The „No Holds Barred“ collection

SEX
FOR BEGINNERS

by (Mrs.) Jasmina Petrovic

Illustrated by (Mr.) Dobrosav “Bob” Zivkovic
Instead of an introduction
In a desire to reassure, instruct, encourage, entertain and tease you, we decided to write a book
about sex, but without mincing words. We formed a team of superlative lay persons or non-
experts (and added two aunts) who conducted a survey among youngsters aged eight to
eighteen.

Hello! I am aunt Marjorie. Hello! My name is aunt

I think sex is very important
for every human being,
especially youngsters. If
you want to learn as many
things as possible about
sex, and make sure they are
accurate, stick to me and
my advice.
Bessie. I think sex is very
interesting for every human
being, especially
youngsters. If you want to
enjoy sex and not do
something stupid, stick to
me and my observations.

7
Respondents were asked the following five questions:

1. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SEX?

2. WHAT IS YOUR FIRST THOUGHT WHEN YOU
HEAR THE WORD SEX?
3. WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR
INFORMATION ABOUT SEX?
4. WOULD YOU READ A BOOK
ABOUT SEX?
5. VARIOUS.

Asked ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SEX, no fewer than 98 out of 100 said they were very
interested in sex. Just one each picked the so-and-so and not interested at all answers.
We divided the replies to the second question, WHAT IS YOUR FIRST THOUGHT WHEN YOU
HEAR THE WORD SEX, into two groups.

Interesting answers:
1. Excitement (Jovan, aged 17)
2. Darkness (Zorica, 16)
3. Jelena (Marko, 15)
4. Kissing (Natasha, 13)
5. Making out (Sinisa, 15)
6. Love (Jasmina, 17)
7. Pamela Anderson (Dusan, 15)
8. Screwing (Nikola, 18)
9. School trips (Sanja, 16)
10. Condom (Petar, 17)
Here…
I opened my mouth!
Uninteresting answers:
1. Flower pot (Sonja, 8)
2. Open your mouth and
I’ll tell you (Milica, 9)
3. Naked women (Aca, 10)
4. Cookies (Sasha, 9)
5. A joke about little Perica (Nikola, 11)
6. None of your business (Jovana, 10)

OBSERVATION: The younger respondents were both much cheekier and much less
interested in sex than the older ones. We shall therefore refrain from giving the other uninteresting
answers lest you lose all interest in sex.
8
There were a number of different answers to the third question, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR
INFORMATION ABOUT SEX?

I TALK TO MY PARENTS. They are I READ PORNOGRAPHIC

1 embarrassed, and I am bored. What
5 LITERATURE. Until my father takes it
do parents know about sex, anyway? (over).
I TALK TO TEACHERS. They are even I WATCH SEX EDUCATION BROAD-
2 more embarrassed, and I’m even more
6 CASTS ON CHILDREN’S TV. I know
bored. Teachers know even less about everything there is to know about the
sex than parents. reproduction of ferns, earthworms and
slugs.
I TALK TO FRIENDS. Every time they I WATCH PORNO MOVIES. Yes, every
3 open their mouths – they lie.
7 time my parents go to our cottage in
the country – once in two months.
I READ MEDICAL LITERATURE. I USE THE INTERNET. Not since I’ve
4 Sends you right to sleep.
8 been ordered to pay the phone bill.

2 5
8

1
I protest! Why Actually, aunts
weren’t there any are more
questions about important for
aunts, who are so
important for offering
educating young- support!
sters about sex?
3 7
4
 Question number four – WOULD YOU
READ A BOOK ABOUT SEX? – drew
an overwhelming YES response – 99
out of a hundred said: “certainly”, –
“yes, if there are pictures”, “I can’t
wait”, “wouldn’t you?”, “I’ll buy two,
one for me and one for my best
friend”. Only one answered “I want to
be a musician” (probably wasn’t being
serious, so we chucked out his reply).

IN CONFIDENCE: We still haven’t

managed to classify the replies under number
five, VARIOUS (and probably never will).
EXPERT CONCLUSION OF THE SUPERLATIVE LAYPERSONS:
Judging by the responses we received, the humblest layman (let alone an expert) can
conclude that young people find sex very attractive and important, but also mysterious,
so that we began writing our book right away. We based our text and illustrations on:
amateur research and professional knowledge, but most of all the misconceptions,
dilemmas and follies of the authors and the people around them.

Puberty or adolescence
– a process during which a child becomes an
adult. Begins at eleven (maybe earlier) and ends
PUBERTY
at 17 (maybe later). All manner of changes take
place in this period: physical, emotional, mental,
social, and of course sexual. Almost overnight,
the small grows into the large, interesting sub-
jects become boring and unimportant ones very
important. The main cause of all those major and
sudden changes are invisible substances –
hormones, released by certain glands in the
body. Hormones affect a great many processes
in the brain. Sexual hormones control the deve-
lopment of physical sexual characteristics
(menstruation, the production of egg-cells and
sperm…), but they also affect the mind. They are
female hormones (estrogen and progesterone)
and male ones (testosterone). They help
CHILDHOOD
children to become adults. Given that not even
experts know everything about hormones, we
have decided not to delve too deeply into that
subject. But their industrious and constant
activity places people who are in puberty face to
face with a number of questions:
 Contents
Before sex (Part I)

Am I normal? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
(Two tests)
What do males and females have in common? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
(parents, school, conflicts, shyness, boredom complexes, acne, sex)
What is the difference between males and females? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
(manner of thinking, height, weight, muscles, voice, body hair, breast size, menstruation, sexual organs)
Whatever is happening to me? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41
(flirting, infatuation, love, breaking up, jealousy, telephones, the computer in the service of sex,
fantasizing in the service of sex, self-gratification, wet dreams, dates, kissing, caressing)

Sex (Part II)

Why is sex interesting? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59

(petting, foreplay, sexual relations, say “yes”, say “no”)
Why is sex mysterious? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66
(erogenous zones, orgasm, virginity, positions, oral sex, anal sex, homosexuality, lesbianism)
Why is sex beneficial? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73
(pleasure, pregnancy, procreation, family)
What else should I learn? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77
(hygiene, contraception, gynecologist, urologist, psychologist)
What are the dark sides of sex? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82
(abortion, sexually-transmitted diseases, AIDS, sexual violence, rape, incest, pedophilia)

About sex (Part III)

Is it good or bad? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89
(swearing and bad language, soft and hard-core pornography,
prostitution, voyeurism, exhibitionism, group sex)
Talking about sex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93
(ancient and contemporary sexual mythology)
Sex through history . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96
(parents chose your wife/husband, no sex before marriage, the chastity belt)
Before we part . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98
(Test your knowledge)
 Part I

Before sex
 Am I normal?

Am I a normal person?
– a question which is the biggest burden
to youngsters in puberty or those facing it, as well
as the authors of this book. The former will heave
a sign of relief as soon as they realise that the
problem is not in them but in hormones, while the
third will just take a deep breath and continue
writing and drawing.
If one moment you feel like a child, yet within
just half an hour you reason and behave like an
adult, it would be quite normal to think you
weren’t normal. The same will happen as you
notice that day by day you become more and
more different from your peers in regard to your
looks, feelings, thinking, interests, tastes…
Everyone grows up in a different manner and at a
different pace. Usually by leaps and bounds,
sometimes gradually. The unsteadiness,
diversity and the leaps may be interesting, but
can also cause a lot of fatigue. Those around us
only add to this adolescent mishmash by their
comments and advice. What else is there to do
but get even more confused and unsettled? Will
my parents love me the way I am? Will anyone
ever love me? Am I becoming a freak? Is there
any way to stop this? Is there any way to speed
this up? AM I TRULY A NORMAL PERSON?

There are many ways to reach the answer, and here we offer the simplest – take the following test!
15
 Test No. 1
DIRECTIONS: Read each question carefully and answer it only after thinking carefully. Circle only
one of the two answers on offer – YES or NO. Add up the totals and read the conclusions.

1. Do you often look at yourself in a mirror? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No

2. Do you often daydream? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No
3. Do you hate studying? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No
4. Do you listen to loud music? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No
5. Do you collect pictures of show-business stars (if you’re a girl)? . . Yes . . No
Do you collect pictures of naked women (if you’re a boy) . . . . . . Yes . . No
6. Do you quarrel with family members . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No
7. Do you have frequent mood swings? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No
8. Does everything bore you? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No
9. Does everyone (especially those younger than you) bore you? . . . Yes . . No
10. Do you have a need to take tests like this one? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No

CONCLUSIONS:
If more than half of your answers are YES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YOU ARE A NORMAL PERSON
If more than half of your answers are NO . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YOU ARE A NORMAL PERSON

Marjorie, None of your

are you business!
normal?
For all those who love these tests but are still uncertain
whether this book is for them, here is another TEST:
Yoopie!

Another test
1. Dou you spend a lot of time locked in the bathroom? . . . . Yes . . No
2. Do you have acne? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No
3. Has hair begun to grow on your body? . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No
4. Are your breasts growing? (if you’re a girl) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No
Is your sexual organ growing? (if you’re a boy) . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No
5. Have your periods started? (if you’re a girl) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No
Is your voice deeper? (If you’re a boy) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No
6. Do you have the impression that your arms are longer and
your legs shorter than they should be? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No
7. Do you often fall in love, and out of love even more often? . . . . Yes . . . No
8. Does everyone else have a better life than you do? . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No
9. No one understands you and no one loves you, right? . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No
10. Sex interests you a lot, but you’re afraid to admit it. . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No

10-9 YES 8-7 YES 6-5 YES 4-3 YES 2-0 YES

CONCLUSIONS:
If you had:
– 10 or 9 YES answers – you are in puberty and should continue reading this book.
– 8 or 7 YES answers – you are facing puberty and should also continue reading this book.
– 6 or 5 YES answers – you are a person who never left puberty, and you should also continue
reading this book.
– 4 or 3 YES answers – you are outside puberty, and should also continue reading this book (but
at your own responsibility).
– 2 to no YES answers – you KNOW EVERYTHING BEST ABOUT SEX, (and all other subjects, of
course), so please sit down and write your own book.
17
 What do males and females have in common?

Parents – when near at hand,

they’re a bore and a burden,
when far away, kids miss them.
However far away they might be, parents:
a) ban everything kids love to do
– You are not going on the end-of-year school trip!
– You better be home by ten o’clock!
– Don’t ever let me see you again with that boy
with the ear-ring!
– Get off the phone!
– Stop playing those video games!
– Turn down that awful music!
b) order you to do everything you hate
– Tidy up your room!
– Sit down and do your lessons!
– Get to bed this minute!
– Apologise to your father!
– Take out the trash!
– Come down and say hello to your aunt!
c) ask all the wrong questions
– I want to know who was at the party!
– You didn’t join them in it, did you?
– Where have you been all day?
– Who were you talking to?
– How was the maths test?
– Own up and you won’t be punished!

ADVICE: ACTIVE
Freedom isn’t grant,
it’s won!
PASSIVE
It’ll all pass...

18
 If you don’t mind, I’d like to add something on the subject of
parents and children. Every day we get heaps of letters like
this one:

“Her school marks and studying have been slipping lately.

She eats poorly and is hardly ever at home, spending all day
with her friends. She won’t tell me anything and I no longer
have any influence on her. She now has a boyfriend, a
problematic boy who is quite a lot older than she is. I am
afraid he might trick her into having sex with her. Alcohol,
drugs and AIDS I don’t even dare think about. I am quite
beside myself, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I
did wrong…”

For this mum and for all other parents:

10 BITS OF ADVICE FROM AUNT MARJORIE:
1. Get as much information as possible about sex, AIDS, alcohol and drugs
2. Urge your children to talk freely on those subjects
3. Never ridicule their actions and Love them, trust them,
suppress their questions help them to become
4. Help them to come face to face with independent, and give them
a generous allowance!
their emotions, dilemmas, fears…
5. Teach them to understand their sexual needs,
without fear and shame
6. Teach them self-respect
7. Teach them to assume responsibility for their
actions and their choices
8. Help them to comprehend influence
their peers exert in regard to sex
9. Help them to draw positive
conclusions from their failures
10. You are the most important models for
them both in life and in sex.
School is an institution that provokes terror, nausea and boredom for as long as it lasts, and
sadness, emptiness and fond memories once it’s over. As far as sex is concerned, school plays
a very important role, as it is an excellent hotbed of both great love sagas and soap operas.
Lessons, breaks, supplementary classes, excursions and above everything else end-of-year trips
offer excellent opportunities for an exchange of looks, declarations, notes, kisses, cuffs… Let us
also not forget the lavatory walls, where the approach to sex is more liberal than anywhere else.

ATTENTION: Undesirable, negative, dangerous and perverted elements (maniacs and

pedophiles) may appear in or around schools (see pages 84 and 85).

ATTENTION: If we have succeeded in scaring you, that’s what we intended to do. If we

haven’t, don’t worry, we’ll do it later, just read on!
20
Dear teachers, school psychologists and pedagogues! Your attention, please! We
know you are overloaded with every-day obligations and have no great desire to
talk about sex with children and their parents, but I assure you that whatever
you can do to this end will both mean a lot both to individuals and contribute to
a healthier atmosphere in school.

