked at me and then rolled her eyes before she left. “Bitch.”
Oh, god! Nakaligtas ako!
=================
End of Season1
#HTBWTBBSeason1Finale it's kind of a mouthful but pls do!! :)))) so I could read
your reactions! ;) -Eydee
Chapter Forty (Final Chapter for Season 1)
Lourd Simon Sandoval
“Uy, bro, okay ka lang?”
What the hell was wrong with that goddamn, stubborn woman?! Did she think I really
was just playing with her? If I was, then I wouldn’t have said that I’m in love
with her. Tingin niya ba sinasabihan ko kung sinu-sino lang ng I love you?
Lumabas ako dahil baka ‘di ko matantya si Monique. Minsan talaga mababaliw na ako
sa takbo ng isip ng babaeng ‘yun. Nakita ko si James na naninigarilyo dito sa labas
at humingi ako ng isang stick. I needed to relax because this would be a really
long night and I needed all the energy I could get.
“It’s Monique again, huh?” he said. I just remained silent. I really didn’t want to
talk about her right now. I’ve been in a pissed off mood the moment I saw Chance
with her. I wasn’t stupid, alright. I knew he’s the boyfriend and who was I anyway?
Tsk. I really began hating my life when I realized that the best role I could get
would be being second best.
I didn’t hate Chance... at least right now. I can’t hate him. We’ve been through so
much and I kind of love him. But Monique’s just... Oh, goddamn it. Why did I ever
fall in love with her? She’s been wrecking every good thing I have in my life yet
at the end of the day, she’s the only one who could make me smile and turn my world
upside down.
And indeed I have become a sissy, right?

“It’s not my problem but Lourd, she’s my cousin. Lay a finger or make her cry and
I’ll break your nose. Nakuha mo?” he threatened me.
I smirked at him. “Dude, she’s the one who’s capable of hurting me and my brother.
Do I get to break your nose for that?”
Napangiti at napailing na lang si James. Bakit ba hindi ako nakinig sa kanya dati?
He had warned me before that I shouldn’t get close to his cousin but I just
couldn’t contain my curiosity. After all these years, Chance was dating once again.
I was dying to meet the lady behind the miracle. I thought she’s got to be awesome
to be able to paint a smile on Chance’s face. He was in a state of pure devastation
before her arrival... But then even with James’ warning, nakipagkilala pa rin ako
kay Monique. Little did I know that by being friends with her I started a hole in
my relationship with Chance.
It was hard loving someone who you know will never be yours... Or at least even if
you fight, in the end you know your heart’s gonna get broken anyway.
It sucked. It really, really sucked. Even when I tried to date other girls,
Monique’s face magically popped out of nowhere. It was crazy! Alam ko naman na
girlfriend siya ni Chance and I knew where my place was so I backed off without
second thoughts. Let’s put it this way: if the ship is sinking and there’s only one
life vest and I have no fucking idea how to swim, I’d give up my chance of survival
for Chance. It’s the bro kind of love or something. I have no idea what I was
saying but my point was, I love my brother...
But then I’m in love with Monique Aldea and that made everything complicated. And
when she kissed me, she dangled this freaking hope in front of me and made me
realized that what if I fight for her?
A wishful thinking but hey, a man can dream.

“Asa ka pa,” James replied. “But what will happen if Chance finds out about this?”
I shrugged. I really hadn’t thought about it yet. “Bahala na.”
“Crazy asshole. Para sa babae tataluhin mo ‘yung kapatid mo,” he commented.
“She’s not just another girl, James. She’s Monique.”
“Ewan ko sa’yo. Just spare me from the drama once na mag-away kayo ng kapatid mo.
I’ve had enough,” he said.
And we remained silent right after. Hindi ko rin naman alam ang sasabihin kasi sa
totoo lang, ayaw pa gumana ng isip ko. Tomorrow, Chance will know about my
bullshits and I had no idea how he would react. I was hoping that he’ll punch me
and release his anger on me or anything in that area. I was worried that he’d be
silent and take it in silently. Because that’s what he did when Nathalia dump him
and it was worse. ‘Yung tahimik lang na kinikimkim? What a silent killer.
After a few minutes, one of Dad’s staff approached me and said that Dad’s looking
for me.
“What?” I asked him. I wasn’t in the mood for any of his shenanigans. Good thing
Chance wasn’t with him. Pinakilala na kaya ni Chance si Monique? Tsk.
Dad smiled at me and introduced me to someone. “Lourd, she’s Cassandra.”
“Okay?” I asked. Why was I being introduced to Cassandra? “What’s happening?”
But before Dad can even utter a word, he tapped my shoulder and whispered, “You
know what to do. Make me proud.”
I stood there looking at her like she’s grown another head. Wait... “What’s
happening?” I asked again although I had this weird and crazy idea in my head.
Cass shrugged. “Business. I’m sorry, Lourd. You’re the better choice! Dad would
have married me off to a complete stranger and then there’s you...” she said and
the bit her lower lip. “I’m sorry. But we can always break off the engagement soon,
if ever, right?”
Oh shit. I’ve always knew this day was coming but right now wasn’t the perfect
time. I had this problem with Monique and Chance and then magiging engaged ako kay
Cassandra... of all people?
Inabot ko ‘yung wine sa lamesa and drank it. Cass just gave an awkward smile. But
being that she’s Monique’s friend and I was kind of fond of her, sinamahan ko muna
siya sa lamesa and talked to her for a while. She’s really fun to be with but since
Monique mentioned that she’s jealous of her, medyo iniwasan ko na si Cass. It was
fun seeing Monique jealous but I really wouldn’t take it any further because she
might get hurt. Monique’s really fragile and I like taking care of her.
The whole party ended and we all went home. I didn’t get to see Monique because
well, ayoko rin naman siyang makita. I love her, sure, but I could only take enough
heartache in a day and I already reached tonight’s limit.
Umuwi na kami sa bahay and I was about to get inside my room when I heard Chance
and Fier talking inside Chance’s room. It wasn’t my idea of fun, eavesdropping but
it made me curious. Since when did Fier and Chance talk seriously? Weird.
“Fier, I’m tired. Pwede bang bukas na lang?” Chance said while he’s sitting on his
bed and removing his coat.
“No. Listen to me. Your girlfriend’s cheating on you.”
Shit! What the hell?!
“What?”
“Bingi ka ba or what? I said that your girlfriend’s cheating on you. What’s so

confusing about that?”
I was frozen on my spot and I was half thinking if I should leave or if I should
get inside and talk to him. But what the hell was wrong with Fier?! She’s been here
for a day only and she’s already ruining everything!
“Because Monique won’t do that to me. Can you just leave me alone?”
I was in the middle of deciding what to do when Fier opened the door and saw me
standing there like an idiot. “Oh. Good you’re here,” she said and then pulled me
in. “Ask this ass, Chance. And both of you, don’t hate me for doing this but I
really can’t stand the thought of some woman playing you both. Ayusin niyo ‘to.
You’re both better than this.”
Nakatayo ako sa loob ng kwarto ni Chance at hindi ko talaga alam kung saan ako
magsisimula.
“What’s she saying? Monique’s cheating on me?” Chance asked. Damn it I felt chills
crawling down my spine. I can’t do this. I can’t hurt him.
Tumalikod ako and began walking away. I really just can’t.
Naglakad ako pababa ng hagdan and I heard him tailing me behind. “Hey, what’s
happening?” sabi niya sa akin pero hindi ako tumigil. Lakad lang ako ng lakad
hanggang sa makarating ako sa harap ng sasakyan ko. I was about to open the door
when he stopped me. “Answer me.”
Hell I can’t even look him in the eye never mind answer him. “Don’t ask me.”
“Then who would I ask?” sabi niya. Medyo naiinis na ‘yung boses niya.
“Chance, I can’t do this, alright? You can’t make me.”
He stared at me and then fished for something inside his pocket and showed me his
phone. “Alright then I’ll ask Monique,” he said and then began searching for her
name. “You know I can’t do bullshits, Lourd. You of all people must know that.”
My hand started feeling cold when I saw him dial her number. Out of reflex, I
snatched his phone away. It would hurt if the betrayal we did come from my own
mouth but knowing that it would make Monique cry if she did it herself, it would be
twice worse.
“Don’t,” I said. I closed my eyes for a moment and then looked at him. “Chance...
Chance, I’m in love with her.”
“In love with whom?”
I balled my fist and took a damning deep breath. I really hate dramas and
confrontations much more. I really hate what was happening.
“I’m in love with Monique,” I finally said.
I kept my gaze at the ground. I can’t even look at him. I didn’t want to look at
him. I can’t digest the fact that I contributed to the thing that hurt him. I
didn’t want to hurt him but I have no control over my feelings. I fell in love and
if it was so wrong, then screw all the good things because I was ready to embrace
the bad things for her.
Hinintay ko na magsalita siya but I heard nothing. Shit! Why the hell again?!
Tumalikod lang siya at nagsimulang maglakad. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kaya
sinundan ko siya. Nakasalubong namin si Dad sa loob and he was looking at us.
“Dad,” Chance suddenly said. Kinakabahan ako sa tuwing magsasalita siya. Why
wouldn’t he punch me instead?! “The project in Australia, I can still get it,
right?”
Dad nodded and then said, “Yeah. Why? I thought you didn’t like it?”
“Does it even matter?” he said. Tangina what the hell was happening? He’s escaping
again! “When can I go?”
“If there’s no problem with your visa and passport, I think tomorrow would be
good.”
“Alright. Tomorrow then,” he said and the began walking again. Hindi ko na pinansin
si Dad at sinundan ko si Chance paakyat ng hagdan. Damn it! Ito na naman siya! I
didn’t know but I texted Monique. Ah shit! Paano pag umalis si Chance na wala
siyang kaalam alam? Hindi ko yata kayang magalit siya sa akin dahil dun.
Hindi ako nagsalita hanggang sa makapasok kami sa loob ng kwarto niya. He began
throwing his clothes inside his luggage. “Tatakas ka na naman?”
He still wasn’t responding. He was like this when Nathalia dumped him. He ran away
for a couple of months and when he returned, everything was different. And now it’s
happening again.
“Chance!” I said, binato ko ‘yung gamit niya sa sahig. “What the hell?! Why do you
keep running away?!”
For the first time since I told him, he looked at me. He wasn’t mad. He was calm.
And it’s way more scary. “I don’t like fighting with you, Lourd.”
“Pano si Monique? Iiwan mo na lang?”
“You don’t know anything about me and her so shut up,” he said.
“Wow. So aalis ka bukas and what will happen? Kami na lang? Ganon?”
He shook his head and began picking up his clothes that I threw. Hinatak niya ako
palabas ng kwarto niya at sinara ‘yung pinto. That asshole! Ano bang balak niyang
gawin sa buhay niya?!
--
The morning came and I really didn’t get enough sleep. And when the clock striked
7am, I rolled out of bed and then I saw Fier in the hallway. Bwisit na babae ‘to!
Kahit kapatid ko siya bakit ba ang hilig niyang makialam?!
“Si Chance?”
“Umalis na. Why?” she said with that sweet smile on her face. She’s crazy! Mabuti
na lang hindi siya pinakasalan ni Drake. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how to
live with this devious woman.
“What?!” I spat out.
“He left hours ago. Bakit ba? Mabuti nga ‘yun, e. Kaysa naman niloloko niyo siya.”
Hindi ko na inintindi ‘yung sinabi niya kasi dali dali kong kinuha ‘yung susi ng
sasakyan ko at sumakay sa sasakyan. Damn it, Chance! Pati ba ikaw bibigyan ako ng
atake sa puso?!
I tried calling Monique but she wasn’t picking her phone up. Oh hell!
“Hello?” I said to Trisha. She’s the closest to Monique.
“Uhm hey? Ano’ng meron?”
“Where’s Monique?” I asked while driving. I really was driving fast. Sana lang
hindi ako mahuli ngayon. I would really turn crazy if ever.
She paused for a while and then talked. “Yeah about that... what the hell’s
happening? Umuwi siya ng madaling araw na umiiyak and then she started talking
about passport and visa and then now she’s gone again. Really, ano’ng meron?”
I stepped on the brake with what I heard. “What?” I pulled up on the sideway.
I reached for the phone and placed it against my ear while hearing my heart beat
wildly inside my chest. “Alright. Si Monique, umalis kaninang madaling araw nung
nagtext ka and I still have no idea what you texted her. After an hour, umuwi siya
dito ng iyak ng iyak and she rummaged through her stuff and found her passport and
then went home and arranged her visa for Australia. I mean, ano’ng meron?
Magbabakasyon ba siya sa Australia in the middle of the school year? And kakagaling
niya lang ‘dun so it doesn’t make sense.”
I didn’t even get to say goodbye and drove my way fast. My mind was clouded and I
can’t think straight. Pagdating ko sa airport, ayaw akong papasukin ng guard and it
cost me the entire amount of my wallet to get my way through.
Pagpasok ko sa airport, I was running and I kept on dialling Monique’s number. She
wasn’t answering. Damn it! Hindi rin ako makapasok sa waiting area.
“Monique...” I breathed when she finally picked the call up. My voice was breaking
because of all the frustration.
She wasn’t answering.
“Monique, where are you going?” I sounded like a desperate person but I couldn’t
care any less anymore. I really was desperate right now.
“Monique, iiwan mo na ba ako?”
I really didn’t like crying. Ayoko ng umiiyak but the situation was forcing me to.
The thought of her leaving me was enough to induce tears from me. I love Monique
Aldea and it was enough for me to be crazy enough to try to steal her away.
“Lourd...” she began saying. I was standing in the middle of people I didn’t even
know and it was crazy how they were looking at me. Ngayon lang ba sila nakakita ng
umiiyak na lalaki? I was about to get my heart broken again. It felt like a
routine. “I’m going to Australia. Don’t look for me, alright?”
That shot right through my heart like an arrow with a really pointed tip.
“You don’t even know where he is...”
“I don’t care. Lourd, mahal na mahal ko ‘yung kapatid mo. The thought of losing him
was hurting me. When he broke up with me earlier, akala ko hindi na ako matitigil
sa pag-iyak. I can’t stand losing him. Lourd, I really can’t...”
So I was destined to get my heart broken once again.
“But you lost him the moment you kissed me, Monique. No matter how you beg, he’ll
never forgive you.”
“I don’t care. I love him.”
“And I’m in love with you. Hindi pa ba ako sapat, Monique? I’ll love you more than
he can. I’ll shower you with the attention that you badly want. Hindi ba pwedeng
ako naman?”
This was the lowest point of my life. Even with Laura, I didn’t beg like this. Now
was the first time I begged and even though I knew it was futile, I still did
try... Because I didn’t want to go around regretting what could have happened if I
did. I was placing my everything and if I lost, at least I got to do all that I
can.
“Lourd, you’ve been a good friend. Kung hindi man ako tatanggapin ni Chance, don’t
wait for me.”
“Is that what you really want?”
She didn’t respond. I guess I wasn’t even worthy of a decent and outright
rejection. She dumped me over the phone.
Before I ended the call, I said, “Remember this moment. This is the moment where
you lost the bad guy who is willing to be the best guy just for you.” And then I
began walking away.
=================
Season 2
Two months later...
From: fajardotrisha@gmail.com
To: moniquealdea@gmail.com
Okay. First of all, I arranged your leave of absence and you’re welcome. Second,
it’s been two months and you still haven’t contacted me thank you! Third, what on
earth is happening, Monique?!
--
Fourth months later...
Since you really don’t want to talk to me and it seems like you’re reading this
email, let me update you with all these crazy things. First, why the hell is— hell
I can’t even mention it! And please magreply ka naman! I’m seriously considering
renting your room seeing that you’re not coming home anytime soon!
--
Six months later...
Monique, where are you? Please come home. I miss you already... and Cassandra’s
slowly becoming my new best friend. You’re my best friend, right?
--
Seven months later...
This would be my last email since you don’t seem to care. I’d be moving out of the
condo and moving in with Cassandra. You’ve been ignoring us for months and you’re
hurting us. Pag umuwi ka dito, try not to hate us all because we really did try to
reach you out. Everything is different. Cass is different. Lourd is different. You
hurt him big time and now that he’s finally moved on, try not to mess with his head
again. Sorry for being unfair but you’re also unfair. We love you, Mon. We really
do. Come home when you’re okay.
--
Another three months have passed still, I couldn’t bring myself to go home.
Everything was a mess and I can’t face them looking like this. For the first two
weeks, I’ve been trying to talk to him and to apologize for everything that I have
done. But he wouldn’t face me, of course. I tried to go home and attend my classes
but nothing’s going in my mind. Kahit na anong pilit ang gawin ko, wala akong
matutunan. I begged my parents to let me go out of the country and breathe some
fresh air...
“Chance, kausapin mo naman ako!” I begged and begged but he didn’t listen.
Kinakabahan ako. Was he serious about going to Australia?!
He was pacing back and forth his room and I was there, crying.
“Just... just go, Monique. I don’t have time for this,” he said and then put some
more clothes in his bag.
It was two in the morning and I was crying and begging my heart out. I really did
screw up.
When he passed in front of me, I grasp his arm. “Chance, please...”

Humarap lang siya sa akin at tinanggal ‘yung kamay ko na nakahawak sa kanya.

“Monique, just go to Lourd and leave me alone.”
“Bakit mo ba ako pinapamigay?”
I just lost all the energy. Ang sakit sakit na ng puso ko. Parang kanina lang okay
kami, parang kanina lang gusto niya akong ipakilala sa parents niya...
“I’m not giving you away because you’re not even mine to begin with.”
I smiled at the fragments of memories. Parang dati ang sakit sakit pero ngayon,
kaya ko ng maalala ‘yun ng hindi napapaiyak. Those time spent alone did something
good in me. I was able to think clear.
Being alone made me realize that indeed I was crazy. I destroyed all the good
things I had in my life and now, I was ready to get everything back in order.
Chance said things that changed my mind. He’s right. I should get back and finish
what I started.
I reached for my laptop and composed a quick email.
From: moniquealdea@gmail.com
To: fajardotrisha@gmail.com
Coming home in a few days. See you!
=================
-A-
Chapter A
One time, my dad asked me to choose which the harder choice is: to leave or to be
the one left behind. At first, I thought being left behind hurts worse because you
would be always asking yourself what is it with me that lacks so much that the
people I love keep on leaving me. Hurts like a bitch, right? But after years of
living in this crazy place we call world, I dawn at a realization. Leaving hurts
worst.
As I roamed my eyes around the empty space, my knees felt like giving in.
“I told you that we should’ve gone straight to my condo,” James said as he opened a
bottle of water for me. Inabot ko iyon at dahan dahang ininom. Well, I wasn’t
expecting any of these... Well inasahan ko na pero witnessing it first-hand gave me
chills—the negative ones.
When I first decided that it was the right time to go back to the country, I
smiled. I missed everyone a lot and I just can’t wait to be back. Alam ko naman na
may kasalanan ako, I left without so much as a goodbye. But I just wanted to be
alone and to lament over things I did. I never wanted to banish from their lives...
Especially from my friends’...
James sat beside me and then drew a deep breath. I guessed he also knew about this
one.
“What happened?” I dared ask.
I looked at him and I could see uncertainty in his eyes. Come on, James! I wasn’t
stupid. I already knew what was happening. I just needed someone to confirm my
nightmares. I just needed for this to feel real... I just wanted to feel the pain
of being alone.
He looked at me for a split second and then leaned back on the couch. “After you
left, things started to change,” he began. “But promise me you won’t blame
anybody.”
It was a hard call to make. I knew I shouldn’t blame anybody for these were all on
me but after discovering how much my life had turned upside down, It was pretty
hard not to.
But I nodded anyway.
“When you left, Trisha started hanging out with Cass. I mean, every day. At first
Trisha was hesitant since she felt like she’s betraying you by being that close to
Cassandra but after you ignored her for months, she started not to feel guilty,”
James said and then looked at me with pity in his eyes. I hated it. Ayoko ng
kinakaawaan ako. I asked for this and I will fix this myself. I’ve been pitiful
enough for the past months, tama na ‘yun. I was back to rebuild my life, not to be
pitied by the people around me.
He was about to continue with his tell-tale when I stopped him. “Okay na,” I said,
meaning that what I heard for today was more than enough. I just got back and I
still needed to settle down before I go fixing things I broke.
“Is she mad at me?”
“I don’t know how girl’s mind works.”
“She’s mad, right?”
He sighed. “Maaayos niyo rin ‘yan. You always do.”
I smiled at him. “Sana nga. I can have all of them mad at me but not Trisha. She’s
the sister I never had.”
Ngumiti sa akin si James at niyakap ako. “Come on now, you’ll be fine. You’ve been
friends since forever, I’m sure magiging okay rin kayo.”
We stayed for a while and then ate. Gusto kong tanungin kung bakit galit sa akin si
Trisha. She’s been trying to tell something to me, I just didn’t have the heart to
ask her. I was in the middle of all my problems and I didn’t think adding one on
the pile would help me. I distanced myself from all of them but I didn’t wish for
them to forget about me, to build a life without me.
It’s only been less than a year yet it felt like forever has passed.
James looked at me and sighed. “Hindi ka galit niyan?”

