“Hannah Quilatan: Only Theory”

A Personal Theory
Presented to
Ma’am Myrtle C. Orbon
Psychology Department

In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements

for the Course Theories of Personality

Submitted by:
Hannah Marie Z. Quilatan

December 2021
II. Overview of the Theory

This theory has been influenced by her personal experiences as a child until young

adulthood. Hannah Quilatan’s Only Theory was built on the assumption that family conditions

contribute to the development of one’s personality. She suggests that being the only son or the

only daughter of the family may cause parental favoritism, which creates a negative impact on

the siblinghood and the overall familial relationship. She believed that favoritism may promote

sibling envy among the children and cause hostility towards their parents. She carefully

developed concepts that interfere with the harmonious relationship within the family structure.

III. Biography of the Theorist

Childhood:

Quilatan was born on July 5, 2001 in Daet, Camarines Norte. Living as the only

daughter in the family, she was considered as the family’s princess. She grew up being

pampered by her parents, Marlyn Quilatan and Frederic Quilatan. And despite of their

busy schedules, they were still attentive of her. Her mom, especially was fond of her. She

always bought her new dresses and stuff. She was always chosen to bring up in different

events than her brothers. She always gets what she wants. Moreover, she believed that

she was an obedient child. She made sure she does well in school. She helped with the

household chores. Despite being pampered, she knew her responsibilities as a daughter

and as a sibling.
 At such an early age, she was forced to take the responsibility of being the eldest

child in the family. She thought, her older brother was their family’s headache. She was

expected to act responsible for themselves. Every time their parents had to leave home;

she always took charge of the whole household. She even used to take her little brother to

kindergarten when she was only in the 2 nd grade. She was used to the idea that she should

be the one to take responsibility of them with or without their parents.

However, as a child, she already felt that her two other brothers hated her. She

would often hear them saying their parents never scolded her, when they always did.

They would often say that she always gets what she wanted, and they never did. They

would often say that she was always right, and they never were. She thought they were

unhappy seeing their parents always being in favor of her. But because she was still in

her innocence, she never really thought of what was the real deal.

Adolescence:

As an adolescent, Quilatan still knew there was a gap between her and her

siblings. She still hasn’t tried to talk about their problem. She guessed that it was better to

keep her mouth shut than to ruin their siblinghood. She just continued her life having

bothered of the relationship she has with her brothers.

She studied high school in an Adventist institution near their neighborhood, along

with her younger brother. Since there were only a few students enrolled in their school at

that time, they shared the same classroom. During the years they spent together, she only

realized how distant he became with her. She also remembered how his brother’s best
friend was always mad at her. He always said things like she was always unfair with her

brother and that she was pathetic. She felt so bad every time she would hear things like

this from other people. Ever since she could remember, she was always referred to as the

favorite child.

There was a time when they competed with each other in a singing competition in

a school event. Her brother won. It was fine with her, since it’s her brother’s first time

competing. She felt bad she lost, but she accepted it right away and was happy for her

brother’s victory. However, as she described it, seeing his sister lose was like an

achievement for him. He was taunting her for losing against him. He wanted her to accept

her defeat, though it shouldn’t have been a big deal. She was disappointed for how her

brother acted towards her.

Young Adulthood:

Times passed. And by the time she went for AUP to begin college, her

relationship with her siblings turned the other way around. Her brothers became sweeter

and expressive. There were times that they would ask for the phone from their mother, to

ask how well was she doing and ask her things about her time there. She was happy that

she felt the love from her brothers as she was away from her family.

However, during her stay there, she suddenly felt sick. On December 2020, she

went home to Bicol. She needed to go home for proper treatment. It was found out that

she had to undergo biopsy, in fear of having lymphoma cancer. It was the most terrifying

news she heard in her entire life. She was scared. She had never been admitted for
sickness. It was only because of the car accident she had as a child. Ever since, she never

was hospitalized. And for her, undergoing that operation was the bravest thing she had

done. But then, after that same operation, she had reactivated a dengue virus. For the

second time, she had to be readmitted. She had to stop with her studies. She felt like a

burden to her family. She was depressed. For Quilatan, this was the darkest time of her

life.

IV. Introduction

Personality is composed of emotional and behavioral patterns that drives people

to behave in a certain way. For Quilatan, an individual’s personality is largely influenced

by social relationships. She believes that the development of personality ultimately starts

from the home. The family serves as a source of love and emotional refuge. They help

form the core foundation of a person. They create a huge impact in a person’s ability to

survive life’s difficulties and the cruelness of the outside world. However, having bad

relationships inside the home could pose a great danger into a developing personality.

This might lead to hostility and hatred. And worse, the destruction of the family as a

whole.