For teachers, school psychologists and pedagogues only

5 BITS OF ADVICE FROM AUNT MARJORIE
1. Get as much information as possible about sex,
AIDS, alcohol and drugs One more thing!
2. Urge schoolchildren to get as much Smile, be happy
information about these subjects as possible and be sexy, of
course!
3. Try and achieve a relaxed atmosphere in class
conducive to an open debate on love, sexuality,
the attitude towards one’s own body, personal
relations…
4. Organise lectures, debates, workshops…
on sex
5. Inform parents who can help them
and how they can be helped to
instruct their children about
sexuality.
Conflicts have existed for as long as humankind. For centuries, various unpleasant situations,
misunderstandings, twists and turns, break-ups, rows have taken place every day. Conflicts arise
between persons of the same or different sexes, between two or more persons, peers, adults and
children, lovers, members of the immediate and extended family, neighbours, friends, enemies…
They can take place in the following forms: provocation, a non-violent row,
a row with a scrap, a scrap with a row, a scrap without a row, a war…
Conflicts are usually the result of recklessness, egocentricity,
selfishness, shame, fear, poor hearing, age differences, gender
differences…

On the road to independence and self-reliance, all children go through a number of conflicts, both with
adults and with their peers (let alone those who are younger than they are). The oldest historical
reports about this date from the times of the ancient (at that time young) Greeks. The conflict is always
the same – it’s only the garb and scenery that change.

22
Shyness and embarrassment are divided equally among males and females.

They manifest themselves in two ways:

One – reticence, queasiness in the belly, a pale face, physical and mental stiffness.
Two – verbosity, queasiness in the head, a red face, excessive physical and mental activity.
Here is what two unnamed kids in puberty told us about shyness:
FIRST ANONYMOUS PERSON: I get even shyer when others notice that I am shy!
SECOND ANONYMOUS PERSON: I am embarrassed of the fact that I am changing constantly and
becoming someone else.

Don’t let yourself feel embarrassed or even worse, guilty,

because you are growing up. You are changing – so what! Don’t
be scared of changes. They will open new doors for you and
bring you new joys. For example, you will become a truly equal
partner in debate with your parents, which is no bad thing.
Be patient! Don’t judge yourself too harshly! Accept your new
face, your changed body, your new thinking. Try and
understand both yourself, your peers and the changes you
see in them. Poking savage fun at others will not ease
your own troubles. Wait out the process together and be
patient. Keep in mind that everyone grows up in his or
her own way, and that every one of those ways is the
right way!

Here is some practical advice how you can help yourself fight
shyness:

1. Regardless of everything and everyone, try and think as little

as possible about your shyness and the changes it causes to you.
2. The heat and blushing cannot be suppressed by power of will
– you just have to wait until they go away on their own. It is
difficult and unpleasant, but once you pass over the first wave,
all the others are easier. A second wave of shyness appears only
very rarely.
3. Talk to others about your shyness, ask them how they deal with
theirs. Do not run away from shyness and do not try to conceal it!
4. Try to deal with all jibes and unpleasant comments bravely and
carry on. Talk about something else. Very often those around you
will not even notice your shyness, it is you yourself it affects the
most…
23
 What about shyness in sex?
The closer you are to your loved one, the less shy you
will be! In the initial stages of your relationship, you
should try and focus your thoughts on your good sides
and away from what you don’t like about yourself. Do
not burden yourself or others with your complexes. In
time, your loved one will reveal to you many other
wonderful sides of your person and personality. That is what
loved ones are for – so they can see how wonderful we
really are!

Asked What are you ashamed of, the Here are the replies of the
FIRST ANONYMOUS PERSON replied: SECOND ANONYMOUS PERSON to
1. I am ashamed of taking off the same question:
all my clothes. 1. I am ashamed of taking off all my
2. I am ashamed of my total inexperience. clothes.
3. I am embarrassed when the light is on. 2. I am ashamed of my total
inexperience.
3. I am embarrassed when the light is on.

Boredom – This section was expunged – it was too boring! (Editor)

24
Complex are a very complex matter. They are one of the indicators of the way we see ourselves,
what we think others think about us, what are our fears… There are inferiority, mediocrity and
superiority complexes.
PERSONS WHO SUFFER
FROM INFERIORITY
COMPLEXES
– always see themselves as not
good enough for anything or any-
one. They always suffer the same
troubles: others take their chair,
slam doors in their face, don’t greet
them in the street, take away their
boy/girl-friends... Can be recogni-
sed by the can of ash they keep at
hand – as soon as someone begins
to praise them, they begin to heap
ash on their heads in an effort to
lessen their value and importance.
In the presence of persons of the
opposite sex, they trip and fall,
stammer, talk rubbish (and then
worry about it)… When people
are talking about sex, they
blush, look at the ground and
nervously pluck wool out
of their sweaters.
PERSONS FROM SUFFER
FROM MEDIOCRITY
COMPLEXES
– wallow in averageness. They
aren’t ugly, but cannot be called
attractive, either. Intelligent: “so-
so,” popular: “more or less,”
clothes: “well, not too bad,” funny:
“nothing special”. Invited only to
those parties where everyone else
is invited; not very popular dates.
Answer questions mostly by
shrugging. Speak neither ill nor
good of others. “Golden mean” and
“Don’t make waves” are their
favourite sayings. Favourite day of
the week: Wednesday.
PERSONS WHO SUFFER
FROM SUPERIORITY
COMPLEXES
– see no equal for themselves and
hence think they are entitled to all
that is best, nicest and biggest: the
front seat in the car, the leg of the
turkey, the most attractive person of
the opposite sex in their group, the
admiration of their circle (and their
flattery, of course)… Whatever they
don’t like they reject with loathing.
They always know everything best
and are never to blame for
anything. They attract a lot
of attention with their
striking looks and be-
haviour. If not subject
to adoration, at least
they are always su-
bject to gossip.
They function only
when surrounded by
an audience. When on
their own, they turn into
type 1 or type 2.

NOTE: “Pure” types seldom appear in real life. Within a single day, the same person
can feel almost worthless and depressed, but also arrogant.
ATTENTION: Complexes can complicate your life considerably, as they simply
represent our vulnerabilities and our sensitive spots.
Make sure you don’t cross your It isn’t so important what others think about us. It’s more important what
problems and complexes with those of we think about ourselves! It’s also important to discern between our own
others, as that is where the real opinions about ourselves and those of others. If you really want to
confusion starts. Some people need assess yourself, then do it properly. Patiently, slowly, concretely, not by
“mats” to stand on. Make sure you generalising. For example, asking yourself what kind of person you are is
aren’t abused by anyone, but not appropriate. The real questions should be: How good am I in sports?
also that you don’t trample How fast was as in the match? How good is my ballet coordination?
on others. Be Do I have the proper feeling for rhythm? etc. An analysis of this
independent and free. kind will show you your strong and your weak points, and what
Be your own! you should work on… If you’re not very good at something
today, that need not be so tomorrow.
25
Acne – The most repulsive and horrible bit of spite from the sebaceous glands. Its victims are
innocent, helpless and juvenile. Acne usually appear at the worst possible moment – on the eve of
your birthday, before your first date or public appearance… Appears mainly on your face, chest and
back.

BEAUTICIAN’S ADVICE:
E:
MUM’S ADVICface DOCTOR’S ADVICE: Wash you face with lukewarm
touc h you Buy appropriate creams in a
Don’t s!
water and mild soap once
with dirty hand pharmacy or come in a ortwice a day!
pharmacy or come to my DAD’S ADVICE:
ND’S office! It’s time you became
(GIRL) FRIE (BOY) FRIEND’S
u n’t see
ca ADVICE: a man!!
COMMENT: Yo all!
OUR ADVICE:
Spend as much time as She’s got it,too!!
them at possible outdoors and refrain
from looking at yourself in SISTER’S ADVICE:
the mirror for a couple of
GRANDPA’S ADVICE: years! Put a paper bag on your
Go and get a haircut, head!
it all comes from
greasy hair!
GRANNY’S ADVICE:
Eat more fruit and
vegetables!

Of course not, but when you

were fifteen, you went to
your doctor and demanded a
full skin transplant! The
doctor sent you home with
the following comment:
Don’t worry, I also “I don’t have any in your
had acne once, so size at the moment, come
is there any back tomorrow!”
problem with me
now?
Sex – a word which has always provoked sniggers, sneers, jeers, smiles and guffaws by the young
and the old, men and women. Many books have been written about sex, films shot and famous
pictures painted. There’s never enough said about it..

But we must make something

completely clear. This book is not Sex is natural and normal. And
intended as a guide for making everything we do in sex with
love, but for developing the consent of our partners is
sexuality. This means: self- OK. If sex does no harm to
analysis, self-respect, making anyone, it should not be
decisions, health and developing condemned. We are all
one’s own sexuality, but also responsible for our own actions
knowing, understanding and and their consequences
tolerating others.
Sexuality is an integral part of
personality. All people have
sexual feelings, but we all
express them differently, each in
his or her own way. That is why it
is very important to respect the
sexuality of others.

27
 What is the difference between males and females?

Way of thinking –
to another.
not only different between men and women, but also from one person

Girls usually have Boys usually have

the following thoughts:
HOW DO I APPROACH HIM?
WHERE WILL I GO OUT TONIGHT?
WHAT SHOULD I WEAR?
WHY
– aren’t my breasts bigger?
– isn’t my waist slimmer?
– don’t I have more money?
– don’t I have an older and
smarter sister…?
the following thoughts:
HOW DO I APPROACH HER?
WHERE WILL I GO OUT TONIGHT?
WHY
– isn’t my penis bigger?
– isn’t my nose smaller?
– isn’t my pocket-money bigger?
– don’t I have an older and
smarter brother…?

OBSERVATION: When a person of the female sex thinks about a person of the
opposite sex, she usually has romantic thoughts, while a person of the male sex usually
has an erotic approach when thinking about the fair sex. And vice versa.

Somebody's height
differentiate
can depend on the following: genetics and heel size. We
among three categories: a) short, b)medium-sized and c) tall.
Regardless of where they belong, kids in puberty are usually dissatisfied with their height.
With the passage of time, their frustration may disappear, but it can also grow. Before
puberty, girls are usually taller than boys, but a few years later the opposite becomes true.

NOTE: The exception proves the rule!

28
 EXAMPLE:
LONG LEGGED CHAPS – are tall, skinny, bony and often toothy.
Paddle-sized feet ensure good footing. Used for skeleton and
anatomy research. Often play basketball and win awards and
sympathies of sports fans and persons of the opposite sex.

PRACTICE HAS SHOWN: hat size is no guarantee for matureness and sanity, let alone sexual
performance!

Body weight – is measured in pounds/kilogrammes and animals:

Heavy as an
elephant.

Heavy as
a horse Skinny as a
herring.

Skinny as
Fat as a mosquito.
a pig

Light as
a wren.

29
Body weight is very important in puberty. Among girls, it is even a matter of prestige – the slimmer
the better. The others gain their popularity later on in life, often in the kitchen. One of the
differences between boys and girls is in their body weight. Boys are heavier.
NOTE: Long live the exceptions!
EXEPTION:

EXAMPLE: FAT GIRLS – constantly dieting.

FAT GUYS–love food, tobacco, porno
movies and dirty jokes. Favourite
hobby: idleness. Would be happy to
shed pounds, but not bad habits.
Love to poke fun at and comment on
others and dispense (unwanted)
advice. Talk loudly and laugh even
more loudly. Know everything there is
to know about sex, although they
often don’t have girlfriends.
When they are suffering, they eat,
after they eat, they suffer. In their
imagination they are always with
handsome, muscular, famous and
rich men, but in reality they are with
the others.
DEFINTELY NOT RECOMMENDED:
Lifting off the floor.
RECOMMENDED:
Being with others, sharing secrets.

30
Physical strenght
someone’s ball,
is very important for accomplishing certain objectives – taking
trainers or girlfriend. Usually prevalent among men, but not always.

EXEPTION:
TOMBOY – Enjoys a beer with the lads after the match. Speaks in a loud voice, swears, spits,
smokes and goes around with a toothpick sticking out of her teeth. Finds it easier to talk about
fishing than make-up. Spends all her money on parts for her motor bike. Puts on a dress for the
first time at her best mate’s wedding. Does not need a boyfriend, as she opens the door for herself,
holds her own chair and her own coat. Detests blondes.

On the contrary, it’s getting more and more complicated. Kids’ appearance is
Where is the very important for their sexuality, especially in this age group. A number of
sex here? The changes happen to the body in puberty as a direct effect of maturing and
whole thing is growing up. All these things also affect the mind, of course. We must
being watered therefore not fail to mention the hours and days spent worrying over one’s
down… appearance. I know of many different examples: countless sleepless nights
spent worrying over an excessively long second toe, bony knees, a
prominent mole, too short eye-lashes, too many freckles, too many or two
few curls and so on. The smaller the shortcoming, the bigger the worry and
the more difficult it is to solve the problem. That is why this section is so
important and should be read carefully.
But how is that
connected with
sex?

31
 Quite obviously. The body and sex are very close,
especially in puberty. With the passage of time,
all the worry over physical appearance wanes and
disappears, leaving only sweet memories. Until
that happens, don’t let it worry you. Do your
lessons, take part in sports, have fun!

Voice – varies not only between girls and

boys, but also in a single person in a single
second – adolescent males are the owners of
two voices – a squeaky boy’s vice and a
deeper men’s voice. The alternating
squeaking, screeching, droning and
humming sends others into paroxysms of
laughter. This voice change is perceived by
the individual as a double betrayal: by
himself and by others.

CONSOLATION: The voice change takes a year or two, but what’s that compared with
eternity!

Body hair – (most) men have AFTER

BEFORE much more than women. Except for
the tops of their heads, arms, legs,
armpits and genital areas, men can
grow hair in other areas – their faces,
necks, chests and backs. Only
the palms of their hands and
their soles are hairless.