I smiled. “James, I’m not mad. I’m tired of being mad. I just want to sleep and let
tomorrow worry about itself, okay?”
Tinulungan ako ni James na ayusin ‘yung ibang gamit ko na naiwan dito. I convinced
him that it’s alright for me to stay here kahit mag-isa lang ako but he wouldn’t
let me. He said that I might get really sad and depressed and god knows what I
might to do myself. He’s crazy.
After minutes of talking, he finally agreed.
“Alright, you stay here but if you need anything, you call me,” he said.
I smiled at him and then kissed his cheek. “Thank you,” I mouthed.
Pagkatapos naming ayusin ‘yung mga gamit, he left to fix some things and I was here
alone once again. I don’t think I would be ever used to being alone. It sucks. It
will always suck.
The morning came in fast and I prepared myself to go to the university. I was
thankful for Trisha since she took the initiative to arrange my papers but I still
feel a wee bit mad that she forgot about me. I knew I have no rights to be mad at
her but she’s my best friend. Akala ko kahit iwan ako ng lahat ng tao nandyan pa
rin siya. Hindi pala. She’s just like them.
Isn’t that the role of best friends? To be there when the whole world turned their
backs against you? To believe in you when you’ve given up on yourself? To encourage
you when you felt like you’ve already spent your last strand of hope?
It is but too bad not everyone gets to experience the luxury.
After a few minutes of driving, I arrived at the university. Memories came back
flooding my mind. I missed everyone. Namimiss ko na si Cassandra at si Trisha. I
just needed my friends back.
Inabot ako ng ilang oras bago ko natapos ‘yung process ng readmission. Pabalik
balik mula sa adviser’s office papunta sa OCS tapos sa Dean’s office tapos sa
University registrar. Nakakapagod! But I could say it felt good to be back. Staying
in Australia and wishing to be home did nothing good to me.
Pagkatapos kong magayos ng papers, I drove my way to Katipunan to eat. Having no

Trisha in my life, I felt so lonely.
I pulled over and then went in Chef Dogan Turkish Grill and Restaurant. Ah, really.
Can’t I get any more sentimental? We used to eat here all the time. I should talk
to her and apologize for disappearing. I was sure she’d understand. She knows me
better than I know myself.
As I began walking inside, my heart leaped out of my chest with what I saw. I saw
Trisha, Cass, and Lourd...
I badly wanted to come over but inside I knew I didn’t have the right to be their
friend anymore. I left them and ditched them without even so much as a glance. And
now I wanted to come back to them and be with them.
And Lourd. Oh, god, I didn’t even have half an idea of how to face him.
I was about to turn my back on them when I heard Cassandra calling me.
“Monique!” she said.
Oh, heavens.
With shaking hands, humarap ako sa kanila at pilit na ngumiti. Nakita ko si Trisha
na nagulat na makita ako. And I had no idea about Lourd’s. I can’t even look him in
the eye. I guess I was just too guilty about what I did to him the last time I saw
him. Everything came rushing back to me like it was just yesterday.
After calming myself down, unti unti akong lumapit sa kanila. The atmosphere was
weird and I just wanted to run from them. They didn’t feel the same anymore.
“Didn’t you see us?” Cassandra asked. “Bakit bigla kang tumalikod?”
Her questions were making me crazy. Didn’t she have any inkling about what happened
last year? Or was she pretending that everything was okay? Hindi ba niya alam na
galit sa akin si Trisha dahil ni hindi ako nagparamdam ng halos isang taon or maybe
because I acted like Joe Jonas and dumped Lourd over a phone call? It was
maddening.
I forced an awkward smile on my face and answered, “I didn’t see you.”

More lies, Monique. Because you never really learned from your mistakes.
The smile on Cass’ face grew and then she stood up and went near me and enveloped
me in a hug. Now, I didn’t know if she’s stupid or she’s acting stupid.
“Join us!” she said as she ushered me to sit down.
Habang nakaupo ako, I couldn’t feel but tremble within. I mean, was it really just
like this? Aalis ako at babalik na parang walang nangyari? I owed them an
apology... or explanation at the very least.
While waiting for the food that I ordered, my palm was twitching. I needed to ask
my question but I couldn’t with Cassandra just being in front of me. What if she
was clueless about everything? It could be... I mean, I really haven’t been able to
properly communicate with her since the night we had a row. And I didn’t tell her
about Lourd and me... Oh, it really was vexing!
After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, Cassandra stood up and excused
herself to go to the washroom. I immediately seized the opportunity and started
explaining myself.
“Trisha...” I began, afraid. “I missed you.”
The tears were threatening to fall and I was trying too hard to prevent them from
falling. Crying at this moment wasn’t exactly what I needed.
She was keeping her mum and not saying a damn thing. It just hurt the most when
your best friend decided to get you out of her life.
“Trisha,” Lourd began. “Why don’t you talk to her?”
She drew a really deep breath and then still did not look at me. “She’s three
months late, Lourd. I don’t have the right to be mad at her because that’s her life
but she just can’t expect me to smile at her once she decided to grace us with her
presence.”
That stung. I knew I deserved it but still, it hurt.
I bit my lip to prevent myself from crying because I cried enough to last a
lifetime. Ayoko na talaga sa totoo lang.
I will make it up to her because she’s my best friend but I just can’t deal with
this right now. Tumayo ako at nagsimulang maglakad when she said, “That’s where you
are good at, walking away when things are not in your favor.”
With trembling lips, I took every agonizing step away from them, away from the
people who once loved me and treated me like a family.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” I heard Lourd talking.
“Oh, my god! After all she’s done to you ikaw pa ang magtatanggol sa kanya? What
the hell did Cassandra do to you?”
“She’s a good person. She’s not perfect but we both know that Monique’s a good
person.”
“I know that she’s a good person but she’s changed. And I can’t live with the
change,” Trisha said.
I didn’t change. I was just hurt. And them ditching me all at once won’t help me at
all.
=================
-B-
Chapter B
“Chance, please naman kausapin mo ako...” I said, really tired of all these running
around and begging. I’ve been throwing my time around here but I still got nothing
but silent treatment. Minsan gusto ko na lang umuwi at umiyak at kalimutan lahat ng
nangyari. But I really just can’t forget about this. I needed his forgiveness... or
at least for him to listen to what I have to say.
I know it sounded so wrong, to be here begging for his time when I have a whole
life to live in the Philippines. But inside I know that I can never really move
forward with him hating me. Kailangan ko lang naman ng kapatawaran... even though
what I did is unforgivable.
“Monique, not now. I’m busy,” he said as he was walking out of his house.

It was his daily routine. Bahay-trabaho. He didn’t even have enough time to
breathe. It was like he was killing himself from too much work.
I followed his track and threw myself against the door of his car. “Talk to me,
please. Paano ako uuwi kung hindi mo ako papakinggan? I just want to explain
myself.”
The moment he looked in my eyes, I was lost. He didn’t show anything. He was always
strong. He was always void of any weak emotions. But now it wasn’t the case.
He looked hurt.
He looked utterly hurt.
“I don’t need your explanation,” he said with spite. He was controlling himself
like he always does.
“But I need to explain myself!” I begged. I just needed to let these out or else
mababaliw na ako!
Kahit na nakaharang ako, nagawan niya ng paraan na mabuksan ‘yung sasakyan niya.
Guess he really didn’t want to talk to me.
“I thought I was doing you a favor when I came here,” he began saying. “Don’t
stress yourself. It wasn’t your fault. It’s my fault that I trusted you.”

And then he sped away.
Memories with him came crashing in tiny fragments. Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako
makapaniwala na basta na lang matatapos lahat ng nangyari. Just like that. Things I
worked so hard for and fought for ended without so much as an explanation.
The start of class will start in a week and I still had all these time to kill. As
I roamed around the condo, my longing for Trisha strengthened. Kahit saang parte
ako tumingin, puro siya ‘yung naaalala ko. Breaking up with your best friend is the
worst breakup there is. You just didn’t breakup with a guy, you felt like you’ve
broken up with your other half.
Most often than not, your soulmate is your best friend, not your boyfriend. And
that’s precisely why I was hurting like a royal bitch.
James came by and brought me food. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ang OA niya sa akin.
It’s not like I was on the verge of being suicidal. It wasn’t like I was heading
that road either. Yes, this was a rocky road but I learned to be a sucker for
optimism the hard way. I was pretty sure things will get better.
“Wanna go out?” he offered.
I shook my head. Baka kasi makasalubong ko na naman sila Trisha. The world we live
in was surprisingly small. Magugulat na lang ako kaharap ko na pala sila.
I stuffed my mouth with a spoonful of ice cream. Yeah. It’s positive. James thought
I was depressed.
I’ve been itching to ask him. Hindi naman sa naghihinala ako or what—fine.
Nagtataka ako. I was wondering why Trisha said Cass changed Lourd. And why was
Lourd so calm when he saw me? Nakakapagtaka! The last time when talked, he was
shouting at me and telling me not to leave. And then that calm manner.
“What happened while I was away?” I asked. Ayoko rin kasi magtanong. It felt odd.
“What in particular?”
I didn’t answer. Hindi ko alam. I was just afraid to know the answer. I was afraid
of the reaction I might give. Lately I’ve been surprising myself on how much I
changed over the past few months.
All I got from James was a hopeful shrug. And I didn’t push for more. Some damn day
malalaman ko rin.
After eating my brunch, he left since he has work to do. The look on his face when
he was leaving annoyed me. Dahil walang kapatid si James na babae, ako ang ginagawa
niyang baby. Sometimes it’s endearing, sometimes it’s annoying. I was almost 20.
Having nothing to do anyway, I read a book. The Catcher in the Rye might seem
handy. Who knows someday I might need to cover a murder? Tsk. Maybe James was
right. Nababaliw na nga ako.
After drowning myself in the perfect world of fiction, I decided to go out and take
a walk. Nakakapagod din pala ‘yung wala kang ginagawa. ‘Yung parang hinihintay mo
na lang na matapos ‘yung araw. I wonder how those bums manage to get by every day.
I was walking by the busy streets of Makati when I bumped into Melissa. Shit. Bakit
ba ako lumabas pa? Awkward encounter!
“Monique,” she said. She was wearing an awkward mask. Alam niya rin kaya ‘yung
nangyari? I mean, ang pakilala sa akin ni Lourd dati ay girlfriend niya... Wala
naman siguro siyang alam sa lahat ng nangyari?
I gave out an awkward smile. Hindi naman kami close ni Melissa. Minsan lang kami
nagkita noon pag sinasama ako ni Lourd sa tambayan ng frat niya. She’s really nice
but I didn’t think I could be friends with Lourd’s friends. That spelled more
awkward encounters.
Nagulat ako nung bigla niyang hawakan ‘yung kamay ko.
“I’m totally in your side!” she began. “I mean, I totally get it kung bakit ka
umalis. I mean, who wouldn’t? Kahit naman siguro ako ganun din ang magiging
reaction if malaman ko na ‘yung close friend ko biglang engaged na sa boyfriend ko,
right? Don’t worry, I’m with you, Monique. I hate Cassandra’s guts. I mean, she’s
always in the frat house and para siyang linta na nakadikit kay Lourd. Kulang na
lang maglagay siya ng ‘Look at him and I’ll kill you’ sign sa noo niya!”
I was lost and the last thing I heard was the word boyfriend. What the hell was
happening right now?
“W-what?”
Melissa gave an apologetic smile. “It’s alright, Monique. I’m pretty sure Lourd’s
still in love with you,” she said and then clasped my hands inside hers and
reassured me.
Wala pa rin akong maintindihan sa mga nangyayari. Cassandra and Lourd? Engaged?
“Before I forget, uhm kasi Matty’s with Lourd right now and ‘yun... baka kasi
makasalubong mo siya or what. I’m just giving you a heads up,” she continued.
I was there, quite stoic about everything. I was quite sure that my life was some
kind of twisted story. Masyadong magulo. Masyadong madaming nangyayari and I could
barely keep up with it.
Before I even knew it, she was bouncing away. I was still processing everything
when I saw Matty with Lourd. Bigla akong nagtago nung makita ko silang naglalakad
palapit. I had no idea why I did it. Maybe reflex? I didn’t know! All I knew was
that I wasn’t ready to face him just yet. I was still bothered by the 360 of his
attitude. I was gone for just months yet the changes he showed astounded me!
I was peeping from behind the bench when they began to walk near.
“...cool. On a different note, will you please tell Mel to tone down her
bitchiness? I mean, what did Cassandra ever do to her?” Lourd asked.
I saw Matty shrugged. Shiz. Were they really together?!

“I’ll try. But you can’t blame her, man. You just introduced Monique to us and then
biglang whoa there’s Cassandra. But yeah, I’ll tell her.”
“Thanks. Cass is nice. And I just want a quiet life for a change.”
Matty snorted at his statement. “Yeah right. Quiet.”
They managed to walk away without noticing me but then, they left me wondering. Si
Lourd at Cassandra na? Since when? Oh, heavens. Things really did change while I
was away.
I was walking mindlessly after hearing about the revelation. Hindi ko alam kung ano
ang iisipin ko never mind kung ano ang mararamdaman ko. I mean, wala naman akong
magagawa kung sila na, ‘di ba? I did hurt Lourd, I would admit to that. And Cass...
I kept her behind the light. I never told her about my relationship with Lourd...
But why did Trisha let this happen? Hindi man lang ba niya sinabi kay Cassandra
‘yung tungkol sa amin ni Lourd?
I can’t understand anything anymore.
“Sorry—” I was about to apologize because I bumped into someone when I realized
that he smelled to familiar. I was afraid to look at the guy but it was just as
good as a dead giveaway. “Lourd,” I breathed.
He looked at me and then didn’t even smile. Basta pinulot niya lang ‘yung nalaglag
na gamit ko and gave it back to me. After doing that, he resumed walking.
Just like that. What happened?
Hindi ko alam kung saan na naman napunta ‘yung utak ko pero sinundan ko siya.
Nababaliw na naman ako. Pero hindi ko kasi alam kung bakit ganito ang nangyayari.
It wasn’t normal in the simplest sense. He was just too calm and it’s scary.
“Lourd!” I shouted at his back. He was talking to someone in his phone when he
stopped.
Hindi ko narinig ‘yung sinabi niya sa kausap niya when he turned to face me.
“What?” he said.
“Can we talk?” I grabbed the opportunity to talk to him, to say sorry for what I
did. Like I said, I needed to fix everything. Pagkatapos nito, I swear I will try
to move on with my life alone. Hindi kasi ako ‘yung tipo ng tao na natatahimik
hanggang hindi nakakapagsorry. I just wanted to let these all out.
Lourd looked at his watch. It felt weird. Dati kasi hindi siya tumitingin sa relo
kapag ako ang kasama niya. It was like time didn’t matter. But I guess things were
really bound to change one way or another.
“Bakit ba?”
“I just want to say sorry for what I did...”
I waited for him to sound angry or anything close to that shade be he didn’t. He
was so calm it was confusing me.
“Okay,” that was everything he said.
“Hindi ka galit?”
For the first time, he looked directly at me. Those were the same eyes yet these
were different emotions.
“I don’t want to be mad. I can’t be mad.”
“Why?” I dared ask.
I waited for him to say anything, just anything. Nababaliw na ako. Hindi ko alam
pero may mali sa ikinikilos niya. He was like a ticking bomb waiting to explode.
“I can’t hate you. Hatred is a passionate feeling and I can’t be passionate about
anything related to you.”
I took an attempt to touch him but he flinched at the slightest touch.
“Don’t touch me,” he said. “Just don’t, Monique.” And then he walked away.
=================
-C-
Chapter C
I tried texting Trisha over and over again but she wasn’t replying. Hindi kasi siya
sumasagot sa tawag ng hindi niya kilala but when I texted her that it’s me,
Monique, that’s when I got myself blocked. Nahirapan pa naman ako na kuhanin ‘yung
bago niyang number mula kay James.
This was turning to be harder than I thought.
Malapit na magsimula ang pasukan kaya dapat ayusin ko na ‘yung sa amin ni Trisha. I
stopped for a year so I was pretty sure I got plenty of things to run after. And
considering that Trisha and Cass are now ahead of me, nasa practicum na sila while
I’ll be stuck in the university. If I really wanted to mend our friendship, I
needed to do everything I can never mind the backlashes that I might receive from
the other end.
I was inside my unit once again. I didn’t have the heart to go out because the more
I go out alone, the more I realize that I was actually alone. I was never alone in
my entire life. Just now. And it wasn’t easy to understand nor to accept.
Halos one week pa bago magsimula ‘yung klase kaya meron pa naman akong oras para
kausapin si Trisha pero ang problema ko, ayaw niyang magpakita sa akin. Baka kasi
umuwi ‘yun sa Nueva kapag pinuntahan ko sa unit ni Cass and that would be much
harder.
So I was lying on my couch and eating ice cream when the bell rang.
I instantly jumped from the couch. Surely it wasn’t James since kakapunta niya lang
dito kaninang umaga. Sino naman kaya ‘to?
I was pretty excited to open the door because I was deprived of visits once I got
here. Sino ba naman kasi ang bibisita sa akin? Wala na akong kaibigan maliban kay
James. I should have made more friends before para hindi ako ganitong mukhang
kawawa.
I checked the monitor first before opening the door. And there was Cassandra.
Bumilis ‘yung tibok ng puso ko nung makita ko na siya ‘yung nasa labas ng pinto.
Bakit kaya siya nandito? Lately, I’ve been seeing myself scared to wits when it
comes to Cass. I was just afraid of her, hindi ko alam kung bakit. But maybe
because she has Trisha and Lourd. She has my life.
“Hi,” I simply said.
She smiled at me and said, “Hello.”
I was waiting for the awkward moment when she closed the distance between us and
then enveloped me in a hug. She hugged me tight and then uttered, “Magbati na kayo
ni Trisha. Nahihirapan na ako.”
For a second, I was lost. I thought she liked this whole fracked up scenario? Akala
ko masaya siya na wala na ako sa buhay nila. I wasn’t mad at her... I was never mad
at Cassandra. I knew I was at fault, too. I never told her about Lourd and I. She
never had anything to do with me choosing to ignore Trisha. I understood her if
she’d hate me but I can never hate her for that.
The words were lost in transition. Hindi ako makapagsalita. But she kept on hugging
me.
“Please talk to her, Monique? You know how stubborn Trisha can get. She misses
you.”
“Galit siya sa akin,” I finally managed to utter.
Cass looked at me and then held both of my hands. “Mon, she’s your best friend. At
kapag best friend mo, hindi mo dapat sinusukuan.”
Slowly, a smile crept onto my face. I knew I was right. Cass was my friend; she’ll
never hurt me intentionally.
After that, she pushed me to go take a long bath and to prepare myself. Sabi niya
maglulunch daw kami kasama si Trisha para once and for all, maayos na ‘yung
problema namin. I smiled to myself. I was wrong a while ago. I was right to have
only Trish and Cass in my life. Mas okay na ‘yung konti nga lang ‘yung kaibigan mo
pero totoo kaysa naman ‘yung madami nga pero ginagago ka naman pag nakatalikod.
I was glad that my life didn’t turn completely cinematic. Sa movies kasi ginagawa
nilang kaaway ‘yung kaibigan just for the sake na maging madrama ‘yung kwento. I
didn’t like that. In real life, friends are supposed to stick to each other, not
kill each other.
An hour of preparation and I was ready to go. Frankly, I was really worried.
Trisha’s like the back of my hand. I knew her too well... and I knew this was going
to be harder than I thought. But what the hell she’s my best friend and there’s
nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
“I’m ready,” I said to Cass. Papalabas ako ng kwarto nun nung nakita ko siya na
tinitignan ‘yung mga gamit ko. It was fine but then I realized that there were
photographs of me and Lourd somewhere there. Bigla akong tumakbo at inagaw sa kanya
‘yung hawak hawak niyang box.
Damn that was close.
“Chill,” she said, smiling. “Sorry. Dati naman kasi you don’t mind me going over
your things.”
I gave her a timid smile. I didn’t mind her looking at my things but this was a
different scene. She’s with Lourd and this wasn’t the right time to break the news
to her. Sasabihin ko naman... but definitely not now. Maybe when I fixed my
problems with Trisha then I’d be prepared to fix another problem that would arise
from my old flame with Lourd.
I didn’t explain myself further, next time ko na iyon poproblemahin. For now, I
will fix my issues with Trisha. That needed to be solved the most.
I drove to the resto since she said she’ll be going to meet Lourd shortly after. I
didn’t react on that. That’s her life. If she’s happy—truly and wholly happy—with
Lourd, who was I to feel bad?
He said it himself... I let go of the bad boy who was willing to be the best guy
just for me. I already messed up my chance. It’s Cass’ turn already and I just wish
she wouldn’t break Lourd’s heart like what I did. He deserved the best girl.
After a short while, we arrived at the resto. I would admit that I was panicking
deep inside. Kinakabahan ako how this would turn out. If this made our situation
worse, I would really feel bad. Gustung gusto ko ng makipagbati kay Trisha. I
missed my best friend so freaking bad.
When we were about to enter the premise of the resto, I abruptly stopped. I needed
to calm the horses inside my chest.
Cass held my arm and smiled at me. “Don’t fret much. She’s Trisha, she’s your best
friend.”
That was supposed to calm me down but instead, I panicked harder. That was the
point—she’s my best friend! Kung magkakagulo lalo, mas masasaktan ako. I needed to
be careful with the words I would use. This would either make or break our
treasured friendship.
While taking steps, I was feeling really nervous. This was it!
“Trish,” Cass called Trisha who was attending to her phone. Palagi niya namang
hawak pero ni isang text hindi siya magreply sa akin. I really feel bad.
“One sec,” Trisha replied. Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Nung unti unting
tumingin siya, her face became void of emotion.
I tried not to cry. This was making me really sad.