V. Concepts of the Theory

ONLY DAUGHTER/SON SYNDROME

 Having children of equally distributed gender is easier. However, things get

complicated when there is only one of the genders that exists among siblings. Parents

tend to prioritize the only son/daughter in the family. Mothers usually prefer their only

daughter. Fathers tend to pick their only son. People prefer to bond more with people of

the same sex. This is what we call, gender preference. Since they can relate to one

another, they appear to bond and connect more. The commotion begins as the parent

starts spending more time to this only child, rather than his/her other siblings. And

because the child appears only one, parents tend to be overprotective of him/her. They

start giving them more attention, more time, more incentives, etc. than usual. This

phenomenon is called, parental favoritism.

As parents try to preserve, or the particular way of keeping an only daughter/son

safe, they tend to forget that they still have other children who need equal love and

attention from them. This is now where sibling envy comes in. Sibling envy simply

means jealousy towards another sibling. As the other children watch their only

sister/brother being pampered by their parents, they begin to question their parents’ love

for them. They start asking why do they not receive equal treatment from their parents.

They begin to ask their worth. And this anxiety, or the feelings of worry and uneasiness,

leads them to form hostility towards their parents.

Hostility is the result of anxiety. It is characterized by developing animosity

towards their parents. Children with hostility tend to withdraw/detach from the family.

They feel uncomfortable being around their parents’ company. They do not feel the need
to seek for their parents’ approval. As they felt deprived of the need to be loved and

attended as a child, they developed dysfunctional personalities.

TYPES OF DYSFUNTIONAL PERSONALITY;

I. Rebellious Personality

As a child developed hostility towards for his/her parents, he/she begins

showing signs of disapproval and misbehavior. They tend to contradict their

parents’ views and principles. The rules set by their parents now becomes a

symbol of control, instead of a way of to maintain peace inside the home. Rules

now become a nuisance. A tool to control their life and prevent them from being

happy.

People who possess this type of personality, do not like to be told what to

do. They see themselves as the master of their own lives. They fear that people

would always try to invalidate them. To curse them for the decisions they make.

To make fun of their identity.

II. Detached Personality

Since the child had experienced being neglected by their parents, he/she

may develop this kind of personality. This personality type is characterized by

introversion and low self-esteem. As the child grows, his/her ability to interact or

socialize with other people maybe largely affected. His/her experiences of neglect

may contribute to his overall developing personality.

 People with this type of personality tend to hide themselves from the

actual world. They prefer their own company, as they are used to be left alone as a

child. They would rather have small circle of friends, rather than a large group of

acquaintances. They prefer living, alone. Rather than having many but being left

alone at the end of the day.

Healthy Parenting

Parents must ensure that they pay equal attention to every child in the

family. Having an only daughter/son is inevitable. However, parents must

remember that they have to address every child accordingly with their needs.

A. Love and Belongingness- The child must feel that he/she is loved and cared.

He/she must feel that he/she is at home with his/her family. Parents must

ensure to provide equal attention to every child. They must be able to make

their children understand that each one of them is valued. No one is loved

more than the other.

B. Security- Parents are expected to provide a safe haven for their children,

where they can find peace and comfort away from the cruelness of the world.

They must feel secured with their parents. Parents must be able to guide them

in each and every way.

C. Unconditional Positive Regard- Children must feel that they are accepted as

they are. That no matter what they have done, their parents will always be
 there to support them. They must know that whatever they do, whatever

mistakes they make, their parents will accept them.

VI. Dimensions for a Concept of Humanity

Biological versus Social Influences in Personality

Quilatan takes refuge on social influences as determinants of personality. As

the family is the most basic unit of community, she believes that social relationships

take a huge part in the development of personality. Her theory clearly states that

social influences determine behavioral patterns. She believes that personality is

largely influenced by the environment, rather than biological forces. For her,

personality is not inherited, but influenced by the people around us.

VII. Related Research

The research conducted on within-family differences has shown that parental

favoritism has detrimental effects on offspring’s psychological well-being and

relationships with their siblings in childhood and adolescence (Feinberg, Neiderhiser,

Simmens, Reiss, & Hetherington, 2000; McHale, Updegraff, Jackson-Newsom,

Tucker, & Crouter, 2000).

 Based on such gender differences in the emphasis placed on interpersonal

relations, particularly within the family, the researchers believed that perceptions of

parental favoritism are more likely to occur with daughters than sons. (Megan

Gilligan, J. Jill Suitor, Seoyoun Kim, Karl Pillemer, 2013).

The quality of sibling relationships in adulthood is determined by several

demographic and family characteristics, which includes family size, race, children’s

gender, age, marital and parental status, and gender composition of the family.

(Connidis & Campbell, 1995; White & Riedmann, 1992). Some, are found to be

contributing factors, but not all. Some have been found to predict patterns of

favoritism by either mothers or fathers in adulthood (Suitor et al., 2011; Suitor &

Pillemer, 2013).

However, it is important to take reconsider such factors in order to reduce the

likelihood that any apparent effects of favoritism on sibling relations could be

accounted for by the association among these factors. (Megan Gilligan, J. Jill

Suitor, Seoyoun Kim, Karl Pillemer, 2013).