PHENOMENON: As the years pass,

some men have less and less hair on the
top of their heads. This process makes
them very unhappy, and usually bald.

32
Facial hair is called moustache and beard, and hair around the genitals pubic hair. Pubic hair in
women is triangular in shape and one of the following: small, large, dark, blonde, carroty, dense
or sparse… Besides protecting the genitals, pubic hair attracts persons of the opposite sex like
a magnet.

pubic hair

EXEPTION No. 1: EXEPTION No. 2:

HAIRY LADY – a person of the fair sex with
excess body hair. Always dark, seldom a
blonde. Turns a blind eye to taunts, as she
believes the laws of nature have to be
respected. Saves a considerable amount
of pocket-money by avoiding waxes.
BABY FACE – a male with a shortage of body
hair. The more he desires them, the slower
they grow. Usually a blond, seldom dark-
haired. When taunted, acts disinterested, but it
only looks that way.
CONSOLATION: Robin Hood was
also hairless before puberty!

Robin Hood

Maid Marian
Breast size – varies widely from person to person – it can be a one, two, three, four, five,
Pamela…. depending on the brassiere cup size.

Four fundamental rules about

breasts:
RULE No. 1:
Whatever their size, they won’t suit you!

RULE No. 2:
Whatever their size,your friends will take
jibes at you.

RULE No. 3:
However you bear yourself,adults will tell
you tostraighten your back!

RULE No. 4:
Full speed ahead! Stand up straight and
push out your chest, whatever your bosom
size. Breasts are a wonderful ornament on
your body (except if you’re male*).

* In which case we won’t even try to convince you that it’s just a transitional stage in your
development, because whatever we said you wouldn’t listen. So fight it out on your own – once
you’ve passed through all that chaos, you’ll be stronger, more secure and more manly.

34
 EXAMPLE No. 1:
TITLESS WONDER – a flat-chested
woman, whose only curves are her heels.
Never wears dresses with low necklines. If
ready to poke fun at herself, attains a great
deal of popularity in her circle, especially
among men.
EXAMPLE No. 2:
PAMELA – Named after the star of Baywatch. If
proud of her breasts, wears tight-fitting low-cut
tee-shirts, often with logos like KISS ME. If
ashamed of her chest, hunches her back and
wears her dad’s XXXL shirts and sweaters. If
ready to poke fun at herself,
attains a great deal of
popularity in her circle,
especially among men..

NOTE: If your loved one really loves you, he will love your breasts, whatever their size. He
will enjoy looking at them and caressing them, and you will enjoy being looked at and caressed.

I would like to caution But also with sexual

REMARK: relations.
The real purpose of persons of the male sex
breasts is feeding infants, not to skip over the
but more about that next chapter – men and
later! women both need to be
informed about
menstruation, as it is
intimately connected
with pregnancy!
Menstruation , time of the month, periods – a monthly bleed from the uterus. Usually
lasts from three to seven days. Restricted to women, without exception. The first menstruation
takes place in puberty, and the last in the menopause*.

THEORY: Menstruation If that does not happen, the

takes place as a result of the unfertilised egg-cell will be
discharge of an egg-cell ejected from the uterus,
from one of the two ovaries (a together with its lining, in
process called ovulation, taking the form of blood – that is
place mid-way along the menstruation. It happens
menstrual cycle). The egg-cell monthly, in cycles of
reaches the uterus (womb) between 28 and 32 days.
through one of the two Fallopian The menstrual cycle is
tubes. If an egg-cell comes in controlled by hormones.
contact with a sperm in the tube Some women suffer from
and is fertilised, it will remain in stomach pains, vertigo,
the uterus, which means that the mood changes and irritation
woman is pregnant and her immediately before and
periods stop (see page 74). during their periods.

ATTENTION: Menstrual pains, whether they exist or not, can sometimes be a

wonderful excuse (for skipping PE, household chores etc.).
UNDESIRABLE EFFECT No. 1: If you get your period and lack suitable protection,
you may stain your clothes. In that case, best move to another planet for a while until
your friends forget the incident.
* Puberty is the stage in which a girl becomes a woman, and menopause that in which a woman
becomes a “lady in the prime of her life”.
36
All jokes aside, this is a very serious subject. Both the onset and duration of
menstruation in puberty are usually very irregular. The first might start without
any warning – in a cinema, during school, while you’re sleeping. The
appearance of blood between a girl’s legs could easily alarm her, especially
is she is unprepared. However horrible it might appear, you must try and
get yourself together. Panicking will only make it worse. The first thing you
can do is go to the nearest lavatory and put a sanitary towel or paper
towel into your panties. Then slowly make your way home, have a shower,
change and put in a new napkin. You may then inform your family – you’ll see,
they’ll be pleased. Your first period is a sign that you body has begun
preparing for one of its most important functions – pregnancy. It would be a
good idea to keep a record of your cycles and expected dates – in that way you
will avoid unpleasant surprises and unplanned moves to another planet…
UNDESIRABLE EFFECT No. 2: If you miss your
period, you must talk to an advisor, a gynecologist, but
first of all to your mother…

…or your aunt! Missing your

period need not
automatically mean
pregnancy. At that age
diverse hormonal and
other problems are
possible. Whatever the
cause, the best help
will come from an
expert.
ADVICE: Sanitary towels and tampons are used for soaking up
menstrual blood. Towels are for external use and tampons for internal
use (they should be inserted into the vagina). They are changed every
three to four hours. Tampons are made in two sizes, smaller ones for
teenagers and bigger ones for older women. Both towels and
tampons have their good and bad sides. You will have to decide on
your own which ones to choose.
Please avoid exertion during
your cycles, drink more liquid
and take particular care of
your personal hygiene. Sexual
relations are not prohibited,
but aren’t advised, either.

And don’t fall for that old story

that you can’t get pregnant if
you’re having your period.
YOU CAN!!!
The Penis Finally something concrete!
I was getting scared we
would lose even our most
– Comparing male and female avid readers!
sexual organs, we can
conclude that there is really
more to see in a man. Take you,
for example. Yours certainly has
grown, but not like his! His is
longer! But if yours is shorter, it
doesn’t mean it’s less valuable. YOURS
Longer doesn’t mean better. You
should know that! If you don’t, talk
to girls and ask them what they
think about the length of a
man’s penis. You’ll be quite
surprised when you hear what ALL OTHERS
they say. Women not only don’t
care for size, but bigger ones can even
intimidate them. Haven’t you heard
the saying: “It’s the singer, not the
song!!”

INFORMATION: Sexual organs vary in size. Sometimes penises roughly equal in size
when limp assume quite different dimensions when erect. The same penis can also be
different in size, depending on the particular erection. It is important to understand that the
size of a sexual organ in no way determines sexual potency or virility.

Whatever you look at from above always looks smaller.

RECOMMENDATION: Change the point of view! Try, for
example, to look at you penis from the side, in a mirror. We
guarantee that your mood will improve considerably. But if your
obsession with size is too strong, and you also have time on your
hands, take a ruler and get to work.

TABLE
Date

Exact time of measurement

Pre-erection lenght

Lenght during erection

Post-erection lenght

38
 Apart from size, males are usually also
worried by their penises being bent to the
left or the right while erect. If you are not
calmed by our assurance that most men
have bent willies and that this is no
hindrance to sexual relations, talk to a
urologist (see page 81).

Women’s sexual organs can vary in width,

volume, moistness and positioning. An
important part of the female sex organ is
the clitoris. About the size of a pea, the
clitoris is located on the frontal, external
and upper part of the vagina, and its
purpose is satisfying the sexual instinct. It is
full of nerve endings and
represents the chief female
erogenous zone (see page
66). Women also spend a
lot of time looking at their
sexual organs and
thinking about them, but
still far less than men.

IMPORTANT NOTE: The scientific name of the

The actual appearance of
the sexual organ is far less
important than its function
– the exchange of sexual
pleasure.
male sex organ is penis, but we also
call it pecker, willie, todger, sausage…
The female sex organ is the vagina,
also known as pussy, fanny, beaver…
All the other names are easy to find in
the everyday language of the people
around us, especially in curses, oaths,
dirty jokes and quarrels.
The penis is the male sexual organ, which is an exit The vagina is the female sex organ linking the
for urine and sperm. Urine you have known for uterus and external exit of the vagina. Its length is
some time, while as far as sperm is concerned, if seven to ten centimetres. It is very flexible.
you haven’t met it yet, During sexual intercourse
you will soon. Sperm is a it receives the penis,
fluid ejected during while menstrual blood
sexual stimulation, or passes through it, as do
orgasm. Once a penis is babies in childbirth. Its
stimulated sexually, it vessel external opening is
becomes upright and flanked by two pairs of
hard, and will call this lips, or labia. Women
an erection. Below the have two ovaries
penis is an appendage penis containing egg-cells. The
called a scrotum, which ovaries secrete
contains the testicles. hormones (Estrogen and
They produce the testicles Progesterone) which are
sperm. There are two of importance for the
testicles, one usually development of babies.
lower down than the Babies develop inside a
other. They are so uterus, a muscular organ
sensitive that even the which is Just as flexible
thought or hurting as the vagina.
them causes pain.

ovaries

uterus
vagina
 Whatever is happening to me?

Flirting or courting
the flirting stage, the fair
– blinking, winking, smiling and sniggering, blushing… During
sex also cross their legs, tip their heads and pick at non-
existent crumbs on their partner’s sweater. Men, on the other hand, thrust out their chests and
straighten their backs to show their might and their size. Their movements are exaggerated and
they use every possible opportunity to touch their partner’s arm or leg. Experts say the same
rituals are used by baboons and gorillas.

Flirting can be a one-time event, the start of a serious relationship or the start of a frivolous
relationship. Persons suffering from superiority complexes (see page 25) find it very useful.
Persons suffering from jealousy (see page 46) identify flirting with sexual relations and treat it as
a major threat. Of course, there are also those who think flirting is a waste of time and energy.

Infatuation – a state of intoxication, ecstasy,

disorientation. An infatuated person can be easily
recognised by their partial or total absent-mindedness,
depending on whether their infatuation is less or more
serious. You talk to them and they just smile foolishly,
look right through you and hear nothing of
what you’ve said. Infatuated persons
don’t do their schoolwork, don’t eat
and don’t sleep. Most of the
time they daydream and
spend time on the
phone. Infatuation does
not last long – it turns
into love (sometimes) or
just disappears (most of
the time).

41
 Manifestation of Infatuation
A PAGE OUT OF A DIARY

Dear Diary,
I am so happy I cannot find words to
describe it. I saw him today, and I
think he also saw me. You have no
idea how cute he is! He was wearing
a super jacket and trainers, and
leaning on a car. He was spitting and
talking to a pal. I was standing on the
sidewalk with Tijana. She urged me
to go and talk to him, but I didn’t
have the courage. Just as I was going
to approach him, the old man living
on the ground floor yelled at him
because he had spat on his window.
They quarreled for a while and then
went their own ways. I can’t wait to
see him again. Next time I’ll certa-
inly talk to him.
Yours, Katja

42
Manifestation of Non-infatuation
A PAGE OUT OF A DIARY

Dear Diary,
I didn’t talk to him. What a geek –
dressed as he was, who would?
He’s also cut his hair and looks
awful. However, Mira visited me
last night with her classmate. You
have no idea how cute he is. He’s
pierced his tongue and wears a
ring through it. He gave me his
telephone number. I think I’ll call
him tomorrow. I can’t wait to hear
his voice again.

Yours, Katja

43
Love – an exalted feeling driving one to perform only positive actions and benevolent and
charitable deeds, towards his or her loved one as well as towards the whole world. You can feel
love for a child, a parent, husband or wife, significant other, neighbour, motherland… Once upon
a time, wars were fought, crowns relinquished and great works of art created for love. What about
today?
Love is a very complex feeling which is very difficult to Many people try to solve the problem
define. Some people think love is restricted to romantic of loneliness by entering into sexual
emotions. Others identify love with sexual desire and relations, but this is just a stop-gap
attraction. Some say sexual relations must never take place solution. Erich Fromm says in my
without love, while others say that it is only through sexual favourite book, The Art of Love, that
relations that we can discover the true extent of our “Only love can help is overcome our
feelings for our partner. These approaches are all feelings of loneliness yet retain our
intertwined, yet none can be said to be completely true. personal integrity fully. Only when in
Some people decide to make love with each other, without love do two beings become one yet
actually being in love. It’s a personal choice. The things which remain each one’s own. Love is being
are permissible in sex are all those to which both partners
active, not passive…”
consent and which don’t contravene one’s personal codes.
You shouldn’t do anything which is against your personal
standards! If someone tries to convince you that the only
way you can prove your love is through sex, you should know
that that person is trying to take
advantage of you and doesn’t love you.

Love can sometimes be hard to understand even for adults, let alone kids. Just imagine how
many love troubles are encountered by someone in puberty! If we ever manage to compile a list
of love problems, we’d be more than happy to publish it (if we don’t find anything better to do)…
44
Breaking up
parental or
– the final phase of some relationships (erotic rather than commercial,
neighbourly). Some people see breaking up as a great tragedy, others as
a big joke. It usually takes place at the end of an infatuation or the start of a new one.
Manifestations of separation are: crying and wailing, yelling, hair-tearing, cuffing and punching
and the issue of various threats. Ditched or dumped are the customary phrases. The break-up of
a married couple, which we call divorce, usually contains even more intensive manifestations of
all of the above.
NOTE:
Before separating,
you usually have
to get together!