“Trisha...” I softly called her name.
Instead of looking at me, she shot Cass a look. “I thought we talked about this
already, Cassandra?”
“I know, okay? But intindihin mo naman ako. Kaibigan ko kayong dalawa and seeing
you behaving like this is making my head ache. You two are the best of friends and
don’t let miscommunication ruin your friendship. Seriously.”
Trisha’s jaw tightened. “You know my reason.”
Nanlalamig na ‘yung kamay ko. We were still standing and few people were giving us
confused looks.
“There are always two sides in a story. I heard yours and I still haven’t heard
Monique’s. Let’s talk about this over lunch, okay?” Cass said and then sat down.
Pinaupo niya rin ako kaya lang pakiramdam ko hindi ako makagalaw. Seeing how
hostile Trisha was toward me was breaking my heart. When did we become like this?
We used to be so close... and now being close seemed too painful.
My mind was somewhere else when I placed my order. Ayokong kumain dahil masyado
akong kinakabahan. Ngayon, gusto ko na lang magsorry kay Trisha at ipaliwanag sa
kanya lahat ng nangyari. I would do everything just to have her back in my life.
Having in mind that the meal would be served not soon enough, I drew a deep breath
and then began my suicide mission.
“Trisha,” I began. “I’m sorry.”
I was sincere. I was sorry. Before when I was taking her for granted, I never
really did consider how she would feel. I was wallowing in my own pool of self-pity
that I forgot I still have a whole life I left in the Philippines. I forgot about
the things that matter because I was heartbroken. And now I was facing the grave I
dug for myself.
Cass had noticed the tension between us that she excused herself.
The moment she left, I continued my apologies.
“Trisha, look, I won’t give any excuses because I know I was wrong. I’m sorry.
Hindi ko naisip na ganito ‘yung kalalabasan ng ginawa ko. It was my fault... I was
too absorbed with my own pain that I forgot other people exist... I’m sorry for
taking you for granted, for being such a bitch, for everything. I’m sorry,
Trisha...”
She still wasn’t talking and it was beyond painful. That feeling when you’re
throwing your pride away for someone yet in the end, it was still not enough.
Nothing will ever be enough.
“I’m sorry...” I whispered, my voice breaking. I finally let go of the tears I was
holding back. Bahala na. I just can’t contain it anymore. Kaya ko naman na magalit
sila sa akin but not her. She’s my best friend. It was just too painful for words.
I was silently wiping the tears off my face when I noticed there was a pack of
tissue in front of me.
Tears flew even faster when I saw her giving that to me. She still cares...
“Galit ako sa’yo,” she instigated. “Best friend mo ako, Monique. You know how much
I care for you. Bigla bigla ka na lang mawawala ng walang pasabi! You could’ve
texted me or at least said, ‘hey, aalis ako. Bye!’ That would have been enough!
Lahat ng tao sa akin ka hinahanap tapos wala akong masabi kasi ako mismo na best
friend mo, walang malay kung ano na ang nangyayari sa’yo. I had no idea kung nasa
Australia ka pa ba o kung saang lupalop ng mundo ka napunta.
“You’re so selfish, Monique. Every time you’re hurt, other people are hurting, too.
Just because you think it’s too painful doesn’t mean life is unfair. Some people
got it worst.”
I kept on muttering ‘I know’ and ‘I am sorry.’ Iyon lang naman ang masasabi ko.
Alam ko naman na ako ‘yung mali and I would accept everything she would say, just
anything mapatawad niya lang ako.
Minutes after her outburst, I asked her. “Galit ka pa ba sa akin?” I was taking my
chances...
“I am mad at you. You don’t know how much you hurt me. Isang email lang naman,
Monique. Gano ba kadaling gawin ‘yun? You’re still my friend but don’t expect me to
jump with joy dahil dumating ka. Things change.”
‘I was your best friend...’ gusto ko sanang sabihin. In less than a year, I was
demoted to being just a friend.
“Lourd’s with Cassandra now,” she said before I could even recuperate from her
previous statement. I bit my lower lip and nodded. “Walang alam si Cass sa nangyari
sa inyo ni Lourd noon...”
I knew where this conversation was heading. Lies. Puro na lang kasinungalingan.
Ayoko ng magsinungaling. Dahil dyan, nasira ‘yung buhay ko na gustung gusto ko. But
now, I was being forced to lie yet again. When will this cycle end?
“What do you want me to do?” I asked even though I already knew the answer.
“I don’t want you to lie to Cass but...” she trailed off. “She’s really insecure
with you. You betrayed her when you dated Chance and now, if she knew that you were
with Lourd, things will be messy yet again.”
My breathing became uneven. I didn’t know about that. Hindi ko alam na sobrang
naapektuhan siya sa nangyari sa amin ni Chance... I thought things were going well
for her because she was dating before... Wala pala talaga akong kwentang kaibigan.
Slowly, I nodded.
“I don’t want you to do this, Monique, but it’s for the best.”
Was it?
“You both good?” Cassandra said. She was smiling at us, hoping that everything
between us was fine. Sana nga... pero magsisinungaling na naman ako. And I knew
where this was heading at. Another batch of lies. Another painful ending. “Great!”
she beamed when Trisha promptly nodded. “Now that you two are finally on talking
terms, I’ll formally introduce my boyfriend to my two best friends,” she said. “Oh,
nasa labas na pala siya. Wait for me!”
While waiting, Trisha and I were looking at each other. I had no idea how to treat
Lourd like nothing happened. What was between us was something that can’t be taken
as if nothing happened. There was too much history.
“Guys, you know Lourd, right? He’s finally my boyfriend,” Cass said gleefully.
I stood up and here goes nothing.
=================
-D-
Chapter D
Saying that my breathing stopped momentarily when our eyes met was an
understatement in all senses. In fact, my heartbeat started to raise
overdramatically and the face I tried to pull off came as a bit scripted. But
nevertheless, I went with what Trisha asked me to do.
Of course I’d be willing to do anything para sa pagkakaibigan namin. If I would be

asked one thing that I learned to treasure the hard way, it would be my friends.
“Hi!” I tried to sound as casual as I could be. Sana ‘wag mahalata ni Cassandra.
Lourd looked a bit surprised na nandito ako. Hindi naman na ako nagtaka. Alam ko
naman na as much as he could have wished, ayaw niya na akong makita. But that wish
was almost too impossible. He’s dating my friend and we were bound to meet one way
or another.
He took a seat and then said, “Hello.”
Hindi ko alam kung ako lang ba ang nakakaramdam pero sobrang awkward ng pangyayari.
If I could just run and pretend this lunch never happened, I would. But I ran from
my problems far too many times that it lost its merit to be a choice anymore.
Whatever may come, I’ll just brave it the way I should have had.
Nagsimula na kaming kumain, I was trying hard to listen to their conversations but
I can’t. Masyado akong kinakabahan dahil nasa harap ko si Lourd. Alam ko kasi na
marami akong kasalanan sa kanya. I was just too ashamed to face him.
Would it be okay if I just pretend that it was the first time I saw him? Would it
be justifiable if I say that I just wanted to erase every agonizing thing that
happened between us? It was just too painful for words.
“Bakit ang tahimik mo, Monique? Masama ba ang pakiramdam mo?” Cassandra asked me
worriedly. Kanina pa kasi ako nagsespace out. Mas okay na magspace out kaysa
makinig ako sa mga pinag uusapan nila. Hindi kasi ako makasunod. Parang nagkaroon
na sila ng bagong mundo sa mga panahon na nawala ako.
Gaano ba katagal ang 10 months para maramdaman ko na parang ilang taon akong
nawala?
Instead of answering, I just smiled. Mas okay na ‘to. Less talk, less mistake.
“Nakapag enroll ka na ba?” Trisha asked although her voice was icy.
Napangiti ako. She’s worrying about me. It was a good sign, right? Kahit na ang
lamig ng boses niya nung tinanong niya ako, at least nag-aalala siya. I could live
with that.
I faced her and smiled warmly. “Kahapon naayos ko na ‘yung papers. Naghihintay na
lang ako ng online reg... Kayo ba?”
She started talking about their practicum and how she and Cass would be working
under the same NGO. I felt a pang of jealousy hit my gut. Nagseselos ako kasi mas
close na sila ni Cassandra. Alam ko naman na ako ‘yung may kasalanan. I gave her
space and apparently, someone moved in to that space. I had no choice but to live
with the regret.
But I had every right to be jealous—I think. I just can’t get it to my head that
she’s closer to someone. It felt like the silliest idea inside my head.
“Akala ko sabay tayong gagraduate,” I said before I even knew it.
The look on her face when she heard that gave me reason to hope. She looked sad for
a second before she managed to cover it with her mask.
So instead she shrugged at me.
Pagkatapos noon, nanahimik na ulit ako. Nag-usap na si Cass at Trisha kung gaano
sila ka-excited sa practicum nila.
Pwede bang umalis na? Pakiramdam ko sobrang unwanted ko dito. And Lourd was looking
at me which made everything more unbearable.
“Nasan si Chance?” he suddenly asked and I was caught off-guard. It was the first
time he initiated to talk to me.
My mouth felt dry and I didn’t know how to respond to his question. Ako rin kasi ay
naguguluhan sa kung ano ang nangyari sa amin ni Chance. Every time I would try to
understand what happened, I can’t understand a damn thing at all.
He was so cryptic and I can’t read him... and I was wondering if I’ll ever get to
read him.
“Hindi mo ba siya nakakausap?”
My heart was pounding hard. Why was he being like this with Cass just beside him?
Akala ko ba ayaw niya na malaman ni Cass because that was what Trisha told me... He
was being indifferent.
He rested his back and then crossed his arms. I looked at him and he looked
completely just the same. Same jet black hair, piercing black orbs that smile that
scream danger. He was still the Lourd Simon Sandoval I knew... Only now he hated
me.
“Do you honestly think makakapag-usap kami pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari?”
I bit my lower lip as he answered. He would always remind me of my wrong doings.

Hinding hindi ako makakatakas sa mga ginawa ko dati.
“I’m sorry...” was all I managed to say because after all, it was all I could
offer. I can never mend what was broken, and I can’t help him pick the pieces.
Nandyan si Cassandra. The best thing I could do was to stray away as much as I
could and wish him a happy ending.
I glanced at Cass and Trisha and they were still animatedly talking about their
practicum. When I looked at Cass, I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. Dati ako
ang nasa posisyon niya pero ngayon, nasaan na ako? I broke everything and now I was
living with the aftermath. The joke was on me.
I lowered my gaze and silently wished for this moment to end.
After mentally torturing my head, I figured this won’t do. I grabbed my phone from
my purse and showed it to Cass. “I have to go, may naghahanap sa akin,” I said as
an excuse.
Tumayo na ako but I was stopped when Lourd decided on being an ass yet again. “Say
hi to Chance for me,” he said.
I stopped myself from assaulting him with the fork and just smiled at them and
graciously walked my way out. Nasira na ang buong araw ko dahil sa kanya. I really
thought he changed when Trisha said that Cass changed him... He changed. Dati
mabait siya sa akin pero ngayon palagi niya na lang akong sinusumbatan. But I
deserved it so I kept my mum.
That afternoon, I stayed inside the confines of my condo unit and waited for the
day to end.
The morning after, I woke up to the aroma of bacon. Hindi naman na ako kinabahan
dahil sanay naman na ako na pinupuntahan ni James tuwing umaga. Nung unang ginawa
niya ‘yun, munti ko na siyang paluin ng baseball bat! Hindi man lang kasi
nagsasabi! Malay ko ba kung magnanakaw siya?! He was being a really protective
cousin and I love him for that. I will forever love James.
“Morning,” I said and then sat on the stool by the kitchen island.
He greeted me as well and then he placed a mug of hot chocolate in front of me.
“Magbihis ka mamaya.”
“Ano’ng meron?” I couldn’t help but ask.
He showed me this Cheshire grin. “Basta,” he dismissed.
“Ano nga? Tell me or hindi ako mag-aayos,” I warned him. Mamaya kasi ipahamak pa
ako nito! There’s no telling how crazy he could get para lang masigurado na hindi
ako depressed.
He finished frying the bacons and then placed the plate in front of me. Now, I was
feeling the hunger due to skipping dinner last night. Masyado na kasing masama
‘yung loob ko sa mga nangyari kahapon kaya pinili ko na lang na matulog. Ang boring
ng buhay ko.
He sat in front of my and then began. “Remember Theo?” he said at muntik na akong
mabilaukan. He chuckled at my reaction. “I would take it that you still remember
him.”
I raised my brow as high as I could. “Ano’ng meron dun?”
“Kakauwi niya lang from Germany. May welcome party sa kanya mamaya kaya isasama
kita.”
My jaw fell with what I just heard. What was wrong with James?! Bakit niya ako
isasama sa welcome party ng ex ko?! Nababaliw na ba siya?!
“Seryoso ka?” I just couldn’t help but ask.
He nodded.
“You’re crazy,” I said, immediately dismissing the idea.
Mayroon pa akong problema sa kaibigan ko, kay Lourd, kay Chance, sa pag-aaral ko,
hindi ko na kayang mag multitasking. Adding Theo to my pile—or rather tower of
problems would make me insane for good.
I stuffed my mouth with bacon and wheat bread. Hindi talaga ako sasama sa kanya.
Theo and I didn’t exactly breakup. Just one day I woke up he left me for someone.
‘Yun ang dahilan kung bakit galit na galit ako kay Cassandra dati nung iyak siya ng
iyak para kay Chance dahil nakita ko ‘yung sarili ko sa kanya. I was just like her
back then. And Theo was the reason why I tried so hard to keep my relationship with
Lourd to just being friends.
Because I once tried to date the bad boy but it got me nowhere. I got ditched and
got myself a broken heart to nurse. It really wasn’t that fun dating the bad boy
because sometimes, they’re just bad.
“Come on! 3 years na, bitter ka pa rin?” he teased me.
“James, may mga bagay na kahit gaanong katagal, masakit pa rin.”
“So, you still have feelings for him?”
I nodded. “Hatred. I hate him.”
“Pwede na rin. So, daanan kita mamayang mga 3pm, ha? 3-7 ‘yung party, e.”
Hindi na ako nakapagsalita dahil dali dali siyang lumabas. What the heck?!
Sinubukan ko siyang habulin palabas at habang naghihintay siya sa elevator,
nagsalita ako. “James, bakit ba? Alam mo naman na ayokong makita si Theo. Not now,
not ever. Hindi sa bitter ako pero ayoko lang talaga siyang makausap kahit kailan.
Bakit mo ba ako pinipilit?” I asked him.
Huminga siya ng malalim and faced me. “Monique, I know what happened between you
and Chance and I agree with him...” he said. Napayuko ako. Was it wrong that I
decided to tell James the whole reason why I came back? Na sinabi ko sa kanya lahat
ng napag-usapan namin ni Chance nung nasa Australia pa ako? “I’m doing this for
you.”
My jaw tightened. Kahit alam ko na tama si Chance, hindi ko sinunod ‘yung sinabi
niya. It was just too crazy. I can’t risk everything again.
“Huwag na, James. I’m fine, really,” I assured him.
He smiled at me and patted my head.
“Lourd and Cassandra are together for business’ sake.” My head went on a swirl with
what I just heard. “I’m not in the position to tell you this but you and Lourd need
to talk and get back together,” he said and then smiled again. “He loves you and
I’m putting Theo in the picture to tell him that there’s a competition.”
And then he left me. He’s crazy. Lourd hates me.
=================
-E-
#HTBWTBB Chapter E

I went to the gym after James left. I ran on the treadmill to kill the stress away.
Ngayon pa lang na iniisip ko na magkikita kami ulit ni Theo, sumasakit na ‘yung ulo
ko. I tried my best before to completely take him away from my life. I blocked him
in all social networking sites, changed my number, begged my parents not to tell
him where I was living. I tried everything yet now, ako pa mismo ang lalapit sa
kanya through this stupid party.
Habang tumatakbo ako, naisip ko na pwede kayang ‘wag na lang akong umuwi sa condo
para hindi ako makita ni James? I could check in in some hotel para makaiwas. Ayoko
kasi talagang makita si Theo. He was the first guy in my life that I gave so much
importance yet he managed to tear me apart.
After an hour of endless running, I stopped and grabbed my tumbler.
I was about to drink my water when my phone vibrated. Tinignan ko ‘yun at nakita ko
na nagtext si mama. Weird. I mean, hindi naman kasi siya nagtetext ng ganitong oras
since may duty siya sa hospital. Both of my parents are doctors, neurosurgeon to be
exact. Basically, si James ang guardian ko since sa US based talaga sila mama at
ayokong sumunod doon.
From: Mama
Theo informed me that he’s back in Manila. Winks
Biglang sumakit ‘yung ulo ko sa text ni mama! Bakit nga ba nakalimutan ko na

biggest fan nga pala siya ni Theo? Masyado kasing natuwa si mama nung nalaman niya
na may-ari ng hospital ‘yung family nila Theo. Hindi ko alam kung gold digger ba
‘tong nanay ko o ano. Sobrang nalungkot siya nung nalaman niya na nagbreak kami. Oh
well. Mabuti pa si papa nirerespeto ‘yung desisyon ko that Theo’s an ass.
I shook my head and then placed my phone back in my bag. This would be a long night
ahead.
Afterwards, I showered and then went to the spa. I was indulging myself. It was
needed, anyways. Masyado na akong stressed out lately at nararamdaman ko na mas
masstress ako sa mga susunod na araw. Now that Theo’s back in town and James was
planning on making my life more miserable that it ever was, I needed to pamper
myself now more than ever.
My watch said it was 3pm already and I was still in the spa. Kanina pa nagvvibrate
‘yung phone ko pero hindi ko pinapansin. Sigurado naman ako na si James ‘yun at
hinahanap kung saang parte ng Pilipinas ako nagsuot.
Plano ko pa sana na manood ng sine hanggang last full show pero naaawa naman ako
kay James. He was just trying to fix my problems pero eto ako, takbo ng takbo.
With that in mind, I finally picked his call up and told him where I was. A few
minutes later, nandito na kami sa bar na paggaganapan ng welcome party kay Theo.
Here went nothing.
“If something bad happens tonight, tatamaan ka sa akin,” I warned James nung
papasok na kami sa venue. Sobrang kinakabahan ako. After 3 long years, ngayon lang
ulit kami magkikita ni Theo.
He gave me that wicked grin and then said, “Do you consider nagbubugbugan a bad
thing?”
“What do you mean?” I asked. Medyo kinakabahan na ako! I didn’t like where this
talk was going!
He shook his head. “Nothing. Tara na sa loob?”
I sighed and let him guide me inside. Pagpasok ko sa loob, puro pamilyar na mukha
ang mga nakita ko. Karamihan sa kanila nagulat nung nakita ko. I couldn’t exactly
blame them though. They all knew our history. They knew how Theo cheated on me.
Unlike my issue with Lourd and Chance, my relationship with Theo was very public.
Everybody knew that we were together and everybody knew how he dumped me. It
chipped my ego and self-esteem to the point of self-doubting.
“Hey, Monique. Didn’t expect to see you here,” one of Theo’s friend told me. I just
smiled instead. Wala akong lakas at oras para magpaliwanag kung bakit ako napunta
dito. My plan was to get through the night smoothly. Ni hindi ko nga natanong kay
James kung ano ba ang plano niya.
I tried to find James and I was shocked to see him talking to Theo. Ugh! Bakit ba
ako nagulat e party niya ‘to? Malamang nandito siya. Tsk!
Quickly, I turned my heel back and started to find my way out through the crowd.
Maglalakad na sana ako palabas nung makita ko ‘yung best friend ni Theo.
“Monique!” he beamed. “Looking good,” he said.
I glared at him. This asshole.

I was about to walk away yet again when he called Theo. Gee! Bakit ba ang daming
pakielamero sa mundo? “Theo! Si Monique, oh!” he said loud enough para mapatingin
sa akin ‘yung mga kaibigan ni Theo.
It felt like I was paralyzed on the spot. My heart started beating erratically and
my breathing hitched. I couldn’t move. I wanted to move but I can’t.
My heart officially leapt out of my chest when I felt Theo’s hand resting on my
shoulder. I formally lost it.
“Hey,” his voice said.
Hindi ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko. Pakiramdam ko, kami na lang ang tao dito sa
loob. It felt like high school over again.
Umalis na ‘yung kaibigan ni Theo at iniwan kami dito. Tumitingin din sa amin ‘yung
mga kaibigan niya. Alam din siguro nila na ngayon lang ulit kami nagkita. I hated
how our lives were so public. Pakiramdam mo wala ka ng pwedeng itago sa mga tao.
“What?” I said as cold as I could possibly do.
He removed his hand from my shoulder and then stood in front of me.
“Wala man lang ba akong welcome back hug?” he said and then spread his arms wide.
He was wearing that goofy smile that made me fall before but now all it did is
annoy me. Bwisit. Bakit ba kasi ako nakonsensya kanina? E di sana nanonood ako ng
palabas sa sinehan ngayon.
I was about to give a retort when he held me by the arm and then whispered in my
ear, “Let’s go out. Ang daming nakatingin sa atin dito.”
Ni hindi ako nakapagsalita dahil hinatak niya ako palabas. While I was at it, I saw
James saluting at me. He’s really nuts! Hindi ko alam kung paano gumagalaw ang utak
ni James!
Kanina pa ako sumusunod sa kanya hanggang makarating kami sa labas ng resto. We

were in front of what I assumed was his car.
“What?” I asked yet again.
He just smiled at me and leaned on his car. This show off jerk. “I missed you,
shortcake.”
My breathing became heavy and I was fighting the urge to slap his face. Ang kapal
ng mukha niyang tawagin akong ganun pagkatapos niya akong iwan dati.
He took a step close and then caressed my face using the back of his hand. Tear was
threatening to fall. Memories were threatening to flood back my mind. Ayoko nito. I
tried too hard to forget him yet isang lapit niya lang sa akin, naaalala ko na
naman lahat ng nangyari dati.
Who says it is easy to forget your first love?
I slapped his hand away from my face. “Fuck off.” I turned my back on him and
planned to walk away when he grabbed my hand.
“Monique...” he said. “It’s been years. Hindi mo pa rin ba ako napapatawad?”
I was trying to focus on my breathing. This wasn’t a good plan. Mali si James.
Putting Theo in the picture won’t make Lourd realize he has a competition. Putting
Theo in the picture means me remembering why I used to love him. This was so wrong.
“Theo, please,” I pleaded. “Uuwi na ako.”
“Shortcake.”
Nagsimula akong tumakbo palayo sa kanya. Wala akong pakielam kung naka heels ako o
kung umiiyak ako. I just needed to get away from him pronto. I hate him. I really,
really hate him!
I was running mindlessly when I bumped into someone. I let out the tears. The pain
of your first heartbreak will never leave you. It will always be there to haunt
you.
“I’m so—”
Kailan ba matatapos ‘yung araw na ‘to? Dapat talaga hindi na ako nakinig kay James.
“Lourd,” I uttered.
He was in front of me with his forehead creased. Bakit siya nandito?
“You’re crying,” he stated.
Bigla kong naalala na umiiyak nga pala ako. Napatingin ako sa likod ko at nakita ko
si Theo na naglalakad papunta sa akin. Oh, heaven! Kailan ba matatapos ‘tong araw
na ‘to?!
Hindi pa ako sumasagot nung maabutan ako ni Theo. “Monique,” he said. “I’m sorry,
okay? Tara na sa party,” sabi niya at saka hinawakan ‘yung braso ko.
Nagulat ako nung biglang tinanggal ni Lourd ‘yung kamay ni Theo sa akin. “Sino ka
ba?” tanong ni Theo sa kanya.
I was waiting for his answer. Ano ko ba siya? Ako rin naguguluhan kung ano kami ni
Lourd. Masyadong magulo kung ano ang meron kami.
Hindi sumagot si Lourd sa tanong ni Theo and instead, he asked him, “Sino ka rin
ba?”
“First love ni Monique,” he said and then smirked at Lourd.
Oh, god! Dalawang lalaking ayaw magpatalo. Bakit ba naipit ako sa gitna nila?
Lourd cocked his head and challenged Theo through his gaze. “Natatabunan ng true
love ang first love. ‘Wag ka ngang mayabang.”
Sasagot pa sana si Theo nung biglang nagring ‘yung phone ni Lourd. He was holding
it and we both saw who was calling him. It was Cassandra. On the screen was a
picture of Cassandra kissing Lourd on his cheek. It was a dead giveaway.
A smirk grew on Theo’s face. He was enjoying this. Damn this asshole. “May
girlfriend ka naman pala nakikigulo ka pa dito,” he said and then pulled me close
and then wrapped his arm around my waist. “Let’s go, shortcake.”
=================
-F-
Tweet your feels! #HTBWTBB Chapter F
Akala ko nakaiwas na ako kay Lourd nung hinila ako ni Theo palayo pero nagkamali
pala ako. When I turned around, I saw him walking towards us. Boy he was mad.
Mukhang napansin ni Theo na nakatingin ako kaya tumalikod din siya. He uttered
something under his breath pero hindi ko narinig. Hindi na ‘yun ang mahalaga. What
was important was for me to handle this situation.
God, James! What was he thinking?! Ito ba ‘yung sinasabi niya na magbubugbugan?!
“Theo, mauna ka na. I’ll handle this,” I begged. I knew Theo; he wouldn’t back
down. High school pa lang ako kakilala ko na siya kaya alam ko na hindi siya
magpapatalo kay Lourd... and Lourd was just the same. Pareho silang dalawa and it
was making my head hurt.
He looked at me and shook his head. “Shortcake, I’m the guy so let me handle this.”
Nagsimula siyang salubungin si Lourd pero hinatak ko ‘yung likod ng damit niya. He
can’t do that. Kahit na galit si Lourd sa akin, ayoko na mapaaway siya kay Theo. At
ano na lang ang sasabihin ni Trisha kapag nalaman niya na napaaway si Lourd dahil
sa akin? I can’t jeopardize my friendship again.
“Theo, please,” I sharply said.
Finally, he gave up and then looked at me. “I’ll be inside.”
Tumango ako at pinanood siyang pumasok sa loob para makasigurado ako. Nung
nakasigurado akong nasa loob na siya, tumingin ako kay Lourd na ngayon ay nasa
harapan ko na. He looked really pissed.
“Who’s that ass?” he asked.
“Theo, kaibigan namin ni James,” I said. Medyo totoo naman ‘yun. He’s of the same
age with James kaya mas matanda si Theo kay Lourd ng isang taon. God! Bakit ba
napapalibutan ako ng mga maangas na lalaki?
He looked like he was too pissed off that he was ready to break his neck.
“Kaibigan,” he said and then nodded his head as if mocking me.
But I wasn’t in the mood to explain myself. Kung pwede lang na umuwi na ako agad,
gagawin ko. Being with these guys mean nothing but trouble.
“Yes, kaibigan,” I reiterated. “Balik na ako sa loob,” I said. Gusto ko sanang

tanungin kung bakit siya nandito pero ‘wag na lang. Although it really did bother
me kung bakit palagi ko siyang nakikita kung nasaan man ako.
Papasok na sana ako nung hawakan niya ‘yung braso ko.
“Wait,” he said.
Huminto iyong paghinga ko nung hinawakan niya ako. Was Chance right? Was he right
all along?
I stopped from my tracks and waited for him to answer. His phone was still ringing
but it looked like he didn’t have any plan to answer Cassandra’s call. Nung nakita
niyang nakatingin ako sa phone niya at sana niya ito pinatay. It looked like he was
guilty that I saw that picture.
“You should answer her call,” I said anyway.
Tumingin siya sa akin and smirked. “Wouldn’t you get hurt?”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Bakit ba siya ganito sa akin? Kung itrato niya
ako parang kaaway niya ako.
“Girlfriend mo ‘yan.”
He smiled at me. ‘Yung pang-asar. “Boyfriend mo ba ‘yung mayabang na ‘yun? Akala ko

ba si Chance? Grabe ka, Monique.”
I closed my eyes briefly and tried to control my breathing. ‘Wag kang magpapaapekto
sa pang-iinis niya, Monique. Intindihin mo si Lourd. Galit siya sa’yo.
“If you’ll excuse me,” I said at saka tumalikod sa kanya at nagsimulang lumakad
palayo.
Parang gusto kong umiyak sa pagtrato sa akin ni Lourd. I get it; galit siya sa
akin. Point well taken but still, it hurt. Dati naman kaming magkaibigan... kahit
ba kakaunting friendship walang natira? Kung tignan niya ako parang ayaw niya akong
makita. Ang sakit lang... I never wished for any of these... I just wanted to be
happy but it seemed a little farfetched.
Was this the aftermath of taking the leap of faith from friendship to relationship?
Everything felt broken.
Maybe this was the reason why people are afraid of risking friendship for
relationship... because when the relationship is ruined, the friendship will sink
with it. It just really hurts.
Papasok na ako sa loob at nakita ko si Theo na nakatingin sa akin. Parang

hinihintay niya ako kanina pa and when he saw me shed a tear, he went near me fast.
What the hell was with my luck?!
Before I even knew it, may nagbubugbugan na sa harapan ko.
I didn’t even see who threw the first punch or when it exactly happened. My whole
system was in panic seeing a full blown fist fight unravelling in front of me.
Hindi ako makagalaw.
“Shit!” I heard someone uttered. I was still there, dumbfounded.
Somebody pulled me from the middle of fist fight and it was James. “Okay ka lang?”
he worriedly asked me as he inspected my face for possible injuries. I was too
surprised to even speak. I heard him cuss under his breath as he said, “Dito ka
lang.”
I was still catching my breath as I saw him helping those people to stop the fight.
“Ang yabang mong gago ka, ah!” Lourd shouted while he was being restrained by
James. He was trying to throw another punch.
Si Theo naman ay hinahawakan nung best friend niya. The side of his lips was
bleeding. “Gago ka ba? Pinaiyak mo si Monique tapos ikaw pa may ganang mag-angas?”
Napatingin sa akin si Lourd and then he cussed under his breath once again.
Tinanggal niya ‘yung kamay ni James na nakahawak sa kanya at saka dali daling
naglakad palapit sa akin. Everything happened so fast. Ni hindi ako nakagalaw nung
hawakan niya ako sa kamay at saka hatakin palayo sa mga tao. Ni hindi ako
nakapagsalita nung bigla niyang suntukin ulit si Theo nung nagtangka siyang
tanggalin iyong pagkakahawak ni Lourd sa kamay ko.
Everything happened so fast. It was so blurry.
“Lourd!” I said while catching my breath. Hinatak niya ako ng mabilis at saka
binuksan ‘yung pintuan ng sasakyan niya.
Nung hindi ako gumalaw, nagsalita siya. “Get it.” Dalawang salita lang pero hindi
ko alam... bigla akong napapasok sa loob. He was scary when he’s mad.
I could see Theo fuming mad from the side mirror. Shit. Lourd surely knew how to
punch someone.
Kinabahan ako nung nagddrive siya. He was driving fast at kinabahan ako kaya
isinuot ko ‘yung seatbelt ko. I have never seen him this mad.
Huminto kami sa isang coffee shop. His breathing was still heavy. Napatingin ako sa
kanya and there, I saw a cut on his brow. I wanted to help him but I was afraid of
being rejected by him.
For a minute, he was trying to calm himself down. Theo really did get through him.
Was James right? Putting Theo in the picture did affect Lourd. I have never seen
him this worked up against someone.
Pagkatapos ng napakahabang isang oras, he looked at me and then leaned in. Huminto
‘yung paghinga ko. It was the first time I’ve had him this close. Damn it I missed
his scent, I missed the proximity. I just missed everything altogether... But this
was just wrong. It felt like the whole situation reversed. It was so cruel of fate.
“There,” he whispered sexily in my ear. Akala ko kung ano ang gagawin niya,
tatanggalin lang pala niya ‘yung seatbelt ko. Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.
Pagkatapos niyang palakasin ang tibok ng puso ko, lumabas siya sa sasakyan at
naglakad papasok sa coffee shop. Ako naman, hinahabol ko pa ang paghinga ko.
Kasalanan ko ba kung inisip ko na hahalikan niya ako? He was too close, for
heaven’s sake!
Nung makapasok na ako at makita na nandun siya sa dulong parte ng café, umupo ako
sa harap niya. He gave me his credit card. “Order what you want, cr lang ako,” he
said.
“Hindi ko nga alam ang pin mo!” I said. “And your signature,” dagdag ko pa.
He rolled his eyes at me and then iniwan niya ‘yung buong wallet niya. “There. Ayos
na?” he said, nangaasar pa!
I glared at him. “Paano kung itakbo ko ‘yang buong wallet mo at ubusin ‘yung pera
mo? Tss.”
He lowered his head hanggang sa magkatapat na ‘yung mga mukha namin. “Then good.
Mas magkakaroon ako ng dahilan para ‘wag kang tigilan,” sabi niya at saka naglakad
papunta sa cr.
Damn this man! Why was he sending mixed signals?! Akala ko ba okay na sila ni Cass
but why was he here confusing me again?
Tumayo na lang ako at nag order. Hindi ko alam basta kung anu ano na lang ang
inorder ko. Medyo natagalan siya sa cr, hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang ginagawa
niya. Nung nakabalik na ako sa pwesto namin, I noticed that my phone never stopped
vibrating. And there were calls, too. I would bet on it that this was Theo’s
number.
Looking at the unregistered number that kept on making my phone buzz, I turned it
off.
A minute later, dumating na ‘yung ilan sa mga inorder ko. Dumating na rin si
Lourd... but he looked pissed again. He was always pissed!
When I looked at him, his jaw was clenching. Ano na naman ang ginawa ko?!
“Nang-iinis ka ba?” he asked.
Hindi ako makapagsalita. I didn’t even have half an idea what he was talking about!
“Ano?”
He, then, glared at the piece of cake in front of me. “Fucking shortcake,” he
whispered at saka kinuha ‘yung platito nung cake at itinapon ‘dun sa basurahan.
What the hell was wrong with him?!
Muntik ng malaglag ‘yung panga ko nung pati ‘yung platito at tinidor itinapon niya.
“Ano bang problema mo?!” I couldn’t help but ask him. He was being weird! Wala
namang ginagawa sa kanya ‘yung cake!
Nung bumalik siya sa table, kinuha niya ‘yung wallet niya at saka nagpunta sa
counter para bayaran ‘yung tinapon niyang gamit. At times, I really did wonder what
was wrong with his mind!
He sat back on his spot and then looked at the strawberry frap that I was drinking.
‘Wag mong sabihin na may balak din siyang itapon ‘to?!
“May issue ka ba sa strawberry?!”
Instead of answering, he just glared at me.
Akala ko mag-uusap kami kaya kami nandito but I was wrong. Five minutes na akong
umiinom nitong inumin ko pero ni wala pa yatang balak magsalita si Lourd.
I stood up.
“Kung wala kang sasabihin, aalis na ako,” I said and prepared my things to leave.
But he told me to stay...
“Monique...” he began and thus, my heart went wild again. Damn how he can make my
knees go weak with just one word. I love it how my name sounded so special when
he’s the one saying it. But he’s with my friend and that complicated every single
thing.
He looked at me with those piercing stare and said, “Okay na ako... bakit bumalik
ka pa?”
=================
-G-
#HTBWTBB Chapter G

Here is the thing about life; when you think that the worst part is over, it is
actually where the real story begins. Of all the things that have happened in my
life, I have already lost count of what particular incidents would have made it to
my top list. I mean, the twists and turns were really dramatic and sometimes way
too over the board that if my life were a story, I’d pretty much hate the author
for bringing such troubles in my life.
But they do say that bad decisions make good stories... and in that note, was mine
pretty interesting? I was sure I made a hell lot of bad decisions in my life.
And here came another trouble in the form of Lourd Simon Sandoval.
When he asked me that question, I could not even begin to speak. He rendered me
speechless. Hindi ko rin naman kasi alam kung ano ang isasagot ko. Bakit nga ba ako
bumalik? I kept on asking myself the same question. It was a tough one and I,
myself, have yet to stumble upon the answer.
But wasn’t he cruel? Hindi naman ako bumalik sa Pilipinas para guluhin siya... I
came back for myself... I came back because I wanted my friends back, I wanted to
at least have them in my life again.
I wanted to speak but hell, I can’t find my voice. Nandito kami, nakatingin sa
isa’t-isa.
The deafening silence was broken by another call from Cassandra.