Appropriate TEST
1. You can’t stand the sight of him/her . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES . . NO
2. You feel like throwing up when near him/her . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES . . NO
3. The very thought of kissing him/her brings on a yawn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES . . NO
4. You never invite her/him to accompany you at parties . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES . . NO
5. You always avoid him/her . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES . . NO
6. Any dream of him/her bring on a jinx lasting a whole month . . . . . . . . . YES . . NO
7. You use every opportunity to rubbish her/him . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES . . NO
8. When he/she talks to you, you ignore him/her . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES . . NO
9. You refuse to enter the lift together with him/her . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES . . NO
10. You pray her/his family moves as far away as possible . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES . . NO

If you have five or more NOs,
YOU’RE JUST ABOUT TO
BREAK UP
If you have five YES answers If you have more than five
and five NOs, the YES answers, YOU’VE
SEPARATION IS UNDER WAY ALREADY BROKEN UP,
HE/SHE JUST DOEN’T KNOW
IT YET…

45
Jealousy
coercion
is an emotion, like envy and greed. If freedom goes together with love, then
goes together with jealousy. Jealous people stubbornly preserve and protect
“their property” from all “would-be robbers”. Possessed of an incredible ability to see a threat in
everything and everyone, such persons find it extremely easy to make scenes at every possible
occasion.
EXAMPLE: AN EXCELLENT WAY
A JEALOUS MAN – never lets his girl out of TO PRESERVE PEACE
his sight. For reasons of security, they OF MIND AND AVOID
seldom go out anywhere, spending most of BEING JEALOUS
their time at home. They watch TV, play cards
or Yatzy, make love and bicker. Jealous
people exhibit their jealousy in two ways:
1) reacting violently and in public, and
2) reacting in private and taking their own
sweet time.
If a girlfriend wants to leave a jealous man,
he sometimes threatens murder or suicide.
Hates cuckoos.
NOTE: And the same goes for the fair sex.

Jealousy is usually the result of

personal insecurity and
disappointment with one’s self
rather than love, as we might
think. Jealousy is to love what
rust is to iron.
This is how I rid myself of
my jealousy. The first
thing I did was stop
comparing myself with
others. I tried to mind my
own business and to be as
successful as possible in
everything I did. The
hardest thing to do is
start, but it gets easier
as it goes. Jealousy has
never plagued me since,
and Fido here is also
immune to it.
The telephone plays a very important role in the lives of young people, hence it is no
surprise that the first thing persons in puberty say when they come through the front door is: “Any
calls for me?” Persons of the fair sex make fewer calls, but they last longer, while males make
more calls, albeit shorter ones.

THE ADVANTAGES OF CALLING THE DISADVANTAGES OF CALLING

YOUR LOVED ONE BY PHONE:
a) prevents him/her from seeing
your clumsiness in courtship,
despair after rejection, anger
during quarrels, tears while
you’re being dumped
b) it’s easier to utter the following
sentences:
– I love you.
– Will you go on a date with me?
– I want to make love to you.
– I’ve had enough of you!
YOUR LOVED ONE BY PHONE:
a) no fewer than four of the five
senses are neglected: sight, smell,
taste, and most importantly,
touch.
b) the only sexual acts possible over
the phone are foreplay and self-
gratification (see page 50).
Everything else is not possible –
for the moment.

For youngsters and adolescents, the purpose of the phone is to push up the phone bill and provoke
quarrels with parents over calls lasting hours at a time. Such calls include the following activities aimed
at pestering blameless telephone subscribers: calling and then hanging up, playing music to them,
insulting them, heavy breathing… and everything else Alexander Graham Bell never dreamed of when
he was inventing this form of telecommunication. Lately mobile phones have gained much popularity
– most youngsters use them for exhibiting their social status rather than communicating.
47
Computer in the service of sex
– it’s very difficult to talk about anything
nowadays without mentioning computers. This
also goes for sex. Let’s begin with e-mail, the
most popular Web service. Traditional love
letters, once beautifully hand-written on the finest
paper and sprinkled with perfume, have been
completely forgotten as relics of a bygone age.
Electronic mail makes possible virtually instanta-
neous transfers of not only text messages, but
also photographs, sound and even video recor-
dings to destinations on the other side of the
globe.
We should perhaps mention computer sex
conferences with the most diverse subjects: “Sex
Under Water,” “The Ten Most Important Things a
Lesbian Needs to Know,” “Homosexuals as
Fathers,” “69,” “How Animals Do It”… You can
take an active part in such conferences or just
listen in. Futurists have signaled that virtual sex
could be an every-day event in the near future.
As we have heard, you can strike up new
friendships with the help of the Internet. In
most cases an exchange of messages will be as
far as it goes. But sometimes people actually
meet each in person and even form emotional
relationships. I need to say something on this
subject. My dear children, I know how difficult
it is to rein in your hormones at that age, but
I think you will agree with me when I say that
some caution is warranted. Be careful when
you strike up acquaintances with computer pals
– I am talking about letting them know your
name, address, telephone number, school
location… If you do meet, let this happen in a
public place, say a café, and you
should be accompanied by
some friends. If you should
receive any indecent offers
and suggestions via e-mail,
you should inform an adult,
preferably your parents.
Besides three-D video head-sets, they say, there
will also be sexual organ attachments enabling a
realistic erotic experience. We cannot say
whether such virtual sex will rival traditional sex,
but at least it will be safer – among other things,
computer viruses cannot harm your health like
real viruses…
I want to talk about the sex-related sites in
which the Internet abounds. If I advise you not
to look at them, because you are under age and
because of their dubious aesthetic and moral
quality, all that will happen is that you’ll spend
even more time on them. Even if you haven’t
heard of them yet, I’m sure you’ll be at them
like a shot. Let’s try it this way. I am certain that
you know what is good for you and what isn’t. If
you think you absolutely need pornography (see
page 91) and cannot live without a computer,
stay on the Net until your subscription expires.
But before you log on, consider very
carefully whether you really want
to “meet” various degenerates
and perverts and whether you
want to assume personal
responsibility for the fact
that instead of spending time
with your friends, you are
doing so with various cyber-
girls.
Fantazing
potential of
inpersons
theof both
service of sex – its purpose is to inflame the sexual
sexes. Usually practices in bed, in the bath, during classes,
in the bus, on the beach… Usually begins by imagining naked bodies, but sometimes also
romantic scenes.

ATTENTION: Take very

WARNING: A fertile literary good care to whom you
imagination does not necessarily imply describe your fantasies lest
imaginative sex. Conversely, sexual you come to eat your words
prowess does not mean automatic As at a later date!
on your English tests.

Get up and let an old

lady have your seat,
you daydreaming dunce!

ADVICE: In your ADDITIONAL LITERATURE: The Decameron,

imagination you can do The Kama Sutra, 1,001 Nights, Fear of Flying
anything you like with (Erica Jong), Myra Breckenridge (Gore Vidal),
anybody – so go ahead Lolita (Vladimir Nabokov), Erections, Ejaculations,
and enjoy yourself! Exhibitions… by Charles Bukowski…

WARNING: Fantasizing can often lead to disappointment

(see the preceding image) or to self-gratification (see the next section).
49
Self-gratification, masturbation,
self-abuse – the achievement of
sexual pleasure without the direct participation of a
second (third, fourth…) person. As the word itself
says, self-gratification means satisfying one’s own
desires – doing it to yourself. Once called onanism,
derived from Onan, son of Judah, who when having
sexual relations with his brother’s wife spilled his
sperm on the ground in order to avoid getting her
pregnant.
Polls conducted among men, both young and old,
show that males are much more prone to self-
gratification than women. The reason is simple: the
male sex organ is much more accessible. Boys get
using to touching theirs when urinating when they
are very young. Men also get excited much more
easily than women. Most girls begin to masturbate
only in late adolescence, while boys do so much,
much earlier.
During self-gratification, thoughts focus on scenes
firing up the sexual imagination. Boys usually use
visual objects for stimulation, while girls prefer verbal
fantasies. Men reach orgasm much faster, while
women need more time to go through the entire tale,
with its significant conclusion at the very end.

NOTE: Some women

reach orgasm more easily
through self gratification I suggest you play
than sexual relations. with the water
while you’re
showering!

50
Many living things masturbate: your peers, older and younger people, even animals. But they all
keep mum about it (especially the latter). Apart from being an activity usually practiced behind
closed doors, it is also frowned upon.
FROM THE GUTTER PRESS:
You’ll go Reports have come in of a young man with numerous
blind! You’ll go deformities who lives in a mountain village and has no
girlfriend. The palm of his right hand was completely black,
crazy! he had grown a second nose and another ear. The situation
You’ll die! returned to normal only after he had found himself a girl and
stopped his abusing himself. We just wonder how a man of his
It will wither looks ever managed to find himself a woman and what she
away! must have looked like!!
It’ll fall off!
You’ll grow hair on your
palms and everybody will
know what you’ve been
doing!

You’ll waste away all

your sperm and won’t
have any left when you
really need it!

You mustn’t ever fall for stories

like this one! Masturbation is a
completely natural and normal
function which cannot cause any
organic changes on or in your
body. Is that clear?!

SELF-GRATIFICATION IS RECOMMENDED:
To people who are without a partner:
Better a cock in your hand than a hen on a branch!

IT IS ESPECIALLY RECOMMENDED:
To very young and very virile persons who are
physically ready for sex, but not mentally.

IT IS NOT RECOMMENDED:
To elderly persons, coronary patients and people with casts on their arms.
51
Nocturnal emissions, or wet dreams– happen to males while they’re asleep, in
puberty and also later, just like in a fairy tale.

A Boy and his Sperm

here once was a young boy who
T tried to expel his sperm. Try as he
might, he couldn’t do it. He summoned
his dreams to help him. Try as they
might, the two of them couldn’t do it.
The dreams summoned erection to help
them. Try as the three of them might,
they couldn’t do it. The erection then
summoned orgasm to help them. Work-
ing together, they finally managed to
eject the sperm.
THE ADVANTAGES OF A FAIRY TALE:
While it lasts, everything is mystical and wonderful.
THE DISADVANTAGES OF A FAIRY TALE: Once it’s over,
you feet are cold, your bed is wet and your pyjamas are all sticky…

Hanging out with other people

dates, you meet other people,
is a very important factor of sex. When you go on
hang out together, get closer to others, fall in love,
kiss and hold hands, yawn, quarrel and make up, cheat on each other, and sometimes even talk!

Dates are classified according to:

ORDER:
a) the first
b) the last
c) the first, the last and never again
ATTENDANCE:
a) solo
b) twosomes (intimate)
c) groups (herds)
INTERESTINGNESS:
a) boring
b) extremely boring
c) interesting
d) a blast

52
 Your first date will always be the most memorable. You
live it through over and over again, talk about it many a
time, and never forget it.

People FREQUENTLY go out to: cafes, pizza parlors,

concerts, parties, cinemas.

They go out EVEN MORE OFTEN to: parks, street

corners, schoolyards, gateways and passages.

UNUSUAL places for a date: museums, the ballet,

opera, classical music recitals.

DEFINITELY NOT RECOMMENDED FOR DATES

ARE: underwater caves, cemeteries, nuclear power
stations and the sites of major blazes.

People who are in puberty should go accompanied by friends.

Such outings are more entertaining, less of a burden or a
hassle, and also safer. Before you go out, tell someone in
your family about it. Tell them where
you’re going and with whom, and when
you expect to be back. Try to avoid
suspicious parties, people you’re not
comfortable with and dark and lonely
places.
Go out and meet people whenever you have
time to spare. When will you do it if not
now? “I’ve nothing to wear,” “I haven’t
washed my hair,” “I haven’t got any money,”
“I got my period,” “I don’t want to miss
Eastenders,” “I have loads to e-mails to
answer” are nothing but excuses for
laziness, shyness or fear. The more you go
out, the more people you’ll meet and the
better your chance to find someone with
whom you might spend the rest of your life.
Don’t wince if your younger brother or
Kisses – can be aimed at one’s
cheek, lips, nose, forehead, hair,
sister asks you out. Lighten up and
accept the invitation. The
worst thing to do is to
hand, chest, belly, your Thing, backside, stay at home.
leg… In order not to distract our readers, we
won’t mention that there are: good-night kisses,
good-morning kisses, have-a-nice-trip kisses, welcome and
happy birthday kisses, Happy New Year and happy anniversary
kisses, good-bye and farewell kisses. For the same reason, we
shan’t mention that kisses are usually directed at Mother, Father,
Gran, Grandpa, Auntie, Uncle, Brother, Sis, girl and boy friends,
(pretty) neighbours and school-teachers… We stress here that we are only interested in
kissing our loved ones, all in the service of sex. Let’s begin:
53
The roots of our interest in kissing can be found in the pre-puberty stages: For example:

From my autograph book:

I love you! I think you’re Do you really

wonderful. love me?

Apart from their rather silly verses about kissing, one more stupidity is characteristic of people not
yet in puberty – instead of kissing those they like, they beat them – usually on the head!
In contrast to the aforementioned population, adolescent people have a much more constructive
attitude towards kissing, more experience and hence also more mature and coherent answers.
For example:

From my autograph book:

Question: Have you ever kissed anyone like
they do in the movies, tongue and all?
Responses:
1. Lots of times!
6. I stopped counting after the hundredth time!
7. Not yet, but I can’t wait!
10. Why do you ask when you know?
12. Not on your life, I don’t want to catch mono!
13. /
15. None of your business.
20. Go and ask Jenny from 4C.
21. Yes.

54
 Question: What do you feel when
French-kissing?
Responses:
1. A prickling sensation on my tongue.
6. A hard-on.
7. Regrettably, I still don’t know.
9. You can describe it better than I can.
12. Nothing!!!
13. /
15. I cannot describe it.
20. I get hot.
21. If you only knew!

ADVICE: In order for you and your loved one to enjoy kissing each other, you should maintain
oral hygiene. This means washing your teeth regularly, visiting the dentist and using mouth-wash.
We shouldn’t even mention alcohol and cigarettes. Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray!

Caressing and making out

chapter). While kissing
– together with kissing represents foreplay (see next
is done with the lips and tongue, caressing is done with the
hands and fingers. Some people prefer kissing, some touching and stroking, yet others like a
combination of the two. In all three cases, we recommend that you proceed slowly, step by step.

Step No 1 or Step No 1
HAND – HAND HAND – KNEE

Step No 2 Step No 2
HAND – SHOULDER HAND – THIGH

Step No 3 Step No 3
HAND – BREAST HAND – “THING”

55
 NOTE: The more relaxed the partners, the better the ultimate result. By ultimate result, we
don’t mean just sexual intercourse and orgasm, but also mutual closeness, tenderness and joy.
A carnal game involving touching, caressing, kissing and embracing is also a spiritual game.
Enjoy the wonder of your body and freedom of your soul and you’ll know exactly when and what
you should or shouldn’t do.
Sometimes making out requires a special atmosphere, a partly or even better completely dark
room, soft music and a partner, of course. But sometimes just the last item is sufficient.

DON’T FORGET: Caressing makes sense

WARNING:
Areas most frequently touched:
The breasts and genitals of your
girlfriend Areas never touched: The
breasts and genitals of someone
else’s girlfriend.
only when both sides enjoy it. If that is not
the case, talk to each other and try to find out
what is blocking your pleasure.
Now let us turn another
leaf, actually another Finally!
chapter – Sex!

56
Part III

Sex
 Why is Sex So Attractive?
Petting
about
– at the same time is and isn’t sex. Includes everything we have already talked
(kissing, caressing, touching, masturbation…) but does not include what we are
yet to mention (sexual intercourse, pregnancy…).
Sex before marriage was very much frowned upon in the past. This forced couples to let off their
sexual tension by joining forces, by mutual self-gratification, or external intercourse. In today’s
world, most young people have no fear of premarital sex and even consider it beneficial, but
luckily do have a fear of AIDS. The amorous practices of our grandparents are thus coming back
into vogue, but with another name.

SEX
PETTING

!
IT!
WA

Petting has many good sides.

Among other things, it allows
inexperienced young people who
Before you embark on petting,
are virgins to be intimate with their
ask yourselves the following Petting has just one
partners yet not commence full questions: hortcoming – it isn’t
sexual relations until they feel they – What are my expectations? intercourse!
are ready for them. It virtually – Where are the boundaries?
eliminates all risk of pregnancy – What after?
and sexually – transmitted disea-
ses. It can be very stimulating and
inspiring, if both partners are
willing to experiment.
Foreplay is the introduction to sexual relations. Like any sport, it has its rules.
NUMBER OF PLAYERS: two

RULE: Can begin several hours

before the actual game. We
recommend a dinner for two, a
romantic walk or a tender phone
conversation. Mutual support,
endearment and smiling are
desirable. Soft touching and
caressing, passionate embraces and
hot kisses make the players more
relaxed, and the game more exciting.
Whispering and teasing contribute to
raising sexual tension.

NOTE: Any mention of school

and homework is has a counter –
productive effect.

NOTE: Foreplay allows everything that the players consent to mutually.

SCORING: Taking off your clothes doubles your score, and triples it if you take off your
shoes.

DURATION OF PLAY: Unlimited. Determined by the players. Foreplay is sometimes so

short one asks oneself if it happened at all; on other occasions one wonders if sex will ever
happen. The duration is generally determined by the male half. The more excited he is, the
shorter the game, and vice versa. The female player usually needs more time to relax hence get
aroused. But the more aroused the fair sex, the more involved they are.

ADVICE: Coordinate the play during the game – the better the unity in the team, the more
certain is a win.

TARGET: Sexual intercourse.

WARNING: When one player says NO, play is suspended at once. In the event of insults,
denigration, angry looks, threats or physical violence, the game ends and a drama begins.

OBSERVATION: If you’ve skipped over Chapter One and begun reading this book from
here, you don’t seem to be an aficionado of foreplay. You’re only interested in concrete matters.

60
Sexual intercourse, making love, humping, screwing,
banging, bonking are the main reason why you bought this book. You don’t need to
blush, everything’s OK! We understand you and we support you.
Full speed ahead! Just think how we felt while we were writing and drawing! So what exactly is
sexual intercourse?

TRADITIONAL SEXUAL
INTERCOURSE begins the
moment the moment the
male sex organ penetrates
the female sex organ. For that
to happen, the male sex
organ must become harder
and bigger than usual (see
page 102). The sexual
organs are in contact with
each other, body movements
pick up pace, which
increases sexual tension, until
the moment of orgasm (see
page 67). Sexual intercourse
is over after the moment of
orgasm. If and when the
entire cycle will be repeated
depends on external factors,
internal needs and the sexual
capacities of the partners.

NOTE: Some males, but also a small number

of women, don’t know that the female urethra (the
tube through which urine is excreted) is quite
separate from the vagina (the recipient of the
male sexual organ during intercourse). Besides,
the male sex organ is much wider than the urethra
and it is not possible to make a mistake.
Here are some examples:
EXAMPLE No. 1:
What a woman! When I turn off the light,
she’s a killer!

61
 EXAMPLE No. 2:
Everyone else had gone long ago, and
we lay alone on the sand. First we
talked for a long time, and then began
to caress each other. He was gentle
and caring. As he kissed me, I felt my
whole body trembling with electricity.
The sounds of soft music were flowing
down the beach from the nearby hotel.
I wanted to make love more than
anything else in the world. I told him,
and he whispered in my ear that he
loved me and wanted me like no one
ever before. Our bodies melted into
one. It was wonderful. Waves lapped
our feet and the stars sent kisses from
above as we made love. The next
morning he went with me to the
station. He gave me his address and I
gave him my necklace. I don’t know
how I’ll stand the waiting for next
summer to come!

EXAMPLE No. 3:
His arm was sliding down her
sweaty body. He was just touching
her ample bosom when she
whispered:
– Darling, you’re my first!
He trembled with excitement. His
penis soared high. He looked at her
as if to say:
– Are you ready?
Her smile was the reply:
– Yes, dear!
He placed his sex between her hot
thighs. Glowing embers flowed
through their bodies. They were one
for the millionth time. After living
together for 19 years, they still
played their secret game – Darling,
you’re my first! – and they were
happy.
 EXAMPLE No. 4:
The night was warm and quiet. The only sound was an owl IN PREPARATION:
hooting from time to time. She stood on her balcony with Sex on Roller Skates
(with foreplay via mobile phone)
her hair down and in her bare feet. She waited for him
atremble and more beautiful than ever before. When the
clock struck midnight, he appeared in the garden. He
walked around the rose-bed and scaled the ivy. She threw
herself into his arms. Their lips met, and she forgot the
wedding that was take her into the arms of another man the
next day. He ripped off her nightdress with a single move,
the moon shining on her milky skin and lithe body. He lifted
her and carried her to the bed. He cast off his clothes and
lay beside her. Her skin was soft and tender. He caressed
her budding breasts as her hand slid towards his belly.
They made love for the last time. As they were at the height
of their pleasure, she cried out, heart-broken:
– My darling, if only you were a cook, and not the groom!

63
Sexual relations usually We differentiate between two types of sexual relations: the film
take place for the following kind and the common kind. The film kind can
reasons: only been seen in films. Its main characteristic
a) curiosity is that it features a handsome male lead and a
b) boredom gorgeous female companion. Apart from the
c) coercion protagonists themselves, viewers are
d) loneliness fascinated by their poses, speed, dexterity,
e) revenge dialogues before, during and after sex
f) fun and the usually earthshaking orgasmic
g) gain, experience. Common sexual relations are
and above everything else: defined as all those that aren’t of the
h) love. cinematic kind. They may be less
attractive, but they are genuine.
Sexual relations can take place between:
– persons of different sexes – heterosexual relations, and
– persons of the same sex – homosexual relations
(see pages 72 and 73).
I’d like to add a few words. Sex can lead to
impregnation, or pregnancy. Impregnation is the All right. A spermatozoon is capable
process in which the sperm links up with the egg cell. of impregnating an egg-cell in a
During every sex act, a huge number of period of 48 after leaving the
spermatozoa enter the uterus, but man’s body. An egg-cell can remain
only one manages to penetrate the
Why don’t you give
us a practical fertile for three or four days at
egg cell waiting for it in a Fallopian most. If no fertile egg-cell exists,
tube. We call this impregnation. That is example, you’re
the sperm all die. After a bit of
when the development of a child stifling us with
time, they are simply expelled from
begins… and God forbid if you are theory! the woman’s body, and the
under-age (see page 82).
unimpregnated egg-cell does the
same, during menstruation. If a
couple does not want pregnancy to
take place, they need to apply one
or more means of contraception
(see page 78).

If you consider this practice, I

wonder what you define as theory?!

64
Say YES, Say knowing
without
NO – many people, especially young people, begin sexual relations
exactly why they are doing so. Some cannot express in words
what they feel for their partner, others long for some tenderness, yet others fear they might be
dumped of they refuse to go to bed with someone… Some (but not very many) actually yearn
for sex, yet always say NO. At first sight, agreeing to have sex is a matter of the body. But it is a
much more complex problem. It involves a mental, emotional, social and ethical decision all in
one. That is why you need to be precise. It isn’t all the same if you say YES and mean NO, and
vice versa. It confuses both yourself and your partner, and it also confuses the writers of this
book.

My dear girls, learn to say NO

whenever you mean NO. NO is
particularly important on a first
date. However bright the
moonlight and however irresistible
he might be, I don’t advise you to
have sex before you really get to
know each other.
However important NO is for the
fair sex, it is just important for
men. Only after you have learned to
say NO will your YES acquire true
strength and meaning.

NO!
NO!

65
 Why is sex mysterious?

Erogenous zones – body parts with numerous nerve endings. You can recognise
erogenous zones by the fact that caressing them induces especial pleasure. The usual
erogenous zones are: the mouth, breasts (particularly nipples), the nape of your neck, the inner
and upper thighs, and of course the genitals. Lesser known erogenous zones are: …you really
want to have everything served on a platter! A little work on your own wouldn’t be amiss!
Mutual exploration is even more useful and interesting. In this way the partners can find each
others’ erogenous zones easily and strengthen their link. Erogenous zones change with the
passage of time and change of partner. What gave exceptional pleasure during sex with one
partner may not be so to a new one. But a new partner can also reveal new pleasures.

NOTE: It isn’t important just what you touch, but also how. Some people like
gentleness and subtlety, while others prefer strength and firmness. Everything is OK, as
long as it is acceptable to both partners.
66
His Highness
crown of
the Orgasm
sexual relations. Its
– the most exciting yet shortest phase of sex. The
imperial appearance is attended by a number of different
changes: an indescribable feeling of warmth, heavy breathing, an accelerated heartbeat, muscle
spasms, contraction of the uterus, ejaculation of sperm, sometimes loud noises, sighing and
moaning, creaking of the bed, awakening family members and neighbours etc. What makes the
orgasm different from everything else is the feeling of total satisfaction, not just in the genital
area, but the entire body. It is followed by a feeling of relief and relaxation. Besides giving
satisfaction, the orgasm is also responsible for procreation (see page 76). If it didn’t exist, we
wouldn’t be here. It is the male orgasm that is of decisive importance – a woman can get
pregnant even without feeling the slightest tinge of pleasure.

A woman’s orgasm takes many more

and different forms than the male
orgasm, and is therefore the
subject of much more study by
scientists (and others). In the
past, women were expected only
to bear children. Sexual pleasure
wasn’t just undesirable, it was held
to be disgraceful, or even a sin.
Orgasms can be of the These views existed mainly in
film kind and the common Western civilisation. Some other
kind (just like sex). cultures treated the woman as the
Simultaneous orgasm is most wonderful thing in the world
mainly confined to the and sex as a gift and the joy of
cinema. Faked orgasms living. Women’s position in society
exist in real life just like has changed enormously, and
they exist in films, while taking pleasure in sex has become
problems with erection a right for women fully equal
appear only in real life. to that enjoyed by
men.

ADVICE: Relax, play with each other, prepare contraception, make love, and, most
importantly of all, turn off your brain completely. The brain’s role was completed in the “do I want
to have sex” phase. Philosophising, dispensing advice and wit during sex isn’t at all conducive
to orgasm and is enjoyed even less by your partner. Should orgasm not take place, for any
reason whatsoever – so what, it’s neither the first nor the last time that happened!
67
Virginity – today
once a great virtue for girls, but
a major pain. Although
mothers are still busily injecting panic into their
daughters’ hearts about their first sexual relations.
Many girls await the penetration of their hymen*
with great trepidation.
* The hymen, or maidenhead, is tissue covering
the entrance to the vagina. When the male sexual
organ enters the vagina during the girl’s first sexual
experience, it penetrates the hymen, causing a
temporary pain and bleeding. The pain isn’t strong,
and the problem of the blood can be solved by
placing a towel under you. Sometimes girls can
even split their hymen before their first sexual
experience. There are even girls who have no
hymen, while those of others may be so flexible
that there is no bleeding during penetration.
“The first time” is always the most important – it
causes excitement, trepidation but also a great
feeling of joy. Every “first” – date, kiss, going on
holidays without your parents – is remembered
for all time. A second and a third are never as
exciting, and is thus easier to forget or confuse
with a fourth or fifth. The same goes for sex. First
loves are never forgotten…
Full enjoyment of sex requires love, adulthood,
spontaneity, experience, an empty flat, a candle-lit
dinner for two, drinks, a fire in the fireplace (not in
summertime!) soft music, a comfortable bed, a
bathroom at hand, and, most importantly of all – a
loved one. This means that you need everything that
you don’t have and will not have in the very near
future. So what then do you want?