When I saw her name flashing on the screen, I felt a pang of pain in my chest. It
wasn’t because of just being jealous... It was also because I knew that I was
almost repeating the same mistakes yet again. Ganito na lang ba palagi? Palagi na
lang akong napupunta sa ganitong posisyon kahit anong gawin ko. God knew I was
trying hard to make amends.
“Kanina pa siya tumatawag,” I said.
Tumingin siya sa akin at saka niya ibinalik sa phone niya ‘yung tingin niya. He
gave out a sigh and then answered the call in front of me.
“Hey,” his raspy voice said.
It was wrong to feel this way. It was wrong to admit to myself that I just made the
biggest mistake of my life when I turned my back against him. It was just stupid of
me to chase the other guy and let go of the right one.
Pero ano ba ang magagawa ng pagsisisi ko? Wala na. Tapos na. Nangyari na. And I
won’t make the same mistake... I promised myself that much.
But this tingling sensation I felt when he was looking directly at me while talking
to his girlfriend who happened to be my friend was too much to handle. I stood up
and left without so much as a preamble.
No, Monique. You’ve been there and you’ve done that, don’t tell me you’re still
there.
Ni hindi ako tumingin sa likod ko at dire-diretso akong sumakay sa pinara kong
taxi. I didn’t even bother look at Lourd to see if he followed me. Ayoko na. We
made our share of mistakes in the past... Tama na ‘yun.
The day ended abruptly because I chose to lock myself away from the world. Good
thing James respected my decision at hindi niya ako pinuntahan. I just needed this
little time for myself. Ang hirap nito. Chance just knew how to get straight
through my head.
“Chance, just this once, talk to me. Pangako uuwi na ako sa Pilipinas kapag
kinausap mo ako...” I pleaded.
Pagod na pagod na rin naman ako. Halos isang buwan na akong nandito pero panay iwas
ang ginagawa niya. I couldn’t exactly blame him. Nung ako ‘yung nasa posisyon niya,
I really avoided Theo at all cost. But I was pushing my luck here. Alam ko kasi na
hindi ako matatahimik buong buhay ko kapag ni hindi man lang ako nakapag-paliwanag.
He gave a deep breath and then made me sit down. Nandito ako sa coffee shop kung
saan nagpupunta siya pagkatapos niyang magtrabaho. I followed him around like a
stray dog. I just needed this not only for him but also for myself. Hindi ako
mapapatahimik ng konsensya ko if I would carry this baggage with me all my life.
“Talk,” he authoritatively said.
Ilang beses akong lumulok. I practiced what I would say to him but right now,
nothing was making sense. Sa sobrang dami ng gusto kong sabihin, ni hindi ko alam
kung saan ako magsisimula so I started with, “Sorry...”

He didn’t say anything. He just sat there and let me take my time. He was still the
man I fell for. He was the same man that I would choose to fall in love with over
and over again. He was the perfect choice yet in life, you don’t always end up with
the perfect one. You end up with the one you deserve... so I guess I wasn’t
deserving enough because I messed my chance up.
“Chance, I don’t know where to start...” I began.
He looked at me and then finally spoke. “Saan ako nagkulang?” he asked.
My breathing became uneven. Heck, I had no idea what to say. Saan nga ba siya
nagkulang? Hindi ko alam. I knew he did his everything to give me all he could
offer. It was just me. It was all my fault. It was the product of my need for
instant gratification.
“Wala...” I murmured. “It was my fault. I kissed him.”
That answered made him close his eyes. It was too much to hear... To hear how your
girlfriend kissed your brother.
“Alright,” he still managed to say. “Why?”
Fingers trembling and breathing jagged, I looked down while trying to find the
answer. “Misjudgement, anger, frustration, hindi ko alam. My mind was clouded with
everything...” I said. “I’m not saying this as an excuse... Alam ko sa sarili ko na
may mali ako. I just wanted to tell you why.”

“Monique, once you hurt a person, no amount of explanation or sorry could take the
pain away,” he said and then made me look at him. “You betrayed my trust.”
“I know...”
But he smiled at me. “Don’t stress yourself,” he said. “Monique, I’m not stupid. I
knew something was going on but I trusted you too much.”
All these things unfolding before me made me hate myself even more.
“You kept on telling me how you wouldn’t break my trust. I believed you. Hanggang
ngayon ayoko pa ring maniwala na nagawa mo akong lokohin,” he said. “But things
happen for a reason.”
I bit my lower lip. Ang sama sama ko talaga.
“You love my brother.”
Slowly, I began shaking my head. “Chance, ikaw ‘yung mahal ko...”
He showed me that sad smile once again and I felt my heart piercing. “Kung mahal mo
ako, ni hindi mo makukuhang tumingin sa ibang lalaki. That’s how love works.”

His words shot through my heart. I was guilty beyond reasonable doubt but still I
can’t take it.
“Chance, I gave you myself...” I whispered almost inaudibly. Unti-unting tumulo

‘yung luha ko. “Kung hindi kita mahal, bakit ang sakit sakit?”
He looked at me. “Figure things out,” he said and then stood up. “Stop feeling
guilty because of me. I’ve had worse.”
Sometimes, I just hate it when he made so much sense. I rolled out of the bed and
then prepared myself for another day. I already finished my part in the online
registration and the rest would be up to crs. Sana lang maayos ang schedule ko. I
have already screwed most things up... ‘Wag naman sa pag-aaral.
After a good hour, I went out pero nakasalubong ko si James at Theo sa entrance ng
condo.
I tried to calm down. Naiinis ako kay James.
“James, wala ako sa mood, okay?”
James nodded and then tapped Theo’s shoulder. “Alis na ako. Angry Monique is
scary,” he said and then walked away. Aba’t! Talagang iniwan pa ako dito!
Umalis na si James pero si Theo, nakatayo lang at nakangiti pa sa harap ko. Ang
lakas mang-asar nito.
“Ano?” I glared at him.
He just grinned. This ass! Tsk. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagsimulang maglakad

palabas. Nung nasa labas na ako, sinusundan niya ako. Wala ba siyang alam gawin sa
buhay niya? Alam ko kasi law student ‘to sa Germany. Bakit ba parang ang dami
niyang free time?
Habang naglalakad ako, he kept on looking left and right na para bang may hinahanap
siya. I didn’t want to talk to him but I was just too damn curious why he was
looking around!
“Sino bang tinitignan mo?” I dared ask.
He was still watching out for someone. “’Yung gago mong ex. Baka biglang sumulpot.
Parang kabute pa naman ‘yun,” he said.
I scowled at him. “Ikaw lang ang gago sa mga ex ko.”
He just laughed at me and then pulled me in a hug. Masyadong mabilis kaya ni hindi
ako nakapalag. “Shortcake, ang sungit mo pa rin. Sabi na sa’yo mag chill pill ka,
e.”
I tried to push him away but all he did is laugh at my feeble attempt and hug me
even tighter. He was the leader of all assholes.
In the middle of the busy streets of Makati where he was hugging me while I was
very unwilling, he whispered, “Shortcake, may lahi bang kabuti si Lourd?” I didn’t
know what he was talking about until I turned my head and saw a very pissed looking
Lourd.
Theo slowly released me from the hug and faced Lourd. Both of them have bruise on
their face. Mga palaaway kasi.
“Kung mag-aaway kayo, mauna na ako,” I said.
Theo smiled. Mukhang inaasar niya pa lalo si Lourd. “Kilala mo ako, Monique, hindi
ako makikipag-away kung hindi rin lang para sa’yo.”
And that made Lourd ball his fist.
I sighed. “Theo, please?” Humarap naman ako kay Lourd. “Bakit ka nandito?”
He looked at Theo’s hand na nakahawak sa kamay ko. He glared at it, actually.

Lately, nagagalit si Lourd sa lahat ng bagay. Sa cake, sa tinidor, sa frappe,
ngayon naman sa kamay ko. He was acting like a jealous boyfriend and it was
annoying.
“Hinahanap ka nila Cassandra,” he said while still glaring at our hand.
“Bakit daw?”
“Hindi ko alam,” he said... and he was still glaring.
I nodded and smiled inside. Makikita ko ulit si Trisha... With that, I said, “Nasan
sila? Pupunta ako...”
Lourd told me he would drive me there but Theo cut in. “Sama ako,” he said,
inviting himself. “I’ll drive you there, Mon.”
Bigla namang sumingit si Lourd. “Hindi ka invited.”
Theo shook his head and smiled at him mockingly. He really knew what spot to hit
on. “Pare, ‘wag kang pa-chicks. Crush mo ba ako?”
And there, I foresaw yet another fist fight that was why I stepped in between them
and tried calming them down. Humarap muna ako kay Lourd. “Susunod na lang ako,” I
said.
“Kasama mo siya?”
“Hindi ko siya isasama.”
Theo butted in. “Kung pag-usapan niyo ako parang wala ako dito, ah.”
Ugh. Bakit ba palagi kaming nagkikitang tatlo?
Humarap ulit ako kay Theo and made a straight face. “Theo, please?”
“Mon, nandito ako, single, walang sabit.”
I was about to make him leave when Lourd told the words that made me shut up. “Fuck
it, Monique, I can be single right here, right now, just tell me and just make this
asshole leave.”
=================
-H-
#HTBWTBB Chapter H
All of a sudden, Theo began laughing. Ako? Ni hindi ako makagalaw para makapag-
react sa sinabi ni Lourd. He rendered me speechless... Wala akong masabi.
But then I turned to Theo who was laughing like the end of the world was nearing
already. Lourd was looking like he was ready to snap Theo’s neck in an instant.
Kahit ako hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit tumatawa si Theo. May nakakatawa ba sa
sinabi ni Lourd? Kung ganun, nakakatawa ba na halos atakihin ako sa puso sa sinabi
niya?
“Why the f-uck are you laughing?” he sharply said to Theo who was still not even
trying to control his laughter.
I knew where Lourd was coming from. Kung ako rin naman siguro ang nasa kalagayan
niya at tinatawanan ako ng ganoon ni Theo, malamang sa malamang ay maiinis talaga
ako.
Besides being the leader of all assholes, Theo also happened to master the art of
annoying people.
Pagkatapos ng isang minuto, medyo humupa na ang pagtawa ni Theo... “Ikaw,” sinabi
niya kay Lourd. “Dude, makikipagbreak ka sa girlfriend mo ng dahil lang ‘dun?” sabi
niya ng hindi makapaniwala. “I know I’m an asshole but dude, you’re worse. Ni hindi
mo ba naisip ‘yung mararamdaman ng girlfriend mo?”
With that being said, napahinto rin ako. He was right... Ayokong masaktan si
Cassandra dahil na naman sa akin. I have been in that situation once and it didn’t
feel good at all. I felt so bad, I felt like a traitor. We were supposed to be
friends who stick to each other but because of a guy, I turned my back against her.
Ayoko na na mangyari ulit iyon. That one time was painful enough... Tama na.
Lourd looked like he was still not backing down.
“Wala kang alam,” he sneered at Theo.
Theo shrugged and then cocked his head, challenging Lourd through his smirk. “I
don’t know, pare. Paano kong ipagkakatiwala si shortcake sa tao na parang
pagpapalit lang ng damit ang turing sa breakup?”
Sumasakit ang ulo ko sa mga naririnig ko sa kanilang dalawa. Today was supposed to
be a good day, not another day full of anger and bickering. The last year of my
life was already full of drama, hanggang ngayon pa rin ba? Kailan ba matatahimik
ang buhay ko?
I was trying to think of a solution on how to make these bad boys calm down but I
can think of none. They were just too proud to back down. Hindi sila mapipigilang
dalawa. I wanted to cry out of sheer frustration.
“At least I know better than to cheat on her.”
And that made me stop thinking. Shit. Paano niya nalaman ‘yun?
I worriedly looked at Theo and I saw him beginning to get mad. Theo was never the
kind of guy to get mad easily. Masaya siya palagi. He was always happy and he was
always easy to be with kaya nagustuhan ko siya dati. I suddenly hated Lourd for
bringing this up.
Looking at Theo’s face, I felt sorry for him. This topic was a sensitive one. Kahit
nga kaming dalawa ayaw naming pag-usapan ‘yun kung hindi kailangan. I loved Theo. I
loved him dearly. But things do happen for a reason and Lourd didn’t know what
happened. I wanted to slap him for intervening. Wala siyang alam kaya wala siyang
karapatan na magsalita ng tungkol sa nangyari sa amin ni Theo dati.
Theo’s grip on my hand loosened. He was losing it.
“I am sorry for cheating on her,” he said and then he looked at him with such fury
in his eyes. “You’re not even sorry for making her cheat on your brother with you.”
I wanted to run. Hindi ko na kaya ‘yung mga naririnig ko mula sa kanilang dalawa.
Hearing all these things being spoken out loud was making my head swirl and making
me dizzy. I tried too hard to forget about these things but in a snap of a finger,
I was back in that exact same scenario. Nostalgia wasn’t that good of a feeling.
Lourd’s face was contorted with anger. He was really angry.
“’Wag mo ngang idamay ‘yung kapatid ko dito.”
“But he’s involved,” Theo said. “James was wrong. You’re an ass. Nandito ako para
pagselosin ka lang kasi sabi niya mahal mo si Monique. Gusto kong bumawi sa kanya
dahil alam ko na ginago ko si Monique dati,” he said and then stopped. “But seeing
you? Tangina mo. ‘Di ko ibibigay si Monique sa gagong kagaya mo.”
After that, Theo held my hand and then made me walk away with him. I went with him.
He was right. I shouldn’t be with Lourd. Everything felt wrong when I was with him.
Akala ko kung saan pa ako dadalhin ni Theo matapos niya akong hatakin pero
nagkamali ako. Pagkatapos naming iwanan si Lourd, hinatid niya lang ako pabalik sa
condo ko.
“Monique,” he began. His eyes were unfocused. “Monique, I’m sorry.”
It was the first time we talked about this. We were young when it happened. I was
in high school and he was in college. Alam ko naman sa sarili ko dati na mahirap
pero nagtiwala ako kay Theo na hindi niya ako lolokohin kahit hindi kami magkasama
sa isang lugar. I trusted him but he betrayed me and I hated him so much for
that... But with everything that has happened in my life, I could never bring
myself to continue hating him. I was once on the right side but I have experienced
being on the wrong side.
“Sorry sa lahat ng nagawa ko. I know my apology is long overdue pero ngayon ko lang
nakayanan na kausapin ka ulit. Hindi kita kayang harapin dati.”
This explanation was postponed and I never thought I would hear this. Matagal na
akong sumuko na maririnig ko kung bakit niya ako niloko. Kahit ngayon ayoko nang
malaman. I just wanted his sorry to free myself from all these pain and hurting.
I smiled at him. “Pinapatawad na kita, Theo.”
Mukhang nagulat siya sa sinabi ko. “Talaga?”
I nodded.
“Hindi mo ako sasampalin? Sisipain?”
Bigla akong natawa. Ano ba ang tingin niya sa akin? Wrestler?
But then he smiled. “Thank you, Monique. I was such an ass for hurting you
before...”
“Don’t worry, you’re still an ass.”

At dahil diyan, niyakap niya ako. Niyakap ko rin siya pabalik. Ganito pala ‘yung
pakiramdam na napatawad mo na ‘yung isang tao... Ang sarap sa feeling. ‘Yung parang
nawalan ka ng mabigat na bagahe.
I thought we were over after that. The apologies have been given and everything was
in place finally... But I thought wrong.
“Monique,” Theo began. Naghintay ako ng sasabihin niya sa akin pero hindi niya
itinuloy. Instead, he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “After all these years,
ganun pa rin.”
He left immediately after that. I was left standing there looking like an idiot. He
kissed me.
Isang minuto yata akong nakatayo dun. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko. He was
still my first love, after all. Marami kaming pinagsamahan ni Theo... But that kiss
shouldn’t mean anything. Matagal na kaming tapos. And I can never trust him again.
We can be friends but we can be nothing more than that. My trust had been tainted
already.
Papasok na sana ako sa loob ng elevator ng bigla na namang may humatak sa akin.
“Ano ba!” I kept on saying but he wasn’t listening. Hinatak ako ni Lourd hanggang
makapasok kami sa loob ng fire exit.
Nung bitiwan niya ako, tumingin ako sa kanya. “Lourd, ano ba?” I said. Pagod na
ako. Masyado ng maraming nangyari ngayong araw... Umaga pa naman pero pakiramdam ko
gabi na sa sobrang haba. I just wanted to sleep my problems away.
He took a step near me until he had me cornered. Inilagay niya ‘yung dalawa niyang
kamay sa magkabilang gilid ko kaya wala akong kawala.
“Monique...”
His voice was pleading. He was pleading.
“Monique, ayaw mo na ba talaga sa akin kasi ako, gustung-gusto pa rin kita.”
Ni hindi ako makasagot sa tanong niya...
He was looking at me for a minute. He was begging for an answer... an answer that I
couldn’t give. Masyadong maraming nakataya. Ayokong masaktan si Cass sa mga
magiging desisyon ko.
Unti-unti niyang inilabas ‘yung cellphone niya. Biglang lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib
ko. Hindi ko nagustuhan ang gusto niyang gawin.
“I’m breaking up with Cass.”

Oh, god, no.
“Lourd...”
I bit my lower lip when I saw him almost crying. He was crying. Oh, god! Nandito na
naman ako sa sitwasyon na ‘to!
“Monique, ayaw kong gawin kay Cass ‘to. She’s a great girl; she doesn’t deserve to
be dumped through the phone...” he began, his voice breaking. “Pero mababaliw na
ako, Monique. Gusto lang naman kita... Gusto lang naman kita pero bakit parang ang
hirap mong abutin?”
Ang sakit ng puso ko. Hindi ko gustong makita siyang nagkakaganito dahil sa akin.
“Kung magagalit man sa akin sila Papa dahil sa gagawin ko, bahala na. Monique, just
please say yes. Kaya kong kalabanin lahat basta sa akin ka mapupunta. Ikaw lang
‘yung gusto ko... Ikaw lang ‘yung kailangan ko...”
Hindi ako makasagot. Ang hirap hirap sumagot. Gusto kong maging masaya pero ayaw
kong maging masaya kapalit ng kalungkutan ng kaibigan ko. It wouldn’t feel right.
“Ayokong saktan si Cassandra.”
“Would you hurt me instead?” he asked.