VIRGIN: What’s the VIRGIN:

Everyone except me has rush? I don’t want to miss
already done it! The Simpsons!

68
 Please don’t rush into things, my dears. Sex requires matureness
and a level head. Your FIRST TIME must take place only when you are
completely ready, both physically and mentally, when you have a
condom at hand and other contraceptives near by. In spite of all
urgings and warnings for or against, your motto should be “Whenever
it happens, it will be welcome”.
SAVET: Ukoliko si pred prvi seksualni odnos napet/a i nervozan/na
reci to svom voljenom bi}u. Iako deluje pribrano, nije isklju~eno da se
tvoje voljeno bi}e ose}a isto kao i ti, a mo`da i gore. Sve {to si sigurniji/a
u sebe i svog partnera, ima}e{ manje straha, a {to je manje straha, to je
vi{e u`ivanja. Oslu{nimo na trenutak kakve sve strahove izaziva prvi
seksualni odnos.

I AM AFRAID OF:
• pain
• pregnancy
• farting accidentally
• my mother coming into the room
• of making a fool of myself
• not knowing what to do
• not feeling anything at all
• not being able to get a hard-on
• what will happen after
• subsequent rumours
• him/her using me
•…

Have you found any of you fears in the list

above? Is it easier now that you know
others also have various fears? Is it perhaps
even more difficult for you now that we have
given you ideas for fresh fears?
ABSOLUTE RUBISHH: The (mythical)
belief that you cannot get pregnant during
your first sexual experience!!! YOU CAN!
PRACTICE HAS SHOWN: The “first time
is sometimes drawn out into three or four
episodes – when the time for sex comes, the
partners postpone it for some other “first time”.
This usually happens to persons of a similar
age, who are too caring, patient and
oversensitive with each other.
69
 A WARNING FOR THE FAIR SEX:
Don’t expect too much from your first
sexual experience, because you aren’t very
likely to get much, especially if it is also the
first time for your partner. Your attention is
spread among many sides, you are
passing through new experiences, your
feelings are too string… yet you wouldn’t
mind if you had an orgasm. But miracles
do take place sometimes – you could be
one of the lucky few. You never know.
Losing your virginity is called losing your cherry.
Positions – the various positions in which you can make
love. We shall list here the best and least known:
The best known positions:
1) he on top 2) she on top
5) from behind 6) standing up
70
A WARNING FOR THE MALE SEX:
Don’t expect too much from your first
sexual experience, because you aren’t
very likely to get much, especially if it is
also the first time for your partner. Expect
problems with your erection, clumsy
insertion into her vagina, premature
ejaculation… but don’t expect fiery sex
and an earthshaking orgasm. The best
route to it is true love for your loved one.
3) sitting down 4) doggie style
she won’t
7) he wants,
The least known positions:

1) he 2) she 4) he
standing standing standing –
on her on his
head head

3) she hanging
– he hanging she hanging

7) she wants he won’t

6) she
standing
– he’s
fallen a
5) she sleep
standing
– he hanging

NOTE: If you haven’t understood sexual positions as acrobatic or athletic skills, you’re
on the right road. In that case you’ll certainly not take oral sex to mean talk about sex.

Oral sex – stimulating the

genitals with your tongue and mouth.
Can be one-sided or mutual. Some
love oral sex, some detest it. Some are
scandalised, some astounded, and
some indifferent. What is your
opinion? We believe that there are
neither right or wrong things in sex.
Whatever you consent to mutually,
whatever you both like and enjoy –
that is the right thing. There are only
two rules in sex: 1) there are no rules,
and 2) there may not be any coercion.

ADVICE: If your loved one does

not want to fulfil some desire of yours,
leave him/her alone. He/she’ll either
do it some other day or never – but it’s This picture is here purely by accident and
his/her decision! has nothing to do with the text!

71
Anal sex – we’ll talk about it once you’ve improved your grades! Better to stick to the
traditional entrances and exits!
Well, all right! I see you’re putting in a lot
of effort and are plagued by curiosity, so I
do need to say a few words. The anus, or
rectum, contains numerous nerve endings.
Stimulating it could cause pleasant feelings
both for men and women. This type of sex
requires a condom because of the large
number of germs inside the anus and the
possibility of contracting the HIV virus. But
anal sex can also be very painful and cause
bleeding. Enough for now and back to your
books! “You’ll learn when you grow up!”

Homosexuals – men who have sexual relations with other men. In many Western
countries, homosexuals live quite openly and even marry one another. There is talk about
allowing homosexuals being allowed to adopt children. Some people view this with
understanding and approval, some with less understanding, yet others with abhorrence.
Whatever anyone might think, there always have been and there always will be homosexuals.
The exact reason why some men are
homosexual remains unknown. In spite of
extensive scientific research, no one can
say with certainty why some men
prefer their male to their female
friends. It’s just the way it is. If
their environment lambastes
and chastises them, they
don’t change, they just go
underground. Like to be
called gays, rather than fags.

Boys in puberty often like to

show each other their sexual
organs, compare and
measure them, and even
masturbate together. This
need not be a sign of
homosexuality, but of natural
curiosity, testing, exploration and
competition.

72
Lesbians – women who fall in love with other
women, have relationships with them, live together and
have sexual relations. The same things that go for
homosexuals (see previous page) also go for
lesbians (also called female homosexuals).

Girls in puberty are usually very tender and

caring for one another. They often hold hands
when they walk and spend a lot of time
together. This also need not have anything to
do with lesbianism, but rather friendship,
confidence, closeness and allegiance.

Many people are bisexual. This means they can enjoy sex both with their own sex and the
opposite sex. But the majority of all people do pick someone of the opposite sex. This is
biologically the most favourable solution, as it ensures procreation.
If you have had sexual relations with a person of your own sex, this does not mean you are a
homosexual or a lesbian. You might view it as a test of sorts, training or preparation for future
heterosexual relations.

Why is sex beneficial?

Pleasure – sex liberates your tension and produces great satisfaction. An adult person
with a healthy sex life is very different from one without a healthy sex life (see pictures).

A person with a healthy sex life

A person without a healthy sex life

73
If you want to experience full
satisfaction in sex, you need to
know exactly what you want of
yourself and your partner. This is
not a simple thing, of course, but
one step at a time, “no one was
born smart”. I suggest that before
you begin sexual relations with – Am I ready?
someone, you answer these – Who is the person with
questions. You won’t believe it, but whom I want to have sexual
even that will give you satisfaction! relations?
By assuming responsibility for their – Why and for what reasons
actions, people become stronger, do I want to do it?
more secure and happier. – Where will we make love?
– Am I in love?
– What am I expecting?
– What are the
consequences?
– Which contraceptives will I
use to protect myself?

Pregnancy – during
takes place if a woman has had sex
her fertile days * without using
a contraceptive.

* For most women, they are the 14th, 15th and 16th days
after the beginning of their periods. This count is not
valid for women with irregular monthly cycles.

Pregnancy begins at the moment of conception (see

page 61) and ends with childbirth. Curious, and one
might say also inconsiderate, physicians peeked into
women’s bodies and discovered that the fertilised
egg-cell divides into two, four, eight cells and so on
until it reaches a raspberry-sized complex from which
a human being then slowly and gradually develops in
a period of nine months. That is how pregnancy is
seen by doctors, and this is how we see it:
74
 In the first few months
of pregnancy, the baby
may be small, but it
definitely isn’t stupid, as
some think. It knows
exactly what is and what
isn’t good for it.
In the eighth month of
pregnancy, the baby is
already waiting for its stork
or cabbage leaf to take it
out into the world.
For the entire duration
of the pregnancy, the
baby busily prepares to
face the outer world.
Finally, month nine, and
the long-awaited event: What Mum feels like
CHILDBIRTH! before she gives birth
Mum only knows — What
she feels like after
giving birth, heaven
only knows!
75
Procreation is the biggest and most important benefit arising form sex.
BECAUSE: If our ancestors had not made love, we wouldn’t be here today.
CONCLUSION: We mustn’t stop making love, so that our descendants can continue being
born and multiplying..

Here are a few slogans:

I WANT TO BE
MAKE LOVE, THE WHITE PLAGUE IS
BORN, BUT MUM
NOT WAR! BETTER SEX THE BIGGEST SHAME!
WON’T LET ME!
THAN WAR!
PLEASE MR. LONG LIVE ALL MOTHERS
STORK, BRING ME AND FATHERS!
IF YOUR PARENTS
A BROTHER! DIDN’T HAVE CHILDREN, CHILDREN ARE NOT THE
YOU WON’T HAVE THEM, FRUIT OF LOVE, BUT THE
EITHER! FRUIT OF SEX!

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The best thing that could happen to a child would be for both parents to
care about it equally. But in the world we live in, the family has been neglected, in the true sense
of the word. If it exists at all, it survives for a relatively short time. In an effort to explain as well as
possible the importance of the family both for individuals and for society, we located a prominent
expert in family matters (my Gran). This is what she told us (or as long as we cared to listen…):
76
The family
age, the proper
is sacred. In my day and
order was maintained: a
lad and a lass got married, and then got to
know each other. Children came at the very
end. Nowadays, the order is reversed – first
the child, then they live together, and the
wedding is last, if it happens at all. I never
had it easy in life, but at least I always tried
to preserve my family. The young people of
today – the minute they disagree on
something comes the divorce. They divide
their property, friends, relatives, children.
New linkages are made fast, women marry a
second (third, fourth) time and there are new
children. In some places it works, in some it
doesn’t. Depends on the people involved
and their temperaments. The adultsdo
manage to create new lives for themselves
eventually, but it is the children who suffer.
Be wise and...

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: If you want to hear more, ask your own Gran.

What else do I need to learn?

Hygiene means washing you face, bathing or showering, combing you hair,
getting haircuts, manicures (hand and fingernail care), pedicures (foot and toenail care),
excess hair removal
(women’s wax
treatments), shaving,
cleaning your teeth,
washing, ironing and
cycling your attire
regularly, cleaning your
shoes, airing out your
room and changing your
bedlinen, keeping your
room and also the rest of
your home tidy — and
only then make-up,
hairdressing and
applying perfume.

77
 Some people are reluctant to have sex with
others because they think their partners’
cleanliness is suspect. I am happy to suggest
taking a bath together. Water is excellent for
foreplay, and also for genital hygiene.
Some people are reluctant to have sex because of
a fear of unwanted pregnancy or of contracting a
sexually-transmitted disease. I am more than happy
to suggest that you read the next chapter.
Reading it together could be very interesting, and
also very useful.

Contraceptives prevent unwanted conception during sex. They are of tremendous

importance for all those loath to rock a baby. But if you think your life would be better with a host
of problems, high stress levels, fears, traumas, hysterical outbursts and similar, then go ahead
and make love without protection, wherever and whom ever you want. Wait a while and your life
will begin going downhill. But if you do change your mind some day, talk to a youth counselor, a
gynecologist (see page 81) or an experienced person you trust.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Never use the “safe days” as a method of contraception. Counting
and calculating your fertile days never did anyone of your age any good. Remember, “safe
days” do not exist!

FATHER

Contraceptive

78
Condom, or prophylactic
– the best known,
most widespread and most INCORRECT
accessible contraceptive. So well USE
known and abundant that even little CORRECT USE
children own some, although they
use it for a completely different
purpose – throwing water balloons
at passers-by. Of course, what
interests us here is its primary
function. A condom is soft rubber
sheath placed on the penis to
prevent sperm from entering into the
vagina. Can be bought in
pharmacies, newsstalls and
supermarkets. Once it was purcha-
sed with a red face and while looking
over your shoulder, while nowadays
it is produced in various colours,
shapes, smells and sizes, and is
bought quite openly. Besides
preventing pregnancy, it is also
excellent protection from sexually –
transmitted diseases and the HIV virus.
WARNING: A condom is not
always easy to put on, but is always
difficult to remove. You must be very
careful not to allow sperm to leak and
enter the vagina – that could ruin all the
trouble you’d gone to. Condoms past their sell-by date are also unsafe. They should not be kept in
warm places (pockets, wallets…), as they will no longer be reliable. Condoms bought in
pharmacies are generally safer than those bought at newsstands. It follows from all the above that
condoms are reliable contraceptives, but not enough in themselves – caution is always advised!

Oral contraceptives – excellent contraceptives, provided the pills are taken properly
– at the same time ever day (except for a one-week break).
RECOMMENDATION: Contraceptive pills are definitely not recommended for forgetful and
senile persons! All others may use them with an easy mind and have sex with no fear of unwanted
pregnancy. You need a prescription for them from your gynecologist.

Spirals – contraceptives made of soft plastic materials. Inserted into the uterus and can stay
there for several years. More suitable for older women than for younger ones. May not be
inserted by a woman’s partner, but only by a doctor, during menstruation, when the cervix is the
softest and the insertion painless. Spirals are very reliable contraceptives.
79
 Chaps, during sex your penis
cannot get entangled in a
spiral. Don’t worry, you’ll
never even feel it.