Again, I couldn’t speak.
“Monique, everybody will get hurt, everybody will be in pain, you just have to
decide who’s worth getting hurt for,” he said and then looked at me. “And you’re my
choice. I choose to be hurt by you.”
Hindi na ako nakasagot matapos niya ‘yung sabihin. Wala na akong magagawa. Buo na
‘yung desisyon niya.
My heart was beating wild when he began dialling Cass’ number but he held my hand
and placed it on the top of his chest.
“Monique, I want to start again with you. This time, no third parties, no secret
dates. This time, we will do it right.”
=================
-I-
#HTBWTBB Chapter I
I tried to stop him. Hindi ko pwedeng hayaan siya na saktan na naman si Cassandra.
I knew I was being a hypocrite by saying no when in reality I wanted to say yes...
But I love my friend. Hindi ko na yata kakayanin kung pati si Cassandra magagalit
sa akin. It would be too much to bear and I didn’t think I would be able to live
with it.
“Lourd, ‘wag.”
He looked at me and then gave out a heavy sigh. He was tired and I was tired, as
well. Pareho kaming napapagod. Palagi na lang kasing ganito, palagi na lang may
problema sa pagitan naming dalawa. Hindi ba ito ‘yung senyales na hindi talaga kami
para sa isa’t-isa?
My mom said that if I really want something, the universe will conspire to help me
get it... But it was a lie. I badly wanted this yet I knew I can’t have it.
“I don’t love her, Monique. If I breakup with her now or later, the result will be
just the same. Masasaktan siya.”
He was right. She would get hurt either way but I was choosing the way where she
would be hurt not on my expense.
I forced a smile and then looked at him. “Lourd, I want to do this right... But
hurting other people will never be the solution.”
Nanlulumo ‘yung mukha niya sa narinig niya mula sa akin. This was a hard call but I
have got to do it. Kung mas papatagalin, mas lalong lalaki. Alam ko sa sarili ko na
ang tanga-tanga ko dahil sa ginawa ko pero kahit na ganon, hindi ako nagsisisi.
Alam ko na mas magsisisi ako kapag nasaktan na naman si Cassandra at ako na naman
ang may kagagawan. That would haunt me until my dying breath.
Slowly, I removed his hands on my arms. “Lourd,” I softly called his name. “We’re
still young, madami pang mangyayari sa buhay natin.”
His jaw tightened. “I want you in my life.”

“And I will be in your life,” I replied. “Lourd, breakup with Cass because you
wanted to, hindi ‘yung dahil sa akin. You will hurt her, you will be the one who
will be responsible for her tears. If you really want me, I’m just here. Hindi ako
aalis pero sana intindihin mo... She’s my friend.”
I left him after that.
For the next days, I was afraid of going out. I heard from James that Lourd broke
up with Cassandra that night after we talked. Seryoso talaga siya sa
pakikipaghiwalay kay Cass... Dahil dun, ni hindi ako makalabas. I was afraid that I
would see them. Natatakot ako dahil alam ko na galit sila sa akin.
Bakit ganun? Ginawa ko naman ‘yung tama... Hindi naman ako sumama kay Lourd pero
ang sama pa rin ng tingin nila sa akin. Isang pagkakamali lang naman ‘yung ginawa
ko pero dahil dun, lahat sila wala ng tiwala sa akin. It was just one damn mistake
but it tainted my whole reputation. It was just too damn unfair.
Tomorrow was the first day of class and I was getting nervous. For the first time,
hindi ako naexcite sa pagpasok. Truth be told, I was scared. The chance of bumping
into Cass and Trisha was so high. Sobrang natatakot ako sa kanilang dalawa.
I was on my bed waiting for the day to end. I wasn’t in the mood to do anything
productive. I just wanted to end this day, end this year. This year was beginning
to look bad.
My phone suddenly vibrated and it was a facetime request from Lourd.

I wanted to cancel the call but I was tempted to answer it, as well. For the past
few days, iniwasan ko na siya. Palagi siyang nagpupunta sa condo pero ni hindi ko
man lang binubuksan ‘yung pintuan. When I heard that he broke up with Cass, I was
scared to wits. I was scared to face him. I was scared of how serious he was with
his feelings for me.
“Hey...” I said, my voice hoarse.
“You look pale.” I nodded. Hindi na ako lumalabas dito. Pakiramdam ko nga kulay
yellow na ako. “You want to go out?” he offered.
I shook my head and softly declined. “No, thanks. Gusto kong magpahinga sa mag-
isa.”
He sighed. Alam kong gusto niya akong makita pero ayoko lang talaga sa ngayon. Pag
naiisip ko na nakipagbreak siya kay Cass, sumasama agad ‘yung pakiramdam ko. At isa
pa, baka makita kami ni Cass na magkasama...
“Alright,” he conceded. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow.”
I was about to utter a protest when he ended the line. Ni hindi man lang tinanong
kung papayag ba ako. He was still the same arrogant, cocky bastard that I once
knew... Pero mabuti na lang at hindi na siya masyadong bastos ngayon. Dati kasi
halos atakihin na ako sa puso sa mga sinasabi niya sa akin. May mabuting dulot din
pala ‘yung nagkagusto siya sa akin, nabawasan ‘yung pagiging bastos niya.
The original plan was to spend the whole day and wither away but then, it didn’t
happen. That afternoon, James and Theo went in without so much as an invite from
me.
“Hey, shortcake!” Theo said with a smile. “Tara, labas tayo.”
Inirapan ko siya. Ang kulit niya talaga. “James, bakit ba dinala mo siya dito?” I
asked him as he was busy filling in my cupboard with grocery items.
Busy pa rin siya sa paglalagay habang sinasabi niya, “Ang kulit kasi. Ako ‘yung
kinukulit, e.”
I glared at him. “So ako naman ‘yung kukulitin niya?”
James only winked at me which made me frustrated. Grabe! “We’re just worried about
you, Mon. Three days ka na na hindi lumalabas dito sa lungga mo.”
I knew he knew where I was coming from. He knew that the very reason why I can’t go
out was because I was afraid to stumble upon Trisha and Cass. Although the chances
were slim, still I wouldn’t risk it. Naiisip ko pa lang na galit sila sa akin
natatakot na ako, ano pa kaya kapag nakita ko na sila mismo?
Theo suddenly draped his arms over me. “Let’s go out on a date, shortcake,” he
said.
Dahan-dahan kong tinanggal ‘yung kamay niya. “Theo, stop being touchy,” I said and
then rolled my eyes. He just laughed at my attempt. “Wala ako sa mood lumabas.”
But then he shook his head. “No won’t do. I’m here to kidnap you,” he said and then
winked at me. Itinulak niya ako sa cr at hinagisan pa ako ng damit sa loob.
“Prepare yourself or ako ang gagawa. You know how much I want to see your body,” he
said in between laughter.
Baliw!
Sobrang kulit niya kaya napilitan na akong maligo. It took me half an hour to
prepare myself. True enough, nasa labas lang siya at hinihintay ako. Bwisit na ‘to,
may balak pala talaga siyang pasukin ako sa cr!
Upon seeing me, he smiled and then dragged me outside. Pumunta kami sa mall at
pinakain niya ako. I was enjoying his company but I was still worried. We’re in
Makati and the odds were pretty high. Nagdadasal ako na sana ‘wag namin silang
makita. Hindi pa ako handa.
After minutes of walking around the mall and doing nothing particular, napagod din
sa wakas si Theo. We reached the top floor and he offered to buy me a beverage.
Medyo nauhaw din kasi ako. While he was at it, I wandered around. The place looked
really nice. Everything screamed green.
I was walking and admiring the scenery when I saw two familiar faces.
Napatigil ako nung nakita ko si Cass at Trisha na magkasama sa loob ng isang café
sa gilid. They were talking seriously. Hindi ko alam pero tama ba ang hinala ko sa
pinag-uusapan nila... Cass looked so sad. She was crying.
Gusto kong tumalikod pero hindi ko magawa. It was like I was fixed on that spot. I
was frozen.
I was still there when Theo arrived with my drink. He saw me looking at them and he
immediately remembered Trisha’s face. Kilala niya si Trisha dahil best friend ko
siya mula pa high school.
“Si Trisha,” he said in recognition. He smiled and then pulled me. “Tara, let’s say
hi,” he said, dragging me while I was still stunned.
Everything happened in a blur. We were walking towards them from behind them. Theo
wasn’t aware of all the issues and drama. Shit.
“Cass, tama na. Kaya kita dinala dito to unwind, not to continue your cry fest,”
Trisha said.
At this moment, I wanted to run. Ayokong marinig kung anuman ang pag-uusapan nila.
I would rather be clueless than to hear whatever hurtful words I might receive.
Ayos lang sana kung mula sa ibang tao... pero kaibigan ko sila. Ang sakit sakit
nun.
“I know,” Cass answered. “But I just can’t understand... Bakit palaging si Monique?
Ano ba ‘yung ginawa ko para ganituhin niya ako?” she said, trying to hold herself
together.
Theo’s grip tightened. Mukhang naiintindihan niya na ‘yung nangyayari. He looked at

me and then dragged me away... but it was a little too late.
“She’s cruel. She’s insensitive.”

That comment coming from the person whom you treated as your best friend would be
the death of my heart.
I was hurt. Deeply and irrevocably.
Inilayo ako ni Theo mula doon. Hindi ko alam pero tuluy-tuloy ang pag-agos ng luha
ko. Hindi ko makontrol. Masyado akong nasaktan. Ang sakit sakit na talaga.
He was trying to console me but I was inconsolable. There’s nothing that would hurt
more than having your friends stab you behind your back.
“Iwan mo muna ako...” I said in between uncontrollable sobbing. He seemed to

understand me and then he left me but not before pulling me in for a tight hug. I
returned the hug which I badly needed.
I was there crying for minutes. Ang sakit na talaga. Sana pala hindi na lang ako
bumalik... Kung ganito lang din naman, sana hindi na ako umuwi. Wala na rin naman
pala akong uuwian.
“Here,” someone said. Kinuha ko ‘yung panyo na ibinigay niya and uttered my thanks.
“I’m sorry.”
I smiled. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I’ll talk to them... I’ll make them understand. Monique, just please don’t cry.”
I looked at the bad boy who was worrying over me. He really does love me.
Ngumiti ako sa kanya. “Lourd, I have nothing to offer to you. Nakuha na ng kapatid
mo ‘yung pagkababae ko, hindi ko rin maibibigay sa’yo ‘yung pagiging boyfriend ko.
I’m messed up.”
He didn’t answer. He just stayed beside me.
“Monique, I don’t care about the title. It’s just formality. I just want to be the
one to kiss you, to hold your hand, to make you smile, to call you mine...”
I smiled at him.
He reached for my hand and intertwined our fingers. “Isa pa, gusto ko na may
karapatan akong suntukin si Theo kapag nilalandi ka niya.”
=================
-J-
#HTBWTBB Chapter J
I stared at the mirror and then tried to fix a smile. I managed to give one but it
screamed fake right at my face. Hindi ko pala talaga kayang magpanggap na masaya.
It was a futile attempt. And why was I trying to mask off the sadness? I was sad. I
felt like my whole life was a lie. Buong buhay ko kilala ko si Trisha. I thought we
were better than this... Pero nung narinig ko ‘yun, I felt like I died a horrible
death. Mas malala pa sa pag-iwan sa akin ni Chance, o sa pagbitiw ng masasakit na
salita ni Lourd. Her ditching me amounted to the worst of them all.
After few seconds, I finally gave up. Bahala na. I proved that planning didn’t work
for me, at all. Ilang beses ko na bang plinano ang buhay ko? Countless of times
already but every damn time, I would find myself caught up in some weirdly tangled
situations.
And so I thought whatever happens should happen. Come what may, I don’t care.
The bell rang afterwards. I was expecting Lourd to pick me up tutal sinabi niya na
rin naman sa akin kahapon. He was very kind. Hindi niya ako pinilit na magsalita
kagabi. I was glad he respected my decision. Ayoko pa kasing pag-usapan.
If I could deny it, I would. Ayoko pa ring maniwala na nagkaganito kami ni Trisha.
I refuse to believe it. I will forever refuse.
“Morning,” he said. He was wearing his usual attire, black pants and white v-neck.
Why was I trying so hard to deny it? Ang gwapo niya talaga.
I painted a smile on my face and let him come in. May kukunin pa kasi ako sa
kwarto, ang hassle kasi kung sa campus pa ako magpapaprint ng form 5A.
I went out when I finally found it. Nakaupo si Lourd sa couch and he was flipping
pages of the glossy magazine but he wasn’t really reading. Nung nakita niya ako, he
smiled.
“All good?” he asked.
I timidly nodded. Medyo natatakot pa rin kasi ako. Bakit ba ako natatakot?
He stood up and he was towering over me. Magsisimula na sana akong maglakad palabas
ng unit nung mapansin ko na nakatingin siya sa paa ko. Medyo nagtaka ako at na-
conscious. Ano ba ang meron sa paa ko?
“Ano’ng tinitignan mo?” I asked.
He raised his brow and then asked, “Where’s my gift?”
My forehead crunched up with his question. Gift?
He began frowning when he saw my reaction. What? Hindi ko naman kasi talaga
maalala, e! Sa dami ba naman ng nangyari sa buhay ko maaalala ko pa ba lahat ng
bagay?
Bigla siyang naglakad palabas. Tignan mo ‘to!
Dahil ayoko naman na magalit si Lourd, sinundan ko siya sa paghihintay ng elevator.

He was being weird again. Wala naman si Theo kaya hindi ko alam kung ano na naman
ang iniaarte ni Lourd. He was being such a girl these past few days.
“Ano ba kasi ang problema?” I calmly said.
He simply shook his head and tried to ignore me. Tignan mo ‘tong lalaki na ‘to. He
seemed so hormonal lately!
While waiting for the elevator, I tried to remember what gift he was referring to.
During the days when he pretended that I was his girlfriend, ang dami niya kasing
naibigay na regalo sa akin. I was trying to dig deep in my memory box.
I bit my lower lip. I really can’t remember.
Giving up, I tugged on his sleeve and then gave him a small smile. “Sorry...” I
began. “Ano ba kasi ‘yun?”
Humarap siya sa akin, his brow was up the sky. “Hindi mo talaga maalala?” sabi niya
ng parang hindi makapaniwala. I pursed my lips and then shook my head. He sighed.
“The anklet.”
It took me a few seconds before it finally dawned to me.
Bigla bigla akong tumakbo pabalik sa unit ko and rummaged through my stuff. Alam ko
nakalagay lang dito ‘yun, e. Binuksan ko ‘yung mga box sa gilid ng kwarto ko and
tried to remember where the heck did I put that anklet.
Kanina pa ako naghahanap. I was pretty sure I was running late for my first class
but what the hell. Usually wala namang nagpapakita sa first day so let me be
damned. Nailabas ko na lahat nung laman nung unang box pero wala pa rin. I felt
Lourd watching me from my behind. I was pretty sorry for forgetting his gift to me
for my birthday.
“Know what? Bayaan mo na,” he said. “We’ll be late.”
But I strongly shook my head. “Wait lang,” I said, at nagpatuloy ako sa paghahanap.
Naupo si Lourd sa gilid ng kama ko at pinanood ako habang hinahanap ko ‘yung

anklet. Ang liit naman kasi nun kaya medyo nahirapan akong hanapin. Why was I so
forgetful? And why was I so insensitive? Kung lahat nung binibigay sa akin ni
Chance nakalagay sa isang box, dito naman sa mga bigay sa akin ni Lourd hindi ko
alam kung saan saan ko ba inilagay. Minsan iniisip ko hindi talaga ako deserving sa
lahat ng pagmamahal at atensyon na nakukuha ko sa kanya.
I have been looking for it for minutes but still to no avail.
I felt his hand on my shoulder. “It’s alright. Tara na,” he said soothingly.
Biting my lower lip, I turned and faced him. Nahihiya ako. Nahihiya ako na hindi ko
pinahalagahan ‘yung unang regalo niya sa birthday ko.
“I’m sorry,” I sincerely said.
He smiled at my face and then patted my head. “I said it’s alright. Don’t sweat
it.”
“Pero galit ka, e...”
He shrugged. “Yeah, medyo. But what’s done is done. Just make sure that you’ll take
care of the next gift that I’ll give you, okay?”
I nodded. I’ll see to it. Pero hindi pa rin ako sumusuko dun sa anklet. Sigurado
akong nasa gilid gilid lang ng kwarto ko ‘yun.
Lumabas na kami sa kwarto ko and then I looked at my watch. Nagsisimula na rin pala
‘yung first class ko and the next one will be not until 2pm. I decided to just stay
in the unit. Si Lourd may pasok pero ayaw niyang pumasok. Dito na lang daw siya.
Kanina ko pa siya pinipilit na pumasok pero ayaw niya. We decided to just watch
movie.
“Phone?” he said.
“Bakit?”
“I’ll shut it down. I have a strong feeling that Theo will call you.”
Gusto kong matawa sa kanya. He was such a jealous butt!

“Kailan ka pa naging psychic?” I asked him, trying to stiffle my laughter.
He semi-glared at me. “Naninigurado lang. I lost you too many times already. This
time, wala ka ng kawala sa akin,” he said and then leaned in. “So don’t even try to
run.”
I tried to answer but I couldn’t find it in me. I was busy drowning in his eyes,
much less find my voice lost in the middle of oblivion.
A smile slowly crept on his face. “You hear me, Monique? This time, we will happen.
I will make us happen.”
Hindi na ako sumagot. Alam ko naman na kahit ano ang gawin ko, wala na akong
kawala. He was willing to fight for us. He wasn’t even asking for much. He just
wanted me to be right by his side. ‘Yun lang ‘yung hinihiling niya sa akin.
Ngumiti siya at saka hinalikan ako.
“Hindi ka ba nahihirapan?” I asked him in the middle of the movie we were watching.
Ni hindi ko pa kasi alam ang sitwasyon niya sa bahay. I bet his dad was furious
when he learned about the engagement. He would hate me worse this time.
He shook his head. “Actually, my dad knows nothing yet.”