Ladies, from time to time you need to

visit your gynecologist, who will check
whetherthe spiral’s all right, whether
it might have fallen out – it doesn’t
happen often, but it is possible.

Foams, creams, jelliesvagina

Inserted into the
andtenAB cream – can be obtained without a prescription.
minutes before every sexual intercourse, which can be
an interesting part of foreplay for the couple. Not fully reliable and should be used in parallel with
another contraceptive method.

IT ISN’T TRUE that unwanted

sperm can be removed with a shower or
thorough wash immediately after sex.
Pregnancy cannot be avoided in this
way!

IT ISN’T TRUE that the (in)famous

coitus interruptus represents protection
from pregnancy. Most men ejaculate
before they withdraw their penises.
Quite often an orgasms will surprise a
man, so that he is unable to keep his
firm promise.

IT ISN’T TRUE that having sex

standing up will prevent pregnancy. The
story that sperm cannot swim uphill is
as true as the myth that they always run
downhill.

80
The
science
gynecologist
and
– a medical expert, a man or a woman with a Ph.D. in medical
specialist training. This role may on no account be assuemd by your
best friend, who read somewhere that you should… A gynecologist performs gynecological
examinations and renders expert opinions, determines necessary therapy, advises, helps
maintain pregnancies, helps in childbirth… This all points to a very
friendly and confidential
relationship between a woman
and her gynecologist. At least
that’s the way it’s supposed to
be. Many women
are terrified of their
gynecologists and
avoid visiting
them for years,
even decades.

ADVICE:
Have a bath, get dressed and go and see your doctor.

Urologist
In spite
– a medical specialist who handles the diseases of the male genitourinary tract.
of all their work, urologists are never as popular as gynecologists. You’ll admit you
seldom hear anyone being in terror of visiting a urologist. Does this mean that men are generally
more courageous?

Psychologist – also holds an important post in this section. Many sexual problems and
psychological rather than physical in character. Sometimes a single discussion
with a psychologist is enough to turn an adolescent’s life 180 degrees (for the better, of course!).
So if something troubles you go and see a psychologist – an hour spent talking to a psychologist
is worth more than days and weeks spent with various Agony Aunts.

Does this Of course

not.
refer to you,
my dear?
 What are the darker sides of sex?

Abortion – termination of a pregnancy. In contrast to a miscarriage, which happened by

itself, abortion is a forcible removal of the foetus (embryo of the baby). Abortion is among the
darker sides of sex, especially for women. The younger the woman, the darker the abortion. If it
is carried out by an incompetent person, then it becomes a nightmare. If an abortion is carried
out in the early months of pregnancy (until the 12th week), it’s relatively safe. Later than that and
it could threaten a women’s physical or mental health, and even her life. Abortions are never
carried out in the last three months of pregnancy.
REASON FOR ABORTION: Unwanted
pregnancy
CONSEQUENCES OF ABORTION: fear,
traumas and a risk of permanent sterility
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: finding
out you’re pregnant* as early as possible
THE STUPIDEST THING: trying to
conceal your pregnancy
THE MOST DIFFICULT THING: Telling
your mother!

JUST AS DIFFICULT: Telling your father!

THE MOST DANGEROUS THING:
having an abortion after the third month
EVEN MORE DANGEROUS: Expecting
incompetent persons to help you
THE MOST NAÏVE THING: Consulting
with friends, neighbours, younger sisters and
people of a similar level of competence
THE SMARTEST THING: going to a youth
counseling centre or a gynecologist for
information about contraception
THE BEST THING THAT COULD
HAPPEN: Never having an abortion.
* You know you are pregnant: when you’ve missed your period, suffer from morning sickness and
vomiting and crave for vinegary foods, when your pregnancy test comes out positive, when your
gynecologist says so
If reading this section has made you pause for thought, this means you’re a mature and responsible
person. If this section made you laugh, you should ask yourself what sort of bozo you are. If this
section was boring and incomprehensible, put away the book and go back to your Barbie dolls.
82
Sexually-transmi
sex. If you
tted or Venereal diseases – a very dark side of
try to treat them by yourself, or by relying on laymen’s advice, they only get
even darker and more dangerous.
TYPES OF DISEASES: syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, vaginitis…
SYMPTOMS: may be very different,
depending on the affliction. Itching, redness,
swellings, a prickling sensation, secretions…
TRANSMISSION: Easy and fast
HOW: Sexual relations
TREATMENT: Lengthy and tedious
PROTECTION: Condoms
PREVENTION: Avoiding sexual relations if
one of the partners suspects the existence of
a sexually – transmitted disease
RISKS: Frequent change of partner and poor
hygiene
DELUSIONS: It only happens to others; it’ll
go away by itself
ESPECIALLY NEGATIVE: It’s a major
bother and also a great disgrace
ESPECIALLY POSITIVE: Nothing
Those that understand how dangerous sexually-transmitted diseases are may read on. The
others should re-read this section until they comprehend it fully. Now go on.

Aids – the darkest side of sex, so dark that it’s

an absolute nightmare.
AIDS CANNOT BE CURED, it’s FATAL.
AIDS sufferers usually DIE in great pain.
Members of the following groups have a bigger
than average risk of contracting the HIV virus:
HAEMOPHILIACS, DRUG ADDICTS, HOMO-
SEXUALS AND PROMISCUOUS PERSONS
(those who often change partners in sex) TO MAKE SURE YOU’D READ THIS
Transmitted through the BLOOD or SEXUAL SECTION AT LEAST TWICE, WE
RELATIONS. DIDN’T SAVE ON PAPER. YOU
SHOULD NOW HOW SERIOUS
The best protection: CONDOMS and FIDELITY of AIDS REALLY IS.
the partners.
83
Aids – the darkest side of sex, so dark that it’s
an absolute nightmare.
AIDS CANNOT BE CURED, it’s FATAL.
AIDS sufferers usually DIE in great pain.
Members of the following groups have a bigger
than average risk of contracting the HIV virus:
HAEMOPHILIACS, DRUG ADDICTS, HOMO-
SEXUALS AND PROMISCUOUS PERSONS
(those who often change partners in sex) ADVISABLE: Spreading the word
about AIDS
Transmitted through the BLOOD or SEXUAL
RELATIONS. TRIED AND TESTED: God
The best protection: CONDOMS and FIDELITY of protects those who protect
the partners. themselves!

Sexual violence – sexual contacts to

which one person has not consented
voluntarily of knowingly, or has consented
under duress. Sexual violence is far more
widespread than you might think. Its victims
are usually reluctant to talk about their bad
experiences. They are afraid of a feeling of
guilt or shame, condemnation or adverse
comments, revenge by their assailant, shame
on their whole family…
COMPULSORY: If, God forbid, something
like this happens to you, you must
immediately tell a person you trust about it.
Without showering or washing yourself, go
to your Gynecologist at once, and only then
to the police.
OF COURSE: You mustn’t invent anything
that didn’t really happen!
PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN
Rape – sexual relations carried out
without the consent of one person. Usually
CURE:
Avoid dark and lonely places!
attended by physical violence, brutality, Always carry a flashlight, Mace or siren!
slapping across the face, crying and fear. Avoid inflaming male passions if you’re
Rape can inflict both physical and mental not willing to have sex!
consequences on its victims. It is usually an
expression of anger, demonstration of force or Stay out of the cars and flats of people you
an act of humiliation rather than an attempt to don’t know!
achieve sexual satisfaction. Its victims can be Be as sober and careful as possible!
both female and male. It is punishable by law.
84
 ADDITION I: Rape can also be committed
by someone you know – a friend, boyfriend, Pedophilia or child abuse means sexual
relations between a child and an
husband, teacher or eve a family member
(see the next section) older person not related to the child. Like the
other forms of sexual violence, its consequen-
ADDITION II: If you see any suspicious ces for the children are very negative. Pedop-
individuals hanging around your school, hilia sometimes also involves prostitution.
you must immediately inform a teacher, the
headmaster, a parent or the nearest police
station.

Incest – sexual violence within a family,

perpetrated by next of kin, a stepfather,
stepmother or more distant relatives. If
children are involved, they are usually
compelled to keep it secret. Children usually
succumb because they are terror-stricken and
ashamed. They fear that they won’t be
believed, that they will be punished or that the
sexual violence will spread to other family
members. Both the aggressor and the victims
can be male or female. It is sometimes difficult
to distinguish between incest and simple
closeness and love between relatives.

In case some old geezer starts blowing in You must never fall for statements like this
your face, staring at your bosom, stroking one – “Don’t tell anyone about this, let it
your leg or God forbid even shoving his be our little secret!” or “Tell anyone a
hand into your panties, don’t be scared word and you’ll regret it!” Find an adult
and lose your wits, but scream off the top you trust and do the exact opposite!
of your head: “Help! Police!
Help!” If the maniac is by
some chance a
person who is close
to you, scream
even louder!

85
 Part III

Around Sex
 Is ti good or bad?

Swearing and bad languagewrite

ardent need to both utter and
– frequently heard from adolescents, who have an
them. Usually demonstrate their bad language
in public or forbidden places...

While kids are small, adults love to

teach them to swear. They are
even rewarded with applause,
laughter or even money. But as
soon as the kids break away and
start to expand their language on
their own, adults begin punishing
them – not only banning the use
of profanity, but even discussing
it. If only they themselves never
...which is definitely
not good. cussed!

89
Erotica – literature or art dealing with
sexual love. Usually causes a red face, a
quicker heartbeat, slight nervousness and
sexual arousal, but also shame, unease and
confusion. Nudity is not a compulsory part
of erotica. Eroticism can also exist in fully –
clothed persons.

Well said, but Well, it’s individual.

please also Just like sexuality.
explain how we One and the same
can reach the thing may be
bounds of taboo for some
decency. By and an everyday
foot, car or thing for others.
ship? By the The best thing is
way, how far that we all follow
are they from our own discretion
the town and decide what
centre? we like and don’t
like. So take things
into your own
hands and get
to work.

MESSAGE FOR A LOVED ONE:

Please be erotic and write me a love
poem. If it goes well, go ahead and write
an entire collection of poems, publish it
and dedicate it to me, of course! Very
INFORMATION: Erotic materials can grateful in advance, Yours ……!
be found at news-stands, in video rentals
… but also in museums, libraries,
cinemas, exhibitions...

IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW: Erotics

write love poems.
90
Pornography
– spreading debauchery and
obscenity by depicting naked
and seminaked men and
women. In contrast with erotic
materials, which focus on the
aesthetic side, pornography is
interested in only one thing –
openly showing male and
female genitals and sexual
relations, usually provoking
redness in the face, a quicker
heartbeat, high anxiety and
sexual arousal, but sometimes
also horror, shock and revulsion.
INFORMATION: As pornog-
raphy is banned to persons under
the age of 18, we won’t try to
explain how you can get access
to it, although you can find it
everywhere (see the corner
news-stand).
IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW:
A pornographer is a writer or artist creating
works depicting debauchery, especially in the
lives of harlots. Prosti tution – derived from the
Latin word prostitutio and means
debauchery and selling one’s body for
money. Calling prostitution the world’s
BUTCHER oldest profession isn’t unfounded, as it
existed as such in the time of the
ancient Greeks and Romans.
Today prostitution is more widespread
than ever. In some countries it has
been legalised. But regardless of the
law, it seems impossible to eradicate.
Prostitutes often transmit venereal
disease and the HIV virus. It’s a very
hard and risky profession. Male
prostitutes are called gigolos.
Prostitutes are generally called
whores, hookers.
91
Peepingpeople
Tommaking
– Secretly watches
love, while
Exhibitionist – a man or a woman who
loves to be watched by others more than
hiding behind bushes or through keyholes – anything else in the world. Present themselves
until he’s driven off. Sometimes content with to the world in a dressed or undressed state,
just watching, but sometimes also depending on the level of exhibitionism. The
masturbates. Being a Peeping Tom is best known exhibitionist is a flasher, a person
definitely not commendable. who puts on an overcoat with nothing under it,
hangs around dark corners and waits for
NOTE: Peeping Toms and
innocent victims, whom he then ambushes by
flashers are not dangerous as jumping out in front of them and opening his
such, but meeting them is overcoat, sometimes making a frightening or
not pleasant. If it at least a stupid face at the same time. Being
happens to you, an exhibitionist is just as
ignore them or commendable as being a
threaten to call the Peeping Tom.
police and
go home NOTE: When
at once. partners in sex
take off their
clothes and look
at each other,
they aren’t
being
exhibitionists
or perverts.
On the contrary,
their action is
stimulating.

Orgies – sex with more than two people involved. See picture.

92
 Talking about Sex
We divided this chapter into two parts so as to impress you with our knowledge and studious
approach. There are two types of myths:
– ancient sexual myths, and:
– contemporary sexual myths.

Ancient sexual myths

NARCISSUS – a youth
who saw his image in a lake
and fell in love with it, gradually
wasting away and finally dying
from unfulfilled desire after
himself (what a geek!). The
gods later turned his body into
the flower called after him.
Today we say someone is
narcissistic when he or she is
self-centred and obsessed with
his own physical or mental
attributes.
WARNING: If your name is
Narcissus, avoid looking at
yourself in the mirror too often
and too long.
OEDIPUS – unwittingly
killed his own father and
married his own mother, and,
worst of all, had four children
with her. When they found out
their mistake, the mother killed
herself at once, while Oedipus
first blinded himself and then
killed himself. The Oedipus
complex is the subject of
numerous works of art and
literature, but also family
quarrels.
SODOM AND I GOMO-
RRAH – Biblical cities of sin
and debauchery burned down
in sulphur and tar. Located at
the site of today’s Dead Sea
(that should make everything
clear!). Sodomy is anal or oral
sex. It is also copulation with
animals. No one doing that can
be called clever or normal.

93
Contemporary sexual myths
Marjorie, what
do you say to
the idea that
No! Am I pregnant? – a question often seen in
READERS’ COLUMNS. You’ve probably
we two collect
seen many already, and perhaps even written one.
all our myths
and publish
them. Do you
like my idea?

Dear So and So,

Please help me! I am beside myself with fright. Our
class was on a hiking trip on Saturday. We walked for
three hours and I was so tired I almost collapsed.
When we reached the top, I sat down on a rock. A
friend told me that minutes before a boy called Jack
from another form had sat on the rock and that I was
probably pregnant. At first I though she was
pulling my leg, but as time passes it looks
more and more as if she was right. I
don’t feel too well and my
stomach has been growing.
Jill
Dear Jill,
Your question will be answered by
our pregnancy expert once she’s
returned from maternity leave. Until
then, please go on a diet!
The editor

Marjorie, do No I don’t, and

you remember will you stop
when you... interrupting me
all the time!

94
Coming isnine times in a row
the dream of every male. As
youngsters they dream about it, in their prime
they work at it, and in their old age talk they about
it. Their boyhood dream turns into an eternal
dream. Let’s hear a tragic story proving the point.
When I first heard about the record, I was ten. It
was accomplished by a certain Tom Jones from
7c. Well, Tom was quite a bit older than we were
because he’d flunked a year twice. During his
record-breaking attempt, he held before him the
photograph of an unknown blonde (undressed)
lying on a tiger skin (artificial). His
accomplishment took place before two witnesses
who’d previously taken an oath. Since then I have
been trying to break Tom’s record. In the past 39
years I have never been able to go past ONE. I’ll
be turning 50 tomorrow. I have decided to
officially stop trying. Nine times in a row – only
Tom Jones could have done something like that.
Recently I heard that Tom moved to Australia and that his son can do it ten times in a row.

Sexual stimulants or aphrodisiacs – serve to boost sexual potency.

Sometimes taken of one’s own free will, but more often without one’s knowledge*. There are
many types of aphrodisiacs, but the best known is called Spanish Fly.
*usually put secretly into a drink.
Have you heard the story about the girl who had a sexual stimulant put in her drink without her
knowledge? Read on.
There once was a young girl (who we think is probably pretty old by now) who went out
one night with a lad (whom we think she didn’t know too well). They sat and talked and
everything was fine, until she went to powder her nose, and the lad put an aphrodisiac into
her drink (probably quite a strong one). As they sat down in the car (he was taking her
home, we guess), the drug began to hit her. She got randier and randier and barely
managed to contain herself. When she could no longer restrain
herself, she jumped straight on to the gear-stick!
MORAL: Don’t go out with people you don’t Pant, pant...
know! Don’t go to the bathroom, and if you must,
take your drink with you. Fall for the boy, not the
gear-stick!
Many people believe eating honey and walnuts enhance sexual
prowess! NO ONE WHO IS NORMAL
BELIEVES that alcohol, tobacco and drugs
boost potency!
95
 Sex Through History

Spouses were once chosen by parents

“We’re older and thus wiser, which means
under the following pretext:
that we know better than you do what is
good for you. How can a child of 16 or 17 know whether it’s better to buy a plot of arable land or
an orchard? Weddings were scheduled only after the two sides’ relatives had reached
agreement on moveable and immovable property (provided a row hadn’t broken out in the
meantime). In many cases the bride and groom met for the very first time at their wedding.
Surprises were many, usually unpleasant. You can just imagine how perplexed the newly-weds
were during their first night!!
NOWADAYS: Parents no longer pick our future wives or husbands – we now have to make
the wrong choice ourselves!

Marjorie, let me tell you Maybe, but let me then tell

how on your first night YOU how on your All right, all right, perhaps
you… honeymoon… it’s better is we went on to
the next section at once!

Nothing before we're married, in other words:

Get away from me! You should be ashamed
of yourself!
Who do you I’ll call mother!
take me for?
Don’t you dare touch me!
Get out!
Take you hands
off me!

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Sentences like these were uttered by this and similar girls who wanted to give their future
husbands their chastity (see page 68), besides their dowry*. Their first sexual relation took place
during their wedding night. The bride’s mother-in-law established whether she was a virgin or not
by inspecting the bed-sheets the next morning.
* the property which a woman brings to her husband at marriage.

Chastity belt – means “Sit

and wait for me, I’ll be back when the
time for it comes!” While her husband
was away on his business, a wife could
do pretty much everything (knit, sew,
weave, stitch, clean, wash, iron..)
except have sex. Her genital area was
locked up, and thus forgotten.

I won’t weep over the sad fate of us

women. And neither will I stoop to
calling men male chauvinist pigs. That
would mean entering into be a vicious
circle which is difficult to leave. Male-
female relations are far too complex
in their simplicity. It isn’t easy to be
both happy and right. But let’s leave
that subject for another time!

A word or two about infidelity. I know very well

what it’s like when you fall in love. It’s wonderful,
but some things have to be respected. Before you
begin a new romantic and sexual relationship, have
the courtesy to break off the old one. Is it easier
to cheat on someone than to break up??

97
 Before we part our ways
You have to admit that you know many more things now than you did 98
pages ago. We tried to answer some questions, forget some altogether,
and open up some. You have to find the answer to them by yourself, as
you will never grow up if you avoid gaining personal experience.
Remember, though, that open questions require open dialogue. Chin
up high and full speed ahead! Read, look at things and people,
uncover and cover things...Take your life in your hands, put
some sense in your head, a condom in your pocket and make
your way to the exit. But before we give each other a good-
bye kiss, we need to do one more thing:

Proficiency Examination
We have three different tests for you:

1. Recognition and DIPLOMA

Familiarisation HIGHLIY-SKILLED
2.Clothes On and SEXUAL BEGINNER
Clothes Off
3.True or False
Getting everything right in each tests
wins you ten points. For partially
correct answers you get five points,
and zero if you get it wrong. Add up
the points, multiply by two, subtract
from the age in years of the oldest
reader and divide by your
grandfather’s shoe size. Readers with
the highest scores will be awarded
this special DIPLOMA:

98
1. Recognithetionlookout
andforFamiliarisation – a very important task for those currently on
a future loved one. The descriptions and pictures of all manner of
possible (and impossible) potential loved ones are scrambled below. Your task is to read the texts
and study the pictures carefully and try to match the descriptions with the pictures. By completing
this task successfully, you will have learned to recognise the various details, characteristics,
differences and specific features of all your peers. In time, you will also begin to recognize persons
other than those who are loud and self-centred. The quiet and peaceful types can sometimes be
much more interesting than they might appear at first sight. You just need to be near enough to them!
TYPES:
THE ICEBERG – difficult to warm up, but cools
very rapidly. Has nothing against sex, but sees
nothing going for it, either. During normal sex,
yawns and studies the chandelier. Her
strongest weapon is the icy look with which
she can instantly freeze a man fired up to
melting point. Favourite saying: Freeze and
Rule! Favourite excuse: headache.

CLEVER BOOTS – knows everything about

everything, including sex (only theory, of
course). The most ardent of the species think
all men are pigs and should not be offered
pearls (while thinking of themselves). Spends
her entire life waiting for a prince on a white
horse to ring her door bell. Likes reading,
doing crossword puzzles and telling jokes
about blondes.

HORNY HERBERT – knows for his extensive

porn and erotica collection. Often hangs
around nude beaches and sex shops. Given
his profound knowledge of the female
anatomy and psyche, often approached for
advice. Likes to throw comments at girls,
measure them up, stare and inspect, squeeze
and pinch, and exaggerate everything.

LOONY TUNE – very interesting when he was

young, extremely boring in his old age. A
species which differs from others in everything
– behaviour, clothes, hairstyle, favourite music,
parties, girls. RULE: The more he diverges
from real life, the shorter and less attractive is
sex with him.

99
BABY: Loves playing with those younger than
he is. Doesn’t shave, although he already has
a fair moustache. Mother picks his clothes and
father takes him to his barber. Has heard of
sex, but doesn’t really know what it is. Marries
when a girl proposes to him, and divorces
when his wife leaves him.

THE ATHLETE: Always at the gym or the

match or in front of a TV screen. Doesn’t drink,
doesn’t smoke. Goes to bed early, except
when there are live sports on late TV. Usually
picks sport over his girl, who waits for him for
hours and days, all pretty and fixed up. Quite
fond of sex, but only when the coach gives the
go-ahead.

ALWAYS CORRECT: Always arrives at dates

on time or earlier. Takes his girl out to posh
places. Always escorts her to her door on the
way back from the date. Loves attending family
dinners. Known for the huge bouquets he
brings. When he breaks up with his girl, the
person who suffers the most is her mother.

BLONDE – Good to look at, not as good to

listen to. Slow to catch on to jokes, especially
those about blondes. Always dolled up to
perfection, even when throwing out the
T E D!!o!rm
WAseN
garbage. Prefers being admired than loved.
f
Always noticed and always the subject of
r please in
gossip. Responds to the nickname Barbie. e he nce! o
Most frequent communication with her: “Sit If you tist at
down and shut up” or “lie down and shut up”. the ar

NORMAL NORMA: determines her sexual

conduct according to her desires, capacity
and values. Always articulate and unambi-
guous. Without her consent, difficult to get into
bed, and even more difficult to get into
wedlock. Generally well-liked or even admired
by her circle, and respected and loved by her
partner. More often found on the pages of
classical novels than in real life.
100
BEST FRIEND’S GIRL – functions in the
following manner: her boyfriend kisses her –
his best friend understands her; her boyfriend
scolds her – his best friend comforts her; her
boyfriend loves her – his best friend adores
her. They always study, go on walks and the
cinema and holidays together. The girl is
happy, her boyfriend profits from it and his best
friend’s in an eternal dilemma: stay honest and
be unhappy, or be dishonest and be happy (at
least once)?

DEAR MARJORIE – Offers professional

advice for all questions of vital importance,
such as: “What should I do, he’s seeing
another girl?” or “How can I approach her?” …
In more difficult cases (“we’ve broken up”) ,
consults her team of professional neighbour-
hood experts. Doesn’t charge for her services,
but won’t say No to a cup of tea. Makes up for
her scant personal experience with vast literary
ED ! !!
knowledge. When she grows up, she becomes
Aunt Marjorie.
WA NTd spot him, w
ul kno
ou sho
If y oress th
THE PHILOSOPHER – loves school books.
let the au !
Has top marks, conduct impeccable. Has quite please AT ON
CE
commendable knowledge of sex, but only
from biology classes. Not very interested in the
girls in his class – prefers female teachers and
his mother’s lady friends. Looks at parties as a
waste of time, but is often seen at literary
soirees and various lectures.

NORMAL NICK: Never lies or cheats in sex.

Can be kinky, but only in close co-operation
with his sexual partner. Always respects her
wishes and needs. Meticulous about hygiene,
health matters and birth control. Snapped up
as soon as he appears on the market.
ADVICE: Don’t wait!

101
2.this Clothes On and Clothes Off – a simple name for an even simpler task. Paste
page (or a photo-copy) on to cardboard and cut out carefully along their edges the drawings
of the man and woman and all their apparel. Put on some soft music, dim the lights and take their
clothes off and put them back on again to you heart’s content! By doing this you will get used to
the basic actions in sex.

102
3.in theTrue of False – a good opportunity to test your knowledge in sexual matters. Put a “T”
little square if you think the statement is true, and an “F” if you think it’s false.

ERECTION – a rush of blood both to the head and to the penis

FRIGIDITY – a lack of sexual feeling in males
PROSTITUTE and GIGOLO – persons who charge money for
providing sexual services
VIRGO INTACTS, VIRGIN – a girl or woman who hasn’t given
herself to anyone yet, let alone charged money of it
IMPOTENCE – a man’s sexual potency
BISEXUAL – a person drawn exclusively to women
EJACULATION – release of sperm from the female genitals,
so satisfying she feels like doing it again
HETEROSEXUAL – a person sexually attracted to persons of the opposite sex
SCROTUM – a plastic pouch that containes the testes
MENARCHE – the first menstruation experienced by a man

SOLUTIONS:
ERECTION – a rush of blood both to the head and to the penis
FRIGIDITY – a lack of sexual feeling in females
PROSTITUTE and GIGOLO – persons who money charge for providing sexual services
VIRGO INTACTS, VIRGIN – a girl or woman who hasn’t given herself to anyone yet, let
alone charged money of it
IMPOTENCE – the lack of sexual potency in a man
BISEXUAL – a person sexually drawn to persons of both sexes
EJACULATION – release of sperm from the male genitals, so satisfying he feels like doing
it again
HETEROSEXUAL – a person sexually attracted to persons of the opposite sex
SCROTUM – a pouch of skin that contains the testes
MENARCHE – the first menstruation experienced by a woman.

Now that we have reached We’re rooting for you

the end, Marjorie and I have with all our might! Don’t
decided to tell you just one let yourself be lied to,
word – “rose” – because a stifled, tormented… but
rose is very similar to sex. It don’t do it others,
can give you great joy and either. Have fun as be
pleasure, if you’re careful, as natural as possible.
and pain and discomfort, if Good luck!
you’re not. As always,
it’s your own choice.

103