My brow automatically shot up.
“Cass asked me. Sabi niya siya na daw ang bahala,” he said. I nodded but why was I
feeling something wrong? “She said her parents will be disappointed so she asked
for time,” he continued as he intertwined our fingers.
I let it pass. But I was hoping na sabihin niya na. This was the start of problems.
‘Yung mga bagay na maliit na pinapabayaang lumaki.
“Nakausap mo na ba si Chance?” I asked him. Ako kasi, hindi ko pa nakakausap si

Chance. The last time I talked to him was when he told me to give him space to
forgive. He said he wasn’t mad but he was disappointed.
He fell silent. Nakokonsensya ako. If only I could do something.
I wanted to push the subject further but I thought it would be insensitive of me.
Time will heal this wound. Ipagdadasal ko na sana maging okay na sila.
“Why anklet?” I asked him.
Gusto kong malaman kung bakit sobrang disappointed siya na wala sa akin ‘yung
regalo niya. Of course it’s a given na regalo ‘yun but I was still looking for
something.
His grip tightened. “Anklet means possession, at least for me. It means that
wherever you may wind up, at the end of the day, you will still walk towards me...
Because it’s where you belong. You belong to me, Monique Aldea.”
His hands cupped my face. “Even if they all hate you, don’t fret because I’ll
always love you.”
=================
-K-
#HTBWTBB Chapter K
-Please do comment! The end is kind of near! :)
That afternoon, we went to the school. Medyo okay naman siya dahil wala akong
nakasalubong na Trisha o Cassandra sa campus. Pero alam mo ‘yun? Something felt
off. I wasn’t used to going to school without Trisha and Cass by my side. I guess I
just grew too fond of their presence in my life. Up to now, I still missed them.
Siguro nga isang sorry lang okay na ako. I love Trisha too much that I was willing
to let bygones be bygones. Aanhin ko naman ang sama ng loob kung wala naman ang
best friend ko?
As I was walking to my next class, I noticed that Cass was standing from the other
side. Hindi niya ako nakikita kaya medyo nagdalawang isip ako kung pupuntahan ko ba
siya o kung ano. I knew I should talk to her but I didn’t think I could.
For the second time, I destroyed her supposed to be happy ever after. I felt like
the witch.
But I badly wanted to salvage whatever I could. Aanhin ko ang pride kung wala naman
akong kaibigan? Frankly speaking, I just couldn’t imagine living a life without my
friends. It seemed so dull, so sad.
And so I walked towards her.
“Cass...” I began, even though my voice sounded so weak.
Bigla siyang napatingin sa akin and in a blink of an eye, her expression turned
sour. She wasn’t pleased to see me... And I was kind of expecting this. Pero
masakit pa rin. Akala ba niya ginusto ko ‘to? Kung pwede lang ayoko. But I can’t
control Lourd. Ginagawa niya kung ano ang gusto niya.
Hindi siya nagsalita. I wanted to initiate but I was scared. This could make or
break our friendship. Ayokong masira dahil sa isang maling salita. We’ve been
friends for years, we know each other best...
Or was I the only one thinking this way?
Kung kilala talaga nila ako, they wouldn’t talk about me like that. They should
have known that if they ask me, I would drop Lourd and be with them. Sila ‘yung
kaibigan ko. Sana alam nila na mas mahalaga sila.
They say sisters before misters but what happened to us?
“Look—” I began but I was immediately cut off.

Her lips were in a thin line and it was obvious that she was holding herself back.
This was her when she’s already mad. Cass was from a family of politicians. She was
trained to hide what she truly feels pero kaibigan ko siya. Alam ko kung kailan
siya galit at ngayon, galit siya sa akin.
“You don’t need to explain,” she said. “Sinabi na ni Lourd.”
There was a hint of bitterness in her tone. Mahal niya ba si Lourd?
The thought felt like a pang in my chest. I didn’t like the idea of other people
liking him.
“I’m sorry.”
My voice sounded so low. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin o kung ano ang
susunod kong gagawin. I wanted to amend whatever problem there was but this was
proving to be harder than I thought. The damage has been done and it was hard to
fix the gap between the bridges.
“We’ve had this talk, Monique. I’m trying to be fine,” she admonished. Hindi ako
sumagot. I just wanted to listen to what she had to say. I was silently wishing
that she’ll find it within her to want to be friends with me again. I was a sucker
for friends. “I can’t control what Lourd feels so I’m trying to find a way to be
okay with this situation.”
I bit my lower lip as I listened to her thoughts. Bakit ba si Cassandra pa? She
didn’t deserve to suffer the blow twice. She’s been nothing but a wonderful friend.
She smiled at me even though she didn’t want to. “Mauna na ako.”
Aalis na sana siya nung bigla kong naisip na tanungin siya. It was bothering me. I
knew she deserve to ask whatever she wanted but it was just keeping me up. Maybe it
was paranoia or whatever but I needed my resolve.
“Sabi ni Lourd hindi mo pa raw sinasabi sa parents mo?” I asked gently.
Napatigil siya sa paglalakad niya at tumingin sa akin. Dahan-dahan siyang tumango.

I could see tears slowly forming in her eyes. She was near tearing and it was
tugging my heart. I never wanted to make her cry. I have seen enough.
She shook her head.
“Kailan mo sasabihin?”
“Hindi ko alam,” sabi niya. Her voice turned icy cold. “Hindi ko alam kung kailan o
kung papaano ko sasabihin na kinuha ng best friend ko ‘yung fiancé ko.”
She turned to face me and then wiped the tears off her face. “Monique, let’s stop
trying to be friends. It’s not working anymore. I can’t be friends with you. Alam
mo ‘yung pakiramdam na sa tuwing may magugustuhan akong lalaki lagi kong iniisip
kung baka magustahan ka din nila? Ang hirap hirap.”
Bigla bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa mga binibitiwang salita ni Cass. Alam ko na
matagal niya na ‘tong tinatago. Even though I was aware this would hurt, I was
willing to listen to her. She deserved this much.
She was trying to control her breathing while tears were continuously brimming down
her cheeks. It was a maddening sight.
“Ano ba ‘yung maling nagawa ko sa’yo, Monique? Naging mabait naman akong kaibigan,
‘di ba?” she almost lost it. Her breathing was becoming uneven.
“Was it fun seeing me like this?” she asked me amidst her tears. “Monique, you
could’ve just told me! Kaibigan mo ako, ‘di ba? Kung una pa lang sinabi mo, sana
naagapan! Palagi na lang ganito, ‘yung gusto ko sa’yo napupunta. Bakit ang unfair?”
Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya. I didn’t even know the answer myself. Hindi ko naman
hiniling na mapunta sa akin si Lourd at Chance. I never wished for a story as
complicated as this.
She wiped another batch of tears. I was late for class but I couldn’t even bring
myself to take another step. My heart was breaking for my friend.
“I took care of Lourd, I was there when you left him. I picked up the shards you
left of him. Ayoko ‘yung naghirap pero sa huli, ikaw pa rin ‘yung masaya. Bakit
ganun?”
I stood there, looking for an answer, any plausible answer... pero wala akong
maisip. But she was wrong... I didn’t have the easy way. Alam ba niya kung gaano na
ako nahihirapan? Sobra na... Ang bigat bigat na nang pakiramdam ko na tipong bigla
na lang akong sasabog sa dami ng iniisip ko.
She, then, left me. And I went home. I didn’t have the heart to continue the day
with everything that I just heard. My whole system was hurting.
Dumiretso ako sa unit at nagmukmok sa kwarto. My phone kept on buzzing and it was
Lourd trying to reach me. I was tempted to answer his call but I should distance
myself even for just a little. With that, I turned my phone off.
I stayed there, lying down and thinking about everything. Where did I go wrong? I
was just trying to find my own happy ever after but little did I know that I would
pass through such storms... and without the assurance that at the end of all these
mishaps, I would get my coveted ending. Puro pangako pero wala namang
kasiguraduhan.
Bakit ba kasi umaasa kung sa huli wala rin naman pala. Unfair.
I was in the kitchen trying to make something decent to eat when the door opened. I
figured it was James since siya lang naman ang may alam ng passcode bukod sa
akin... at kay Trisha.
“Trish...”
I couldn’t believe it myself when I saw her standing in front of me. It felt like
she materialized. Sobrang gusto ko siyang yakapin pero natatakot ako na baka itulak
niya ako.
“Let’s talk.”
These two words that I dreaded the most. Something wrong’s always bound to happen
whenever I hear these words.
Unti-unti kong ibinaba ‘yung bubuksan ko sana na canned good at nagpunta sa couch.
While walking, I was trembling. It was the first time she initiated to talk to me.
Tumigil na kasi ako. I could take only too much rejection coming from her. At one
point, I was bound to stop.
“A-ano’ng meron?” I asked her.
She pursed her lips. “Ano’ng nangyari kay Chance?”
Her question caught me off-guard. I wasn’t ready to talk about what happened. I
tried to forget it but it seemed like a memory that I will never get rid of. It
will always haunt me wherever.
I closed my eyes for a brief second. “He asked me to leave.”
“Tapos umuwi ka dito and then luckily, Lourd’s still willing to have you, ganon?”
she asked.
Umiling ako. “No!” I answered. “Trish, I know you don’t like me right now but you
know me... Hindi ko gustong mangyari lahat ng ‘to.”
She tried to smile but it seemed like a grimace. “You seriously can’t blame me,
Monique. Lately, you’ve been surprising me on what you can do.”
“Trisha naman...” My heart was already hurting too much. Ang sakit sakit kapag
galing sa best friend mo. “I love Cassandra... I swear hindi ko sinasadya...”
She stood up and then faced me. “I don’t know, Monique. I wish I can believe you
but I can’t.”
She began walking out when I tried to stop her. Kailangan kong magpaliwanag. Ayoko
na mauwi lang sa ganito ‘yung pinagsamahan namin. This was worth fighting for.
Bubuksan na sana niya ‘yung pinto nung biglang pumasok si Lourd at James.
We all stopped from our tracks and looked at each other.
Bigla biglang lumapit sa akin si Lourd nung mapansin niya na umiiyak ako. Why can’t
I have this time para maayos namin ‘yung sa amin ni Trisha?
He cupped my face with his hands and then faced Trisha. “What happened?” he asked.
Trisha just shrugged. “I’m leaving,” she announced.
I removed Lourd’s hands from my face. “Trisha...” I called out her name. Ayoko na
umalis siya na hindi pa rin namin naaayos ‘to. Alam ko na kaya pang ayusin. I trust
our friendship. This was but another trial that we will pass. “Please, let’s talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Monique. I can’t understand you.”
I continued crying. Ang hirap. “What do you want me to do? Trish naman...”
She looked at me with spite. Ang sakit na sarili mong best friend tinitignan ka na
parang ayaw ka niyang makita. “Nothing, Monique. Nothing you can do could make me
change how I think about you.”
I crossed the bridge. I asked her even though I was afraid of the answer. “Ano ba
ang tingin mo sa akin?”
She didn’t even think twice. The knife was stabbed deep in my chest. “Malandi.”
Tears fell down all too sudden. This was just too much for a day. Sobrang sakit na.
Lourd’s grip tightened. Hindi ko na kaya. Ang sakit sakit na talaga. Bakit ba
nagkakaganito? Gusto ko lang naman bumalik ‘yung mga kaibigan ko. ‘Yun lang naman.
“Trisha, take that back,” Lourd said.

“I won’t. I’m going,” she declared. Aalis sana siya nung biglang hatakin ni Lourd
‘yung braso niya. “Ano ba?!”
Lourd took a deep breath. “I don’t give a fuck about anyone when Monique is
involved. She’s your friend! Why are you being such a bitch?!”
Bumibigat na ‘yung paghinga ko. Hindi ko na gusto ‘yung nangyayari.
“Dude, don’t talk to her like that,” James said.
“Then tell her to stop being such a bitch.”
James sighed. “Lourd, I get it, okay? Pero ‘wag mong pagsalitaan ng ganyan si
Trisha kasi tatamaan ka talaga sa akin.”
Lourd’s jaw tightened. “Then punch me,” he challenged James. “No one treats Monique
like a trash and get away with it. Not in my watch.”
Napailing na lang si James at saka inaya si Trisha na umalis. “No one’s leaving,
James. Magsorry ka muna kay Monique,” Lourd insisted.
Naiinis na si Trisha. Hindi ko rin gusto lahat ng nangyayari. Pwede bang matapos na
lang ‘yung lahat? Ayoko na talaga...

“I would but not now.”
Lourd spat out, “You’re being a bitch.”
“And so is your girlfriend,” Trisha replied.
I just wanted to yell stop.
“You’ve been pushing me and Monique before, remember? Tapos ngayon ganyan ka? Are
you some fucking pyscho?”
Trisha shook her head. God, I just wanted to have her back. Kahit ang sakit sakit
na ng lahat ng sinasabi niya sa akin, isang sorry lang tatanggapin ko ulit. I was
afraid of living a life without my friends. I couldn’t even begin to imagine.
“I asked her to pick you, not to screw you behind your brother’s back. I didn’t ask
her to be a cheater. Magkaiba ‘yun.”
Lourd snaked his arms around my waist and took a deep breath. “Then fucking blame
me! I take all the blame, alright! Ako na ‘yung sisihin niyong lahat ‘wag niyo lang
paiyakin si Monique because god knows how hard I am trying just to make her smile
so don’t make her fucking cry.”
=================
-L-
#HTBWTBB Chapter L
After Lourd said that, Trisha ran out. Things have gotten out of control. Gusto ko
na lang mapaupo sa sahig sa sobrang frustration.
“Lourd, that was too much,” James said nung umalis si Trisha. He tried to run after
her but Trisha asked him not to.
I saw Lourd shaking his head in amusement. “Monique’s your cousin.”
“Alam ko. Pero babae si Trisha, hindi mo dapat pinatulan,” James explained.
My head was throbbing from all these drama. I just want to crawl in my bed and
sleep. Pagod na talaga ako. Them bickering in front of me wasn’t of any help. Mas
lalo lang sumasakit ang ulo ko.
They talked for some time while I silently sat on the couch. I just messed up big
time. Pakiramdam ko nawalan ako ng sobrang importanteng tao. I didn’t care if
Trisha said those things. I just needed to let her hear what I got to say. Sigurado
naman ako na may dahilan siya kung bakit siya ganun. Surely there’s a reason. I
have known her since forever and she’s not a bitch like what Lourd said.
I love her to bits. I would take a bullet for her... but I never expected that she
will be the one pulling the trigger.
James sat in the bean bag adjacent to me. He sighed. I knew that he was having a
hard time, too. Pinsan niya ako and he’s head over heels for Trisha. He was caught
up in the middle of the fire. Naaawa ako sa kanya. He shouldn’t be experiencing all
these shits.
“I’m sorry for what she said,” sabi niya. “Alam mo naman si Intsik, hindi nag-iisip
bago magsalita.”
I smiled at him. Alam ko naman na hindi sinasadya ni Trisha ‘yun.
Naupo naman si Lourd sa tabi ko at saka inabutan ako ng tubig. I smiled at him for
the gesture. “Monique, why are you so desperate for their attention?” Lourd asked
me worriedly. Hindi ko naman siya masisisi kung bakit niya naitanong. He saw me
almost begging for them to talk to me. Countless of instances. Ilang beses ko na
sinubukan na kausapin sila pero palagi na lang nila akong tinatalikuran. I didn’t
want him to see me but he was just always there when it happens.
I slowly shook my head. “You won’t understand, Lourd. Kaibigan ko sila. They will
always come first.”
“Mas mahalaga sila kaysa sa akin?” he asked.
I nodded. It was the truth, anyway. No matter what happens, I would choose my
friends first. At kung mahal nga talaga ako ni Lourd kagaya ng sinasabi niya, dapat
alam niya kung saan ako masaya. Masaya ako sa mga kaibigan ko.
“’Wag mong papiliin si Monique, you’ll just disappoint yourself,” sabi ni James.
“Besides, Trisha’s nice. She’ll cool down soon. I’ll talk to her,” James said
whilst looking at me and assuring me that things will get better.
He was silent for a minute until a small smile spread across his face. “Don’t
worry, Monique, I’ll try my best to fix this for you,” he said, holding my hand.
He leaned in and then kissed my forehead. “James, let’s go,” he said and then
turned to me. “Rest, okay? Sunduin kita bukas.”
Umalis na sila pagkatapos nun. I was thankful because Lourd was being
understanding. He’s come a long way. ‘Yung Lourd na kilala ko noon, walang pakielam
sa ibang tao. Gagawin niya kung ano ang gusto niya never mind the repercussions and
the people who would get hurt. He was self-centered and he was the very definition.
Pero ngayon nag-iba na siya. He was considerate.
I went back to the kitchen and prepared my food. Kahit na nawalan na ako ng gana,
alam ko na kailangan ko pa rin na kumain. Just because I got hurt does not mean
that the world would stop revolving. Life goes on. And I needed my energy to keep
going. I still have my pavements to chase, after all.
After preparing my food, I went back to the couch, my temporary comfort, and
watched movies. Medyo nakakainis kasi puro malulungkot na palabas ‘yung napapanood
ko. Kahit saang channel ako pumunta, puro malulungkot. Was this life’s way of
sympathizing with me? Because if it was, it would be lame.
I was digging in my first tub of Ben & Jerry’s when the doorbell rang. I lazily got
up thinking that it was James pero si Theo ang nakita ko. Why was I not even
surprised? Mali yata siya. Hindi si Lourd ang mayroong lahing kabuti. He was the
one who kept on popping everywhere.
He gave out a cheeky grin. “Parang hindi ka naman masaya na makita ako,” he said
and then welcomed himself home.
Bigla bigla na lang siyang pumasok sa loob at naupo. He sat comfortably on my couch
and helped himself with my bag of chips. God, sometimes he was just so annoying.
“Bakit ka na naman nandito?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “Bored.”
I shook my head. He’s a hopeless case.
“Wala ka bang ibang kaibigan? Palagi kang nandito, e,” I commented.
As far as memory serves right, he was the social butterfly. Ang daming kaibigan ni
Theo. He was famous even when we were still in high school. Unlike Lourd na sikat
dahil maraming natatakot sa kanya especially when he’s fuming mad, everybody likes
Theo. He just has this radiant personality that pulls everyone towards him.
I still have to ask him about his law school and why he was here but I decided not
to push the matter forward. He’s not my boyfriend anymore and what he wants to do
with his life, I have no business anymore.
“Shortcake naman,” he began. “Those assholes can wait. Ikaw, ayos pa ba?”
I shook my head for it was the truth. I was far from being okay. Kung ibang tao
siguro okay lang sa kanila pero sa akin kasi hindi okay. Hanggang hindi naaayos
‘yung sa amin nila Trisha, hinding-hindi ako magiging okay. I was attached too
much.
Theo asked me what happened and I didn’t hesitate to tell him the real score. Hindi
ko alam pero madali lang magsabi sa kanya ng problema. Before he became my
boyfriend, he was my close friend first. It was so easy to confide in him.
Kahit na ang bigat ng paghinga ko habang ikinukwento ko sa kanya ‘yung mga

nangyari, itinuloy ko pa rin. I was pretty sure he has idea about what happened. I
told him everything, kahit na ‘yung pinag-usapan namin ni Chance. It was easy to
tell him because he didn’t know who Chance was. He was like the outsider in this
situation. It was nice to talk to someone who had no idea about how f-ucked up my
situation really was.
He just sat there, listening to everything I had to say. Listening to myself, I

realized how badly I messed up. I really screwed. But it was unfair. Nagkamali ako,
oo... But would those mistakes define me?
Dahil sa isang pagakakamali, huhusgahan na nila ako habang-buhay? Wasn’t I worthy

of a do over?
When I finished, I was on the verge of tears again but I fought hard to hold it
back. Sawang sawa na akong umiyak. Tama na muna ngayon.
“Shortcake,” he said and then sighed. “Bad communication destroys good

relationship.”
I stayed silent. I just wanted to listen right now. Gusto kong marinig kung saan
ako nagkamali. I wanted to know because I was willing to fix this. Tumatanggap
naman ako ng pagkakamali. It was a part of life. A life without mistakes isn’t
worth living.
The mistakes, the hype, the rush, these mean life.
“Kilala kita at kilala ko si Trisha. You just need to talk. Kaya mahirap pag nag-
away ang babae, e. Ang dami dami niyong sinasabing salita. Kapag lalaki, isang
suntok lang ayos na. E kayo? Puro kayo salita,” he said. “Kapag ang salita nasabi
mo na, hindi mo na kayang bawiin. ‘Yang friendship niyo parang papel. Sa oras na
malukot, kahit ilang beses mong plantsahin may gusot pa rin.”
I smiled sadly. “So you think we wouldn’t be able to fix this?”
The thought was already shredding my heart. ‘Yung buong buhay ko biglang nagkulang.
“I don’t know about you. Shortcake, hindi mo rin masisisi si Trisha. You took her
for granted. You pushed her to be dependent on Cass. But I’m not saying natama na
sinabihan ka niya ng malandi, ha?”
He sighed. He still was fixated on seeing me smile. Pero paano ako ngingiti sa mga
nangyayari na ‘to?
“Mahal mo ba si Lourd?” he suddenly asked. Hindi ako agad nakasagot. This was the
first time someone asked me this. “Is he worth all these trouble?”
He waited for my answer but I didn’t have any. I was stuck in the middle of all
these problems that I wasn’t able to think everything through. Lourd was there,
he’s in love with me. But I wasn’t ready yet. How can I give myself fully when I
felt so broken? I needed to pick myself up.
This wasn’t me. I was never this weak.
“What about Chance?” he asked again.
I smiled at him and quoted what Chance told me. “What we had was the wrong love at
the right time. It was bound to end messy.”
I was ready to fall in love but I fell for the wrong person first. But I was never
going to regret. Hindi ko pagsisisihan lahat ng naranasan ko nung kasama ko si
Chance. He made me feel like a princess. He was so special. But he was right, the
timing was right, but the person was wrong.
“Like ours?”
I shook my head. “You loved Kels better than me,” I said to him. “Kung mahal mo
talaga ako dati, hindi mo ako lolokohin. Exactly what happened between the twins
and me.”
We talked for a bit more and he volunteered to cook dinner for me. Hindi na ako
umangal dahil wala rin naman akong lakas para magluto. While he was in the kitchen,
I went inside my room and dialled Lourd’s number.
While his phone was ringing, it suddenly dawned to me why I wasn’t sure about how I
feel. Something was still wrong. Hindi ko magawang magtiwala sa kanya kasi
natatakot ako. What if one day he realize that it was Laura all along? Hanggang
ngayon hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang nangyari sa kanila nung gabi na unang
beses ko siyang hinalikan. It was a mystery, still.
I was afraid of competing with his first love. I wasn’t as strong as him.
“Hey,” he said, his voice raspy.
“Hi.”
“Why did you suddenly call?” he asked. “Want me to come over?”
As I was talking to him, I realized that it wasn’t important what happened, or

where was Laura. He was the one who could make my heart beat so damn fast, he was
the one who could paint a smile on my face by just being there, he was the one who
held my hand when everything felt like falling apart, he was the one who stayed
when everyone left, he was there when I felt like the whole world betrayed me, and
he was still there even when he told me he gave up on me.
“I just missed your voice.”
He stopped. “Monique,” he said. “If you could be this sweet every day, I’d die
happy.”
“Baliw.”
“I don’t get why Trisha thinks you’re a flirt. If you are, my life would be
easier,” he said and I could imagine him saying this. The smile on his face, how
his lips curved into a smile. “Wala akong pakielam kung malandi ka, basta ako lang
‘yung lalandiin mo.”
It was always this easy with Lourd. He is worth all the trouble.
“Baliw,” I replied again.
I heard him sighing over the line. “I know I’m not the best guy and I know you
still have hesitations. But I promise you, Monique, I can be the best guy... Just
give me my chance. I can prove you I can how much I love you.”
I smiled and then lay down on my bed. I closed my eyes as he continued.
“Monique Aldea, give me the chance to be the best guy for you. You won’t regret it,
I promise you this much.”
=================
-M-
#HTBWTBB Chapter M
I really did believe that I was crazy.

“Did you ask her?” I asked again.
James nodded. “I swear I talked to her. Monique, ‘wag mo na kasing ipilit ‘yung
bagay na hindi pa pwede.”
I wished I could do what he was asking of me. Sana kasi madali lang na tanggalin
‘yung mga kaibigan ko sa buhay ko. I wished I was that mechanical. ‘Yung tipong
isang sabi mo lang, okay na. Pero hindi, e. Kahit ilang beses kong marinig, kahit
ilang beses sabihin sa akin na mas magiging masaya ako kung tatanggapin ko na wala
na si Trisha at Cassandra sa buhay ko, hindi ko pa rin magawa.
Slowly, I sat back. One week had passed yet to no avail. It was my daily routine,
pumasok sa school and to silently hope that Trisha would soon find it within her to
talk to me again.
“Time heal all wounds,” he said and then patted my head. “Magkakaayos din kayo in
time but definitely not now.”
I decided not to push the matter forward. Tama siya... If we’re meant to be friends
for keeps, this, too, shall pass.
“Nga pala, ready ka na ba?”
Tumango ako kay James. Mamaya pa lang gaganapin ‘yung birthday party ni Lourd and
he was expecting me to be there. I knew he was disappointed because Chance wasn’t
coming and I had no intention of adding up to his pile of disappointments.
Kahit na kinakabahan ako dahil nandun ang parents niya pati na si Cassandra,
kailangan ko pa ring pumunta. Lourd has done so many things for me. Ngayon,
kailangan ko namang bumawi.
“Do you know if Trisha will be there?” I asked. It’s not that I didn’t want her to
be there. Kailangan ko lang malaman para maihanda ko na ‘yung sarili ko. I was
trying to learn how to free myself from my past. I needed to move forward and I
can’t do that if I kept on looking back.
James just gave me a shrug.
Inayos ko na ‘yung sarili ko while James bade good bye since si Lourd ang susundo
sa akin. He just dropped by to personal say to me what happened when he talked to
Trisha. I decided to just accept it. Lourd kept on reminding me that I shouldn’t
beg for anyone’s attention. Ayaw niya na nakikita akong nagmamakaawa. He said it
hurts him.
I smiled at the mirror and then waited for Lourd to pick me up.
While I was at it, I received a call from Lourd.
“Hey,” I immediately said pagkasagot ko ng tawag niya. He was already 5 minutes

late pero okay lang naman sa akin na maghintay. It was just that I was worried.
Hindi naman kasi nalilate si Lourd kaya medyo nag-aalala ako.
I heard him sigh from the other line. And that was when my heart started drumming.
I mentally prepared myself. Was this another bad news coming my way? Why was my
life so annoying? Halos wala pang ilang linggo pero may darating na naman? Wala man
lang ba na calmness before the storm sa buhay ko? Para naman kasing puro storm
lang. I needed my break. It was well-deserved.
“May problema ba?” I said, silently wishing that there’s none. Gusto ko talaga sana
na tahimik lang muna kahit ilang araw lang.
“I forgot that Cass’ parents will be here, as well. Nakasalubong ko sila kanina and
from the looks of it, hindi pa nasasabi ni Cassandra.”
I heaved a breath of relief. Akala ko naman kung anong problema!
“And why is that a problem?” I asked him. Ang ineexpect ko kasi na problema ay
‘yung tipo na nalaman ng papa niya na aattend ako sa party niya at sinabihan siya
na ‘wag akong pumunta.
He was silent for a second. “Natatakot lang ako,” he began. “I was afraid to mess
up because I know you’ll run again.”
For a moment, I felt bad for him. Sobra ba siyang nasaktan sa nangyari dati kaya
ganito na lang siyang mag-alala ngayon? Hindi naman ako tatakbo. I was here to stay
but he kept on having doubts.
“Lourd, you’re being paranoid,” I commented.

“I’m sorry. You ran far too many times that worrying became a reflex.”
Sana nandito siya sa tabi ko para mayakap ko siya at ma-assure ko siya na nandito
lang ako. He was here for me when I was in my lowest and for that I will forever be
grateful. At isa pa, until he’s there, I will never leave. Until he’s not giving me
reasons to leave, I will stay.
“Hindi ako aalis,” I assured him. “Not until you give me reasons to leave.”
It was as if I could see him smiling from ear to ear. The way he tell me things
really just takes my breath away. Every freaking time.
“Monique, if ever I’ll give you reasons, those would be reasons for you to stay.”
Parang automatic na na lumakas ‘yung tibok ng puso ko. Deep in my head, I was too
old for these things. I believed I was born in the wrong year. Ayoko sa mga
ganitong kilig pero kapag kay Lourd, hindi ko mapigilan. Alam na alam niya kung ano
‘yung mga tamang salitang sasabihin para ngumiti ako.
“Oo na, oo na,” I said, trying to mask-off the giddiness within me. “Bakit nga pala
wala ka pa?” I remembered asking him why.
And then, he sighed again. “I was supposed to go but Dad won’t let me. Kanina niya
pa ako pinapakilala sa mga tao and I was receiving all the attention because Chance
isn’t here,” he said lowly na para bang takot na takot siya.
I wanted to tell him that Chance and I already settled things, na sinabi niya na sa
akin na wala na talaga. I wanted to tell him immediately but I think it would be
better to tell him this personally. At isa pa, wala pa talaga akong nabibiling
regalo para sa kanya. Tatanungin ko na lang siya mamaya kung ano ba ang gusto niya.
Ang hirap niya kasing isipan ng regalo kasi parang nasa kanya na naman ang lahat.
After that, I assured him na ayos lang na pumunta akong mag-isa. Hindi nama ‘to
sobrang formal party gaya ng dati na naka long gown ako kaya hassle magtaxi.
Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto, nakarating na ako sa hotel na paggaganapan ng party
niya.
As I was approaching the event room where the celebration would be held, I was
holding my breath. Makikita ko na naman ang papa niya. Sana naman ngayon ‘wag niya
akong sigawan. I really do have respect for elders but I wasn’t raised para
sigawan. It really was my hard limit. Ayoko ng sinisigawan ako much more ayoko ng
pinapahiya ako.
Ibinigay ko ‘yung invitation ko for validation and then I was ushered in. Nakita ko
agad ‘yung mga magulang ni Cass sa table sa harap and I couldn’t help but feel off.
Nakatingin ako sa kanila habang gina-guide ako nung usher sa table ko and when I
was sitting down, I dawned to me that I was in the same table as Trisha.
Oh, the love.
Ngumiti ako sa kanya pagkakita ko. I still wanted to talk to her but I decided on
following Lourd’s request at saka naniniwala ako na kung magiging okay man kami,
magiging okay rin kami. Maybe not now but soon, I do hope.
We were sitting face to face and smiling like nothing’s wrong was hard. Hinahanap
ko si Lourd o kahit na si James pero pareho ko silang hindi makita. This was
destiny’s scheme, again.
“I’m sorry.”
I stopped from thinking when Trisha said that. Sobrang hina lang ng pagkakasabi
niya pero narinig ko pa rin. Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya na parang hindi
makapaniwala sa narinig ko.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “Hindi ko gustong sabihin ‘yun sayo,” she admitted.
“Pero ang laki ng utang na loob ko kay Cassandra. Siya ‘yung nandyan nung bigla ka
na lang nagdecide na mawala. Monique, one email wouldn’t hurt. Pero hindi, e. You
pushed me to be dependent on her. And you being back means Cassandra being hurt.
“Being with her, I realized how cruel things are. Hindi mo naman kasalanan na
nagustuhan ka nung magkapatid but that didn’t stop me from feeling bad for her.
Cass is too nice. Kahit ilang beses mo siyang saktan, hindi ka niya sinigawan.
She’s too nice for her own good and it annoys me. So I became the bad one.
“I’m sorry for calling you names. But please decide para malinaw na ‘yung lahat. Is
it Lourd, or Chance, or Theo?”
I didn’t know why she was asking me this pero I just felt like answering. “You know
about the golden rule? That’s my answer,” I said before finally standing from my
sit.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ipinipilit ko ‘yung sarili ko sa kanya. If she really was
my best friend, she should have known how saying those works would scar me for
life. Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na kahit pala patawarin niya ako, hindi na ulit
kami babalik sa dati. The damage has been done and no matter how we try to fix it,
it would forever be there. I would forever remember how she called me malandi and
this had tainted our friendship for good.
That’s why words are critical; once it has been said, there’ no way you can take it
back.
I didn’t bother saying my good bye kasi sigurado naman ako na magkikita pa kami ni
Trisha pero ngayon, alam ko na na hindi na talaga. Siguro pwede pa kaming maging
magkaibigan pero best friends? Hindi na.
Naglalakad lakad ako, finding familiar faces when I finally saw Lourd... but he was
talking to his dad and to Cass and her family. I was frozen in my spot.
Now that I saw it, I realized how this decision would not only determine my life
but thousands of other lives. By breaking the engagement, pati ‘yung mga
nagtatrabaho sa kumpanya nila maaapektuhan. I wasn’t only breaking an engagement
between two people, I was also breaking up a merger.
I was in deep thinking when Cass’ mom saw me.
She went and hugged me. Parang anak na kasi ang turing niya sa akin.
“Monique!” she exclaimed. “So nice seeing you here!” she said after she broke the
hug. She was dragging me towards Lourd habang sinasabi niya na ipapakilala niya ako
sa fiancée ng anak niya. Seeing how happy she was, it shattered my heart.
Sa dami ng nasaktan ko, ang sama sama na ng tingin ko sa sarili ko.
Lourd was shocked when he saw me. He was still worried that I would run. Silly guy.
“Monique, hija, this is Lourd, fiancée ni Cass,” she said.
I watched the color in Cass’ face drain and how Lourd looked like he was about to
have a heart attack any moment.
I took a deep breath and then held Lourd’s hand in front of them. I sacrificed too
much. Ngayon, ako naman ang dapat maging masaya.
Halatang gulat na gulat sila pero hindi ko na ‘yun inisip. I needed to do this for
me and for Lourd.
“Auntie, I don’t want to be the one to say this but Lourd’s my boyfriend. Matagal
ng tinapos ni Lourd ‘yung engagement nila ni Cass,” I said without even trying to
breathe. “He’s with me and there’s no wedding that’s going to happen.”
Agad agad kong hinila si Lourd palayo sa kanila. Baka hindi ko na kayanin kapag
nagsalita pa ang papa niya. Sobrang lakas ng tibok ng dibdib ko halos hindi na ako
makalakad ng maayos. I was dragging him out, away from prying eyes.
When we’re finally out, I rested my back against the concrete wall. Sobrang
kinabahan ako ‘dun! That was the most impulsive thing I have ever did.
Kung ako kinakabahan, si Lourd hindi maipinta ang mukha. I was worried about what
he was thinking.
Overthinking attacked me again. Paano kung hindi pala totoo na hindi tuloy ang
kasal nila ni Cassandra? What if all these were just his form of fucked up revenge?
What if –
I wasn’t able to finish my thoughts when he pulled me in for a kiss. His kiss was
urgent and loving. With every touch of his lips against mine, pakiramdam ko
mapapaupo ako sa sahig. The way his hands circled my waist, it made me want to stay
close forever.
“Monique, thank you,” he said as he hugged me. “Thank you, thank you,” he kept on
repeating.
I hugged him back and let myself get drowned in his personal musk. Hindi ako
masasanay kung gaano ako kamahal ni Lourd. He kept on surprising me on how much he
loved me.
“Wala pa nga akong regalo,” I shyly admitted.
He chuckled at my lame response and then cupped my face. “Baliw,” he said,

mimicking the way I said it. “You actually fought for me and it is more than
enough, Aldea,” he uttered while softly caressing my face.
The evening wind was brushing against us and the moon was with us. Everything felt
right, everything felt in place.
“I never expected that you’ll stand in and say that I’m yours,” sabi niya.
“Honestly, you’re the only one who can scare the living daylights out of me. I
always think how one day, you’ll realize how messed up I am and how unworthy I am
of your attention. I’m nothing compared to Chance.”
I bit my lip as he admitted his inner demons. The more he insists that he’s flawed,
the more reason he’s giving me to actually stay. I don’t want perfect; I want real.
“Monique, I’m nothing compared to Chance but thank you for choosing me,” he said,
and I didn’t expect to see him tearing up. “Tangina, Monique, mahal na mahal kita.”
=================
Author's Note
I already posted the epilogue and here's the link! :) Happy reading! Nasa external
link din siya. Naka private siya. All you have to do is follow me to read this and
if it bothers you so much, do unfollow :)
http://www.wattpad.com/59860303-how-to-break-up-with-the-bad-boy-epilogue?d=ud
While I am at this, I'd like to thank you all for the crazy support! Thanks so
much! I'll just rest for a bit from all these crazy drama, magroromcom muna ako
with These Crazy Bastards but I'll be back! I still have TWO bad boy installations!
Wait for it!
I'm not really good with words so again, thanks so much!
-Eydee

Beeyotch - How To Break-Up With The Bad Boy

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How To Break-up With The Bad Boy?

How To Breakup With The Bad Boy?

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Start: March 1, 2014

End: July 15, 2014

I closed my eyes and bit my lips.

My heart stopped beating. S-hit.

“Alis na ako,” I said.

I rolled my eyes. Consideration my arse. Bakit ako magcoconsiderate e right from

2. He’s snob.

3. He’s a total achiever.

4. He’s f-ucking perfect and he knew it.

“Mahal ko nga, e...” she reasoned while hysterically sobbing.

“What?” I snapped at Trisha.

I mimicked her tone, “Oh, really yes, Trisha Fajardo.”

After just a while, she bounced away.

“Tonic,” I said to the bartender.

“Chance, baby, please?”

“I don’t do my workmate, Sasha. Stop touching my crotch.”

Goodness! Ano bang pinag-uusapan nila?!

“I’ll resign just please, please... Please just one night.”

“I heard your conversation accidentally. It’s funny,” I commented.

He cocked his head. “You think so?”

What the hell?!

“Shut up,” I said before firing the gun.

Name: Chance Lucas Márquez-Sandoval

Educational Achievements: Elementary and High School Valedictorian

What an ass! E di siya na ang matalino!

I was browsing religiously when I came up with an article about him.

“Chance Sandoval: Left at the altar, alone and frustrated.”

“Pesto and fruit shake,” I said to the waitress.

At bakit naman ako maaawa? That man was so cruel to me!

Kumakain ako ng tahimik ng bigla siyang pumasok sa loob ng restaurant. He actually

I gave a small smile. Pasalamat siya nag-effort akong ngumiti!

He just nodded at me. Walang manners.

I nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

“Don’t know her,” sabi ni Chance.

“Stop staring. You’re creeping me out,” he said.

In an instant, napatingin siya sa akin. His eyes were flaring.

“Problema mo?” he said, anger seething through his voice.

“Lunatic,” sabi niya.

“What the hell?!”

“Ano bang problema mo, Miss?”

“Then stop staring kung ayaw mong sinasabihan ka ng creepy.”

“So, feeling mo gwapo gwapo mo?”

“Ikaw nagsabi niyan, hindi ako.”

“Sama ng ugali mo,” I whispered.

“Let’s eat, Mon. Mamamatay na ako sa gutom...” Trisha said.

Natawa ako sa itsura niya, namumutla na si Chinese!

“Tawa pa, nagugutom na nga ‘yung tao.”

I was so caught up in looking at him from my distance ng kalabitin ako ni Trisha.

He was talking to someone so seriously... Sobrang seryoso niya. If he was normally

Ugh! Mas nacurious tuloy ako!

“Maibabalik ba ng sorry mo lahat ng kahihiyan na nakuha ko?”

There was a beat of silence.

Umiling iling siya matapos kong magsalita. Way to go, Monique!

“Ayaw lang kitang paasahin sa bagay na impossible. Masakit umasa,” he said.

Napangiti siya sa sinabi ko. First time! “Touché.”

I winked at him. “I’m just awesome,” I said.

He shook his head. “Don’t wanna talk about her.”

“Bakit? Do you still love her?” I asked.

“Bakit? Nagseselos ka? Bakit? In love ka na agad sa akin?”

Put #HTBWTBB sa tweets and posts niyo para madali hanapin! :)